Toni and Ryan - TONI TO THE RESCUE
Episode Date: October 30, 2022I'VE SAVED THE DAY!! (ALMOST!) And I rap about the spoooooooooooOOOky movie Hocus Pocus! Love you! Toni xxoxooxx Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook G...roup! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. I'm Ryan. This is Tony.
Tony here.
And we're calling Jono, who's up in Cairns, which is North Queensland.
Jono in Cairns. God, that adds up, doesn't it?
Hello?
Jono!
G'day, Jono.
Oh, g'day. How you going?
We're bloody good, mate. How are you?
Mate, I'm bloody good too.
I'm all the better for talking to you.
We had to put on our suburban Aussie dad voices because we're calling Jono in Cairns.
But you're a Kiwi.
No, I'm an Aussie.
Oh, sorry.
That's very offensive.
I just thought I heard a twinge of Kiwi in there and I thought let's not assume that you're an Aussie goer just because you're called Jono.
You know what's happened?
You've called your dog Dr. Pippa and now you think everything is New Zealand.
You're not wrong.
So, Jono, do you approve of this episode?
I approve this podcast.
There we go.
That's a good answer.
Hey, this is Jono from Outback Queensland and I approve this podcast.
Woo!
Woo! Woo!
Happy Halloween.
Halloween!
I fucking forgot about that
and how much I love it.
So coming up today, Hocus Pocus.
And you were just saying before, a lot of people's, like,
favourite childhood movie.
So they only, obviously we'll get to it,
but do you know that they just released a sequel?
So when I went to watch it.
That's the one you found.
Yeah, and I almost started watching.
It's getting pushed so hard on Disney+.
It really is, isn't it?
Yeah.
And so when I typed in H into Disney+, it was like,
Hoax, hoax, hoax.
Is that what you meant?
That's obviously what you meant.
And I was like, no, I was actually.
But then I had a panic because I was like, is that what we meant?
Did we say the second one?
Because I definitely haven't seen the first one.
Let's get to it. Yeah, okay, we seen the first one. Let's get to it.
Yeah, okay.
We'll get to that.
We'll get to that.
But, Tony, what's going on, mate?
All right.
I've got a life question for you, for anybody listening.
What would you do?
Okay.
When in real life, and I'm talking out in the wild, out in cowboy world,
you see someone struggling.
Like with the shopping or something?
In any sense.
Just like can't get the ticket machine at the shop.
Sorry, did you say can't?
Can't get the shopping.
Jeez, you're Asian news.
Still in holiday mode.
Like can't get the ticket machine working at the shops.
Or, yes, struggling with the shopping.
Or, like, you know that they live in your building
so you leave the door open for them or whatever.
But like what do you do?
My natural reaction is to first, not first help,
but first see if I'm able to help.
Oh.
So you'll assess before going in.
Well, say if something's like, I don't know, really,
really heavy and they're struggling with it.
Yeah.
You're like, fuck, well, I can't carry that either.
Yeah.
Or someone's struggling to drive a manual car.
Am I going to go, hey, mate, let me show you how it's done?
Let me take it.
Yeah.
But there is a want to do something, but then like a realism of like,
am I actually helping or hindering this situation?
Because I feel like, say, for argument's sake,
you can help them with whatever it is.
I feel like the two options of like, yes, I'll help them,
or like, oh, look at them fucking that thing up.
Is there also a subcategory?
Oh, maybe there's another option of life judgment.
A subcategory.
Yeah.
If they've clearly got themselves into this situation and you can see it coming a mile
away, there's a part of me that goes, well, look what fucking happens.
Yeah.
Well, well, well, the consequences of your own actions.
Yeah.
There's a little bit of that.
So we've recently been on holiday.
What's happened?
We've recently been on holiday.
And on the plane home, so our flight got cancelled.
So we were in Queenstown in New Zealand flying back to Melbourne.
It's like a three-hour flight.
That got cancelled and instead we had to fly from Queenstown
all the way to the top of New Zealand in Auckland,
which is like an hour 15 and then fly back from Auckland to Melbourne, which is like
four hours.
Yeah.
So it really blew out.
Yeah.
And because we had like late seat selection because it happened at the last minute, which
you know I'm not good with last minute stuff.
Last minute changes.
We got this like weird seat behind the toilet.
Behind the toilet?
So we had like paid for, I paid for an exit row,
which I've never done before.
Fucking game changer, by the way.
Really?
Because it's only like an extra five or ten bucks, right?
Yeah, but I've just never thought about it.
But Torbz is really tall.
