Too Scary; Didn't Watch - Bonus Episode: A BAD MOMS CHRISTMAS

Episode Date: December 22, 2023

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This is Emily, Henley, and Sammy, and you're listening to Two Seasonal Didn't Watch. Hi, everyone. Welcome to Two Seasonal Didn't Watch, A Christmas movie recap podcast for those who love to be festive. I'm Emily and I do love to be festive. I'm Henley and God, I love to be festive. I'm Sammy and I do not like to be festive. Liar. Liar. Liar.

She does. I can't believe I thought that i wouldn't bring this up i was gonna say i'm a grinch and i can't i literally can't say the word grinch without thinking about my favorite tweet and i'm gonna read it to you all because you make me laugh so much okay so it's got the little parentheses me telling my story how i survived a plane crash and lived on a deserted island for a year it was crazy. Parentheses. Friend who once got a text from me where I accidentally called the Grinch the Grink.

Was the Grink there? It's true. Now I can't not say the Grink in my head every time. It's the Grink. I say the Grinch. So I'm a Grink. I don't like Christmas movies. I said the Grinch.

So I'm a Grink. I don't like Christmas movies. And I am really, I'm truly very excited to hear about this one, though, because it sounds like a real hot, hot mess. It's a real hot mess, baby. We are going to recap Bad Moms Christmas, a.k.a. Bad Moms 2. We're going to get into it. We're going to recap it for Sammy.

two we're gonna get into it we're gonna recap it for sammy i just want to say this is a bonus episode for our lovely patrons second of december last of 2023 wowie wowie it will also be a video episode if you're listening it's available both audio and video on our Patreon. And we're dressed pretty festive. So, which is to say, we're just wearing red. Don't really want to oversell it. We're just wearing red. Really festive backgrounds. And we have festive backgrounds. And we don't do a little check-in normally at the top of our bonus episodes.

But I simply had to do a shout out i told you both this story but i'm gonna tell it again it was joel's birthday this week which is which is extraordinary because we love joel and we love happy birthday to celebrate him that's yeah happy birthday joel all month long um and we went to dinner at this restaurant called Gwen in LA. It's a Michelin star restaurant. Curtis Stone's restaurant. I've heard of him. Oh, wow. Nope.

Okay. Well, a lot of people have. He's the Australian chef. Did he have a Target line? I think he did. I think I saw that. I think he did. Anyway, we were there.

I booked us at the chef's counter where you can like you like sit at the kitchen you can like see all the chefs cooking um because joel really loves that and i do too it's very fun i love to sit at a bar generally speaking it's my preferred table set up for two um and so we're having dinner having a great time uh looking into the kitchen and we could see in the back corner of the kitchen just one woman In this whole kitchen which you know Kitchens are very male dominated Only woman in the kitchen and we noticed her and we were like Damn this is a Michelin star restaurant

You have to be really fucking good to work here And like one woman in the kitchen that must be crazy To be the only woman here She must be a fucking badass And we have our dinner We're not big dessert people When we go out to dinner We eat too much savory you know So I thought about telling them And we have our dinner. We're not big dessert people. When we go out to dinner,

we eat too much savory, you know? So I thought about telling them it was Joel's birthday, but I was like, we don't really want dessert. Like, let's not, you know, let's not do it. So we, I mean, I love desserts, but we just tend to not, we just tend to not go for it. But we're having our dinner and we finish and we say, no, no dessert for us. No, thanks. And then our server comes over and she brings over just the most gorgeous little chocolate tart and two little tiny cutie cookies. And I was like, oh, I must have told them in the reservation it was Joel's birthday and I forgot. And she brings it over and she says she points to the woman in the kitchen who we had clocked.

She says that's her pastry chef and she is a fan of your podcast and she wanted to bring this to you and I was like oh my god it's also his birthday and she said she knows she knows it's Joel's birthday and so she brought you these treats

that is crazy Emily it's really cute it is the best thing that's ever happened to me. I can't believe it. I cannot believe. Joel and I were so touched, so blown away. We just couldn't. I'll never get over it.

No, no. It was so special. I feel like it happened to me. That's how excited I am. It basically did. You're a part of this, Henley. Yeah. It was so kind and special.

