Too Scary; Didn't Watch - DRAG ME TO HELL with Joel Jensen
Episode Date: December 18, 2019A woman named Chris Brown, a spooky hanky, and maggots that are made out of PASTA (actor's rights win!!!) - we're talking Sam Raimi's Drag Me To Hell! Our first ever guest Joel Jensen (UCB's ...The Dragons) returns to describe another fluid-filled Sam Raimi flick. Or does he spoon feed it to us? Listen to find out! Follow the show: @TSDWpodcast on Twitter, TikTok, and Instagram. Check out our Patreon for bonus episodes and additional content! Rate Too Scary; Didn’t Watch 5 Stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts and leave a review for Emily, Henley, and Sammy. Advertise on Too Scary; Didn't Watch via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcript
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This is Emily, Henley, and Sammy, and you're listening to Too Scary, Didn't Watch.
Hi, everyone. Welcome to Too Scary, Didn't Watch, the horror movie recap podcast for
those too scared to watch for themselves i'm emily i'm
scared i'm excited to be here she's excited um hi i'm henley i'm scared too i am sammy and i am
brave great cool cool nailed it um did anything scary happen to us this week a scary thing that happened to me and
definitely happened to
me is that Jeremy
Strong didn't get nominated for a Golden Globe
it's sad it really is sad
for real
yeah Brian Cox got nominated
how did Brian Cox and Kieran Culkin
I'm sorry but Brian Cox
he's so good
but over Jeremy Strong.
It's crazy. Well, we are quite partial to
Jeremy Strong in this room. We love him. Fans of
the pod will know. And he is amazing.
But also so is Brian Cox. But I don't know. You know,
it's political. It's political.
Brian Cox didn't have to literally shit the bed.
Do we think that Jeremy Strong
literally shit the bed?
I heard he's a true method actor.
So, yeah.
Yeah.
They're like, you must do the shitting.
So that was pretty scary for me and only me for you personally.
Scary.
My scary thing is that I visited my parents this weekend and I spent approximately two
hours with my 96 year old grandmother trying to show her how netflix works
on her television oh no i left halfway through to go take like a big gulp of scotch in her kitchen
it was like noon did she get did she learn it um no she has no intuition for technology like in a
way that blows my mind yeah she i I would be like press the right arrow.
And she would have no fucking idea.
I feel like yeah.
Our brains just like do work differently.
From old people's brains.
She has no idea.
Well a scary thing for me.
That also happened to all of us.
Can I talk about this?
Yeah.
Fuck it.
He didn't subscribe.
We received a review that started with you know how two out
of ten women understand movies without having them spoon fed to them and look i got a lot of
problems with this but my biggest thing my number one is say one out of five bitch like two out of
ten fucking come on it's just crazy to start a review with like, you know
how women are really stupid.
And you don't get anything
ever. You know this fact
we all understand to be true, which is that women
are dumb and don't understand anything.
Also, this podcast, also
dumb. Okay, but here's the thing, though.
I really meant what I said, which is that
I feel honored to have been trolled.
Yeah, I feel honored. Actually, we have been trolled. Yeah. I feel honored.
Actually, we've been trolled and it's great.
Our first trolling.
I mean, it was a long review.
He wrote like, I mean, at least a paragraph.
He cared to let us know how dumb he thinks we are.
He took some time.
That's special.
Yeah.
I mean, I think that we touched him in a way.
We touched him in a way.
We touched his anger at the stupidity of women.
We really got at that core
oh man no the best part is that he
was mad that it wasn't a review
but it was a recap
and he was like these horror movie reviewers
are no good they're basically just
recapping it when in the description
of our podcast if you would read
it says a horror movie
recap podcast and it's what Emily says in the
very beginning of every single episode.
So if anybody's listening now, if you're
listening for a review podcast,
tune out. Just turn it off.
Guys, this podcast is
ladies, friends
sitting in my living room
talking about a movie. That's literally
all you can hope for with this podcast.
Yep. And fucking
deal with it. But we've got
a lot of great reviews. So thank you to everyone
who's written good reviews.
And you know what? We do it for us.
We do it for us. So here we are.
Self-care. Self-care.
This podcast is for self-care.
I mean, guys,
talk about growth and self-care.
We're talking about growth, but that's part of it.
I've now watched two scary movies because I watched a scary movie this week.
Is this when we do this?
Yeah.
Great.
This week's movie is Drag Me to Hell, which I watched.
Emily.
So brave.
You've made so much progress.
I made a lot of progress and I really screamed several times.
I feel like we all have made progress. Henley, you watched Hereditary. I feel like I'm getting braver. We're made so much progress. I've made a lot of progress and I really screamed several times. I feel like we all have made progress.
Henley, you watched Hereditary. I feel like I'm
getting braver. We're just really doing it.
We're really growing and getting brave.
I don't know if that doesn't count.
I count it.
I fast forward through the whole thing. No, I count it.
But this week's movie is Drag Me to Hell.
It was released in 2009.
Directed by Sam Raimi, who also
directed Evil Dead, which we've done. Written by Sam Raimi, who also directed Evil Dad,
which we've done,
written by Sam Raimi and Ivan Raimi,
his brother,
starring Alison Lohman,
Justin Long,
Lorna Raver,
and Dilip Dilip.
I'm going to say that wrong.
I'm so sorry.
Rao is his last name,
and I'm so sorry.
And to talk about this week's film is guys if you can believe it our first ever guest
and our first return guest he is a comedian a writer a director thrilled to have him back
on the podcast it's joel jensen Hi. And let me be the first to say
it's great to be back.
Oh, my God.
And let me be the second to say
that two out of ten women
need to be spoon fed.
Movies work.
Thank you so much.
Thank you so much, Joel.
Oh, it's so validating.
Yeah, it's a stat I didn't know before.
And it's because we're too stupid.
Yeah, because we're of the other eight.
Wait, I forgot you were our very first guest.
We're the witch.
I didn't realize I was your first guest either, but yeah.
Because we did Midsommar on our own.
Right.
The first guest.
I came in and did the witch.
The witch was such a good episode.
So if you guys haven't listened to it, go back and listen to it.
Joel, did anything scary happen to you this
week yeah I think um
for me the scariest things happening this
week is I'm turning 35 years
old
um and it's
35 is like
I don't know what it is it's like um
a sort of the Robin to
40s Batman
where it's getting
tangled up in the same shit that
turning 40 is
but isn't quite all the way there. Right.
It's halfway to 40. What a relatable metaphor.
Thanks. But yeah, I'm turning
35. I think birthdays
when you get into your 30s, birthdays
become scary because they become
referendums on
what people think about you
as when you like invite people
to like come to your birthday
you really run the risk of
nobody coming
and I think it's like less
about getting older and more about
being
confronted with my ultimate isolation
in the universe
so you have a straight up existential crisis at every birthday now.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Maybe every day.
I was going to say more often than every birthday, but birthdays really hit at home, you know?
Well, Joel, we've already sort of, you've been, you're a return guest.
So we've sort of talked to you before, but I mean, what's your relationship to scary
movies, Joel?
Yeah, give us a refresher.
My relationship to scary movies only gets stronger i only like
them more um this year has been a really nice one uh like midsummer was such a special experience
um i also was thinking about how last time i you asked me what scariest movies i'd ever seen was
and i said hereditary and i have been thinking about it and i have a another entry that
is more unexpected than hereditary let's hear it which is earnest scared stupid which did you guys
ever watch the earnest movies i have not earnest goes to jail i have not which is why i'm extra
laughing at it because i have no context other than like the ridiculous covers of the movie
character so earnest the character what he was actually a guy created by a comedian named Jim Varney.
And in Ernest Scared Stupid,
I don't even know why
Ernest is involved in this, but there's a town
that this
troll comes to.
And the troll
would like lure kids
to his lair by
mimicking the voice of their parents.
Oh, that's really scary. He would lure them into
sewers and ditches in the woods. That's
really scary. Yeah, and he would capture them
and turn them into little wooden statues.
And it's like the scariest
creature design. Sounds way scary.
It has two noses.
Two normal, two human noses.
Yuck. With four nostrils.
Scary. And it's slimy and goopy.
Slimy and goopy. Wait, are they supposed to be comedies? Yes, it's slimy and goopy.
Wait, are they supposed to be comedies? Yes, it's supposed
to be a funny movie. It's supposed to be funny. But I saw this
movie and it totally
fucked me up for weeks.
I was having nightmares for weeks.
This was last year?
This was last year.
34th birthday?
If I couldn't see my mom
and she called my name I like was afraid
oh no
that's so scary
awful
it's such a scary movie
I'd be very curious
if your listeners
can relate
Colin
listeners Colin
listeners Colin
comment
hit that comment button
it's one of the craziest
scariest looking creatures
I've ever seen
it's like a
it's a true monster
you kill them
by squirting them with milk or kissing them on the lips.
That's pretty good.
Oh, my God.
It's so scary.
Wow.
Hi, everybody.
It's time for cocktail hour.
Last time we had Joel on as a guest, we had a black Manhattan in honor of Black Phillip, the goat
and the witch. And guess what? There's a goat in this movie too, so why not keep that going?
So this week's cocktail is a Negroni and the goat. To make a Negroni and the goat, you'll
combine one and a half ounces of gin, three quarters, an ounce of Aperol,
three quarters,
an ounce of sweet red vermouth and a half an ounce of Averna.
You'll stir all ingredients with ice and strain into an ice filled glass and garnish with an orange zest twist.
Cheers.
I have some trivia.
I do too.
Let's hear some trivia.
Um,
so we won't get this until we get into the movie,
but Lamia is the name of the spoiler demon in this film.
Oh my God.
And a Lamia is actually a boogie woman
from Greek mythology
who stalks the countryside looking for children to devour.
And Lamia in it needs to be
and Lamia in mythology
needs to be spoon fed the curses
that it's issued on, right?
Thank you for keeping that going. Only two out of
ten Lamia though. Only two out of ten Lamia.