Like his legs are fucking like six metres long.
I'm not that tall and I'm also not really short.
No.
But usually on the cheaper flights, my knees will be touching the seat
and so you don't have a lot of air.
So for Torbs, who's probably three inches taller than me, game changer.
Yeah.
So I was like, you know what, this is my version of like,
fuck it, let's do it.
I was like, let's do exit row.
Like you said, it's $15 or something.
Anyway, but because I'd already paid for that on our original flight,
they allocated us to the exit row in this.
Except it was an exit row where it was only two seats
and the third seat on the window was like facing us
because that was where the flight attendant was going to sit.
Oh, yeah.
And so we're behind the toilet and like we didn't have like tray table.
We didn't have screens or anything.
Okay, so I used to froth those seats but then the reality of the no tray,
the thing in front of you, there's actually a few things
you need to consider.
Yeah, so it's not actually like all it's fucking cracked up to be.
So anyway, we kind of sit down.
I'm like, oh, we don't have tray table or whatever.
I don't really care.
I'm not really like an entertainment guy on the plane.
I'll normally just like listen to my AirPods or whatever.
And so that didn't really bother me, but Torb's like loves watching a movie
on the plane.
And so that was a bit of a problem.
But I was like, bro, it's an hour.
All good.
But because we're kind of on like a weird angle, like on the side,
we could see the other side of the plane like nine screens in front of us
because we were like on an angle.
Yeah, okay.
Yeah, gotcha.
So like we could see through everybody, what they were watching.
Yeah.
So we flew Air New Zealand.
Okay.
And they happened to have just added Angry Birds to their entertainment system. Oh, yeah. So we flew Air New Zealand. Okay. And they happen to have just added Angry Birds
to their entertainment system.
Oh, God.
So it's called like Angry Birds World Tour or something.
So it's like a specific version of the game for the plane.
Do you or Torbs consider yourselves experts in the field of Angry Birds?
Well, I'm pretty good at Angry Birds because-
I already hate this story.
It's the worst story I've ever heard.
But I do have a question.
Have you ever played Angry Birds?
Like once or twice.
I'm not a games guy.
No, but like-
Like I know how, like the concept, but I'm-
Could you explain the concept of the game to me?
So-
Quickly, 30 seconds.
Okay, so basically, without the technical terms, it's as if you've got birds in like a slingshot
kind of vibe.
Yeah.
And then you're shooting the birds to like hit things in the distance to like.
You hit the little pigs.
Hit the pigs.
Pop the pigs.
And you're knocking things down because the aim of the game is to knock things down.
Yeah.
And so you've got a certain amount of birds to shoot from the slingshot.
Yeah.
And hit the things.
And do you remember the mechanism of why the birds work?
Because you kind of pull it back in the slingshot, right?
So you sling it back.
Yeah.
But then you know how there's like four different types of birds?
No, I don't even know that much.
So there's like four different types of birds.
Yeah.
And they all have different powers.
Oh, okay.
And so you sling the bird back, but then you like tap the screen when you want them to like emit their power.
So there's one white bird that like drops an egg and it's a bomb.
There's one red bird that yells when you tap the thing and it like,
it's a scream, pushes stuff down.
You actually need to do that to like win the game.
Every single, I can see nine screens, right?
Every single person I can see, they're flying alone, obviously,
and they're all playing Angry Birds.
Oh, because it's really taken over.
Like it's fucking, yeah, it's an epidemic.
Yep.
Not a pandemic.
Just an epidemic.
And they're all having fun, like getting the hang of it,
and there's some older people kind of playing it and fucking around
or whatever.
I see this one girl, and she's probably 30, about my age.
Great.
And she's struggling.
Everyone else is getting the hang of it.
She's struggling.
She keeps slinging the birds back but not tapping the screen.
Amateur.
So like when your birds then hit, they don't do much damage
because you haven't used their powers.
Throwing a grenade without taking the pin out.
Exactly right. Like that's just getting a rock in me eye. Yeah, who Throwing a grenade without taking the pin out. Exactly right.
Like that's just getting a rock in me eye.
Yeah, who's throwing a rock in a war?
Exactly.
So she gets the first, you know how the first stage of a game is always like,
you know, it's a bit of a fuck up.
It starts easy, yeah.
It's almost a teach it.
It's a gimme.
Yep.
I played golf while I was away.
A lot of golf chat coming up.
Golf chat.
Just subtle. I see this girl, right? She gets past the first one. I played golf while I was away. A lot of golf chat coming up. Golf chat.
Just subtle.
