Too Scary; Didn't Watch - ORPHAN with Greta Titelman

Episode Date: August 24, 2022

Vera Farmiga, a local orphanage, and a child that refuses to change out of her 19th century clothing, we're recapping 2009's ORPHAN! Blessed to be joined by Greta Titelman (Los Espookys, Senior Superlatives) to relive one of her favorite, deranged films.  You can watch Orphan on Paramount Plus TRAILER Recap begins @ 27:18 Follow the show: @TSDWpodcast on Twitter, TikTok, and Instagram. Check out our Patreon for bonus episodes and additional content! Rate Too Scary; Didn’t Watch 5 Stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts and leave a review for Emily, Henley, and Sammy. Advertise on Too Scary; Didn't Watch via Gumball.fm Podcast artwork by @EllaTalkinSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is Emily, Henley, and Sammy, and you're listening to Too Scary, Didn't Watch. Hi everyone, welcome to Too Scary, Didn't Watch, the horror movie recap podcast for those too scared to watch for themselves. I'm Emily, and I am too scared to watch scary movies. I'm Henley, and I am also too scared to watch scary movies. I'm Sammy, and I love watching scary movies, and so I watch them so that you don't have to. And boy, oh boy, is this week's movie batshit insane. And I can't wait to talk about it. But before we get into it, did anything scary happen to us this week?

Okay, the thing I'm scared about this week, you guys, is that I'm worried about... I like that you've transitioned to like, what am I scared about? Like, what is scaring me generally now? What is it, Henley? All right, so this is it this is it there is an issue in new york city specifically it's a bit of an epidemic which is that rats are living in cars oh my god oh like in the engines what they're living like under the hoods of the cars they're they're having their little rat families there they they're thriving. Because nobody uses their cars?

No, what happened was during the pandemic, people moved out of their normal spaces of eating and living. And so rats had to kind of mirror that and change their behavior as well. And so part of that was that they started literally like living in cars and they haven't even though people have gone back to work and things have like kind of returned to normal. Rats love car life and they're thriving. And we have a car in New York and it's been having a lot of issues. And I really think that it might be because they're rats living in the car. And there's not a lot of solutions people have come up with. You can put mothballs under the hood. You kind of just have

to double check. But there was an article in the New York Times about it yesterday. And Tim and I were like, oh, fuck. Yeah. So it's all these people talking about how they were like, my car wasn't working. So I brought it into the dealer and they popped the hood open and there was like a half eaten egg bacon cheese sandwich. Whoa. Like how people have been getting into van life, like rats are getting into car life. Yeah, I guess so. But I don't know what to do, I guess. But well, I guess what we have to do is we have to just stay vigilant and be checking under the hood all the time to make sure there isn't like a little rat family under there. But they're causing a lot of damage. And we spent so much money fixing our car recently.

And I just do not. I don't want I just don't want it to keep happening. So anyone out there, just make sure to check for rats in your car wow it sounds dangerous for the rats do the rats i know they have to stay vigilant they definitely do their home might all of a sudden like get incredibly hot and dangerous and move yeah feels like a bad long-term plan for all parties you know yeah i know it's not i don know. I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know what the future of rats, real estate and cars, but it's not great. I don't love it.

Man, I guess something that I've learned about you living in New York is like New York really is just a crazy place. You know, on the one hand, it's like L.A., New York, big cities, whatever. Everybody likes to argue which one's which one's better where would you live but but new york is just really insane in very specific ways like oh yeah but you know rats will live in your car or how your internet just like doesn't work in the summer because the wires are outside and it's too hot and there's just things where i'm like but like what So many people have to live there. And yet it feels like it's not conducive to living.

I'm fascinated by New York. I've never lived there, which is it just feels like a weird thing at this point in my life to have never lived in New York. But it sounds a crazy place to live. It's endlessly entertaining. You see something very interesting every single day when you walk out your door. I got I honestly love it. But OK, you guys tell me anything scary happened to you this week? Well, one one actually sort of scary thing happened to me this week, which is that yesterday in my first class of the day, as you know, I am a student. class of the day as you know i am a student an emergency evacuation happened like oh you know like like it's been so long first of all because of the pandemic since i've like been in the big

building with people on a regular basis that it's been so long since i've had to do any sort of evacuation like that and even before that it was always drills like at my last job i worked in a building downtown and so every now and again they'd be like we're doing a drill today and like you have to you know evacuate but this like was unexpected the little thing you know the alarm goes off and makes a very scary sound and then at fit them the way the alarm works is like it go it goes like it like starts doing that sound and then a over a speaker they have an audio recording of there is an active emergency in the building please evacuate at the nearest it's like it's like this calm voice but that is such a terrifying message saying

something so scary something so scary you hate to hear the word active you know you hate to hear it my mind's going to shoot me and i was gonna say my mind went oh there is a shooter here oh no what happened yeah it wasn't it was i think it was a truly like a very like maybe like a small fire or something it was like fine we went back in like 10 minutes later but the series of events of like hearing the emergency thing be like what's happening hearing that message and going there's a shooter and then um which also it's just like oh i really don't i really don't like that thought no but it is just of course it's truly what it's yeah yeah and then and then which i think i think this is just this guy's deal my professor we all like look to him we're like is this a drill like what should we do and he just stood was he just stood there someone's

like he's a drill and he just goes and he just like shakes his head and stares and got like so concerned looking and so then I was like oh my god what is happening like he was acting like this has literally never happened before and so we and we're on the fifth floor in the top floor so i'm like this is the worst place to be if there's someone like in the building because it's going to take us the longest to get out or if it's on fire or if it's on fire either way like i don't want to be here in this windowless room on the fifth floor anyway um it was fine and we evacuated and then 10 minutes later we we went back up but a real real moment of. And it's been a long time since I've had like that kind of. Yeah, that's scary, Emily.

Moment. It was scary. I was scared for real. It's just also I feel like you hear that always. And it feels like 28 Days Later or some kind of dystopian movie where there's just a recording going in the background. It's freaky. I don't want to hear a man's voice when an emergency is happening. Yeah, no, thank you. It's freaky. I don't want to hear a man's voice when an emergency is happening. Yeah, no, thank you. It's always a male voice. Is it? At least it was this one time for me, and so I'm going to go ahead and say

always. That sounds right. That sounds scary. An actually scary one, and I have an actually scary one as well. Oh, God. Tell us. I watched a horror movie last night, if you can believe it um a demon movie called the dark and the wicked and was i had demons on the brain i was really thinking about

demons and i was having demon dreams and they were really scary and actually now i can't really remember the specifics of the dream but i was in it and it was very very stressful a real scary dream is a real you really feel the feelings you like wake up feeling like right it was one that woke me up i woke up in fear like jerked awake and my cat was asleep next to me and he woke up and looked at like started staring at my doorway. No. My bedroom door. And then like slowly got up and like low crawled

you know when cats are scared. He low crawled off my bed and like ran away. Well there's a demon in here. How often do they low crawl? How often does that happen? I mean they're kind of scaredy cats so it's pretty often to be fair okay that's good but not i haven't noticed it ever like in the middle of the night it's usually when um a neighbor walks by or i get like food delivered

to the front door they like freak out and like think someone's coming to kill them but in the middle of the night nothing was happening they shouldn't have been doing that. I don't think so. How long did it take you to go back to sleep? Did you, or did you just call it long? And it was kind of, um, I was proud of myself.

I was just so tired that I was like, you know, nothing can disrupt my peaceful, peaceful sleep. That's the opposite of me. If there's a demon in here, um, we're going to have to coexist.

Yeah. Yeah. Cause I'm pretty tired nice try demon i'm pretty sleepy speaking of demons are there demons in this movie i know nothing about this week's movie literally i'm so excited that you know nothing about it i know the cover and i and i remember the cover being like a whole thing right like isn't there a whole thing about this girl or whoever this is? We're going to tell you all about this girl. You tell me about it. The less you know, the better. I'm

kind of thrilled to hear you don't know much. That's great. Okay. This week's movie is Orphan. Came out in 2009. Directed by how may call it Sarah, who also directed House of Wax. So some really excellent work coming from How May.

