Toni and Ryan - At The Pub And In The Bedroom
Episode Date: October 10, 2022Things you can say havin' a pint and in the bedroom! And I was high maintenance and I'm very embarrassed. Love u! Toni x Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Fa...cebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast.
We are calling Matt who's in San Francisco, baby.
Oh, wow. Hello?
Hey, is that Matt?
Yes.
It's Tony and Ryan.
Will you approve the podcast?
Oh, yes, I will.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
Yay!
Oh, what's the weather like in Matt Francisco today?
Yeah, you know, it's beautiful and like in Matt Francisco today? Yeah, you know it.
It's beautiful and everyone's just out here being sexy and hanging out.
That's what happens.
California, baby.
San Francisco.
Yeah, Matt knows it.
That's what we do.
That's what we do.
Yeah, are you hot, Matt?
Of course.
Yeah.
Hey, this is Matt from San Francisco and I approve this podcast.
Coming up today.
Everybody has that high maintenance friend and no one likes being that friend.
I personally hate that friend.
One of your great fears is being high-maintenance.
And that greatest fear was realised and I was high-maintenance.
And in the words of Cath Day Knight, yes, I'm high-maintenance,
but I think you've got a booey.
And I was.
You were.
We'll get to that soon.
Our first things you can say in the pub and also in the bedroom.
Surely this venue has insurance.
They have to.
Duty of care.
Duty of care.
Ah, look at that bloke double fisting.
In Australia, that means holding a beer in each hand.
Thanks for clearing that up.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Look, I know I've gone on the record saying that I prefer a chicken parm,
but the eggplant looks good and what a big fucking serving.
A lot of thirsty blokes around.
Must be busy.
The footy must be on.
Can I smoke in here?
You know how sometimes you need a cigarette after?
Not normally a smoker, but, you know.
I only smoke when I drink.
Semen.
Sorry.
Bottoms up.
Oh mate, if you're playing
it right, I will have my ass up.
That's for sure.
Or put something up my ass.
Sorry.
Double fisting.
Double fister hardly noah
oh fuck nice bar
you fit four people along it especially when you barred up yeah
yeah
last round come on.
The toilet here is fucking disgusting.
A truer word has never been spoken.
Fuck, some of them are rough, eh?
Yeah.
Yeah.
What's the dankest pub you've been to?
Oh, probably something like Regional WA or... I was going to say, when I drove across the Nullarbor,
there's a pub like that's the only building within 100 kilometres either way.
Yeah.
And it's like for, you know, it's basically a roadhouse.
For truckies to take massive shits and it's like 40 degrees.
Yeah.
And it's the middle of nowhere.
There's no other option.
Do you want to go over onto that table?
Or should I take you up to the bar and I'll push your stool in?
A little bit of vomit's come out there.
That was horrifying.
Push your stool in.
Fuck.
Oh, God.
Push your stool in. Fuck. Push your stool in.
It's just so funny.
Referring to poo as stool is just hilarious.
How did they get stool as a word for poo?
I don't know.
But, yeah, I guess it's a lot better when you're at the doctor
and they're like, can I have a stool sample?
Instead of being like, g'day, champion, can you just shit in a bucket?
Things you can say at the doctor and also in the bedroom.
Put that shit in a bucket.
Look, I come here a lot and you still don't know my name?
G'day, ma'am, what can I do for you?
Number five, yep.
G'day, ma'am. What can I do for you? Number five, yep. G'day, sweetheart.
Is there a billiard table?
Because I wouldn't mind putting my balls in your pocket.
Can I tap your balls around first?
Is that okay?
I like to break balls.
Gee.
Yeah.
Whoa, a whole pint came out of that tap.
Tap that keg.
Oh, there's a lot of head though.
It was pretty much just all head, so I'll let you have that one for Frey.
I mean, I'm doing you a favour.
It's good when it's just the two of us.
But when the boys come around as well, it's so much better.
Maybe we could just have half an hour to ourselves
and then they could come after.
All right.
Yeah.
Lads, lads, lads, lads, lads.
Could we grab a serviette?
Yeah.
I'm going to need one.
Do you need a chaser?
You do, though.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
Cut through. You do, though. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, is it...
Cut through.
Is it gentlemanly or fuckboy-y to afterwards be like,
can I get you a water?
Um, I think it depends on the person, to be honest.
