Toni and Ryan - WE ARE BACK IN LOCKDOWN

Episode Date: January 31, 2024

Hello from home everybody - but this time it's not my fault!!! Hehehe love Toni xoCheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. I'm the vice captain of the ship. This is Dr. Arthur Tony Lodge. Hello, it's a pleasure to be here. And we are calling Emily who... Emily! She's from Victoria, the state that we're in, but the town's called Borkan? Borkan? I've never heard of it before. Borkan. Borkan. Hello? Emily! It's Tony and Ryan. How you doing? Hello. Emily. It's Tony and Ryan. How you doing? Good.

Yeah, we're good. Where are you from, Emily? Hawken. Hawken, yeah. Where is that? So if you're heading from Melbourne, go on to like maybe Warrnambool along the highway. Yeah.

Just a really tiny town just out of Camperdown. Oh, Camperup. Yeah. That's like, oh, that's beautiful down there. Yeah. No, it's gorgeous. And is the, would you, did you go to Warrnambool like when you turned 18? Because that was like the thriving metropolis, like going to the big town full of 25,000 people.

No, not really. Okay. So I'll save my story about the Whalers nightclub in Warrnambool for another time then. Probably. Yeah, okay. Sounds about right. What are you up to today, Emily?

Just hanging out. I'm on holidays. Oh, did you do anything fun? I bought new sheep. Great. That sounds like the greatest summer ever. Yeah, I mean, it's not what I did, but that's okay. Yeah. I got new sheep. Great. That sounds like the greatest summer ever. Yeah, I mean, it's not what I did, but that's okay. Yeah.

I got more sheets for my bed. Yeah. Yeah. Good sailor to death. Sort of the same thing. Same kind of thing. Both soft. Yeah.

Soft. Maybe. Emily, will you approve today's episode? 100%. Legends. And the sheep. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, this is Emily from Borkin and I approve this podcast. Happy New Year, everyone. And if we sound different, we're taking it back to 2021.

We are both in our own home slash Airbnbs. There's been a COVID scare through the Tony and Ryan camp once again. How's it feel, Tony Lodge? I mean, I love the throwback, honestly. The thing about COVID is that for the first time, it's not me. It's my wife, Bridget. It's Tony. It might be the first time in time, it's not me. It's my wife, Bridget. Tony is COVID free. It might be the first time in history that it wasn't me that has COVID.

Yeah. So Bridget, my wife's got COVID. So I'm just scared that I might get it and then I don't want to go into give it to Tony and Phoebe and James. So I was like, let's just take it back to 2021 and just throw it on Zoom and see how we go. So if it sounds a bit different, that is why. And the internet at the office and at Ryan's house, as you can probably tell from the delay, is so crook. So I was like, all right, well, I'll record from my house as well.

So today for me has been like a real snow day. I woke up and and it was really chill I didn't have to like drive anywhere park anywhere like woke up had my smoothie I'm like I'll jump on and record with Ryan in a minute like it's been the best day of my life it's best day of your life but you were um I'd say quite aggressive towards Bridget yesterday when I said I think she's got COVID because you were just like oh how like COVID used to be like cool and normal and getting COVID in 2024 is like so embarrassing. I did say that there's an air of embarrassment of like, oh, is that still a thing?

And like obviously because at home. We still do that. Yeah, at home for you, you've got like baby Mabel who like we don't want to get COVID and like you and obviously Bridget is actually really not well, which makes it even worse because you're like, oh, like, oh, I've got COVID but like, oh, I don't really feel it but I should probably stay away.

She's like actually really sick. But like at our house, we're all good. We're just like Tubbs is working from home. I'm working from home. It's like I feel like we're like really it's it's great the only thing that i do have to flag is that um as like a serial online shopper um i get like a lot can you show me your screen right now i need to see your tabs i need you to be paying attention people are listening from around the world and they say hey tony can

you just close your tabs for 25 minutes if i can give me a podcast you can get back to your shit later you know when you open it it's like oh there's 74 tabs opened would you like me to restore them yes i would um but can you please restore what if i want to find those shoes no well actually i mean that is a good point i should close some tabs but what i was gonna say is that there might be several knocks on the door um because yeah i'm not really worried about the purchasing i'm more worried about the delivery so yeah it's funny you mentioned that because um um so but actually for both of us in where i live in beyonce's airbnb where you live in kathy bates's airbnb both of them like work slash study slash office is at the front of the house. And you know at my house, I'm like the front room is where I'm like sitting right now.