And like, I just couldn't believe of all the places we ended up. We could have sat in the regular restaurant. We wouldn't have seen her. The fact that we noticed her. I just was like, it was so magical. And the also dessert was amazing. Amy, you're incredible. If you're incredible if you're listening you're incredible at what you do obviously you were gonna be just our restaurant you're badass

but like yes it was it was like the nicest coolest thing that's ever happened it absolutely made joel's birthday and we did get to we did sort of force the rest of the staff to like bring her over so we could talk to also amy by the way If you're listening everybody else who works at that restaurant Adores you every single person we were like Um Amy made this for us because we told A lot of people uh they were like Oh yes Amy's the best Amy's the best when we told her So we were like can we please get Amy to come talk to us she's like I know

Amy's so great she's too shy We don't and like Amy you're beloved You're beloved by us um Yeah it was extraordinary I just It was absolutely The best thing that happened In 2023 Love you Amy

We love you Amy We love you You're You're our Christmas miracle This year Amy You are Our Christmas miracle And for you Amy

Here's a Bad mom's Christmas Bad mom's Christmas Yeah we're recapping Bad mom's Christmas I chose it. It's my fault. But I'm really excited to hear about it.

I was intrigued and I got to say it doesn't disappoint in terms of, um, um, shock, shock and awe. Shock and awe. Yeah. Let's talk about, I mean, let's, let's, so has anyone seen bad moms? Anybody? No, no good bad moms Christmas I guess I thought it was I thought there was bad

Moms and then bad moms Christmas Or no bad moms then bad moms 2 and then bad Moms Christmas bad moms Christmas Is bad moms 2 just Okay if that clears I think that Made it more confusing but it's the sequel no no It's like it just happens to also be Christmas Movie and then they called the next

One bad moms 2 Did they make another one It just happens to also be a Christmas movie And then they called the next one Bad Moms 2 Did they make another one? Oh no I don't think so Okay I see what you're saying And it does seem like they're setting us up to do a Bad Grandmas And I don't think that they did Which is total bullshit I mean again I hated this movie

So I don't know why I'm asking them to make another one But that's a movie that I was like maybe I would like that one But I bet I wouldn't. Like Golden Bachelor could have the element of added sweetness. And the cast. I mean, Henley picked this movie because this cast is, okay, let me just give you some info about Bad Mom's Christmas. It came out in 2017, directed by Scott Moore and John Lucas, written by John Lucas and

Scott Moore, according to Wikipedia. Oh, they swapped him. They swapped him. Starring Mila Kunis, Kristen Bell, Katherine Hahn, Cheryl Hines, Christine Baranski, and Susan Sarandon. Insane. Insane. Insane. Insane cast.

I do. It has a 32% on Rotten Tomatoes 42% on Metacritic 5.6% on IMDB Kind of you know All over the place but generally Pretty low It had a budget

Of 28 million Box office of 130.6 million Wow I mean the first one must have done well because they made this one. People must like these movies. I feel like I remember the first one doing pretty well. First one has 59%.

Okay. And this one came out like exactly a year later. Like they basically like just rolled out. It must have done well. They were like, we gotta get the moms back together. So the first one budget was 22 million and it made 183.9 million so all right yeah really really high numbers pretty good return um you know i feel like this came about in a time where we were like oh women can be raunchy like

let's do comedies where women are they say fuck and they like sex and like they're kind of messy and we love that and look don't get me wrong i want to see women doing everything under the sun i love i love women you know i do i just need to say that this movie was written and directed by the same writers and directors of The Hangover Yeah you can tell And you can tell And it's basically like what if women were men It's not like Let's have women be raunchy and fun like how women are It's like let's do The Hangover but just

Plug and play moms in Yeah and Let me tell you what it don't work It don't work for me It feels so Male in a way that I couldn't believe it's all about moms and grandmas. And it is the most male movie I have ever seen. It blows my mind when actors sign up for that and they're not reading the script like, oh, actually, women aren't like this. M moms aren't like these are all also women and

moms in real life i'm pretty sure and it's like i also i can't again it happens time and time again i can't believe the studios aren't like well yes let's do this movie but maybe we should have a woman take a pass or at least like it's like right these are the literal dudes who did the hangover it's it's it's like they it's almost like they didn't even write it. It's almost like the dudes from The Hangover put it into some kind of AI thing and hadn't Or like find and replace and were just like Kiki instead of, I don't know. They were like write a movie that's like The Hangover, but for moms and grandmas. But for moms.

