Too Scary; Didn't Watch - HOUSE OF WAX

Episode Date: April 20, 2022

Paris Hilton, Chad Michael-Murray, Elisha Cuthbert AND Jared Padalecki.....it's 2005 baby and we're recapping HOUSE OF WAX! Zip up your Juicy Couture jumpsuit and join us! Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kbCfuFJ30t4 House of Wax is available to rent for $3.99 Recap begins @ 38:28If you enjoy the show, please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. You can also rate us five stars on Apple podcasts and Spotify.For bonus content, become a patron at patreon.com/tsdwpodcastFollow us on social media:https://twitter.com/tsdwpodcasthttps://www.instagram.com/tsdwpodcast/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is Emily, Henley, and Sammy, and you're listening to Too Scary, Didn't Watch. Hi, everyone. Welcome to Too Scary, Didn't Watch, the horror movie recap podcast for those too scared to watch for themselves. I'm Emily, and I am too scared to watch scary movies. I'm Henley, and I'm also too scared to watch for themselves, I'm Emily, and I am too scared to watch scary movies. I'm Henley, and I'm also too scared to watch scary movies. I'm Sammy, and I love watching scary movies, and so I watch them, and I tell you about them, and I can't wait to tell you about this week's movie. You guys are not going to like it. Oh, no. Oh, no. I know nothing. I know nothing.

But before we get into it, did anything scary happen to us this week i mean i turned one year older i've aged before our very eyes i i yeah i don't know you know it's it's not scary actually i like i like getting older i'd like having birthdays um sure it's one year closer to death but it also is really the only option we've got and um and i you know it's such a it's um i get very i really i like to reflect i'm a person who really likes to like sit in moments i love that about you thank you i and so i i really like birthdays for me are a moment to be like okay another year another year of your life how you feeling what's going on that's nice check in think about where you were last year think about where you are this year and i am just oh no i've already cried once this morning i'm like i guess I'm very emotional I just am really

I'm just really grateful and I feel like as I get older I just get more like me and that's such a good feeling and it's a gift and I'm very grateful to be living my life

Emily what's beautiful no it's beautiful that is the most healthy response to a birthday i have ever heard in my entire life i'm like inspired i've i've felt that way recently like only in my 30s am i like starting to feel like myself yeah no it's so true and it's like and it's the thing you can't know you're not feeling in your 20s you know what I mean like I wouldn't have said in my 20s that I didn't feel that way but I just wasn't even like framing my life that way I guess like I was like am I happy do I have things I like cool this is fun and now I really just I feel like Who am I What am I you know like I just Does my life reflect

The person that I am Like do I do my choices Reflect the person that I am like it's just Who am I Who am I Just a lot of like that Sort of question and I just Feel like yeah getting older just helps

You feel that more and I like Joel and I talk a lot about I do feel like the pandemic accelerated some stuff yeah because less distractions nothing else to do yeah just like I think parts of my personality and parts of my like growing into who I am were really accelerated by by being stuck alone with myself in some ways a lot more distractions too it's you know yeah and like some stuff that is like not good and healthy and great to have like experienced as a society but also in a little bit of a way I sort of feel like we got to do a mini version of like being retired but at 30 and so i'm sort of like okay well here's my hobbies here's my friends here's what i do and i just sort of like sit

around and tinker and i'm like like and i just i'm like i'm so much more i just yeah i don't know i i'm i i like the life i've got and i am happy to be living it and getting older as part of that. It is. I really love this outlook. This is making me feel very optimistic. Very earnest for a podcast. Very earnest. I love it. I love it too. I have to say my birthday evolution is that my birthday is on Christmas Day.

And for most of my life, I just was so emo on my birthdays. Like, so intensely emo. That's a tough day to be your birthday. Unless you're Jesus. But then I think now on my birthdays, I almost, like, feel like it's almost like I don't really feel anything. You're numb. Now I'm like now I'm kind of exactly. And like, Emily, hearing you say this, I'm like, maybe I should like reinvest in my birthday.

Maybe that's something that I need to like be more intentional about. I need to focus on more. I was just listening to Nicole Byers stand up and I laughed so hard. She makes a joke about how like the worst people in her audience are a white woman on her birthday. I mean, she's not wrong. I'm sure she's not wrong. And how she just likes to like roast the hell out of them. Their favorite people to roast.

I mean, white women are a blight. Just one, just one step improved from white men. But, you know, especially,

especially on our birthdays. Like we just like, do we take them very seriously? Yeah. But you know what? That's, it's okay. It's good. It's all part of our self-growth.

Yeah. I think any opportunity to, like, just take, take a look is a good, is a good thing. You know, just take a little look. It's very funny and very stupid and i like do a little tarot reading every year it's like yeah i'm such a fucking white woman in her 30s in la it's i'm a fucking caricature of a person but i'm happy so whatever and a lot a big part of a big part of being happy in your life and yourself is being surrounded by good people who love you

and see you and i just really love you guys and i feel very grateful and i just it's nice i love you so much and i feel so lucky to know you and i am very excited um for your birthday. I feel just so thrilled. I also want to flag here that Emily also literally made an outfit for her birthday tonight. Is anyone shocked? She makes outfits left and right, this woman. But this was something you weren't really doing that much

pre-pandemic. This is a huge thing that's happened in the past couple of years. Now you're literally building a wardrobe from nothing and i am just so impressed it's incredible astounding how does she do it i've become a very specific kind of person um yes yes it's true um we'll we'll freaking see we'll freaking see i love it it's normal or not um hey let the freaking heck scary happen to you guys this week you know well just real quick you guys already know um but the scary thing that happened to me this week is that on monday i got the stomach flu and it was the most insane experience i've ever had yeah having to take

care of a baby while having well me and tim we both got it and having to take care of a baby while both of you have the stomach flu is an it just simply is a house of three babies a house of three babies it's an impossible task it was i there's almost no way to even describe it and i haven't fully processed it yet it was also the thing about this stomach flu was that usually you know in the past when I've gotten it you're sick for a period of time you feel like shit and then at some point there's like a moment of like pure like ecstasy of relief you know you're just like everything in sight you're like oh my god I'm alive again exactly exactly and I kept waiting and waiting and waiting for that moment. And it simply didn't come.

The moment of pure relief maybe didn't come even until today, which is Saturday. When I had a cup of coffee and I was like, oh, my God, my life is back. I feel life entering my veins again. But for the whole week, I felt like such a piece of shit. And I was just lying to myself the whole time. I was like, no, I'm better today. I'm better today. I'm better when like I was on the couch. I feel good. Yeah. Like I couldn't admit it to myself. And in my head, I was also going through the motions of like Henley, you're not admitting to yourself that you still are sick. And I was like, no, but I'm, I'm better today than I was yesterday.

Also, you'd gone like a week without consuming food. So you also might've been losing it. Losing my fucking mind. I truly only ate like a sleeve and a half of saltines and like a cup of bone broth for like four and a half days straight. And I, I don't know. it was like a religious experience you like died briefly you saw heaven and hell it was like it was like the season finale of

uh search party season four um like i like died and came back i'm re-watching search party but i sorry for spoilers for search party whoopsies we don't know who's dying and coming back who's dying who's coming back who's who's to say we don't know we don't know um but anyway that was what happened to me this week it was um unbearable it was unbearable i'm so glad it's over i am just anticipating the next time it happens don't know what to do to prepare. Nothing to do. Nothing to do. It rocks my world just thinking about because I already am astounded that

people have to raise people that like what the fuck on the best of days. It's psychotic. I never even considered what if both of you get really sick at the same time? Like holy shit. Literally what the fuck do you do? You just have to do it.

You just have to do it. You just have to do it. It's crazy. You just have to do it. You don't have another choice. It's madness. I truly, the only word going through my head the entire week was psychotic, which is maybe not right.

But like, maybe that's like inappropriate to say for various reasons. But in my head, I was like, this is wrong. Like, this this is wrong like this you probably felt yeah like you're in a little mental institution you were losing your mind i was losing my goddamn mind oh henley i'm so sorry i'm and i'm so glad you are coming back to to life yeah are you you're you're not lying to yourself today right you actually do feel a little bit better. No, no, no. I've got my tinted sunscreen on. I have coffee. Yeah, she's positively glowing.

I brushed my hair. I took a shower. Oh, these are great things. These feel so good to do when you haven't done them. Oh, the windows are open. The sun is streaming in. I feel like God in my heart. Born again.

Yeah. Praying to God. You're going to start praying every single day after this. Thank you, Jesus. sun is streaming in i feel like god in my heart like born again yeah praying to god you're gonna start praying every single day after this thank you jesus thank you jesus jesus it's truly though sammy sammy tell us though tell us what about you um well first of all i woke up at 5 45 this morning on a Saturday morning. I suspected that picture you sent or posted looked early. It looked like an early morning photo. Yeah, this happens to me occasionally where I'll wake up just for no reason at 545. My cats were still asleep.