Sorry. We'll have to post the screenshot
of that review when we post this episode.
Also, this is
just a little fun thing that
before Sam Ray decided to direct
the film himself he asked edgar wright to direct was that your trivia yeah that's my trivia do you
want to say it instead we'll cut mine out wait who's edgar wright again he did um sean of the
dead scott pilgrim baby driver baby driver in fact the reason he couldn't direct this is because he
was working on hot fuzz which is is, I think, his best movie.
Hot Fuzz is great. So good.
Besides from that, he said
he wasn't the right director for this movie.
He felt he was not the right director.
And this is just for Sammy.
I thought you would like this trivia.
In preparation for her role in this film,
Alison Lohman, who plays the
main character, she would
watch a horror movie every day.
Wow.
Just so she could absorb the horror genre.
She would turn off all the lights, watch a horror movie every day.
It does change you.
I feel changed.
I will say this about this movie.
It was scary while I watched it.
There were jump scares.
I screamed loudly like twice, once or twice, once for sure.
Yeah.
But it didn't stick with me after like it's like it feels very contained to the movie
itself.
So I could handle it.
But I really am having a hard time with even when we do the podcast like Paranormal.
I was so scared like in the middle of the night.
Paranormal is the one that really like, in the middle of the night. Paranormal is the one that really
scares me in the middle of the night still, too.
So this was okay, because if it's
just scary while I'm watching it, I can, like,
I can sort of do that.
Even though it was scary.
But I do have one more trivia, which is gonna,
you guys are gonna know why this is gonna be my favorite
trivia, and I'm really, I was really thrilled
to read this. Is it about actor rights? It is about
actor rights!
It is about actor rights! It is about
actor rights!
Okay so
so this is Sam Raimi
same director as Evil Dead who if you're listening
to previous episodes you know he likes fluids
He loves his fluids. He loves his fluids. There are
a lot of fluids
in this movie. A lot of fluids
and a lot of just like nasty stuff.
And at one point, maggots are vomited onto our main character.
Oh, no.
Don't like that.
Into her mouth.
Into her mouth.
And guess what?
Don't say that.
Fake.
Fake maggots.
Fake.
Thank God.
Maggots.
The maggots are made out of pasta.
And I was thrilled.
We've done it.
We did it, guys.
We did it.
I was thrilled to read that fact.
Really, really happy pasta, you guys.
It's an actual edible item.
So look, so look, if you're horror directors, if you're listening, if you're an aspiring
horror director and you're listening, fucking figure it out.
Make you can be creative.
You're a director.
Don't put real maggots into your actor's mouth.
No real cockroaches.
No cockroaches.
No real chainsaws.
No real chainsaws.
Come on.
No real blood.
Come on.
She was spoon fed.
Oh, my God.
We walked right into that one.-fed because we're stupid okay that's our new tagline because because we're stupid the horror movie recap podcast because we're stupid we're fucking stupid
um can i just say before we get into this movie yes also please i'm so proud of what you guys
have done with this podcast.
When I came on, it was like a real ragtag operation.
And now it's like you have cool mics.
We have cool mics, headphones. And we're spread out more.
You guys have really figured out how to do it.
It's really cool.
I listen to it every week.
Oh, my God.
A week to week listener.
Wow.
Thank you so much, Joel.
That means a lot, actually.
Thank you so much, Joel.
Coming from a man, I mean, this should be huge.
It counts twice as much as anybody else's opinion.
I bet 10 out of 10 men don't need anything spoon-fed to them ever.
10 out of 10 men are brilliant and good.
Should we watch the trailer on that note?
Let's watch it.
Someone has cursed you.
He's the Lamia, the most feared of all demons for the first three days
the spirit torments its victims after that it will come to take you take me where
to burn in hell for eternity
it's coming for me please listen to me there is nothing coming for you how do i get rid of this
you can give the curse away
this movie i should have mentioned earlier but it's like quintessential to my love of horror movies.
Because the first time I saw this movie, I saw it in theaters.
And I had the best time I've ever had in a movie watching this.
I remember you saying that's like what made you start to like horror movies is the theater experience.
Theater going experience.
I went.
It was like it had been like out for a couple weeks and we went to the theater in yeah we're going experience i went uh it was like it had been like out for a
couple weeks and we went uh to the theater in culver city that's where i lived at the time
and we went in there there was probably like 20 people in the in the audience and like me and like
a few of my friends and we had the funnest time in the world because this movie is so scary. It is also so funny.
Yeah.
And on purpose.
Right.
And so the 20 of us that were in this movie theater were like.
Screaming and laughing.
Rioting together.
Yeah.
Like looking at each other, like standing up, like going bonkers because this was the
it's one of the funnest movies I think yeah yeah
I've seen this movie but I am
excited to hear about it again because I don't
remember anything I'm excited to hear
that it was funny on purpose yes
I feel like it's kind of like cabin in the woodsy
vibe right like even more
I would say it's like it's silly
like there are moments that are like so
absurd yeah
to me you described it as you said like a
looney tunes to me this is like
if you looked at wiley coyote
as a
horror like if you
shot wiley coyote stuff to be
like horror like using
the trappings and the tropes and the visual cues
of horror right essentially
like literally at one point
we'll get into this but an anvil drops on somebody's head and her eyes pop out into somebody's mouth
yeah and it is again really fluidy i cannot wait to hear every little should we get the
fuck into it let's do it um into it so i'll say so the main characters we've got allison loman who plays christine brown they
call her chris um justin long chris brown the only chris brown we recognize on this podcast
you might recognize allison loman from such films as white oleander white oleander also she's just
like a normal lady now and i i said this earlier but i looked up her instagram she's got like
4 000 followers and it's so normal.
And I was really thrown.
I was really thrown.
But so, yeah.
Alison Lohman, Christine Brown, Justin Long plays her boyfriend, Clay.
Then we have, what was her name?
Lorna Raver is the, what's her name?
Oh, Sylvia Ganush.
Sylvia Ganush, who's the nastiest bitch oh my
god she's an old lady
oh my god she's so nasty
it's awful it's awful how
disgusting she is um
let's get into it I was really upset
by how disgusting she is um
Joel start us off
yeah so I took notes here now I do
qualify this with um
a disclaimer and also a claim.
A claim and a disclaimer.
My claim is I think this is one of the best movies to watch when you get high that I know of.
Okay.
Great to know.
It's so much fun to watch high.
I'm too scared.
And second, my disclaimer is that I was high when I watched it and took these notes.
There we go. There we go. No when i watched it and took these notes there we go
there we go no you watched it not high yeah and then two days later you re-watched it high and
took notes yes yep correct so we've got a little bit of a got a little bit of both a little bit of
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So we open in Pasadena, 1969.
And keep in mind what's going on in L.A. in 1969,
the Manson murders.
It's nothing to do with this movie at all.
It's not mentioned.
It's never referenced.
Absolutely not.
But it made me think about it.
Anyway, so we're in this like old
kind of like gothic huge cool home and this pickup truck like skids up into the driveway
and these two mexican migrant workers get out of the truck and their kid is like swaddled up in
he's like six years old he's like swaddled up in towels and the mother runs up to the door and like pounds on
it and out walks this this woman um and they speak in spanish and she's the the mother says
this woman like our son is sick something is going on we we don't know what it is we think he's
been possessed or something supernatural is going on and the woman asks like well what did he do
and they and they're and they're like he didn't do anything he's a he's a six-year-old child yeah
and then and then she looks at them like right in the face and goes i'm not fucking playing what did
he do and they confess like he stole this silver necklace from a gypsy woman. Mm-hmm. And they pull out this big silver necklace
and hand it to the woman.
Sandina is her name.
Yeah, Sean Sandima.
And like a little fly lands on the chain
and then flies away.
And this movie has some of the best fly performances
you'll ever see
there was one in the trailer yeah
it's great fly work and
so this fly lands on the chain and flies
away and then she's like as she clutches it
she like immediately is like oh shit this is
seriously run inside
and the kid is like all sweaty and
like shaking sweaty and he's saying stuff
about like they're following me I can
see them they're close okay so he's been cursed yes oh he're following me. I can see them. They're close. Okay. So he's
been cursed. Yes. Oh, he says every time they come
back, they get stronger or something like that. Yeah.
He's coming back every time stronger. And it's been three
days since the curse was put on
him and it's been getting worse and worse
and worse. So they run into the room
of this big, beautiful, gorgeous
house in Pasadena and she
like gets ready to like do an exorcism
when all of a sudden all the doors burst
open the windows shatter we first see
we just see from the kids perspective he
looks oh my god I can't believe I forgot this shot
this is one of my favorite shots
this kid is like tripping out he like
looks up at the skylight in this room
which is like this beautiful stained glass
have we mentioned how beautiful this house is
this house is gorgeous
and it's like this stained glass skylight
and all these puppeteered hands
of like demonic clawed.
Freaky like crawly.
Three fingered hands.
Oh no.
They do look like Muppet like.
And they're so Muppet like
and that is one of my favorite shots
to look at when you're high
because you go,
these are Muppet hands.
What the fuck?
But it is like the shadows of like all these
hands reaching into the center
there's like dozens of hands like
reaching over this like in shadow
and he's like very scared
and they're so cool and then she begins this exorcism
then all the doors
burst open all the windows shatter
and you hear this like
roaring cruel
malevolent sound and then shawn samuels gets punched and
you hear like a physical like but you don't see it you just see her yeah she just like jerks over
then both of the parents get their asses beat by whatever force this is and then the kid like as
like the wind is like rattling around the kid gets up runs out of the couch he like
runs out onto this like balcony
over the foyer of this gorgeous
house
and the camera like pursues
him and then like it he gets
catapulted over the ledge
and falls down like two
stories onto this beautiful marble
flooring and he's
like smashed down there like hurt
and like dazed and
Sean Sandimus runs out and like
looks over the balcony and sees him
wind is blowing through her face
and she realizes what's happening
and is like no no no
and then the parents run out and see
they look down the kid and the
floor starts to crack
open with orange reddish orange glowing
light like streaking up through it oh no the kid is like what the fuck is happening and then the
floor collapses like three feet and you see like stalactites and cavern like a cavernous glowing
uh hell uh-huh and his parents and his parents like look on and scream like,
no, no, no.
