Toni and Ryan - Drive By Gaslighting
Episode Date: August 7, 2023Like I always say - never judge a podcast by the title!! And I've always said that!! Love u xCheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAnd...Ryan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast.
Hello, who are we calling today?
We are calling Mary, who will either be in Denver or Illinois.
Who's to say?
Oh, I bet you lunch that she's in Illinois.
I bet you lunch she's in Denver.
Oh, I really hope she's in Denver because I've got my wallet.
That's a power play.
That's my move, actually.
Yeah, it is.
Do you want me to get you lunch?
Yeah, cool.
Can you pay?
Yeah.
Mary. Hello. It's Tony and Ryan.. Can you pay? Yeah. Mary.
Hello?
It's Tony and Ryan.
How are you doing?
Finally.
Finally.
We've been trying to call you for ages.
How are you?
We are good.
Whereabouts are you at the moment?
I'm in Denver, Colorado at the moment.
So who's buying who lunch?
Me and Tony just had a bet.
I forgot.
So, Mary, I bet that if you were In Illinois Ryan had to buy me lunch
And he said
I bet you lunch
She's in Denver
Alright yes
Thank you
Because Marnie Gomez
Is on Tony
Yes
But I've actually
Forgotten my wallet Mary
So you couldn't
Send me some money
Could you
Will you approve
Today's episode
Absolutely I will
Woohoo
Hey it's Mary
From Denver And I approve of this podcast.
All right, if you're a family or a household that Uber Eats
or gets takeaway regularly, I think there's like an unspoken rule
that needs to be spoken out loud.
Oh, so this is for everyone.
I think you can generalise there.
I think that everyone's doing that.
Yeah, I think it just sums up where you are in life.
Okay.
And that sounds dramatic, but there was a line crossed at my house
and I went, oh, hang on a second.
Have things changed here?
I mean, as you know, I'm on the record of deleting the Uber Eats app.
Is it on your phone right now?
Yep.
Oh, yeah.
That was March.
And so now you just use Torbz's one?
Yeah, so that's what we did for a bit, or we would just download it when we wanted it, Yeah. Oh, yeah. That was March. And so now you just use Torbz's one? Yeah.
So that's what we did for a bit.
Or we would just like download it when we wanted it.
But it wasn't as easy to like just fucking, you know.
But now we're back on now.
Yeah.
They're taking our house deposit.
Yeah.
Oh, so when you said that was back in March, I thought you meant that's when I deleted it.
Oh, no.
No, no, no.
That was me then.
That was me then.
I'm sorry, I misread that.
Yes. That's okay. I accept your apology. We'll get to this soon. But first, no, no. That was me then. That was me then. I'm sorry, I might have misread that. Yes.
That's okay.
I accept your apology.
Okay, we'll get to this soon.
But first, it's Tuesday.
Let's do confessions.
These are top confessions.
These are top confessions.
Completely anonymous.
If anything, too anonymous because we can't follow up on anything.
But if you go to our website, tonyandryan.com.au,
there's a little confessions tab.
And it is so anonymous.
We don't know anything about it.
We don't get your number, your email, anything.
Because, you know, when people are like, it's anonymous,
and then you're like, cool, what's your driver's license number?
You know?
Yeah.
Oh, just one click to download.
Yeah.
Then you end up buying a Suzuki Jimny.
Oh, well, you try to.
We try not to.
Ladies and gentlemen, I said this was coming up yesterday.
I present to you the Tunnel Brothers finale.
And so you're saying-
Can you just bring me up to date of what Tunnel Brothers is?
So we were informed that that is the name of when two penis havers
have slept with the same other person.
Oh, this might not quite be Tunnel Brothers then.
It's a version of Tunnel Brothers.
Or is it just two people have slept with the same third person, but not in a three-way situation?
No, I don't think there's a three-way situation.
No, no, no.
So it's not like in that way.
It's like, oh, you fucked that person.
Same.
Yeah.
We're Tunnel Brothers.
Maybe they don't have to have a penis.
I think it's a Tunnel Brothers or a Backwoods. It might be a Brothers? Same. Yeah. We're tunnel brothers. Maybe they don't have to have a penis. I think it's a tunnel brothers or a backwards.