I can't even blame them. But when I do wake up wide awake at that time, my first thought is I'll go on a sunrise hike it just seems nice and so I did I went on a little hike um that's that impresses me beautiful when I wake up that early and I don't have anything else to do before a child um it like scares me I'm like don't get out of bed it's too scary to get out it's too soon it's not right usually i'll feel that way but sometimes i'm just so incredibly wide awake that it just seems like it's not even an option to go back to sleep and there's there are a few things you can actually really do at that time like things aren't open things aren't Like people aren't around So it's sort of like Well Well and also I guess you go for a walk

Hiking on a Saturday In Los Angeles Griffith Park Is a fucking nightmare Yeah it's packed Yeah I don't do anything On weekends It's awful

And so you gotta go At 6am That's really the only way To do it And I saw a deer It was It was It was great

Magical I had to pull my mic away Because I just screamed. That's very nice. How are you feeling now that you've been awake for a whole day already? Right. That's what I was going to say is that then I was like late to the podcast because when you wake up at 545, you think you have time to do absolutely everything that your heart desires. And then all of a sudden you're late to the thing that the one obligation you do have and it's like how is how is this possible i've been awake for so long and i

haven't done the one thing i had to do um i also just wanted to do a quick shout out to a new game that i've been playing every morning speaking of my morning routines and this is a movie version of wordle called framed.wtf which i think is very funny that they just didn't go for the dot com they're like let's spice it up a bit dot wtf framed.wtf and it gives you images of like stills from movies and you have to guess what movie it is and you get i think five tries and she wouldn't know because she's never used them all it's true today i got a little close though dangerously close but yeah so my morning routine now includes wordle chordal which is a version of wordle where you have to guess four words at one time and then framed. And there's also something called Hurdle, which is plays little clips of a song.

And notoriously, I don't like music, so I don't even know why this one has snuck in. But this weird little I just when will it end you know is my question when will these little games that are trending and you know what would be fun i'm gonna trademark this right now nobody steal except i won't do it because i don't know how and i don't want to but but it's trademarked so don't do it and that's how this works turtle and it's close-up pictures of parts of an animal and you have to say what animal it is i love that it sounds like turtle like a turd oh yeah okay but also turtle like a turtle yeah i don't think you can swap that t with a d or it is turtle i was truly my first thought was is this photos of poop?

Is she going to say photos of poop? I don't want to play that game, but somebody probably will. You can make that one. You can go to the subreddit of IBS and play that game. Oh, that's fun. What else could you call? Birdle. You could call it Birdle.

Birdle. And it's birds. And it's birds. I've trademarked that. i've trademarked that i've trademarked that don't touch any of them you will be soon making it we'll see you in court we'll see you in court i'll see you in court i will you better lawyer up you better lawyer up okay anyway yep that was that was my my morning and just a little scary that my morning routine just keeps growing and growing and all of a sudden my morning routine just keeps growing and growing.

And all of a sudden, my morning routine is my whole entire day. Well, I wake up, I have my morning routine and then I make dinner and I go to bed. OK, well, we have put this off long enough. I know that we're about to get into some territory that might not be as fun as this conversation that we've been having just now. Bummer. But we got to do it. It's what we came here to do. So let's talk about this week's movie, which is House of Wax, the 2005 version.

It was directed by Jaume, call it Sarah, written by Chad and Carrie Hayes, who we know from The Conjuring. Right. Okay, okay. Starring, get a load of this, Alicia Cuthbert, Chad Michael Murray. Oh, my God. Brian Van Holt, Jared Padalecki, John Abrahams, Robin Richard, and Paris Hilton. Yes, baby. Yes.

The most 2005 cast ever. It's really true. Very, very much so. And you can pay money to rent it on Amazon.com or Apple.com. AppleTV.com. I don't actually know the Apple URL. I don't know. Apple.WTF.

They wanted to spice it up a bit, too. Yeah. OK. You guys don't know anything about this movie or Henley doesn't. Emily, what do you what do you know about? What do you know about House of Wax? I don't know. I don't know anything about it other than one.

I this morning I mentioned to Joel's like we're doing House of Wax. I don't know anything about it. And he's like, it's Paris Hilton and I had a brief flash of like oh okay I like sort of I'm having like weird flashes of knowledge that exists somewhere in my

brain about this movie but I could not tell you what those are are people gonna get like killed by wax figures are they gonna get turned into wax? Are they going to get wax poured on them? Is it all of the above? These are good guesses.

I will say that when Tim and I were just coming back from a walk, we were walking upstairs and he was like, what movie are you doing? And I was like, House of Wax. And he was like, oh, with Paris Hilton. And I was like, yeah, he never knows anything about horror movies. So I was like, and he was like, oh, that's the one where I was like, stop. And he's like, oh, but it's and I was like, don't say anything. And he was like, but I'm pretty sure in the last and I was like, if you fucking say one more word, I am going to be so mad because I don't want it. I don't want to know. All I know is that it's House of Wax, Paris Hilton, 2005. Those are the only facts I know going in. Now I also know Tim freakishly

has some knowledge of this movie, maybe has seen it. Shocked. He's never seen like any horror movie ever. That is unexpected. And now I also know that we're not going to like it. That's the other thing I know too, because Sammy has said that multiple times and

I'm scared. Well, it feels like this was like when did the first Saw come out? That was around. I think 2003, maybe. 2004? Because I was going to say, in my flashes of memory, I feel like this movie came out around the time where everyone was like, oh so it's torture like and it just was like a bunch of movies that i think were just like what if i guess people want to watch movies where everyone gets tortured for no reason and i feel like maybe that's what's gonna happen here it's you know it i so i was really nervous going into a rewatch because the early 2000s were a really wild time for horror. I feel like a lot of them didn't age well. And this one, you know, there are problems in it for sure,

but I feel like it wasn't the worst of the worst of the worst. Okay. I will say with on Instagram, the people's response to House of Wax was like, how dare you include this in this roundup? Like House of Wax is an amazing movie. You know, it actually was better than I expected

but I'll tell you I mean the Rotten Tomatoes scored 27%. This is not a highly regarded film. Okay. Critics don't love it. Critics didn't love it. Critics agree. Not good. 41% Metacritic 5.4 on IMDb.

Not a terrible IMDb score. But I kind of agree. I mean, I had a lot of fun. I was pleasantly surprised. I did see it I think in theaters when it came out, but I hadn't seen it since then. So it was a fun little rewatch and

there's some really cool stuff about it. It looks very good. The wax. Well, I'll tell you more later oh the wax how do we feel about paris helton you know i was thinking a lot about that in watching it of just this early 2000s time was also a time where people just hated women more than ever it seemed like oh so much oh my god so we hated women in this in a very uh obvious way we weren't afraid to say it it was in every reality show every um i feel like it there was no hiding how much we hated like this was the time and like the bachelor crazy time to come of age as a young woman yes this is when every it was like openly fine not fine but normal to like call people sluts and whores tons of slut shaming just

a lot of that and so that was like part of my nervousness of watching this is like i know that paris hilton at this time was such a specific target of so much hatred. And does this movie treat her that way? And it doesn't not. It doesn't not. But yeah, I was kind of thinking of her in like relation to Kim Kardashian and that kind of type of person that I think played a character in their life but is actually a pretty smart business

woman. I think Paris Hilton is, Joel and I were talking about her this morning too I think she's incredibly savvy she has the like career and image she's created for herself she's like still relevant she's actually in terms of a lot of women of that time

has come out of it i think pretty unscathed in terms of the life she's now able to live yeah i was talking about her in reference to the women that stand in my mind from that moment are kim kardashian paris hilton britney spears and lindohan. Yeah, for sure. And of the four of them Kim and Paris have flourished by comparison and I think the real sad truth of what that is is that their parents didn't need them

for money. Yeah. And so they were treated a certain way by the media but they I think were playing a part and they weren't then abused by their families. Yeah. The way that Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears were. And I think that's essentially the dividing line between why they were just

Dorita as people. Yeah. Versus not. But I do like, I'm actually, I find Paris Hilton to be very interesting and honestly quite impressive. Yeah, I agree. And I think she had a lot.

I don't think she I think she was using us as much as people thought they were. Like, I think she wasn't. I think she knew what the joke was. I think she knew what her image was. And I think part of it was probably just being a young, rich party girl. But I think a lot of it was understanding the assignment, you know, in like a weird way. Yeah, I agree. And then she was able to, you know, not be destroyed because her parents weren't stealing.

Yeah, that'll fuck you up. That is so dark. Jesus Christ. It's so dark. And I really but I'm so, so you know i'm very interested by that like britney obviously and and lindsey lohan are like trying to sort of come come back into themselves in this moment and i'm really fascinated to see where that goes and i really am so hopeful for both of them because they were yeah when you think about the four of those women

and then where like especially kim kardashian is now by comparison it's yeah it's really fucked up and it's really sad uh they were all like subject to the same treatment but it turned out very very differently yeah the only other thing i will say about paris hilton to just to to like real quick's just she was also also at that time it was so popular to um kind of like fetishize being rich like we just loved it as a culture we had all those shows like lifestyles the rich the famous cribs like all that hills yeah laguna beach i feel like the simple life was like kind of like the like the like the apex of that in a way because it was so it was it's it's so just like distasteful and like horrible to think about now but it was basically like making fun of people who i mean making it was kind of like advocating being so rich that you're like not connected to life at all, which we ate up.

We like as a society, we're like, give me more of that. Like, love, love, love, love. Especially if it was like hot young women like you fucking idiots. But they were they were they were so funny in that show is the other thing. Like, she's hilarious. And like in on the joke like they're not like complete idiots like they are making jokes in that show they are playing a character and playing it perfectly nicole richie is a full-on actor and like does tv shows my

friend was on a show with her and loves her and so she's like so cool and fucking like they knew exactly what they were doing yeah but it was just a really weird it was just a really weird it was a weird weird time and I will say the other strange thing is I saw after the VMAs Olivia Rodrigo partying with Paris Hilton

and I was like this is a weird full circle moment of love just like pop culture icons like coming together. I don't know how to feel about Olivia Rodrigo and Paris Hilton being like BFFs. Isn't Olivia Rodrigo like 17? Yeah, she's so young. She's so young. Paris Hilton's 41.

