Too Scary; Didn't Watch - CRIMES OF THE FUTURE

Episode Date: June 15, 2022

Extra organs, sexy organs, organs all-around! This week we're recapping David Cronenberg's CRIMES OF THE FUTURE (2022) not to be confused with David Cronenberg's CRIMES OF THE FUTURE (1970)! Tune in to find out if this is Kstew's best role yet??? CRIMES OF THE FUTURE is in theaters now TRAILER Follow the show: @TSDWpodcast on Twitter, TikTok, and Instagram. Check out our Patreon for bonus episodes and additional content! Rate Too Scary; Didn’t Watch 5 Stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts and leave a review for Emily, Henley, and Sammy. Advertise on Too Scary; Didn't Watch via Gumball.fm Podcast artwork by @EllaTalkinSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is Emily, Henley, and Sammy, and you're listening to Too Scary, Didn't Watch. Hi, everyone. Welcome to Too Scary, Didn't Watch, the horror movie recap podcast for those too scared to watch themselves. I'm Henley, and I am too scared to watch scary movies. I'm Sammy, and I love watching scary movies, and so I watch them so that you don't have to. And we are missing our dear, sweet Emily today. I know. I really miss her. And I always forget that when she's not here, I have to do the opening

and you always remind me moments before. And I'm so grateful that I hadn't been thinking about it because, man, it would have stressed me out. How many of that opening? You nailed it. You knocked it out of the goddamn park. You're a pro. You're an absolute pro.

I'm pretty sure I have it freaking memorized at this point. But nonetheless, when you're put on the spot, you can't help but be like, hate being put on the spot. I really do. I freeze up. My brain just stops working. This is why sometimes I think about what it must be

like to be an actor in a TV series or in a film. How do they do it? How do they do it? Well, they have lines like written down. Oh, like they're not like memorizing lines? Well, yeah, no, I guess they are memorizing lines. But the thing that I'm just, the thing that scares me more is improvising. Like I don't understand how people improvise things. It's so fun to watch and like freedom that their mind can just be like, let's say this now without like,

completely overthinking it 1000 times like I would do is I don't know, it's just a skill that I don't possess. I am right there with you. I think I really don't possess the skill of having like a bunch of people look at you at the same time and tell you to perform. That's why the podcast is great because no one's looking at me. And it's true. That makes it a lot easier. It does make it easier. But aside from Emily not being here, has anything scary happened to you this week? Okay. So I think the thing I want to talk about is how I spent the past week in Los Angeles.

She sure did. It was really special and great and an amazing trip. And I had such a good time. And I'm still kind of like fully processing everything that happened. So it was really, really busy. And it was the first time I was away from Silas. And that was hard. But it was all fine. I was staying in a hotel by myself, obviously. And I think the thing... There are a couple things. One, I realized that I definitely have a tendency to romanticize a hotel room. I was so looking forward to a hotel room by myself,

deeply looking forward to it for weeks before this trip happened. Then I got there and I was like, oh, I'm like sad and lonely. And the hotel room is like not my bed. And I was kind of surprised to feel that way because I didn't. I thought maybe by the end of the week I'd be feeling that, but I felt it right away. So that was strange. And then the second strange feeling was how right away I had a I had a little friend join me in that hotel room. Oh, no.

In the form of a cockroach. Oh, no. Oh, no. And I phrase it that way because I was already feeling quite lonely in the hotel room. So when the cockroach showed up, I am not kidding. I was like, oh, cute. Another living being to accompany me. I had this really strange reaction because I think that if I saw a cockroach in my apartment,

in my house that was this size, because it's fucking huge. It was a huge cockroach. Yeah, they get big. I would be pissed and stressed and not happy. There was something weird going on. My emotions were fucking all over the map when I was in L.A. Because this cockroach showed up skittering, skittering all over my apartment, my hotel room. And I didn't even think about killing him.

I was like, oh, there's a cockroach in here with me. Cool. him. I was like, oh, I was like, there's a cockroach in here with me. Cool. And then I was like, oh, right. I have to like do something about this. And long story short, I ended up killing him, but I didn't do anything else, which is kind of maybe insane thinking about it. I didn't tell the hotel. I didn't try to change rooms. I didn't like... I was like wondering what possibly the else could be like rip its legs off one by one. So you stopped yourself. I didn't go further than killing it. I stopped at the murder. I flushed it down the toilet. But the thing is the next night, right before going to bed bed two more cockroaches in

my room can you believe that and so then i had to change rooms at midnight like literal it was actually midnight oh god um it was horrible well not to make this about me but please uh henley's hotel was about two blocks away from my house and so now I'm very nervous that there's going to be cockroaches. The infestation has reached your house. There's no way. It's a little too close for comfort, you know? Okay, so I think my

reasoning was in that first room. So this is a nice hotel. Should I out the hotel? Is that rude? I think I'm going to. No, because then you're outing where I live. Oh, good point. Okay, never mind. Well, the hotel was right next to a pool. Like my room, my room with

Scene of the Crime was right next to a pool. Like footsteps. Footsteps. So the little cockroaches were just doing their little backstrokes and then coming right into your room there's a connection

there's a connection and I don't know what it was the pool party's over here this is the closest room for when we're done at the pool the cockroach doing backstrokes that's outrageous I don't know that's what I have to say about my week. A lot of other stuff happened, but that was a real confrontation with some insects, some large insect life that I have not had to deal with that. Cockroaches are one of the one of the worst parts of L.A., worst things in L.A. And the mosquitoes don't get started.

OK, Sammy, tell me about you, though. Well, it was lovely having you here for this past week, Henley, for my birthday week as well. And I just we had a very activity loaded week. And I just, we had a very activity loaded week. We went to see Top Gun again, a lot of dinners and, you know, the aforementioned pool, hanging out by the pool. And I was just so freaking exhausted afterwards. It's like four days of activities is enough to just, I need to sleep for three days. And just, it made me feel a thousand years old.

