Toni and Ryan - Toni's Kmart Kalamity

Episode Date: March 2, 2025

Job interview dramas and a terrible arvo at kmart - love ya xoCheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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you're not with Fizz. Switch today. Conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca. Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Arthur Tony Lodge. We're calling Casey, who's in Michigan.

Oh, not again. Michigan. Oh, not again. Hello, this is Casey. Casey! Tony and Ryan, how you doing? Good, how are you? We're very good. Tony wants to know because you work at SiriusXM if you know Alex Cooper. at SiriusXM if you know Alex Cooper. Um, well, unfortunately, Alex, we're just gonna hang out with the accountants. But, you know, I could, I could pull some strings. Uh, well, Casey, as a former accountant myself, I can actually confirm that everyone wants to hang out with the accountants because they're the coolest people in every company and everyone knows that. As the Alex Cooper of Tony and Ryan, I love hanging out with this accountant.

I know you're lying, but I appreciate it. No, no, no. Honestly, our accountants loose as fuck. Yeah. Nick, if you're listening. Yeah. He got a tattoo at another podcast party. So we're not angry about that. That's all good.

Hey Casey, we go through today's podcast. Hell yeah, I will. Yeah. Hey, this is Casey from Michigan and I approve this podcast. Welcome to a brand new week. How's the come down after your engagement week? Oh, I'm never coming down again. Yep.

Yeah. It's the one drug that doesn't hurt you on the way down. Yeah. Yeah, love's never hurt anyone. Yeah, so true. So true. Last week we heard about Tony's mate who, were they back into a car in the car park for a job interview?

During the job interview. Fuck. Yeah. Brutal. So a lot of tarpas have said, hey, hey, hey, you're not alone. I've fucked up some things at a job interview as well, including Camille. Hi Camille. Come on, come on, come on, come on, Camille. Liam. It felt so uncompleted. Camille was nervous before the job interview, so she has anxiety medication. So she's like, well, I'll obviously make sure I take that because I was especially on edge as you would be, you're always a bit nervous. But she accidentally took double the dose.

My limbs felt like they were made of weighted blankets, said Camille. Like she just doubled down and just walked in my house. Hey, what are you doing? You really? Yeah, this job, I reckon I'd be pretty good at this job. Yeah, it's all good, brother. You got a nap room here or something? A nap room?

You can do something. Do you reckon that the people hiring were like, oh, so relaxed, so easy going, or were they like, did you smoke Helloween in the car park? It has Helloween in the car park vibes. I thought for sure they'd think something was wrong with me because she's like, I was just off my game. Yeah, totally. And I knew it and I was like, just so tired.

See, does that then have the opposite effect where you then feel anxious that you've taken too much and you like you re-up yourself a little bit? Not being an avid lucid drug taker but I think the people who wig out, me personally, I think the people that wig out, wig out because of that. Yeah. They go, I'm pretty chill. I'm too chill. I'm too chill. I'm gonna die. Yeah. Camille would like... Sorry, not being an avid lucid drugter. That's just really funny. Sorry, that's... I mean, you think about a little bit too much. Yeah. No, absolutely. I'm not an avid drug taker. I'm just a regular. What's the opposite of avid? I don't know. And I think that that's why the distinction was so funny. Oh, well not every night. Well, I guess, yeah, if I said,

if I'm not a drug taker, it implies that I don't, but not an avid just implies that it's just casually. You know what I mean? It's not heavy. It's not heavy. Yeah, okay. Just enough to get me through the day. Don't laugh at that, everyone.

Just in the mornings. Yeah, maybe I've, maybe my arms feel like weighted blankets right now. I was going to say, yeah, have you had your anti-anxiety today? Yeah, I've taken my medication. I'm feeling good. You're like, I've taken so much medication. I took it twice. Well, I actually do take medication and, but mine is taken at night because it includes

a bit of like, I don't know if it's melatonin, but like it helped me sleep because I'm a pretty bad sleeper. And like, if I took that in the morning, you know, I'd be pretty cruisy. Well, you remember during the tarpathon, how you were like, I need to take my meds, classic. Classic. Yeah, obviously.