I see this girl, right?
She gets past the first one.
She's struggling with the second level.
She played the second level 37 times.
And she just keeps slinging the birds back and then,
and fucking power to her, right? Is she enjoying herself?
Yeah.
Every time she does it and she goes, I'm not going to win that,
she hits restart and she goes again.
Right?
So just to confirm, she's having a great time.
She's doing fine.
Well, I mean, I couldn't see her face,
but given that every time she just hit,
she didn't go fuck this after four times and exit out
and watch Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Yep.
She just keeps hitting restart and going again.
And how are you feeling at this stage? I'm getting so fucking. Yep. She just keeps hitting restart and going again. And how are you feeling at this stage?
I'm getting so fucking fed up.
Like I'm literally, I'm like elbowing Torbs.
I'm like, this fucking bitch, what's she up to?
Right?
37 times.
I'm counting every single time that she goes through.
This is my entertainment for the plane because I didn't have a screen.
Yeah.
Screens are important.
Yeah.
Do not book the seats that I had.
Yeah.
As someone who's like, I just listen to music.
No.
No. You're now pro screen.
Yeah.
She gets lucky, right?
Yeah.
And she moves on to level three.
She plays level three countless fucking times.
I'm getting more and more angry.
I'm like, this game is so fucking easy.
So was there a very simple, like when you said the birds do certain things,
from even where you were sitting, was it very easy to go,
oh, by the way, you need the purple one and press it this time?
Like was there a simple solution to her problem?
Yes, it was kind of like if I had tapped her on the shoulder, right,
and gone like, oh, if you press the birds, they like blow up.
And then she would have gone, oh, my God.
Oh, great, thanks.
Oh, my God, I hate this story. Well, pause.
In this situation, given how easy it would have been for me to say something
and probably made her flight even more enjoyable.
That's according to you.
Would you have said something?
No.
You wouldn't have?
No.
Again, my ability to help with Angry Birds is pretty low.
Yeah.
But I – see, when you said if someone's struggling,
like you don't know that they're struggling because in a different context,
they're playing a game and they're keeping themselves busy on a flight,
which may be the goal.
So struggling as before we said unable to carry something,
they've dropped something.
They're struggling with it.
So you have said they're struggling.
They might not think they're struggling.
But please, what did you do?
Well, Torb said what you said.
I was like, can I just go over?
Because you're on the plane.
Can I just go over there and fucking tell her what to do?
Right? Did you push the button to call over the flight attendant?
No.
Because you know how you push the button up top and they come and go,
Miss Lodge, can I help you with something?
You go, yeah, can you tell that bitch?
Can you tell her?
Or, yeah, can you get like a, you know how sometimes from first class to,
like they've got like a curtain.
I was not in first class.
I was sitting in the toilet pretty much.
But even sometimes between like sections, there's like a curtain.
The curtain, yeah.
I'll be like, can you just close the curtain?
I'm watching this.
I can't fucking watch this.
I cannot watch this.
And I didn't have anything else.
I will jump out of the plane.
And I'm in the emergency room.
I'm driving myself crazy.
I am one pull of a lever from throwing myself out of this door right here.
I'm in the exit row.
I paid my extra $15 and if I see a bird thrown so fucking stupidly
and inefficiently, I will throw myself out this door.
You will see an angry bird flying out the side of this thing.
And I'm an angry bird.
Yeah, I will be the angry bird.
Well, so I said to Torbs, can I just say something?
I feel like that would improve her day.
He said exactly what you said.
He goes, she's having fun.
Yeah.
If she was, like, getting frustrated, still no.
But I would accept it more.
Well, so Torbs goes, no, like, you can't alter her life like that.
He's like, she's sitting there having fun.
Someone hasn't seen Gwyneth Paltrow in Sliding Doors.
I mean, you can't alter her life.
You can do anything.
I was with Torb still now.
Flap of a butterfly.
He goes, no, she's just like, let her go.
It doesn't matter.
But so that took a while, us having this conversation.
And all of a sudden, like the flight's almost over.
And I was like, you know what?
I'm just going to say something.
And Torb goes.
You know what?
We're almost there.
It doesn't matter.
No, no, no.
So I go, all right, I'm just going to go and say something.
Yeah.
And Torbs goes, well, you can't fucking go now.
And I was like, why?
He goes, because she's going to know you watched her suck dick at this game for an hour.
Excuse me, mate.
I've been watching, you know that 37 attempts on the first one and 26 on the second?
Yeah, no, I'm just sitting three rows back.