Written by David Leslie Johnson McGoldrick. Story by Alex Mace. Starring Vera Farmiga, Peter Sarsgaard, Jimmy Bennett, Ariana Engineer, and Isabel Furman. It is available to rent for $3.99, or you can do a trial of Paramount Plus like I did. And I almost forgot to cancel it. They almost got me that time to how they get you. I canceled it just in the nick of time today. And we have a guest with us today to talk about this unhinged film.

She is an actor and comedian and host of Sister HeadGum podcast, Senior Superlatives. It's Greta Teitelman. Thank you for being here, Greta. Oh my God, I'm thrilled. So whenever you're sitting, when the hosts are catching up and introing, it's so hard for me to not talk. I know, I know. I'm like, don't talk, don't talk.

But I'm so thrilled to be here. I love this movie. And yeah, I can't wait to talk about it. But before we get into that, did anything scary happen to you this week? Yes. About three things, actually. Oh, my gosh um one was actually scary in a real way I went to see nope with yeah yep Henley no we have our friend Kenzie I went to see nope and our friend Kenzie is like this big she's like a little pint she's's pint size. And we are in. Okay. I should preface this by saying I'm a very parent. I, okay. You were saying earlier that you think New York is like scary and intense and whatever. I lived in New York for a million years and I actually think LA is way more

scary and way more fucked up than New York. We need to know the deets. It's sort of like apples and oranges in that they each got their thing. Yeah. Well, I just like the community here, there is none and it just feels so

volatile and it feels like every man for themselves here and sometimes you can be walking down the street fully alone and like a few weeks ago, I was walking in my neighborhood, pretty little quaint neighborhood. A man comes out of nowhere and starts running after me, holding a pole. Stop it.

What? I'm just like, yeah. And by the way, this was like 11 a.m. on like a Tuesday. It is true. It is true. Being alone adds to the scary factor. Yes. Very scary.

That is true. And since living here, because I also I I grew up in a city. I grew up living in an apartment, too. I lived in an apartment until I was 28 years old. Like my whole existence basically was in apartments. So I also get, now that I've lived here, increasingly more paranoid where I'm just like, that person's looking at me crazy. My husband thinks I'm insane. There are teenagers that do whippets like up the street all the time outside late at night. And I'm like, they're demons.

They might be. They could be, um, but really they're just like kids doing whippets. And I was like, I don't know. Anyway, all to say, I think that I get more freaked out in LA than I do in New York. And I went to the movie. I went to see Nope with my pint-sized friend, Kenzie, and we're sitting in this theater and it's a packed theater. Immediately, I'm paranoid. Halfway through the movie, a guy gets up and just starts screaming. No! Screaming.

And I grab onto Kenzie and Kenzie is like she's a strong lady. She's really strong. And she's like holding me and she's like, don't worry. Like whatever the situation is, like, don't worry. And then she was like, do you want me to run out of the theater? And I was like, no!

If someone's gonna go, I'm like, it's you. You weigh like 70 pounds. Like whoever this crazy person is is gonna kick you like a little football. Anyway, so that was so scary because I was like scared in the theater seeing an intense movie and then this guy gets up and starts screaming and then

he had to get taken out of the theater. Oh my god. That's very scary. People acting weird in crowds is like truly the scariest thing. So that was scary, number one. But the second scary thing that happened to me was I was at the Beverly Center and the alarm went

off. You reminded me of that. Oh, no, no, no. And by the way, the alarm went off. I was the only one that left. Everyone else was just sitting there like eating and drinking. And I was looking, I looked at a person, at a woman and I was like, the alarm's going off. And I was looking, I looked at a person, at a woman and I was like, the alarm's going off. And she was like, I know on the escalator up,

I'm on the escalator down. I was like, that's like a metaphor for our entire cultural society. I'll wait for someone to come yell at me to leave or I'll die. But then I had a moment where I was like, where I was like, am I crazy? Or like, am I making up an alarm in my head? It was like a scene from a movie where everyone didn't react. And I was the only one that reacted. Like I was in Truman show or something like that. That would make me kind of very crazy as well. I'm with you though. An alarm goes off and I move. Like I, I, I am out of there. I got totally just like ridiculed by my roommates, my sophomore year of college because an alarm went off in the middle of the night, a fire alarm, but there was a little fire. It was in someone's

fucking tie was making popcorn or some shit. But I like got, I like woke up and like got everyone out of bed and was like, come on, we gotta go. We gotta go. And I like really went into emergency mode, but it's like, there's an alarm going on. Honey, the Spanx I was going to buy, they can wait. They can wait. They will still be there. Yeah. And if there's a fire, those things are lighten up. So get away from those Spanx.

I'm gone. And then the final scary thing that happens to me, which is more existential than like physically actually scary is my my uber driver saturday night lovely older woman in her 60s and was just like talking to me about the shoulda coulda wouldas of her career as an actress in hollywood and it literally that my biggest fear is that i will be that age and I will be like, I never had the opportunity that I always thought I deserved. And I never was seen the way that I always wanted to be seen.

And I never was able to make the work that I wanted to make. And like, now I'm just kind of delusional and on pills, driving my like old three series BMW, like picking people up from sunset tower, talking to them about like some random project I produced that never came out. I mean, that was truly, that is my, that was my fear in a person. That is what all of my career anxiety, I'm obsessed with my career and and all of it is rooted in the deep fear that I will just never fully make it.

And interacting with that person who was like blonde and like, I was like, this is not me. Like, I wanted to be like, I will not be you when I got out of the car. But it was good. I got her email address. And now we're emailing each other. Did you actually get her email address? Yes, I did. She wants me to ghost write her book.

Oh, okay. I've been having that, Greta, I've been having that, like, that moment that you had. I've been having it, but kind of in tiny little moments walking down the street recently. And I had the thought this morning, I was like, I'm 32. Am I already having a midlife crisis? Is it too early to have a midlife crisis? Like walking down the street and seeing older women in my neighborhood and being like, am I going to stay in this neighborhood forever? Is that going to be me? Do I look like that already? How old do I look? Wait. I'm not. Truly, I think the pandemic also has

totally warped our sense of time. We burrowed too deep. Too deep in here. We went back too far. And now I need to get out. I mean, I read so many articles about this that I will send your way, Henley. It is also one of those things where like we all were raised by the generation of people who were like, you pick this thing, you do the thing, you start the family, you work the job and then you retire. work alternatively or don't have that kind of job ladder to climb in a

traditional sense. And it becomes really confusing. And then you're like, and everything's so fucking expensive. And you don't have those same tent poles to be like, okay, I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. And so therefore everything feels like, am I nowhere? Do I, do I exist? Is this a life being lived? Right. It's like, I can't afford to buy a house. Like I can't, I can't afford to buy a house. I can hardly afford to.

You have a kid. I know. It's so expensive having a kid. It seems really tough. It's expensive being me in the world alone, myself. My overhead is insane. It's crazy.

If I had to do this for literally anyone else, I wouldn't. I gotta say, the overhead for taking care of me, I've talked about this, has disappeared. I mean, that's gone. I haven't gone to the goddamn dentist in a few years. You gotta go to the dentist. I need to do that too.

I'm addicted to my dentist. If anybody needs to get an L. an LA dentist, I love him. You have great teeth. You can tell. Well, my, I, they, they're yellow, like corn niblets is what they are. But yeah, I need to get them bleached. I say drinking cold brew. Yeah.

I mean, I'm not going to ever stop drinking coffee and red wine. So it's like, well, come on. Am I dead? I mean, give Jesus. Great. I just want to know, what are your thoughts of scary movies in general? Have you, are you a horror fan? Favorite genre, genre that I write in.

Wow. Big time horror person. However, I'm like sub genre specific within that. I'm not a big demons, Satan, possession, ghosts, hauntings. Those don't scare me. I don't get scared by those things. I think they're fun. Like I will watch one of those movies, but like, they don't actually scare me. I need some,

I need like psychological warfare to scare me. I need, we're trapped in a house. There are people outside that want to kill us. I need duplicitous friend taking me to like some ritual. I need, I'm being hunted. I need serial killer. Like that's what I need. I needed to feel that it could actually happen to me in real life for me to be scared. Like I'm not religious. I think more like, I think a lot of, you know, my Catholic family believes in the demons possessions, probably more than I do. But yeah, so orphan for me is me is just oh so much fun. And I can't wait to talk about it. It's a really, really fun movie.

