Toni and Ryan - At McDonalds and in the bedroom

Episode Date: June 20, 2022

After admitting we're Coffee Kick Frappe fan girls, it made sense to do things you can say at Maccas and in the bedroom. Plus I was WRONG again! Love ya! Toni xx Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/T...oniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hello? Hi, is that Kata? No, but close enough. Oh, please. We just had a bet. I just backed it in and I tried so hard. Hang on, is it Sita? I know.
Starting point is 00:00:20 No, not even that. It's definitely not Sita. Is it Jada? Yes. Jada, we knew it. Jada definitely not Cedar. Is it Jada? Yes. Jada, we knew it. Jada. Yeah, I got it in one. Will you approve this podcast?
Starting point is 00:00:32 Absolutely. Yay! Even after we butchered your name, we're so sorry. You're listening to Shmoney and Payan. Welcome to the show. Oh, Jada, I'm so sorry. I thought I Googled it, like how do you pronounce it, then I was like, oh, I don't want to get it wrong.
Starting point is 00:00:48 But a Turkish name, beautiful. Yes, yeah, it actually means tall, beautiful woman as well in Turkish, so I'll take that. I'll take that as well, being a short, not beautiful woman. Lovely to be in your presence. Hi, it's Jada from Sydney and I approve this podcast. A few weeks ago on the Tony and Ryan podcast. Welcome, by the way.
Starting point is 00:01:22 Thanks for being here. We talked about when was your partner right? When you dug your heels in and you found out, fuck, I'm actually wrong here. Yep, turns out that they did know best. So one of my good mates, Tony Felicia Lodge. Yep, yep, that'd be me. Rolls into the studio this morning and goes,
Starting point is 00:01:40 hey, you know how we did when was your partner right? Yeah, I got another one. Yep, he was right again. So that's coming up today. It's a common theme for me. Yeah, I know. Maybe we just lock it in for Tuesdays, shall we? I'll just come in with the thing that I've fucked up over the week
Starting point is 00:01:55 and we can move right along. What is it this week, Tony? But first, after so much love and appreciation for frappes. The McDonald's frappe in particular. Don't at me with a Starbucks frappe. I don't want to hear it. Well, because theirs is different though, isn't it? Because it's like a frappuccino.
Starting point is 00:02:14 Is that a different thing? I think frappe is just short for frappuccino. Okay. I thought it was the same thing. I could be wrong. This could come up in a segment of when were you wrong in about 10 minutes. Okay. So I just typed in fra segment of when were you wrong in about 10 minutes. Okay. So I just typed in frappe and frappuccino difference.
Starting point is 00:02:30 A frappe is a blended ice drink often served with whipped cream and other toppings. A frappuccino, on the other hand, is an iced cappuccino blended with milkshakes. That sounds like the same thing. Hang on, let me put it this way. A coffee frappe sounds like a frappuccino. Hang on, let me put it this way. A coffee frappe sounds like a frappuccino. It does,
Starting point is 00:02:47 doesn't it? Yeah. Anyway, last week, me and Tony were having a bit of a shit day so we treated ourselves to a McDonald's coffee frappe and fuck, it was good. So this week, things you can say at McDonald's and also in the bedroom.
Starting point is 00:03:07 Oh, I'd slap those buns on the grill. You little booty. I feel so invaded. You little booty over there. Yeah. It's not little. I mean, I mean, squatting. You're proud of your booty.
Starting point is 00:03:18 Thank you. Yeah. Have you seen this video going around where the baseball gets thrown in and they hit the batter in the booty and he, like, booty pops the ball and it, like, sprays off into the crowd. No. And everyone's just like, all these people who've never watched baseball in their life are like, oh, shit.
Starting point is 00:03:35 I'll put it in the episode thread. It is a real treat. Okay. Should we hang out for a bit or should I just drive through? Sounds like a drive-through. It does sound like a drive-through. What are we going to talk about? Yeah, mate, I want to drive through.
Starting point is 00:03:53 I want to drive through. Oh, that white sauce is a bit tangy for me. Things Tony has never said? Yeah, fill it up with the filet-o-fish. Things Tony has never said. Yeah, fill it up with the filet-o-fish. I'm loving it. Can you imagine?
