Too Scary; Didn't Watch - ANACONDA with Wes Larson

Episode Date: September 21, 2022

It's 1997 and we're traveling to the Amazon basin, baby!! Thank god we have EXPERT wildlife biologist and host of Tooth & Claw Podcast, Wes Larson, with us to break down how deeply inaccurate this film really is. But who cares about facts when we have Jennifer Lopez, Ice Cube, Owen Wilson and Jon Voight starring in this ~essential~ ~canonical~ film!! You can watch Anaconda on Hulu TRAILER Recap beings @ 27:42 Follow the show: @TSDWpodcast on Twitter, TikTok, and Instagram. Check out our Patreon for bonus episodes and additional content! Rate Too Scary; Didn’t Watch 5 Stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts and leave a review for Emily, Henley, and Sammy. Advertise on Too Scary; Didn't Watch via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is Emily, Henley, and Sammy, and you're listening to Too Scary, Didn't Watch. Hi everyone, welcome to Too Scary, Didn't Watch, the horror movie recap podcast for those too scared to watch for themselves. I'm Emily, and I am too scared to watch scary movies. I'm Henley, and I'm also too scared to watch scary movies. I'm Sammy, and I love watching scary movies, and so I watch them so that you don't have to. And we've got a great one for you today, folks. But before we get into it, we've got a little bit for you today folks but before we get into it we've got a little bit

of haunted housekeeping haunted housekeeping which is that we are doing our very first live show which is crazy our first one ever our first one ever in toronto at the just for laughs festival i what is it at uh sunday the 25th at 4 PM. It is indeed. It's going to be truly the most scared I've ever been on the podcast. I'm going to be absolutely terrified. So if you are in the Toronto area or nearby, dying to go last minute,

last minute Canadian adventure. It also, we will put it live on our feed. How podcasts work. How this works. You're listening right now. You'll listen to it. So we'll put it out. If you don't live in Toronto, you still get to listen to us. And hopefully you'll hear Sammy and Henley speaking and

not being too scared to speak. Oh, yeah. We're going to get a couple words in, hopefully. You're going to be fine. You're going to be great we've got beta blockers on our side beta blockers it's gonna be an absolute thrill we're gonna be joined by lisa kilroy um who is hilarious and wonderful and it's gonna be a great time and we're gonna be talking about final destination too so if you are gonna come and you feel if you can check that one person watch it beforehand i've got a lot to say about it.

Pretty wild time. It's gonna be great. But okay, other than the fact that we're going to Toronto this weekend, did anything scary happen to us this week? Well, mine is mine is somewhat related to us going into Toronto in that we really didn't think we were going to get into this festival. And I didn't want to didn't think we were going to get into this festival um and i didn't want to um didn't want to believe too hard and so um i was sort of just sitting on the fact that my passport was expired and then so i have to get my passport expedited and the way they make you do that is real they're really ramping up the anxiety because you must wait until you are within two weeks of your trip they do not let you even come in the doors.

They don't even like they don't even reach over the phone if you call them, if you say your travel is in more than two weeks. So I was able to get an appointment to get my passport expedited. Thankfully, there is an office in L.A. I'm doing it tomorrow. They said it'll be good by the trip. But it really all I was just like well i hope i hope i'm going to toronto because i don't know if they'll let me and i guess i got very lucky because um a friend

of mine was telling me when she had to get a passport expedited uh they told her the only available appointment was in hawaii and she was like i'm not gonna do that that's crazy what i just heard wait i heard a very similar story recently. Truly a couple of weeks ago, a guy I tangentially know flew to Puerto Rico to get his passport expedited. Then flew back. Oh, I had no idea what a to do it was. So I was like, oh, there's a passport office in L.A. Great. I'll just call them within my two weeks.

And I was definitely anxious about it, but I didn't know that. That would have really sucked. That would have really, really sucked. That would have really also amped up your anxiety if you knew that beforehand yeah knock on knock on wood because the permit is tomorrow so let's not get too okay okay okay but anyway it's gonna be fine it's gonna be great and if I have to fly to Puerto Rico I will and and then we're gonna go to busy week busy week um the scary thing for me this week is that i have come to the age where my peers are writing novels and doing so successfully and actually written

and so i kind of am on this kick now where i've started just reading books that have been written by people that I know, which is a weird experience. And so right now I'm reading all the books that Anna Petoniak has written. She worked at Random House when I worked there. She was an editor while I was a book publicist. This is my first job out of college. And she was like secretly writing her first novel before. Secret know, um, she was like one of those people and, uh, it's called the futures. And I just finished that one as well as her second book, necessary people. Both of them are so good. I flew

through them. You guys will hate to know that there is a blurb from Stephen King for necessary people. He loved it. So I was a little bit like, Anna, I don't know. I don't know about this. But they're so wonderful. And it's just so inspiring to read something when you know the author. It's very cool. It's really exciting. That's very cool. Yeah. So there's another girl that I went to college with that I don't know that well, but she's also just came out with her second book. And I'm going to read both of hers. And I'm like, fuck, yeah, like, this is the only way I want to read novels now. It's like, I just know these people kind of personally. It helps to like narrow down the selection pool.

Yeah, there are too many options. Too many options. I don't know anybody that's written a novel. Yeah, there are too many options. Too many options. I don't know anybody that's written a novel, so I must be younger than you. Yeah, I'm not at that age yet. It's one of those classic milestones that we just have yet to yet to reach. I feel like so jealous of them. And so but the jealousy is truly outweighed by like feeling very inspired

feeling like wow they did this that's amazing that is so cool that's healthy for you so um I don't know that's it cool I wrote those names down I'm gonna I'm gonna read those books maybe I mean no promises but I might read them Anna's are great.

Wow, is that a burn to your other term? I haven't read Hannah's. Hannah's are great. So we'll wait to comment on those. Well, I'll tell you what I have been reading and I'm not happy

about it. I have become a person just recently, this past week that is starting to use subtitles on all TV. All TV? Yes. Oh, I do that. A lot of people do. Yes. And I've always judged those people saying, you don't need subtitles.

It's in English. And now I need them. I don't know. Just like I miss. Yeah. Just captions. OK. Sure. A lot of people do that

people love to say i can't what is it i can't hear without my subtitles what is it what is it that everybody says people say it people say okay but actually i feel like has okay i actually was about to realize it's maybe that we're getting older but i was like i was about to say has sound changed because i feel like sometimes they're not concerned on TV shows with you hearing every word. It's true. Some things are mixed poorly. I also think my TV maybe has bad speakers. Again, or maybe we're reaching that age.

Can't be me. Reach in that age where our friends are writing novels and TV is not mixed well. Sound has changed. But I'm also watching the new Game of Thrones show, House of the Dragon. And they're just the jargon in there is I'm not understanding any of it without subtitles. You know, it's too complicated. Like all the name picking up on the name. It really helps to be able to read.

You know what? I think it's good. I like that you're at a place in your life where you're like, you know what? This will help me. And so I'm going to do it. I'm not going to struggle. i don't need to struggle i want to enjoy the thing that i've chosen to do more and and it's like to me that's like a little bit like um when people need to use like flashlights on menus where it's like god that's embarrassing but it's like i want to see the menu do you know

what i mean like it's like for me it's a milestone to hit a point in your life where you're like, yeah, I don't care. I'm not embarrassed by needing things. See, I think I'm still in the transition phase of still being a little bit embarrassed by it. Like, I'm not fully comfortable yet. But yes, I'm on my way. I think I'm coming to terms with it now. Talking to you guys about it is helping me come more to terms with it. Yeah, you're being honest about it. And that's a really good step. I'm no longer doing it in secret like how i'm writing

my novel just kidding um so yeah this is the new me and i will embrace it in time i'm sure i think you will in time and it's on it it'll be on your time you know that's right okay speaking of embracing things great let's talk about this week's movie which you watched excuse us i watched yes i did i was the brave one this week um the movie that we will be recapping is 1997's anaconda it's directed by louise yosa written by hans bauer jim cash jack epps and it stars john voight jennifer lopez eric stoltz ice cube jonathan hyde owen wilson carrie were her vincent castellanos and danny treeho this week, I know you guys, the cast, the cast. Damn! This week, we are joined by a guest named Wes Larson.

He is a wildlife biologist and host of the Tooth and Claw podcast. Wes, I hope you have so much to say about anacondas. I have a lot to say. Thanks for having me. Oh, Wes, welcome. Thank you. thanks for having me oh wes welcome thank you as we yeah we mentioned just before starting recording coolest job i think i've ever heard of anyone having ever in the world it's like a it's like a child dream job and you did it yeah it kind of is it's one of those things like eight year old me would probably be like all right you know yeah you did it yeah hell yeah yeah

can you tell us what it means to be a wildlife bi right, you know, yeah, you did it. Yeah. Yeah. Can you tell us what it means to be a wildlife biologist? Like, what are you doing? So I specialize in bears. Um, I started, I started with, uh, polar bears in Alaska and then black bears in Utah, moved on to sloth bears in India right before the pandemic. Wow. And then that kind of got shut down because of COVID. And then I worked with Golden Eagles for a little bit. And then I got into Grizzly Bears. And that's what I'm working with now in Yellowstone. Wow.

