Toni and Ryan - Whoopsy-doo, here comes my goo!

Episode Date: February 10, 2025

I mean... We've heard worse??? Love ya xoxoCheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

With the Fizz loyalty program, you get rewarded just for having a mobile plan, you know, for texting and stuff. And if you're not getting rewards like extra data and dollars off with your mobile plan, you're not with Fizz. Switch today. Conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca. Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Arthur, bestselling doctor. Hello. Dr. Arthur, Tony. Tamalalala. And I'm Lymistus Ryan John.

That is my name, Tom-a-lil-a. Sorry everyone, welcome to Hot Stars. It's your first show, we are very professional here. We are calling Kayla Dix, who's in Calgary, Canada. That sounds like a joke. No, it's not, no pun intended. Hello? Kayla!

Hi. Hello? Kayla! Hi! Kayla, you answered the phone so fast, we're so impressed! Well, I've been waiting all day. We're not running late, are we? Are we late? Oh, sorry, if we are, that's my fault. No, you're early! Oh! You're early! This is great!

Must be time difference chat. Oh, don't get Tony started on the time difference here. Where early, you're late, maybe that's... She'll be gone all day. Kayla, will you approve today's episode? Absolutely! Legend! difference chat. Oh, don't get Tony started on the time difference. She'll be gone all day. Kayla, will you approve today's episode? Absolutely. Legend. This is Kayla Dix from Calgary, Canada, and I approve this podcast.

Is there a nicer feeling in the world? Then be your best friend. No. Okay. Here's another example of things that are good. Yep. Being my best friend. Being Tony's best friend. It really is great.

Jinx. When you're- Jinx, jinx, buy me a dark coke. My best friend. Bing Tony's best friend. It really is great. Jinx. Jinx, jinx, buy me a dark coke. In a can. Cold. Do you know what I've been doing lately actually? Like doing like a big, like I've got these plastic cups that I actually bought at Christmas time.

Because my nephew, we only had glass cups, like glasses. Your nephews aren't babies, can't they? No, I know, but- They don't handle in glass? No, no, no. It was more just because I was like, then they feel like, oh my God, I've, cause I, you know, those fucking heavy bottom, like glasses that I use per, like, and I, well, make like an iced latte, you know, whatever. Yeah. They were the only cups we had. Yeah.

So they're actually really heavy and like they were just from- How weak is your family? No, they just- They can't lift a cup? They're just from Coles. Yeah. So they're not expensive, but they look expensive. Yeah.

And- I know the drill. Yeah. Anyway. And so I was like, you know what? I'll get something a bit more chill also that we can use in the spa. Yep. Yep.

Because like kind of glassy water and stuff. Anyway, so I bought these plastic cups, but they look like the perfect cup, like from an American diner. Yeah. They're like plastic and like ribbed on the inside. Yep. Anyway, fill that with ice, diet coke in there, and then like a little hoof of lime. I've said I've been doing that with like ginger ale as well. So good. Yeah. Carcassine, squeeze carcassine. Yeah. What were we talking about?

Great question. The greatest feeling in the world. Yeah. Is that the greatest feeling in the world? I do love cracking a DC. Yeah. And then having a diet. When there's something that you do

that your partner is like real proud of. Oh. Like Torbz goes, oh, when Tony does that, she's so good at that. And he's like so proud of her. And it feels really nice, right? Yeah, absolutely. So we just need to feel that feeling because someone being proud of you feels good. Does feel good.

This is a confession from a shower magician. What a headline. Okay. How do you feels good? It does feel good. This is a confession from a shower magician. What a headline, okay. We talked about all that good stuff like the Diet Coke and the best friends. Yeah. One day, years ago, my boyfriend jumps into the shower with me and then he jumps back out

because apparently I have the water way too hot for his liking. But he's not pissed off. He's like impressed that I can handle the heat. Like he's super proud of me. He's like, oh my god, my girl's a fucking boss. She fucking takes that hot water. That water is so hot. Yeah and she just fucking co- and he's like, okay. Like, and he's just like kind of proud of it. I don't know if there's like a universal thing, but like, boys don't like hot water in the shower. Do you like shower hot? Yeah. And you're a cold shower.

