Too Scary; Didn't Watch - BONE TOMAHAWK

Episode Date: September 25, 2024

Welcome to....a recap of a movie that should never have been made!!!!!!!Movie Intro @ 15:50Trivia @ 20:10Recap starts @ 23:53TrailerFollow the show: @TSDWpodcast on Twitter, TikTok, and Instagram.Check out our Patreon for bonus episodes and additional content!Rate Too Scary; Didn’t Watch 5 Stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts and leave a review for Emily, Henley, and Sammy.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Hi everyone. The episode's not starting yet, but I am jumping on here real quick to tell you that we are conducting an audience survey at gum.fm slash too scary and we want to hear from you so we can keep making content that you love, you guys know, and we know, everybody knows there are ads on our podcast. The unavoidable truths, death, taxes, and ads on podcasts. But it doesn't have to be a horrible experience and we want to make that a better experience for you. But in order to do that we need to know a little bit more about you. So we're asking you to take this survey. It

is quick and easy and a free way to support this podcast. It'll take you two minutes and you'll be helping us out so much by doing it. So if you want to help us out by taking the survey go to gum.fm slash too scary to fill it out. That's g-u-m dot fm slash t-o-o-s-c-a-r-y. And now back to the show. This is Emily, Henley, and Sammy, and you're listening to Too Scary, Didn't Watch. Hi everyone, welcome to Too Scary, Didn't Watch, the horror movie recap podcast for those too scared to watch for themselves.

I'm Emily and I am too scared to watch scary movies. I'm Henley and I'm also too scared to watch for themselves. I'm Emily and I am too scared to watch scary movies. I'm Henley and I'm also too scared to watch scary movies. I'm Sammie and I love watching scary movies. And so I watch them so that you don't have to. And we have a patron chosen episode today that someone when this won the poll, someone commented this one might end the podcast. And I was like, oh, so dramatic. And then I was like, I don't know, there is one thing in here that is, I think gonna be the worst thing you have ever heard. And we'll ever hear.

So this is a controversial pick. Some people do not want this film to see the light of day. They do not want it to be given any more oxygen. Not for the reason that you're, well, yes, that'll be part of the reason why you hate it. We'll get into all this. You know what, let's say there's gonna be a lot to hate. Let's save it, let's save it, let's save it.

Oh God, let's save it, let's save it. But before we get into that, did anything scary happen to any of us this week? The scary thing that happened to me this week is that I started writing my speech to officiate Emily and Joel's wedding, which in and of itself is not scary and writing about them is delightful, but you guys writing is so hard. So hard. It's so hard. It's the hardest thing.

I thought my vows were locked in and then the other day I woke up and was like, I wrote a whole new thing. Cause it's like, I don't know. How are you done? You're never done. A writer's job is never done. Writing is rewriting.

But I, it just took me back to like high school and I was like, how, you know, there's gotta be like a theme here and a topic sentence. A thesis. A thesis. And how do I structure this? And in my head, I'll have a thought and I'll be like, oh yeah, that's perfect. And then I write it down and it's like, oh no, it's actually really bad. No, that doesn't work at all. And it's so frustrating. I just forgot how frustrating writing is. And I really got to say, you writers out there,

oh, you're so talented. You are. I fucking hate it, but I also- But you're such a good writer. It feels so good when you get it to a good point. And it's very, that's very satisfying feeling. But the journey, I think I've, you know, done a few creative things.

I'm familiar with the creators like journey of like, oh, this is bad, this is bad. Maybe this is good. No, it's bad, it's bad, it's bad. That's like throughout all types of artists jobs, but writing specifically is my least favorite of that time because it's like. It feels so tied to your brain.

Yes. It's like, which I know all of it is, but yeah, when you're making art, it's like sometimes you're like, this is stupid, this looks bad, or this is, but when you're writing and it's bad, you're like, I'm an idiot. I'm stupid.

I'm stupid. I'm so stupid. Why does anybody like me when I'm this stupid? Well, Sammy, you have the double pressure too, because this is not only something you're writing, it's something you have to speak out loud in front of an audience, which is terrible. I think that helps.

I mean, this doesn't help if you're terrified of public speaking, which you are, but I think that helps with the, because a lot of times it's like, something that's hard about writing is you can't express like, is my tone gonna come across or is it gonna like, and so I do feel like sometimes that's what's at least helping me with Vow is the same,

like I'm gonna be the one saying it. So I have sort of control over like how it comes out maybe. Yeah. Maybe. Yeah. And you're gonna be amazing. It's gonna be great. We are gonna be out next week Yeah. Maybe. Yeah. You're gonna be amazing. It's gonna be great. We are gonna be out next week, FYI.

FYI, kind of a big weekend. Because we got a big week ahead of us. When we come back, one of us will be, two of us, I guess, will be married. We're tipping the scales. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. A married lady.

And as soon as she gets married, you know she's going to turn into exactly what culture has told us. Just that nagging wife. Say bye to this version of me, everybody. I'm going to be completely different. Completely different. I have been making that joke a lot.

I think it's very funny and it's maybe not, but anytime I see somebody that I'm not going to see until after the wedding, I'm like, joke a lot. I think it's very funny and it's maybe not, but anytime I see somebody that I'm not gonna see until after the wedding, I'm like, nice knowing you. Get ready to re-meet me, because I'm gonna be different. I'm gonna be a wife. I'm gonna be awful. I'm gonna be really different.

I'm gonna judge you. I'm gonna be uptight. I'm voting Republican this next election. There's no way around it. As a white wife, it is my duty to vote Republican. Not funny. I know. It's a joke.

It's a joke. Hent, anything scary happened to you this week? Oh, God. Did anything scary happen to me this week? Well, I guess the only scary thing that happened to me this week is that the only interesting thing I can think of to talk about is how much organizing I've done. Ooh!

I have organized so much. And you know when you just go through a phase where you're like, I have to do it all. And so I started with Salsamay's toys because man toys, they just get like spread all over everything and they're all separated and they're not together and you don't know where anything is. And there's like, you know, a plastic whale in my nightstand and they're like Legos in our bathtub and I'm finding shit in my closet. Like there are like Legos in our bathtub

and I'm finding shit in my closet. Like it's like nothing is together. So I spent like a full day doing that and then I was like, oh no, there's so much more that needs to happen. So this morning, because... This is how I live my life by the way. It's just a constant, oh no, there's so much more of cleaning and organizing. Yes, yes, yes. So we have our first round of,

well, it's not our first round, but I'd say our first more serious round of sickness happening. And our medicine is also all over the place. I got some medicine in the refrigerator, some in the kitchen cabinets. Opening medicine. She loves opening it up,

she loves dumping it all over her diaper. I was gonna say, you lost a ton of it to May. To squishing it all over her diaper. He's going to say he lost a ton of it to me. To squishing it all in that diaper. And yeah, anyway, so I bought some organizing boxes and look at me, and I have some organizing bags and you better believe that. Boxes and bags. Boxes and bags. You better believe all of the kids medicine is in one bag, all of the adult medicine is in another bag.

Love that. I got my hair is in one bag. All of the adult medicine is in another bag. I got my hair stuff in one place. Not that I even do anything with my hair, but somehow I still have so many hair products that I never use that occasionally I'm like, I'm going to start caring about my hair. And I buy hair products and then never use them. It's because it's like, well, I never use them. So I obviously never think to use them. It's because it's like, well, I never use them, so I don't, I obviously never think to use them.

