Toni and Ryan - The Fun Police
Episode Date: November 29, 2022Audio Queen, compulsory fun, and - I LOVE YOU STORIES. Toni xoxox Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Plus you can find the links to pre-order ...Toni's book here! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Welcome to the show, everyone.
We're just talking about floppy disks.
My name's Ryan, Vice Captain of the ship.
Author Tony Lodge here.
Books on pre-sale now.
We are calling London and we're calling Matthew.
London calling to the far away town.
Hello?
Hello, Matthew.
Finally.
Sorry, that just came out.
Oh, my God, Matthew, you sound just like Alan Carr.
What?
You sound like Alan Carr, the comedian.
Oh, well, I've never heard that before. Oh, maybe it's just because I'm Australian and all English is...
All British people sound the same, according to Tony.
Oh, God.
Hey, Matt, will you approve the podcast?
Of course I'll approve the podcast.
Yay!
Hey, it's Matthew from London and I approve the podcast.
Hi! Happy hump day!
Happy hump day!
Fucking get humping, get lumping and start the fucking blog.
I'm in a good mood.
You are in a good mood. I'm all about it.
Thank you.
The mood's going to get even better because we're going to take a sexy trip down memory lane
and we're going to find out about the first time that,
is it the first time you said to Torbs that you love him or the first time he said it to you?
A little bit of column A, a little bit of column B, mostly column A.
Okay, right.
But a beautiful tale.
Hopefully.
That we'll all be able to remember and just feel real good about.
Yeah.
That's coming up soon.
I got sent up the fucking river yesterday as well with my high school story.
Well, to be fair, you sent yourself up that river.
Yeah, I did.
Up the river nonetheless.
For the good of the podcast, I shared that.
Thank you very much.
But first, the audio queen.
That's me.
That's you.
Sound engineer by trade.
Uh-huh.
I cut these podcasts.
What you're listening to is what I do with my hands.
Sorry, I'm in a good mood.
Are you in a good mood?
I am, especially with this story.
Okay.
I actually don't know which way.
I agree with both sides.
But a French court, I don't know if you saw this,
a French court has ruled you cannot fire an employee
because they're not fun.
Have you seen this story?
No.
So basically you imagine a lot of workplace,
like we've got Friday drinks and we're doing this
and we're doing a retreat and blah, blah, blah.
And he's like, I'll just knock off at five and head home actually.
And when you think about it, you're like, yeah,
if your work finishes at five, there's no like, yeah,
and then we're doing a dinner Friday night and you're like,
my family's at home.
But like those things aren't, you don't have to do those things.
Well, he didn't.
He was like, I don't do that.
And they fired him and said, no, he's not fun.
He's not fitting in, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
So the French court has ruled, actually, no,
you can't fire someone for those reasons.
And I wouldn't say I'm torn.
I'm not full Natalie Imbruglia, but let me paint a picture of both sides.
When I was in accounting and finance and banking,
I made some really great friends.
Even when I was at NAB, the bank before the accounting firm.
Like we used to go and party and a couple of the girls who I worked with, you know.
You fingered them?
No, no.
They like, no, my mum now.
Like they would.
Oh, sorry.
No, like they would come and stay.
Like we'd all, because we're all from all over the place.
No.
After you fingered them.
Absolutely not.
They would stay the night.
Two hands, two girls. That's what God made them for. We all just all over the place. No. After you've eaten them. Absolutely not. They would stay the night. Two hands, two girls.
That's what God made them for.
We all just got along really well.
And for some reason, the people on the early shift,
which is what I was doing at the bank, so we'd all knock off
like at lunchtime.
So we'd all go.
All I'm saying is I had a good time and made a lot of friends.
However.
Kissing friends.
I hate it here.
Do you sleep with everyone you're working with, asking for a friend?
Well, only the ones that don't fuck me off and accuse me of shit.
Sorry.
But you had lots of fun.
But how old were you then?
Yeah, I was in my 20s.
Yeah, see, that's different.
But when you're 30.
I'll tell you what the difference was, though.
With all the, you know, late lunches, Friday drinks, it was optional.
Yes.
As soon as someone tells me.
That you have to.
That you have to have fun.
Or the thought of, like, a team bonding.
Oh, we're doing an amazing race.
You know those, like.
An escape room.
I'd rather fucking cut my own ears off.
Yeah, and it's not because-
As soon as you tell me you have to have fun in between these hours,
something about organised fun just really gives me the ear-
It just irks me.
It rubs me up the wrong way.
This is a whole separate chat, I feel,
because I see where you're coming from,
but also there are times
when I would love to go do stuff.
Like we never do stuff like that like as a team.
Like we don't do.
We're very different to the core of the environment.
Yeah, but like.
We play table tennis every day.
Yeah, we do actually.
That's very Twitter.
That's very Twitter.
RIP Twitter.
