Too Scary; Didn't Watch - MY BEST FRIEND IS A VAMPIRE with Lamar Woods

Episode Date: July 20, 2022

Horny teens, blood-thirsty hook-ups and conflicting messages about homophobia, we're recapping MY BEST FRIEND IS A VAMPIRE (which may also be titled I WAS A TEENAGE VAMPIRE -- who can say!) We are joined by fellow scaredy-cat Lamar Woods (Grand Crew, Gossip Kings) to tell us all the gory deets!  You can watch MY BEST FRIEND IS A VAMPIRE on YouTube TRAILER Recap begins @ 30:07 Follow the show: @TSDWpodcast on Twitter, TikTok, and Instagram. Check out our Patreon for bonus episodes and additional content! Rate Too Scary; Didn’t Watch 5 Stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts and leave a review for Emily, Henley, and Sammy. Advertise on Too Scary; Didn't Watch via Gumball.fm Podcast artwork by @EllaTalkinSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is Emily, Henley, and Sammy, and you're listening to Too Scary, Didn't Watch. Hi everyone, welcome to Too Scary, Didn't Watch, the horror movie recap podcast for those too scared to watch for themselves. I'm Emily, and I am too scared to watch scary movies. I'm Henley, and I'm also too scared to watch scary movies. I'm Sammy, and I love watching scary movies, and so I watch them so that you don't have to. And I hadn't even heard of today's movie. Ooh!

And I really love that on this podcast when I just get to discover movies that I hadn't heard of before. It's very fun. There are just so many movies. It always builds a man when I go on a streaming platform to decide on a movie to watch for the night. A task that takes sometimes more often than not, I completely give up and I watch something

I've already seen or nothing at all. But there are just so many movies. It's wild. It's really wild. Honestly, it's incredibly overwhelming, but it can also be fun. I think it's supposed to be fun. Sure. But then if you start thinking, you can't tell me how to feel.

We have people ask me that all the time. If I tell them about this podcast, they're like, oh, are you worried about running out of horror movies to talk about? I'm like, we have a listener request list that's like 200 movies long. Yeah. Easily. Yeah, it's pretty. And they keep making more.

Easily. Yeah. Freaking movies all the time. They're too many. They're too many. There's too many movies that I have heard of. Can we start on the movies I haven't heard of? Yay.

Yay. But I know at one point we were trying to find a good term for housekeeping for like real. Oh, blowing up the basement. Someone said, blowing up the basement. point we were we were trying to find a good term for housekeeping for like oh basement someone said blowing up the basement someone said saging saging the oh smart someone like sent us that which i liked i was just gonna go simple and say haunted housekeeping wow and that you know what and that's why you're here god damn it this is why we need sammy genius mind at work again. Among other things, obviously. Keep it simple. Keep it simple.

Haunted housekeeping. Just like the amount of movies in the world, the list of reasons why we need Sammy, infinite and never ending. But haunted housekeeping is perfect. And let's do it. We'll move forward with that. Yeah, absolutely. I just wanted to say a quick happy birthday to our dear, sweet jenna um we are recording this on her

birthday and she was our started the podcast with us our fourth yep member of our coven silently present for every recording is she here right now you'll never know you would you'll never know when she is and when she isn't but in a way she always is you know oh happy birthday she's 136 today it's crazy i miss her i miss her so much and if you guys want a little a little experience with silent jenna talking you can listen to her final destination episode that's right we somehow convinced her to talk at one point. But okay, that was it. I just wanted to say happy birthday because we love her so goddamn

much. Yep. But other than that, did anything scary happen to us this week? Just real quick. The scary thing that happened to me this week is that I confronted the fact that I really need to start fucking exercising. You guys. That's a tough one.

How did you confront it? I guess, honestly, the confrontation is happening here in this moment as we speak right now. I need help. Like, I really need to start exercising because my anxiety is like through the roof. Yeah, it helps with that. The only way to counteract that is to move your body. And somehow I cannot force myself to do it. It's hard. Start small, start small. You do 10 to 15 minute workouts on YouTube just in your living room. I hate working

out in my house though. That's the thing is I hate it more than anything. And that's why it's also hard in the summer because it's hot. Give it a try. Worst thing you waste 15 minutes. Yeah. Yeah. But that's true. It's setting that bar low is it's better to do something for 10 minutes every day than an hour once a week. That's a really, okay. I think I need to, all right, here's something that I want to do. I just want to start writing some mantras on post-it notes and then putting them around like an insane person. But one of them can be that, but I want some, okay, here's what I really want is I want some people to reach out and send me some Spotify playlists of some top 40, some fun pop songs that you like to maybe run to. Oh, that's right. You like to run. You want to send me some, some gear,

some gear, like some, some headphones that excite you for running. Cause I do like to run. I do actually enjoy it when I'm, when I'm like, yeah, that's wild to me. That's absolutely insane. I can't fathom it. I truly can't. Starting it up again though is not easy, not fun. I'm thinking about just signing up for like a race and then forcing myself to do it or something like that. Seems like the opposite of starting small. Well, the race could be, you know, in a long time. And it could be a 5K. Yeah, 5K. Exactly.

As far as races go, pretty small. As far as me running goes, furthest I've ever ran in my life. That's still pretty tough. Pretty tough. I'll sign up for a turkey trot around Thanksgiving. Perfect. There you go. Plan on the turkey trot. Turkey trot is such a funny name. It sounds so stupid.

It is stupid. But I think that's a good goal. Yeah, I just like, I don't know, guys. Wish me luck. I just want people out there to be sending me luck. It's hard, man man it's really hard and it and it just it feels so good to do it's like i'm always glad to have done it i never want to do it but it's so obviously good to do it's like so there's like drink water and exercise or like it's like, duh. I'm like, why am I depressed? Like, why am I so anxious? Like, why am I like

spiraling out of control? Like, what's up with my mental health? And then I'm like, right, water, water, movement, water, movement. Just do that. Um, no, it's impossible. It's impossible. But I wish you luck. I send I send you luck. It's either that or Alexa Pro subscription, prescription. Subscription. Subscription Alexa Pro. Okay, what about you guys? I this week or yesterday went to a movie in the movie theater and cried so hard that I soaked through my mask. Oh, wow. I haven't had that experience before. I've certainly cried a lot in a movie theater before, but this was the first time

since wearing masks in theater, and it was just so... Gross. Like soggy. It was really gross. Yeah, there was also like snot. Gross, gross, gross. Snot coming out of my nose and then that absorbing. But COVID cases are really high in LA right now and I'm about to go to a wedding. And you still haven't had it. And I still haven't had it, and so I'm like, I gotta keep my

mask on, but it's just like... Did you bring have a spare. So I just had this fucking nasty mask. It was really gross, but the movie was so good. It's a documentary called fire of love. It is about these two volcanologists, this couple that study volcanoes, and it's all made from their footage. They filmed and documented everything. Whoa, I saw you post about this, and I'm shocked it's a documentary. Like, I can't believe that's real people doing that.

Yes, it's shocking. Tim can't stop talking about this movie. Did he see it? No, he hasn't seen it, but he can't stop talking about it. Between this movie and that NASA photograph that just came out of all the galaxies, I think that's mainly what led to my weeping is just the... How tiny we are. The overwhelmingness, yeah, and how minuscule we are in the grand scheme of things and how nature is just so it just takes your breath away. You know, it just is truly incredible.

Yeah. And it'll be here so much longer than we will be. It's been here so much longer in volcanoes. I've never even like really thought twice about volcanoes. I don't think about them a lot. No. volcanoes i've never even like really thought twice about volcanoes i don't think about them a lot no and i was shocked at how fascinating they are how terrifying and beautiful they are so terrifying like i recently did think about a volcano because i don't ever think about them but we joel and i went through a phase where we really this this is a show that people watch

it's just very weird that we watched it, which is the CNN Stanley Tucci Italy series. I've seen every episode of it. People love that show. Thank you. We watched it and we loved it. Stanley Tucci, a funny guy, sometimes not on purpose, but we really enjoyed watching

Stanley Tucci just be Stanley Tucci. In Italy, he's in like Pompeii. Does he speak Italian? I feel like that's something that's weird about the show. And Italy and England, he's in like Pompeii. Does he speak Italian? I feel like that's something that's weird about the show. He thinks he's fluent. He's like trying to speak Italian and you can tell he's not very good at it. He's not very good at it, but he is very confident. Mm-hmm.

Anyway, it's a fun show. But they're in Pompeii. They're in Pompeii. And I was just like, if you live somewhere where a volcano could erupt and kill you, when that starts to happen, there's literally nothing you can do. Yeah. You can't go up. You can't go away. You can't.

