Too Scary; Didn't Watch - GHOST SHIP

Episode Date: May 24, 2023

An abandoned ship, a rag-tag crew of salvagers, and a completely absurd opening sequence, we're recapping 2002's GHOST SHIP!! Join us and a few eerie apparitions as we try to smuggle as many gold bars to land as possible! Trailer Recap begins @ 35:32 Follow the show: @TSDWpodcast on Twitter, TikTok, and Instagram. Check out our Patreon for bonus episodes and additional content! Rate Too Scary; Didn’t Watch 5 Stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts and leave a review for Emily, Henley, and Sammy. Advertise on Too Scary; Didn't Watch via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is Emily, Henley, and Sammy, and you're listening to Too Scary, Didn't Watch. Hi everyone, welcome to Too Scary, Didn't Watch, the horror movie recap podcast for those too scared to watch for themselves. I'm Emily and I am too scared to watch scary movies. I'm Henley and I'm also too scared to watch scary movies. I'm Sammy and I love watching scary movies and so I watch them so that you don't have to. And we have a nice palate cleanser from last week. I'm so excited. Easy breezy one so excited but before

we get into it did anything scary happen to us this week yes okay i need advice i need I'm reaching out I'm reaching out listeners Please help me out I am having A cat pee problem Oh god Oh no Oh you guys Okay so Outside of the litter box

They're flooding the litter box How many litter boxes you got is my first question. How many cats? Okay, so we have four cats and four litter boxes. One of them is purely decorative. Nobody uses it, but we have it. A decorative litter box. I've never heard of such a thing.

It's not. I mean, it's just they just don't use it. They use the three. They share. It's never been a problem. Yeah yeah but the past 48 hours have been harrowing oh no we the other this is the worst the worst time to discover it we're getting into bed it's 11 p.m late late bedtime and joel gets he had put a pair of pants on the bed when he came home from a walk in the afternoon

and he's taking them off the bed and goes, huh, hmm, these are wet. And they had been peed on and they were on top of the bed. Of course, we have to take everything off the bed. Of course, we have a second set of literally everything because we have cats. So we have like a spare duvet, a spare

sheet set, like everything. The shitty versions, you know, while you wash the others. But so, yeah, take everything off the bed, wash it. We're like, God damn it. OK, well, that is we're like to someone and we have a UTI. That happens sometimes. They're like, let you know. OK, I'm not.

I don't feel like a full amount of it was a full amount of pee. Exactly. Because UTIs are little squirts. Yeah. Full amount of pee. So we're like, let you know. Okay, I'm not. I don't feel good. But it's like a full amount of pee. It was a full amount of pee. Exactly. Because UTIs are little squirts. Full amount of pee. So we're like, okay, not great. But it's late. Wash. Put everything in the wash.

Deal with it in the morning. Take everything off the bed. Wash it. Whatever. Go to bed. Next day. Take all the spares off the bed. We're doing all the laundry.

The comforter was the first thing we washed and dried. And so after it was dried, I laid it on the bed. We're doing all the laundry. The comforter was the first thing we washed and dried. After it was dried, I laid it on the bed again while I'm washing other things. Come back in later with the sheets. It's been peed on. Oh my god. Fresh from the wash. A new pee.

Comforter. A new pee. So you haven't seen who the culprit is. Have not seen a pee happen. Maybe it's all of them. Maybe that's why we're like, what's going on? All the one spots are like, your turn, your turn. Come in here. We have also seen everyone using the litter box. So it's not like a

you know, okay, so we've suspected and I believe to be, I believe that it's Mabel. It's okay. She, it's, you know, on a rap sheet. She's got a history of bed peeing when she gets pissed off. Right. It's like a revenge

pee. It's a revenge pee. I have heard that revenge pees are not real, though. Okay, so it's not so much a revenge pee. It is a stress pee. Yes, I'm wondering if convict has something to do with it. So the answer is that is what it is. It is convict related.

Convict has been living. We now believe her hard to say best life. Cut like flopping on the ground in front of us. Lots of pets. We're doing a lot more. Those who don't know. Sorry. Convict is the cat who lives outside.

Straight cat. Straight cat. An outdoor cat that we've like, yeah, outdoor adopted. Actually, our neighbor has more so adopted than we have, but so lives in our yard basically full time. And the pants that were peed on Joel was wearing.

And that was our first thought. We're like, the pants probably smelled like comic. But then there was bed peeing. And we're like, okay, well, what the fuck? The litter boxes are clean. We changed all them out just to be safe. I gave Mabel a calming treat. I was like, it's probably fucking Mabel.

And it's been a good 48 hours. No more pee. We're like, okay, great. Everything's clean. We're good. Just mere moments before recording just now. Pee in the bed. And during breakfast, guess who came right up to the door?

Is convict. And Mabel got really freaked out and was like making that little like like crazy noise I have this exact same problem Emily and it hasn't luckily started back up yet but in summertime the I mean sorry it's not exactly the same no pee is involved but maybe that has to do with Mabel being a girl for some reason I don't know it's just it's her it is her stress response We've been through periods like this before where she, when for whatever reason she is more stressed, she pees

on the bed as a way of being like, I don't know what to do with myself. Very relatable. Yeah. When the stray cats come up to my door, my cats, who are both boys, just attack each other as if they are fighting to the death and

it's incredibly stressful and i've spoken to vets about it as well and they're like just keep the cats away block off the door it's like what i know so we're gonna yeah we're here we're making a plan we have a little gate to our portion of the yard that absolutely convict could get past it but it would be a lot harder for her to get up to our door if we close that gate so we're gonna keep that gate closed we're gonna try to make another a second bed location that is away from our door so there's a but she likes coming up and seeing us and the cats but so we're gonna try to keep that from happening anytime we're not home the door is gonna to be shut i'm giving mabel calming

treats um i any other advice i would love maybe loomy labs our um sponsor maybe maybe yeah microdose for cats i know that that is a thing anyway you know i have cbd for my cats it's a real success story of convicts happiness. And now I'm like, oh, no. At what cost? At what cost? And I'm like sad for her that she's so stressed. I'm like mad at her for fucking with my life. But I also feel badly that she's like, like, it feels like when I like a teenager acts out because they're like, I want you to love me still.

Like, don't, you know, or like you have a stepchild and they're like, no, I to love me still. Like, don't, you know, or like you have a stepchild and they're like, no, I'm Pam. Mommy still loves me best. And she's really freaking out and I don't like that at all. Any advice would be appreciated.

Turns out five cats, too many cats. Too many. Too many. In more fun news, though, about multiple cats, I had cats. Too many. Too many. In more fun news, though, about multiple cats, I had a dream the other night that I was trying to pick up Birdie and Mabel at the same time and I couldn't do it. And last night, Joel and I both tried it successfully and I maybe never have laughed harder in my life. So sometimes it's fun. It did inspire me.

I think I want to try to pick my cats up at the same time. It was challenging and they hated it, but it was very fun. Maybe the pee is my retribution for having them do that. Tim's parents' cat Fred used to revenge poop on their beds if they did things that he didn't like.

It would be obvious. It's a real thing. At least it was for Fred. Tim one time forgot. I don't think that it is. I think it's always medical. I think it's always medical. I think there's like they don't have like emotions in that way. No, it was it was very clear. There would be clear situations where like one time Tim like went out. It could be like territorial or stress.

He didn't feed him. Yeah, I think it could be stress. And then. But it's not like anger. No, this was anger, you guys. It was it was clear reaction to people's behavior. It was emotional anger. Tim didn't like was an hour late for dinner or something. And I came home and first looked at the on the bed to be like, did he poop on the bed? And he didn't. He was like, great. So so he fed him and then after after fred ate he immediately went to tim's bed and pooped all over it so to be like you fed me thank you and now you shall you shall get what you deserve which is you were late and i shall poop on your bed maybe most of the time it's not but it really felt like there were a lot of situations where Fred was doing it on purpose.

I mean, I think it feels like that very frequently. People talk about it a lot. Revenge poops. But I think that's us projecting things onto them. That's no fun. Sammy, that's literally like you're taking all the fun out of it. All the fun out of having a pet. Because it's like medical reasons and you shouldn't be like, oh, he's just mad. Because it's like, no, he probably needs to go to the vet.

Yeah. Or it's like something needs to change. Fred was probably stressed that he was never going to get fed again. And it's like, we need to deal with why Fred is so stressed about the fact that a late feeding means he's like, oh, my God, oh, my God, I'm never going to eat. This cat was so well taken care of. No, I know. They're crazy. Cats are not a reasonable fear. Mabel has never gone without a meal in 10 years and she freaks out before she gets fed every time as if like I would forget. And it's like it's not a reasonable reaction. They're not reasonable creatures.