Yeah.
Anyway, yeah, I feel like this is a whole chat
because I think people tell us your opinions on today's – I was about to say article
on today's episode thread, and I reckon we pick this back up next week.
Okay, good call.
There's a lot of chat to have about this, I think.
Natural fun, good.
Organised fun, cringe as fuck.
Anyway, they found out in court you can't fire him for this reason,
blah, blah, blah.
Did he get a big payout?
Oh, we're about to find out.
Well, I actually don't know if there was a payout,
but they basically said you fired him illegally,
so there would have been some kind of retribution.
But imagine, like, taking it to court and they have to hire you back.
I mean, that's not going to be fun, is it?
I mean, he's already not fun.
Anyway, first of all, out the front of the court, we hear from two people.
First of all, we're actually hearing from the boring guy,
and he's out there, and remember he's French,
and he's just saying it's a win for boring people,
and let me just say you can tell he's boring from the way he says.
This is a real win for the boring people.
I just want to be at home with my family.
Also, I put myself to sleep.
I'm not very fun.
And I'm just looking forward to the thanks in my bank account.
And second of all, and I hate this guy already.
I did quite well at that accent.
Yeah, and I'll tell you what's really fucking thrown me
is you've got the stripy shirt on and it's as if...
Oh, I should draw a little mustache.
The second guy is the overly enthusiastic, fun, corporate, team leading, team building, corporate culture guy.
This guy's not French.
Isn't he?
This guy is a blow in from America.
Surely.
Well, that's.
Hey, I'm not an audio king.
You're the audio queen.
This is what he sounded like.
All we're trying to do is create a really fun environment for work.
We want this guy to have fun.
We get you've got family.
I've got family.
I've got a fish at home.
You know, I need to be home with my fish.
All I'm saying is that we want to create a really fun place for everyone to work.
I didn't actually know if you were fun or not,
but now I've heard you've got to fish at home.
Fucking hell.
I get it.
Everyone's got kids.
I went quite southern in the end.
But I feel like that person is definitely American.
Yeah, no, I agree.
Couldn't agree more.
Thank you.
Did you appreciate the creative flair on that one?
That's why you're the audio queen.
Thank you very much.
Tantric sex fanatics Rahul32 and Sono31
were found dead in a forest last week
Oh my god
Their naked bodies were smeared together with superglue
And they were in a sex position when they were found
Their bodies were found later on in the middle of the forest
So they went out for a romp in the forest, glued each other together and then couldn't get out of it
Foul play has been suspected.
No.
Because it seems the lubricant was in fact not a lubricant but the opposite.
It was a super glue.
Like on American Pie?
Yeah.
You know on American Pie number two and he goes to use lube but he.
Maybe that's where they got the idea from.
Maybe.
And then he's holding the videotape and it's like Pussy Palace sort of fun.
I forgot about that.
And he's got his hand super glued to his dick and the HS of the photo.
I totally forgot about that.
And he's like creepy on the roof of the house and like Alien Ant Palmer's playing.
He's like...
All right, next one.
Next one.
Fuck, I'll tell you what's awesome.
In the first American Pie.
I love American Pie.
It was so good.
Can I just say, like, even re-watching them as an adult,
which I did probably a couple of months ago,
it might have been when we had COVID.
Maybe we watched all three of them or something.
Yeah, we ran out of Netflix.
Fucking pretty funny.
Well, I reckon I was right in that sweet spot where I was about, yeah, 11.
Like just when you're like, oh, it's a little bit naughty.
Yeah.
And you're like, yeah, I fucking loved it.
And there's hot girls in it.
Yeah, it's just perfect.
And like the guys are all really good looking.
Yeah.
And they're at parties and drinking and yeah.
And that's what you think your life's going to be like.
Yeah, and you're right.
And then it is.
Yeah.
I tell you what's crazy.
He obviously gets caught banging a pie, hence why it's called American Pie.
Yeah.
And then they're sitting there.
Oh, I got called out for spoilers the other day.
Sorry, there's a spoiler there about American Pie.
So imagine they're like, okay, that was the funniest,
embarrassing thing ever.
Yeah.
What can we do for the next one?
Yeah, how do you top that?
And they've fucking nailed it.
Oh, my, yeah.
Not a lot of movies nail a sequel.
Toy Story 2 is one of them. Obviously different genres. Toy Story 2 really nails it. Oh, my. Yeah. Not a lot of movies nail a sequel. Toy Story 2 is one of them.
Obviously different genres.
Toy Story 2 really nails it.
I think it nails it, yeah.
Austin Powers really nails it, I feel.
Yeah.
1, 2, and 3.
Toy Story 1, 2, and 3, all very good.
American Pie, 1, 2, and 3.
Fucking nailed it.
It's up there with Toy Story and Austin Powers.
Anyway, here's this couple.