This was my first time seeing it. And really, I'm so thrilled that you picked it. I had been wanting to see it for a long time. And I saw this movie in theaters. I think I saw it twice in theaters. It's so fun. Yeah, I'm excited to hear about it because I know, like I said, I know basically

nothing, but I can, I like, I can close my eyes and I think do a perfect, perfect image of the movie cover. Like, I think I know, I think it is like seared into my brain and I remember it being a thing when this movie came out and I'm

dying to know why. Yeah, I'm very curious. We're going to find out. I'll give us some trivia. 57% on Rotten Tomatoes, 42% on Metacritic, 7% on IMDb. That's high for IMDb, low for the others. Here's my question though.

It has, what did you say on Rotten Tomatoes? 57. But you need to go on Rotten Tomatoes And then see what the audience score is Because of course critics aren't going to like this movie True To me that's the real metric It's like I don't care what Robert Ebert thinks Yeah

Is that his name? Yeah That is his name Roger? Is it Robert? Roger It is Roger It is Roger Roger Ebert yeah is that his name yeah that is his name roger roger is it roger roger roger roger roger roger roger ebert something like that only the most famed movie critic of all time roger robert it's all the same it's all the same um okay the budget was 20 million it made 78.8 million so audiences spoke with their with their wallets and

that's how we speak in this country man that's right that's what we do some other trivia vera farmiga has made a career of demon child movies we know this to be true orphan joshua the conjuring the conjuring 2 annabelle comes home the nun and bates motel all have demonic or homicidal children in them she has made more movies like this than anyone in the history of hollywood that's a cool mantle to hold it's like that and to speak to the poster emily the subtle uneasiness of the film's poster is due to the image of esther's face little girl's name is esther is it's perfectly symmetrical so they basically did a split of her face and mirrored it and so

makes it look god have you ever done that with your life yes it's awful it's awful awful i've never hated anything more so so upsetting there's like one side that looks slightly better because you can you know if you it, each side looks different, obviously. So you have two mirror image face versions and one is like okay and one is like horrifying. Nightmare person.

I also just want to really quickly say the audience score is 63% on Rotten Tomatoes. Still seems low. A little bit higher. A little bit higher. It's a little bit higher though. We got the popcorn cup full as opposed to the little splat okay last piece of trivia this one just kind of made me laugh both peter sarsgaard and vera farmiga said they took the role since the twist was so shocking and amazing to them but hollywood insiders whispered that it was because just the way this is written hollywood insiders whispered that it was because just the way this is written. Hollywood insiders whispered that it was because of Hollywood superstar and A-list power player, Leonardo DiCaprio, who produced the movie, had a vested interest in it and also pressured them to be in it.

What? Wait, Leonardo DiCaprio produced this film? Yes, I saw his name in the credits at the end and was shocked. What? But also just the thought of him pressuring them. And Hollywood whispering about it like, yeah, Leo really pressured them to be in this

movie. I mean, look, I think that the problem with the genre, which is why I think sometimes it can get a bad reputation or why like, you know, scream queens or whatever can get kind of pigeonholed into being like half baked actors. Yeah. Is because you need to be like a very skilled performer to execute these absurd things that are being written. these absurd things that are being written. So I do understand why Leonardo DiCaprio was like,

I, this movie will fully flop if it's not an extremely capable hand. And Vera does it justice. Oh yes. She always does. She always does. Yeah. Just a quick aside. I heard someone refer to Leonardo DiCaprio the other day as Leo Dio.

That's really funny. I like that. I was shocked I hadn't heard it before. It feels like it would be more commonplace. Leo Dio. Or Leo Prio. Leo DiCaprio. Oh, Leo Prio.

Prio. That also works. Leo Dio Prio. That also works. Leo Dio Prio. Leo Dico Prio. Just rolls off the tongue. That would be really funny if you seriously were like, I want to go see that. So much time. I want to go see that new Leo Dicaprio movie.

Like what? Or if you met him and you referred to him like that to his face huge fan oh i'm a huge fan leo di caprio i mean i have so many things to say about this film um in the past few years i have hit a point where i only want to be wearing clothes that are comfortable. It happened. It happened to me. But you know what? I still also want to look cute. And these are two desires that are often extremely opposing. And I don't want to have to sacrifice. I want both. I want comfort

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I'm so curious. Should we just dive in? Let's do it. Okay, so basically we open with, what is Vera's name? Kate. Kate. We open with Kate and she's pregnant. She's she's walking into the hospital with Peter Skarsgård, whose name is I forget.

John and John. OK, these are two very forgettable names. Yes, yes, yes. So they're walking into the hospital. She's, you know, in labor. She's about to give birth. And then it starts getting scary. And then all of a sudden they're like, you're losing the baby. And then she's like, and then and then the nurses get kind of sinister looking. And then they pull out this like bloody baby that's like covered in blood that is now oh so fake and um and they give it to her and she's sobbing she's like she's going 110 vera in this scene oh my god he's popping off

so then immediately you realize oh it's a dream. And this is rooted in trauma because she and her husband, she was pregnant. She lost her baby. The baby was supposed to be named Samantha. So she already has two kids. One is a son who's like kind of sucks. And the other one is this cutie little patootie named Max. I think it's her name.

Max and the brothers, Daniel. Yeah. Yeah. Daniel kind of sucks, but Max is really the star of the film. And Max is partially deaf and has a cochlear implant. Okay. Further deep dive into that trivia. That actress actually really

does in real life. I love when they do that. So anyway, correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel like Peter Skarsgård character is the one that's like really pushing for a third kid. It's like we see

Vera Kate, excuse me, Kate like going to therapy and yeah she's she's more nervous about having a third kid because they're she's still you know a little bit getting over the trauma not a little bit i mean there's been a big trauma and so she's like worried about it but thinks she's ready there's also mention of her being somewhat recently sober. Yes. And well, there was an incident. Okay. Like every good horror movie,

the lead is a deeply, deeply traumatized woman. Of course. Of course. And you know, she, yeah, she's newly sober. Something else happened. Not just the stillborn. Something else happened that we'll get to yep

that she blames herself for obviously and she's also like kind of fucking around with pills which I love I love any scene with a person in the bathroom being upset and then be like fuck and then opening their grudgingly like taking

dry swallowing like I love a dry swallow that's commitment I've said this before there's something about yeah just taking pills and always you never know what's going on with that I'm gonna make that video when we get off a dry dry

me auditioning for traumatized woman swallowing dry swallowing her pills but yeah her therapist I think kind of It's going to be me auditioning for a traumatized woman, dry swallowing her pills. But yeah, her therapist, I think, kind of encourages her and says, I think you're doing great. Like the fact that you didn't drink when you were tempted to drink, like this kind of tells me that you are ready.

But yeah, you're right. I think John is eager to have a third kid. Yeah. So they decide, let's go to the local orphanage because, you know, we have local orphanages everywhere. And usually you just sort of walk in and start talking to some kids. Is that a thing still? Do they call them orphanages? Can you go to an orphanage today?

I have absolutely no idea. Like in America? Yes. Yes, they do exist. They absolutely exist. I think that now it's I think things have branched off more into like a foster care system, for example. But like, yes, there are. Do they call them orphanages, though?

No, I don't know. I don't think they do. I don't know. I don't think they do. I don't know. I just want to Google that. I want to find out more. While they're walking up to it, John sees a snowman. This just was a moment that just kind of, I don't know, stood out to me. He sees a snowman and he turns to Veraa and is like look uh look at the snow orphan

a snorfin and they like laugh about it i'm like what the fuck so they mocking orphans on their way up to the orphanage yeah that's fucked up also just like a line that does not propel the plot or purpose of the movie like whatsoever no it's it's also like mean. It's just a funny little character moment. He's also the fucking worst. Yeah. This guy. The husband usually is. Yeah.