Starting point is 00:04:18 Oh, does that feel good? Justin Timberlake walks in. I'm loving it. He's loving it. He would be. I also had that. You do? Yeah, of course I did. Give me your rendition.
Starting point is 00:04:36 Oh, I was just going to go, I'm loving it. But do you remember? What if I do the start and you do the ending? I'm loving it. Fucking sign us up yeah frappe ambassadors singers we're a double threat they drink coffee and sound like shit oh do you remember the original mackers like thing or an older mackers theme song and it was things that make it was, things that make you go, mm, mm, mm. Yeah. Things that make you go, ah. I think that was a proper song as well, right?
Starting point is 00:05:09 Yeah, that was so good. Yeah, anyway. God, we could be on McDonald's marketing team. Do you reckon they're interested? This video is not sponsored, by the way. Or if it's that, like, how much is it for a drink as well? If it's that, like, how much is it for a drink as well? I always love it at the time but regret it later.
Starting point is 00:05:34 You just get so full. So bloated. And then you wake up the next morning and go, what the fuck was I thinking? And oftentimes after you do it, you need to go to the bathroom. Once something goes in, you need to put it out, you know what I'm saying? What goes up comes down. Is this real meat?
Starting point is 00:05:54 It's a McSlappin'. Turkey slap. Can I get the turkey slap? No, we've only got the Big Mac today. Okay. If you can't satisfy me, I'll have to visit the Colonel on the way home. Two in one. Definitely need to go to the bathroom after that.
Starting point is 00:06:24 Oh, we're going to get a McChicken after this McDicken. Two in one. Definitely need to go to the bathroom after that. Oh, we're going to get a McChicken after this McDicken. 69? Who ordered the dinner for two? Here you go. Thanks, mate. Enjoy that napkins's over there. Comes with a complimentary cup of water.
Starting point is 00:06:50 Hydration. Rinse yourself out. Mine always comes with a toy. Ooh. Oh! There you go! There you go! There you go! There's actually a lot going on there.
Starting point is 00:07:09 It is. It's a finger, that one. It's a finger. Don't fucking wave those fingers at me. Sorry about that. They're probably not clean. Let me just take a sip of my unsponsored McCafe. Oh, sorry. When I do this, there's always that slurping sound.
Starting point is 00:07:24 Oh, sorry, when I do this, there's always that slurping sound. She's loving it. Things that make you go... Things that make you go, oh! Things that make you go, oh! I love a cheeky one in the car, don't you? Who doesn't? It's on the way home in the afternoon. Have you ever...
Starting point is 00:07:50 You'll have the main one later, but you're just getting a sneaky one on the way home. Just a little treat. Yep. Don't you love it? Have you ever gone through the drive-thru and gotten a cheeseburger and then gone through the car wash
Starting point is 00:07:59 and you're just in the car wash, there's fucking Blink-182 playing and you're eating a cheeseburger. No one can see you. Yeah. You're just like living your best life. That's genius. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:08 I haven't done that. We should do that on the way home. The chances of us not doing it on the way home is slim. Which we aren't. If the meat doesn't stay between the buns, the sauce ends up everywhere. Oh. Yeah. Logistically, a nightmare.
Starting point is 00:08:30 Nightmare. Oh, would you mind waiting? Sorry, it's taking a while. Just park around the front. You close? No, go and park over there front. You close? No, go and park over there. Are you close? There's not a McDonald's with three kilometres.
Starting point is 00:08:51 Are we close? We already dropped by. Oh, the fucking ice cream machine's broken again. I was hoping to get my mouth full on the way home. We don't have Pepsi. Is cock okay? Honey, did you get a Pepsi, Max? No. What did you get instead?
Starting point is 00:09:27 Wow, have I got a story for you. We need to talk. I know it's a bit different, but can I get my cream on top today? Changing it up? It's always on the bottom. Yeah. Or in the bottom. Oh, this is really hot.
Starting point is 00:09:52 Do you know in Asian countries they have like the McSpicy and the like Asian style beers in McDonald's? It's so much better. It's crazy. Yeah. When I lived in Malaysia and we used to like hit Maccas at 3am on the way home from a big night and you get the McSpicy, you've had about 74 beers and then you're hiccuping because you're full of spice and whatever.
