Too Scary; Didn't Watch - DEAD CALM with Joel Jensen

Episode Date: September 6, 2023

Nicole Kidman's real hair, Billy Zane's glistening skin, and Sam Neill's perfect accent, we're recapping the 1989 horror-thriller DEAD CALM! Thrilled that the original Horrorspondent, Joel Jensen, is here to tell us everything we need to know about this wild movie.  Trailer Recap begins @ 38:18! Follow the show: @TSDWpodcast on Twitter, TikTok, and Instagram. Check out our Patreon for bonus episodes and additional content! Rate Too Scary; Didn’t Watch 5 Stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts and leave a review for Emily, Henley, and Sammy. Advertise on Too Scary; Didn't Watch via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is Emily, Henley, and Sammy, and you're listening to Too Scary, Didn't Watch. Hi everyone, welcome to Too Scary, Didn't Watch, the horror movie recap podcast for those too scared to watch for themselves. I'm Emily and I'm too scared to watch scary movies. I'm Henley and I'm also too scared to watch scary movies. We find ourselves in a bit of a pickle, Hen. Oh no! Because it's just you and me, baby.

Good thing we have a plan. We have a plan! And it's a great plan. We have a plan. I think it's a great plan i think it's a great plan i love this plan uh sammy is in freaking europe right now excuse her having a great time um really tempting fate by going to you know rural netherlands area after listening to multiple horror movies where only bad things seem to happen i think when you do that so you're both really you're really doing a lot to get yourselves haunted or hunted

hunted both haunted or hunted wow or hunted those are the two options actually um but i'm still the same so maybe I'll... But maybe that means I'm the most likely victim, you know? Because I'll be calm. Right, right. Your day-to-day is unchanged until it's not. I'm unsuspecting. I'm unsuspecting.

Well, you know, fingers crossed for us all. But other than that, other than the fact that we're maybe all on the precipice of doom, did anything scary happen to you this weekend? Okay, so... than the fact that we're maybe all on the precipice of doom. Did anything scary happen to you this weekend? Okay. So I live at a church now, and that is so unexpected. It's a pretty scary place to live. I'm going to be talking about it endlessly. I'm sorry.

I've already talked about it, like, multiple times. But I just wanted to mention something that happened to me this week which was that um i was almost recruited to join the handbell choir and oh my god the delayed response in my brain of like handbell choir like i all i heard was choir at first and i was like she said handbell choir and bell choir and I'm sorry you say almost as if to mean that you said no why would you say no to that so Silas and I are taking our our daily walk through the sanctuary of the church oh my god and um we are you know we meet someone who is leads the handbell choir and um i gotta say it sounds like

membership is slim and hard to come by with that group interesting and really the key to a good handbell choir is a lot of handbells you just have a few it's it's not really working. Yeah, so not a lot of people are signing up, unfortunately. Damn. Despite this woman's best efforts. I mean, she was giving a hard sell. A hard sell. Interesting. I was giving a lot.

I was throwing a lot of reasons why it wasn't going to work my way. Mostly, I can't carry a tune. I can't read music. I have no interest in the handbells. Yeah. Also, very pregnant. I have a toddler. Yes, all of the above. None of that was really flying. She said, if you could just come to one rehearsal and just express your interest in handbells. But you don't have an interest in handbells i really don't have an interest in handbells i really think that it could sway the group to stay more people oh they're like

leaving people are leaving the handbell choir yeah i think that it's been hard retention is difficult in this group wow and have you seen them perform? Are they any good? They perform twice a year. They perform at Christmas and they perform at Easter. Twice a year, this is the stakes? Because I was going to say, yeah, all I can think of, the only handbell song I know is the Carol of the Bells. Right, of course. A beautiful song. I mean, I would love to be able to play Carol of the Bells. Gorgeous song. Well, you would just be one bell. I know. I'd just be going just go be going every now and again or or i don't they might be they might be very advanced there might be holding multiple bells and doing that kind of like multiple bell especially if numbers are low you gotta a bell per hand at minimum

um anyway so that happened i think i i think i politely dodged that um okay i would be terrible no one wants me playing the bells no one wants me up there nobody wants that so i really do it's everyone everyone dodged a bullet there um the second thing i just want to mention is i am trying to read a book right now um which is everywhere. You've probably seen it in your local bookstore, The Covenant of Water. I haven't seen it. It's all over the place. You see lots of people reading it all the time. Okay, but you're trying to read it?

I'm trying to read it. And the reason I say trying is because it is a hardcover book. My mom left it here. I would never buy a hardcover book. They're so expensive. They're expensive and they're just too heavy to read. There's a book I really want to read right now and it's only in hardcover book. They're so expensive. They're expensive and they're just too heavy to read. So that's a book I really want to read right now. And it's only in hardcover. And I'm like, well, I have to wait. Okay. This is my issue. I every night I pick up this book and I don't have the arm strength to read it. I literally don't. Can you rest it on your belly? You have a

little table built in. It doesn't work. Like it's not working. Like I'm trying to rest in bed. First of all, I have a hundred pillows surrounding me. I'm on a pillow island supporting everything that needs to be supported. Then I have this goddamn book and I'm exhausted after one page and I have to go to bed because literally my arms can't support it. The effort, the physical strength required is too much so i'm not going to be able to read this book i mean i should just get it on

kindle but oh yeah that's really what i should do yeah but i liked the idea of reading a hardcover book i felt like i was in 1995 or something. Yeah, when we all read hardcover books. Been there everywhere. I think the only honest to goodness – no, I have read a couple hardcover books out of necessity. But I always read the Harry Potter books hardcover. Yes, I was thinking about that. Those are the only ones that I ever really did hardcover. How did I handle that?

You were young. How did I handle that as a child? You were young and strong. It's like how children can do the monkey bars so easily. Oh, my God. Monkey bars are so fucking hard. I tried to do monkey bars recently and was – Humbled.

Humbled immediately. I kept thinking I was like, surely – I was like, surely I'm remembering it wrong. Like, surely there's a different way to do them that I'm not thinking of because these are easy and kids can do them and I used to be able to do them and like I it broke my brain that all it really is just like you hang and you swing and I was like no no no there's gotta be another trick to it because I I couldn't even begin to make my body do any of it. Isn't it amazing? Kids are really strong. It's kind of scary when you think about it. And I guess they also are really light.

Yeah, but they're still carrying their full body weight, don't they? But it's still their, oh, yeah, and their arms are small. I don't understand. The monkey bars, like, truly, truly sent my brain spinning recently. Because I was like, I don't, I don't get it. What the fuck is happening with these i was like i don't i don't get it what the fuck is happening with these monkey bars i don't know i mean i think that our muscles at the top of our arms have just atrophied out of lack of use and they're not built for monkey monkey bars okay enough about me

emily i mean i could literally hear about what it's like living at a church. And I love that it's you do live at a church, not in a church. And that's an important distinction. And it is very funny to me. Right. Right. That it's next door. The church is next door.

Yeah. You just live. You just live at a church. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. And it's great. And I'm going to have so many stories. And I can't wait to share them all with you.

But tell me about you. Did anything scary happen to you this week? Okay, I'm going to talk to you about something. And I'm going to need to... We're going to have part of the conversation now and the other part of the conversation in a few minutes. Okay. And because I need to talk to you about a new obsession that i have cultivated in this past week

and it's it's you are to be thanked you are to be thanked for this obsession henley guess what we started watching this week we started watching the big, good. Henley, it's so good. It's so good. I honestly find it upsetting because what I was looking for was a Top Chef substitute. What I found was profoundly moving um deeply emotional it's like it's more comparable to the great british bake-off but it is honestly more moving than that it like has more heart i am more invested in these people i i like almost want to cry every episode because I love them and because they love each other. And I'm a little bit upset at that because that's not what I thought I was signing up for.

And it's hosted by Dan Levy, who isn't, isn't my guy, you know, so I didn't think that I was going to like really fall for it. But oh, my God, it's so fucking good. It's so good. I love it. I love it. I it I love it I'm in love with it it's perfect but that's not even the obsession I want to talk to you about what the obsession I want to talk to you about is one of the hosts how have you watched all the big brunch hen or I haven't watched all of it I haven't watched all of it okay you watched some of it I've watched some of it yeah both of the hosts are amazing zola um is so fucking cool and intimidating and like i want to know her i want to know she's like the simon cowell of the group she does not hold back she's like but that but but like she is she doesn't hold back but it's like it's not mean-spirited no no of course not it's coming

from a real place of wanting them to grow. Exactly. But again, once again, I'm not even going to talk to you about Zola. I'm going to talk to you about Will Guidara, who is the other host, judge, I should say, of The Big Brunch. And I was interested. I was like, who's this guy? What's this guy's deal?

I was like, he seems really cool and fun and nice. And like, what's his deal? I like his energy. Look? I was like, he seems really cool and fun and nice. And like, what's his deal? I like his energy. Looked him up. Found out he is married to Christina Tosi, founder of Milk Bar. Oh. So, holy shit, huge, big New York power couple. Wow.

I didn't know that. Not only this. Not only this, Will Guidara is the founder of Eleven Madison Park, which is like one of the best restaurants in the world. Not only this, a thing I didn't know about this. OK, have you seen season two of The Bear? No, no, I haven't watched it yet. OK, OK. Just there's they go to a really great restaurant and one episode of season two of The Bear. Anyone who's seen it will know what I'm talking about. And the like mentality of this restaurant is like we will go above and beyond to give people the best night of their lives while they're here. And it's like it's like they will like do research on all their diners and like make sure when they're there they like give them the best possible experience like tailored to them.