It blew my mind how much it's just like, well, we are about to die. No, there is no no unless you can get immediately like up in a helicopter like you're done you and that's insane to me because there's very little warning yeah it talks about that and talks about um trying to evacuate people in time but it's just there's and i don't know most of this takes place in in the 90s and so i don't know what progress has been made since then But basically at this time they have had absolutely no way of predicting When volcanoes will erupt

I kind of think they're still sort of better at Well, I feel like every now and again they'll be like It seems like this one's gonna go soon Can't they predict earthquakes like five minutes before? I think it's just a window that's really small And not super helpful But yeah highly recommend it bring bring a spare mask and yeah get ready to really cry it's very beautiful very beautiful film see that makes and whenever you tell my movie it's gonna make me really me really cry. I go, I'll never see it.

That's how I feel, too. It's so funny because I always think of it as such an endorsement. And yeah, I forget that some people it's crying is my fucking favorite thing to do. Here's the thing. I actually I do love crying, but I don't want to know when it's going to happen. Me either. Yeah. I love crying by surprise.

Yes. Exactly. If I go into something being like this, make me cry. I will. I'll be like, no, no, no, no, no, yes. Exactly. If I go into something being like this is going to make me cry, I'll be like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. But when crying happens to me, I lean in. Yeah. Emily, bring us back from the volcano. I'm going to bring you back from the volcano.

My check-in has absolutely nothing to do with volcanoes. But the scary thing that happened to me does sort of, it felt like related to just how small we are and how our lives are but one moment on on this earth and that is to say i recently made a decision to go back to school and i started school this week i'm a student oh my god we're so proud of you thank you i never thought i would go back to school i never ever thought that i would do that. And then the pandemic happened and I

rethought like so many of my life choices and I just really sat with what I want to do with my life and decided to go back to school. So I started school this week and I'm very excited. It's a really crazy feeling to be back at school and to be back at school in my 30s where most of my peers are much younger than me and and i thought that would be kind of horrifying but i'm actually loving it it's like so let me tell you when was the last time you met a 19 year old never never since i was 19 it's i i'm just i'm having a really great time a they're just also lovely and like fresh to the world and i did one at one point have to google some gen z slang moments after someone talked to me she paid me a compliment and i didn't know what it meant and i had to google it because it was like terminology that

I'm completely unaware of tell us the compliment It was she liked it She was on my Instagram she liked it She pulled up a photo and she went oh you ate And I was like And I Knew it was a compliment But I also I

Like and I like turned my I was like oh thanks I like turn my phone away. She couldn't see that I was Googling. Like I like held it so close. It was as if I was like doing something like very, you know, dirty. Just cause like,

you don't know that. Please don't find me out that I'm like not cool. So you Googled it and it's definitely a phrase. It's a phrase. I urban dictionary did. Okay. Um, and it means like,

Ooh, you check you out. Like you did. you did you did great i'm a thousand years old at first i thought maybe she said you're an eight honestly i would take that compliment thank you so much which similarly would be like thank you i think i don't know this is this pretty high compliment it's pretty high number but it's really cool and let me tell you what the experience of like feeling your age in a really good way like understanding what 30 years on this earth have given you and just being like oh i actually like know how to do things

and i know who i am in a way because i so often feel not grown up at all like i think about the fact that by the time they were my age my parents had two kids and careers and like were like settled into their lives i'm like well i'll never be an adult in any sort of tangible way and then you hang out with with with children and you're like oh my god i'm an adult in any sort of tangible way. And then you hang out with children and you're like, oh, my God, I'm an adult. Wow, that's so cool. I like I have some shit figured out. And also just being able to go to class, learn, come home to my home, my home with my things that are nice and good. And my partner, who's also an adult and like open a nice bottle of wine,

it's just like, okay, yeah, this is cool. This is good. It's an exciting experience. Yeah, that's great. That's really good to hear because I, just like you said, I'll always think that I'm just permanently a child and in a way we all are, I'm just permanently a child. And in a way, we all are. But that's great. And I'm going to reap the benefits of you having that discovery and just say that it also applies to me. Learn that lesson through you.

It does apply to you. I guarantee it. I absolutely guarantee it. Well, we're so proud of you, Emily. Thank you. And so happy for you. Thank you. Should we talk about this week's movie?

We absolutely should. Okay. This week's movie is My Best Friend is a Vampire. Sounds right up our alley. I know. It came out in 1987, directed by Jimmy Houston, written by Tab Murphy, starring Robert Sean Leonard, Evan Morand, morand cheryl pollock cecilia peck david warner paul wilson and renee auberginois hope i said that right i liked it and it is available to rent for 3.99 fabulous well i'm also so excited that we have a guest with us this week to talk

about this movie pick this movie that none of us had freaking heard of. Cannot wait to hear his perspective. He is a musician, a writer on the hit NBC show Grand Crew, a podcast host of fellow HeadGum podcast Gossip Kings. We are so thrilled to have him. Welcome, Lamar Woods. Hey, hey, what's up? What's up, everybody? What's up, Lamar?

Hi, Lamar. So good to see y'all. How y'all been? So good. We're doing great. Wear? Hi, Lamar. So good to see y'all. How y'all been? So good. We're doing great. We're doing great, Lamar. How are you? Did anything scary happen to you this week?

Oh, man. So every day is terrifying. I guess the scariest thing, I used to have night terrors when I was a kid. Oh, wow. Yeah. And then I had one the other day i've been watching this show called uh uh search party search party and this tells you my relationship with scary movies actually very light-hearted sitcom but they i i don't know there's a character in

who was kidnapped or they think she's whatever, she's kidnapped or whatever. And then I like fell asleep. And like, she like broke into my house, that character broke my house and then like tied me to the bed. And I was like, I couldn't move. And then I was like, you know how you get like a paralyzed. Is it Chantel? Yeah. Yeah. So she like tied me to the bed and I couldn't get out.

And I was like, it was like the first time where I like woke up like screaming, like where I was like, help me, help me. Somebody help me. I think, you know, like, and like, like you transition into like, it was really scary. I like couldn't, I had to like stay up the rest of the night. It was so scary. Oh my God. That's so scary. Also Lamar, do you live alone? Yes. Yeah.

Okay. Cause man, imagine, imagine somebody living with you hearing that. It would be terrifying. But it's also really terrifying to scream that and wake up and not have anybody there. I always wonder how loud it is to scream it from the, if I was like sleeping with me, what would that sound like? Yeah. Right. I used to babysit a kid who had night terrors when I was in high school and it was loud.

It was loud enough to, to hear. I mean, I was aware when it was happening for sure. I wasn't asleep because I was babysitting. So I had to be awake. Yeah, kids, kids get them and there's nothing you can do like as a parent. And I bet this is true as an adult, too. Like you can try to wake them up, but that actually makes it worse. I think you're not supposed to. Yeah. Yeah. You're not supposed to actually wake someone up. I don't know. Oh, wow. That's terrifying. That is terrifying. Yeah. I don't know what to add. I wanted to see somebody about it, but then I was like, they're going to make me confront my fears or something. I woke up laughing once. It was so funny. That's fun. I laughed so hard in my dream that it woke me up and I woke up laughing.

And just so you guys know what the dream was, it was a cat dancing on his hind legs. That is hilarious. It sounds fake. It can't be real. I'm definitely going to have that exact dream tonight. Yeah, that sounds so fun. Let's all dream that. I'm going to tell a story of something that didn Yeah, that sounds so fun. Let's all dream that. I'm going to tell a story of something that didn't happen to me,

but did happen to Joel one time. He was screaming in his dream and he woke up. Sorry, I'm making my laugh so hard. He woke up going, oh. That was as much as he was screaming in real life. Oh, God.

So maybe that's how loud you're being too. Yeah. Maybe it's really quiet. Yeah. Wait, what time was it also? You said you had to stay up the rest of the night. It was like three, three 30. Yeah. Yeah. It was a real nightmare. Like I had to like throw water on my face. was like classic nightmare yeah yeah it was kind of cathartic though like just like feeling fear like that but uh yeah sometimes i feel like feeling any emotion strongly does let it out a bit you release something yeah yeah absolutely uh but i don't want it to happen again. No, I don't want that either for you.

We're sending you luck as well for not having that. Yeah, I had to take a break from Search Party. Yeah. I'm going to get back on it. It's amazing. Yeah, it is really good. Okay, so I feel like you maybe already kind of answered this, but how do you feel about horror movies?

Oh, I hate them. I hate, I hate scary movies. That's why I picked this movie, but yeah, I wasn't allowed to, I actually wasn't allowed to watch scary, but I grew up really religious. So I wasn't allowed to watch movies with demons or witches or any kind of like element of the evil. And then, uh, so when I became an adult and I was allowed to watch scary movies, I feel like. I was no tolerance. Yeah. I'll just say,

yeah, everything was just too sensitive to like anything. So yeah, no, I have no interest in them. I have a lot of interest in people who like scary movies. I find it fascinating that they like it, but I, I know I can't fathom how people are like, not scared. Like some, like I movies, I find it fascinating that they like it. I can't

fathom how people are not scared. I am getting braver as we do this. I can understand how you build up a tolerance, but people who are just straight up like, oh yeah, nothing I see in a movie scares me and I can just watch anything at all. I'm like, how?