I looked that up today because I did have a moment where I was like, is she my age? Because all of these women are basically our peers. But when we were kids, it did not feel that way. Yeah. And it's just very weird to have grown up and now. I mean, Paris Hilton is a little bit older than us, but it's still like, wait, we are all just adults now. And it was anyway, not to say that Paris Hilton's like a fucking hero or anything. I just I just think she's a lot more than we ever assumed at this time yeah

and i think that was by design and i think she fucking knew it uh how was she as an actor house of wax not terrible i mean i feel like um horror seems you know she's not giving us a tony colette performance right this is maybe not asking for it but i think yeah i think most horror actors i i don't know maybe this is i haven't thought about this enough to truly speak on it but it seems like kind of you just have fun with it and like scream and cry and i feel like she was good at it. Great. Great. I do feel like if you let yourself like anyone can probably access fear. Right. Like like we like you don't maybe have to necessarily be an incredible actor to be able to think, oh, if someone's coming at me with a fucking chainsaw, here's how I would.

Yeah. She did. She did win, quote unquote, win a Razzie for this performance. Interesting. But I don't think it's that bad. Was she also nominated for a SAG Award? No, that honor is reserved only for Jared Leto, the pedophile who we just keep letting be in stuff. Do movies?

Yeah. Congratulations to Yeah. Um, but okay. Some trivia for us. This movie is sort of a remake. There is a house of wax that came out in 1953. There is also a mystery of the wax museum that came out in 1933, but plot wise, it's not similar to either of those, which is very strange. The plot is apparently basically a remake of the 1979 film Tourist Trap.

So I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Don't like that. I don't know. I don't know. I've never seen any of those, but it's just interesting that it's not similar to the plot of the other House of Wax.

Like, what could that House of Wax possibly be about? be about it just seems like also then why use the same title feels like you have another title yeah that's strange good for them this trivia made me laugh so much jared padalecki is one foot taller than co-star alicia cuth. So to make herself appear taller in scenes where they'd be filmed together, Cuthbert taped two-inch blocks of wood to the bottom of her boots. She did it herself? Nobody advised her to,

and nobody was there to help? That's a really crazy... It's also like two inches, just wear two-inch shoes. Two-inch is what she used. No, I'm going to put these blocks of wood on my shoes two inch blocks hey director i sort of have an idea and i have these blocks of wood what do you what do you said that i didn't imagine two inches i imagined like full stilts

he's a foot taller than you so you add two inches they literally have unsets like they're called apple boxes which are like platforms that they have you stand on like you don't need to put those on your shoes also those are usually taller than that it's fair i just couldn't believe what i was reading it's so funny and i just don't understand it at all i love it i love that that's written down as trivia though. I love that. I'm very happy to know it. I want a picture. I want to see what shoes were they and how big

were these blocks of wood. I need more information. I know. I am. I'm intrigued. Paris Hilton was the first person to be cast for this film and the rest of the cast was then built around her. Just not surprising. I feel like she

was hot shit at this time. So they probably knew that that was going to be a big selling point. And also probably people wanted to watch her get murdered. Yeah. And so and just like we all said, the main thing anyone says is House Wax.

Oh, the movie with Parisis hilton it's like how it is remembered so makes a lot of sense uh on june 26 2004 a soundstage being used for the film burned to the ground during a test of special effects equipment the fire started by a candle destroyed a studio at warner brothers movie world on aust Australia's Gold Coast. One member was treated for burns, but no one else was injured. And I think Warner Brothers then sued this movie for like $7 million or something. Oh, my God. Holy shit. Pretty crazy.

Wow. And then just a casting what if, Jennifer Connelly and Kate Winslet both turned down. Both turned down both turned down which eventually went to alicia cuthbert um but just imagining kate winslet in this movie is so funny or kate winslet getting that script and being like wait you want me to what wait with who wait um what no oh that's very funny um and that's all i got so this trailer is pretty spoilery but i kind of feel like enough crazy shit happens in this movie that kind of who fucking cares let's just watch it i want to watch this trailer let's watch it you guys gonna do it tonight or what stop the hell is that what does he want can we help you maybe we're on his property i'm gonna tell Watch it. You see anybody?

No, nobody. Hello? I don't think anyone's here. Hey, who's at House of Wax? It is Wax. Literally. This is weird. It is wax. Literally. This is weird.

Looks like a hell of a party. Look how detailed this is. Tell me this doesn't look real. You're saying that that's a real person underneath? They're all wax, everyone. Help! Please, somebody! They're out there. You gotta be careful. I am being careful. What's going on I'm honestly pretty excited maybe you guys will like it I mean I liked it a lot

more than I remembered it's pretty fun I'm just like loving this cast I'm feeling instantly 13 yep um was that how old i was in this no i was older but still uh wow i mean because did you guys watch one tree hill i didn't no i actually didn't watch any of the shows that any of these people because what the other guys from supernatural i think yes before that gilmore girls oh sorry i didn't watch gilmore Girls either and so it's

Rory's worst boyfriend if you ask me. I just know that they are they were very famous at that time. You couldn't avoid seeing their faces so obviously I'm familiar with them. I didn't watch One Tree Hill but I did watch Gilmore Girls and I think it came on before One Tree Hill

and so I very much remember the theme song for One Tree Hill. I don't wanna be in it. I don't wanna be in it. I don't wanna be in it. All I have to do is be in it. Yeah. And let's not

forget Chad Michael Murray in Riverdale. I will never forget Chad Michael Murray in Riverdale. Chad Michael Murray was also briefly in Gilmore Girls. A lot of the trivia was about how a lot of these people were in the same shows of this time. Yeah, maybe it was 2005. These people were the stars in 2005.

We were, you know, network TV was big. It was on. Those were the options and they were the actors. That's right. And wasn't it on WB? Like, this is a Warner Brothers movie. WB before it became this is a Warner Brothers movie. WB before it became the CW.

Exactly. And so I bet they were like, we'll just scoop up all of ours. Wasn't it a little frog in a top hat guy? It was for a little while, yeah. That sounds right. That sounds right to me. A little frog in a top hat guy. I'm excited. Oh my god, I'm so excited.

I will say, I will say I did not like two things. I did not like all the squelching that kept happening. Yeah, there's going to be some squelching, I think. And all the scraping. There were too many shots of some scraping that happened. Would have been a great title. Squelching and scraping. Squelching and scraping.

There are definitely, there's a few scenes that you guys are going to despise hate hate yeah I'm sure that's true I did think it was very funny that there's a shot in the trailer of just Paris Hilton's boobs and a knife being like that there it's immediately I was like oh this kind of movie I feel like at this time 13 ghosts

to like there just has to be a scene with a woman and like close up of like oh her her top came off and she's wearing a red bra and then i'm being murdered oh no yes exactly i'm being chased yep and that happens very much in this movie i can't wait i can't fucking wait yeah i can't wait i can't wait produced by roberts and mechis. Sorry, Robert Zemeckis' name shows up on the randomest shit I've ever seen in my life. Like, what is his career? This man is everywhere.

Sir, what's your genre? Like, I literally don't understand. His genre is making money. Money, baby, money, money. I mean, he's good at that, obviously. Obviously. Oh, my God. How long is this movie, Sammy?

It's like two hours. Oh, my God. Oh my god. How long is this movie, Sammy? It's like two hours. Oh my god. I was surprised. I thought for sure this was going to be an 80 minute one. Usually this era, I feel like they just cut these down because the editing is so rapid

too. It's just like, bam, bam, bam, and the movie's over. Man, okay. Well, let's fucking get into it i guess yeah we gotta get okay let's get into it buckle up in the past few years i have hit a point where i only want to be wearing clothes that are comfortable it happened it happened to me but you know what i still also want to look cute and these are two desires that are often extremely opposing and i don't want to have to sacrifice. I want both. I want comfort and I want to feel cute and confident. And guess what? Skims has freaking done it again with their soft lounge collection. and boxer set. Okay. This tank, it's a great little rib tank. Classic. You can wear it every day. You can pair it with jeans. You can wear it out in the world, or you can wear it with this

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I don't know. We don't actually see really anybody's faces here. So I couldn't possibly tell you how old this child was. Young enough to be in a high chair. not a baby i'm a toddler or something um and she's pouring wax into a mold of a face and then the dad carries in the other child another son who is throwing a fucking huge tantrum screaming and they are screaming at him stop it why can't you be more like your brother vincent and they strap him into his high chair he has like cuts and bruises on his wrists and ankles from where he's struggled against this high chair. It's very upsetting.

Oh my God. This is literal child abuse. It's very much child abuse. No one warned me. Sorry. This is child abuse. Sorry. No one warned me.

Sorry. Sorry. I hate it. I hate this. It's over. That's it. We just get that little glimpse and that's it. Okay.

And then we cut to present day 2005. And we meet our main character. Carly is Alicia Cuthbert. Which, by the way, I said her name, Elisha, up until this morning when I looked it up. And was like, I bet it's Elisha. Oh, me too. I would have said it differently as well. I think I thought it was Elisa.

