Too Scary; Didn't Watch - SPLICE

Episode Date: May 15, 2024

Salamanders, Kangaroos, Sting Rays and Human DNA, we're recapping 2009's SPLICE, a movie about scientists in graphic tee's doing terrible, terrible things. We hated it!TrailerTW: RapeMovie stats @ 16:57Recap @ 26:52Follow the show: @TSDWpodcast on Twitter, TikTok, and Instagram.Check out our Patreon for bonus episodes and additional content!Rate Too Scary; Didn’t Watch 5 Stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts and leave a review for Emily, Henley, and Sammy.Advertise on Too Scary; Didn't Watch via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is Emily, Henley, and Sammy, and you're listening to Too Scary, Didn't Watch. Hi everyone, welcome to Too Scary, Didn't Watch, the horror movie recap podcast for those too scared to watch for themselves. I'm Emily and I am too scared to watch scary movies. I'm Henley and I'm also too scared to watch scary movies. I'm Sammy and I love watching scary movies and so I watch them so that you don't have to. And we have a patron chosen episode today. We have a patron chosen episode today.

We are recording on Mother's Day. So I threw in some mother themed options for the patrons. And Henley, you'll be glad to know they didn't choose the worst case option. Thank you, patrons, from the bottom of my heart. That's the best present you could have given me this Mother's Day. You've given Henley a good Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day, Hen. Although I think resurrection would be the worst one, which you are curious about.

I know that's the main one I want to know about. But I've heard so many people have been like, why? So I'm getting the sense that I should. You're not going to like it. Yeah, you won't like it. I know. I know. I can't help it. This is...

I mean, rest assured, Anna, I'm sure someday you will know about it. Yeah, we'll get there. Okay. So if you want to jump straight ahead to our recap, check out timestamps in the show notes because I've got a little bit of haunted housekeeping to do. Which is that first I will tell you guys that the early reviews from Long Legs are coming in and this is just something I'm very excited about. They are extremely positive. People saying, best horror movie of the year. Okay. Saying it's very scary, very disturbing. It's going to stick with us. Nicholas Cage. You're losing me. You're losing me now.

Nicolas Cage delivering an all-time performance, which I'm not surprised to hear. Wow. I truly, I can't wait. I really can't wait. The gods are delivering on this one. I mean, this is the movie that you said felt like was conjured straight from your consciousness. So the fact that it's getting great reviews is just the cherry on top. Truly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's really I mean, that is overall really exciting. Some descriptors in there I didn't love to hear, but overall, I am thrilled.

Me too. Me too. And then only other thing that I wanted to bring up is just that there's a poster of Night Bitch that came out today and it's pretty simple. It's basically just Amy Adams's face, but still. That's enough for me. Night Bitch, we're very excited. Tagline, motherhood is a bitch. Which is why they released it today, I'm sure. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. I'm very excited for Night Bitch. Dear, dear friend of mine and of the pod mary holland is in night bitch and i can't fucking wait cannot fucking wait we will have to be getting some deets definitely from her about it definitely henley do you think you're gonna read it yeah i

think so i i'm like now that now that i'm May is almost seven months old, some of my extreme sensitivities are getting a little bit dulled at the edges. So I think I can handle, I think I can start handling some more content. Yeah, I'm curious to hear what you'd feel because I don't. It's not actually that bad? I don't think, it's like more about her psychology, I guess. So it's not that the kid is ever in danger or anything. Yeah. It's more that she's going nuts thinking that she's turning into a dog.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, honestly, like within the first few weeks or months of May being born, I could have easily felt the same way. So I get it. Yeah. I get it. Yeah. I'm curious. Also, you have time because it looks like it doesn't come out until December.

So you can wait till May is even a whole year. Okay, great. Yep. I will do that. Yep. You're good, baby. That is all the horror news for the week. I mean, I'm sure there's other stuff, but that's all I wanted to

talk about. Great. We can cover everything. We're just one show. Exactly. I only follow so many horror Instagram accounts that I get little tidbits from. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Did anything scary happen to you guys this week? Well, a scary thing happened at work, which is that we do have some direct-to-consumer retail styles, but we also do a lot of wholesaling. So we have a wholesale website with over 3,000 available styles to choose from. And our wholesale website had a glitch this week that deleted the photos for every single style on our website. And there was nothing that could be done other than to manually re-upload. Did you have to retake the photos or did you have the photos? We didn't have to retake anything, but we did have to.