I felt so tired too. I'm a little more energized today. Just a little bit though. Just a little bit. But I was going to talk about the... I finished The Staircase last night. Oh, I still haven't started it. It's really good uh i have been having a kind of

i've been like rejecting tv a bit i've been mad at tv i feel very overwhelmed by the sheer quantity of tv shows constantly being released basically every new week it's like here's 20 more hours of television that you have to watch and so i'm you know protesting it a bit but tony fucking colette she'll she'll draw me in no matter what i gotta check it out and yeah i watched this i think it's like eight hours long they do the thing where each episode is over an hour, which I don't love, but it was so good. And true crime really sucks you in, in a way that other things don't. I literally can't, I don't know if this is going to sound insensitive, but I cannot imagine being someone that has been affected by anything like this.

Because the way that it affects me as someone who is a completely no skin in the game bystander, like I'm like, so it makes me feel crazy that I like can't know. I think for the record, I do think Michael Peterson did it. But it's like the fact that you can't know for sure is so crazy. And you just have to live with that. You just have to live with it. It makes me feel so insane. And I feel like I was like, if I, I think if I could have any superpower, it would just be to know the truth of any crime scene.

Like I want to know. Oh my God. Wait, there are so many TV shows that are about people who have that superpower. I think it would actually be like a horrible, horrible burden, but it'd be a terrible burden. Well, it would depend on how the power would manifest itself. If it was the type of thing like in Haunted Hill House, where you like touch someone and you could like feel all their emotion and see everything they knew and feel all of their pain that would be particularly bad that'd be rough but maybe if the superpower was like you could just get uh bullet pointed facts on a sheet yeah yeah all

the emotion taken out of it no emotion no visuals just give me the facts going through it just give me the facts but you'd have to then still i I think, dedicate your life to that, right? Like, I feel like you could absolutely continue on with your normal. Like, I'd probably have to quit the podcast. That would be devastating. That would be like, sorry, guys, I have a power. I have a superpower now and I have to go help families that have been affected by horrible murders.

That would be my, my, my duty. Yeah. But you can make a podcast about that and we could help you with that. That's true. There we go. I want to have my geek and eat it too.

Uh huh. Uh huh. Um, all right. So staircase you highly recommend. I recommend it. And I'm also now I feel like going to have to go back and watch the 13 hour documentary series that's on Netflix, which I'm also pissed off about.

Because, again, I just don't have time. I don't have time. Sammy, you don't have to watch all of this content. You know, you can say no. You have to have boundaries. I know. I know. I know.

It's really tricky. It's tricky. Maybe, you know, after a few days, the urge will go away, diminish, because right now it's just very top of mind for me. And I'm just obsessed with the facts of this crime. The fucking owl theory is so crazy to me. And, you know, so they even get into that. And they did actually. Yes.

And it's oh, my God. It's compelling in a way. I definitely don't think it's true, but... Wait, give a little recap of what this is about, if anyone is not aware. So it's a man named Michael Peterson who most likely murdered his wife, Kathleen. Likely murdered his wife, Kathleen, and she was found at the bottom of a staircase with lacerations in her head, but no skull fractures and which is like a pretty unlikely injury. And there was tons of blood. And he said she just fell down the stairs. And it's like, what?

Like, she absolutely didn't just fell down the stairs. And it's like, what? Like, she absolutely didn't just fall down the stairs. But the way that her skull is cut kind of matches owl talons. And there are there were barred owls in the neighborhood nesting at this time. And she was did have micro feathers in her hair. And I don't know, it's just it's just fascinating. And also just devastating that it's a real thing. And we were watching a fictionalized version of it. It's just crazy. True crime sometimes really like trips me up in my head. And I'm just like, this is so crazy. Like that this is entertainment when it's something that really happened. But like at the same time, I am so riveted by this and so fascinated and I

need to know every single fucking detail and everyone then gets like doing their own research on the, by themselves. And it's just, it's just crazy to me, but. I have to say, I am not someone who's very into true crime. I don't pursue it. I think it's a lot of people love it and they listen to it all the time.

I have one friend who was like, I had to, it was like an addiction. I had to like literally force myself to stop looking at these true crime websites. Cause I couldn't stop myself. Like it was just so compelling. But this is reminding me of when I got really into all the NXIVM stuff last year.

Yes. And I watched every documentary on NXIVM, read every article I could possibly read on NXIVM. And part of the reason why I think I found that story so compelling is because I was like, I found that story so compelling is because I was like, fuck, like I could see myself getting like in the right context. Right. Think about how lonely I was in that goddamn hotel room with that one cockroach. Like I could get pulled into a cult. Sure.

Willy nilly. Willy nilly. I think of myself as a very rational person, intelligent, rational person. was a very rational person intelligent rational person and that the the true true crime documentary on nexium taught me that like that doesn't matter right it's a very slow brainwashing process yes yes and that really scared me and fascinated me and i I guess that's what that, that's the hook on true crime, right? Is that you like learn something a little sinister about life and, and like human psychology and like the people you think, you know, you might not really know like that people are capable of putting on a front of being a nice family man with, you six kids or whatever he has and then six kids

it's a lot of kids i think it's maybe five and now i can't remember and they're not all biological but uh yeah it is it is wild uh humanity man it's crazy humanity really wild um but the other scary thing i did this week was i saw this week's movie which is a new release uh it is crimes of the future god i can't believe we're doing this as a video episode it makes a lot of sense that we're doing it as a video episode but cronenberg baby we got to do it as a video episode. God damn it. God damn it. So, yes, written and directed by David Cronenberg, starring Viggo Mortensen, Lea Seydoux, Kristen Stewart and Scott Speedman. It is currently in theaters. And, yeah, we did a video episode for The Fly.

And obviously, David Cronen is uh the king of body horror and gross imagery so i've gotta i just gotta show you i gotta show you some of these things and listeners if you want to see uh some of the photos I'm about to subject Henley to having to see visually, you can join our Patreon at patreon.com slash TSDW podcast. God, anyone who's listening and not watching, we will be sure to very thoroughly describe any of the gorgeous images that Sammy has chosen. The first one. Is that Viggo Mortensen? Yes. Okay, it's hard to tell. He's bald. White face looks like he's a vampire in a frickin crypt. What the hell is going on there? I mean, you'll explain but just so everyone knows what I'm staring at right now, and it's already, I'm not happy about it. I haven't seen basically any Cronenberg films other than The Fly and this one now, which is really fascinating because I've, I've liked, I love The Fly, and I've been meaning to see more and I just have not done it yet.