And Shrek.
What a great sequel.
Shrek 2 is fantastic. Oh, you could watch Shrek 2 on itsrek. What a great sequel. Shrek 2 is fantastic.
Oh, you could watch Shrek 2 on its own.
You don't even need Shrek 1.
Yeah.
What about Too Fast, Too Furious?
I've never seen any of the...
Good call.
Yeah.
Can I tell you something really embarrassing about my wife?
Mm-hmm.
When we flew from Perth to London,
she watched every Fast and Furious movie in one flight.
I mean, at the time, was there only five?
Isn't there like 23 now?
I think that's seven.
She watched, I think, seven or eight.
Fuck.
I just don't think I could do that much Vin Diesel in one sitting.
No, neither.
I just couldn't believe it.
And then I looked over.
That's quite impressive, actually, Bridget.
I'll have that.
And I looked over to her and I said,
I didn't realise you were that kind of person.
And she looked at me and goes,
I live my life one mile at a time or a quarter mile,
whatever the fucking saying is.
Wow.
So anyway, this couple's doing the hippity-dippity
as you're about to hear.
So this is what you're about to hear from the audio queen.
They're doing the hippity-dippity.
The couple gets the lube out.
Then you're going to hear the couple realizing the lube out. Then you're going to hear the couple realising the lube ain't lube.
And then in a moment of fear, passion, lust and frustration,
the lady describes her emotions in what will become her final words.
Yeah, do you need a little bit of lube?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Moisten it up.
Sorry.
Sorry.
No, no, keep going.
I can't.
It's done.
No, keep going.
I can't. It's dark. My cape got in. I can't.
It's dark.
No, don't stop.
I can't.
It's dark.
And that was it.
R.O.P.
And finally, a Tasmanian flower farmer. Fucking say that three times, a Tasmanian flower farmer.
Fucking say that three times fast.
Tasmanian flower farmer.
They planted a new line of really beautiful poppies.
Have you heard this story?
Like red poppies?
Wow.
I think that's what they were planning on.
But they've actually been fined after learning they accidentally grew a whole bunch of opium poppies.
And the ladies said a warning to others in the industry, like, just double check you're
not growing opium because I had these beautiful new poppies, not realizing what it really
was.
So just as a quick refresher, opium, when you have too much, inhibits muscle movement
in the bowels.
It's like heroin, isn't it?
That's part of what that's made of, yeah.
It can also cause a dry mouth, mucus in the membranes in the nose,
and it can slow down brain activity and restrict the use of your limbs
and also control of your facial muscles.
Oh, so a little bit like in Wolf of Wall Street when the loons hit.
Yeah.
In Wolf of Wall Street when the loons hit.
So here's the Tasmanian lady explaining what went wrong in the garden and clearly she's spent a little bit too much time out in the fields.
All right.
So she's been out there but hasn't quite kicked in yet.
I'm just setting this up.
Okay, right, cool.
Should I guess when it has kicked in or will we know?
I think you'll know.
This is her on Today Tonight.
Okay.
Well, yeah, I just was flabbergasted when I realised
that there was opium in the poppy pot.
When I realised there was opium in the poppy.
Because there was opium in the poppy.
I had no intention of the poppies having opium in them.
No intention at all.
Does anyone want to buy some opium?
It's very good.
You know what that sounded like?
You know how on the podcast app and on Spotify you can listen fast and slow?
It's like people are looking at their phone going,
have I put it on 0.5?
Did I sit in my pocket?
I was like.
Hey, it's Matthew and you're listening to Tony and Ryan.
A shout out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon.
Thank you so much for being part of the Patreon.
We love seeing people over there.
New people all the time, which is very exciting.
Kendra King, thank you.
Cass Turner.
Britt Blackford, thank you so much.
Love to see it.
Thanks, Britt.
Sophie Olivieri.
Bergia Vestman.
And Rihanna Shoemaker.
Thank you so much.
We fucking love to see it.
You love to see it.
Speaking of the Patreon, there was some, I wouldn't say outrage, but the other day you suggested that you had never seen a James Bond film.
Is that correct?
Yeah, I've never seen one.
So lots of people in the Patreon and in the episode thread said,
well, that has to be next week's movie choice.
So next week we are in fact choosing, and if you are in the Patreon,
you can vote between Casino Royale, which is Daniel Craig's first one.
So is that a newer one?
No, it's his first one.
Okay.
2006.
Oh, because didn't they start in fucking 1920?
The late 50s, early 60s, yeah.
Goldfinger by Sean Connery, 1964.
Moonraker, Roger Moore, 1979.
You know what's funny?
If you watch Moonraker or The Spire Who Killed Me,
you would start seeing Austin Powers and you'd go,
oh, this is where that's from because Austin Powers is a piss take of James Bond
and you love Austin Powers.
Oh.
Yeah.