Does it also depend on, like, the tone?
Yeah.
I think if you're saying, like oh, should I get you a water?
As in like, can you leave?
Like, you know how that could be kind of seen as like a way to get you out of there.
Did you want me to call a cab?
Yeah.
You know, that could be a bit of like move along energy.
But if it's like, oh, let me grab you a glass of water or something.
But I feel like, you know, you've just been through.
An ordeal?
Yeah. Actually an ordeal is probably another word. An experience? like, you know, you've just been through. An ordeal? Yeah.
Actually, an ordeal is probably another word.
An experience?
Yeah, exactly.
Ordeal.
I'm happy to just, like, figure that out.
Yeah, okay.
Yeah.
You're supposed to be 18 to come here.
Weren't they carding out the front?
Hey, mate, just the usual, please.
Five cougars, thanks.
Can we not explain that joke and just see who gets it?
All Australians will be like, fucking well done, sir.
And everyone else will be like, what the fuck are they talking about?
Because fuck me up.
Look at me.
Exactly.
Straight away.
Oh, fuck.
You're treating me right.
You organized a band to play tonight.
I've organized a special treat.
The Cat Empire.
The Cat Empire! Well...
Shout out to the night cat on Johnson Street.
Cat Empire?
Yeah, my pussy empire.
Hello, hello!
This is for when you're watching the AFL
and also when a girl grips a testicle too hard.
Oh, fucking hell, yep.
Ball!
How do you get rid of it?
In a terrible accident.
I'm not trying to be rude, but, like, you can't get it in.
But we made a fucking booking.
What's the point of a booking if I can't get it in? Yeasty.
Yeah, I've got room for four people.
Oh, here comes a frothy.
Look, let's take advantage of this beautiful weather
and throw one back in the sun.
Throw one into your son see that it's like not even a trend it's people making fun of a fictional trend surely but where
people are like sunning themselves have you seen this no so people are like oh the perennium sun
thing oh apparently it's really good for you is it? Would you do that in your courtyard? So I have thought like, oh, it would be great to try it.
But our courtyard, like there's heaps of apartments around us that like their balconies look out
into where we are.
Sounds like an excuse.
So no, I would not do it in my backyard.
But apparently it like really invigorates you and it makes you feel awesome.
So they want me to find out.
Yeah.
You want to come around and tan your taint with me?
Taint tans.
My dad used to come here and his dad came here as well.
They came here too.
And here and here and here.
Oh, sorry, mate.
There's nothing worse than when you're trying to enjoy your meal
and the karaoke starts up.
Shut up, Shazza.
We've got a howler.
Talk about highway to hell.
We were talking last week about there's nothing more terrifying when you're in your mid-30s than when you're at a restaurant
and the DJ starts setting up.
It was my love to see it.
Yeah, that stuck with me.
That's why when we were talking about the calamari.
Oh, right.
Yeah.
True though.
Yeah, so true.
Oh, God.
This is actually a real life one that occurred to the two of us
the other night when we were coming home from dinner.
You know, we had heaps of food and heaps of drinks the other night.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
And I was suggesting to Tony, maybe before we turn it in at the hotel,
we'll just go to the hotel bar and have another, you know,
like a little apotheke.
Yeah, yes.
So this is a real-life example from Tony.
I couldn't fit in anymore.
I already think I'm pregnant.
I couldn't fit in anymore.
I already think I'm pregnant.
Didn't you say that?
I did say that.
I'd had a lot of carbs.
Not a lot of protein, though, so maybe it would have been a good idea.
Tony's stumbling through the city of Sydney going,
but seriously, it looks like I'm pregnant.
And I had a really tight dress on.
We were both bloated and full of delicious food.
And a great time at Biola and a nightcap was not had.
Look, the bill's a bit higher than I was expecting,
but the waterproof menus are a nice touch.
No liquid will damage this setup.
You can wipe them down and give it to the next guy.
How many sittings would you do in a night?
Oh, I'd lay six.
Six to nine?
Hey, hey, this is Matt from San Francisco,
and you're listening to Tony and Ryan.
Every week in the Patreon, you can get the blog from the desk of Dr. Tony Lodge.
I believe there is an asterisk about medical qualifications.
Call yourself a doctor?
Yes.
According to my mile one card, I am a doctor.