And then yet again, after seeing this one, I'm like, God, I got to watch more Cronenberg. But could you do it all like all together? Do you space them out? I think it probably depends. This one, I would say I could have done another. I considered coming home and watching another one right after this. This, I think, is less devastating than The Fly. Some of his films get very sad.

And from what I've heard, I think Videodrome is another one that just makes you feel really bad. And that probably you wouldn't want to jump right into another Cronenberg right after. Want to jump right into another Cronenberg right after? The thing that I truly hate, truly hate beyond horror and gore is just the feeling of devastation, the feeling of sadness. Yeah. And Cronenberg, to me, makes me think of that. Even though I have no reason, I have no backing for it. I've never seen anything that he's done.

Yeah, I don't know. I didn't feel too devastated from this one. I thought it was had some it's exploring some interesting stuff and it doesn't but it doesn't really go, I think, far enough for me to to feel truly very sad. And I think one of the main reasons that is, is because none of the characters are fully realized like they're all kind of caricatures and so you're able to disconnect emotionally i don't feel as like i'm with them and yeah invested so that helps it feel like less of a gut punch at the end. And so that probably helped. That said, I very much enjoyed this film. I thought it was a lot funnier than I was anticipating. I think it's going to be very difficult for me to get across the humor to you.

But just know that there was a lot of laughs in the theater and not just me other people too sure sure sure yeah so okay let me give us some stats about it okay uh it has a 79 on rotten tomatoes a 65 on metacritic and a 6.6 on imdb i believe the budget was 35 million. I didn't, it was hard to confirm that, but that was the only number I found. And so far it's made 2 million. And I was thinking about this with, uh, this is a neon is the distributor and they're kind of neon and a24 i feel like do similar types of films and i feel like some of them just don't make money like i don't think that this movie will make more than 35 million but it's just very cool that it's made and if neon's just like hey and neon i don't know if they're the ones fully financing

everything. I know it was a co-production with Canada and some other company too. So, I don't know. I just think it's kind of cool that people are like, well, it's David Cronenberg. Like, of course, we're going to finance it. Like, who cares if we make money? That's great. I think, I wonder if it's the same structure as like the book publishing industry. And I mean, everything really, where you have your like tentpole films that actually make money so you can make things like this that don't that don't make money right but then with a company like neon or neon which is smaller yeah what are their tent pole films i think i don't know i think titan did do well but not that well not like they don't know. I think Teton did do well, but. Not that well. Not like they don't have a Marvel film, you know. I think actually I heard that A24 was struggling a bit and A24 just implemented this new subscription thing where you can join.

It's like AAA 24 and you pay five bucks a month and get access to very limited things. I joined. Of course I joined. Of course, I joined. And you get like part of their they post stories on Instagram to a close friend circle. You get into the close friend circle. So you get like access to things before other people. I just got a free birthday gift and you get a monthly zine. But I read that they were doing that just because they're not making enough money.

Wow. That's really sad because A24 I think of as being like one of the more successful companies that's producing stuff. Yeah. And I mean, I don't actually know anything about what's truly going on, but I just think it's kind of fascinating and I would like to know more about how that all works because I want to make sure that A24 and Neon stay in business. Me too.

That's very important. Some trivia for us. This makes me laugh so much. David Cronenberg made another movie called Crimes of the Future in 1970. Plots are unrelated. Different. It's just a different movie.

Are you serious? What? Just a title so nice he had to use it twice. So nice he had to use it twice. I just love that. That's crazy. He's like, no one will remember. I mean, yeah i i certainly didn't but so this is his first original script since existence which was 1999 and the working title of that film was crimes of the future stop it stop it stop it loves this title i guess this is like oh the thesis of his life right on all his

movies kind of crimes of the future. That's just what they're all about. I think so. There are a lot of dystopian future. Yeah. Bad things happening in humanity and what we'll do to survive and how we'll adapt to all these things. So, yeah, I mean, it is kind of probably a through line in a lot of his themes in his

films, but it just really made me laugh. That's that's wild. I would love to hear his take on it. If he like really thought it through. It's really there's like a whole reasoning behind it. Or if he was like, no, I just can't think of anything else. It's very funny. So this script is largely adapted from an earlier project Cronenberg had written called Painkillers, which was in development in 2002 with Nicolas Cage attached, which pretty sad we didn't get that version. I would have absolutely loved to see that.

Kristen Stewart replaced Natalie Portman in her role of Timlin. Fun name. Timlin. Timlin. Timlin. Timlin. And this is the fifth collaboration between David Cronenberg and Viggo Mortensen. Cronenberg directed Mortensen in A History of Violence, Eastern Promises, and A Dangerous Method.

And Mortensen directed Cronenberg in Falling. Interesting. Cronenberg has acted? I guess so. I think when I pulled up his IMDb page today, actor was listed first. Okay. I don't think he's... I'm sure it's like small parts. I don't think

he's like... It's probably more of cameo type things. Okay. But again, I don't know.'s like it's probably more of cameo type things okay but again i don't know and that's all the trivia i have so shall we watch this trailer oh we're watching it yeah baby i want you to really get an idea of what we're about to see what we're about to talk about are you sure are you sure oh my god sure? Oh my God. I already am not a fan of whatever the fuck this first frame is. No.

You're not going to like it. I can feel you pulling things around in there. It's a brand new organ. Never before seen. We've all felt that the body was empty empty of meaning and we've wanted to confirm that so that we could fill it with meaning

the world is a much more dangerous place now that pain has all but disappeared. Surgery is sex, isn't it? Is it? You know it is. Surgery is the new sex. I don't like what's happening with the body. In particular, what's happening with my body.

Which is why I keep cutting it up. What do you think they'd find inside it? Outer space. Oops. Sorry. Let us not be afraid to map the chaos inside. Let us create a map that will guide us

into the heart of darkness. Thank God Emily isn't here to witness this. Emily particularly would hate this. She would hate this. I hate this. To clarify, I also hate this. Yes, thank you for clarifying. So let me understand.

We're in the future. You can't feel pain. And so to feel like sexual feelings, you have surgery? Roughly, yeah. That's about right. Surgery's the new sex. That was Kristen Stewart's line. Sur surgery's the new sex because that was Kristen Stewart's line surgery's the new

surgery's the new sex surgery's the new sex I hate this and just to put this out there I think this is my favorite Kristen Stewart performance of all time I'm obsessed with her performance in this.

