Too Scary; Didn't Watch - KNOCK KNOCK

Episode Date: August 31, 2022

One very hot dad (ahem, Keanu Reeves!!), two inconspicuous women, and one statue covered in dicks, we're recapping Eli Roth's (cursed!) film KNOCK KNOCK. Join us as we try to unravel how Keanu chooses his projects?? You can watch KNOCK KNOCK on Hulu TRAILER TW: Rape, sexual assault  Recap begins @ 21:59 Follow the show: @TSDWpodcast on Twitter, TikTok, and Instagram. Check out our Patreon for bonus episodes and additional content! Rate Too Scary; Didn’t Watch 5 Stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts and leave a review for Emily, Henley, and Sammy. Advertise on Too Scary; Didn't Watch via Gumball.fm Podcast artwork by @EllaTalkinSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is Emily, Henley, and Sammy, and you're listening to Too Scary, Didn't Watch. Hi everyone, welcome to Too Scary, Didn't Watch, the horror movie recap podcast for those too scared to watch for themselves. I'm Emily and I am too scared to watch scary movies. I'm Henley and I'm also too scared to watch scary movies. I'm Sammy and I love watching scary movies. And today's movie. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. I think it's going to be some fun. Some fun.

I think so. I've got a lot of thoughts about it. But before we get into it, did anything scary happen to us this week? All right. Something actually genuinely really scary happened to me this week. Uh-oh. So I went to the beach with my family last week, a week ago. Exactly, actually. And we stayed in a really

cool old house built in 1919. An old wooden house, lots of creepy corners. I kept feeling like I was seeing someone out of the corner of my eye. I wasn't. I don't think. but I fucking lost my phone inside of the house. We've left the house. It's a week later. We've left the house. The house, the phone is still there. It's somewhere in the house. And my entire family like ripped apart every room looking for it.

We looked in every nook and cranny and it is fucking gone and when we were looking at tim's phone which we share our location services it said it was in the house like you could see the phone was in the house it just went into a weird portal and the here's what happened i put silas down for a nap i looked at my phone for like a second and then i was like no henley you need to read on this vacation you're just gonna going to look at TikTok the entire time. So you need to put this phone down so you can focus on reading. Somewhere in the span of before Silas woke up, I realized it was missing. I looked everywhere for it before he woke up and never found it. And that was last Monday. And today is Sunday. It's been almost a week. I have no phone. I still don't have one.

And now that you're not there anymore, when you check, are you still able to check Tim's phone and see like, is it still in the house or is it, has it died? It died. So it stopped registering event after like three days, it stopped registering. But also this is a reminder to everyone to go to your settings and toggle that little, find my iPhone thing on, because I never did that. And I guess unless you toggle it on, it doesn't work. So I wasn't able to use the find my app to search for it. How would that have been different from the location services? It like, even if your phone's on silent or whatever, it would like last in a ways. Yeah. So the phone will start making like a beeping noise and so you can locate where it is

and it's so funny my dad my dad fucking uses it like it's an everyday thing he'll put his ipad down and doesn't he forgets where it is and he just you'll just hear it going off and you'll hear him shuffling around like the wrong corner of the house the wrong corner it's like you're it's in this corner dad dad, the other corner, the other option. Anyway, so I don't have a phone. And that's why I'm not responding to any text messages. That's why I'm not doing anything on Instagram whatsoever. And it hasn't been good or bad. It's just been fine. It just is. It just is. Because like you still have work to do and stuff sometimes when you lose a phone it's like oh i can just you know not take care of any of my

responsibilities for a bit pretend i don't exist for a while like a little break a little taste of freedom no that's not how it'd be great if nobody had phones for a week but if when it's just you it is sort of like well fuck can fuck. Can't talk to anybody. People are still going to try to talk to me. And I can check all my messages on my laptop. So I'm basically just looking at my laptop more often, which is not preferable. And I did read more, probably, than I would have otherwise. But I just read some really dumb beach books.

So I honestly could have been looking at tiktok probably would have informed me more um but anyway you guys i don't have a phone sorry i haven't been responding to any texts it's okay i'm sorry that you lost your phone i mean it's clearly fallen through a portal to hell i just do you know another or another Oh, have you guys heard about Oh god, what? The like UFO situation? No, tell me No. This is from Game of Roses, you know how Bachelor Clues loves aliens and he goes on Little tangents about them, but it's true

I looked it up, NASA is like Developing a UFO program Like there have been more sightings of UFOs Lately and so they're officially Looking into them and there's a theory That it's actually another dimension. The frequency

of the sightings makes it think that it's another dimension and because the nuclear power that's happening right now in Ukraine and Russia, it's like they're coming more because if this planet gets blown up it fucks up their interdimensional travel. Where did you read this?

This sounds like a Daily Mail article, but I feel like it's not even. Well, part of it is from Game of Roses and then part of it is from like space.com. Space.com. Space.com. Okay. What's so crazy to me about this,

aside from, you know, what that is, is that I feel like, do you have whiplash in terms of how quickly the government went from like, no, no, no, that's not real. Those are crazy people. Yeah, we're developing a program. Like, it's always been real. And okay, fine, jigs up. We'll tell you. And now it's a big thing that we do. It's like, it must be like how kids feel when all of a sudden it's like, wait, Santa's not real. What the fuck? When did you just decide that you can tell me this?

Part of what's crazy about it is that if the conversation ends there right it's like they're like yeah they're real but then it's like we don't know what they are yeah we don't really know what's next and everyone's kind of like okay we just don't know i feel like our brains are just kind of conditioned to minimize huge things in general because of how many life ending, like how much life ending potential threats exist. And so it's just like, well, I can't think about any of that too hard because if I do, I'll like cease to exist. Yeah. Like I'll just never be able to function in the world. So I have to pretend like, Oh, interdimensional. Who gives a shit? Yeah. On the one hand, I'm like,

Oh my God, what does that even mean? What does mean Another dimension like I want to I want to find out And I also yeah similarly think Well can't do a thing about you know If any of that's true okay That's how I feel when people talk about Like are we in a simulation which maybe We are or all this stuff about I'm just like literally I can't

Do I'm an ant like I'm a little Ant on a log like I Can't do anything about any of this. So like, who cares? Who cares? Also, there's part of me that is like, are people just watching too many Marvel movies? Is that what's happened? Is that everyone who's looking at these UFOs? They're just like the cinematic Marvel Universe multidimensional travel. That's probably happening here, too. Let. Let's just apply fiction to our lives.

Or has it entered into fiction because there's an element. Because it's real. We can only conceive of what. A real chicken and an egg situation. Chicken and an egg. It's a real. Marvel movies are interdimensional. It's travel.

Which one came first? Classic chicken and egg situation. Oh my God. What can be done? Nothing at all. No. Nothing at all from me. I don't know.

What else? Anything scary happen to you, Emily? Well, Simi, you and I both did this, which is we went to a cat show. We sure did. I've never been more jealous in my whole life did I've never been more jealous in my whole life I've never been more jealous in my whole life I got more responses Of this cat show

Than any life event that has ever happened to me Any huge news Everyone Wanted to know what is that How do you go And I gotta give credit to my friend Jess Who sent me the information she's like i'm gonna go to this cat show and we of course immediately said we had to go and we of

course immediately invited sammy we went to this cat show so you know what dog shows are everybody does and it's that but forget it and it was just this it was in this like civic center auditorium in glendale and just a bunch of cat people sign up their cats and they bring them and it's like little booths like everybody has their little carrier on a spot on a table with their cats in it and it was insane and heavenly and like i'm now we all are i'm gonna go every time i can can The amount of joy I felt upon Entering the space I can't even

Words can't contain what it was It was more cats than I've ever been around They were all so beautiful Or weird looking or like specific The owners Are fascinating A lot of cat shirts A lot of very colorful hair.