It's just like the menu. It's like the menu, but good. And that is, Will Guidara is the founder of that idea. So like he's basically known for being like the most attentive, kind superhuman on fucking earth. Wow. And he's married to Christina T tosi and they seem hot and cool and i joel found an episode of a podcast where the two of them were interviewed by a

friend like about relationships oh what a dream to it and i am obsessed and i'm obsessed with them and joel says he really thinks that we would all be friends. And I agree. And so I, you know, they would be the most intimidatingly rich people I could imagine spending time with. But oh, my God, I mean, I'm like they've they've sort of and I hate to say I mean, I was going to I was going to say they'd like sort of they're the new Voltaggio brothers in my head, which is not to say that the Voltaggio brothers are out. They're still in, of course, of course.

But this is my new like they'll never be out. But this, I'm like, I love them just as much. I love Christina and Will just as much. And maybe, well, in a different way. I love them in a different way. It's just, I can't, I love them so much. And I can't stop thinking about them. I want to listen to that podcast.

What's that podcast? Yeah. It's great. I'll send it to you. I just love listening to couples chat about their relationship at a full stop. So no matter what, I'd be interested. I know. And they seem to really love each other and have just a nice

cool vibe. They live in New York currently? They live in New York. They're fucking rich in New York. You know what I mean? Can you guys just think a little bit more about moving to New York? And maybe you guys are the next little bit more about moving to New York? Yeah. And maybe you guys are the next power couple of New York.

Oh, my God. And maybe that's really where you need to be putting your brains. This is an interesting thought. Every night manifesting New York power couple. New York power couple. Me and Joel. And, you know, speaking of power couples, let's talk about this week's movie. It has nothing to do with power couples, but I couldn't think of another segue.

Well, yeah, it doesn't have nothing to do with power couples. Okay. Henley, I haven't even told you what movie we're doing this week. No, it's a full surprise for me. Full surprise for you. And the movie is Dead Calm. You ever heard of it? No. You ever heard of this movie, Han? No. No, I do have to put out an apology to our dear friend Sammy,

who's not here. This is a vessel movie. Oh, shit. And I toyed with if we should do it when she's not here, but I think it'll be a gift to give her a vessel movie to listen to. Yes, on her travels. Exactly. So we're doing it it we are doing it for sammy um we're also doing it because it's a 90 minute movie and we're also doing it because i had to watch it and so these are all things that have added up to why this movie was chosen um the movie is dead calm it was released on april 7th 1989 it is directed by philyce. Screenplay by Terry Hayes. Based on novel Dead Calm by Charles Williams. Starring, Henley, get ready, Sam Neill, Nicole Kidman, and Billy Zane.

Billy Zane? Billy Zane. And it's available to rent for $2.99. A steal. A steal for this movie. And I couldn't do it alone. I simply couldn't, wouldn't do it alone. And joining us for this movie all the way from the other room of our shared home,

original horror respondent of the podcast in my heart, Joel Jensen. Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo! Ahoy! Ahoy! Ahoy in my heart, Joel Jensen. Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo. Ahoy. Ahoy. Ahoy. Ahoy. Ahoy, Joel. Ahoy, Emily.

Ahoy, Henley. And ahoy, Sammy. This one's for you. Sammy, this one's for you. Wherever you are. I'm so happy that you're back. I feel like it's been too long and let's never let it go this long ever again. Ever, ever again ever ever again thank you

for anyone ever anyone that's new to the pod and maybe hasn't listened to all the back catalog yet you really need to you really need to find Joel's episodes first so you really need to go search out saw search

out the witch train to Busan I was trying to think are there other ones what other ones there are other ones uh we did um drag me to hell yep drag me to hell that might be the only other one really only four that doesn't oh and we watched um you recapped uh twilight yes yes yes that's right that was good was good. That was good. That was good. Yes. Yes. But I know absolutely nothing about this movie except

for the still that Emily has pulled up behind her and it's of a young Nicole Kidman. I thought it was Sigourney Weaver at first. Yeah. Real Sigourney Weaver vibes. Joel and I mentioned that and we were watching. And Amy Adams. Oh yeah, and Amy Adams. Yeah. Okay, and we were watching. And Amy Adams. Oh, yeah. And Amy Adams.

Yeah. Okay. So we're going to get into this. Oh, wait. Sorry. First, Joel. Has anything scary happened to you this week?

I think that the thing that is scaring me the most these days is how much nose hair I have and how much ear hair I have. Oh, Tim is going through the same thing right now. I think that men in our age bracket.

Let's talk about men. I think we do need to talk about men. And I do think we need to talk about the fact that we do not have a shared vocabulary amongst men for unwanted hair gain. Yeah. Unwanted hair gain. Unwanted hair gain. Is it happening in your eyebrows at all?

Because Tim has some crazy long eyebrow hairs as well. I have like just. You have one long eyebrow hair. Well, it's happened more than once where I found an eyebrow hair that was as long as my head hair. It was like. Yeah. You're like, when did this grow? A ponytail coming out of my face.

And I don't know. Like, it's like, how does this happen? Why did it happen if my hair can grow this fast there at random why doesn't it just always grow that fast on my head everywhere yeah it's unfair that's a cruel reality of nature my nose hair literally keeps me up at night sometimes if i'm if I'm trying to go to sleep, I can feel hair in my nose and it makes me not able to sleep. And I have to shave my ears. I shave my nose, but I also try to pluck them out with tweezers and it really hurts.

Ow, Joel. Ow. Why did you do that? And I'll like yelp when it happens and like it's like weirdly satisfying though yeah i bet it's satisfying but there's no stopping it they just keep coming and like what is it about wax your nose like the inside of your nose that's my question is so i think some people do i think people do wax the inside of their nose but i don't i don't think you should i put this to the unwanted hair growth community out there.

The question is, what do you guys do? And how do you stay sane? How do you stay in love with yourself while tentacles are coming out of your fucking nose? Tentacles? Because you have to really be aware of it it because if you're out in public with nose with hair shooting out of your nose, it's it's it's tough. And you're always thinking about it. I'm thinking about it all the time. My my dad just did it his entire life.

I remember growing up and being like, Dad, can I like pluck your ear hairs? And him being like, no, absolutely not. Absolutely not. Just like letting them roam free just pure denial probably that it's happening but just nose hairs ears hairs up the wazoo the longest things you've ever seen not doing any maintenance no maintenance no maintenance it's like it's just really hard and like's a Dr. Seuss character. You know, Emily spends a lot of time wondering why men are so crazy. And I think, well, it's not the reason, but it's a contributing factor that, like, you lose the hair where you want it and you gain hair where you don't want it.

That makes you go crazy. Over time? Sure. 30 years, 40 years, 50 years of that fight? Oh, my God. Anyway. This is terrible. Oh, Joel, I'm so sorry that you're going through that.

Thank you. I appreciate that. I've even accidentally cut my ears shaving the hair off of them before. And then they bleed a lot. And then you're, then you, remember, Emily and I, we went to dinner one time after I cut my ear shaving it and I had to hold a napkin on my ear for all of dinner. There must be a solution. There must be. There must be.

Well, nose hair kings, let me know. Let me know the score. If not, there's clearly, there's clearly a corner of the market or part of the market that hasn't been cornered. What's that? Part of the market that hasn't been cornered. I think that's what you say. That's what, that's, yeah. There's a market there.

An untapped market? Untapped. Market to corner. An untapped corner of the market. Yeah, okay. There it is. That's what it is. Untpped corner of the market yeah okay there it is that's what it is untapped corner but that even opens up a whole other discussion which also frightens me which is like the advent of these like um like nail salons for men but are called like hammer and ash or whatever that's like macho uh like uh manicures place is called Hammer and Nail. It's not called Hammer and Ash.

Which is a crazy name. But like why can't men just go to a fucking Hammer and Ash. But why can't men just go to a salon and like be treated right and instead of having to put this veneer of but I am having my steel

toe boots on while I do it. Shut up. Just fucking go. I feel like in New York, I see men in nail salons all the time. Pretty often, I've seen men get pedicures in New York. They should be. They should be. They should be. I'm embarrassed of my toenails.

You've got to tend to those feet. Yeah. Joel and Sammy won't go get pedicures, but they should. I know. Sammy wouldn't want us talking about her toes i know that's i'm sorry sammy i'd like to see you stop us from talking about your toes right now oh hey sammy uh apologies um okay well jo, this movie was your idea. Yep. Tell us why. This movie is, it's a great movie. I actually bought it on Blu-ray because one night I got drunk and it was like 1 a.m. and I just decided to start hunting for Sam Neill movies on Blu-ray.

And I found this as well as another movie I do want to watch with you guys sometime. But I just bought it because it was like five bucks or something. And it's really good. It's like very well reviewed. I quite like it. It's like a nice tight thriller basically.

I would call it more of a thriller than horror. Yeah. It is rated R. I would call it more of a thriller than horror. It is rated R. I love a thriller. Yeah, it's a good time. It's like got some shades of Event Horizon to it. It's got some

shades of like speed. But it's like it's all about the set pieces. It's like about being in the middle of nowhere on the ocean on a boat with a psychopath and like what are you gonna do um oh shit so it's like a really small scale just three of them really for most of it and um you know trying to figure out how to you know get, get out of this alive. And I love that kind of movie. That's really smart.

That's a smart idea. Also, I feel like thrillers in the 80s, 90s had more bite to them maybe than they do recently. There's something about that time period that's more real, gritty. I think the world was less scary. So we went all in on thrillers yeah that's you know what i mean like um we were having fun with a thriller because it was like well obviously you know it's only up from here yeah people were like i could use a thrill today yeah let's see the economy's booming the economy is booming i can I've got a cell phone in my car.