Cause you don't want me to get grumpy if I haven't had them. No, but like also because you take them every day. So if you don't take them for a day, it's like, don't fuck up your life. It's working, feeling good. Um, and then, but we go, oh, but if you have them, then you're going to be tired. And I was. Yeah. Yeah.

And then you went to sleep. Camille would like us to know that she got the job. Oh, that's awesome. They said it's a highly stressful role and they needed someone chill like me to handle it. Well... Yeah, okay. And she's still there so it must have been okay. Great. It was yesterday.

Yeah. Susanna is a tarp art. I hardly know her. I was... Susanna is a tough one. I hardly know her. I was, Susanna? I was applying for a job as a dental assistant and it must've been like near the final round. Yep. And they sort of, you know, they've done the resume

and the bit of the screening and they go, hey, come in, you know, we'll sit in with a patient or we'll show you some photos and you just tell us what you think. Yeah. You know, we want to see, you got this, you know what you're looking at as a dental assistant. Cause how do you check out?

And also like, your bedside manner. Yeah. Like if there you've got this, you know, what you're looking at as a dental system. Cause how do you check out? Yeah. Like if there's someone there, are you going to know how to? Okay. Sorry. You know what? Tony doesn't know what's coming, but she does. But she does.

I think Susanna has watched a Tony and Ryan reaction video and gone, I know how to react to stuff. Funnily. So she goes in and this patient's got a whatever and they obviously go, oh, so what do you think's going on? The canine cavity on the N3 is double diluted. Yeah, that sounded good. It did, I don't know what anything means. But when they talk at the dentist, you're like,

I'm in an episode of Grey's Anatomy. Yeah. So instead of saying that, Susanna went, damn, that's nasty. And then we're, oh, I mean, that's not looking the cleanest. It was just like a natural reaction, because this person turns out that isn't how professionals should respond and I wasn't called back. Good because if I was at the dentist or the doctor or wherever and someone did that to me I would literally throw up and walk out and I

would report them to the A quadruple C. Yep. The A C C C C C C C C. Because when I'm applying for a job as a dental assistant in the US, I need to know that health care in New Zealand is on my side. Yes. Well, you do. The accidents. The car accidents. Dang it.

I often think that in like an emergency room at a hospital, because I'm like not good with blood. Not good with needles. Not all with needles. Not all that stuff. And my wife, Bridget, she is not good in a panic. Like in an emergency, she just fucking crumbles. And so I always think, like imagine being in an emergency and this thing comes in and you're just being like, what the fuck? Like- That's so bad.

Yeah. My legs hanging off. What do you want me to do about it? Get the fuck away from me. Go clean yourself up. She can't. She got to hospital. Yeah, oh my God, you need help. Oh, have you seen Catch Me If You Can with Leonardo DiCaprio? I have, but not for ages. Anyway, he pretends to be a doctor. And he just-

Yes, yep. And then a guy comes in. That's fairly early on, isn't it? Yeah, and someone comes in and it's pretty fucked up and you can see him go, oh fuck. What do you think, doctor? Yeah, and the doctor goes, I think you should do that. And he goes, okay. And all the nurses are in there and they're like, what's going on? Yes. Yep.

I just, no, I don't think I could do it either. As a doctor myself, I don't think I could do it. That's why you're doing this now. Yeah. Well, it's safer. I had to take some time off. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, Adele said, Hi Adele. Hello from the other side. Adele goes, I was applying to be a singer. And I got the job. You do that singing as a joke, but Bridget. You do that singing as a joke. Thank you Robot Ryan. Bridget's sister's name is Adele. And she flew from New Zealand

and stayed with us the other weekend. And she got into an Uber from the airport and the- Yep, of course. The girl goes, Adele, like the singer. And she goes, yep. And then he sung to her. I mean, I can't judge. Hello from the Amazon.

I can't judge because I would do the exact same thing. I just did. Yeah, but you did a lot like a line of a song for a joke. This guy was like, oh, I like the singer. I'll sing a song. Oh, he goes, um, play Siri, play fucking Adele's best hits. And then from the airport to your house, it's just like every Adele song you've ever heard. I'm actually going to have to stop you right there because we got an email the other day about copyright.

