Toni and Ryan - What's your Sex Meal?

Episode Date: September 20, 2021

I'm SUCH an overachiever, I've coined a term and I didn't even REALISE!! Plus things you can say in the bedroom... AND at a Funeral. Have your say on our pod in our Facebook Group! Love ya Find #Toni...AndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Hello? Hi, is that Mel? No, sorry. Oh. Oh, my God, I'm heartbroken. I'm so sorry to have ruined your day. Who have we called here? Wait, who is this?
Starting point is 00:00:18 This is Ryan and Tony, but have we called the wrong number? Yeah, you have called the wrong number. I'm so sorry. Sorry about that, man. But if you are looking for a podcast to listen to, Tony and Ryan is very good. Okay. Okay, thank you so much.
Starting point is 00:00:36 Bye. It finally happened. Someone didn't approve the podcast. Now what happens? Do we just not start? Did someone go to the hassle of asking for approval and then gave me a fake number? It finally happened. Someone didn't approve the podcast. Now what happens? Do we just not start? Did someone go to the hassle of asking for approval and then gave me a fake number? They sounded nervous, didn't they?
Starting point is 00:00:51 They did. Should I? Should we try someone else? Well, we have to because we can't just, I mean. Otherwise, do we get to go home? That's so embarrassing for me. I'm really embarrassed. Oh, no, I've put the wrong number in.
Starting point is 00:01:05 Oh, crap. Oh, I just said crap. I don't think I've ever said crap Oh, no, I've put the wrong number in. Oh, crap. Oh, I just said crap. I don't think I've ever said crap in my life. I've never heard you say it. I missed by a digit. Oh, don't. Story of my life. Hello?
Starting point is 00:01:22 Hi, is that Mel? Sure is. Hey, it that Mel? Sure is. Yay! It's Tony and Ryan. How are you? Guys. Mel, you won't believe what we've just been through. Yeah, we've had a little deal.
Starting point is 00:01:32 We called the wrong number and the person pretended they didn't listen to our podcast, but I'm sure that they do. Well, they will now. Oh, no. Well, Mel, as you know. Oh, no, this is your fault. Wait, what? I gave you the right number. No, no, this is your fault. Wait, what? I gave you the right number.
Starting point is 00:01:47 No, it is Mel's fault because. The second time. There it is. I was just about to say, you know that your number ends with a one, but I called it ending with a two. And I'm like, why did I make that mistake? And it turns out Mel sent me the wrong number. Mel's a catfish.
Starting point is 00:02:01 It's a typo. Well, just know that the person who is one digit away from your number is not a fan of Tony and Ryan. Oh, no, I'm so sorry. Your phone number neighbour. Do you remember when that was a thing, calling the person with the number above you? Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:02:18 I'm so sorry, guys. No, don't apologise. We were just wondering because it got awkward because she didn't approve of the podcast, so we're like, well, now what do we do? So we're wondering if you could approve and then we'll get started today. I will absolutely approve the podcast. Amazing. Thank you so much.
Starting point is 00:02:33 You guys are awesome, by the way. Oh, thank you. That's so kind of you. Thank you for listening. How are you going? Are you in lockdown? Are you regional? Where are you at?
Starting point is 00:02:41 Yeah, yeah. No, I'm actually in Elthamite. Really? That's where Ryan's from. Yeah, yeah. No, I'm actually an Elthamite. Really? That's where Ryan's from. Yeah. What school did you go to? I was actually a CLC girl, so I wasn't an Eltham High girl, but I did play volleyball like you as well.
Starting point is 00:02:56 Not that I've stalked you or anything, I swear. So CLC, does that mean you had a Navy Country Road bag because every girl from CLC had that same bag. Sadly, yes, I did. Yes. Oh, my gosh. That's an amazing fact. Tony just gave me this look.
Starting point is 00:03:13 I was like, oh, that's a bit obscure as if. Yeah. Well, no, I don't know anything about this town. It's a suburb, man. We're not that far out. I've been to the Pancake Parlour near your old house. No, that's not near it. You said that that was where you used to go.