And he goes, what, are you going to walk over there like a football coach
from a movie?
With a clipboard.
And I've got the life's turtles in there.
I'm like, here's how you could have improved your gameplay.
Yeah, well, hey, people take feedback.
So what, did you do it?
So I didn't say anything.
Because Torbs was right.
He's like, what are you going to do?
Be like, well, I've been watching since we bought this flight.
You've really sucked ass at this fucking game.
But you know what I did do instead?
Messaged Air New Zealand.
No.
And said.
No, that's worse.
I said you should put a little tutorial on the game.
Okay.
Don't you think that's a good idea?
It's a great idea, but the fact you messaged them is insanity.
Why?
Think of all the shit that's going on with airlines at the moment.
They go, oh, there's supply chain issues.
Oh, it's hard to get baggage staff.
COVID's running wild.
Baggage is being lost.
Insurance issues.
International blah, blah, blah.
I didn't even think of that.
And Heathrow.
Have you seen the-
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
It's horrible.
I was so stressed the whole time because we obviously had to check our bags
because we were away for like a week.
Yeah.
And then the CEO of Air New Zealand.
Oh, what's this email?
What's this email?
Hang on.
You've got to do the accent.
Oh, God, what's this email?
Now say, cancel my 2 p.m. with Aunty Jacinda.
Cancel my 2 p.m. with Aunty Jacinda. Cancel my 2pm with Aunty Sundy.
We need to talk Angry Birds.
We need to talk Angry Birds.
Oh, my God, Tony Lodge was right.
We've hired McKinsley Consulting Group.
Which issue is the most pressing?
And then it's just I have this vision of me wearing, like,
the People's Champion Award from Air New Zealand.
I'm like, people will never not get their birds again.
Or maybe it could be a part of the, you know,
the in-flight safety video.
Oh.
Because Air New Zealand are so.
Your inserts are to the front, to the side,
and if you're playing Angry Birds,
make sure you tip the bird to activate their P.U.S.
Enjoy your flight.
Hey, this is Jono from Outback Queensland
and you're listening to Tony and Ryan.
Tomorrow on the show.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow.
Hype Man Ryan has organised not only a treat,
but an opportunity for Tony Lodge.
Is this a trick or treat thing?
No. Because Halloween's over tomorrow.
It's like April Fool's.
You can't fuck around after midday.
Cancel the scarecrow.
No.
Cancel the scarecrow.
It's not Halloween related.
Okay.
You will.
Is it good?
You will enjoy meeting this person,
but they've also got an opportunity for you that I've teed up.
Oh, my God.
I may or may not take a commission.
I love an opportunity.
Because I've done things for you in the past.
Oh, my God.
Is it in New Zealand, talking about England?
Yes.
Yeah.
Damn, you've ruined the surprise.
Oh, no.
Yeah, that's tomorrow on the show.
Oh, I can't wait.
A big thank you to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon.
They are the ones that have voted on the movie that we watched today.
Yep, thank you.
Vanessa, thank you so much.
Megan Cross.
Oh, my God, do you know what I'll do?
I'll make all the names Halloween themed.
Halloween.
Okay.
Megan Cross, more like Megan Crows.
Yep.
Okay.
Okay, cool.
Rewind, more like behind you.
Callum Morley, more like ghoul-a-mawley, ghoul.
Rochelle Wong, I'm just going to go.
Brie, holes, balls, more like hells bells.
Rosie Redgrave, Redgrave.
Cindy Aramburo, I'm just going to keep going.
Seth Hipple, Katie Farrell and Marissa Ross.
Marissa.
Marissa.
If you are in Perth, today there is a big Tony and Ryan billboard
at Yagan Square.
Yagan fucking Square.
Which is the kind of the main big town square in Perth.
Yeah.
Where we're both from.
And because this.
You're not from Perth.
I've spent many years in Perth.
But you're not from Perth.
I'm just as Perth as you are Melbourne.
Disagree.
I've been to Optus Stadium.
You have not been to the MCJ.
I've been to Marvel Stadium.
Hmm.
That's a Perth arena.
Did you go to the Subie Oval when it was a thing?
Yeah, many times.
Subie Oval was a great Oval.
Yeah, it was a great Oval.
RIP.
Anyway, that's not where it is.
Yagen Square.
And because this hot fun garbage of a podcast is hot fun garbage,
we're also, our faces have been plastered around Brisbane
and Perth on garbage trucks.
Garbage trucks and bins.
And bins.
And also a few Patreons were the lucky ones to get a few stickers.
Oh, I totally forgot about that.