Starting point is 00:10:10 And your tummy's just full of liquid as well. I know what'll soothe this liquid stomach, chilli. I enjoy eating Maccas wherever I go just to see the other different menu items that they have. Because the cultured tourists that we are. Oh, we're in this exotic land. Where should we go? McDonald's.
Starting point is 00:10:31 I'm loving it. I didn't expect this box to look like an overstuffed fillet of fish. Got the double patty. Sauce squeezing out the side. Sorry I couldn't get you there. I guess I am only a quarter pounder. That made me sad. I wish I could give you the full pound.
Starting point is 00:10:58 But just a quarter today. Got places to be. That is fucking funny. Thank you. The full pound really sent me. That's good. Whoa, whoa, whoa. My playground's around the front, not the back.
Starting point is 00:11:16 That's the last time I leave the kids. Yeah. It's hard when you've got to walk through the car park, though, isn't it? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. I didn't plan this, but it's late on a Friday night and I'm drunk, so it is what it is. It is. Make that your slogan, seriously, though. Isn't it good that you can order this on Uber Eats?
Starting point is 00:11:54 Did you want the McDicken or the chicken? Make sure you get the right box. Yeah. Oh, no, I've sent it to my work address. Ah! Boy, they're going to be in for a surprise. This is going to go straight through you. Great.
Starting point is 00:12:26 Would you like fries with that? I'd love that, actually. That would be nice. We talked about the couple last week that every time they hooked up, they would then like. Order Maccas. Imagine if you just, little cum, little chip, pretty good. No.
Starting point is 00:12:42 Don't want me to say cum. I just think little cum. Just make it sound. Just a little cum. Just a cheek say cum. I just think little cum just makes it sound. Just a little cum. Just a cheeky one. Little cum, little chip. Little one. When you do this, it makes it cute.
Starting point is 00:12:52 Yeah. When you do the limp wrist. Yeah, little cum, little chip. Yep. Treat yourself. Self-care. You're having a PB day and you need some chips. Oh, it's thicker than I thought.
Starting point is 00:13:10 Quenches your thirst though, doesn't it? Hi, it's Jada from Sydney and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. Coming up in a bonus episode on Patreon on Friday. More like bonus episode. Sorry, I don't... Sex on the brain. We just talked about all that stuff. It's okay. A little cum. Coming up in a bonus episode on Friday for the Patreons.
Starting point is 00:13:46 So it's inside Patreon only. Yeah. There's beef between a few tarpers, and one of them has asked if the tarp community has HR. If we could mediate for them. Yep. Yep. So do we have HR?
Starting point is 00:14:01 Great question. I mean, you probably have to. We really need it. Now that we have a business. A company. We didn't have a business before. Yeah. We need HR.
Starting point is 00:14:11 HR will intervene and there's a little bit of beef between some tapas. The little woot, I don't want to out anyone. But the little woot? But someone is being a pest. Poor little woot. No, he's not the victim of this crime. He's the perpetrator. Perpetrator. I love the use of the word perpetrator. Poor little Woot. No, he's not the victim of this crime. He's the perpetrator. Perpetrator.
Starting point is 00:14:27 Love the use of the word perpetrator. Been watching Suits. That's on Friday. A few of the people that will listen to that bonus episode, Melanie Jackson-Potter, Maddie Jade, Lena Hawksborough, Megan Eccles, Jeremy Ray, Michaela Gilmore, Eden Scrimgore, Samantha Armbruster, Daniela Brizzi, Benjamin Walker, and Selena Adam. Thank you so much for being part of the Patreon.
Starting point is 00:14:46 You're going to love that bonus episode, by the way, and your Frank Green WBs that are coming. Yeah, also a frequently asked question. If you were a champion tarper and you've downgraded or what's happened, you're still getting your drink bottle. And someone actually said that because real chat real quick. Yep. If you got the email, you're getting the water bottle.
Starting point is 00:15:05 Yeah. And we'll sort it out at the back end. It's fine. Interest rates all around the world are going up. Cost of living is going up. Petrol is really expensive. Yep. If being a Patreon is tipping you over the scales a little bit,
Starting point is 00:15:18 just cancel it. It's totally fine. All good. Yeah. Like, honestly, it's okay. We appreciate your support. If all you can do is listen, welcome. Make us happy as ever.