Oh copyright. Yeah. So, you know, and it sounded bang on. Oh, very off edge. We're all good with that. It was like a send to all. Oh yeah. They sent it to everybody. It's for people that use music in their shows, which we don't, except just then, that obviously sounded like it was from Spotify.

Adele, not related. Hello. I did the music. The interviewer said, why do you want to leave? I don't believe in lying, but also sometimes if I can play the game. But lying versus... I just, it's not a very good culture fit, you know, it's different. Interviewer, why do you want to leave your current job?

Me? It's too busy. I want it to be much slower where people aren't as invested like here. As a sentence, it's just too busy. He's fucking hilarious. The interviewer's mouth hit the table and when I realised what I just said, mined into and I did not get the job. It's just too busy. Yeah, it's too much stuff.

I'm expected to do stuff. Stuff is not for me. Every fucking day. From 9 till 5. Every day. And she goes, from 11 till 3pm. My whole work day. Flat out.

Except for that two hour lunch break from 12 till 2. That's pretty good. And finally, Nicole Lemke. Hi Nicole. Now, I don't know if this is a phenomenon that other people have listening to Tarp. 12 to 2. Yeah, that's pretty good. And finally, Nicole Lemke. Hi, Nicole. Now, I don't know if this is a phenomenon that other people have listening to Tarp and Tony, maybe you have, because you've started listening to podcasts. I have.

From other countries. Yes. Nicole, when she's been listening to Tony and Ryan, will kind of subconsciously start speaking with an Australian accent. Yeah, sure. So Nicole had a phone interview for a job, does the call, all goes pretty well, gets off the call and goes, did I just do that whole thing with an Australian accent? Not like a word or a... Nah, just I've been listening to the listening tarp. It would have

been like Ryan picking up chicks in the USA, any of you sheilas got a lighter? Yeah, and I'll get the operations absolutely fair dinkum cranking in that workplace. Yeah, oh, you guys don't have a lunchroom, do you? Cause I've got to throw a shrimp on the barbie. Where's Nicole? She's from Illinois. So she hangs up and goes, did I just fucking, yeah, no, I'm pretty sure I did.

So anyway, the worst part, worst in inverted commas says Nicole is she gets this message saying, oh, we love the phone chat. Would you like to come in and have a proper interview or meet the boss and blah, blah, blah? And so now, and this, I don't have an answer yet, and she would like everyone listening to give their... Does she stick with the Australian act? Like does she have to back it in? And if she gets the job, is she just Australian now?

Or does she speak to the hiring manager who she spoke to two days ago on the phone and the person's going to go, didn't you have an accent? I'm pretty sure you're Australian. And like you would have, you know, you take notes. Yeah, it seems nice, very well qualified. Oh, she's Australian. Or imagine if she doesn't get the job because they go, we just can't sponsor your visa. Hey, this is Casey from Michigan and you're listening to Tony and Ryan.

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So I want you to close your eyes. Don't put anything in my mouth this time. Hey, we don't fuck with people who are asleep or have their eyes closed. Or in massage chairs. We don't do that. Actually, in my defense, when I put something in your mouth in the massage chair,

it was a lolly covered in chocolate. And then- And I did ask for it. And then what else did you ask me to do? I'm not gonna say that on the pod. What else did you ask me to do? I'm not gonna say that on the pod. You asked me to ask me to do? I'm not gonna say that on the pod. You asked me to pick the lollies out of your teeth cause your hands are stuck in the massage chair

and I picked jelly frog out of your back teeth. Red frogs, no. Oh, they got wild in there. Too chewy. I agree. They need to, do you know what would be so, do you know what's a good lolly brand? I don't know if people are still on them or not.

Fruit Tingles. Oh, Jesus fucking Christ. What? A Fruit Tingle! Fruit Tingles are elite. Oh my God. And when you get the multicolor one, oh, Jackpot.

That is just so far out of the realm of what I was thinking though. Fruit Tingles rule, and I won't hear a fucking bad word about them. It's not that I don't like it, it's just that I wasn't expecting that. I was going to say Natural Confectionery Company. They are good. They hit the mark out of the park. Don't think that's a saying.

