Toni and Ryan - The Divider That Divides The Nation
Episode Date: November 30, 2023The divider at the supermarket - we need to know WHERE WE STAND. Love ya, back in Melbs on Monday xoxoCheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find... #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Author Tony Lodge and we are
calling Ali. He's in New Mexico. Don't, don't make a joke. Young Mexico. Don't. Old Mexico.
Twink Mexico. Underage Mexico. Oh, we're calling on Instagram. So it sounds really fun.
Hello? Ali. Hi. Sorry, are we calling you on the port?
Is your phone vibrating in the background?
Yeah, my phone was freaking out.
I've never received a call ever.
I don't know.
Oh, well, we've got you now.
Finally, yay!
What's happening in New Mexico at the moment?
Nothing, man.
It's just hot.
Yeah.
It's just very, very hot.
Are you in the ABQ, Arlie?
No, I'm three hours away, but basically in the ABQ.
So, obviously, everyone knows where Albuquerque is now because of Breaking Bad.
Yeah.
I didn't realize we called it the ABQ, though.
They call it that in the show.
We are.
Yeah.
Arlie, will you approve today's episode?
Of course.
Legend.
Hey, it's Arlie from new mexico and i approve this podcast All right, coming up today, punch-ons.
I'm not a fighting guy, not an alpha dog,
but I have got into a public brawl.
Do you think that if you, like, did, something did come to fisticuffs?
Yeah.
I'm not talking about this because this is just ridiculous,
but, like, if it did actually come to blows,
what do you reckon you would do?
Fight or flight?
I would flight the fuck out of there.
Do you reckon you'd have, like, a convo with the person?
I can always talk myself out of a fight.
Yeah, like, do you reckon you'd be like, hey, bro, like...
Yeah, yeah.
And because I've, like...
Most fights happen because both of them don't want to walk away
feeling like the lesser person.
Yeah.
And so they feel like fighting is the only result.
So, all right, say to me, like, I'll fucking smash you, bro.
Give me one of them.
I'll fucking smash you, bro.
Give it a little bit.
I'll fucking smash.
Okay, let's just, maybe I'll do both sides.
Okay.
So, someone's like, dude, I'll smash you.
And I was like, yeah, man, you probably would.
Oh, so you instantly, like, disarm them because you-
And they're like, yeah, fuck yeah.
And I'm like, yep.
No argument, bro.
Yeah, I believe ya. Yeah. disarm them because you and they're like yeah fuck yeah and i'm like yep no argument bro yeah i believe you yeah and then they if they keep going they it gets really awkward because they're
fighting against no one like verbally and even like they're trying to prove a point that i agree
with yeah and then it just like that's good they feel silly real quick and people can solve a heap
of problems you should be a therapist i don't think that's therapy i think that's just not
getting your head kicked in it's more of a self-defense. You should be a therapist. I don't think that's therapy. I think that's just not getting your head kicked in.
It's more of a self-defense.
Well, still good advice.
But someone's like, yeah, walk away, pussy.
I'm like, I am.
Have a good one, bro.
Yeah.
You're a pussy.
Correct.
All right.
Well, that's coming.
I wish it was coming, but it's not.
It's quite the opposite, actually.
I'll make you coming on Monday when we're back in office.
Yeah.
All right.
Enjoy this throwback episode.
What blew your mind?
Because-
That was probably pretty straightforward.
Probably.
When you hear how dumb people from the Tony and I on Patreon are.
Well, I feel like also you guys are incriminated in this story.
Yeah, please. So, this all came up because I saw this life hack or, you know,
thing that you're supposed- everybody apparently knows is that when you're
at the shops, you should put your divider a certain way,
not the other way, whatever.
And I said, oh, yeah, because then it trips the sensor
and you guys both went, what?
I thought that there was a foot pedal at the supermarket with the checkout chip.
Apparently, you're telling me ex-coal supermarket.
Yeah.
No pedal.
No, there's no pedal.
I mean, back in the day, maybe there was a pedal, but no, it's like a sensor.
Like back in the late 2022s kind of thing.
Yeah, like last week maybe when you said it.
Yeah.
No, so, it's like a sensor at the end and that's like what moves your shopping down.
