Too Scary; Didn't Watch - RAVENOUS with Joel Jensen

Episode Date: February 7, 2024

When Henley and Sammy are away, Joel and Emily will play! Slintheads, this one's for you!!! And the gals will be back next week, we promise! Don't get froggy with us!Ravenous is available to rent on VOD.TrailerMovie stats @ 11:55Recap @ 26:11Follow the show: @TSDWpodcast on Twitter, TikTok, and Instagram.Check out our Patreon for bonus episodes and additional content!Rate Too Scary; Didn’t Watch 5 Stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts and leave a review for Emily, Henley, and Sammy.Advertise on Too Scary; Didn't Watch via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is Emily, Henley, and Sammy, and you're listening to Too Scary, Didn't Watch. Hi everyone, welcome to Too Scary, Didn't Watch, the horror movie recap podcast for those too scared to watch for themselves. I'm Emily, and I am too scared to watch scary movies. What the heck, you guys? What the freaking heck? It's just me. It's just me. And that's because it's good news, though, because it's Sammy is visiting Henley in Greenwich, Connecticut. They are together. It's good news, though, because Sammy is visiting Henley in Greenwich, Connecticut. They are together.

It's wonderful. We love to know that it's happening. We love to see it. We love to think about it. We miss them here, but what better reason to not have them here than them being together with each other. And guess what? I lied. I'm not alone.

I was lying to you. I'm not alone. Thankfully, I'm not alone in my life because of this person as well. So it's I'm deeply blessed to be joined today and always by our very first and very best horrorspondent soon-to-be horospoustent, Joel Jensen. Hey, everybody. It's great to be back. And thank God neither Sammy nor Henley are here. Oh, wowie. It's time. Hostile takeover. No, he's lying again. This is a really episode full of lies. Nobody would be happy with that And I am okay with that knowledge But we're happy to have you here now, Joel

It's great to be here I'm really happy to be here in my own house Recording this Welcome here to your home that you live in In our shared living room It's Friday You made us Negronis That's right

Really we're full of good news We're going to try our darndest To not make this another record breakingly Long episode of the podcast We are certainly going to try We're going to put it to the test But we will make no promises In this moment

And I'm very excited For this week's movie. And we are going to talk about it. It will be the recap of this movie. We'll start at the timestamp included in the episode description. If you want to just freaking get there, because who knows how long Joel and I are going to talk for. But first, Joel, I would like to know, did anything scary happen to you this week?

There's a couple of things that are on my mind. One is that I feel like I'm sweating too much at night and I'm waking up in a pool of my own sweat. Wait, I'm sweating too much at night. But. Is our bed too hot? No, I think it is actually that we have two layers of cat piss sealant on our bed. One is a, what do you call it? A sheet that goes under all the other sheets. A bed

liner. Yeah, like a mattress liner. We have an additional one of those that is waterproof because a certain one of our cats, listeners can guess who, tends to pee on our bed. She hasn't done it in a while. She hasn't done it in a while, but we don't feel comfortable enough to take it off. You can never feel

safe, no. then on top of our bed we have another waterproof blanket well call it what it is the piss blanket the piss blanket the piss shield that lays on top of everything else and is watertight so i think that because we have two two separate water type watertight blankets one on each side of us sandwiching us. I think literally no moisture escapes. Now, I'm really glad that we're talking about it now because I've been feverishly Googling if anything I'm doing, any medication I'm taking is causing me to sweat more at night.

Well, how long has it been happening for you? Well, I'm asleep a lot of the night. So, I don't know. No, know no i mean like how many nights have you noticed it probably every night since we got the piss blanket because that's been months well i don't know it's just been going on for some time because i've noticed it just this week for me personally just this week that More so than normal just this week. And I think it's because it was a little bit warmer overnight. So what once was a good amount of layers for this week only when the temp went up was too much.

That could be it. And that is definitely combined with the fact that all that sweat has nowhere to go. It's blocked in. It's ricocheted back at us. I just need listeners to know, he's not wrong. This is true. We are sandwiched between two waterproof layers, but they're meant for bedding.

One is a blanket. It's not like we just have tarps. We have, at one point, put a tarp on top of the bed. That is true. That is true. Just a little glimpse into our world. Yeah. Now there's been times where like

because now this is a little observational comedy but women tend to wash the sheets more than men. God, that was funny. Well, I haven't taken it to a joke. It's just this is the basis. You know, men are from from Mars women are from Venus

Situation yeah yeah yeah And there's been more than one time where I've been Self-conscious and been like oh my god does she Know how much I'm sweating and I and she's like Washing the sheets because I'm so Vile no do you know why I want to wash The sheets well I mean because Our bodies are in them and bodies are gross

Well another reason is because you're a woman Well because I'm a woman I drool on my pillow So why do you wash the sheets our bodies are in them and bodies are gross. Well, another reason is because you're a woman. Well, because I'm a woman. I drool on my pillow. So why do you wash the sheets? Because I wash it all. I'm not going to wash just one pillowcase. Well, right.

So I wash the sheets. Okay, okay, okay. Well, now we're getting to the bottom of things and we're both being vulnerable with each other. We are. And we, this is how I hope we will always communicate is via a public forum. Yeah. It's been a little

bit hotter this week, Joel. Maybe that's some of it, but it's uncomfortable and I always wake up in the middle of the night to pee and then when I'm sweating... You wake up in order to pee. You don't wake up to pee. That's why it's wet. That don't wake up to pee. Oh! That's why I...

It's wet. That would be so much more concerning. No. Also, if you thought pee was sweat. No, I mean... No, I wouldn't think that. Yeah, good. No, so I wake up in the middle of the night

and I can feel how wet the bed is. And then I have to get back into a wet bed. Oh yeah, that's unfortunate. I don't get out of bed in the middle of the night. I feel like this is probably disgusting. It might be. I'm sorry, everyone. I don't think it's any grosser than any stuff we've already talked about. Do you think sweat is the least

gross bodily fluid? Wow. I would say yes. Tears. Okay. But at volume oh we can't have this conversation oh boy um tears of joy are the cleanest the purest yes they really are um so i guess that'll be my scary thing and my gross thing. We have to say gross thing now at the time of every episode. I mean, a lot of times the scary things are gross things.

True. A lot of gross things are scary and a lot of scary things are gross. Yeah, one and the same. I think it's evolutionary. Mm. Mm. Mm-hmm. Oh.

Well, Joel, I don't really have a lot to bring gross or scary. I mean, I was going to say, a scary thing this week is that I've hardly hung out with you. Oh, that's very sweet. It's true. I've hardly hung out with you. All week, we've had evening things separately every night this week. So and I'm at work during the day. Yeah. So there just hasn't been much time. Well, here we are. And here we are. And I'm really, really pleased about that.

It's going to be great. We're going to have a good time. This movie. We should still address something specifically scary for you. OK, but this movie, I I'm very curious we'll get into it okay i mean i don't want to talk about cat vomit two weeks in a row but i suppose i will which is that mabel okay mabel we went through a scary phase with mabel and i didn't really talk about on the podcast because i was too uh scared about it which is she got she got sick for like two weeks and she her appetite was way down And she was losing a lot of weight And she didn't want to eat

And Mabel has the biggest appetite Of like any cat I've ever known And I was so freaked out It was very scary She's better now She got better And her appetite is back And her appetite

Like Mabel Things Mabel has been known to eat Bag of chips pop tarts hot spaghetti from the pot dry spaghetti from the pantry like she'll eat butter out of the but I mean I guess anybody would eat butter

but she just eats a lot she'll eat anything and she hasn't been doing that since she was sick and the other night Joel made lentils delicious lentils and all of a sudden we can see into the like kitchen from our living room we're sitting on the couch and mabel walks up she's up on my desk and she looks at us and then projectile vomits from like a height of what like three feet from. Yeah. From the top of this projectile of almost onto the floor. Like a human.

It was so. I've never seen a cat bomb in this way. It was so insane. She like made eye contact with us. She looked right at us and then just went. And it was. We laughed so hard. It was so crazy.

And I went in to see like what did she just eat? And I think she ate a bunch of hot well I could see it in the throw up it was lentils it was a bunch of lentils and I think she ate hot lentils from the stove and like it burned her tongue and so she immediately just opened her mouth and like puke slash spit

them all out it was wild it was crazy I've never seen anything quite like it and we own four cats and we own four cats. And we own four cats. So we've seen it all. We've had cats each of us for 12 years. Yeah. Never seen anything like it.

Yeah. Anyway, she's fine. But I think she burned her tongue. I think she burned her tongue. Yeah. She must have been a really wild experience for her. Scary for her. That's what she would talk about.

So terrifying. Yeah. But we're all good now. The cats aren't puking. We're hanging out. Nobody's sweating. Everything's great. Nobody's sweating yet. That's coming. We all know it.

Boy, well, on that note, let's get into this week's movie. And before you all even say it, no, we're not doing Saw 3, which we did consider. I do think we should address that I'm addressing it right now Joel that's what I'm doing

um we didn't want to be beholden to the next seven Saw movies I didn't want us to be beholden to the next seven Saw movies I'll say that yeah I just I think I don't want it to be every time

we end up alone on this podcast we have to talk Saw. Now, I've seen them all. Yes, you have. I have love for all of them. But the other thing is, then I'd be under the gun to live up to the last episode and I don't know if I can do as well, especially because Saw 3 isn't as good as Saw 2.

Yeah. It ranks highly in the Saw cinematic universe, I would say. It's one of the best. Top half. We're not talking about it, Joel. But we're not talking about it. Someday, maybe. But not today.

Today, we are talking about Ravenous. That's right. Ravenous came out in 1999, directed by Antonia Byrd, written by Ted Griffin, starring Guy Pierce, Robert Carlyle, Jeremy Davies, Jeffrey Jones, John Spencer, Stephen Spinella, Neil McDonough and David Arquette. Stacked cast. Stacked cast. And for Justified fans, you've got Jeremy Davies and Neil McDonough. And who are they in Justified? Jeremy Davies plays Dickie Bennett.

Dickie Bennett! And Neil McDonough plays perverted, nasty killer man. Yeah, perverted, nasty killer man. What was his name? Ice Blue Eyes. I don't remember his name right now. They talked about how wild he looked for so long. Yeah.

He was the villain of an entire season. And to tell you what, I can't remember what his character name was. Raylan Heads, let us know in the comments. No, I have to look it up because it's really going to bother me. Hold on. I will get there. I will get there. I will get there.