I didn't know that.
Yeah, and Goldeneye with Pierce Brosnan.
Pierce Brosnan's having like a renaissance period.
Is he?
Well, like he's in GQ and now he's like got that kind of great.
He's pretty fucking handsome.
Yeah, really handsome.
He's getting that like grey fox, silver fox era.
Yeah.
I had such a big crush on Pierce Brosnan from watching Mrs. Doubtfire.
Oh, Dante's Peak is one of my favourite movies.
What a fantastic film.
Okay.
Can we watch Dante's Peak next week?
No, we're doing James Bond.
Next week.
But can I just say, whether it wins or not,
No way of doing James Bond.
Next week. But can I just say, whether it wins or not,
go and watch James Bond when Halle Berry is the love interest
and there's a sex scene of Pierce Brosnan and Halle Berry
and fucking put a tarp down, mate, because you will.
Okay.
So get your votes in.
Also, can I say, big announcement next Monday.
Yes. 2023 line- big announcement next Monday.
Yes.
2023 line-up announcement.
Yes.
Tony and Ryan and?
Insert.
Upside down question mark.
Yep.
That's on Monday next week.
I want you to think back to a time, Ryan, and anybody listening,
where you wished that you could unsay something?
Like how many times a day?
Yeah.
Well, I mean, okay, so for you maybe it's a bit you've got more to choose from.
Yeah.
But whether it was like to your partner, to your housemate, at a party,
whatever it was, just one of those cringe and like wish you could crawl in a whole moment.
So if you were given maybe like a certificate that's like this is one,
go back in time and not say the thing voucher.
One rewind?
Yeah.
What would you go back to?
Mate, I'll have to narrow it down.
But, yeah, I reckon there's a few that come to mind for me
and I'm guessing everyone listening, as soon as you say that,
they go, oh, yeah, I know the time I'd use.
What's yours, Tonya? i'll share mine please please um so
i'm not sure how it came up but recently this came up on a live stream we were doing and i
have to share the story again so this is about the first time that i told torbs how much i love him
and you regret saying that obviously because he's a psycho and you hate him. We've since broken up, yeah.
Is that not the case?
So, Toms and I, my boyfriend, we've been doing it for about 10 years.
We've been together for like nine.
Together for nine, doing it for 10.
Yeah.
And at this time, we'd been doing it for about a year
and official for like two or three months.
So, that's a pretty – considering the doing it time.
Yeah.
That's a long time.
But then I guess only three months of being together officially feels early.
But I already, like, loved him when we were doing it.
I was going to say the lead time of doing it.
Yeah.
When it became official, it wouldn't be surprising if that's when you told each other you loved each other.
Because we're like, we're finally doing this. We've had this build up for a year.
Exactly.
And you know what?
I've caught feelings. And had big big time feelings had
been caught and i we were kind of we were sitting there and we were chatting and we were like
giggling and laughing and enjoying each other's company and stuff and i said i love you
which is such a special moment in a relationship, right?
And had you planned on that?
No, it kind of.
It just felt right.
It felt right.
I just felt like it was the right time.
Why would you regret saying that?
This is beautiful.
Don't waste a voucher on that.
Don't waste your rewind voucher.
He looked at me very lovingly and I was like, my God,
this is like a movie moment.
It is.
Hollywood calling.
And he goes, I'm just not ready to say it yet.
And if that doesn't make you want to shit yourself.
I actually am about to shit.
Yeah.
And I went, oh, that's okay.
Of course you did.
Because like. I was joking. I was talking to the mailman. Yeah. Oh, sorry, that's okay. Of course you did. Because like.
I was joking.
I was talking to the mailman.
Yeah.
Oh, sorry.
I was saying.
But what do you actually.
Well, I was just like, okay.
I would try to be a gracious loser.
Like, you know, the Golden Globes when you're kind of really excited and you hope they're
going to win and then it pans to Meryl Streep.
She's obviously won.
Then it pans back.
Yeah.
Very deserving.
Yeah.
And you kind of do the the
smile and you go wow thought that was going to be a win it hasn't been really happy for the winner
though except in this scenario there's no winner no um question question did you take this as a
he doesn't love me full stop or did you take it as a we're not there yet but in time we will be?
Yeah, I definitely, probably the second one more.
I wasn't like.
There's a difference, right?
Absolutely.
I wasn't like burn it fucking down, this isn't happening.
Because I've met zero to 100 Tony.
I know.
And I know that on some topics you've got that in you.
I definitely do. But I think because, yeah, the way that he looked
and we'd been together for a while, I was like, I was almost like,
you know what, I'd rather you were honest.
Yep.
And this is in time.
This wasn't straight away.
But I was like, you know what, I'd rather that you were honest
and you felt comfortable saying to me I'm not ready yet.
You said it when you meant it, not when you felt
like you were obliged to say it.