So then they go to the orphanage and they're at the orphanage and they're, you know, doing what you do, touring, touring the orphanage, checking out all the kids, like what you do, touring, touring the orphanage, checking out all the kids, like finding out like which kid is right for them. So Peter wanders his little ass off and finds himself upstairs where he sees this lonely little girl painting very well for supposedly being like eight or however old she's

nine. Now, here's my thing. I don't want a nine-year-old to be good at painting. No. If I'm purchasing a child, I'm not going to get a little savant. Like, no.

First of all, that's's gonna be expensive for me because i'm gonna need to pay for it we're talking private university yeah you have paintbrushes on your hands so i didn't like that to me immediately i'm like oh here's wrong first move so he's goes in there and he sits with her and we saw in the trailer he's like why aren't you playing with the other people and she's like I've never understood the point of a party

like what why would you want this kid like anyway she's like I just like that I don't get people don't understand me so I think my little thing she's a little Russian girl and um and he's like enamored by her

and then Vera comes in and warms to the fact that she feels like an outsider and wants to take her in and like immediately they fall in love with her they see her paintings they're so impressed she's such a precious little girl in these weird victorian doll clothes which by the way you wouldn't get to wear at the orphanage because

you being your little orphan outfit where's your orphan outfit? I'm literally going to get canceled For saying orphan outfit But no, every single other child In the orphanage was in a uniform She was in a uniform She was in a uniform, but it was like Her twist Yeah, she put her little touches on it She's adding some pizzazz

So then they're like enamored by this Child, and then they talk to the nun and the nun is like, Oh, like that's Esther. She's so special. You know, like what a special little girl. And then they leave and they're like, Oh, we love her or whatever. And then like flash forward to like four weeks later, they take her home. And they pick her up. She's in more weird Victorian clothes and they bring her home.

And obviously this is a classic scary movie. The home is made of wood and glass, modern in the middle of nowhere. Huge, beautiful, creepy home in the middle of nowhere. Yeah. Great. Yeah. in the middle of nowhere. Huge, beautiful, creepy home in the middle of nowhere. Yeah. Great. Yeah. And then they take her home and they're like endearing her to Max,

teaching her how to sign, to say hi and whatever. They don't mention the son at all. They're like, he's kind of a dud. Yeah. That's why they want a third because they're like, well, one of these two sucks.

So. But Max is very excited to have a sister because Max knows about that. They that she lost a sister that they were supposed to have. Samantha, there's like a scene where she makes Vera read her this bedtime book that is so upsetting. And it's just like so brutal. Her sister that's now in heaven and she's like clearly her favorite book that she makes her mom read to her every single night it's like jesus christ max let's maybe give that book a rest oh god and here's like this one again and she's like and it's like clearly so hard for ver to do it. Like it's so upsetting.

Oh, also we should, I need to just say another like storyline is that Peter and Vera have not fucked since she went through the loss of the child. So there's a lot of issues there where like Peter is horny and wants to fuck and Vera is like trying to get there but she can't and there's a lot of tension built around that all right so you're ready to have a new child how long has it been since this happened the trauma happened do we know do we have any sense maybe a year i don't a year or something like that okay let's say six let's say six months to a year yeah that still That still seems pretty soon. Pretty soon.

If you go into an orphanage. Yeah, definitely. Bad advice from the therapist is what I would say. So they bring the kid home. She immediately, they're like, you're a part of our family. You know, we, we love you. They start showering her with gifts and my favorite one of my favorite little throwaway scenes is the brother who's useless is playing a guitar hero

and keeps him being like dad like look at me and it's like the hair star's guard is like giving ester presents for like you know whatever and he's getting fucking pissed that his dad's not watching him like crush guitar hero he's like dad like I'm killing this solo and Peter Skarsgård I actually think has a really reasonable response

or he's like that's great like but I don't know and I was just like god this kid's so lame yeah because he also isn't being part of like welcoming his new sister and he makes it very clear he's like that's not my sister yeah he's he's not into it he is not into this what kind of gifts are they giving Esther what are they buying easel for her art for An easel for her painting. I see, I see. Vera gave her, you know, modern clothes.

Right. So she's not wearing her Victorian outfit anymore. Well, she refuses. She does not wear the modern clothes. She wants to stay in her little dresses. There's a scene in which, like, it's at first, like, everyone, with the exception of Daniel, the little shitty little brother is like very happy and excited to welcome esther into the family and that night

there kate and john are like maybe gonna hook up in their bed but we see our first i think oh it's a thunderstorm it's a thunderstorm. And we see our first kind of scary shot of Esther as she goes into Max's room. And it's the lightning flashing on her face. And she just has a very sinister look as she stares down at Max. But then her and Max bust into Kate and John's room as they're like about to have sex. I'm pretty sure Kate was giving him head. You're right. You're absolutely right. Crawls

up and they're like literally about to start having sex and then they run in. And also we need to note that Max takes out her cochlear implant for bed. So Max when she's at night cannot hear. So like Max isn she's at night, cannot hear. So like, Max

isn't being woken up by the thunder. It's like psycho Esther coming into her room being like, let's go to mommy and daddy's room. So they barge in and then they all sleep in bed together. Well, my favorite line is Esther says, I want to sleep next to daddy. And

she goes on John's side of the bed and starts like hugging him and they all fall asleep. But if we're like, and then they all fuck. And then the next morning they go to school and Esther comes down the stairs in a very formal,

you know, more formal Victorian garb and goes to school. And of course, immediately gets bullied, gets bullied by that. Her name is Brenda. Really? It's bullied by Brenda. And honestly, Brenda is a flop and a half. Like that girl sucks. Brenda is a flop and a half. Like that girl sucks. She is mean. And she,

I think actually deserves what happened to her because she is really mean. Like she's so mean. That's so young to be such a big bully. Like that's too young to be mean. Kids are mean though. Kids can be mean, man. Also the bully that's like so cocky that in front of the teacher

in the class. Yeah, it's like do it in secret at least. Yeah, it's like save it for the bathroom or the locker room or the hallway. And then like doesn't get reprimanded by the teacher. The teacher's just kind of like, come on, be nice. It's like what? Yeah.

So now we're back at home Vera wants is we find out Vera is a piano teacher and she taught at Yale which is fancy um and Vera is like practicing her piano and is writing this gorgeous, you know, sonata, if you will, for her children. And she decides that she wants to teach Esther how to play piano. So she starts kind of giving Esther little lessons and Esther's like, you know know going along with it learning there's a there's a part while they're playing piano

Kate gives Esther like a little notebook of photos of them they're having a little bonding moment right and Esther says who's Samantha I've heard Max or Daniel mention her and Vera takes like that I'm just switching, alternating.

But Vera and Kate, you know I'm talking about the same person. The same lady, same lady. Takes her to like a green room. Is that what they're called? Yes. With like all plants and stuff. A greenhouse. A greenhouse.

I was like, that seems wrong. Green room is a horror movie. A green room is like backstage behind something. I was like, that seems wrong. Green room is a horror movie. Green room is like backstage. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, what's going to happen next? Anton Yelchin. Great.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But she takes her back there to the greenhouse to show her that they have scattered Samantha's ashes in this rosebush, basically. And she says, as long as this rosebush is alive, like part of Samantha is still with us. And a little tear rolls down Esther's cheek. And she's like, says something like, oh, she was so lucky to have you as a mommy.

And it's like a nice moment between them. I also feel like that's really lovely. And but that's really setting yourself up for more trauma to be like, and then we'll put it in another living thing. And then this living thing just has to stay alive. And then we didn't lose our child. It's like, I don't don't. I don't. We'll see how that works out.