I'm sure there's multiple photos for each thing. Yes. thing yes and we had to like on a spreadsheet basically like copy paste the appropriate photo to the appropriate style to then like upload the whole thing back into the website platform and it was just really fucking annoying and it we all we i mean there's nothing to be done other than all of us had to just take different parts of the spreadsheet and fucking do it till it got done we were all slowly losing our minds i was copy pasting i went to sleep the other night and as And all of us had to just take different parts of the spreadsheet and fucking do it till it got done. We were all slowly losing our minds. I was copy pasting.

I went to sleep the other night. And as I was falling asleep, I was like copy pasting. You know how when you've been doing something a lot in a day, you like see it as you're falling asleep. Yes. I remember we both used to get that with Spider Solitaire. Oh, yes. Usually that's when I know I have to stop doing something because I'm like, oh,'m falling asleep yeah playing spider solitaire that's not right um but there was nothing to be done but i couldn't stop you know i had this was i had to get done yeah it did get done i'm very

hopeful it will never happen again it's it really sucks when the thing happens that you just i you just simply have to face there's no going it. I hate that we live in a world where a glitch can ruin your whole day. I think I mentioned recently that as we were about to go on a road trip, Jenna's trunk locking mechanism malfunctioned. And it wasn't that anything was broken. It was that the car,

because it's automated on some computer system, it essentially needs to be the equivalent of turning it off and on again to reset the system but that's not something that you can do as you like have to take it into a place where they can reset i'm like this is so fucking stupid like yeah just keep it a manual lock like Like it was working fine. Trunks worked fine. Yeah. We didn't need to advance on trunks. No,

no. Especially when it means you have to take it into the auto repair shop. Is that what it's called? That is what people call it. Yeah. Yeah. People call it that for sure. For sure.

Yeah. You know, technology, huh? Blessings and curses, blessings and curses. So I don't know that was scary it did bond me more with my co-workers i feel we really started an affirmations slack channel where we just started sending like really silly inspirational quote photos to each other which

was fun hang in there etc exactly god only gives his uh toughest battles to his strongest soldiers that kind of stuff. I mean, we got through it, but it was not a fun way to spend a week. I'll tell you that. Terrible. It's very annoying. It's very annoying. But God only gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers. They're so strong. I'm ultimately okay and strong.

How about you guys? Anything scary? Did you get there, Han? Did you get there? You said you'd come up with something by the time we got to you. I know, I know. I don't have anything. I don't have anything. I guess the main thing that I keep circling back to is just that Baby Mae is like, she's six months old. And she's in like 12 to 18 month clothes. Or even like 24 month old clothes. And clothes. And I keep looking down at her and

she's busting through her clothes like the Incredible Hulk. She's growing right before your eyes, just inflating. Like Aunt Marge. Not dissimilar to some things that are going to happen in today's. This morning, I was looking down at her while she was in the stroller and her I realized like her pants were too tight on her legs like her little she has like the fattest little legs and I was like I need to take these pants off because I think that they're just like too tight on you restricting they're restricting on you it's like a little sausage casing and I don't know what size because in my head I'm like I cannot put you in 24 month old clothes that's. She's like in a little sausage casing. And I don't know what size, because in my head, I'm like, I cannot put you in 24 month old clothes. That's crazy. She's like the same size as Silas. She's only six months old. I don't understand what's going on. You do have

a string bean child and a potato child. A full string bean. Which is really fun. No, honestly, because I was holding baby Mae a lot today. And then I picked up Silas and I was like, same, same the same same like exact same like i think she weighs like probably like 25 pounds and he probably weighs like 28 pounds like it's like not a big difference at all and she also we're starting to eat she's starting to eat solid food and i've had forgotten the level of mess is horrifying how messy it is. It's disgusting. And truly you have to have so much love. So much love. Because it really doesn't bother me at all. But if I try to think of what's happening objectively, I'm like, this is the grossest thing. Because she's just covered, whole body's covered.