See, that's what I thought.
But then about a month later, we were wasted.
It was New Year's Eve.
And like every couple on New Year's Eve, we were drunk.
Yeah.
We had a fucking argument.
Did you?
I was like, every couple?
No, don't drag couples into this.
Yes.
Every couple that's, I mean, I was, what, 18, 19 at the time.
Fake news.
No, every fucking couple had a drunk argument on New Year's.
But it was, like, about something really stupid.
Like, I didn't want to get a taxi.
I was like, let's just get the train.
He was like, let's just get a taxi.
You know, it was, like, really fucking dumb.
And we got back and we ended up drunkenly saying I love you to each other.
And that was the first time he said it?
Yes.
So I didn't, I never mentioned anything again.
I was like, cool, ball's in his court.
He can say it now.
But the whole time I'm like, come on, come on, come on.
Well, did you feel tempted when he said I'm not ready to go,
so how long did you want to?
That's what I was.
When did you reckon you would be ready?
Like just if you were to hazard a guess.
Just like ballpark.
Yeah.
But that's exactly
what i was thinking because i was like well i can't say it again so you get into a fight because
otherwise i'll look super keen and like a fuckhead it's on him now yeah i'm like the ball's in your
court like all good anyway so we're drunk we have this argument did you get the cab or the train i
can't even fucking remember like it was fine it was 10 years ago like i do not remember although
you're like fine we'll get the train. He's like, I love you.
I love you.
I love trains.
Do you know what?
I fucking love taxis and I fucking love you.
But he's like, I love you, John, like the guy who's driving the cab.
Anyway, and so we ended up drunkenly saying I love you to each other.
But then the next morning I was like, well, was he just drunk?
That's a real question, right?
Absolutely.
I'm like, do you fucking remember?
So then I had to – so I'm like this whole time I'm like, all right,
I've got the power.
Well, he's got the power.
He can bring it up when he wants.
And then back in like the next morning it's awkward again because I'm like,
I really want to – are we saying that now?
You obviously didn't make a big deal of it when he said it.
Well, we were drunk.
I'm pretty sure that I just said, like, I fucking love you too
and we probably had sex and then fell asleep.
Okay, here's a scenario that could have played out.
He goes, I love you.
And then you go, finally, stamp the time.
It's official.
237 January 1.
Perfect.
It's done.
And then when you woke up the next day, you're like, I stamped it.
So that obviously didn't happen. That didn't you wake up the next day, you're like. That's happened. I've stamped it. Well, so.
That obviously didn't happen.
That didn't happen.
Disappointing.
Because obviously not.
Unfortunately, instead of proving a point,
you were busy having sex with the person you love.
Yeah.
And then, so the next morning, I had to be the dork again,
being like, do you remember?
And he was like, yep.
And I was like, did you mean it?
He goes, yep.
Because he was like really vulnerable, I guess.
Yeah, of course.
And anyway, and then so it was kind of then the awkwardness of like,
do we say that to each other now?
Is that like a thing that we say when you're hanging up on the phone?
Like, love you.
Like, you know.
No, hang on, hang on, hang on.
When you said, do you remember what happened?
Yeah.
Was he definitely talking?
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
Don't.
What?
He hasn't been at his whole time.
No, but it's like, do you remember what happened last night?
And you're thinking, like, when you said I love you and he was like, yeah,
I tried that fucking weird sex move that didn't work.
Yeah.
So is that, like, normal for us now? And he's like, oh, I wouldn't have thought sex move that didn't work. Yeah. So is that like normal for us now?
And he's like, oh, I wouldn't have thought so.
It was too painful.
And you're like, oh, that's strange things to say.
Imagine that.
Now we're just doing this weird sex thing because he didn't want to say
he didn't love me.
So you ask him was it real and he sheepishly says.
Well, not sheepishly.
He kind of goes, yep.
And did he say it again? Yeah. And he sheepishly says. Well, not sheepishly. He kind of goes, yep. And did he say it again?
Well, yeah.
So then I think I had to work that day.
Double time.
Yeah, it was.
Pay for that taxi.
It was when I was working the deli.
Yeah.
And I'm pretty sure that the whole day I was like, oh, my God.
Because I'm telling all the girls at work and stuff and everyone's hungover or whatever.
And then I went back to his that night.
And I'm pretty sure that it was like,
I was like, what was I saying?
Because I was there.
I'd been there for a whole month.
But then I'm like, you're freshly there?
Like what does that mean?
Anyway, after I shared this on the live stream,
a few people reached out and shared their stories.
Of their I love you.
Of their I love you. And I'm just going to share a couple. But if stories. Of their I love you. Of their I love you.
And I'm just going to share a couple.
But if you have a great I love you story, please put it in the thread
and we'll share them again because they are fucking phenomenal.
I think on behalf, like I want to hear these stories
and we'll get to them in a second.