Yeah. What are we going to do with that? Rose dies because it will. And oh, yeah. eyes because it will and um uh-oh yeah so now we are back home and max and esther are becoming besties they're playing it's the playmate max always wanted and they're it's winter it's snowy they have a pond on their property and they're kind of like playing around the pond and Vera's in the kitchen looking at them warmly like oh yay this is the life that I've dreamed of and then they start playing on the pond on the frozen pond and she freaks the fuck out and she runs outside

and she screams at them to get off the pond she She's like, you know you can't do that! Like going nuts. And then we find out that Max almost died in a frozen pond because Vera

was blackout drunk. Yes. Oh, there's the trauma. There's the other trauma. Got it, got it, got it. So she freaks out and then they get off the ice and then that scene ends there and then there's

Esther goes with the dad to the park. Oh, yeah. With the lady with the big titters. Who's that? Who's that lady so okay a few things happen at this park that i didn't like esther goes with her to the park brenda's at the park oh no oh no and esther is like watching peter skarsgård talk to this like neighbor who's of course like wearing a top when her tits are like up to her chin and like she's like to Peter she's like hi so I got a new chair

it's so heavy like do you think you could come over and help me move it up to my office or whatever and Peter's like looking at her boobs and is like uh yeah I'll need to I'll need to check and see when Kate's available and like Esther is watching this happen and Esther is like okay I see you looking at her tits whatever

but then Esther immediately sees Brenda is in the park so now Esther is like oh it's fucking on and Brenda said some shit to her in the bullying scene there's like a part Esther always wears this necklace like velvet choker looking thing and

there's a scene where Brenda like knocks her books out of her hands and then says is this your collar doggy and starts like trying to rip off her necklace and Esther says, is this your collar, doggy? And starts trying to rip off her necklace and Esther freaks out and just starts screaming and screaming and flailing her arms

around and they're all like, whoa. But it's, she's fucking, she sucks. Brenda sucks. So then Brenda and Esther are at the park and Esther is like, bitch, you don't even know what's about to happen. So then Esther starts like hunting Brenda at this park and Brenda's like, oh my God, this is

getting scary. Brenda does not do what I would have done if I were Brenda. If I were Brenda, I would have ran to my mom and been like, this girl's being crazy. Like, no, Brenda's like, I'm going to run through this crazy jungle gym and like this crazy play set. Let me get up to the highest

highest point. I'll make it harder and harder for me to get away. So then she goes up to the highest point and what do you know? Esther pops out right behind her and pushes her off this thing and breaks Brenda's leg. Oh, holy

shit. Oh, no. And Max sees. Oh, and covers for her. Like when they go home, they're at the dinner table. And John says, you know, Brenda's dad says that you pushed her. And Esther says, no, she fell. And they turned to Max like, Max, you were there. What did what did you see? And Max agrees. She's like, she slipped. Yeah. So then Vera calls the nun and is like, girlfriend, was there anything wrong with this girl that you didn't tell us? And she's like, well, did she have any violent tendencies? And she's like, well, as a matter of fact. Oh, oh, you know what? She's like, you never asked You never asked

So we didn't tell you Now that you mention it She was at every single incident That ever happened at her orphanage Yeah, and her little velvet collar And her velvet cuffs She was like, we tried to take them off one time And she freaked the fuck out

And then Vera's like, okay So then then Vera's like okay I need to do my own digging on this person so while Esther is in the shower Vera is like I'm gonna go through your stuff so she goes through her stuff and of course she finds a creepy bible or something. And in it, she finds pictures of men, like a picture of like one older man and another older man all around Peter Skarsgård's age. Oh God. Oh no. What kind of picture? It's just like family photos ripped in half. Oh no. Wow. Good clarifying question. That is okay. Like if it were a photo of me and Abe, it would be like me ripped out of it and Abe a solo.

Smile. Okay. The relationship between Kate and Esther is starting to get more tense. Tense. John still is having no problems with Esther at this point and is very much her defender. Like, why are you picking fights with our daughter?

She's nine. Like, you're the adult here. But there was like a moment when Vera walks in on Esther playing Tchaikovsky on the piano. Oh, yeah. And she's like, oh, you can play piano? And she's and you didn't tell me that

and i was she said something really nasty and she says well i thought it must be really sad for you to have a son who doesn't care and a daughter who can't can't even hear like as a composer that must be really sad for you and then like storms off yeah okay if i walked in on my nine-year-old that i just adopted playing tchaikovsky or whatever i would be like you're out of here yeah yeah the painting was one thing but i'm sorry you are out of here yeah this is it this is the end of the line like i how many more weird secrets can you keep? And next thing you know, she's like doing the Sunday or the Thursday times crossword. It's like, I mean, or the Sunday one in the magazine, but either way,

you can do those. I refuse to believe it. I know. So then, Oh, then after she looks through her shit, then she goes down to the kitchen and says, oh, sorry that I'm jumping around. This is what I wanted to say about Peter in the park. Okay. Max

was at the park alone and Peter just walks off to go and smoke a cigarette. Yeah, he is not being an attentive father here. No, yeah, it's not good. And I was like, hold on. You're at a children's park

and like... Smoking a cigarette? You're now smoking a cig and you're not watching your two daughters. That whole thing irritated me. But anyway, Vera sees that she can play piano. She becomes suspicious. She looks through her shit. She finds this creepy old book.

Then the nun comes to the house and Esther is eavesdropping on their conversation. And I think she basically has found out some more information, like the

nun and Vera are doing their own independent digging and basically coming and joining forces now here and saying like what did you find what did you find and she's saying she says that the the previous place that esther lived her last adoptive parents were they thought killed in a in an accidental fire and esther was the only survivor but it turns out that it was arson and they never found the person who did it so they're just getting so many red flags specifically is getting more and more yeah she's seeing like okay this is not adding up we We need to take Esther to my therapist. To my therapist. Isn't that kind

of a weird thing to do? To take her to Margot Martindale? Yeah, I think you get a new therapist. I feel like you would probably get a different therapist. Or at least like a child therapist. Right. But as the nun, basically, Esther's overhearing this and...

It feels like you shouldn't be having this conversation in a place where Esther can hear you yeah well that was really stupid they haven't fully in the living room and also Esther is having Max doing her dirty work because Max can read lips so Esther also is like what are they saying what are they saying what are they

saying oh my god so Esther has really recruited Max as her scapegoat, as her spy, as like really all this stuff. Yeah. And as this conversation with the nun is happening, Esther takes Max

upstairs into the dad's office and is saying look for the keys. Previously, the shitty son, Daniel, yelled at something at dinner at dinner like she's not my fucking sister and as punishment the dad locked up his tree house and so esther is now with max in the dad's office saying like look for the key to the tree house and they're looking

around the office for things and they find keys and one of the keys is a key to a safe and Esther opens the safe and there is a gun in it. Oh God. And she pulls it out, opens the chamber all very, you know, like she's done it before. She knows what she's doing.

And she dumps out all the bullets, puts one back in and flings it, closes it. And like, she's going to play Russian roulette. She's Russian. She goes, you want to play? And like points it at Max's head and Max looks

understandably terrified and shakes her head no and she's like, maybe later. And then she like uncocks the gun. Yeah. And then they basically, the nun leaves the house and then they esther and max esther's like let's go come on let's play outside so they run through the forest she's dragging max through the snowy snowy woods and then the nun has left the house and they get to where the nun is in her car.

And Esther throws Max into the road in front of the nun's car. And the nun swerves and gets into a crazy car accident. And then Esther drags her out of the, I guess, no, she flies through the windshield and lands on the road. What? She, like, comes... Esther's so strong. She, like, comes toward... Yeah. Yeah, somehow she's, like, gets out of the car all disoriented, has

clearly had some head injury and was, like... Oh, yeah, she gets out of the car and she goes up to Max and she's, like, are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay? And then Max sees Esther behind the nun bludgeon her with a hammer. Yep. Takes her out. And she falls over.

Holy shit. And then Max is, of course, in terror. Yeah. Yeah. And Esther's like, don't be a baby. Help me move her off the road. Grab an ankle. Help me drag her. Yeah. So then you have

a nine-year-old and a four-year-old pulling the weight of a 60-year-old off of the road. Seems hard. She pulls her off the road and the nun is not fully dead yet.