I will get there. I will get there. Robert Quarles. Quarles. Quarles. Anyway, cool. Fun. You don't see him much, least you know that's the only thing i've seen him in um and joel you selected this movie that's right and did you first see it in 1999 no i first saw it um probably a couple years ago maybe two years ago. Hmm.

Um, I remember hearing about it and I remember thinking about how scary it seemed to me probably when it came out in 1999. Uh, and I was too scared to watch it at the time. Um, and so it was kind of just always lingering back there somewhere in like being a kid and that time of the world. Okay. Strong start. But I never watched it. And then I finally got around to watching it. And it really blew my mind.

It is an absolutely singular movie. The tone. I'm very curious how it'll be to hear it. It might be worse than it is to watch it. Okay. The tone is so unique because it is really grisly, really funny, really weird. really weird the score as any anywhere you look up

a review or like a letterbox of this almost like 95% of people will bring up how cool and unique the score is oh that's interesting it was scored by oh my god I forgot their names I tried to remember their names and I forgot but one of them

went on to found the gorillas he was in the band Blur and he scored it along with this other guy named Michael Nyland was the second guy I think is his name um but it's like an incredible score

incredibly strange movie and part of that comes from Damon Albarn that's right Damon Albarn and um Michael Nyland. Nyman. Nyman. Part of why I think it has such a strange tone is... Well, also what's interesting, the guy who wrote it

wrote Ocean's Eleven. Now that is interesting. And it was one of apparently three movies he sold in a single week. Big week for that guy. Big week for him. What was his name? Ted something? Good week for Ted. So here's a bit of trivia. I was going to say, Ocean's

Eleven was like probably right around 99. Probably, yeah. What was the other? What was third? I don't know. Nobody knows. Not so good apparently. This one was plagued by production issues. Are we getting into trivia? We're getting into trivia. Okay, well are we officially getting into trivia? No, you into trivia. Are we officially getting into trivia?

No, you go ahead. Well, I was going to start us off with trivia. Hit us off with the box office. I was going to hit us off with exactly, Joel, you knew exactly where I was going. It was a flop. Oh, yes it was. A budget of $12 million. Box office of $2 million. That's right. That's a $10 million

loss. They weren't ready for it. No, that's really a bummer. That explains right. That's a $10 million loss. They weren't ready for it. No, that's really a bummer. That explains why I haven't really heard of it. It does have a 51% on Rotten Tomatoes, a 46% on Metacritic, and a 6.9 on IMDb. IMDb knows.

Everybody gets a 6.9 on IMDb. I think it's a really good movie. I just think that people were not ready for it roger ebert gave it three stars out of four that's a high score for roger ebert for something of this nature okay for a weird horror movie yeah it's a western horror is what google tells me yes that's fun it's a horror western um dark comedy it's a lot of descriptors a lot of descriptors. A lot of descriptors. Yeah.

Okay, so we're ready for trivia. So part of why it's such a strange, ramshackle, tonal piece, which I believe it's like a fully deranged masterpiece. A fully deranged masterpiece! Part of why is because they went through three different directors. They started production with the first director,

who was a guy who has like, he was European and he was. Was. Is. I don't know. I'm sounding ominous. Eastern European guy who was like, was an art house Doll

Like an indie filmmaking doll He started Two weeks into production He was fired The studio replaced him With another director Who had Previously directed like

Or maybe went on To direct Big mama's house and like home alone three okay so big broad comedies yeah so we went from like nihilistic art house director to big broad big mama's house comedy then the cast mutinied against that director two weeks or three weeks later because they just didn't think he was the right fit. And Robert Carlyle, who is one of the leads, was like, I think we should replace him with one of my longtime collaborators, Antonia Byrd. And so she came on when they were already in production. Lord have mercy.

You know, has there ever been a successful film that had a director changeover mid-production? Indeed there has, and it's called Ravenous. Oh, you got me there, Joel. But box office-wise, no. You got me there. I just mean, it's so crazy when studios do that because it never works.

Yeah, it's a crazy decision to make. It never works! I think from what I've gleaned in this case they fired the first director because he was demanding more money and was adding set pieces and shots and adding budget and making it

and they were like we can't keep spending money so we have to get this guy out of here otherwise he's gonna spend so much money and it's already a mess so yeah that's a really fun bit of trivia I think and in a way Otherwise, he's going to spend so much money. You're going to bleed us dry. So, yeah, that's a really fun bit of trivia, I think. And in a way, it feels as if maybe it went through that, but it's wholly unique because of it. The tone is really, truly crazy. That is a really big task to take on a movie that has started production. Yeah.

It'd be tough. Antonia, power to you. What else has Antonia Bird done? She hadn't done that many. She's passed away. Aww. In maybe 2006 or something. She did a couple movies with Robert Carlyle. One of them was called Priest, which was I don't really know anything

about, but is I think pretty heavy. Okay. But she nailed it with this one. Okay. Robert Carlyle. Okay. Okay. Robert Carlyle has my same birthday.

Different year, same day. He's so good in this. So a little bit more trivia. Please. This was John Spencer's final film. People may know him as Leo McGarry from The West Wing. Oh! His final film. He just decided to spend his time

doing West Wing. Oh, it sounds like he died. No, he didn't. No, it was just the last. He died in 2005. He died six years after this came out. Did, he didn't. No, it was just the last. He died in 2005. So he died six years after this came out. Did he really? Yeah. Next. He was young.

Next, I'm going to chum the water a little bit. Oh. This movie was partially and very loosely inspired by the Donner Party. Oh. Of 1847. the Donner Party of 1847 and another guy called the Colorado Cannibal

who killed several people and ate them and was like oh I had to. And everyone was like I don't know if you necessarily did. Crazy as a defense. Had to. I wish I hadn't had to

but I just did have to. It also looks like David Heyman is in this movie. He produced it. He produced it. Is he also in it? He might be and he might make an appearance. I don't know what he looks like. I think he's in it. I was like, he's a producer, but he's in it. Anyway. Let's see. What else? There was one other piece of

trivia that I was interested in. What was his reason for having said he had to eat them? I think he said that they attacked him and then he was stranded in like the mountains and didn't have any food and had to resort to cannibalism. Huh. So, well, that's probably the end of the trivia for what I can figure out.

But so this is a movie about cannibalism. Got it. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. It's a it's a Western horror comedy cannibal movie. Great. Never, never seen one of those before. You never seen it.

And I can't wait to get into it. This movie is so good. I've watched it a couple of times this week. It's true. I watched him watch it. It gets better on every viewing. Wow. And so was this week then your only second and third viewings of this movie?

Yes. Wowie. Do you think that we ought to watch the trailer after the recap? I think we need to watch the trailer after the recap because the movie that the trailer sells is... Not the movie. Simultaneously exactly the movie and 100% not the movie. the trailer sells is not the movie. Simultaneously, exactly the movie and 100% not the movie.

Okay, great. So we'll wait until the end and if you would like to view that trailer reaction of me and Joel, maybe eight hours from now, who knows, you can do so at our Patreon. Patreon.com slash TSDW podcast.

And now I suppose it's time for you to tell me about this movie, Joel. Yes. Yes. Joel just made me listen to some of the score. And maybe you will also have just heard it, depending on if I'm able to figure out how to edit that into the episode or if we're even allowed. But it was cool. Yes, but I would...

Here's what I might pitch to the listeners. Depending on how froggy you're feeling. How froggy you're feeling is how froggy you're feeling yeah and what would you describe as feeling froggy hmm now this might be another difference between men and women men feel froggy guys out there when i say if you're feeling froggy you know what i'm talking about what are you talking about well a lot of times maybe you don't but a lot of the time well i took some liberty with the use of the word that's fine a lot of the time if somebody's feeling froggy somebody would say like hey man if you're feeling froggy jump and it basically means hey if you want to fight fight you're gonna do it if you want to fight if you're feeling froggy jump if you're feeling

froggy jump means if you want to fight fight yeah pretty much that's insane men all men know this it's similar to saying saying to somebody stay frosty that means be ready to fight what that's what it's like being a guy. Truly, no matter how much of a little bookish nerd you are, you know this terminology. Oh my god. And I say that as a bookish nerd. I was gonna say, yeah, that, I mean, I've never known you to fight.

If you're feeling froggy, jump. That's also like the silliest, most poetic way to describe fighting. Okay. So basically, like if you're up for it, if you're up for it. If you're feeling like fighting. The whole original soundtrack is available on YouTube as a playlist.

You can Google Ravenous soundtrack and you'll find it. I recommend listening to it because I'm going to talk about how fucking hype I get over this soundtrack multiple times. And the soundtrack is so bizarre and cool that I think it will help capture the tone of this movie and why it's so singular. Okay. So it depends on how frosty you're trying to get. What does this have to do with fighting, Joel?

Willingness. Okay. All right. It's great to have a male perspective every now and again. And if you listen to the soundtrack, drop a frog in the comments. Okay. Drop a frog emoji. People are definitely going to do it.

Oh, what a treat Okay Joel take Us there Okay here we go Ravenous 1999 There was a 2017 Ravenous I don't know shit about it Is it a remake or is it just a completely different movie I think it's a completely different movie that I don't know anything about Okay so not that one

1999 The year is 1999 Y2k has not happened that's true yeah now well okay what were you gonna say no i was gonna go off on a tangent but i'll save it for probably five minutes from now great perfect okay ravenous in the past few years i have hit a point where i only want to be wearing clothes that are comfortable. It happened. It happened to me. But you know what? I still also want to look cute. And these are two desires that are often extremely opposing. And I don't want to have to sacrifice. I want both. I want comfort and I want to feel cute and confident. And guess what? Skims has freaking done it again with their soft lounge collection. I am currently very, very obsessed

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Yeah. Imagine being that flutist. You train your whole life and you just get blasted by a cannonball. Yeah. I mean. Why would you practice flute? You know that's the risk. You know that's right where you're going. Yeah.

And if I'm in the enemy soldiers, that's the first person I'm shooting. Interesting tactics. I feel like you should'm in the enemy soldiers, this is the first person I'm shooting. Interesting tactics. I feel like you should shoot for the general. Froggy. So we're over black. This like, you know, funny pipe music is playing and we get a couple little quotes to start us off.