It might be a brother's tunnel.
Yeah.
Let's push on.
Don't talk about my brother's tunnel, please.
A tarpa was dating a guy for a few months who was a triplet.
You can't accidentally fuck the wrong brother.
Okay. I'm so sick of these fucking stories. You can't accidentally fuck the wrong brother, okay?
I'm so sick of these fucking stories.
Since you've said that, we've had so many twin stories come through.
It's the same as when we were doing the fucker fun.
We were like, do not send us a story about you going skydiving.
Like, I'd love to go skydiving.
I don't care.
I'm not sending you skydiving.
The triplet dated me, railed me, took my virginity,
and then cheated on me soon after.
I was going to say hot, but hot to all the things except the cheating.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I was devastated, and I was on Grindr a few nights later
when one of the other triplets said, oh, what's going on?
You know, is everything okay?
Oh, like, why are you on Grindr?
Aren't you fucking my twin?
Aren't you fucking my trip?
My trip, one of the trips. One of the trips. Like, why are you on Grindr? Aren't you fucking my twin? My brother. Aren't you fucking my trip?
My trip.
One of the trips.
One of the trips.
And so I told him and the brother was a bit annoyed and the brothers must have been having their own little tiff
and brouhaha.
Because they would, wouldn't they?
Yeah.
You're not on board with your siblings all the time.
Not that you would know because you don't have any,
but, like, you aren't.
Or there's always, like, sometimes there's like sibling drama.
Sorry, let me just pull a few cutting daggers out of my.
Well, mate, you don't have any siblings.
I mean, you got me.
I'm like a sister, tunnel sister.
But like, because often siblings, it's like, oh,
they're not talking to that sibling, but I'm talking to both of them.
And then you end up being the, you know, like that happens a lot.
So guess what the trip on Grindr says?
Oh, I bet you the trip goes, I'll make it all better, sweetheart.
Why don't you pop around?
Direct quote, you want to get revenge?
I would be so upset with my sibling if they did that,
if they fucked someone up.
It seems like the trip's got to settle to score.
This guy's been cheated on.
He wants to settle the score. So they're like're like oh wouldn't that just fuck him right off
literally within an hour i was railing the brother in the back of my hyundai xl
one man took no hang on hang on oh that's not a big car no it's not a big car that's a small car
in fact it was in the back of the xl aren't they like a two-seater the xl or they got back seats Oh, that's not a big car. No, it's not a big car. That's a small car.
In fact, it was in the back of the XL.
Aren't they like a two-seater, the XL, or have they got back seats?
A two-door.
They do have a back seat, but it's a two-door.
So you've got to climb over the console to get out the back.
Console's his name.
So it's a three-way.
The other triplet's there as well.
That's a little car. Do you remember the default colour for the XL was that dark green?
Yeah.
Do you remember that?
And sometimes if it was mysterious, there was like a purple.
But you're right, that green, I believe it's called British Racing Green.
Oh.
It was a traditional one.
Okay.
Hey, I'm not the only one that's been in the back seat of an XL, mate.
Yeah, I have also been in the back of an XL and I'm quite a small person.
Like, I'm short.
Yeah.
It's still not enough room for your moves.
No.
Nah. You're not getting a lot done in the back I'm short. It's still not enough room for your moves. No. Nah.
You're not getting a lot done in the back of an XL.
That's all I'll say.
How can you not?
When you say your moves, you can't starfish in the back of an XL.
This is a little car, isn't it?
One man took my virginity, but I took his brother's.
Oh, so the brother.
It's like a baton.
They're just like passing the virginity around.
I felt like the score had been settled, but I just didn't want to get even.
I wanted to get ahead.
Oh, job.
The third triplet was also a virgin.
What?
Until I also banged him in the back of the Hyundai XL.
The third of the triplets.
Do you know, I wonder, though, if there was a murder
and all three triplets' cummies were in the back of the seat,
because DNA would all be the same cummie.
So, like, any three of them could commit a murder.
Surely triplets have different DNA.
No, maybe not.
Yeah.
Oh, you couldn't tell the difference?
No.
The same DNA.