Every time though. The texture is perfect because you can bite into it and it's not like... Let me say a very everyday relatable statement about the good people at the natural confectionery company love it And let me look down the barrel and I say so we can send it to them later Yeah, hopefully they send us some of those little dinosaurs. This should be the slogan on their new campaign. Okay. Love it. Here we go live brainstorm The natural confectionery company when your arms are getting massaged in a massage chair and a colleague has just fed you lollies, you won't also need them to pick it out of your teeth because their texture is correct.

And that's actually the function I'm looking for in a lolly. Yeah. So when I go into a lolly store, I wheel the massage chair in. And you go, all right, a real life world example, I'm gonna really put your lollies to the test. Natural Confectionery Company do fucking dominate though. They slap, they're so good. When you're in a service station, and I don't know what's in the red bag, that's not for me,

I'll get the white bag every time. The white bag is perfect. And the white bag gives you a bit of a pick me up, don't you think? It does. Yeah, it gets you going. Like on a Saturday night, you'd buy the white bag. You'd get the white bag. 100%.

Can I get some cash, girl? Okay. Speaking of white bags, tomorrow's confession is a fucking good one, by the way. Just gonna say. Oh, shit. Not even joking. It's a fucking doozy.

Okay. Sorry, where are we? I got distracted by fruit tingles. Okay, okay, okay. What brand is fruit tingles? I think it's its own thing. Surely not in this day and age. In a world of-

Oh, it's probably owned by someone around. In a world of conglomerates. It's owned by Life Savers. Oh. And who owns Life Savers? Well, Life Savers are their own brand. Do you know- Because Life Savers now have their own lollies as well.

Okay, so shut up Charles, that's what I was about to say. Have you had those Life Savers sticks? No. Because they pop the fuck off. They pop the fuck off. Yeah. Not like a lot of frozen ones. Yeah. Frozen like is a frozen.

Or like a icy pole. They do have those. Yeah. No, no, no, no. That's what I'm talking about. The things on the, those things. Oh, are you sure in the middle? Yeah. They've got like a little, a crunchy sherbety. Yeah. It's so good. Sherbet. Orange sherbet in the middle? Yeah, they've got like a little- Yeah, whispies. A crunchy sherbet-y, yeah, it's so good.

Sherbet. Orange sherbet. Okay, shut up. Okay. I'm shutting up now. Close your eyes. Oh, but- Shut up.

Picture this, okay? Everybody, I want you to do the exact same thing at home unless you're driving and keep your eyes open. Charles, you keep your eyes open because you're at work. But if you drive an auto, just tune in, that's fine. No, shut up. You are walking through a shopping center and like you've got a few things to get.

So you're not really in a rush, but you're kind of having a nice like, you got to get home, you know? Oh, I thought I was in a rush. But like- Am I having a, would you say the word peruse? Having a little bit of a peruse. And am I still supposed to be closed? Yep, because you're picturing something.

Can you just fucking relax? Well, my eyes are closed and I don't, yep. There's somebody walking in front of you that really doesn't have anywhere to be. Oh, yeah. Yeah, okay. This is why your eyes are closed. Yeah, okay.

And you kind of start to, you gain on them quite quickly. Oh, yeah. Yeah, okay. This is why your eyes are closed. Yeah, okay. And you kind of start to, you gain on them quite quickly, right? Open your eyes. What do you think, Ryan, and everybody listening, what do you think is the politest way to do the shopping center overtake? You don't commit to any full words or sentences, but just the, I just got my, oh, oh, oh, oh. The other day a couple were like a couple, not a single person, two people. Two humans.

Had like stopped and were obviously like doing the scan of the whatever. Oh, being like, oh, the mech is back there. Oh, no, no, sorry. In a scan of the whatever. Oh, being like, oh, the mekka's back there. Oh, no, sorry, in a supermarket in the aisle. Oh, okay. And they were like, obviously at the whatever section, oh, which one should we get? But they were kind of staggered, like they were taking up the whole aisle. And like, and I get it, sometimes you got to, you know, decide what you want. But I'm like, step out of the fucking way.