The first quote. He text. He that fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster Friedrich Nietzsche if you die with a cannibal sooner or later you're gonna be on the menu that's Nick Cave

I think about that lyric all the time and then another quote appears below it eat me anonymous we cut to an American flag flapping in the wind. And the subtitle comes up. The Mexican-American War

1874. Okay. Soldiers are standing around a banquet table laden with cutlery and candles and napkins and plates and what have you. It's beautiful. Formal. very important. And we hear somebody saying,

for bravery beyond duty, successfully infiltrating the enemy ranks and securing victory independently with cunning and honor, Captain John Boyd, we present you with this reward. And we cut to Guy Ritchie. Is Captain John Boyd receiving this award?

And he looks absolutely sick to his stomach. Oh, okay. As he's looking and getting the award, the medal pinned to him, we get a flashback. And we see this battle in the Mexican-American War. And the American soldiers are being absolutely slaughtered, uh, by the Mexican soldiers. It is a blood bath and he's walking around in a panic,

just not sure what to do. It's chaos. We come back and, um, general Slauson is sort of commending, um, Boyd. This is played by John Spencer, Leo McGarry.

Okay. Who's a very fancy general in the American army. Then we cut to the banquet portion of this awards ceremony. Everybody is positively housing steaks. They're eating steaks so loud, so hard. They're actually not even technically steaks. They're beef shanks that are grilled. You should braise those. Okay. There's a lot of collagen in a beef shank. You gotta braise that

shit out. He knows. He knows. So they're just absolutely chomping on these very heightened. You can hear the chewing. You can hear the color. It's like gristly it's supposed to like overwhelm your senses like dripping out of their mouths and it's

very very overwhelming but we're about to eat human meat so we're seeing about yeah as this is happening uh Captain Boyd newly promoted Captain Boyd I should say is looking again very queasy sick to his stomach oh he knows something he's like stressing

he we all the it's like very cacophonous and suddenly all the auto cuts out and he's just breathing like freaky truly freaking we cut to another flashback he's just positively covered in blood there's the sound of explosions

he's underneath something. We cut back. He looks at the steak in front of him, gets sick to his stomach, runs away, pukes, bam! Ravenous title screen. Puking a Mabel puke?

Honestly, less dramatic. Okay, so we get our first hit of this score. And here's a deep cut for the fans. This score, if you haven't listened to it already, and if you have, let me know if this sounds right. It sounds

as if the band, the 90s band Slint were being played over at Church Hill. Slint. Yeah, get down with it. Spiderland is a great album. Sometimes you say things and I'm like, what are you even talking about?

Slint heads. Drop a frog in the comments. Drop a spider in the comments. Spider what? Is it called? Spider-land. Spider-land by slint. Spider-land by slint.

So we got frogs, we got spiders in the comments. Let's see what else we can get. Spider-Man by Slint so we got frogs we got spiders in the comments let's see what else we can get this music is so fucking sick I can't I really cannot over exaggerate how tight this music is but I think you're gonna try

I will so now we cut to a little bit later and Slauson has Boyd with him and he's saying you're no hero Boyd I want you far he's saying, you're no hero, Boyd. I want you far away. I want you as far away from me as possible. Oh, so he commended him in public.

But in private, he's like, fuck you. Okay. Yeah, he wants, he's like, I want you to get the fuck out of here. I want you as far away from everything to do with me as possible. Oh, shit. I'm sending you to California. I'm sending you to Fort Spencer. The devil's land. I'm sending you to Fort Spencer the devil's land

I'm sending you to Fort Spencer which is where we end up gonna we're gonna end up being and as he's doing this there's like people moving furniture into a room in his fort and he's like put all that shit in the biggest room and don't you dare scratch it he's a fancy guy he wants his promotion Spencer

and then Boyd walks away. He doesn't protest. He detests himself. Oh shit. He walks away. Just the hollow, a hollow man.

And we cut to our credit sequence. We go through this stacked ass cast. We're looking at. What's Guy Pearce most known for? LA Confidential? Mm. I love Guy Pearce. Have you?

I don't know if I've ever seen him in anything to be completely honest it's just a name i know dude he's so good i mean it's a great fucking name guy he's one of guy pierce he's he does weird movies he's one of the coolest looking people ever to grace this really cool yeah he's hot but he's beyond that he's cool looking he's cool and you know that is there are there are few people on this earth and and and unfortunately most of them are men who i know exactly what you mean it's like it's hot in a cool way yeah born to be on a movie screen god he's good what's the proposition is a great one. He has a Brad Pitt quality.

He's sharp. He looks Brad Pitt. Oh my God, fucking Memento. That's what he's most known for. And I have seen him in something. It's Memento. Probably. That is a good question.

Maybe it's not what he's most known for, but I've certainly seen him in that. He's so good. Memento is such a weird movie. Sorry. Okay. Okay. he's so good memento is such a weird movie sorry okay okay so we're over the sierra nevada mountains um getting our cast list great cast david arquette neil mcdonough jeremy davies guy pierce robert motherfucking carlisle yeah uh boyd arrives at fort spencer his guide. She's a native woman named Martha. She'll be around as we go. This place is, Fort Spencer is very dilapidated. It's forgotten, very remote.

It takes forever to get there. It's a very hard journey. And this is the 1800s. This is 1874. Okay. Especially in the winter, it's like high up in the mountains. um especially in the winter it's like high up in the mountains uh so like pine trees snow mountain peaks uh is our setting and this place like looks like shit it's depressing it's like very clearly being sent into exile on the wall so to speak sorry what's that sent to the wall

sent to the wall so to speak yes a A frosty place, one might say. So one of the really cool things that they do too is, so he's like looking around, there's not very many people there, and there's like always just like a cold wind sound effect. I hate wind, you know I hate wind. Yeah, and it's frigid, and it's always kind of around, and it kind of sometimes sounds a little bit like rain. He doesn't really see anybody he goes to his room his room sucks

it's a cot you know like log cabiny nothing in it dark candle lit and he shuts the door and he there's a mirror in his door and he sees his reflection cuts to a flashback we're back in this massacre

he people are screaming captain sergeant boyd sergeant boyd sergeant boyd screaming his name he's like shell-shocked he's walking around as this chaos is breaking out around him kind of like a zombie just doesn't know what to do terrified out of his mind as anybody would be and as everybody he knows is getting shot stabbed blown up around him

he just sort of decides to lay down he's spattered with blood he lays down and plays dead oh that's so sad oh my god yeah and then we cut back to present day

he's now talking to the head of the fort his name is uh Hart this is played by the guy from Ferris Bueller the president from Ferris Bueller or not president the principal from Ferris Bueller who's a pedophile I was gonna say wasn't he convicted of pedophilia?

Okay. Yeah, you know, we got to address it. I don't know the best way to talk about that. He's really good in this movie, but I won't say his name. Exactly. We won't say his name and that's how we... He's just heart. That's how we deal with it. Big portly guy. He's perfectly cast

in these kinds of movies. Deadwood. He does the same kind of deal in Deadwood. He's how we deal with it. Big portly guy. He's perfectly cast in these kinds of movies. Deadwood. He does the same kind of deal in Deadwood. He's just like a portly fool. Is Oliphant in Deadwood? Oh yeah. Fuck yeah we gotta do Deadwood next. One might argue his finest hour. Better than Justified? Yeah.

Is he a main character? He's in every episode? Yeah. Well we're doing it next baby. He's even surlier than Raylan Givens and westerner that's right we're doing it I would love to so we cut to this guy Hart he's looking at a letter

that came with Boyd and he goes war hero huh and oh he goes war hero huh a little promotion huh to the California sun. Of course, this is ironic. He opens his drawer. There's a bunch of walnuts inside his desk drawer.

Loose? Loose. He pulls them out, offers one to Boyd. Have a walnut, Boyd, is what he says. He tries to crack them. He can't crack them. He's a bumbling idiot. He walks up and he's in his office or his office.

He walks to a bookshelf and is basically like, hey, so I'm Hart. I'm in charge of this place. My hobby here is I translate indigenous languages into English. It's a very tedious hobby, I'll admit. But around here, the only thing is tedium. And he takes this big big-ass book of translations that he's done and he used it to smash the walnuts cracks him open starts munching on the nuts and I think it's also very important that up till this point Boyd has not said a word

oh love that he's been completely silent completely stoic he hardly speaks for the whole movie cool He's been completely silent, completely stoic. He hardly speaks for the whole movie. Cool. Hart says, do you have a hobby, Boyd? Boyd's first line of the movie is swimming. Swimming! And Hart goes, well, I hope you don't mind hard water.

An ice joke. An ice joke. So Fort Spencer, it's a former Spanish mission. Nice joke. So Fort Spencer, it's a former Spanish mission. They inherited it after the, you know, colonization of the West. It's like, now it is a way station for those traveling West into California. So like every spring, thousands of people who are traveling to California. Is this like Gold Rush time?

Yeah. Okay. These thousands of like immigrating folks from the east are passing through this exact way station to get into California. Okay, cool. But in the winter, nobody's coming because it's very harsh conditions. There's no traveling through the mountain passes in the winter. So right now in the winter, it's a skeleton crew. There's only a couple people still here and they're

all kind of like similar to Boyd Exiles Island of Lost Toys situation. And we go through and he just sort of introduces all of the folks there. We've got Private Toffler. This is Jeremy Davies, Dickie Bennett.

Thank you. Yep. Great. He's our emissary to the Lord. And we see a shot of him like erecting a cross on a building. He's their kind of like resident priest. We have Major Knox, who's never met a bottle he didn't like. He's an alcoholic. He's a drunk.

He's like an old Southern gentleman, like Georgia kind of proper kind of guy. But he's a loser drunk. That was really great accent work, Joel. That was so good. Thank you. Georgia kind of proper kind of guy. Then we've got Private Reich, who is Neil McDonough. Who is Quarles.

Quarles. Who's like, you know, blonde, bright blue eyes. And he's like a super soldier. Iceberg eyes. And we cut to a shot. Oh, when we meet Knox, we cut to a shot of him passed out in front of a fireplace with a bottle of whiskey. Then we get Private Reich and we cut to a shot of Neil McDonough shirtless standing in a mountain stream with snow all over the place like freezing cold water shirtless

just standing in it screaming you can't look like that and not be cast as the most intense man alive and he's great at it he's really good at it and he's like in such good physical condition it's crazy in this movie then we've got Martha and George who is the guy that brought Boyd and then her brother.

And it's like they're locals. They kind of came with the place. They're indigenous people. They've just kind of been around. And then we've got Private Cleaves. This is David Arquette. We cut to a shot of him smoking a ton of weed out of a pipe with George, laughing, going crazy.