Yeah, they have emotions. They do have emotions, but maybe revenge and spite is not one of them. So it really does seem like it sometimes. It does feel like it sometimes. It really feels like it sometimes. Anyway. Wow. Okay.

Well, I really hope that this gets resolved soon. I hope Maple gets... Maple's gonna figure it out. Anyway, what about you guys? Is there anything scary happening to you? I found this woman on TikTok who I really like. It's not that scary, but it was making me think about mental illness and being an artist. And I was just thinking about it a lot, listening to her.

She's this old woman. Her name is on TikTok, Gma Judy. Her grandson made the account for her. She lives in Santa Fe. She's the most calming person I've ever seen on TikTok. I fucking love her so much. And she was talking about how I've watched so many of her videos and she makes like the most beautiful, huge art pieces. And she kind of like walks you through her process and she just talks about her life and she's like a muralist or what or like a painter what kind of art she she uses lots of she's mostly a painter but she's kind of like mixed medium she also uses um like the art piece she's working on now is she has all these tiny squares of glass that she is dyeing to be different shades of like blues and

reds and then putting like all of them together in these massive huge pieces and um sounds soothing and she was talking she was talking about how she has she had an aunt who was um a really she has a i'm sorry a what she had an aunt a what an aunt are you oh my god who is this person and where's henley you know that it's a fucking invasion of the body snatchers she's she's a fake yeah this is how we find out it's not really you and i was put on the earth to tell you about this artist notoriously on always says aunt i don't know if i always say on i say aunt sometimes you're who is this woman i've never heard you say aunt.

How often do I, am I really saying aunt? You know what I mean? I feel like I say both. I can, I can say both. Mary, well, I'm feeling a little scared here. Oh, we can't do that. Let me be free. I'm feeling a little unsure.

I feel my friend honey really is. I'm going to be on edge for the rest of this recording. I feel a little bit like we're talking to a stranger all of a sudden. So my aunt, her aunt. Thank you. Thank you. Do you feel better now? Yes, honestly.

She had an aunt who was an artist, but then also had very bad schizophrenia. And growing up, she was always very scared that she was going to become crazy. And it was something that she was so paranoid about. And she had moments of where she would feel like she was going crazy. And when in those moments, everything around her turns into dots and dashes. And that's how she sees the world is dots and dashes. Like a table would turn into a dot and a dash. And then she would kind of like come out of it. It's like a beautiful mind. Yeah, she would come out of it. And she would remember

what that was like. And she was like, oh, that, you know, being crazy is just the inability to communicate because me, I'm trying to tell you about a dot and a dash and other people are trying to talk about a table. And all I can say is dot and dash and all they can say is table. And like, that's what it is to be crazy is you're trying to connect and you're trying to communicate so badly and you just can't. You can't. You can't make other people see what you see. She just and she just tells these stories so casually, so calmly while she's doing her fucking little art pieces. G-Ma Judy? What's her name?

G-Ma Judy. And I just want to hang out with her. She lives in Santa Fe. I just want her to be my grandmother. G-Ma Judy. And I just want to hang out with her. She lives in Santa Fe. I just want her to be my grandmother. And I've just been watching all of her videos and been very intrigued and into it. She sounds great. I have never had art in my life in that way. I've never really been surrounded by artists. I myself am terrible at art. You guys have seen my drawings. My horse drawings.

That horse. I love that horse. I want to be as good at it so badly, so badly. The other night of like creative expression can feel so frustrating, especially in a world where like value is put on it. And so a lot of times when you are creating you're either comparing it to something else or doing it i mean in the film industry it's like all for audience what other people will like and very rarely i feel like do you get to express yourself creatively in like a fully honest way that represents what you're trying to say. Well, I, and another realization I had talking to Tim's cousin one time, who's a

wonderful painter. She's so extremely talented. She makes these unbelievable pieces, but she says that they're never what she wanted to paint. Like it's never actually matching what she was imagining in her brain. And I'm like, I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? You're so talented. And this is like the most stunning thing I've ever seen. And it's not even what you want. Like you're disappointed by it.

And that also blows my mind because you guys, you've seen how bad I am at drawing. Like I'm so bad. But was it what you wanted to draw? Because if so so I think drawing is really hard that's why I feel like we gotta like break the our regular concepts of like what a creative expression can be like maybe you need to like spin around in a circle for 30 minutes that's a great idea like punch all the walls in your house that could be creative expression that sounds good.

That might release something. Dancing, a good like interpretive dance. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I don't know, man. I just think it's really cool. And I want more of it in my life day to day. Yeah. Gma Judy is a great place to start.

Gma Judy. My gateway drug to artists. Sammy, what about you? Mine's very dumb and very fast. The other day I was taking out my recycling and I lifted up the recycling lid. We all know what a recycling bin looks like. And just like forgot to keep holding it up as i was putting my things in the recycling bin and it fell on my face it hurt so bad i got like a bruise on my forehead

and nose it's gone now it's healed but it was like it really hurt we just go like, wait, what was I thinking? Yeah. I was like mad at myself. You just feel so dumb and like also hurt and like a little baby. Yeah. When you cry in that way, it makes you want to cry. Like immediately you're like, I'm going to cry. I probably did cry. I can't remember.

But then also the next day I hit my funny bone so hard. It's because I got a standing desk, which I'm very happy about. But it's like an object has changed in my house. And so I can't gauge the space. It's like, where do my limbs go? And I hit my funny bone. Usually, a funny bone hit is kind of a numbness and tingly. And it does make you laugh because it's not quite

pain as much it is just shocking and weird this one was so painful it felt like i had been stabbed through the hands like it was excruciating pain it was so weird i've never had that before does your brain immediately go to all the horror movies we've watched where people have been hurt and you're like, wow, this is what they went through, but so much less. So much less. And it's still in... It's still awful. Similarly to Funny Bone, went away in like 20 seconds. It was not a lingering thing.

It was just very sharp and weird. I really didn't like it. Yeah, I don't like that at all. I'm sorry. Bodies, man. Bodies are wild. Oh, God. You know, my thumb is still, it really hurts.

And I sprained it probably two months ago. And I'm at a point where I'm like, people can weigh in on that too. What are you supposed to do? It's not broken. Does it hurt all the that, too. What are you supposed to do? It's like not broken. It hurt all the time. Like when you move it. All the time.

Oh, no. It hurts all the time. And it's not broken because it never swelled up and it never bruised. So I think it's just a strain or a sprain. I think it's the ligaments. But like it still hurts all the time. And I'm just sort of like, I guess that's life now. I have a little brace that I wear sometimes but I don't feel like it's quite the right

kind and it's like what am I going to walk around with a fucking thumb brace all the time like some dork absolutely not so I guess do you ever like ice it I wonder if that would help I've iced it sometimes but again it's like kind of weird to like get at and

look I'm not going to go to the doctor and pay all the fucking money for a doctor and an x-ray and all that shit just for them to tell me like yeah it's sprained you gotta rest it you know what i mean like it's like it's also resting a thumb is such a funny idea how do you rest a thumb it's like you and that's the problem with i mean it's not life-changing or devastating or anything but like with our healthcare industry where it's like you and that's the problem with i mean it's not life-changing or devastating or anything but like with our healthcare industry where it's like well i'm simply not going to go to the doctor i've had persistent pain for two months but i'm not going to the doctor because it's not worth that yeah and that hurt that bad doesn't hurt that bad i'll just have it hurt a little forever

it's just a little broken for the rest of my life. What am I going to pay $200? Excuse me. No. Anyway. Maybe. I mean, if it's still hurting in another couple of months, you probably should. Yeah. If I get to like six months, then we'll figure it out. Oh, well, OK. Should we talk about this week's movie? We absolutely should.

This week, we are going to be talking about Ghost Ship, finally. Woo-hoo! I've been waiting for the day. Vessel Heads! I feel like we've been talking about this one forever. Vessel Heads. This one was chosen by our patrons. We do a monthly patron-chosen episode.

If you want to vote in those, go to patreon.com slash TSDW podcast. Anyone on any tier gets to vote in them. And I told our patrons we needed an easy peasy breezy squeezy. We've been in the deep, dark dirt Of the scariest horror movies Yeah we've needed We've needed a boat to Pull us ashore We've been hearing about this one for a long time

I got a brief Little Clue about some Some big hot dog style Cuts coming up Oh baby it's hamburger. It's hamburger stuff. Big hamburger cuts.