They walk away and then she starts to wake up or something and then Esther's like, oh, I need to finish this bitch and then just fucking bludgeoned her face to death with a hammer. And Max is just standing there watching

like almost catatonic just so frozen in fear. Yeah. Esther is evil. Yes. It's confirmed. Bludgeoned the nun like almost catatonic just so frozen in fear yeah Esther is evil it's confirmed bludgeoned the nun to death and then she very quickly takes off her Victorian garb

takes off the bloody mittens and hides them in a bag in Danny's or Daniel's treehouse. So hides the evidence in the treehouse. As she's

leaving the treehouse, Daniel sees them and she sees him see them and she doesn't know how much he has seen. So then that night she goes into Daniel's bedroom in the middle of the night with a knife and like wakes him up with a knife to his throat.

And it's like, I saw you looking at us. Like, what did you see? And this won't make it worse. And he's like, he's like, I just saw you in the tree house.

Like, that's it. That's all I saw. And she says, if I, if you tell anyone, I would cut your tiny little prick off or what does she say

she threatens to cut off his dick and he she's like I won't cut off your tiny prick your tiny little prick before you figure out what it's for this is an interesting iconic quote

and so now both children are obviously fucking terrified of esther at this moment are peter and vera fucking in the kitchen that happened a little while ago but yes at some point okay so they went from no fucking to fucking in the kitchen yeah well now they're fucking in the kitchen that was kind of I think that was in the moments when they were feeling very good and like happy about things. They had sex in the kitchen. And maybe that was kind of a turning point, because at this point in the movie, there's some tension between them. Because another thing that happened is Esther also told Vera about the dad flirting with another mom at the park. And so now there's like tension between them.

There's tension all around. Nobody's in a great place anymore. But yeah, when things were good, they fucked in the kitchen and Esther saw. Esther walked in on Vera face down, ass up over the counter. It's a bold move to have sex with three kids in the house in the kitchen.

It really is. You could tell in Esther's face that it wasn't oh I'm a kid and I'm seeing something I shouldn't see. It's like she was like this. Straight faced. So she's like a grown woman

in the body or a grown man in the body of a child or a demon. Oh, and did we also already cover the fact going back? Just one other thing that you need to know is that Peter Skarsgård did have an affair on Vera. Does she know that? Yes. That's like a known thing in their marriage. OK.

Yes, it is. So their tensions are really like boiling. Yeah. OK. So their intentions are really like boiling. Yeah. Okay. At one point,

Esther asks the dad, what can I do to make mommy like me more? I feel like mommy doesn't like me very much. And still John is like on team Esther, like, Oh, like why don't you give her a gift or something? That'd be really sweet. That could be nice.

And the next day, something that'd be really sweet that could be nice and the next day esther goes up to vera has something behind her back and says mommy i have a gift for you pulls it out it's all of the roses from that rose bush from the bush we knew it was gonna happen vera fucking freaks out grabs her arm and is like why would you do that you knew that and again this is something that john sees and is like whoa kate you need to calm the fuck down like she's a child she didn't mean to and it's my fault i told her she should she should get you a gift she's like no she knew she knew i showed her i told her this so to other people kate is looking more unhinged but we obviously know everything is justified that's happening to her but john is not believing

her is very much remaining on ester's side and simultaneously there's a scene at which kate gets so stressed by it all that she buys wine she buys two bottles of wine she looks at the she looks at the lake and can't do it she can't drink she dumps out the bottle that she opened so she doesn't end up drinking but they find the other bottle of wine and they're like you're drinking again and then oh my god damn after she grabs ester's arm from the for the from the roses scene esther goes into the i don't know a workshop the dad's workshop where there's one of those like twisty things it's a it's a clamp that you like use for like woodworking oh god and she puts her arms in it or her arm in it that the arm that the mom grabbed

and clamp clamp clamp it so hard until the bone pops out and then is like moaning in bed that night being like daddy daddy my arm really hurts where mommy grabbed me

oh wait it pops out of the skin I don't think it breaks the skin but you see it under the skin like pop through and break out and so now she's in the cast and now john is furious with kate to the point where you know he's like i'm you know think that we need to think about splitting up um like there maybe they'll get divorced he's like you broke you broke her arm her arm you need to get help yeah like i'm not going through all of this again it's everything is very uh stressful but kate is sticking true to she knows esther is behind all of this so now they're taking the kids to school and Esther opened up Daniel's

backpacks that all this books would spill out so that Vera would get distracted. And then she pops that little fucker in neutral and let's max this traumatized child. Oh no. Fling backward down the hill at the school and then crashes into a snowbank. And that I actually think is the impetus for

Peter Skarsgård to be like, maybe you know, like this is a problem. Like what happened? Like what's going on with you? The wine? Right. You left your car in neutral. You endangered the life of our child. Yeah. And Kate says something like, fine fine i'll go to

rehab i'll do whatever you want on one condition esther leaves too like she just knows that it's esther and that esther is the reason her children are in danger but john doesn't believe her and this is when kate goes back to that bible and is like okay let's figure i need like more information here and finds that little piece of paper. It says Sarni Institute. And so she's like, OK, we got to figure out where she really came from. The nuns said at one point that they, I don't know, reached out to the orphanage they thought she came from. And she actually there's actually no record of her there. And so this Bible Sarni Institute thing might be where she's really from.

They call and it's in Estonia, not Russia. Oh, scary. Estonia feels scary to me. I'm just going to be honest. It does. And basically she finds out that it's not an orphanage. It's a mental institute. Okay.

Okay. This little girl has lived so many lives I used to love back to school shopping so much that I would tell my mom that I wanted to work at Staples when I grew up because I just loved getting all the things that I needed that I would use every day in class I still to this day have nightmares about showing up in class without notebooks or number two pencils. Really scary stuff. But luckily I wake up and I realize I don't actually need notebooks or number two pencils anymore. But this fall there is something that I will be using every day and would be terrified to be caught without.

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So 10 minutes of charging gets you 90 minutes of battery life. Really freaking convenient for, I don't know, say a long morning walk. You forgot to charge them and you just need a little bit of juice to listen to one episode of a podcast it's only going to take you 10 minutes it's incredible so go to buyraycon.com slash too scary today to get 20 to 40 percent off site wide that's right you'll get up to 40% off everything on Raycon's website when you go to buyraycon.com slash too scary buyraycon.com slash too scary. You're only nine years old. We're gonna find out. So now Max and Daniel both know that this bitch is psychotic so then daniel goes to max the next day and is like what happened what did you see and max is like i'm not gonna tell you but i

i too can draw and create art that is child art but i can still do it wait this part's so funny there's like a stick figure drawing and Daniel goes is that sister Abigail yeah it's just like a blue stick figure with like blood coming out of the head he put it together so fast

it's like a little stick Esther holding like a bloody hammer and whatever and then he was like where like where did she put it where did she put the stuff and then Max is like that points to the treehouse and he's like okay like he's like don't worry

like we just need to get the evidence and then they'll believe us and like then it'll all be good and everything will be okay and then there's like a super D character of Peter Skarsgård's mom, who's like randomly at the house, grandma, who's like, so not, she probably got edited. She probably really got edited out in the movie, but.

So they're hanging out one day and esther realizes that daniel has put together that she has hid the evidence in the treehouse so when daniel goes up there what does esther do she sets the treehouse on fire of course of course of course and also they've like tried to explain to their parents that they saw her bludgeon someone to death and they just have been like, you're lying. No, I think Max is too scared because Max is like, you'll kill me. She's going to kill us. Yeah. Yeah.

Daniel, I think I think Daniel has been a little shit this whole time. So he's like, we're trying to not believe him. Yeah, right. Right. Otherwise, they're not going to believe me yeah right right otherwise they're not gonna believe me situation so the treehouse is burning down and Max is watching

in terror and Daniel is trying his hardest to like get out of the fucking treehouse and finally Vera sees it out of the window and runs out, calls the

fire department, I guess, and like they come. Daniel jumps out of the tree. He hurts himself. He's like knocked out. He's unconscious. So he has to go to the hospital. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. And Esther's about to kill

him. She like grabs a rock and is about to like smash his head in with holy shit and max uh shoves her and that's like right as vera arrives and now little daniel is like unconscious in the hospital but he's stable but he's like on oxygen and like an IV and all of this shit. And Max is there with Esther and the grandma, the useless grandma. And Esther looks at the grandma and is like, could you give me a dollar for a soda? And the grandma's like, no, I was told that you are not allowed to leave my site.