Right, exactly. When I'm like doing my hair, my habit is not to do anything to it. So it's like, so yeah, I'm going to forget to use those things that I'm about to do. And what I'm trying to avoid happening, one reason for doing this is buying things I don't need. And this is, if you are not organized, you are buying shit you don't need. For example, we have approximately seven tubes of toothpaste. Yep, that happened to me in total too.

I'm always like, we are out of toothpaste and buy more toothpaste. I was like, no, we had so much fucking toothpaste. Like you just didn't know where it was. This is happening with dish soap. I bought bulk dish soap and then I went to the grocery store and I was like, we need dish soap and I bought dish soap and I'm like, where am I gonna put all this fucking dish soap?

It's so stupid. It happened to me with heartburn medication. So I've got a lot of heartburn medicine. Yeah. My closets are stuffed with like deodorant and floss and, you know, things that I won't use up for two solid years. And anyway, I feel I feel a slight weight lifted. Still a feeling of deep existential despair, but the organization has lifted a little bit of a weight off my shoulders. So that's great. Great.

That's great. That's all I can help for. Inspiring. Yeah. Yeah. Emily? I mean, I'm getting married in six days. Oh my God.

Oh my God. Oh my god. Oh my god. It's not scary. I'm no longer stressed. I was stressed a few weeks ago because I was like, oh my god, is everything ready? What are we going to do? And now I'm just like, oh, I get to have a really big party

with all my friends and celebrate with Joel. And I'm just so excited and I can't freaking wait. And I'm just floating excited and I can't freaking wait and I'm just floating, just floating through life. I would like to solicit medical advice from our listeners because I'm not gonna see or talk to a doctor. But some of you presumably are them. So you are talking to a doctor.

So I am and this is the only way I wanna do it, which is to say indirectly and vaguely. Okay, so listeners of the pod may know that once or twice I have partaken in a hangover IV. And ideally one would never be hungover, but you know, let's be adults. It happens. And Joel and I have been thinking about,

we really don't want to be hungover on our wedding weekend at all. Probably we're gonna indulge, at least on Saturday. The question is, if one were to get an IV, does it make sense, medically speaking, to pre-hydrate an electrolyte and vitamin one's veins prior to the wedding? Like do we do an IV Saturday morning, pump our bodies full of all the juicy things we need

to hopefully prevent a hangover? Or is it like stop being a baby, just drink a bunch of water that day and like take some electrolytes and take some vitamins? Is that like the same difference? Because here's the thing, obviously, obviously, obviously, I'm going to try to drink lots of water. I'm going to try to eat enough.

I'm going to try not to drink too much. It's going to be a crazy day. I don't know what's going to happen. I'm just trying to get ahead of it. So doctors, nurses, particularly nurses, what do I do? Like when do you, are you asking whether you get the IV on Saturday or on Sunday or like when?

Correct. Okay. Correct. I think the tricky thing is, cause I'm guessing that Sunday would be, well, I'm guessing the IV is more effective after the drinking because you're like rinsing it out. I know that's not medically correct, but that's how it is in my brain. But the stakes are higher on Saturday. Like you really don't want to be

hung over that day for the ceremony. Sure, sure. But I'm thinking, I mean, I think I can be, I think I'm gonna be okay to knock on wood. I'm not worried about being hungover on Saturday. I'm really only worried about being hungover on Sunday, but I'm wondering how effective at, you know, it's like, it's... Does it last till Sunday if you get it on Saturday?

Or is it like, if I fortify my body prior to imbibing, is that a thing? Because I do think it helps in life when you're like, you're more hydrated, you've got your whatever vitamins your body needs to help you process that shit. It's like, is it better to sort of keep it from getting as bad or

tend to it once it is bad? Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Okay. So I'm just going to give you my two cents, which is that- Not a doctor, but okay. I was so hung over on my wedding day. I remember. Remember? And it's because I had had a baby two months ago and I had like two glasses of red wine and it made me like violently ill the next day. But I think the reason why it also made me kind of sick is because I was also just like

nervous and anxious and that made it worse. And I, so if I was you, I would have the IV scheduled on Saturday morning so that no matter what, even if accidentally you drink too much on Friday night, you know you have the IV scheduled on Saturday morning so that no matter what, even if accidentally you drink too much on Friday night, you know you have the IV on Saturday morning for your ceremony, like so you won't be hung over during your actual wedding ceremony. And if you're a little hung over on Sunday,

it's no big deal. You're saying goodbye to everyone. Everyone's hung over. It's kind of the vibe. I don't wanna say goodbye. Right? I mean, you know, it's like, it's not the end of the world, but if you're hungover on during the ceremony,

that will suck. That's bad. But I also, the thing is Henley, is that I never want to be hungover and single moment in my life ever. Okay. Well, all right. That's fair. Basically doctors, nurses, how do I do that?

I think one way would be, which is not an option obviously, but not drinking. That's not what I want to hear. That's a way to never be hung over. Yeah, but I don't want to hear that. That's not, I'm not interested in that. Yeah, we're not interested in that type of advice. We're not interested in that.

Don't say that to me. Okay? I don't want to hear it. Some of us are hung over right in this very moment. Some of us might be currently hungover. It happens, let's be grownups about it. Also, there's a strategy of like drinking more in the beginning of the night and then kind of stopping.

Yeah, but sometimes that means you drink more overall. Right, right. It's a dangerous strategy. You have to really, you have to know you're gonna stop, which, yeah. That's expert level. That's tricky. That's a dangerous strategy. You have to know you're going to stop, which, yeah. That's expert level. That's playing with fire. I just think that on Friday, at least this was my experience anyway, you're so excited.

You're so excited. I know. It's going to be so hard. Having so much fun that you're going to want to be able to just feel that feeling and you might just need the IV the next day and that's okay. But it's a long game, Hen. You gotta, I gotta remember the long game. So you're thinking Sunday.

I feel like that's what you're thinking. No, no, no, I'm thinking Saturday. Oh, okay. I just want somebody to tell me that I'm right about that. All I'm, look, maybe just tell me I'm right. You are right, you're right. That's what I'm saying, right. You're right.

Thank you so much. She's right, the. She's right. The bride's always right. The bride's always right. You know when the worst time to be hungover is? When you take care of two small children? Yeah. And the second worst time we are is hearing about bone tomahawk because that's what we are discussing today. No, that's what I wanted to say. My scary thing was because I, la la la la la la, I'm putting

my fingers in my ears and going la la la la la the entire podcast. I can't fucking believe it's happening. I can't believe it's happening. I mean, the good news is that it's really just a couple scenes that are bad, but they're really bad. You TSDW'd some of our friends, including Jenna, last night, and I obviously couldn't listen, but her friend came back over to us

and she was like, that movie's fucked up. And I was like, I can't. I can't. Yes, okay, so Bone Tomahawk came out in 2015. It was written and directed by S. Craig Zahler starring Kurt Russell, Patrick Wilson, Matthew Fox, Lily Simmons, Evan Jonikite, David Arquette and Richard Jenkins. Wow. Yeah, that's a way more stock cast than I thought.

Same. I only knew about Kurt Russell because he's on the poster, like the cover of the movie. I mean, I do love Kurt Russell, but will I anymore? Okay. Oh boy. So the reason people don't want this movie to see the light of day, I'm guessing, is because it's like so blatantly racist.

It's crazy. Oh boy. I also thought it came out in like 2005. I didn't realize it was 2015. I had heard that it was racist and I kept waiting. I was like, well, surely there will be a moment where it's making a point about something and it's not. It's just...