I thought she was incredible. Wow. She was so funny. Her choice, her character choices are just incredible. She was, she was funny. She was funny. Yeah. How is this film going to be funny?

It's really, I'm not going to be able to get across the humor. I just want to, again, reiterate that. But it really be funny. It's really... I'm not going to be able to get across the humor. I just want to, again, reiterate that. But it really is funny. You just have to trust me. So much body horror in this. They do not shy away. The prosthetics department

was working overtime on this movie. I gotta say, I mean, again, you're probably not going to believe me, but I think it's a more mild body horror than the fly and some other things, because I think because specifically because they don't feel pain. Yeah, that's actually huge. It's nobody suffering in any of the body horror scenes like it's they're enjoying themselves, actually. And so it takes the sting off and you're kind of just like, OK seem to be having a pretty good time that's huge that's that's actually huge yeah that makes such a big difference yeah and there's not a lot of blood it's kind of just organs

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Get into this. Yeah, let's fucking do it. Let's get into it. Okay, so disclaimer that I saw it in theaters last night, and there was quite a few times where I was like I don't know what the fuck is going on so this one more than most new releases I'm gonna get some stuff wrong because I just kind of it's it's a little out there um but I'll do my best so we start with a little boy oh Oh, I hate this. No, I don't want that. I don't want that.

I saw this in the trailer and I was like, let's pretend that didn't happen. I hope this little boy doesn't have anything to do with this plot of this movie. He does. Trigger warning. A boy dies in this film. God, motherfucker. God, motherfucker. Fuck.

It's always a little boy. A little boy. So we start with this little boy on the shore. There's this cruise ship capsized in the background. Oh, that's what that is. I couldn't figure out what that was. I, okay, now I see that it's a cruise ship. Yeah, which is like a pretty unsettling image.

I feel like it sets the tone of like, all right, already I feel this is a little post-apocalyptic. And yeah, so this boy is just digging through the rocks along the shore and his mom calls out to him angrily. Wingerly, Brecken, don't you dare eat anything you find out there. I mean it. I don't care what it is. And he comes back inside and brushes his teeth and then curls up under the sink and starts eating the trash can. The plastic trash can, just taking big bites out of it and white foam is coming out of his mouth as he's doing it and his mom eventually sees him and looks pissed but like tired of yelling at him for this, like clearly something he does all the time. And she waits till he goes to sleep that night and she smothers him with a

pillow and kills him. What? What? Why? Little boy death right off the bat. What? This is a horrible way to start this movie. Okay.

So she's just pissed that he was eating so much plastic. So she needed to murder her child. Yes. All right. That's fascinating. Okay. We'll find out a little more about that later. She then makes a phone call to the boy's father and basically says, if you want to come get your son's body, it's here.

What? This woman is fucking brutal. Yeah. And so the dad shows up. It's Scott Speedman. And he finds the boy's body and cries. That's really sad. Scott Speedman. What has he been in besides Felicity? I can't tell you. I don't know, but I thought he was really good in this. And he's oh, you know what he's in? He's in that TV series remake of Animal Kingdom. Oh, right, right, right. Yes.

Which is I really like. I mean, I really like the movie Animal Kingdom and I watched some of the show. I didn't I fell off of it eventually. There have been a bunch of seasons of that. I feel like I see posters for it all the time. Yeah. Okay. Copy that.

So then we cut to Viggo Mortensen in his little alien-looking bed. Sleeping. That is so funny it looks like he's attached to a large heart yes it everything has this kind of biological feel to it like it's part alien part technology and all practical, very Cronenberg-y looking. And he wakes up in this little pod. And he's woken up by Lea Seydoux's character, whose name is Caprice. And his name, Viggo Mortensen's name, is Saul Tensor. I had a really difficult time with these names in the beginning.

I don't know, Tensor and Timlin and Caprice. And I was just like, what? Who's who? So Tensor says to Caprice that something's wrong with the bed and it's not anticipating his pain as well as it should. And so he wakes up in pain. And like you see a bit that the bed had been trying to make adjustments to him in the night. And so something with this machinery in this day and age, future time, whenever this is, we don't know when it is, but it's clearly the future. And the machinery interacts with your biology in a way that it's like picking up your signals of pain or something. So does the machine keep everyone from feeling pain or have people like evolved to a place where they don't feel pain? They have evolved. Yeah. Okay.

So he wakes up and then moves from his alien bed into an alien looking chair that's like it looks like a little human spine with arms that cradle him and again this like shakes him around this is when he's eating let me see if you see his little food bowl there he's eating and his body seems to not properly be able to swallow without this chair wiggling him in such a way that it's helping the food down his esophagus and he he's like choking as his happy like it's a very gross scene where he just can't seem to eat on his own anymore. And it's clearly he's really, really struggling to get this food down. Okay. So, is he sick?

Or, like, I guess we'll find out. We're going to find out. Okay. So, then Caprice puts him in this little chair. Ooh, another chair. A more normal looking chair Oh, another chair, a more normal looking chair. This is a more normal looking chair. And she uses some tools to look inside of him at his internal organs. And she says that there's a new organ there, an organ that they've never seen before.

So people are just growing new organs yes yes and tensor more so than others this is something that happens to him quite frequently and so yeah they don't seem they're not alarmed by this in any way they're like okay we know what to do we've got to head to the national organ registry okay and so they head to the national organ registry and as they're walking down the street oh it's a it's a walk away it's it's just they're pretty close and everything is very bleak outside it looks this the streets are all dark and run down and it's not like a active city. It's thriving metropolis.

