Toni and Ryan - Hey, I'm splootin' here!
Episode Date: August 16, 2022An amazing performance by the Audio Queen (if I do say so myself!), and we come together to support those that have also been stuck in foam pits. Love ya!!! Toni x Check out our Patreon at patreon.com.../ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. I'm Tony. This is Ryan.
This is Brian Allaby.
Don't dox him.
What's dox him mean?
Like give away people's information.
And he leaves that.
Hello?
Hi, Brian?
Yes.
It's Tony and Ryan. How you doing?
Good. How the hell are you?
We're so well, Tony and Brian.
No, no.
Sorry.
No.
Okay.
That's right.
I've been waiting almost a year for you to say that.
Thank you.
Oh.
Righto.
Okay.
Well, I'm just going to go get myself a cup of tea or something.
I'll just leave you guys to it.
That'd be better.
Yep.
No, that's fine.
I'll do the show with Tony.
All right.
That was good. Yep. No, that's fine. I'll do the show with Tony. All right. I'm just kidding.
Brian, are you going to approve this episode?
Get absolutely fucked.
Of course I'm going to approve this episode.
Yes!
Yes!
Hey, it's Brian from Georgia, and I approve this podcast.
Yeah. I've got a question for you and a question for you, Toni.
Ooh.
If something unfortunate has happened to us
and something unfortunate has happened to some other people,
do we all laugh together because it's like, hey, we're all human
or is it mean to laugh at others' misfortunes?
I've said this before, that you have to do the, are you okay?
Yeah.
And then when they tell you it's fine, I think that then you can laugh.
Okay.
So earlier.
I think if someone's telling you something that's happened, I think you're clear.
Okay.
So you told us that you got stuck in a foam pit and coming up today,
other people said, hey, Tony, we've all been there.
Let me tell you about the time I was also stuck in,
not just stuck somewhere, foam pits.
It is shockingly common.
The foam pit industry, big foam needs to lift.
I actually am really excited to hear these to not feel so alone.
So we will laugh at them.
Oh, no.
Laughing we've not asked.
Yeah, great.
Yeah.
That's fair, I think.
Perfectly fair.
All right, that's coming up.
But first, Tony, you are by trade an audio engineer, an audio queen, if you will.
I try.
So now we're about to hear some news stories
with the beautiful dulcet tones of our audience.
I'm glad I made myself a tea because I always forget
that audio queen like destroys my throat because I just always squeal.
Yeah, that's why we call audio queen segment torbs.
Because it makes me scream and hurts my throat.
Anyway.
All right, Audio Queen, after a hot summer in New York City,
lots of squirrels have been splooting everywhere,
and that's a technical term.
Splooting.
Because after they've splooted, the squirrels are more able
to keep calm and keep cool.
Oh, so it is what it sounds like.
I'll tell you what it is after you've done it.
Oh, okay.
The squirrel can actually speak human English.
And a classic New Yorker.
And this is him on a hot New York day thinking about splooting in Central Park.
Okay.
To help ease the tension.
Boy, it's hot.
Oh, boy.
I love sitting in the sun in New York City.
Oh, I've got to get my sploot on.
I don't know what voice that is.
This is, hey, I'm splooting here.
What was your hand doing under the table?
It was doing the splooting.
Is it wanking?
Okay, so splooting is when a squirrel lays face down and sploots out its leg,
like it's spreading its legs.
When a squirrel does it, it's called splooting.
Okay.
Well, I was almost right.
Yeah, pretty much there.
I was pretty close.
I mean, you'd still say the line. Yeah. Hey, I was almost right. Yeah, pretty much that. I was pretty close. I mean, you'd still say the line.
Yeah.
Hey, I'm splooting here.
And you might also say dogs do it because the ground is the coolest spot.
So they're trying to get as much of their person onto the cool ground.
On their person?
On their dog.
Trying to get as much of their dog on?
You know what I'm trying to say.
I'm splooting here.
Hey, I'm splooting here.
Humans in Brazil.
This is the most fucking,
this is a true story, but it's so dumb.
Humans in Brazil are starting fistfights with monkeys because they're trying to scare the monkeys off
for fear of getting monkey pox.