The average age was probably 70. It was unbelievable. There was always cats being carted around by their owners too. People, yes, owners walking through me like, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, cat coming through, cat coming through. And so just everywhere you look, a cat is like being carried right by you, shuffled right by you. The first 15 minutes we were there, I was completely overwhelmed.

It was such sensory overload because I'd be like, oh, my God, look at this. Oh, wait, cat coming through over here. Look over here. Oh, there's cats at the table over there. Wait, I hear like I couldn't figure out what to focus on because it was all I wanted to look at everything at the same time. It was so wild. And it was it was incredible. I saw the craziest cats I've ever seen in my life

so were there like contests or little you know how in a dog show they'll have little sections so what were the what was the different parts breed best in in breed situations they weren't doing like tricks or agility or anything but it's part of the like so they would bring so it would go by categories i'm gonna talk about this for forever and i can't i'm sorry, so it would go by categories. I'm going to talk about this for forever and I can't, I'm sorry. But it would go by category. And so they would call over the loudspeaker like, okay, long haired kittens over to, you know, show booth three. And so every cat has a number and the owners would carry them through. So you just need a cat coming through and put them in their little cage with their number.

And then the judge has in the center of all those little cages has a table under like a spot with a bunch of feathers and stuff in the table. And they would go one by one and bring the cats out by their number and place them on the table. And then they would like, you know, they're like pulling their tail out to see how long it is and like feeling their, I don't know, balls probably on some of them. Yeah. Cause they do that at dog shows too. They like, yeah. Why do they do that? Why is there a point of that? I don't know. But like they're testing to make sure like, is this cat like, does it look, they like mess with their little faces.

It's like, is this cat what it should be for the breed? And then the final step is, can the cat follow a feather? That's like, they're supposed to be able to follow a feather. I think honestly, like follow a feather correctly, correctly like follow it but not go crazy for it i think i started to zero in on like the ones that really went crazy for the feather weren't winning uh-huh not doing as well but yeah the ones that ignored it also weren't winning the ones that ignored it didn't do well but the ones that sort of just like looked at it and were like i see it i see it i see it but i've got discipline and so they would do that one by one and then

they would pick winners and people were just coming through back and forth taking their cats out putting their cats back in go we oh my god there were some kitten categories there my favorite is there's a household pets category which is basically for like all the ones that aren't quite good enough to be normies all the normies and because there's one remy who he met was a big beautiful persian and he used to be a show cap but then he got cancer and he lost an eye he's fine he's a survivor but now he can't compete in the regular category because he's like defunct and so now he's a household pet oh my god it was i i mean we'll continue to talk about it at length off off the pod. But it was it was one of the best days of my life. Someone sent me a link to there is a documentary called Catwalk Tales from the Cat Show Circuit.

Oh, fuck. Yeah, I will definitely be watching. I might watch that tonight. That might be my activity because I can't I can't stop thinking about it. I can't get enough and i feel like the scariest thing for me about the cat show was that it was such a huge surge of dopamine that afterwards i was i think like the most tired i've ever been in my life oh my god we were only there for like two hours which is maybe an insane amount of time to be at a cat show but yes on the drive back the three of us were like i'm so tired i got completely drained every ounce of energy from me because i was just

absolutely on cloud nine for like at the highest 10 out of 10 excitement level for a full two hours it was like a drug come down but then did it was it did it feel good though afterwards that's like the best kind of come down you know It's because you've just had like a pure, pure adrenaline rush. I felt pretty good. I came home, I took a shower, I drank some seltzer water, and I was really just had a bit of a cat show glow, you know? Yeah,

I mean, I was happy. Can you imagine any of your cats going to a cat show? Oh my God, we kept talking about that. Were you thinking about that? Oh, yeah. They would perform terribly. Because these cats Were also so chill Well behaved So well behaved

Such good boys And good girls So well behaved Our cats would be Freaking out Such good boys and girls Excellent boys and girls Oh my god

It was incredible It was incredible And I will be going on There's one in Santa Monica In a few weeks In a few weeks I think it's pretty soon And I will be going.

So I guess that's scary that this is my new, I'm just leaning in really hard to one aspect of my personality. Oh my God. I think, I think we have to. I don't think we really have a choice. For that dopamine surge? Yeah. Excuse me.

I'll be chasing that for the rest of my life. Doesn't get better but okay today's movie i want to get into it because i have a lot of thoughts about it so in honor of the love of my life keanu reeves's birthday in a few days. Oh, wow. Huge, huge. A Virgo. Yeah, he's a Virgo. We will be recapping Knock Knock, the 2015 film written and directed by Eli Roth. I didn't even know

this movie existed until you decided to do it. I knew it existed, but I did not know it was Eli Roth. But, well, I guess we'll just wait and see. Yeah. Also written by Nicholas Lopez and Guillermo Amido, based on a story

by Anthony Overman and Michael Ronald Ross, or story by them, not based on a story by them. Starring Keanu Reeves, Lorenza Izzo, and Ana de Armas in her first English language film. Wow.

Okay. It is available on Hulu and I had never seen it and I don't know why it just really popped into my head that I all of a sudden really wanted to watch it. That makes sense. I'm shocked you haven't seen it before. It sounds like a perfect film well it's interesting because i don't love anybody more than keanu reeves and i don't hate anybody more than eli rock so real interesting true battle who will win who will win in this head-to- How do you feel about Ana de Armas?

Um, I feel okay about her. Neutral? Neutral. Yeah. I don't love her. I don't hate her. Okay. I like her.

I think. I've only ever seen her in, um, uh, what's that movie called? Knives Out. Knives Out. Yep. Yep. And obviously in her tabloid photos with Ben Affleck. Sure.

Um, I saw a bunch of those. Probably every one there was. And I liked her in those. She was good in those. I thought she did really well in those photos. Did anybody see the movie with her and Ben Affleck? Dark Waters or whatever?

No. Deep Waters? Something like that. Isn't it supposed to be a sexy psychological thriller? I kind of want to watch it too. I mean, I've heard it's just so, so bad. I've heard it's insanely bad, but I would watch it for sure. I don't know how I feel about her acting yet. I feel like everything I've seen her in, she hasn't had to act much.

This is mean. Yes, interesting, interesting. But she's going to really have to act in blonde so that's gonna be tricky yeah the trailer that i i have feelings about blonde as well i just feel like her accent is still on a darm it she sounds exactly the same in it playing marilyn monroe and it's just kind of crazy to me like i don't know how i'm gonna be able to look past that i read some stuff about that choice it's either a choice or it's a well she can't do an accent so let's make it a choice i don't know yeah another classic chicken and egg

we'll see i'm gonna see it yeah yeah i feel the whole point i think is also that marilyn was a character right yeah it was not so i think that's part of the reason like letting her be anna a little bit but yeah i don't i don't actually i don't actually know wow i can't okay okay and let's remember also that lorenza iso i was gonna say it she looks very familiar to me eli roth's wife at the time they are since divorced at the time and she was also in the green inferferno. Yes. And they really treated her like shit. Right? Yes. I can't totally remember all the Green Inferno.

But yes, I mean, I think because it was filmed in... The conditions were terrible. Remember? Didn't they like put her in a barrel and make her be in the water? I think she did almost drown. Yes. She almost drowned. There's a scene in which she's in a river and I think she almost drowned.

Didn't they put her in a barrel and leave her there? Put her in a barrel and throw her in a river? Maybe think she almost drowned. Didn't they put her in a barrel and leave her there? Put her in a barrel and throw her in a river? Maybe that was Marilyn Monroe. One of them did that. Eli Roth is the worst. He put a woman in a barrel and then threw her in. It's fact now.