I am normally, yes, because I like the zinger up. It's better for my skin and stuff. I'm currently pretty lukewarm because most days I shower with Mabel. Bring Mabes in. And she can't handle the heat. I'm not proud of her. Yeah, no, that's embarrassing. How old is she now? She's like hot. And I'm like fucking lift. So to be honest, the last time I've had a shower by myself at full strength heat is, I can't even remember. The other day I had a shower by myself and I was like,

Oh, forgot about this. And you also got like a free hand. Yeah. Obviously you're holding her and taking care of her. When I like soap her up, she's slippery. And I see if I squeeze her too hard, she'll pop and hit the roof. Don't worry. It's only happened twice. Yeah.

Huh? Yeah, pop and hit the roof. Don't worry. It's only happened twice. What's happened twice? I'm like, Oh, don't worry though. It's only happened two times. My baby's hit the roof. Yeah. But it was like a, she's just so little though. She is little. Well then don't joke about it. If you can't handle the heat, get out of the shower. This is a fast paced environment.

Normally my boyfriend, he's like, I'm, get out of the shower. This is a fast-paced environment. Normally my boyfriend, when I get in the shower, cause they've been showering together a lot, but he gives me five or 10 minutes so I can shave, pluck, wash, do my business. Yeah. The actual shower jobs. And then after five or 10 minutes, he'll like sneak in and it's cute and fun and like, whatever. But here's the thing says our Tapa.

I don't actually like it that hot. I can't actually handle the heat. If I had it as hot as he thinks I'd have it, I'd pass out. Like it's hot. And she's like, for whatever reason, that day it just was a bit hotter. And maybe I didn't even realize, but like she's like, I'm not that guy, but he's just so proud of my ability to handle the heat. And she's like, it just feels so nice

that he's so proud of me. And cause it's just so insignificant. Yeah. So this is what our shower magician will do. When she sees him like come into the bathroom and like get unchanged, she'll like sneaky, sneaky, like with the hand behind her, turn the heat up just so he can get in and then she can turn it back down again. That's quite nice.

She needs to keep the dream alive. But also because then she gets some alone shower time. Yeah. Yeah. So she gets it. You know, so it's like, oh yeah, it's too hot for you yet. Like when you tell a baby that something's spicy so they can't have any.

Yeah. Yeah, oh, you won't like this chocolate milkshake it's too spicy. You know? Like when, what did your mom say had mint in it? Everything. Like literally everything. Yeah.

So she would like have a conversation. He'd take his shirt off. The shirt goes over. She'd have her hand behind her back. Put the heat up. She goes, I can cop that heat for 30 seconds. And he gets in and goes, Oh, can you turn it down a little bit?

And she's like, yeah. Yeah. If I have to. Yeah. Because sharing with someone, it sucks. It's not good. This has been happening for five years. And he doesn't know. He's just so proud of my ability to handle the heat and having him be

so proud of me feels so good. That is so sweet. Like why is something so silly? It's a victimless crime. I think so as well. It's very, it's very sweet. And I think like makes her feel good. He's like, Whoa, babe, like that's sick.

And she's like, Oh good. Like that's quite sweet. That is quite sweet. Now this isn't a traditional confession. Um, but it says, please keep me anonymous. Cause this is how embarrassing. So I thought, no, we can put that in the confession segment. Because I have a, another Yahtzee follow up.

Oh, okay. Um, can you just bring a run up to speed on the Yahtzee? Um, I don't know how it came up, but we said that if you said Yatsu, when you come, was that a few people did it, but I don't know how that. Yeah. And I don't want to know how it's you. I did, but, and then a few people did it. And then, um, we have had some feedback of people being like, I said Yatsu

and my partner was very confused. Yes. Um, since Yatsu chat, things have got real bad at my house. So there's anonymous Tapa. She says my boyfriend has used the term yogurt cannon, um, as well as pork sword, which he learned from your podcast. Yogurt cannon. Yeah.