And you know I'm thrilled to hear about that. Yeah. Yep. This movie was directed by Steve Beck, who also directed 13 Ghosts, another masterpiece. Great sign. Great sign. Written by Mark Hanlon and John Pogue, starring Gabriel Byrne, Julianna Margulies, Ron Eldred,

Desmond Harrington, Isaiah Washington, Emily Browning, and Carl Urban. I had no idea this cast. Carl Urban? Was so stacked. Yeah, this is like a really good cast. What the heck? I'm confused. Wow, I can't fucking wait. It's like a reunion of ER heck i'm confused wow i can't fucking wait it's like a

reunion of er gray's anatomy dexter this is like a network tv cast incredible incredible did you say when it was when it came out oh sorry 2002 okay okay and it's streaming on HBO Max. It has a 15% on Rotten Tomatoes. 15! 28% on Metacritic. Where that Metacritic is higher than Rotten Tomatoes. I think the worse it gets, the higher the likelihood of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They start to level out.

Mm-hmm. 5.5 on IMDb. IMDb's still like, hey, it's fine. That's fine. We'll do it. Hey, that's fine. Budget was $20 million. It made $68.3 million.

Pretty good. Not too shabby. It was shot in Australia, and it was on the Gold Coast, and there were a lot of sharks in the water. So one of the trivia said all of the ocean scenes were stressful for the cast. I'm like, what? They're filming straight in the water so one of the trivias said all of the ocean scenes were stressful for the cast i'm like what they're filming like straight in the ocean water i guess sometimes they do that but usually it's in a tank right and certainly not when it's like well there are a lot of sharks but we have to shoot in the ocean sorry Sorry. Ghost Ship must get made.

That's so funny. The show must go on. I just love the idea of like a shark PA, someone being there to like shoo the sharks away. I bet there was. I bet there was. Oh, God. No, thank you. Shoo, shoo, shoo.

Get out of here. We're filming. As I was watching, thinking like this is like peak Julianna Margululis's fame 2002 yep yep and so i was thinking though like why is she in this very bad movie and it is because this movie was originally written as a psychological thriller and all the actors signed on on that version of the script and then as they were flying to australia the writers rewrote it. And made it bad? And they landed.

And Juliana Margulies' quote is saying, suddenly I was in a really, really terrible horror movie. It was shocking. But they were all contractually locked in at that point. Can you do that? That sounds crazy. Everyone was very pissed. She has since disowned the film. I want to know what the original version was. want to read that script you also like you write a script you get all of these actors to sign on who are incredible and so and you go like all right let's make it bad let's make it stinky

clearly something was working let's make it bad producer joel silver offered the film to renny harlan who passed on the project and it broke their friendship and silver vowed to never talk to harlan again so just a lot of broken relationships happening on this film that's not y'all gotta work on your friendship that's not right yep well i mean the friendship's over can't you drop out of a movie yes i don't and whenever you want to like even if you're contractually obligated do you know what i mean you might have to pay back whatever they spend to like get you that far you know it's true that's true a casting what if or not what if brian cox was cast in oh my god You're telling me this movie could have been perfect.

But Brian Cox left. Must have been before those whatever the final contracts were signed. Before the flight to Australia. And so he was replaced with Gabriel Byrne. I love Gabriel Byrne. He's great. And both of them have great accents. And Gabriel Byrne does get to keep his Irish accent in this movie, which you absolutely love to see.

His accent is like more subtle than I would think, though. I kept thinking, is he trying to do an American accent? And then there would be times where he'd be fully Irish. And his character is Irish. They like reference him being Irish. So anyways. Oh, but Brian Cox left to do The Ring. That's why he dropped out.

I forgot he's in The Ring. So, well, good call on Brian Cox's part. That was perhaps very correct. Julianna Margulies and Ron Eldred were dating while filming this movie. And broke up a year later, but just kind of fun. A little on-set romance. Love it. Love it.

And just some vessel trivia for us obviously we love we love to know the design for the ship in this film it's called the Antonia Grazza was modeled after the Andrea Doria a real life Italian ocean liner that also met a tragic fate it sank in the 1950s after colliding

with another liner how does that happen? contrary to this fact the Antonia in the 1950s after colliding with another liner. How does that happen? Wow. Contrary to this fact, the Antonia Grazza actually shows a stronger resemblance to the Leonardo da Vinci, a slightly altered and larger design that replaced the Doria after she sank. And then I would just, because I'm obsessed with vessel trivia,

went and did a little further digging into the uh andrea doria the one that sank and because of post titanic safety regulations there was very few deaths when that ship sank it uh basically the only people that died i think it was about 40 people i think there was 2 000 people on board oh shit but it was the people that were literally at the site of collision. Like, they died on impact. Nobody drowned. God. Okay.

That's scary. You know, I just have to find out those. Yeah, how does that happen? Like, is it like both ships are like, oh, oops. Oh, no. Well, I imagine. Like, they're both doing that. Like, when that happens, when you're, like, walking in the same direction, it's not like, oh, oh, oh.

And you keep faking in the same direction. Yeah. in the same direction keep faking in the same direction yeah I mean it does seem like it should be very difficult to do I guess it was the 50s so maybe it was easier then technology wise but like imagine two planes crashing into each other probably also happened but

these huge cruise ships, I imagine once they're on a path that is very hard to change course. It's not quick reaction times and so. Right, right, right. Yeah, but. So this is

a cruise ship. Yeah. I don't know why I imagined it being like a old timey Pirates of the Caribbean type boat. Maybe because of the ghosts. That's probably it. I was thinking of 100% just Pirates of the Caribbean.

Yeah. Yep. That's what I was thinking. So different. I also, I meant to say at the beginning, I would like to do a big old shout out to Gina and William over at Levi's who sent us Levi's care packages. And it was like the most exciting day of my life. I just opened a box of Levi's goodies that I didn't know was in there. It was all surprise.

It all fit like a dream. It felt like Christmas. And I'm so grateful. Thank you, Gina. Thank you, William. I'm wearing mine right now. I'm wearing my Levi's jumpsuit. Oh, my gosh.

I'm not allowed to wear jeans at home. Joel and I have a rule. No jeans in the house. I love that rule. No jeans in the house. But I did break that rule with my new Levi's jeans the other day because they're they're truly so comfortable and it didn't feel like wearing jeans at home which is the nature of the rule

because there's so there's one billion Levi's styles those ones are I believe they're the dad jeans are like yeah they're kind of baggy and loose I have a hard time finding jeans that are baggy on me in the ways I want them to be you know where like the fit is baggy and it also fits correctly.

Man, they're great. I love them so much. I'm really I'm really thrilled. I've been feeling the same way. They're the only pants I've been wearing because my pants don't fit anymore. Oh, yeah. And so I asked him to send me a size up and they fit like a dream for now. I mean, that will only last a short period of time.

But I've been wearing them nonstop and I've gotten so many compliments on them. People keep complimenting me on my pants, probably because they're used to seeing me in leggings. So they're shocked I'm even wearing pants. Oh, thank God, Henley, you're in pants. Are you wearing pants? Henley, I love pants on you. It's rare to see. Yeah, I second that wholeheartedly.

Gina and William. William, former guest on the pod. True, true. Current friend. Technically correspondent, but with one lost episode. Yeah. technically correspondent but with one lost episode yeah yeah um anyway i just i just had to simply give a shout out because it really has made my week me too it's the opposite of mabel peeing on the bed jeans from levi's she better not pee on those jeans she better not

pee on those fucking jeans she better not okay should we watch this trailer yes oh my gosh oh my gosh mr murphy jack ferman i fly the arctic weather patrol last month i was out in the middle of the street when i came across this congratulations you found a boat in the middle of the ocean what do you think a ship like this could be worth? Depends on if we have the right to salvage it. I do know one thing. Sea gives you an opportunity, you take it. Yo, Murph, I think you should get up here.

It's an ocean liner. It's the Antonio Graza. Any sign of what might have happened? Nothing. No passengers. No crew. No captain. No mention of anything in the ship's log. What do you make of that? The post ship.

I think I saw something I couldn't possibly have seen. I think I saw a little girl. I saw something I couldn't possibly have seen. I think I saw a little girl. We're all trapped here. I want to show you something. I told you guys earlier that there was something seriously wrong with this boat. Haunted, possessed, whatever you want to call it. I said we get our boat going and get the hell out of here.