And my future is secured. Let's have a little thrill. Get a little erotic in there. It's always a little erotic. There's a bit of an erotic streak in this movie in interesting ways. Not just Billy Zane being red hot in this movie. Billy Zane. This was his this movie but this was his breakout role this was his breakout role

he's so fantastic we did a deep Joel and I did a little bit of a deep dive this morning about like what is Billy Zane up to and you know what he's doing great he's doing great I think he like works a ton I think he works a lot but he's not like lot, but he's no longer a big star of the screen.

But he's got two daughters. He seems like a real girl dad. He looks great. He seems happy. It was an immediate Instagram follow for me. Yeah, I officially declare myself a zaniac a zaniac me too me too oh we're all zaniacs um okay but let's let's get into some trivia about this movie yeah it has an 83 percent on rotten tomatoes a 70 on metacritic and a 6.8 on IMDb. Pretty solid. Pretty good.

Pretty good. It had a budget of 10, and I believe both of these are in Australian currency, because this is an Australian movie, by the way, Nicole and Sam, both with their regular old accents. Oh my gosh. I'll be able to hear her regular accent. Sam is from New Zealand. Yeah. And George Miller produced it of Mad Max. Oh, shit.

The cinematographer for this movie is the Mad Max cinematographer, which I think these guys love filming vessels and vehicles. Vessels and vehicles. They love it. Is this Nicole Kidman's one of her first films? It was an early, not her very first but early um and so the budget in australian currency is 10 million box office 10.2 million so just squeaked over the edge squeaking by um and yes so nicole kidman obviously stunning. Obviously a gorgeous, gorgeous woman.

Always has been. But Joel and I, one of the first things we said when we started watching this movie is how much she looked like a regular woman. She just looked like a woman in the world. A beautiful one, but a regular woman. And I couldn't believe it. She's got this frizzy, curly hair. No makeup on the whole movie. It's just like a lady. The hair is the most shocking part. The hair. It makes you realize you've never seen her real hair ever. Never ever. Except maybe in this movie. This is the only time I think that we ever saw her real hair.

Two years after this movie she goes on to meet, date, and marry Tom Cruise. So I think she stops being a normal lady pretty quick after this movie. But for this one brief moment, we get to see it. And guess what else? She was 19 years old in

this movie. Whoa. She was only 21 when she met Tom Cruise. I believe so. That's so young young she might have been 19 when they were when filming began and like 20 when the movie came out but yeah i mean fucking crazy and her so some trivia she plays a young mother with a, the kid is like, you're going to hate this part, Henley. I'm really sorry. It's fine. But, you know, yeah, you get it.

But the kid is what, like two or three? Like not a baby baby. Oh, no. And she's 19 years old. And her husband in the movie. But they're not playing her like she's 19. No, they're playing her like she's an adult. And like in this picture I have in the background, she looks like a baby.

But there are also times, she's like one of those women who sort of always looks like a woman, you know? Yes, yes. She just has the womanly look about her. She's got a womanly vibe. But her husband in the movie, Sam Neill, 39 years old. 39 years old to her 19. 19 and he in apparently in an interview uh in 2021 on mark maron's podcast sam neill expressed discomfort over the fact that he was that much older than her in this movie um which is like yeah yeah i think i think you probably should have expressed that immediately but sure let's

we can wait uh 23 years to talk about how that was perhaps uncomfortable. But it doesn't feel it doesn't feel weird in the movie. I should I should say she she reads older. Samuel reads hot. You know, what are you going to do? OK, great. But yeah, really crazy that this movie. So 1989, this is before Eyes Wide Shut.

This is before uh eyes wide shut this is before uh titanic this is before jurassic park we are seeing all these actors who are going to be in like the biggest cute i mean i guess eyes wide shut isn't like the big but you know what i mean like she's fucking nicole kidman and we're seeing them all in this moment before these massive things happen in their careers it's really that's a very interesting moment in time what would you say nicole kidman's like biggest role is it's a great question she's one of those people who it's like there isn't one because it's all of them yeah she's just been in so many things that it all kind of like blends together i mean i was thinking but is that it no that can't be it but that i mean that's certainly in my mind that's like her yeah her peak performance era i don't know i don't know eyes wide shut it really could be

eyes wide shut i mean that was a big one she's in it with tom cruise and it's like almost close to the end of the line for them. I was like, of course, I was looking through timelines of their relationship last night. OK, but I have a little more. I have a little more trivia. One is that before filming began, Nicole Kidman took lessons from the owner of the Storm Vogel, which is the name of the boat in the movie, on how to operate the ship. And during the storm sequences near the end of the film she is actually piloting the yacht wow just just like does her own stunts just like her first husband oh my god she and tom connected on that wow

that's what brought them together this movie uh sam neill met his wife on this movie they are now divorced but they were married for a while um she i did look it up she's a lot more age appropriate and she's a her name is nariko wantanabe and she is a fucking badass hair and makeup artist and she's been nicole kidman's makeup artist on many many many films cool okay great so pretty cool um okay oh this movie was um So pretty cool. Okay. Oh, this movie was based on a novel. And Orson Welles filmed a version of this movie based on the novel that never came out because one of his lead actors died before they could finish filming.

And it never got released. But Orson Welles attempted a version of this. And here's some crazy shit. Okay, so the source novel, which is called Dead Calm by Charles Williams, was partially inspired by a real-life set of murders of a family on board a sailing boat off the coast of Florida in 1961. The case involved a World War II vet named Julian Harvey, who was hired by the Duperalt family to skip her a boat ride from Fort Lauderdale to the Bahamas. Harvey's wife was also on board the boat and this whole family. On their return trip from the Bahamas, Harvey murdered his wife and four members of the

family, the father, mother, 14-year-old son, and 7-year-old daughter. Jesus. They also had an 11-year-old daughter who was below deck that he forgot about or just, like, didn't get to. She had been asleep. And he ended up – she slept through him killing her whole family. And so rather than then killing her, he scuttled the boat so it would sink. I don't know what that means, but he did something so that the boat would sink. He scuttled it.

Yeah, he just poke holes in it, I guess. Pretty much. Yeah. So because he was like, all right, well, she'll just drown. That's fine. And he abandoned her and took a dinghy back to land she survived this girl 11 years old oh my she was able to survive in the atlantic ocean for four days without food or water before being rescued meanwhile harvey was rescued by the coast guard and upon returning to florida

told a whole story about how the boat went through a storm, sank, everyone died, he was the only one who survived. Then when he found out that the daughter was alive and safe, he checked into a Miami motel and committed suicide. Okay, yeah, that makes sense.

That makes sense. I thought he was going to try to claim she did it. Oh, funny um yeah so holy shit i hope that's not what happens in this movie like literally at all but very crazy story that's a crazy story i hope that 11 year old girl didn't have too traumatizing of a life ahead of her she did i bet she did yeah her whole family was murdered and then she lived while you're sleeping four days sleeping is so stressful as is imagine if you associate sleeping with your entire family being murdered you'd never sleep

again and then living in the ocean for four days in the middle of the ocean yeah no yeah it's um it's one of the worst things that could happen yeah yikes that's intense yikes absolutely yikes um but again that's not what happens in this movie and i think that we should find out what happens in this movie i think we should um full disclosure i've not watched this trailer. It might give everything away. I really don't know. But I think that we should watch it because you gotta see what freaking Nicole Kidman looks like in this movie and you gotta see

young Billy Zane. We simply gotta do it. Yeah, I wanna know. Alone on a sea of endless calm. It was easy to imagine they were the only two people on Earth. But into their perfect world, there came a stranger. Stand up! I'm trying to take her across the Pacific.

On your own? No. There were six of us. The others died ten days ago. I'm going on board her. Can't do that. He's fast asleep. He won't even know.

God, you're pretty. What about those people huh there wasn't any food poisoning what's there no way you think i'm making this up no i don't you sound so much like that rain. It's scary. Dead Calm. A voyage into fear. From the makers of The Road Warrior and Mad Max. Oh my god, I'm excited. I want to watch it though, just because I want to hear that delicious Australian

accent from Nicole Kidman. It's absolutely delicious. I think I mentioned this to you personally and privately, Henley, which is that I had had two martinis before watching this movie and afterwards

I swear to god I turned to joel and i was like what happened in that movie so i did watch it but watching that trailer i was sort of like oh this movie looks good as if i didn't just watch it last night um so i'm also excited to find out what happens in this movie because i feel as if it's brand new to me i do i i do remember being left with some questions um which some may be unfounded i'm now realizing but i will bring them up when we get there um but thankfully joel is leading this recap for us because i simply would be lost without him to do so lost without him in more ways than one. So Joel, how about you take it away?

Let's do it. And Sammy, this one's for you. Ahoy, ahoy. Ahoy, ahoy. Ahoy. So we begin. On screen. Darkness. Ominous music. Okay. This is gonna be a long one, huh? sorry i'm sorry let's go let's go darkness on screen and we've got just like really ominous music in the past few years

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It's about something far worse. Billy Zane. Billy Zane! Terrifying. it's about something far worse billy zane billy terrifying so and we get a really nice title screen like the words dead calm come across in a nice horror movie way i love how horror movies really take pride in a good title screen um and uh so this ominous music is playing and it kind of transitions away into the sounds of like the clanking sounds of a train arriving in a station and uh then like uh the screen flickers as like the windows of this train go past and on board the train are a bunch of sailors um all in their like little sailor

uniforms with their hats and they're all looking out out the windows really excited they're coming home um and uh they the train comes to a stop and we kind of like pan past all these happy sailors all looking outside trying to like see their families there to pick them up and we arrive on sam neill who's stepping off the train. He's like an officer, like a naval officer for the Australian Navy. Is that what they call it there? Probably. Probably. And he steps off the train.

