Toni and Ryan - Cancel Mince Pies

Episode Date: January 7, 2025

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Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Arthur Tony Lodge. We've just been talking about how great the Sunshine Coast is in Australia for the last 15 minutes. Let's call Chelsea who lives there and see if she approves of us wanting to move there. Yeah.

Yep. I love that. We've just mentally bought a house there. Yeah. Yeah. Five time events, Wollongong, and then didn't get that job. Oh yeah. Hello, Chelsea.

It's Tony and Ryan. Should we move to the sunshine coast? I guess not. That's a no. Looks like we're staying in Melbourne, sweetheart. Shame. Didn't get the invite in the end. As it goes. Shame, shame, shame. Let's call her back.

Cause fuck moving there, but we still need this. Shame. Didn't get the invite in the end. As it goes. Shame, shame, shame. Let's call her back. Because fuck moving there, but we still need this podcast. Currently we can't start the pod. So call her back. Hello. Chelsea, I'm not fucking talking to you at the moment. However, we need you.

Yeah. Can you approve the podcast and we promise not to move to the Sunshine Coast? No, look, that's fair enough. Honestly, this reception is so horrible. It's actually a terrible, terrible ad. Interesting. Yeah, for the sunshine coast. Honestly.

Um, Chelsea, can you tell us though, I believe you have a medical comedy win? Ooh. My only medical win I've ever gotten in my life. I was getting some X-rays and ultrasounds done just for backups and stuff. And they asked just the basic questions. And one of them was obviously like, are you pregnant? And I looked at this doctor and straight up

just looked at them in the eye and went, my girlfriend would have something to say about it if I was. And they just didn't even know what to do. They kind of speechless for a second and then burst out laughing. I was like, finally I've gotten wind. You got to laugh out of a doctor. That is huge news.

It's impossible. That is huge news. Good for you Chelsea as well. That's a great gag. I like that. But Chelsea, will you approve today's episode? I absolutely will. Yay!

Legend. Hey, it's Chelsea from the Sunshine Coast and I approve this podcast. So I think I've complained about this before, but when you have a baby, everyone's lining up to give you advice, whether you ask for it or not. You know what I mean? Everyone just lobbing in comments telling you what to do. I think it's the OG thing of like being able to be like, well, I've actually done it before. When you kind of go, oh, that doesn't mean though that you know what we want to do, or whatever the people are, well, this worked for us. And instead of being like, it worked for us. It's like, it will work for you.

Yeah. Well, I guess it's all well-intentioned, but when a thousand people give you conflicting and you're just going, Oh, we'll figure it out. I don't need you to, like, if I need some help, I'll ask, I guess. And it's already one of those things where you probably, we're reading the books, we're stressing already. You're already stressed. Like the more information is actually not helpful almost. But one thing hasn't come up.

Oh, parents did not warn me that toddlers just like to take their clothes off. The speed in which they can go from fully dressed to fully naked in public is wild. They're useless at fucking everything, but suddenly they're incredible at that. And like, maybe if you asked your daughter to get dressed in the morning, that wouldn't happen. Can you take your clothes off? No. Or get undressed for the bath or something. Maybe it's bath time. Yeah, get ready. No. Good luck. But then suddenly, do you want to guess where I was the other day?

Well, can I, before I guess that, can I, is it like, cause they get too hot or it's like a bit like sensory overload? Like, because as you know, the second I walk in my front door closed off night. Yeah. I think it's with a lot of these potentially a bit of boredom. Oh, okay. I do think's with a lot of these potentially a bit of boredom. Oh, okay. I do think. What's the mindset? Well, we started potty training. Yes. And I think when they take their clothes off and go to the potty, you're like, great job.

Keep it up. So there's like a bit of like. Let's mix it up. Yeah. Spice things up. I'm bored. I'll be like, I get applause when I take my clothes off. Yeah. And I think. Same. Yeah. I'm bored. I'll be like, I get applause when I take my clothes off. And I think, yeah.

More so when I put them back on, obviously. No, no, no. Sorry. 25. I'll applaud you and sling dollar bills. Thank you. That's really sweet. But I think it's just like, yeah, it must just feel nice as well.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Guess where you were. Mabel's 19 months. So she's just started. You'll be swimming with her tomorrow. Yes. Very exciting. Guess where we were. I'm trying to think of where because I'm thinking like maybe there's a lot of people around. Yep. Like just at the supermarket. Like just at the supermarket? No.