You're like the butler. You're like letting people in when that, like you're right there. Yeah. Yeah. And so last night, so yeah, I'm sort of on lockdown for a few days just in case I don't want to be a super spreader. And so I had to do an online for uni online and a package rocked up. And it's so annoying.

We have like a mini exam every week. It's like for 15 minutes and it's just like. So anyway, there's a knock on the door and it's just like, I'm in an exam. That sounded so realistic. That honestly, I was like, someone's here. What was that? Was that someone actually coming?

No, that was me knocking on the desk. I'm just, I'm trying to add some, some color and some flavor to the show. Nah. See, cause all I can see is your head. It's like in Futurama. I'll knock from really high up and go. Can you see? That's better. Thank you. That's better. It sounds a bit more ominous though, the slow knock. Yeah, that is. Sounds like the devils at the door.

Yeah. But I'll tell you what, posties don't respect online learning. I'm in an exam, they're like, hey mate, can you just, I'm like, I'm actually in an exam right now. And he's like, yeah, cool. So if I get to sign this, I'll take three photos from each angle if you can pose for this and then confirm it was – and I'm like, no, I'm actually in a thing. And then Bridget's dead and Mabel's unconscious, like sleeping. It's a delicate balance in the house. Also, did you just hear a toilet flush?

I did. I didn't want to say anything. That's okay. We're just getting the full at-home experience. That's right. Mabel's learning quickly Um, that's okay. We're just getting the full at home experience. That's good. Oh yeah.

Pippa's going to run in with a plum from outside or something soon. I reckon. Um, what I was going to say about the postie though, is that I can't believe they even knocked on the fucking door. Yeah. That's a genuine surprise. You should count yourself lucky. Yeah.

So what are we, what are we waiting on? Should we place a bet in the next 20 minutes? What's going to turn up? What are we waiting on? Should we place a bet? In the next 20 minutes, what's going to turn up? What are we waiting on? Oh. Choose little A sauce order. One is a little A sauce order, actually. What did you get? So I'm actually, well, I'm doing this thing now

where I don't buy stuff I already have because I keep seeing like, oh. That's not like a tiny thing. That's like common sense for everyone around the world. I've already got one of those. You know what I'll do? Buy another one. You would think so. You have no idea.

I'm literally wearing a stripy T-shirt right now. You would have no idea when I go online and I go, oh, that is the perfect stripy T-shirt. And then I end up with like 9,000 stripy t-shirts or black t-shirts you have no idea how many black t-shirt dresses i own because i go oh that one is the perfect shape and i just go into this so my thing now is that i'm only gonna buy things to like fill a hole in my wardrobe and so since i've cancelled jeans for myself personally, I ordered, oh, you know what? I got Gen Z'd and I ordered some jorts.

Very bad. Very bad. Very bad. And I've actually got the return. I've got the return sitting on my desk next to me. I can actually physically show you that I'm sending you back. You need to get out of my house. Just for those playing along at home, what are jorts?

What are the length of the jorts that you got? Give me the color. Give me the full rundown. All right. They're a black denim jort. Jort is a jean short. They're like a raw hem. And they're probably, what's that?

Two, three inches above the knee. Okay. Yeah. Okay. So not booty short. They're just above the knee. No. Yeah.

No. But they're like high waisted. They're really cute. Would you say this is a foray back into denim? Well, I thought maybe, because denim hasn't been cancelled because obviously i couldn't live without a denim jacket but um i was like oh let me just see it's bad it's such a it's so bad they looked so cute on the website and for me just absolutely not um but so i'm

going to return those and then with the money that i'm going to get back from returning those, I bought a little like denim skirt. Okay. Which is essentially a jort that's had the middle cut out. Because I don't have any bottoms now. So since cancelling jeans for myself, I can't wear a T-shirt and like anything because I don't have any bottoms. So that's why you've been exclusively sundress all summer. Yeah.

Cause I don't have anything to wear on the bottom. So I bought the denim skirt that might turn up. Who knows? I've actually bought a few things for our office, which like is getting delivered to my house. So yeah, like Phoebe's gone wild on the credit card. Who knows what's going go who knows what's

gonna come to my house today no i i gave her the credit card last week she goes i just need a few things can i borrow this and you and i looked at each other and we're like i don't know if we're ever gonna see that card again she goes what's the three numbers in the back and i was like fucking rip yeah See you later. I'm like, oh, you know what? Yeah, I know that you're just buying X, Y, Z. And then she texts me, right? This is hilarious.