Starting point is 00:03:26 In Doncaster? Yeah, in Doncaster. You said that's where you used to go when you went nightclubbing. Yeah, but that was like on the way home from you go down the eastern freeway, go to the pancake parlor, then go to Altham. But no, it's definitely not. Oh, well, I look like a right knob. You do.
Starting point is 00:03:37 You really do. Not at all. Well, I disagree with Mel on that. I think she looks like a right knob at the moment. So that's a good one. Well, Mel, thanks for the Altham chats and thanks for approving the podcast. No, thank you so much. You guys make me laugh and I really appreciate having something that isn't
Starting point is 00:03:52 COVID-related during lockdown. So thank you. Oh, that's very kind, Mel. And we hope you're going okay because now at least you can go and have a picnic with someone. Yeah, I'm so excited. All right. Thanks, Mel.
Starting point is 00:04:02 Have a great day. No worries. Good luck with the podcast, guys. Thanks, Mel. Bye. Bye. Hey, it's Mel and I'm so excited. All right, thanks, Mel. Have a great day. No worries. Good luck with the podcast, guys. Thanks, Mel. Bye. Bye. Hey, it's Mel, and I approve this podcast. We have some sad news on the podcast today.
Starting point is 00:04:24 Do we? Yeah. What's happened? Today is our last episode. What? Because coming up, we're about to do things you can say in the bedroom, but also at a funeral. Yeah, and then we're going to prison.
Starting point is 00:04:38 Yeah, or just, I mean, if we're going to be cancelled, I mean, what a privilege to be something worth cancelling. But I feel like it's grim, it's dark, people liked last time we did things you can say in the bedroom, but that's coming up soon. Great. Tony, what have you got coming up? Okay, I've got a question about Instagram because I'm in a bit
Starting point is 00:04:59 of a pickle and I need some advice. Oh, you want me to help you out? Mate. Oh, you want some advice help you out? Mate. You want some advice? You come to Ryan. I always ask you for advice. Yeah, and I always, in my masculine, macho ways, even if I know nothing about the topic, will tell you exactly what to do.
Starting point is 00:05:18 Yeah, thank you for always mansplaining. I can always trust you. Mansplaining, it's like when men explain things to women, they already know. Thank you very much. I want to introduce you to a new term that I think you, Tony, introduced me to last night. And the term is a sex meal. Did I say that?
Starting point is 00:05:40 Do you and your partner have a sex meal? It could be a specific meal. It could be a restaurant. It could be a type of food because last night, Tony Felicia Lodge calls me and I answered the phone. I said, Hey, Tony, Bridget and I have just sat down for a meal. And I sent you a photo of what we were having. Can you remember what it was? Oh my God. It was like, um, roasted cherry tomatoes still on the vine, like a beautiful burrata, all this Italian prosciutto and some like gorgeous crusty bread, some red wine.
Starting point is 00:06:15 It looked incredible. So here in Melbourne we're still in lockdown and so just to avoid the every day feels the same, we can't get out of the house. Bridget's like, I'm going to cook us a delicious dinner. We're going to have some delicious wine. She said, Ryan, if you would, actually have a shower and maybe not wear just like sweatpants. Like, you know, just wear a nice shirt and some jeans.
Starting point is 00:06:37 Like a bit of a date night kind of thing. 100% date night. Yeah. You've got to at the moment, I think, break up the fricking monotony. 100%. So we sit down to our romantic dinner and Tony calls like the second we sit there. And I heard it in your voice as soon as you answered as well. What do you mean? Oh, no, it was just a bad time because I'd said to you about half an hour earlier,
Starting point is 00:07:01 I was like, hey, I'll call you in 15 minutes. And then you called an hour later. Yeah, it was just not, I could like, hey, I'll call you in 15 minutes. So I just called an hour later. Yeah. Like I, yeah, it was just not, I could tell straight away as soon as you went, hey, I could just tell it was a bad time. I'm always happy to chat to you. Oh, of course. And, but also I know that you could be like, hey, I'm busy right now.