Oh, okay. Was it at the airport? No, but we did have a few dramas at an airport. Okay. All right. To be fair, a wine tasting is not a fun place for a child. Oh. She wasn't enjoying the grapes.

Wasn't enjoying the grapes. She prefers a vintage of a different, I don't know, wine chart. Hillsville Sanctuary. Where the animals are. Yeah. So we saw koalas and wombats. Did you see Paddington Bear? He wasn't there, unfortunately. We saw like snakes. Oh, spooky.

And we saw a Tassie devil and like a big fat wombat and it was a real fun day. And Hillsville for people not in Victoria is in the Yarra Valley and there's heaps of wineries, it's a beautiful part of the world. Yep. And so we went off, we get up early and take Mabel to see all these animals. You know, maybe we can just go, you know. Well, cause they often do lunch and stuff.

So you go, oh, we'll sit there, she can have some hot chippies, you know, and like, yeah. And a winery, I don't want to say fancy, but you know, it's a, it's, it's an experience and I literally sipped a drink and saw Mabel fully dressed, then I had one more sip and looked and she was fully naked. Shoes and all. Shoes are on. She can't get the Velcro, but her pants were and, and like,

undies were at her ankles and her top was off. And I think it's the, um, yeah, yeah. You girls got one. I think, and I reckon every parent will know this. It's sort of the double take. It's like you glance and go, you gotta hang up. Yeah, she's not wearing any clothes.

So we're like rushing around like put the clothes on. And you're like yanking her knickers back up and stuff. Yeah. And cause she like, you know, where I was there with Bridget's parents and we're just taking a wine and having a look at the menu and like you take your Arthur for a second. All of a sudden. Oh my God. Did she, was everybody like laughing or were people like, Oh, I was the first one to see it. And I was just doing the like,

you know, so I was, I was hanging out in, in Patreon the other day. And I said, like, of all the warnings and advice you get, no one told me about this. Yes. And then I was- You're currently performing a public service. You're letting people know that this happens. Yeah. But I just sort of said, hey, like, is this not like, is this like normal behavior?

Yeah. Some people have sent through some stories and I thank people in the Tony and Ryan Patreon for their support. Malcolm. Hi, Malcolm. When most people need to go to the bathroom, the order is go to the bathroom, remove clothes, do business. Yes.

Agree. My three-year-old son hasn't quite nailed the order. He knows to do business last, but when he's at the playground and he needs to use the bathroom, he'll get fully naked in the middle of the playground and then start walking off to the bathroom. And the awkward part is, cause he's also doing potty training and encouraging like no surprises.

You have to kind of be like, good job. Yeah. You can't reprimand the thing. Yeah. Cause then they go, Oh, I'm not supposed to know. Should I not do it? Yeah. Yeah.

So they're like, good job, mate. Yeah. And these are all the other parents are like trying not to look and like quietly pissing themselves laughing. And because you don't want to laugh and it's the same as like if they swear or whatever you're supposed to not like. And I don't know why it reminded me of this, but one of the funniest things that boys will do in football clubs when they're idiots is like go to take a piss and pull their pants right down to their ankles when they're a fully grown man.

Because it's just the funniest thing ever. Do you not do that? Oh, I think we've talked about this. Sorry. Do you don't do that? What do you do? You just pull it to your knees. You just like, you just, you just pull it out.

Your pants. You pull your penis out of your pants and you pee. How? What? But then don't you? How? So I can't show you, but like, I almost, I almost feel like I want to show you cause it's so simple.

But like, Do you want me to show you? So your undies. I'm so fierce. Wow. Just like. 2025. Just like.

Do you push your. Example. Do you push your undies down? Like if I was, I'm keeping my underwear on. Yeah. So I just like pull down and like. And then. I don't understand that all.

So, but then doesn't it naturally just come down your butt a little bit? Not really. Oh, okay. Oh, but if you've got like a pants with a zipper, then you unzip and then you've just got a bit more like it. But so then, so you unzip your fly, then you still have to push your Nicky's down. Don't say the boy men don't win. Do you push your Nicky's down. Don't say the boy men don't win. Do you push your Nicky's down?