So not all monkeys have monkey pox,
but also they're like, hey, if we show these monkeys who's boss,
they won't come fuck with us.
What the fuck?
So here is a street fighting Brazilian man starting trouble with
and then getting his head kicked in by a Brazilian monkey.
Also, I don't think we've been to Brazil with the audio queen yet,
so I'm very intrigued.
Okay.
I have a fully waxed vagina.
Okay.
Okay.
Portuguese?
We don't want
to get that to tell you.
I just realised that every person
out of New York
is an Italian nun.
No, it's just that I can't
do anything else.
Yeah, that's what I mean.
For me, it's Russian.
Every accent I do is just Russian.
Oh, is it?
I don't want to get the monkey pugs.
Sorry, it's coming.
That's Borat.
It's a street fighting Brazilian, so a bit of aggression.
I don't want to get the monkey pugs.
Oh, that's going to be Russian, hasn't it?
I don't want to get the monkey pugs.
I'll fight you off.
I'll fight you off.
I'll fight you off.
Oh, oh, oh. Ah, ah, ah. I'll fart you off. Oh, oh, oh.
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
Oh, fuck it, you're a monkey.
Kick him in the face.
There better be more Italian numbers.
I just don't know how to do any accent.
I'm sorry.
No, that's great.
Don't apologise for being a queen, mate.
You do you. People love you. I'm sorry. No, that's great. Don't apologise for being a queen, mate. You do you.
People love you.
We love you.
Audio princess.
Just a slight down go.
It's still in the royal family.
Audio jester.
Now, I only like two reality shows.
Hunted and the new show that just started, The Block,
which is a renovation show.
So not a new show that's just started. I mean a new season. A new season. A new season, sorry. Yeah, The Block, which is a renovation show. So not a new show that's just started.
I mean a new season.
A new season.
Sorry, yeah.
The Block's been on for 35 seasons.
This brand new show you probably haven't heard of.
The Block is a renovation competition in Australia.
I think there's different versions overseas.
It's very good.
Yeah.
So last week, influencer Al Ferguson enters The Block as a contestant.
And she lasted less than 48 hours.
And you don't get eliminated each week.
You're in it for three months.
You build a house from scratch.
Yeah.
So after 48 hours, after complaining it was too hard and working hard
and getting sweaty wasn't on brand for her and that the toilet paper
on the construction site was too rough, she quit just 24 hours
into the two-week competition.
And everyone's a bit like, hey, it's like unlike some Love Island types,
you're actually building a house.
Yeah.
It's hard work.
Yeah.
You're like you've got tradies and stuff like that,
but you are like doing the stuff.
Scrubbing the floors, painting walls, getting involved.
My friend Jane works on the – oh, sorry.
Wow.
I was just about to say, as you know, Tony, we've got an in, don't we?
Yes.
Go on.
What do you do?
Well, so my friend Jane is a producer on the block.
Is Jane not my friend?
Because you always say my friend Jane.
Oh, I just feel like that's just easier.
Yeah, okay.
Our friend Jane works on the block as a show producer.
She's hooked us up with an exclusive.
Has she?
Yeah.
Did you talk to Jane?
Yeah, we did. Our friend.
We still catch up.
Our friend Jane.
Jane and I used to work together.
Don't forget that.
Yeah.
Just because you quit and left, we stayed strong until we both quit.
Neither of you work there anymore.
So she complained that the toilet paper was too rough on the, because you know, it's like
a port-a-loo on the middle of a construction.
And for a fabulous influence, I mean.
Yeah, but also she might have hemorrhoids.
I mean, who's to say?
Yeah.
Have you ever had hemorrhoids?
What is it?
I haven't heard the word, but I don't really understand.
So it's like polyps on your arsehole.
It's like when you strain too much.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Or if you sit on the toilet for too long or whatever, like,
and your bum is, like, opened up for too, like, under stress or whatever.
My butt's permanently under stress, but I don't think I've had a hemorrhoid before.
Yeah.
But they're, like, fucking awful. Yeah, right. Yeah. Anyway. Well I think I've had a hemorrhoid before. Yeah. But they're like fucking awful.