Starting point is 00:07:15 And I can be like, no worries, bro. Chat to you later. Yeah. So I sent you that photo and, but your reaction to that photo is you were like, oh, you're having like a sex meal. Yeah. Like you have a fancy meal and then afterwards you go and have sex. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:27 So, and again, I don't know if this is a thing, that it wasn't our intentions, but I'm just curious if couples might have a, oh. We're getting it in after this. If we're, after we get this in, I'm getting that in. Yeah. And it might again be like that date night restaurant that you're like, oh, well, if we go to our local, whatever. We always do it after. Yeah. Yeah. And it might again be like that date night restaurant that you're like, oh, well, if we go to our local whatever. We always do it after. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:47 So do you and Torbs have anything in particular that you go, oh, if we're doing that, then we're probably doing that. We, if we're going out for like a sexy dinner, we will probably have sex beforehand. What? Because we know we're going to eat too much, get home, and be like a little bit tiddly and want to just sit on the couch and watch TV. As much as that's like the most unsexy thing ever, it is so true.
Starting point is 00:08:14 After going out to a nice... And for me, having like a few drinks and a meal, you're like, I just want to go to sleep. Your tummy is full. The last thing you want to do is be sloshed around. Do you know what I mean? Don't say sloshed. But we don't have a meal in particular or like a restaurant we always go to
Starting point is 00:08:32 that means like, oh, here we go. But we have an album that every time we have sex we put on. What album is it? It's a Mogwai album. So it's just like experimental prog rock. It doesn't have any lyrics so that I don't get distracted. Sorry, if it had lyrics, you'd just get caught in a sing-along? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:51 Yes. Have you ever met me? I sing like 500% of the day. So every time we're kind of... And you're like, oh, let me just go put a record on. Yeah. Let me put my very prog rock on. Girl, put your records on.
Starting point is 00:09:06 Let me just lick your schlong. Anyway, so every time. Hang on, I'm going to see if we've got that song in the system. It's by Corinne Bailey Ray. Oh, beautiful. I haven't heard this song in, like, 20 years. When we get to the chorus, you sing your version of the song, though. Okay, all right.
Starting point is 00:09:33 It is a beautiful song. It is good. She's got a great voice. This would be a lot of people's, like, song. Oh, it's pretty, like, sexy, isn't it? Bit of a groove on. Yeah. All right, where's the? Bit of a groove on. Yeah. Cool.
Starting point is 00:09:45 All right, where's the chorus? Come on, mate. Ooh, Tony. Hey, Ryan, you ready? Sure am, Shrek. Oh, we had that joke the other week. Okay. Here we go. Girl, we had that joke the other week. Okay. Here we go. Don't you hesitate.
Starting point is 00:10:06 Girl, put your records on. Now let me lick that schlong. Let your hair down. I'm sorry everyone had to hear that. But on the back of that, do you have a sex meal? Like every time you eat something in particular or go somewhere? No. It's baby pizza, right?
Starting point is 00:10:31 Oh, no. Well, baby pizza is our like go-to date night. Every week. But I wouldn't say it's like a sex meal. Oh, okay. And now that I think about it, probably for similar reasons that we've covered off because by the time I've had a delicious pizza and a few whiskies, like, put me to bed.
Starting point is 00:10:46 I'm done. And you just kind of want to like hop into bed and watch TV or sit on the couch and like eat ice cream out of the tub because you've just like had a big meal, you know. But yeah, so we've definitely gone to start getting ready for a date night and being like should we do it now? Just get out of the way.
Starting point is 00:11:02 And then we won't feel bad at the end of the night for being like, I've eaten too much. That's nice. You guys are on the same wavelength. We actually are a lot of the time. I like that. Now, Tony, you were actually involved in our date night last night
Starting point is 00:11:17 in another way that you probably don't know. So aside from me ruining it by calling you, yeah, great. Did you receive something in the mail this week? Yes. What did you get? I did. So I got something that went via Kentucky. Well, you sent me a lovely gift of some cocktails,
Starting point is 00:11:36 just celebrating our success together. Torbs and I are going to crack into those tonight, actually. Excellent. So Spotify gave us a shout out. Yes. Thank you, Spotify. Thank you, Spotify. Thank you, Spotify. You've got your anniversary.