Yeah.
But I think it would be a beautiful moment for you, for me,
and for everyone who's listening to the podcast to hear Torb say that he loves you.
He says it all the time.
Yeah, but we don't get to hear that.
What do you want me to do?
You want me to call him?
Wouldn't that be nice?
I don't think he's awake.
Oh, yeah, he'll be awake.
He'll be awake.
He's at work.
He's supposed to be at work.
His employer thinks he's at work.
All right.
Put him on loudspeaker.
Okay.
And just say I love you and see what he says back.
Just call him to say I love you.
Hey, my love.
Hey, sweetie. I just wanted to ring and say that I love you so much.
I love you so much too.
See, he does love me. I told you.
Love you too, Tobs. Love you.
Love you so much. You're on the podcast. Sorry. Love you. does. Told you. Love you too, Tobs. Love you. Love you. Love you so much.
You're on the podcast.
Sorry, love you.
Love you.
Okay, love you.
Thanks for the coffee yesterday.
See, he still loves me after he's on the podcast.
Great.
All right, I've got to go.
I'm recording the podcast.
Okay.
Please don't call me again at work.
You called him.
Love you.
Love you, boy.
Thank you for that.
See?
That was a real insight.
And he answered the phone, hey, my love, which is very sweet. That, I actually, no, I changed my tune. I regret for that. That was a real insight. And he answered the phone, hey, my love, which is very sweet.
That, I actually, no, I changed my tune.
I regret hearing that.
That's really fucking turned me, because if I called Bridget,
she'd be like, what do you want?
Yeah, no.
You guys are in love.
Yeah, we are.
That's a fucking, I know you've never been to Hollywood,
but this is a Hollywood moment.
Please, tell me some of my lovely stories.
All right, I'll very quickly rattle a couple off.
Bethany Mole reached out and said, my friend said it to her boyfriend
and he didn't reply.
Like he just didn't respond.
Later, he panicked and went to a local jeweller's to try
and make it up to her.
He finally chose a necklace that he felt really conveyed his love for her.
He was really proud of it and gave it to her the next time he saw her
and it was a heart-shaped pendant and on the back he had engraved.
Oh, my God.
All the best.
Oh, no, he did not.
He did not.
And they're actually now married.
They're not.
Yeah.
That sounds like a dumping present. I don't know if there's such a thing as a dumping present. All the married. They're not. Yeah. That sounds like a dumping present.
I don't know if there's such a thing as a dumping present.
All the best.
See you later.
A farewell gift.
Yeah, it does sound like that.
All the best.
Imagine, hang on, I feel like we should do a whole episode
of that fucking story.
Yeah, it is good, isn't it?
Is your initial reaction when someone says I love you like,
I've got to go to the jewellery store.
See ya.
But, like, I feel there is a thing. It's a love isn't it? Is your initial reaction when someone says I love you like, I've got to go to the jewellery store. See ya. But, like, I feel there is a thing.
It's a love language thing maybe?
No, I think it's an over-correcting thing.
Well, I thought that until he wrote that line.
When you see on TV that they're like, oh, I love you,
and instead of saying I love you back,
they'll offer them a key to their apartment or whatever,
you know, like on How I Met Your Mother they do shit like that.
Yeah, just say it back, bro.
Easy.
But, like, was the first time you said it to Bridget or like?
The first time I said it to Bridget was very underwhelming
and I thought in an embarrassing way but I've been told since
that it's maybe somewhat endearing but you can decide.
And we're friends.
Just tell me honestly.
Okay.
Because it is such a big deal, I guess.
It's that first like big thing.
Yeah.
So Bridget was a winemaker in Bunbury and her boss was also like I'd say a mentor.
Yeah.
They really got along.
They were really close.
He was a bit older in terms of like a bit more experience.
Bridget was like a young girl in the industry and was like keen to do well
and they got along really great and he like spent time teaching her stuff.
And he really like championed her.
Yeah.
And I mean it's probably the same for a lot of industries
but winemaking is 98% male and for a girl who at the time was 27
who sort of had ambition, there's a lot of like old dudes being like,
oh, fucking wait your turn, miss.
No, we don't need, you know, a bit of bullshit.
And he really championed her.
So they're about to head into Harvest Vintage,
which is like all the fruits coming in at once.
It's crazy.
Like hectic hours.
Really long hours, blah, blah.
And he unfortunately, he passed away in a tragic accident in the surf,
surfing in Marga River, which is really sad.
So Bridget all of a sudden had not only lost her mentor
and good friend at work and then had to go to work
where they spent all this time together.
But it was the middle of vintage.
So it's the busiest time of the year.
They're kind of like, you don't really have time to grieve.
You just need to get on with it, which is like a horrible situation.
So she was like, you can imagine the stress and blah, blah, blah.