So, but what is like a day on the job? Yeah. Sorry, I'm so fascinated. I do bears mostly. Yeah, you know, I dabble in bears. This current job that I have is a lot of different things It's in the national park so like A lot of it's just visitor management and making

Sure people are behaving the right way in the park But then if we have Bears that are too close to human developments Or too close to potential food sources Anything that can get them in trouble I'll go in and actually like haze the bear away from those places. So that involves anything from like just honking my horn at it to getting out. And I have a shotgun that has beanbag rounds and I'll hit it with those. There's a lot of different things. Yeah. And so it's an exciting job. And like every once in a

while we catch bears and we collar them for research purposes i did that yesterday we caught a 500 pound grizzly bear i still smell like grizzly bear right now oh my god oh my god how do you catch a 500 pound grizzly bear how's that it's really tricky and we use this team yeah i call it tricky we have a We have a team from the United States Geological Service, USGS. And that's all they do is trap grizzlies. And they come in and we help them set traps. You put a lot of dead meat out. You put a lot of scents out. You have a really big culvert trap.

It's just like a big barrel. And then there's like an elk leg in there. The bear gets in there and when it pulls on that elk leg, it makes the door fall down. Whoa. And then when you, yeah, then you sedate the bear and pull down and put the collar on it and everything, but it's, it's dangerous and tricky.

And it's a real experience. Yeah. So we did that yesterday and then I got home and watched the Anaconda. And it was just like you were right back in nature yeah boy i felt like i was right back there so realistic yeah well okay well we might have just stumbled upon your answer but did anything scary happen to you this week so i have a different answer actually um one thing that we we do as well is uh if a big animal dies in the park, it draws so many predators that if that's in a place where it's like really visible or where it's going to cause big traffic jams and stuff, we'll actually go in and grab the dead carcass and move it somewhere else. And we've gotten a report of a carcass in the river, like right by the road.

And so we thought we'd have to go move it. And me and one of my coworkers went in and we couldn't find it. We walked to where it had been reported, but we found like some pieces of it. So we knew it had been there and there's grizzly tracks, uh, everywhere. And so we were kind of like, all right, you know, this carcass was here, but it's not here anymore. We figured a bear had drug it up into the woods. And so we drove this little kind of side road up there. That was a closed road that we had access to and parked way past where we thought the carcass would be to try and walk around. And then that's a really dangerous situation because when a bear is on a carcass, it's really like keyed up and angry and it's trying to defend it from other bears.

So they kind of treat us like they treat other bears. So we start walking in toward this carcass and like 10, maybe 10 yards into our walk, this big bear pops up like 40 yards away. And I just go bear. My supervisor, who's been there a long time and really knows grizzly bears really well, just immediately turned around and walked to the truck. And he's like, you're out of here. Oh, yeah. And luckily that bear didn't charge

or anything but i think had i not seen it and we had gone like another 10 yards it might have charged us so that was like it's one of those ones that gets your heart beating a little bit but a little bit yeah that would be i might die just right there yeah it's almost as scary as using subtitles i mean really i mean i'm still i'm flashing back to that time i made too much soup scariest moment wow yeah i think that probably takes the cake as truly scariest thing that's ever been talked about here on the podcast yeah by far that's a grizzly bear which is like a serious bear yeah yeah so they're yeah they're much more aggressive much more unpredictable than black bears

and really and bigger yeah much bigger um just much more dangerous all around so they're the ones we have to be careful about when we're out they're the ones that we're constantly looking for yeah okay wow i'm i'm's going to be really hard for me not to get so distracted by wanting to know literally everything about your life. Um, but what's your relationship to scary movies? Generally speaking, love scary movies. I like growing up, my parents didn't really let us watch them. I would see trailers and they would really scare me. I would just get scared for weeks. Couldn't sleep. So I didn't ever think I would get into them, but then probably like 10 years ago I started watching them and they've kind

of, it's kind of become my favorite genre. Like they're the movies that make me feel something. So I really, really like them. Yeah. And around this time of year, that's like, I started using into that where I only watch scary movies for about a month. So that's just kind of picking up. Do you remember what like got you back into it 10 years ago? What was what opened the doors again or no particular thing?

I feel like, you know, it might even been a little longer than that, but I don't really know what it was. I just started watching them and just really enjoyed it. I feel like with this podcast is when I started really watching a lot of horror movies. And I feel like the more you watch, the more you like them. Yeah. I love them. So, I'm always looking for a new one that really gets my heart racing. And luckily, I do still get scared by them, which I think is kind of the point. So, yeah. Is there a specific type of horror movie that's your favorite i like a really claustrophobic horror movie okay yeah i really like ones that

are like a single setting that you're in that setting the entire movie a 10 cloverfield lane yeah exactly descent the thing the thing is probably my all-time favorite it's so good yeah so i think that's probably if that if there's like a sub-genre that would be it and then my next one would be like dark comedy horror like ready or not is one of my all-time favorites too even though that's a relatively new one yeah so fun oh claustroph. That's a perfect way to describe some of these films. Yeah. That should be its own genre. That's it. I mean, truly, the first time I saw The Descent, I didn't know

what the thing was, that there was even a monster aspect of it, and it starts with just the claustrophobia of Splunking. The Splunking is really scary enough. I was like, it's the scariest movie I've ever seen. Yeah, that's a great one. So good so what's your relationship to this one because anaconda you know gotta say so the way the way the podcast is set up i'm definitely the scariest or the scared

most scaredy-cat like scarediest i do not like horror movies generally. I mean, even though sometimes I really do. And this one I chose because I knew that I would be able to handle it. It helps. It's PG-13. It's 1997. It's J-Lo. Yeah. These are all things that are really putting you at ease.

Putting me at ease. But what is your relationship to Anaconda? This movie came out when I was probably in like sixth or seventh grade and i remember seeing it in the theaters and just absolutely loving it i've always been like really into reptiles uh really into all animals but reptiles especially were kind of always near the top of the list it was like sharks bears reptiles kind of thing and um so for me i saw this in the theater i absolutely loved it i probably went and saw it again and then didn't watch it for a long time and honestly it's probably it'd probably been like 20 years since i'd seen this movie and then i watched it yesterday

it's like this is a terrible movie so i think it's it's safe to say my feelings have changed on it quite a bit but um yeah I do it's it was like kind of a one that was close to home for me there's something sort of magical I feel like about that exact kind of movie that like you remember loving like there's something that captures you in such a way at a very specific moment usually you're a child and you don't know what good movies are right but like And then even if you rewatch it and it's bad, there's still something magical about that too. I kind of love it. Yeah, I agree.

It was fun. I had a great time with it. It's by no means a good movie. I really enjoyed myself. Well, I got it. Okay, so should we get into some trivia? Yeah, please. Okay, so I have to tell you the internet agrees with that assessment, Wes. It has a 4.8 on IMDb, which is fine.

But usually they're at least in the six range of 40% on Rotten Tomatoes and then a 6.9 on Metacritic. So, I don't know. I actually didn't get box office information on this one i didn't see it it made like 130 something million dollars on a 45 million dollar budget so it was a big success i think that's why there are so many sequels i was gonna say were there sequels there were and they're awful i got i'm not familiar with them those Those sequels never end up being better than what they started with. And so that, yeah, it's pretty telling. Yeah.

This film is listed among the 100 most enjoyably bad movies ever made in the Golden Raspberry Award founder John Wilson's book, The Official Razzie Movie Guide. Oh, great. Also, a few other things. The CGI for the anacondas cost $100,000 per second. Wow. It looks like it cost $20 per second. I know CGI was a lot more expensive back then, but God, it's not. It's not great.

You don't see where that money went. No, no. That guy was embezzling or whoever did it. $100,000 per second. For sure, that's what it costs. I spent that all on the snake. The Amazonian film shoot was occasionally disrupted by the fact that several cast members were deathly afraid of snakes. That's just very funny that that wasn't covered in the casting process.

They weren't like, well, we just want to make sure that no one has so it's so it's called anaconda what's this movie called it just feels like it can't be real it can't be real um during uh the filming of one scene the controls for the animatronic anaconda shorted out causing it to completely lose control and some of the footage is included in the movie i don't't know where in the movie, but that's fun. There it is. And then just one more, which is maybe, Wes, you can fact check whether this is correct from IMDb or not. But the anacondas in the film attack humans, but not each other. In real life, anacondas practice cannibalism.