It's smushed into the seat. It's on the ground. She flings it like into the living room. I'm finding like yogurt and places that I didn't know yogurt could go. And she loves it though. But it's really fun because Silas could eat two crackers and be full and like doesn't like eating. And May just covers her face in it so i don't know she's so cute hen oh my god she's so we got a peek at her just before recording and her hair is tied up into these little sprigs little pigtails that are so cute she's got like a little antenna oh my god big old smile just little baked potato body I'm just, she's so fucking cute

She's such a baked potato She's such a squishy baked potato Yeah, I'm very lucky I'm very lucky, so happy Mother's Day To me Happy Mother's Day to you That is, I think, the most important thing That we should get across

Sammy, how are you doing? As you guys know, I've had a little too much caffeine this morning. I've been like chugging this caffeine right now. So I'm trying to get on your level. I need to get some water. Yeah, I need to drink more water. My heart is beating like 200 beats per minute. So stressful.

My hands are shaking. But my scary thing is two separate updates on two things I've talked about recently kind of came together in a way that was a little scary, which is that I was in jury duty this past week. Oh, yeah. How'd that go? It's not done yet. I think I will get on the jury. I'm in the jury box, but jury selection is not complete. What number are you?

Seven. Okay. Can you tell us? Is it like a criminal or a civil case? No, I guess I can tell you it's civil, but I obviously can't get into the details of the case. Yeah, obviously. Of course not.

Of course not. Is it juicy? Are you regretting saying that you wanted this to happen? Or do you feel like good about it? No, no, I feel good about it. You'd be so good on a jury. Guys are lucky to have you. They so are.

They so are. As I was listening, I'm like, God, I'm going to be so good at being unbiased. You're going to be so good. I was like, I have really, truly no strong feelings either way in this case. So this is perfect. I can really look at the facts and come at it from a unemotional place. Court is so weird. You like can't bring any outside things into your deliberation.

You can't think about the people before or after the case. It's just like only what happens while we're in here in this room. That's all you can factor in. You are so well suited for this. It's crazy. It's not how brains normally work. But I think, yeah, I think that I'm going to do a good job. So, you know, it's not 100 percent that I'm on the jury yet, but it's looking positive. Does it seem like it'll be a long case or do you not? No, I don't think so. They said five to seven days. OK. Yeah. I mean, that's not nothing. Not nothing. But could be worse. Could be a lot worse could be worse but so even though i am excited to be on a jury i do have some adhd where it's hard for me to sit still for hours and hours

at a time and unfortunately usually that leads to some picking or like fucking with things on my body. And a prime suspect or a prime contender was unfortunately my gel manicure. Oh, yep. She wasn't long for the world. Which I peeled off, which you're definitely not supposed to do. Oh, but it's so satisfying. I did really want them off. Are you not supposed to do that because it like takes off your nail? Yeah, it damages your nail.

More so than like the alcohol nail remover situation? Yeah, like a lot more. And I can confirm that now my nails are paper little wisps and feel like... Welcome to my world. It's a really horrible feeling. They feel like... Too thin. I don't know.

Just, yeah, so thin that you can... It's... Yeah. I'm so aware of my nail beds having... Being exposed now. Like, it just feels like part of my fingers have a raw exposed part it's not painful but it's just like oh i hope i don't hit them it's like sensitive yes it's sensitive that's what the nail is for exactly it's a really gross feeling and it's so cringy it's like oh do you have that nail

strengthener polish stuff well because if not i'll give some to you because I don't need it because I've got my fake motherfuckers on. But it really works. I actually read that you're not supposed to put anything. They're supposed to breathe. So I've just been putting oil on them like four times a day. But maybe once they grow out a little bit, that'll be good. But yeah, I'm trying to just moisturize these cuticles and nail beds with, I've got jojoba oil. Is that how you say that?

I think so. And vitamin E oil and coconut oil. Just going to town. I mean, that sounds nice too. So. That sounds nice too. We're going to get these guys back in tip top shape, but it's going to be a process. Right when you got your toes worked out.

My God, it's really just all over the place. I've never, ever, ever taken care of my nails, but I recently bought Sally Hansen cuticle oil or whatever, and I put it on my nails the other day, and I was like, wow, I'm an adult woman. Wow, I really feel like an adult woman taking care of my nails. It's not dissimilar to lotion. Truly. When you get older, you've got to be tending. You've got to be tending. And I never, we've talked about this sometimes, I never understood it, but my God, I washed my hands and all of a sudden it is like the freaking ground of

Joshua tree. I was just going to say like, you've been digging in the sand in a desert for an hour. Yeah. It's, it is insane. I used to be like, oh yeah, in the winter,

my hands get dry. No, no, my hands are the driest part of my body. 365 days a year. And it's, it's alarming. Like you can feel them.