He can't look like David Arquette and not get cast as a guy who smokes a lot of weed. Yeah and he's their cookie. He's the cook. And then Hart's like and then there's you Captain Boyd and then there's me. And that makes eight of us. And you're number three in command technically given

your recent promotion. Congratulations. This is giving me like the Thing vibes. Kind of, yeah. And he's like, you know, it is what it is. We do our best, but you know, I'd tell you not to eat if you didn't all have to eat.

Everything kind of sucks here. So now we cut to dinner. Boyd, it's like they're eating a stew with meat in it. Boyd is having a hard time even choking that down and Toffler starts offering a prayer to the group

and Toffler's like very soft spoken. He mutters. He kind of just like Dear Lord, God we bless you. He's like very shy. Cleaves and George are high as shit. They're laughing.

Knox is pounding whiskey. It's kind of the whole gang doing their thing. And Hart's like, hey, we have a great sense of camaraderie here at Fort Spencer. Very goofy little silly. After dinner, Boyd walks out into the snow. It's a blizzard kind of. It's beautiful. They're up in the Sierra Nevadas mountainada's mountain range snow everywhere thick fluffy and he's looking out very pensive and he has another flashback and somebody there's

like a voiceover and somebody's like so how did you get behind enemy lines and he's like um i was scared they're like you were scared no no no no you froze and you gave up well everybody in your company fought and died how did you get behind enemy lines and boyd is like i I was buried. I played dead. And they picked me up. And they buried me under a pile of dead bodies. Oh, Jesus. My commanding officer's half shot up head was in my face. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. His blood was trickling into my mouth. And it was going down my throat because I had to pretend that I was dead. I couldn't choke. You know, I couldn't do anything they're like so how did you fucking capture this place it's like i was laying there and something changed i just felt something i had to get out and i felt something in me so So I climbed out. He like digs himself out from this pile of bodies. That behead's so heavy.

Sneaks around to like behind a little wall and then sneaks up to a Mexican soldier, snaps his neck, takes his gun, and like sneaks up behind the back of the rest of them and captures this camp. And they all like drop their arms and the army charges in the US army charges in and they recapture the this um fort

and they're like you know we should shoot you for your cowardice but we're gonna promote you because basically optics should shoot you for your cowardice. But we're going to promote you.

Because basically optics, they're like, this guy is seen as a hero because he single-handedly captured a fort. But we know he's a coward. We can either shoot him or live in the fiction and then exile him away. And that's Boyd's story. War is so horrifying. It's horrifying. That's why guys talk like we talk. Froggy and Frog.

That's exactly right. So now we have a bit of a sense of Boyd and why he's so depressed and traumatized. So now we cut a little bit ahead. The fort needs to supply

up. So they send Cleaves and Martha, who are kind of a romantic pair, off to like the nearest place to get supplies, which is at least a three day ride away. And David Arquette's performance is really funny. They're like asking to repeat the list of

what they want to get and he goes all right so beans meat coffee flour he's like being really goofy i love david arquette yeah he's so funny and and heart is like all right three days no drugs no women martha keep an eye on him and it's like a little bit of a joke they ride off so now those two are gone cut to later Boyd is sitting in his room looking at the metal that uh Slauson pinned to his chest

and Hart walks up to his door like gently knocks on it Hart's a good guy and he's like hey except for in real life except for in real life except for in real life and hearts like hey what's that metal for and boy it goes

cowardice oh and knocks or excuse me and heart goes well knocks has some really good bourbon and he's passed out as of he looks at his watch one minute ago

Knox has passed such a drunk they can like clockwork literally he's like do you want to have some of that bourbon so they go and they have some drinks Toffler is writing a hymn trying his best they're all kind of hanging out the Tim he can't figure it out he's an idiot

but he's sweet and there's a real sweetness to everybody there even reich who's a psycho soldier is like sweet and loves the people he's with there's like camaraderie there really is camaraderie here and um they go back into the into um heart's office they're talking a little bit more and Hart says, you know, we try to escape the world. We come here. We try to escape this place. And that's the thing about escape. There's always a chance you might end up someplace worse.

Oh. Yeah. And right as he said this, boom, Robert Carlyle is outside the window with a full beard Looking like a ghost zombie With a crazy hat he's just like outside the window Guy Pierce sees him and is like

Jump scare And then we run out Looking for him Looking for this ghastly face Because we don't know him yet We don't know who this fucking guy is It's the middle of winter nobody comes around And this guy's on foot out the window What the hell they go look for him they find him he's

collapsed outside the door half dead they bring him in they warm him up put blankets on him get a fire going they go to knox so they go to to knox who's their resident doctor. He was a former veterinarian. He plays doctor. He's too drunk. He can't even wake up. And they're bathing this guy. There's a rosary on his wrist. He's totally out of it. While they're bathing

him, Boyd looks at his... They stripped him of his clothes. Boyd looks at his clothes. There's blood stains on his clothes. And Hart points out, oh, he's been frost bitten, but it doesn't look like it did too much damage. his clothes boyd looks his clothes there's like blood stains on his clothes and uh heart points out like oh he's been frostbitten but it doesn't like it did too much damage um so we then the next day this guy has woken up he's totally in a panic he's like how did i like where am i like where is this place he's crying they tell him like you're at fort spencer and he can't believe

he's at fort spencer and he's like um my name is fw calhoun i'm a servant of god which i think means he's a priest yeah preacher probably um and he's like i've they're like how long have you been out there this goes three months three months. Three months without food. And he was like, you should have seen me three months ago. I was 30 pounds heavier. I've survived for three months without food. And Wright goes, you said you're here, but you haven't had food for three months? And Calhoun goes, I said no food.

I didn't say there was nothing to eat. Woo! Do you understand? Do you understand? Ugh. And so we sit there for a little bit and he's like, I suppose I should tell my story. And I'm going to read a long block of text because it's just Please do. Pretty much verbatim. So he starts to tell his story. And I'm going to read a long block of text because it's just pretty much verbatim.

So he starts to tell his story. Tell me his story, Joel. We left in April. Six of us, including our guide, military man, Colonel Ives. And Hart goes, I don't know him. Colquhoun says. Colquhoun is Scottish, by the way. Fun.

The better for you. A detestable man. The most disastrous guide. And he basically says that Colonel Ives had an idea for a shortcut. Oh, no. And it was, it went wrong. And we worked very hard. By the time of first snowfall, we were still 100 miles

from this place. That was November. We took shelter in a cave to wait, but the storm didn't pass. Trails became impossible. We ran out of food. We ate the oxen, all the horses, even my own dog.

That lasted us about a month. After that, we turned to our belts, our shoes. Maybe we could dig up, but you know, there's no real nourishment in those. We remained famished. He had named previously the different people, but it doesn't matter. The day Jones expired, I was out chopping wood. He died from malnourishment.

And when I returned, the others were cooking his legs for dinner. Would I have stopped it had I been there? I don't know. But I must say, when I stepped inside that cave, the smell of meat, cooking, I thanked the Lord. I thanked the Lord.

And then things got out of hand. I ate sparingly. Others did not. The meat didn't last us a week, and we were soon hungry again. But the hunger was different. More severe. Savage. Colonel Ives particularly could not be satisfied. Jonas was first to be killed,

then Mr. McCready. That left me, McCready's wife, and Ives, and in that company, I knew my days were numbered. I'm ashamed to say that I acted in the most cowardly manner. Real theme of this movie.

It would have been nobler to stay and protect Mrs. McCready, but I fled. And I came here. And Hart goes, they're still there? Yes. Well, then we need to pack up and go. We need to go save Mrs. McCready. That's our job. And everybody's like, oh, I don't know.

I don't know. And he's like, no, no, no, no. We have to. That's literally why we're here. This poor woman is with a cannibal in a cave. We have to go save her. So they all start getting ready. I need everyone to know that Joel was making very intense eye contact with me throughout that whole monologue.

It's really good. And I'm chilled to the bone i couldn't summarize it you know dude again uh fucking his performance he's so cool in this movie oh my god he's so good um so they start getting ready and then george comes into a room with Hart and Boyd with like a deer skin with ink and drawings and stuff on it. And we're going to get into some otherization of indigenous peoples. 1999. So just know that. But he unfurls this thing and it's a drawing of a person eating another person. Okay. And he goes, this is the Wendigo.

And heart is like translating for George. It's his hobby. Yeah, it's his hobby. And this is the Wendigo myth. And the basics of it is if you eat a man, if one man eats another man, he takes his power. He absorbs his spirit.

He absorbs his strength. question i feel like i there's it's a i don't know urban legend whatever that if you are a cannibal if you eat a person it makes you go crazy is that is there any basis in fact in that or could humans eat humans and be just fine i think yeah totally be just fine it's just me right that's like that's maybe just like urban legend bullshit i think this is urban legend yeah but it's like probably rooted in superstition and this kind of stuff or like vampirism i'm like very i feel like why do we all know that that's the case in that? Therefore, is it just that because we don't want people to eat people? I don't get the big deal.

You don't get the big deal. You don't get the big deal. I was talking to you earlier this week. I think it would shock you how little it would take to get me to eat a person. I just I really do wonder. I just feel like the whole warning is like, well, if you do that, you'll go insane.

Of course you wouldn't. You'd be totally normal. Um, okay. Well, I'll have to do more research. Okay. The jury's out for now. So, the Wendigo myth is agreeing with these urban legends. Got it. You eat somebody, you

gain their strength, you gain their power, you gain their spirit. And it makes you stronger. Yeah, I mean, I think if you believe in the soul, right, that would make sense. Yeah, there's like a mystical truth to this. But once you go Wendigo,

your hunger becomes craven and it becomes insatiable the more you eat the more you want the more you need like sugar like sugar or shall we say manifest destiny style american colonialism which is this whole movie is like a very uh brick through the window critique of that, which is one of my favorite forms of critique. I don't really care for subtlety in a critique. Sure. Heart goes,

well, come on, George, people don't still do that. Do they? And George goes, speaks to him in his language and

Hart translates it and says and Boyd's like what did he say and Hart goes he said well white men eat the body of Jesus Christ every Sunday good point I did always think that was weird

it is weird you know but there's a lot of weird shit yeah we all do weird stuff so they all head out um they get guns they get coats on they're heading out calhoun's like i'm coming with you and heart's like no no no you don't need to come with us it's that's too freaky for you like don't do it he's like no no there's no way you'll find it if i don't come like you need me to find it and to get her. Like, I'll come. And so he does.