What are we going to do? We have got to get off this boat now. Bon voyage. I'm interested. I had a great time watching this movie. I feel like It's so silly and dumb But you know

Sometimes that's what you're in the mood for Haunted boat? I mean come on What was that quote when the ocean Tells you something you gotta listen What was that? Something like that? I love it I absolutely love it Bon voyage as being an actual line in the movie

gorgeous i'm excited yeah i don't even know what to say i accept that i am down i'm fully down yeah it's like the kind of movie you know you're not gonna feel like shit after you know and that's what we're yes absolutely that's what we're craving that sounds so nice was it scary at all were you ever scared like would i ever be scared no i mean no no i was not scared is it r is even rated r i think it's probably rated r but it's not scary well there are a lot of hamburger style. Right, right, right. Yeah, it's rated R. I'm looking at it right now. Yeah, I'd say it's not scary at all. It's just kind of funny seeing

ghosty, silly actors and that orange dress I absolutely love. Yeah, it was giving what's her name? Oh, no, I'm not going to be able to remember any of it. The animated one. Jessica Rabbit? Jessica Rabbit. It is giving Jessica

Rabbit. That's true. I found that movie to be very scary when I was a kid. I can't really remember why. I loved that movie when I was a kid. I don't remember it at all. I just remember being scared. I think, honestly, a lot of it might have just been, like, people with cartoons as, like, freaky

people. No, it was scary because there's a whole mob vibe where they're like murdering toons. They call them toons. Yeah. Yeah. This is even less scary than that. Well, good because that was too

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Yes. Perfect. Let's do yes perfect let's do it let's do it so we start with kind of classic uh old-timey logos um as if it was the 50s or 60s and it's just kind of fun genuinely for a second for a second, I was like, am I watching the right movie? And then felt so stupid. Got you already. They tricked me. And we see that we are on an ocean liner called the MS Antonia Grazza. It's like a fancy cruise ship.

Looks pretty Titanic-y. Just for a point of visual reference. Yes, of course. It's 1962 and it's all very rich people like, you know, again, Titanic. Out on the deck dancing. There's a woman singing, entertaining everybody, cocktails going around. Big fun party vibes. It looks like a good time honestly and there's a little girl who it has a like little block letter toy thing and she uses it to spell

out i'm so bored nice and one of the waiters sees it and laughs and winks at her or whatever. And then the captain comes out and sees her and asks her to dance with him. And so they go out onto the dance floor as this woman is singing her song and everybody's having a good time. good time and then we see this cable uh getting rung up and getting more and more tense i don't know what it's lifting but some sort of cable that is getting pulled tighter and tighter around the um basically whole dance floor in front of the ship would you remember if that's the bow or the stern or the aft i can't remember i have no the front of the because bow i was thinking is the back but then when you said stern i was like that stern is the back right i think it's the bow is the front but maybe that's only because people always say like the bow and the stern and not the stern and the bow. And for whatever reason, I feel like, well, that it means like, you know,

the bow is the front. Shameful vessel heads. Front of boat. Front of the boat is called the bow and the rear of the boat is called the stern. What's aft? God, are you guys ever, ever going to fucking learn this?

We talk about this and I never remember. I don't know what the aft, I've never heard. Is it like the other side aft. God, are you guys ever ever gonna fucking learn this? I don't know. I never remember. I don't know what the aft. I've never heard. Is it like the other side aft? Oh, I don't know what aft is then. I don't. Because it's port and starboard are the left and right sides. Aft is towards the rear of the ship.

Okay, well that's just confusing. Aft is a direction, not a part of the ship. Okay, okay. Oh, no, I'm asking. Oh. Because it's... Because, wait, what...

Star... Starboard is which way? Well, on a cruise, you can have the forward and the aft, and the forward is the front of the ship, and the aft is the rear of the ship. So the aft is towards... Aft is sternward. Yep. Aft is sternward. A. Aft is sternward. Aft and sternward would be synonyms.

Yeah. And bow and front. Forward. Forward. That makes sense. And then what are the other ones? Starboard. Wait. Port and starboard.

Port and star bird. Board. board right but you say it starboard port is left and starboard is right port side versus starboard side port is the left it's important to the rest of the movie that we get this right. Is it? No, not at all. Yeah, port is left and starboard is right. Starboard is right. Okay. All our true vessel heads out there are just so disappointed in us. I heard a rolling.

What was the one we learned from Paul on Jaws? For Jaws? The crow's nest? No, I knew that one. Oh, yeah. There was another one. He said another term, I feel like, and I was like, whoa, this man knows boats.

He does know boats. God, this man knows boats. And yeah, I don't. So, alright. Well, now that that's settled. Yes, they're all dancing. The dance floor is near the bow or on the bow of the boat.

This cable is wrapping around the bow. See, I'm right with you. I know. I can see it. The cable is getting more and more tense. It's looking like it's about to snap. And it does. And we get just a real quick like noise and everyone freezes. It like goes through, I think. I don't know, the music stops somehow, blood dripping down from inside his pant leg, making a little blood puddle around his shoe.

And then slowly, their bodies start sliding off each other in chunks like little hamburger patties. That's so crazy. Everyone? Everyone except the little girl girl who is too short uh and it doesn't get her and so she just watches everybody but it's gone through some people twice so some people are are hamburger twice yeah because i think because the cable snapped there's two halves of it wow okay some so some people got hassle back how short is she it feels like that that wouldn't work i think she should have i think she should have

it doesn't make any sense is she tiny tiny was she less than a foot no she would have gotten sliced oh my god but there had to be a witness to this um extravagant murder killing. So, and she's dancing with the captain, remember? And she is watching everything. Everyone slide into pieces and arms and limbs and I think people are still twitching as they're separated. And she looks up

at the captain whose mouth is hanging open in a look of shock like, and the top half of his head slides off towards her. She stumbles back. And I said out loud, bored now, bitch.

Oh my God. Serves you right for being bored. You brought this on yourself. On the most beautiful cruise ship ever to set sail. That is, that's too bad. That's That is, that's too bad. That's too bad. That's too bad.

Yeah. It's really too bad. Really great opening scene. One of the best, to be honest. Really wonderful opening. And then we cut to present day, 2002. We are with a ragtag crew of boat salvagers they are at a ship

sinking site and patching it up and yelling at each other I got this you got that I don't know just very funny vibes as they're saving the ship from sinking they head to the pub afterwards.

I don't know why it feels like it's a pub, not a bar, but that's the vibe. Because they're working folks. Yeah, that's right. And we have Captain Murphy, who's Irish, Gabriel Byrne. Okay, so it's a pub. So it's a pub. If there's an Irish person there, it's a pub.

It's a pub. And the rest of our crew is Epps, who is Julianne Margulies, and Greer, who's Isaiah Washington, who, by the way, Grey's Anatomy. Did either of you guys watch Grey's Anatomy? No. First a couple seasons. I was really into it at first. And he had a big scandal.

You can't do medical stuff. Yeah, he had a big scandal. Didn't he get kicked off the show? Yes. He was very homophobic to one of the other actors. Oh, no. I can't remember now the specifics, but yeah, he's like not a good man. And didn't apologize, right?

He was like he wouldn't apologize for saying homophobic stuff or something. I can't remember, but he just the other day was back in the news for posting a facebook post saying back in the day with gray's anatomy there were so many drugs and parties and hot hot tub parties and swingers things and i thought i was gonna get fired if i did any of that and i don't know he wrote this like very accusatory Facebook post that just kind of doubles down on the vibe I already had of Isaiah Washington. It's also like the fact that you're posting on Facebook. I'm already like, all right, my guy, we. You know, you got to move on to a different platform.

We are not. It's 2023. We are not with it. We're not posting on Facebook. As a celebrity, as a public figure, this isn't it. No, this is not the forum. So he's Greer. Then we have Dodge and

Munder, who is Carl Urban, who I always... Munder. Yeah, these are great little ragtag crew names. Yeah, they're all the last names, obviously. They all call each other by the last names. Munder. And whenever I see Carl Urban's name in credits, I'm always, there's always a moment where I'm like,

Keith Urban's in this movie? Same. Literally, Carl Urban is an actor whose face I know so well, who I'm so familiar with and i always forget his name is carl urban always 100 of the time 100 of the time i forget that that's his name it's oh it's such a surprising name especially for that man i don't know it just it never doesn't feel right i always have to do a mental like putting the two together it's never a one to one for me

I know exactly what you mean. Yeah there's just always a beat of like oh right and the last person in their crew is named Santos and they're sitting around their table drinking celebrating their successful job they've just completed when a guy approaches them carrying a photo

and he taps Captain Murphy on the shoulder and basically says can I talk to you for a photo and he taps captain murphy on the shoulder and basically says can i talk to you for a minute and captain murphy says you want to talk to me you can talk to my whole crew which just really struck me as a very crazy thing to say like everyone's like we don't need to hear it like we're having conversations us out at dinner and someone comes and taps one of us on the shoulder and says, hey, can I talk to you for a second? And you just be like. Anything you have to say to me, you can say to everyone I know. You can say to everybody. Please take off the table, please.

That's really funny. We don't have private conversations. That's rude. And this guy does look a little taken aback by it but he says okay uh i am a pilot and i spotted from my helicopter plane i can't remember this is the guy from dexter yep desmond harrington and he has spotted a ship in the baltic sea i think And they're all making fun of him at first. Like, oh, congratulations. You found a boat in the ocean.