Our brains must be so different. Well, it's also the people who like the feeling of being scared. That's true, too. They really enjoy it. I was going to say, it's what we were just talking about, that cathartic feeling of being scared in a controlled environment. And also for me, sometimes I feel like, and this is true of very sad movies as well, it's like, makes me feel like, oh, things aren't that scary in my life. Things aren't that sad in as well. It's like, makes me feel like, oh, things aren't that scary in my life.

Things aren't that sad in my life. Does that mean to do? But it's like, I'm healthy. Yeah. I have, I like sad movies. I like that kind of thing. Oh, that's interesting. I never thought of it that way. Like maybe it's like, uh, like putting myself, cause I do feel that way. My movies are the one thing I do when I'm like depressed. Yeah. It lets you like put that emotion. It's like externalizing it in a way, which maybe isn't one thing I do when I'm like depressed. Yeah. It lets you like put that emotion. It's like externalizing it in a way, which maybe isn't healthy. I don't know. I haven't thought this through enough, but I feel like that is a little bit what's happening

with me is I can place some of my emotions on this movie and like, let him, let him go. I think that sounds healthy. I also don't know, but it's really beautiful. I think that sounds healthy. It's really beautiful. Thank you guys. Okay. So Lamar, what's the scary, is there a movie that you saw that like really traumatized you at any point in your life? Uh, let me think. Let me think. Um, have you ever gone to like a theater with friends or you've just always turned down that invite?

I saw, I went to see scream in the theater. Uh, I found that pretty fun. I didn't, to see Scream in the theater. I found that pretty fun. I didn't, I wasn't, I can handle sometimes when it's not too gross. Like, I like like, you know, like who killed me kind of thing. A little whodunit, a little mystery aspect

to it is fun. I describe those as horror movies that want you, the viewer, to have a good time. Like, I can also sort of do those that are like, they're not trying to want you the viewer to have a good time like i can also sort of do those that are like absolutely yeah they're not trying to destroy you yeah yeah i can't think of one yeah like maybe jason or freddy cougar that's just like i remember seeing that not in a theater but i remember watching

a little bit of it trying to just see it just to be aware of that cultural phenomenon and then i was like oh this is disgusting i don't like this i was like why is this a thing i mean yeah i think it's okay to know that about yourself and to not watch those movies i think that's totally fine as a filmmaker because i feel like i got approached to write scary movies from interesting companies and i like want to be able to do it, but I just can't do it. Because I was like, I want to have an appreciation for it. Because it definitely feels like there's an art to it.

Or some sort of art to what they're doing. Well, we got to tell you, I think from three years of doing this podcast, you do get braver. So you can just force yourself for three years. Force yourself through it. And you'll feel slightly braver. So you can just force yourself for three years through it. And you'll feel slightly braver. That sounds like a terrible idea. Yeah. Those night terrors would come back for sure. Yeah.

I try to watch cartoons before I go to bed now. I try to like, you need a palette cleanser. Exactly. It's that's important. Okay. So tell us your relationship with this movie. The first time you saw My Best Friend is a Vampire.

Oh, yeah. I think this was just one of those movies that was on TV one day. Like, you know, like I love 80s comedies, this era of 80s comedy, like Can't Buy Me Love. Well, I guess I like that one. But I, I remember, I, I feel like they have a certain energy to them. So when I see it, I know what it is. So I like probably just saw it and I was like, I'll watch this. And then, and then, and then I was like, Oh, this is like kind of funny and made me laugh. And then I was like, cool.

I like this movie. And then it would come on all the time and I was watching it every time it came on. Yeah. And that it would come on all the time and I would watch it every time it came on. Not scary at all. No, it's not too scary. I think most people could handle it. I don't... I think everybody. I'm trying to think if there's even...

Everybody! Every single person. Yeah. Would you call it a horror movie, Sten? It says horror on the IMDb. It is tagged. I think just because of the presence of vampires it gets awarded that awarded labeled do you think since you said everyone could watch this movie do you think there's anyone anyone on earth who's really scared of vampires just like the like genuinely scared of vampires there's gotta be be. Yeah, they're real, right?

So they probably couldn't watch this movie. Vampires are real. This movie is making a lighthearted version of this. Yeah, there's parts in Twilight that are probably scarier than this movie. There are parts of Twilight that are scary. I'll come out and say it. I'll come out and say it. Oh, yeah.

Twilight, it could be a little scary. Vampires are always in the world of monsters. Vampires were never too scary to me. I guess come out and say it. Oh yeah, Twilight, it could be a little scary. Vampires are always in the world of monsters. Vampires were never too scary to me. I guess, well, they were more like sexual. I think, yeah, because they're so sexy and cool. They're so sexy and cool. They were kind

of scary in True Blood. They were a little scary in True Blood. Oh, really? Okay, yeah, that checks out. I think they're also pretty sexy in true blood yeah which one's more which one's more they're hypersexual in true blood and i want everyone to know that um i watched the pilot episode with my mom and i don't recommend doing that it has a very intense sex scene in that pilot. The most intense sex scene I've ever seen

in my life. I was just sitting there with my mom in our living room just like, well, are you going to say something? Am I going to say something? Pretend this is normal. I love vampires. I think they're funny and interesting and cool and I love a vampire movie so I'm pretty excited.

Pretty excited for this. Well, I will tell you that there is not a lot of information about this movie as far as trivia there is no rotten tomato score no metacritic score has six on imdb okay no budget available box office 174 380 dollars very specific not a lot not a lot not a lot especially i think the budget it's it doesn't look like you know huge budget or anything but there's a lot of car stunts and car chases and car crashes so i feel like those aren't cheap just car chases alone must have cost a good amount and no no trivia really and there's also no trailer isn't that crazy what no there is i saw a trailer i watched on youtube i saw one you did i thought i did because i i watched the trailer before i recommended to y'all because i'm like okay can you find can you

find it i looked and i couldn't find one all right let see. Oh, it's because on YouTube it says I was a teenage vampire trailer. That's a different title, but it is the right movie. Oh, you're right. Yeah, it was. I was a teenage vampire. That's crazy. Oh, OK, great. Well, let's watch this trailer then. Every teenager has problems. But when Jeremy Capello looked in the mirror, he knew things were not quite normal. The mirror's not working. They say older women are different.

He just wanted to find out how. At last, a movie you can sink your teeth into. So you think you have problems? I'm so confused about this title situation. I know. Yeah, what is that? I guess maybe it was called that. I know, but I'm looking up right now I Was a Teenage... There's a movie in 1957 called I Was a Teen was called that. And they changed it. I'm looking up right now. I was a teenage.

There's a movie in 1957 called I was a teenage werewolf. Oh, my God. There's another movie called I was a teenage zombie. Well, both seem correct. Very interesting. Very interesting. Yeah. Wow. I want to see this movie.

It's super fun. It looks so fun. And you got a taste of some of those car chases i gotta wish from watching a trailer now it did look kind of scary or like some of this stuff yeah it looks like it has like some scary moments in it for sure yeah it also looks looks a little bit horny looks like the whole i mean you'll tell us but the whole ordeal starts with him having sex with an older woman, which is like, okay. It has that

angsty 80s, like, horniness to it. Yeah. They just talk about having sex constantly. Love it. I feel like they're really going for, like, okay, so people like Risky Business. Okay, so he's um, it's sort of like a brown haired white boy with sunglasses. And they even mention Tom Cruise

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think we absolutely should all right so we start off with uh uh as a teenage boy and he's it's opens with this dream like which is crazy speaking of dreams like yeah i guess it's i wouldn't call it a nightmare but it was just like a nice was this before or after your night terror this this dream sequence because maybe it added into it this was definitely after i think it definitely reminded me of it so it was the first thing that popped up when you asked me what my uh scariest thing is all week was but they uh he's dreaming he has so there's these two girls i kind of like how uh i like characters when they're like supposed to be nerdy but they're not too lame like he's still like a cool guy but he's just like the nerdy guy and then um so he has this one girl that's like really attractive girls like into him in high school.

And then this other girl, the hot cheerleader. Yeah. And then there's like another kind of like band band girl who's like a little more quirky and weirder. And he's like really likes her more. And then he the girl, the back girl takes him to the girl's locker room. It's crazy. She takes him into the girl's locker room. It's crazy. She takes him into the shower and they're about to have sex. And then it's like she turns in this. The girl, the quirky girl turns into a vampire.