Starting point is 00:15:27 Totally. Being just listening to these episodes is more than enough. Or liking a fucking video on Instagram. Like, it's more than you know. I don't know if you watch the news much, but I feel like every... What? Well, I know you're not probably sitting down at 6 o'clock. That fucking felt really condescending, though.
Starting point is 00:15:43 No, it's because I know you're busy and I'm trying to support you. That felt really condescending, though, didn't it? Yeah. Okay. We want to hear a fact. Time's tough. What I was going to say is when you put the news on, it just feels like every story is about like this costs more money,
Starting point is 00:15:59 this is changing, this is harder. And I was like, hey, if you need one less thing to worry about paying, that could be us. And don't feel bad about it. We've got it. In fact, feel proud. Feel proud. Sent my message and went, hey, I just signed up for your drink bottle.
Starting point is 00:16:11 See you the fuck later. And I was like, hey. Love that for you. Yeah. Speaking to people being wrong and dicks. Well, we said at the beginning of this episode, a few weeks ago I asked the question, when was your partner right? I feel like we love to talk about when your partner or your housemate
Starting point is 00:16:29 or your parent or your mate was wrong, and I am the wrong one in this situation. Is this a story about you accusing me of stealing your scooter helmet and then finding it in your own house? Add me to the list of this story. Yeah, okay. You tacky one at the end. When were multiple times when you were wrong in your house?
Starting point is 00:16:50 So last time I talked about this is that Torbs has told me that I can't eat or drink in bed because I am really messy. You spill stuff. I spill stuff. I am a spiller and he hates like crumbs in the bed. Who doesn't? Yeah, it's the worst. I remember like when we very first started seeing each other
Starting point is 00:17:08 and I'd been to the beach during the day and then went to his and I was like a little bit sandy and I think I like sat down on the bed to just like pop my stuff down and then I was going to go and have a shower and he like almost flipped out. And we had only just started kind of. Oh, this was the first little like gripe? Yeah, it was the first like thing I'd kind of done wrong. And what was he like when he got angry?
Starting point is 00:17:29 He was just like, oh, like I really don't like that. You're not going to sit. Yeah, I mean, when you get home from the beach, don't even go to the toilet. Don't put your back just straight to the shower. Well, not, I would in my own house, but he was like living in a share house. So I was like, I've got to put my stuff in your room, whatever. Anyway, so Torbs went away.
Starting point is 00:17:48 I thought I'll treat myself. Cats away, mouse will play. Have a coffee in bed. Spilled it everywhere. Hard to wash a shade. It's this whole thing. So I currently am like obsessed with the Kardashians. And by currently you mean, you know, last few decades.
Starting point is 00:18:04 No, but like. We are back on hard. Yeah, so I've never really been into it. Has Pete Davidson dragged you back in? He kind of has, hasn't he? They're in Australia. Oh, my God. Well, apparently it's only him.
Starting point is 00:18:16 Apparently she's not here. I'll tell you what fucks me off. What? I'm sorry that this is going to derail everything. No, it's okay. Everyone's welcome. Every media outlet loves to say the Kardashians are moving to Australia when they just like they went for three days
Starting point is 00:18:30 for a holiday. They're not moving there. No. So there was this big thing in Australia where an influencer would go to Byron Bay for the weekend and it's like so-and-so makes a stand and they're moving to Byron and they're taking the whole family and it's like a week later they're back in their Melbourne house.
Starting point is 00:18:45 Yeah. I don't know if it's like a week later they're back in their Melbourne house. Yeah. I don't know if it's the influence of being a dick or if it's just the people trying to clickbait you. No one's moving to Australia, bro. I've watched the Kardashians a little bit. I'm guessing they're not going to... Actually, I'm done with this whole empire we've built. I think I'm just going to move to Australia.
Starting point is 00:19:00 Literally. That's not going to happen. But also it's always a beat up and it's like, oh, celebrities take over Byron Bay. Will it ever be the same? It's a tourist place and they're tourists. Literally. That's not going to happen. But also it's always a beat up and it's like, oh, celebrities take over Byron Bay. Will it ever be the same? It's a tourist place and they're tourists. Yeah. What's the story here, Cass?