Oh, boy. But it has a 91% on Round Tomatoes. What? 72% on Metacritic, 7.1 on IMDB. It is very well-made and well-acted. Again, yeah, I love these actors, but I'm mostly just confused, how everybody read the script and-

Or like, sounds good to me. No one was like, hey, wait, it's actually like incredibly racist. What the fuck? So I'm just confused how it happened and how it's celebrated in this way with this pretty or very high percentage on Rotten Tomatoes. And for most of the positive reviews that I read that knew that they had to defend something, it was like, it's historically accurate for the period. And it's like, yeah,

but this is not a documentary. It's like you're writing a script and you're creating something that's supposed to have a point of view. And so when you're just, and from my standpoint, the point of view is that like the white people are the like heroes of the movie and the native people are the villains and like straight up monsters made to seem as monsters. So. Oh, I can't imagine why we'd be doing that.

Just really wild. I'm just confused is the main thing. Yeah, that's confusing. How did everyone think, yeah, this is okay. This is okay to do. Yeah, and something can be well-made, well-executed, well-acted, look good, and still be like well made, well executed, well acted, look good, and still be like, shouldn't have done it.

Yeah, I just couldn't find any real statements. I like wanted to hear from the director or any of the actors of like what they thought the movie was trying to say. I couldn't find anything, I don't know. But yeah, so I had heard that it's racist and it is. So we'll just know that going into it. Okay. And, oh, I don't want to. I don't want to. I don't want to. What else has this director

done? Craig Zoller. I don't know. I have heard his other movies are also... Problematic? I don't know if bad or racist or... Okay, so another thing is that, I don't know if it's the production company of this movie, but this director was involved with a production company that's like very conservative and was like,

we got to be able to make the media we want to make without having to answer to woke liberals. Oh my God. So, art should just exist and should be created by white people putting it through whatever point of view they want. Oh God. So yeah.

So that's tough. That's tough, I don't love that. But yeah, I couldn't find tons of information about it because I had a lot of questions. But anywho, here we are. We're gonna talk about it regardless. And it's not gonna be fun. The budget was 1.8 million.

It made $475,846 in theaters. It's had a limited release, but then it made $4.28 million in home video sales. It was this director's first feature film. I can't remember if I said that. Okay. And again, how did it happen? I don't know, but he's made like a bunch of movies.

He has another one coming out in 2025. So clearly people think he's great. Yeah, but his next movies are with Vince Vaughn and Mel Gibson. So. Yeah, so it's clearly. Wow. So I feel like there's a theme there.

I know that those two people are problematic or Vince Vaughn, I just know he's like theme there. I know that those two people are problematic. Or Vince Vaughn, I just know he's very Republican. Very Republican. Trump supporter. If you say Trump supporter, yeah, I think we can blanket statement say that's problematic. Yeah. Yeah, you can be Republican without being problematic,

but you can't be a Trump supporter without being problematic. We might have to cut that out. People are going to be- People are really going to be mad, but I honestly- People are going to be mad. a Trump supporter with that being problematic. We might have to cut that out. People are gonna be. People are really gonna be mad, but I honestly. People are gonna be mad. I stand fucking by it. Yeah. No, I think it's fine. I mean, Trump is a convicted sexual abuser,

a convicted felon, a convicted criminal. I think it's fine to say that if you support him, that you're problematic. Problematic. It's problematic. Great, great, great. So again, just confusing. I just feel confused.

Other people that were attached to various roles in this movie were Jim Broadbent, Peter Sarsgaard, and Jennifer Carpenter. Jennifer Carpenter I know from Dexter, right? That's his sister. And was his wife. Right. And then they got a painful divorce

and continued to work together as brother and sister on screen. Oh my god. Tough times, tough times. Dexter is one of two shows that I stopped watching before the finale. Just before the finale. Oh, three shows actually. I've done it with three shows where I've only not seen the series finale.

So I watched almost all of Dexter, almost all, I think seven seasons just stopped right before the last one. The other two for those that are curious were were weeds and sadly, Peaky Blinders. And that one's not necessarily because it was bad. I think it was more just that the spacing of the seasons was too long. So by the final season, I kind of forgot everything and was less invested.

And so it just lost momentum. And by the end, I was like, becausees are always like an extra long episode too. And I was like, I kind of don't care. So, but anyways, was that interesting for people to hear? Sorry. No, I get that. I do that a lot. I have something with like, I don't finish things.

And I think it's like, I think it's almost like a pathology. It's like, there's something wrong. I just don't want to finish it. I just don't want it to be done. Yeah, I very much agree with that. Yeah. Like this episode, so we could end it anytime. Ending it before the end would be ideal for you guys.

Yeah, I would love to end it before the beginning, to be completely honest. Yeah. Oh, okay. So yeah, we will watch the trailer at the end. That will be available on our Patreon. Will we? Mm.

I think we have to. Okay. But, okay, so, let's get into it. Let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it. I love a good murder mystery, but I don't like to feel bad. And it can be hard trying to find

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free shipping. That's the best offer you'll find but you'll have to use my code Too Scary for 50% off your first order. One last time, that's promo code Too Scary for 50% off your first order plus free shipping. All right, we begin with a closeup of a throat being slit. Okay, cool. Lots of blood and we see that this is David Arquette slitting someone's throat. He's like a bandit thief. This is a Western, we are in 1890s, the old West.

And so David Arquette and another guy are this little team of bandits that are going around killing people, taking their shit. And so we just see them go around slitting everybody's throats. One guy kind of is still alive and tries to shoot them. The other David Arquette's buddy, his name is Buddy, actually. Oh, right. Buddy starts yelling at David Arquette saying, you didn't go deep enough.

And David Arquette's like, oh, there was so much blood. I thought I got it. And he says something about there being like 16 arteries in the throat and you've got to slit them all or something. I don't know. But they're having this very cavalier discussion about like the proper way to slit throats as everyone's like bleeding out around them. Set in the tone of violence. And then they take their stuff and they're heading back on the old, on the road, on the road again, if you will.

And they hear this eerie howl. It's like a howl scream that doesn't sound like a creature that I've heard before. And so they stop and are looking around like, what was that? Brush it off and they are continuing down this path and then they start to see skulls, human skulls hung on the walls and they're starting to get nervous. There's this clearly like what looks like a burial ground marked with bones and skulls. They tromp right over it. Tromp?

Tromp, yeah. They're tromping around through what looks to be a burial ground and they can hear some rustling in the leaves so they know that someone is there. And Buddy calls out, we're walking through here whether you like it or not, and immediately gets an arrow in the throat. Okay, goodbye, Buddy. I wonder how many arteries he got. Yeah, great question.

He pulls it out, which seems like a wrong thing to do, but he's not gonna be lasting much longer, so it doesn't matter. But very quickly, this man walks out, that's covered in like dust and sand, and so like blends into the planes essentially, and really quickly guts him, like rips his intestines out basically. And David Arquette runs on it, like makes it to get away and runs back in the other

direction and title bone tomhawk. Now we are in a little frontier town called Bright Hope. We got a sign population 260. And we meet Arthur. This is Patrick Wilson and his wife, Samantha. Great name. Love it. Beautiful name.

Gorgeous. And Arthur has a leg injury. His leg is in a cast and elevated and Samantha is tending to him. And you can tell he's like very antsy, he doesn't like being cooped up. He's used to being out on the land. And Samantha is saying like, Oh, is it so bad being in here with me? And he's like, No, of course, not. Like I love you. And they seem to have a nice relationship. And then we see in the town saloon,

Matthew Fox, Jack from Lost, who's not in a lot of stuff. And I kind of had a thought of him being problematic, which would kind of fit the theme of today's episode. But I looked it up and I couldn't get clear answers about that, so I don't wanna necessarily spread rumors about him, but it seems like one of his castmates in Lost said that he was an abusive asshole, but then that castmate was maybe abusive. I don't know.