This is like... Who did I say was bad? Oh, Michael Hall Jr. or whatever. I told you that he's like a domestic abuser it's not michael c hall jr is pretty funny though i really love our dedication to never confirming a single piece of information and being wrong 100 of of the time. Okay, wow. Knock Knock has a 37% on Rotten Tomatoes, a 53% on Metacritic, one of the rare instances when it's higher on Metacritic.

That's significantly higher. And it's because it's aggregate. Rotten Tomatoes is aggregate, right? I'm not going to be able to explain this properly, but I think, yeah, a very bad movie will have a higher score on Metacritic because it's like everyone agrees it's bad. So that's a lower Rotten Tomatoes score. We're all in agreement that it's bad. And Metacritic is how bad is it?

And so it's ranking it like it's about 53. I never understood how it works. Okay. I never understood how it works. Okay. So 63% of people said this movie was bad. According to Rotten Tomatoes. Ooh, good and fast math. I was like, thank you.

So fast. Yes, correct. And it has a 4.9 on IMDb. Okay. Budget, 10 million. It made 6 million. Uh-oh. Okay. God, I love Keanu. okay budget 10 million it made 6 million oh okay god i love kiana you've got kiana on your background right now and he's just staring right at me and it really is i keep looking into his eyes i'm not even doing it on purpose it's just catching it's just catching me you know well it's

such a funny picture because lorenzo and an Armas are like, have their hands all over him and are leaning into him. They're like, Ooh, and he looks like he just woke up from a nap. He's confused about where he is. Kind of. Um, yeah, I feel like maybe it's character choice, you know, God fits with the film. I'm, I'm just absolutely shocked and a little bit delighted that Keanu Reeves agreed to be in this movie. It's just such a crazy choice for him. It's so random. This movie premiered at Sundance.

Whoa. Okay. And it is a remake of the film Death Game, a 1977 film. And that's basically all the trivia I have about it. There's a few more things that I'll sprinkle in as we recap. And also the trailer. It's a really simple movie. All takes place basically in one location.

Damn, and they still use 10 million? It's all above the line. Hopefully Keanu got it all. Hopefully Keanu got it all. Hopefully Keanu got it all. Probably Eli and Keanu took up most of that. But we know Keanu, he would have split it up evenly between everybody. He absolutely would have, and I bet that he did.

And he donated everything. The whole 100% of his salary was donated. He's the exact opposite of Eli Roth. He would never put a woman in a barrel. His wife in a barrel. He would never put his wife in a river barrel so the trailer shows a little too much for my liking so I think we should just get in the past few years

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calabasas yeah something like that and go in to this house and we're going down the hallways and we see a million family photos all over the walls and they're like the photo shoot for these photos i think must have been very funny it's keanu reeves is evan uh he his wife is named karen and they have two children a son and a daughter and they just have you know those like family professional shoot family photos white t-shirts on the beach sort of situation yes like all over every wall like they must have done so many of these shoots oh that's in preparation for this and like different or do they like have different ages of the kids no not really not really hey i mean they gave 9.5 million to kianu they had 500 000 laughs no i think they probably did all these photo shoots on one day and just changed outfits we go into evan and karen's bedroom and they are fooling around about to have sex

flirting she says like you should get a haircut. He has kind of a shaggier hair. It looks great on him. He doesn't need a haircut. Shut up, Karen. And Karen is not one of the two. She's not Lorenzo or Ana de Armas. Karen is some other actress. She was also in Green Inferno, though. This actress. I didn't write down her

name. Sorry. I mean, man, they must not have hated it that much. Yeah, seriously. they came back well i mean i guess lorenzo's married to him at the time but lorenza lorenza sorry lorenza lorenza what did i say lorenzo i was saying lorenzo lorenzo um okay yes okay so they're fooling around she's wrong about his hair yeah she's wrong about his hair. They're being playful. Like it's clear that they have a nice relationship and they're about to do it. And the kids barge in with a cake and a gift saying happy Father's Day. Father's Day cake. That's interesting. Yeah. No one celebrates

Father's Day already. This movie is unrealistic. They quickly, you know know turn their attention to the kids evan unwraps the gift and he has this little bit that he does with the kids where he calls himself monster and he's like oh monster happy monster loves this gift and it's so cheesy and tough but he opens his gift and it's a alarm clock that they have put pictures of themselves in to like on each of the numbers basically just the kids are kids faces are in this alarm clock all right after he opens the gift he chases them out of the room monster's going to get you time like you need to get dressed or monster's gonna get you chases them out he goes back into the room with karen they kiss a little bit again and he says monster's sad that we didn't get to finish what we started

don't use the kid name that you that's not gonna make me horny it's um the writing is is real exquisite really really good in this movie yeah wow we get the impression that karen is under a lot of stress she says you know with the kids and the art exhibition coming up like i've been under a lot of pressure i can't keep everybody happy and And he's like, oh, I don't want to start a fight. I'm like, it's fine. At some point, he says they haven't had sex in like three weeks. And she's like, we're gonna

she's like, as soon as I get back, we're gonna finish this. Don't worry. And they kiss. And they go out to the dining room with their kids or they're all having breakfast. They have a very cute French bulldog named Monkey. Uh-oh.

Yeah. That's a cute name for a dog, Monkey. And as they're eating, Karen's assistant or something comes over. His name's Louis. He works with something to do with her art. He's like in charge of making sure everything like gets delivered to the exhibition. And he's clearly like good friends with the family. They've probably worked together for a long time.

He feels very at home there as well. And he is joking with Evan about something like helping him to carry one of karen's sculptures in and he says oh you know i can't like all i can lift is this coffee mug and we learned that he has just had some shoulder injury that he had to get surgery for karen and the kids are going on a trip to the beach this weekend that they had planned um ahead of time and then evan got too much work built up so he can't go and so evan and lewis they're staying home well evan is staying home okay to do some work we learned that he is an architect classic movie character job yep Yep. Architect. Everybody's a fucking writer, gallery owner, architect.

Artist. Working at a magazine. Yep. And so they're heading out for the weekend. Karen gets the kids into the car. Evan is saying goodbye to them and saying, you know, Daddy has to work. And

they, again, the kids tell him dad get a haircut which is it's just a very weird i'll tell you it's a foreshadowing type thing but it's like a meaningless foreshadowing thing that like has really not i don't know it's just a very silly thing anyways so they leave after yelling at him to get a haircut one more time. And he is home alone for the weekend for Father's Day weekend. Alone on Father's Day. Tragic. Does that feel more realistic? I feel like maybe that's the reference that people give the Father's Day holiday. Yeah, yeah. Alone. Yeah. Yeah. Alone.

So that night he's working on his architecture work, looking at his plans and stuff. 3D models. There's the door. 3D printing. Maybe the door goes over here. No, maybe here. Maybe here. That's what an architect usually does. It's all about deciding where the doors go. Yeah. It's important. Wait, is that the very first episode of the rehearsal? When Nathan walks in and goes, oh, door city over here.

Door central. Door city over here. Oh, my God. Really made me laugh. Okay, so he's sitting there and he hears a knock knock at the door. It's the nighttime now, middle of the night. It's rainy, stormy, lightning outside. He opens the door and there are two girls soaking wet in very revealing clothing.

This is Ana Darmis and Lorenza Izzo. And they explain that they're lost. They were trying to go to a party. The street's really dark. They have been knocking on doors. Seems like not many people are home. Maybe a lot of people are out of town for the weekend. She says, like, do you know where the Gregory's live or some name? And he's like, no, I don't. I don't think so. And they're like, shit, I both of our phones are dead and I don't know, like, where we're going. And he quickly invites. He says, can you do you guys want to come in?