She texts me and she goes, oh, and I just grabbed this as well. And she sends me a screenshot. Guess, see if you can guess. So she was buying things for us to bake with when we did a live stream the other week on um patreon for our champion tapas she was buying baking things see if you can guess the third thing that she bought you'll never guess let me put you out of your misery a fucking first aid kit i okay yeah i'm, I think I saw. Did that end up at my house or did I get another first aid kit? I've gone from zero first aid kits in my life to about five or six.

I mean, maybe she ordered several. Maybe she's a sleep shopper. But anyway, and she goes, this would be really handy to have. And I go, yeah, actually, you're right. Like that is handy to have. Like I'm not hanging shit on you. But how did you go from baking to first aid oh actually baking with you ryan it's not actually a long

boat no it's that's um that's actually not a big stretch it's a good call from phoebe and we'll take that uh one thing that's interesting um to discuss our new, Phoebe, who's, what's her title? Community and social specialist. Is that I feel like, because she used to work for Bluey in the marketing and social media department for those playing along at home that love watching Bluey. I think Bluey was like, compared to our business, like in inverted commas, like a real business

that like had proper like processes and legalities and all this sort of shit because we were talking about the meet and greets and then we were gonna do something in melbourne and the dates didn't work out but she's like oh if i call the council for a permit to get permission and we were like whoa whoa whoa whoa we don't do that what we do is just turn don't say the c word in this podcast what we do is just turn up. Don't say the C word in this podcast. What we do is turn up and then security tries to kick us out. And then the weight of numbers, everyone goes, let them stay, let them stay, let them stay. And that's how our business works. Because if we ask for permission, they might say no.

But if we just turn up, then we're already there. Yeah. But publicly, I mean, we probably shouldn't say things like that. So if WorkSafe is listening, we have a first aid kit, we have insurance, and, I mean, what else could you need? That's it, isn't it? And my jorts. And jorts, your honour.

We have the jorts, the insurance, and the first aid kit. That sounds like Cluedo. It was Phoebe with the jorts in the first aid kit. Hey, this is Emily from Borken, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. a massive shout out to a few of our champion tapas from home uh tony and ryan podcast um uh i think our bins are are going to be picked up in the next minute or so. I can hear the bin truck, so that's why I missed the tarpers, but we could hear a real live bin collection. Live bin collection.

Mary Peterson, good on you, Mary. Thank you. Crystal Hemsworth, love you, Crystal. Anthony Manning and Jade Burkett. Jade Burkett stock. Yeah, thank you very much jade appreciate that uh thanks to everyone who sent through their normal or nas to the tony and ryan facebook group uh just search for tony and ryan podcast you can see the the thread there and um let me just lay it down tony

you pretend that you're a single lass using tinder and tell me if you think this would like pique your interest or would be like a bit of a, uh. Okay. Mary says, normal or nah, saying you're a tarpa in your dating profile. Um, am I pretending that I'm Tony Lodge and I'm single or am I an anonymous single person? No, that's a fair question. I should have made that clear early and, you know, because Tony needs to get in character when she's going to react to new news.

I think let's go young hot girl with IBS who's 27 and looking for her dream boat. Okay. So if I'm that person, young hot girl with IBS, then like I'd probably be like, oh, my God, what is that? And I'd probably like find that really ende God, what is that? And I'd probably like find that really endearing that they like super loved a podcast. However, if I was single Tony Lodge and someone was like, Oh, I love this podcast. I'd go, well, probably not because that's

my podcast. And I don't want you knowing that I put my rubbish in other people's bins and stuff, you know? Yeah. They'd know everything about you about you but then again it's probably a sure thing you know what i mean like you're like oh they're a tarpa that's a good point if i can't um take this one home then what am i doing yeah i'm probably doing really badly which i assume that i would on the apps anyway but you're right that is an instant win and you got got something in common. They go, do you like tarp? And I go, enough to make it, you know. Enough to get up in the morning every day. Jessica.

Jessica said, normal or nah? Drinking orange juice directly from the bottle and then putting it back in the fridge. I think that's normal. I think I've consumed a whole bottle of orange juice before and not used the glass a single time. You're at home. You're amongst friends.