And so I was like just trying to comfort her and I was like, hey,
you know, he set you up really well.
The people at work will be great.
You've got someone here at home that really loves you and can take care
of you and, you know, it's all going to work out okay in the end.
So it wasn't like this big romantic thing it
was more of a comfort yeah yeah which when you go when was the moment it's like it's almost like
proposing like we're i had this beautiful restaurant and so when it was almost like a
passing comment in some speech i was giving um so like i said i don't know if that's and did
she respond did she say well i love you too Or like, because was that actually the moment then?
Like from that moment? Because obviously, yeah, but like beautiful moment, beautiful story. And
like, you know, but like, you've kind of slipped that in. I have slipped it in. But then when was
the time that you both kind of said, I love you to each other? Or was from then it was just like
part of your life? For me, it was part of of my life but I can't remember the first time.
But do you know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because that's almost not like because loving someone is like a bit different than.
And I like, this is so weird because I'm not overly this person,
but I like really step, like I did all the cleaning and I did this
and I helped cook and I was like I really.
Because you know that when someone really needs that support, you have to.
Which is ironic now because I'm becoming very shit at that.
So I think it would have been in a, oh, thanks for helping, blah, blah, blah.
Yeah.
I can't even remember.
I don't know if that's bad or just maybe she said it, yeah.
Fuck.
In your wedding vows, you said I love love you, and she went, all the best.
Like the guy.
Maybe she did.
I'll have to re-watch our wedding video.
We'll be married for three years in a month or two years in a month,
but maybe she's never said it.
Should we call her?
What do you want?
Well, I've got one more.
A friend of mine, they were telling me the other day
that quite early in their relationship, she said, I love you.
And he said, we're in the same book, but just not in the same chapter yet.
You know when you say to someone like, oh, we're just not really
on the same page?
They're not even in the same chapter.
What chapter are you up to?
Yeah.
And then later there was a pity I love you.
Oh.
Is that worse?
Which is not what you want.
Yes, 100%.
So did he eventually finish?
I think they're all, yeah, they've read the book now.
Okay.
They're on the same page.
Is there a sequel?
Yeah.
Harry Potter number eight.
Yeah, so.
We're not on the same page.
We're not on the same channel.
It's actually in the trilogy.
I reckon late on the second movie I might get there.
Yeah, and, you know, we don't know.
No actors are locked in yet.
We're still trying to figure out the train station thing at the moment.
Is that a good Harry Potter reference?
Yeah, it was actually.
That's the first time I've ever done a Harry Potter reference.
There's also no number eight.
So that was a bit of a gag from me.
Like, oh, next one's coming because there's only seven.
See, I didn't understand that.
No, no, that's okay.
I just didn't want anybody that's listening to go,
there's not eight books.
Anyway, please send through your stories because they.
I love that.
They're fun, hey.
Yeah.
Hey, love you.
Love you.
So do we, we good or like what's the.
Should we get a taxi home?
I'm not getting the train.
I've got to get up to see it.
Great.
Is yours quite happy?
I'd say it's cute.
Okay, because mine's like a bit sad and heartwarming.
So do you want me to go first?
Yeah.
Okay.
I saw this online.
The credit is Chris Blaze on Facebook, but it's a picture of a washing machine and the caption says i just went to buy
a samsung washer and dryer from a guy and he was asking for 500 i told him i just had a kid and if
he could take 400 i'd be really grateful because it's all i could afford i got home hooked everything
up and everything worked great.
I opened the dryer to check the lint filter before using it
and I was shocked to see my $400 sitting in there.
Oh, my God.
I got a message from him saying,
check the dryer, a gift for you and the new baby.
Oh, my God.
Words can't describe how grateful I am right now.
I feel so blessed.
I felt I had to share.
Big shout out to David.
Thank you so much. You felt I had to share. Big shout out to David. Thank you so much.
You fucking love to say that.
I'm speechless and for multiple reasons.
Yeah.
As someone who rarely checks the lint thing in the dryer.
Oh, my God, I check it every...
Of course I do.
Of course you don't.
That's not important right now.
Yep.
Well, what is important is that I probably would have burnt the $400 into smoke
and the person might send a text like a week later going,
oh, so how's the dryer?
And you go, pretty good, thanks, mate.
You're like, it's fine, but there's fucking fluff all over my clothes.
Fucking smells like burnt plastic.
I've got this smoky hue through my baby's blankets.
That is fucking great.
You do love to see that.
Isn't that the sweetest story?
And, you know, we have talked many times on this podcast
about fucking, like, tragic Facebook
marketplace exchanges. Have I told you about my
mum's coffee machine?
Mum got a new coffee machine. Yeah.
And she's trying to sell the old shit one for ten bucks
on Marketplace. Oh, Mandy, I'll give you twenty if you
throw it in the bin.