And so they've signed it.
I don't think they'll be with you yet, but some cool stickers that, you know, you could
put on whatever you want to do.
Like we can't legally tell you to put it on a bin.
No.
But you could if you wanted to. Yeah. But we couldn't say that. I'll be putting mine on a bin. Like we can't legally tell you to put it on a bin. No. But you could if you wanted to.
Yeah.
But we couldn't say that.
I'll be putting mine on a bin.
Do we get one?
They're massive stickers.
I'm going to put, it's A4.
I'll put it on the front of my laptop.
Yeah, that's a good call.
Anyway, but yeah, so you'll see Tony and Ryan out in the wild.
Yeah.
Snap a pic, send it to us.
Like we fucking would love to see it.
Love to see it, yeah.
Because I don't think.
We won't be seeing it.
Yeah, I don't think they can afford to put one up in the air. Yeah, just send us a photo because we fucking would love to see it. Love to see it, yeah. Because I don't think- We won't be seeing it. Yeah, I don't think they can afford to put one up in Darwin.
Yeah, just send us a photo because we're not going to see it.
They put one up in Darwin so they could afford it.
There isn't going to be one.
My sister will be listening.
She's from Darwin.
There isn't going to be one in Darwin.
Sorry.
Hocus Pocus today.
Have a Halloween.
I want to break a few of my rules.
Oh.
I'm on the record as saying that all dream chat is boring,
but I've got a dream story.
Oh, and tomorrow we're doing fucked fact.
Yeah.
In my dream, Bette Midler was my first kiss.
With the big team?
No.
Was this a recent dream?
Two nights ago.
And I don't know if I was incepted by the tarp as choices or it was just.
Surely.
And again, Hocus Pocus 2 is being pushed so hard in Australia.
I'm guessing it's the same everywhere in the world.
But in the dream, I was at a family gathering and like Bette Midler was like,
you know, it's like your auntie's friend
that turns up to a barbecue or something.
And she's loose as.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, like, fun, not like.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, we got it.
I mean, yeah.
Just in case.
Yep.
And Bette Midler was just like a family, an old family friend kind of vibe.
And she goes, oh, Ryan, how have you been since last time I saw you?
That's not what she sounds like at all.
No.
And I was like, since last time, what do you mean?
She goes, don't you remember we did that movie?
And I was like, what?
And it turns out, and you know how in the dream, like, whatever.
Are you an aspiring actor behind my back?
No, it was like I was a former child star.
Right?
And she goes, yeah, remember in that, like, what?
And she shows me, like, I must have done, like,
one scene in one random movie of hers in the early 90s.
And this sounds weird because of the age difference
and because I would have been a child at the time.
But for some reason in the show she gives me a smooch.
Not like a rematch, but just like a smooch.
And then it just occurred to me.
I was like, well, I was so young then.
I kind of did the math.
I'm like, my first kiss was Bette Midler.
And then I woke up and just went.
From the nightmare.
But you know how like when you fall in a dream
and you kind of do those and you wake up?
Yeah.
And Bridget goes, are you all right?
And I go, my first kiss was Bette Midler.
And she goes, what?
And then I kind of realised I've just woken up.
It's not real.
I didn't kiss Bette Midler.
And he goes, nothing.
Yeah, in the middle of the night. I was like, I kissed Bette Midler.
What?
What?
And I went back to sleep.
What did you hear me say?
Yeah, yeah.
And I think it was because it hadn't been the winning movie yet,
but we'd posted the poll, so it must have been in my mind.
Oh, you were just thinking about it.
And I woke up in a sweat thinking that Bette Midler was my first kiss.
Now, I know we don't do dream chat, but is that fucking weird or what?
It is no more or less weird than any of the dreams I've ever told you
because they have to be a certain amount of weird before they're eligible
to be talked about on the podcast.
Is that weird enough?
I think that's weird enough.
But I would just like for you to remind you that that means
that you owe me one dream chat.
One dream chat.
Because you just did one.
One.
Yeah, great.
And you have to use it between now and the end of the year.
I'll wait for a really good one.
Please.
Remember when I had that psychic dream about my friend having a baby
and then she did?
That was crazy.
It wasn't a psychic dream.
She was 40 weeks pregnant.
That's not a surprise.
That was insane.
Question.
Question.
Is it weird seeing Sarah Jessica Parker in anything that's not her being Carrie Bradshaw?
Yes.
Super weird.
Except she is fantastic in the movie The Family Stone.
Right.
Oh, she's a fantastic actress.