So leave it at that, I guess. And Tony last week was talking about her new October playlist.
And you didn't make them private, but you also didn't give us a clue where to find it. Now you've outed them.
No, we shared my username last time.
Oh, did we?
Yeah.
I mean, it's Tony Lodge.
People could figure that out.
Yeah, I mean, it's the same as all my usernames.
But everyone on Patreon is contributing to October and making their own.
So you can search for the latest and everyone gets that blog every week.
Yes. Thank you. Oh my God. Thanks for spruiking the latest and everyone gets that blog every week. Yes.
Thank you.
Oh, my God.
Thanks for spruiking my art.
Really appreciate that.
I support the arts.
The arts.
The arts that you create, not the arts.
Oh, yeah.
And art.
I create art.
Support art.
Not plural.
And a massive thank you to a few of the people that hopefully read that
and contributed something.
Some of our champion tapas.
James Jury.
Jamie Jury.
Is that?
Yeah.
From Manpower.
Do you reckon it's him?
Jessica Lee.
Thank you so much.
Hayley Spencer.
Caitlin, Tiemann, Costa.
That is one name.
Caitlin, Tiemann, Costa.
It sounds like I'm saying Caitlin, Tiemann, and Costa.
But it's.
Is Costa not part of the team?
Caitlin, Tiemann, Costa. Okay. It sounds like a lot. Yeah, team, and Costa. Is Costa not part of the team? Caitlin, team, and Costa.
Okay.
It sounds like a lot, but it's just one.
It sounds like three memberships in one.
That's what I'm hearing.
That's what it sounds like.
Scotty Wetkin, thank you so much.
Jambon, Tim Rolshuski, Carly Mulroy, Janae Walthausen,
Karina Kamara, and Ed Brooks. And in brackets, the Edcentric.
I think maybe he was looking for a shout-out so that people would follow him
on Instagram or something.
Or is he just trying to give himself a nickname?
Oh, Edcentric.
Everyone knows that you can't give yourself a nickname.
You can't.
It's like, you know when you've known someone for a long time
and they're trying to transition or they're gunning for a new nickname
or they introduce themselves to someone that they haven't met before
and they go in with a new nickname and you go,
that's not what we call you.
We've never called him that before.
There's this guy that went to White Fries,
which is a big private school out in the eastern suburbs of Melbourne,
and you know when you get the hoodie with your nickname on it?
Oh, like your Levis jumper. Yeah. Yeah. And so know when you get your like, you get the hoodie with your nickname on it? Oh, like your Levis jumper.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And so he put Rockstar on it and he's like,
everyone calls me Rockstar and everyone's like, no, they don't.
And he would meet new people and go, yeah, everyone calls me Rockstar
and people would actually lean on him and be like, no, actually we don't.
And I mean, of all the nicknames to give yourself, Rockstar.
That's like, you can't.
And I would get it if like, say if it it was her and it was, like, Roxanne.
Like, there was a pun, Roxanne, Rockstar.
Oh, yeah.
But his name was, like, Carl or something.
And he was like, I just call me Rockstar.
And everyone was like, I don't think I'll be calling you that, no.
And, see, I would only ever call that guy Rockstar, like, to be facetious.
Yeah.
Oh, look at Rockstar.
Yeah, hey, Rockstar.
Yeah.
Or maybe someone said that facetiously once and he went, yeah. I am Rockstar. I'll take that. Yeah, I'll a rock star. Yeah. Maybe someone said that facetiously once and he went, yeah.
I am a rock star.
I'll take that.
Yeah, I'll take that on board.
I don't think that's how I meant it.
So last week, you and I, Ryan, we spent a little bit of time in Sydney.
We had to go up and do a couple of beers meetings.
Yeah.
We knocked out a lot of people at once and we were like, we've got a plan.
And now we went to the meetings.
Yeah.
Things you can say in the hotel and also in the bedroom.
I am not a great traveller.
Like just on the whole, I don't, I'm like stressed about missing a flight.
I like don't really like not being able to sleep in my own bed.
I've just become a new mum.
So I knew that I was going to miss my daughter, Pippa.
Would you say you had separation anxiety?
Yes. Would you say you had separation anxiety? Yes.
Would you say you were at the airport with more than enough time?
Definitely.
I think it was a good amount of time.