This woman who is a real vampire in real life. And then he's like, what the fuck? This is crazy. And she disappears. And then all these girls are like, are like, what the fuck are you doing in the locker room? And then they cash. Then a nun comes in and cash rates him

with scissors. It was so funny. And he wakes up and then he's like, first thing he does is like grab his dick to see if he's still there. Thank God. Thank God my dick is still here. So then he's telling his homie about it, who's kind of like a

perverted sex fiend. The main guy's name is Jeremy and his friend's name is Ralph. Yeah. Ralph is a sex fiend. Just for reference. Yeah, Ralph is horny as hell. Got it. Copy that. Yeah, he's like, you gotta have sex. You gotta have sex, sex, sex, sex. And then the other guy's kind of like a sweet guy or whatever it's like i want to get

to know women first or whatever so um i think he's kind of a like an 80s version of a uh instacart delivery guy nice groceries to people's houses yep i found very delightful. Also, like his parents are hilarious that when he leaves the house, his dad always isn't looking at a newspaper every time you see him. He's like always reading a newspaper. Yeah, there's a joke of how he doesn't remember what his dad

looks like because he's just always behind the newspaper. He's like a very sweet kid and just has good vibes. Good family. Even though his family is mildly homophobic. Oh yeah. I'd say more than mildly. Oh, interesting.

They had like a lot of concerns, but basically, okay, we'll have it at that. So then he's delivering groceries, but he's super excited because most of the customers are old ladies but this this is the first time it might be somebody young and cool or whatever somebody's in this old abandoned mansion up in the hill and it turns out to be this really hot like a woman who is like uh has vampire vibes immediately. Mm-hmm. In a spooky abandoned mansion, of course. Yeah, yeah.

Sure, sure. He didn't question that at all. He was just like, yeah, you just live here alone. And she's like, yeah, I really like you. I would love to sleep with you later if you want to come back.

She comes on strong, yeah. Really strong. Sort of normal woman stuff. Yeah, and then Jeremy's like, oh my God. And he kind of leaves and tells his horny friend, Ralph, about Yeah. And then Jeremy's like, oh my God, uh, he kind of leaves and tells his horny friend Ralph about it. And Ralph is like,

there's something, there's something she does in this scene that was a little shocking to me. He, he comes in and there's a cat there at first and the cat scratches him. And then she comes down and is like, oh, Nora's a little scared of strangers and sees that he's bleeding. And her eyes light up at the blood on his finger. Did not suggest that.

And she grabs it and is like saying, I can make it better for you or something and sticks his finger in her mouth and just starts sucking it. And it's so like aggressively sexual. And he just has no idea how the fuck to respond. He's so overwhelmed by

how strong this lady is coming on. He's like, my mom usually puts band-aids on them. I didn't realize there was blood on it. I remember her sucking his finger, but I didn't even catch the blood part of it. which makes so much more sense now. Yeah. Well, if Twilight rules are to be believed, that's very difficult.

That's self-control. Yes. So she's a strong, strong ass vampire. Really strong. Oh, yeah. And she's, so he's like trying to decide if he should come go back or if this is like super weird or whatever. Then he's but he's

like you know had not really having sex though like ralph is kind of like you should go have sex and then oh they're and they're having this conversation a lot in the cafeteria and then all these girls are in the table next to him because he's like jeremy's kind of like you know like being very and having a lot of anxiety about it he's like uh i don't know this is kind of weird i don't think i should do this and all these girls are like just do it nerd they just sent him to his grave but like he was like okay so he goes uh he goes to the house ralph ralph gives him a ride ralph is like obviously you're going i actually kind of appreciate that that ralph was willing to do that that was kind of a good friend. He was like, I'll stay

in the car with you while you go. Jeremy is in a suit and tie, which is very funny to me. He really dresses up. And also, I think, important to note, she's the woman from his dream in the opening scene, and he's very thrown by that

okay so he recalls that he's like wait a minute yeah but he thinking of it in that moment as like a serendipitous thing it less like scary it's a sign this is this is meant to be or something uh so yeah they like they start making out right and they get it in like pretty quickly right and then so this is these guys uh my two favorite kids is professor and his like sidekick who are like vamp by like vampire hunters so they're like yeah already pulling up to the house uh watching this happen because they've been watching the this nora the other van that woman vampire nora is her name and they're like, we're going to kill her, basically, and they see the kid going, and they're like,

oh, is that a vampire, too? So it's like, we gotta, it's too late. Even if it is, it's too late. He's a goner, too. These guys are like fanatics, like, they're kind of Looney Tunes, and he, the professor with fat shames his sidekick constantly. Oh, cool. What? The 80s are fucked up, man. The 80s, mans are fucked up man It's like that character

That's also the character who got thrown out the window Oh yeah It's like the 80s were a time of fat jokes And homophobic jokes like that's like Oh yeah Being gay is like the punchline a lot of times in this movie Oh so funny oh my god And then yeah

She like that's a classic scene, the vampire scene where they're about to have sex and she just fucking bites his neck. Man, it looked like it hurt. He doesn't act like it hurt, though. Okay, that's what my question is. Does he think, because he's a virgin, right? He's not a virgin.

I guess this is sex. He's not a virgin. Yeah, but the story didn't add up. The story he said, he's like, yeah, I had sex on camp. Like, it was like some like random. Oh, like maybe maybe he's lying. Yeah, I think he's lying. Yeah, Sammy, I think he's lying.

That's interesting, but I don't know if there was like a virgin element to why she wanted to like seduce him. No, but you're right. He didn't. When he got bit, he thought it was more like whoa, she's sex. Like it was like more like this woman's intense she's freaky yeah he didn't pick up on the uh the fact that she was trying to suck his blood uh and then they come in to put the professor and a sidekick do you remember i'm bad with names professor we could just call him professor the other guy's name is grimimsdyke, which is very funny.

I feel like it's reminds me of fairy tales. What are those fairy tales called? Grimms. Well, that's it. That's why it reminds me of that. That's why. Or like Rumpelstiltskin. It's like a ridiculous name like that.

It's just a very silly name. And then he, so I guess he runs out, Jeremy runs out of the house. The professor and Grimsdyke basically kill Nora. Oh shit. We don't see it, but they, it seems like that's what's happening. And Jeremy also thinks like she,

he doesn't know that that's what's happening. He assumes that it's her husband or somebody coming home. And cause they basically just come in and start fuss starts happening. People are yelling and he just runs the fuck out of there. So he assumes it's oh the husband came home and is pissed. And so all that happened to him is he got he got. Yes. Yeah. That was it.

But the assumption is probably that if they hadn't been interrupted she would have sucked all his blood out and killed him but maybe didn't get to finish that. Unclear or like. Okay. Yeah. At least.. Yeah I'm curious because the thing about this movie they really try to like like go against a lot of traditional vampire

like I think oh interesting. It could have that or it could be just like she just wanted to turn him into a vampire. Yeah. The whole thing well we'll get to it later but the we could just the interesting take in this movie is that these vampires are good people.

And then the humans are actually being kind of like... The monsters. Yeah. Yeah, they... Like discriminatory against... Yeah, yeah. They're like being racist against them. Like persecuting. Yeah. Interesting.

Yeah, it's very interesting. And then so he doesn't, but he doesn't know he's a vampire. He just thinks he's the next morning. He's like, I feel sick. You know, his mom is like, you look so pale and stuff. And then he's like, I'm fine. I'm just not hungry or whatever. But he still goes to school. a mysterious looking man watching him in a long trench coat just outside his window at one point and so we kind of get that image of him lurking around yeah and he thinks it's like a cop because he thinks like oh

so then he looked at so in the morning because dad is reading the newspaper again which is like his funny bit which I love I love that bit he goes and he sees on the backside of the newspaper Jeremy sees that the house he was at was blown to bits. They blew it up. The professor. Oh, shit.

He thinks this cop is after him because he thinks that they might think that he was at the scene of the crime. And he's trying to tell Ralph about it. And Ralph is like, man, it's fine. We're fine. Don't worry about it or whatever. He's doing that thing where he's being dismissive of his

So the woman you just had sex with house blew up Who cares Yeah right when we were there This is a serious problem So I drove you away in a getaway car Whatever So After school

We got our first car chase there are Quite a few. And they recognize the professor in Grimsdyke drive this van and they saw it the night before and they recognize it out front of the school or it's following them or something because the people, the guys in the van saw them get away and are now trying to pursue them to kill them because they assume they're also vampires and they're vampire hunters. So they're like, that's our next goal is to kill this kid that escaped

last night. Right. And so they're following them. A card chase ensues. They're like pretty crazy card chases. Each time I was like, damn, they're really fucking going for it in these card chases. Yeah. And I like that Ralph is like not afraid to

put this pedal to the metal yeah he's like let's go then and he like they the mom has this quirky thing she does where she listens to uh police radio so he has like a police radio in her house so she like knows when the cops are like doing speed traps and stuff so earlier when he left the house she told him there's a speed trap on uh fountain and industrial whatever and they remember so the way they got away was like they went to the speed trap and like parked and then the van with too fast and then the cops went after them so that was nice that was on the edge of my bed it was crazy yeah um they still don't know what's going on they're just like think it's like a husband trying to like yeah they just know it's not good that whatever

these people are after it's they're stressing them out they seem bad yeah yeah and so then he goes to work jeremy goes to work again at the grocery store and sees that same trench coat man and is trying to hide from him and looks up at the little convex mirror thing in the corner of the grocery store to see that he's gone and the coast is clear, but then walks out and he is right there. Maybe he doesn't have a reflection. Oh!