Female anacondas are known to consume smaller male anacondas. That is true. Yes. Okay. They would be much more likely to attack another snake than to attack a human. Okay. Okay. Great.

Wow. Everyone can rest easy tonight knowing. Yeah. So if you take a boat trip on Amazon. Just keep some snakes around. You know what snakes handy as bait. You know what i just remembered that one jackass sketch one of my favorites anaconda ball pit yeah that is a good one wait what that's so gnarly but i mean they're definitely they put anacondas in a ball pit

and then they all get in it taunting that anaconda yeah that's on them and they know that yeah i think i think if pushed against a wall it it's it'll probably go for you like anything i think like the key here is knowing that an anaconda would definitely bite you like if you try and pick up an anaconda it's it's going to bite you there's a very good chance of it yep uh it's not trying to kill you it's not trying to eat you it's just defending itself and they're they actually aren't like not to spoil this for people they're not man eaters they don't eat people um but they will bite you and it'll really hurt so as johnny knoxville found out are there snakes that will eat a human

there's one there's one species that's big enough um they're called reticulated pythons and they they have eaten people whole. Um, there's a woman a few years ago, I think, uh, somewhere in Indonesia that they like found her sandals. She was gardening and then they found a snake nearby and it had a big bulge in it and they cut it open and she was inside. Oh my God. She was just gardening. Yeah.

Yeah. So they, it does exist. It's super rare. Oh my God. She was just gardening? Yeah. Yeah. Wow. So it does exist. It's super rare. It has to be a small person and a big snake. Oh my God. But it has happened. Yes.

Wow. I'm leaping up so that you can't get eaten by a snake. I got to bulk up. I got to start lifting. It's not impossible that at some point An anaconda has eaten someone But we don't have any record of it They're big enough that they could technically do it But it's never happened like on record

But it probably has at some point Wow, wow, wow, Wes You are such a great guest, I am loving this The whole time I was listening to your Jaws episode I was like, oh I want to talk to them about sharks I would chime in God yeah Resident animal expert for every animal

Yeah whenever you need me I'm here Wow all I want to talk about is real life Animal facts but I suppose We need to talk about this movie Let's watch the trailer Oh my god let's watch the trailer. Oh, my God. Let's watch the trailer. All right, everybody.

Double check your gear. Make sure it's all on board. Pray you didn't forget your bug spray. On the rivers of the Amazon. Wow. It's unbelievable. This river can kill you in a thousand ways. In the waters of the Anaconda.

There's a legend. Shoshama worshiped giant snakes as gods, protectors. Snakes? ...no matter what you see... This skin is three or four years old. Whatever shed it has grown since then. ...no matter what you hear... What was that?

There's something down there. That's right. I really mean it. I really mean it, too. Faster, come on! ...no matter what you do... Oh, my God. Danny! I'm in minute two. Faster, come on! No matter what you do... Oh my God. Danny!

He's not breathing. No! TriStar Pictures invites you on a journey into the grip of fear. Anaconda That was incredible. Oh my god, Jon Voight. Did you guys love every second? Oh my god. I really mean it too.

I really mean it too. His accent in this movie. There's a legend. There's a legend that they wish to wash up snakes. Oh my god. It's like decipherable. It's insane. Yeah.

My god, this movie. You need. It's insane. Yeah. My God. You need subtitles for his character. Truly. Yeah. I had no idea what he was trying to do. Like his character in the movie is from Paraguay. And so I was just like, they probably just threw, they probably were like, let's say he's from Paraguay because no one has any idea what accent he's doing.

He's doing a thing. We can't change it now. You just try telling John to change that accent. It's not going to happen. It's like the accent that you do when you don't know how to do any accent. You just. Yes. It's like on the spot.

Like you just. Someone says do an accent. Yeah. You just panic and do whatever comes to mind. Wow. Holy crap. You guys. So excited. I am so excited. i've oh god owen wilson

yeah j-lo the most important thing to keep in mind about this movie is that it's 1997 it feels like 1997 like they are wearing like high-rise khaki shorts with their button-down shirts tied into a little knot. They wear their hair. Puka shell necklaces. Everyone looks like Rachel from Friends.

That is the vibe. Yeah, it's a real-time capsule. In the past few years, I have hit a point where i only want to be wearing clothes that are comfortable it happened it happened to me but you know what i still also want to look cute and these are two desires that are often extremely opposing and i don't want to have to sacrifice i want both i want comfort and i want to feel cute and confident and guess what skims has freaking done it again with their soft

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That's HelloBello.com slash too scary to start bundling with 30% off your first order. Don't forget that's hellobello.com slash too scary. Wow. I can't wait. Should we get into it? Let's do it. Let's get into it. So it opens with like this scrolling text that was really hard for me because it talks about anacondas and what they're capable

of it says they can get up to 40 feet which is completely like the biggest anacondas out there maybe like 20 feet long this says 40 so they just decide to double it double it uh says they they're like the only snake species that likes to regurgitate its prey just so it can eat it again. Also inaccurate. Important for the movie. That is going to be an important plot point. Great. So that was hard for me.

That was probably the hardest part of the movie was the opening rolling script. It's hard to just see it printed as fact as opposed to like taking creative license. Right. And of course, when I saw this as a seventh grader it was like i'm writing all that down i'm like absorbing it as sure yes so it's irresponsible it is irresponsible yeah um all right so then we go to like these kind of sprawling views the amazon basin there's opening credits there's some wonderful pan flute music playing in the background, which, of course, is always playing when you're in the Amazon. We see a stranded boat and I didn't realize Danny Trejo was in this movie.

And then I realized he was because he's in this stranded boat. There's captured animals going crazy in all these cages. He's obviously like visibly nervous. And then all of a sudden sudden the floorboards kind of start exploding uh there's a real good slow-mo like view of a nail shooting up in the air and he like focuses on it and then he crawls higher and higher in this boat he goes all the way up to the crow's nest and you see like this snake pov circling around, gets right in front of his face, and he pulls out his handgun and kills himself because he doesn't want to be eaten by the snake.

We assume. We don't know. We haven't seen the monster yet. Danny Trejo, the king of being the first to die in a movie like this. Danny Trejo. He always is. We just watched Alien. No.

Predators? We just watched some Predator movie. I was like, oh, he's in it. Nope, he's dead. Okay. And it's truly the first. He's only in the first three minutes of the movie. Always a strong presence, though. He was great in this movie. A very strong presence. That's why you choose him.

Because you're going to remember it. Exactly. So then we cut to Jennifer Lopez. Her character's name is Terry. She's in a jungle hotel. She's looking at photos of some indigenous people on her laptop and enters this kind of roguish explorer type. He's got like dirt all over him and like ripped shirts and everything. And he sits down and they talk about, um,

they pull out a map and they're like, we learned they're looking for an uncontacted tribe in the Amazon. And she's a director on a documentary. And he's like an anthropologist slash professor. His name is Steven, I believe. They don't, you know, I kind of like had to look up everyone's names on this movie because we're going to call her J-Lo the whole time anyway.

You know, it's like, it's going to be really hard not to just call her J-Lo. We can call her J-Lo. Yeah time anyway. It's going to be really hard not to just call her J-Lo. We can call her J-Lo. Yeah, that's true. When you have J-Lo and Ice Cube in a movie, it's really hard not to just call them. Come on. They're looking for this uncontacted

tribe. The next morning, we meet the whole crew. Ice Cube is there. They're like longtime friends. One of my favorite things about this movie is his first line is, um, like today was a good day or something. It's one of like,

it's like him saying, well, you know, one of his famous tracks. And I kind of was wondering if that's in his contract. Like I have to be able to promote my music. It must be in his contract. God,

that's funny. Like how, uh, Vin Diesel can never lose a fight it's like yeah you can have me in a movie but you're the rules yeah um so they're longtime friends him and j-lo like grew up together we meet mateo who's the captain of the boat he immediately gives j-lo like this really lecherous look he's constantly just kind of a guy in the background that seems very creepy and then we also meet uh the on onscreen talent who's Westridge.