Yeah, or one of them, oh, sorry, mate, just come through. And they just, and I'm like just standing there and I had to do that. I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like,

I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like,

I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I it. Sorry about just getting through it. Well, so the other day on my way home from work, I needed to grab some stuff from Kmart. Was it Fruit Tingles?

It wasn't, but I wish it was now because I wish that we had some. And I was like, I need to just grab some stuff from Kmart. But because I'd come from work, I like, I was finished my day and I wanted to get home. And so I wasn't in a rush cause I didn't really have anywhere to be, but I just like, I knew what I needed

and I wanted to get out of there. And I, I happened to be wearing this denim dress. Beautiful. That is like a little bit distressed at the bottom. Like- Physically or emotionally? Every time I put it on. It's well, you know that long sleep denim dress I've got

and it's got like the little stringies at the bottom. Yeah. And it's just like, it's like this style. It's just from H&M, like something fancy but it's just got this little thing and I wear it all the time. I know the one. Yeah, you've said it on the floor. It's good. Anyway, and so I'm just like, I want all the time. I know the one. You've said it on the floor. It's good.

Anyway, and so I'm just like, I want to get home, I know exactly what I need and I'm in the Kmart and I'm walking down from like the very back wall past like, so I'm not in an aisle, I'm in a walkway but you know how there's like the stuff on all the ends. Yeah. And especially when you're going past like the shoe section, it's always a fucking mess in there. Like all the shoes are all over the fucking place. They really are, they need a lift.

It's just like, it's always just shit everywhere. And there was this group of three older ladies and they were like out having a gab, having a girls stay. Would you describe them as golden girls? They were like, yeah, they were. They were a bit older, but they were just like, they were just minding their own business, but they like.

Or taking up the aisle space. Well, they were like weaving in and out of the shoe aisle, but there's three of them. One of them's got a trolley. And oh, Annette, have you seen these lovely little strappy ones? Of course her name was Annette. I know, I don't know if it was, I don't know if you know what it was,

but it was definitely Annette. Thank you. Who's Annette? Was there a Marie? Yep, Annette, Marie and Janice. And so, oh, Jan, do they have that one in an eight? Because I got that nine last time in those boots. Do you remember those ones with the gold buckle on the side?

And anyway. That would do me the fuck in. Yeah, come on. Yeah, come on. I think we just got a bingo. Oh, I'll update everyone in Patreon. Anyway, you remember those boots I had in 1985, I had the gold buckle on,

so they're doing the whole thing. And I'm kind of like, and every time I went to take another step forward, one of them popped out to be like, here's the size eight, or, and I'm kind of like trying to get down and then there's another one walking out and then there's people coming the other direction.

And it was just like, and I was like, oh, who in the, I was like, oh. How was your demeanor at this stage? Well, I kind of started to get a little bit hot. Yes. And I'm just like, I just want to get out of here. It was cute at first. It was cute at first.

And I'm not like mad with them. They're in the shop. It's so fine. But more just that I'm like, how do I get out of this politely? Yeah. And because I've got one of those faces, the old ladies are looking at me and they're giving me a little smile and whatever. But I realize, I look in my rear view mirror

and there's people behind me also trying to- There's a line. Well, because people are kind of like, oh, trying to get down. But I couldn't get around them. And so then I started to feel a little bit flustered because I was like the first car. And I needed- The pressure of being at the front of the thing,

turning into a busy street is like, you feel the weight of every single car behind you. Absolutely. And so I'm like, I need to be the person to lead this overtake of these old fucking ladies looking for the size eight of the boot that they had in 1985. So did you kick one of them? No, but I wait for a trolley to come past and then I go to the old ladies and then I go into the overtaking side, like the other side, and I do it so fast that all the distressed stringies on my dress get stuck on a

little like post in there like that had shoes on it you know how they've got the like pokey out and you just rip your whole dress off and then you're there and your underwear it didn't rip my dress off but I did get stuck oh that's probably worse that's definitely worse I'd rather run out naked with leave the dress behind! Yeah, leave it behind. So you're stuck to this thing. So I walk and I take another step and I just feel like... like it stops me. And I was like, oh, and I look and I try and unhook the thing, but it's like...