And then demon hands grab
the kid out of the hole and start
yanking him down.
They drag him
to hell.
Then the floor
closes up.
The floor closes up and they hit you with the
title screen, which is my favorite things in horror movies.
When like the cold
open finishes, then the
title of the movie. But right
before that happens, Sean Sandimus
goes, we'll meet again.
We will meet again. Bam!
Drag me to hell. So then we cut to 40
years later, 2009, and we're
seeing like LA traffic and we
cut into Christine Brown's car and she's
listening to pronunciation guides for how to like do the like innocuous california like mid-atlantic
accent she has a midwestern accent we learned she's like a midwestern like farm girl and she's
trying to blend in in pasadena the audio is like sounds abound when the mouth is round and she's trying to blend in in LA and Pasadena. The audio is like, sounds
abound when the mouth is round.
And she's like, sounds
abound when the mouth is round.
She like goes huge with her Midwestern
accent. Two out of ten women.
Two out of ten
women need to be spoon fed.
Good sounds abound
when the mouth is round. I have a little bit of
Midwestern accent so i struggle
with saying this um you're doing great thank you uh she's trying to like essentially she's trying
to escape her past yeah the next the next thing we see with her as like this like corny her like
corny theme music is playing the next the next so we start with like her driving to work trying to
like not speak um in a midwest accent. The next thing we see of her
is from the interior of a bakery
there's like a whole bunch of pastries in the window
and she like walks past it and looks in
and really wants to get a pastry
and then like convinces herself not to eat one.
I better not.
So like she's
better not.
So she's a girl from Midwest.
She used to be fat
and she's like trying to like be skinny now.
So she walks past the
pastries then we get into her office which she works at a bank and she's a loan officer at a
bank and as she sits at her desk and settles in she like walks uh some people through gives them
some good news that they're approved for a loan and then they leave and she sees the empty assistant
manager's desk at the bank. So like she really eyeballs.
It's very dramatic.
It's almost as if it were spotlit.
Yeah.
It's very dramatic and very melodramatic.
She wants this job.
Yeah.
And that is like the motivator for so much of this.
She's just like a sweet,
basic ass pumpkin spice motherfucker who wants to get this assistant management job.
That's all she wants.
Then the next thing that happens is this dude,
Stu enters the equation stew is an
all-time great guy the new guy guy he's in the trailer uh i got a taste yeah and his his his
entrance is so she goes and talks to the the manager of the the bank branch and like mentions
to him about how she's interested in the assistant manager position and how and he says that he's
like yeah you're certainly in condition but so is the new guy stew yeah stew guy stew stew guy new guy stew
and the manager's like hey could you um take your lunch break now by the way christine um and maybe
while you're out grab me a sandwich oh god stew walks up and hears it and goes oh yeah could you
get me one too oh fuck you stew yeah oh Stu. Yeah. Oh no. And he goes
with extra mustard.
Oh my god. And anyway.
What a piece of shit. So Stu sucks.
He comes and he's like, really projects
douchebag. He's in the dark night.
Douchebag.
So now
we've seen what she's up against.
What she has to
she's ashamed of who she was
she's trying to like better herself
she's ambitious
and now she goes out for lunch break and meets
with her boyfriend who is Justin
Long who is a fucking
awful boyfriend by the way
she brings him lunch
she brings him lunch he's trying to be a professor
he's a fucking soulless
professor of like
I don't feel like they present him as that
negative he's just like kind of dopey
like he's just like kind of
like he's kind of
ignorant to her problems
he's just not like a great
guy all he cares about is intellectualizing
thing oh I think this is a part of the
thesis of the movie right is
he's intellectualizes everything so he doesn't believe anything spiritual and this man this
comes up later he collects coins but he loves christine but i don't think he really does to
be very frank so like they have uh they have a they have a chat about just like being in love
with each other she then leaves and she no she gives him at this lunch
oh she gives him a coin collector she works at a bank and she whenever i guess we're they have
coins at banks yeah so whenever she finds old coins she will give them to him because i don't
need the old coins so she gives him this old rare old coin super rare right so they're at lunch in
his desk he's like oh so cool he takes he like puts in a little envelope and like puts it in
his bag to be like cool i'm gonna take this home i'm such a dork i collect his desk. He's like, oh, so cool. He takes he like puts in a little envelope and like puts it in his bag to be like, cool.
I'm going to take this home.
I'm such a dork.
I collect coins.
Yeah.
And it's like the way that he takes this coin is like if you're like thinking about like
the way it's written, the script coin is definitely in all caps.
He takes the coin and places it in an envelope.
Also, just really quick poll.
The word envelope, envelope. How do you all say it? Envelope. Now that you've said it both ways, I don't know. Envelope. Also, just really quick poll. The word envelope, envelope.
How do you all say it?
Envelope.
Now that you've said it both ways, I don't know.
Envelope?
I don't know how I say it.
I say envelope.
I think I say envelope.
I think it says too fancy.
God damn it.
I would have thought if you had asked me without thinking about it that I say envelope, but
I say envelope.
And I don't know what's wrong with me.
Wow.
Anyway.
It's too French.
Henley says aunt.
That's true.
That's weird.
Can I tell you?
Can I confess?
I avoid saying either because I
hate saying aunt.
Wait, what's wrong with aunt? And I don't think I'm fancy enough to
say aunt. Aunt is fancy. What's wrong with aunt?
Well, and it also
is like very East Coast-y
and like, what's your uncle's name?
Spacklewood or whatever?
Spotswood, however? Spacklewood or whatever? Spotswood, Haliburton.
Spacklewood.
It's very Spotswood.
Uncle Spotty.
What's your aunt's name?
Genevieve and Uncle Spotty.
Yes, that's what I needed to hear.
I do say, I say milk.
I say M-E-L-K.
Oh, I know people who are like that.
Do you say pillow?
No, I don't say pillow.
Pillow.
Okay.
Or bag. I think saying it
milk just warms the drink
up by 10 degrees.
It's always lukewarm.
Milk.
If it's cold, it's milk. If it's warm, it's milk.
Okay, well this is an important
sidebar.
Am I being too detailed here by the way
no no you're being perfect so they have the lunch
wait what's he a professor of sorry
psychology? psychology yeah
so she gives him the coin
she leaves because this lunch break
is over and as she's walking
out the door he gets a phone call from his mother
from his mother and he puts it on speakerphone
which is crazy she's barely
out the door.
Crazy.
She's still in the hallway and his door is ajar.
And his mom is trying to set him up with another girl.
Oh, no.
And he's like, Mom, I love Christine.
And I forget.
He's like, I love Christine.
And she goes, oh, who?
That farm girl?
Oh, come on.
And he's like.
Chris Brown.
And so Christine is from a farm.
She is. She is. brown and so christine is from a farm yes she is she is you know how people discriminate against farm girls all the time yeah i'm from i'm from iowa and that is the prevailing narrative is that
like oh us like oh us people from iowa like these fancy these fancy professors from santa barbara
don't like us and born out in this movie. His mom's an asshole.
And she's like, well, why don't you date this other girl?
You know, you know, so-and-so has been looking for somebody to play tennis with, which is
such a funny line.
It's so funny to me.
So they're wasps.
They're wasps.
And here's one of the things that I think where he's a really bad boyfriend.
So him and his girlfriend have these plans to come up and have dinner at their house in Santa Barbara
and his mom doesn't know who he's talking about and he's like Christine the girl I've been
dating for a year if you're if you live in Los Angeles and your parents live in Santa Barbara
and you've been dating somebody for a year and haven't brought him around I think that's crazy
that's crazy do you yes no i do a
year a year is a long time they're only in santa barbara i think that's crazy especially if you're
like an hour or two yeah and especially if you're projecting yourself the way he he carries himself
in a way that's like it's disingenuous anyway so so christine goes back uh after that lunch where
basically again you know we learn that she's kind of ashamed of who she is deep down
and that is just now
reaffirmed for her by this
conversation with the mom she goes back to work
she hears all of it from the hallway
she overhears that whole conversation about the farm
girl and how his mom doesn't know who she
is right so that happens she goes back
to work and Stu immediately tells her
that she got his order wrong
he's like I asked her extra mayo
and she's like, no you didn't.
You clearly said mustard.
So she's pissed off and then he goes
and she's like, no I didn't fuck your order up.
And he goes, you know what? Don't sweat it.
Oh, fuck you.
Stoosh bag.
A classic stoosh bag.
Oh, and then the next scene
Stu gives the boss Lakers tickets.
Yeah.
So just like compounding.
He's like, you go to Lakers, right?
Yeah.
And then as this happens, as he hands those tickets over, the camera then pans over.
We realize we're from Christine's POV and we pan over to these like thuddy.
Let me see if I can get it on.
Like thuddy fingernails like
on the desk
nasty fingernails
that's a better way to do it
and they're like rotten and nasty
angular and like
broken and yellow
and we pin over and it's this old old lady
with one eye is like dead
and cataracted and white
and the other eye is there and
it's Sylvia
Ganish. She is applying for
a loan extension at the bank. She
is behind on her payments. Her house is
going to get taken. Her house is going to get taken. She's
defaulted twice on her loan. She's defaulted twice
already and Christine says I don't think that
Well Christine tries to help her at first.
Well yeah and Christine also says
like I don't think that my manager
can will extend this but like
let me talk to them she like really
looks at her with such kindness and
like you can tell that she's a nice girl and
like what she wants to help she's very
she's also trying to get that assistant manager
position and the
her boss had previously told her
we forgot this like
that in order to get that job,
you're going to need to make really difficult decisions
and I kind of think you're maybe too sweet
to get this job.
Yeah, he was like, I don't think you can do that.