And so because you're like, oh, we'll figure it out and we'll get there,
but I'm like, no, this is actually like a boundary that I want to set.
If we're going to travel together, I need a bit of time
because I'm happy to sit at the gate and wait for an hour or five hours.
It doesn't matter to me because I'm like, cool, I'm here and I can stress about missing my flight from across the gate instead of from home.
And that's just less stressful.
But I'm like, try to be super prepared.
So like being early, but also like with my packing and we were only going for a couple of days. And even though we had checked bags on our thing, like on our ticket,
I was like, oh, I'm just going to take a carry-on bag
because heaps of bags have been going missing lately.
I think pretty much all around.
I don't think it's just Australia.
I'm pretty sure all around the world.
Flights are delayed.
Bags are going missing.
The airlines are just struggling.
Is it like shortages as a hangover from layoffs during COVID?
Is that what?
I think there's that, but then also like when the staff get COVID,
they can't come in.
Totally.
So there's like short staffed and stuff like that.
Yeah, of course.
And also everyone's like, probably don't say travel bug given we just
went through COVID, but people have like got the travel bug again.
Yeah, they're back.
Like we're allowed to go overseas.
So there's like so many people going through the airport.
Anyway, I didn't want to risk it.
So I was like, I'll just take carry on.
But then, so I'm like, cool.
I can't pack like random things.
I've got to kind of pack exactly right.
I've got a certain amount of space.
I can't waste any.
And because even if it fits in your bag, your bag can only be like a certain
like weight or whatever, like nine kilos or something.
Anyway, so of course the first thing I think about is, okay,
I know that they'll have like shampoo and conditioner in the bathroom.
I know that they'll have body wash.
I know that they'll have a hair dryer.
A hair dryer?
Or do you take your own?
No.
So this is where I got to, right?
I'm like, oh, well, every hotel has a hair dryer in it.
But I was like, but I've got an Airwrap, a Dyson Airwrap.
Now explain that to me because is an Airwrap a type of hairdryer
or is it a different?
Because the word wrap makes me think it's like a curling wand.
Well, very, very good.
Good areas.
So, I mean, there's actually Dyson ads on our podcast at the moment
if you're in Australia.
This is not sponsored.
This is like a genuine qualm that I had.
So the Airwrap is like a long stick and you change the attachment
on the top.
So it can be lots of things.
It can be lots of things.
So there is a hairdryer attachment.
There are curling wand attachments.
And there are also like hot brushes and like round brushes, like what you use to like blow your hair out with.
So do you require multiple utensils to get your day started?
No.
Which one do you use?
The Air App is what I'm asking of all these options.
So normally I use the round brush one.
So you know when you go to the –
You're such a round brusher.
You know when you like see people getting their hair done
at the hairdresser and they're holding the hairdryer in one hand and the brush in the other?
I'm not coordinated enough to do both.
So with the Airwrap, it's like a round brush and hairdryer all in one.
So you just pretty much have to brush your hair
and it does like all of the heavy lifting for you.
So that's the first thing I think of, right?
I'm like, is there a hairdryer in there?
Because often they're like little travel hairdryers and they're pretty shit.
So I looked online at the hotel's website.
Oh, my God.
And they've actually got like, so we said the QT, right?
They've actually got a whole tab and it's like QT cross with Dyson.
We have like a Dyson sponsorship or whatever.
Really?
Yes.
So they have Dysons in every room.
And it also said we also have hair dryers,
we also have hair straighteners available to borrow.
So on the menu on the TV, there was like, do you want to watch movies?
Do you want to order room service?
And then there was called QT styling.
Yes.
Is that what this is?
Yeah.
Holy shit.
So you open that up and it shows you exactly like how to use the Dyson hair dryer.
It's like a little YouTube tutorial.
No, that's exactly what it is.
And it's like this is how you use it.
This is how you turn it on in case you've never used one before.
So I found that online and I'm like, perfect.
I don't need to take my air wrap and I don't even need to take a straightener
because they have them available to borrow.
I'm like, oh, my God.
This fucking hotel is like a hotel after my own heart.
Like how great.
Design for me.
I don't have to take this off my fucking carry-on.
So as soon as we got there, I was like, oh, my God,
like there's the hairdryer, awesome.
The next morning, the first morning that we were there,
we were going to go and do Channel 7.
So I was like, cool, we need to kind of be like TV ready.