Starting point is 00:11:47 Yes, it's our anniversary tomorrow. So I sent you and I know that you like a spicy margarita. I do. So there was this fancy little bar that did these like, you know, takeaway. How did they arrive? Actually, you probably know more than me. Well, they arrived in like two gorgeous glass bottles.
Starting point is 00:12:01 So one of them was like an old fashioned and one of them was like a spicy mug and it came with like a little thing of smoked salt, some jalapenos, a dried orange slice. Oh, nice. So you kind of just put it all together at home on some ice. We're going to do it tonight. Yeah, great. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:15 So what were the two that arrived? One was an old-fashioned from memory and one was like a. Because in my mind, you guys like a margarita. Yeah. So when I saw a margarita on the website, I was like, oh. Perfect. Tony and Tobs will love this. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:30 Do you know what my favourite cocktail is? Yeah, you like anything with whiskey. It's an old fashioned. An old fashioned. So what I intended to do was. So were we not supposed to get the old fashioned? No, you weren't. Oh, well, I haven't drunk it yet.
Starting point is 00:12:47 So we can swap. No, but I can't because I hate when people like give a gift and then ask for it back. What were we supposed to get? No, well, here's what happened. Okay. I was like, I'm going to get two and I'm going to send Tony and Torbs the spicy margarita because I know they like that. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:01 And I'm going to get an old fashioned for me and Bridget because I know that we like that. But both going to get an old-fashioned for me and Bridget because I know that we like that. But both came to me. So then Tony messages and goes, oh, my God, we've received this margarita and there's an old-fashioned as well. And Bridget goes, oh, Ryan, wasn't the old-fashioned supposed to come to our house? And I said, yeah, but Tony was, she was so thankful
Starting point is 00:13:19 to receive the present and she was so lovely about it. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I didn't actually send her two cocktails, I just sent her one. So was there a problem? Was it supposed to come to my house? You were supposed to get the margarita and I was to my house supposed to get the old-fashioned. So it was your postal fuck-up?
Starting point is 00:13:40 Yeah, yeah, it's my fault. Okay. Oh, so I thought what you meant was that they were both going to come to me and then you were going to go, oh, but make the old fashions for us. It was just easier to send them both to you. Well, there was a bit of that chat. But then again, before I had a chance to speak to you about it, you were like so thankful and blessed and grateful and were like, so you were like, oh, Ryan, thank you so much. This really means a lot to me. Because it was really kind of you. Yeah, and I didn't have the heart.
Starting point is 00:14:07 You should have told me. I didn't have the heart to go, oh, actually. Actually, I meant. Yeah, so I guess what I'm trying to say is that Bridget and I bought a separate bottle of wine for our meal last night. Date night went well. And I hope that you and Torbs enjoy both the spicy margarita and the old fashioned. And congratulations on getting a shout
Starting point is 00:14:32 out from Spotify this week. Mate, I can send that on to you. No. You're welcome. Congratulations. Mate. What did you get me? No, you enjoy the drink. No, okay. So in that morning when you said, hey, can you remind me of your address again? Oh, you knew. I said to you, are you sending me a gift?
Starting point is 00:14:55 Because I haven't organised a gift for you is what I said. I've actually got the text message that I can fucking send you and you didn't say anything and I was like, oh, I hope he hasn't organised anything because I haven't organised anything for you and now you're going to make me feel bad about it. That's not a nice way to give a gift. That's why I didn't ask for it back. And for someone who claims to be no good at accounting,
Starting point is 00:15:19 you're very good at receipts. That's very funny. Thank you. Didn't write that joke down, did you? No, just a natural one. Yeah, nice. They're always better. Well, it's quite fitting now that we've had this argument
Starting point is 00:15:32 because I want to know how long. Not that long, no. Is an appropriate amount of time before you unfollow someone on Instagram? Yeah, I feel ya. Yeah. And I'll tell you what my answer to that is. You can't. It's never. Well, never. You throw your phone into the yarra and never check your Instagram again. It depends how petty and diva-ish the person you're unfollowing is. So I have had, similar to you, worked in radio in Australia and you move around a lot. You work for different people, you move shows.