No, it's it's a pretty deserted, pretty deserted. There are some people they pass by Scott Speedman and he is with a group of two other people that basically look strung out, kind of. But instead of doing drugs, they're just slicing into each other's skin. So they're just stabbing each other. Tensor and Caprice get to the National Organ Registry. And Tensor's wearing this cloak, this big, he looks like a ninja a lot of the time. Okay. Yeah, that's really funny he usually covers

the bottom half of his face too so only his eyes are visible and in the national organ registry we meet whippet and timlin timlin is kristin stewart and it's just basically one room and that they seem to be the only two people that work at the National Organ Registry. Pretty bare bones operation. And again, yeah, Kristen Stewart is her vibe is so funny. She talks really slow and I mean, really fast and is like kind of creepy and seems like she like knows who they are already and really likes likes vigo mortensen's character i can't remember anything she says but she's just like yeah come on come on over here and we'll get the organs registered okay and we get a little bit of backstory here from uh whip it that yeah basically

he says the world's a lot more dangerous now that we've all evolved to not feel pain. Kind of like due to pollution and climate change, people's bodies are developing vestigial organs and their job is to catalog them. And they also tattoo them because they don't want any evolution happening that shouldn't be happening i guess it's a little unclear okay and the tattooing is to what's the purpose of the tattooing i don't know i guess story-wise i know what the purpose is and we'll find that out later but i'm not sure what the purpose is in this world it's a labeling method it's a labeling method yeah i think it's just like to show that it's not a natural organ it's like this is you weren't born with this it's something to market so that it differentiates it from the rest of your organs

okay we learn also that tensor and caprice are performance artists and tensor grows organs quite frequently and caprice cuts them out in front of an audience so they do live surgeries. They very much think of themselves as artists. And Tim Lin, again, is very fascinated by this. So they look at his new organ and they tattoo to it and let him go. And Caprice is like, yeah, we're going to have our show and we're going to cut this organ out. Because he grows organs so quickly that it could kill him. Like his body is basically revolting against him. And yeah, they just fear that if they let it let the organs continue to grow, like he'll probably die.

You know, that's so gross to think about. That's so gross to think about. I hate that. That's so gross. and they're really excited to see, like, they're looking at a catalog of all the equipment he has that's from the company that manufactures this bed. They're like, oh my God, he has so-and-so machine. Like, oh my God, oh my God, can we see it? And the thing that they're excited about is he has an autopsy machine that's apparently has been out of production for a while they've never seen one it was before their time and tensor says that's caprice's paintbrush that's what they do their performance art in okay so when they're removing his organs they do it in this autopsy machine that's the autopsy machine it's the top half of it. So it has like a,

it has a bottom opening too. So you can see the chest area, chest and stomach area, and then it has a face opening. So all very alien looking. It kind of looks like he's in the mouth of a shark. It's a little like, what's his name? H.R. Giger that did all the alien stuff too. I feel like it looks, has that kind kind of vibe and so then we get into their performance that they're gonna cut out this new organ and are they are they actually doing the performance yes like in front of people in front of people there's people there people are taking photos but it's all kind of um there's no what we would think of as modern looking technology like people have almost polaroid looking cameras and all the tvs that they're projecting things on are old old looking tvs like kind of retro looking. But yes, there is an audience there. And one of the people in the audience is Scott Speedman. And he is like leaning against a wall looking all cool,

cool guy, but like pissed off about something. And he opens a little candy bar thing that's purple and is eating this candy bar and sets it on a counter. And we see that the two technicians are also there watching, really excited by what's happening. And this other guy picks up his candy bar and takes a bite out of it. And Scott Speedman glares at him, but doesn't do anything. And then the guy who ate the candy bar starts convulsing and basically has a seizure and foaming purple from the mouth and dies. And nobody seems to care. Like, they're all just like, shouldn't eat that candy bar.

Okay, so Scott Speedman knew he was probably going to die if he ate some of his candy bar? Yes. Does that feel like? Yes. All right. Okay, sure. probably gonna die if he ate some of his candy bar yes does that feel like yes all right okay sure and we see that timlin and whip it are also at this performance timlin again is so intrigued by everything she's seeing and are they gonna have a threesome no unfortunately not

okay i'm glad we i'm glad i asked so i just wasn't expecting that to happen the whole time but caprice has this little control unit that operates this autopsy machine that she attaches to her chest and she's like pressing buttons on that it's all very all done very sensually like this performance has a real sexy vibe even though what is happening is not sexy she is cutting into his chest and using the little mechanical arms to cut out his new organ that we see does have the tattoo on it from earlier and then after the show tensor is like laying down on a couch exhausted from having his he looks so sleepy and i read some of the trivia that vigo mortensen has has actually recently been kicked by a horse and couldn't stand for too long and so a lot of his scenes he's laying or sitting down I couldn't find that anywhere other

than IMDB so I don't totally know if it's true but he is certainly lying down a lot yeah these are crazy looks these are crazy looks yeah because she, Caprice is wearing, or Leah, how do you say her last name? Seydoux? Leah Seydoux. Leah Seydoux is wearing like a full crimson blood colored like ball gown and her hair is done up like she's from like the 19th century. And then he's wearing a full ninja costume with the hood up still even though he's like indoors and lounging

and it doesn't feel necessary to have the hood up unless he has a chilly little head and then Kristen Stewart's there dressed like she's a fucking candy what are they called in a hospital? A candy striper a candy striper yeah she's got her hair very slicked back

in a tight high pony and collared shirt uh so she timlin comes to his side after the surgery and says can i ask you an intimate question and he says yes and she says surgery is sex isn't it and he says is it and she says you notice surgery's the new sex and again just very funny little vibe and these choices and she i think she says to him how when caprice was cutting into him she wished he was cutting into her. Like, basically, it made her horny. And she wants him to perform surgery on her. And Caprice looks a little jealous by this, but I don't know what their relationship is fully. Tough cookies.

Yeah. Oh, well. And no threesome is on the horizon caprice so don't get your hopes up no so after this when they go back home immediately tensor is growing another organ and caprice says oh it's happening faster this is your body's changing faster the interval between this is getting um less and less like we need to really keep an eye on this. This could be dangerous. And then they have, you know, the new sex.

They get naked together in the autopsy bed and basically just slice each other up. God, I don't like that at all. No, thank you. Oh, they look happy like that at all. No, thank you. Oh, they look happy about it, though. Covered in blood. Yeah.

Yeah, I can't. I wouldn't call it. It's not super sexy. I don't think. Yeah. No, I don't think so. I don't think so. Is it supposed to be? I mean, it's like the music is sexy and they're like, I mean, they're hot and naked.

Oh, I think he's probably trying to create that dissonance on purpose. I'd imagine. Yeah. But OK, so this is kind of where I think I start to get a little confused. So we're just going to see how we do here. So at some point we meet a detective who asks Tensor to, he basically like needs his help infiltrating some sort of group of radical evolutionists.