So, that's kind of blown my mind.
So, I asked people in the Tony and Ryan Patreon,
well, what's blown your mind?
And, you know, was it pretty obvious in hindsight?
And fuck me.
Because I also shared that when I watched the movie
The Prestige, I was shocked that they could find an actor
that looked just like Hugh Jackman.
And it was just Hugh Jackman playing two roles.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, you know, like strange things happen in the world, I'd say.
How did they get him so good?
Oh, my God.
They actually do well in that movie to make him look different.
Yeah.
And that's why.
Fucking gotcha.
That's why it got me because it's not as if he's just like, oh, it's obviously two of them.
He looks real.
And I was like, fuck.
Not only how they find him, but as if that guy's also an actor.
As if he's able to remember lines.
He was available at the time.
He doesn't have a different accent or something.
It's like, what are the chances?
Maybe it was Hugh Jackman's body double for stun double for, you know, stunts and stuff.
Maybe.
He was just on set and I go, can you do a couple of lines, Ruth?
And he goes, yeah, I can.
Did you say Ruth?
What was his name?
Roop.
Something like that.
He had an accent, though.
Yeah, it was a fucked accent, yeah.
What blew your mind that probably shouldn't have?
Beth said a friend of mine was complaining how he hated the first part
of the shower because it was always so cold.
He didn't realise you could turn the shower on and wait for it to heat up a bit
before you get in. Beth, I know
you can't, like, dump a friend like you can dump a partner, but, like, dump that
friend. Oh, my God. Wow. Yeah, because I always, like,
pop it on and, like, run it for a minute. Yeah. And then, or not a minute, but
it only takes a couple of, like, what, 10, 20 seconds or something?
If you've got to ever stream, mate.
What's an ever stream?
Like, hot water ready to go.
Oh, well, I think it's just because I'm in an apartment.
There's, like, 800 people trying to use hot water at the same time.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's got to be a pretty good system.
We, in an apartment we used to live in, we had, like, a hot water system,
and it was, the tank so you only had that much hot water um all the time when it's empty it's done when it's
empty it's done it has like refill or whatever that was that sucked because i had really long
hair at the time so it took me like a long time to wash my hair yeah and so then every time i was
in the shower i'd use all the hot water in the last half of the shower.
And then the rest of the
everyone else in the house. Well, yeah, Torbs would
be like, okay, well, we'll have a shower tomorrow.
I guess I'll wait. Like when it refills. We'll wait.
Yeah. Tony's actually washed her hair, guys.
Actually,
that's really fucking stupid though.
Beth, on your mate. Your mate's a fuckhead.
Tony with a Y.
Yoni. This isn't Tony DeLuca, is it?
Don't know.
Sorry.
Okay.
Paprika is just dried up and ground red peppers.
What?
That there's no, like, paprika isn't, like, a thing.
It's just capsicum grinded.
Really?
I also didn't know this because I love paprika
because sometimes I do like homemade tacos and stuff
and put that on the chicken.
I put paprika in like my mac and cheese
or like if I'm making like a bechamel sauce or something.
Do you like crush it or do you get like a ready-to-go powder?
No, we just have a grounded paprika like jar.
Yeah.
Because obviously I didn't know what it was.
So, what would I be grounding up?
Yeah, exactly.
A paprika seed?
I don't know.
Well, that's the thing because I would crush like a-
Is it cumin seed?
Cumin.
Cumin seeds.
So, when I do like a rub, there's a bunch of stuff in the big bowl
and I crush it all together.
Yeah.
In like the mortar and pestle thing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But 10 minutes ago, I would have gone, yep, get the paprika seeds from the paprika tree.
So, is it ground up dried capsicum or capsicum seeds?
Red peppers.
The actual red capsicum.
Yeah.
Roasted, dried.
Oh.
Yeah, I had no idea.
No idea.
But I don't think, does that really fit in the criteria of what blew your mind?
I don't think it's obvious.
That was probably pretty obvious.
No.
I don't think that's obvious.
But also-
A great fact.
But also-
Are you doing fact chat?
No, I'm not.
I'm actually not.
And to keep in mind, it might be obvious to people, not you and me, who actually enter
the kitchen.