Starting point is 00:19:11 Of course they're fucking going to go there and fucking meditate on the beach. So was Kim like Photoshopped into a Cairns picture and then that did the rounds? No, so she wasn't in the photo, but there was photos of Pete Davidson in the time zone. I mean, where else would you go in Cairns?
Starting point is 00:19:28 Yeah, so he was in the time zone and, like, took a heap of photos with fans, but apparently they were both at the cafe, but I don't know if that's true. Anyway, I think it's just all a beat up. So I'm super into the Kardashians and Kourtney, who's the one that's just married Travis Barker, she has, like, a wellness blog and whatever and she drinks matcha every
Starting point is 00:19:48 morning. Is she a wannabe Gwyneth Paltrow? Well, yeah, so they're actually doing a crossover at the moment. Of course they are. A candle called It Smells Like My Poochy because the wellness blog is called Pooch and you remember the candle that Gwyneth Paltrow did like This Smells Like My Vagina?
Starting point is 00:20:04 It Smells Like My Poochy. Jeez, could you imagine having a conversation with those guys? And you remember the candle that Gwyneth Paltrow did, like this smells like my vagina. Smells like my pussy. Jeez, could you imagine having a conversation with those guys? What's the topic of conversation, ladies? Right. Yeah. Well, I'm just going to go to get a frappe. I'm fucking out of here. Anyway, and she's super obsessed with matcha.
Starting point is 00:20:18 And I really like matcha. And I said to Torb, fuck, we should buy some matcha, like green tea powder. Yeah. And anyway, he bought some on Amazon and he bought one of those like milk frothers. Oh, yeah. Because, you know, when you use like coffee powder or something
Starting point is 00:20:34 or like, you know, those things that you like, the mocha latte sachet things. Sachet. Sachet. I caught myself out there. The sachets. And it gets like like, lumpy. So he bought one of those, like, wand frothers.
Starting point is 00:20:49 Oh, it's going to be really smooth and creamy and delicious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the matcha, that's what it wants, right? It needs to be, like, frothed up. So it's just like a pen pretty much, and it's got, like, a AA battery in it, and then it's got, like, the frother sticks out the bottom, and you just press the button, and it just, like, goes like...
Starting point is 00:21:04 So good. Yeah. So good. Great idea, Torbs. Such a... and then it's got like the frother sticks out the bottom, and you just press the button and it just like goes like. So good. Yeah. So good. Great idea, Torbs. Torbs is currently leading in this story. Yeah, he's doing pretty well at the end as well. So he brought that and it came and it was a surprise.
Starting point is 00:21:20 I didn't know that he was buying it. And he was like, you mentioned you wanted matcha, so I ordered some. I thought that would be really nice. What a sweetheart. Can he do no wrong? So it arrived at like 3 p.m. in the afternoon. He was like, you mentioned you wanted matcha, so I ordered some. I thought that would be really nice. What a sweetheart. Can he do no wrong? So it arrived at like 3 p.m. in the afternoon. He was like, let's try some. We'll have a little afternoon pick-me-up.
Starting point is 00:21:30 We'll have a little matcha. I'll sit at our desks and have a hot drink. He grabbed it out of the frother, out of the box, and it was just like a cheap one from Amazon. And it's got one button on it it but it's got three settings. So you press it on, then you can press it off, but then the next time you press the button on, it'll be at like the next setting.
Starting point is 00:21:55 So it's like small off, medium off, heavy off. Large off. Yeah. And then it goes back to one. Gotcha. So it's like you don't just like hold it for it to be harder, but like if you turn it off, then the next time, it could be in three years, you turn it back on.
Starting point is 00:22:11 It's the next one. It's on the next one up. It's like those tapper lamps. Yes, exactly like that. Anyway, so I picked it up and I was just like pressing the thing to see like how quick it was going to go. Torbz goes, ooh, just be careful because when you tap it on, you tap it off and it goes to the next one.
Starting point is 00:22:30 You can't just turn it off and then turn it back on because it will be the next higher one. And I was like, bro, obviously I get it. And he was like, oh, well, I was just clicking through and I just wanted to let you know. And I was just like, I saw you doing it. Like how fucking, like actually how stupid do you think that I am? Like I fucking get it.
