Too Scary; Didn't Watch - Bonus Episode: TWILIGHT with Joel Jensen

Episode Date: August 27, 2021

We needed a change of pace after The Mist, so this month we are talking all things Twilight! Watch/listen to find out if we can make a Twihard out of our trusty horrorspondent Joel Jensen. Follow the show: @TSDWpodcast on Twitter, TikTok, and Instagram. Check out our Patreon for bonus episodes and additional content! Rate Too Scary; Didn’t Watch 5 Stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts and leave a review for Emily, Henley, and Sammy. Advertise on Too Scary; Didn't Watch via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

this is emily henley and sammy and you're listening to too scary didn't watch hi everyone welcome to too scary um uh we just knocked on our headphones it's about it's bonus episode number two for the month of august what's episode number two and um i did the i did the homework this time i uh fucked it up last time and 100 did not do what i was supposed to do. But this time I did it. This time she did it. This is, well, it's a video episode. If you're in 25 Class Center Circle,

which if you're here, you are. And so you may notice we've got a couple, a couple of fun guests, I would say. We are doing Twilight as promised. And as promised, we have brought along our dear friend and correspondent, Joel, who has never seen a Twilight movie. Joel, introduce yourself. Hey, everybody. I'm Joel.

Classic edition. Horror spot. Horrespondent. Yeah, I'm I'm very curious about this movie. Never seen it. I'm of the age bracket of people, especially young men who sneered at these movies

when they came out. But I'm going to bring an open mind and an open heart and an open mouth full of sharp teeth. Oh my God. That's all we can ask. That's all we can ask for. Full of sharp teeth. Oh my God. That's all we can ask. That's all we can ask for. Full of sharp teeth. Wow.

Not just two, not just the, not just the two. No way, man. A whole bunch. Bicuspids, incisors,

molars, wisdom teeth. Yeah, no, I'm looking forward to this. I know you guys are passionate about it. I'm obviously a big Robert Patt pattinson fan big chris and stewart fan and to see them united on screen man what a dream that must have been an origin story and it is a dream did they have a combo name i was wondering

that and i don't think so they They were just our patch and case too. Slightly before that was a bit. No, because we had Bennifer and all sorts of things. No, yeah, just case to our patch. I don't know. Let's give them one. They both had their own nicknames that are hard to

Robert. Crab. Crab. Ribston. Crabston. Robston. Crobston is pretty good. Crobston Patwort. Perfect. Maybe that's why they didn't have one. Yeah. I was literally thinking this just today. And I was like, yeah, I don't think that they did. How long were that they did together for several years i looked this up because i knew this would come up they dated from 2009 to 2012 so four years so a long time basically basically the entire duration of the twilight franchise because the first one came out in 2008 that's where they presumably met and fell in love. Breaking Dawn Part Two came out in 2012

around the time that she had a public cheating scandal with Rupert Sanders. Wasn't that fucking crazy? Really was. Because he was also married and much older. Yeah. Catch us up on the details of that cheating scandal something about robert pattinson saw them in a car no they got paparazzi saw it was on like cover of magazines he was the director of snow white and the huntsman that she was in and yeah paparazzi just caught them canoodling and that was the end of crobert crobsden crobsden so that's the so that's the end and obviously the low point but what would

you guys say was the high point of that relationship outside of this franchise existing like within the realm of you know um pop culture and paparazzi and shit like that what is the high point i don't think i remember enough details i was gonna say outside of the context of twice because i was when i was gonna say that vanity fair photo shoot oh those pictures but that's you know twilight promo but they're so good we'll show you listeners we'll show you listeners. We'll show you. Okay. Joel, any thoughts? No, no, no, no. It definitely feels like they were a relationship because they were both in an extremely crazy situation together at the same time experience.

There is the only other person on the planet who is experiencing the same thing they were experiencing. Right. And they were experiencing right and they were just in a relationship because of it um they both just seem like oddballs in real life a thing we know now is that they're both so weird like i feel like i didn't i wasn't paying as much attention at the time but i didn't and obviously we didn't see where their like careers would go but because they were just two megastars like young hot mega stars, but they're so they're both like very, very strange. So the more I know about them now,

cause you know, I really know them now. Um, I think like maybe they actually were incredibly compatible. Yeah. Maybe, um, it made me very happy when I think this was a few years ago now, but they were spotted getting a friendly drink together at Edendale. And really made me really happy. I was like, God, imagine being in that bar at that time. I would have dropped dead. For your listeners.

Just a little bit of context. One of our friends threw up in a bush at the Edendale. Just for some context. Just for some context. If you're wondering what sorts of things, the full spectrum of the human experience can happen at Edendale. Robert Pattinson, in case Stu can get a friendly drink, somebody else can throw up in a bush.