What a crazy thing. And he says something like, I can't remember now how he then gets them back on board, back aboard the ship of his plans. Nice idea. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I think he maybe knows what boat it is.

He says, I think it's the Antonio Grazza. This catches Murphy's attention. He says, oh my gosh, that boat's been missing for 50 years. What would it be doing out there? And this guy's name is Jack, that the pilot he's not his name on dexter too or does

he just look like his name is jack he does kind of look like a jack i can't remember his name on dexter but i don't think it was jack his name is jack and something something with a q quinn so i was about to call him quinn jack that, you know, he can take them to it and it'll probably be lucrative because they can either. I don't know. There'll be some some sort of benefit to finding this long missing ship. Maybe there's valuable stuff on board. And so they all agree they're going to go out to it. Jack can lead the way

sorry Jack Bass um he's his name is Jack and Gossip Girl and I needed to remember that I needed to remember that also apparently he's in the Neon Demon and his character name is Jack but that's not what I was thinking of the man looks like a Jack what can you say I had completely forgotten that yes

what I originally know him from is Gossip Girl, where he plays Chuck's cousin, Jack. Interesting. Holy shit. Anyway. A lot of Jacks. Thank you for bringing that together. It's a good name. I like the name Jack.

Solid. Me too. Solid name. Jack. So they all agree and they go out. He's leading them to where he found this ship. And as they're getting towards it, Santos, who is the person steering the ship, is getting signals of it on the radar. And then it's disappearing.

So it'll basically on the radar, you'll see a huge ship and then it's gone and then it's there and then it's gone and he's calls captain murphy and take a look at this what the hell like it should be right here like we're right up on it and they call out to turn on the big bright lights we're shining it doesn't look like anything's there and then all of a sudden it's right they're about to crash into it and they do this is how it happens they do crash into it one of two ships can run into each other if one of them's a ghost yeah if one's a ghost if one's a ghost it always happens always yeah captain murphy we can see now that it is in fact the antonio grazia and he has all these facts memorized about it which i guess you would maybe as a ship captain he says he's like knows what

date it sank in 1962 no distress signal was sent and it was never seen again he's looking up at it saying christ she's beautiful she looks so scary and rotted and gross but I mean she's a big big ship so she's beautiful in that way in a way that all vessels are you know

wow takes your breath away the size of it reminds you of how small you are how big life is yes it's actually probably the only time that I felt a little bit unsettled was just the thought of being next right next

to an old boat in the middle of the ocean when it's like I'm presuming it's nighttime yeah that is scary I don't like that at all that is a of the ocean when it's like, I'm presuming it's nighttime. Yeah. That is scary. Yeah, I don't like that at all. That is a little scary. Look, it's a scary image.

But they're all excited. They are saying under maritime law, she's our boat now, which is so crazy. But she's in international waters, I guess. And so finders keepers. Wow, that is crazy that that's a law. That's an actual law i mean at least it was in 2002 i don't know if they've updated their maritime laws but i mean it's still you always hear about international waters as being kind of a thing yeah and so they they get on board the ship is again looks completely like it's deteriorating rusting falling apart there's nobody on board at

this point i'm thinking am i supposed to believe that the cable breaking killed everybody on board right that's what i was thinking too um it's not but that's what i was thinking at this part at this part they are putting their equipment on they they're salvaging equipment, they're kind of loading their stuff onto the deck of this boat and probably the starboard side. No, you know what? I think it's the port side. And

as they're walking on and exploring, they walk past the little block thing that the little girl was playing with. And of its own volition, it changes from I am so bored to welcome aboard. Oh, my gosh. Nobody notices.

They're walking around with their flashlights, checking it all out. Nobody notices. They're walking around with their flashlights, checking it all out. Captain Murphy is saying this ship would have had 600 passengers, 500 crew. And Greer and Jack are still aboard their salvaging ship, which is called the Arctic Warrior. And they're trying to talk to them on the walkie talkies. Walkie talkies aren't working. They are walking around and Munder falls through a rotted spot in the floor. And it's stressful. He's screaming. They're trying to pull him back out. And as Epps is leaning down to grab him to pull him back up to the floor that they're on. She sees a little girl looking up at her on that floor looks scared pulls him up looks back she's gone someone yells at munder i told you to watch

your fucking step which i thought seemed unfair we stepped on regular ground. Also, like, yeah, points been proven. Why are you mad at him? And even if you're watching your step, you might not have known it was Rod. The ground fell out from beneath him. That's not on him. Yeah. Just kind of rude, I thought. So rude.

That's pretty rude. And another thought I had was this little girl looks like corporeal enough that it's kind of irresponsible of her, I think, to not at least be like, hello. Listen. Yeah, that's true. That's true. Like, just to make sure. She just shakes it off as if she imagined it, which I guess could be a response, but it's also. Irresponsible.

I think a little irresponsible. Right, right. They're continuing to search the ship and they find a digital watch, which would not be of the time that this ship went missing. So they deduct somebody. Deduce. Deduce deduct. They deduct. Deduce.

Deduce. Deduce? Even the deduce sounds so wrong they deduce that another crew has been here and where are they adding to the mystery what's going on getting kind of weird creepy. And they go back onto the Arctic Warrior to fill Jack and Greer in on everything and can get their, you know, reset and make a plan. And Murphy tells a story about another ship that went missing. And when they found it, there was no one on board, no distress signal, nothing on the captain's log. And it was just completely empty

and had sailed 4,500 miles with nobody helming it. And Jack goes, a ghost ship. They're all sufficiently spooked. But they make a plan to tow it back to shore, which seems actually impossible. Yeah, it looks very big. I guess I don't know how weight distribution works when you have water to help you.

And you have an engine that's true but this ship is at least 20 40 times the size of this it's enormous and they have a small little tugboat basically it doesn't seem possible but and they're kind of arguing about it one of them says we should call it in and break gets get a couple more boats otherwise it's going to take a really long time they do say it'll take probably two weeks to tow back to shore and captain murphy says no we're not calling it in we don't want any unexpected visitors i assume he means pirates that want to see what could be on this ship for their taking um so they agree we'll tow it back to shore if i take two weeks and epps goes out onto the deck and is smoking jack joins her and she reveals to him that she saw something she couldn't have possibly seen. She thought she saw a little girl inside and

he says when he was flying a lot he would get really tired. He sometimes would see things too and kind of calms her down about it and she's thankful and it's kind of feeling a little romantic between them. A little flirty.

Oh yeah. Here we go. They all go to bed. Wake up next day. They get in the water in their scuba gear and to look at the... This is, I guess, probably where the shark... Right, right. The shark threat was

absolutely swarming. And they're examining The bottom of the boat to see Check for any damage And they do find a big hole And it's taking on water And so slowly sinking

So they need to patch this hole before they Tow it in or the drag Obviously of towing it Will really slow them down Or if not be impossible and jack says what could have done that an iceberg and they all laugh ha ha ha no you idiot could just be a regular rock there are some little small islands nearby says they must have bumped into that but i liked a little titanic shout out he says yeah, well, I don't know.

You needed one in this film. Clearly, they're drawing from our favorite movie a lot here. A lot. The source material is Titanic. The source material is Titanic. So they realize they need to go in to patch up this hole. And they realize they need to go in to patch up this hole. They're going to try to do it from the inside.

So they can find, have to go down into the bowels of the ship to find where... Oh my God, it sounds so scary. That actually does sound really scary. An old, empty, nasty, rotted ship. It's like claustrophobic. It's like going into caves or something. But it's not filmed in a way that actually feels scary. It's only scary now in thinking about it.

Epps says we gotta do a complete rehaul Soup to Nuts. I just liked that because of the Soup to Nuts I had never heard until starting this podcast. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Also, love to hear a shout out to Soup love soup i'm not a huge

nut fan to be honest with you guys you know i um i am growing more fond of nuts as i get older i love a hazelnut and that's about it you know hazelnuts i've never really loved and i'm coming around on hazelnuts i love cashew and i love I love a pistachio. I do. I do. Those are the best ones for sure. Very good. Yeah. Love. And you know, actually, I'm just now realizing those are two nuts that one of my good friends is allergic to.

Sorry, Lisa. Those are my favorite nuts. Sorry. Sorry. I love a walnut in a yogurt or in a cookie or in a salad. Also like a candy nut sometimes is a nice thing. But we can all agree that almonds are pretty gross, right? I was gonna say

I feel like a lot of people go crazy over almonds. Kind of my least favorite. Almonds are really gross and they're really bad for the environment. They're really dry. Oh. They're so dry. Yeah. Almonds are so dry. Yeah, fuck almonds. Yeah. Fuck almonds. I do drink almond milk though, which is also bad for the environment.