And then he sees Darla, right? Yeah. Yeah, and he's like girl this is that this is the girl that has a crush on uh and she's like and he's like help me and then he tries to then they they go into the cooler to hide from this guy and she's like this girl is so funny to her because she thinks that like he she thinks this guy is so weird because every time he sees that he's he sees him he's doing something insane but like he pulls her into like the back stock room and is like i'm being followed by this man she's like what the fuck is your deal like i don't see any man i think he's gone by then maybe but she also i just have to say looks

exactly like mackenzie davisenzie Davis and January Jones mixed together. If anybody. Hot. Yeah, she's hot. And I just couldn't stop seeing those two actresses. So if anybody watches this, just know that that's what I was thinking the whole time. I want to Google immature. Curious.

Interesting. He gets away. I don't think he Ever has a Or he doesn't talk to Trenchcoat Man yet Trenchcoat Man leaves or something And then he goes home and he's At this point getting really Like disgusted by food

And can't eat his breakfast Can't eat Drink his soda at school And he's getting really hungry And so he's home at night and he's trying to make a smoothie. He keeps saying like, I think I need protein. I need protein. Yeah, yeah. It's a protein deficiency.

That's it. That's how he's like understanding what's happening to his body. And his dad is like, what are you doing? And then he goes upstairs and then Jeremy's like, man, he's goes upstairs and then uh jeremy's like man he's putting like eggs in there milk in the blender but he's like he's like this isn't enough something's

missing and then he goes in the fridge and he pulls out a raw steak and he's like he pulls all the blood and he drips the blood into the smoothie and he's like, he's wringing it like a washcloth to the stick. Yeah. The blood out. And then he's kind of like freaking out because he's like he wants to drink that shit, but he doesn't want to. He obviously thinks it's insane.

So he runs upstairs and then that dad comes back down. It's like, he's like, this movie looks good. Take this. He's like, I didn't get sick and then runs out I love it I love that scene I like how the parents are actually present in this film

I feel like too often you don't get to see the parents I want to know their reactions I'm all here for it they both were so funny yeah they were so a part of the whole movie like they were in every act. Yeah. Then he goes back up to his room and

the man with the trench coat is in there. Oh boy. And basically he again is like thinking this is a cop. He's like, I'll cooperate. I'll do whatever you want. And he says the woman you slept with was infected, I think is the term he uses.

And then Jeremy gets scared thinking he has an STD now. He's thinking now he's from the health department. He's like, but she seems so clean. And eventually the man reveals, no, like she's a vampire. Yeah, he does like slow burn in a way that he dances around it for a bit he's like can you just and then Jeremy's like can you just get to the point he's like all right

he complains about the young generation how he went everything instantly and he's like I was trying to he then Jeremy has the right right reaction of just being very upset about this like no way this is bullshit like he's really denying it but this guy this man has good intentions he's trying to like help him like you know adjust to the uh life of peace and he gives him a book right a book about them like there's a lot of the like he was like this is your handbook it's going to tell you

what's happening to you and like a lot of the things that you're going to go through and it was very sweet like he was very sweet guy do we think that this man is a vampire because he didn't show up in the mirror yeah oh he didn't show up in the mirror oh I see I see I see sorry I thought we were talking about Jeremy didn't show up in the mirror I got confused

in the early scene in the mirror and then but then Jeremy also has that same reveal too with Hamilton in the mirror. And then, but then Jeremy also has that same reveal too. He looks in the mirror and can't. And we saw it in the trailer when he goes. He's like, my reflection. This mirror's broken. This mirror's broken. That doesn't,

that's not how mirrors work. It can't be broken. It doesn't have mechanisms in it. I know, that would be rough. To me, like, I feel like if I looked in a mirror and I didn't see my reflection my first thought would be like I'm a vampire like I wouldn't have been like

100% the mirror is broken especially because it's like it looked like the mirror reflected other things have you guys ever had when an automatic sliding door won't open for you and I have like a moment of panic then of like well

i'm invisible you don't exist i'm dead yeah i'm dead it does feel like somehow insulting i feel like when it when like mechanical or like automatic things don't work for me i'm like but hey like feels like they're being rude to me the panic that sets in that's so quickly and also it's like the shame the deep shame of it where you're like it's like embarrassing especially if there's somebody else in the bathroom when you're like trying to get the sink and you have to be like it just doesn't there's something wrong the sink is so annoying because sometimes it is just it it does just take 10 000 times of waving your hands and then it'll finally work but sometimes they are broken and so it's like,

when's that perfect moment to be like, okay, time to give up on this one and move to the next time. It's like just enough broken ones for it to genuinely be suspicious of it. Or the moment, the moment when you like move on and you go to the next sink and then someone else and no, and then someone else comes up and they're trying to get it to work and you have to be like, it doesn't work. And then you have to like go through everyone.

Everyone has to tell everyone else. I just, all those bathroom interactions. I dread them. I dread them. Just get out. Especially during COVID. I don't like talking to anybody. No, no, no, no.

This is disgusting. So now he's like, all right, he's like really stressed out. Right. So. So the man's name is Modoc. He tells him his name is Modoc. And yeah, basically says like, I'm here to help you. I'm your mentor.

And the mom hears them talking in the room and comes upstairs saying, Jeremy, I hear is there a man in your room? And opens the door and modok is gone and so she's you know thinks okay i must have i guess been imagining that good night and outside of his window we see a wolf howling and running away and so the impression we get is that he turned into this wolf and jumped out the window but there's a part also where Jeremy asks, can I turn into a bat? And he says, don't be ridiculous.

Which seems unfair. I feel like if you can turn into a wolf, it doesn't seem that crazy. Or is the wolf howling, a real wolf howling and running away because a vampire is there? Because wolves and vampires, again, Tyler rules. No, this is him. Because later we see more of this stuff but

also previously in nora's house we're kind of led to believe that nora was also the cat because she first says that her cat nora is scared of strangers and then later introduces herself as nora and he says i thought that was your cat's name and she says oh yeah whatever right yeah they just have some sort of transforming powers wolves cats but not bats don't be ridiculous not bats that's insane yeah and then there was a running joke where every time he would

bring something up and then the MODOK would be like you haven't read the book and then all this information's in the book this is the first instinct of his mom thinking that he might be a homosexual but he's like she's like oh this man he's like there's a man in here and now she's like suspicious it's like very weird like you know like she's she's like a concerned mom like oh no he might be like something you know like that kind of thing but yeah she doesn't think vampire she

thinks he's gay yeah she's like yeah and the next morning the parents see him talking to modok again in the modok has driven up front in his car and like offers him a ride to school and the parents watch him get in the car

with this older man and are like who is that man honestly a reasonable concern and also go outside and ask i feel like if your son who is still a child is getting in a car with like he's a teenager but still i would any adult that you don't know what the fuck is going on here so but they're concerned for the wrong reason yeah they're more worried that he's gay than he's being abducted which would be my concern yeah right correct yeah uh and he explains to him because it's daytime and they're out in the day and and jeremy says you know if we were vampires wouldn't we not be allowed to be out in the day and there's an explanation given here that i don't

quite understand where he says well we're living vampires not undead vampires right which i was thinking like i don't know that distinction going back to emily's first question i feel like nora wasn't may have never had that intention with him like i feel like when he said that made me think that like oh maybe they just turn people into like living people into vampires just with a bite or whatever and don't suck their blood because the other thing he says is like you gonna you're gonna want blood but we instead of drinking blood out of humans we drink pig's blood from the butcher shop so they like these vampires are good people they're like the cullens in that way.

It is interesting. It does feel like a metaphor for something. I don't know what was going on in 1987, but they were saying like there's been a lot of bad apples over the years who like who make it vampires a bad name. But like we really are like, you know, just trying to, you know, just trying to live a life, you know. It is confusing because

it does have this metaphor of of saying you know people are afraid of what they don't understand and we are persecuted is it like for homosexuality is it for AIDS? HIV or AIDS? yeah maybe it's AIDS but it is so at odds

with the homophobia it's weird so like i don't know i i think that it is trying to comment on that but then it had it undercuts it by making these jokes of like hope he's not gay where it's like okay well which which message are we trying to say here it's a little confusing um uh but yeah the luxuries that Jeremy finds out, Modoc is like, how old am I? How old do you think I am? He's like, I don't know, 50. And he's like,

this year I'll be celebrating my 200th birthday. And he's busy like, for every year, every year, or every 10 year, every decade a vampire ages one year. Oh, so they do age. That's interesting, too. Yeah, so he's like,

he's name-dropping all these people that he used to kick it with, like, you know, Picasso, Mozart. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, he's warming to the idea now. He's like, okay, like, maybe I am. He's still not a thousand percent convinced, but

the signs are there he is craving blood he is turning more pale he's getting more sensitive to light so he's he takes the book and goes to school and they do a driving test ralph has to take a driver's test and we get crazy car chase number two again that van starts pursuing them during this driving test. Oh, that's funny. And it's pretty funny. The driving instructor guy or whoever's in the passenger seat grading him is in the car for this car chase and screaming. And at the end of it says, you'll never drive in this town again. That was funny.

