Toni and Ryan - THROWBACK: A Plug For Kayla

Episode Date: December 31, 2023

OH MY GOD!!!! WE HAVEN'T UPLOADED A PODCAST SINCE LAST YEAR!! TARPer Tony is taking the wheel for today. Love yaCheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey, it's Tony from South Dakota, and I approve this podcast. Hey, it's Tony here. Happy New Year. Today, we're throwing it back to some of the best moments of Tony and Ryan for 2023. the guys are on holiday at the moment but we'll be back before you know it with some brand new episodes for 2024 today miss lodge will be taking us on a european holiday but first up one of our favorite stories it's kayla with her little bedroom toy hypothetically oh here we. All great stories start with hypothetically. If you were the type of person who liked using like sex toys with a partner. Sure.

Hypothetically. Hypothetically. How long into the relationship, like how many times did you have met and hooked up before you might like suggest that that might be something you like? I feel like in the perfect world, we're all open about what we want and everyone's understanding, sure. But like the reality is is that some people might be a bit judgy

so you might be a bit reluctant to ask. And then if you're asking and they say no, then is it weird? So like, you know what I mean? Like how do you bring that up? Hypothetically. Hypothetically. Because I'm dating again. Do you reckon it depends on where you've met them?

Absolutely. Because if you met like- At church. Yeah. Right away. Yeah. Nail me down. That was the joke.

Yep. Or like if you met on like a, a fucking forum where, like, you know, very sex positive space, like, all of that. Reddit.com slash sex toys. Yeah, you know, then, like, you're probably all in. Sorry for saying all in. Thank you for apologizing. But I think that, yeah, if you just met someone and you,

especially, like, you know how, like, I don't know what the stat is. I'm going to make one up right now, which is probably very off, but, like, 60% of people fucking, like people fucking like meet at like uni or work or whatever. And like you don't know that person from a bar of soap. No. So like you don't know how, you know, into whatever you're into they're going to be. Also, you, Tony Lodge, saying I don't know them like a bar of soap is fucking triggering. Yeah.

Sorry about that. So, yeah, I don't really know. He's been my arsehole. Don't really know the guy. Yeah, sorry about that. So yeah, I don't really know. He's been my arsehole. Don't really know the guy. I asked Kayla if she'd like a fake name and she said, fuck no, I'm strangely proud of this one. Oh,

well, Kayla, fucking welcome to our sex positive podcast. Yeah, well, she's been listening for a while but she's finally sent this one through. Oh, see, that's good. It's been brewing for a while. I wouldn't say brewing through. Oh, see, that's good. It's been brewing for a while. I wouldn't say brewing either. Oh, okay. Okay.

Actually, I'm just going to need to take a deep breath, I think. Yeah. Within hours of matching with this guy on Tinder, he was at my house and we were hooking up. Hot. It was hot. We vibe really well. Mr. Tinderella was perfect. Mr. Tinderella was perfect.

Mr. Tinderella. Even though we just met, I felt super comfortable with him, so I asked if I could grab some toys from my bedside table. Do you reckon, like, if you were just doing a hookup, it's kind of like low stakes? Cards on the table? Yeah, so maybe you do just go, you know what, we both just want to come, let's do what we want to do.

Whereas when you're meeting and courting someone, you don't want to like, I don't know. Scare off your future husband. Scare them off or say the wrong thing and they go, oh, I'm not really ready for that or whatever. But for a hookup, are you just going, look, cards on the table, I'd love it if you shoved this up my ass. I'm here to jizz.