Yeah. Ooh, sorry. You're going to have to leave me with that one for a second. Yogurt cannon. Yeah. That's not from us. No, it's not from us to have to leave me with that one for a second. Yogurt cannon. That's not from us. No, that's not from us. That's too twisted even for us. He did try out Yahtzee.

She's also a tarpa so when she heard that she was like, oh, you fucking idiot. And it's just, they're having a bit of fun. That's fun. He started saying this one thing that he was planning on saying one time, but he just sort of thinks it's funny. So now every time he finishes, he says this one thing. I don't know if I can bring this up. I don't want to live in a world where

the little woot has heard these words come out of my mouth. When my boyfriend is about to finish, he says, whoopsie do, here comes my goo. And he says it every single time. OK. I, for science purposes, I'm going to need you to read that again. But as though. No. Yeah.

OK, I won't act it out, but what I will do is walk down the stairs and walk back up and then say it. Because I'll be puffed. No, I need you to do it in a sex way. And why for science, we're a fact based podcast. We're basically myth busters. Don't say busters. All right.

Do you need me to count you in? Lead you in? I need you to jerk me off because you want the full experience. You know what I mean? Like if you're doing this, I'll call you a bluff. For science. For science.

For science? Jimmy to jerk you up. That cheating guy yesterday is like, oh, it's just a bit, but here cooking up with my ex for science. Yeah. Jimmy to jerk you off. I think the thing is, is that whoopsie do here comes my goo is not like a one word.

No. And that's why I'm saying I need to hear it in situ. Cause the thing is as well, that when you go, whoopsie do, here comes my goo. When you're telling the story, that's not how you talk when you are about to finish. How do you think I talk? I don't think I do talk when I'm about to finish.

No, no, no, but like- My God, how's your day been? But you're not doing like a casual, it's not like a casual. There's like things happening. That's why I said, why don't I just walk up the stairs? Then I'll be puffed and it might just sound a bit more natural. What if you, instead of doing up and down the stairs, what if you do five star jumps and then you do it?

Cause I, you know, I think that's fun. And then I'll jerk you off and then you can do it. All right, Ryan's, he's flicked his Birkenstocks off. Not a euphemism. Not a euphemism. Not a euphemism. Okay, ready? One, two, three, four. Keep going, I reckon.

Go to 10, six, seven. I'm just too fit. Eight, nine, 10. Go to 15, 11, 12, 13, 14. Do a burpee. Oh, the lights. Whoopsie do, here comes my go. For science!

Hey, it's Kayla Dix from Calgary, Canada, and you're listening to Todi and Ryan. and you're listening to Todi and Ryan. That sounds like a would you rather. It's like, would you rather this, this, this or every time your partner came, he said, whoopsie doo, here comes my goo. Oh. And everyone would choose the other one. All right would you rather never ever ever ever again be able to cut or trim your finger or toenails or every time you or whoever you're having sex with comes they say whoopsie-doo here comes my goo. I'd say whoopsie-doo here comes my goo because that nail thing sounds awful. Well you just said that no matter what it was, you'd pick the other one.

Yeah. So. No, whoopsie doo me up dog. Sorry about that. Okay, massive shout out to a few of our champion tapas. Is that saying it? Staying in, staying in 100%. Wow.

A few champion tapas over at our Patreon. You can check out our Patreon anytime. All the links are in our show notes and in our link tree and all that shit. Sohan Allam, good on you Sohan. Susanna Hall, hardly know her Hall. Liv, good on you Liv. Kayla Hintz, is she?

Kimmy Hughes, I think this is like a Gaelic name. C-A-O-I-M-H-E. So it might be Kiva even. I'm really sorry if I butchered your name. Jane Hines and Michelle W. Good on you. Thank you very much for being here. I absolutely love to see it. Now, traditionally on this show, if I burp, what does that mean?