I have to spoon feed you all of the decisions that you make.
I really wish everything that was about to happen
happened to Stu.
Don't we all?
Well, we come to that eventually.
Why couldn't she go to Stu's desk?
So she goes in and tells the manager like you know
like look this old she's like old she was sick like i think we should extend this loan and her
boss is like you know if she defaults like the bank will make a lot of money and that would look
really good for our branch and that would look really good for somebody who might be looking for an assistant manager's position.
Oh, God.
And but he goes like, but it's your call.
So Christine walks out, turns back to him and goes, I'll take care of it.
Because she like looks back at that assistant manager's desk one more time.
The spotlight.
They're really they're really hitting you hard with she wants this job.
So she goes back and tells her like, Ganish I'm sorry we can't extend
the loan and
Miss Ganish gets like really upset
and pleads with her
gets down on her knees
please please please
like I can't go
live with my granddaughter I never beg for anything
I never beg for anything please
I'm begging you she like grabs like the hem of
Christine's dress
and like kisses it and pleads.
And this obviously freaks Christine out.
Also, we failed to notice that,
or to talk about that,
while Christine is in her boss's office,
the camera pans back over to Mrs. Ganouche
who takes her dentures out.
They're slobbery.
She like cough hacks under her handkerchief
and it's like green, nasty, good.
It's like squish and it makes squishy sounds.
Fucking disgusting.
Yeah she like hawks a huge loogie
into her hanky. She is the nastiest
nastiest lady you've ever seen.
And by the way note the hanky.
Yeah the hanky is important.
So Christine goes back and tells her no we can't
So then this woman's fucking like begging at your skirt
and she's nasty. Christine
then gets like freaked out and like jumps away from her and she falls down.
And like by this time, everybody in the bank is looking.
Security comes over.
It's like a big scene has happened.
Yeah.
Christine is like screaming for security to come.
They take her outside.
They like the security escorts her outside.
Fun trivia.
Her car is Ash's car from Evil Dead.
Also, before she leaves the bank, when security comes over and she's like, they're like trying to get Mrs. before she before she leaves the bank but security comes over and
she's like they're like trying to get mrs ganouche out of the bank mrs ganouche turns to christine
she goes i beg you and you shame oh my god yeah that's in the trailer you shamed me
and i think for my hot take that's going to come later that is the
most important line I begged
you and you shamed
me what was the shaming
moment that she called
security when the woman was begging
so the woman begged and was like hey
and she's like I've never begged anyone in my life
please
don't do this so in what way could she
have said no and not shamed her
she could have there isn't i don't know i think there is wow victim blaming no i think that i
think that well but we'll get into this later what matters is she was scared she was trying to say
no to like get her promotion she did it right she this woman begs to her she calls security
gets her kicked out i guess she could have been like i'm so sorry stand up i'm so sorry stand up there's a lot of ways she could have
played it but also this woman but i was nasty and scary yeah but i think that the point is like
she could have like taken her to another room she could have broken it to her easily also
also like blaming victim well her boss put her in that position and also capitalism doesn't
reward kindness her boss didn't though it was her choice it was I think it is important
for the film that it is her choice
but it also was not it is
and isn't her choice she doesn't want to be a nice farm girl
anymore it was her choice she has to be a cutthroat
loan shark she even says later in the movie
I could have extended the loan and I chose
not also relevant is this movie came
out in 2009 a year after the housing
crisis the mortgage crisis of 2008
so and that's like a part of what she's, the deal is.
So anyway, oh my God, we have to move so much faster.
It's been like an hour.
Yeah, let's keep going.
Okay.
Let's talk about the recession though.
How did you guys feel?
How did it affect each of us?
I can't believe how much I fucked this up.
No, no, no, Joe, we're fine.
We're fine.
Oh my God, Joe, no, you totally did it.
You totally did it.
This is good.
This is good.
We're just at the inciting incident.
You totally did it. So anyway. You We're just at the inciting incident.
You're totally fine. Don't worry.
So then we see her boss also is proud of her
for making this decision. He comes to her
at her desk and goes, by the way, you've done
really great work on this McPherson report.
She better get that fucking promotion.
Which is on file. And he's like, hey, would you mind?
I'm really happy with you. Would you mind going home
tonight and working on this McPherson report
and bring it to me in the morning
because the VPs are gonna like
love what you're up to she's feeling
great yeah so then we
cut to night and we're
in a parking garage and she's walking to her car
with a big bucket of like her office
supplies including a stapler
as she like walks to her car we see
Sylvia Ganish's car and she recognizes it that we see Sylvia Ganish's car. And she recognizes
it, that it was Sylvia Ganish's car.
She recognizes it as Ash's car from Evil Dead.
She recognizes it, yeah.
And she starts to get spooked.
She jiggles with her keys, and we hear
echoey hacking
of Sylvia Ganish somewhere
in the parking garage.
In her fucking nasty
tanker tube. So she then gets really scared because she
hears her coughing.
So then she gets into her car
and her car is like facing
Sylvia Ganish's car.
And in front of it
we see the handkerchief
on the ground.
And the breeze blows and the handkerchief
in a parking garage.
The handkerchief lifts off the ground.
It starts floating.
Even though it's filled with phlegm.
Filled with fluid.
Heavy, heavy snot.
It starts floating in front of the car.
And it's, she's like, Christine's terrified by it.
And it floats, begins to float towards her car.
Oh no.
And this is where this movie is perfect because you're so scared of this handkerchief
but it's a fucking handkerchief right and it starts floating and it's it like floats past her
windshield loops around the car takes the corner goes to the back window she's looking in her rear
view and goes past the back window and christine's following it and as the camera pans we see the silhouette of Sylvia Ganish in
her back seat of Christine's
car. So scary!
And she slowly
quietly leans forward. Light
catches the side of her face just with her
dead eye and she goes
you shamed me.
Oh no.
And then she attacks Christine. She
lunges at her. It's like, she goes at her.
She like choke holds her, grabs her hair,
rips a wad of her hair out.
She gets like eight wads of hair ripped out of her head
by the end of the movie.
Every time she's in a fight,
someone rips out a wad of her hair.
Jesus.
So then they like into this fight.
The car is like in motion.
She like throws into reverse,
like jam it against a wall.
This is the first sign of Christine being kind of a fucking badass.
She's like, okay, here we go.
She's a farm girl.
Farm girls are badass.
And this is where you see like her ash side where like she has that ash resilience.
And that's the best part of her character.
She's like this amazingly resilient woman.
Yeah.
And she like gets into this fight.
She like, she grabs the stapler out of her office supplies and fucking swaps
Sylvia's head with it and it staples
her forehead and then she staples
her dead eye shut oh my god
then she
then she like is getting choked
by her and she like reaches for the
gear shift of her car and she can't quite reach it
it's a very Sam Raimi shot with like
her being like
like fingertips just touching it.
She finally gets a hold of it, throws it into drive, slams the gas, starts driving straight
out of another car that's parked, then struggles to like put her seatbelt on.
Oh, yeah.
Managing to get her seatbelt on, crashes into the car.
Sylvia flies out of the backseat, hits her face on the dashboard and her dentures fly
out of her mouth.
And also the staple pops out of the one.
The staple pops out of the eye towards camera.
Oh no.
Her dentures fly out and like hit her.
And then Sylvia like recovers,
like leans up in the passenger seat,
like feels her mouth,
realizes that her dentures aren't in there.
And then lunges at Christine and starts gumming her chin.
She tries to like bite her,
but she doesn't have teeth.
This whole fight sequence is so silly, but also horrifying and disgusting.
She's drooly, gummy, and it's sticky, and you can see it.
Sylvia Ganesh is indestructible.
All this shit keeps happening to her, and she's fucking fine.
It's crazy.
Yeah.
So she gets into this fight.
Eventually, like, we'll abridge plenty of it.
I mean, there's so many details to it.
But I want to do the ruler and the throat.
Oh, Christine then grabs a ruler out.
And as Sylvia, like, lunges at her again, stabs the ruler into her throat.
And then you cut back to, like, a reverse of it.
And the ruler's, like, sticking out of out of just like the side of the frame.
What?
And then Sylvia like coughs
and she goes like,
and it just like quivers a little bit.
Ew.
And then she hawks the ruler
out of her mouth
and it shatters her window.
She's fine.
And she coughs it out.
She's not human.
She coughs it out so hard
that it breaks Christine's driver's side window.
It's crazy.
Christine kicks her out.
Sylvia ends up dragging her out of the car and with like a brick in her hand
and it's like Christine's like screaming
Sylvia's screaming it is like really
really really intense really hot
and and it's
all like sexual no no no no like
the the heat is there it's like a
big moment so fucking
hot sorry so god damn hot and like the music is climaxing It's like a big moment. So fucking hot. Sorry. So goddamn
hot. And like the music is climaxing.
It's really culminating. And then
all that happens is
Sylvia just plucks the button off of
Christine's coat. All
this build up just she goes
and pulls a button off the coat. She needs like a
token or something. And then she and then
the camera gets bleary like the lens
gets all bleary and Sylvia whispers
a curse onto the button
and says, Amia
onto the button
and then hands it back to Christine
and then leaves. And that's it.
All this whole fight
just culminated in just that. Yeah, she could have killed her. She had
a fucking brick over her head. I don't
think I've ever seen a fight
scene between an elderly woman
and a young woman before and it's fucking i did not see it coming she's just it just like
goes and it is huge so now we go into like uh the police show up she's giving her statement
justin long shows up and hugs her um and she's traumatized and scared we cut now to like they
leave some shop they walk and they're like walking on the street she's talking about
like how scary it was and they walk
past the fortune tellers
in our very own Silver Lake yeah
and so Christine's
like hey can we like go into this
fortune teller like I would like to have my fortune told
and of course Justin Long
who's a fucking prick is like
do you really want to get your fortune
wrapped
she's good for her she like always sticks to her fucking prick is like do you really want to get your fortune wrapped she's good for her she like
always sticks to her convictions and is like
yeah
I've had a long ass day and this is what I want
so they go in and
do you really though
he's such as like a college
guy you know he's like probably
what I was like in college
which is why i hate him so
much and so they go in and then uh this the this figure this character ram joss comes out who's uh
dillip i forget his last name rao and is like hey i'll read your fortune and so they go in to do the
fortune reading and of course justin starts quoting Freud to him about like
scoffs at how much money he charges. He's like
seriously. Yeah, which is cheaper than
the house of intuition by the way. But anyway
I was going to say 2009
psychic prices. I can't imagine
they're too crazy. It tracks
based on psychic inflation.