No men don't win. Get the dong around. Dong is also a choice of what? No, no, no, just, you just pull them down. You're like they're elastic and stuff. Yeah, but like then aren't they just all tangled up inside your jeans? No. I don't get it at all.

I don't get it at all. We need this Malcolm Son apparently, so. I don't get it at all. Neither is Malcolm Sun apparently. So I don't get it at all. Do you want to, you can ask the guy you live with. Yeah. What does he do? Sits down. Every time.

Yeah. I guess he wouldn't at like a pub or like if it was really busy or whatever, he wouldn't like wait for a cubicle or like if you were somewhere dicey, he would. But like, no, he always sits down. Well, I think you know a guy. You did know that. We've talked about this before. But yeah, no, he always sits down.

And actually there are so many people in my life, like so many penis havers in my life that all are sit downers. And I just never really understood. Remember when I told you that, like, if you are doing a wee and a poo at the same time, which one do you pick first? Cause you got to stand up and then turn around and sit down. I didn't realize you could sit down to wee. Like I thought that if you like, cause I was like, Oh, well I sit

down, but like boys stand up as a kid, you know, and then I'm like, Oh, so if you need to poo and wee, then what do you do? Like, how do you pick which one you do first? Then I realized that you can. This is the inner workings of a stressed person. Yeah, it is. And I don't know how the pants thing works. I respect it.

And maybe it's just not for me, but I can't understand how. If I'm pulling down, and then I just go. So imagine I was doing this with both layers. Yeah, show me with that. No, but what I don't understand- Are you just playing a long game to see my dick? I think maybe the anatomy is like, is confusing Yeah. Show me with that. No, but what I don't understand though. Are you playing a long game to see my dick?

Maybe the anatomy is like, is confusing because it's a little, it's like the flexible nature of it. Tony doesn't say flexible ones. She says hard ones. Correct. That's actually so sweet, untrue. Um, I think though that from a sensory perspective, that if I was wearing hard jeans and soft Nickies underneath, pushing down the soft Nickies, then would roll down your butt a bit and that would just be all too confusing.

You know, they don't go down at the back. I reckon they would. Well, they don't. Oh, I guess most boxes have a thick band at the top. Well, none of my underwear has a thick band. So if you pushed it down at the front, it would probably all roll down. Can we get you to try on Torbz's Nickies? Don't, Sophie, please don't encourage these that way.

Try on Torbz's what, Sophie? Like I just had no idea what you were going to say. I think you should stand behind Torb's and like go and I'll do it. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's what I need to do. And I think that the reach around, I think that what I need to do, though, is experience it with a hard pan. I did not know what you were going to say then.

I did not know what you were going to say then. I did not know what you were going to say then. What do you do if? What? What do you do if you? You can't do both at the same time. Oh, yeah. Medically. Yeah. Like you can't. Yeah. What you call me?

No, I don't get it. Sorry. I'm really falling apart at the same. Nah, I don't get it. Sorry. I'm really falling apart at the seams. I don't know if I can talk about cute little babies anymore. Yes, I just don't really get it. But I'm not a parent, so I don't need that. I'm not teaching anybody to go to the bathroom, so that's all good.

Pippa doesn't wear any underwear. Imagine if she did! Hello, this is Kelsey from the Sunshine Coast and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. Live brainstorm, should we add that to Googling on Friday? Do you think? How do penis have us? Yeah. Add that to Googling.

On Friday, you're here. We'll find out. Great. Um, as a shout out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon. Lacey, good on you Lacey. Amanda Polikak, good on you man's. Natasha, ZDogg and ZDogg, actually D-O-W-J. Who's that?

That's the dog. Z dog. And Savannah Lement, good on you. Thank you very much for being part of our Patreon. Savvy, oh ow. Savvy. Here we are Savvy B. Savvy B.

So I know that like you gave me a bit of stick for this last year about having some emergency gifts in the house in case that people came around at Christmas. Did I give you shit for that? Well, if I did redacted because it's a fucking great idea. Well, so then I said to you like, well, no, people came around, like other neighbors came around and brought us something.

Luckily, I was able to be like, and we got you this, you know, and we just had, and it was just like, I think we only bought like three boxes, two of them we ended up giving away and the last one we got to keep as a treat. So I mean, win, win, win across the board. Or wins. But so, cause we just had some emergency chocolates this year. Well, last year, sorry, Christmas 2024. Last year, I upped my game a little bit.