Oh, yeah.
I'm not a chef.
No.
I don't think that my ha-
Boyfriend.
Did you say husband?
Oh, my- show us those hands
mate is there something you're not telling us oh my god i don't know what just happened
do we need to call talks no no no no i don't know i'm so red i'm really red i don't know. I'm so red. I'm really red. I don't know what just happened.
I think it was last Friday when we were discussing how much of an arsehole your boyfriend was.
Must have had a pretty solid inning on the way.
Oh, no.
I don't think that my boyfriend.
Anyway, I don't think that he would know and he does all the cooking.
Kendra.
Hi, Kendra.
Tater tots and potato gems are made from potatoes.
It's obvious when you know, but I just never really thought about it.
What?
That's just like a little chip.
Like a little fat chip.
I love potato gems.
Oh, come in my ass.
So good.
But do you know what the thing is, is that a potato gem crisps up in a way that like a chip just doesn't,
especially when you make them at home.
The ratio of crunch outside to soft inside cannot be matched.
Oh, yeah.
What's one thing that's maybe not a traditional deep fried thing
that you would love to deep fry?
Can I give a suggestion?
Yeah.
Something that's like that would end up being after you've deep fried it
like an egg Benedict ball. Something that's like, that would end up being after you've deep fried it,
like an egg Benedict ball.
So, it's like hollandaise and egg. Oh, hollandaise.
And maybe a bit of ham and something wrapped up.
Or if you did a mashie and in the middle of the mashie you put hollandaise
and then you deep fried that, that'd be come town.
I'm almost about to.
Yeah.
That'd be really good.
Do you remember when we went through-
The hot dog phase? The deep fried Kransky. Yeah, that'd be really good. Do you remember when we went through- The hot dog phase?
Deep Fried Kransky.
Yeah, that was a phase.
That is fucking come down for sure.
Yeah.
They are very good.
I actually only recently-
So, our producer Cam and our video guy Franco,
we did a big trip when we were filming Still Call Australia Home.
And as like a big thank you, when we got back, I was like, guys, I'll buy dinner.
And they were like, oh, we'll transfer you.
And I was like, no, it's on me.
Like, thank you for, didn't even use the work card.
I paid for it.
So, it wasn't the Maccas that I saw pop up on the work card?
No, no, no, no.
That was while we were working.
Okay, sorry.
No, I bought us fish and chips.
Oh, nice.
And we did like a big fish and chips night.
To wash down the Maccas from earlier.
What is going on?
No, actually, you're right.
I'm pro deep fry. Don't take that fucking tone with is going on? No, actually, you're right. I'm pro deep fry.
Don't take that fucking time with me, please. Yeah, no, you're right. Anyway, and we got fish and chips
because it was really late. We were like, oh, how good.
Did you get it from the New Zealand fish and chip place? Yeah, my favourite
place, Kiwi Fish and Chip. And they,
we all got a deep fried
crayonski. How good was it? And it was
so good. Barbecue sauce or tomato?
No sauce.
Straight up. Cheese. Cheese in it. You didn't dunk in it? No. That's when you know it's good. Barbecue sauce or tomato? No sauce. Cheese? Straight up. Cheese.
Cheese in it.
You didn't dunk in it?
No.
That's when you know it's good.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's so good.
And then it put us in a food coma.
We were all falling asleep watching Bruce Almighty.
It was very cute.
That is very cute.
Yeah.
I don't know if we're going to beat that.
But let's push on anyway.
Ethan.
Hi, Ethan.
I didn't know that pickles weren't their own vegetable.
They're just pickled cucumbers.
For so long, I thought pickle was just a type of vegetable.
Yeah.
And Ethan, me too.
My, I will say, I did know this, but when I learned that, I was shocked.
I just had never, It's one of those-
You just-
That's a pickle, like-
I mean, until very recently,
you didn't know that a cucumber and a zucchini were different.
So-
Do we know that they're different?
Yeah, we do.
Yeah, we do.
They're very different.
So, I must have had a pickle in a cheeseburger
in a McDonald's Happy Meal when I was four or five
and was like, oh, that's not for me.