I forgot the H. It's Elisha. It's spelt E-L-I-S. Elisha. Yeah. Elisha. Elisha. Elisha is how it is spelled. I think I was saying Elisha. What was I saying? Maybe I wasn't saying it. Elisha. You probably weren't saying it. I probably wasn't saying it elisha you probably weren't saying it

that's i probably wasn't saying it i looked it up it's alicia okay all right she's clomping around on some big wooden blocks weirdly heavy uh-huh it's just so loud every step is clump, clump, clump. Keep getting your word and dialogue. Oh, God. No, she is sitting at a table with her best friend, Paige, who is Paris Hilton. And they're getting ready to go to a football game with their boyfriends. Paige to like talk to her boyfriend who's in his car his name is blake and who's who's this guy uh blake is his name is he's not chad or or no uh robert richard he was in the trailer right he looked familiar to me I don't know him from anything but Probably I mean they got

Everybody in this movie they got The hot people from 2005 But then Carly's boyfriend Wade comes to sit with her And Wade is the guy from Supernatural I can't remember Yes and

That's Paige's boyfriend No that's Carly's boyfriend that's uh no that's carly's boyfriend that's carly's boyfriend page's boyfriend is the guy the other guy and wade is asking carly why does your brother have to come and she says blake it he like makes blake feel cooler i guess and he and wade, I thought your mom wasn't going to pay his bail. And she's like, Blake paid it. My mom didn't pay it.

So we get the sense that Carly's brother is a bad boy and we see him walk up and it is Chad, Michael Murray. Oh, such a bad boy. We are introduced to him by him walking past a homeless man, kicking the can of change out of his hand and telling him to get a shop. Oh my god! It's the craziest character introduction I feel like I've ever seen.

What a bad boy. This is a bad boy. What a freaking hot bad boy. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe it. Oh my God. And his best friend Dalton is with him. And Dalton has a video camera and is like filming everything, being annoying and in everybody's faces. That's his vibe.

Nick's vibe is 100% bad boy. And he's clearly very mad at Carly for something he's being a bit cryptic about it she says something like do you have something to say to me and he says i think you've already said enough for the both of us don't you we're getting like little veiled things like that something clearly has happened between them but so this group of six is getting ready to go to a drive to a football game that's happening tomorrow. They get in their cars. They have two cars and start driving and realize they're probably not going to make it tonight.

So let's just pull over and camp, which is absolutely insane. What? In what world do you plan to drive somewhere in the middle of the night without like any thought of will we get there by morning? It's like what? Oh, to be fair, I did forget. There's a part where Blake is like looking at a map and is says he finds a shortcut that'll get them there faster. So they do introduce an element of they're a little bit lost. So maybe it is unexpected. This is pre

Apple Maps, Google Maps time. God, I would have gotten so lost all the time. It just blows my mind to think of them. Just suggest let's just pull over and camp. They do have all their camping gear. This must have been the plan from the get-go, but it just blows my mind as someone who is not a good camper just camping at a random spot

especially when it's already dark out no no you're literally just finding like a field anything could be in that field this is not okay yeah and something is going to be um as they as they are driving up to where they're going to pull over they pass a sign that's just not okay yeah and something is going to be as they as they are driving up to where they're going to pull over they pass a sign that's an a billboard for a house of wax and wade says something like he's interested in like oh cool house of wax and nick says are you into that w? Things pretending to be something they're not. You must be if you're dating my sister. And then he scowls at Carly. He's so mad at her.

It's so funny. Whoa. Oh, my God. The look he gives her is just like death daggers. I'm like, what happened between these two? We don't know yet. We don't know yet. We don't know. But they pull over to set up camp and they're setting up their tents and immediately smell a horrible,

horrible smell. A wind comes in and they all cover their nose and mouths are gagging oh my god what is that smell get back in your cars yeah don't sleep here keep going but they don't they're much too chill they set up camp they start drinking having a good time they're drunk and partying a big truck pulls up with spotlight headlights like headlights and then additional lights and is shining it on them uh they ask can we help you with something they're yelling at him can we help you maybe this is this guy's property he's just sitting in his truck staring at them all for a while they're obviously getting very unsettled and angry and yelling at him what the fuck do you want bad boy nick eventually throws a beer bottle at the car and it smashes one of the headlights and the car drives away. That was weird. Back to the party.

Like sure. Sure happens all the time. And then they eventually go to sleep that night. And while they are sleeping, we see somebody picks up Dalton's video camera and films all of them. Okay. Very yucky. So yucky. Carly

senses something, wakes up, and goes to investigate on her own. Again, these people camping, way too comfortable. When I'm'm camping i'm on edge vigil every moment of every i just like yes i will never relax camping and that's on a fucking like campsite yes and there's no fucking way i'm exploring in the middle of the night by myself a sound no way no and we see that someone is from behind their car still filming her as

she is looking around this campsite trying to find the source of whatever it is. There's a fake out jump scare. It's Wade trying to get her to come back into the tent. She goes back to the tent. Nothing happens. They wake up next morning getting ready to go to that football game.

They wake up at 2.30 also. PM? PM. So they're like we're late we're late funny it's 2 30 everybody hurry up when was the last time you guys slept until 2 30 i don't know that i ever i don't think i ever have either maybe when you're very sick maybe when i was very sick maybe henley has this week when you're camping you get up when the sun gets up the tent gets unbearably hot. Boiling hot at dawn. Yes. Bright, shining light in your tent.

Boiling hot at dawn. It's true. You're in a little, like, plastic cocoon. Yes. It's very hot in there. You're awake way before 2.30 p.m. Yeah. That just, again, a funny little detail. I just couldn't believe it. 2.30 p.m. Yeah, that just, again, a funny little detail.

I just couldn't believe it. 2.30? Who are these people? I slept, I woke up at 9.30 this morning and was like, oh my God, I slept in! I was, like, amazed. Yeah. 2.30? I would think I was dying.

I did sleep until 10 recently and was shocked. Yeah. Yeah, I'm like scared when I sleep that long now. Cause I'm, I'm like, what happened? What's wrong?

Am I ill? Right. I must. Yeah. Must be sick. Yeah. Uh, so they're running late,

packing up, getting ready to go to the football game. And then Wade's car, uh, is not working. He pops the hood and the fan belt has snapped. He says it's, this was brand new and it's like very clearly cut it's like someone did this it's clear someone did this none of them

think that they're like oh man like what sucks that that broke in the night on its own of its own volition. So they only have one car now. And I think some one way does maybe like, oh, the town is nearby that that house of wax is in. Maybe they can help us. I'm not going to leave my car here while the men are dealing with the car issue. Sure, sure. Because that's a that's a man's domain yeah page and carly go to smell that smell again and go to investigate with what's the source of this smell i want to know i want to be closer to it get me close a question that i personally wouldn't want answered. But they go walking through the woods

in search of the source of the smell. And eventually Carly slips down the side of a hill and falls into a huge bloody pile of roadkill. Oh my God. huge bloody pile of roadkill oh my god just hundreds of dead deer and rodents in essentially a lake of their own blood flies everywhere and she slips into it like she doesn't go fully submerged in it just her hands are she's like she goes head first and just her like up to her shoulders isn't it it's so gross that is maybe the worst thing you can fall in with her head her head goes no her head doesn't go in okay but she's she's elbow deep like pressing and she's also stuck in a vertical face down position, trying not to completely fall into this horrible pool of death.

It's so gross. Well, this is why you don't go looking for a smell. Yeah. Lesson learned. What do you think it's going to be? Good? Definitely not good. Definitely not good.

She's screaming. She's freaking out page is trying to uh get down to her but she's on a angle and it just looks treacherous to rescue her without also risking falling into the pile of dead animals and as they're trying to figure it out the the guys are also running up hearing them screaming and. And as this is all happening, a car pulls up to on the other side of the roadkill and dumps another dead deer. And we see this is like the roadkill worker guy that this is his job is disposing of roadkill into this nasty, unsanitary, horrible pile. I wonder what actually happens to roadkill. I think you would have to burn it, right?

Burn it, I guess. I think that's probably also bad. I guess I have no idea. I'm not going to. I've never thought about it. And I don't want to. I don't want to. I don't want to.

And the guys get there. They eventually get her out. And the roadkill worker guy spots them. And they're talking to him and saying uh our car fan our fan belt broke we're stuck and this roadkill guy says i can give you a ride into town and wade without hesitation says that would be that'd be great thank you so much and carly looks a little more suspicious and says i'll i says, I'll come with you. I don't want you to go alone.

And so the group splits up. Carly and Wade go with Roadkill Man. And she's still covered in roadkill, yeah? Nick has graciously given her his shirt, which she was wearing a long-sleeve shirt, so absolutely soaked through with gore. So is Nick shirtless now? I don't know. He probably

had another shirt in the car. He was layering shirts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's like a tank top that once she puts it on becomes a fitted women's tank top. It's perfect. But there's a gross moment where she's changing and the roadkill guy is obviously watching and being gross and but they they say you know we're already running late the four of you need

to run ahead we still got to get tickets we'll go get the fan belt and then come meet you there and everything will be great and so they get in the car with roadkill guy. His name's Lester. And the inside of the car is almost as nasty as the pile of dead deer. He has decorated it with deer hooves as if they were air fresheners. They're dangling off his rear view mirror like texas chainsaw massacre vibes yes there's a lot of texas chainsaw massacre vibes in this movie um and it smells awful in there so carly asks wade to roll down the window carly's sitting

in the middle which i think it's a it's one of those trucks that's everybody sits in the same seat basically and she's in the middle and he goes to roll the window down and the door handle and window rolly thing have been cut off so he cannot do anything and Lester just says oh sorry this truck's so old what a piece of shit and they're like they get him to roll his window down uh again lester looks carly up and down his eye his gaze lingering on her in inappropriate ways wade notices she notices it's very uncomfortable and as they're sizing him up they see he has a knife in his belt and they're driving further and further with him into the woods. And eventually they say, where's the where? So where's the town? And he says,

it's just up around this corner. And they say, we'll get out and walk the rest of the way. And he looks offended by that. Lester says, oh, you don't you don't believe me? And it's a tense moment where they ask to get out of the car, and he walks around, and he's got his knife. And so we're wondering, is he going to stab him? But he doesn't. He opens the door for them, and he lets them out. And they walk around the corner. And surely enough, the town is literally right there, just up around the last corner. And so Wade feels like an asshole.