No, but if they were identical, wouldn't – because, you know,
when you read those stories how, like, a set of twins marry a set of twins
and then technically their kids wouldn't just be cousins,
they would also biologically be siblings.
I have not heard that.
That's a thing because this girl that I follow.
According to, oh, yeah, because I have someone on the internet.
No, no, no.
One of the girls who works at Mamma Mia, Claire Stephens,
who's interviewed me for their podcast before.
Oh, she's a twin, right?
She's a twin.
Yeah.
And her sister, her twin sister, recently had a baby
and Claire is now pregnant.
And so she's like, I'm explaining.
Does that prove anything?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
So she posted this thing and she was like,
I'm explaining to my niece that the baby in my belly
will one day be her, biologically her sister, but also her cousin.
I don't think that's right.
That is right.
Because if they're identical, your DNA is the same.
You know what?
I can't deal with the twin chart because I'm going to get fucking roasted online after this.
But I'm just saying, would that be the case?
If there was a murder.
The Tava gets murdered and they go, who was it?
Let's check the backs. Whose cum was in the back of the heart?
And they go, it was all three of the triplets.
All three of the triplets.
Or they go, well, it's just technically, biologically, it's one cum.
But it was three of them.
So one of them is going to get away with murder.
Or the other way around.
He could have just railed one of them and then all three are accused.
Jacuzzi.
Because the cummies might be the same.
Could someone verify?
It's true.
Cam has confirmed that it's correct.
So the cummies are all the same?
Because identical twins come from the exact same combination of egg and sperm,
they have exactly the same combination of chromosomes.
A DNA test would reveal that they have over 99.9% identical DNA.
Okay.
So biologically.
Let's hope no one gets murdered in the car.
Yeah, because that's what I'm saying,
that if our tarpa confessional gets murdered,
it's all just one big cummie, not three little cummies.
Nothing against Grindr or Hyundai XLs,
but why was your first thought murder?
Just a state of play, isn't it?
The world.
These days.
Cost of living.
These days.
The inflation.
The interest rates.
I dropped the third.
Okay, so the tarpa lost his virginity to the first guy.
Yeah, and he cheated on.
And he cheated, and then he took the virginity of both other triplets.
Yeah, fuck.
Two for one.
The last bang, he goes, oh, I'll drop you back home.
And they must have had a house where, like, the lounge is, like, at the front.
And so he pulls into the driveway.
The green Hyundai XL. The green so he pulls into the driveway. The green Hyundai XL.
The green Hyundai XL pulls into the driveway.
And both of the other two trips are like sitting in the lounge
and they see the car pull up and they say, oh, mate, thanks.
See you later.
And then they both kind of went, what the fuck?
Because they still didn't know about each other.
And so then he goes, why do you give a fuck?
And he goes, yeah, why do you care?
Did you cheat? How did you find out I cheated?
Oh, he told me. When did he tell you?
And so he drops him off.
Like literally pulls the pin
of a grenade, tosses it in,
drives off in his green Hyundai XL.
And I think the brother, the last brother,
didn't know any of the other stuff.
So he just gets dropped off, walks back into the lounge
and you're right.
Just lobbed that grenade,
backs out the XL, and just carries on with his day.
I know because he felt a bit down when he got cheated on, as you would.
I don't know what noise or sound or word that was supposed to be.
I no longer feel like the victim.
I'm feeling in control.
I'm feeling confident.
I am the king of tunneling brothers. That's good. Yeah. I'm feeling confident. I am the king of tunnelling brothers.
That's good.
Yeah.
That is very good.
For a guy who was a virgin a week ago.
Yeah, I was thinking a similar thing.
Who were the first three guys you banged in your life?
Well, I mean, you pull out a picture of all of them at a wedding or something.
Like everyone's together.
Their mum walks into the lounge room and is like,
what is going on?
We all railed the same blow.
Yeah, we all fucked the same dude.
And she's like, oh, there's not a murder because the cummies.
I can't lose all three of you.
What happened?
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
What are the chances of three triplets all being gay?
Well, biologically, they're all the same.
The same person?
The DNA.
But surely there would be twins where one's straight and one's not.
No, totally.
I was making a joke.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, I don't know.
Well, Producer Cam is one of six boys and your mum got unlucky twice,
didn't she?