But even when I watch something else, I'm like, oh, it's Carrie Bradshaw in The Family Stone.
Yes.
Yeah.
Like, I just can't say anything else.
It was definitely weird watching her be like giggly and like cutesy.
I mean, her running around trying to kiss boys is like basically what she does in sexy.
It's the same thing, yeah.
But like watching her sing was very weird.
Yeah.
On the broom.
Yep.
Yeah, that was weird.
You know how you say that when you watch awkward stuff on a movie,
you like sit inside your hoodie?
Yeah.
And I go, I love it.
I love feeling uncomfortable.
I think it's so funny.
That was a bit like, what?
I'm going to go get a cup of tea.
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
Oh, Pippa, do you need to go out for a wee while?
This is happening kind of thing.
That was kind of the vibe.
Okay.
I just also like, again, because I quite liked them.
I like like silly, magical things.
Like this is my kind of vibe.
I understand why my mum didn't let me watch it as a kid.
Because it's terrifying?
Because it would have been really scary.
Fuck yeah, they'd have nightmares for ages.
But I just kept thinking, like, I guess I missed the part
where they explained that only a virgin could light the candle.
Oh, my God.
When they explained to the policeman that. Yeah, and he's like, oh, are you a virgin could light the candle. Oh, my God. When they explained to the policeman that.
Yeah, and he's like, oh, are you a virgin?
Yeah.
But I didn't realise that that was like a plot point.
Right.
And so they just kept saying that and I was like, what the fuck?
What is this subplot about this guy's not getting laid?
Yeah, but also like how awkward his little sister's there
and like this other girl that he is, you know.
Wants to be alone.
Yeah. Wants to be alone. Yeah.
Wants to not be a virgin with.
But like just the fact that they kept making jokes about him being a virgin
and kept bringing it up, I was like, what the fuck?
And then he's like, oh, I'll just tattoo it on my forehead.
I was like, why is this important?
And then Torbs comes out and he's like, oh, it's like a thing.
It's part of the story.
And I was like, oh.
Oh, that makes sense now.
But it did really like skeeve me out that they just kept saying it.
I was like, oh. Oh, that makes sense now. But it did really like skeeve me out that they just kept saying it. I was like, what the fuck?
Was there a thing in your high school where it was very much like being a virgin
or not a virgin was like a thing?
I don't think so.
It was almost like at the start when someone had said it,
it was like, oh, my God, what?
Yeah, that actually probably was a thing.
But then at the other end, like when everyone's getting a bit older,
it was always like.
It's time to talk about it.
Well, it was more like if you're one of the leftover virgins
that hasn't like, you know, had sex with anyone yet,
there was just like this like faux pas that you'd be in.
And like I remember some people are just having sex once and being like,
oh, thank God, I don't have to like be a virgin anymore.
Oh, that's awful.
Yeah.
I don't feel like that was really a thing at my school.
But I remember like, you know, how you just said the first couple
of people that maybe like, or if there was like a couple at the school.
Yeah.
And then they did it and everyone's like, oh, my God.
And everyone's like, did you guys know that that happened?
Yeah.
That was kind of a big deal, I guess.
Yeah.
But I guess it's just like it's new territory.
Yeah.
Everyone's just so curious.
But it just was seeing that play out on the screen when I was watching.
I was just like, oh, yeah, how embarrassing.
That was the thing.
And the cops teasing him.
Yeah.
And he's trying to be cool in front of the girl.
Yeah.
But I just like give a fuck.
Like if you haven't had – but it does mean a lot when you're a kid.
So I do get – like when you're a teenager.
I got a fucked fact.
Yeah. Fuck facts and fucked fact. Yeah.
Fuck facts and dream chat.
Yeah.
Welcome to the Tony and Tony podcast.
That guy, the virgin, it was going to be Leonardo DiCaprio.
No.
Yeah.
But they were filmed at the same time as Eating Gilbert Grape.
Oh, what a great movie.
Yep.
And Leo chose, well, you can't do both around at the same time,
so he chose the other one.
I definitely think that the kid that plays Max in the movie,
he's a great Max.
I can't imagine Leo being.
Like the thought of Leo now.
Oh, wild.
Yeah.
There's no virgin.
No.
No.
But, yeah, I just thought that that was really weird
because you would never have a movie with that as a plot point now.
No.
Yeah.
People would be like, what the fuck?
I wonder if it's in the second one.
Oh, that's a good question.
If there's only there was a place I could watch it.
Is it showing anywhere?
Should we watch that next week?
No.
Yeah, I liked the movie.