This is so embarrassing. It's like... You know what? It's like thousands of little elastic stringies. Jeanette, Annette and Sinead are not the most embarrassing people in this story anymore. It's tonnet And all the people are like it was as if I went like they all oh, yeah Like I've got a fucking bumper to bumper traffic behind me, you know Like you've stopped at the end of the escalator and people just go, poof. And they've all hit into each other.

And then, so I'm standing there and I'm like, oh, sorry. And I'm trying to unhook the little stringies, but no one can get behind me because I'm now blocking that side of the walkway. Yeah. And Jeanette, Jeanette and Manette, they're all, oh, the size three's here,

but not the four and the fuck and whatever. And does that mean the person behind you, they need to find a third way? Well, then all of a sudden, someone went down an aisle to get around. Oh, Tony. And I'm trying to unhook my, and I'm like, does anybody have a knife?

Cut this fucking thing off me. Like, what is the solution? And I'm trying to like unhook the little stringies and I'm like, oh, sorry. And it was just so rough. Because you painted the picture of being in the store, I feel like I'm like, oh, sorry. And it was just so rough. Because you painted the picture of being in the store, I feel like I'm in the store. And I literally just about said,

while sitting here in the podcast studio with you, have you got out yet? So what happened? And then I realized, well, somehow. Well, I'm not wearing that dress. I've left it behind. And if you like half wearing that dress. I've left it behind. No. And if you like half of that dress, you can get it from K-Mart in Northland.

At the Northland, K-Mart. Watch out for those old ladies though, they'll fucking get ya. So how did you have to be cut out? So I ended up unhooking it, but it took, and this doesn't sound like a long time, but I reckon it took me about 45 seconds. Nah, so you know how-

That's a long ass time. You know how inception when you go down the things like the time doesn't equal the time. When you're stuck, 10 seconds is an hour. But I think- 40 seconds feels like 12 hours. But if I'd said like, oh, I was there for five minutes, people would be like, well, you weren't. That's ridiculous.

But I reckon it was just under a minute of me trying to unhook and trying not to rip them because I wear that dress all the time. I'm like, I don't want to ruin this dress, but all these people and I'm like I'm sorry And I'm holding all the stuff that I had and my handbag and yeah, so you know dress with caution Yeah, Arunachanett and Manette are they down at the coffee club having an extra hot Mugguccino at the moment or? Extra hot is the perfect, like that is such a necessary detail. In a cover of mug. Mug, Mugguccino, yes, 1000%.

Fuck, dude. Well, I'm glad that you survived each other's tail because that just sounds so fucked up. I would have been so fucked off. I'd be fucked off anyway with Manette, Jeanette and Follette, but like, yeah. Yeah, I know. And I was really like, oh, sorry.

Because you just, like, I obviously wasn't trying to fuck anyone up, I was really like, oh, sorry. Oh, you know, cause you just like, I obviously wasn't trying to fuck anyone up. It was just like. Yeah, no, they know. Yeah. Which I don't know if it's better or worse, but. But also just. That's what past guys, what a fucking idiot.

But that is, I just felt really stupid. Like why have you got your clothes caught on that thing? That's not a good choice. Oh, I tell you, in the stress of the moment would have been the worst thing to hear. Someone going, why did you do that? Oh fuck. Do you think I fucking meant it? I wanted an excuse for a break. I tell you, in the stress of the moment would have been the worst thing to hear. Someone going, why did you do that? Do you think I fucking meant it? I wanted an excuse for a break.

So I thought I'll hook myself on here for a bit. Hey, you know how last week we loved the concept of, and we always have and always will, the concept of I'm in between jobs right now? Yes. Well, a few tarpas, and this is my love to see, have really, really taken it on in the last week. Michelle Corker. Hi Michelle. She recently broke up with her husband

and is in the annoying process of changing her name back. Oh, fucking hell. And so all the forms in the admin and whatever. The admin, the amount of people that have been like, are you gonna change your name? I'm like, do I look like someone that could fill in nine forms? Like, come the fuck on.