We've got about six minutes left. What I want to say is I think I need a burp, but it's not because I'm fading. It's just because the burpee and the star jump. Burpee. A singular, yeah, Yeah. Burpee. A singular. Yeah.

Burpee. What? I don't think you know what that means. What? Well, burpee. Yeah. Yeah. I'm saying I did burpee.

I didn't do burpees. But you're getting burpee now. Is the joke I was making. Oh, that's clever. Yeah, you're funny. All good. Yeah, you're funny. All good. Yeah. You're great.

Whoopsie do. Maybe what about if every time I go to the bathroom, I say, whoopsie do. Here comes another poo. Yeah. We'll use that toilet brush for blockages. Won't you? Fuckin' hell. Sorry.

Sickening. Anyway. For literally no reason whatsoever, at my house, we have started using the term toothy pegs for teeth. Oh, no, I love that. My mom used to say that as well. Okay. So, um, maybe we brush it after we have a shower every night. I brush her teeth and I'm trying to get her to do it, but I'm like, gotta get your little

toothy pegs. Oh, look, dad's brushing his little toothy pegs. Look at mom. Give me a smile, mom. Let's say those toothy pegs. I don't know why that's a thing, but my mum always used to say it as well. So yeah, it's like entered the vernacular of our household, toothy pegs is like said all the time. So yesterday I come into the office and I said,

we've started using the term toothy pegs at home. And Tony said me and Torbz have started using the term suck jobs. Charles, can you confirm? I can confirm. Soph, can you confirm? Can confirm. Soph, can you confirm? Confirmed. And has that become part of the office lexicon? Yes, you're welcome. And you said you and Torbz use the term suck job all the time now. So, you know, different households, different words, but you know, we're all trying stuff. We're at different stages of life. You know what I mean? Like we don't have a baby. So, you know, different households, different words, but you know, we're all trying stuff.

We're at different stages of life. You know what I mean? Like we don't have a baby. Yeah. So we're not talking about tootsie pegs. Well, yeah, the sock job's not going to get it done. So, okay. Oh, you know what? There's actually no explaining this. I...

Like... But how come what's also entered the lexicon in your house has suddenly become real common speak? Is it true when we were chatting to Fiona, who helps with the bookkeeping, there was a lot of suck job chat yesterday. Well. When you were talking about her new,

cause she's got a new guy. The guy that mows the lawn. She goes, oh, I've got a new guy, she goes, Oh, I've got a new guy mowing the lawn. And Tony goes, how you paying him? Is it with? Yeah. Yeah, I did say that.

Is there anything you want to say? Cause I think mate, it's not worse than whoopsie doo, here comes my goo, but I mean, nothing feels makes me less want a suck job than the, here comes my goo, but I mean, nothing feels, makes me less want a suck job than the term suck job. You know what I mean? And so we've also started saying it like, oh, there's some stuff on the floor, give that bit of a suck job.

Like use the vacuum cleaner. Oh, so. Janine's been around, give it a quick suck job. Janine's got her suck jobs all over the house. There's not a room she hasn't sucked a job off here. So I'm not up to date with how to use the word. Yeah, no, it's new. It's new.

It's like how we don't know how to use lit yet. I think, Don't we? You know, so I think that there's really, there's not much I can say. And I don't know how it came about. I think we would get one day like just fucking talking shit.

And like we were like, yes, Andy, like, oh, a gob. Oh yeah, bloody. Beige and yeah, or whatever. And then we got to suck job and then none of these are sounded great. Yeah. And we were just trying to like make it worse. Like get worse and worse and then suck job happened. And we were like, that is so funny.

And we've just been saying it a lot and saying about vacuum cleaner or like I had a straw in my coffee the other day and I was like, Oh, there's a mouthful in now, just like give that big suck job. Like, and so I think it's the, there's this voice that you've got to do it in the voice. You cut, we, I'd love a suck job. Like you can't say it like that. It's like the whoopsie doo here comes my goo. That's like, you would not say that the same way in the situation.