Starting point is 00:16:12 You take just whatever job you can get basically and you move around a lot and you meet a lot of people. I've made heaps of incredible friends throughout the time. A lot of them is popular. No, not at all. I've made really good friends in all of my radio jobs. I've been very, very lucky. And there's people that I've kind of crossed paths with that, you know,
Starting point is 00:16:31 worked in different departments that I got along with well at the time. I'll throw them a follow because we're working together at the moment. We're working together and, you know, we'd maybe be out and it'd be like, oh, you've tagged me in that thing. Of course I'll follow you back. It's not that you love their content content but you like them as a person. Yep, great. You know?
Starting point is 00:16:49 I'm showing you support. We're mates. I'm seeing what you're up to on the weekends. And of course I'm going to follow a friend. Do you know what I mean? But then what happens when you're not really friends with that person anymore because purely because you just move to a different city or job or whatever.
Starting point is 00:17:05 Who is it? There's a few people that I've seen popping up on my feed recently that I'm like, fuck, I don't need to follow you anymore. But it feels really bitchy. Is it Cam? Cam. Used to work with Jason PJ from New Zealand. Now he's a keeper cleaner with Stefan Lauren.
Starting point is 00:17:20 No, I love Cam. So you still follow him? Yeah, I still follow him. Show me your phone. Okay, so it's not him. Is it someone from Sydney? Someone from Lauren? No, I love Cam. So you still follow him? Yeah, I still follow him. Show me your phone. Okay, so it's not him. Is it someone from Sydney? Someone from Sydney? No, no, no, no.
Starting point is 00:17:30 Someone from Melbourne? No. Bunbury? It doesn't matter. Actually, it does. It actually doesn't. Who is it? No, so there's just a few people that I've worked with at different times.
Starting point is 00:17:43 Is he in Canberra now? No, no, no, no, no. No, I love Ned and Josh. just a few people that I've worked with at different times. Is he in Canberra now? No. No, no, no, no, no. No, I love Ned and Josh. I follow both Ned and Josh and I think I'm on both of their close friends' stories actually. You know when you see the green ring pop up and you think, fuck me.
Starting point is 00:17:55 Look at me go. There we go. Someone's in the inner circle. Yeah, there we go. So do you like their stuff? Do they comment on your stuff? Like is there an online relationship? Not really.
Starting point is 00:18:06 Because I have some, I guess I would call friends. You follow heaps of people. I do. Yeah. I have people who I might have hung out with in high school, haven't spoken in person or seen for 15 years. I would still consider them a friend because we like comment on each other's shit.
Starting point is 00:18:21 We're like, hey, man, good to see you doing well. Oh, hey, mate, you know, this looks cool. And I haven't seen them for 15 years, but I love like kind of still being bros with them online. But that's different because if you're still... Well, that's why I'm asking you. Are you not engaging with these people? And, you know, there's people that, you know,
Starting point is 00:18:36 maybe only post about a certain hobby that they've got or if they've got kids or... Smoking meats? Are they smoking meats? It's not a meat smoker. By the way, after we talked about people who only post about smoking meats, the aggression I got from the Perth listeners about like, are you trying to say everyone in Perth smoke meats?
Starting point is 00:18:51 I'm like, well, I'm not, but the cram would suggest that a lot of people over there like it. Yeah, they do. They do like it. So how long since you've worked with this person? So one particular one has been about six months. Oh, so since you left Kiss 101 Melbourne. Yep.
Starting point is 00:19:10 And you're not interested anymore. Well, we didn't really talk that much when she worked in the building. Yep. I don't have a need to. Yeah. But is that really bitchy? I don't think so. Here's the issue that I think you're facing.
Starting point is 00:19:27 Yes. The answer to your question is a bitchy, no, it is not. Yeah. But what you're really asking is are they someone petty enough who's going to get fucked off with you for doing it because you, Tony Lodge, don't like to let people down. No, I don't. And you're scared and my answer to that is that's on her.