Yeah, I bought something purposely for the neighbors that we talk to. Right. So instead of just being like, oh, in case someone comes around, Box of favorites are a little something. What was it like? Little box of Bacchis, like, you know, those Italian comes around, the favorites are a little something. What was it like a little box of batches, like, you know, those Italian. Ooh. Yeah. Cause it's a little bit different. I felt like it didn't look as much like we'd phoned it in. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. That, and I put like a big ribbon on it and like a little tag, like to blah

family, to whoever, like from Tony and Alex. And then I put like, um, and Tony Alex and people, and then like the number of that's really cute. That's really cute. That was really sweet. Um, and like, we actually went to every, so we took Pippa. It was like, we were going for a walk and we took them to everybody's house and like Merry Christmas and caught up.

And everyone's really appreciative. Yeah. Yeah. It was really sweet. It's really fucking wholesome. It's really lovely. Hey, and our neighbor across the road. Cause I just did chocolate. Yeah. Cause I was like, I think that's sweet. It's really fucking wholesome. It's really lovely. Hey, and our neighbor across the road. Cause I just did chocolate.

Yeah. Cause I was like, I think that's quite sweet. Yeah. I'm like, what a crowd pleaser. Yeah. Cause like, you don't buy people booze anymore. Cause that's really assumptions, assumptions, but like with chocolates, I was like, I'm sorry. Can you have another crack at that one? Presumptuous. Yeah. There you go. That'll do.

Yeah. Assumptive. Assumpt one? Presumptuous? Yeah, there you go. No, dude. Um, something there. Assumptive. Assumptive. Hey, in between, making up new shit. I hate that we all knew what you meant. Yeah, but that's just cause we're all speaking the same language. Um, not like in Peru, they speak Spanish.

Um, but our neighbor, right? Yeah. Gave us a puzzle. Um, that sounds like work. No, that's the sickest gift. I hate puzzles. Oh, but like- You're giving me work.

No, but like, so you never do- Now I have to do a fucking puzzle. No, but like, you don't have to. Because so what, then you just don't do it. Like, it's not a plant that you have to water or whatever. Can you eat it? Does it taste like chocolate? No, but like- Where's the good part of this gift? I actually just thought it's not a plant that you have to water. Can you eat it? Does it taste like chocolate? No, but where's the good part of this?

I actually just thought it was such a good gift. And I did the puzzle like over the break. Yeah. And it was just like such a cool idea. That is, yeah. I mean, if you're into, I get it feels different to like a stock chocolate, doesn't it? Yeah. It feels good to find. I think it was just that, yeah, it wasn't because our house was full of fucking food, so we didn't need any food, but like a little activity kind of was like really sweet. So 2023 Bridget goes, because our neighbors came around and dropped off some short breads and bits and pieces. That's right.

And Bridget goes, next year. Yep. I'll do some sourdough or I'll do chutney or some wine that I've made. sourdough or I'll do chutney or some wine that I've made. She goes and checks his knock at the door. And then I hear chatting for about five or 10 minutes. And then she comes back down with all this stuff and goes, we are the worst neighbors ever.

And annoyingly the neighbors had come around and like the 23rd or 24th, like there wasn't enough time left for us to go and get something in return. Ours was all on Christmas Eve. Yeah. And so Bridge goes, next year. Actually, these are the people across the street. They're really lovely. What was the stuff that they brought? So the people across the street, she bakes shortbreads And it's, I was like, don't change it up. These are fucking banging short breads. Like unbelievable.

Yeah, a hundred percent. But when I drove home and I had Bridget and Mabel and all four of us were in the car and they'd like gone up to our front door and knocked. So we got home as they were at our front door. And you're like, who the fuck are you? No, I went on the window and I'm busted. And didn't get much of a laugh.

Oh no, that's not your best. But the people. You know what I would have said? Oh, we just thought we'd visit you guys as if it was their house. That's probably what I would have gone with. That's so much better. Yeah. The guys over the back fence, they made like mince pies, like a Christmas thing. Yeah, like a fruit mince pie. Yeah. So I don't get mince pies, like a Christmas thing.

Like a fruit mince pie. Yeah. So I don't get mince pies. I hate them. They give me reflux. Yeah, but like- They're too spicy. But are they spicy? Are they sweet?