He's like kind of picture a British colonizer caricature. He's got like big leather bags and like the flat hat. And he's really mad at everyone all the time and very prissy. And this is, this is played by Jonathan Hyde, who you guys would recognize in a heartbeat because he's was in the mummy Jumanji Titanic. He always plays the same, like British colonizer colonizer. Yeah, yeah,

exactly. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. He's great though. He does a great job in this movie. So then we also meet Owen Wilson, who is Gary and Denise, um, the production manager

Owens, like the sound guy. And they're like, immediately we learned that they are romantic because we get a real horny scene of like a leg stretched out and Owen Wilson talking about how the jungle makes him like super horny all the time. And I had forgotten how 90s movies were oh yeah any opportunity for horniness we're shoehorning it in as much as possible yeah it was immediate someone does a horny pass on the script after it's written put it here 20 more horniness please um yeah so he blames the jungle uh but anyway sure there's a big storm and they find this stranded

guy on a boat and he's like holding some stuff over his head it's pouring rain he's yelling for help so they pull up next to him and it's john voight and he is doing this amazing accent that we already talked about um and he says his propeller is broken and these guys just immediately take that as a fact and are like yeah welcome aboard hop on our boat oh god um so he hops on and so then we like cut to john voight spearing a fish everyone's very impressed with him he seems to be you know mr jungle knows what he's doing. Imagine seeing Jon Voight and trusting him. Yeah, exactly. You know? I know. I feel

like if you were to give me the top ten actors of, like, people I wouldn't necessarily want to be in a car with or on a boat with, Jon Voight's making that list. He's in there. Yeah. Yeah. Especially him doing this accent. And the other thing that we can't really overstate in this movie,

the facial expressions that we get from John Boyd. They're non-stop. Yeah. Yeah. And they'll do these really long cuts of just him, like grimacing at the camera. You really all need to watch this movie because it's, it's truly amazing. It's honestly really fun. I'm already like a hundred percent on board. You're going to enjoy it. It's truly amazing. It's honestly really fun. I'm already like 100% on board. You're going to enjoy it.

I watched it with a friend and we just couldn't believe how many shots there are of Jon Voight grimacing at the camera. Reaction shot after reaction shot. Pretty much. Yeah. So we learned that he's from Paraguay. He was going to be a priest, but he ended up in the jungle. He was going to be a priest, but he ended up in the jungle. He's very adamant that he's not a failed priest, but he is now no longer down that, you know, that road. He's not being a priest.

So now he catches snakes, which I think if you asked me when I was six, what my job was, I would have said the exact same answer. I catch snakes. That's what I do. I'm a snake catcher. Yeah. So that's his new thing. They immediately call him out, say he's a poacher he says he's not um but then everyone's ears kind of perk up because he says i know the tribe you're looking for i know how to find them so they're suddenly very excited that they brought john

voight on board the only thing that i really need to point out is that throughout all of this jonathan hyde the on-screen talent character he's brought a case of wine onto the boat, and he's drinking said wine from crystal-cut glasses, and he just keeps making these snide comments in the background with his little crystal glass. Incredible. That is a fun detail. Yeah, it's great.

It's not relevant to the story whatsoever but it just adds no i needed to know yeah it matters okay good to me yes then we get we get a scene of denise dancing just kind of in the middle of nowhere it's very sweaty everyone's always sweaty in this movie and we see that j-lo and this like anthropologists have a bit of a romance they're talking about fireflies which of course is always a good pickup line and they they have this romance and they kiss and you know that establishes that we've got a couple different romances on board we've got owen wilson and denise and j-lo and the anthropologist sufficiently horny yeah itufficiently horny.

Yeah, it's very horny. Yep. There's a lot of sexual tension on this boat. Love it. So then as this is happening, we cut to the jungle and a jaguar, a black jaguar gets killed by an anaconda. And we don't really see the snake, but we do see it kill the jaguar. It coils around it.

It drags it off and the camera zooms in on an eyeball lying on the forest floor. So, you know, they kill Jaguars in this movie. What are these effects like? How is this looking to us? Is it looking $100,000 a second? This is still kind of the Jaws part of the movie where you're like not seeing the snake. Smart and like hiding the snake. Yep.

Less is more. Yeah. Okay. And the Jaguar does kind of look like just a stuffed puppet. Once it's dead. For sure. With like eyes wide and mouth open. Like it's just not definitely not feeling realistic.

Yeah. They do use an animal actor for it at first for the Jaguar, which is something I miss in movies because anymore it's always CG, but we don't have to get into the ethics of animal actors too because there's a whole Pandora's box there. I want to get into animal

facts! Quick fact for you then, anacondas do not kill jaguars. This is not something that happens. It would be the opposite. A jaguar would kill an anaconda and eat an anaconda. do not kill jaguars this is not something that happens it would be the opposite a jaguar would kill an anaconda that makes sense also i feel like of all the things to swallow whole there's a lot of sharp ends to that do you know what i mean yeah i feel like that's just common sense yeah you don't want those on your inside no that's a good point uh this anaconda clearly wasn't thinking ahead when it killed this Jaguar.

So we go back to the new scene. They're like on the boat in the morning. Ice Cube's playing some some music. Westridge is not a fan of whatever he's playing. Westridge is the Jonathan Hyde character. And no one cares that he's meanwhile hitting golf balls into the pristine Amazon rainforest. Yeah, the whole movie he's just like hitting golf balls off the back of this river barge. Yeah.

This is a very unethical film crew. They're fine with littering. They're fine with punching. They do not care at all. They don't care. Also, why did Ice Cube bring this massive stereo on this river barge in the remote Amazon basin? That probably wasn't necessary. Yeah. Also, you know,

let's leave uncontacted tribes alone. Let's just leave them alone. We don't need to kill them. Right. Yeah. The whole moral of the story here is this is bad, but that's okay. We're going to put that aside for now. I think they may face some consequences. They will. There's going to be some

consequences. Yes. So they find a snake totem. It looks like one straight out of Disney I think they may face some consequences. They will. There's going to be some consequences. Yes. So they find a snake totem. It looks like one straight out of Disneyland from the jungle river. You saw it in the trailer. It's very basic looking, but it warns them that there are snakes in this part of the jungle and John Boyd's grimacing at it. Then we cut to John Boyd talking about the significance of the totem. Stephen is the anthropologist. He calls him out on it. He's like, no, actually, that's a different tribe.

And they kind of have this argument. And we learn, you know, these are two alphas that are on the same boat and there's not room for both on this boat. I think that's made very clear in this scene. John Boyd's not happy that he's being called out. All right. So we cut to a night scene. Owen Wilson and his girlfriend are going out to collect some jungle noises in the jungle. John Boyd's grimacing at them. So we know something bad is going to happen.

They head out. And as they're out there kind of making out all the jungle noises stop. And all of a sudden this unseen predator starts chasing them through the jungle. And as they're running through the jungle, all of a sudden they look up and John Boyd's standing there with his rifle and he shoots and we cut to the boat. John Boyd's walking through the jungle, dragging something. He throws a huge wild boar on the boat. It was about to kill owen wilson and denise and he says a great line he says wild boar goes for goes with its tusks goes for the eyes which is i don't know very very basic um but pretty

interesting and then he also says that they have food for a week now, which was interesting to me too, that they apparently didn't have food. Did they not have food? Did they think that they'd need food before? Yeah. And he says, yeah, let's cut them up food for a week.

We never see anyone cutting up that boar. I don't know who is equipped to cut up a boar. Yeah, they don't have any food, but they have like butchering instruments and materials, a cooler for meat. It's very. Yeah.

So very unprepared if they needed to kill this boar for food. So the next scene, the boat's drifting through some trees and a rope gets caught in the water. And so the boat stuck and we need someone to free this rope from the propeller. Stephen, who's the anthropologist, is the first to volunteer for this job. He throws on some scuba gear, hops in the water. He makes a remark about a catfish that swims up urethras. And he's like,

that's the one thing I'm worried about. That's a true critter. That actually exists. But it's only happened like once or twice. And it's become the stuff of urban legend. They're just these little tiny ones. But they do, they have these little barbs. if they swim up your ego their barbs go out and they get stuck in there and when it did happen the person had to like have their penis like

dissected to remove this catfish yeah that's horrible yeah so that's that would be really bad it would be really bad but i think the key there is if you're swimming in the amazon just don't try not to pee in the water because that's what they're like picking up on and they swim up there so that's the main thing yeah hot tip good to know wow yeah um but it's very uncommon amazon try not to pee exactly uh he does so he's he's in there cutting the rope there's this scene of j-lo this is one of my favorite scenes in the movie she's like pulling her hair back and she looks up and john voy is just staring at her and grimacing the craziest scene it's so on the

surface like he's the creepiest person he has this little gray like white gray rat tail and he's his face is doesn't is not making any kind of normal expression that a normal face would ever make and he's staring so close and so directly at her and she's just like oh this is weird god i would want him off my boat so quickly like just get away she kind of just shrugs it off yeah she does what's our end game with this guy too like where does he need to get back to where did he come from does he have a home like how how did he we're not asking enough questions about this guy's deal they don't really explain it but the idea is that he is like gonna take them to this tribe that they want to find right right right but then as they head there they're like taking him back to wherever he's

going to okay yeah it's not again they're not very well fleshed out characters um but he yeah i can't i mean i totally echo what henley just said like it is crazy how inexplicably weird and like disquieting his character is he's just constantly sweaty with this weird ponytail and it's very weird yeah we're gonna have to post a picture of this grimace because it's it's good it's perfect yeah um so he like she seems unfazed by his attention but as this is going on, Stephen runs into a problem. You see him kind of like gasping for air as he's trying to free this rope from the propeller. He comes to the surface and he's obviously like really struggling. They pull him up on the boat and he's unconscious.