Yeah. I had a friend growing up whose mom definitely had an eating disorder, and she would always say, you just need to eat five almonds to feel full. Oh, God. The old handful of almonds ought to tide you over. It never will. And, you know, I think one of the reasons why I don't like nuts is because there was a time where I thought I could like get full off nuts.

And if you eat enough nuts to be full, you're going to feel like absolute shit. And your teeth are going to hurt. There are so many nuts in your teeth. And your teeth are going to hurt from all those nuts. Crunching on all those dry nuts, you're going to absolutely chip a tooth. And maybe that's what I like about a cashew. A cashew's a soft nut. Exactly. A cashew's

creamy in and of itself. If you go to the effort to soak an almond, you can eat more of them. Oh, you know what I like? I do like a Marcona almond. Or Jordan almonds. Is that the same thing? Now, talk about a hard nut. It's absolutely going crack i go to the dentist after this i'm scared jordan almond hurts my jaw is so hard what about a brazilian nut i mean those are just huge pass i don't know what it

tastes like it's just too big it's too big they're just so big yeah they're too big so that's sort of so so from soup to the course before nuts for me please what would that be olive soup to dessert soup to decaf espresso soup to cheese at the beginning nuts is it the end. Soup to, yeah, soup to... Soup to... A nice port. Limoncello. Digestive. Yeah. Not a zingy.

So they're going to patch up this boat. They split up and are, for some reason, seem to be kind of exploring the boat each by themselves, which seems dumb now in retelling it. Didn't really bump for me in the moment, but. So Epps is in, there's an indoor pool room. And the pool is filled with bullet holes. There's like bullet shells, bullet casings, but no bodies.

And she goes into the pool. The pool is empty. There's no water in it. And so she climbs into it and is like examining the bullet holes, thinking, what the fuck is this? And as she goes to climb out of the pool, the little girl ghost is there. She jumpscare, falls back into the pool, hits her head. And Jack hears this and runs in and comes to her aid and is trying to pull. Gary pulls her out of the pool.

She says, I saw the little girl again. Does he go, I told you to watch your step. Watch your goddamn step. No, he's helping her. He's helping her out. He carries her out of the room and as they're leaving the room we see blood trickling in from all the bullet holes and the pool fills up with blood without anybody noticing uh meanwhile greer is in the room scene and he's hearing now that same song over his walkie-talkie

very faint and crackly but hearing music and feeling confused about that and he sees a lit cigarette in an ashtray and picks it up looks at it calls out to one of his uh you know guys what like munder are you smoking again we know it's we know it's not them there's a ghost cigarette that's a ghost cigarette and he sets it back down and makes his way out of that room but we see in the foreground that he does not see what looks like that same woman smoking a cigarette what i like about this is that means she lit one to spook him she did another one for herself and one for her and we see epps and jack now trying to make their way down to find where they need to patch. And they open one of those airtight hatch things to get down more into the machinery level of the boat where the crew would have been and open it up.

A bunch of water comes out of it and a bunch of dead bodies. And it's pretty nasty. Gross. And they close it back up or yeah they basically are like okay well we're getting close to where the leak is but these bodies

I think seem fresher than 50 years old. Right. Well they'd be skeletons. They're all like waterlogged. Yeah so they're all like waterlogged yeah so they're nasty corpses that seem like i think they say it's been maybe a couple months or so that these bodies would have been shot to death do we see that or we just don't know we don't see but they're pretty mangled they don't look good uh back to greer in that same room or maybe another like concert hall now and he sees a

poster for francesca who we recognize as the singer she must have been a you know a name that people came to see and he says francesca nice titties oh god awesome uh now back to Epps and Jack and they're trying to go around to find another way around to where they need to get into and they come across a room with a lot of rats in it

cutie little rats though these are Hollywood rats these are not they didn't even bother to nasty them up they're none of them are even like wet or dirty they're like fuzzy fuzzy, cute little rats. Fresh rats. Yeah. Gorgeous.

Healthy. And they notice something where the rats are by these little crates and they take a closer look and see that these crates are filled with gold bars. There is treasure on this ship. There's treasure. Oh, wow. The stakes are so high now. How much is a gold bar

worth, do we think? Let's look it up. I think they eventually say that the whole stash is $100 million, but I don't know how much one... How much is a gold bar worth? $1,800.

Well, I guess it depends on the size of the gold bar. Oh, this one says $58,000. So. Wow, that's a big difference. That's a big bar. That's a big difference. But something I was thinking while watching this is if I found a gold bar, I would immediately turn into a little golem. Like, I think there's something very primal about it. Like, I bet there's chimpanzees that came across a gold bar and like killed each other for

it don't you think that's probably true maybe i keep thinking about how i would want to like peel it off peel off the gold and eat chocolate inside of it like all i can think of is it being actually chocolate i think i would go into like shiny shiny shiny my shiny golem and i'll become gold i don't know it depends on whether that gold bar is worth fifty eight thousand dollars or eighteen hundred dollars it kind of doesn't for me it's like something about the gold it's pretty it's just the gold and also the weight of it is nice there's something about it being like hefty that's okay well that's another thing that the trivia said is one gold bar of this size weighs 27 pounds. So they're really lifting it up as if it's no big deal.

So these are fakes. Wow. This ain't real. One crate of these would weigh at least 300 pounds. And so they eventually are like trying to carry them out. And it's like, you wouldn't be able to carry that the way that you are. It's kind of funny. But again, Maritime Law, finders keepers keepers this is their gold everyone's very excited now they bring everyone into this room look what we found they all say is my precious

and greer is saying something's not right like the ship is fucked up I feel like someone was singing to me earlier was like kind of a really sexy lady she seemed really hot everyone's laughing at him because it's a really wild way to present that information in the trailer it looks like they hook up

no they didn't hook up yet but they're going oh yet yet hell yeah so everyone kind of brushes off Greer. Like, no, we'll be taking this gold. But they decide the plan now. They can leave the boat here. Who gives a shit?

We'll just take the gold and leave. Because they want that money. And they're loading up the crates of gold onto the boat with very little effort it's just extremely unrealistic took me right out of it and as they're finishing up we're seeing santos in some kind of gas looking engine room turning dials of what looks like propane tanks and it looks like he's trying to turn something off but we see what looks like a ghost turn something on and it's just shot in this way that we know something bad is about to happen and as they're getting onto the boat the little girl calls out no don't start the boat and then they start the boat and the room that santos is in epps does epps sees the

little girl and but there's no moment to react she turns and the boat explodes their boat the arctic warrior oh was the gold the gold was already on it um i think they weren't fit some gold must have been but okay they were like part way through yeah the explosion happens in the room that santos is in so santos is dead the rest of them make it out alive and get back onto the antonia grazia which is now their only boat their other boat has sank uh-oh and everyone's screaming at each other all very angry and scared and epps takes control and says we gotta continue with repairing the ship and we can drive the ship home which seems also again impossible 50-year-old rotted ship that we found a bunch of corpses in.

They seem unaffected by the amount of corpses they found. They're a little desperate right now. Not a lot of options. So, sure. But like, again, are they affected by the corpses? Also, can they call help for help? Not anymore. They could have up until this point, but their boat exploded with the working comms. Oh, right. the corpses also can they call help for help that's not anymore they don't they don't they

could have up until this point but their boat exploded with the working oh right okay gear so no now they can't and yeah they're getting angry at each other yelling like i said we should have called a coast guard and if we had done what i said we would be we wouldn't be in danger right now coast guard would be on their way we We're all, you know, division is. They're being divided now. They kind of split up again. And Munder and. Oh, what's that guy's name?

Hold on. We haven't talked much about him. Dodge. Yes. Thank you. Hold on. We haven't talked much about him. Dodge.

Yes, thank you. Munder and Dodge are in the kitchen area of the boat looking for food. So I think they also just lost all of their food. Oh, shit. And they find these big cans of beans and they open them. And it looks okay, but Dodge is like okay you try first or they flip for who has to try it first and

Munder loses and he takes a bite and then says it's not bad it's not too bad okay also though feels like we just have started the clock ticking on this can of beans. Probably should have waited till we needed to eat.

But I think there is a lot of the cans of beans. A lot of beans. Because it was like a big, many passengers. How long do you think you could live on just beans? Well, probably a long... Because this is going to take them like two weeks. We also need water, too. Yeah, water is your main thing. But assuming you have unlimited water

how long could you survive with just water and beans probably a long time i think so because it has like protein and carbs and probably fat depending on the bean and fiber i think beans have beans have fiber for sure you would last a long time you can't live without i think without all of them but like definitely not without protein or fat which i learned in the tv show alive or alone what's that one alone alone yes because the guy gets his little fat stores stolen by a little badger and he almost has to call it in because he's has no body fat left and he has tons of protein like lean lean meat, and it's just not. How long could you live off beans?