He's like scanning the crowd looking for his family or whoever's going to be picking him up, obviously expecting to be picked up. And people are saying like, you know, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas. So they're home for the holidays and he's looking around and he can't find who's supposed to be there to pick him up and he's like walking around getting a little bit confused like everybody else is pairing up walking away with their families where's his people um and then time passes he's kind of staying around the train station starting to empty out and these police officers um start approaching him they like notice him in the crowd talked to each other and walk towards him and this happens at a distance we don't hear what they say to him they walk up to him and have a conversation. And then we cut to he's in the backseat of a police car.

And it's emergency lights are flashing like red and blue, but no siren or anything. And he is looking absolutely hollowed out. Right. Like shell shocked. It's raining really hard on the windows. He's silent. He's taking his big, big bright white hat off.

And then he walks into the emergency room of a hospital and starts talking to a doctor. And the doctor says to him, and the police told you about your child. Yes. And he's like, yes, they did. And he's like, unfortunately, we're going to need a visual ID. Oh God yes and he's like yes they did and he's like unfortunately

we're gonna need a visual id oh god and he's like okay and he said i just want to warn you most of the injuries were to the face and um and he says sam neill says his name is John John says and um he he died on impact is is that right and the doctor's like um actually just after uh just after the ambulance arrived and John's like well how long was that and the doctor's like just he was unconscious he was unaware of any pain and john's like but how long was he alive after this and he's like uh maybe 20 minutes oh my god he walks in this doctor needs to shut the fuck up just like shut the fuck up yeah just lie to him man just lie just lie or don't even bring it up like it doesn't matter so so john is like you know steals himself and then he rounds a corner and he sees his wife uh nicole kidman her name is ray in the movie she's badly badly injured she's like on a breathing

assistance um they're like poking her feet to check her um nervous system like if she can feel it and she's pretty much unconscious and they like open her eyes and shine a pen light in and they're like john try to talk to her try to like get her to recognize you and so he's talking to her talking to her talking to her trying to get her to like return. And then we flashback to Ray driving in the rain to go pick John up from the train station. Their son, who's three years old, is in the backseat. They're singing songs, having a nice time. And then their son is like, has like a stuffed animal

and he drops it and he wants to pick it up so he unbuckles himself from the car seat which is crazy insane and i i had this same thought there's like no way maybe maybe we hadn't made car seats in 89 that were like definitely not definitely not now you a kid cannot unbuckle themselves no i don't think so it's crazy really tries to it's crazy that like the person who invented car seats for kids the second thought they had was should have been and how do i make sure they don't unbuckle it right right right well we have to let kids just fucking fly around in the back of a car with that you know what i mean like i personally have zero memories of ever being in a car seat and i'm

not sure how long my parents used one for but now you're supposed to use a car seat till kids are like eight years old like kids are in car seats for so long now that seems crazy you're gonna get bullied for that they're in like booster seats kids are like yeah they're like little booster seats i was in one for a really long time because it's a height it's a height requirement typically i'm pretty sure my mom was like oh it's too hard you can sit up front i'm not like three years old yeah yeah i was definitely not sitting up front well anyway so this kid unbuckles himself and the worst possible thing happens and ray is like hey get back in your seat, like buckle back up.

And she gets distracted. Somebody switches lanes the wrong way ahead of her. It's rainy. And she tries to veer out of the way, hits a car, veers back into the other lane and gets into a head-on collision. And their son flies out the windshield. Jesus Christ.

You see him just sail out of the windshield and the camera kind of follows him through the air. Honestly, it's so deeply tragic, but the shot is very funny. Because you're like, it's still going. It's really insane. Yeah, he really goes flying. He really goes flying. He really goes flying.

And then we cut to, now we cut ahead in time. And Nicole Kidman Ray is screaming awake from a nightmare, presumably this nightmare, on a boat. She's like in the bedroom of a yacht. And she's screaming. And John rushes in to comfort her and she's you know like crying about how visceral this nightmare was she can still smell his hair and he's trying to like get her through this this trauma and they kind of we kind of reveal that basically like he's like she's like, I want to go home. And he's like, no, we're not going to go home yet.

We're going to stay out here for a few weeks. We're going to like find ourselves again and we're going to like find our strength again because they have to go home and like. Clear out their house, you know what I mean? And they're not ready. Horrible, horrible. So he's a Navy man. He owns this yacht. So they like are out just on the ocean trying to heal.

And I will say that they have like a really good relationship. Their marriage is healthy. They are fully supporting each other. And there's good vibes between them, even though they're having this like really difficult situation that they find themselves in. They're like not blaming each other or anything like that. Okay. So he's like talking to her about,

you know, that it's going to take a long time, but they're going to like, he's, they're going to be out here. They have each other and they don't have to worry about going home to reality until they're ready yet basically um so they're down there and then they hear their dog barking their dog's name is ben

he's a little scruffy little cute guy and so they uh sam excuse me john goes up to see what the dog's barking at nothing he's just the horizon he's the the dog is just barking you know whatever and while john's probably weird for a dog to be surrounded by ocean yeah yeah yeah i don't know yeah you'd probably just be like what the fuck yeah where am i where am i supposed to go where am i supposed to what is this yeah i was wondering how they do i guess he probably has like a potty pad can you litter train a dog oh maybe i don't know i wonder i mean they have those little like grass pads that you can use that's basically litter training people do those like little indoor patches why aren't people always litter training their dogs because i think people don't want their animals peeing inside their house well but sometimes they Yeah, I don't know what to tell you, Joel.

Maybe in the winter, you know, in New York, winter. I'm sure people definitely are too lazy to take their dog out all the time. Sound off in the comments, folks. Would you litter train your dog? So while John is up on the deck, Ray walks out and takes a sedative pill. She's like on anti-anxiety sedative medication because of the trauma. And after she takes the pill, she goes up and takes a swim in the ocean, which looks really cool and really fun, to be honest. I think it looks very scary.

It would be scary. I'd be pretty scared, but also. I cannot imagine just going out. I mean, they're in the middle of the think it looks very scary. It would be scary. I'd be pretty scared, but also... I cannot imagine just going out. I mean, they're in the middle of the ocean. It is scary, because also I would have images of the boat going away and stuff like that.

Or there's just absolutely too much ocean underneath you. Yeah. Everywhere. It's everywhere, and it's so deep. Beneath you, next to you, beside you.

No land in sight. No land in sight. But they're having a really nice time and we learned that it's they've been out there for three weeks at this point um and uh plan on staying for a while longer um then they notice on the horizon another boat a schooner um and sam's like or excuse me john i keep calling him Sam Neill you can call him Sam Neill I'm fully fine with that

so Sam Neill is like he's like oh look at that there's a boat out there and it looks like it's seen some weather it's like damaged its masts are hanging askew it like clearly is worse for wear and so he jumps down to his like radio to to call over to

this boat even though nicole's like you know we're having a nice time it's just us i don't really want to bring other people around and he's like well they might be in trouble like we need to uh check on them and so he goes down jots it all down in his captain's log of his boat he's like it's april 2nd it's April 2nd. It's the 32nd day that they've been at sea. And it's dead calm, the conditions. And he sees this, sees a boat, doesn't know what his name is or whatever. So he radios to it.

Nobody answers. And while he's down there, Nicole calls down to him. She's like, hey, come up here, come up here. And he goes out and she points uh gives him binoculars and they see somebody is rowing a dinghy from that boat to their boat oh i would hate that i would hate hate that yeah and to make matters worse this person is rowing like very frantically and panicky and like jittery and like it's just a scary way to row a boat, if there ever was one. So he gets to them, and it's Billy Zane.

He's sweaty. He's panicked. He doesn't adhere to any of the protocols of how you're supposed to approach a boat. He doesn't slow down. He kind of crashes into their boat. He's shirtless and wearing tightly fitting long long board shorts he's got a little um like like the kind of swimsuit the kind of swimsuit that boys wore in middle school but but also tight wait and also a cowboy hat yeah like a straw cowboy hat like the kind of cowboy hat that frat boys wear on spring break.

Okay. Okay. And he's very tan. Very tan. He's very tan and he's very sweaty. Very sweaty. Very lithe. He's like.

He's very lithe. He's lithe. He's built like a panther. He's very Billy Zane. Absolutely built like a panther in this movie. Oh, yeah. Which is, I think that's, he's hot as fuck in this movie. It's absurd how good he looks.

He is hot, and his eyebrows are a much more normal shape than they are in Titanic. Yeah. So, he's looking great. And now we've, now, just, Sammy, just so you know, we're at a count of three vessels in this film so far. Three.

Three already. One sinking, one dinghy, and one beautiful, beautiful yacht. And so Billy Zane runs in and he immediately, like they like get him up on board. They like pull him up

and he immediately runs down into their below decks and like cowers in a corner, like shivering and quaking and scared. And he says his name is huey they like go down to see what he's all about his name's huey he's um he was on this boat was headed for fiji he'd been at sea he's been at sea for 32 days um which interestingly enough is the exact same amount of days that they've been at sea.

That's weird. And my boat is sinking. I bought it like three weeks ago or three months ago or something. And I was trying to sail it around the Pacific and get to Fiji. And they're like, well, is there anybody else in the boat? And he's like, no. And Sam Neill's like, so you were going to sail around the Pacific on that boat? It's a big boat.

It's like a two master. And I don't know if that's how you measure boat size, but the sound is right. Sounds right to me. Yeah, it sounds good. And he's like, so you're going to sail around the Pacific by yourself on that boat? And he's like, no, I wasn't alone.