You can use my phone. And they say, oh, thank you so much. That would be great. If we could use your computer, we can find out on Facebook where the party is. And so he lets them in. Uh-oh. He brings them towels to dry off. We know that they're both incredibly hot. That's important.

They're just the most beautiful women, super hot in the world. And they are drying off. They're looking on the computer for the address. And one of them says, oh, shit, like we put in the wrong street name. We were trying to go to this is Cantor. street name. We were trying to go to, this is Cantor. We were trying to go to Cantner. So we're way far from where the party is. And they're like, oh my God, we're such idiots. Evan is seeming really like, he's like a very nice guy, very helpful. And he's like, I can, you guys can, um, I can call you guys at Uber if you need. And they're like, oh, we don't want to put you out. We don't put you out there acting like really like they're very sorry about all of this and really embarrassed.

He's like, it's not a big deal. You're not going to. They're like, we'll just go outside and get a cab, hail a cab. He's like, there's not going to be a cab around here. Let me call you a car. It's fine. On a D'Armas's character introduces herself, says her name's Belle. Says like, thank you so much, Evan.

I'm Belle. Like, you're such a lifesaver you're you're really really saving us not a lot of people would let two strangers into their house in the middle of the night and he says well you guys you know you don't look that dangerous and worst case scenario i'm pretty sure i could take both of you which is a very funny thing to say if they're not like in the version of this movie where they are actually just regular ladies if he said worst case scenario i could take both he'd be like okay bye i got out of here we're getting out of here now you just became very scary yes exactly so he calls them a car it's 45 minutes away and they ask him they're like sorry this is going to sound crazy you can totally say no but is there any way we could throw our clothes in the dryer

so that we don't show up at this party soaking wet because they're completely wet and he's like yeah you know what that's fine totally like we have some extra robes. I'll get them for you. So they get out of their clothes and into some robes. This is feeling like... This isn't the same at all, but it's feeling like funny games. Just like the way that they've entered the house. I think it's not dissimilar. Yeah. Oof, oof, oof, oof, oof. I don't like it.

Like, anytime where a bad person is, like, playing out a scenario, it's like they're Anytime where a bad person is playing out a scenario, it's like they're putting on a little performance and they're really having fun with it. And the other person is trusting. So trusting. We also know that he's horny.

He hasn't had sex in three weeks. The man cut him some slack. How can a man live? He's basically dead. Oh, my God. So he gets him some robes. He takes their phones and puts them in rice.

It's like, I have like a little trick. This happened to my son's phone. Maybe I can fix this for you. Because they said their phones are like wet or whatever. I have a little trick. It's the thing everyone knows. My secret trick. No one's ever heard of it. And he makes them cups of tea.

And as he's in the kitchen making them tea, he hears music turn on. And he comes back out with the tea and they have found his turntables okay okay and record collection and they're admiring it saying oh my god you have such good taste in music this record collection must be worth a fortune and he tells them that he used to be a dj in his 20. Stop it. That's so funny. That's so funny. DJ turned architect. This is why he took the job. He was like, this guy sounds pretty cool.

Classic career progression. This is pretty cool. The DJ, the architect pipeline. He says, you know, I just love the sound of vinyl i oh yeah he's like but that was a long time ago that was in my 20s and they act so shocked they're like you're not in your 20s right now like how old are you and he's like sorry to look at him and say you're not in your 20s of course he's not in his 20s no they're like absolutely lying they're they're fucking with him but um yeah he's definitely not he's 43 and he was actually 47 or no 49 while filming i think and he says yeah that was a long

time ago and then you know i got married and needed something a little more stable and had kids and they're like you're married with kids and you're all alone on father's day weekend and they go and they both give him big hugs and they're like oh evan all alone and lorenza introduces herself at some point her name is genesis and genesis feels his muscles as she's hugging him and says oh well you may be in your 40s but you like you keep a strict workout regimen it seems like you're so you have great arms and he keeps moving seats away from them like he'll keep repositioning himself to try to get some distance between them like he kind of laughs uncomfortably he's like huh thanks yeah i do try to i try to work out but and then like crosses the room to the other couch and they just kind

of keep following him and trying to be closer to him then they start talking about how they like older guys anyways like young guys are the worst and i'd take a man who like knows what he's doing than like a young abercrombie model any day it's clearly making evan uncomfortable or maybe horny or maybe uncomfortable that he's horny. And he's trying to say, like, well, you know, hopefully one day you guys will find someone great. And they find a photo of his wife on the table or something and says, oh, my God, your wife is so pretty. And he tells her she tells them she's an artist. Karen's an artist karen's an artist she actually made basically all of the art in this house and they're looking around at various little sculptures being like wow she's so talented an artist an architect like you guys are such like the perfect

couple you must have sex all day long that's what i would do if I was your wife. I would just want to constantly have sex. Okay. Okay. And he swallows and is like, I'm sorry, I'm just not used to hearing girls be so open about that. And they say, about what, Evan? About sex? And he says, yeah. And they say, why? It's just sex. Like, that's, who cares? It's a natural part of life. And again, they're giggling. He's changing seats to the other side of the room once more, and they're following him. He's looking at his phone. How far away is this Uber? 20 minutes away now. They ask him, so you haven't

been with anyone else in that whole time since you've been with your wife? How long is that? And he says, 14 years. We've been together 14 years. And they're both like, that's crazy. You've had sex with only one person the past 14 years. And he says, yeah, well, when you love someone and they're like, oh, Evan, come on. Humans are the only species that practice monogamy. It's not natural. Being with one person is going against your own nature. And Bell says, that's why when I find a husband or find someone I want to marry, like I'm going to insist that we have threesomes all the time. I feel like that's the only way that they'd never cheat on me is if I make sure that to like be in on it all the time. Evan is clearly like sweat. He's sweating now.

He's like, Oh God. Oh my God. And then he's like, um, so what do you guys do for work? Oh, God. Oh, my God. And then he's like, so what do you guys do for work? What do you guys do for work? Keanu? They're like, oh, we're flight attendants. It's so fun. We get to travel the world. We were just in New Zealand for 24 hours

partying there. And they're talking about how their escapades that they have as flight attendants basically. They say it's so fun fun except for except for starfish and evan looks confused like starfish what's that and they're like oh it's our co-worker who like thinks she doesn't have to put any effort into sex she just lays there like a starfish and who would want to have sex with that?

You know how you hate when your coworkers aren't good at sex? I hate that. I know how you always describe what kind of sex you have to your coworkers. And you describe it as I just lay there. I just lay there like a starfish. Oh, me? Sex sex i just lay there and bell turns to evan and says when i'm with a guy i want him to have the time of his life there are no rules nothing's off limits and genesis says sex with rules isn't really sex if our our bodies can do it, it means they were meant to do it.

He's checking the phone. Where's this fucking Uber? Five minutes away now. He says, OK, it's five minutes away. You guys should probably start getting getting dressed again, getting ready. And Jenna says, oh, OK, can I use your bathroom? And he says, yes. genesis goes off to the bathroom leaving bell in the room with evan and she goes up to his records again is thumbing through them

finds one that is um spanish and asks him to put it on and she's like oh my god this is so beautiful i've never heard this artist before and she's really dancing really feeling herself lifting up the robe a little bit oh boy and he's watching her it's clear that he he's a little suspicious no what i i mean maybe a little bit but he also like thinks bell especially is like very hot it's like clear that he knows she's incredibly hot and emily weren't you saying that keanu and on an armist were hooking up at this time i heard this but i don't rumor rumor i didn't obviously i didn't do any research or fact check but i i feel like i heard this well there is more'd say, like a sexual vibe between them two versus... Well, I mean, he didn't

want to be too sexual in front of Eli and Eli's wife. You know? Yes. He had to respect Eli. Yeah, it's true. But he's watching her dance and he gets kind of swept away in the moment

as well and goes over to the turntables and puts on another record and starts like mixing, doing like DJ shit and like beat matching with another record. Stop it. Stop it. He's got his headphones on his big like Beats by Dre headphones. Wait, that's like the cringiest thing I think I've ever heard in my whole life. That's cringier than the monster stuff.