You don't need to feel like an asshole in this situation. Follow those instincts. In fact, you should have followed different instincts 10 minutes ago. This is already... It's already bad. This is already bad. And this is a real town. This is not the wax town.

Well, we don't know. Maybe they're one and the same, Henley. It looks like... Okay. It looks like a real town. It looks like a town, but there's nobody visibly there. Okay. It's got a gas station.

It's got a church. It's got houses. They see a woman pulling a curtain back and looking out a window at them and then closing it. But it's definitely a creepy vibe and seems like ghost town-ish. And they go to the gas station, which has the little auto repair shop attached to it. But it's unattended. Nobody is there. And so they're just looking for a person to help them. And they decide to try the church. And they open the church doors and there's a funeral happening and like people crying and a um the priest like gives them a weird look and the guy

at the side of the coffin like turns around and looks at them and they're very awkwardly leave and say i'm so sorry for interrupting we'll go they turn and walk out and then the guy comes out and follows them and he's crying and he's like can i help you with something he's kind of an asshole to them because he's mourning and feels like he gets like snippy that they interrupted him for a fan belt they but you know what else are they gonna do they didn't know um so he's rude to them and then he uh eventually apologizes and is like i'm sorry i it's obviously a hard day and carly's very nice to him about it. Of course, you don't have to apologize. We're so sorry. We just need a fan belt. And he kind of flirts with her a bit. He softens at her being nice to him. And it's like, okay, yeah, you guys seem nice. I'll meet you at the auto shop in

20 minutes. Give me 20 minutes and I'll be over there and I'll meet you at the auto shop in 20 minutes. Give me 20 minutes and I'll be over there and I'll help you with the fan belt. She says, thank you so much. He goes back inside the church and Wade says to her, looks like your fan club just grew another person. What? I cut my jaw dropped open excuse me sir what and she gets pissed at it too and is it and yells at him like are you fucking joking me and are you joking me are you joking my ass right now are you joking my ass right now

i just got the fucking fan bill you joking my ass right now? Are you joking my ass right now? I just got off the fucking fan bill. You're joking my ass right now. Yeah, that really made, boy, that boiled my blood. Guess you got yourself objectified again into getting me the thing I want, you bitch. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. You're my slut. Nobody else's.

So they have 20 minutes to fill and they're just walking around the town and we get some shots of a man with long black hair sculpting wax figures and it's close ups of him sculpting breasts. And it's I really didn't like it like i won't go into it let's move on yeah move on move on and so they find the wax museum and are you know we saw in the trailer are saying oh it all looks so lifelike and wade says aren't people in wax museums supposed to be famous, recognizable people? I don't recognize any of these people.

But it is like a cool wax museum. Everything does look really good. And they realize that the actual building itself is made out of wax. Literally, floor to ceiling, everything is wax. Hope it doesn't get too hot there. I hope so. Wax does melt. Yes.

Famously. That's what it's known for. Do you guys like sticking your fingers in candle wax and peeling it off? Oh, my God. I love it. It's very satisfying. They see a dog that looks very lifelike and Wade goes up to it and says, oh, my God, look at this. Dog barks at him.

Jump scare. It's a real dog. It runs off. Carly really laughs at this. I think it's a bad sign. We also see the man with the long hair hearing them above him. So we can we see that he's in the basement of this wax museum. above him. So we see that he's in the basement of this wax museum. And Carly notices the name Vincent signed on everything, carved into some of the wax things. There's also some paintings that

have been signed with Vincent. Meanwhile, we see the rest of the crew is stuck in traffic and it's bumper to bumper crazy traffic to the point that they're gonna miss the whole game they're like still very far away and they were already running late and so they decide to call it and say okay let's let's head back to where our friends are and pick them up and just head home because we're not going to make it to the football game um they stop at some point and i think there's there's a moment where nick and dalton are talking and blake comes up to them and says are you guys gonna have sex and they're like what and he says because me and page, are you guys going to have sex? And they're like, what? And he says, because me and Paige are.

So you guys go pick them up. It's just like a very interesting way to phrase this whole interaction. So they're at like the campsite area and Nick and Dalton take the car and leave Paige and Blake at the campsite so and Nick and Dalton take the car and leave Paige and Blake at the campsite so they can have sex. Okay. And it's starting to get dark.

They love this campsite. Yeah, they want to go back to the roadkill campsite. Yummy, yummy campsite filled with roadkill. And Bo, oh, the guy from the funeral home, his name's Bo. It's not Bo Burnham.

Bummer. Damn it. I thought it was. And he meets them at the auto shop. And they have all the sizes of fan belts except for the one that they need for his car. Damn. He needs a 15 inch. And Bo says,

I've got one at my house. You can take, I'll take you guys to my house and then I'll give you a ride back. It's the least I can do for making, like I was rude to you earlier. I'm sorry. He's like being nice and normal now.

And so they trust him. So they decide, yes, we will follow you strange man to your house in your car or no they walk to the house and he gives him a little beau gives him a little history of the town as they're walking they're like what's the deal with this place he says oh there's like this woman named trudy she what did all the wax figures and uh carly asks well what about vincent i saw the name vincent on a lot of things and he says oh vincent was one of her sons and it's kind of a tragic story um her husband they had to move out

here because her husband performed some sort of surgery that he wasn't supposed to and he got like ostracized from his hometown so they moved here because of that drama. And then Trudy got a cyst in her brain that was growing and growing and she was in so much pain and screaming that the dad shot himself in the head and the boys had to go to foster care. So pretty, pretty sad story.

What the hell? Welcome to our town. Welcome pretty sad story. What the hell? Welcome to our town. I love the inclusion of screaming. It's like we don't need to know. The screaming part. You know what I mean? Imagine telling that story. Yeah and she was screaming.

So much screaming. Oh she screamed. Oh the screams. If you can imagine. Don't get me started on the screams but they arrive at his house and wade needs to use the bathroom and page stays in uh gets they like his truck is parked outside and she's like i'll wait in the truck and wade goes in to use the bathroom with beau they both go inside we see shots of dalton and nick are on their way here to pick them up from here they had um described i guess the route that they took with the roadkill guy lester uh we see wade inside and the house is gross but not texas chainsaw level

gross it's just a complete mess and dark and kind of spooky and he i don't think ever even uses the bathroom he just immediately starts snooping around and looking at shit and exploring different rooms. And why are we doing this? Wait, use the bathroom and get out of there. So as he is exploring, he finds one room that is not like the others. That's a looks like a some sort of medical experiment room. Great. Great. Lots of medical tools.

It's starting. By the way, this is like an hour into the movie. Nothing that horrible besides the road kill has happened yet. I was surprised that it took this long to kind of get to get things going.

But it starts here and then it doesn't stop. Great. He's looking around in this room. And we see. A little secret floor board. Opening up. And the guy with the long hair.

Peeking up. Into this room. He's under the whole town. Ew. Which is funny because that he kind of looks like um gabriel from malignant which was also that like underground in seattle he looks a little bit like um tommy wiseau mixed with gabriel mixed with bagul from sinister is kind of his vibe. So we see him peeking up through the floorboards and Carly's getting impatient and gets out of the car and is looking up at the house, turns back and looks at the truck and it's got a broken headlight.

And she realizes it's, it's the truck that was watching them at the campsite. She gets scared, pulls out her cell phone. To call Blake. Blake and Paige are. Busy. They're busy.

And. Back in this medical room. We see the. Long haired guy. Pulling out. A big pair of scissors. And reaching. For Wade's. long-haired guy pulling out a big pair of scissors and reaching for Wade's

Achilles. No! Not the Achilles. Snips it. Ay-yi-yo-wow-wow. Snip, snip, snip, snip. Wow, wow, wow, wow. G-O-G-O-G. G-O-G-O-G. Oh, I fucking hate it.

Yay, kiss. fucking hate it. Yay, kiss. He gets it. He gets it. And he falls down and is scrambling, trying to get away. The lights also have turned off in the house now. Long-haired man, by the way, I think we know by now, is Vincent. I'm going to call him Vincent. Okay.

Seems right. Seems right. He's calling everything he makes Vincent. So, yeah. Yes. And he stabs Wade in the shoulder, in the leg. He stabs him a couple of times. Wade, it's not looking good for Wade.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. As Carly is leaving a voicemail for Blake saying that we's we see the guy that was following us at the campsite like something is up like I need where are you guys I need you guys pick us up and at that moment Bo walks out it's like ready to go like ready to head back and uh she turns and is scared of him and immediately gets in the truck and locks the doors and locks him out and says where's wade i'm not like i'm waiting for wade and i i kind of appreciated that she wasn't i don't know if in this moment i think i probably still would have just pretended it was fine yeah playing

dumb yeah but i did kind of i do appreciate someone listening to their instincts she knows something is up and she's trying to take action and i like that for her i like that for her i hope it pans out but quickly bo flips and the jig is up we know he's bad no it's there's no more tiptoeing around it he starts trying to break into the car to get her um and starts trying to pull her out of the car he smashes the window starts grabbing her to pull her out by her legs somehow and so her hands are in the car and she turns on the ignition and presses the gas with her hand which i like so she's just kind of driving as fast as she can in any direction just to get him off of her. And it works.