And they go on a mountain trek. This is going to take, this is three days. Beautiful shots of them on mountainsides and these gorgeous vistas. Not shot in America, actually. It was shot in like Slovenia or something. So many things are shot in Slovenia. And, you know, night one one they're camped out it's dark uh they're kind of just hanging out at a fire toffler is still working on his hymn oh and he's like kind of a sweet idiot he's like mumbling these words he

can't figure out a rhyme and uh colquhoun hears him struggling with it he's like asleep with his hat over his eyes and like solves the rhyme for toffler and toffler's like oh my gosh that's exactly right thank you it's like a very sweet little night that they have then um they keep going. They're on another mountain pass and they take a little break and Boyd goes to Calhoun. He's like, hey, so you said... So you ate these men. When you ate them, did it make you feel stronger did you like feel more powerful and calhoun is like oh i seem to remember a certain virility i don't like when men say virility no it's men should be banned you're not allowed to say it i don't think it not allowed to say it. I don't think it's a word for men. No.

I don't think it's a word for, frankly, anybody. No, but certainly not men. Because I wouldn't want a woman to describe me as virile. Here's the thing, you can't... It's like calling women females. You can't, exactly. And you can't assign it to men. It's not right. So he's like, yeah, I remember that. Like, why

do you ask? But before Boyd can answer answer poor toffler finds a bone and in his excitement topples off the edge of the ledge he got excited about finding a bone it was a clue for where they were going oh talk for you dummy and he falls down and really hurts himself and reich leaps after him. Reich is very, very brave and courageous and leaps after him. Our two justified buddies. They'll talk about this on the set of Justified.

And he stops. He gets him. He's alive, but he's hurt. He took a rock wound to his stomach, basically. So he's got a bit of a pretty bad bad boo-boo and so they decide to camp out for the night uh there so we're sitting there in in camp um it's dark uh reich is like stitching up this wound everybody's kind of chilling um and then it gets later. We cut to like middle of the night. There's like no light.

You just see some silhouettes in a tent and you hear a slurping sound. Ew! And all of a sudden Toffler screams. Everybody wakes up. They light their lamps like, what the fuck is going on? What the fuck is going on? And Toffler screams Everybody wakes up they light their lamps Like what the fuck is going on And Toffler goes

What What He was licking me Calhoun was licking Toffler's wound and we see Toffler and he has blood on his mouth and he's like no no no

no no no it's fine it's fine what did I say Toffler Calhoun yeah no no no oh shit oh my god oh my god they like drag him out of the tent like what the fuck is wrong with you and he's like oh fucking I was having a nightmare like i've been through so much crazy shit i was having a nightmare and i woke up when he screamed and i was like on him so gross it's so gross and he and he's like you know what like fucking restrain me tie me up like here's my hands

like restrain me i i i i can't be trusted. Don't risk it. I'm fucked up. What happened to me fucked me up. Please just tie me up. So they tie him up and they walk on. And as they... The next day they're marching through the mountain pass and George turns to Boyd and he goes, When to go?

Then they find the cave. And Calhoun is freaking out. He's like, no no no no no Please don't make me go in there It's too fucked up he's gonna kill us all He's gonna fucking kill us all He's freaking out he's like pulling against the ropes Like they're dragging him along

He really doesn't want to go Oh Julie your performance is so good right now And he's like pleading with him Like he'll kill you if you go in Aww So Hart Goes to the cave entrance and he Goes Mrs. McCready Colonel Ives

No answer so Hart sends Reich and Boyd in They got their guns they're ready to go They go into this cave And Hart, George and Toffler will stay outside with Colquhoun who's freaking out. Like cowering around a corner

from the cave like truly panicking. It's freaking Toffler out so he's like starts humming a hymn and Reich and Boyd go into the cave. It's like dark, dank, but this sound

design is like, all sounds like very sharp rocks and pebbles. It's like a very foreboding place. And they find a pool of blood. Reich's like, whoop. Whoop. Some blood. I guess

we're in the right place they keep going in and they find a hole in the cave how big let's say a two feet diameter enough for a man to slide down and Reich courageous soldier

as he is he goes down he finds more blood um the music starts to just Courageous soldier as he is, he goes down. He finds more blood. The music starts to just absolutely slap at this point. Toffler is humming. It's like intercutting with Toffler's humming and this music. And Calhoun starts looking at Toffler and he starts breathing like. Ew.

Ew. And he's like doing this weird shit with his fingers and toffler's freaking out screaming at him like stop it stop it and he's like but calhoun is like out of his mind at this point and heart is like oh he's like ptsd he's like losing it like try to ignore it it's fine um but it's like getting more and more intense and heart starts screaming like boyd calhoun like just get out here like we we should go and reich is down

in this pit now oh my god oh my god and boyd's like hey heart wants us to go and reich looks up and as he's like stepping he steps on a shoe he looks down there's bones and clothes and a woman's skull her hair is still attached um and he looks around a bit more and he's jump scared by a bunch of skeletons hanging upside down

and he it's like oh my fucking god, holy shit. And he looks at the skeletons and he starts counting. One, two, three, four, five. And he calls up to Boyd and he goes, Boyd, how many people did Calhoun say were in the party? Six,

right? And Boyd's like, yeah. He's the guy. Oh my god, he's the guy. And Boyd says, why? And Reich looks the guy. Oh my god, he's the guy. And Boyd says, why? And Reich looks at another skeleton and goes, then who's this? And there's a military uniform below the skeleton. And Reich goes, Ives,

oh Jesus Christ. It's a trap. He drops the lantern. The pit starts on fire. The pit starts on fire. The pit's on fire? Because he drops his lantern with like oil. He's like, it's a trap. And then we cut back to Calhoun looking at Toph going,

Ew! Ew! Stop. Joel's doing it and it's really gross. Everybody's like crazy tense. Now, Boyd is trying to bring Calhoun up. Meanwhile, Calhoun starts digging in the dirt.

Boyd is trying to bring Reich up. Calhoun is digging in the dirt like a fucking dog. Like madly digging in the dirt where he was hiding in the corner before, like cowering. Ew. He's buried something here.

Ew. He's digging up like crazy. Reich is screaming. He killed everyone. Calhoun digging. Reich. Calhoun killed everyone. Calhoun digging.

Reich. Kill him. Kill him. Then. Calhoun starts like goleming. Pacing back and forth. There's like a part of him. He's tied up still, right? No, he freed his hand. No.

And he's like goleming. Like part of him is like reluctant. Another part of him is like fucking do it. Yeah. Yeah. And he resigns to the evil side of gollum goes back to the hole that he was digging and pulls out a big fat fucking knife yeah yep yep sprints to heart stabs him in the stomach and just yanks it up oh god oh guts him yeah

george responds he's like, oh, fuck. He grabs a tomahawk. He throws it. But Calhoun spins around. The tomahawk hits Hart in the back. Well, Hart's already dead. On his way. Calhoun pulls Hart's gun out of his holster and shoots George.

George is dead. Then Calhoun pulls the knife up even further in heart and he turns to Toffler poor poor Toffler raises the gun pulls the trigger click it's empty and Calhoun goes

that's so annoying and then he like lifts his hands including this big fat bloody knife looks at Toffler and goes run and Toffler sprints away Calhoun chases him and the music at this point turns

so goofy I want you to imagine I want you to imagine like in a silly like 1970s movie if a bunch of like hillbillies were carrying a wagon full of chickens up a hill and they

lost control of the wagon and started rolling down the hill and they're chasing it. That's what this music sounds like. So he starts chasing him. Boyd and Wright get out of the cave see the carnage are like Jesus Christ we got to chase after them Reich basically forces Boyd to come with him Boyd is truly too scared

and he's like trying to save Hart but but Reich is like he's dead we got to go yeah so they run in they run after them this crazy music is playing and then they get to a like little clearing in the forest and then the music stops and it's silent and it's suddenly very scary again and they're like looking around and calhoun sees them and he just screams and then runs away and then the crazy music starts again. It's like that kind of shit.

They track Calhoun. They find Toffler's body. He's been cut open, fully gutted, just splayed out. Very much dead. And Reich is very mad and he goes, let's go kill that bastard. They chase Calhoun to a cliff,

and they see him standing there, like, not hiding from them anymore. And Reich takes his gun out and shoots. By the time he cut back to where Colquhoun was, he's gone. It's like, kind of supernatural. Yeah, he's inherited the power of everyone he's killed. Boyd's like, dude, I want to go back.

I want to go back. I don't want to do this. And Reich's like, fuck you. He puts his killed. Boyd's like, dude, I want to go back. I want to go back. I don't want to do this. And Reich's like, fuck you. He puts his gun to Boyd's head and is like, we're going to fucking find him. Then all of a sudden Calhoun jumps off of a tree, surprises them both, throws his knife into Reich's gut. Reich falls off the cliff, all the way up, very high cliff.

Oh no. Bye bye Reich Oh, man. So now it's just Boyd and Calhoun. He's got plenty enough to eat. You would think. But he's insatiable. He's ravenous. Boyd gets a shot off, hits Calhoun.

Shoots him. Calhoun or Calhoun? I guess I'm calling him both because he's Scottish and sometimes they call him Calhoun. Okay. Sorry. No, I just was curious. So he shoots him. Calhoun falls down.

Maybe dead. I doubt it. Except for the fact that he sits up with a big fat smile on his face laughing his ass off. Ew. And he has Boyd cornered and he's like clearly supernatural. Yeah. He starts laughing like a jackal or a

hyena maybe we would say or the Joker a lot of options and Boyd's like I don't know what to do I don't know what to do I don't know what to do Calhoun's dancing around him having the time of his life just playing with his food Henley would fucking hate this she does not like when creeps are

having a good time. Yeah. And Sammy would love it because he's doing like a little like. Yeah. Sammy would like it. He'd laugh. And Boyd's like, you know what? Fuck it.

He jumps off the cliff. And lands in a tree. In a tree? Yeah. Like the tree branches just like catch him a little bit. But he like crashes through this tree. But he probably jumped like a hundred feet. Getting smashed around these like pine trees basically.

Crashes to the ground. Lands on a steep slope. Tumbles, tumbles, tumbles, tumbles, tumbles. Runs into Reich's body. Hits it. Knocks Reich's body with him. They both are tumbling now. Reich's dead.