Yeah, right.
Yeah.
Anyway.
Well, pray for Al Ferguson's hemorrhoids.
Yeah, poor Al Ferguson.
She complained that the toilet paper was too rough.
And would you believe it, Tony Lodge?
We've got an audio grab from the toilet paper.
Who apparently doesn't like being referred to as rough.
Too rough, yeah.
Isn't happy about being blamed and isn't happy how Al Ferguson's behaviour
was happening on site.
So this is how the toilet paper, who, by the way,
is a thick, ochre, Aussie, tradie accent,
this is how he feels about how he was treated.
Okay, so this is an audio grab that the toilet paper gave to the news
to use after.
And also described when he met Elle.
And you can imagine, you know, when they met.
Yeah.
All right.
Yeah, well, I've actually fucking followed Elle on Instagram for ages.
And so when I saw her little bum coming in, I thought,
fuck, this would be nice.
Nice to meet you, Elle.
Anyways, she fucking sits down.
She puts me face on her fucking hemorrhoids.
And then all of a fucking sudden I hear her walk out and say, fuck that toilet paper shit.
I'll tell you about shit, sweetheart.
What you put on me fucking face.
All right?
So fuck you, Elle Ferguson.
Sorry, can I swear, mate?
Is that all right?
It is all right.
Yeah, all right.
Thanks, mate.
Yeah, well, fuck you, Elle Ferguson.
I don't follow you anymore.
I think you're a fuckhead and your hair's really dry on the ends.
Yeah, your pubic hair.
Thank you to our friend Jane for hooking us up with that exclusive.
Finally an accent I can do.
Hey, it's Brian from Georgia, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan.
A very quick, massive shout out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon.
We upload heaps of bonus content over there.
Live stream this weekend.
Live stream this weekend.
Very exciting.
We'll give a bit of info about that maybe tomorrow.
What else do we do?
Oh, the blog.
Every Wednesday-ish.
Wednesday-ish.
We're still let to lock down a day,
but from the desk of Dr. Tony Lodge.
It's Wednesday-ish.
I think it's fair. So today at some point you can expect that.
You can vote on the movies. You can vote on the movies.
You can vote on the movies that we watch each week.
What else do we do?
I mean, there's so much to list.
Approve?
Oh, yeah, you can sign up to approve the podcast.
So the phone calls you hear at the beginning of the show.
Tony can be a celebrant at your wedding.
I mean, we need to take that to your phone.
Only one person.
Yeah, one person's taken us up on that.
Because I'm not legally a celebrant.
But anyway, Erica Campbell, like the suit.
Erica.
Taylor Sheed.
Amy Coyche.
I like that.
Coyche.
Kate Marshall.
Mia Rose.
Oh, my God.
I wanted so badly to be called Lola Rose when I was a kid.
Really?
Why?
I just thought it was so pretty.
The middle name Rose is very cute.
Lola hyphen Rose.
Like the first hyphen.
Oh, from the hills. yeah, hyphen names.
Is that it?
Yeah, it's Bogan House.
Like, you know that scene in Ted where it's like, Jamie Lynn, Brittany Lynn.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know what you mean.
Eilish, sorry, just to clarify, Mia Rose, she's not hyphenated.
No, she's legit.
She's old school.
Yeah.
Eilish Johnson, thank you so much.
Angela Wallace, Grub Kiss, not many information.
Cale Holmstrom and Mad Wasabi Farmer Josh.
I've spoken to Josh before.
Mad Wasabi Farmer.
He literally is a wasabi farmer.
I didn't realise.
How does wasabi?
I didn't know.
I was like, hey, Josh.
Is that a thing?
Yeah. Wow. So it gets, hey, Josh. Is that a thing? Yeah.
Wow.
It's like a plant and I guess they like pulverise it
and like turn it into the paste that we see.
But I'll just show you, this is like a field of wasabi.
Wow.
I never knew.
Yeah, no, me either.
That's incredible.
So Josh messaged us once and I was like,
so the wasabi farmer, is that legit?
Because I was like, maybe you just love sushi.
Sure.
And he was like, no, no, no.
Like literally it's apparently very hard to grow.