Wow. I don't know what that means yet, but he they're like meeting in secret. It's and like not even Caprice knows about this. So Tensor is like doing something. It seems like he already knew this guy. Maybe he's done stuff for him before. I don't really know why, but they seem to have some sort of an arrangement where he helps him with um some detective work underground getting into these performance art clubs that the detective can't get into or

something so then we see tensor going on his own to another performance art show of a man um someone is sewing his mouth closed he his eyes are already sewn shut sorry oh god this is the picture i've seen no no no i've seen this i've seen this this is this is the picture that made me not ever ever ever want to know anything about this movie yeah it's pretty gross but um again you're to believe me, but it's like funny that. So he does do a pretty beautiful dance. I got to say he has. Okay. He has ears, extra ears all over his body.

They've been sewn on. They look like they're just sprouting from his body. I think they are just growing again, like growing additional body parts. Right. And he does a very beautiful dance and tensor is in the shadows watching this and talks to a woman and they kind of make fun of him they're like oh he's kind of he's doing a little too much like it's a little it's trying a little too hard it's kind of embarrassing wow they're like not impressed by this guy. And they're like, the ears don't even,

he can't even hear through those ears. So I know there's little moments like that, that are funny. This woman gives him an address of someone who he is looking for. I think again, on this search for whatever the detective is asking him to do it's foggy for me i don't totally know but he leaves this performance and is stopped outside of the show by scott speedman whose character's name is lang okay and lang says i i have an idea for a show for you. Instead of cutting out your own organs, you've got an autopsy machine. How would you like to do a real autopsy? Oh, God, it's going to be for a son.

Yep. And he says, my son, you could do an autopsy on him as a performance. And Tenser's confused by by this how old's your son He says he was eight Tenser seems disturbed by that They're always eight yeah I hate that all kids are eight And he says you have your eight year old son's

Body and Scott Speedman gives his Gives him this look like Yeah like he's my son of course I have his body you fucking idiot oh my god and tensor seems not super pumped on this idea but a little bit intrigued he's you know considering it but it's like all right i gotta go i gotta go man I'll talk to you later. And while this is happening, we see Caprice goes to another show. And I think

the moment that was hardest for me to see you is right. It's cut straight to this shot of a woman cutting into another woman's foot with like a blade and she's like really sawing sawing like

onto her top of her foot and it's i didn't like that one oh that's disgusting and we see the main attraction at this performance piece is a woman who is cutting into her face, cutting basically what looked like gills on her cheeks and forehead. Oh God. Are you getting a picture of? Uh, yes. Is that what you're doing? Is that your body language?

Oh my God. Oh my God. Um, and Caprice is watching this shedding a tear. She like thinks it's an incredible, um, performance and goes up to her afterwards. And the woman says something like, oh, like if you liked it, we could try something for you.

And we see later that Caprice has something done to her face where they insert little shapes into her forehead. They look like half moons, little crescent moons shapes into her forehead. They look like half moons, little crescent moons all in her forehead. I don't know, just some body art that she's done. Gorgeous, gorgeous. I don't have a photo of that, unfortunately. But we see Tenzer is now going to the man's house that he got an address from from that woman at the show. Again, I don't really know why. What is the goal here? But he goes to this house and this man tells him he really wants him to enter the inner beauty pageant. Inner beauty? Inner beauty pageant.

And he says, we'd love for you to enter Best Organ. But I also think you have a chance at Best in Show. What? Flattering. And Viggo Mortensen, Tenzer says something like, if I win best organ and then I cut it out, isn't that going to be kind of embarrassing for you guys? And he's like, oh no, no. Like, we'd be so thrilled to have you. Like, don't worry about that. And he says, if we could just install this in you for easier access and holds up a little instrument and we don't really know what it is but then he

comes home and reveals to caprice that the man has installed a zipper into his stomach and so you can just basically unzip his stomach to look at all of his organs and she unzips it in like a sexy way as if it's a fly on pants and licks his insides

she makes out with the opening the oh my god Henley's face Henley's not happy this is so gross it makes it a lot better that they're all like loving it but i'm really glad i don't have to watch it yeah sorry i do have a photo of that oh my god oh my god i don't like seeing that at all i I'm going to pretend like I'm not looking at that right now. It is gross.

So the next day, Tenzer is trying to move in front of it. I'll move in front of it. Tenzer goes to back to the National Organ Registry. We'll go back to this one and he's trying to find out more about this whatever group that he's trying to infiltrate of the radical evolutionists we see a little glimpse that scott speedman seems to be part of it and we get a look at their little hideout area and they're manufacturing all sorts of things from purple plastic so these candy bars are plastic they're drinking on purple liquids

and they're all all everyone here is eating these things. And Timlin is telling Tenzer, kind of filling him in, she seems to know more about it than he does. And she tells him, you know, they've all altered their organs to be able to eat plastic. And I think the detective agency or whatever the overseeing body is, doesn't want that. Why wouldn't you want people to be able to eat plastic? I mean, that little boy, obviously, in the beginning could eat plastic because, like, it's... Wouldn't that be useful because there's so much goddamn plastic everywhere?

Yes. Very much so. I don't know why they don't want it. I think it's just basically holding on to the past and being like, it's not right. Okay. Even though it's not right okay even though it's okay like it's taboo yeah it's like it just shouldn't it's it shouldn't be allowed but but yes i agree i think you know probably should and so yeah she she fills him in on that. And while they're alone together, she's clearly very horny for him.

Horny. Did you see like how I said that? Horny. And here we go. She's like looking at his teeth. She just gets all up in his face and sticks her hands in his mouth and starts feeling around his teeth area and then kisses him. And he pushes her off and kind of smiles and says, sorry, I'm like, I'm not good at the old sex. Which is fun. They have a little inside joke. Yeah.