Are they savour? I think they need to figure out what the fuck they're trying to do. They've got an identity crisis. So I don't like them, but- Sorry, I'm so mad. I think they are so stupid. I hate them and Torb's loves them.

Does he? And so we always buy a packet, but he only ever eats one. So right now, still to this day that we bought last year, there's a four pack with one out of it. Yeah. Find a friend that will eat the other three. Sorry, but like they're just sitting on my bench. Like fuck them all.

Okay. So hypothetically, if you opened Tinder and this guy's bio said, sit down to pee, enjoys mince pies. Like no one's happened that. I like him, but I don't like that about him. And I just saw it because you can only buy like four or eight or 12. So they'd made mince pies. Can you just bring one for Torbz?

Do you just have one left? So whilst Bridget- That is very, very sweet. Can I say, sorry, we got off on a, but that is very, that's high FF. Whilst we don't like mince pies, we both went, they've spent a couple of hours making mince pies for, you know, everyone down the street. And we're like, you got to respect that. Yeah. You got to respect. I don't respect the taste, but I respect that you made that.

Yeah. So, we pound them off. Cause who's the kind of people that like mince pies? Old people. So grandma, guess what she got Christmas. Yeah. No, that's fair. So, and you got their home made.

Yeah. And, and she had it and she loved it. Yeah, that's nice. It was awesome. Now we often will gift people sourdough. Like our friends had a baby, we go, Oh, you know, you're running around like a headless joke with a new kid. We'll just drop off some sourdough. I think that you need to stop saying we.

I drop it off. But you haven't made it. Bridget makes it. I really, it is very sweet that she does that. And this is actually what I was thinking. I was like next year. So Christmas 2025, I was like, I'll do bread because I really enjoy it. And it's like homemade.

Yeah. It's like a box of chocolates. And it's like homemade. Yeah. So a box of chocolates, it's too low risk. Yeah. And so, but one thing that will never make you feel better as a person is getting a text message, like three or four days after you've dropped off a sourdough, just going, oh, just wanted to let you know, we've polished that off and it was delicious. Cause it's not just like a thanks for bringing it.

It's like we've actually eaten and enjoyed it and you just feel really good about it. And so it's nice though, when you give people a gift and they actually eat it and don't just give it to their grandma. So grandma fucking love these mincemeat. She's like, what's the recipe? What have they put in them? They're great. And so I go, oh,

I'll go to. Because I want to like what wouldn't they love to hear that their effort was really appreciated by the people they gave the gift to. OK, well, here's where that's where that's where we're at. So what would you do? And like, again, Bridget received them and was like very thankful. And that is enough. Yeah. But I was like, Oh, wouldn't it be nice just to send them a text or, and just go,

Oh, I just wanted to let you know those fucking mince pies hit. Thanks so much again. Have a great Christmas. Do you know what I would probably say though? Just in case of any followups, I would be like, thank you so much for those mince pies. My grandma is a fiend for mince pies. And she had one while she was over, like saw them on the bench.

Now I'm creating a fictional Christmas event. No, no, no. But you can't say I took them to somewhere else and gave them to her. Yeah. That's what Bridget said. I shouldn't say that. You, but that then that's like, we would fucking them off. But if you say, but if you say grandma was over and she frosts, she come around. Well, they're not going to say that, but they are going to say, if you just go, we loved those and they were great. They're going to go, Oh, we've got some

more. And yeah, I don't want that. No. But I also don't want the like, oh, did you like the spicy one or the chocolate or like. That's what I'm saying. So you go, grandma had one when she was over and she said it was the best one she'd ever had. So we share a fence slash not fence with these people. So we, if we have or don't have people over,

they're aware of it. Yeah. So anytime I said, oh, grandma came around, they'll be like, well, no, she didn't. Oh, they would not do that. But then, oh, when did she come? Was it for lunch or did you have Christmas? They wouldn't do that.

You are being such a psycho. No, no, no, no. Then suddenly I'm having a Christmas party. No, that is crazy. They would not say that. What they would do is, do you want some more? If you liked them so much. And that's, I think the...

So what did you end up doing? I just pussied out. You didn't send them anything? No, I saw them in the street. Oh, that's so shit. I know. But then, because I literally was like, I could feel the words in my mouth when I went,

my, and then suddenly all of this went, well, I could feel the words in my mouth when I went, and then suddenly all of this went, well, I can't say to their face. I fucked them off to relatives. If she was over, saw them on the bench went, Oh, I love our mince pie. I'll have that. You know, that's kind of innocent. So I just said, taking them elsewhere, you can't say, so I just said, how's your Christmas? And they said it was good. That's nice. Yeah. They go. And we also didn't get them anything.