Starting point is 00:19:43 She needs to grow up and not worry about it. And if she wanted to have an interaction with Tony Lodge, maybe she should have thought about that while she lived in the same city as Tony Lodge. Maybe when they worked together, they should have become closer friends. You had your chance with Tony and you blew it. Thank you, mate.
Starting point is 00:20:00 That's actually really lovely. Do I follow you? I hope not. I wouldn't have approved you, don't worry. But it's awkward, right? Yeah, no, I get it. And I just don't want to be that person that goes through and is like, I'm unfollowing blah, blah, blah.
Starting point is 00:20:16 So hang on. So because you follow a lot of people on Instagram, which is great, you are that kind of person, I get very anxious when I follow lots of people on Instagram. Why? Because I don't like it when my feed's too full. It's always full. It never ends.
Starting point is 00:20:30 No, but I don't like it when- Are you saying you get to the end of your feed and you go, oh, I've hit the bottom? No, but I don't like it when there's too many stories being updated all the time. And I just like watching, I just have a very particular vibe that I like to watch. Okay.
Starting point is 00:20:44 How would you describe your vibe? Oh, I don't know very particular vibe that I like to watch. Okay. What is your, how would you describe your vibe? Oh, I don't know. It's very, it's eclectic. It's not like narrow and it's not like aesthetic or anything. It's just, I just like to follow people I actually know. I don't follow a lot of people that I don't know apart from like the odd big celeb, but I mostly follow people that I know. I probably don't know half the people I follow. Yeah, no, that's... If someone, like, comments on us and they like the pod, I'll follow them back on and I'll know what they're up to. What are you spending your weekend doing?
Starting point is 00:21:10 That makes me anxious. Oh, no, I love to see it. And I love that you do that. That's really, really kind. But then when I open up my Instagram, I'm like, I don't know who the fuck that person is. Yeah, but that's... For me, I'm like, oh, I get to find out about this new person.
Starting point is 00:21:25 Oh, no, see, I don't like that. You don't like that? No. Okay. No, and that speaks to my character. It does because you don't like people. No, I love people that I know. What about people you don't know?
Starting point is 00:21:38 Sounds very rich girl in a country club. No, it does not. They're below me. I don't know them. How? And they don't know me. How dare you? So I know someone, used to work with them,
Starting point is 00:21:48 who the moment anyone started unfollowing them or never followed them in the first place, they would DM them immediately. Why don't you follow me? Oh, I see that we're friends on Facebook, but you don't follow my business page. Why not? That is so confrontational.
Starting point is 00:22:04 It is. What the hell? And it was really awkward to be in the room. That's so awkward. Yeah. Because then if you say like, oh, I didn't know you had Instagram. You can't use that as an excuse anymore. No, everyone's got Instagram.
Starting point is 00:22:14 Yeah. Everyone's got Instagram. More people have Instagram than Facebook now. Yeah, I mean, for our demographic, yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Well, do you want to guess who that person was? No, because I think I know. Just mouth it to me. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Well, do you want to guess who that person was? No, because I think I know.
Starting point is 00:22:25 Just mouth it to me. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, yeah. I'm pretty sure everyone heard you mouth that, by the way. Oh. Like there was an order. Just, yeah. I'll cut that out.
Starting point is 00:22:35 Hey, up next, things you can say at a funeral and also in the bedroom. I'm sorry already. Sorry. Hey, this is Mal. You're listening to Tony and Ryan. As women, our life stages come with unique risk factors, like when our estrogen levels drop during menopause, causing the risk of heart disease to go up.
Starting point is 00:23:00 Know your risks. Visit heartandstroke.ca. Yeah. Know your risks. Visit heartandstroke.ca. Alright, do not say you weren't warned. This is things you can say in the bedroom and also at a funeral. Tony Lodge. Sorry, am I being too loud? How are you coping? For me, it's been really hard.
Starting point is 00:23:38 Ah! That is so funny. Do you need a tissue? Sorry, I just did some very graphic, physical... Hand gestures. Physical comedy, mate. Oh, jeez. They've put on a great spread today.