So it's quite a delicate ecosystem of shit that you've got going on.
I'm looking in the camera right now.
I'm going to make a reel out of this.
If this gets 100,000 likes, Tony and I will play wasabi roulette.
So you get a bunch of sushi and some of it's avocado in the middle
and some of it's wasabi and you just got to bite in.
You know, that actually does not bother me and I'll just play that anyway.
Don't like it.
Right.
Okay, I'll put that on that anyway. Don't like it. Right. Okay.
I'll put that on the list.
I actually love sushi.
Oh, but when you get a lot, like a big mouthful of wasabi, it really stings the nostrils.
But the good thing about wasabi is that it goes away pretty quick.
Like it kind of like bothers you for a minute, but you know, with chili, if you have too
much and you're like.
And you also like.
The poo the next day.
You don't pay for wasabi later.
Yeah.
But others. Yeah. No, I'm with you.
I'm feeling it.
I'm feeling it.
Hey, wasabi farmer, that's great.
Yeah.
I've got a favour to ask.
Of wasabi farmer Josh?
No, of you.
And actually of all the tapas.
Of me?
Yeah, I'll do whatever you want.
I got you coffee this morning.
You did get me coffee this morning.
Would you say that like I'm selfish?
Would you say that?
Or am I like?
Nah. Nah, not at all all i have a selfish request love it love a woman that knows what she wants i would love us to do a bonus episode purely bonus episode yeah bonus episode every episode
is a boner episode with you in the room sweetheart oh that's nice oh thanks that's really that's
really sweet oh how's so sweet.
Oh, how did you know you were in love?
Well, he said whenever I'm in the room, I've got a bonus.
So that's when I knew.
Yeah.
So I said, yes, I'll marry you.
Yes.
I want to do a bonus episode.
So I won't interrupt, you know, regular programming.
Oh, my God.
But I just want to have this moment just to talk about one specific thing.
Oh.
And really go.
With me?
Yeah, yeah.
And. Oh, another person. So remember last thing. Oh. And really go. With me? Yeah, yeah. And.
Oh, another person.
So remember last week.
Oh.
What show have I been obsessed with?
Hunted.
And last week in the things you'll have to see, I said how great that the two winners
and there's a lot of very strong, masculine, athletic type bros.
Yep.
And the two guys that won, one bigger guy and the other guy, a very small gay man who, again, with like the big straight bro,
the fact that these guys won it was just like, you know, well done.
So I pumped them up.
The underdogs, would you say?
So Stathy, who was one of the winners, he DMs me and goes,
I just heard your things you love to see.
Oh, fuck off.
I'm so chuffed that you guys like the show
and I'm so chuffed that you guys were on my team.
Our first Australian listener.
Our first Australian listener, Stathy.
And I go, mate, where are you?
And he goes, I live in Melbourne.
And I was like, would you come on to the Tony and Ryan podcast?
So unroll your face.
Tony's rolling her eyes.
I didn't roll my eyes.
I closed them. They were rolling under your face. Tony's rolling her eyes. I didn't roll my eyes. I closed them. They were rolling
under your eyelids.
I just would love to
nerd out. And then I don't
have to talk about it on the regular show. So that's like the
trade-off. And there's another trade-off. But
just, I just want
to ask all the questions. Because it's like, how does it work behind
the scenes? It's like this mystery show. I just want
to like nerd out and have like my 20
minutes to ask all the shit I want to ask because I got really into the show and he won.
And I also guarantee that when you hear what he does with the money that he's won, you'll cry.
That's my first promise. And my second promise is that you, Tony Lodge, can just keep this in
your pocket when you feel the time is right, when you feel the topic is right.
Oh, my God.
Have you organised us to have Lorde on?
Open the door.
She's not here.
Oh, my Lord.
When the time is right.
And it doesn't have to be a guest, but you have a nerd out.
I've got an episode up my sleeve.
That you can pull out at any time.
So if there's something that you're like, I'm all about this
and I'm like rolling my eyes, you go, hey, guess what?
Okay.
And, Stathie, if you're listening, I'm not rolling my eyes at meeting you.
I'm very excited to meet you.
I just talked a lot about the show.