And I was leaving.
I had about an hour before we were going to, I had to meet you downstairs.
Yep.
And so I'm like, cool, an hour is enough time to cool down
to the front desk and be like, could I borrow one
of the hair straighteners?
Mm-hmm.
And she was like, I just want to let you know that, like,
the hair straighteners are actually for, like,
the corner suites.
So it's for, like, a much fancier room than we paid for.
Because we're just like a room each, a single.
We almost went twin because we were like, do we need two rooms?
Yeah.
So it's not just a service for everyone.
It's like a VIP service almost.
Because I've called them and been like,
I saw online that you have the Dyson Corral hair straighteners available when you say i saw online it just feels like some karen energy
already when you go i saw on the website and so i call and i'm like i'm just wondering if i could
borrow one of the dyson hair straighteners she's like that they are actually only for the corner
suites um let me see what i can do spare maybe we Yeah. Or maybe someone hasn't come in yet. And then I was like,
great. That would be awesome. Thank you so much. She goes, yeah. Like, does it have to be a Dyson
hair straightener? And I was like, oh no, like any hair straightener is fine. And she goes, oh,
okay. That should be fine. Like I should be able to find one. And I was like, oh, okay. And I was
like, oh, sorry, but just on the website it says the Dyson one.
So sorry, I wasn't trying to be a bother.
She's like, oh, my God, no, it's really fine.
And she's apologising.
When you're both apologising to each other, I've seen this in real time.
That conversation could have lasted the whole hour.
I'm sorry.
No, I'm sorry.
No, I'm sorry.
Oh, shit.
I've got to meet Ryan downstairs.
An hour has gone past.
And so because she's kind of like trying to explain to me what they can
and can't do, we're on the phone for like five or ten minutes.
And I'm just like, oh, my God.
Actually, if it's too much, I'm like, don't worry about it, like whatever.
But in my head I'm thinking like we're going on TV
and I'm not important enough for them to sit me down in a make-up chair
before we go on.
Well, first of all, you can literally ask them and they would, but continue.
No, no, no.
But like, you know, they're just like turning us
through. So I'm like, cool, I need to rock up. They're like ready
to go. I can't be like, I've got
wet hair, fix it.
Come on, guys. Yeah,
they're like, no, you're on in two minutes. Stop
perming Poshy's do and get your hands over on
this one. Look, Kyla looks great already.
She's finished. Anyway, so we're
kind of on the phone for like 10 minutes. I'm like, oh my god.
She goes, I'll call you back in two minutes and I'll have something sent up to you.
And I was like, great.
And so by this time I'm like, I've got 45-ish minutes before I need to go downstairs.
Are you stressing now?
How's your stress level?
I'm kind of stressed, but I'm like, she's going to call me back in two minutes.
I'll just like slowly start getting ready and do the things that like I can do without the hair straightener.
But I'm like, but I can't jump in the shower
because she's going to ring.
Of course.
But the shower is like the first step in my routine.
So as a very organized person, I'm like,
I know what order things have to happen in.
And it just makes it like a shower is first because you have a shower
and then you do everything else that you need to do.
So I'm kind of like.
You can't have the shower after you've straightened your hair.
I'm kind of like dancing around the hotel,
like trying to like keep myself busy,
but being like I can't do anything else yet.
You're pacing.
I'm like, yeah, I'm pacing.
Are you in a robe?
No, I didn't have a robe.
Did you have a robe?
They were hung up next to the, in the bathroom.
Oh, no, mine weren't.
I didn't.
My hooks were empty because there was hooks for them,
but there weren't any in there.
That's okay.
I had three robes and four straighteners if only I had known.
I would have run it down for you.
Anyway, so I kind of paced around the hotel for about 15, 20 minutes.
So by this time I've got 25 minutes before I need to go.
And you haven't shouted.
The routine hasn't started.
The routine hasn't started.
And I'm not, again, I don't like to be high maintenance.
I like have a very swift routine.
I can get ready in 10 minutes, but I just needed,
she was going to ring and then I didn't, I was like.
Were you going to ring?
No.
You would never do that.
No way.
Do you want me to show you how easy it is?
Oh, hey, sorry.
Hey, mate.
Sorry, I just knew you were going to call.
I might have missed it because I was in the shower.
How are you looking?
Oh, okay.
No.