New sex versus old sex. New sex versus old sex. He can't do old sex. He can only do new sex. Yeah, a little inside joke. Yeah. New sex versus old sex. New sex versus old sex. He can't do old sex. He can only do new sex. Yeah, he can only do new sex. Then we see Tenzer talking to the detective again. And he says that he needs to speak with the woman that we saw in the beginning who killed her son. He said, you know, this guy came to me i need to know more about

this situation and find out this woman who is now in prison for killing her son and so he a little meeting is set up between him and the mother and he talks to her and she's basically absolutely like no remorse she feels she says she feels disgusted that that thing ever grew inside of her that the dad created it like manufactured it just because he could eat plastic yeah she's like it's not right it's not human it's like i don't't I don't feel any regret. I'm like, yeah, I'm sick. That's interesting, though. I'm I guess I wonder what his what is his motivation for wanting this autopsy then? Because I assumed it was to confirm that she'd killed him.

But that's clearly not it. I guess maybe to confirm that he could eat plastic. Maybe that's why okay yeah so then we see the two technicians from earlier show up at the guy's house who is running the inner beauty pageant and they kill him and we don't know why we don't see them kill him we just see them knock on the door and then we see his dead body afterwards um and then tensor and caprice go to langs to uh meet with him and find out more about why he wants to do this autopsy and he has brecken is his son's name he has brecken's body in a fridge and caprice is like really upset by this, obviously, and says, you know, so much of our performance art has to do with like it's all consensual. Like this isn't consensual.

And that's a sticking point for me. And he says, like, he's dead. I'm giving you consent. Like I'm his guardian. consent like i'm his guardian and the reason i want to do this is because yes everyone in the organization with me yes we all modified our bodies brecken was born this way and they all have a moment of of shock being like you're saying that you passed something down through genetics that you had done to yourself. Like, how is that possible? That'd be like cutting off two fingers and having a child born without two fingers.

Yeah. And Lang says it's this like the speed of evolution is getting faster. It's what's happening to you also. And I just need the world to know this because it's a good thing and we need to embrace this. And if I had had, they're like, why didn't you just have a regular autopsy to prove this? And he said they would cover it up because they don't want this to be known. And so I need to make a statement, something that people can't ignore. And so they decide to do it. And we get a little boy autopsy.

Great, great, great, great, great. they, um, open him up. And again, Timlin is there and the two technicians are there. They're now wearing like black mesh outfits. They're really funny as well. I'm like, you know, not going to do them justice, but, um, but they are funny. And so they cut the little boy open and inside his insides are covered in like it's they call it a hack job it's like tattoos on a lot of organs bad stitching on his

intestines and like very clearly not natural what Scott Speedman is like horrified I think I got a little photo of Scott Speedman is like horrified. I think I got a little photo of Scott Speedman for us. Looking horrified?

Wait, is this because do we think that he was No, he's not looking horrified. No, he looks totally calm and with it. I just wanted to get just he's hot, so. Yeah, he's definitely hot. He looks the same.

Always. So, OK, so. All right. Is it implied then that someone did alter this boy so that he could have? Yes. And Lang is super confused by this and upset and storms out like something is wrong. this and upset and storms out like something is wrong. And he outside stops on the front steps and starts sobbing into his hands. And as he's out there crying, the two technicians come and sit on either side of him. And I don't really now remember what they say, but they're very cryptic and like, no, like that's,

that's how it is. That's how it was supposed to be. That's everything went according to plan or something like that. And he's like, uh, he's like, maybe my wife, my wife might've done this. Maybe my wife did this. And they say, no, it wasn't your wife, but she would probably like this. And they each take out a screwdriver and screwdriver your wife, but she would probably like this. And they each take out a screwdriver and screwdriver him in the back, like two sides of the back of his head, screw into his skull. And just like so much blood pours out. And he is obviously dead, falls forward, dead, tumbles down the stairs like so much blood squirting everywhere. Okay. So this company that makes this machine, this bed machine that the technicians work for is evil. I think it's all kind of, it seems like each leg of the government or whatever this overseeing body is, is pretty small. Like there's kind of two people in each department.

And so I think it's just everyone's kind of working together okay yeah there's basically just two sides to this world is the the man and the and the people and then for some reason tensor who's kind of going between them and i'm not really sure why okay Okay. But so they, they drill him in the head. He falls down the stairs and then they skip down the stairs after him. And then they just like kick him in the head a few times to make sure he's dead. And again, it's pretty funny.

Okay. Some lighthearted murder. I really did. I really did laugh. You giggled. Yes. And so then later we see Tenzer talking to the detective again, like, what the fuck was that?

What happened? And the detective reveals that it was Timlin and that Timlin did that to the little boy in order to, he's like, we couldn't have people see that it was natural. Like that can't, we can't. It was natural. It was natural. Yeah.

But they just, they covered it up. And I just have no idea when Timlin did this. He has no scars on him beforehand. So I just I'm confused, pretty confused by that. But the explanation is that Timlin was part of the cover up of this situation. And we see Tenzer return home. And oh, one thing i forgot to mention this whole time tensor is like choking on his words always because his his he's not able to swallow and so he's like he's clearing his throat

constantly like it's really gross but he i mean vgo Mortensen does a great job. So he's in his little eating chair again, wiggling around. And it's not going down. The food's not going down. And he's just like spitting it all back up. It looks awful and painful and just so uncomfortable and eventually caprice pulls out one of the purple candy bars and says do you want to try this and he says yeah i think it's time i think it's time for me to try that and he takes a bite of it and he swallows it and a tear falls down his cheek and he looks straight into camera. And that's the end of the movie. What? What?

That's the end of the movie? That's the end of the movie. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Okay. Is Tim Lin bad?

Or is, like, anyone really bad? Like, was Lang the hero of the movie it kind of felt like it maybe I think it's like a commentary on embracing change versus sticking

to resisting change and sticking to whatever works in the current bureaucracy bureaucratic like way of doing things um but yeah i mean i think probably most people who saw it saw the benefit in people being able to eat plastic i don't know that there's a hero in the movie per se, but I think... And what is Viggo Mortensen's whole deal? What is he supposed to be representing? He's, like what you said before, kind of straddling both sides. And maybe the thing at the end,

it's supposed to represent the fact that he's chosen change, even if it kills him? Yeah, I think so. I think it is him embracing change. And there's an exchange between him and Leng at one point where Leng says, have you ever considered just letting your body grow? Letting it do what it's trying to do? And Caprice cuts in and says, no, that would kill him. And Leng says, how do you know? Maybe it wouldn't.