You know what I mean? What's going to help me get there? Like we've both come for a reason and that is to come for a reason yeah but you know so maybe for a hookup you've met mr tinderella and you go look i've got to put this on my clit otherwise it's not gonna happen yeah you know yeah yeah i mean like and fucking power too yeah but he leaves feeling better for himself if you got off that's see that's what i reckon yeah you know when you read these stories about people intimidated by using sex toys in the bedroom because they go,

no, well, I should be able to get you off. Yeah, you fucking should. That is the whole thing. Yeah, but I can't, so I fucking whip it out. Yeah, but the whole idea is that sex should be fun and everyone should be able to have a great time. Yeah, I'm all for it. I asked if I could grab some toys from my bedside table,

and before I could even blink, Mr. Tinderella had a toy in my ass. Oh, read her mind. Yeah. He's like, I thought that was a bar of soap. Sorry. When he went to talk, all of his charisma was gone, and suddenly he was a nervous wreck. Oh.

Oh, I lost it, Mr. Tinderella said. So the toy was in her arms. He had lost the toy in my backside and neither of us could retrieve it. Oh. Kayla says, I was like a Kinder Surprise with a fun toy inside me. More like Tinder Surprise. I called my friend and said, what do I do? Can you come around and help?

Well, who do you call for something like that? Not Ghostbusters. My friend was of no use because she couldn't stop pissing herself laughing, which, to be fair, is the perfect response you want. That's the friend that you want to, yeah, definitely. Mr. Tinderella and I decided we needed to get professional help. So it was just after midnight we went to the hospital. And they've seen it all before.

They've seen it all. You know, like when you go in there and you go, yikes, something slipped over and this thing went up my ass. They go, okay, like we don't care. The nurses and doctors were really kind and really understanding. They would be. One doctor was trying to make a bit of small talk and said, oh, medical comedy, a bit of medical comedy.

Oh, no, no, no. It was all just like, oh, we're waiting for the fucking probe to come in. I don't know what material that would need. The probe! It's a huge magnet. Was it magnetic? Because if so, we'll be able to just suck that right out. Suck it out!

My doctor was trying to make small talk and goes, Oh, so how long have you guys known each other? And Mr. Tinderella goes, about five hours. Oh. What a nice person to go with her to the hospital. What a gentleman.

Yep, I will come round to your house. Yep, I will put this thing in your butt. Yep, I will drive you to the hospital. And a gentleman. He's like, yep, I will come around to your house. Yep, I will put this thing in your butt. Yep, I will drive you to the hospital. And I'll sit with you and I'll hold your hand. And he's holding the paperwork and he goes, what's your last name? What's your first name? Like, you know what I mean? Like, fuck, what are you?

Do you have a Medicare card? Yeah, you said you were a bit younger on the. Yeah. Oh, 95. Yeah. 1986, 23. Yeah. After unsuccessfully trying to retrieve it manually,

the doctors said they were going to have to remove it surgically, like actually put her under so they could get in there and take it out. But before they did, they would have to find out an exact location by using an X-ray. Between the X-ray and the surgery, for some reason, I submitted the picture of the X-ray into a Facebook group. I then went under anesthetic, went into surgery and was unconscious when the post got approved into the group. Kayla says, I live in a really small town. What group did she put it in?

It must have been like a local like... Buy nothing. Or like a local lols or a fucking whatever. I live in a small town and by the time I woke up, my phone had a thousand messages and everyone in town had seen pics of my arsehole and x-rays of my insides, including my dad. He said he got to work the next morning,

and all the boys were like, oh, check out this. And dad was like, what are you guys looking at? And then he's like, I know who that is. That's my daughter. Well, and because, like, it would say, oh, posted by Kayla Smith. Yep. And the boys, like, didn't know it was the daughter. They were just like, oh, posted by Kayla Smith. Yep. And the boys, like, didn't know it was the door. They would say, oh, some girl in town.

So, anyways, Tony and Ryan, if you've never seen an X-ray of a sex toy stuck in an arsehole, please open this attachment. No. I actually genuinely did not see that coming. No pun intended. Oh, my. I can't look at this. I don't think.