There were six of us. So he just lied at first. Yeah, kind of. There were six of us. So he just lied at first. Yeah, kind of. There were six of us and they all died 10 days ago, one by one, all on the same day. And they're like, what do you mean? And he was like, I always thought canned salmon was for cats. And so he didn't. um and so he didn't so basically what happened what he says happened is they ate this tinned salmon and all started to like hallucinate and get sick and he and like food poisoning and sam

neill's like oh it sounds like botulism like sickness hallucinations all that stuff is the symptom of botulism which is like a food poison that affects your nervous system. Very nasty stuff. Terrifying. So fucking crazy. So gross. Botulism is an insane word. Oh, I really don't like it.

I don't like it one little bit. And I believe it's somehow connected to Botox. Oh. That's like the stuff that they inject you with. Oh, really? I don't know know i'm probably wrong here but botox is something very poisonous and it like because it freezes your muscles right or does it relax your muscles maybe i'm thinking of something else i don't know anthrax or something

i don't know but botox and botulism yeah they're to figure out that, like, Botox kills you 30 years later. Botox is a drug made from a toxin produced by the bacterium Clostridium botulinum. It's the same toxin that causes a life-threatening type of food poisoning called botulism. Will, would you look at that? What we'll do for beauty and youth. Yeah, it's, like, really deadly. I'll do for beauty and youth yeah it's like really deadly i'll do worse um so anyway they're so they're like okay so these guys all like died of botulism oh my god that's terrible and he's been alone at sea for 10 days with their you know dead bodies and oh jesus sam

neil's like hey we should like go back and see what we can salvage and he's like no way i'm never going back there like not ever and you know it seems reasonable he was like in a psychotic ptsd from experiencing this um yeah yeah yeah yeah so he's like i'm not i'm definitely not going there um so sam neill's like hey ray uh can you get him to like get him to bed get him some water um and then she does so and so he like goes through uh billy zane's bag that he brought on there's like the passports of all the dead people in it um and then he pulls out the captain's log of that boat and he's like leafing through the pages to just see if he something doesn't smell right to him right um and so in this captain's log he's like flipping through pages and he sees a drawing of like a d a demonic creature eating the boat like rising up from

the ocean like chowing down on this boat then he finds like entries about you know a storm and um the loss of a motor and i didn't notice this on my first viewing but on the second viewing it's very subtle where there's like little edits being made to the doc to the log okay like at one point one of the characters who's dead now is referred to in the past tense. Like this guy wanted to do this. And somebody scratched out the E.D. and put an S to make it look like it's not in the past. It was happening in real time. Yeah.

OK. Anyway, it's like fun. That's a fun little detail, I thought. But otherwise, it like pretty much adds up to what his story was. They like hit a storm. Their motor died. Then they all got botulism and died um and but but samuel still doesn't like it so he decides while billy zane is sleeping he's going to take the dinghy over to the boat and just see what is there see

what he can salvage and also like confirm if his story adds up um which i think is a debatably smart thing to do we we talked about this like he leaves his wife on a boat with this guy they lock him in a bedroom but i don't know i think it's it's worth questioning this choice but i also can see why he would do it yeah because you don't really it's either both of you go and leave him alone on your boat, which is not a good idea because he'll probably steal your boat. Or you have just her go and that's also not the best situation either. Yeah.

Or you just trust him. Don't go. Yeah, you just like trust him and not go over there. Or you don't go. Yeah, you just, like, trust him and not go over there. Or you don't trust him, but you just don't go, you know? Do they have, are they radioing? Sorry, did you already mention that? Are there, is there, like, radio communication between? They have radio communications, but they don't.

They try to radio that boat, and it doesn't work. Yeah, but they don't radio, like, any authorities. The Coast Guard. Yeah. Wouldn't that be, like, the first thing you do is, like, radio the authorities? You would think. I think maybe you would do that. But maybe there's nobody out there.

They're like 1,200 miles at sea. Like maybe there's nobody close enough to be radioed to. I don't know. Yeah. And my thing too is like. That scares me. The boats are like you can see this other boat from their boat, but they're not that close. And so my thought too is like why don't you bring your boat closer to that boat?

But then Joel countered with like, well, if there's something bad happening on that boat, you don't want your boat close. So it's, yeah, they're not in a great position. These are the questions of the sea. Do you know what I mean? And this is what happens when you're at sea. And this is why you shouldn't be out at sea.

And what we're finding, there's no right answers at sea. No. There's no right answers at sea. There. There's no right answers at sea. There's only the choices we make. You know what I mean? That's a really good point. That's a really good point. So John goes over there, and he gets to the boat.

It's called the Orpheus. It's a mess. There's sails and materials and ropes swinging willy-nilly he almost gets his head knocked by like a rope that's swinging around he goes down below it's like watery and flooded and messy stinky meanwhile he wakes up and he is soaking wet and i think one of the things that i really like about this movie and like a choice they made is he is always wet. He's always like beaded with moisture as if he's like this elemental force from the sea itself. He's like just dripping all the time.

Oh my God. And leaves like a trail of water behind him almost. Like when he like pounds on doors later, like he like leaves water marks on ew ew so is he like suffering from botulism we don't know well we don't know i find out okay but he doesn't seem right he just seems very weird and like um his performance we'll get into it as we go but I really like his performance a lot in it. He has that classic Billy Zane intensity. We don't know what's up with him, but his intensity is alarming. He's ratcheted up. Yeah.

He's ratcheted up. He's ratcheted up. Meanwhile, Sam Neill's continuing to walk around this boat. It's weirdly pervy. around this boat it's like weirdly pervy like a really horny boat designer made this boat where like the entire like below decks is like statched like wooden sculptures of mermaids with huge boobs and like everywhere and like weird weird demon faces everywhere and it's a weird boat like this weird unhinged like bro boat basically and they all of these mermaids their boobs have been like drawn on with like you know markers or lipstick or whatever like

red markers too it's like it's creepy it's unnerving and unsettling um so huey realizes kind of what's happening and he like tries to get um nicole kidman to let him out and she won't and in fact she turns the engine of her boat on and goes heading for the other boat like she does start driving it closer to that boat because she doesn't feel comfortable with him being awake and alone with her now also mind you there is a gun on this boat she we we saw it we see it briefly they have a shotgun and she thinks about taking it out to to protect herself whilst uh her husband's gone but chooses not to so that's another factor is that they do have a gun okay um so but but billy zane's like starting to like kind of get panicked at the idea that sam neill's over

there and so he starts trying to like get out and he starts like their bedroom has like ceiling windows that are like on hinges and he starts like pushing like trap trapdoor style but it leads to the deck of the boat yeah he starts like pushing pushing pushing it up um oh i don't like this one little bit gets more and more panicked as sam neill is now still we've cut back to him he's walking around he sees these shut doors and again he knows that this boat is sinking um and there's water pouring out from behind one of these shut doors but the water is red and he's like what's this and he um why do you think it is yeah what what might it be so he opens his door and gets hit with like a wall of water there's like a ton of water in here you're gonna get botulism oh my god and i know is it contagious or do you have to get it from i think

you have to consume it you must have to consume it You might probably get it in your mouth. Yeah. You're getting hit by a wall of water. I don't like any of this. Well, we'll see how much that botulism concerns you, Henley, when Sam Neill opens his eyes underwater and sees a bunch of chopped up human remains. Ew. No. It's not botulism. It's just murder.

It's just murder. It's just chop-chop-chulism. He chopped just murder. It's just murder. Just murder. He chopped them all up. He like beheaded them. There's like heads and torsos floating around. That's the Event Horizon part. Yeah. Yeah.

And it gets a little even more so later. Oh, no. Oh, no. I was really stuck in the botulism. Yeah. And so while this is happening, Huey is like, Billy Zane is like forcing those windows up and he breaks them and gets out. And he's doing a really freaky thing that reminds me of another movie that I don't know what where he's like as he's he's poking his little head. He's been like Ray Ray, like calling her name and like trying to.

It's like really creepy. It's like almost like Evil Dead when she's coming out of the basement. And he's like instantly very. Oh, it's like almost like Evil Dead when she's coming out of the basement. Kind of. And he's like instantly very over familiar with her and with both of them, really. And like petulant and whiny. And. Yeah, it's like it's like it's a strange tone in his voice. And so he gets out.

tone in his voice and um so he gets out meanwhile uh nicole kidman sees sam neill get back into the dinghy and he's now rowing back in a panic like as fast as he can and he's screaming at her like jump off the boat jump off the boat and billy zane then runs up to her and grabs her and she's like what are you doing and he's and he's basically like trying to steal the boat they fight while sam neill is rowing it's a really good sequence like he's trying to get to the boat as fast as he can they're fighting for control billy zane overpowers nicole kidman uh knocks her out uh just as sam neill it gets there sam neill um and and so billy zane like throws the steering wheel to like veer away from Sam Neil. Sam dives to try to grab the edge of the boat, but he comes up short, misses, falls into the water and Billy Zane rockets off with the boat with his wife and Samuel is stuck alone with nothing but the dinghy in the sinking boat as Billy Zane takes his boat and.

Holy shit. So that's our first act. Sam neill yeah so now we've got our our recipe here right we've got sam neill alone with the sinking ship what's he gonna do we've got nicole kittman stuck on a boat with a psycho killer um axe murderer billy zane so um he so so sam neill goes back to the Orpheus and tries to figure out what he's going to do. The engine is dead. There's no power. It's sinking.

And so he just goes and starts to pump water out to try to buy himself some time to think. And I got to say, the only thing I remember about Sam Neill's performance in this movie is that he's pumping water on this boat. My question after the movie was like, why on earth was he over there just pumping water? But it makes more sense now that I recall what has also happened.

Yeah. So I just want to say that. Joel, I apologize for thinking that that's all this movie was listen pumping water i was he does pump a lot he does but i remember thinking like this guy is so concerned about getting water out of this boat and he's got more important problems but i understand why in this moment that is the most important problem for him. Yes. That is a big problem for him for the rest of the- It's a huge problem for him. It's a huge problem for him.