He didn't say anything about those homemade mince pies that we slaved over. Like they've gone home and been like, Oh, they're not getting any. Is mince pies like once my grandma's generation, like proper dies out, the mince pies die out with him. I don't think so. Torps, Torps, keep going. He's going to keep a whole generation and your neighbors. Do you know what? Maybe we could just sync that up that this Christmas 2025, it's too early to be talking about Christmas, but this Christmas 2025, when they give you another round of those, can you just send me one? Okay. Okay. Here's what I just need. One. Here's how the economy will work next Christmas Eve. Perfect. Here we go. I will get a great gift for my neighbors.

My neighbors will give Torbz a mince pie and Torbz can help me set up my electrical stuff at my house. Well, he would do that for you. You don't have to wait till Christmas. Yeah. But like, then it just feels like everyone's given something. Everyone's getting something. No one's taken. What are you? Oh yeah. No, that would work out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Watch the, Oh, I'll bring my puzzle. I'll keep myself busy. I'll just do my puzzles. And Tony's sitting in the middle of it.

In the middle of the triangle do my puzzle. I'm not part of it, but I'm doing my puzzle. She's sitting in the middle of the triangle doing a puzzle. I'm doing a puzzle. Just keep myself busy. Yeah, great. What do you love to see, Tony? I got all you love to see here from Anna. Anna said this in our Patreon, and Anna's from Amsterdam.

Hi, Tony and Ryan. You've mentioned Kathy Bates a couple of times on the pod. We have, we had dinner with her in New York. And there's a little joke that Ryan lives in Beyonce's Airbnb and that I live in Kathy Bates's Airbnb. And it's just, it's really gotten away from us, but I really love it. You've meant to, Anna says,

you've mentioned Kathy Bates on the pod a couple of times. And I just felt like sharing that my mum used to be an exchange student back in the eighties. And Kathy's sister was my mom's host mom back then. Sorry. I'm going to need a piece of paper and a pen. No, I know. Yeah. Or should I just go with it? I think just let it wash over.

Oh, well, Anna from Amsterdam, which doesn't sound like a fake name. That's... What are the chances? No. So my mom, not my mom, obviously, Anna's mum used to be an exchange student. Yeah. And the connection of exchange students was Kathy Bates's... Sister. Kathy's sister was my mum's host mum.

So she stayed with, oh sorry, she stayed with Kathy Bates's sister's mum. So she stayed with Kathy Bates's sister's mom. So she stayed with Kathy Bates's auntie. Yeah. Wait, no, because your sister's mom's your mom. The more you think, the worse it gets. Don't put everyone through this. So Kathy Bates's sister. We don't do shit coincidence chat till next Thursday.

No, no, no, no. Kathy Bates's sister was my mom's host mom. So Kathy Bates was the exchange student's auntie. Like in the family tree, if that's your host mom, then Kathy Bates's mom. No, Kathy Bates's sister so when she went, your mom, so that means Kathy Bates is your auntie. Your host auntie. Your host auntie.

For two weeks when you went to Arizona. For all intresting purposes of this conversation. For fucking two weeks back in the 90s. Anyway, and. Oh, what she liked. Anna's mom kept in touch with the family and they're all still friends. Like they all still talk and they know each other and stuff. And Anna said when I was a kid, like we got to go to her house.

Like, Who made this house? Was Tony there? Fuck, that is a long walk for a short drink of water. I did think that there would be so much family treacher. I didn't realize how confusing that was. So I'm, I'm taking that on and I'm saying, I'm very sorry. Today's episode is actually sponsored by ancestry.com.

Ancestry.com. And she says that she held her Academy Award and like they did the live. Really? Yeah. Which is pretty cool. Which room in your house does the award stay in? We've got them in a cupboard. Her personal effects are hidden from us.

Yeah. But I thought that that was like really cute coincidence chat and just really silly. I'm sorry about the family tree. How is Anna's mum? She was the exchange student. Yeah. So we're thinking like Anna's mum was an exchange student back in the 80s. So she's probably what? 15.