So then Justin Long is like freud at him and then
rom then quotes young back to him which fucking team young over here yeah team young too like
come on freud yeah justin long sucks yeah right yeah for sure fucking child anyway so then he
starts to read a fortune and like at first it like seems like kind of like um
he's a charlatan like he like is like something's been taken from you and he like flips her arm over
and it's like a button and just as long as like yeah anybody could fucking figure that out like
her button is missing that doesn't mean anything which points to him for that then rom really
starts like getting into it and then the like lighting shifts and this like
weird filter like starts circling around the room and it gets really intense things start rattling
photo frames start cracking and then he like rom just goes like you know what um actually i think
you should go and i don't want your money no charge i think it's time for you to leave like
paranormal activity never a good sign never a good sign yeah he's like just please go i i don't want your money no charge I think it's time for you to leave like paranormal activity never a good sign never
a good sign yeah he's like just please go
I don't have anything to do for you
and then they're like she's like what the fuck like what
happened and he's like
did you speak ill of the did you
blaspheme the dead in a cemetery have
you been like fucking with Ouija boards standard first
question yeah yeah yeah
have you been fucking around with Ouija boards like
and then Justin's like come on man and he's like hey like look you should just go and then he
then eventually when she's like i haven't been speaking to the dead i haven't been fucking with
with ouija boards he goes perhaps somebody has cursed you then and then we go then just long
drops her off at her home and it's like he has to go take care of something for an hour or so and
so she's home alone and this is where
ding ding ding round one of
Lamia versus Christine comes into
the equation yeah it's crazy
even like regardless of that she was fucking
attacked in her car and
she's just left alone
yeah just being home alone well
not fully alone she has a little kitten she has a
little kitten and he's a bad boyfriend
he's a bad boyfriend so she's like no i was gonna say good kitten round one begins she's baking she's
like baking something in her oven and as she it's like a cake or something i don't know and as she
she like folds up her uh her like baking cookbook and as she closes her bacon cookbook a photo of her as the pork queen from her hometown
falls out of the book.
So in her hometown when she was fat
she was the pork queen.
In my hometown? We had a pork queen in my hometown.
In what way is she the pork queen?
It's like a community thing
like the county fair. It's like a beauty
pageant kind of thing and like
they'll crown a pork queen.
I knew the pork queen in my in my hometown.
Oh, wow.
You knew.
Yeah.
So she's the port queen.
And you see her.
She was like a she's like a fat kid and she's posing with the pig.
And it says a port queen.
And she's embarrassed about it.
And she like throws the picture away because she's like, again, embarrassed about who she is.
Then as she's like doing this, then like you hear this like really terrifying squeaking
grating of metal on metal and the lights get nasty and you're like oh fuck here we go right
lami is here lami is here and then she like looks out the door oh it's just the the metal gate in
front of my house yeah we see like the gate like sort of opening and shutting. Okay. Outside. But then like as soon as she
figures that out, she like looks
in and these shadows start to coalesce
into the silhouette
of a goat-faced
being. It's always a goat.
That then leaps
off of the wall at her
and like with like a jump cutty like
and like she's scared.
And then it like courses through the house and like with like a jump cut he like and like she's scared and then it like courses
through the house and like rattles all of
her pots and pans breaks the back window
and then like rams
into her and smashes her
against the cabinets and like
bloodies her lip so she's
like been physically attacked
same as like in the opening sequence
so like it's like it can like punch you
but it's just like a force of air so like it's like it can like punch you but it's right air so then justin long comes home and it's like uh you like i can't believe that sylvia came here
again she's like it wasn't sylvia and he's like so who was it a shadow of a goat yeah and she's
like i don't know like it's the demon and he doesn't believe her right he calls the cop and
that's when he's like the cop is like yeah well you know like we don't have any evidence of anybody
who's here and then just long goes to the cop like it must when he's like, the cop is like, yeah, you know, like we don't have any evidence of anybody who's here. And then Jess Long goes to the cop like, I must be, this is classic PTSD.
Yeah, she's psycho.
Yeah.
And so then they go to sleep and she falls asleep in her bed and she wakes up in the
middle of the night.
Huge mistake.
She falls asleep next to him, wakes up in the middle of the night, sees that the window
is open.
I've seen this and I'm scared.
Yeah.
And then she like goes back to sleep and this fly comes in to the room, flies in through
the window.
I think it's the same fly actor as before.
Yeah, I think so.
Same fly actor.
I think so.
I think it's an Andy Serkis mocap.
So the fly comes in and then the fly like buzzes around and this is a very Sam Raimi
moment.
The fly lands on the camera lens and it racks focus onto the fly
and then racks back out which
is just like Sam Raimi going like
remember that I'm that this is
a movie that's being like composed by me
he's like I'm a director and I'm good
at it yeah he's like remember I'm here
so the fly
like then lands on Christine's face
and starts to walk around her face
and it climbs up her nose comes
back out of her nose then climbs
into her mouth
and she wakes up again coughing
oh no and she's like
and then she like
calms down reclines
back to go to sleep and next to
her is Sylvia again and she's
rotted face
who screams at her even nastier than before who screams at her. Even nastier than before.
Yeah, screams at her, jumps on top of her,
starts barking at her like a
junkyard dog. Oh my god.
And then pukes a whole bunch of maggots
into her mouth. Which, guess what?
It's pasta. Pasta. Ew. Like orzo, I'm guessing.
Orzo.
It's like one of those. Yeah, orzo
is a good guess, I guess. No, I think it's bigger than orzo.
Bigger than orzo. I think it's like one of those. Yeah, Orso's a good guess, I guess. No, I think it's bigger than Orso. Bigger than Orso.
I think it's like those like almost like seashell shaped little guys.
Oh, you've thought about it.
You've thought about it. Those tiny little.
They're maggots.
It's Ditalini.
They look like.
They're maggots.
They're just maggots for our purposes.
Pasta for me.
And they like go into her mouth.
They're like nasty.
And there's like all this like black rotten like looking stuff with them too.
It's so gross. It's so gross. And there's one of the things you have to understand about
this movie is like it's not like 20 maggots got puked in your mouth it is 5 000 maggots there are
so many of them it's like so over the top wait emily when did you scream you said you screamed
twice is this one of the times i think i screamed with the shadow in the kitchen. You screamed with around one shadow, yeah.
And the second scream hasn't happened yet.
Okay.
Be sure to let us know.
Yeah, please do.
Yeah.
So then she wakes up the next morning and is scared and is like, I couldn't wake up.
I couldn't wake up.
And then Justin Long drives her to work.
She goes, Stu asks her for more help about their loan procedures.
And she screams at him about getting his filthy pig knuckle off of her desk
because she's all crazy at this point
she still has his hand on her desk
and is doing the same like finger tapping thing
but she sees it as Sylvia Gannu's
hand and she can't stop
and so then she goes get your filthy pig
knuckle off my desk
and then she gets in trouble
for this she like creates a scene
we know she's a port queen
so she thinks in terms of picking up and she creates a scene gets in trouble and then in the
commotion uh stew steals the mcpherson report off of her desk in the commotion she gets a massive
nosebleed she gets a massive nosebleed that like again when we're talking about 5 000 maggots being
puked out onto her her nosebleed is like air pressurized.
It shoots out.
Sammy loves Sammy.
Sam Raimi.
Sorry.
Sam Raimi.
Sammy Raimi loves fluids.
And it is, she like shoots blood out of her nose.
It sprays all over her boss.
And one of my favorite lines in the movie is the boss,
I think five times, goes, did it get in my mouth?
Did it get in my mouth?
Where it's like, you don know that if blood got in your mouth
it's so funny to me who could answer that for you
it's a perfect one you're the only
one can you see
so that scene is great because she's like shooting blood
and then in the commotion yes Stu steals a McPherson
report important moment
so then
Christine's like fuck dude this is real i've been cursed and like
all these crazy things are happening to me i've been attacked my nose is bleeding i'm freaking
out so she goes to sylvia again and she's granddaughter's house to be like is sylvia here
i need to talk to her i need her to forgive me so that this curse will go away and her
granddaughter's like fuck you man get the fuck out of here like what do you think you can do like and then eventually the granddaughter's
like all right fine you know what come on in so christine comes in it's like a creepy house and
then she walks down this hallway and then all of a sudden she's like incorporated into this crazy
party with all these people like drinking, screaming, dancing, playing cards, having
fun.
It's very, it's filmed very like you feel like lost.
It's like the hottest party in LA.
Honestly, it's like dope.
And then she realizes that this is the funeral for Sylvia Ganish.
Sylvia Ganish has died.
Oh no.
It is too late.
Sylvia is dead.
died oh it is too late sylvia is dead and then as she's like spinning around worried about this she trips over the table that sylvia's body is laid out on a casket on this yeah she breaks the
legs of the table and falls to the ground and sylvia till sylvia's corpse tumbles out and
falls on top of her and barfs a whole bunch of embalming fluid into her mouth. Just 8 million
gallons of it.
So now she's like, fuck, Sylvia's
dead. She cannot lift the curse off
of me. And her granddaughter walks up to her
and goes like, you deserve everything
that's coming to you.
And then that's the end of that scene.
I don't think she knows
exactly what's coming to her.
One of the things that the granddaughter says to her when she opens the door
Is you used to be a real fat girl
Did it you?