So I get it. Because he's, yeah, he's got to like figure out what to do before this fucking boat sinks. Yeah. And like, how is he going to save his wife or whatever, you know? Because the dinghy, he's never going to get to her on the dinghy. No way. Well, and again, no radio system. No radio.

No. Right. Yeah. So you're fucked. Yeah. You're fucked. It's all like shorted out basically because of the sinking but you know he's a really uh you know accomplished naval officer and so we're gonna

have to see what he can figure out meanwhile ray wakes up uh on the on the boat she's there her dog ben is barking um and she looks over and bill Billy Zane is dancing to the Rolling Stones doing like in his little cowboy hat and his board shorts dancing like. Like music festival weirdo dancing, you know what I mean? Like, yes, the kind of arms. Yeah. The kind of dance that takes like a diameter of five feet. You know what I mean? Insufferable.

Yes. Insufferable. Absolutely insufferable. I know exactly what you're talking about. The worst kind of dancing. It's just. It's basically like stepping around in a kind of circle with your arms spread. Yeah.

And like truly wriggling. Do you know what I mean? A wriggling dance. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. Wriggling ding ding dong. Oh, my God. So he's one of those fun serial killers who's just having a good time.

Your least favorite kind. Yes. I hate him. And this is where he's like, so this scene that plays out right now is so good. So he notices her and that she's awake and he's still dancing. She unplugs his music and he's mad. He's like, why would you unplug the music? And she's awake and he's like still dancing she like unplugs his music and he's mad he's like why would you unplug the music and she's like where's my husband and he's like we he's gone and she's like why would you leave and he's like why would he get off the boat

like why did he leave you and why like what an idiot, he's the one who got himself left behind. And and he's like, you know, you never really can trust people, can you? I know I can't really trust people. I have a really hard time trusting people. And his performance is very much like Heath Ledger jokery, which like I was like, did Heath Ledger fucking draw some of his performance from this because he was australian but it's like really very jokery and like when he gets like angry he's like everybody loses their minds like that kind of energy and he like jams his pointer finger into her forehead like you gotta learn how to trust people. And his voice hits that register. But then he'll pivot right back into rom-com performance where he plays this so beautifully. He's like the most chode-y fucking guy you've ever seen. So he does the chode dance.

And then he sits down next to Nicole and is like, you you know i was watching you while you were sleeping aka she was knocked out because he punched her in the fucking head i was watching you while you're sleeping and your face fascinates me oh my god oh my god billy zane i know he's coming through you Joel right now he's like you know I studied art for a time and one of the things I really remembered about the great artists is when they would think of a face

and when they would see a face they wouldn't see it from in front of it they would see it from behind it oh no I hate this and they would see it from behind it oh no i hate and they'd see you know what holds it up i hate this the architecture behind it and you're you really have a beautiful bone structure and he's like i went to college with these dudes these these are like the dudes who would like bring an acoustic guitar to a party. That's his vibe. And it is so annoying.

It's so annoying. And I say this to somebody who did one time try to woo a girl by playing an acoustic guitar at a party. Granted, I could only play two songs. One was a third eye blind, semi-charmed life. And the other was a dashboard confessional song. And I wasn't very good at either of them. But I did try to win a heart that way maybe one single heart you know what's really funny is this was a part i was in high school and no i was visiting from college anyway but i tried this i

tried to play an acoustic guitar of dashboard confessional um and it didn't work but then another guy picked up the same guitar and played other songs and it did work for him with that same girl oh no that's fucking brutal that sucks you brought the guitar for him to do the thing

it wasn't my guitar I just found it I found it at the house and I tried and he was better at it than me. Yeah. You have more power to him, you know. Anyway, so eventually, so after this like really uncomfortable, like flirty, like as if like, you know, imagine running into you here of all places energy. You know what I mean?

Oh, I hate that and he's but he's also talking about like the architecture of behind her face which is very serial very creepy yeah like he wants to actually see it for himself behind her face yeah so ray then confronts him i'm so sorry i keep going back and forth on their names but it's fine so we get it there's only three characters. So she confronts him. She's like, those other people, they didn't really die of food poisoning, did they? And he goes, you really want to do this now? And he starts to go crazy.

And he's like, they, he was like, you have to, this is where he like starts to get unhinged again. And like positively boiling. And he's like, they tried to kill me. You have to he this is where he like starts to get unhinged again and like positively boiling and he's like they tried to kill me you have to understand they tried to um suck the light out of me um if you can grasp that concept they try to suck the life the light out of me if you can grasp that concept like as if he's this like you know tortured artist almost um and and ray sort of learns like she can placate him by being like oh yes i do understand i i see what you're saying yes they did try to suck the light out of you yeah uh totally understand and he calms down um meanwhile back at the orpheus john uh sam neill manages to get the power back on he's's been in the wiring trying to hotwire

the boat, basically, now that he's pumped some of the water out. As the power comes on, all of this strobe lights and rave music starts playing and a videotape starts playing blasting off of a TV.

This is very Event Horizon-y where it's like strobe lights, crazy music, and like the audio from these tapes and like scrawled on the TV monitor in blood, it says, fear is now. And so like something crazy happened in this boat. We don't know what it was.

And the video that's playing is these topless women like being talked to by some guy off camera and like it's the energy of it is really weird yeah and like these top almost feels like spring breaky footage but in a really sinister way you know and i when when um sam neill had looked through his captain's log. He found a newspaper ad. It was like a free cruise across the ocean to Fiji. We're looking for four open-minded young women to come on this cruise. Oh, my God. For free if you do photo shoots, basically.

Oh, that's not good. Oh, I don't like that. We're looking at these young women. They're getting photographed. Not good. Oh, I don't like that. So we're looking at these young women. They're getting photographed. And there's Billy Zane and there's another man who is older, who clearly has a very low regard for Billy Zane's character and keeps telling him, get out of the way, get out of the way.

And that's kind of his playing. But they're giggling and having fun. But it's a really weird discordant thing to see. but it's a really weird discordant thing to see um so and and um john then managed to get the boat going um and like gets the engine going because he's hot wired it so we're seeing progress here right meanwhile back on um our boat the saracen that that's the name of Sam Neill and Nicole Kidman's boat. Billy Zane is listening to music again with Ben the dog, and he's just explaining the music to Ben the dog. And he goes, this is low production garage music. He's just like such a douchebag.

Mansplaining music to a dog. Oh, this guy sucks. And Ray turns, she like sneaks away and turns the radar on and sees that the other boat is drawing near. So it's moving and she knows it. And so she tries to use the radio to radio the other boat. Sam Neill hears it on his boat. He tries to to radio her back she can't hear what he says she can only hear the clicking of his mic on and off but he can hear her okay okay so they basically devise a system of communication where like one click means yes two clicks means no um coming from him so she like gets the

information like is the boat sinking? No. Is the boat moving? Yes. Are you hurt? No. And she's like are you coming after us? And he's yes. So she knows he's on his way. And he basically manages to communicate to each other. She's like do you need me to

stop our boat? And yes. She doesn't know how she's going to do it but she realizes like oh she can go kill the engine and steal the key so she goes and does that she burns her arm while she does it no biggie gets the key out and then um uh she gets caught billy zane finds what she's realizes she's done that finds her they struggle she gets away and she throws the key into the water. Then fucking Ben, stupid little dog, goes and fetches it. So he goes out, swims to the key, grabs it. A dog doesn't know what to do in the ocean.

No, no, no, no, no, no. We can't blame this dog. She threw an object. A dog goes and gets it you know so now and to be fair they probably would be grateful to have that key eventually if they were able to escape ben's thinking ahead yeah he's just thinking one step ahead that's a good point he's he's thinking one step ahead so he goes and ben goes out there grabs the key starts swimming back and now we have like a little funny you know bit where billy zane's trying to get him to come to him.

Nicole Kidman's trying to get him to come to her. And they're like, come on, come on, come on, come on. And they do this for a minute. And then Billy Zane grabs Nicole Kidman by her hair and like kind of chokes her and like throws her aside and tells her how beautiful her bone structure is again. And then and then grabs Ben. And it's really funny, like as Ben gets closer to the boat, Billy Zane is like talking to him and he goes backstroke to a dog swimming.

I don't know why he says that, you know, dogs do the doggy paddle anyway. Obviously. that you know dogs do the doggy paddle anyway obviously so so now he got the key back and they he kind of goes back to her and they have a little conversation he goes can we be friends again and she's like yeah we're friends um now back on the orpheus sam neill is watching more of this tape um and he hears like the dialogue between between Billy Zane and this other man who is like a famous war photographer who is like was big in Vietnam or something and is kind of weird and intense. And they're kind of arguing and coming. Their relationship is kind of coming apart. They're getting a little crazy.

And so then Sam Neill decides like swim underneath kind of like the basement of the boat i guess it's like under the floor that you'd walk on in the below decks um but like there's like space between that and the bottom of the hole and he swims down there and he finds the body of that photography he's been murdered as well and stuffed down underneath there gross he's just swimming around with dead bodies yeah pretty much oh it's so gross to make matters worse a squall pops up and so sam neill's headed straight into this storm in this like really damaged boat um and it starts to sink again because the storm like throws it around too much. And he figures he has about six hours until he's underwater. And he communicates that to Nicole Kidman.

So now she's like, I've got a time limit of six hours to figure this out and get to my husband before he sinks in his boat. I love it when people are smart enough to know even the six hour thing. You know, how would you even know that? I mean, he's a he's a naval expert so of course 25 years exactly he knows so now we've got a real ticking clock situation on top of her stakes which is like is she gonna get chopped to pieces by a fucking billy zane um so she she says to sam neill like i get to you. I will be there at sunset. Just like, hang on.