I did.
And I see why people love it so much.
Yeah.
And why it's like so nostalgic.
But also terrifying for a kid.
Oh, my God, so scary.
I did fucking laugh my ass off and I do mention this in the rap.
When Bette Midler jumps on the broom, Sarah Jessica Parker is on a mop
and then the other chick who she jumps on the vacuum cleaner,
I fucking laughed my ass off.
I thought that was so fucking funny.
Like I thought that was like genuinely hilarious.
Do you know what?
I want to bring up one more thing actually very, very quickly.
When I was a kid, I definitely thought that as an adult,
holiday parties would be more of a thing.
Is it an American thing?
I don't know.
Or is it a movies thing?
In the US, Halloween is huge.
Yeah.
And don't take the piss out of me because if I mentioned that I lived.
You lived in the US.
But I was also at a college in the US.
Yeah.
So in college, Halloween is nuts.
Yeah.
So I remember it was like Thursday night, big dress-up party.
Friday night, we went to this other college because a guy from high school,
his mate went there.
So we all crashed at their place and went to another dress up party.
Yeah.
And then on Saturday night there was this thing in the city and it was just like one
of the biggest weekends when you're 19, 20.
Yeah.
Of the year.
And so much fun.
I love dress up parties.
No, I do too.
I do too.
And I think, I think it's good because no one's looking at anyone's outfit.
Yeah.
Well, there's no like, that's what I love about it.
It wipes out this like.
It's an equalizer. Fashion hierarchy of blah, blah, blah. Cause everyone just looks like that's what I love about it. It wipes out this like fashion hierarchy
of blah blah because everyone just looks
like a fucking idiot in the best way. Or even if your
costume is shit or awesome, people are like,
your costume's great. Yeah. You know? But like
you know in that movie, we recently watched
Jumanji and like the parents have a
Christmas holiday party. Yep.
I just thought that I'd be going to holiday
parties fucking all the time.
Why don't you have a holiday party?
Well, now I think I want to.
Oh.
Because it looks really fun.
But the parents being at this party where all the parents
from the neighbourhood are there.
And, like, I just thought that looks so fun.
We should make that a thing.
Wouldn't it be cool?
Well, I'm having dips and dips.
Does that count?
Well, it's not a national holiday yet.
Yet.
Got to start somewhere.
Would you like to hear my Hocus Pocus rap?
Is it the regular tune or is it a spooky tune?
Oh, that would have been a great idea to mention before now.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Play that regular beat, dog.
Play that non-spooky tune.
All right, T-Lodge.
Hocus. Are you ready? Hocus. All right, Tea Lodge. Pokers.
Are you ready?
Pokers.
Poke me, poke me.
A scary non-scary movie for Halloween.
This would have scared me when I was a teen.
Three witchy sisters, you know.
Bette Midler's teeth singing SJP.
Stupid Max lights up the black flame.
Everyone says the virgin's to blame.
The cat lived for 300 years in doom
Pretty funny when
They ride the vacuum
That poor little cat
Yeah
That little boy
Who's the little cat
Yeah
He has to live like a cat
For 300 years
That's awful
So usually in like
Kids movies
Do you like the rap by the way?
That was great rap
Thank you
Usually in kids movies
It's like Nothing that Like the threat of something bad happening,
but it doesn't happen.
But they fucking copped it.
Like straight away, I was like, Jesus.
Yeah, that little girl, like right in the beginning, Emily.
So Torbs goes, oh, this isn't that, like nothing bad happens.
I was like, our kid's already dead.
Emily's dead.
Emily's dead and the brother's a fucking cat.
Yeah. But like Torbs was like, oh the brother's a fucking cat. Yeah.
But like, I was like, a kid has died in the film.
Were you strangely attracted to the long blonde-haired bully guy?
Yeah, of course.
That's a bit of me.
A bad boy.
I saw that and I was like, oh, bad boy, but also like perfect big teeth
and the blonde hair.
And the long hair and the denim jacket.
Yeah, I was like, he's a bully, but that's
going to be a bit of Tony.
But yeah, I liked it. Great movie. All round.
Get around it. 7 out of 10.
We don't rate them normally. Yeah, okay, that's new.
Do you have a You Love To See It? I do have a You Love To See It.
It is from Typer...
Typer? Well, she did type this comment.
Typer Typer.
Typer Typer.
IK. What is a Typer, Typer. Typer, Typer. IK. Akai.
What is a Typer, Ryan?
Tony and Ryan Podcaster.
T-A-R-P.