Oh, and you've decided that. And my brain's not for me oh i don't like decided that and my brain's gone oh i don't like pickles and then bridge is
like um but i'm sure that you would though and i was like no i just never liked him she's like okay
well um instead of pickles i've got some vinegared cucumber and i went oh great and i ate it and i
loved it bridget is going and i mean this is going to be such a good mom because like you know how you
have to say to kids like oh no it's like chocolate vegetables and they go oh my god and they eat them
there's no chocolate on them like it's just vegetables and they go no these ones are chocolate
broccoli my mom used to say like this broccoli is just little trees and i'd go oh yummy can you
just add that to the tony mom's a fucking liar account, Cam?
Because it's a growing list.
But so, like, Bridget's going to be so good at that
because she's already had so much practice.
But you're like, no, this is just a vinegar cucumber
and you go, oh, okay.
The thing with the difference between Bridget and your lying mum
is Bridget wasn't lying.
No, but my mum was like, they're little trees,
which they kind of are.
Yeah, they're little trees.
I thought they were like the chocolate.
Oh, they're made of chocolate.
Oh, she didn't say that to me.
Okay, because you're not a fucking idiot who wouldn't believe that.
Yeah.
But you know how there's like those parenting cookbooks that are like brownies that have
zucchini and avocado and stuff in them to like give your kids extra vegetables.
I'm saying that like Bridget's already been practicing.
It's like she tells you that when she puts onion in stuff, you go, is that onion?
She goes, no, it's just flavor.
Because you reckon you don't like onion.
We agree not to talk about that publicly.
You know what I mean?
I go, are you putting some flavor in that? She goes, yeah. it's just flavour. Because you reckon you don't like onion. We agree not to talk about that publicly. You know what I mean? And I go, well, you're putting some flavour in that.
She goes, yeah.
Yeah.
Which it is.
So, you know.
Still not like, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But when I learnt that cucumbers were pickles, I was taken aback by that, I will say.
Yeah.
Let's finish up with Hills.
Hi, Hills.
And these are all from the Tony and Ryan Patreon, by the way.
Hills McKay, it would be.
Yeah.
I think we should do some more of these because they're fucking insane.
Please.
Hills said, did you guys know 24-7 doesn't just mean like a lot?
It actually means like all the time because it's like 24 hours in a day,
seven days in a week.
Yeah.
She just thought it was just like a saying.
Yeah, I can see how you-
We're doing it all the time, like 37-6.
But she just thought it was a random number.
Oh, yeah.
In her mind, that was the same thing.
What does 7.11 mean?
It used to be open from 7 a.m. to 11 p.m.
Oh, that's good.
Yeah.
I like that.
Yeah.
Our business would be called, like, 7 till 10.
But I am.
I am.
On demand.
Oh, yeah.
24-7.
Whenever you want to listen.
24-7.
Available 24-7
You're fucking welcome everyone
Thanks Matt Hills
You're welcome
Hey it's Arlie from New Mexico
And you're listening to Tony and Ryan
I got into a physical altercation with a bunch of eight-year-olds and came up.
I think my response was actually the correct one.
Everybody always thinks that they're right.
Personally, me as well.
Yep.
Everyone.
Others have said maybe not. Oh oh so you think that you did the
right thing but other people you've told this story to went and it didn't look good didn't
look good it wasn't a good look mate you're a walking billboard for this podcast you need to
be fucking on fleek at all times on fleek yeah like you need to be fucking together and like
on fleek yeah like you need to be fucking together and like
you know how there's that like cliche of like when you buy fun toys that might be expensive and then the baby just like plays with the cardboard box oh a hundred percent yeah yep so
forget all the fancy pool toys for six dollars you can get a pool noodle and they're fucking
awesome yeah and you can spend hundreds and all sorts of shit nah the shitt a pool noodle and they're fucking awesome. Yeah. And you can spend hundreds on all sorts of shit. Now, the shittest pool noodle you can find, kids love it.
And so, Niamh, she's about two and a half years old.
She was coming around for a swim last week and I was like,
I'll go get some new pool noodles.
Yeah.
And Niamh will love them.
When I was growing up, so I grew up with a pool.
Yeah, I know.
It must be nice.
It fucking was.