And Mateo, the captain, comes down and opens up his airway and pulls a wasp, this big black wasp out of his airway. He's like in his mouth. There's a huge wasp in his mouth. Ew! Yeah. And Mateo just kind of is like fascinated by this. He doesn't seem at all concerned by the fact that this is going on. So he's unconscious.

He's been stung by this wasp. Apparently it's like a paralytic wasp. So he's in a coma. And they put him in a room and john voy at this point does like the throat stab where he stabs him in the throat and puts a little tube in there so he can breathe um yeah so steven's like out of the picture he's he has a breathing tube and he's in a different room uh recovering from this wasp a lot of threats yeah i feel like this man needs to go to a hospital and not just be like boat stabbed by a freak.

Boat stabbed by a freak. It was an emergency. It seems like dirty and nasty and get this man to a hospital. You gotta do that. They want to go to a hospital. I feel like, right? That's their new plan. This changes the plan.

This changes things. They now are like, glad to hear it. I can't remember if this was like, That's their that's their new plan. You know, this changes. This changes the plan. This changes things. Yeah. They now are like glad to hear it. Yeah. And I can't remember if this was like, did John Voight put that wasp in his breathing? So I think later it's implied that maybe he was. That's bad.

He might have done that. He was implicated. that's bad. He might have done that. He was implicated. And I think that's because he knew that Steven was a challenge to his kind of dominance on this boat. So he wanted to take him out of the picture. Huge swing to take.

Crazy to me that he saves his life, though. I don't know why he would save his life. He should just let him die. But I guess he wants to show that he's invaluable to the crew. It's a good two birds with one stone sort of situation.

And also Mateo and Saron, John Voight, they keep looking at each other. They keep being really obvious glances between the two of them where they're looking at each other and sizing each other up. And that's just something to note for the future that they're really making eyes at each other a lot they do yeah like in a in a horny way this one's not funny i took me a second to figure out what was going on

okay i'll find out soon it's palpable you get the feeling that they're in cahoots between these looks between each other. Like there's a history between these two. They know each other. Okay. So another thing, another interesting note is this movie was filmed in Brazil.

It's set in Brazil. There's an awful lot of Spanish spoken in this movie. In a Portuguese speaking country, something that bothered me. I've been to Brazil. People inzil absolutely hate it when you assume they speak spanish so there is a lot of that in this they they don't they don't in fact the one country in latin america where they're not speaking it's like you couldn't if

you really wanted spanish because that's somewhere else if you really wanted amazon you could yeah exactly yeah yeah yeah so um they now they decide to change plans uh they have to take steven to a doctor so they plan a route back and paul um john voight's character sarone paul sarone uh i do like all the names. All the names in this movie are very basic. It's like Danny, Paul, Terry, Stephen. Gary. Yeah, Gary. Gary. But yeah, Saron is his last name, right? Is that it?

Saron? Yes. Yes. Okay. He kind of tricks them into going this different way. He tells them like, you know, we should go back this different way. It's going to be quicker to get to help. And even though they have some doubts,

they immediately cave and just decide to trust this weird stranger that's on their boat. So next scene, they come into this wall in the middle of the Amazon. It's on the river. It's built of all this old wood and has all these plants intermingled through it. There's a few more of these snake totems in the wall. It's a very kind of ominous looking feature in the middle of the river and Paul or John Voight's immediately saying, okay, let's just blow it up. There's also a very weird moment at the beginning of the scene where he's attempting to eat a piece of mango. I don't know if you picked up on this. No, I didn't.

It looks like someone who's never eaten a piece of fruit in his entire life like it's all over his face yeah and it's like he's really struggling to do it um i had to i like it backed it up three or four times to watch john boyd eat this piece of mango so he's used to only eating boar yeah. Generally just boar for him, but you know, he got a mango, so he tried it. So yeah, they decide to blow up this wall. That's the only way they're going to get through it. Jonathan Hyde's character is like all for it. He's like, yeah, let's blow it up.

Let's get through this wall. His name is Westridge. So I think in my notes, I call him Westridge. So that's what I'm going to call him. Yeah. So you get this POV of Gary going in the water. Him and John Voight are going to set all these explosives. But there's definitely something in the water.

It's slithering around. You don't really see it, but you see it's POV. You know it's chasing him. John Voight pulls Owen Wilson up at one point. And Owen's like, there's something in the water. And he's like, I know. So we know the snake is watching him they blow up the wall

when they do a million snakes rain down on this boat oh my god little baby anacondas just a million baby snakes Westridge picks one up and it bites his finger and we get this close up of it like just biting the tip

of his finger over and over again. Oh my god. Yeah. And John Voight pulls it off and he's like so young but so lethal which is another great line. I guess John Voight is horny for the snakes. He loves the snakes.

He loves the snakes. So are all the million little baby snakes now in the water with him? They're all over the boat. Okay. They're just like we're all kicking where million little baby snakes now in the water with them? They're all over the boat. We're all kicking snakes off into the water. We're clearing the boat of all these little baby snakes. But this is obviously a snake rich environment that we're in.

Snakes pouring out of the sky. I think it's at this point. First of all, I feel like people were not as freaked out about the millions of snakes being on the boat as they should have. I mean, there was a momentary shock and surprise, but there are tons of snakes now hanging out on your boat. And that's not a pleasant experience at all. At some point in this, we discover that they only have 100 kilometers of fuel left. So somehow they've already almost run out of fuel they were so

ill prepared for this yeah the fuel in the explosion it's like three or four barrels of fuel fall off the boat okay right yeah yeah yeah and then they're like down to one barrel so they're like okay we're you know we're up a creek without a paddle yeah oh that's scary uh one thing too about these snakes that we should mention the big ones and the baby ones, they all scream. Like they all kind of make like, like a weird velociraptor noise whenever they open their mouths,

which isn't something. I was going to say, do any snakes do that? I mean, I've never heard a snake make a noise before. They'll hiss or they'll, you know, some snakes rattle,

but that's about it that's really the only sounds from snakes they don't scream but every snake in this movie does scream which is a great touch add it to the list of an ever-growing list of inaccuracies exactly uh so they have lost their fuel um paul or john void's character now completely assumes control of the boat you know everyone kind of almost accepts at this point that he's in charge we get a shot of him in the bridge of the boat operating the controls that really reinforces that for us he's in charge of the boat now there's a really heartfelt moment between j-lo and ice cube there i would say ice cubes at this point the most

likable character definitely definitely you can tell he doesn't really want to be there but he is the most likable person uh all right so the boat then stops at another wrecked boat um john voy gets in there in the water with Owen Wilson and Mateo and, um, no, sorry. It's, um, Mateo and Danny ice cube. So the three of them go to the boat to try and figure out what's going on in this boat. And when they get in there, they find this newspaper clipping that shows John Voight, Mateo and Danny Trejo together.

And they're all holding a big Anaconda and John Voight immediately tears it off the wall and like stuffs it in his pocket or something. So that Danny doesn't see it. Ice Cube's character. Okay. He doesn't see it. Okay. No, he doesn't see it.

No. But we know. The audience now knows what all those looks were about between Mateo and John Voight. They have been working together. And they, on this boat, they collect like a bunch of stuff for catching snakes. We don't know that at the moment, but it's like explosives, like hand grenades, all this stuff.

You definitely don't need to catch a snake, but John Voight's character does in this movie. We're going back to the original boat now. John Voight and Danny Ice Cube's character are ahead. Mateo's kind of lagging behind and he trips and falls into the water. And as he comes up out of the water, our anaconda finally makes its like full appearance. It's a CG anaconda.

It strikes at him, wraps him up, and then does this really slow kind of mouth open towards his head move. You know, the snake has a flair for the dramatic. It really wants us to see yeah exactly um yeah so that's really our first big look at the anaconda is when mateo dies am i missing anything here no the the thing to focus on is that with these snakes they are twirling their victims like they are getting twirled up into the air wrapped up by these snakes and there's like a hose that's gotten yeah yeah but it's also like very um it's just weird to see because it's like kind of scary but it's also just kind of like what is it doing like it's i don't

know it's just looks very fake, honestly. Just extremely. I'm really putting on a show. Extremely fake. Yeah. It's way too fast too. And that's like quick animal moment here. The snakes in this movie are extremely fast moving. They're very, it's like indicative of what you'd see in a venomous snake,

like a pit viper or rattlesnake or cobra or something like that. They tend to be really fast moving snakes, but these big constrictors can strike out really fast still, but their entire body doesn't move very fast. They're carrying a lot of weight. So anacondas are mostly aquatic and they can move through the water really fast, but once they catch something, they're going to be like slowly squeezing it. Um, and I like now that we're on this, I do just want to mention, I think there's like this misconception out there that when you're being constricted by a massive snake, what's happening is that you're suffocating.