Oh my God. And he starts feeling the music. And as soon as he starts starts she like turns around like wow how do you know how did you know how to do that how did you know those two two records would sound good together and he says uh djing is like mixing a drink first you find the right ingredients then you blend them together stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it that's amazing bell is getting a little closer to him now and saying, I have a confession to make. I'm glad that we knocked on your door, Evan.

I'm having a way better time here than I would at that stupid party we're supposed to go to. And she's getting really close to him and it looks like he's not hating it. And their faces get closer and it looks like they're about to kiss. And then his phone rings and the Uber has arrived. So he takes a step back, says, OK, I'll go get I'll go get your clothes. Time to get dressed. Uber's here. And she says, OK, I'll go get Genesis in the bathroom. So he goes to the dryer, gets their clothes out, starts taking them to the bathroom where he just hears them giggling and giggling behind the closed door, knocks, girls, I have your clothes. They're dry. They don't answer. They're giggling. He's like, okay,

I'm coming in. I'm covering my eyes, but I'm bringing your clothes in. The shower is running bringing your clothes in the shower is running and he opens the door and they say surprise and he looks and they're both naked in the shower yep yep fully naked and um they he he's like okay you guys need to get dressed. The Uber's here. And they're like, now just not hiding it all. Very straightforward. Trying to get him to have sex with them. They're kissing him, um, touching him, trying to unbutton his shirt. He's trying to push them off.

This is very much looking not consensual. And that he's saying, I can't do this. this i'm married he's like trying to push them away they're just like coming on stronger and uh they start going down on him and he like switch it he like stops fighting them which you know they're both going down on him at the same time which is interesting so they've gotten his clothes off um i guess just his pants i think he still has his shirt on oh my god things are coming off yeah they are aggressive about it. And yeah, he looks down just like the back of both of their heads are at his dick. And I'm just like, what is the. How is that working? What's happening here?

Are they taking turns? I guess. Must be taking turns. Just, yeah, the mechanics of it are a little mysterious. Yeah, the mechanics of it are a little mysterious. The size of a human head in the area they're trying to be is a little too, not quite enough to go around, you know? He starts going with it and they say,

have two girls ever done this to you, Evan? And he says, no. And they say, happy Father's Day. Oh, my God. If this ever happens to you, you know you're about to be murdered. So just remember. Yeah, just remember this is not a realistic scenario. Even if you're Keanu. Yeah.

And we see outside the Uber calling and leaving. Oh, no. We just see this scene of like quick cuts of them pressing against the glass wall of the shower. Like boobs pressing up against it. But and like all this moaning and like shots of them making out heavily and just it's a it's a pretty intense looking threesome. And then it cuts to the next morning. Oh, wow. OK.

OK. OK. All right. Evan wakes up alone in his bed. Oh, no. Clearly feeling shame. A lot of shame. Okay. All right. Evan wakes up alone in his bed. Oh, no. Clearly feeling shame. A lot of shame. He

puts his wedding ring back on. Oh, he'd taken it off. Yikes. I think maybe just in the night. I don't know. I didn't notice when he took it off. But he has a bunch of text messages from Karen saying like, are you awake yet? What's up? Like, where are you? Can you FaceTime me when you wake up? And he texts her. Yeah, I'll FaceTime you in a minute. Just woke up. And he's looking around the house, doesn't see the girls assumes they're gone and then hears some more giggling coming from the

kitchen opens the door to the kitchen and they have turned into the monkeys from jumanji wait what they there's food absolutely everywhere the kitchen is trashed they're making pancakes there's pancake batter on the walls. There's banana peels on the walls. Eggs like smashed all over. Like it's crazy. The amount of mess they have made this morning. There's like pancake batter on their faces.

They look crazed. They're sitting like almost like they're little animals now. They're like not sitting normally at the chair. They're like, good morning, Evan. Oh my God. not sitting normally at the chair they're like good morning evan oh my god and uh he's pretty freaked out like um you guys need to i need to take you guys home now and genesis says home i haven't been home in four years evan like i'm not going home oh my god whatever i mean like i'll take you wherever you want to go. And they're like, how about Paris?

What about Tokyo? Like, Evan, why don't you take us to Rome? And they're just really ramping this up. He's starting to get mad. And then he gets the FaceTime call from his wife. And he runs outside to take it answers it and she's just checking in saying like kids say hi to dad and as he's talking to them behind him the house because it's a fancy rich person's house all of the walls are glass oh boy the girls run up genesis and bell run up

they're in they're still in their robes and they just like take off the robes they're pressing their boobs they press their butts against the robes. They're pressing their boobs. They press their butts against the glass and then they start miming like they're doing it doggy style behind him. It's really funny. I really did laugh. And is this on the FaceTime video or he's seeing them do it? He turned around. He notices them first and like turns around so that it's to him instead of the wife. But clearly, like they don't care if she saw it. Oh, my God. and like turns around so that it's to him instead of the wife.

But clearly like they don't care if she saw it. Oh my God. This is stressing me out so much now. This is so stressful. Now this movie has just become so stressful. This is the point at which I was like, okay, is Eli Roth actually pretty funny? Like, I feel like this is pretty funny. It's pretty funny.

How far into the movie are we? Would you say? This is like close to halfway. Okay. Oh my God. I'm stressed. I'm stressed. I'm stressed. is pretty funny. It's pretty funny. How far into the movie are we, would you say? This is like close to halfway. Okay. Oh, my God. I'm stressed. I'm stressed. I'm stressed. So he is very distracted, obviously, on the phone with his wife.

She's like, you seem pretty distracted. Why don't you call me back later? Like a little annoyed. He's like, no, no, no. I'm sorry. Like, yeah, it's but I will call you back later. I love you so much. I'm sorry that I'm distracted.

You guys have fun. Gets off the phone. Goes back in. Is like, okay, you guys need to get the fuck out. He's like pissed now. They lay down on the couch and they're like, oh, Evan. Who's this Evan? This is a mean Evan.

And where's Evan from last night? We liked that Evan. And he's like, you guys need to get dressed and get the fuck out and they go into they like are like fine evan we will and they go into other rooms and are gone for a little while and he goes to find them and he finds genesis first and she's dressed and he's like where's bell she's like i don't know and he's looking around for her and he finds her in his closet dressed in all of his clothes and she's like you just said get dressed you didn't say what like in what i'm getting dressed and she's at this point now

calling him daddy and telling him that he she loves him and she's like she wraps her arms and legs around him she's like i love you daddy i don't know she's really um over the top like kissing him, like, like, Oh daddy, daddy, I love you. And he's trying to push her off and it's like, come on. Like, I've got to take you guys home. Tell me where to take you. And he's like, you have three minutes. I'll meet you outside. And we're leaving. And he goes outside, waits, waits, waits, waits. They don't't come out obviously goes back inside and finds them his wife has made this really big sculpture that is like her main centerpiece for the exhibition that is coming up oh god they have covered it in dick drawings they just drew dicks all over it in sharpie and he's obviously furious they're just laughing and

laughing and he says okay that's it i'm calling the police i'm calling the police he gets his cell phone out and uh genesis says yeah go ahead call him i've got a funny story for them and he says what do you what do you mean? And she says, oh, it's called to catch a predator like Bell's 15 years old. No, but she's not. Do you think she is? No, I mean, she's definitely she's definitely not. But he's like, obviously alarmed by this information. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He hangs up regardless to get some more he's like what are you talking about you told me you're a flight attendants and they're laughing in his face like yeah we told you that like we're not we're in high school oh god oh no and he's like okay well what do you what do you guys want what do you want do you want money what do you want for me why are you doing this and they say we want to make you breakfast every morning for the rest of your life okay this is horrible i hate this i hate this so much and then there the doorbell rings and his physical therapist is there he has physical therapy for his shoulder this it's this woman i think vivian is her name and this actress is the main one of the main girls from the original

version of this movie which is fun oh that is fun death wish was that what it's called death yeah death wish death game oh death game so she's there and she's saying like okay time for your therapy he's like oh no you know not today it okay. You don't have to come in today. I'm feeling so much better. Don't have to come in. Genesis walks out, puts her arms around him, kisses him on the neck, says, who's this baby? Oh, Jesus. And Vivian is obviously like very disgusted by this, like gives him this really dirty look.