I think the most obvious one is there's a whole running joke about how katherine han i mean we'll get there but katherine's love interest has like a huge penis like the biggest penis she's ever seen and it's like women don't want that like haven't we figured that out by now this is a male fantasy this is a man having big penises yes it's it's it's like it joel said this he watched parts of it with me that it it just treats women like they view everything as men do right they view men as sex or they view sex as men view sex they view men as men view men they view motherhood as men view motherhood it's just like it is so it's just the whole movie i was like

literally women don't do this like women that's actually so crazy i don't know why i i didn't i guess because i never saw it but like i assumed bad moms like resonated with people i mean i guess none of us have seen it so we we don't know the original. The original. I don't know. But I didn't realize it's like just made by the hangover dudes. Yeah. So we start, Joel watched the first like 10 minutes with me before he had to go somewhere. Um, and he was like, Oh, so this was written by men. Like immediately he was like, this is what my men and I definitely felt it, but I was like, there's no way. Right. Like, yes, but that would be too crazy for it. And I looked up and was like, there's no way. Right. Like, yes, but that would be too crazy for it. And I looked up and was like, they were the most men of men there are.

And I guess part of what bums me out about it. We'll talk about that. I mean, I had some fun. There's some. And I think the actors had some fun. But like, I do think there are parts of it that resonate with women. And that bums me out because it just feels like such a patriarchal perspective on motherhood, partnership. Like it's so it's just through the lens of like the most traditional patriarchal heteronormative everything that like i it makes me a little bit sad

me too one also they don't make big budget comedies ever and so the fact that there's a big budget comedy with a lot of stars in it you're like oh this is compelling immediately because we don't get a lot of those and that's like oh right of course they made it because it's literally the most stupid messaging I've ever seen. The messaging. My God. Oh, that's tough. God, the messaging.

We'll get into it. We'll get into it. So this movie is not going to convince me to love Christmas movies. It ain't going to do it. But I'll end this episode with the list of ones that everybody should watch this holiday season. Yeah, I got gotta say i kind of lost the thread on what we were even doing here because yeah we everything became bad mom's christmas i was like we're supposed to are we supposed to be convincing sammy to like christmas

movies if so i really picked the wrong one but also i can't stop myself from picking this movie yeah i also think we need to talk about I also think we need to talk about it. I think we need to talk about it. Is there trivia? There's one. All of the trivia was so stupid and meaningless, but except for one, which is that Catherine Hahn wrote a personal letter to Susan Sarandon asking her to play her mother in the film. That's cute. And I feel like to just like put my experience or like put myself in those shoes I feel like if I'm Catherine Han I'm like

Give me a reason to stay Here you know come on Susan Help me out here let me get some Sort of like life affirming experience out Of agreeing to this movie and let me be Susan Sarandon's daughter which is the right move Yeah makes it Go down a little easier yeah

Susan Sarandon like hates Catherine Han now For making her do this movie. No, don't tell me. I mean, the actors are... Incredible. With the exception of Mila Kunis. Sorry, I know she stars in her favorite movie, Henley, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, which she is good in Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

Oh, man, Henley, I forgot to talk to you about this because Forgetting Sarah Marshall, the cast is just dropping like flies. We've got Russell Brand. We've got Mila Kunis. Yes. Yes. It's like you can't. I'm so sorry that this had to happen to you.

They're all getting canceled. Kristen Bell. What did Mila do more recently? Is it just the rapist support? I think it's just the rapist. Yeah. There's something else. The Danny Masterson thing.

Yeah. Yeah. No, that's not. It's something else the danny masterson thing yeah um yeah no that's not it's not good oh jonah hill what did jonah hill do he had those like uh texts with his girlfriend get published publicized where he shit it was like i don't know i didn't hear about someone was quoting a specific thing you guys don't remember this it was it was bad they were just like very like controlling text where he was telling her like what she could and couldn't post on Instagram and he was like if you want to post photos of yourself in a bathing suit that's fine that's just not the kind of person I want to be with and he was really weaponizing like therapy language to be like this is my boundary is like I don't want you to this is my boundary is controlling your behavior exactly in order for me to feel safe in this relationship and to feel seen i need to be able to tell you what to do yeah i laugh but it's psychotic and mean and bad no it was awful and so

yeah as each of these things happened i was just like poor henley and forgetting sarah marshall's just okay well i will say mila kunis is the worst part of this movie aside from you know the writing and directing and uh perspective she's just not very good yeah no no but also she she had a lot of things she had against her yeah she had to she had to carry a lot of uncarriable weight in this movie but that being said the other actors fucking did it i mean katherine ronan susan sarandon really made a meal out of this script everybody was making a meal chris honestly my favorite part of this movie is christine baranski me too she delivers every line perfectly she delivers every line perfectly she is so funny in this movie.

She's perfect. She's fucking perfect. Makes me sad that I hate the live action Grink. Because I fucking love her, but that movie gives me the fucking creeps. Yeah. The problem, though, also Mila Kunis has is she's the only straight man, really. It's true. Everyone else gets to be kind of crazy and gets to be funny.