It's like, I can feel my crinkly hands after I wash them. Crinkly hands. You feel like them crinkly hands you feel like your insides are gonna burst out of your skin yes yeah throw some thin nail beds on top of there oh my god it's just impossible is there even skin on my hands do i even yeah like what is even time just bones and sand oh man nasty nasty well nasty let's talk about something that will surely be much less nasty yeah i believe that 100 which is this week's movie again patron chosen the patrons chose splice the way that you are relinquishing responsibility for this choice makes me nervous. Me too, me too, me too, me too.

Splice was directed by Vincenzo Natale, who, if you'll recall, directed Cube. Okay. Okay. A fun one. Oh, yeah. I'm not mad about that. It was written by Vincenzo Natale, Antoinette Terry Bryant, and Doug Taylor. It's starring Sarah Pauly, Adrienne Brody, and Delphine Cheneyek.

Came out in 2009. I forgot to say that. Okay. And it is available to rent, not streaming anywhere free, unfortunately. Are you guys familiar with this film? Not even a little bit. Not at all. Wow.

Splice. Oh, God. There's going to be things bursting through other things, bursting into other things. I was so excited for this movie when it came out. I was so excited for this movie when it came out. This is when I was in college and it came out on my birthday. And I remember going, I think I think I, for some reason, got to go to an advanced screening of it. I don't know.

That might be wrong. But it was either that or I went like opening opening night. And I was truly so excited and then was like very upset oh no i would say that it's not a very good movie and some really upsetting things happen in it but it's oh no certainly crazy and there are some motherhood themes oh motherfucker motherfucker you fucking patrons You did me dirty To be fair Sammy did put it on the list I did yes Okay so we have to take into account

You were more sensitive to horror films Back then I'm trying to calm myself down By the fact that you were upset by things in this movie Well I actually don't remember the things That upset me then Rewatching it I hadn't seen it since 2009 and so re-watching it i pretty much forgot the whole third act so i think not to immediately take that comfort away from you but i think it was more upsetting to me

this time i remember initially just being like oh wasn't. Like, I was just kind of bored and let down by it. This time I was like, not bored. Why did they have to do that? I don't, I don't, I don't love that. No. Okay. It's fine. It's fine.

Fine. We're strong. Does Adrian Brody have bleach blonde hair now? Did I just see that the other day? Yes. And actually, I would love if we could post. He posted a reel yesterday. That man is wild.

That is so weird. Isn't he like not okay? Yeah. And he's nothing not like good. Oh, is he not good? Oh, I didn't know that. Okay. Well, then I don't want to laugh at him then.

But it was a weird. No, no, not in that way. He I just he's the one who kissed Halle Berry, right? What? Yes. Was that Adrian Brody? Yes. He just like just went and made out with her right? What? Yes. Was that Adrian Brody? Yes. He just like, just went and made out with her.

That's not okay. It was not okay. Wait, we have the same birthday. Uh-oh. Well, then I take it back. He's fine. He's fine. Yeah, he does have bleach blonde hair. There's a difference between Aries women and Aries men.

I'm just saying. It's true. And, oh, is this what you're talking about? In the embrace of change, the soul thrives beyond the physical it survives love each other and yourselves adrian brody no wearing a beanie with bleach bond hair walking down the street oh yeah maybe that is it um yeah no i guess i don't know too much about him i remember really liking him around this time yeah this was a good time for him, I feel like. But I'm not really sure why.

Like, what other stuff was he in? I guess Predators? Yeah, Predators. I don't freaking know. Like, I couldn't think of that much stuff that I've ever even seen him in. I just remember liking him. King Kong. Oh, King Kong.

Yeah, I do remember that. He is great in Predators. The jacket. What's that? That looks scary. I don't like that oh darjeeling limited oh yeah oh yeah he was in some like wes anderson that must be it that must be oh he was in the village i forgot about that i feel like i don't actually i cannot remember a single thing

about this but i feel like maybe he's just like very hard to work with and kind of an asshole i like adrian brody's is twinge tinged twinge tinged with controversy in my brain and i'm not really sure yeah a loose association i agree somebody will know why and i'm sure they'll comment it and if it's horrible and we didn't know i'm really sorry we'll know now oh he wore in 2003 he wore faux dreadlocks and used a jamaican accent to introduce sean paul on saturday night live so that wasn't good okay okay that is now coming flashing back to me i did not remember that, but wow. Okay, obviously not okay, but wow. That is not what I was expecting the negative association to be. That really caught me off guard.