Like, I can't believe you, I can't believe you, I can't believe you, Evan, this is horrifying, storms off, he's like, Vivian, Vivian, it's not what it looks like, and she leaves. He goes back inside, Belle is blasting records now, dancing

around, and they're just having a fucking party in his house, he's like screaming at them to get out. This is so awful. And Genesis is yelling at him like, isn't this so funny, Evan? Like in just one night, like you ruined your whole life. If you call the police, like you're going to have to tell all of your neighbors that you're a pedophile.

You're going to have to knock door to door announcing that you're a pedophile. And screaming in his face and really getting him obviously really worked up. And he grabs her by the throat and like pins her against the wall. And she looks impressed by this. She like smiles at him like, oh, Evan, I didn't think you had this in you. Like you seem like such a nice guy. I didn't think that you had this side to you. He very quickly like lets her go and is ashamed of his own behavior. And it's like, I nice guy. I didn't think that you had this side to you. He very quickly like lets her go

and is ashamed of his own behavior. And it's like, I like, I'm not, I am a good guy. I am a good guy and lets her go. Oh God. And he, he decides he's going to call 911 anyways, calls 911. He says, I'd like to report a break-in, a burglary or whatever and genesis hangs up the phone and like looks of looks at him like okay the the jig is up and he's like all right can you give us a ride home like we'll leave we'll get out and he's like yes let's go they get in the car they tell him where to go and he drops him off and they do not go in to the place that they directed him to clearly they don't live there and there's a shot of them after he drops them off just like walking down the street and this shot is very clearly not lorenza iso and on a darkness to a point

that just really made me laugh like it was just a pickup shot where it's just two women in wigs that's really funny they'll never notice no one will ever notice eli roth and somebody else in the same outfits i used to love back to school shopping so much that i would tell my mom that i wanted to work at staples when i grew up because i just loved getting all the things that I needed that I would use every day in class. I still to this day have nightmares about showing up in class without notebooks or number two pencils. Really scary stuff. But luckily I wake up and I realize I don't actually need notebooks or number two pencils anymore. I don't actually need notebooks or number two pencils anymore, but this fall there is something that I will be using every day and would be terrified to be caught without, and that's Raycon's best-selling everyday earbuds. I've been trying to go on walks every day, and so I need

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get 20 to 40% off site-wide. That's right, you'll get up to 40% off everything on Raycon's website when you go to buyraycon.com slash too scary buyraycon.com slash too scary. Yes. we see a montage of evan now cleaning the house and taking alcohol and scrubbing the sculpture to try to get the little dicks off of it it's working a little bit but it's you know going slow and over the course of the day he does get the house into pretty, it looks pretty good. Because remember, they'd really trashed that kitchen. And it looks like things are mostly back to normal. And then that night

he's working. He's back at his office. Oh God. Working on his 3D plans. 3D plans. The doors. He's choosing where to put the doors. Yes. Doing that.

And he hears something in the house. Oh, God. There's a little crash. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. And walks out into the living room and just sees one of his family photos knocked onto the floor with the glass broken.

He bends down to pick it up. And we see behind him Genesis with a vase or like something heavy knocks him in the head with it knocks him out cuts to black oh my god here we go i hate this and evan is now tied to the bed in his bedroom like a starfish okay genesis is putting on his wife's makeup at her vanity. And in walks Belle saying, do you like my outfit? And she is wearing his daughter's school uniform. Ew! And he screams at her, take that off.

That's my daughter's. And she says, I know, daddy. Like, don't you like the way it looks on me and she lifts up the skirt and is wearing little pink unicorn underwears and like he's so furious at this he says take those off like you're disgusting and she says okay and like really slowly takes off the underwear and then gets like sits on top of him and says, you know, every girl's first love is their daddy. And he says, if you if you love me, if you really love me, please untie me. And Genesis says, ignore that asshole.

And Belle says, he's not an asshole. He's my daddy. Oh, so you were starting to think that maybe she kind of actually like is weirdly thinking this too kind of like is she i don't know it seems that they're both unwell they're both very much unwell and so they're enjoying themselves she knows she's torturing him but but she's just got a different sort of... Yeah, different vibe about it. And is also unwell. Yeah. And there's a pretty, I'd say, upsetting moment here where she's...

Oh, no. More upsetting. Where she's on top of him and kissing him and saying, like, don't you want to fuck your little girl again like you did for like you did for years daddy and like at some point it switches and it's it seems like she's now talking to her actual dad and and then she starts crying and like slaps him and it says like why did you do that to me daddy why did you do that to me and she's crying and he like he looks like scared and also sympathetic and he's like trying to calm her down and he's like it's okay it's okay like you're okay oh jesus and at that moment his phone rings and it's a facetime from his wife

oh jesus christ and they're like let's answer it let's answer it and he's like no no no please no no no please no it could be my kids it could be my kids calling and they're like we'll answer it like this and they start unzipping his pants so that it'll be like him answering it just with his dick in the frame and he says no and he says no please please please i'll do anything you want and they throw the phone aside and they both start cheering they're like yay he'll do whatever we want Oh my god So what Belle wants to have sex with him so She I mean rapes him That is yeah And

Genesis is filming it Oh my god And This is so fucked up I hate this it's pretty horrifying Hey guess what still hate eli roth yeah still still hate him still hate him eli this isn't redeeming whatsoever but during the sex because of the motion of it he is able to loosen whatever they've tied his wrists with and he's eventually

able to get free genesis after filming them for a while went off into the kitchen to go get a snack as you do so he gets his he gets his undoes his bindings and knocks bell off knocks her to the floor and runs out of the room like gets free runs out of the room sees genesis eating a piece of the cake and runs to her tries to like knock her down and as he grabs her she takes the fork and stabs it into his shoulder where he has just had shoulder surgery and he is in excruciating pain falls over backwards screaming and she's twisting the fork around and he passes out with from the pain damn wakes up tied to a chair now in the living room okay genesis and bell are have changed genesis is wearing one of his suit tops and shirts and bell is wearing a fancy dress of Karen's, I presume.

And they're pretending now that they're game show hosts. And they're saying, I can't remember what the game is called. Something like to catch a predator. But they put his DJ headphones on his ears. I don't know. They say, we're going to ask you questions. And if you get the answers wrong you'll be punished oh god and he's screaming at them now you're both crazy bitches and as he screams at them genesis turns up feedback into the headphones really really loud

and he's screaming and saying i could i could go go deaf. I could go deaf. This is serious. I could go deaf. It's all serious, dude. This is about as serious as it gets. Yeah. And so they're like, all right, first question. Are you ready, Evan? How far away from school will you have to pick up your kids? basically when you're a registered pedophile and he's like yelling at them this isn't funny untie me and again they do the feedback and they're like wrong answer wrong answer evan then genesis asks or goes this is an easy one this is a pretty easy one how many daddies have survived this game and she like stares at him and she's like, I think you know the answer to this one. And he says, none. And they say,

correct. Evan, good job. And they like clap for him. And they're like, all right, next question. Oh my God.