Of all the things.
So this is a genuine surprise.
I didn't know who was coming on.
Yep, that's just the last person that I would have picked.
But how exciting.
He said he'd bring spanakopita.
Great.
Have I pronounced that right?
I don't think so.
Do I know what that is?
It's the Greek thing, isn't it?
The phyllo pastry with the stuff in it.
And how's this?
Does this say a lot about a person? It sounds great, actually.
When you go, mate, come into the podcast.
He goes, oh, perfect.
I'll bring spanakopita.
What's yours?
You know how like when someone invites you over and you go, oh,
well, I'll bring my famous thing.
When Bridget was a winemaker.
Oh, of course.
Well, I'll bring, and I think it adds a bit of a touch when I go,
hey, I'll bring a bottle that Bridge made.
Yeah, you actually used that on me.
And it worked, didn't it?
Yeah, it did.
Because I went, oh, okay.
Yeah, but it's cool because you can open it and Bridge is like, oh, so we made this last
year and we used the barrels and blah, blah, blah.
Mine's cob loaf.
You've never brought a cob loaf to my place.
Because it's never been like, oh, bring some.
Like when we have a thing, you and I, where like if you come to my house, I look after
you.
If you come to my house, I look like.
Remember that time you came over for breakfast and stayed for 12 hours?
Okay.
You asked me to stay.
I didn't ask you to stay.
I just didn't ask you to leave.
You actually left twice during the day.
And I got back.
I was like, fuck it.
Oh, fuck.
I should have taken the hint.
Here's the idea.
I'm leaving.
Do you guys need a ride?
No, we're good.
Okay.
Well, I'll just be back in five minutes.
So when's Stathion?
When should we release that?
Like Sunday or something?
Yeah, or maybe.
Because Saturday we've got the live stream.
Because it's a bonus and we might just sneak it in somewhere.
Watch this space.
We'll figure out the logistics.
Because we've got to figure out how quick we can turn it around
after we've eaten the spanakopita.
That's a great point, actually.
Whenever I have spanakopita on, I'm out for days.
I guarantee you'll cry
There I said it
I'm excited
I'm very excited about that
And if you don't like the show
You don't have to listen
That's why it's a bonus
Yes
Let's talk
You just had to listen to that
For fucking 15 minutes
In fact the bonus episode would be shorter
Than me explaining the bonus episode
Adults in foam pits
Need we say more Foam pits are fun places for children and they look like
fun places for adults but as we all learned last week tony it's also a place of humiliation
shame embarrassment yeah tears sweat um so for anybody that missed it, I was at Bounce,
like one of those trampoline centres.
I got pushed off the balance beam thing doing the wrestling
and instead of falling onto the foam, I fell down into the foam
and because I'm quite short, I couldn't like get out of the foam pit.
There wasn't a ladder.
So how did you get out then?
My friend Jessie helped me, but
couldn't. So then like six athlete dudes that were there training, they had to all like get a hand on
a limb and hoik me out of the foam pit. And how do you feel about that? None of us are still in touch,
by the way, as you're wondering if we became mates. We're not. So it was pretty embarrassing. Like I said when I explained this, I don't embarrass that easily,
but I was pretty embarrassed of that because I was just like,
how fucking humbling is that situation?
I have been humbled.
But people came to the party.
People said, hey, Tony, you are not alone.
If it makes you feel any better, I've also had a bad experience.
This is what lots of people said about phone pits.
And we've decided that we're laughing with, not at.
That's our vibe, right?
Yes.
That's our vibe, isn't it?
Yes.
That is our vibe.
Sophie Wilkinson.
Hi, Soph.
I've also been stuck in a phone pit and ended up so stressed that I cried.
And my friend had to get the staff of the bounce to help me out.
And not only that, but when they did pull me out, I was missing a sock.
Oh, write that off on tax.
It's probably still there three years later, says Sophie. Yeah, you've got to let that go.
You're not going back in there.
I was sad because of the embarrassment, but I'm also sad because of the sock.
Sophie, no.
No.
You've got to leave the sock behind.
No.
When you go to your good comfy one and you know.
Your good comfy socks?