And what it really is, is that it's either if it's just kind of squeezing you pretty tight, it's shutting off blood flow to like your heart and to some of your major organs. So you actually die of cardiac arrest or if they really get you really hard and they really squeeze you tight, it pushes all the blood up to your brain and your brain actually like shuts down because of that rush of blood to your brain and you die of like nervous system failure. So it god yeah so it's not it's not like you're not able to breathe it's like it's shutting down

all of the organs in your body that's what they're doing holy shit that's insane yeah it's pretty cool it's also crazy to think of a body as like if you press hard enough in a spot all the blood moves somewhere else I really don't I don't like what that means about

like the way our body functions if that's better or worse than suffocating i don't suffocating seems pretty scary to me and you know how i don't know i've pictured freezing to death as maybe being kind of nice because you maybe lose i don't know you lose all your all your feeling and so maybe if all your blood is being rushed to your brain, you feel it less than if you're suffocating. I'm curious. Anyone who's died both ways, let us know. Which one was worse?

Okay. So and so also so not so like an anaconda or a boa constrictor, they're not venomous with their bites because the way they kill you is constricting and then they eat you. Right. So if you get bit by one, it just hurts. But it's not going to be poisonous. That was the other thing I was going to say is they have like really needle-like teeth and they're backward facing. Needle-like!

So it looks like fishing hooks almost. Whoa! And they face backwards. That's not what I pictured. I'm learning so much. I love this! So when they latch on to you, this is any constrictor, like a python or a boa or an anaconda. Those teeth are for latching. So when it bites you, it like really latches on. So if you ever do get bit by one of these snakes, the last thing you want to do is try and rip off its head.

Because those teeth, again, are like facing like this. So it rips out all the flesh. Yeah. And so you just need to let that snake release its grip on its own or force it to somehow but you don't want to rip it off because their bites can be really devastating they cause a lot of blood loss too so similarly to not wanting to rip the catfish out of your urethra exactly we're not ripping anything don't rip no yeah so they are they're a really

cool predator they have all these really cool adaptations but um but they don't hunt humans yeah we're too big for them and they don't eat um jaguars wow okay i'm sorry it's just it's so interesting yeah in general we're just too bony too like where you have too many bones our bone to like to fat and muscle ratio isn't enough for most animals to really consider us a food source. And that's the same for these guys. It's just. OK, so that goes against my idea of bulking up so I don't get eaten by a snake. Stay trim.

What am I supposed to do? You're going to be right in that sweet spot. You got to get that sweet spot. Yeah. All right. So that's that's kind of a diversion into a little bit of biology. think there's i probably have some more coming up but they're not as fast incredible as this movie would have you think at least not like moving their full body outside of the water okay so mateo's dead uh and they're kind of wondering where he went ice cube turns around

he finds his flashlight we all know that was mateo's favorite flashlight he'd never leave it behind so no yeah so we know he's gone we know that something has happened to him uh immediately back on the boat john boy unrolls unfurls this massive on anaconda skin and everyone's shocked and they're like wait there's snakes this big out there. And he explains that, you know, that's why he's actually in the jungle. He's there to hunt a massive anaconda. And J-Lo says, oh, snakes don't eat people, which she's correct in saying that. And Jon Voight's like, oh, they don't. And he points to the scar on his face, which to me, like, he's still there.

He still doesn't prove anything. Yeah, exactly. Pretty poor. So they bite people, but they don't eat people. So his goal is to catch the snake. Everyone thinks this is a pretty bad idea. Aside from Owen Wilson's character, Gary, he's all. Yeah, this is the real character development in the movie.

This is the essential character development. the movie. This is the essential character development. It lasts for approximately seven minutes. Uh-oh. Bye, Owen. But basically, he hears part of the reason why he wants to catch. So, Jon Voight's character wants to catch this snake alive so that I guess it's worth millions of dollars. And he keeps saying it's worth millions of dollars. And he keeps saying it's worth millions of dollars. And Owen Wilson is very intrigued by that idea.

And that's enough for him to essentially like abandon everything else that he's been working on, including like turning his back on Denise so that he can support and follow Jon Voight's character in this mission. Yeah, this is an instant change to like there's he's instantly in the second he hears one million dollars. His eyeballs turned to big dollar signs.

Yeah, exactly. And he's even like carrying a rifle at this point to like, yeah, because there's mutiny when everyone hears about this. John Voight like fire fires a shot at Ice Cube's character. At this point, there's a big division between Jon Voight's snake-catching group, him, Mateo, and Owen Wilson, and then the rest of the crew. But they have the guns and they kind of have the know-how,

so they're still in charge. All right. So they decide that they're going to go ahead and try and catch the snake um we get this really sinister shot of john voight filling a dart with like some ketamine it says on the thing yeah it says just in huge letters on the thing reptile tranquilizer so you really know what it is exactly um so we see him doing that and um like the snake hunt is on he's out there on this like massive crane looking kind of fishing line thing on the boat and there's people on lights shining them around and he kills a monkey for bait at one point i think maybe i skipped over

that but he shoots a monkey and then you see this fishing line in the water and john boyd's manning this massive kind of mechanical fishing line and as he's doing it the line's kind of moving back and through the water and he's slowly reeling it in we have this tension of him fishing for this giant snake and the snake starts whipping all around i'm guessing this is the shot that we talked about in the trivia where the snake was kind of malfunctioning because this big animatronic snake is whipping through the air. Yeah. But this is where the crew kind of gets their first view of how big the snake is. They're supposed to shine lights in its eyes, but the snake breaks free. It comes back for revenge.

It spits its monkey out, which hits Jonathan Hyde's character in the face. Yeah, it does. Ew! Which tells us the snake has a good concept of comedy because it knew exactly who the snake monkey was. That's pretty funny. To regurgitate in a way that you could use as a projectile at somebody.

That's pretty funny. And it knew the best target for that monkey, too. Yeah. So chaos ensues denise gets knocked into the water owen wilson jumps in to rescue her and to redeem his character he does he manages to get her out of the water and just as he's crawling back out on the boat the snake grabs him pulls him into the water wraps him up and then we see as he's still breathing it takes him off into the jungle into the water it's a pretty scary it's the first scary scene in the movie uh and it's the first character that we

actually care about that gets killed by this snake but luckily he redeems himself right before it kills him terry uh or sorry j-lo's character terry uh takes it we're just gonna call her j-lo takes a shot at this snake but um john boy like pushes the gun away. It's like, no, we need it alive. And then we see the snake underwater and there's this clear impression of Owen Wilson's face against its skin, which is another amazing shot in this movie. And he's making like a sad Owen Wilson face. He does have a pretty recognizable bone structure. Yeah, I mean, you would know. You would absolutely know.

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him how much she needs his help how he's this big strong kind of rescuer and as she's seducing him he looks up and sees this mirror and he sees Ice Cube sneaking up behind him and he yep he turns around he like knocks Ice Cube away

he kisses J-Lo again even though the jig is up at this point this is the grossest part of the movie probably john voight kiss is not hopefully she got paid a lot i didn't like it no it's very gross and then he like the second kiss especially because at that point like she's not trying to seduce him anymore. And he kisses her again. Yeah. And then, but what we didn't see was Westridge coming up behind him,

the other direction. And he knocks him out with his golf club. So John Boy gets messed up. That's why he's golfing. The golf clubs make an appearance. So he's tied up then isn't this also when he reveals like that it's all a setup or that he was like do you think that this all wasn't a setup like mateo the shipwreck boat like i think so or maybe jlo says that um that makes sense accuses him of

setting up the entire thing and that's the next scene yeah oh it's the next scene sorry that's no no that's it no that's right where that's right where we were yeah it's just they tie him up and he kind of spills the beans on everything like he's tied up on the the bow of this boat and he's telling them that like everything was a setup he's been using him the whole time and j-lo says like well i can catch this snake too and so now like they decide they're gonna try and catch the snake even though all right but they're trying to get to help as well um so they we have this moment between westridge and ice cube where he's teaching ice cube how to drive the boat um they have this really great bonding moment where they're complaining

about like la traffic together which is a very strange scene in the middle of this movie. Turns out, though, that he shouldn't be driving the boat because he immediately runs at a ground. Oh, God. And Jon Voight's thrilled by this. And they come up with this idea to like attach these ropes to free their boat. And so Ice Cube, J-Lo and Westridge all get in the water to carry out this plan and uh you know we still got a snake in the water so yeah as this is happening denise who is still just distraught over owen wilson's death she goes to try and kill john boyd's character which um

is a good move one of the first smart moves yeah i Yeah, I think so. She has a long knife, like a fillet knife, and she goes up to him and she makes the mistake of staring him in the eyes before she does it. And he tells her that's a mistake and she loses her nerve. And right when she does, he does this weird kind of acrobatic move. It's crazy. You guys, I just want a gif of this.