I think our bodies are trying to change to save us. That's interesting. That's fascinating. Yeah. So. That's a fascinating idea. Our bodies are trying to change to save us. Yeah. Whoa, that's cool. Evolution happening quickly is so crazy to imagine. Like one generation having evolved in that way is a really crazy concept it is it is especially because humans haven't evolved right like we're essentially

exactly the same as we were forever ago i can't i don't time spans are tricky but um not to brag but i don't have wisdom teeth i was born without wisdom teeth oh my god so some things are changing that sounded like a fucking brag it was it was a rag um but we technology has changed right that's changed super quickly and super fast but we ourselves our bodies our brains haven't changed i know and reaction to that technology in certain ways so um like our brains i think are slightly different because we eat like genetically modified foods and shit like that but um crazy to think about our bodies actually changing. Yeah. And it feels like it is something that will need to happen. I mean, obviously, with climate change and not, you know, though, I would imagine that if we're going to survive, we'll probably need to be able to live in higher temperatures um something i've thought about is it seems like

we should probably start evolving for women to be able to have children later in life seems like very crazy that you can have kids starting at fucking 14 or whatever like it's horrifying absolutely horrifying um and feels very much like okay maybe in caveman days that was right but yeah but not anymore if we're all gonna be living to 100 all the time like we don't need to have babies when we're 14 no no we don't we really don't yeah it's interesting to think like what would what would happen first what would what would be the first uh what would be the first change being able to eat plastic would be very convenient, especially considering that we can't...

You know, like, all plastic isn't recycled anymore. You know about this, right? Oh, basically no plastic is recycled. Yeah. It's so dark. It's very bad. We're all recycling plastic as if we're doing something and it's all just going into the trash.

No, yeah. Basically all plastic is single use. There's like no... You got to have glass and aluminum. But I even found out recently that aluminum cans are also lined with plastic, which is so crazy to me because I really thought... Oh my god. But yeah, there's plastic in everything. And so yeah, that is the interesting part is like, you know, we are ingesting microplastics on a regular basis. And so yeah, it would make sense that our bodies would be like, all right, I guess we'll eventually learn how to digest plastic because you're feeding it to us anyways. Wow, what a wild movie. Have you read reviews of it it do you know like what the reception is like um i think it's mixed i feel like there's been some positive reviews and some saying that it's like pretentious which it's a little pretentious but i enjoyed it i feel like i didn't let it get

to i don't know i just was like i think i'm along for the ride for this. And I had some fun. And I do think it's... Was it long? Hour 45. Not terrible. Okay. Okay. That's also nice.

That's also nice. You know, on the plane yesterday, I tried to watch Drive My Car. That's a long one. And I realized like two hours and 15 minutes into it that I had like 45 more minutes to go. And I wasn't going to finish it. It's a full three hours. Yeah. It's a full three hours.

And the plane was like landing. And I was like, holy shit, I still have 45 more minutes of this movie. Am I ever going to watch the next 45 minutes of this movie? I don't know. It's a great movie. Three hours. Yeah. Three hours is long.

And that's the drive. My car particularly is like you feel the three. You feel it. Yeah. three hours is long. And that's the drive. My car particularly is like you feel the three you feel it. Yeah. Slow moving slow which is like part of what's nice about it. But yeah, it's you got to be in the right frame of mind for that one. You got to carve out three hours.

Don't say the word carve after this movie. That was horrifying. Samantha, thank you. Thank you so much for doing this. I'm going to tell Emily not to listen or watch this episode. I think she should.

I think she might. No. No, you're right. You're right. You're right. No, no, no, no. Gross. Yuck.

But also i liked it it wasn't as bad as it could have been despite the fact there was it involved an eight-year-old boy's death that's i'll say in a lot and him being cut open and it shows him being cut open it's not like oh it's not left to the imagination it's like here's this little boy being cut open don't love it don't love it no not super fun to watch but i thought everyone was very good in it the score is really good i i don't i probably won't see it again but it made me want to watch more cronenberg like i said like i feel like if I want to see the other crimes of the future. The OG crimes of the future.

Yeah. I just think he's a very interesting filmmaker and such a legend in the genre. And I'm excited to cover more of his films in the future. So, you know what, listeners, drop your favorite David Cronenberg film in the comments. I'd love to know what should be next. Videodrome has always been high on my list, but he did crash. Crash. Not that crash. Different. OK, OK, OK, OK, OK, OK. Because I got back in the discourse because I think there are some plot similarities to Titan in Crash.

Oh. I think it is some car-human romance. Oh, did we talk about that in the episode, maybe? I don't know, but... Because that's weirdly ringing a bell, actually. Well, it just... Because this was just at Cannes, and Titan won the Palme d'Or last year. And I think David Cronenberg had made a comment about how it was copying Crash or something like that.

Oh, really? But then there was a photo of them two together. Look, and Julia Ducournau looked so excited to be next to David Cronenberg. know looked so excited to be next to David Cronenberg you know how she's usually just like the fucking calm calmest coolest like cool as ice I feel like you could she looked like a little eight-year-old girl with her hero it's a really cute photo it's on her Instagram page if anyone wants to see it I love that I love that she's amazing but yeah and I mean this is I do think actually two people walked out of my screening. This is one of those

movies that people walk out of. I think people walked out in Cannes, but I think it also got a six minute standing ovation at Cannes. And so who's to say if the audiences at Cannes are any reliable indicator of anything. So I don't know.

No. A six minute. That's a't know. No. Six minutes. That's a long time. It is long. Were there any fun voices? Oh, Kristen Stewart. Kristen Stewart. And also Viggo just choking while he talks. Ew, I don't like that.

Let's avoid that. Okay. So Kristen Stewart talking fast, talking fast. Surgery's the new sex. You know that? You know that? Sur surgery is the new sex you know that you know that surgery is the new sex so from all of us here at too scary didn't watch goodbye goodbye thank you my friends for listening to another episode of too scary didn't watch if you had fun hanging with us don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. We're also on Twitter and Instagram at TSDW

Podcast. And if you're interested in things like bonus episodes, video trailer reactions, and other cool content, head on over to patreon.com slash TSTW podcast. All right. We love you all forever and ever starting a while ago and continuing into eternity. Adios. That was a hate gun podcast.