But then one of the tires of the truck goes off a little ledge and it gets stuck so that she can't drive anymore. So she just gets out and runs on foot. Oh, God. And then we get to see what happens to Wade. We get to. Thank God we get to thank god we get to what a privilege all of the wade stuff from here on out is the worst things in the movie i think wade really fucking gets the brunt of things um so we see him laid out on that little medical table uh well vincent has a little workshop underground, too.

So this might be underground. But he's basically on a little operating situation, a very dirty, nasty operating room. Because they're not concerned about the health and safety of this person. No, absolutely not. So, yes, picture dirt everywhere. No, no, no. That's my least favorite thing. It's gross.

And he has injected something into Wade, that magical thing that makes you paralyzed, but still able to feel everything. Yeah, that's mean. And he is sewing up all the places that he has stabbed him with a big fishhook looking needle and you see tears coming out of Wade's eyes to make it clear that he can feel this but cannot move and

then Vincent takes some melted wax and pours it on Wade's eyebrows and facial hair and lays down a little piece of fabric and waxes all of his facial hair off. Oh, my God. What? Oh, waxing a beard.

Oh, my God. I know. It looks so painful. And then he sets him up in this contraption that's like a know. It looks so painful. Oh. And then they, he sets him up in this contraption. That's like a chair. It looks, Ooh,

it looks medieval. It looks medieval. Medieval. It looks medieval. Positively medieval. It looks like a torture, torture device. And I think picture pinhead from hellraiser

but the pins are coming at your face instead of out of your face and i think the purpose of this device is to hold him in exactly still in one position um but it looks so scary. And then a little shower turns on of boiling hot wax and just sprays all over him. Him screaming, but that kind of scream where you can't move your mouth. So it's just like. I hate that. I hate that. Awful. I hate that.

I hate that. We cut back to Carly, who is running away on foot. And she runs back into that church to see if any of those people might be able to help her. Oh, I bet the other people in the church are good. And sure enough, they are all wax. She reaches for one person and breaks the arm off. And it is not wax on the inside. It is blood.

It is muscle and bone. And she screams, realizing this is a human person underneath this wax. But she can still just like... She pulled the whole thing off? Just snap the arm off? Well, I think it's quite an old one. So, I don't know. But are they alive?

Are they alive? These ones are not alive. No. Okay. They were, though. They were at some point. Okay. But no, all these are dead.

But it shows, like, little, like, spiders and cockroaches running on their little wax bodies. Ew. And she hides in here. Bo eventually comes in and finds her. It's a tense little scene, a little, a little, um,

hide and seek. And he finds her, he gets her and he drags her to the gas station auto shop place. And he's probably the other brother, huh? That's, you know, kind of the only option we're really seeing here.

No, but it's kind of pretty smart that I figured it out yes I'm so sorry I did not mean to belittle your guess no I sort of yeah no I mean I kind of I could have figured out the movie so

to be honest I wasn't thinking that Um, so. To be honest, I wasn't thinking that. It's pretty smart. It's pretty smart. You got it. You got it really quickly. Yeah, it's good. It's good.

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we get the backstory that Dalton stole a car and Nick took the fall for it. I see. Because Nick was already a bad boy, not with theft on his record, but had other things on his record, and he decided... What he is is a good friend. That's right.

Heart of gold except for his treatment of homeless people. Yeah. And I think the reason he was so mad at Carly is that he thinks she ratted him out. They had a conversation at some point earlier where she says

I didn't i didn't tell him any it doesn't matter it doesn't matter that's who cares the tension between them okay the point is he's a bad boy with a heart of gold that's the point i got it got it got it got it we go back into that basement underneath the auto shop and beau is strapping Carly into a chair, like cuffing her to a chair. And he gets some super glue and super glues her lips together. No. So she can't scream. Oh, it would be so bad.

It would be so bad. And this was in the trivia that i don't know what the fuck to make of this but apparently elisha cuthbert excuse me i said elisha again alicia insisted on using real super glue for this no i think that's sly that must be a lie that simply cannot be real you would tear your fucking lips if it is real though I just love these choices Alicia's making of like tape the boxes to my shoes and put super glue on my lips like she

is just making choices everything I have if that is true that is simply stupid yeah I know there's no way that's true that's it does look false. It does look real. But they did it in Good Night, Mommy, and it looked real. And I doubt it was real.

It just shouldn't be. It shouldn't be real. It absolutely shouldn't be real. Maybe there's like a makeup safe kind of glue that dissolves that isn't super. Like maybe they used a glue. Maybe they used a different type of glue. But super glue would be bad really

really bad you would have you would yeah it would be your lips are too soft and sensitive yeah super glued I've like done when I put glued my little nail tips on where I've caught some skin and it

pulls it up and makes a little cut and it fucking hurts and that's just like finger skin. Yeah. That ain't lips. Oof. I hope it was not super glue. Yeah, I hope this isn't real. I don't think it was super glue. That's what I choose to believe. Same, same, same. I choose that as well. But the little lifts

on her shoes, that one I hope is real. I hope it's so real. So we see Nick and Dalton arriving at this town to pick them up and they immediately split up. Let's go find them. Where are they? Bo has left Carly in the basement and is locking up the auto shop now. And as he's walking out, Nick sees him and calls out to him and says, hey, I'm looking for my sister. Have you seen anybody here? and bo's playing it cool saying no and we see carly downstairs trying to scream but she can't and there she sees above her a great

up to street level like a little pothole cover or whatever, and sticks her finger up to try to signal to Nick. But Nick doesn't see it, but Bo does. And Bo is trying to block Nick from seeing it, saying, no, I haven't seen anybody, and leans down to look like he's tying his shoe. But instead takes a little pair of like wire cutters. No. And cuts off her finger.

Don't tell me. Okay. Well, moving on. Moving on. Yeah, we got it. Go, go, go, go. And she's screaming, but he still can't. Nick still can't hear her.

So she takes her good hand and rips open those lips blood coming all off her lips and is then able to scream Nick and he hears yeah okay well this is bad for everyone

this is really bad for everyone it's like what are you telling us Alicia Cuthbert did you do that for real yeah like Alicia what are you trying what are Alicia Cuthbert? Did you do that for real? What are you trying to tell us? You did that for real? What if she put that in the IMDb trivia to make herself look badass? Anyone can edit the IMDb trivia. Okay.

Yikes. No, thank you. So we see that Bo had a screwdriver or something at the ready to stab Nick. As soon as she or something at the ready to stab Nick. As soon as she screams, Nick, he goes to stab Nick. Nick being the bad boy guy. He is bad boy guy. Bad boy guy.

I'm sort of a bad boy guy. Ducks and punches him and is able to defend himself and runs into the gas station and locks bow out of it because he can hear that that's where she's where she is and locks bow out and eventually gets down to carly uh they bandage up her finger she's you know explaining this town's fucked up everybody's wax like we gotta get the fuck out of here and we go back to dalton who is exploring the wax museum oh and this is my least favorite part of the movie okay let's just do let's just do it he sees Wade sitting at the piano and says Wade everybody's looking

for you what are you doing Wade perfectly still oh no looking bizarro he's looking rather waxy yep and Dalton reaches for him and touches his cheek and it goes in like wax wood, freshly dried wax.

It presses in. And Wade, you hear Wade going, hmm, hmm. And Dalton realizes he's covered in wax. And he's like, oh, my God god let me get you out of there Wade what the fuck and starts peeling it off revealing just muscle and blood and

we see again tears coming out of Wade's eyes and he and Dalton just is not understanding what is happening and just keeps going he's like oh my god oh my god and is just peeling his fucking face off i literally have my hand up to the camera as though i can stop so i can stop you so wait so what sorry i just have to though now what do we think well so is it that the wax like

replaces your skin to his skin and it's and so now his skin is coming off is it that the wax like replaces your skin to his skin? And it's and so now his skin is coming off. Is it that the hot wax melted his skin away? That's kind of what I think. I think it melted and like fused with his skin. But everything under there is really like, oh, OK, I'm done. I'm done. I get it. I get it.

I get it. I get it. As the one who wanted to go through this real quick, Emily, I love that you tried to break it down. I love that you tried to understand. I had to understand. I had to understand. But that's probably what it is, is that it's sort of just melt fuses. Yes, that's what I think we're meant to believe.