It's really in there. And it's just, even though it's exactly what you expect, even though it's exactly what you expect, it's also not what you expect. It's like I can tell you exactly what you're about to see And you'll still be shocked Daddy I can't deal with that That's right in there Yeah

And you can see now how he would have been holding the bottom of it Yeah well because they're flared so that doesn't go in But not flared enough Not flared enough Thank you for sharing that that is fucking i love the little a day i won't forget like on the bottom yeah yeah well you can't now yeah fuck that is that is so funny you would be so embarrassed like no need to be embarrassed but you would just want to fucking crawl in a hole and die. Yeah. So just like the plug did.

Kayla said that it's still like. In there? No, no. Like, it'll still like come up at time to time. Like in conversation, not like come up. Yeah. Oh. Yeah.

I mean, I've got a question. Sure. Question. Sex toys. Ooh. Yeah. I mean, I've got a question. Sure. Question. Sex toys are expensive. Yeah. Do you reckon they took it out and then let her keep it? Like, give it a rinse. I will message Kayla and I will put an answer in the episode thread in our Facebook group.

I need to know whether they're expensive. I mean, what are they going to do with it? Put it in a plastic bag in medical waste? Or do you think that the doctors have a trophy room? All the things that they've pulled out of people. We've got a hose. We've got a rodent. Oh, we've got little, was it gibbles?

What was the nibbles? Oh, nibbles. The giblet. Or even like, you know when little kids put money and Lego up their noses? He's got like a big piggy bank full of money that, like, kids have eaten and stuff. The Extracting Doctors Hall of Fame. There must be.

I'd love to know that if you're a medical professional. Send it through. Send it through. Hey, it's Tony from South Dakota, and you're listening to the Tony and Ryan Podcast. I love holiday season on Instagram I absolutely love it It is a phenomenon, I agree So I think that most people either love it or they hate it.

And I'm seeing a lot of memes flying around on the internet. Oh, can everyone stop being in Europe? I'm at work. Another one that I saw was, it's how did you afford that trip season on Instagram? What a jealous bitch energy. It is. We are deep in winter in Australia at the moment.

It is fucking frosty in Melbourne right now. Yep. Like so fucking cold. It's layer city. Yep. Like you cannot go out without like a few fucking layers on and a puffer jacket. How would you describe that top you're wearing? It's like a big woolly jumper I'm wearing at the moment.

How did you describe it off air earlier? I said, is it preppy? Yeah. Because it's like a zip up. At this stage of the year, if it's warm, it's good to go. Exactly, right? And you've got a camisole underneath. You've got your puffer jacket on.

It is so fucking cold. And just like most people in Australia at the moment, pretty much everyone that i follow on instagram is in fucking italy yeah and i'm seeing all these memes and all these people being like oh look i'm at work yeah well shame fucking shame sorry that you're not in italy and if you were fucking in italy you'd be posting about it too dumb bitch so how about you let people fucking enjoy themselves and have their moment and post their fucking pizza and their pasta and their fucking, you know,

they post the caption and it's living La Dolce Vita and it's beautiful. Okay. I love it. And it actually is like fun watching those photos pop up because I'm like, you are having a great time. It's like when someone posts a selfie and you go, you're feeling yourself and I love that for you. Wasn't that the best click ever?

That was one of the great clicks I've ever seen. That was one of the best clicks I've ever seen. I've never seen a click that good. Oh, my God. I'm living with Dolce Vita. You are the Dolce Vita. That was amazing. If I had a choice between going to Italy or seeing that click firsthand in Melbourne,

I'd stay home every day of the week. That was unbelievable. That was the best click I've ever heard or seen in my life. People are signing up to our live stream. Can I subscribe to your clicks? Yeah. Fuck. Don't do it again.

Don't risk it. No, no, no. Don't do it. Oh, my God. That was amazing. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I forgot what I was saying. It doesn't matter.

Nothing will be that. That was fucking incredible. I'm glad that we caught that on tape. Imagine if you did that willy-nilly in the street and no one was there to see it. And no one could enjoy it. Actually, this is exactly what we're talking about. Sharing my wins. Sorry.