Starting point is 00:24:13 God, the wood they've used is absolutely gorgeous. Gorgeous. It's gorgeous. The coffin, but also your penis. Yeah. I mean, wood is, yeah. Yep. It's gorgeous. The coffin, but also your penis. Yeah, I mean, wood is, yeah, yep. It's so graphic. Imagine if you were having sex with someone and you were like,
Starting point is 00:24:30 nice wood. Nice wood, mate. That is so bothersome. Bothersome? Are we just making up words now, are we? That's a word. Okay. Your funeral.
Starting point is 00:24:40 And my bedroom. Things you can say at a funeral in the bedroom. Oh, can't believe how many people came today. My next one is, wow, a lot of extended family here. This one's a bit... I'm nervous. I'm glad it ended when it did because I didn't want to suffer anymore. Oh, my God. Were you close?
Starting point is 00:25:26 I was proud of that one. So close, it was turned blue. What? Because the body would go cold and, of course, if you're close and you don't, the balls would go. Well, I meant are you close like in relationship? Yeah. But also like are you close, like in relationship? Yeah. But also like are you close to?
Starting point is 00:25:49 Close to what? Thanks for an amazing service. Have you travelled far? Yeah. I'm so sorry. Oh, are you Aunty Ruth's son? I don't know why immediately for me it's a family funeral. Oh, I thought he'd last a bit longer. I thought he had a bit more in him. Well, I'm there.
Starting point is 00:26:33 Oh, he had a good innings. He's Ricky Ponting. At first it hurts, but over time the pain will fade away. Time heals all wounds. Especially your wound. Oh, me axe wound. I was deliberately trying to avoid that word. Sorry.
Starting point is 00:27:00 Please don't cry. Please don't cry. Please don't cry. Please don't cry. Hang on, my grandma can't have champagne. Can I see the body? Ooh, that's really stiffened up, hasn't it? Oh, poor grandad. May God be with you.
Starting point is 00:27:31 No? Do you? Oh, like. I think I get the funeral side. Oh, my God. Oh, God. Maybe that's one. Oh, God. Oh, God. Maybe that's one. Oh, God.
Starting point is 00:27:49 Oh, he's finished up in a nice box, hasn't he? Fuck me dead. Oh, that one works as well. Oh, God. I was crying and I think I just headbutted the chair. Oh, shit. Fuck me dead. Fuck me dead.
Starting point is 00:28:26 Fuck me dead. I'm crying. Can you see the tears? Oh, shit. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. I'm crying. Can you see the tears? I've got some more, but I think we should finish there. And that's not one. Let's get out of here before it's too late. I'm crying. My liver hurts.
Starting point is 00:28:52 Now, we mentioned earlier about the sex meal and we're kind of joking and blah, blah, blah. Yep. And we've talked about this many times, but I want to say it for the millionth time. Okay. Something I love to see is just couples who are stuck in lockdown just getting along great and really enjoying the company of each other. It's really nice.
Starting point is 00:29:07 Myself and my wife, Bridget, our dog, BJ. Lockdown's not great. I know it sucks. It hurts for a lot of people. But we are, the three of us, just having a great time. And I just, when I get home every day, I love to see it. I love to see them. And I hope they love to see me.
Starting point is 00:29:21 That's really nice. And I know that they do. I know that they love to see you. Well's really nice. And I know that they do. I know that they love to see you. Well, mine's a bit more trivial than mine. I'm really excited because I really need a new phone case. And the iPhone 13's just been announced, which means that all of the iPhone 12 cases will be really cheap. Good call.
Starting point is 00:29:42 That's so true. That's so true. You're like the seagull of technology. You going to finish that? Oh, you don't need that anymore? No, I'll take it. I'm like, I've still got an iPhone 4. All right.
Starting point is 00:29:53 Thank you very much for listening. Tomorrow we go to Texas, Fort Worth, for the worst first date story you've ever heard. Ever. Someone who listens to the show from Texas will be calling through to share you what I'm calling a harrowing tale. It is not great. All right, we'll chat to you then.
Starting point is 00:30:13 Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

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