That was great. And once again, they get away. That was great. And once again, they get away. Then back at school, Jeremy finds Darla alone in the band room practicing her saxophone. Yeah. She's a real sultry, sultry sax. Yeah. That's a real cool. The 80s and the 90s loved the saxophone.

Remember Bill Clinton? Yeah, the saxophone. Lisa Simpson played the saxophone. It was like everywhere. Yeah, this Darla girl is like, she's really like, I feel like if I did it today, she'd be like a real catch. She's kind of like real hipster like kind of cool. She's definitely

hot, but they do the kind of she's all that thing where she has glasses and short hair. So it's like Darla. Ralph is like disgusted by her like Darla, ew. Her it's like Darla. Ralph is like disgusted by her. Like Darla, you her hair's not even long. He asked her out, right? That's what I mean.

He's like, he's a nerd, but he's like incredibly confident. Like he's like, I would love to take you out. She's like, okay. She kind of like charmed by him. And then when he goes, oh, he goes to pick her up and meets her parents. Darla's dad is, you know,

they're all like excited because I don't think Darla gets a lot of dates or whatever. Her mom, by the way, is Kathy Bates. What? Really? Oh, what? Oh, shit. And it's just for this one scene. And I was, because this I think is, oh no,

it must not have been after Misery Home. Misery was 90. Yeah. Was she like not a big character at this point? Yeah. Only one scene. Now I have to look this up. That's crazy.

It shocked me because, yeah, I didn't even notice her name in the credits. And then I was just like, damn, Kathy Bates. That is wild. Yeah. This must have this was early in her career. I don't recognize any of the titles of other things she did prior. Maybe this is the role that broke her. Yeah, a bunch of little like one-off, one-off parts.

That grind is real. Mm-hmm. But yeah, they're like, they're real excited and they make them pose for a photo for her first date. Take some Polaroids of them together before the date. She's so embarrassed. Darla's going, Mom, like, come on, this is mortified. And as they leave to go on the date, the Polaroids develop and he is not in the photos.

And they're thinking the camera's broken. They're shaking it like, what the hell? It's not thinking that he's probably a vampire no but this is my favorite scene that pizza looks so good but they're at this pizza place yeah now I want pizza

I want pizza too and he tries to eat the pizza but he can't cause and he's like like he's like the pizza is like attacking him he's like it's so funny and then the other guy gets the waiter over he's like, it's the waiter over. He was like, he's like, are you sick? Like, and then she goes, Darla goes, I heard you've been sick lately, which is weird that people were talking about that at school. And they were like, Jeremy's been sick, but he's like, I don't know.

And then she's like, maybe you're allergic to something. And then he brings over the waiter and the waiters like names, everything she's like, you guys wanted everything. So there's anchovies, everything and garlic is on it. And he was like, oh, garlic. And he's like, I think Jeremy's like, fuck, I'm really a vampire. But he's

still trying to fight it. He's like, he doesn't want to be a vampire. You know? Oh, shit. Is this like a, this is a metaphor for maybe this is like a metaphor for like being in a closet or whatever. I don't know. Realizing that you're gay. It happens a lot in vampire

movies. I think in True Blood there's a lot of that subtext as well. Yeah. Interesting. Of like fight it all you want, but it just is true. And if you embrace it, you can find a way to live your life. People will villainize you but they

don't have to that makes me think look at this movie differently oh interesting all right that was great nice how nice yeah they just kind of messed up with the gay jokes yeah if those were like you know

but yeah the he's going he's having a great time with darla it's a great day really really happy for him and uh they are all going to this romantic lookout and then he sees uh to the left of them or to the right of them is another car with uh darla's friend who's like her hot friend who's like making out with some guy and she sees him and and she sees jeremy and darla over there and then Jeremy's like you know they're having a normal day they're like connecting and stuff and then

he says he really likes her and then he kisses her and they start making out and then he's like getting real like his teeth are starting to come out the fans and he's like I was so scared I was like oh no he's gonna bite her and he was like he was like this close to biting her neck but was trying to try to stop himself and he just freaks out and

like kicks me kicks her out of the car he's like you gotta i gotta go he kicks her out of his car then leaves her there and drives her and then uh her friend her friend was like like basically he's like i told you he was an asshole basically i mean, yeah, that's a pretty wild move. And so he drives home and, no, he drives to the butcher shop and he's like ordering, he's like, let me get a let me get a bucket of ribs and some

chicken and, wait, really what he wants is the pig's blood. So he orders all this stuff and then he's like, can I have a pint of, like, a little quart of pig's blood? Make that a pint of pig's blood. And then he's like, I'll have a pint of like a little quart of pig's blood make that a pint of pig's blood and then uh and then he's like i'll just get that i'll just get it and then and then uh the butcher is totally down with it he's like down with vampires so he's like hey it's the first time isn't it and then the butcher knows the butcher's in on it i love that he's like he's like

helps them he like supplies blood for them so that um so uh he takes the blood and he goes home and then he takes a sip of he takes his finger dips it and he's like not bad it's not bad at all that he's like and then he starts drinking. And then this is like him basically being like, yeah. Embracing it now. Embracing it. And the music comes on. It's like, things are getting better. And I gotta win. And then he wakes up. He's sleeping under his bed now.

Now he's like, he's like, he's understanding the best way to live as a vampire. And then he wakes. It's like a montage. He's got the, he's got a picture of himself on the mirror so he can see like what he kind of looks like but anyway he's embracing it he's cool he's walking out uh his parents are like is everything okay with you and he's like everything is great and he like winks at his parents as he leaves the door and he walks out and he's at some point Moda gave him his car which

I forgot that's it. I think we have skipped over that scene, but basically he's like driving off in this that guy's Mercedes BMW and it says Nightman on his night man and he drives. So he's fully he's transitioned into the Tom Cruise version of himself.

This is where we are. This is where we are. I love it. I love a montage. At some point he's like talking to MODOK probably when he gives him the car or whatever and I just liked at one point he says that he's really sad about the garlic because he really loves garlic.

I would be sad too. I love garlic. That would be a bearing of sadness. I can't eat garlic because of freaking ibs and i am sad about it so i really related you're a vampire maybe i'm a vampire but yeah modok tells him like you really should be reading this book you could do some pretty cool shit now you're a vampire there's mind control and all this shit and so jeremy decides he's gonna try to use the mind control to smooth things over with darla and so he goes to school and they're doing the marching band practice outside and he uh walks up to apologize to her and she's mad. He left her at the make out point.

And so he's, he's trying to say like, I'm so sorry. Give me another chance. And she's angry and saying no. And so then he puts his fingers to his temple and looks like he's focusing really hard. Like he's going to do some mind control.

And he says, stop right there. She stops. He says, raise your right hand. And she raises her right hand. And he says, right there she stops he says raise your right hand and she raises her right hand and he says when i snap my fingers you will forgive me and agree to go on a second date with me and snaps his fingers and she lowers her hand and looks at him and is just like you've got to be fucking kidding me like she's was playing along with it. Yeah.

She thought it was a joke. Yeah. And she storms off again and now he's in even deeper shit and he goes, well, he needs to read the book. He's got to read the book. He doesn't know how to use his powers yet. Now he tells Ralph he goes home after school. Yeah. Yeah. Ralph comes in

like he's like before he walks up, the mom is like can you figure out what's going on with him like uh there was a man in his room a couple days ago and all this stuff he's like oh yeah i'll see what's going on so he goes like he's having trouble with the ladies yeah yeah he's having like ladies trouble yeah and then he goes up and then jeremy's like how does he tell him he just says says, I'm a vampire, right? He's like, I have something to tell you. I'm a vampire. And then he's like, what? And I love this reaction from Ralph. He's like,

he's like, cool, man. And then Jeremy's like, that's it. He's like, what do you want me to say? And he's like, does he believe him? Do we think he believes that yeah not initially and then he starts showing him um they do the reflection of mirror thing and he's like oh it could just be a trick i've seen david copperfield dude disappear the statue of liberty and then he's like starts drinking the pig's blood because he has like a refrigerator full of pig's blood now because he's fully stocked up and he drinks it in front of him and he's like okay it's red whatever but then he smells it and he was like oh that's blood that's just that's crazy and then he he's

like you know he's like a real vampire so he just ralph just like leaves without saying bye he just kind of walks out and his mom's like what'd you find out you find out and he's like it's personal you don't want to know and then like walks out just ralph is just like losing his mind because his best friend is a vampire instead which is one of the weird thing about the title is because it's not really about Ralph I know I thought about that too the title in some

ways yeah I was a teenage vampire would make more sense as a title so maybe that's why there's both versions of it that happened with Black Christmas too that had another title. And I think even... Yes. Maybe the Amityville Horror did, too.