Let's not get it. Let's not get into it. Let's not get into it. Maybe he just made so much fucking money from loss. That's probably true. He was good to go. That's probably true. So we see him, Brooder is his name.

He's in the, walks into the saloon, like he owns the place. He's very sharply dressed. Most people look kind of dirty and 1890s-y, and he's in this like crisp white suit, which is bold. Everything's so dusty. So we just, you know, I can't remember what his little intro scene is,

but he is there. And then we cut to the Sheriff's station. Kurt Russell is our Sheriff, of course, top cop. And Richard Jenkins is his deputy. And their dynamic is so great. Richard Jenkins, I think this is his like best performance. He's so good in this. That's too bad. That's too bad. Yeah, too bad that it in this. That's too bad. That's too bad. Yeah, too bad that it's this. And the writing is quite good. Their little dynamic of Richard Jenkins is just very chatty

and rambles and rambles and Kurt Russell is like, and he's always telling weird random stories that are just pretty funny. And I didn't recognize him at first, the hair and makeup also, he like looks like not himself. And he's so good in it. Anywho, he is telling the deputy in a very roundabout way that he saw a stranger come into town, which we saw was David Arquette, and bury a suitcase of stuff, change his clothes, and then he went into the saloon. And it's of the opinion of the deputy that it was in a suspicious tap manner. Okay. So they say, okay, let's go check it out and we'll go to the saloon and

see what's up with this stranger. But we go back to Arthur and Samantha and see them having sex and the scene is somewhat inconsequential, but I just have to bring it up because it really annoyed me. They're having trouble having sex because his leg is broken and in a cast. And so he's on his back with his leg elevated. She's on top of him. And it's like, he couldn't possibly feel pleasure while a woman is on top. And he's like, it's not, this isn't working. This isn't working. And he's like, let's do this the right way. And he flips over so that he's on top and she starts to be like, well, your leg. And then it's like, is that gonna,

are you gonna be able to do it? And then he like thrusts and she's like, oh, keep going, keep going, nevermind. And they have sex. So I think it's also just a good scene to point out to kind of understand the directors, writer directors point of view. It's just like sex is only good when a man is on top.

Right. Yeah. And again, I feel like this is a moment that you could absolutely, well, it's of the time. That's how men felt then, not me, obviously. I don't think that, but this guy did and you need to know. Okay. Yeah, so we see now the sheriff and the deputy

arriving at the saloon, David Arquette's at the bar, they ask him, what's your name stranger? And he says, buddy. So he's using his dad friend's name and they're trying to get, you know, they know he's up to something, but the situation escalates. But he does for, you know, to his credit does, he seems to just be trying to get a drink. But he has also killed a lot of people and stolen a lot of money and this is a sheriff and a deputy.

So there's, there's some tension, suspicion that eventually leads to Buddy, I think like lunging at somebody, sheriff pulls his gun, shoots Buddy in the leg and cut away from that scene. We see Arthur and Samantha in bed together and Bruder knocks at the door. It's the middle of the night. so they're a little like, what the hell? Who's that? And Bruder calls out Mrs. O'Dwyer, we need you at the saloon because Samantha has medical training. The town doctor is not there or something. And so she's stepping in. They need her to come remove a bullet from Buddy's leg. So as they're leaving, Arthur calls out to Brooder, like, if I hear about you flirting with my wife,

there'll be hell to pay. And it's like friendly and he's like, you got it. You got it boss or whatever. Probably not that. Perfectly telling, perfect.. Just a little moment to remind everyone that I'm a little hungover. I can't tell. So they get to the jail. They've brought Buddy into jail. So he's in a little jail cell and he's cuffed and unconscious. And I think they've drugged him for this surgery, I guess.

That feels nice. And so she goes into the cell and she's got a little medical kit. She gets the bullet out and she says, I need to stay overnight to observe him. Will you go tell my husband, like I won't be back. So Kurt Russell goes to say we need her like, thank you so much for lending us your wife. And so it's just David Arquette, Samantha and the backup deputy, not Richard Jenkins. There's another guy. This actor was in The Night House and The Empty Man. He's got a great face. Oh, nice for him.

His name is Evan Jonikite. He just has such a great face. Distinct face. Nobody else looks like him. You know? Wow. Wow. Wow. So it's just them three staying in the jail for the night and then we cut to a scene where a stable boy

is going up to a barn, hearing horses whinnying and it's like, what's going on there? Like I'm coming, like, are you guys, so there's something spooking you? And it's dark, it's nighttime, and he opens the barn and we just see shadows of people running around in the barn. It's a pretty spooky shot. And then he immediately has his throat slit with what looks like a bone tomahawk.

Oh gosh. And then gets an arrow through his head in very quick succession. And I think it's worth noting that this character is black, one of the only black people we see that just comes in with- Nothing but to be murdered. Just to die, yep.

Yeah, okay. Next morning we see Arthur waking up. Samantha is still not home and he looks at his leg. He takes the bandages off. We get our first look at his leg. It looks okay, but it looks like it was gnarly. There's like a healing scar that looks pretty good, but like it was a gnarly. There's like a healing scar that looks pretty good, but like it was a gnarly break.

We see Kurt Russell at home with his wife and the bartender from the saloon runs in in a panic and says, Sheriff, there's been an accident. He's like, why are you bothering me at home? And he's like, well, I found a stable boy dead, and he had been like gutted, like something really bad happened. And he's like, well, why are you coming to me? Why didn't you go to the police station? And he's like, I did go to the police station. It's empty, there's nobody there.

Oh no. He said, not even in the jail cell? Nope. Oh no. Empty. Oh no. Oh no. Empty. Oh no. Oh no. So he calls Richard Jenkins, his deputy.

He's like, we got something's up. We got to go to the jail. Got to go down to the station. How does he call him? Oh yeah, I guess he doesn't call him. I think he has someone fetch him. He's like, go get. That was just me being like, when were phones?

My brain just having a panic of like, how did people used to call each other? They didn't. When were phones? When were phones? When were phones? Question mark, Google. Hey Google, when were phones?

1849, so. Okay, so maybe he called them. Maybe he called them. Yeah, maybe. It's just hard to picture a phone in an old Western house. I'm sure they weren't common. Sure.

But I also know almost nothing about anything. I know nothing. It's crazy how little I know about everything. So they get to the jail and see that there are arrows in the walls. They're like, it's Indians. They say that a lot in this movie. Great.

And yeah, it's just, I have in my notes here, this movie's so racist, what the fuck? Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. Ay, ay, ay. And so the sheriff goes to break the news to Arthur that his wife is missing. And Arthur of course immediately gets up, stands on that bad leg and is like,

well, we gotta go out and find her. So they meet in the saloon to like form a plan and they bring in the town native guy that's like dressed in a suit so he's okay. We can talk to this guy, but they're asking him, who do you think did this? And this guy just tells them that it's, oh, that's from this particular tribe that are cave dwellers. They're troglodytes. That's not like us. That's like a completely savage species barely human and tells them where the cave is that they live in. They ask how many do you think there are of them? And he says, it won't matter. You wouldn't stand

a chance against one of them. Okay. So it's okay because these aren't native people, they're troglodytes. I guess are they supposed to be like supernatural almost? Are they like not? Even so. Yeah, I know. I know. But yes, but I think that's like the thing that they feel like makes it all okay. It's like, right.