Yeah.
Two guys.
Yeah.
It's a shame.
There's four siblings in my family.
My sister's a lesbian, married to a lovely girl.
They've got a child together, a son.
So I don't know.
Yeah, I guess what are the chances of all three of them being?
The roulette wheel.
Yeah, I've slept with two.
Sorry, what was that?
Sorry, is that Cameron?
Go on, bring that fucking microphone close to you
and tell him to say that again.
I've slept with two twins separately.
So not at the same time?
No, separately.
Do they know about each other?
They're both gay, yeah.
No, but do they know that you fucked both of them?
That's not the question he asked.
Maybe not.
Or maybe they're finding out now.
Yeah.
What were their names?
Was it the Bromley Lynch boys?
I wish.
Who was it?
Yeah, don't.
Yeah, don't.
Tell you later.
Do we know twins?
I don't know.
Well, Cam and I went to school in a similar area.
And I was here.
Oh, here in Melbourne.
Was it Claire from Mamma Mia?
Are you the father to both of the twins?
Can you confirm or deny that twins are the same?
Very similar.
Okay.
Very similar.
One of Torbz's friends, their dad is a gynecologist
and once we asked if he had any mother-daughter clients
and are the pussies the same?
Did you use that word?
I don't think we said pussies.
I think we might have said clunge or, you know, something scientific.
And he was just like, oh, like there are similarities.
And then I've also heard this story that I think Torbs also told me,
but I think it was like a Reddit thing, that it was like this girl was using
like a sex toy that she like found in her mum's drawer.
Sorry, when you said found in her mum.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Found in her mum.
Popped it out.
His drawer.
Yeah.
And then like used it and was like,
I know, let's just skip past that gory detail.
Can we, though?
And then she was like...
If you can't skip past it, Hyundai XL, I can't skip past that.
Okay.
Okay, I think I'm done.
All right.
And she said it was the best, like, orgasm she'd ever had,
and she, like, said to her mum, like, where did you get that?
Because it's really...
I don't understand the relationship there.
She admitted, yeah, they must have. But then she? Because it's really, I don't understand the relationship.
Yeah, they must have.
But then she goes, it's a mould of your dad's cock.
What?
Yeah.
So, like, yeah.
I thought you were going to say it's, like, because they're similar.
It's like when you've got the groove in the couch.
But it would be.
So if the dad's cock is getting it done for mum, the dad's cock from the mould is getting it done for Jessica,
little Jessica.
But, yeah, so, I mean, that's interesting, isn't it?
If anybody has any evidence based or anecdotes based on that kind of story, I'd love to hear them because, yeah,
are the pussies the same?
I can't obviously find out.
I can't ask my mum. I can't ask my mum.
I can't.
Well, I can't ask her.
You can't ask her.
If your mum came back down to earth and you had one question.
Have a look at this.
Does this look familiar to you?
We get one of those, like, clone a pussy.
Like, you know how you can buy those things?
Like, AB them.
What do you reckon?
Which one's yours?
May she rest in peace.
May she rest.
I've got another confession here that includes bongs
and a large sparkling dildo, but I think we're actually done for today.
So let's get the fuck out of here and play the fucking music thing
hey it's mary from denver and you're listening to tony and ryan A massive shout out to a few of our champion tapions from the Patreon.
All the links are in our show notes.
You can find the Patreon.
You can go over and join up.
Sez, thank you so much, babe.
Love that.
Emma Schwartz, Laura Hendry, Dylan Spring, and Sarah,
thank you so much for being part of our Patreon.
They are some of our champion tapas.
And now we just did Confessions before.
They get submitted on the website.
But all of our normal and ours and most of the other cooked stories,
we'd love to see if they're all in the Facebook group.
Yeah.
So Tony and Ryan podcast on Facebook.
We're now at 60,000 people.
So that's like, and there's a lot of chaos going on in there.
There is.
A lot of memes, a lot of jokes.
Like it's a fucking good time.
I can lose hours of my day in there.
I actually have gone through recently and I found this post that I think is so funny.
I'm trying to figure out, like, what to do with it at the moment.
Okay.
But the comments are fucking gold.
Like, they're so, so good.
Is it the one where it said, how did Tony and Ryan meet each other?