I'll find a way. And then the radio cuts out because the boat sinks too much and the power goes out again. So she's cut off from Sam Neill. They can't talk to each other anymore. It was a short-lived triumph. So then now Billy Zane is walking around wearing this beautiful red cape still just wet and oily and um he is oily oily is the right word yeah covered in baby oil being this like hybrid between heath ledger's joker and uh acoustic guitar party guys oh it's a terrible terrible totally vile just repulsive um but

um nicole kidman is like and he's like kind of feels bad that he was mean to her still and like approaches her and like hugs her and starts to like hold her hand and nicole kidman sees the writing on the wall like he's going to try to sexually assault her. And what is she going to do about it? And she makes the calculation to use her sexuality to gain the upper hand, right? Like give him what he wants so that she can buy herself opportunities, which is a really difficult choice to make. And but you see it happen. You see it wash over her face is a really good performance where like she steals herself. You see her do the calculus and you see her permit him to kiss her.

to kiss her he does like again acoustic guy where they like where you he like puts his hand to her hand and like enmeshes their fingers like romantically yeah and they start to you know those are some wet seal hands too absolutely amphibian amphibian positively amphibian fingers. Amphibian. Positively amphibian. So they start to like kiss and make out and stuff. It's tough. And they go to they like lay down on the floor. She takes her shirt off. He like rips her shorts off.

And I need to read you the IMDb trivia absolutely written by Billy Zane about this moment. Which is for the scene where Huey rips off Ray's shorts. Billy Zane really did rip off Nicole Kidman's shorts through his own sheer strength without any alterations made to the shorts to make them easier to rip. Billy Zane just at home, like unemployed.

Actually, I ripped those shorts and they didn't even make it easier for me to rip. I just ripped them right out. He's my own sheer strength. He's my sheer strength. They didn't make it easy for me. I could rip them. I could rip the shorts. So she's naked and he's naked.

And she goes, actually, I need to use the bathroom. And he's like, really, right now? And she's like, yeah, I mean, I kind of gotta. And tries to do it cute. And so he's like, OK. Because he's getting what he wants and so he's like okay because he's getting what he wants and he's placated and he does this thing where like he wants to like play house with her it's like really creepy yeah and as the movie goes on he like leans more and more

into this like that they're that they've been a couple forever kind of and so she goes uh up to the she tells him she's gonna go to the bathroom but she sneaks out and she goes up to the she tells me she's going to go to the bathroom, but she sneaks out and she goes upstairs to the deck of the boat and grabs that shotgun. Right. And, you know, puts it together, tries to. But then he. Kind of gets impatient and goes looking for her and she notices that he's coming and she needs a way to explain why she's on the deck so she grabs a carton of cigarettes and brings down she's like for for after uh because he was like gonna see her with the gun she's like i just grabbed these cigarettes for after afterwards and he's

like i you read my mind and he kisses her and they she has to leave the gun behind and they go and they have sex um and you see it and she endures it as best she can and it's awful and um you know not much else to say she she she's doing what she has to survive yeah yeah she doesn't have much of another choice and i think it's a really important thing to note that she's being sexually assaulted but she is also kind of in control in control of this like it's like a choice she's making to gain the upper hand and there's a really it's a really nuanced moment for her and it's i think very interesting and performed and directed very well okay um so um and it's like a really interesting way to use one's sexuality in one's body to like but a really desperately sad thing too yeah but she clearly sees how she how easily manipulate

to ball manipulatable manipulatable manipulatable she sees she sees that she can manipulate him really gain yeah advantage through doing he like is an idiot in this way. Yeah. He's a boy. Like he just immediately is like, oh, she's having sex with me, so she must love me. She wants me. Oh, she wants me. I got everything I could ever need. Yeah. He buys it.

It puts a balm on him. Okay. Okay. So meanwhile, Sam Neill is in this storm. One of the masts is struck by lightning and it falls down and it basically locks him below deck like it blocks the doorway out so now he's trapped inside the boat as it is sinking um which is another reason why he has to go back and keep pumping more pumping he's pumping so much so this is where now we're getting into really weird stuff from Billy Zane. They've had sex.

She gets herself dressed, and he starts to put on Sam Neill's clothes. He puts on Sam's pants or shorts, I guess, and a shirt. He's like, how do I look? She's like, you look great. He's like, how do I smell? She's like, you smell great um and then he puts on the a weem away song you know the in the jungle what's that song called in the jungle in the jungle probably a lion sleeps tonight yeah a lion i thought that was uh from the lion king crazy that song could probably have five different titles and you'd know what song it is with each one uh-huh uh-huh it's probably in the jungle i think but he he starts

playing it like blasting it singing along with it and then he nicole kidman is like making lemonade and so she has these lemons and she's like slicing them with a knife and she thinks about it's called the lion sleeps tonight anyway it is oh good good emily now um he grabs the knife and like starts to like help her uh cut the lemons and he's like just us i can't believe it's just us out here just the two of us finally alone and he it like really is like he's like playing house like this domestic shit and it's really creepy and she she has to like put the knife down uh and like she realized she can't really use that as a weapon but she realizes she has this sedative pills and so she takes the jar and she uh breaks the capsules open

and like pours all the sedative into the lemonade and while he's away and then he comes back in and she's like takes little small sips of this and it like is flirty with him and it's like oh do you want some of this and he's like no she's like come on don't you want some of this lemonade oh my god yeah okay and it's like you know again as if they're like old familiar spouses and so he drinks he starts and i do this all the time yeah of course everyone's flirting i make a drink i start sipping and i go and i go yeah yeah i want it and so she gives him she gives him this this glass lemonade he starts to drink it and he does this funny fucking thing where he drinks it. And he goes, like, click, click, click.

Like, click, click, click, click. Like micro size. Here. It's really funny. And I have it in my notes. Drinks it. Does little drink breath. Little drink breath.

Little drink breath. Little drink breath. He's drinking this and Ray goes back up and goes back and grabs the gun and starts to load it with shotgun rounds, shells. Billy Zane starts getting a little bit woozy

but then he sees her with the gun and he attacks her and they start fighting with each other for this gun wrestling each other he he like it's a really well directed sequence where he like is flinging her around the cabin uh like over the shelves like banging her against cabinets very much overpowering her she just won't let go of this gun but eventually um he like flings her away and she's like very vulnerable so she's in a robe and her underwear so she just like feels so vulnerable in this scene and he gets the gun and he points it at her it's a big fucking granddaddy shotgun uh and but he's like too

drugged now he's like he has like quadru vision. He can't line up a shot and he starts like laughing to himself psychotically. Um, and, uh, screaming at her about how she's just like them and how he, she scares him. And he's afraid that she'll, she's going to like kill him or something.

And he, then they run into a squall and the boat starts to be thrown around as they fight again and they're like flung everywhere they're flying all over the place he tries to shoot the gun and misses her once then he tries he's like trying to blink away the drugs and he shoots again and misses her again and so the gun is empty so she's you know rushes him again um and she like manages to escape into another room uh and grabs a harpoon gun which i was like why didn't you just get this before but now she has a harpoon gun and he's banging on the door and she shoots a harpoon through the door and like um the slamming stops and so now she like loads another harpoon through the door. And the slamming stops.

And so now she loads another harpoon. She's standing there like, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. And she sees the doorknob start to turn. Oh, no. Oh, and I should point out, earlier in the movie, we saw Ben the dog, in a close-up shot of his funny little paw, open a door on the boat. So now this, I'm giving it away very obviously but the doorknob starts to turning she panics she shoots a harpoon gun and she hears okay okay and a little rivulet of blood goes down the door but you don't see it yet so she's not sure what just

happened um but we most definitely are yeah yeah yeah yeah so she like opens the door looks around can't find Billy Zane she's not sure where he went and then all of a sudden he like leaps out from a curtain behind a curtain and grabs her and starts to strangle her like choking her as again but he's like still like

woozy from the drugs and he passes out in the middle of choking her she gets away he's unconscious um meanwhile on the orpheus sam neill is still pumping that bilge trying to get it out um and the water is like up to his chest that bilge pumping the bilge now that is a sentence i have never heard also pump pump the bilge also squall you never hear squall except in terms of like boating or vessels you're never i we just had that hurricane which was in la really just a rainy day um but the weather forecast did say squalls really and i

was being like wow we're gonna get squalls so i? And I remember being like, wow, we're going to get squalls. So I don't really feel like we did. I think it just mainly rained. I think squall is one of the best words. I think it's a really good word. It has a Q in it, which you love to see it. And it sounds like what

it is, and it makes what it is sound scarier. You know what I mean? Squall. Squall. It's really good. It's a freaky word. It's really good. To get that much accomplished in one very short syllable. Well done.

Yeah. You gotta hand it to it. I think what's interesting, it means a completely different thing from squab, and what a difference an L can make. What? L can make. What? Squab is basically the same word as squall, but a squab is not intimidating at all.

Same with squeeze. Really good point. Squeeze is really different from squab and squall, Joel. Yeah, it is. Yeah. But you see the point I make. Squat. Kind of.

Squat. Squat. Kind of. Squat. Squat. Really different as well. Wow. You put an S, Q, and a U at the front of a word and you don't know where you're going to end up. It could go in any direction. You put an S, Q, U, A and you could still end up in completely different places. Yeah.

Squander. Squalid. Squalid is a good one. Also a really good one. Squabble. Square one squabble square squabble squash squash squash squeak squawk i'm talking a's here joel stop throwing in e's well anyway anyway so squall. Anyway, okay, so now we cut a little bit ahead and Nicole Kidman has hogtied Billy Zane.