What's the proper punishment for a pedophile prison, castration or death? And he's staring at them. He's like. On the verge of tears, like, please, like, please untie me. Oh, I hate this. I hate this so much. And they're like, tick tock. Evan, you got to answer this question.

And before he can answer, there is another knock at the door. And it's Louis, Karen's assistant. And he is here to pick up the sculpture. Covered in dick drawings. Yeah, for the exhibition. Oh my God. They quickly shove his daughter's underwear into his mouth so that he can't

talk and they get his phone from him and text Louis because I think they have a text. Louis texted Evan and said like I'm outside and they write back oh I'm not home at the moment

but my niece is there with a friend they can let you in and so they pretend to be his niece and they answer the door saying oh you're lewis like evan told us that you were here um come on in we're here shooting a music video and he's like oh you picked a great location like this such a beautiful house and they're laughing and they take him out to the sculpture which is obviously still has dicks on it and like not and he he lewis just like is immediately like what the fuck's going on what's this and he starts almost like having a panic attack like he's really stressed mostly just to see this sculpture is ruined this like piece of art that took so much work and he pulls an inhaler out of his pocket and uses it and calms

down a little bit and he's like what the fuck happened here what what's going on and they start trying to seduce him and they're saying oh please don't tell karen lewis like this could be our little secret and he's like not into it at all he's like the fuck he has been told that they're children also right yeah so he pushes him off his and he runs into the house he's like where's evan and he finds evan tied up oh god oh god and rather than untying him he's like i'm gonna go like these bitches are crazy and runs back out and evan's like saying no no like untie me they're dangerous they're dangerous don't go out there and he runs lewis runs back out to them to try to i don't know confront them and they now have hammers and

they're bashing this that like breaking the statue apart and he's like running towards them oh my god oh my god stop it stop it stop it oh and also as he ran in we saw genesis slip his inhaler out of his pocket and so now he's running at them and they're beating the statue breaking it And he starts clearly having another asthma attack and fishing in his pockets. He can't find his inhaler. Genesis says, are you looking for this? Pulls it out of her pocket. He reaches it.

She throws it to Belle. He goes to Belle. She throws it back to Genesis. They're doing that like schoolyard taunting, throwing it away from him. And at some point during all this, also evan has like scooted his chair he's been like slowly making his way so now he's in the doorway watching this yelling at them like stop it stop it like give him his inhaler he needs it and as lewis is running back and forth trying to get the inhaler he trips and he smacks his head on the corner of a piece of cement at the base of the statue.

And it's like immediately absolutely dead. Like in that in that way that it's just like blood coming out. Holy shit. He just is limp and lifeless. Belle and Genesis burst out laughing. Oh, my God. Evan is horrified, like immediately starts crying and is like you need to call an ambulance you can do whatever you want to me lewis has nothing to do with this he didn't do anything this isn't his

fault and they're laughing and saying he tripped it of course it's his fault we didn't touch him he fucking tripped like he should be more careful oh my god and they carry him back into like the center of the living room and they they're like, you stay here. We got to take care of Lewis. And they paper mache Lewis. No! What? And paint him and make him like into a sculpture and move him into the truck that Lewis came with to pick up the sculpture.

with to pick up the sculpture. And they like send a text message from his phone, making like acting like he's pissed at Evan saying, I can't believe you slept with my wife or something, something to like cover their tracks a bit. It's kind of a loose cover up that I don't know would stand. I don't totally understand what their long-term plan is, but they do something to try to cover their tracks. And we see while they're taking care of this evan is in the living room and he's trying to knock his chair into a bookshelf where there's a vase at the top of it that he's eyeing so it seems like there's something probably a gun in this vase that he wants to get and but before he can knock it over they come back in and they're like okay back to the game show if you'll remember the question we were on was a prison castration or death what what's the correct punishment for a pedophile oh jesus

christ oh jesus and he again is like please you guys this is this is on way too far you need to me and they go nope sorry Evan correct answer is death oh no and he has an epic freak out oh my god I am actually gonna play it for you right now oh god we're watching a scene we're watching a scene I gotta I gotta

see it death death you're gonna kill me You're gonna fucking kill me! Why? Why? Because I fucked you? You fucked me! You fucked me! You came to my house! You came to me! I got you a car! I brought you your clothes. You took a fucking bubble bath. You wanted it. You wanted it. You came out to me. What was I supposed to do? You sucked my cock. You both fucking sucked my cock. It was free pizza. Free fucking pizza.

It just shows up at my fucking door. What am I supposed to do? We're flight attendants. Come on. Fuck us will know come on fuck us oh twosomes threesomes it doesn't matter starfish husbands you don't give a fuck you'll just fuck anything you'll just fuck anything will you lie to me i'm trying to help you i let you in i was a good guy i a good father. And you just fucking fucked me? What? Now you're going to kill me? You're going to kill me? Why?

Why? You just fucked me? What the fuck? Fuck, fuck. This is fucking insane. Oh, my God. Whoa. Wait. oh my god whoa wait i just i felt like yeah we had to you had to just see it i wouldn't have been able to do it justice in a description so that was incredible. His hair was doing so much. Yeah. Thank God he didn't get that haircut. Oh, my God.

I love him so much. He's great. And apparently he filmed that scene twice. Like, he did it a previous day and then, like, wasn't happy with it and was like, Eli, can we do that scene again? And then did that. And it's like, he did it pretty good. He did it pretty good pretty good oh you know so rarely see keanu lose it go there i know and it is really fucking cool to

watch him play someone who has fully lost it yeah yeah it was i was really delighted by that performance so just thought i'd share it it's also you make some good points you make some good points really good pizza wow that was really special. Yeah, it's really good. What is their reaction? I mean, you can see they're just kind of watching him blank face. They're like, God, he's really... It's almost like they're embarrassed for him.

And after his freak out, they just say, All right, you're going to be executed at dawn. And they set the alarm clock. His kids got him next to him. We knew that was going to be important. And they go outside and they start digging a pit, digging, digging a little grave. Oh, my God. They come back in.

It's getting light out. And they say, let's face it face it Evan you're a monster like you deserve this you brought this upon yourself and then they say or should we say you're a monster monster man and he looks really shocked obviously it's like how do you know

that why have you been spying on me you've been spying on me and my kids and they go back into a little Jumanji monkey mode, like trashing the house again. Now they go to one of Karen's sculptures and they start sawing the head off of it. It's like a human shaped sculpture. I don't think it's Lewis. I think it's a true, honest to goodness sculpture.

No, no human man inside of it. But they're sawing the head off of it and they're laughing and they're saying, this is going to be you, Evan. This is going to be you. And at a point they're screeching like dinosaurs, stomping on all his models of the town going. Like they're Godzilla, I guess. like they're like they're godzilla i guess and then they go and get a bowl from the kitchen and put it on his head and they give him a bowl cut they cut his hair this is the foreshadowing i suppose this he does indeed get a haircut okay it's very strange foreshadowing and they're fucking with him and being crazy and in this they knock over the bookshelf and the vase falls and crashes.

And there is indeed a gun inside of it. Everyone freezes. They look at it, grab it, say, oh, my God, you've been lying to us. If you had gotten this first, you would have killed us, wouldn't you, Evan? And they're pointing at him now. And he's, I don't know, at some point they play hide and seek with him they're like go hide now they feel like even more empowered they have even more of the upper hand now that they have a gun they make him hide in the house he almost gets away but they catch him and then they tie him up again and put him in the grave and bury him with just his head out.