Yeah.
Yeah, okay.
Yeah, let's-
Stay tuned.
We'll wheel that out next week.
Because we're going to do something with that.
Yeah.
But anyway, yeah, massive shout out to all of our Patreons.
We reply to all the messages in there.
Tony replies to all the messages in there.
And you can send through stories and we do live streams and –
Yeah, delicious.
Speaking of delicious.
Which nights of the week are acceptable to get takeaway food?
Oh, that's a good question.
Tell me if I'm wrong.
I feel like we all start the week with good intentions.
Yep, this is going to be the week.
I'm going to eat healthy.
On the weekend, I went to a little market and got some greens and veggies
and all this stuff and I'll do this, whatever.
And then as it maybe gets to Thursday, Wednesday, if you're tired,
you kind of go, oh, we've given it a good crack.
Yeah.
Are we getting burgers?
Yeah.
Or you go, oh, the broccolini that we bought is like a bit wilted
so we can't have that dinner tonight.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think that you're right.
I think Thursday is like the night when naturally you kind of go,
fuck, it's been a big week.
Probably we'll just like grab something tonight.
But then Friday you go, oh, well, it's the end of the week.
Friday's a given.
Don't get me wrong.
But then Saturday you go, oh, well, it's still the weekend.
And then Sunday you go, oh, well, it's the last night of the weekend, isn't it?
Yeah, and we'll eat healthy from tomorrow.
Yeah, but then it hits Monday and you go, oh, what's Monday?
Like, God, beginning of the week the week like let's order something well yesterday tough day for bridget
and my daughter mabel you know it's a bit of a grisly day and uh bridge goes
pizza oh yeah on a monday on a Monday. And I just went, are we doing this?
Is this where we're at?
Because I didn't realize that a lot of takeaway places,
because now I'm out like in the burbs.
Oh, of course.
They're not all open every day.
So Monday or Tuesday is like the day they have off
because they've worked all week.
Yeah.
What do they call that?
Hospo day or whatever.
And that's when they can like go out.
Yeah.
Or even the guy that does does the veggie shop,
he has a Monday or Tuesday to go to the markets
and get all the produce and whatever, and there's a bit of that energy.
Yeah.
And so on a Monday, I had to make some calls to see who was open.
Ooh.
Which is like going back in time because after living in town.
That's the way you live.
Yeah, I know.
Because after living in town, you just open the app.
Can get anything anytime.
So where do you stand with the like, you start the week with good intentions
when it's five o'clock on a Monday and someone goes pizza tonight.
So I'm actually feeling really upset that you're bringing this up
because we had Domino's for dinner last night also.
And we've got a fridge full of green shit.
Is that right?
Yeah, a fridge full of green shit and, like, fresh meat and some fish
and whatever.
So when you open the fridge and you see it.
Mate, I didn't even open the fridge.
I just lied to myself and I was like, oh, I don't know if I feel like that tonight.
I actually had an eyebrow appointment and I'd gone there and it was late.
Like, it was like 7.30 or 8 o'clock by the time I, like, got home.
Oh, shit.
Because the appointment was at, like, 6.30 or something.
Oh, yeah, no.
And then as I, you know, when you're driving down Hoddle Street and there's
the Abbotsford Domino's on the left-hand side.
It's like even if that pizza place didn't sell any pizzas it's like you'd buy that shop just as a billboard and that's exactly
what it did for me yesterday like i got sucked into the advertising and i saw that and i went
can you smell the pizza as you drive past it oh you know what i mean like i haven't smelled in a
whole year and i smelled that pizza of course the, the long coat. So I turned left down there to get home and I went past the door
and I was like, fuck, that'll be all right.
And I don't even cook at home.
It's not as if I was like, fuck, I'm going to get home
and still have to cook.
I can't even be bothered cooking.
Yeah, I literally was just like, fuck, it'd be good
if Torbs didn't have to cook.
Wouldn't that be nice for him?
Wouldn't that be nice for him? Wouldn't that be nice for him?
Wouldn't I be a great partner if I allowed him to not cook?
I am the hero of this story.
What if I bring a solution instead of a problem?
You know, like I'm just a good guy.
That's just me trying to be a nice guy.