Like, I know that for me, right? In my home, three of us live here. Two of us might get things out of the fridge. Pippa isn't normally reaching into the fridge, but that's okay. Torbs and I, we're swapping saliva anyway. So if we weren't going to share a bottle, you know, but we are. Like it's not as if we're not normally smooching or, you know, upside down smooching, which is a different whole thing.

The reason I brought this up is because I just love any excuse for you to talk about smooch and torbs and i was like this will get her this will get her all revved up is it because you think oh imagine if it was me smooch and tony and we were sharing an orange juice bottle because you can be honest this is a safe space um there's actually going to be a video i think it's out now called valentine's day pickup lines one that's on youtube go search for tony and ryan youtube it's only on youtube Valentine's Day Pickup Lines. One that's on YouTube. Go search for Tony and Ryan YouTube. It's only on YouTube, so go check it out. But maybe one of mine should have been, hey, Tony, want to come around and share a bottle of orange juice?

Yes. And my answer would have been, I wouldn't have even laughed. As funny as that is, I wouldn't have laughed. I would have given you a deadpan. Yes, I would have said I would love to share some orange juice with you. Thank you. Thank you. Jessica also says says vitamin c is so good i assume that it's self-disinfecting so even if i have a cold i'll still drink it from the bottle because the vitamin c will like detergenize it

which a is not a word but b i get i actually there's probably some truth in that you're boosting back up your immune system as you get the germs in so like it must be fine what did they do in like caveman times did they not share glasses then you know if they reached into the fridge are you telling me that the caveman reached into the fridge and got a clean glass every time it's just no way no way fuck. Start again, dog. While we're on cleaning and being safe and whatever, this final one is by a tarpa named Dynamo, which is one of the great names you'll hear from a tarpa.

Let's not kid ourselves. That's unreal. Do you reckon Dynamo knows Alex Fiasco? I do think they know each other and if they hooked up fuck knows what that name would be because it would just be dare i say it a fiasco do you think that's like james bond energy where he's like bond james bond they go dynamo fiasco yes i do or if it is just dynamo which is what you said, is it kind of like have like seal energy? Like people go, oh, seal who?

And he goes, just seal. And he goes, just Dynamo. I agree. Dynamo Marie says, normal or not, putting antibacterial wipes underneath your feet and scooting around on the tiles to clean them whilst pretending you're a figure skater. It's hygienic.

It's risky. It's fun. I love it. Is anyone else doing this? Says Dynamo. Wow. clean than whilst pretending you're a figure skater it's hygienic it's risky it's fun i love it is anyone else doing this as dynamo wow i've never done that so i can't say normal but what i have done is you know when you like when you spill something and then you pop a tea towel on the ground and you like shuffle around on it have you ever done that all the time all the time or like you put your towel on the ground in the bathroom and you like shimmy it along the ground like with your feet back and forth like a little scrubber i have done that um so half normal half nah never done it with the

dead hole wipes maybe i should do that do you know what I should do? Actually, this is a good idea. Put them on Pippa's paws and then while she's running around, save money on a robo vac. Yeah, you've got your own robo vac. Her name's Pippa. I agree. Get around her. Get her to work. Get her to contribute to that household.

Except the thing is is that I'm saying that as I'm watching, I can see her like she's sitting behind where my computer is in a big chair getting some sun, asleep. So I don't actually know that much cleaning would get done if we were relying on Pippa to go around and robo-vac. Yeah, no, fair call. Also a fair call. She's, yeah, okay.

Let's do what you love to see and get out of here before the delay and echo and awfulness of this Zoom gets any worse. I've got one from Jordan Miller who's a tarpa and a truckie. A trape. What would you call a truckie and a tarpa? I liked trape, whatever you just said. Yeah, that's great. I was mugged on the side of the road in Tennessee

whilst listening to Tony and Ryan, is what it says. Mugged? Like robbed? Mugged. Along the highway, the nights can get dangerous. As I listened to the podcast, I saw something troubling in the ditch along the interstate. And I pulled over to inspect and then they popped out and like it happened. Bang. It was late.

It was dark. It had happened before they even realized what had happened. And guess what they stole? What? They stole Jordan's heart. It was a cute little puppy named Benjamin. Got her. Got her. Got her.

I don't want to take credit for the rising form. I'm angry about the internet delay, and now I'm angry about that as well. I can't take any credit for that. This is all Jordan's writing, but I can confirm I have seen a picture of little Benjamin. I'll send him through, and I'll put it in the episode thread today, but he's cute as fuck.