I think this just happens sometimes. That it starts with one title and then they change it because of marketing reasons or whatever. Right. But yeah, it's true. The title, My Best Friend is a Vampire, makes it seem as if the movie is from Ralph's perspective, which it is not. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Good to know. And then... vampire makes it seem as if the movie is from ralph's perspective which it is not yeah okay yeah and then uh they go ralph goes back to his house i love that he he grabs a scarf and starts really wrapping it around his neck like you're not gonna get my blood protecting his neck and then

jeremy basically follows him there and flies up to his window now and comes into yeah he's been reading the book yeah yeah okay good and basically just says I'm the same person I was you don't have to be scared of me we can still be friends and oh my god this is such a metaphor definitely a metaphor

it's playing out like that yeah so they eventually reach an understanding ralph feels less scared and says all right well i know what we should do then and they go to a club and he says he wants him basically to use his mind control to get ralph laid yeah oh. Makes sense. That's the logical conclusion in all of this. Yes. But he's still not that good at it yet. So he keeps doing his mind control, but it's

like going, it's kind of wacky. Slightly mixing it up. And then the professor and Grimsdyke are in there. Yeah, they show up and they're like after them still. And then Jeremy does the mind control on grim's dyke by mistake because he's he's going after the girl with the girl who moves

out the way and it hits grim's dyke and then grim's dyke falls in love with ralph he's like he's trying to uh like you don't have sex with ralph i guess and then uh and then the professor is in there with the full stake, like a crossbow with a stake on it. It's very funny. He's sneakily trying to crossbow people in like a crowded club. Just made me laugh. He has not a

subtle weapon whatsoever. Not good for packed spaces either. So that's why he shoots the thing, or he's about to shoot him, right? And then Grimmsnike tries to stop him because he's in love with Ralph now and he's like, Professor, no!

So the stadium gets a speaker and it fucks up the music and then the club owner throws Grimmsnike. The professor is such an asshole to Grimmsnike. He sees this guy coming towards both of them. And the professor's like, I'm going to get out of here.

And he gives him the Kraus bow. So they think Grimstike did it. And then he just throws Grimstike through a window, which is what we saw. It's just crazy how they treat Grimstike. He's like, he's just such a sad character. That's horrible they get away and they go to a diner and jeremy sees darla there at a table with her friends and again goes to apologize just struts right up sits next to her her friend says i'm like you never give up do you and he's like no i really like you

and i just i'm so sorry and i really would like you to give me another chance. And she's basically saying, yeah, I like you too, but you're just so weird. Like I promise I won't do anything weird, no more weird stuff. And then meanwhile, Ralph is sitting over there and Grimmsnike and professor to kidnap Ralph and take him out of the pizza place, the diner right as he's saying this and he

looks over and he sees him and he's like oh shit we gotta go and he's like and then Darla's friend is like man don't go with him he's a loser and then Jeremy has his uses his powers and he like uses it to like push

Darla's friend back on the couch and he's finally getting and he uses it to push Darla's friend back on the couch. And he's finally getting the hang of it, I guess. So then it's another car chase. This is the craziest one of all. There's cars flipping. He drives on two wheels at one point. Darla's freaking out. She's like, what is going on? Has no idea what's going on.

He also says that he's like, they think Ralph is a vampire. And she's like, well ralph is a vampire and she's like well that's insane and he's like i know right it's crazy because i'm the vampire not ralph i love how like willing he's just able to he just tells people like so quickly and darla you see darla start to look very scared because now she's in the passenger seat. Oh my god. With a man who, you know, you would assume is losing their mind, but. Right. Right. I don't know. At some point, she sees enough to eventually

believe him, but at first she's very scared. Right. And while this chase is happening, Jeremy's parents hear about it over the police scanner because they listen in on that. Sure. And can hear, I i guess maybe the license plate or something that they had seen earlier yeah night man they's like night man that's our

easy to remember and then so they get their car but they you know they're genuinely sincerely concerned they're just like we gotta go help our son you know so they go out and they drive up to go find them and then jeremy's just driving out of control he's like he's on like two the wheels are on the car is like literally flipped on its side and it just like hits a it hits a ramp and it flips over it's the craziest crash i ever seen like like they definitely should have been should have died yeah completely unharmed and then the cops also i it was at this moment that I realized they were in Houston, which I didn't realize. And I was like, Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's like a cool location for a vampire movie. Yeah. And then, and then the cops pulled them out of the car and then he's like, we got to stop them. They're going to kill my friend, Ralph. He's he's, they think he's a vampire. I'm the vampire. He said exactly the same thing and then the cops are like, oh man, we got another vampire hunter situation. And then they're like, just sit right here. Oh, so they know. They're aware.

They were like fucking with them and then they put him in the cop car. And then they're like, just sit right here. And then they just don't help him at all. Yeah, they're like, you need to sober up. He's like sitting there and he's like, so Jeremy's so defeated, worried about his best friend,

you know? And like it should have been called my best friend is being chased by vampire hunters. Better title. My best friend is not a vampire. I'm the vampire. My best friend isn't.

There's been a mix up. And then Zina was like, fuck it, let's go. She jumps into the car, into the path, in the driver's seat of the cop car, turns it on. And then Jeremy's like, fuck it. Let's go. She jumps into the car, into the in the driver's seat of the cop car, turns it on, and then Jeremy's like, holy shit, I can't believe you're doing this.

And the dog was like, oh, you don't even know what I'm capable of, and like turns the car off, and then they start riding, driving, and taking off after the professor and Grimsdyke. Nice. They find him at the professor and Grimsdyke have taken Ralph They find him at the the professor and Grimsdyke have taken

Ralph to a church and tie him to a table thing slab looking thing some sort of sacrificial thing. Right. And have a wooden stake and they're planning to stab

him through the heart. Wow. And I'm also sorry. Now I'm just getting the like church metaphor part of like homophobia of like, you need to be, you need to see God, like God. Yeah. I really recommend you should watch. You guys should check this movie out. It's great.

It's a fun movie. It's a fun movie. Yeah. I think as a kid, I watched it. I felt like You know It definitely was I was connected to like The idea of just feeling

Different or whatever Right It may be every landing Yeah And there's people Who are nice to you Because of it Yeah

Or not so much So they pull up in there Jeremy and Darla Are in there And they like They have no idea That Jeremy's the vampire Like they just

Think they're his friends And they're like Stop stop what you're doing. You're going to kill him. And then the professor's like, he's a, don't know, worry. He's a blood sucking monster. Like we got this. So then he's like, he's about to do it. And he's like, Jeremy's like, what,

what evidence do you have that this guy's a vampire? And then he's like, well, he starts going through all his tools and he pulls out garlic and pulls out. And he's like, well, if I put this thing through his heart and he'll die. But he's like, I will kill anybody. Not the best way to test it. And then the professor is kind of coming along and he realizes like, oh, yeah, I guess there's no evidence. And then he's like Grimsdyke. He blames it all on Grimsdyke. He's like, you fucked up Grimsdyke. he he's like grim's night he blames it all on grim's night he's like you up rims night and then uh i hate i hate the way he treats games it's awful it's a terrible toxic relationship like

he's definitely a terrible boss so then uh they uh he ralph has the garlic on his neck and they so they let ralph go but then ralph he's like uh man you guys aren't gonna apologize for this what a bunch of so then but he like walks away and he's looking at j you guys aren't gonna apologize for this what a bunch of assholes so then but he like walks away and he's looking at jeremy like oh that was good that was slick and he gives him a hug and then he then jerry's like like this was the first time i think the way they did the garlic to me is like gave me a real sense of like what the garlic probably feels like it like almost like it burns or something almost like it's burning them so then the professor's like realizes that's the real vampire we're going after um oh no they're going they're in this like uh graveyard running or running after each other

and the professor has his gun with the silver bullets in it and then jeremy's just hella confident right now he's just a complete different person he really is a vampire at this point and he's like he's like dude you think I'm gonna let you kill kill me I'm a vampire he's like and then he like grabs him like he's just like fully becoming a vampire like kind of like tough and stuff he's like grabs his professor and he drops all his the professor drops his steak and everything and he looks at him and he's like he's like I'm trying to let you go I don't want to hurt you. I'm a good person. And then and the professor just won't let up.

He still wants to hurt him. And he's like, I don't care. I still we still need to kill you. And then Modok pulls up. Right. Is that when Modok pulls up? Nora pulls up. Oh, Nora comes.