So this is me trying to think about how the call would go.
Hey, Sarah, I'm so sorry.
It's Tony here.
Oh, my God, so sorry.
Not trying to be pushy, but I'm just like I've kind of got to go
and, you know, whatever.
Anyway, I didn't want to do that.
So I'm just kind of standing there and then I turn the shower.
I'm like I've just got to start getting ready.
So I turn the shower on and I've like got my ear out
and she's not ringing.
I'm like cool.
So I do the like speed shower.
I'm like, you know, running things through places that shouldn't be run through because I'm like I've like got my ear out and she's not ringing. I'm like, cool. So I do the like speed shower. I'm like, you know, running things through places that shouldn't be run through because
I'm like, I've just got to fucking do it.
And then I hop out of the shower like two minutes later and like she still hasn't rung.
I'm like, okay.
And then I'm like, fuck, like I've only got, I've got 20 minutes.
Like I don't have fucking time to do this.
And so then I start doing the rest of my
routine, like slowly getting ready. I'm like, okay, the last thing that I needed to do was my
hair. I had five minutes. She calls back and she goes, Tony, oh my God, I'm so sorry. I've been
running around frantically trying to find you a fucking hair straightener. And I was like,
oh my God, I felt awful. So for 40 minutes, she's been trying to fucking find me a hair straightener. And I was like, oh, my God. This whole time. I felt awful.
So for 40 minutes she's been trying to fucking find me a hair straightener.
And I was like, oh, my God, that's so embarrassing.
Like I'm just imagining her calling around to rooms and being like,
could we borrow your hair straightener?
If there's one thing you hate, it's being high maintenance.
Exactly.
And someone causing a fuss over you.
And I'm like so, so embarrassed.
She goes, we.
Did you get it?
She goes, we have a room that has a straightener in it.
How long do you need it for?
And by this point I'm like, oh.
You're ready to.
I've kind of had to like.
I'm actually leaving now.
Don't worry about it.
But she'd gone to all this effort, right?
So I was like, oh, I literally need it for like two minutes
and then I can run it back downstairs.
She's like, okay, because I just need to know
because there's someone checking in.
A VIP is checking in in like an hour or so
and the straightener's coming from their room.
So some fucking celebrity is obviously fucking rolling in.
And they've come in and gone
hey when i get there that straightener better be there it better be hot i better be ready to
fucking straighten my hair straight away yeah and i'm like oh literally two minutes and then
um i can like bring it back downstairs on my way out she goes oh my gosh no you've got about an
hour so it's totally fine um you can use it and leave it cool down in your room and i'll come up and grab it in half an hour like after you've you know gone yeah and i was just like oh my god like
and i'm kind of like don't fucking worry about it so you've already done your hair you're ready
well i'm like ready to i've just like made other arrangements and i'm like fuck but i don't want
to now be like don't worry about it because a i didn't want to be rude and b i didn't want to now be like, don't worry about it because A, I didn't want to be rude. And B, I didn't want her to think that I was like, don't fucking worry about it.
You've taken too fucking long.
You know?
Well, you wouldn't use that tone.
No, I would never.
I would absolutely never.
But then I'm in this like-
But you would assume that people would hear that tone.
Then I'm in this moral predicament where I'm like, do I be honest and say like, well, I don't have time to use it now.
Can I make a guess?
What?
I'm guessing that you went, thanks, babe.
Super helpful.
I'm going to go do my hair right now.
Walked into the room and just laid it on the floor and then left
because your hair was already done just so she thinks that you used it.
Okay.
So what I actually did was the guy came up and he goes,
here's the straightener.
Like, so sorry.
Like, here you go. And I was like, oh my god,
thank you so much. Don't even worry about it. I'm not in a rush.
And then it comes in
I grab the hair straightener off him
and I put it on the bench and I turned
it on and let it get hot
and then turned it off so that if she came up
she'd knew that I'd used it.
Yeah, and you didn't use it at all.
I didn't use it at all.
And then you just turned it on, turned it off, and then came downstairs.
And then I came downstairs and waited for you outside for five minutes.
So I would have had one.
I was like, make sure you're ready to go at nine.
And I rolled out at ten past.
I was like, jeez, why do you look so stressed?
Yeah, God, you haven't done your hair or anything.
You look a mess.
If only I had an extra ten minutes and a hair straightener.