And Dalton hears somebody coming up behind him, turns, and we see Vincent with his, he has like two knives always, and swipes one of the knives. like two knives always and swipes one of the knives dalton dodges out of the way and the knife like cuts off half of wade's face exposing his like his teeth and jaw oh wade really has it rough in this oh my god i hope wade is dead soon like just i hope so too uh dalton runs and i think runs downstairs i think it's just the first place that he can see to turn and runs basically into vincent's lair great and very quickly vincent catches up with him and takes his knives and decapitates him like takes the knives like scissors and just like cuts his head off so honestly dalton had it pretty good i think if i could be anybody in this movie i'd probably want to be dalton oh great well that's great news for everybody else no i mean yeah we'll see we can choose at the end who we want to be in this movie yeah that sounds fun that's a good idea uh we see

back to nick and carly they're trying to gather everybody up to leave we gotta get the fuck out of here we gotta get dalton we gotta get wade and she says i saw a woman in this window like maybe she can help us oh god and we go up to the window and see that it is a woman on a you know timer thing it's a little robot whatever it's a contraption yeah that's not a real woman so they realize the whole town is rigged we gotta get the fuck out of here and we cut back to page and blake getting sexy this is where page is getting down to her red bra and underwear. I'm thinking what a fucking slut whore. This one I'm thinking always be stressed, never be horny. There's also a weird detail in here that I don't know why they included.

But earlier, Paige and Carly talk about how Paige might be pregnant and hasn't told Blake yet. And because she doesn't want to ruin the football game for him. Sure. We really put a lot on this football game. Jesus Christ. This football game was not worth it. And she's like trying to tell him in this moment, like, I just want to tell you something real quick. And he's like, no, sex time.

It's time for sex. And then the music turns off and Blake gets up to investigate because this is a time where you had to have a little boombox or whatever. Sure. Love a boombox. So he gets he goes to check the boombox and someone has turned it off. And back in the tent, they set up the tent for the for this sex i guess back in the tent some it's dark somebody comes into the tent page looks uh confused like blake is that you it doesn't look like blake gets a little closer it's vincent with his knives she is able to get out of the tent and runs and runs past blake's body which blake has a knife

in his throat he's not dead yet but it's clear he's not going to make it and she is being chased so she just runs and she runs into the town and into another nasty little building that's another auto shop looking place but ah filthy an inch of soot and dirt and grime on every surface um and she's in her bra and underwear running uh she has a sweatshirt on also and uh is running on this kind of graded uh second level and a knife comes up and stabs like through her heel again i thought you get one one foot thing per movie this movie does two two two i feel like you can only do that once there should be a rule but even grosser than the being stabbed is now she has to fucking run through this dirt horrible nasty garage it just is so gross she runs and uh gets into one of the cars and lays down in the back seat to hide and she's got a pole type thing that she's using as a

weapon i don't know she's just like laying around she just grabbed something it's good to grab a weapon smart yeah and she's holding it and scared and eventually vincent finds her in the back seat tries to pull her out she scrambles away but loses the pole and as she's running she turns back to look at him through the car windows and he thrusts like hurls the pole at her

and it goes right through her forehead impales her through the head and she leans forward and lands in this suggestive position on her knees with this pole through her head that I am sure was intentional.

Gross. Which is very gross, but it's also the most memorable scene from the movie. And to go back to our Paris Hilton being a savvy business woman, but also a hated woman at this time, she convinced the studio to let her print merchandise that said on May 6th or whatever, watch Paris die. And I just found that so fascinating because she must have made a lot of money off these shirts.

But it's also like because people hated her and wanted to watch her die, which is also so like fucked up. It's so sad. Wow. Interesting. She must have had like a sense of humor about the whole thing. She did. I think she did. But it also is just like so gross that it was every.

That she knew that's what she would profit off of. Yeah. That she knew that's what she would profit off of. Yeah. And that that was the consensus at the time is like, I can't wait to watch this woman that we hate like die a horrible death. Ew. Makes me mad. It's just we've changed so much as a culture.

I'm just trying to think of like something like that that would happen now. Everything is good now. Oh, my God. We would never anymore. That's not what I was saying. No, I know. That is like fucking demented. Yeah.

That's like really, really dark. Also, wet man. That's that she was just like, well, if you can't beat him. Yeah, I'm going to make I'm going to be the one who makes money off this. Laughing all the way to the bank.o that's tough yeah um so nick we see nick and carly getting weapons there's a weapon store which is handy with crossbows and ammunition okay so they break into that and get weapons and for some reason they go and hide in this movie theater. I guess because they're looking

for their friends still at this point. We know that their friends are dead. Dead, dead, dead, dead. But they're doing their due diligence and looking for them. We see Carly hiding in the seats. Oh, literally everybody else is dead already. Except maybe, maybe Blake? But probably Blake is dead.

Yeah. Blake is dead. Dalton got his head cut off. Wade is a wax man. Paige is dead yeah he's dead we think dalton got his head cut off wade is a wax man page is pulling ahead okay wow okay yeah they're they're all we know that they're all dead yeah blake's not going to make it i guess we didn't like see the life leave his eyes but yeah he is dead spoiler he's dead he. He's dead. He's not coming back. Yeah. He's not coming back. We can come out. Okay. So Carly is hiding in this movie theater and staying super still pretending she is a wax figure because we see Bo now coming in with a shotgun and looking like the theater, the movie is playing and everyone in the audience is wax figures.

What a weird little ruse these men have created. I know. The effort to keep this town running how do we get electricity are we paying bills here do you pay taxes do you pay bills on every single building where did you buy the merchandise to fill up fake stores yeah it's i got a lot of questions of the logistics it's also the movie is funny because it's kind of like a high budget horror movie that's also what's weird about it is that it's like. Did I say that?

Budget 40 million. 40 million. Yeah. I don't think we talked about the budget. Sorry. Even in the trailer, I was thinking of I was thinking that I was like, this is feeling like almost like an it level of the time, you know, amount of special effects. And this movie is celebrated for its final act like it does look

very good most of it is practical that they wanted to do as much practical as possible and so just these wax figures look good all the things that they're coming up look good it looks good so in this movie theater nick eventually pops up and shoots Bo twice with the crossbow, shoots him once in the arm and once through kind of the chest. Oh. And he falls and looks like he's dead. And these freaking dum-dums assume he's dead. I think they like kick him. Keep going.

You keep going. You keep going. And then they throw the crossbow to the ground, too. And they're like, let's get out of here it made me very sure sure get rid of every fucking arrow is that what crossbows shoot yeah arrow arrow just unload it yeah no they don't do that they drop it and like run and nick they're outside and nick leans over uh carly and is saying, okay, here's what's going to happen. You're going to go back to the campsite and get the cell phones

and call for help and all finish looking for our friends. And she says, I'm not leaving you. And he's like, well, goddammit, why do you have to be so stubborn? There's a part where she called him stubborn earlier. They're also twins, by the way. I don't know if that matters. Oh, okay.

It always matters This part they have A lot of It seems like sexual tension I was gonna say And this moment is like are they gonna kiss That's so funny They just have more chemistry

Than her and Wade They're just like two hot actors In 2005 and they like can't reign it in. Uh-huh. But she says, no, they're not splitting up. They're sticking together.

And so they go... They need to find a cell phone. She's lost her phone in this... All the fights and whatnot. And so they decide they're going to go into Bo's house

to try to find a landline. And they go in and they find news articles of Siamese twins separated at birth. They also believe that it's just Bo, right? At this point. Yes. And in these articles, they find out that that's Vince, that Vincent is also here. And this is the controversial surgery that the dad got ostracized from his town. He performed this separation of the Siamese twins on his own.

And it left Vincent very disfigured because we see a photo of them joined as babies. And it's Vincent's face on the back of bow's head very gabriel yes what the hell yeah very gabriel so they're they're discovering this information and then bow walks in the door he is not dead and he they both like run and hide and we see bow removing the arrows from him the absolute wrong way to remove an arrow it's like the tip of the arrow is closest to his skin and he pulls from that and pulls the arrow all the way through his arm and the back end of the arrow the little like I don't know little feather parts that make it aerodynamic or whatever like pulls those through you're supposed to from what I've seen in movies

which is medical fact yes is that you cut it so that you don't have to pull a whole two foot thing through your fucking arm duh yeah I don't think this man is normal and here's the craziest part is then after

he pulls this one out of his arm then he takes out his wire cutters and cuts the one on his chest. And it's like you had those. Sure, sure, sure. And just didn't do that with the first one. He learned the first one. He was like, he was like, oops. You know what, that actually was too long.

I'll cut the other one. But I think he's also thinking this one in his chest might be, you know, those ones you're not supposed to really remove because it might be. Yeah. You need a medical professional to remove that. When you remove it, you might die. So he just cuts both ends of it and leaves it in, which according to movie science, that is, I think, the right. That's the right movie science. I'm a movie scientist.

Yeah. a movie um scientist yeah carly sees vincent pulling up in a truck outside with the bodies of page and blake in the uh bed of the truck and she's hiding from um beau and because he starts he hears the truck pulling up too and vincent is lester no bow is lester no no neither of them lester is yeah different we haven't seen lester lester's the roadkill guy he just like loves to bring and he's normal though to the wax we don't think he's normal but he hasn't we haven't seen him again oh okay interesting we think he must probably be like aware of what's happening. Must be. Okay. But yeah, he's kind of disappeared and we don't see him much. So

Vincent comes inside and Bo is horrible to him, screaming at him you freak! I told you to do this and blah blah blah and it's like awful to him. We get a sense that it's also kind of Texas Chainsaw-y where it's just this, you know, blah, blah. And it's like awful to him. We get a sense that it's also kind of Texas Chainsaw, where it's just this, you know,

cycle of abuse. Yeah. And this is when we get our first look at Vincent and he is wearing a prosthetic like wax face to cover his disfigured face from the surgery. from the surgery and Bo is screaming at him, belittling him. And Vincent heats a little spoon to, to, uh, in one of his altercations, one of them like fucked with the wax on his mask. And he, he's tending to it with the spoon and rubbing it out and smoothing it out. And Bo is telling him, you know, there's two more of them. We've still got work to do.