But then they fall like basically into another pit. They both are tumbling. But Reich's dead. Reich's dead. Yeah. But then they fall like basically into another pit covered by tree branches. And poor Boyd's leg has a compound fracture. His bone is sticking out. And Reich is dangling upside down,

bleeding, eyes open. And suddenly he tries to start strangling Boyd. What? Boyd what? Boyd fights him off and Reich then is dead might have been a hallucination last gasp at something we don't know

so fucking Boyd is trapped in this pit with a dead body his leg is severely broken he can't walk and Calhoun is hiking down the mountainside. Gonna look for him. Jesus. Starts sniffing around.

Gets very close. Boyd can see him through like the branches. But Calhoun doesn't see him. And he sniffs around for a little bit and then leaves. And Boyd is stuck there and days pass. Days pass. And

the whole time Reich is there, his eyes are open, and he has a big fucking smile on his face. He was out on an errand. Yes, okay. But by this time, as these days pass, he's back at the a big fucking smile on his face. He was out on an errand. Yes. Okay. But by this time, as these days pass, he's back at the fort now.

Him and Martha returned. Boyd tries to set his leg. You know what I hate in movies when people have to set their own injuries. Yeah. It's brutal and he's not entirely successful. It doesn't really work out for him. It's too painful. He's alone. Oh my't really work out for him. It's too painful.

He's alone. Oh my God. It would be so painful. Yeah. It would be impossible. You wouldn't be able to do it. You'd pass out. Yeah.

And puke. So he's now trapped in this pit with a dead body. His leg is fucked. It's cold. He's starving. Fucking 1800. So your leg is fucked anyway like they can't do shit for that

he starts sort of like talking to Reich being like what should I do what should I do he starts eating roots to try to like get by he's cold he takes Reich's jacket he's like you're dead you don't need it

takes his jacket all the while he's cold he takes Reich's jacket he's like you're dead you don't need it takes his jacket all the while he's kind of hallucinating hearing Calhoun's laughter this like maniacal laughter and Reich is still smiling it is so funny it's like the biggest

corpse is smiling yeah huge smile and what's very interesting is this movie when anybody's dead their eyes are always open Jesus it's very unnerving and days again are passing

and boy is like right what do I do what do I do what do I do what do I do I'm dying like what do I do oh no he starts to flash at images of the wendigo oh god pulls the knife out of reich says oh and when he pulls the knife out reich is not smiling anymore and he goes you're dead you're dead. You're dead.

You're safe now. And he starts with his legs. And he cuts away a chunk of flesh. And then the music hits again. A big crazy music hit. I hate this. Cut to later.

Boyd emerges from this pit looking spick and span with revirile we might say no we won't say that because we don't want to say that he's wearing a reich's coat inside out and the inside of it is like scarlet red so you know some nice color work here

and he walks all the way back to Fort Spencer on his leg he's limping but he's able to do it. Oh, the power of eating a man. Some Wendigo shit. He makes it all the way back and Cleaves finds him back at Fort Spencer. David Arquette.

He rests. Knox works on him. His leg is pretty much healed. David Arquette um he rests Knox works on him his leg is pretty much healed um hard to explain why Knox gives him some food to try to eat it's a big piece of pork and um

Boyd is like throws it away rinses his mouth out a million times with water um you know starts having nightmares he's hearing the laugh days again pass Wade is like, throws it away, rinses his mouth out a million times with water. Starts having nightmares. He's hearing the laugh. Days again pass and he's just in hell. And he eventually is well enough that he can walk again and he goes to Martha and he's like, the Wendigo. How do you stop it?

And she looks at him and he's like, I didn't kill your brother. And she looks at him like she doesn't care. And she's like, there is no stopping the Wendigo. You know, the Wendigo only needs more and more. It never gives anything. And once you start the Wendigo, you give yourself to the Wendigo, it'll take everything and everything and everything.

You have to die. Jesus. So a little bit later, Slauson arrives. General Slauson, John Spencer, the big wig. Slauson, you're gonna get eaten. And he's meeting with Boyd and he's like, hey man, we didn't find anything in that cave.

There is no evidence that anything that you said happened happened. But we have four missing soldiers and I need a story that's going to pass muster. So I fucking suggest that you change your story. He's obviously a man who has no scruples

about changing official reports given what he did with Boyd before. Opposite of Liam McGarry, to be completely honest. And Boyd's like, dude, it was the Wendigo. And Slauson goes, your story, this Wendigie. And he looks to, there's this other like, you know, bag man with him who's like, wants to correct him. And he looks at this guy and he goes, I know I misonounced it i'm trying to make a point silly such a good line silly it's such a good little meta line um and again he's like you just got to change your story

like i need it i need something better than this man because i don't know what else to do they we cut to a little bit of it. Like, outside of that room, everybody's kind of milling around and Martha and Cleaves are talking and they're like, oh, we got a new colonel to replace Hart. And Slotson's like,

yeah, we have an interim colonel coming in just until we find a replacement. But I'd like you to meet Captain Ives. We might recognize that name. We do. In walks Calhoun. No. Looking absolutely debonair.

Clean cut, trimmed, fit, healthy and hale. We're doing no background checks in the 1800s yeah or he was Ives originally oh who knows we don't know who knows and he's like oh hello it's nice to meet you

and Boyd collapses he's like that's him that's him that's who killed everyone and they're like that's ridiculous what are you fucking talking about oh no and eventually he Knox is like well hey all right man Boyd you say you shot him so if you shot him he'll have a wound

Captain Ives would you mind Colonel Ives would you mind showing us your shoulders and Ives is like I had my last physical like three months ago. I can't imagine Major Knox wants to hear me cough. But okay. Test a little, Jack.

Yeah. But okay. He takes his shirt off and he's like very sexual about this and like kind of demure. And he first shows one shoulder. Totally fine. And slosson's like can you show us your other shoulder he pulls down his shirt shows the other shoulder completely pristine no scars at all and ives just stares at boyd like oh no and boyd is very unhappy uh huh

and he looks at Boyd and goes is there a problem eww so Slauson and his man leave and now we cut to Cleaves and Martha sitting in like their kitchen and they're talking shit about Boyd Cleaves is like I think he's

gone loco perfect David Urquhart. Thank you. They basically believe that this is also three years after Scream, which is very interesting. Scream was 96. Damn. But they're like talking shit on him. They suspect that he killed

everyone because he's crazy. Oh no. And Boyd walks in while they're saying this, hears it all. There's an awkward beat and he goes, I have to warn you. Consider yourselves warned. And then he picks up a big knife and he goes, are you using this?

Oh no. Cleaves is like, no. And he takes it. Then we cut to dinner. Ives is smoking a cool cigarette looking awesome. He looks like basically Dracula. Like with a mustache and goatee and his like suaveness.

Okay. Like Dracula in like a Union Army outfit. Okay. And he's staring at Boyd who's not eating and he goes, oh, what Boyd, you don't eat meat? And Boyd says, only as a last resort. And Ives goes, pity. Oh, this guy's creepy. He's creepy. what Boyd you don't eat meat? And Boyd says only as a last resort.

And Ives goes pity. Oh this guy's creepy. He's creepy. So now later maybe the next day Boyd is watching Cleaves do some like chores outside the in the fort doing whatever and he's watching him and he's looking

at him like Edward looks at Bella. Like starving. Yeah. Once it's so fucking bad and he's watching him and he's looking at him like Edward looks at Bella. Starving. Once it's so fucking bad. And he has a vision of himself whacking him over the head, stabbing him a million times and just eating like literally see shots of him

eating flesh as David Arquette is like screaming no no no no and then starts cackling laughing. And then we cut back to this vision and it's he's just still like Edwarding yeah then later everybody's hanging out Boyd is looking just starved

absolutely like miserable like wobbling on his feet because he just had a big meal of man and isn't giving in but he's like that's all he needs it's all he wants they all go to bed except for Boyd and Ives and Boyd still has his big knife

and everybody's asleep Boyd goes looking for Ives to confront him and can't find him very supernatural again then all of a sudden Ives appears and he goes you know I found Reich up there natural again. And then all of a sudden Ives appears. And he goes,

you know, I found Reich up there. At least what was left of him. You didn't finish. Can't blame you. He was tough. As any good soldier should be. And he kind of like then gives this speech

kind of his real story. And he basically tells Boyd, like, I had tuberculosis. I was depressed. I was coughing up like lungfuls of blood because of my tuberculosis. I had suicidal ambitions. And I was actually on the way to go into like a sanatorium where I would probably die. But on my way, this indigenous guide told me a very curious story. He did it on purpose.

About the Wendigo. And well, I just had to try. Oh! And so I ate the guide and he was right. Oh my god. I felt much better. I felt alive again. And so I joined up with a wagon train

and unfortunately we got stuck. And Boyd's like, fuck you. You already told me this story. And he was like, yeah. Well, I ate five men in three months. And the tuberculosis was gone. My black thoughts, gone. I was happy and healthy and never been better.

Except you're a total fucking creep. Did you eat the woman? Did you eat her too? And Ives goes, well, as a matter of fact, just like a sleazy little nasty joke. And he's like, you know, Boyd, what fascinates me about you

is you've tasted it. You felt it. And yet you resist. You know how good this can be, but you don't do it. And yet, you resist. You know how good this can be. But you don't do it. And he's like, Boyd's like, well, it's wrong. And Ives laughs at him and says, morality is the last bastion of a coward.

And he goes, I'm sorry. Did I offend you which i just want to take a slight moment to talk about the prescience prescience prescience prescience i don't know what you're trying to say this movie is prescient uh-huh in that a it's all thematically about colonization and and white supremacy and manifest destiny that ultimately the end result of this like maximalist approach to consuming to gain power over others consuming to gain power over the dark pits of ourselves all it can ever redound to is did i offend you it's like very apropos of this moment yeah all these fucking cheese dick ass comedians cheese dick who are like uh oh did i offend you ricky gervais's new special all these fucking like men's rights red pill personalities black pill personalities all of this all it can only ever redound to is did i offend you and it's it's only obfuscation of their need to consume other people anyway that's my

little my little tangent it's like this movie had it bang on this is like the the cliche quote that all that we all joke about these days like oh did i I offend you? This was 1999 doing a satire of what people were talking about in 1874. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Anyway. Well done, Joel.

It's just like there's it's just absolutely bereft of anything but consumption. That's all it is. Yeah. And all it can ever be. And that's what the point of this movie is.