You look great.
And then when I got, so then we went and did Channel 7, right?
And then you and I grabbed some breakfast and we went back upstairs
and the straightener was still there.
Like they hadn't, we got it.
So all that celebrity hadn't turned up.
Yeah.
Maybe like, I don't know.
But anyway, and they go, we've got to put like a $700 hold on your credit card.
In case you do a runner with the straightener.
In case I like steal it. And it was your credit card. In case you do a runner with the straightener. In case I like steal it.
And it was your credit card.
It was too.
I'm going to check my bill when I get home.
Those hotels are a bit more expensive than I remember.
Did we say an extra six nights?
I know I got the chicken karage and a drink from the mini bar,
but I don't remember that being $850 worth.
No, everyone at the QT looked after us very well.
They were...
Not that well, it sounds like.
No, no.
In 40 minutes earlier, you would have...
I think your hair did look a little unstraightened when we were down there, actually.
And there were comments...
I didn't want to say anything.
There were comments from the staff.
Well, because I was like, okay, they're going to...
Because remember I said to you, I forgot my eyebrow stuff?
Yeah.
Like, I didn't have, like, one bit of makeup that I normally use.
And I was like, oh, they'll have that stuff at Channel 7.
Because it's like, you know how you just said, oh, you can ask them and they'll do it.
I did.
And they were like, we're actually really short staffed today.
Can we throw them under the bus?
It was Koshi's 20th celebration.
So, you know, they're a bigger fish to fry on this day.
So they had after the show before hours, they're like, oh, everyone have cake in the thing.
So everyone's upstairs partying on.
And I'm like, oh.
Having a few morning mimosas.
Yeah.
And I'm like, oh, would you be able to?
And they're like, I'm so sorry.
We're so short-staffed.
We actually can't do it.
There's some chick with a podcast downstairs that wants some brows and a straight.
And they go, yeah, mate, well, I want this cake.
So let's see who wins that fight.
And she's fucking three champagnes deep.
She's like, I'm glad I didn't drive today.
I'll catch the train home.
And so then when we got there, because I was like,
they'll be able to sort it out for me.
Then they go, we actually can't today because normally they do
when we go in there.
And she goes, we're so short of time.
And I was like, oh, cool.
And because it was the producer, she goes, I think you look great.
And I was like, fuck off.
Tony's like, I've worked as a producer.
I know that's the answer no matter what I look like.
I know that that's just what you say.
Oh, babe, you look great today.
No, don't be silly.
You don't even need makeup, girlfriend.
Don't producer me.
I fucking used to do this job.
I've said these lies before.
Anyway, and they looked after us so well, but fuck, I was just so embarrassed.
I was more embarrassed the fact we were wearing the same thing.
Because I got downstairs and I was like, oh, white shirt, black.
Mate, I had other things to fucking worry about.
Yeah, it sounds like it.
I was fucking worried about other things.
It sounds, well, you did great though, mate.
Thanks.
Thank you.
Really appreciate that.
You were excellent.
And it was Pippa's debut on the TV.
Pippa was on the TV.
Yeah, mummy got to say hello to Pippa on the TV.
You can actually see behind the scenes of this day on YouTube.
Yes.
If you want to go check out Tony and Ryan.
What do you love to see though?
After a stressful day,
what's going to pick you up?
I think we all love
a love story.
Love to see a love story.
I love love.
Have you ever seen
the TV show
The Inbetweeners?
Yes.
Like the UK TV show?
Yes.
So you know Simon
who's like always got
his hair spiked up?
Plenty of hair gel.
Yes, plenty of hair gel.
And there's a couple of episodes where he's dating this girl called Tara.
Yeah.
She's like the hot girl at school.
She's like the rock chick one.
So I think you might be thinking of Carly.
Yeah, no, I am thinking of Carly.
So there's like two episodes where he's dating this girl called Tara.
This is a picture of her, just so you can see it.
And they date like for two or three episodes or something.
And they end up breaking up on the show.
Of course they do.
But they actually are in love in real life.
I love that.
And they just had their first baby.
Holy – so they're proper –
They're like full on like together.
Well done.
Isn't that the sweetest – you fucking love to see that.
You fucking love to see that.
You do meet people at work.
Let's have a baby.
I'd love to see that.
You do meet people at work.
Let's have a baby.
I don't have a hair straightener.