And sometimes I've got like, because I've got like some fun socks
because I don't have a personality.
Sometimes it's like your favourite.
Oh, the one with the little pink thingies on it.
Oh, I see.
I can't wear mixed socks.
I'm with you so far.
Oh, no, I wouldn't do an odd sock.
That makes me feel anxious.
Tell me if this resonates with your story.
Okay.
This is from Corey Diane.
Hi, Corey.
I wasn't on the phone, but I was more in the phone.
Yes, you get sucked in.
It's like quicksand.
So instead of crawling or walking across the top of it,
it kind of felt like I had to swim through it.
Yes.
And then all the crumbly foam gets stuck to the sweat.
And because you start sweating more,
because you're stressed about being stuck in the foam,
you end up like a fucking Golden Gay Time.
Do they have Golden Gay Times in other countries?
I don't think so.
They're fucking the most elite, best ice cream.
I'll put a picture if we put this as a video.
They're like honeycomb ice cream.
Because when you see a golden gay time and then what you just explained.
You're like.
It makes no sense.
So Corey Diane says, it took me so long to, in her words, swim ashore.
I was so stressed.
I had to alternate from freestyle to backstroke because I was getting tired and sore and so stressed.
How big's his fucking foam pit?
I mean, I get it though.
You've been swimming for a while and you go, oh, no, hang on a second.
You know, like when you're doing survival swimming
and you do that scum thing?
She's like trying to stay afloat in the foam.
That's fucking hilarious.
Freya didn't have any issues climbing out of the side,
but like Corey had issues getting to the side.
Yep.
And the foam was pretty squishy.
So you can't get like any leverage.
So I could barely get a foothold on anything.
Yes.
And then I ended up having to like flop myself over.
I honestly looked like a fish that was flopping around out of the water.
Or like when you see a whale jump out and it's like, ooh.
Nicole Vaughan.
Not a foam pit.
So controversial inclusion.
Okay.
We're out on the boat in a lake
and it's a really hot day in summer.
So you're rich.
Yeah, okay, righto, Nicole.
Or she's banging someone rich.
We get it.
We get it.
But it was getting so hot in summer to the point where I was like,
it was getting a bit overheated and hot, like, you know, hot summer.
Yeah.
So someone's like, hey, we're in the lake.
Babes, jump in.
She just goes, yeah, of course.
No.
No.
So she jumps off the boat into the lake, cooled off, so refreshing.
But when I was done, I couldn't get back into the boat.
Yeah.
So my husband and his brother grabbed an arm each
and tried to pull me back in by my arms.
I was laughing so hard because in the situation, it's one of those.
You don't know what to do.
If I don't want to cry, I must laugh.
Like if you're going to laugh or cry, like pick the best of.
Because you're trying to like seem like it's no big deal.
Whatever.
Yeah, it's no big deal.
I'm really stuck out of this part.
So Nicole's like trying to laugh through it.
She goes, my husband and his brother were not laughing.
They were just like, Nicole.
Now I don't know much about Nicole, but from the attitude
from the husband and brother, I feel like she's the kind of person
that needs assistance from time to time.
Like she got drunk the night before.
I'm like, I carried you home last night.
I held your hair back and now I've got to pull you fucking out.
As someone who has fallen out of a canoe, I hear you, Nicole, and I see you because that happened to me
in like year 10 phys ed.
So at my school we had like a big dam.
And you're having a go at Nicole for being rich, being on a boat.
Well, I don't fucking own the dam, do I?
Anyway.
Your school had a dam where you canoed?
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
And so we visit.
I'm in a bathing suit.
Did you have a sea captain employed by the?
No.
I'm in a bathing suit, a school uniform bathing suit,
so everyone was, like, wearing the same one.
Didn't look the same on everyone, though.
No.
And I'm in year 10, so a hard age, and they paired us all up with people like according to alphabetical order.
And I got paired up with like this really hot, sporty girl.
Like a really popular girl.
You don't need that next year.
No.
I fell out of the canoe.
It capsized.
I don't have any upper body strength.
So the girl that I was with, Bree, she like tipped the canoe back over herself
and like hoisted herself back in, no worries.
And she was like, Tony, you have to get back in.