And eventually all you're left with is consumption for consumption sake because you can because it makes you feel good so Boyd is offended actually he lashes out and he slashes at Ives with his knife

and cuts his hand and Ives holds his hand his bleeding hand in front of Boyd and is like I know you want it you can smell it, can't you? And doesn't scent just stir the memory? And he starts telling him like, I know you want it. And I know you can remember what it feels like to feel somebody else coursing through you.

Somebody brave. And I know you know what it feels like, the disappointment when it abates, when that leaves you, and when you're back to yourself again Andrew Tate this is the same fucking bullshit and Boyd wants that fucking blood and he

thinks about it but instead he tackles Ives and pulls a knife out and is about to stab him in the fucking neck then Martha comes out and Knox comes out and they grab Boyd and pull him off and Ives is like he attacked me off. And I was like, he attacked me. He assaulted me. I was going to the bathroom.

And Knox is like, go have Cleaves put under, go have Cleaves put Boyd under arrest. Damn. But they can't find Cleaves. Oh no. He is nowhere to be found. Martha goes looking for him. Room after room after room. He's not anywhere.

She walks into the horse stable and finds that all the horses have been butchered their heads chopped off they've been gutted they have been absolutely but they want human meat not horse meat trapping them oh sure okay fair

so Martha starts freaking out the horses have been killed. Truly, brutally slaughtered. So she runs to Knox, sees him in a room where he's tending to Ives' wound in his hand. She runs up to the door. There's a little red ice on the outside of this door. Red ice? Oh, bloody ice.

And she's calling to Knox like, the horses are dead. The horses are dead. And as she's out there telling him that the horses are dead, blood starts to drip onto her face. And she looks up and there's Cleaves

cut open, gutted, missing everything. Missing everything. It's all gone. Oh, no. gutted missing everything missing everything it's all gone up on like the roof of the building we didn't even get to see it happen didn't even get to see it happen bye David and of course they blame

Boyd and they Knox runs to where they have Boyd held he punches him in the face he's like that's for Cleaves and the face. He's like, that's for Cleaves. And he kicks him and he's like, that's for my horse. And

we're in bad shape. And he sends... Knox goes to Martha and is like, hey, one of us... Ives and I have agreed. Boyd needs to go to military prison. So one of us needs to go ride to Slauson to get him to

bring Boyd in and Martha's like okay I'll do it so now it's just Knox Boyd and Ives oh no at the fort and Ives walks in to where Boyd is being held he's being held in a room

chained to the floor and to where Boyd is being held. He's being held in a room, chained to the floor. And he punches Boyd, who's already got a bloody face. And he like sniffs his fingers. Ew. Very sexually. And just licks the blood off of his fingers. Ew. Then we cut to Ives is chopping vegetables and making stew.

And Knox is walking around He's drunk like an idiot And um Well idiots aren't drunk but he's a drunken idiot Yeah And he can't find his sword You know he's like one of them Southern gentlemen

Who's like riding cavalry And he can't find his sword. Really good. Thank you. And he's like, he asked Ives, like, have you seen it? And I was like, no, I haven't seen it. And Knox is like, hey, what are you making? And Ives says, I'm making stew. Knox asks, is there anything I can do to help

oh god and Ives says oh I'm sure you'll find a way to contribute ugh ugh um Boyd is in a room kind of across the way from them and he starts

hollering at Ives. Ives, how did you kill Cleaves? I was with you. I was watching you. How did you do that? And Knox goes out to fucking punch Boyd. Be like, shut the fuck up. We know you did it.

And as Knox exits the kitchen where they're cooking, we see a hand carrying the sword walk past camera. Just... So, we know where the sword is. Uh-huh. And Knox walks back in and it's like, hey, how did that door get open? This other door. And he turns around and a look of surprise and recognition washes over his face.

And then the sword chops his head off. That's the end of Knox. Damn. Boyd is in his room. The door's been shut. And he hears heavy footsteps approaching. And he thinks, okay, they're going to fucking kill me. Here it goes.

The door opens. And there's Hart. Pedophile man. Oh. Face absolutely spackled with blood. And he smiles and goes, hello, Boyd. I hated doing that. And we get to a little later.

Hart is in there with Boyd and he goes, you know. And we get to a little later, Hart is in there with Boyd and he goes, you know... Oh, and Ives is like, I told you, Boyd, my regimen has certain curative powers. And Hart is like, you know, Boyd, does your leg hurt? It really doesn't have to. It really doesn't have to, you know. And he tells his story to Boyd. And he's like, I felt myself die. I felt my life slipping away from me.

I was drowning in darkness. And then I woke up. And Ives was feeding me. And it was too late to go back. And I feel terrific. Ew! This is like creating little vampires. Yeah, it's like cannibalism crossed with vampires.

And Boyd goes, are you going to eat me? They want him to be one of them. And Hart says, no, no, no. It's lonely being a cannibal. Tough to make friends. But yeah, we actually want to bring you into the fold. We want you to be one of us. It's already started.

Mm-hmm. And he walks Boyd out to the outdoors and we see Ives is butchering Knox. Like truly carving him like a side of beef and ives is like hey i want to talk to boyd and so he brings him out to the front of the fort and he gives this speech and i also wrote this down because it's so good

um some of its paraphrase some of its word for word he's like come april thousands will seek new lives right through here thousands of people we want to recruit a team and boy's like you'll never get away with killing a bunch of people here and he's like well the two of us me and jolly old heart never will but two of us, me and jolly old heart never will. But two of us, you, Slauson, and we'll be discriminant. We wouldn't want to break up families, certainly. Ew. And he goes, this country is seeking to be whole, stretching out its arms and consuming all it can. And we merely follow.

Boyd says, not me. You know, it's not courage to resist me, Boyd. It's courage to accept me. You hunger for it. You just won't resign yourself to it. It's not so difficult, really. Acquiescence. It's easy, actually.

You just give in. Boyd goes, I can't. And Ives goes, oh well then. And stabs him.

Right in the gut. And again, it really feels of the moment, that exact speech. The nature of empire. Yeah. The virtue of acquiescence that somehow it's braver to accept how fucking dog shit the world is and and play that game instead of resisting it and how many people are making how much hay operating under that belief and acting as if it's noble yeah and that's i don't know a huge part of how fucking dog shit our world is is uh this idea of like romanticizing this grim realism rather than optimism and a belief in something better or,

or believing that it's worth trying. You must, you must eat and consume that which is around you to live. And that accepting that reality is somehow braver and bolder and more intrepid than with staining abstaining withholding anyway it's a really appropriate movie for the time that we live in fucking 25 years ago that's crazy same as it ever was same as it ever was so now we cut in uh heart is

making stew a la nox and he's surprisingly tasty because they didn't think he was gonna be very good because how much bourbon he drank oh but that's you can really marinate things in alcohol yeah there's also a really funny line far earlier before they embark to go to the cave where Knox like pukes because he's too sick and he can't go on the march.

And Hart goes, oh, there's too much bourbon in his bourbon. Oh, really funny. And so they're eating Knox stew and Boyd is sitting there bleeding to death. Jesus. Boyd is sitting there bleeding to death Jesus Bleeding out coughing up blood Refusing to eat it And Ives is like The idea being if he did he wouldn't be dying Right Ives says you know

It's a very simple choice Benjamin Franklin once said Eat to live don't live to eat Very pleased with himself for that Yeah awesome great quote Boyd is resisting it and i disagree heart is being like this isn't this so civilized he's just a nice guy and boyd is resisting and but the question is still there eat or die eat or die which again is what everybody all these powers are trying to force us into this one narrow canal of understanding Eat or die. Eat or die. Which again is what everybody all these powers are trying to force

us into this one narrow canal of understanding. Eat or die. And you know we are all guilty of it. And Boyd like any of us eats. He doesn't want to die so he eats. We've talked about this. Would you

like would you? Would it be out of your control? Eating a person? Just doing what it takes to survive. As I've said. You think it would shock you how little it would take to get me to eat a person. You would have to just do it. I think I would eat somebody so fast it would make your head spin.

I would eat their fingers first. Ew, you get nothing off that. You braise them. That's all bone. Braise them like a beef shake. No, that's all bone. No, there's meat like a chicken wing. They're the chicken wings of the body. I don't like chicken wings.

I don't like chicken wings. You're right. You want a straight up flesh. I want a butt. I need a butt first. I think a butt would be too fatty to eat. Not all butts. But yeah,

I definitely would. I would be one of the first to eat a person. A lot of muscle on the thigh. Kind of across the board. No, that holds you up. Everybody's got muscle on the thigh. The tenderloin. What's the tenderloin? It's like the muscle that runs along the spine. The back? Oh, the back is

strong, yeah. But the tenderloin would be nice and tender. Tenderloin it's like the muscle that runs along the spine oh the back is strong yeah but the but the tenderloin would be nice and tender tenderloin uh i would eat like pecs i would eat peck steak i would eat deltoid and okay but this is also just i'm interested in in like in me generally you want the muscle that's what we eat the muscle well there's yeah you eat the muscle but there's different muscles that work because you don't want the fat well you want the fat yeah you don't want too much because that's too much but a overworked muscle is like um tougher an overworked muscles like tougher. An overworked muscle. Like what? Like a calf?

Probably a calf or a bicep would be. Not my biceps. They're not overworked. Yeah, but yeah, probably a calf would be pretty tough. You'd braise that. You'd braise that. Yeah, that's a beef shank. Would you braise a thigh?

Maybe, maybe not. I'd have to get a beef shank. Did you braise a thigh? Maybe, maybe not. I'd have to get a look at it. Fair enough. So Boyd eats and Ives goes, Bravo. We cut to Boyd is as healthy as we've seen him in his entire movie now. He's looking great. Ives is walking around the outside of the fort with a telescope.

He tells us that Slauson is coming. The telescope. Yeah. Is he this guy? He Slauson is coming. He's using a telescope to look out to see if he can locate Slauson on his approach. This is before binoculars were invented. You'd have to use a telescope.