It's almost how mom wanted it. It's almost complete. I told you they would look better with real people. Like, basically, we get the sense that Bo is the evil mastermind here, putting these thoughts in Vincent's head. But Vincent's obviously game. He's doing it. Well, he probably doesn't have a full brain.

That's true. I don't think you can cut somebody's head in half and have them survive that as regular. While Beau is yelling at Vincent, we see Carly and Nick slip downstairs into the underground level underneath this house. And they can't figure out how to get out and Nick finds this wall of uh light switches and is like where are the lights in this place and just starts flipping all these switches on and off which turns all of the lights

in the whole town on and off and that obviously alerts Bo and Vincent to we know where they are exactly where they are so they Vincent heads down and uh we see first Nick and Carly discovering Dalton in that horrible medieval contraption without his head or did they stick it back on no it looks like it's on and Nick is like i'm gonna get you out of there buddy i'm gonna get you out and goes to grab it and pulls the head right off it's very funny but it would be like so traumatizing it would be really bad to experience the head just came right off oh my god horrible the sensation of like the only thing i can relate that to is like you know when you cut a lot of hair off and

you go to wash it for the first time and you're like whoa it's gone i'm feeling like it came off too easy. So Vincent comes down as they're trying to run out. They get in a fight. And this is like a boiler room. Like there's fire and hot wax over cauldrons and shit. It looks like a creepy, scary place to get in a fight. Dangerous setting for a um physical altercation uh they get in a fight and someone falls onto one of the levers or whatever for a fire amount like turning up the gas and so the fire gets bigger this huge this is maybe what they were testing when they burned down a whole studio yes probably this probably and the fire gets turned way up and nick and carly knock over the

cauldron of wax and falls through this grate and is on fire and now this fire is out of control but it's between them and vincent so separates them. So they're able to run away. He's behind this wall of fire now. But now a fire is breaking out in this whole town made of wax. They're running back upstairs. They're running into the wax museum, like the way the tunnels work. That's now where they were underneath. So they find their way up into the wax museum.

They run past the high chairs that we saw in the beginning and we see one says vincent one says beau oh they run past wade and see his half cut off face and exposed jaw no time to take that in carly's like oh and we keep you just gotta keep running in their sc, they're knocking over wax figures. And this is where we see bones underneath and like their skeletons being revealed when they're shattering and nasty. And then they run into Bo and Nick and Bo get into a fight and Bo is getting the upper hand and it takes Nick way too long to think of like fucking with

the arrow in his shoulder but eventually does and twists that and then gets the upper hand but Bo then gets it again and it's looking not good for Nick and then Carly comes in with a baseball bat. I don't know where she got it but she beats Bo to death.

Okay. Okay. She just bashes his head in completely. Yeah. It's the right move. And after she kills him, Vincent walks in and it's a cool shot of his feet

like sliding across the ground because it's getting slippery now because the whole place is melting he sees his dead brother is devastated and furious and sets his sights on carly he wants to kill carly for what she has done oh in the fight chad chad michael murray nick has been stabbed in the leg and so he's trying to chase them but he can't stand up like he's stabbed with a big fucking knife and he's he's trying to chase them carly runs upstairs to get away from vincent he's chasing her and as they're stepping on the steps, their feet are like sinking into the wax. The wax was peanut butter.

It's really cool. Like this whole scene. Wow, a peanut butter staircase. It looks really good. Smart. And she barricades herself into this room that she like pushes a little baby crib, wax baby crib in front of it and in front of the door to try to block him out. But he just sticks his knife through the door and starts cutting it open.

And in the in the crib are two conjoined little Siamese twin babies. And the knife like cuts through their head perfectly, separating them. And then he pulls the wax door open and comes into the room. Carly tries to reason with him. Like she has seen that Bo is the, you know, abusive brother. Maybe maybe she can reason with Vincent saying, you don't have to do this. You don't have to kill me. It doesn't it doesn't work.

And eventually Nick makes it upstairs as well and nick and vincent get into a fight vincent is has the you know that shot of the knife like almost in nick's face and nick pressing it up and carly nick looks at carly and then glances down at the knife sticking out of his leg, gesturing to her, use that knife and she pulls the knife out of his leg. Oh, during this fight also they like knock off his wax

face and we get a look at his face and he is very Gabriel looking, malignant. Yeah. And she pulls the knife out of his leg and stabs vincent with it and nick kicks him off and he falls through the floor they're on i think now the third story well the second story but it's got second story first story and basement and that at this moment the whole floor drops through just everything breaks They all fall through the floor.

It's just completely melting. Vincent falls all the way to the bottom floor on top of, he lands right on top of his brother. And they're melting. And it seems they're dead. That thread is gone. But now they're in this melting building and can't figure out how to get out. This is completely on fire. They don't know where to go.

They're like, where the fuck are we going to go? They're going to get buried. Yeah. And Carly realizes we can dig through the walls. So they just start digging their way out. And she's got a fucked up finger. And they way out. And she's got a fucked up finger. And they get out, they get out through the wax walls and the whole place collapses.

And we cut to the next morning of the police and ambulance and everyone there rescuing them and tending to them. And it shows them Nick, like stealing the video camera they have dalton's video camera as evidence and nick is like that's my friends and he steals it bad boy he's a bad boy who just needed one little last reminder that he's a bad boy and alicia's or carly's lips are like absolutely fucked by the way. I wanted to just like mention they're just like shredded. Oh, I forgot about that.

She's done this whole thing with weird shredded lips. Yeah. Yeah. It looks bad. Looks bad. How did they even do that? Like, I guess they just had she had to do the whole thing with weird prosthetic like makeup on her lips yeah it's

like fake probably fake blood and like um like another kind of glue like a just a regular something that makes them look like stringy and shreds oh i hate that uh they're eventually allowed to leave or that maybe they're being taken away in a cop car or something and we go back to the sheriff or whatever and another police officer coming up to him and saying you know trudy and whatever didn't have two sons they had three and we see carly and nick turning and seeing lester waving goodbye to them and that's the end of the movie which is just like a very funny final twist because like okay

okay good luck Lester like your whole time burned down they were hoping for a house of wax too where it's like Lester returns well apparently Chad and Carrie Hayes pitched a prequel like more about because you could do them for all those people that are that were there before.

So there's lots of people being murdered there. But the movie was not a box office success. It did very well. It did very well in like DVD and VHS sales like after the fact, but it didn't do well in theaters. And then the credits, it starts playing My well in theaters um and then the credits it starts playing my chemical romance hell yes hell yes um okay to answer your question i would want to be nick yeah nick like really gets off in the leg that's it that's it that's it yeah pays to be a bad boy it pays it's good to be bad um but I guess if I had to be one of the people who

died, I would want to be Dalton. Yeah. Or Blake. Or Blake, I guess. But Dalton probably died faster than Blake. Blake had to bleed out. Yeah, true. And that's House of Wax. And that's House of Wax. You're right that

I hated it. I hated it. Yeah, I mean, I don't think you guys, I didn't you definitely don't want to watch this movie. It does have more fun in it than I was expecting. I did really enjoy like picturing

this cast. I will say that made it more enjoyable for me than if it were just regulars, you know? Brandos. And not the Who's Hot of 2005. Not the hottest celebs of 2005. The early aughts.

Not two of Rory Gilmore's love interests. I also feel like, and this is not thought through at all, but it feels like at that time, early 2000s, horror was it was torture porn but it was also like so complicated like like the stunts that were being set up like 13 ghosts like the idea of like having a house where you've like somehow saved 13

ghosts that are like so funny complicated in a way where it's like what were you guys on a shit ton of like we're on a shit ton of adderall when you were making these movie plots like i don't understand also all basically remakes this was like a big time for remakes 13 ghosts was also a remake and this was around the time that your least favorite movie, the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake

that came out around this time. I feel like that was another trend was these remakes. It's just so funny to me that it's like, okay, here's the idea. Yeah, when all they want to do is like sort of pull through Paris Hilton's head, you have to do all this shit together.

Children, conjoined twins. The mom wants to build an entire town made of wax. And they control the whole town through an underground passageway. And they create all these fake people. They play a movie in the movie theater

every day. There's a funeral happening. A fake funeral. That's so insane. They've purchased every size of possible fan belt for the car. But they know which one this car needs, so they've taken it away.

You could have gotten them in your truck that first night and fucking turned them into wax. Done. So silly. Sammy, thank you. Beautiful. Thank you. What. Done. So silly. Sammy, thank you. Beautiful. Thank you. What a journey. Beautiful work. Beautiful work. Thank you, listeners. Wow.

Have some wax. I had a good time. I had a good time. I hope that you guys had a bit of a good time mixed in with the bad times. I had a bit of a good time. Also, I had a bit of a good time. Oh, right. Hell yeah. Oh, man man and I feel like no voices really does anybody have a

good Chad Michael Murray impression I don't want to be anything from all of us here at Too Scary Did It Wash goodbye From all of us here at Too Scary Didn't Watch. Goodbye. Goodbye.

Goodbye. Thank you, my friends, for listening to another episode of Too Scary Didn't Watch. If you had fun hanging with us, don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. We're also on Twitter and Instagram at TSDW Podcast. And if you're interested in things like bonus episodes, video trailer reactions, and other cool content, head on over to patreon.com slash TSDW Podcast. All right. We love you all forever and ever, starting a while ago and continuing into eternity. Adios.