Is a hot girl actually in Italy if she didn't post about it but it's not even just that did that click actually happen unless we were here to enjoy it that's true i mean i could tell people afterwards and be like guess what i just did the best click yeah and that'd be the shittest story of all time do you remember the time tony did a click yeah um but fuck seeing it was amazing, wasn't it? Yeah. Do you reckon I should try again? Not as good.

Pretty good, but not as good. We need more of a build-up next time. Nah, I've lost it. You've lost it. Anyway, did you know that the click is actually not this, it's this, making the noise? Isn't that wild? When someone told me that, that fucking sent me, yeah.

Anyway, sorry, rewind. Yeah. I think the thing about people being in Europe or overseas in America or whatever and you go, oh, holiday spam, I'm so sorry. Like, you're making memories. Yeah. And you know when people go like, oh, Instagram, like it's just a highlight reel.

But then on the other hand, if someone posts and they go, hey, I'm actually really struggling at the moment, people go, pfft, attention seeker. I'm like, oh, hang on. So you don't like it when they're posting that they're in italy you don't like it when they're posting about being honest that they're having a fucking struggle or a bit of a moment at the moment middle class only i don't want highlights i don't want lowlights i just want a boring yeah ream through the middle well if it's just supposed to be boring how am i going to post my click yeah because that was life changing yeah

i just think my life is actually different after seeing that. And I, oh. It's the same for me, the same energy as when people share their Spotify rap. You know how every single person is posting on their story. Like I listened to 12,000 minutes of Block Party this year. And you go, okay. Didn't your friend hook up with the singer from Block Party? We're not talking about it, okay?

I can't believe I was lied to. But you know what I mean? Yeah. I love it. Fucking share your fucking shit information. I love it. And I just think that we should all be nicer to the people that are posting in Italy because then when you go to Italy.

And you post. And you post. You think that everyone loves it. I personally do. I actually do love it. Are you pitching it for an Italy trip? I'd love to get there one day, hopefully one day in my life. Is this time next year our hot girl Euro summer?

Can we do that? Like for work? Is that a work expense? Oh, if we do something, We'll do a live stream. Oh, okay. 65 hours. Mate, I was thinking more of like half an hour from the pizza place. Yeah, from the airport before we take off.

Fuck. I just wanted to get that off my chest because I love it. I think it's really nice. Do you think other people are for it? No, I think people hate it. Yeah. But like, I don't know. What's the point of instagram if not showing off your shit that's the thing and i think if you don't like it when people are really fucking happy and you don't like it when

people tell you that they're sad then fucking delete the app a like do you know what i mean please don't click we've had one click on this podcast today. Don't out-click, mis-click. Yeah, excuse me. Steal my click thunder. But you know what I mean? Like, fuck off and just write your thoughts down on Microsoft Word and don't fucking share them with anyone. Get, like, fucking MS-DOS paint and fucking fuck off.

Start a WordPress blog. Yeah. Get a fucking Tumblr. R.I.P. I loved Tumblr porn and they took it away. So sad. The black and white fucking pictures of hot girls with tattoos and, like, now it's gone.

And now they took the porn away and then Tumblr died. Then it crashed. Yeah, it's basically Twitter. Fucking Elon must have bought it. Anyway, the thing is. It was actually Yahoo. Oh. Or Verizon.

Yahoo. Yeah, Yahoo's here. Anyway, just wanted to get that off my chest. I'm here for it. Would love to hear everybody's thoughts on that because I think it is very polarizing. I'm here for it. I agree. You like it?

I would have also appreciated a funny meme about people going to Europe and posting about it. But now when you've called it out and put it in the harsh light of day. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck yeah. Yeah. I think just like live your best life. Like, do you know what I mean?

Like everyone should be happy and they should be able to share it. And you should also be able to share it if you're having a shit fucking time. Yep. Are you having a shit time? No, I'm having a great time. I'm off to Italy. Yeah. Thanks so much for tuning in my you love to see it is gingerbread

season I'm the only one in my family that likes it and I had my fill this holiday season Tony and Ryan will be back next Monday have a great day and see you soon