His little paws were frozen. He was living under the broken concrete and we knew that he wouldn't make it through the snowstorm. So we took him home and we've taken care of him. We took him to the vet, get him all checked out, made sure he wasn't like someone's, you know, that had been beeped or whatever. But no, he was just a little lost pup.

And now he's doing well. Benjamin lives with us now. He's a part of the family don't you fucking love to see it you do love to see that oh that's very sweet do you know what i love to see what that that tarpa is about to get a book deal because that writing was just phenomenal i was on the edge of my seat the whole time i genuinely thought that our mate, the Trappy, or whatever we called him, that he'd been rolled in the night. Reading it, I went through the same highs and lows as you did, mate,

and I was just like, oh, my God, where is this going? Why is it he loved to see it? Have they posted it in the wrong place? Is Jordan doing okay? That really takes you on a journey. I hope that everybody that just listened to that is okay. Is that actually your love to see it? Are you running that low or you've checked out because of the delay and the thing and you've you've given you've rolled you finished up for today okay no i haven't i haven't

run low but the one that i had is pretty long and i think that with the internet delay and you know this is supposed to be a covid free podcast and i just i just podcast. I just don't know if I have it in me. But, no, let's give it a go. So, might love to see it. Scott Nichol posted this in our Facebook group. Scott owns a cafe in New Zealand, and he was almost ready to close up for the day when, like, a mum and daughter walked in.

And the mum had a really thick Northern American accent and was like, do you actually know how to make a cup of coffee? Which I think is fucking rich coming from an American. It's brave. It is brave for an American. I saw this happen at the tennis the other week because there was a lot of international people around and someone was like, I just want like a big black coffee, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, yeah, so we call that an americano because it sucks and we named it after your country

whoa you were slow on the country there i didn't actually say that but that's what i was thinking um so um the mom's like oh do you even know how to make a cup of coffee and the daughter pipes up and says mom look at him he's a hot millennial with blue hair like's the best barista, best looking barista we've seen in this country. So Scott giving himself a little bit of a pipe up there, which I feel is fair. Yep, yep, absolutely. Scotty says, I assure them I can make a good cup of coffee. The mum's like, yeah, right.

And she orders a black coffee with half and half. And Scotty says, you'll love to see it. This is where tarp comes in handy because before um you and i ryan talked about half and half on the pod he didn't know what it was and now he does now we all know what it is yes i can make you that and he made the coffee and she was happy and then he told her what to order for the rest of their trip he's like because we don't actually have half and half um so you love to see that scotty i'm glad that we're just educating the masses and i've always said that you have always said that and tony how are you doing now that it's been what two whole months since you've

had a half and half are you doing a a diy half and half from home where where are you at i haven't actually thought of doing a half and half diy like actually pouring cream and milk in but um somebody said that one of the closest ways to get it get it is our favorite milk ryan you know that farmhouse gold one that's got the cream on the top that real naughty milk it's really good yeah we know about that one man yeah yeah well last weekend i thought i was a bit of a treat i bought that and that was bloody nice i love to say that when i'm not um super spreading um and when i've done a rat test also buying a rat test is like so embarrassing now because basically you're saying i know i have covid and you walk in and get a rat test but when i do a rat test and get the old clear, I might go to the soupy and get some like thick cream and some of that milk.

And I'll come around to your place because your milk frother coffee machine is better than mine. And we'll sit there and we'll have half and halves on the balcony. That actually sounds really fucking nice. And like, I think an insight into our lives is that normally you and I, we see each other every day and I feel like I miss you. No, had like what 36 hours apart and we're not coping well I need yeah I really miss you in my life and in fact maybe that's your title of your third book it's called a lodge in my

life a lodge in your life third book fuck I should probably write the second one first no you won't do that that's why I skipped to the third because i know you will never write a second so if we just start calling it a third maybe it's a better chance in fairness that is what i have always said that's a good gag okay let's work on this off air um thank you very much for listening i'm sorry if the delay was fucking unbearable but hopefully uh james has worked his magic and you couldn't even tell yeah well because to be fair because tony and I can tell and we're not liking it and we're fine with it. I just feel like I love being with you in real life and this is just shit.

And I know that your wife is sick, but, I mean, think about that. Oh, it's a post. Oh, it's someone at the door with some half and half. Oh. Okay, we have to go. We're going crazy um love you so much we'll see you tomorrow maybe you know what we might see you tomorrow let's not promise this because we're gonna see if we can fucking fix the internet yeah all right love you