Oh my god
What is this fat phobia?
And then Christine goes
Yeah like kind of like a gunfighter
Would say it
And then she goes I could tell
And anyway
Wow
So then
so now. That's so rude. Yeah.
What a weird like plot point. So she goes
back to Ramjas then and is like, fucking
Sylvia is dead. What am I
going to do? And he's like, she can't
lift the curse. What do I do? And so
Ramjas is like, well, you could offer it a blood
sacrifice to appease the spirit.
An animal sacrifice. An animal sacrifice of
some sort. Oh no, not to kitten of some sort and she's like i'm
a fucking vegetarian she goes on a whole thing of like i don't even i'm a vegetarian i don't just
kill animals and then rom goes you'd be surprised what you'll do when the lamia comes for you
so he gives her a book on blood sacrifice she goes home and she's reading it and like you like
see the cover as she's like reading it she shuts it and it like smash cuts to her little kitten.
No, no, no, no, no.
And like mewling to her.
And then ding, ding, ding.
Round two of Lamia comes in.
Lamia comes back.
And he he like comes in kind of like he did before.
The like clanging sound, the shadows.
And she's scared.
So she she like runs upstairs.
This might be when I screamed.
Yeah.
She like runs upstairs into her bedroom and like locks the door
and she hears these clomps
clomp clomp up the stairs
and you see the silhouette
of these cloven hooves
like on the other side of the door
and then the cloven
hoof shadows like
invert themselves into shadow
the shadows of hands that
like start reaching out towards her and like
swipe at her she she tries
to run away she tries to go to the window to get out of
her house and then a flashy demon
face charges it again like
and she screams this that was an
point and then and
then she gets the shit kicked out of
her by an invisible force
it like pulls her up into invisible force it like pulls her up
into the sky
it like spins her around it throws
her into like it smashes
her room up it throws her against
her wardrobe her whole room is like
destroyed and she's just like
totally got the shit kicked out of her and
then like and then it stops and
then this like look of
deadness comes across her face.
And then we cut to a dutched shot of her knife block.
And she grabs a knife, a big sharp knife out of it.
To stab at the invisible force?
And then goes, here kitty, kitty, kitty.
Oh no!
And then we find the cat laying in a pile of her laundry very cutely.
Again, it is a kitten.
It's not even a cat.
Small and very cute.
We cut to then an exterior of her house and the cat squeals.
No.
In the director's cut, you see her stab it.
God damn it.
I'm so glad I didn't watch it.
And then we cut to the next morning.
She's like burying its body in her garden.
And Justin Long comes in and is like, hey, like maybe we shouldn't do this trip to my
parents' house.
You've been having a rough time.
And she's like, you know what?
No, I think everything's going to be OK.
She's like, I just killed my kitten.
I'm feeling good.
And he, I guess, hasn't noticed that the cat is dead.
He's a bad boyfriend. Yeah, he basically barely knows that the kid he doesn't care right so he she's she's
an accessory for yeah he's all concerned about his he's like we're meeting my parents you're
gonna like this is my so yeah so she says like you know what honestly i think everything's fine
i think i solved it and he after he's like there's blood on you and she's like no i was cutting a
tomato and it squirted onto me so then we cut to like she's uh walks down the stairs modeling this like
beautiful dress that she wants to wear to go see his parents all right so then we go to his parents
house and they walk in and his parents are like so rich and they're so waspy they like are like
oh hello they're like like it's like they like they're like holding their noses as they speak.
Yeah.
He calls.
Justin Long calls his dad, sir.
Gross.
Oh, no.
They're like, and his wife asked for a Chardonnay.
And then they like go and they walk into the dining room to have dinner and they walk past
their cat, whose name is Hecuba.
A black cat.
A black cat named Hecuba.
And Hecuba hisses at Christine.
Because she knows. And her parents and Justin Long's parents are like, Hecuba. A black cat. A black cat named Hecuba. And Hecuba hisses at Christine. Because she knows. And her parents
and Jessalyn's parents are like, Hecuba's
never like this.
Hecuba's usually so sweet.
And then they go and they, oh, and
Christine has brought
her own offering, which is maybe what she was baking
in round one with Lamia, because this
was just the day before,
which is what she calls a harvest cake.
And it's this nasty, gross looking before which is what she calls a harvest cake and it's this nasty gross looking
cake that is like um and uh she like her just long as mom is like what what's that and she goes oh
it's called a harvest cake she goes oh is that some sort of farm cake and she goes yes like when
we have um why is it called a harvest cake well yes when uh it's harvest time and we
have a good gaggle of geese and she goes geese she says yes uh at harvest time makes for it the
yolks are denser so it makes for a richer cake which is the grossest way to describe making a
cake ever because a it's made out of goose eggs b the yolks are dense egg. The yolks are dense.
And it's like a dense yolk cake.
It's gross.
So they go and they have dinner.
Wait, so you forgot one of the very best parts,
which is when Hecuba hisses at her,
they say, the mom's like,
do you have any cats?
And, or she, or something,
Chrissy does something like. You know how cats are.
She's like, yeah, she's like,
oh, you know, I had a cat.
And Desmond goes,
had?
And she goes,
I mean,
who's,
who even knows?
Who knows how cats,
I don't know where my cat is.
Who could even tell?
Like this very obvious thing
of like,
is my cat gone?
I don't know.
Who could know?
Cats go here and there.
What's,
who knows?
She has this like
super guilty look on her face
when she does it.
It's so wild.
So then they go in to have dinner and they're like talking and you know it's like intimidating to meet these
parents and stuff and they start talking and christine starts talking about her parents and
she starts talking about her mother and and basically tells clay's parents that her mother
is an alcoholic and it's like this big uh-oh moment then Clay's mom is like oh my gosh you're
so strong to be able to admit that my dad was
an alcoholic and I was never
strong enough to be able to admit it I really like
you you have backbone I really
like this girl then they start talking shit about his
ex-girlfriend like Clay's ex-girlfriend
and now we're in
now like it's like oh we all like
each other now that you've said something that exactly happened to me
yeah now I can relate.
Yeah, they're Republicans.
Big time.
So now it's like, things are going good.
And then all of a sudden, Sylvia Ganish's eyeball pops out of her cake.
We're serving the harvest cake.
So we're all eating the harvest cake.
And then Mommy Business is like, this looks great.
I can't wait to eat the harvest cake.
They're all served.
Via the servant.
So Sylvia Gansh's eyeball pokes out of the cake.
It like squirms around and then she like flicks away with her fork.
And then all of a sudden this eyeball pops out.
And she's like, what the fuck?
And she tries to stab it with her fork.
And then it like bleeds strawberry jam all over her plate.
And then her fork gets sucked into the cake
of course nobody else sees this happening she's like
hallucinating this she starts to
panic she starts to
get weird stops listening to the conversation
and then all of a
sudden starts coughing
like really hard and then she
coughs up the fly that flew into
her mouth the previous night
and then they're all like this
and then they like uh snap zoom into the cake where it's like a bunch of raisins and stuff in
the cake and they're like oh there's flies in the cake and they get scared then the room starts to
rattle and shake for christine only and she jumps up throws her glass at a door and screams like I see you I see you what do you fucking
want every time the mommy comes
it's like really loud for her like
the sound she like definitely plug her
ears it's like really intense
only for her yeah and so
it's like waging the psychological warfare
about her so so then after she
like has this freak out she says to like the
parents like I think I need to leave and
the mom is like yeah I think you need to get
the fuck out of here right and then
just and then like just long as
gonna like follow Christine and her and his mom like
grabs and was like don't follow her
right and he's like I have to save her
and she's like she's a sick girl
and I think that says a lot about his
character too right who I
really don't like him
then she goes back to ram joss and she's
like screaming at him like i killed the and she says i killed that little kitty you're full of
shit she's so mad that she killed a kitten yeah and then he's like you need to like mad too yeah
he's like you need to like hire the big guns then and you need to go to Sean Sandimus and get this motherfucker
dealt with. She's been
touched by Lamia before.
She's contended with him before.
You just need to get $10,000
in cash by tomorrow.
$10,000.
Wait, isn't Lamia a woman?
Well, in Greek mythology, but in this movie he's a male
demon. Okay.
Typical Hollywood.
Typical Hollywood. Greek mythology but in this movie he's a male demon okay typical Hollywood how old is Sean Sandimus
she's probably like in her 60s at this point
yeah she was young
she was like in her 20s probably
so now he's like
she's like your only
hope then the next day at work
she goes next day she goes to work and finds out that
Stu gets the promotion well the way she finds out is she goes to work and finds out that Stu gets the promotion. Well the way she finds
out is she goes to her boss and she says hey
I'm going to need an advance on my first
assistant manager's check.
Because she needs the money. And he goes
oh well. About
that. About that. The
project you were working on the McPherson file fell
through. A different bank got it.
A different bank got word of it. We lost
it. So you're not going to
be the assistant manager did that because stew stole it stew stole it wow stew so she's like
how the fuck do i get ten thousand dollars by tomorrow so now she's like she she like finds
out that like so now she's lost her man she's lost her promotion she lost everything that act one
set up that she had to gain she goes
home and she's like she's like i have to pawn off all of my belongings to get 10k so i can go and
like deal with this shit so the first thing she packs up is a flute then she runs into her shed
and packs up figure skates and into a big pink chest because again this is so there's 80 dollars
yeah so and then while
she's like running around her shed like getting
her belongings she like pulls a curtain
aside and there's Sylvia Ganish and who
jumps at her grabs her
slams her into a pole
and then punches into her
mouth and down her throat so like
her whole arm goes
into her mouth elbow deep
and then this is when we have
our true Looney Tunes moment where
Christine with
Sylvia's arm still in her mouth this
whole scene happens with the arm
in her mouth oh no she
has her
figure skates to her side she
looks around the room sees an anvil
hanging from the ceiling by a rope,
follows the rope through a pulley,
sees where the rope ties in,
grabs the ice skate and chops the rope
so the anvil falls from the ceiling
onto Sylvia Ganish's head,
knocking her eyeballs out and into Christine's mouth.