It's like, oh, they're not natives. They're like a different thing. And it's like, they're all played by native actors. Right, right. It's like, oh, they're not natives. They're like a different thing. And it's like, they're all played by native actors. Right, right. Yeah. It's all, it's wild and so confusing. How did it happen? How did it happen? Kurt, why did you do this? The paycheck, baby. The paycheck. And he's great in it. Yeah. Like actors are trying to get a paycheck. Not just not, which is not to say we should not hold actors responsible for the choices they make. Yeah.

But a lot of people needed to say no to this as well. Yeah. Yeah. I guess even if they are supposed to be supernatural in a way, I guess that's also textbook othering. Yes. Is to claim that they're not human. Yeah, like it's okay what we're doing here because. book, Othering, is to claim that they're not human.

Yeah, like it's okay what we're doing here because. So it's A, not obviously historically accurate because this didn't exist. And B, even if you are just creating like a historically accurate thing, it's perpetuating racist stereotypes and people are watching that and like, it's just harmful. So I'm, yeah. Yeah. Confused. I'm confused. I'm confused. We're confused.

So we're all going to get the troglodytes. Fucking crazy. And so the people going on this search and rescue party are the sheriff, the deputy, Arthur and Bruder steps in and says, I was the one to go fetch Mrs. O'Dwyer. I feel somewhat responsible and he's like a respected gunslinger. And so he's gonna join as well. Oh, and he says as he's joining, I've killed more Indians than all of you guys combined. I should go. And the native in the room says that's an ugly boast. And he says, it's not a boast, it's just a fact.

What? What are you doing? What is the point of view? I mean, I know the point. I know the point of view, but it's crazy to like... To have it. To have it and to have it. It's crazy to have it.

All these, whatever. Okay, I'll stop. I'll stop now. But, oh, and also in this scene, the mayor walks in and is like, oh, how do you spell chocolate diet for the report? So I feel like there's also a messaging of like the mayor's a dumb idiot, we gotta take it in the hands of the law and the guns.

Always the right side of history. Yeah. So everybody says their goodbyes, sheriff goes to say goodbye to his wife, Richard Jenkins, deputy, goes to his wife's grave, lays some flowers, says, you know, I'll be back. They're getting their horses ready. We find out that they're going to be making

a five day journey in three days. They're gonna just like ride. So fast. As fast and as long as they can. Arthur is like hell bent on revenge or getting his wife obviously makes sense, but the sheriff kind of talks him down and says, you know, in order to be of use when we get there, we need to prioritize

like still taking care of ourselves, getting some rest, drinking water, eating food, the horses need tending to. So like we got to know we're all Jones in to get there, but we got to take it at a reasonable pace. And Arthur's like, God, that's gonna be pretty hard for me. It's like, I know, that's why I'm telling you to do it. So they all get on their horses and then Bruder sees Richard Jenkins rides up on his horse

and he calls his horse ugly and it just made me laugh. He's like, it's an ugly horse and we're off. And we're off. Hey, I'm Jake Johnson, host of the podcast We're Here to Help. But this episode right now that you are listening to is sponsored by Brooklinen. Brooklinen provides luxury bed sheets, pillows, comforters and blankets delivered straight to your door. How do I know this?

Because Brooklyn delivered me a quilt, sheets, pillowcases and I love them. Plus Brooklyn has been tested and awarded by experts including Good Housekeeping, GQ, Wirecutter and the host of We're Here to Help. So listeners can save a ton by purchasing a hardcore bundle, which includes a core sheet set, which is the thing I got, extra pillowcases and a duvet cover. You can also mix and match. They do this stripe thing that's cool, but that's a dealer's choice.

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In the planes? Cold. In the planes. And hot. I bet it is cold. Bugs and stuff. Snakes probably. Oh, and snakes.

So there is a snake. They mentioned it at one point. There is a snake. They mentioned it at one point. They at nighttime are setting up a tripwire alarm system around the perimeter of their camp so that if anyone approaches, it'll like jingle a little bell. First night bell rings, brooder immediately shoots at the direction and we just hear like a coyote whimper. So that one's a little fake out. Next day, back on the road, on the road again, if you will. And it is very beautiful. There's shots of the four of them on horseback,

like sweeping planes, like very picturesque. And they are continuing on their journey and just like stopping briefly to rest. They set up to take a quick rest. Arthur checks his leg. It's looking worse now, obviously, because he's putting a lot of pressure on it and it's just looking swollen and red.

He pours some alcohol on it. I don't know, like it seems very painful. Not looking great. and red, he pours some alcohol on it. It seems very painful. Not looking great. Sheriff and deputy are kind of exchanging looks like, are we gonna have to amputate that leg while we're out here? Oh God. If it turns into gangrene, like get infected quickly.

And Chickery, oh, Richard Jenkins, his name's Chickery, has some medical training from the war. And so we kind of are deferring to him for medical advice. What side of the war? I wonder. I just wonder. I wonder. Did I mention?

Curious. And they set up camp for the night and the bell goes off again. And this time it is two people. There's this tense, you know, obviously everybody draws their guns. The two guys don't, the strangers and the sheriff is trying to handle the situation and deescalate to his credit and he asks them to identify themselves. They say, we are just passing through. We're just coming to say hi. Not coming to say hi. That's not what they say. That's not what they say. I can't remember.

We're just coming to say hi. We're just coming to say hey. I just wanted to know how to like all this up with you guys. What's up, my friends? We're just like a little lonely. Like I'm trying to be more social. I'm so sure of you. Geez, can't even say hi these days. Unbelievable.

And it seems like they're about to come like peacefully to talk to them. And Bruder just shoots them both and kills them. Bruder. Sheriff's very angry, says, I had it under control. And he said, no, they're probably scouts. There's probably more of them. We need to pack up our shit and move our camp right now because they're going to come looking for us. Whoever else is in their crew. And the sheriff is angry, but he's just like, you can think about my morals later. We

need to move camp right now to somewhere that's more defendable. So Sheriff's like, okay, Arthur was sleeping during this and like asks Richard Jenkins what happened and he says, Mr. Bruder just educated two Mexicans on the meaning of manifest destiny. Okay. It's just like, yeah, historically accurate. It's historically accurate and important to show that part

of history in 2015. Yeah. Over and over and over again. Yeah. We should see it more. Yeah. So Richard Jenkins goes and looks at their dead bodies and you should see it more. Yeah. So Richard Jenkins goes and looks at their dead bodies

and sees that they're wearing crosses like necklaces, crucifix, and he's upset by this. These were men of God. Historically, always good. Exactly. Matthew Fox says then Jesus should have helped them. They set up a new camp and while they're sleeping, Arthur wakes up and hears like a muffled sound, looks over. Matthew

Fox Bruder is being stabbed in the shoulder and Arthur shoots the guy. There's like noises and everyone's like, what's going on, what's happening? We hear like footsteps and horse hooves running away. So someone has stolen their horses. And Bruder is saying like, my horse would never let them ride her. And someone asks, did you teach your horse to be a bigot? So there's like some mention of like he is a bigot, but

it's he's not like present only him. And I thought, yeah, yeah, just, just interesting. And he sees that his horse actually is injured nearby and he has to go and kill his horse and it's like this horse is a bitch. I to go and kill his horse. And it's sad. They're like, this horse is a bitch. Oh, that is sad. I actually don't want this horse. This horse sucks.