Yeah. How old is Kathy Bates? I'd love to Google it. Find out on Friday. But do you know what? The math's not really mapping on that, is it? Because if Kathy's sister say... But do you know what? The math's not really mapping on that, is it? Because if Kathy's sister says-

I think what's thrown us is the sister's mum, but that would also be Kathy Bates' mum. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's not Kathy Bates' mum. Kathy Bates' sister's mum. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, Kathy Bates's sister was the mum. Like, was the host family. So Kathy Bates's sister is Kathy Bates's mum. So Kathy Bates's sister looked after the exchange student.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, she was the mum of not Kathy Bates. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, so Kathy Bates and her sister, Sally. Actually. Could it be Annis, Annis, Annis host grandma?

Yep. Is Kathy Bates' sister. Oh, why didn't you just say that? Why don't people listen to this podcast? But the math isn't working out for me. Because that would make Kathy Bates like 300 years old. Wouldn't it? Because she'd already won the Oscar and shit.

Yeah. Like that actually doesn't make sense. No, because when you go on... But we can't find out till Friday. Well, tune in. Okay, Javi loves to say that. Well, tune in. Okay. Do you have any love to say that? From Amsterdam to Denmark. In Perth? No, the Denmark in Northern Europe.

God, that gets me every time. I thought all that time that the princess of Denmark was in Perth. Yeah. Yeah. Me Mortensen is a Tarpa. Hi, me. I literally started the fucking blog

and wrote my first book and it was published this year on January the second. Whoa. It's an I book, which what's that? I don't know. You haven't told me anything about it. Oh, but it's not an ebook. Maybe it is an ebook. I like lowercase I capital B book. Or do you mean I book? No, I maybe it's an ebook. I? Like lowercase I, capital B book? Yeah. Or do you mean, I book?

No, I, maybe it's like for inf, for my infomercial. No, I think it's like an ebook. Maybe it's just like- A typo. Or like a language barrier. Do you not like, that make sense? It's a book about teaching the basic of maths to adults. Everything centered-

Maybe we need it. I've just decided Gandhi Bates must be throwing up. teaching the basic of maths to adults. Everything centered. Maybe we need it. I've just decided candy baits must be thrown after it. Yeah. Doesn't include ages. Everything is centered around maths for everyday people. And oh my God, but it's about candy baits and it's called mathy baits. You know how funny that is? I'm going to go home and Matthew Bates.

Yeah, she's written a Kathy Bates, actually also a book about fishing. But when you want to review the book sales, you have to look on the graphy bites. See, I was charting. Yeah, I mean, Kathy's single, Kathy. Dines. She did a cookbook.

Smell Kathy. Great. When I run my thoughts get a bit. Chaffee. We love to see that. Don't you? Congratulations on the book. Sorry. Kathy Bates made me some mince pie.

Were they Kathy Gray? Yeah. That's what Cathy makes. Cathy Bats. Is heaps of fruit in there? Yeah, some Cathy Dats. Do you want them to put that in a bowl? Nah, just Cathy Bates. Are they married?

Nah, just Kathy mates. Fuck cost the livings up. You should see my Kathy rates. Driving in the town is fucking crazy. Is your car secure at your house? Gone. Got out the front. Are you sick? Congrats on the book. The iBook, the eBook, whatever. I'm sick.

Congrats on the book, the e-book, whatever. Very good. Is that real artwork? No. A couple of Gabby fakes. Gabby fakes! Are those real boobs? Me, Mortenson started the book. It's been almost... Are those real boobs? Me Mortenson started the book.

It's been almost a blog and it's a book. It's been two years, a divorce for editors. Crazy, but it's absolutely worth it. Seeing my hard work finally in print and it's awesome. That's amazing. That's amazing. I think we need to go. And it's awesome. That's amazing. Yep. That's amazing. Congratulations.

I think we need to go. I think I'm going to throw up. I feel so sick. I don't know. I think a poo is coming out of my ass. I'm prairie dogging. Like, I laughed so hard that the poo's been pushed out. Like, luckily I'm wearing black knickers.

Do you know what I mean? It's not good. A poo's coming out. I don't know if I need to eat food or should never eat again. Oh, I also haven't eaten. Maybe that's it. Love you so much.

Thank you for listening. Thank you. Bye. See you tomorrow. Tony, go and do whatever you need to do. See you tomorrow.