You know how you just have an anvil
in a shed
on a rope, fully?
So, yeah, so then she goes, yeah,
so she goes to the pawn shop, gets $3,800
for her troubles. And Sylvia, like, disappears
because she was in a figment of her imagination.
Yeah, she goes home and eats ice cream
and then Clay comes over.
Even though she's lactose intolerant. Yeah, and goes,
hey, why are you eating ice cream? I thought you were lactose intolerant.
She goes,
I just wanted to eat ice cream.
So Clay comes in and is like hey I paid Ram.
I gave him the $10,000.
And she's like why? And he's like because
when I fell in love with you I made a promise
to take care of you.
To save you. And so I paid him.
I paid him. And didn't she also say like
you don't believe it and he's like no but but you don't believe it. And he's like,
no,
but you are having a hard time.
Yeah.
He's like,
I believe in you.
And so I paid him.
I don't know.
I feel crazy,
but I did it because I love you.
And I remember the moment I fell in love with you. I mean,
in the last scene we saw him,
he said,
I have to save her.
Yeah.
He wants to save her.
This is about him.
Yeah.
Feeling like a good guy.
Also,
money is immaterial to Clay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
His parents are rich
as fuck so now she goes to the seance clay takes her to the seance and we meet sean sandemus again
uh christine talks to her about it like you know you've met lamia what happened she's like i lost
the soul of a young boy to him and i swore i would get my i would get mine off of this motherfucker. Yeah. And so they begin.
And we have in our stands four people.
We have Christine.
We have Ram.
We have Sean Sandimus.
And we have a new character named Milos.
Who I learned in trivia is her son.
Is Sean Sandimus' son.
That's what he's meant to be.
Oh, really? They don't really say it explicitly.
Interesting.
He's a huge idiot.
Justin Long is not there.
No. No. He's not allowed idiot. Justin Long is not there. No. He's not allowed in.
He does not come in. So they so Milos brings a goat
out because Lamia is a goat spirit
and the idea here of this seance is they'll
summon Lamia. Lamia
will possess Sean Sandimus
and then they need to get
Sean Sandimus' hand onto the
goat which will transport
Lamia into the goat and then they'll slaughter the goat
and that'll be the end of Lamia. Got it.
Again, basic physics. They do
the seance. Pretty simple stuff. And I'm gonna try
to make this quick because I know we're running so long.
That's okay. But they
eventually start by conjuring
some ghosts. One of the ghosts is carrying a trombone
which is very funny to me. It's a very
haunted mansion at Disneyland
ride style ghost appearance
they're all like in old timey clothes and like playing
musical instruments
then those ghosts disappear and then
Lamia arrives
and when Lamia arrives it all falls
very very quiet
Lamia pushes the furniture
of the room around very sort of just like
lackadaisically just to
like flex a little bit and and yes
and then and then all of a sudden it gets really loud unbearably loud everybody in the
room is like covering their ears freaking out and then the camera like shoots in on
Sean Sandimus and she becomes possessed by Lamia and her pupils like dilate for her to be her whole eyes.
This is what we were going for.
Her teeth get sharp and Lamia is nasty,
nasty and also like very cool.
When she becomes Lamia,
she like leans back in her chair.
She becomes like so sedate.
She's got swagger.
Yeah.
And like,
she's like luxuriating in her chair.
She feels fucking good. And Ram Joss is like, Hey, like Lamia, look, well, first of all, she's like luxuriating in her chair and there's fucking good and ram joss is like hey like lamia look well first of all christine's like it wasn't me
it was my boss she says her boss's name and then oh and then ram joss is like shut the fuck up like
and he's like lamia look let me level with you christine is nobody surely a demon of your
stature doesn't need to like fuck waste his time with christine brown
and lamia leans back in that chair and lamia is like wait this isn't chris brown oh my god oh no
i've made a huge mistake lamia goes like lamia starts laughing and is like oh i'm coming for you christine brown i'm going to feast on your soul
i'm gonna feast on your soul for all of eternity and i can't fucking wait oh baby i'm gonna fucking
rip you to shreds forever and i'm gonna love it i'm gonna love every fucking minute of it
and it's awful it's really awful then but but lamia's flaw is hubris
lamia's not paying attention and so christine while lamia's like being like all like showy
showy knocks his hand onto the goat and lamia's spirit goes into the goat the goat then has the
ability to speak english and calls her a black hearted whore and a bitch. The goat, like literally a puppet
of a goat goes, black hearted whore.
They use a puppet for that scene I saw.
It's really funny.
Then Milos goes to like go kill the goat.
It's his one job.
The goat is tied to the table. Milos totally
blows it and accidentally
cuts the rope that the goat is tied to.
The goat runs away.
Then the goat bites Milos' hand and then
Lamia's spirit is transported into Milos
who then starts floating
and flying around and like
dancing on top of the table he kicks
like a candle over it like creates a big fire
and he's like dancing and like circus music
starts playing and it's really broad and crazy
and his face
gets all like practical makeup
his teeth get sharp like his nose
gets and then he like beats up
everybody in the room except for Christine and then like
chases her
and like blocks her from leaving
Christine like screaming at him
like please please please like I
killed my kitten to like appease you
and then he pukes her
kitten's corpse up
at her feet and goes I don't want your fucking kitten, Christine.
I want you.
It's like very scary.
It's crazy.
And he goes, I don't want your cat, you dirty pork queen.
Oh my God, again with the pork queen.
He calls her a dirty pork queen,
which for a demon to call somebody else
dirty is very silly very silly looking at mirror buddy so then so then uh uh sean sandemus gets
like resuscitated by uh rom and she like does some badass conjuring style shit and like
exercises lamia's spirit from the room and it's like very
dramatic and big and
exercises him from Milos who
collapses onto the table the room
goes quiet the lights become normal
and then Milos
recovers and goes I'm okay
and it really is very
funny I'm okay
I'm okay
and then Sean Sandimus dies dies it's
she spent her last like her last life force getting lamia out of there okay yeah and now
she's dead too much so then christine's like hey fuck yeah like i can't believe she died but it
worked she's like she says to rom she's like crazy that she waited her whole life to confront him and
then she did and she got him out and then she died because christine's like, she says to Rom, she's like crazy that she waited her whole life to confront him. And then she did.
And she got him out and then she died.
Because Christine's like needs this like round ending on everything.
And then Rom goes, nah, dude, all she did was kick him out of the room.
He's coming for you still.
Yeah.
And she's like, well, fuck, what do I do?
And he's like, you've got one more course course of action which is to give the cursed object to
somebody else passing it on just passing it on same fate they will be banished to hell for forever
so then she gets picked up by uh by uh her bad boyfriend they drive away and then they almost
crash into an old man who's walking across the street and he has to hit the brakes really hard. And her bag and Justin Long's bag both fall into the foot space of the passenger seat
of the car, mixing up the contents of their bags.
Now note that each one of them, so earlier he put his coin into an envelope.
Huge spoiler.
And later she put her button into an envelope.
Okay. So it's mixed up.
They carry on. Then she
goes to this and then he's like,
hey, we're going to take this trip tomorrow morning.
Meet me at the train station at
7.30 a.m. And he's
like, do you want to stay with me? She's like, no, I have to do something
before we go on this trip.
She's all worried after the car, that they
almost got a car accident. She's like, oh my god, where's my envelope?
Where's my envelope? And she's worried she's not
going to find it. She finds the envelope. She's like,
oh, thank god. And she like takes her envelope
and is really happy. Yeah, she's like very relieved
because their plan is to like go to his parents
cabin for the weekend to like
relax. Which I learned in a trivia
that he meant that Sam Raimi meant to be
the cabin from Evil Dead. Yeah, why not?
You know? Which is also like, if they the same universe there also would have been bad.
He said it was the same universe.
Um,
so she's like,
Hey,
I like,
yeah,
I'll meet you there at seven 30.
I have to take care of some things before we,
we go.
So she,
we cut to,
she's at a diner eating or drinking coffee and like,
like tapping the envelope
on the counter like very nervous
looking around and there's
like a waitress at the diner's like
are you only going to drink coffee
and she's like what do you care and she's like
people who drink coffee don't tip well and she
goes say one more thing and I'll give you
a tip you'll never forget
like badass
this is where she goes into like she's
in ash mode now. This is like Cillian Murphy at the
end of 28 Days Later type.
She's got nothing left to lose.
It's her soul or somebody else's.
She's like looking around like who do I give this curse to?
Who do I curse to? She like looks around the room and
sees this old, old,
old man.
With like an oxygen machine.
He's old eating pie alone
in the corner. She gets it. She's like, well,
he's old. Right. I mean,
I see the reasoning behind it, but
I'm still not fond of it.
So she gets up to like hand it to him.
Soul for eternity, though.
Well, yeah, true.
She gets up like she's going to hand it to
him. And then as she's walking, this old lady
walks up to the old man with a big slice of pie.
And the old man takes his oxygen mask off and goes, oh, my gosh.
They're like so sweet.
And I tell you, every time somebody gives me any object, I think about that old man going, oh, my gosh.
Oh, it's really sweet. So if you ever hand me anything, the internal monologue is me going,, oh my gosh. Every time. It's really sweet.
So if you ever hand me anything, the internal
monologue is me going, oh my
gosh, from like an emphismatic
old man. And then she's
like, I can't, I can't do this. So she
like goes and sits back down. She's like, who can I give this
to? And she's like,
fucking Stu. So she
calls Stu from a pay phone and is like, come to
this diner right now and he's like
i know what you did yeah she's like i know what you did he's like what did you what did i do and
he's like she's like i know about the mcpherson report and he's like just okay okay okay i'll
come just don't tell my dad which is so funny we've never we don't know his dad his dad is not
a character so it's like so funny and so stew shows up and is like oh my god christine oh my god i'm so sorry
and he's like crying and freaking out and she's like hanging the button like this is a gift that
i give you please acknowledge that like you are the owner of this object and it is yours now
he's like okay whatever you want just please don't tell my dad what i did
and then she like looks at his pathetic face and it's like fuck dude i can't like put this on you
and so she's like you know what just go just leave just get the fuck out of here and so he leaves
and christine is like fuck who do i give this to who could i possibly who deserves this of anybody
that i've ever encountered who deserves this curse so anybody that I've ever encountered, who deserves this curse?