That's right. Yeah. She's not dead. She came back from the dead. Nora's back, bitch. Like, yo, kill that that motherfucker that's what happened Okay yeah so he's like Trying to let him go and then Nora's like

Fuck that kill him right and then He's like I don't want to kill him And then uh He lets him go You know he lets Professor down and then Um uh and they give the speech like we're not all bad you know we're really good people yeah i think modok does show up at this point

too like modok and nor are like the two different sides of well i mean nor isn't doesn't seem like a bad person either but she's just pissed because they killed her she was more like but she didn't seem like she was more like Matt. But she didn't seem like she was on some evil vampire shit. She just wants a little revenge. Yeah, just like, this guy.

But then, even after they let him go, the professor still won't let up and he grabs this gun with the silver bullets and tries to shoot MODOK, but it's not hitting him because it's not doing anything to moda and then modok is like modok has like a like a gaggle of like young beautiful women yeah like all this all the sexy vampires come out from like running around it's kind of reminding me of that scene of that comedy bit it's family guy where it's like we're having a sexy party and like everyone runs around like it kind of reminding me of that comedy bit. It's Family Guy

where it's like, we're having a sexy party. And then everyone runs around. It kind of reminded me of that. And then Ralph is like, whoa, this gets interesting. He sees all the hot girls and he's like, ooh. And then so then they basically

just to wrap things up, they take the professor with them and they're like what are you gonna do to him and then modak is basically like what better way to get rid of an enemy than to make him an ally and then they basically turn professor into a vampire and he he's comes back like swagged out and he's like i feel great i feel like a 30 years younger and um rims dyke is like professor what's happening? And Grimsdyke is like he just freaks out and runs off and yeah, and then there's like a

happy ending, like they're all friends and right? Am I missing anything? Yeah, Jeremy says how come you didn't die from the silver bullets? And Modok says, you know, again you're not reading the book. Oh yeah, that's where it was. But then, oh yeah,

here comes the most homophobic. They just in the movie with this, it was like, this movie just undercuts the entire message. Cause so basically the parents show up and they're like, oh my God, thank God you're all right. And they see Jeremy and they like, oh, before that, uh, Modoc says goodbye to Jeremy and he's asked Jeremy, he goes, you know, you want to come with us? You can hang out with us. We're cool. And we, you know, we, you know, you hang out with your kind or whatever. And then he's like, um,

uh, Jeremy's like, nah, I think I gotta, I got homework tomorrow. I got school tomorrow, basically. So he's like, I want to be a kid. And they all run off and turn into wolves as they walk off, run off into the into wolves as they walk off run off into the night so then the parents show up after that and they're like uh oh my god thank god you're okay and Jeremy's like I'd like to introduce you to my girlfriend or you know Darla and then they're like oh so this is your girlfriend and they're like so relieved that he's like not gay. And then it was the last scene of the movie. And they're just like, thank God. And it was literally the last thing that happens in a scene where they're just like,

we're so happy about this. I was like, I just was insane like to end the movie that way. One is just from a writing perspective is like, I mean, it was completely off story. Like I don't know why you would end a movie on like a sub game. It was like a sub game that they ended the movie on that play. And anyway, everything up into that moment, I was like, this is great. It is a bummer of an entry. It's so weird.

Like, and it ends so abruptly, too. It's like, yeah, he's not gay. It was just like, okay. What is this? Wow. Honestly, besides all the homophobia, it does sound like a fun movie and definitely something that would have been fun to like be a kid and for it to be on TV. Like what you're saying. 100% would have watched it.

I never saw a trailer. I just like was watching it in real time. And also that guy who plays a professor is a really great actor. I can't think of his name right now, but he was in Ninja Turtles. David Warner. Yeah, he's in it. it but he always plays professors but he's super good and funny and great i wonder if there's a way i bet you could just edit out all the homophobia because it's just like a sprinkle of scenes like side don't side moments matter i wonder if we could just cut those out they literally can rewrite this whole movie and just do a different bit.

Like they think he's like, it works for the CIA, whatever. They just needed something for the parents to think was, you know, what was going on. It could have been anything, but they just decided,

Oh, well, there's a man in his room. He must be, but, but it could have been anything like he's working for the FBI. I don't know. That actor's in the omen.

Yes. Oh, David Warner's in the Omen. Yes. Oh. David Warner's in The Omen. Wait, so did you guys watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer? Is anyone into that here? No, but I should. It was scary. I think there's a couple episodes that even were too scary

for me. The one with the silent men that just smile. Oh my god, that episode fucked me up. Ew. That sounds awful. I wonder if that's the plot to Smile, the horror movie coming out soon. Oh yeah. I think this episode was called The Gentleman.

Terrifying. Yeah, that Smile movie looks creepy. I know. Yeah. I don't like it. I don't like the looks of it. I'm not going to watch it. Are you guys going to watch Nope? Have you seen Nope yet? Yeah, we're going to do Nope. We're going to do Nope. We're going to. I'll watch any of those.

I like Jordan Peele's scary. His movies aren't too scary. Yeah, I like am scared while I watch that. I mean, I actually didn't see us. I only saw Get Out and I will see Nope, but I want to see it enough that I will sit through being scared, but I know that it will still scare me. Yeah, I just got to make sure to watch it during that I will sit through being scared, but I know that it will still scare me.

Yeah. I just got to make sure to watch it during the daytime. Like I'm definitely one of those people who like covers their eyes. Like me too. I do. I just like look down at the ground and so I can like sort of see the movement happening, but I'm not looking at it. Gave me the one trick.

She's cause she don't like scary moves either. She's poses her ears. I was going to say, that's what I do. Yes. The ears. The key is the ears. For me, it's either. She poses her ears. I was going to say, that's what I do. Yes. The ears. The key is the ears. For me, it's sound. Yeah. Fascinating. Yeah. Oh, wow. Well, this was so, this was so fun. I'm very glad knowing how much you don't like scary movies that you were able

to find a movie that you liked that you were able to tell us about. Cause this was a good time. I was, I was like, I was going to do, there was this other movie I saw that i was thinking that was pretty scary but my friend my friend kevin he loves it you guys have him actually he's loves scary movies but he um he took me to see this movie at the beverly uh theater that was like this old like 90s black kind of almost like black exploitation scary movie I forgot what it was called it was called Temptation it was like

but it was very hilarious but that was also pretty scary though like basically it was about like this woman who like seduced men and she was like the devil basically but like that was like scary but also I would choose it between those two but I was like I don't want to watch

any of these games let's do something fun but also I would choose it between those two. But I was like, I don't want to watch anything. I know. Let's do something fun. This is perfect. This is absolutely perfect. Yeah. Thank you so much, Lamar.

Thank you for being here. Yeah. Thanks for having me. Lamar, what would you like to plug, promote for listeners? Where can they find you? What should they check out? You've got just so much wonderful stuff. Oh, thank you.

I was just going to say you can follow me on Instagram at ProfMatic. So that's P-R-O-P-H-Matic. And yeah, Grant Cruz out right now. You can watch it on Hulu. We have a podcast with one of the stars of Grant Cruz called Gossip Kings that they mentioned earlier. It's on HeadGum as well. Very fun show that you can just watch Gossip Girl and watch Gossip Girl along with me and him. And we talk about it. Hell yeah.

Perfect idea. And then I also have a music career that I'm trying out right now. You can just look up Lamar Woods on Spotify, Apple Music, and you'll see all my music and check it out. It's fun. And that's it for me. Hell yeah. So stay in touch with me. I'm out here. I'm it out. It's fun. And that's it for me. Yeah. Hell yeah. So stay in touch with me. I'm out here. I'm hanging out.

Maybe I'll try listening to some of your music while I'm running. Oh yeah, yeah. I know. Nihila needs help. My music is very good exercise music. It's walking music. I love to walk. Yeah. I'm a walker, not a runner. I'm a walker, not a

runner. Wow. Well, thank you so much not a runner. I'm a walker, not a runner. You know? Wow. Well, thank you so much, Lamar. Um, Sammy, do we have any voices to end this on? I don't think there's really any voices.

There's the bad, the bad eighties acting voice. I feel like Darla's performance is pretty wild in this. So she's just kind of yelling the whole, like, Oh my God. It is funny the 80s acting voice is also like so deeply um white american for a lack of a better term where it's like oh my goodness this is crazy what's happening yeah yeah yeah i can't believe it yeah so i guess I'll try to do that. So from all of us

here at Too Scary Didn't Watch. That's good. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Thank you my friends for listening to another episode of Too Scary Didn't Watch.

If you had fun hanging with us, don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. We're also on Twitter and Instagram didn't watch. If you had fun hanging with us, don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. We're also on Twitter and Instagram at TSDW Podcast. And if you're interested in things like bonus episodes, video trailer reactions, and other cool content, head on over to patreon.com slash TSDW podcast. All right. We love you all forever and ever, starting a while ago and continuing into eternity. Adios. That was a HeadGum Podcast.