Yes, Sophie. Tony, I just wanted to ask how your sister Libby felt when you used it in her home recently. Used the word or did the deed? Um, I'd actually think I blacked out. I don't know. I don't know what she said. What did you, what happened? I don't know.

What did I say? You were watching a home video that you were watching a home video. With her mom in it. A beautiful memories. A lot of people messaged last week and said, it was so nice of Tony to share that story. So heartwarming. But what's the truth? What really beautiful times you saw, you saw a shot of her, the boy she lost her virginity to.

Hang on, what? What? What? What? Hang on, hang on. Give me the play by play. Well, OK, so there's like, I was telling the after I shared the nice part of it on the pod, I was telling the guys that there was like a

part of the types was of us like on holiday in Broome. Yeah. And it's us walking around the markets. But Libby was like 18 or 19 or something. She's like on a family holiday. Yeah. So literally, it's just like us walking around the markets, but Libby was like 18 or 19 or something. She's like on a family holiday. So literally it's just like us walking around the markets and she's just like filming people and zooming in on hot boys. Libby Anne.

And there's obviously, I know, and so that's exactly what I said. And then there was like part of the video at this like other, this guy who was a family friend, I'm not gonna use his name because she'll fuck and kill me. And I was like, Oh, like, what did you say? Directly? I said, did you sleep with him?

She goes, no, I didn't. I go, Oh, did you just give him this? And had she, she did. No comment. She did. No comment. Wow. Anyway, and she, but she didn't answer

and Torbz was pissing himself laughing. The boys were in bed obviously. They weren't there. Her children were asleep. Yeah, okay. So, you know, different families. Thanks for that, Sophie. I actually totally forgot about it

because it's just really fallen so naturally into our lives saying suck job. Yeah, and the office which no one asked for. To give him a suck job. Nah, that's not you. Oh yeah. Give him a suck job. You get, it's like real fucking regional Tony energy.

I know it's only a fucking Tuesday, but yes, I'll give you a suck job. Is the challenge this week for the Taffas to use that term? On Valentine's Day. International suck job day. That's what we'll call it. Well, if you really love your man. If you love whoever you love, give them a suck job. They got, Dyson could use that.

I got a love to see it here. And it's a bit of, I don't know if it's a traditional, you love to see it, but it's just an Instagram account that's been giving me some lull since I started following it. It's called disappointing affirmations. Oh my God. And they're usually like two liners. And the first one is sort of like, oh, and

then it just really fucking destroys yourself. Please tell me you've got another one. But it just makes me smile every time. Yeah. Stop worrying if people like you. They don't. Everything will be okay. Or it won't, you know, either way.

That one is not that disappointing to be honest. That's just true. Now this one added me, but I was like, game respects game. Okay. So I imagine it talking to me as everyone would in there. Absolutely. First person. Yeah.

You're not the same person you were 12 months ago. You probably weigh a bit more. Fucking hell. Yeah, and I saw that and I was like... You unfollowed. I was like, you're not wrong, but I just didn't need you to say it. You're like, I'm out of here. And finally, whatever you're going through, this too shall pass.

And then some other bullshit will just turn up right after it. It actually doesn't really end until you do. So I respect the humor, but sometimes there should be a button that says, coming up in about three posts is disappointing affirmations, is today the day. You know what I mean? Because sometimes it gets you and you go, I didn't. in about three posts is disappointing affirmations is today the day. Yes, no 1000%. You know what I mean? Because sometimes it gets ya and you're, oh, I didn't, but then other times I go,

I actually respect the humor there. So I'm not gonna recommend it. I'm just saying it exists. Disappointing affirmations on Instagram. Maybe have a scroll. Kudos to the owners. Have a scroll, but don't follow. Yeah. You know, because then it's not gonna come up

unexpectedly. Nah, but it does, Cause that's the algorithm goes, oh, I think they like this. Oh no, I don't like that. I hope that my phone's not listening right now. Cause I don't think that I can handle that right now. Yeah, you know, yeah, yeah. Anyway, that's why I love to see it.