I mean, I just want a gif of it that we can just repeat over and over again somehow he's tied up he's sitting on the ground his hands are tied behind his back somehow he like must use his core muscle to leap like legs first into the air legs straight up in the air grabs grabs Denise by his thighs, by the neck, pulls her down with him and then strangles her with his thighs on the ground.

Strangles her to death, yeah. Oh my god! Like jackknifes up into the air, like butt first to get her. It's... And his hands are tied like behind his back the whole time? The whole time. It's... And his hands are tied behind his back the whole time? The whole time. It doesn't make any sense.

He grabs her with his thighs, strangles her with his thighs. Can't think of a worse way to die. Incredible. Than being strangled by John Boyd's thighs. I do not want to die by John Boyd's thighs. I dig the snake. He pushes her into the water and meanwhile J-Lo, Ice Cube, Westridge

They are too focused on fixing the boat And have not noticed that Denise is dead Oh, he also throws her into the water with his thighs? He kind of pushes her into the water He like uncuts himself with the knife too But yeah, I think he pushes her with his legs into the water And they hear the splash and they like turn around but she's already disappeared beneath the waters but yeah they they don't even notice any of the struggle so then damn ice cube sees some grass moving he realizes the snake is

coming it chases them through the water and him and j-lo get back on the boat they're like on the boat and then westridge decides he needs to distract the snake even though they're already both safe so he starts like splashing and yelling and he climbs up this waterfall and he's kind of slipping on the waterfall and as he slips the snake like lunges out grabs in midair but as it does this it causes this tree to fall and the tree falls on the boat and um I think dislodges it. Westridge dies from this fall, I believe. Yeah.

You know, he ends up being a really great character, even though he's kind of the worst character at the beginning. Yeah. So he jumps off the waterfall and then John Boy is like threatening. He's fighting with Ice Cube and J-Lo. And as he's just about to kill them, I think Steven was waking up. And then they're all fighting.

And the snake, like the body of Denise rises to the surface right as the snake like shows up again. It's this kind of jump scare. And then somehow J-Lo managed to shoot this snake in the head a few times killing it so or at least we assume it's dead I feel like I'm missing something here but I can't there's a lot of stuff happening right now

does Steven still have like a pen in his throat or whatever or no it's just kind of wrapped he just has like a bandage over his throat and he's definitely still very very sick but he's throat. And he's definitely still very, very sick. But he's like made it. He's like summoned the strength to come out and help in this one moment. And so J-Lo shoots the snake three times in the head.

The snake kind of like falls back into the water. And Jon Voight is distraught. I mean, he's so, so deeply upset that his precious little baby snake, his million bucks, but also he's horny for the snake, too. I mean, it goes beyond money, you know? Oh, right. One has to imagine that even dead, this big, big old snake is going to earn you something. It should be worth some money. Yeah, it absolutely should. So he screams out, you killed my warrior snake. And he's aiming. I thought you were going to say wife. You killed my wife. you killed my wife you killed my wife

that would have made this movie would have been so much more interesting all of a sudden you find out it's his wife his legal wife we were married in the amazon basin um so he has his gun aimed at j-lo and this is when the anthropologist character he, you know, has awoken from his slumber and he tranks Jonathan Voight in the back who then falls in the water. Jonathan Voight.

Jonathan Voight. Sir Jonathan Voight. Yeah, we're towards the end of the movie so we need to start calling it um so he falls in the water he's been tranked but i think ice cube mentions it he's like oh the dart fell out though and we see the trank dart like floating in the water so i guess the dart fell out which is how does this work i was gonna say don't they work like instantly yeah so they either you you either get that drug or you don't like so some of them do um some of those darts when you

fire them from a gun they have like a an actual charge in there that goes off like a little explosion and it shoots all that drug into the body um so they actually have to be fired from a gun to work and then some of them are just kind of like a mechanical thing where if you hit something with it the drug will go in so you either like get it or you don't it's not generally like you get a little bit but then if it falls out like time spent in contact with the body it doesn't really it's not slowly trickling in from that dart so sure sure you know just just another inaccuracy that we're going to put on our list.

They're not concerned. I'm not a fun person to watch these kind of movies with. Honestly, I completely disagree. This really adds a lot of depth to my understanding of this movie. In the world of this film, we understand that Jonathan Voight

has only got a little taste of that tranquilizer. Just enough. Just a little teeny bit. Okay. Yeah. But he does disappear. We don't see him anymore after that. Okay.

So, then we cut to the boat being unstuck. They're mobile again. They find this huge abandoned building. Looks like maybe a mining building or something. And we get a snake POV. So, we know that we still got some snakes out there uh we even hear some hissing and they walk into the building and they're kind of doing this weird walkthrough and looking around um for fuel because they're still

out of fuel yeah exactly um they find a big snake skin so they now know that there's still some other big snakes out there potentially and they find some fuel but just as soon as they find it they turn around and john voight's there and he knocks them both out with a single blow from his rifle somehow yeah we see one blow and then the next scene one head one head hits the other uh next scene they're tied up and the scene opens with like this little monkey hand and you see it dripping blood into a bucket um it's very clear and john voight then picks it up and he throws it on them and he like says it's monkey blood so in case you didn't realize i'm the dead monkey john voight makes it very clear that that's what's on him now um

he loves killing monkeys. So he then walks over to this like pile of powder and he says, this is human bones. And he says, this is how they come out of the snake. Also not true. I don't think this is such a funny line. He goes over, he scoops up the powder dramatically. He like waves it at the air and he goes see this human bones ashes to ashes yeah it's great i like to imagine that there were no scripted lines for john boyce character and he's just playing it fast this is a really important i forgot to say this in the trivia but

i need to i need to say it now do know who, okay, the writers of this film, any guesses for the other film that they are known for that they wrote? There's really two big ones. As a reminder, their names are Jack Epps Jr. and Jim Cash. Ring any bells?

No. No. You guys, they wrote Top Gun. Whoa. They're known for Top gun and anaconda those are the two films isn't that crazy yeah fascinating funny huh that's interesting maybe i love anaconda i have no no connections except maybe like a crew a crew crew is in both, both films. I don't know. Yeah. That might be about it.

The writing in Top Gun is just leaps and bounds better than the writing in this movie. Yeah, it truly is. It truly is. Snakes weren't their thing. No, no. I guess. Okay. Yeah.

So the powdered human bones, which again, is probably my favorite part of this movie. And then we have the POV of something coming down from like the rafters of this building and we get both a CG and a practical effect snake at this point and it's it's obviously smelled this monkey blood that John Boyd is spread over our two heroes

it's trying to get them and it's kind of you know stumbling around not able to get them so they get away is this the same one that was shot in the head it's kind of you know stumbling around not able to get them so they get away is this the same one that was shot in the head it's not our same I don't think so I think it's a snake that's like twice the size of that other snake yeah I think

it's even bigger it's like a big big snake yeah so the females are bigger in anacondas so I think this is supposed to be our female and maybe the other one is supposed to be our male this is his wife so it's chasing them around they're about to get away but john boyd catches them in a net and then he tries he has this tiny little crossbow that he's trying to shoot the snake with to sedate it uh he manages to miss and then he climbs up a ladder and as he's climbing

up the snake like shoots up and grabs him by the shoulder and pulls him down so it's got john voight um it knocks over some fuel while it's doing this but he almost escapes and then john voight's like almost escaping and ice cube like catches him in the net somehow and so then the snake grabs john voight and it crushes him in his coils we see bones breaking in his face while this is happening. And then there's a really actually kind of cool shot where it starts, like he starts going down its throat and you see this inside view of the snake's throat as John Boyd's moving down. It kind of like, nope.

If you guys, you guys have seen. So he's being pushed down its throat and his face is all mangled and messed up so that's we think you know that's the end of john boyd um it swallows him alive it goes for the ice cube and j-lo we see a lot more baby snakes there's like a here's johnny moment where j-lo's in a room and the snake like busts through the wall right next to her and it's kissing and screaming. So as it does that, probably the best scene in this movie, it regurgitates John Voight.