And she has to be like the main character straight she also yeah promotes i think a lot of talks i mean not her but the character in the writing uh is like the worst perspective on motherhood daughterhood uh womanhood i hate it i will also just say one thing that this movie does throughout is they have Mila Kunis laugh at jokes the other people are making or at like the silly behavior of her friends. And it's so weird to have that edited in, actually. It's so weird to just see someone be like. It's like you realize you don't see that a lot in film. They just you would just assume other people are enjoying it or assume not. Yeah, we don't have to be told that we're laughing because we're laughing.

But instead they constantly cut to Mila Kunis going. It's like studio audience. They're like putting in the like reaction. I mean, I think we just got to get, we just got, we got to get into this movie. We need to process it together. And yeah, we need to watch the trailer. into this movie. Let's get into it. Should we watch the trailer?

We need to process it together and yeah, we need to watch the trailer. It's the most wonderful time. Christmas is a magical time full of wonder, excitement,

and joy. A time for making lasting memories with family and friends. But do you know the secret behind what makes Christmas so special?

Moms. Moms working their asses off. Cooking, wrapping, decorating, and shopping. I don't think I can do this sober. You guys want to get drunk at the food court? Ooh, yeah. I do this how I like.

I'm deep, bold, and smiley. I feel like a giant stress ball from, like, November to New Year's. I spend months picking out the perfect present for everyone. You know the only thing I get in return? Coupons for free back rubs. That's not okay. Bad back rubs.

Remember when the holidays were actually fun? Let's take Christmas back. Kiki! Mom? Mom? Hey, Mom. Where's your tree? I didn't want to waste time Christmas tree chopping. I actually just wanted to enjoy Christmas this year. Hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope really nice. Aw, thank you. Yes. Your dad is awesome.

I thought you hated him. Wait, why would you say that? I heard you and Daddy in the bedroom. You kept screaming at him. Those were just, they were happy screams. And then you punched the wall and yelled, Daddy and I were just playing a little fun going up game. You played the game seven times.

Six and a half. I kick them home. Home, home, home, home, home. Seven times. Six and a half. Oh, no. You know what women love to do is to talk about their orgasms to young girls. I can't believe they put that in the trailer. I was literally in my notes. I was like, I'm not even going to write this part down. The part where they like joke about how they had sex with her, like six year old daughter.

Like that's six and a half times. Six and a half. But who's counting? You know what else women love doing? Have sex seven times in a row. Who the fuck has ever? No, no. Certainly.

Certainly a mom with two teenage children who's really fucking stressed out. What she wants to do is have sex seven times. When she knows like the kids are in the house. What she wants to do and what she physically can do is have sex seven times. Yes. And she's not going to get a UTI. It's both possible and everyone likes it. Everyone likes it.

The thing is, is that women just want you to fuck them Seven times With their huge huge huge penises The bigger the better And then if I could I definitely scream and slam The wall while my children are sleeping Seven times And that is a joke that they refer to Throughout the film

Where the older girl gets to say Oh my fucking god several times And that is a joke that they refer to throughout the film. So true to women. Oh, my fucking God. Several times as a callback to that. Very good joke. So great. I did spy Sandy Cohen, I think you did. I was going to say hot dad. Great.

Peter Gallagher. Hot granddad. Very hot granddad. I'm going to have to make a new tag on my letterbox. A new, that's a very good casting, I thought, of Mila Kunis' dad. As soon as he walked in, I was like, oh, yeah, that works. Yeah. It's about the only thing that does.

Yeah. Why is he in this movie, too? It's like so random. I feel like I haven't seen him in anything. I have problems with his character as well. We'll get there. get there i mean he is hot but he's an enabler and i'm not a fan yeah i mean and you could tell from the trailer that christine bransky is the best part oh my god she's so fucking good the way she delivers those lines the way she delivers those lines i ain't like if there's any light to having watched this movie, it's it's I laughed at everything she did.

Yeah, she's very funny. All right. Let's get into it. I'm going to start. And then, Emily, you're going to help me. I am going to help you. And I'm mostly probably going to complain. So, you know, if you're the kind of listener who hates to hear us complain, which, fair.

Just, you know, sorry. I can't wait. I am thrilled and excited to hear about this awful, awful movie. To hear the rest of this episode or to watch it as a video episode, you are going to want to head to patreon.com slash tsdwpodcast to become a patron. You'll also get access to a bunch of other bonus episodes, weekly video trailer reactions. We also have our patrons vote once a month for a patron chosen episode. Lots of great stuff over there.

But if that's not your thing, no worries. We will be back in the new year with some new episodes for you. And we love you all so much. We hope you have a wonderful holiday season and a wonderful new year. And we'll see you in 2024.