Starting point is 00:22:45 Everyone is getting to know 0 to 100 Tony, by the way. He's definitely a real person and you're about to get a taste of it, I reckon. He just, hey, mate, I just bought you this thing. Just thought I'd give you a little heads up. Yep. What a nice thing to say. I fucking know, mate.
Starting point is 00:22:59 I fucking watch you do it. But he was learning how it was working and I was standing there. It's not as if he's got a fucking bachelor's degree in milk frothers. Like I fucking, I was there at the inception of the idea of the milk frother. This is big. Sorry. Zero to 100 energy.
Starting point is 00:23:15 It is. Okay, anyway. I'm not here to take sides, mate. I'm just trying to learn about it. It seems like you are. I'm just trying to find out how the matcha tea went. It seems like you are. I'm just trying to find out how the matcha tea went.
Starting point is 00:23:31 So I said let's do a practice not with the matcha just to see the milk frother, like how it goes. So I filled up my coffee cup with water and handed it to Torbs and he did it in the sink so that if it sprayed everywhere, we'd know not to like put it on whatever setting. He put it on the first one and it wasn't enough. Turned it off, put it on the second one and that was good and then put it on the third one and it, like, tornadoed out of the cup and we were like, okay.
Starting point is 00:23:55 Middle setting. Middle setting. Middle setting. And he goes, make sure that before you put it into the glass you check which thing it's on. And I was like, mate, I fucking get it. Like I literally fucking get it. Anyway, so he does his.
Starting point is 00:24:09 It's all perfect. And I was like, cool, I want to make mine. He's like, do you want me to do it? And I was like, no, no, no, I'm going to do it. So he put the milk frother in the, like the milk in the frother for the coffee machine to make the milk all warm, then poured it into the cup and I was going to frother it. I turned it on like outside of the glass.
Starting point is 00:24:26 I turned it on and set it to number two and I put it in, started frothing, it was all good, and then turned it off to check it and I was like, oh, there's still a couple of lumps. Turned it back on. What did it do? It went to three. But I didn't realise. And he warned you?
Starting point is 00:24:41 Did you take that on board or were you a bit defensive about it when he tried to give you the heads up? Well, it was a bit hard for me to understand because I was covered in green milk, as was our floor, him, the tap. Like it fucking went everywhere. And it's like lime green. Did he not tell you? He should have told me.
Starting point is 00:25:01 Oh, I thought he hadn't given you the heads up. He should have told me, but that's how it worked. Fucking hell, Tony. And green would stain, wouldn't it? Match the stains, yeah? Yeah, because it's like earthy, like ground up fucking. Now, what was his attitude? Was he a bit like told you so or was he just covered in green
Starting point is 00:25:15 and he was fucking angry as he rightly should have been? I got angry. You what? You did this. Yeah, I got angry because I was like, oh, fuck, like why have I done this? He was like, I did say. Wow, wow, what do you know?
Starting point is 00:25:33 That was like him being diplomatic about it, like he was trying to be nice. I would have loved it if he was like, oh, finally someone had a mention. He's like, I'm just going to go sit down with my drink, enjoy cleaning this up, sweetheart. And the fact that it went on him as well. Like it went everywhere.
Starting point is 00:25:51 Like all over what I was wearing, all over the floor. And he started trying to help me clean it up. And I was like, I can do it. And he was like, oh, I was just being a fucking absolute axe wound. Like I was a bitch. and a fucking absolute axe wound like I was a bitch. Can people put in the episode thread stories of, like, blender mishaps, frother mishaps?
Starting point is 00:26:12 When did it explode? Or do we just love the when were you wrong? I like when was your partner right. When was your partner right about the blender? Yeah. I'd love to hear other people being as stubborn as me. But as Torbz is the most perfect boyfriend ever, I have a love to say it
Starting point is 00:26:29 just about him and the Kardashians actually. So the finale of the Kardashians new show on Hulu, not sponsored, came out last week and I really fucking wanted to watch it. I had a million things on. I got home from an appointment at like 7pm, still hadn't eaten dinner, had to wash my hair because it was full of facial. Oh, I thought you were going to say it. I had a million things on. I got home from an appointment at like 7pm, still hadn't eaten dinner, had to wash my hair
Starting point is 00:26:46 because it was full of facial. Oh, I thought you were going to say it was full of matcha tea. No. It was like because I had a facial and it was full of gunk and I needed to wash my hair. You still did not look great though. Thank you so much. Thank you so much.