We get a lot of messages, people being like, I thought you were saying Topper.
Typer.
Tony and Ryan Podcaster.
A lot of tops in the Tony and Ryan Facebook group.
Typer, Akai.
I was so sick of not having good photos with my dog.
Oh, my God.
Can relate.
Because her partner's like, you know how some partners are just not good at taking photos?
Oh, okay.
Tony's rolling.
Or you take a million candids of them doing beautiful things, but then you look at one
of you and it's like this.
Yeah, you look like shit.
Yeah.
So Akai said, I decided to put matters into my own hands.
I set up a phone timer.
I prepped up a little thing, you know, so we look good
and the light was right.
Because I just was like, one day I want to look back
and remember this beautiful puppy named Leo, little dog.
Then the partner who at this stage has been pretty fucking useless.
Yeah.
He's come good and done some Photoshopping work on the picture.
I've just texted you.
And you know how there's Vogue magazine?
Yeah. Oh. Go on. I've just texted you. Oh. And you know how there's Vogue magazine? Yeah.
Oh, my God.
So, oh, my God.
This is so fucking cute.
So instead of Vogue, it's Doge.
Oh.
So the fiancé's whipped up a mock Vogue magazine cover.
So is she a tarpa?
Yeah.
This is a beautiful photo.
She's gorgeous, isn't she?
But the photo is like absolutely...
And look at Leo.
Look at the smile on the dog's face.
Leo's like, all I wanted this whole time was a photo with my mum.
Yeah.
And they look great.
Well, the partner has come good on that.
That's good.
And you love to see it.
You do love to see it.
Love to see it.
My love to see it today.
If, Ryan, this is like you're on Oprah, could you look under your chair?
Are you fucking joking?
What have you done?
Could you look under your chair?
I think if you reach into the back of your chair, like underneath, like at the back.
No.
All right.
No.
What is it?
Can you just do a
It's a New Zealand branded toenail clipper
Holy fucking shit
Two colours to choose from
Silver and a copper
So it says New Zealand
There's some diamonds, they're real diamonds by the way
It is also
If you flick that
bad boy open, what's on the back? It's a bottle opener. You want a beer and clip your toenails
at the same time, dog? You can now. I'm never doing one of those things without the other. So
finally, this is coming to my life. Yep. That is incredible. Thank you so much. You're welcome.
You know, I was in Byron Bay. Very exciting stuff. And I went to the souvenir store to see if I could find some Byron Bay branded toe clippers.
I couldn't find it.
However, they did have, you know, like a Swiss Army pocket knife?
Oh, yeah.
It's got like 74 things in one.
Yeah.
So they had them with different names on them.
And I found a Tony with a Y.
And I hypothesized that one of the things might have been a toenail clipper.
Sure.
And then I'm like, it might be.
I think that's no deal.
I think it has to be.
That's what I think.
An nail clipper.
So if this is the first time you're listening, recently we were told that a popular souvenir.
They are real diamonds.
Yeah, they are real diamonds.
These cost $5,000.
Yeah, well, you've actually left the price on.
It was $11.50. Yeah. Yeah, they are real diamonds. These cost $5,000. Yeah, well, you've actually left the price on. It was $11.50.
Yeah.
Yeah, NZD.
My microphone was so excited it just went limp and fell off the table.
I bought these.
Oh, we found out that a popular souvenir from Hawaii might be toenail clippers
that also have on a key chain.
No one suggested they were popular.
We just couldn't believe that they existed.
That they existed.
But it turns out,
and maybe it's just countries that are in the Pacific.
Yeah.
I actually went to three different souvenir shops to get these.
Oh, I went to four.
I know you didn't.
I went to one.
But it paid off because Arnie's beautiful.
So do you want the copper or the silver?
I think probably, oh, I don't know.
Copper, I don't know.
What goes with your aesthetic?
I don't mind the copper.
Okay, great.
You're a silver girl, aren't you?
Yeah.
Or you were recently a rose gold.
I'm a gold girl probably, but you know what?
This is going to, everything goes with this.
It does.
Thank you so much.
I'll post a photo online.
I also brought you a gift from when I went away.
Did you?
Yep.
It's on tomorrow's episode.
Actually, no, it fucking is.
Okay.
Tomorrow's show, I've...
This will be something that you'll remember forever.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, it's not like life changing, but you'll always go, fuck, remember that?
Remember that thing?
Yeah.
Okay.
Oh, my God.
Well, hurry up.
I want to go to sleep now so that it's tomorrow soon.
Okay.
Good night, everyone.
Love you.
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