Can't straighten your hair, but I will fill your... Eggs.
Sorry.
Sorry, graphic.
Graphic from me.
I do love to see that, though.
Isn't that a sweet story?
I saw that and I was like, oh my God.
Did you know, who's the one that says all the dirty shit?
Jay.
Jay.
Yeah.
So the little blonde dude.
Yeah, with the bowl haircut.
Yeah, so it came out last week that he is the highest earner on Cameo ever.
He's made over a million dollars.
Like UK pounds.
Fuck off.
From doing Cameos.
Because apparently, you can imagine
it's your 21st
and he's like
yeah what's up it's Jay
like have a fucking great one
and people buy it.
So he's the most popular
and the highest earning
cameo person.
Are you fucking serious?
Yeah there's a fucking fact for you.
That's a great fact.
Three facts in the last seven days.
Look the fact out.
I've got to love to see it.
I love to see it.
Very niche content here.
My local basketball hoop in Brunswick.
Yeah.
You always go down and play with the lads?
Play with the lads.
Friday Arvo.
Yep.
Boy time.
Love that.
Oh, I say boy time.
It's now babies and wives and partners and it's not boy time at all,
but it's a beautiful excuse to get outside and to the girls.
Do the partners that don't play...
They play. I was going to say,. Do the partners that don't play, are they?
They play.
Oh, I was going to say, because I would go down there and go,
this is a great excuse for a cheese board.
They're all playing.
How about we have a little snack on the picnic table next to it?
Yeah, there's a few brewers in the group.
There's always like a mix of craft beers.
There has been some cheese boards.
Yeah, I like that.
Yeah, no, it's a real community feel.
Yeah.
And my love to see it is, so there's usually just a backboard made of wood.
Yeah.
And like the metal ring.
Yeah, but no net.
They've installed a net.
And it's like the metal chain.
The chain one.
Oh, and that sounds sick when a basketball goes through it.
It's so sick.
So imagine this.
You shoot a swish and there's no ring.
It kind of just doesn't hit anything.
It goes through.
So you don't get that like.
The satisfaction.
And so I rocked up the other day and I'm like, have they got a net in?
And then I shot one and the first one.
And I was like.
I know the sound you're fucking talking about.
And I'm not a sport girl, but I know the fucking sound you're talking about.
And I'm like, hey, Andy, how long do you reckon the net will last?
Yeah.
He goes, oh, probably get a few months out of it before it just wears away
or someone steals it.
And I was like, well, the next two months are going to be delicious.
Oh, my God.
You should go down there and record it.
And then when you need, like, a little pick-me-up at home or whatever,
you listen to that.
Oh, chills.
Actual chills.
Yeah.
Could you imagine just, yeah, a little MP3.
Yeah.
And then, like, oh, every time you make a joke at home to Bridget
and you're like, oh, yeah, like, why the chin girls don't get to the other side
and then you just hit like.
Well, I think what I'll do is I'll throw the ball against the backboard twice
so then I'll be like, oh, to get to the other side.
Boom, boom.
Nice.
Yeah.
Leave the audio queen to me, I guess.
Speaking of audio queen, we will revisit audio queen tomorrow.
It might be Ryan, actually.
Ryan might be doing audio queen tomorrow.
Sounds like you're interested in the role.
There's the audio queen and I could be audio 17th in line for the crown.
17th.
Top 25.
Tickets on yourself. All right-o, queen. Dickets on yourself.
Rido Queen.
You're number one.
And for me to suggest I'm in the top 20, you're like a fucking Rido champion.
My wall.
Let's pump the brakes, Rockstar.
Come on, Rockstar.
Get carried away.
Yeah, I heard your basketball ring got a net.
It'd be nice of you to hear that sound in the next month.
Implying you might have got one in.
Got to get one in at the court.
Hope you have a great Tuesday.
See you Wednesday.
What?
I was going to say see you next Tuesday,
but it doesn't make sense because we're back tomorrow.
Yeah.
Hey.
You know, this podcast is daily.
Is it?
Yeah.
That shocks people when we tell them, eh?
They're like, five episodes?
I'm like, yeah.
How many weekdays do you think you're in a week?
Yeah.
I thought you did weekdays, but like on Tuesday.
Yeah.
All right.
We'll chat to you tomorrow.
Love you.
Bye.