He is tied up and locked in the bedroom again. And she gets the sails going. She's kind of like realizing her strength at this point and she gets the sails going on the boat and starts heading towards uh the direction that she believes in the bearing that she believes will get her to sam neill and she's running this sailboat all by herself doing it for real as we learn in the trivia cranking all these things and steering it and standing on the front pointy part. The bow. The bow.

The bow. And with her binoculars going up and down, looking badass and cool. She's wearing this white jacket that Emily's showing you. Okay, great. Got it. And she's feeling confident and scared, of course, but she's found her power in her way. She's taking charge, yeah.

And the boat that Sam Neill's on is really filling with water. It's up to his chin, basically. He's breathing, breathing, breathing, and it goes over his head, and he finds a little pipe that he has to start breathing through that goes up above the boat to get air.

This pipe looks nasty. It's nasty, but there's cockroaches in it. It's gross's gross oh and a little fish swims past him oh yeah it's really funny um and then we're back uh on the saracen and billy zane is like starting to like try to kick the door down to get out he's he breaks his uh ties He like slides his hand over some broken blade or something and he's like cutting his hand like his hands are all bloody but he's trying to get the right

it's nasty. She should have just killed him but she didn't want to. Which I suppose is reasonable. Yeah. So as Billy Zane is escaping his bindings Sam Neill also realizes like

he has to try to find a way out from this boat and he remembers that like part under the floor had like a thin a thinner wood and so he swims down there kicks it open and gets out of the boat um so he's safely away from the the locked cabin now, but still in trouble. He then uses, now it's like kind of night. We had like a really cool montage of Nicole Kidman sailing at sunset. It's like very beautiful. Now it's dark. And so Sam Neill finds a can of gasoline

and he dumps it into the water and then throws like a flame lamp. What do you call a candle lamp? Anyway, a lamp that has fire in it. Oil lamp. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

He throws that onto the like patch of gasoline and it lights on fire to be like a beacon. And she sees it in the distance and starts heading that way. Sees it in the distance and starts heading that way. And but at that moment, Billy Zane has like freed himself and he's like using an oxygen tank to try like battering ram the doors open and like get get out and get to her. She then he like manages to do he breaks the door open and she but she's waiting for him outside the door with her harpoon gun again. And she's like, don't make me do it he breaks the door open and she but she's waiting for him outside the door with her harpoon gun again and um she's like don't make me do it and he

uh you know pleads with her and um gets aggressive with her and she shoots him with a harpoon in the shoulder he like staggers back uh like harpoons to the wood of the door but he just like walks forward and the

harpoon like goes goes through him you know and she loads up another harpoon and like points it at him and like has like he like walks up so it's like poking his neck and he's like you're not gonna do it and he starts like laughing at her and smiling like this psycho shit and she just beats him up she like hits him in the face hits him in the nuts wax him in the head and knocks him unconscious again okay okay yeah and then she goes and takes their life raft that's on it's like an inflatable life raft she fills it up throws it over and kicks him onto it and like sets it loose so he's just like marooned by himself um detached from their boat. And she goes, finds Sam Neill, manages to pull him up onto the boat. And it really goes, they do a really good job of making it clear just how hard it is

to like grab somebody onto a moving boat. Oh, that seems impossible to me. And like the stakes of it, if you miss, you're left behind in there. Like they're gone fucking hard. Yeah. But she gets him up and gets him on board and they hug each other and are so happy. She's like,

I found you. I found you. He's so proud of her. They love each other so much. Um, they hug and embrace and are happy. And we cut to the next morning. They both are nice and cleaned up wearing nice new clothes and they go back to find the

life raft now they're together to to see what they're gonna do about this fucking guy and when they get there he's gone oh my god there's nobody on the life raft so they are like what the fuck where did he go and so they shoot some f flares into the life raft to sink it, just to like dot their I's and cross their T's basically. So like, where the fuck is this dude? And as they're like looking around, the camera kind of pans around behind the boat to the back and you see bloody handprints and a rope.

Billy Zane is back on the boat. Oh my God, of course, of course of course of course um and so but they don't know it and they're trying to relax again and like planning on what they're gonna do when they get home and she's swimming again and um she gets done swimming and gets in the boat and sam neil starts to wash her hair and with like fresh water and she's like fresh water what a luxury he's like you know it's i think we should probably start heading back and like what are you looking forward to and he's like shampooing her hair and they're talking about like what they want to eat when they get home and you know have some champagne and have some fresh asparagus and pasta and basil and all that stuff and um the tea kettle goes off and sam neill goes down to you

know get the tea ready and she's sitting there kind of just like basking in the sun with her hair shampoo still in her hair talking to herself um and then she feels hands washing her hair again, but they are covered in blood. Oh, my God. And they squeeze her hair and massage the shampoo in, and as blood gets mixed in there, and she's talking about all this basil she wants to eat. No!

And then she touches the wrists and instantly realizes they're not Sam Neill's. Yeah, no, no, no. She like screams. It's Billy Zane. Oh, my God. Wraps a towel around her neck, starts to strangle her. And Sam Neill, meanwhile, is downstairs, like putting together a beautiful like picnic platter for them to eat for lunch because he's like so happy with his wife again.

to eat for lunch because he's like so happy to be with his wife again and he comes up and he sees in silhouette Billy Zane strangling her and he drops the food tray and he's like fuck fuck fuck what do I do what do I do he like looks around everywhere and he sees that they have their box of

flares is still open so he pulls it out pulls one out lights it and launches it through the sail and it hits Billy Zane in the mouth. And it just like turns his whole head into a fire is like blowing out of his eye and his ears. He's like bright red and orange. And he just like falls off the falls off the boat. The water around him is like boiling from the flare and he's very dead and it's

a great great death and then jack-o'-lantern style yeah jack he gets turned into a jack he gets killed jack-o'-lantern style and and then they embrace each other and watch his body float away and that's the end of the movie dead calm oh my fuck god insane we're having this like it's such an abrupt like uh fuck he's back flare he looks crazy in the water the end of the movie like there's no there is no come down from that moment it is so insane and i apparently that was like a reshoot ending because it was maybe left more ambiguous in the original and audiences they were worried audiences weren't gonna like us they're like ah sure let's shoot a flare great i like that way it really feels like a huge choice it's really this movie is really fun because it's like very simple and like tight and small in scale and subtle in a lot of ways.

But then there's like these these three moments. There's like the kid going through the windshield. There is at the end when Sam Neill lights that fire, he like lights the boat on fire. And it like I forgot to say it basically explodes, which is why she sees the flame and then there is him getting shot in the mouth and turned into a jack-o'-lantern by a flare that are like these like huge spikes of absurd like hyper dramatic moments but they work really well within the context of the movie you're like wanting these like pops to happen when they're relaxing and having their little picnic and he's massaging your hair you know that billy zane's gonna come back right oh yeah like you're feeling it the

movie originally ended with her rescuing john and pulling him onto the boat and them embracing there that was going to be the end of the movie and then they're like but let's show what really happens to billy zane yeah studio exec Studio execs were worried that audiences wouldn't be satisfied with Huey's ambiguous fate. They needed to see him kill Jack-o'-lantern style. I gotta say, I agree with that choice. It's a great way. Although it would be fun if he went out and vanished and you're like, what was this fucking guy? And like, you're like, what was this fucking guy? Like, I like, I think that they could have done more to make him feel like this kind of like force that exists at sea rather than just like a psycho guy.

And is there to like, you know, force them to reckon with their own fears and whatever. Who like hops from boat to boat to terrorize people. But they don't really do that. They don't do that. They jack-o-lantern him instead. Finds people who need to regain their strength. Yeah. He's a force for good.

And so he's really, yeah, he's like the Saw character, really. He's trying to. He wants them to succeed. He wants them to succeed. He'll kill them if they don't, but it's not what he wants, obviously. Yeah, it's all for the good of the person. Of course. He's a to succeed. He wants them to succeed. He'll kill them if they don't, but it's not what he wants, obviously. Yeah, it's all for the good of the person.

Of course. He's a good guy. I'm not doing this. You're doing this. He's a good, wet man. He's a good, wet, crazy man. That's dead calm, and that makes me realize I did not watch this movie. Yeah, two martinis will do that to you.

They really will. You just don't think... I mean, I had a great time with both having the martinis and then watching the movie after. But I surely didn't see the movie. I loved it. It's a good movie.

I was riveted and I like a thriller. I feel like we should just do thrillers more often. I love a good thriller. A thriller is good. We do have to mostly do horror movies. But every now and again we can do a thriller. Just cut me some slack and we can do

a thriller every now and again. This is the right way to do it. Also, this one had great weapons. A harpoon gun. Great use of a harpoon gun. Really good. Yeah. Really good use of a harpoon gun. Harpoon gun, flare gun, shotgun. Mm-hmm. Great. Loved it.

Yeah. And three vessels. Three goddamn vessels. Sammy, I hope you're happy. Sammy. Sammy, I hope you're happy. Can I love Sammy? Oh, four maybe if you count that lifeboat

that they do. Yeah, good point. Oh, that's a four for sure. Sammy, I hope you're happy. What do you think, Sammy? Should we do Billy Zane's voice as the goodbye? God, we gotta do Billy Zane's voice. Or we could do... Or Nicole Kidman's

Australian accent. But I hate to put this onto to you joel but i feel like you do you do such a good billy zane wow thank you very much for saying that will you do out as billy zane sure sure let me just find it yeah find it try to find it you know i studied art for a time and a lot of the famous artists like to look at a face from the inside to see what

holds it together from all of us here at Too Scary didn't watch goodnight I hated it I hate that you said goodnight goodbye

goodnight makes me feel like I'm about to die for sure yeah goodnight I guess love you bye

thank you my friends for listening to another episode of too scary didn't watch if you had fun hanging with us don't forget to

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