You'd have to use a telescope. He's trying to get a heads up because they're cleaning up. There's a lot of blood around this fort. A lot of craziness. They're cleaning up. Ives is watching for him. Boyd is chained up once more. Hart walks in with more food and is like, how are you feeling human food

food with humans in it right like yeah yeah and heart it's like how are you feeling boyd and boys says right as rain i'm feeling good my wound is healed i i feel great. Boyd asks to get some fresh air and Hart asks, you know, can you be trusted? And Boyd says yes. So Hart unlocks him, takes him back to his office, cracks a walnut with his

bare hand and looks at his bookshelves and they're all empty because everybody thought he was dead and he misses his books and he starts to wax philosophical and he says you know i read all these books and you know plato aristotle eastern thinkers indigenous thinkers and it all philosophy boils down ultimately to the same thing what is happiness

and how do we achieve it and Boyd says no Aristotle sought truth not happiness and Hart replies I spend my life seeking truth

and where did that land me here at Fort Spencer this shithole and Boyd says you have to let me go and

Hart kind of gets really mad and he's like it's too late it's too late. It's too late. It's all done. You just have to kill to live. You just have to kill to live.

And he pulls this big giant knife, like a Raphael Ninja Turtle scythe, out of his desk and slams it into the desk, like blade side down. And Boyd's like's like you just come on you have to let me go and Hart says I can't we're not alone Ives is here I can't do it

and we cut back to Ives who's up on the watchtower with his big telescope and he sees Slauson is arriving with Martha and his big telescope and he sees Slauson is arriving with Martha and his bag man and he goes breakfast lunch

reinforcements silly and we go back into Hart's office and Hart and Boyd are kind of staring at each other and Boyd says I'm gonna kill him like as confident as one could say it and heart unlocks him. Nice. And he says to Boyd, take the knife. But I have one thing I need you to do.

Please kill me. Before you go. I can't live like this anymore. Please kill me and please make it quick. Oh, this is sad. And he goes and he looks out the window and Boyd walks back to the dagger.

It's a really cool shot. Like the dagger is in the foreground between the two of them and just holds there. And Boyd walks and plucks the dagger out of the desk, walks right up to Hart and cuts his throat. Done.

Fast. The old cowardly boy who we never saw kill a single person has arrived. Well, that's so sad. And Heart falls to the ground pouring blood and

splashing blood against the window and Ives sees it and he walks up to the window, pouring blood and splashing blood against the window and Ives sees it. He walks up to the window. They lock eyes as Hart dies. And Ives is pissed, as you might imagine. He wants reinforcements. Yeah. So Boyd

runs out before Ives gets in, grabs that sword that Knox was missing and that Hart used to kill him and they start fighting Boyd versus Ives sword slices Ives runs away Boyd can't find Ives he starts looking for

him everywhere as he's having like hallucinations of Ives' laugh of Ives' face he's walking around room to room he hears this bell ringing outside. He runs out. The bell is swinging. No Ives.

He just can't tell where he is. Where the fuck is this guy? He enters this smithy room that's full of all sorts of metal shit. A bear trap. Oh, no. Like, knives, rods, wood. like knives rods wood and

has this vision of Ives with blood like a bloody cross painted onto his forehead and he's like snaps out of it he walks out starts hunting for him throughout the fort keeps hearing

laughter laughter laughter he walks into this room that's like. Has like a fire going in it. And other metal shit. And Ives drops to the roof on him. Goes like. Yeah. And drops onto him through the roof.

And they have this crazy fucking fight. Where they just. They're both like super powered at this point. Sure. So. So. where they just they're both like superpowered at this point sure so they so picturing this is the fight in the dance studio at the end of the first twilight pretty much great so I've starts he has this

big log and he just beats the fuck out of Boyd with it bow bow bow Boyd grabs a pit a two prong pitchfork two prong which he stabs Ives with it and I I was thinking, I frankly would rather be stabbed by more tongs than two. I'd rather get a three

or four tong pitchfork than two. Knock me out. I can't understand why I feel that way, but I do. I think it's correct. Stabs him with a two prong pitchfork. Ow! Then Ives has this like rafael

dagger stabs boyd like three or four times in the gut then boyd falls down he picks up a fucking butcher's cleaver she chops ives in the arm with it almost chops his arm off ives kind of staggers back

boyd picks up the log then just and then just beats the shit out of him with his big ass log. Wow. They're going back and forth this log. Then he jumps on Yeah, they really do. I would have just kept using the two pronger. Sure. Then Boyd jumps on top of him, starts strangling him, strangling him, strangling him.

Ives gets a hold of that Raphael knife again, stabs him in the back. Like just brooding. They're bleeding all over each other. It's nasty. The music starts to get real crazy. I can't imagine being in a physical fight let alone with weapons involved. Truly me neither.

I mean. I've been threatened with fights before. I know. I've never really been in one. Froggy style right? Basically yeah. They were less polite. I would say if somebody asked me if I was feeling froggy I would consider that a courtesy. They were less polite. I would say if somebody asked me if I was feeling froggy, I would consider that a courtesy.

A little giggle. The music's going fucking bonkers now. Okay. It's really cool. Hit that soundtrack on YouTube. Then the whole shack collapses. Oh, no. Boyd runs away. Ives is still stuck under it.

We wait a beat. Ives gets out of the shack. Starts looking for Boyd runs away. Ives is still stuck under it. We wait a beat. Ives gets out of the shack. Starts looking for Boyd now. Where might he be? He opens this door. Finds Boyd inside. Slumped on the ground. Bleeding out. Dying. Playing dead.

Playing dead. Playing dead. We know this. Ives has like little greedy hands as he goes to fucking strangle him. Ew he's doing this little nasty breathing thing. Yeah. We know this. Ives has like little greedy hands as he goes to fucking strangle him. Ew, he's doing this little nasty breathing thing. Ew, ew, ew. Grabs him by the neck, pulls him up. The knife is still in Boyd's back. Ives grabs it, pulls it out, holds it to Boyd's neck, and then goes, eh, drops it.

Hubris. And they just kind of look at each other like bleeding, like they're both, they're not covered in blood, they're coated in blood. Do you know what I mean? Ew, nasty, but they both want to eat it.

They both are starving. They're both like, like really intensely just like staring at each other. They're charged. And Boyd starts to like push back on him and pushes him and they like it's very horny he's like walking back they're like holding each other's like lapel of their shirts just like like centimeter away from each other's face very tense and boyd pushes him back pushes him back back, trips him, and they fall into the bear trap that Boyd has set up.

Boyd set it up. Excuse me. Yes, Boyd set it up. Boyd grabs Ives' head, slams it against the trigger. The bear trap shuts, trapping them both inside of it. Oh, my God. And Ives goes that was really

sneaky is boy trying to kill them both just let's like end this light the only way to end it is once you've gone Wendigo you have to die he's taking them all out wow wow wow wow and Ives says to him you've gone when to go you have to die he's taking him all out wow wow wow wow and i says

to him you know if you die first i'm definitely gonna eat you yeah man we get it the question is if i die what are you going to do? Oh, no. Bon appetit. We cut away and Slauson has now arrived with Martha and his bag man. There's nobody around. They're searching for all over this fort for somebody. Nobody's there. Slauson walks into their little kitchen and he finds the pot of boiling stew. Oh, is he gonna eat it? And is like

smells pretty good. Oh no! He takes a ladle full and eats it. No! And he goes like mmm, he loves it. Oh god. And we go back into the room with

Boyd and Ives in the bear trap. And like, Boyd is on top of Ives, like stomach, tummy to tummy, face to face, pinned by this bear trap. And Ives goes, eat or die. Eat or die. He loves this shit. Or. The longest breath you've ever heard. That was really long. He's like exhaling the breath of a dozen people.

You know, it's like the final breath of everyone. And he dies. And Boyd is still alive and he's looking at him and he's in pain and he's bleeding out and he's dying and he's starving. And the music, crazy music kicks back in. Sick ass music. And Martha is walking around the fort looking for anybody and she peeks through a crack in the door

and she sees them both locked in there together. And this look of horrified pity comes over her face and she leaves. She just turns and walks away she doesn't open the door she leaves them and boyd is in there tired and he just kind of lays his head on ives's chest and he closes his eyes. First person to close his eyes in the whole movie and he dies. Oh. And we cut to Martha

just getting the fuck out of Dodge. Yeah, good for you, Martha. The only fucking woman in this movie who's like, bye. Bye. And then we go back in and it's like a top down shot of Boyd on top of Ives

locked in with each other, both dead. And the camera just sort of pulls back, pulls back, pulls back. And that's the end. Whoa. Okay. But so it's not over because Lawson ate. That's right.

The cycle will repeat itself and in fact be more institutionalized than ever one might say huh interesting ravenous okay yes interesting it made no money

no money it was a mega bomb huge flop but I think it is an absolute masterwork of deranged and prescient genius. It's so funny. I laughed out loud watching it. Wow. And it's grim and dark and philosophical. And it's just a really precious little gem.

Wow. We don't get a lot of cannibal movies. We've only done a few. I think that cannibalism is still like taboo enough that it's not like it made. But it isn't that dissimilar from vampire stuff. It's just like instead of drinking, it's eating. Instead of drinking, it's eating. So so do you think i'm just now imagining so if a vampire bites your neck

are all the veins in your body connected enough that they could slurp everything out through that one bite is your body are your veins all one big gracie straw? I would. First, let me say this. I don't know. Second, let me say this. I feel like it's like roads. You can get to any road from any road. So, yeah, I think you can get to any road from any road. Yeah, you can start anywhere and get anywhere on roads.

If there's a road. So I would say. So I would say, yeah, I think you could start anywhere and get anywhere on roads. If there's a road. So I would say... So I would say, yeah, I think you could suck someone dry through one bite. All of the veins are... Probably, right? Well, because they all go through the heart at least. That's one big junction. Because it's a network, right?

Yeah. Because if you slurp hard enough, you'll get it all. Yeah. It might take you a while. You might have to fight against the pulmonary system. Oh, sure. Cardiovascular system. Like the heart would fight you probably somewhat.

But if you sucked hard enough, even on the smallest vein, you could get it. Well, folks, this has been a real treat for me. So maybe other people agree. And if they don't, don't even worry because Sammy and Henley will be back next week. What are the voices in this one, Joel?

Are there voices? There are, but I didn't do them throughout this episode. So I think I don't know what to do. Okay. We could play the music. I will play it over this episode. So I think I don't know what to do. Okay. We could play the music. We'll play it over this outro. However long you can legally play. However long we can legally play it,

we'll play it. And that's just me hoping. And so while it plays, maybe from all of us here at Too Scary to Watch. Goodbye. Goodbye. Thank you so much for listening to another episode of Too Scary Didn't Watch.

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next week for another episode. We love you so much. Bye. That was a HeadGum Podcast.