Amazing. I've got a love to see here, which is like a bit of a life hack. Oh. And I- Is that the James Saks jobs? Is the life hack second list? Sorry, I've been hanging out with Tony way too much,

which is also never enough. Thank you. That's the opposite of a disappointing affirmation. It comes back around at the end. Just like I do. Yeah, come back around after the sack job. Yeah, look at me gooey, is me good, fucking whatever the thing is.

No, so I do a lot of good thinking in the car. Yeah. And often like I'll be listening to something or I'll see something, even if I see something that I think is really funny. And I'm like, I want to remember that to like either tell you or it's something I want to Google later or whatever. But obviously in the car, you like can't fucking

write something down. You can't like fucking do anything. I have just learned that using Siri, you can text yourself in the car. So you can't set her up to like do a voice memo or whatever, but you can be like, Hey, S word, can I text myself? Shit. No, but I don't want to set everyone's thing off. Okay.

You go, Hey, S word, can I text myself? And it does. And then it like is in your texts. Oh, is everyone doing that? And the last time I texted myself was this morning. And I'm actually a pin thing in my own texts. Oh, but do you, is that just to like send links between your phone and your computer and stuff? Or do you do a Siri? Remind me later. I need to keep it there and

Siri. Yeah. I'll text myself. But you do a Siri in the car? So my phone is called me in Oz, like me in Australia. Yeah. And so I'm like, text me in Oz. So you'll do that in, oh, so I just realized that I could do it because I've been thinking so much like fuck. And then I was like, maybe I'll text Torbz and it because I've been thinking so much like, fuck. And then I was like, maybe I'll text Torbz and be like, this is not for you. Remind me later. But like, I'm just putting this somewhere.

But then I've realized you can text yourself. And so I've seen, like, I've been driving past a cool car and being like, hey, S-word, text myself. And then I'm like, Google this car later because it's just like, looks real cool. Like, what year is that from? And all this stuff that like I've just is kind of inconsequential, but I'm like, oh, I never remember what that thing was or like look up that house because

it's for sale. I'd like love to see how much it's gone for or whatever. Is there this is yes. And because I'm loving the energy and like you said, the car is where you get some thinking. Yeah. Is there like instead of texting yourself, like you get this email at 8 p.m. And it's like, Tony, that house you drove past, here's the link to the real estate app,

that car you drove past, here's the colors available and the price. Charles, is that possible? Like it does, like you say, I'd love to Google that later. And instead of it telling you to Google it later, I'm like, do it yourself, you have a fucking computer. And then it does it for you. And just like, here's a report of your today's thinking.

It's definitely like not available right now. It seems pretty cool, but also not to like yuck your yuck at all. Trademark, trademark, trademark. Yeah, pattern that. Pattern of innovation, trademark, pattern. You've got no idea how much pattern's worth. Yeah. But like, I just audio note in the car, like you ask S-word to start a voice memo.

That doesn't work for me. Okay, okay. Hey Siri, start a voicemail. No. Not voicemail. Oh, it's listening to you. I can't help with that. Oh, fucking...

See, she doesn't do it. How's the tone on her? Someone needs a suck job. Start voicenote. Start voicenote. Oh, shame Charles! See she doesn't do it. How's the tone on her? Someone needs a suck job. Start voice note. Start voice note. Oh shame Charles! Fuck you! Oh I love to see that!

I love to see that! Oh we're back tomorrow. Suck job me off! Tomorrow on the show... Tomorrow, suck job me off. Tomorrow on the show, Kate Page, who is one of the great tarpers, who all love seeing her in the group, great contributor. Shuttle. She has asked,

you always said these like big, high key, rich, fancy proposals. I want to hear about your low key proposals. I like that. And some of them are really cute, and some of them are really low key proposals. I like that. And some of them are really cute and some of them are really low key. So not just like, okay, all right. Yeah, yeah.

Like really low key. Okay. Like, low key. I'm doing the low key. Is that what music people say? The key is low? Like what key are you in? Low. Oh, no. That's on the show tomorrow. No key.

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