And anyway, so I was like I'd already like been incepted
and like I'd already made the decision that that's what we were having
for dinner. And then I like got home and like I'd already made the decision that that's what we were having for dinner.
And then I like got home and like Torb's like fucking rubber arm,
you know, like doesn't take a lot to fucking talk him into it.
And that sounds like I'm an awful partner, but in the best way.
You came as a fellow rubber arm.
Yeah.
You came to my house the other day and it was about lunchtime
and you just went, and I was like, yes.
So that's pretty much our house as well.
Like if I'm kind of, if I'm halfway there and Torbs goes,
what do you reckon?
I go, yep, okay, good deal.
But because I knew that we did have a fridge full of green shit
and it was probably another week where we'd gone,
this week we've got to get our shit together.
I like walked in the house and tobs was still
like he was fucking around on something and um and i was like oh i'm gonna have a quick shower
um before we have dinner and he goes okay i'd like jump in the shower i walk back out
and as he's in the office and as i walked past i went dominoes
I went, dominoes.
He, like, had his headphones on.
He's, like, doing something.
Dominoes.
And he goes, what?
And I went, what?
And he went, did you say dominoes? And I went, oh, if you want.
I'm a gaslighter. I'm a gaslighter.
I'm a gaslighter.
You're an inceptor.
This is Inception.
And I go, oh, if you want.
He goes, hang on.
What happened?
And I was like, well, you've just mentioned Domino's. Like, mate, we've got heaps of food in the fridge, though.
But if you want it.
But if you.
And he goes, hang on.
What the fuck is going on?
What did he call you out?
He went, oh, mate, like that's a bit strong.
And I was like, mate, you brought up, I didn't say anything.
And he was like, okay, what the fuck is going on?
Oh, yeah.
Did you say dominoes?
You're like, no, but now that you mention it.
Literally, that's what I was like, oh, well, if you want, mate,
like if that's what you feel like.
And he was like, well, I'm always on.
So.
I've got a brain teaser, twister question here for you.
Oh.
What starts with D and rhymes with Romano's?
Any guesses?
Domino's.
Oh, should we get Domino's?
Oh, I guess we have to.
Where did that come from?
Oh, my gosh.
And that's literally what it was.
I was just like, Domino's.
Like it was a drive-by gaslighting.
And then we ended
up like sitting on the fucking computer and we're like oh well you know this value deal as fucking
the two people just googled dominoes money like we're making money in fact it's 115 off the guy
rocks up and they give you the money back and then anyway so then you know you do the order on the
dominant because they've got all the coupons.
And then you go, yep, the two large pizzas delivered.
You get a fucking Pepsi and a garlic bread and, you know,
you add on some chicken bits.
And then at the end when you get to the –
Do you have those ice cream smoothie things?
Oh, no, but they look really good.
I've never had one.
That's a real one.
Might do that tonight.
Might go home talking, Dominant.
And then right at the end, they get you with the,
do you want the 20-minute guarantee?
Fucking oath, I do.
And that gets me every time.
Three, but producer Cam's blowing your face.
$3 for the guarantee that it's going to be there in 20 minutes
or you get a free pizza that you never use.
I mean, the value of that.
So when I lived in Canberra, my local Domino's was like kind of far away.
Yeah.
To the point where I was like, they're not going to make that 20 minute guarantee.
Yeah, there's no fucking way.
So I'm just paying three bucks for next week's pizza.
For another pizza.
Yeah.
For another, yeah.
Write this down.
Oh, write it down.
One of our next live streams.
Yep.
Nice.
Yeah.
We've done art heist, pizza he streams. Yep. Nice. We've done an art heist, pizza heist.
Yep.
We'll order it and we'll get the guarantee and we'll have the clock
ticking down.
Do you reckon you can put the wrong address on?
That's your fault.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Maybe at work because it's like, you know, upstairs in a shared office,
they might get confused.
That's going to cost them a few minutes.
Yeah, surely.
But so then like that happened last night.
Did they make it?
No, they didn't.
So we got the $3, which was annoying because I would have preferred it just came in 20 minutes.
Yeah.
But of course.
But so we did overindulge.
We had some pizza.