Starting point is 00:26:58 And I just had a million things I needed to get done before I went to bed and I really wanted to watch The Kardashians. I jumped in the shower, washed my hair, and when I finished my shower, on the TV in our room, the Kardashians was queued up. Torbs had pulled the heater into our bedroom, put the hot water bottle under my bed, got me a cup of tea that I was allowed to drink in bed.
Starting point is 00:27:24 That's a treat. Yep. Kardashians was queued up and he lit a little candle and he said, this is your little sanctuary. This goes for 45 minutes. When you're done, you yell out, I'll come and give you a smooch and then you can go to sleep. What a sweetheart. Yeah. That's beautiful.
Starting point is 00:27:40 I know. And I just was like, fuck this. Did you cry? I was very emotional because I was tired. And you're like, he's being so nice to me. I was such a bitch to him earlier with the matcha tea. I was like, fuck this. Did you cry? I was very emotional because I was tired. And you're like, he's being so nice to me. I was such a bitch to him earlier with the matcha tea. I was such a mole before. Isn't that like killing with kindness?
Starting point is 00:27:52 Oh, God. And he can. He knew what he was doing. Yeah, he knows. He knew what he was doing. But I just love to say that. I thought I really needed the love at that time. And it was very nice.
Starting point is 00:28:01 That is nice. That story is almost too nice for me to transition into the shittest joke on the internet. Oh, my. No, please, please, please. Have you seen Miles Teller, the actor who is in Top Gun, the new one, but he was also the guy in Whiplash, you know that famous drumming scene and he gets slapped in the face or whatever? No.
Starting point is 00:28:17 Anyway, there's this American actor called Miles Teller and he's having a bit of a moment online because he's in the new Top Gun film. Yeah. And there's this scene where he's not playing beach volleyball, but he does this kind of little shirtless shimmy and everyone's a bit like, ooh, who is this guy? Bit of all right. And it turns out he's married and, like, him and his wife are, like, beautiful.
Starting point is 00:28:35 And, like I said, everyone's just loving Miles Taller at the moment. Oh, real wholesome. Real wholesome, lovely guy. Real sweetheart. Aw. Little moustache. He's like, oh. He's ticking all the boxes.
Starting point is 00:28:44 Let me introduce you. Hang on, I've got to concentrate on the world's shittest joke of all time. Oh, okay. Drum roll. Now, I cried laughing at this because I thought it was that funny. Yeah. And in the cold, hard light of day, I don't know if I hadn't slept much, if I was a bit on edge and a bit emotional,
Starting point is 00:29:02 but it just really fucking hit me in the spot. Now in the cold, harsh light of day, I've realised that this may not be the funniest joke ever. All right, lay it on me. Tell me all about it. That's probably better than this joke, so I'll just get you to hold back. I'll just get you to hold back on the jokes. Sorry.
Starting point is 00:29:15 Especially about his name because that's my area. Sorry. And it's not going to be better than what you just said. Did you want my joke to be your love to see? This is what someone tweeted. Okay. Did you want my joke to be you love to see it? This is what someone tweeted. Okay. Miles Teller, you mean an odometer?
Starting point is 00:29:38 That is hilarious. Are you taking the piss? Because it's telling you the miles. Are you taking the piss? Fuck you. This better be genuine laughter. You better be laughing. You better not be fucking with me.
Starting point is 00:29:52 This is telling you the miles. That is so funny. Are you fucking with me? You better not be fucking with me. No. No. Miles Teller, what does he work in a bank? And someone replied, oh, Miles Teller in Australia, his name is Kilometers Teller.
Starting point is 00:30:17 Yeah, because we use the metric system. Are you fucking with me? Are you fucking with me? I bet I was. I'm the most genuine. All right. Meowsteller. Anyway, go see him do the shirtless shimmy.
Starting point is 00:30:35 Meowsteller? I hardly know her. End this episode already, please. Normal or not, tomorrow. Love you, bye. We're going. See you tomorrow. Meowcha.
Starting point is 00:31:01 Coloma Meowcha's teller. Oh, don Dom Meowta.

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