I guess it also depends on like what kind of beans. You can live a long time on nothing but beans. Really? It seems like it seems like a more one of the more sustainable foods, like a hearty food. I do know that like potatoes are like the one thing that you can survive on the longest oh that's unexpected to me that's from the martian is it from the martian he remember he grows all he just grows potatoes have like a really surprising amount of um nutrients that you need interesting kind of sort of get it all get it all

done with carbs well beans and potatoes then forget about it you're good your beans and potatoes and you're fine then you're practically gaining weight who needs vegetables uh so they're gobbling up these beans thrilled that they are have stayed um or not gone bad they're just shoveling it into their mouths laughing what a win i'm going oh no this is too exciting they're gonna be that they're ghost beans they're ghost beans and sure enough after shoveling many many mouthfuls of beans spoonfuls of beans into their mouths. Munder looks at Dodge and sees something in his mouth wiggling around. Oh, gross. Oh, no.

It was a mirage. It was a mirage. It was a freaking ghost beans. They're ghost beans. They're fucking ghost beans filled with maggots. Filled with maggots. And they both have mouthfuls of maggots and they're spinning them. That part's pretty gross. That's really gross. Ew, they're just cans of maggots? they're spitting them out. That part's pretty gross. That's really gross.

Ew, they're just cans of maggots? There's some bean in there. That's really gross. I don't think that would happen. Pretty bean to maggot, one to one ratio. If the can were sealed... Yeah, how would the maggots... How would there be maggots?

Ghost, ghost logic? Ghost. Yeah, the ghost's logic. They're just fucking with them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, it, the ghosts logic. They're just fucking with them. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. It's the ghosts. And we see now Murphy going into the captain's room, exploring in there, and he finds some

bottles of alcohol and he starts drinking them. And he says to himself, like, Murphy, you better not. You shouldn't do this. So we get the sense that he maybe has a history of alcoholism and is not. He was at the pub earlier. Oh, they said at the pub, Murphy doesn't drink. Because the guy said, can I buy you a beer? And he says he doesn't drink.

So Murphy's drinking. Not good. And he looks up at his own reflection in the mirror and sees the captain of the Antonia Grazza looking back at him for a split second. Blinks and it's gone. He's spooked. And then the captain appears at his desk

and pushes the little bottle of whiskey over to Murphy and basically is offering him have a drink with me murphy sits down with him looking shocked but also like well i gotta find out what this captain has to say yeah and the captain tells him that they came upon another ship that had all these gold bars on it. And it was, oh, it was sinking and they rescued just the gold bars and one, there was one survivor. Oh, okay. They didn't like leave people behind for the gold bars. Yeah, sorry, I phrased that poorly. But the ship was sinking and they only were able

to rescue one man and the bars of gold. Which seems unlikely given the weight of gold in terms of floating. These are lightweight gold bars. Yeah. And this is feeling like Pirates of the Caribbean. Yeah, it is. Cursed gold

bars. Turned them all to ghosts. And that came out right at the same time i wanted pirates of the caribbean come out was that like the same year i think it was 2004 i think it was a little later 2003 stole from the ghost ship 20 years of piratesates of the Caribbean my god dang that was a hot time for Orlando Bloom yeah that Lord right off the heels of Lord of the Rings absolutely his peak Orlando Bloom moment yeah I wonder how he's doing married I know me too isn't he with Katie Perry Katie Perry wait um did you guys see that interview with Billie Eilish one time where she was like, a guy just came up and like introduced himself to me after the concert. And I just thought he was like a regular dude. Orlando Bloom.

Someone told me later it was Orlando Bloom. She thought he was just a random fan. And she was like, thanks. Gen Z, man. Got no respect for Orlando Bloom. You're living in a post-Orlando Bloom world, and I just don't know what to do with that information. Isn't that so sad? Billie Eilish didn't know who it was.

I mean, do you remember when everyone was obsessed with Orlando Bloom? Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah. People had posters of him, like, on their walls. The hottest, hottest, hottest. Oh, my God. I had a friend swoon Orlando Bloom.

A friend's parent who took it a little too far. And she. A friend's parent. Yeah, it wasn't good. I think this was a bad situation. She started taking archery lessons and I feel like she bleached her hair blonde and started braiding it in that style. So she wanted to be Orlando Bloom.

She wanted to be Legolas. She wanted to be. I feel like. I feel like probably Legolas' lady friend. She wanted to be an elf. So as to woo Legolas. I feel like probably Legolas' lady friend. She wanted to be an elf. So as to woo Legolas. Yeah, and there were Lord of the Rings posters all over the house. That is weird. Oh no. That is weird, yeah.

Taking horseback riding lessons. It's hard for that to be your mom. Yes. And you have to be like, yeah, come on over, just so you know. My mom put these up, not me. Specifically, Legolas from the Lord of the Rings films

would love to have a hang with you, but just be prepared that that's my mom's energy. It would be tough. I was the friend. That was me coming into that. I wish this woman the best. Yeah, I hope she's doing alright. Me too. Then the hunger games came

around she was probably like oh i'm so cool because i have braids and i know archery like she could just transition that into the next franchise so maybe she's doing great maybe she's maybe she's really thriving um so this ghost captain is yeah saying that they were able to recover the gold bars and one survivor. And Captain Murphy saying, no, there was no survivors from that ship because he knows his nautical history incredibly well. Also, rude. This man was there. Yeah. No, actually, I read.

And yes, the captain is like shakes his head says nope there was one and he slides over a photo to him and we see murphy look at the photo and go we don't see the again it's getting louder and then the room comes to life around him restored back to its 1962 glory the band is this is a real titanic moment real titanic moment except it looks like shit and uh everyone's clapping and applauding him and francesca is approaching him in her beautiful dress very seductive to the way she's coming towards him and she starts unzipping her dress and beckoning him to follow her uh they kiss he says this is gonna be a shining moment yes some might say literally exactly that and i think it was criticized

for that because this movie was originally pitched as the shining on a boat and they just literally lifted this exact scene right from it copy and paste very oh so literally the shining the shining on a boat but bad quite literally that and he follows her she's leading him up these stairs and stops in this uh doorway and he reaches out he He's also married. And he says, I can't cheat on my wife with a ghost. Love that loophole. So I can game the system. And reaches out like he's about to wrap his arms around her and falls through. This was an open elevator shaft and falls to his death at the bottom.

Oh, brutal. Really brutal. Epps, meanwhile, is talking to the little girl. We find out that her name is Katie. They're now just in a room chatting. Katie doesn't seem, you know, too scary. She seems like a nice ghost, a friendly ghost. And so Epps is talking to her, asking what the hell is going on.

We find out Katie was on the boat by herself. She was meeting her parents. It doesn't matter. Who cares? She tries to give her a necklace. She says, I think this was your necklace. It goes right through her hand. Epps says, you really are a ghost.

This is really happening. Yeah. Now I believe it katie says we're all trapped here me and my shipmates even the ones who aren't marked and ep says what what does that mean and the room starts like blood is filling the ceiling lights and something bad is happening it's shaking we're getting a bad negative energy in here katie's saying oh he doesn't want me talking to you he doesn't want me talking to you when he has all the souls hephy now is pretty drunk and also seeing her as santos's corpse burned charred corpse charred out oh my god totally charred out charred out And so he's attacking Epps, thinking it's an evil ghost taunting him. Sure.

And the rest of the crew comes in and finds this and they pull him off her and knock him out. And they all throw him into, there's like an empty fish tank, a huge fish tank that was on this boat that has been emptied. So it's like good cylinder tube thing so he's in the bottom and he can't get out of it um and he's unconscious so they're like we'll just we'll come back and get him when we're ready he's obviously um not safe to be around right now and so they get back to work to repairing the breach in the hole hope those are the right words that sounds right that sounds right and they get it all set up and they've got this big pump that's draining the water out after they patch it up and

munder is saying you know it'll be about 12 hours until all the water's out but we we did it basically epps is in a different room again and or she's trying to find Greer. And. Katie eventually leads her. To him. She sees his dead body. He's been basically stabbed. It's like metal wires. In all directions.

So he looks like a little. Oh he fell. He's been impaled. By little metal rods. in all different directions it's not good and katie says to epps i want to show you something and touches her and as she touches her we get a vision into the past of what happened with this like rock music playing. And we see the crew of the boat putting poison in all of the food. And feeding it to everybody. And then taking whoever survived into the pool and gunning them down in the pool.

What the F? This is after the people got sliced? During. This is Jesus. What the F? This is after the people got sliced? Um, during. This is simultaneous. Okay, so the slice and the poison. The slice might have been intentional, or it might have been a happy accident that they... A perfect accident, honestly. Yeah.