We know it does that. And he's covered in like snake goo and he's like on his knees and J-Lo's screaming and she looks at him and he winks at her. So he manages to do one more creepy thing right before he then falls over and dies. His like bones are all destroyed and he winks at her.

It's his final act. He's been inside of a snake. He's covered in snake goo. His body's like deformed. Incredible. And he still manages to wink. So I should say really quick on our podcast um you know we talk about animal attacks and after every story we haven't we have this scale called the

anaconda scale where we rank our victims in the actual stories by like how they act with characters in the movie anaconda so like yeah so like if they were the brave hero, they're either like a J-Lo or an Ice Cube. If they did something really stupid or maybe villainous, like they're a Jon Voight. And so we put them on this scale of characters from Anaconda. That's incredible. That's perfect. Yeah. So it's fun.

It was fun to rewatch this because we do actually talk about it quite a bit. All right. So we're almost at the end of this the snake has knocked over this fuel ice cube manages to get a pickaxe through its tail so he's kind of like pin the snake down uh their new plan is to blow it up but first they need to escape so they have this kind of hatchway they're trying to get through the snake is really trying to get at him but they managed to blow up this building they killed the you know we think they've killed the snake they've killed all the babies um but the snake's on fire it's going through the water at this point i'm like so the snake is just living in its home in the middle of the jungle with all its babies these two americans show up

and torture it with fire until it dies so you know i i was really feeling for these snakes they even tried to warn them with all these snake totems and walls and stuff but yeah anyway the snake is in the water it slowly sinks away but we all know that water puts out fire so the snake gets one last jump scare where it shoots up through the bottom of the boat it does it like knocks the floorboards away and ice cube shoots it and he calls it a bitch and it dies yeah probably also in his contract yeah he has to say that at the end of every single movie the explorer the steven you know the professor anthropologist guy he wakes up he immediately tells j-lo how bad she looks

that of course works very well she hugs him and kisses him the two are like talking to each other on the deck and as soon as they're this happens like we this uncontacted tribe comes out of the water and they see them and ice cubes like get the camera and roll credits that's the end of the movie. Oh my god. My god. So it's a huge success. Everything works out. No sound guy, no production manager anymore. But the camera survived all these many

explosions. And it's extremely peaceful at the end. It's like everything the whole tone of the movie has changed. There's this peaceful We're not mourning these many deaths. No, we whole tone of the movie has changed. It all worked out. There's this peaceful... We're not mourning these many deaths. No, we're not mourning the deaths. The pamphlet music comes back.

The pamphlet music is back. Then we get to see these beautiful shots of the river barge slowly going down the river. Do they have fuel? As the sun sets. I mean, there is fuel in this house. Like, I don't know. Yeah, who cares? They did find fuel there. I don't know whether Yeah, who cares? They did find fuel there.

I don't know if whether any was salvaged after the massive fire they went through. But I was just glad Ice Cube lived. I was really worried they were going to kill Ice Cube. And he was the best. I mean, I loved him a lot. He's great. He was great. Yeah.

So just him. Wow. J-Lo and the anthropologist guy survived all of this. So, a lot of bodies. Incredible stuff. Yeah, I will be watching. It honestly was pretty fun how outrageous it is. I'm seeing here in the IMDb credits, Frank Welker is credited as the voice of Anaconda.

I know. The screeches! I'm assuming that means he does the screeches it does like a really high pitched like back of your throat kind of scream yeah it's very i don't know when i first saw that i was kind of in the back of my head hoping that eventually the santa condo was talking i thought that when I watched, I looked at the IMDb before watching it and I assumed I was like, oh, this is going to be a talking snake movie. This is definitely

a talking snake movie. Why are you doing this to me? I was having a nice time. Or just my home. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. That was incredible. I truly don't think we ever could have done this movie without animal

expert advice. Yes. Going hand in hand with it. This was truly perfect. Glad I can contribute that. You need to come back if we ever do another animal horror film. It's just simply not the same without having the insider knowledge.

Especially if you do a bear one. Yeah. And Wes, tell our listeners about Tooth and Claw. Yeah. So Tooth and Claw is a podcast where we tell animal attack stories. It's hosted by myself, my little brother, Jeff, and our friend, Mike. They're kind of on there for color commentary and to ask a lot of questions that I might not think of. Um, so we tell these stories, but the whole point of the podcast is to be able to tell animal attack stories without demonizing the animals or without kind of making people more afraid of those animals than necessary to explain the behavior behind

why those attacks happened, why it's often human error that leads the animal to do something. And then, uh, yeah, just to kind of be able to enjoy those kinds of stories that we all love without, you know, hurting animals in the process. And we talk a lot about conservation too. So it's, it's been really fun. It's we've done a couple dozen stories now. Um, it's yeah, it's been, it's been a really fun journey and we really enjoy making it. Oh man. It's, I will say I'm so fascinated by it.

I, and I, it'll be, I like have so many questions about animals. Um, now, but, but also I,

your Instagram is too scary for me. The Instagram page for tooth and claw is too scary. That's fine. can't look yeah you don't have to um but wow i mean i it's almost like true crime but but better in that i'm like i have to i'm like so fascinated to hear those stories but oh my god there's like maybe nothing scarier on earth than being attacked by a animal yeah probably and that was kind of like the point of it was to do a somewhat true crime podcast, but about animals. But it's been weird. We've had this reaction where people tend to have

more confidence going in the great outdoors after hearing about it because they learn how to actually interact and how to actually respond to those kinds of situations rather than just like not really knowing what you do. If you encounter a bear or a mountain lion or something, we're trying to teach people how you actually do, uh, respond to those kinds of things. So it's, it's had that effect. And we actually have had, we've, um, we've had people that have been like bit by snakes that, um, information from the podcast is like save their limbs. And we've had people that have avoided bear attacks and like moose charges and stuff because of the podcast. So save their limbs. And we've had people that have avoided bear attacks and like moose charges and stuff because of the podcast.

So it's been really neat. Whoa. That's amazing. Oh my God. It's a survival guide. Truly. I mean, whenever I feel like I'm out where I see people doing stupid stuff near

animals, it's like, it's of course it's human error for the most, like it's like, I'm sure sometimes circumstantial just on like, what's the animals deal at that time. But you see people do crazy things around animals. I was at Grand Canyon and there were a bunch of elk.

If there are elk in the Grand Canyon, big elk like. Probably. Maybe not elk. Big, you know, horned. And it was presumably a mom and some babies and these tourists were like getting up close to the babies like between the mom and the babies and i and i was like i'm gonna watch people get charged by elk like they they're going to get attacked yeah they didn't but they maybe should right yeah it does it happens all the time and like it the the problem with those kind of

interactions is it's always worse for the wildlife. You know, if an animal does hurt a person, they usually end up having to do something with that animal, whether it's removing it or something. And so, it's really important that we realize that we share our planet with like a lot of other animals and a lot of species. And that they have the same kind of right to exist as we do. And there's bound to be some interaction between the two. And if you learn about those interactions and you're prepared for them, you can enjoy them. Like you can go out and see a bear and know that you're prepared and ready. And then you can actually like enjoy being around a really cool animal rather than being

scared the whole time. And that's like, that's the thing that makes me happiest is when people can get to that place where they're comfortable in the outdoors and they can enjoy those interactions rather than being scared by it.

Oh, that's lovely. Man, that's so cool. And we learned some great things here today. We know not to pee in the Amazon. We know not to rip your head off

when you get bit. So don't rip, don't rip things out. So we can go to the Amazon in confidence you'll be fine you don't have to worry about anacondas eating you there's plenty of other stuff there that can eat you but anacondas aren't going to do it

wow yeah wow this is incredible I've learned so much this is I'm going to listen I'm going to listen to tooth and claw and not look at the pictures but I will but I can listen that's good enough for us

thank you so much Wes this has been so much this was so much fun yeah it was really fun I think we know what voice we have to do yeah I didn't do enough of the of the John voice yeah what does he say what was he saying

I don't even know I'm also serious the John voice. Yeah, what does he say? What was he saying? I don't even know. I'm also serious. No, that was not it. I mean, it's just like we said, it's just that accent that is sort of Yeah, we can all just do whatever accent comes into our head. Yeah. Always sort of sounds like Dracula.

From all of us here too scared. Didn't watch. didn't watch goodbye goodbye I don't know what came out of my mouth but that's sort of the point that's sort of the point hi everybody

thank you so much for listening to another episode of too scary didn't watch if you enjoyed the episode please remember to subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. And if you really want to make our day, you can rate us five stars on Apple Podcasts and on Spotify. You can also follow us on social media at TSDW Podcast. We are on Instagram and Twitter. And if you want even more content, you can become a patron at patreon.com slash TSDW podcast. We will be back next week with a regular episode.

We love you a lot. Bye. That was a hate gun podcast.