So she looks over to a newspaper and it's the obituaries.
And Sylvia Ganesh's face is in the obituaries.
And she goes, that bitch deserves it.
So she runs back to Ram Joss and goes, can I curse a dead person's soul?
And he's like, yeah like in that culture um people like
offer prayers and try to curry
favor with souls the souls never really die
so yeah you could you could give the curse
back to her so she
so now we're in full
Killian Murphy 28 days later mode
so he's like yeah you could offer it as
a gift to her and she goes
I'll shove it down her god
damn throat so she goes to the shove it down her god damn throat so
she goes to the cemetery and it's
raining it's raining and but
as she's as she's driving
to the cemetery the fucking
handkerchief comes back
and like lurks up it like attacks
her it like slides in through
her car's front
grill and comes out of her
air conditioning vents and
gets in her face and
attacks her and she crashes her car
into the cemetery gates.
And then the handkerchief tries to fly down her throat
and she grabs the final corner
and pulls it out.
And then she throws it onto the ground
and starts stomping on it and the
handkerchief screams.
And then she rips it in half.
And then she goes into the cemetery and she digs up Sylvia Ganish's grave
as it's like downpouring.
Yeah.
Opens it up.
Nighttime dirty muddy.
Pulls open her casket.
And then like as the rain is coming down,
like pulls the button out and goes,
I, Christine Brown, give a gift of this button to you, Sylvia Ganish.
And like shoves it into her throat and then fucking kicks it, kicks her mouth shut onto the button.
Oh, my God.
It's like it's like downpouring on her.
She's like covered in mud.
They're both now like floating in the mud because it's pouring down into this open grave.
So much rain comes in that the whole grave like fills with water.
And Sylvia Gannish like grabs her hair another time.
Pulls out a chunk.
The corpse does.
The corpse does.
Also earlier when we're at the funeral and it falls on her when they like pull the corpse
off of her, it like rips her hair out.
So many chunks of hair.
Oh no.
And so now we're in this like flooding grave as with the the the envelope in her in Sylvia's mouth.
It's filling with water.
And then a grave tips over and like hits Christine on the head.
But it's like so fucking badass.
It's really cool.
And then she gets knocked unconscious.
And then we come back and she like comes out of the like water-filled grave climbs out
dawn has come and she goes home and takes a shower and this was like this was the third day
and she feels great she goes to the train station union station to meet with clay she walks in
sees this jacket that she really, really wants and buys it.
She's like, I deserve it.
Yeah, she's like, I did it.
Like a new day is coming.
Like I beat this curse.
I fucking made Sylvia Ganesh choke on her own curse.
I'm awesome.
And I'm going to go have this nice weekend with my boyfriend.
Everything will be normal.
She walks out in her new coat.
Clay sees her and is like, you look so good.
What happened?
What's that new coat?
And she's like, oh, I just wanted to get this new coat.
I really liked it.
And he's like, oh, what did you do with your old coat?
She's like, oh, I got rid of it.
And he's like, oh, that's really too bad
because I was looking through my bag
and I found in my bag this envelope
that has a button from your old coat.
No, she didn't even notice. You even set it up and I found in my bag this envelope that has a button from your old coat. She didn't even notice.
You even set it up and I forgot.
And he hands it
to her. He like pulls it out and she's like
oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. And he's like by the way
I think you have my coin
that you gave me at the beginning of the movie.
She didn't notice that it was not a button.
It was in a sealed envelope. They're both round.
The same size. The same shape.
And she goes oh my God, oh my God.
And she backs up.
She walks backwards.
She walks backwards.
She walks backwards and we're on a train platform.
Oh no.
And falls onto the train tracks.
Oh no.
As a train is approaching.
And Clay is like screaming.
And Clay is like screaming.
Oh no, no, no, no, no, no.
And when she falls onto the train tracks, we see the train coming.
And then all of a sudden, the ground beneath her cracks open.
We see those red orange flames.
A bunch of demon hands reach up and drag her to hell.
And we see Clay's reaching over and the hellfire reflected in his face as he's crying.
And it's like, no.
And she's being pulled into hell.
And at this point, train is like going over
the tracks like where she is
but she's being dragged down she's in hell
now and that's and then
drag me to hell font comes
up on screen and that's the end of the movie
it's fucking
wild oh
no she got dragged to hell
she got dragged to hell they told us she would
I couldn't fucking believe it.
I couldn't believe that's how it ends. Is there a drag
me to hell too? I don't think so.
No, but Joel has an idea for a sequel.
If you're listening.
I was in love with it if you want to come back.
If you're listening, this idea is Joel's
trademark. Can I tell you this?
Sam Raimi, if you're listening, I know that
you haven't made
a sequel because you needed the right idea.
I have the right idea.
And great news.
There it is.
Joel's got it.
I looked it up in an interview with him and he was like, I never wrote a sequel because I just figured she's obviously dead and burning in hell forever.
It was so upsetting.
He was like, there's no other story for her.
She's being tortured for eternity.
There's nothing else to happen.
Game over. tortured for eternity there's nothing else to happen there are some people too that have that there's a theory out there that like
none of this was real
and she just felt guilt at the end she
just kills herself like she just throws herself
in front of the train to kill herself
because you see the
train like going over her
when she's being dragged down like
the train would have hit her
and there is that theory I don't
really buy it because I don't think that the movie asks you to.
Especially given that Sam Raimi interview.
Yeah.
Where he said she's burning him out.
It's so brutal.
What's your hot take?
So my hot take is maybe it's not that hot now that we're in and I've already like planted my seeds.
But maybe that's a weird thing to say.
Maybe that's a weird thing to say.
But I think that the big,
so in that final scene,
she says to Clay,
like, hey, I just have to say to you, I could have given Miss Ganesh a extension
and I chose not to.
And I've been feeling really guilty about that
and that's what this has all been about.
And I have to take ownership that I could have has all been about and i have to like take
ownership that i could have given her an extension and i didn't right and it's presented as if that
is the arc of her characters that she realized that that's what she did wrong right that is not
what she did wrong and so i think the reason that she ends up going to hell is because she doesn't
square with what she actually got cursed for, which was
shaming that woman.
She kept putting it off on like, well, I made this business decision.
And that wasn't what her flaw was.
It was that she didn't treat a person with dignity.
Wow.
I would encourage listeners, if you're not going to watch the whole movie.
Sounds fun.
It's really fun.
But watch that final
scene because it is
so chilling that realization
of like I spent a whole night
in a fucking open grave with a
corpse and
it was for nothing
because I didn't
a rare coin down her throat
I didn't open a fucking
envelope I'm going to hell
forever. It's
crazy. Yeah, that's upsetting.
It's upsetting.
And if you want to look up Alison Lohman
on Instagram, she's only got about 4,000
followers. Give her a follow.
Give her a follow.
I hope that we conveyed how funny
this movie is. It's funny.
It's so funny. It's like slapstick
and it's also so scary but it's
so so funny. And it won't give you
nightmares I don't think. Even I woke up
in the middle of the night the night after watching it and went
and like thought about it and was like am I gonna
be scared? Am I gonna be scared? No.
Okay. And if that's true
for me it's true for anyone. There you
go. That's an endorsement. Watch it. Watch
it. I don't know guys. What do you think Ken do you think ken not a fan no no i'm a fan you're not gonna watch it i don't think i'm
gonna watch it but that being said i would i think i would want to watch it in the context
that joel first saw it with like a bunch of people with like 20 people in a big movie theater
where no one knows what's going on and then you're pleasantly surprised and shocked all right any other i joel thank you for taking
us on that wild ride two very different films you've you've guided us through to be honest
you are such a good storyteller oh wow you, really good. And we need to have you on the pod every other week.
Every other week.
I'm like, not kidding.
There's other movies I'd love to share with you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Start making a list.
All your favorites.
I'll make a list.
Check it twice.
Make a list.
Check it twice.
And find out who's only naughty.
That's it.
Well, guys, what a great time. What a great fucking time. I had a good time. I had a great time. I what a great time what a great
fucking time I had a good time
I had a great time
I watched another scary movie maybe I'll
maybe I'll watch another one at some point
in my life yeah it's a great one
who knows is the ratio gonna change
are you guys gonna be brave and I'm gonna be
scared no no no you can rest assured
that I'm staying in scared
camp but I'm like dipping a scared. No, no, no. You can rest assured that I'm staying in scared camp, but I'm
dipping a toe in.
Just a tiny little toe.
Every month.
You're going to watch a scary movie.
No, every quarter.
Well, great.
Wait, were there any accents in this?
Or any fun voices?
I mean, I beg you.
Yeah, Sylvia has a great accent.
And you're shaming.
Well.
And we can't really say goodbye.
It sounds like Dracula, but let's do it.
Ready?
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
I don't know.
I hate that.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Hi, guys.
It's Sammy.
Thank you so much for listening to another episode of Too Scary Didn't Watch.
Joel is such a great guest.
We love having him so much.
And if you had as much fun hearing all about Drag Me to Hell as we did,
please rate us five stars on Apple Podcasts.
It takes like less than a minute and it really means a lot to us.
So we'd really appreciate it.
It takes like less than a minute and it really means a lot to us.
So we'd really appreciate it.
Um,
and if you haven't yet follow us on social media at TSDW podcast,
we are on Instagram and Twitter.
That is where we posted our, um,
crazy sexist review that we quoted way too much in this episode.
Sorry about that.
But if you want to check it out,
that's where to find it.
Um, yeah. Have a great week. We love you so much. Bye.