And we had these purple pool noodles that had like, so it was like a long pool noodle and it had like a horse's head
and they had like handles and the handles you squeeze them and water shoot it out of the
it was awesome and we had like eight of them so everybody like could have one you have like
little water fights that's really so you like straddle the pool noodle and like squeeze a
little thing it was awesome well i don't have the squeezy ones but i've actually let me just go and grab
oh my god how did i not say that's on the ground yeah i know right so
so these aren't just a regular pool noodle and there's still six bucks from kmart but as you
can see on the top what's that like a little peacock a flamingoo. Flamingo. It's a flamingo. And yeah, it's a flamingo.
What's a peacock?
Oh, no.
They're those things with the big thing.
Yeah.
So, this is a purple flamingo.
Yeah.
And then this one, is it like a frog?
That's a turtle.
Yeah.
It's a turtle.
Just because it was green, it made me think frog, but it's a turtle.
All right.
So, I get these two.
No.
What?
Your child is going to be dumb as fuck if you're teaching it stuff.
A peacock and a frog?
Take that back.
Take that back.
A peacock and a frog?
My child will be dumb if I'm teaching him stuff.
Is that what you just said?
Yeah.
You have to admit that what you just said was
pretty specialist. All I
will say is that now
that you've told me what they are, it is quite obvious.
Yeah. Until then, it could have gone either way.
Hey, we're all learning and you know what? This is a safe
environment. It's a learning environment. So, Niamh's
coming around. She's two and a half years old. I'm like, I'll go get
some fun things because the kids love the pool noodles.
These are six bucks from Kmart.
It was a really hot day, hence someone's coming around for a two and a half years old i'm like i'll go get some fun things because the kids love the pool noodles these are six bucks from came up um it was a really hot day hence someone's coming around for a swim nice and i reckon where i went there must have been a big family with heaps
of siblings and cousins and friends and friends during the school holiday and the parents have
gone these kids are driving me fucking mad it's fucking fucking hot. What are we going to do? Yeah. Let's just take them to Kmart because they can roam around for a bit.
It's air conditioned.
They can get the fuck out of the house.
I mean, it's not my first choice, but I reckon that's what's happened.
Yeah.
Especially if there were that many kids there.
And they've just gone, hey, kids, why don't you go down to the shops?
Yeah.
And they go, yeah, we'll go down to the shops.
And the mum goes, fucking thank Christ, they're out of the house.
And because at Kmart, you could say to every kid,
you've got $2 to spend and they could find something sick in there.
You know what's also good?
They would compare and have to choose what to pick.
So the choice of the $2 could last.
There's an hour of stuff you don't need.
Exactly.
That's a great idea.
You know, like you could, yeah.
Parenting hack.
We're back on board.
Good for kids.
So I get to the pool noodle section where I find these.
I don't have to hold them.
Well, maybe I'll keep, I'll keep.
Oh, the peacock's on the floor.
The peacock's down.
Peacock down.
Flamingo down.
So, I get to the pool noodle section and these bunch of kids, these youth, and by youth I mean like eight-year-olds, seven, six.
Okay, yep.
Probably ten max.
So, like older, not like kid like kid kids well not like toddlers or
something no but because there was like siblings like they weren't all 10 like it was a range i
would say five to ten and there was probably six of them right and they have got a pool noodle each
and it's a fucking all-in brawl oh they're like whacking each other with the pool noodles
they're fighting it's like
a scene from like gladiator or 300 or one of those where it's like you know sword fighting and who's
on whose team you whack team don't whack my brother i'll whack you and like it looked like a
bit of fun and of course cool uncle ryan fun dad steps up to the plate and i'm trying to get into
the pool noodles and i was like if i don't participate in this fight, it's going to be real.
Oh, excuse me.
Sorry.
Just get them through.
And I was like, wow.
Oh.
If you want respect to the kids, what do you do?
You get involved.
Okay.
I would drive to another Kmart.
I'd go, I need the pool noodles.
There's an obstacle.
I'll drive to another one.
So, I get the pool noodle.