It must have been like a race or like they were timing us or something.
She's like, Tony, you have to get in.
I was like, I actually can't.
You can deal with this.
And I know my strengths.
And I know my weaknesses.
And this is one of them.
This is one of them.
Thank you so much.
You didn't try.
But just straight away you went, no, you can deal with this hot girl, Bree.
I will just float in the water until the race is over.
I threw one leg up and thought, no.
And then she kept canoeing and I just like waded back to the edge of the dam.
And it was full of like yabbies and turtles and stuff.
And I was like, you know what?
I'm actually going to take my chances on there being a shark in here
than fucking try and throw me chubby leg over a boat.
I would rather get eaten by a shark than embarrass myself in front of teenagers.
Yeah, at least I'll be on the news.
You know what I mean?
Nicole, you're not alone.
And hey, anyone that listens to the podcast, you're not alone.
We're all friends here.
Yeah, and I've probably done something just as bad.
If any time you felt you're a piece of shit, don't worry.
Tony's more of a piece of shit.
Put that as the new tagline for the podcast.
Yep, love it.
Love it.
Let's finish with Rosalind Loxton.
Tony's story about bounce just reminded me of the time I was at an inflatable water park.
With a young child and I fell in.
I could not get out of the water.
I could not get back up on the floaty thing.
And just imagine this.
For all intents and purposes.
Laughing with you.
Laughing with you.
I'll say one word that will set the scene of who helped and what kind of people are around.
Yep.
Baywatch.
Oh, a bit like mine.
Yeah.
Hot girls everywhere.
Hot girls everywhere.
But ripped dudes who are like lifesaver hot guys,
like Zac Efron was probably there, The Rock, I assume.
Did you get an autograph?
Yeah, I know, right?
Jeez.
So the young fit lifeguards are like, oh, I think someone's drowning.
It's like Bondi Rescue.
Yeah.
And they're like, oh, get the floatation dive in after.
And they're like, are you drowning?
And she's like, no, I just can't get back on the floaty thing.
I just can't get back on the floaty thing.
So then they had to get multiple hot boy lifeguards with their, you know,
rippling biceps and triceps just bouncing out of their shirts.
And they obviously ripped the shirt off to dive in after them and pull her up onto the floaty thing.
Like I said, very humbling.
Very humbling.
I don't know if you've ever tried to get back onto a floaty toy in a
pool before or like back onto a lilo it's not good well rosalind does yeah she said it felt like they
were her words yeah they were hauling a whale from the sea oh rosalind oh my god bless you Bless you. Bless you.
Have you ever been swimming since?
Yeah, I know. Like what's the trauma from that?
She moved to Alice Springs, the middle of the Australian desert.
Nearest body of water, 1,000 kilometres.
She now lives in middle America.
There's like nothing around her.
Oh, my God.
Thank you to everyone who shared your stories.
I know it's awkward and embarrassing, but you know what?
Hey, we're all here.
We're all in this together.
We're all in this together.
Yep.
And if I like anything more, it's that our traumas can meet in the middle.
Like you talk about.
All right, we finished every episode with things you love to see.
Tony, whatever you love to see today.
This feels like the easiest thing in the world to give it space for you love to see it.
Matt Allen, who you might know as Rick Name.
Rick Name.
One of our tarpers posted in our Facebook group and said,
A wild smosh smoshes, also a big tarper, tarper fame,
appeared at my house today.
He drove almost three hours to get here,
and the podcast has brought so many amazing people into my life
And thank you to all the beautiful tapas
Don't you love to see that?
So Smosh Smodgers and his wife drove three hours to get to Rick Names' house
And there's all these photos of them together
And Smosh Smodgers is holding Rick Names' chicken
And stuff like that
But I just thought that was so fucking special
And shout out to Smosh Smodges' partner, Courtney,
who made the journey as well.
Very nice.
Yeah, mate.
You're not good with names normally.
I know.
Except for, like, Tarp is in the wild is like a new area for me.
I'm all about it.
Oh, okay.
I'm all about it.
But I just wanted to give you a shout out because that's so fucking cool.
How cool is it that people are making friends?
Yeah, good on them.