Thank you. Tell her
I'll send her the money, okay? Throw it in the bin. There you go. her I'll send her the money, okay?
Throw it in the bin.
There you go.
What a beautiful story.
And then you see mum going, I've had it for seven years.
I think I washed it once.
Yeah.
I've got one Dolce Gusto pod left.
She bought it from Aldi for $80.
Seriously, $7.
And she's flipping it.
She's trying to sell it.
And here's somebody giving her a free dry,
and she's trying to squeeze some asshole for $20 for a coffee machine that doesn't even work.
Can you imagine, right?
Going, oh, I will get that coffee machine for $10.
Trade ourselves.
Because, you know, you imagine someone paying $10 for a coffee machine really needs it.
Or would really like to trade themselves.
Your mum rocks up in her Mercedes Benz to drop off the fucking coffee machine for a $10 fucking note.
What was the lady's name who bought the dryer?
Chris.
Chris.
All right.
So Chris goes, you know what?
I'm going to treat myself.
Yeah.
I'm going to buy a coffee machine as well.
I'm going to buy the Dolce Gusto.
Yeah, I've got this kid.
I'm up all night.
I need some coffee to keep me going.
And then mum goes, check the capsule before you make the first coffee.
And the chick goes fucking again. She's going to put the $ before you make the first coffee. And the chick goes, fucking, again,
she's going to put the 20 bucks back in the thing.
Not a free ristretto!
Oh my god!
And it's just a one pot of
coffee.
I thought I was getting my 20 bucks back.
A pot's worth 5 cents.
Thanks, mate. Don't leave your Mercedes on my
shit gate on the way out.
Should I end it on yours?
Oh, fucking hell.
Just a quick one from me.
I follow this journalist from the ABC on Twitter.
Her name is Isabel Rowe.
Have you seen this? Yeah, I have this for tomorrow.
Oh, do you? Fuck yeah.
I'll do a different one.
Tomorrow on the show, you'll find out about Isabel Rowe. Is it about the...
Yeah, it's the same one. Okay, I'll do
something else. No, you do it
because I'll find another one for tomorrow. I've actually got
too many love to see. It's because I'm just so full of love and joy
this week. Oh, beautiful!
A young TV presenter named Drew Barrymore up and coming in the biz.
She's done a Facebook status because what else would boomers do?
Is she a boomer?
Oh, absolutely.
She was writing a cast with boys before we were in high school.
I'm having an identity crisis.
Whenever I think of Drew Barrymore, I think of a teenager
or like a 20-year-old.
Because I'm like, yep, Charlie's Angels, she's still that.
Yep. No.
I ain't. Big boomer energy.
Let that fucking sink in for everybody. That's a lot.
That's not how you love to see it.
Fuck, she's not buying a $10 coffee machine, that's for sure.
Let me read this Facebook status
which tells you everything you need to know about Drew Barrymore.
Jesus Christ.
But I love this, what she's written.
I love being in bed.
I don't understand how people don't get into bed
and immediately feel happier.
Sometimes I just get into bed and that's the activity.
That's it.
I just like being in bed because it makes me happy. I just lay there and think about how I'm get into bed and that's the activity. That's it. I just like being in bed because it makes me happy.
I just lay there and think about how I'm in my bed and how good it is.
Does everyone else not do this?
Oh, I do love getting into bed.
I'd spend all day in bed if that was an option.
Same.
Like, oh, wouldn't it be great to go out?
You know what would be great?
Not going out and just going to bed.
Yeah.
See, I'd spend more time in bed if I was allowed to eat in there.
Wow. See. You know, and I'm not
allowed to. And there's A.M. Do you reckon Drew Barrymore
is allowed to eat in her bed or have a coffee?
Should I ask her? Ask her. Call her.
Hey, Drew Barrymore. Love you, Drew Barrymore.
She's like, oh, it's on loudspeaker. I'm booming
now. I don't know how the mobile's working.
Call me on the landline.
Fuck me.
All right.
I mean, you do love to see that, don't you?
Yeah, you do love to see that.
I love to see bed at the end of the day as well.
Yeah, or during it sometimes to change it up.
Yeah.
Thank you so much for joining us.
What a great episode.
What a great show.
I hate to blow smoke up me on bottom, but it was good.
Tomorrow, first day of December, and it's a big day for us here
because the Tony and Ryan staff will be drawing the names
for the Secret Santa.
Yeah.
For those playing along at home, two employees here at Tony and Ryan.
I don't know who I'm going to get.
If I get me, I'm going to be fucked up.
I asked you to be on dandruff patrol of this jacket.
It's black silk.
I just thought it was because Christmas is coming.
It's like a bit of snow. Sway bells ring. It's a silk. I just thought it was because Christmas is coming. It's like a bit of snow.
Sway bells ring.
It's a white Christmas.
All right, see you tomorrow.
Love you, bye.