And then Esther literally looks at the grandma like this for one second. And the grandma just like gives her a dollar. So this is grandma useless. So then she's taking a little while to get this soda because she's actually in Daniel's room alone with him. And she shuts the curtain. She very crafty takes his heart rate monitor and puts it on her finger

rips out his little rips out his little IV thing IV and then starts to strangle him oh my god and Max meanwhile this smart little traumatized baby is noticing that it's taking a really long time and she's feeling anxious.

And then she tells her grandma she's going to go check on Esther. So she goes to the soda machine to check on Esther. Esther is not there. Then she tells Vera. Then all of a sudden an alert goes off. Right. Like code red, code red, the kids fucking dead. Daniel's Daniel's flatlining. Oh my God. Then Vera freaks out, runs in the room.

Everyone runs in the room. And Vera immediately looks at Esther. I was like, it's you, it's you, you fucking did this. And she's, you know, not to use

this word, but she's hysterical. And of course, all nurses have sedative injections on them at all times. So she immediately gets shot in the jugular and like, I think she punches Esther. I think she punches. Yeah, she does. She

does punch Esther. She slaps her. She hits her in like the crowded waiting room in, she does. She does punch Esther. She slaps Esther. She hits her in the crowded waiting room in front of everybody. Not a great move. So, yeah, she is. People don't want to see that. She is restrained for hitting a nine-year-old girl, which is understandable. Which is fair.

Yeah. So then tensions are high. Daniel survives. Okay, they were able to resuscitate him. Daniel lives. Vera is now in the hospital and Peter takes home Max and Esther back to the house. Okay. No, no.

Peter obviously kind of just overcome with being like, what the fuck is my life? Like what is going on? Decides to drown his sorrows in like two full bottles of red wine now in this ingestion of red wine we see the pinnacle of the movie i would say which is oh no no we don't see the pinnacle of the movie we see vera getting a phone call this is all kind of happening simultaneously vera has sent a photo of esther to the sarnia institute to to see if they know who she is yes because they had no record of an esther so they needed to see her face. Oh, okay. Okay. So she gets a call in the hospital from the

doctor and is like, are you with this person right now? And she's like, no. And then we cut back to Esther is like cutting this dress and like putting on eyeliner and she's

getting herself sexy. And remember, Max is now asleep with the cochlear implant out. Okay. You need to remember that. And she's asleep. Esther is getting sexy. Esther, Vera's on the phone. Are you with her? And Vera's like, no. And then she's like, he's like, you need to know To know like this is what happened She's killed families she's burned down Houses and then you cut back and you See Esther going downstairs And she starts to try And seduce Peter Skarsgård

Oh god And this is brilliant Acting from Isabel Furman because At the time she really was nine years Old which is wild Oh I don't I think it's a little fucked up that they had a nine year old even like act To the seducer

Okay and I have some trivia Which is that the seduction scene was supposed to be Longer and more sexually graphic But they had to tone it down Like Jesus Christ Because she was nine That's crazy This is so crazy.

It starts to get on his shoulder and whisper in his ear and then I think she starts to try and give him a hand job. What? And he's drunk in this way where everything's blurry and he can't quite tell what's happening in a way that being drunk doesn't totally

work like that. Also, by the way, when you're at that level of drunk, you're two seconds away from barfing. Yeah. Like you when you're really like spinning, you're like about to vomit. Anyway, Vera is still on the phone and she's

panicking and he's like, is she whoever she is with? You need to call. They're in danger they're in danger and she's like oh my god so she's freaking out she's ripping out the things trying to get out of getting out of the hospital as fast as she possibly can peter rejects esther and is like freaks out she tries to jack him off and he's like no get the fuck off of me. And then she gets fucking living. So then she like marches upstairs and she's just like crying, dripping down her face.

We cut back to the phone call and she's like, how have you not noticed the scarring around her neck and the scarring around her wrists? Like she was so psychotic that we, that we had to like hold her down and the scarring around her wrists. Like she was so psychotic that we, that we had to like hold her down and she would like, like so hard that she has like all these cuts all over her neck. And then it cuts to her ripping off her, her choker and her things.

You see all these gnarly scars and she's like, what? Like we never noticed that. And she's like, and also by the way, like she's 38 years old. She's 33. And then it comes to her

taking off her face and she's like her makeup again, incredible Oscar worthy performance by Isabel Furman. She's so good. Taking off her makeup, sobbing, taking off her makeup again incredible oscar-worthy performance by isabel from and she's so good taking off her makeup sobbing taking off her makeup you see her age disgusting 33 year old skin wrinkly all of a sudden no she takes out her teeth and you see her rotted little chicklets the teeth of a 33 year old and then her teeth are yucky and this is the scariest part of the whole movie her skin is wrinkly and you're like and then and then the

doctor is like she's murdered every family every person she's ever been with you need to whoever the love with her you need to go and then she's like okay i'm going i'm going so then she gets in a sob i don't know how she got that sob but she gets in a sob and she starts flying down these icy desolate roads and she's like oh my god fuck fuck i need to call peter i need to call peter she's trying to call 911 you need to call like fucking get somebody to your house yeah so then it's a fucking Esther is now in full Esther peak authentic Esther form which is

a 33 year old hag terrifying hag that has like a birth defect where she appears to be like smaller and younger than she actually is so now Esther's fucking pissed that Peter effect where she appears to be like smaller and younger than she actually is. So now Esther's fucking pissed that Peter

rejected her. And what does she do? She grabs a kitchen knife and she proceeds to brutally stab Peter. Oh to death. He's done so done so. Oh, okay. A lot of times. A ton of

times. And Vera is calling Peter while he's getting stabbed to death. And remember, Max is still sound asleep upstairs. Oh, poor Max. Yeah, because she can't

hear. Yeah, she can't hear. But she wakes up because she can sense something's wrong and she goes to grab her cochlear implant that's always on this night table and it's gone. Oh no. Oh no.

So now Vera comes rushing. She can't even stop. She smashes the sob through the glass house. Okay. Into the glass house gets out and immediately finds Peter. Dead on the floor. And she kind of hates this man.

It's a compelling scene where she's like, okay, I kind of hate you, but also like you are my husband. And also you have been murdered because of this like monster that we wrote into our house. But you can tell she's still, she's a little like, thank God. we run into our house. But you can tell she's a little like, thank God. There's a little part of her that's

like, I'm free from you because you smoke cigarettes at the park, cheated on me a million times. I'm like, sucked. Then she's like, where is this fucking bitch, Esther? And then Esther, you guessed it

goes and gets the gun from the safe so now Esther is packing heat so then I forget does little Max leave her room and see what's happened yes she starts I think she hides in a closet or something she hides in a hamper oh in a hamper

she hides in a hamper in the closet and Esther was She heads in a hamper. Oh, in a hamper. She heads in a hamper in the closet and Esther was looking for little Max to kill her, but then Vera comes home and then she's like, okay, well now I need to switch my plan. Focus. So then she

starts firing bullets at Vera and Vera is escaping them. But I think Vera does get hit. I think she gets clipped in the arm or something, the arm or something like that. And then they have a big standoff and they basically, they wind up in the greenhouse.

Max winds up in the greenhouse. I can't remember why it's like an extended you know like tense like hiding and sequence of trying to escape esther and moving hiding spots and vera was in her bedroom and hid out on the ceiling on the roof because she heard esther coming and esther looks in that room scans it sees nobody's in there but sees that the window's open maybe suspecting that she's out there and locks the window so now vera is locked on the roof of the house but it's like right next to the roof of the greenhouse which is glass and so she can see max in the greenhouse hiding in the plants and she can see Esther coming in there with the gun.