And one of the kids kind of gives me a little like little little whack on the head uh sort of like the shoulder yeah yeah one of
these ones okay so i was like so i whacked him back on the shoulder and then some other guy again
he's like oh you hit my brother i'll get you. And it's all sort of fun and games. In the middle of the Kmart.
Yep.
A hot day.
During the day.
Yep.
Yep.
Were there other people walking around?
Yeah.
Yeah, okay.
But when you're in a fight, and as someone who has never really been in a fight in his life,
when you're in a fight, it's hard to imagine the outside world.
Your whole, your mind is just so involved in the fight.
Fucking okay, Cinderella man.
You're just so focused on the fight like you're just so okay cinderella man you're just so focused on the fight it's hard to imagine okay when mike tyson is fighting alvander hollyfield
do you think he's worried about if the milk's expired in the fridge no he's worried about
knocking this bloke's head off and possibly biting his ear so i'm mid brawl and i can't
think about anything else yeah and it's a bit of fun a bit of a tap here a bit of a nudge there yeah i'm still sort of yeah like do i want the flamingo to be my weapon of choice yeah you know
i'm going through all these so how many pool noodles were you hot were you holding enough
to like pick them up and leave or you picked up a weapon and that was it correct so i am imagining
you like picking up three to buy yep and then you go oh don't be silly mate and, I reckon I picked up three for half a second and then when I got a jab to the
back, I put the other two down.
I was like, it's fucking on.
Okay.
I'm involved.
Well, yep.
And so, it's all like fun and whatever until I've sort of got my arms up in the air, thus
leaving the dad bod gut exposed.
Yep.
And this one kid comes in and fully baseball bat style club slaps me in the gut.
With the pool noodle.
Yeah.
Almost.
And I would.
That sounds like Paul Blart Mall Cop 3.
Yeah.
Doesn't it?
Yeah.
Like.
And if I were to recreate the sound that I made, it was sort of a.
Winded you.
Maybe not a full wind, but when you're not expecting it
and they just really get you in the gut.
And pool noodles slap.
They slap.
Because they're bendy and because of the material,
they fucking make a fucking...
Yeah.
And I think it's because of the slap and the...
is that suddenly a lot of people close by,
that was the thing that kind of went,
oh, hang on, what's going on over there?
Yeah.
So, a few people-
Because it went from kids having fun and being silly
to now an adult is involved.
Just a loud sound.
Yeah.
And so, I reckon two staff members sort of did the kind of peering,
like what's going on over there.
Maybe the parent or the auntie or whoever it was,
sort of went, hang on, what are those kids doing over there?
Yeah.
So, in the few seconds after
i've been slapped in the gut suddenly there's a few more adult eyes but i don't notice them
because you know the only thing that i see is the kid red yeah oh yeah i saw red yeah and i was like
oh we're doing this are we you're not thinking about the expired milk in the fridge? Yep. We're doing this. Okay. It's on.
And so, instead of fully, like, baseball slap style hitting him,
I went more of the, like, specific pool cue,
maybe even a javelin style of, like,
using the end of the thing to be, like, a really specific hit.
Instead of just, like, slapping him, I just like...
Wear on the body.
Nailed this kid between the eyes.
You jabbed a kid in the face.
With a pool noodle.
But you're...
Hang on, you're 35 years old.
This kid is what?
Maybe the mean average age of 7.5 years old.
You can actually save it because I've heard this speech
from the chick that works at Kmart.
She goes, come on, mate. You don't need to muck around. She goes like, oh, are you and your kids
going to buy that? And I went, oh, these aren't my kids.
And she goes, oh, so how do you know them? And I was like, we're just having
a fight. Like, we're just mucking around. I just met these guys.
Did the kid start crying?
No, no, no.
He was fine.
But he very quickly went, yeah, I don't know him.
Yeah.
I was like, fucking back me up.
Sell you out.
Yeah.
You know how there's that, like, what were we saying before,
that criminal's code?
Oh, honour among thieves.
I felt like there would be an honour amongst Kmart brawlers.
Yeah.
So, he would just be like, oh, yeah, just mucking around, mate.
Yeah, but he's seven.
And so, suddenly, he turns into a seven-year-old.
And even though some would argue he was seven the whole time,
but then suddenly he goes, yeah, I don't know him.