I think it's an important piece of context because you did? You didn't. It's not. That's the kind of bar it is. It's really not. It's like pretty chill it's like weird for superstars to be hanging out there yeah yeah nice patio though i once brought a selfie stick there on my birthday and took selfie stick photos in the photo booth get that photo booth lighting with a selfie stick i i remember that selfie stick. I remember that birthday, Sammy.

That was a good birthday. So it was a crazy one. I remember that birthday. It was very fun. That was the birthday when your tire blew out. Right? Oh, I don't know. Yeah, maybe.

Am I making that up? No, that might be right. That was scary. Scary, scary. That was scary. Should I tell you some stats about Twilight? You fucking better. So it came out in 2008.

It was directed by Catherine Hardwick. It was written by Melissa Rosenberg, based on the novel by Stephanie Meyer, starring Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Billy Burke, Taylor Lautner, and Peter Fascianelli. Fascianelli? Fascianelli? Fashionelli? Love him. That's right. Carlisle. Oh, Carlisle. And yeah. Oh, I forgot to look up the,

I got to know the Rotten Tomatoes. I'm going to guess. Okay. Let's guess. Let's guess let's guess i'm gonna say 43 no 50 i have no idea i bet those i bet the next ones are lower but i bet the first one's like 50 you're pretty close okay what is it 49 okay and metacritic is 56 it's pretty rare that metacritic is higher than ron tomatoes um and imdb 5.2 fair yeah but i think you're right i think the later ones got really slammed even though they're all really good yeah new moon's got 28 new moon's my favorite taylor lotner yeah i'm team jacob which would come as a shock to many because nobody is team jacob nobody in the world except for me you're the only one yeah what makes you team jacob um i think it's mainly because the thing that i like about the movies is that they're just so

so stupid and jacob is like the stupidest character and his dial it's like so cheesy and it's i just laugh non-stop when jacob is on screen and like, the thing is, at least for me, like everything, the dialogue for everyone is very stupid. Everyone is, everything about these movies is like really extreme. But Robert Pattinson, obviously, as we know, is incredible. Kristen Stewart, it's not her best performance,

but I still love her in these movies. Taylor Lautner is bad. And he's doing a bad job with bad dialogue in a crazy situation and so it's just everything about it is like what? Also yeah he was

16 in the first film so he's pretty young and that's a wig he's wearing right? Oh in the first one? The wig is like unbelievable. Yeah Henley that's 100% a wig he's wearing, right? I mean, the first one. The wig is like unbelievable. Yeah, Henley, that's 100% a wig. It might as well be a hat. That's how much of a wig it is.

I didn't want to be, I didn't want to, you know, just in case this is real hair, you know? No. It's the craziest wig I've ever seen. It's like all they had to do was get a normal, it's like, it's like a standard wig, right? Like it's like a, like black hair, shoulder length, black hair. Like isn't every- The wigs in these movies aren't great. I feel like Kristen Stewart wears some wigs in the later ones and they also look very bad. But it's like such a basic standard wig. It's like literally the most basic wig you can buy and somehow they

like fucked it up so hard like it's almost like they put just extensions starting here down and the rest is his real hair i don't know maybe i mean we're gonna get some pictures of that yeah it's not it's not a good wig but what is also happening is Robert Pattinson is glittering shining with the most furrowed brow you've ever seen and it really is a sight to behold I was watching this every time I've seen it I've only seen this to me like four three or four times which I think is a lot um every time I see it I forget until i'm watching it how like beautiful he is and times at times i don't think he also looks quite bad but he still always looks very beautiful like it's striking most like yeah like it it just you just get so much of him in the whole movie is like edward so

you're just constantly just like looking at him looking like very they like lighten his skin and like intensive it's just like it's like really a lot to look i mean like we see well it's just a lot it's it's like i want to know i want to see like the makeup tutorial for edward collins makeup look a lot of that exists on youtube yeah like it's like it's like he was doing contouring before we were all doing contouring, you know, it was like, he should be the contour queen, not the card highlighting to be completely honest. Yeah. The makeup is strong and it's so really catches you off guard. The first time you see, at least for me, when I, I was like was like whoa he's wearing a full face of makeup he definitely is yeah wow i'm so ready amped for joel to know about this movie let's freaking get

into it to hear the rest of this episode head on over to patreon.com slash t s d w podcast and join tony fucking collette's inner circle it is available as both an audio and video episode um so head on over there to check that out otherwise we will be back next wednesday with your regularly scheduled programming and we will be recapping the faculty. Talk to you then. Bye.