Oh, God. Oh, God. Okay. And he's crying and begging them, please, please, please. Oh, my God. I hate this so much. I'll do anything. I'll do anything.

I hate this. And they say, anything? Like, would you tell your wife and kids in full detail what happened last night? And he says, yes, yes, I'll do anything. And they're like, OK, all right, Evan, let's get let's give you a lifeline. And they take out a phone and they call Karen and put it to his ear and it goes to voicemail. But he said on the voicemail, he says, Karen, I'm really sorry for what I'm about to tell you, but call the police, call the police, call the police. And they hang

up and they're like, oh, that's a shame, Evan. Like that was your life. That was your one lifeline. Like we really thought maybe you'd do the right thing there. he's like laughing at them like well they're gonna she's calling the police now the police are gonna be coming and she says i'm hung up the second it went to voicemail i knew you were gonna chicken out so no police are coming and they say knock knock evan and he won't answer or he's got he's they bound his mouth so he can't answer. Or he's got, he's, they bound his mouth so he can't answer. He's like going, yelling at them. And so they do it just between the two of them. Genesis says, knock, knock.

Belle says, who's there? Cheating Evan. Cheating Evan who? Cheating eventually gets you killed. Pretty good. Knock, knock. Pretty good. That's really good. I'll remember that one. I wonder. Knock, knock. Pretty good.

I'll remember that one. I wonder when they came up with that one, and I bet they were really excited to use it. I know, because I can imagine not everyone was named Evan. Not everyone. And Genesis grabs a big slab of granite and is raising it above her head like she's about to slam it down onto Evan's head. And she's like all right like this is it evan three two one he's screaming screaming screaming she slams it down right next to his head he starts sobbing sobbing like so upset so scared and they're laughing again and

they say it's just a gate where's just you think we're gonna kill you like this is just a game evan we're not gonna kill you and with this like little thing in his mouth he's going a game a game oh my god oh my god i hate this i hate this i hate this there's nothing i like about this they're looking at him and saying you know we thought you might be the one that i would no, but they never say no. No matter how much you love your families, no matter how much you love your wives, you're all the same. And they start walking away. And Belle says, you were my favorite, though. And wish me happy birthday, by the way. I turn turn 22 next week but you made me feel 15 again oh my god and then they're like oh one more thing your phone and they go bring his phone back

to him and says you shouldn't leave your facebook logged in anyone could post anything to your timeline and they said it in front of him they've posted the video of bell that genesis took of bell on top of evan and have posted it to his timeline and it's getting they like stick it in this in the dirt in front of him so that he that's it's like all he can look at and there's just comments pouring in being like what, what is this? This is a sick joke. Unfriended. You're disgusting. Unfriended. Unfriended. And he's going, oh, no. Oh, no.

And they leave and they take his dog with them, which is just a real bummer. They've completely trashed his house. And he's like wiggling around in the dirt and he's eventually able to get just his hand free and he's reaching on the phone it's like two buttons it's either delete or like which i don't think is how facebook works there's just like two big buttons and he's reaching but his hand is still like kind of trapped in the dirt and he can't he accidentally likes it instead of deletes it and then goes that's okay that's when eli roth is trying to be funny that is him trying to be funny for sure then the camera tracks through the house we survey all the damage they've done. They've tagged on all of the family photos on the one of the daughter, daddy's little whore. They've drawn behind the wife, a starfish.

They've drawn on Evan. I'm the rape monster broken. Basically everything, everything's knocked over and it's just panning down the hallways until we get to the front door and Karen and the kids arrive home. Oh no. And the son said, look, they're just all look around in shock. And the son says, daddy had a party and that's the end of the movie. Oh my God. I hated that. I hated that i hated that i hated that i'm gonna i'm adding it to my list of things that i hated the most i hated it i hated it i think you know it's so funny i each time there's a movie that you guys really hate it always takes me by surprise because it's something that i actually like like funny games and killing of a sacred deer you knew we were like, funny games and Killing of a Sacred Deer. Okay, but you knew we were going to hate funny games.

No, no. Not as much as you did. Really? Yeah. It's like not, because they're not scary. Like, it's, and so part of my brain is like, oh, they're like, they're going to be fine with this. No, it is scary, though, because it's the scariest, it's the scariest possible thing. Because it's human beings, like, fucking with each other. It's the scariest possible thing because it's human beings like it's like human manipulation.

It's not scary so much as it's so upset. Cruelty. It's cruelty. It's just human cruelty for fun. Yeah. For fun. It's sadistic. And like it's honestly because because all of those all the movies with demons, all the movies with with ghosts even the movies with like torture porn are more unrealistic than this in a way

you could totally ruin your life with one bad choice like that thing about just like and also to be fair he didn't really even make a choice ever in the movie I mean he like let it happen at one point but like yeah that was

he said no a lot yeah also if you just if all you do is have sex with somebody who's not your wife it's like that's that's a mistake perhaps depending on his context of his relationship but does it mean your whole life should get ruined no no well it shouldn't mean your kids have to like go through whatever they're about to go through because this kid's lives are about to be ruined um eli roth you can go fuck yourself you heard it here first you heard it here first and you'll hear it here over and over and over again you can go fuck yourself It's so funny It made me like Eli Roth more Wow Look I certainly prefer this over

The Green Inferno The Green Inferno is just very bad This I think Specifically also because Keanu Reeves Is in it if it was someone else I certainly Would have liked it probably less Because obviously But I put it on at like

1145 and was like, I'm just going to watch like 15 minutes of it. And you watch the whole thing. And I watched the whole thing. I was having a good time. I had to know what was going to happen. I was hooked. I laughed a lot in it. And I think it is like intentionally funny like

look I laughed some too is making some jokes here that are pretty funny but he also clearly yeah doesn't think very hard about any like messages he's trying to he's just like I feel like Eli Roth just like gets a log line idea for a movie and he's like cool let's do it Yeah And especially That like oh all you Men are the same it's like No I don't know that I disagree with

This fundamental premise of like You fucking sick Man two women got Came into your home got naked threw Themselves you forced themselves upon you and then you eventually let them suck your dick you piece of shit it's like um i don't know man yeah i don't know that i don't think we come to eli roth for our for our morality no i don't think this is feminism actually um no ah happy birthday keanu happy birthday

look it was worth it for that one scene for me i do i do have to say yeah yeah my opinion is not changed on on eli not for me mine has but not i mean i still he's not my favorite and i will say the movie still like looks like shit it's written poor I still, he's not my favorite. And I will say, the movie still, like, looks like shit. It's written, like, he's still, it's still a bad movie, don't get me wrong. It looks like shit. That's funny. Looks like shit. It's written terribly. It's

like you can basically see the floodlights in the background. Like, they're just, like, such sharp lighting that just looks very fake. And all of his movies his movies like look bad like that even in the clip that we saw even in the clip that we saw i was like surprised that ananda armis and um lorenza looked the way that they did and and it wasn't how i was picturing it like it just looked worse yeah it looked worse than what i was yeah yeah. Wow. Well, we did it.

And I'm glad because this is when I told you that I've debated watching. So I'm like, oh, I don't know, Keanu. Maybe, no, fuck no. Fuck no. I don't want to do this. You can skip it. That's what I'm here for. Yeah, I think she does a service to us all.

Ugh. So, I don't know Do we try to do a Keanu Reeves voice You tried to fuck me You fucked me You fucked me Because I fucked you What

Oh I'm a flight attendant I'm a flight attendant Starfish husbands God it was good Okay attendant. I'm a flight attendant. Starfish. Husbands. God, it was good. Okay. From all of us here at Too Scary Didn't Watch, goodbye. Goodbye.

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