Oh, phew. And so, we get the impression that these people knew that the gold was on board, or that once the gold was on board, they decided to. They became little golems. They became little golems, which is completely understandable. And we can't blame them. And so we see Francesca and the crew waltzing down to the bottom of the ship where the gold is after killing everybody on board

and francesca pulls out a machine gun and kills everybody else she's gonna have the gold to herself except then she turns and there's one other man that she had been planning it with they seem to have a romantic connection she's looking at him again seductively like it's just you and me babe in our gold bars let's get out of here and we see we can carry them all just just the two of us and we see that it is jack unaged the same age in 1962 wow jack's a ghost oh my god i never saw coming and he undoes this hook thing where they are that swings and hooks francesca in the face hangs her and she dies pretty nasty way to go and he marks her with a burn thing so we get the sense that he's some sort of demonic little hell ghost getter. Hell ghost getter.

Hell demonic little hell ghost getter. Sending souls to Satan. Sending souls to Satan. That's right. Now, Epps has seen this vision and she goes, oh, Jack. And she needs to go run to murphy to tell murphy and we go back and the fish tank has been filled with water and murphy is dead drowned inside of it and he is holding in his hand the photo of jack because he also knew that and epps runs now to the captain's quarters where

Dodge is and she's trying to be like Dodge we like we gotta we gotta get off this boat right now and in walks Jack and she changes her tune real quick and says Dodge you stay here hold down the fort and he says I thought you told me

you said we need to get off this boat she's like Dodge listen to me you stay here watch jack make sure like neither of you get hurt and he's getting that he's picking up on her implied vibes of like something probably everyone is jack is not stupid no hey stupid. No. Hey. That's not what I said. I obviously didn't say that. So she tells him to stay there. Don't let Jack out of her sight.

And Jack is saying like, oh, we gotta she leaves to go find Munder. Basically, she's just trying to get everybody off the boat now. And Munder is underwater in his scuba gear still munder's under munder's under and he's gonna stay under because he found a clog in one of the drain pipes and he was going to clear it and there's this massive crank things like a gear

thing that get used in horror movies a lot for people to get caught up in, caught in and then crushed. That's exactly what happens. He gets completely smushed. Gross. That's a genuinely really bad way to go. To be smushed?

Slowly smushed? Oh, slowly smushed is really bad. Foot first? Yeah, bad, bad, bad. Oh, you're feeling so much pain before you're dead. Oh, you'reushed. He's really bad. Foot first? Yeah. Bad, bad, bad. Oh, you're feeling so much pain before you die. Oh, you're feeling a lot of pain before you're dead. And he's underwater too? Yeah.

It's all bad. It's a lot of bad. That is a lot of bad. Yep. So he's dead. And Jack is trying to say to Dodge, we need to go. We should go down and help Epps. And Dodge is saying, you stay right here.

And he pulls out a gun now and he's aiming it at Jack. Jack's like, the mask comes off and he's like, you're so pathetic. Go ahead, shoot me. You're not going to shoot me. And Dodge does. Dodge shoots him right away. Can't kill a ghost. He falls down and Dodge looks at him. He looks like he's dead. Dodge shoots him right away. Can't kill a ghost. He falls down and Dodge

looks at him. He looks like he's dead. Dodge walks away. Nope. Not dead. Eyes open back up looking all sneaky and evil. He always plays someone evil. I know. I should have known it. He's got a really evil face. Jack as a name is always like

the bad boy. When I was in middle middle school I thought all Hot guys had names that started with J Which I'm just as I said that I'm not realizing that my Partner's name is Joel But I remember being like wow Justin, Jason

Those were pretty much The only two that came into my mind But yeah Jacob Team Jacob Well not Jacob certainly not Jacob. Well, not Jacob. Certainly not Jacob. But I was like, wow, J names are so hot.

There is something about J names. I think that's true. I think that's a cold hard fact. I obviously think it's true. It's the whole reason why I'm with Joel. You're with Joel. Joel Jensen? Two J's? Excuse me, hottie. Say no more. Yeah, I like when people

both with J's are together too. Like a little... Okay, but that's not necessary. Yeah, Emily, I don't think it's going to work out with you two if you don't do a big name change sometime soon. I'll do a big name change. Just change it to Jemily.

Yeah, Jemily. I was just thinking that. Gemily. Because you guys know that I'm naming my child Bemily. Yes. Baby Bemily. And it's not after you, Emily. You have nothing to do with it.

It's just a beautiful name. I just love the name Bemily. Beautiful name. It's a gorgeous name. not the name that's gorgeous beautiful name it's a gorgeous name so epps is running down into the belly of the boat and she's now setting c4 explosives on the walls she's her plan is to fucking get off and blow it up sure get off yeah exactly just to go swimming just to swim a huge again point of mine uh but she does okay, so Dodge runs down after thinking he's killed Jack. And she's putting the explosives up and he's saying, what are you doing?

We'll die. She's like, we'll have to take our chances. Like, we need to blow the boat up. The boat is evil. Okay. She's not wrong. He's yelling, what about the gold? gold she says we're not getting the gold off this boat no one ever does uh we've just got to take our chances and he says i can't let you do

that and she looks at him and she says why haven't you asked me where munder is because she found munder's body in this moment and he turns around and he turns into jack he says well obviously because i already know where munder is and we get a little showdown jack and epps uh it was a it was a trick jack actually killed dodge and he's revealing who he is and he says i'm a salvager just like you you collect ships i collect souls and when i hit my quota i send a boatload home he's sort of like bundling until he yeah interesting he's the right number what is this job setup really weird workflow there i have some notes it's literally 50 years later like we need to update this workflow it's not efficient not efficient at all but yeah i guess the idea is he needs to fill up this boat

with souls and then he can take it down to hell. Okay. And he gives Epps an offer. If you don't blow up the boat, I'll spare your soul. Basically, like I just need this boat. She says no. They get into fist fight and fall into the water

punching and she has her like spear gun thing and she points it at him he says you're gonna shoot me are you gonna chicken out like dodge did and she turns and she sees the detonator button for the c4 and she shoots the spear at that and it blows up yeah jack yeah absolutely vaporizes turn like he's blown into a thousand pieces but again he's a ghost so we're not feeling. Maybe his soul was attached

to the boat so you blow the boat up and he's gone. Yes and so but then the whole fucking boat explodes. It's an enormous explosion and there's literally a zero percent chance Epps would have survived this excursion but she does

she somehow swims down out of the way absolutely ridiculous ridiculous fucking no it's just so crazy he he literally blows into a million pieces she was at most five feet away from him and she oh my god it's very funny so the ship is now sinking we see all the souls being released as the boat goes down we see the little ghosts come up and into the sky and disappear and uh she's floating on a little box thing and is eventually found by another ship and brought back to land and she's loaded into an ambulance and i mean all of her friends are dead she's looking really sad and as she's being loaded into the ambulance and the doors are closing, she sees people carrying the gold off of the ship, loading it into somewhere. And then the last person carrying gold is Jack.

Oh, his soul is tied to the gold. No! And the ambulance doors close and that's the end of the movie. Oh, my God. Wait, so she... The curse continues. I'm confused's the end of the movie. Oh my god. Wait, so she... The curse continues. I'm confused about the boat at the end. I thought she blew up the boat.

She did. Another boat comes to rescue her. Oh, it's another boat with the gold. Another boat comes to rescue her and pulls the gold out of the depths of the ocean. Okay. Yeah, that presumably would have sank so low

because it's very heavy. And like so long ago. She's like floating in the ocean for a while before she's found. I guess it's some demon logic that he's like, here you go, here's some gold. Yeah, he can kind of control

things like he was turning the little dials on the propane tank and stuff. So maybe he can make things move. Wow, what a stupid movie. It's so dumb. I loved it. That was ridiculous. That was ridiculous. I loved every second of it, though.

I loved every second of it though I think the original version to go back to that question was it was supposed to be more of a psychological thriller about like greed and the price of greed and I don't know maybe there weren't there still must have been ghosts though right I just I don't know

but who's to say it became this it became this and now we get to read the benefits of it. Yep. But that's Ghost Ship. We finally did it. We finally did it. What a beautiful film.

I do kind of want to watch the opening scene. I do kind of want to watch it. Yeah, the opening scene is available on YouTube. Anyone who wants to check it out, I think it's worth a peek. I want to peek at it. I want to do a little peeksies. It's pretty fun.

I want to see how they do this cable murder. Check it out. And there it is. There it is. I think that's all we got for you today, folks. Thank you, patrons, for choosing this one. It was a real, real gift. A real treat.

Loved it. Like I said, he has the Irish accent, but it's not super Irish. So I'm going to be doing more of an Irish accent than Gabriel Byrne actually has. Perfectly fair. Because I can only do exaggerated Irish. Yes. So from all of us here at Too Scary Didn't Watch, oh, goodbye. Oh, goodbye.

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