And so now they decide if we do sleep, we should do it in daylight and they're gonna walk. They now have like a two day walk ahead of them. That ain't gonna be good for the leg. Arthur has a little crutch that he's using, but he's like, they're saying like, you shouldn't come with us, like we should continue on without you.

And he's like, no, I'm definitely coming. He's like, I will walk nonstop. You guys walk ahead of me. I'll catch up with you while you're sleeping. Interesting plan. I mean, to be fair, they're pretty far away at this point. So, kind of stuck. Yeah. He can't like turn back either. He. Yeah. Yeah. So we're moving and, you know, they're just

getting close to their destination. When there's a moment between Arthur and Bruder where they're moving on ahead because Arthur is like too tired, he has to take a rest. And so they're like, okay, we'll keep going. Bruder says to Arthur, if I see your wife, I'll try not to flirt with her. And not the time, Bruder, this isn't, we're not feeling like a jokey time. Arthur gets mad, punches him in the face,

but then loses his balance and falls and his leg cracks. Oh no. Bad crunchy sound. He's screaming in pain. They look at his leg and the bone is popping out now. Wow. This is one reoccurring thing in horror movies and in real life that scares me more than anything else. Having like potentially mortal injury that's just slowly getting worse and worse and worse while you're out in the wilderness with nothing to be done. And you just have to like watch it happen.

That is horrible. Yeah. I bet they're going to do something and it's going to be pretty bad. Yeah. Richard Jenkins as the one with medical training is like, we should amputate this with it. It's gotta be amputated. And Arthur says, no, he says, it's my decision.

Can you set it? And he's like, I can, but it's not gonna be pretty. Arthur has some opium from his wife's medical kit. And he says, give me just enough. He brought it in like case she needed medical attention, I guess, because he hasn't taken any because he can't be drugged up. But now he does take some and says, just give me enough so that you can operate. And the operating is just Richard Jenkins hitting his leg with a hammer. It's like one huge swing down onto the bone,

popping it back in place. Really gnarly. So they set it and they leave him. So now it's just the three of them continuing on. It's nighttime. They're moving through the night now. They don't rest in the day. And they hear that howly scream noise and realize it's

not a wolf or coyote. They say it sounds like a signal, like I think we've been spotted. we've been spotted. So they know that they're getting close and, oh, they're leaving a trail for Arthur by the way, he's like, he was like, when I feel better, I'll come join you. Okay, buddy. He's got to save his wife. Yeah. And so they're leaving a little trail. I just wrote in my notes here, Brooder being extra racist, extra.

I can't remember. Oh, he's talking about all the Indians he's killed. And there are women and children involved in his number, included in his tally. And Richard Jenkins is horrified by this. Like I could never kill a woman or a child. And he says, Indian woman, still an Indian. Yeah.

Cool. Historically accurate is what it is. So they walk through the night. And the next morning, they arrive at this kind of tunnel entrance to something. Feels like we're getting pretty close here. We're all treading lightly, looking around, a little nervous. Brooder goes through the tunnel first, says, I'll throw a rock back to signal that it's safe to come

through. He goes, it's tense, throws the rock back. The other two join. And on the other side, there's like an opening to the open plane and then a mountain in front of it that has an opening to a cave. So this looks like the entrance to where they're going to find the troglodytes. And only good things are going to happen in there. Nothing bad. So they're huddled down trying to plan their next move. When two guys pop out like behind them, attack them, shoot the sheriff. It all happens very quick. Sheriff gets an arrow shot in the shoulder.

They throw a rock at Richard Jenkins' head and it like takes a chunk of his like forehead off. Ooh, looks pretty nasty. And then one of them uses a bone tomahawk to cut off Bruder's hand, as he's reaching for his gun and he just slices his hand right off. Ah! But they have their guns and they shoot both of them, and so they die.

But all having been injured and brooder without his hand says, supply me with some dynamite and he's like going to sacrifice himself to blow up as many of them as he can. And they're like, it's just your hand. Like, you could survive this. And he's like, I'm too vain to live as a cripple. So there's also that kind of messaging as well. There's a lot of talk about cripples because Arthur is, his leg is messed up. And so there's a lot of that type of language as well. Okay. Okay. So they go back and leave Bruder with some dynamite and he's laying next to the body of the guy that one of the guys they've just killed and presses the belly with the butt of his rifle.

And as it like pushes air out of the guy's body, it makes this almost musical sound and we see liquid coming out of his throat area. What? Yeah. We'll get more to that in a little bit here, but just pointing it out. So as the sheriff and the deputy go back through the tunnel, they're going back the way that they came when they are attacked by more of the guy, more of the cave people. And I don't know what to call them that's not offensive. I'll call them cave people. The deputy gets an arrow in the arm. They hit him in the head with a rock,

knock him unconscious. Richard Jenkins is unconscious now. One of them knocks Kurt Russell down, gets on top of him and is like strangling him. And Kurt Russell's fighting back, trying to fight back. The guy's like huge and stronger than him and grabs this bone. It's like a jawbone of looks like a wolf or something and shoves it in Kurt Russell's mouth and is like about to hit it in when the other cave guy hits Kurt Russell in the head with a rock, knocking him unconscious. So he's not dead, but they're both unconscious now and being dragged back to the cave.

All right. And I'm guessing we have not yet gotten to even close to the worst of anything. No. But it's all going to happen right now and then it's going to be over. Okay, great! That's great news. Okay, okay, okay, great.

Let's go, let's go, let's go. Okay, so, oh, and we see that Brooder is sitting there injured when another cave guide throws a bone tomahawk at him and he shoots him at the same time. So both of them die. Okay. Oh, wow. Okay. Richard Jenkins kind of briefly gets some consciousness while he's being dragged and sees brooders dead body with like the bone tomahawk straight in his face. As they get to the base of the cave entrance, which is like up in the mountain, one of the cave guys does the howl that we have heard. And this was like the most unsettling moment for me.

It's like almost, I hate to recall this, but it's almost like the annihilation bear noise. Oh. I had a feeling that's what you were gonna say. Yeah, yeah. Ooh, huh. It's just like a really, really unsettling sound that's not human. And we see him opening his mouth and making it.

Yeah. It's wild how freaky that is. It's very scary. And then ropes are lowered so that they can be pulled into the cave. They are put into a little prison cell. We see Samantha and the other deputy in another prison cell. They have like, I don't know what material it is, maybe bone that they've built little cells with. Samantha and Deputy Nick are in one cell and then the sheriff and deputy chicory are thrown in the other cell. They're all regaining consciousness now, except for deputy Nick, he is unconscious. Where's David Arquette?

Well, that's what they're asking. Samantha says they ate him. Oh, okay. Okay, bye, okay. And okay. Bye, David. Yeah. So then they, two of the cave guys come back in, Samantha recognizes them and is like, no, not that one. Not, not this guy. Not essentially. She's like, Oh no, oh no, oh no. Oh, I hate this. This is the scene I had heard about. And- Which I have heard is actually not the worst part. Yes, correct.