And they look like they had a pretty good time.
And it looked like old mates.
Oh, yeah, there wasn't any awkwardness.
Because let's be honest,
meeting someone from the internet, like, can go different ways.
So you know what I was a bit worried about?
Yeah.
What if Rick Name was a fucking murderer?
You'd be blamed.
And that's what I'm worried about.
They met from the Tony and Ryan podcast group,
and Tony will be facing manslaughter charges.
I mean, who else is responsible if not you?
This is why your name's first.
Holy shit!
Okay.
Your Honour, I'm just the vice captain of the ship.
See, I've been planting the seed to reduce all responsibility.
Can we fucking wrap this up?
I'm just the butter to her bread.
I'm just the butter to her bread.
I'm the vice captain, mate.
I've got nothing to do with this.
Well, thanks for not axe murdering anyone, Rickname,
and keeping me out of trouble.
Robert Lee Elementary School.
There's a whole bunch of them in the US.
One in particular is looking for a name change
because it turns out Robert E. Lee wasn't the best dude.
Oh.
So a lot of schools are like, hey, maybe we should change the name.
Yep.
So the school thought, and I love so many parts of this story,
but the school thought, hey, the school is a place for children.
Let's get the children involved.
We tell them to, like, be citizens of society.
Terrible idea.
Yeah.
But I love the thought that they went, hey, let's try,
instead of just talking down to the students,
let's include them in the decision.
Yeah, but this is how we get things like Bodie McBoatface.
Wow. What do they call it like Bodie McBoatface.
Wow.
What do they call it?
Schoolie McSchool School?
Not far off.
So basically they've come to a... You can't trust the public.
Wow.
And especially, and respect to these kids because they're like,
hey, you give us an inch, dog, we'll take a mile.
They've seen the opportunity.
We will not waste this opportunity.
So they've got it down to a top five from a voting.
So from the voting, they've got the top five,
and then the top five gets chosen, and then you vote again on the top five.
Yep.
Here's the top five.
Drew Brees Elementary, which is New Orleans Saints,
represent one of the great quarterbacks.
They just throw a name in there.
That's cool.
And then someone's like, oh, if we throw our names around.
Next one is Bruce Lee Elementary.
Well done.
Next, John Cena Elementary.
No.
Could you imagine?
No way.
Where'd you graduate?
John Cena.
Yeah, dog.
We'll cruise past this one.
Option four, the Adolf Hitler School of Friendship and Tolerance.
Surely that should have gotten vetoed.
Of all the things that should have got vetoed,
you would have thought that one.
But hey, they said, we trust you.
Sometimes democracy isn't the best choice.
We're not going to interfere with democracy.
I actually don't agree with what I just said.
Democracy is very important.
Always?
Most of the time.
99%.
Very specific example.
And the fifth option, Schoolie McSchoolface.
Yes!
I get pop culture!
The voting will take place this week.
Can we vote?
I wouldn't have thought so.
Okay, cool.
The school community and the students will be voting,
but they're the top five options.
And to be honest...
Schoolie McSchoolface.
I mean, obviously, besides one of them.
I would congratulate the school on any of those options and just say,
well played, kids. You saw it. You don't get a chance
to be creative. No, you don't.
That often. What would you vote for? I'm going
either John Cena or
Schoolie McSchoolface. Schoolie McSchoolface
is up there. I think
I'm arsed to the legend. Bruce Lee is pretty
funny. Yeah, it is pretty funny.
And it would be easy to replace the
uniforms because it's already called Robert Lee. Yeah. So it would just be, you know, like one little scrub out. Yeah, it is really funny. And it would be easy to replace the uniforms because it's already
called Robert Lee. So it would just be
one little scrub out.
Yeah, just a little bit of a white out.
So that'd be easy.
Could you imagine being in
inter-school sport, the Bruce Lee
judo team? Who are we playing
against this week? Is it Texas West?
No, I'm playing against Bruce Lee.
It's just him.
Good luck with that, Jen.
12 kids on Bruce Lake.
You leave to say that.
Tomorrow we're talking about stringy cheese.
See ya.
Meow. Love, see ya.
Meow.
Love you, bye.