But she can sign language to Max. And she's basically telling her, hide, stay where you are. Oh, because Max knocks over a potted plant and it's a loud crash and she can't hear it. And so that's how Esther knows to go into the greenhouse. And then to prevent Esther from killing Max, Vera flies, flings her body

through the greenhouse roof, surviving. Lands on top of Esther. Lands on top of Esther, thinks Esther is dead, calls the cops, takes Max. They're walking back through the woods toward the frozen pond. Oh God.

And then guess what? The police show up. Esther is not there. And where is she? She's in the fucking woods chasing these people on foot because she's going to kill these people. It's the last thing she does. So now they're in the woods. How I forget how they start to fight

again. Esther. I think she literally just jumps up on them and tackles them and they start fist fighting and maybe roll down onto that frozen lake. So Vera and Esther while Max is like watching from the snowbank beside it.

And the cops are there too? The cops haven't found them yet. They're at the main house. Okay. They haven't found them yet. So then Vera and Esther start this crazy physical fight and then the ice cracks

and then they both fall in and then they start fighting in a beautifully I will say shot underwater fight. Oh my God. In frozen water and you know Esther is winning

Vera is winning a classic Vera crawls up on the ice Esther like yanks her back down, et cetera, et cetera. Finally, like you think that Esther is dead and Vera starts to crawl out of the ice and little traumatized Max,

the most traumatized child in cinema history comes out, like slowly starts to walk on the pond to like help get her mom out of the water and then esther pops up and esther's holding esther's like mommy please like don't let me die or whatever she said and then and the camera is like honestly be like mommy please like i love you and then it cut and then it pans and we see esther has the knife that she used to of course still behind her back and then vera just goes you were never or oh no goes i'm not your mommy and then kicks her in the head and the one slow-mo shot we have in the whole movie is Esther's head going

like breaking her neck like 90 degree angle neck break she kicks her she absolutely kills her with that kick and then she falls into the to the ice water and then that's literally the end of the movie that literally the end of the movie.

That's the end of the movie. Holy shit. Wait, Vera? Oh my god. Vera is an actress. I need to talk to her. I just want to know. I just need to know her feelings. Does she have kids?

What are her feelings about kids? I feel like this has to inform your lived experience. I feel like she probably to inform your lived experience. I feel like she probably does. That was insane. That was the fact that she's a 33 year old woman is the funniest twist I've ever heard in my whole goddamn life. Well, it's funny that she looks like such shit. Yeah, they're like, oh, she's a disgusting 33 year old. Wait, so she's been putting on a pound of makeup every morning to like conceal

and no one was noticing all the contouring that she was doing? You can tell if someone's wearing makeup. Really quickly, Vera does have two children in real life. Okay. Wow. I hope they don't get haunted. Well, she can protect them. If there's one thing we know

about Vera, it's that she can protect her children from hauntings or just regular murderers. Absolutely. She's good at it. And I think the lesson that we all learned is don't adopt a prodigy. I was going to say, it's a very anti-adoption film.

I bet there was like backlash from adoptees and like that community. Like, don't you think some people were probably pretty offended by this movie? Probably. I didn't look it up, but I could imagine that being the case. The most interesting thing about this movie, though, is that this movie is, wait for it, based on a true story. What? No, it's not. Yes, it is. In 2007, a woman who was posing as an orphan got adopted

and she terrorized her adoptive family and then fled from police and then was later found pretending to be a young boy oh my god oh my god that's so crazy there's also a documentary called the imposter that i forgot about that's kind of a similar thing yeah a guy that pretends to be like a missing child and returns to a family that is not his it's a really fascinating documentary god i did speaking of like the extras that you got with the dvd there is an a thing you can watch on youtube that's like the extras that you got with the DVD there is a thing you can watch on YouTube that's like the alternate orphan ending which is she the police

come to the house and she quickly slabs on her young face and puts back in her little flippers and then the police are like freeze and she's like it's just me officer I'm just a little officer and then like the alternate ending

is that she survives. Wow. I think that would have been honestly great, too. Yeah, I would be on board for that. I need to see this makeup tutorial. I'm fascinated. Just watch the scene. The scene is, oh, sorry,

we didn't even talk about the pornographic, like, weird paintings that Peter Skarsgår peter finds peter then like it gets so when he's like wasted he and he kicks her off of him he like gets up and he like goes to her room to like find her or something because i think she like ran away and then she has an aquarium in her room that also has a black light. And somehow she made black light art. So he quickly realizes that if he opens up the aquarium, he can see all this secret art that she's painted. And it's like her fucking him and like their house on fire.

Really graphic drawings of them having sex. Oh my God. It really. That she did it in black light art, art like on the wall so no one could see it. I mean, honestly, if only Peter had if only she was like, hey, Peter, I'm 33 years old.

We can have sex. And if we have sex, I won't kill you or your family. That would have worked a lot better. Then it would have saved some lives. She's not good at communication. I think the point is, you know, Esther's not well. There's something wrong with Esther

as the tagline. Something wrong with Esther. Oh my God. That was so fun. That was so deranged. I don't even know what to say. There is now a prequel that just came out pretty recently. I saw that with Julia Stiles.

With Julia Stiles? Get out. It's called Orphan First Kill. I am excited for that. So what happened to this child actress? That's my question. She's in Orphan First Kill. She's still Esther.

Whoa, she's playing that character again? Yes. 11 years 12 how long has it been i can't do math 2009 13 years later yeah so she's like early 20s now yeah she's 25 so yeah 25 wow yeah holy shit i had a delightful time in this film i I had a blast. I'd highly recommend it. There's some tense scenes, stressful scenes, but I think if it sounds like you can handle it, I would say absolutely watch it

because it's so funny. I'm not going to actually watch this movie, but I definitely want to watch some clips. You got to just watch the reveal clip. Watch the reveal clip. It's so funny. Like when you take a moment to just the reveal clip It's so funny like when you Take a moment to just like laugh It's very funny that's why I like

Horror because I think it's all so silly Like the lines are so Crazy The writing is so insane Telling the little boy I'm gonna cut your tiny prick Off for free It's like what Oh my god

Greta thank you you have to come back and you're gonna do the prequel oh my god this was so much fun yeah you gotta let me come back for orphan first kill yes we must in first kill starring julia styles um okay greta so tell our listeners where they can find you what what you have to plug. Okay. Well, listen to my podcast, Senior Superlatives, where I talk all about people's high school experiences. Emily, I think you're coming on it. I'm going to come on.

Yeah. Which is going to be exciting. That's number one. Number two, you should watch the show that I'm on, Losa Spookies. It's on HBO and HBO Max. I, Losa Spookies. It's on HBO and HBO Max. I love Losa Spookies, Greta. It's so good. The second season

is finally coming out on September 16th. Perfect. So you have time to catch up on season one. Time to catch up on season one. Watch season two. It's so good. And it's like, it's spooky adjacent.

So it's not, not on topic. It's so good. And then, you know, if you want to follow a temperamental social media user, you can follow me online at Gertie Bird. And that's it. And you can watch a really terrifying rendition of a step-mom. Oh yeah. Yes. I am going to do the dry pill.

The dry pill. I am going to do that. I'm excited for that. I mean, I'm really awaiting a dry pill swallow. I need to set up my tripod for that. And I'm going to do, I'm going to do it today. What do we think about that? Hell yeah. The robe is going to that. And I'm going to do it today. What do we think about that? Hell yeah. The robe is going to work.

The robe is going to work. I need something to distract me from my fast. As you can see, I've consumed seven different liquids during our recording. Fast or terrible. Best of luck. Yeah. Best of luck for that. Thank you.

Well, I think we know what voice has to happen here. Yeah, we end with a voice usually. And there's a pretty great voice in this film. So I will say, little Russian girl, from all of us here at Too Scary Didn't Watch, goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.

Goodbye. Thank you, my friends, for listening to another episode of Too Scary Didn't Watch. If you had fun hanging with us, don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. We're also on Twitter and Instagram at TSDW Podcast. podcast. And if you're interested in things like bonus episodes, video trailer reactions, and other cool content, head on over to patreon.com slash TSTW podcast. All right, we love you all forever and ever starting a while ago and continuing into eternity. Adios. That was a hate gun podcast.