Oh no, no. But this is like the moment that people think about when they think about this movie. The two guys come- It's fine. It's fine. It's fine, Henley. It's fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. It doesn't matter. My tummy isn't hurting at all. They start dragging deputy Nick out of his cell. He's unconscious. Kurt Russell and Richard Jenkins are yelling at him. Nick, like, wake up, wake up,

wake up. Waking up. That will be better. I was going to say, I would rather be unconscious for what's about to happen, but he does sort of wake up as they are stripping him naked and Kurt Russell is going savages, savages. So just also remember that this is extremely racist. And Kurt Russell is like holding the bars of the cell and and yelling and shaking them, trying to pry them off when one of the cave guys uses his bone tomahawk, cuts off two of Kurt Russell's fingers. Then Nick is waking up and sees that sheriff and the deputy are there and is going like, oh, buddy, it wasn't his real name. And he I guess desecrated their burial ground. And he was bragging about it. He was a real piece of shit and he deserved to die. The

sheriff is kind of nodding sadly like thanks for telling me Nick. Thank you. And Nick says, please bring my possessions back to my brothers. We know whatever's about to happen is he's not gonna survive it. The scary cave guy that Samantha was scared of, they've got Nick up right now, grab him by the hair, use a bone tomahawk to cut off his scalp. Scalp him. Sure. They take his scalp, shove it in his mouth, and then use a bone ice pick type

thing to, they shove that in his mouth afterwards and hammer it in. So essentially nailing his own scalp to the back of his throat. Sure. Yeah, whatever. Whatever. And then they flip him over. So he's like upside down now and spread his legs. Okay. And use the bone tomahawk to chop, chop, chop three big swipes. Chop him in half hot dog style, you guys.

Okay. All right. And I got to say, maybe the best hot dog style kill I've ever seen. I think I'm going to have to make a ranking of hot dog style deaths. You know that this is a hobby of mine. Something I enjoy. And it's not saying that I enjoy the whole movie, but I respect the hell out of a hot dog style kill. And I think this and The One in Terrifier are, like, my two favorites, is the wrong word. So the through line there is an upside down.

It's just... Or no, it's a crotch. Yes, crotch first. Crotch first hot dog style. Kayla's your favorite. No. I think it's just like the most affecting. I don't know.

My jaw fell off my face during this scene. It's so brutal. It's wild. So, I can see why it's the most talked about scene of the movie. But it gets worse. Being naked when that happens too. Not like clothes are gonna help you any, but.

There's no dignity left. It does feel worse. Yeah, you don't, yeah, it's worse. It's really bad. And so then that's done, they leave. Now there's just the three of them in the cells. Great. Just left to wait and think about what could possibly come for them. Samantha asks about Arthur, says, where's Arthur? I know he wouldn't let you guys come

here without him. And they're like, yeah, he got injured, we left him behind, but don't worry, we left a trail so he could come. And Samantha is rightfully very angry to hear this. And like, you fucking idiots, why? So, whatever. So Arthur's probably still coming. And they remember that they have the bottle of opium. Arthur kept some of it but gave the rest to them again in case they found Samantha and she was injured or something. And so they have a bottle of opium and they devise a plan to try to poison some of these guys with the opium. Cut away back to Arthur waking up after his medically induced sleep.

And he sets out following that trail. He's on his way limping in extreme pain. Great. And the cross necklace on his neck is always visible and he's calling up to God like, are you seeing this? Patrick Wilson, a real actor for God. his neck is always visible and he's calling up to God like, are you seeing this? Patrick Wilson, a real actor for God. Yeah, yeah. Interesting, typecast, it's a God man.

He's a God man. The God man in horror movies. So he's on his way and we go back to the cave, we see Kurt Russell and Richard Jenkins like fake fighting over the flask that they have being like, no, no, give me that, give me that, I want that. I want it. It's good. It's good. I want one of that. So one of the cave guys comes over, confiscates it, grabs it. It's like, oh, if they want it, I want it. Falls for it. Chugs some of it. They're like, yes, yes, yes. Drink it, drink it,

drink it. Another one comes, chugs some more of it. And a third guy comes and also drink some of it. And then they throw it into this. There's like a fire pit in the room. So they throw it in the fire. They all walk out. Samantha says the first guy will probably sleep for a long time, but I don't think he'll die because he's huge. And the second guy will probably die. Third guy probably won't be affected because he didn't drink enough of it, I guess. Oh, because one of the things she says when they first get there is like, how many of them do you think there are? And so they're trying to do the math. She says she thinks there are 12. And so they're doing the math on how many they've killed, how many are left and they arrive at, there's probably seven that Arthur will have to face by himself.

Okay. Awesome. Okay. So we go back to Arthur. We're seeing him pass the same points that our other crew did. So we know he's right outside and he gets attacked by two of them. One of the cave guys has a bow and arrow and he kills the first guy easily. Patrick Wilson does.

Patrick Wilson, sorry, yes. And then the second guy has arrow drawn, Patrick Wilson shoots the arrow so the bow breaks. I mean, I think he's aiming for him, but it just breaks the bow and arrow. And so the cave guy grabs his bone tomahawk axe thing and is coming now to do hand-to-hand combat as Patrick Wilson is having to reload his gun. So it's this like stressful, like, Oh God, Oh God, Oh God. And of course does it right, right in the nick of time gets his gun loaded, shoots this guy and kills him. There's like a moment where the guy's not quite dead and he's breathing really shallowly and like looks really scared. And Patrick Wilson seems to like have a moment of his on his face where he feels sorry for him,

but then kills him, shoots him in the head. And then we see something that looked like teeth in the guy's throat, protruding from within the throat. And Patrick Wilson is like, is this some sort of jewelry? He's grabbing at it and then digs it out. And it's part of the guy's bones. It's essentially like a second mouth in their throat, which I guess is how they're able to, like, make that noise.

It's almost as if there's, like, a harmonica in their throat type of thing. Whoa. It's like a wheeeezy kind of musically sound. OK. And is it like how they eat humans or something? Because they have like a second set of jaws in there to crunch up those bones. It doesn't seem like it's used for eating. No, I think it's just for this. Just for singing. Just the sound.

Singing. Yeah. That's my singing mouth. So he cuts this out. It looks like a little like wishbone shaped thing with teeth on it and he keeps it and he blows in it. Oh, it's so gross. He puts it in his mouth and uses it like a, like an instrument to try to like communicate with the other ones. Right, I'm one of you.

And so another one runs out towards him, I think thinking, yeah, that they're about to see their friend and he shoots him and kills him. Got it. Okay. Back in the cave, we're hearing some commotion and two of the cave guys pull the dead cave

guy that drank the opium and throw him in the middle of the room that they're all in. So they're like, uh-oh, they figured it out that we poisoned them. The big guy pulls out the sheriff, pulls out Kurt Russell and kind of half knocks him out. They knock out Richard Jenkins and then as Kurt Russell is kind of coming to, the guy has his foot on his throat and the other cave guy comes up with the bone tomahawk, slices his stomach open and then they grab the hot metal flask from the fire and shove it inside his slit open stomach. Oh, Jesus. They have his shotgun, but they don't quite know how to use it.

They don't have guns. And so he's like trying to figure it out. Kurt Russell's like trying to fight back, but Kurt Russell's like, trying to fight back, but he's unconscious and in a lot of pain and the cave guy figures the gun out, shoots him in the arm and then puts the shotgun over his dick and is about to shoot again, but it's out of bullets.

Thank God, that would have really been bad. And he's, oh, Richard Jenkins says like, the idiot doesn't know how to reload. And then the cave guy like very quickly figures it out. And he's like, nevermind. Oh, nevermind. So it's funny. And while this is going on, we're hearing the screech howl outside and gunshots outside. So they know they can hear Arthur approaching now and Sheriff calls out,

Arthur, there's one in here with a gun. And as he says that, the guy has gotten the gun reloaded and shoots him in the stomach. He's not dead yet, but he's like... That's unfortunate. The cave guy assumes he's like on his way to dying, so he kind of turns his attention away from him

to the gunshots outside, maybe about to go help. But there's a bone weapon on the ground, I guess, tomahawk, I feel weird saying bone tomahawk so many times, but that is what it is. And he slices off this guy's guys, like half of his foot, like his foot hamburger style down the middle of his foot. And of the big guy, Arthur arrives in that moment, shoots the big guy. And then a sheriff gets to have his little moment of revenge

where as the guy falls to his knees, sheriff cuts his head off, decapitates him. Okay. He still has a hot bottle inside of his stomach? Yeah. Yep. And he's been shot in the arm and just a lot of bad stuff has happened to him. Arthur is like rescuing everybody now and says like, Sheriff, do you think you're going to make it? Sheriff says, no.