So, the person that works at Kmart has come over and gone, like,
grow up, mate.
Yeah.
And you've got, no, no, no, it's all good.
Then what happened?
Did they, the kids all split?
No, I think it was like, I don't think it was the mum,
but I felt like it was an auntie.
Yeah.
Or someone.
Yeah.
The one who.
Their adult.
Their adult.
Yeah.
Has wandered over and gone like, you know,
when you're like not talking to someone,
but just very much wanting them to hear what you say.
Yeah.
So she kind of says to the kids, hey, is everything all right here?
And they went, yeah, we're just playing.
It's like, well, you shouldn't play in the store until you bought, you know, does a sensible adult speech.
Which she wasn't wrong about.
To be fair, I still hadn't paid for the noodle that just jabbed this guy in the face.
And then I grabbed two more.
So, we ended up with this one, the flamingo, and I think there was a dinosaur.
Right.
And carried on with my day.
I can't believe they let you – I can't believe you didn't get, like, Kmart arrested.
They put you in, like, the centre jail, you know, on, like, TV.
Yeah, you're right.
This is very more cop.
But I still reckon that when kids, like, invite you to play, that the cool dad has to play with them.
Did they invite you to play, though?
I reckon when you whack someone with a pool noodle, you're dragging them in.
And they were covering the pool noodles.
I couldn't get to the pool noodles without going through the fight.
I just keep coming back in my mind to the fact that they were eight-ish
as an average.
See, I have had play fights with eight-year-olds before,
but at the time I was eight.
Yeah.
And that's the thing that you're like, oh, you know,
I had to go through the battlefield to get to the pool noodles.
You literally just could have gone, oh, sorry, guys,
do you mind if I grab some pool noodles?
And then fucked off and been an adult.
Oh, this old guy doesn't want to play.
No, that's not what would have happened at all.
Who's the overthinker now?
That's just not what would have happened.
They would have gone like, okay, like,
I just can't believe you cocked that little kid in the face.
I think you're also missing an important part.
Do you know how good a shot it is to actually, like, hit the target?
Everyone's like, you hit a kid, but no one's like, hey, mate, great accuracy.
Because they were eight.
Yeah, that's a smaller target.
And that's just the video.
Listen, Paul Newton hurt him.
It shocked him.
It woke him up a little bit.
Yeah.
I don't think that the problem isn't the instrument or the force or anything.
I think it's just the fact that instead of just, you know, going about your day,
but then you got worded up by the person who works at Game Up.
By the way, the person who works at Game Up was about 21.
This is just the most tragic story.
Okay. Can I be honest with you? We're good friends, right? Yeah.
We trust each other. Yeah. I expected
you to support me in this story. No, you did not. If you know me at
all, you would never expect me to. Just a bit of fun. Oh, good.
You're going to be a fun dad. Do you want me to just a bit of fun oh good you're gonna be a fun dad
do you want me to say that is that what you need
you'll be a fun dad thank you yeah i agree it won't know anything about animals
well how many brain cells left by the time it's 10 you hit it in the face that many times
with the pool noodle no we, we were just playing.
You swing at the king, you best not miss.
Thank you for listening so much.
We love you so much.
I've got an update.
What's the update?
The pool noodles, I left them out all of winter and they got really hard and crusty.
Then some kids came around and went to bend it and they just snapped like chalk because
you've got to keep them moist.
Yeah.
And also because the chlorine from the pool sucks there.
Yeah, and it dried out.
Yeah.
So I'm going to have to buy some new ones.
So if anyone's got a spare $3.50 and wants to,
I've got some spare boxing gloves.
Do you know what the names of the animals are now?
You feeling better about that?
That's not the point of it.
Okay.
All right.
All right.
But we are back on Monday.
Yep.
Live from, not live.
Not live.
Not a live show. It's a podcast. We're back in the studio. We're back in the studio. Back in Live from, not live. Not live. Not a live show.
In the studio.
It's a podcast.
We're back in the studio.
We're back in the studio.
Back in Melbourne, back in Australia.
Toni will have her voice, soul and spirit back.
Maybe.
We'll see.
Yeah, actually I'm not going to promise anything.
We'll chat to you then.
Love you.