As much as Tony loves Torbz, that's how much she hates admin. If there was admin and Torbz, that's how much she hates admin. If there was admin and Torbz in the room, love would be zero. Like cancel each other out. Cause the hatred you have of forms. Hey, oh, I'm gonna need a fucking piece of paper. So if your love for Torbz is a million

and your hatred of admin is like minus a million, you know what I mean? That would cancel each other out. You hate admin as much as you love Torb. Oh, I see what you mean. Do you need a whiteboard? Do I need a piece of paper? Do you know how in time travel movies

they just fold a piece of paper? Yeah, and they show the wormhole, like how that works, you're not gonna. Actually, this is what's fucked up with Hollywood. You make a time travel movie and everyone goes, well, time travel is not possible. Then someone folds a piece of paper and the audience is supposed to go. Oh, well, obviously then and everyone goes. Oh I get and here's the thing. I've folded lots of paper in my time never gone back in time

I've actually never seen you fold anything. What's this? Oh What can we no don't fold a book we get it. You know what I mean? I just want to fold your hand. Is that coffee in that coffee cup? Charles, can you please go get a piece of paper? My god, he does nothing, eh? Charles, he runs this place. He does Charles, now Thank you. Now you should have pre-arranged this pre-episode, Charles. Yeah, Charles. And you know what? All good because we'll go back in time and do it. That's really funny.

And do you want to know how to go back in time? How? So see this piece of paper? Oh yeah. See, I haven't done a PhD in physics, but a PhD has done me on the weekend. Watch me go back in time. Inspired. Absolutely beautiful. Where would you like Absolutely beautiful. That was worth it. You really are just an artist with the science. Sorry. So Rachel Corker's name that her new job didn't like

match her like tax file number. Oh for fuck's sake. And so last week after listening to Tony and Ryan, because the clerk goes, Oh, excuse me ma'am. And she goes, I'm between last names at the moment. That is so funny. Jessica MacArthur is a barista. And today I said, I'm between coffees right now. Um, and how can I help you? Well, I'm between coffees right now, so I reckon... And Danny, a lot of separation this week, Danny has split from her partner and someone said something and she goes, oh, I'm between husbands at the moment. I like that. Yeah, when I say that, it means something else. The Eiffel Tower of Husbands.

Yeah. Yeah. And only one of them's mine. Well, when Torbz gets married, you will be. Yeah. You and him, finally, make an honest woman out of me. I saw this on Facebook and I just like, fuck it. I thought it was so funny.

On a local Facebook group, it's like a crime watch group. Yep. And- Thank you for your service. Someone had, it's like, you know, like Facebook crime stoppers, you know. And the, Rhonda has posted this and said, crime, pulling the crock pot off the counter with a two pound pork roast in it. And I'm going to show you this picture of this little puppy who has, during the day,

pulled the slow cooker off the bench. And had the best day of his life. And eaten an entire pork. But Rhonda has reported this as a crime in the Facebook fucking Crime Stoppers group. And the top comment and this, I mean, if you don't love to see that enough, I've got something amazing here. Megan has, is the top comment and she said, I'm that dog's lawyer and they are innocent. Look, I saw the dog, I saw the roast, but do you have evidence,

photographic or otherwise, of the dog touching the roast? No. No, I do not recall. I'm also on the dog side. Yeah. I hope this goes to court and is the new, you know, like every year there's like a big televised court case. Yeah. But I just thought like, well, I actually represent that dog and um, and it's innocent. I fucking lost her, but that was so funny. I love that. Hey, as I said

earlier, tomorrow, a white powder confession. Oh. And it's good. Okay. All right. Tomorrow, have a good Monday, Merry Christmas, everyone. Have a good week. What is it? Tony's engaged. I'm rattled. To someone who's not me, I don't know how to act.

Love you, bye! Enjoy being between husbands this afternoon. This episode is brought to you by Audible. You can listen to the new Audible original podcast, The Unusual Suspects with Kenya Barris and Malcolm Gladwell. Now when I hear the words Malcolm Gladwell, I'm just like, sign me up. Oh, really? Because I'm one of his like OG super fans, super stans.

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