No. He's like, don't think so. They do the math and they think that there's probably three more of them. Sheriff says, leave me here with the gun. I'll take care of them because they know where the town is. So we have to exterminate them. Obviously. Obviously. There's a like tearful goodbye between Richard Jenkins and Kurt Russell says, say goodbye to my wife for me. I'll say hello to yours. Good line. Okay. Are you guys ready? Here's the worst. Here it is. We're getting here. Okay. Okay. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Oh, oh, okay. It's

this. Okay. Oh God. Okay. Right. I'm now remembering it. You said it's the worst thing we'll ever hear. I think it's the worst thing you'll ever hear in your whole lives. Oh my God. Okay. Oh my God. Oh my God. What could that mean? Oh my god. So as the three of them are exiting the cave about to go to freedom, they pass by two pregnant cave women. No. Okay. No. Who have their eyes gouged out and their arms and legs cut off. And they're just like laying down breathing and moaning and they just take a moment. Yes, they are alive. They're very much alive. Their arms and legs are healed, cut off like they are.

Oh, God. So they're just pregnant torsos. Yes. Oh, that's so awful. Oh, that's so awful. Yes. You know what? I thought you were going to have, there's going to be something with kids and there's something about this because it's not kids. I know it is kids. It is kids, but it's not kids. So I'm so relieved.

You're relieved. I'm shocked. I actually didn't even fully register it in the moment because it's just they just glance see it and they say, let's go, let's get out of here. And just like lying on the ground. Yeah. Oh, that's so fucked up. And it was only when I was like reading things later that I realized that their arms and legs were cut off. I didn't notice that. It just is like a quick shot of them, but they are. And then they make it out of the cave and they hear three gunshots behind them and they like, okay, great. He got the other three, Arthur and Samantha

are about to kiss. She makes him wipe off his mouth because he's put that like bloody bone in his mouth a few times, but he wipes it off and they kiss and the three of them walk off into the sunset and that's the end of the movie. Oh my God.

Okay. Okay. And then a song plays over the credits that is like describing the plot of the movie. That's very funny. The lyrics are, there is a frontier town, a community of settlers and rogues and honest folk. Little did they know of the ancient race that dwelled beyond their borders. Four doomed men ride out. Four doomed men ride out. I don't remember the tune of it, but

what an insane choice here. Yeah. It's like a story that would be told during this time to scare people. Yeah, they're treating it like a fable. Yeah, it's like a fable. And a really racist fable. Right, yeah. It's like Birth of a Nation. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Well, I hated it. I hated it. Especially that last part with the pregnant women. It's just like so gratuitous. So like unnecessarily gratuitous. It's to be like, this is how horrible these people are. Can you believe?

Look what they would do to women. Not us. We're good. Yeah. Oh God, I just don't like any of it. I just don't like any of it. None of it I liked. Whew.

Okay. All right. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Let's go back to Sleepy Hollow. I love Sleepy Hollow. Where times were good, where times were good.

And yes, there's some problematic things with Sleepy Hollow as well, but. But. Ah! Okay. Yeah. Yeah, so. No, I'm not kidding.

My stomach is like in knots. There's something about hearing that where I was like just waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, and my stomach really hurts now. Well, and so, and just to be clear, every person of color in this movie was brutally violated in some way, slash is portrayed as? A monster.

Yeah. Yes. Except for the town native guy that they refer to as the professor who seems to have assimilated into the. Well yeah, he's westernized, so therefore good. So he's acceptable to them, but his only purpose is to give them information so that they can set out on their journey.

Okay. Okay. Wild. Oh my God, oh my God. Wild stuff. And the women exist to get fucked, get rescued, and be whatever just happened at the end. Yeah, baby machines.

Ew. Ew. All right. Bone tomahawk, baby, we did it. I don't think we need to talk about it anymore. I actually don't either. Listen, I think this is what we need to do. I know we have to watch the trailer, but I think we should each- I had already forgotten. I do like to look at Kurt Russell. Before we go, I think we all just need to

think about the last piece of celebrity gossip we heard about and we just need to share it with the group. Ooh, ooh, ooh, that's such a good idea. Oh my God, Henley, what? Oh, good. What a good palate cleanser. Let's turn this ship around. Let's turn it around.

Okay, okay. What celebrity guy? Oh, oh, oh, that Bo Burnham's ex-wife is now dating who again? Joe Allen. Taylor Swift's ex-boyfriend. That is juicy. That's juicy, juicy, juicy.

Belle and her weren't married, were they? Oh, right, no, but they were together for like eight, many years. Yeah. Many years. Okay, that's a good one. That's juicy. That's good.

How did they meet? How does one meet Joe Allwyn? How does that even happen? Well, she's a filmmaker. Yeah, she's... So probably that's how. Yeah. Oh, good point.

She's in the industry. I said this so confident that I would be able to think of something. I have no idea. It appears that Sabrina Carpenter and Barry Kiyogan are back together. Oh, I know they're really on again. Oh, you know what I was thinking about? You know what I've been looking at? Rachel Sennett's Instagram and TikTok accounts. She had a pilot order and now it's been, she has a series order from HBO. Connect, this comes full circle

because Bo Burnham's ex-partner directed the pilot of Rachel Senet's. Oh my goodness. Lorraine Scafaria is her name. Yes, okay, great. And that's like the real, that's such the new Hollywood, that's such the new the new Hollywood, that whole group, Rachel Sennett, R.I.O. I.O.

Molly Gordon, is that her name? Yeah. Yeah. I feel like they're all like. Lordy, I don't know if he's in that pilot, but he's the new Hollywood. Oh, and Teal. Oh, Justin Firstman. Gal Dazine and yet JT Firstman.

That's the this is the new Hollywood baby. It's new Hollywood. New Hollywood baby. It's the new Hollywood. It's the new Hollywood. The new Hollywood babies. Laureen Scafaria also directed Hustlers, one of our favorite movies. Oh, cool. Oh, that was such a salve.

That was so nice. That was a perfect remedy. Henley, that was incredible. Thank you, Henley. It was absolutely incredible of you. Back to life just in time to watch the trailer. Yeah, we'll need another dose after the trailer. Yes, if you want to check that out, head to our Patreon,

because we got to say goodbye here, folks. This town ain't big enough for the two of us. So that was me trying to remember the accent. It was good. From all of us here at Too Scary Didn't Watch, goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. We did it. We made it. Thank you

all for listening to another episode of Too Scary Didn't Watch. If you enjoy the show, please remember to subscribe and rate us on Spotify and Apple podcasts. Five stars only or we will haunt you. And if you simply can't get enough of us, we have good news for you. We have lots of bonus content available on our Patreon at patreon.com slash TSTW podcast. You'll get access to video trailer reactions, two bonus episodes a month, the power to vote for upcoming episodes, and more. And last but not least, you can follow us on social media at TSTW podcast. We'll be back next week with a new episode. We love you.