We got the little chicken beards and we got all the stuff.
And have you met Sean who now works in the office?
He's new.
The hot guy, graphic designer.
He's working in our shared office.
Is that the guy?
Yeah.
He doesn't work for us.
He works for the other guys.
No, he works like in our shared office.
He's attractive, eh?
And he's a hottie.
Yeah.
And he's tall and he's like pretty sporty looking and stuff.
Anyway, and so this morning I actually came in and I was like,
oh, like not feeling great in the tummy because
I've eaten quite a bit of Domino's last night and I've got the runs.
I've been to the toilet about eight fucking times.
Right.
And I went to the toilet, like sprinted to the toilet before and as I was coming out,
he goes, oh, are you okay?
Like he was trying to be a sweetheart.
He goes, are you okay?
And I was like.
This is not the time.
And I'm like, all right, I've got one moment to decide whether I lie or whether I just
fucking like tell the truth.
And I go, oh yeah, like, oh, like dummy tummy.
And he goes, what?
And I was like, oh, you know, when you eat too much dominoes and like you get like diarrhea.
He wouldn't know that.
And he goes, no.
That guy's not a metacarb in his life.
But it wasn't as if he was like, oh, like, ha, nah.
He went, no.
No.
There was just like nothing in his being.
You know when you've had Domino's on a Monday night?
No.
No.
He's like, what's Domino's?
Like, I actually don't know.
Anyway, so, yeah.
So it's like this quinoa salad.
Yeah.
So it's like this like health-based food.
It's basically like HelloFresh. It's a green smoothie but like hard. Yeah. And it comes in a salad. Yeah, so it's like this health-based food. It's basically like HelloFresh.
It's a green smoothie but like hard and comes in a box.
Yeah, and it's basically keto except it isn't.
But yeah, no, he was not impressed.
But it did work at home though.
The gaslighting was good.
Well, I mean, gaslighting gets a bad rap.
Especially when it ends in both of us getting dominoes.
I paid for it.
I didn't make him pay for it.
Oh, well, you are the hero of this show.
See, I told you.
Sugar Mama's come to town.
I've got to get love to see it.
And there is a lot to unpack here.
Someone has been sent like an invitation.
The local pool is having like a movie night
so you can be like in the pool and watch the movie.
That sounds so fun.
Now look what they've called it.
Poolside fuck.
Oh, oh, oh, sorry.
Poolside flick.
Oh, flick and float.
The font's not great.
No, it's not.
I mean, even flick and float sounds like you're having a maz in the pool, doesn't it?
Well, as someone, Tony Lodge, who has described what they do in a float tank.
Yeah.
That is a good deal then.
When I saw flick and float, I was like, don't threaten Tony with a good time.
It's like the, you know that futuristic science fiction font?
Yeah.
Yeah, that's what it is.
And it looks like it says fucking float.
Well, the owl and I have become a you.
Dangerously close.
And so I don't think Heather's friend who got sent this invitation,
I don't think they knew what they were sending,
but Heather just opens this up and it's like,
hey, do you want to come for a fucking float on Friday?
It's also for a kid's movie.
It's the secret life of pets
You know what
You love to see that
Cookout begins 6 o'clock
Yeah get your cocks out at 6 o'clock
My love to see it's from Reed Gilmore
And her and her partner
Just bought their first house together How fucking exciting She says you love to see it's from Rhi Gilmore. And her and her partner just bought their first house together.
How fucking exciting.
She says you love to see that, especially with these cosy lives.
Yeah, that is huge.
Love that, Rhi.
Congratulations.
I was at an auction the other week and I beat this girl I called Tony.
So sucked in.
Beat this girl who was running late and then she had all these sandwiches with her.
And I don't know what was happening.
She was a real mess.
But yeah, Rhi, fucking congrats.
That's massive.
How exciting.
Good to see that.
Good on you.
Tomorrow on the show, fuck, we've had some doozies lately.
Medical comedy returns.
I love medical comedy.
That is back.
And also, something's happened at my house, which I'm embarrassed about And I haven't told you and Cam about yet
But you know something's brewing
It's not the Domino's that we all ate last night?
There's a couple of things brewing
But that's tomorrow so we'll chat to you then
Love you, bye