That is a really surprising choice. You know, I just think we've talked about it before. We'll talk about it again. Actors are just a fascinating class of people. Yeah. Yep. And I never want them to stop being actors. You know,

I just, wow. Wow. Not okay. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. All right.

So let's just, let's just let all that color our experience of today. Yeah. Yeah. Let's see if we like him more or less after this. Splice has a 75% on Rotten Tomatoes, which is fucking crazy. That's astounding. Oh, no.

A 66 on Metacritic and a 5.8 on IMDB. So just a gradual decline there. The budget was $30 million. It made $27.1 million. Oops. Pretty close, but not quite. So when you're thinking millions, kind of far. Kind of far.

Certainly farther than you want to be. Some trivia for us is that Vincenzo Natale first got the idea for this film when he saw a picture of a mouse with a human ear growing on its back. What? No. No. I don't want to think about that too hard. What? Why? I mean, I presume it didn't happen naturally. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly, exactly. Like, what are they doing?

What are these scientists doing? Scientists have to be stopped. This is... Scientists are... They're out of control. They're out of control. Yeah. I mean, we saw Oppenheimer.

Okay, I didn't. I actually didn't see Oppenheimer. We get the gist, though. Wait, but I get it. I do get it. It's just just so long i'll see it someday but men talking that was give me time yeah men talking speaking of sarah paulie who is the star of this film directed women talking oh women are talking who said that who called it that uh at the Oscars?

Oh, God, that was funny. I don't remember, but I know what you're talking about. It really made me laugh. Women are talking. I was like, well, I was going to say Ray Liotta, but that's not right. That's not right. The person who said women are talking was Mark Wahlberg. Just need to put that out there.

Okay, more trivia. Vincenzo Natale's hair turned gray during the filming of this shoot turned gray this was apparently such a grueling shoot he's not old he was a grueling shoot nothing to do with aging um i did watch a movie called sorcerer last night which is directed by william friedkin and i had heard great things about this movie and it was great very stressful film and a very stressful shoot we know william friedkin on the exorcist what like broke ellen burston's spine remember terrible he's a real uh actor's rights violations yeah didn't he pass away recently yes and i think last year um but

i didn't know this also that in the french connection which was his first film he filmed a car chase scene without permits and just like drove cars through the streets of paris with like actual pedestrians jumping out of the way what the fuck fuck? Isn't that insane? And on Sorcerer, it's filmed in South America, and 50 crew members had to leave at certain points from either injuries or getting gangrene. Ugh. William Friedkin got malaria. Really a very crazy shoot.

So Vincenzo Natale, his hair turning gray, is like, get back to me when you get malaria and 50 people get gangrene on your set. Yeah, we're not interested. My hands are dust. I don't care about your hair turning gray. The main female character's name in this movie is Elsa, which was the first name of Adrienne Brody's

real life girlfriend at the time, which first of all, I love that someone thought was important enough to add into the trivia. Second of all, it's Elsa Pataki. I didn't know that they dated. So now we know. Now we know. That's all the trivia I have. Shall we get into this recap? I know you guys are chomping at the bit. Can't wait. I need to know. Yeah, sure. Yeah, sure. Sure, fine. In the past few years, I have hit a point where I only want to be wearing clothes that are comfortable.

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and select too scary, didn't watch in the drop down menu that follows. I used to love back to school shopping so much that I would tell my mom that I wanted to work at Staples when I grew up because I just loved getting all the things that I needed that I would use every day in class. I still to this day have nightmares about showing up in class without notebooks or number two pencils. Really scary stuff. But luckily I wake up and I realize I don't actually need notebooks or number two pencils anymore. But this fall there is something that I will be using every day and would be terrified to be caught without. And that's Raycon's best-selling everyday

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long morning walk. You forgot to charge them and you just need a little bit of juice to listen to one episode of a podcast. It's only going to take you 10 minutes. It's incredible. So go to buyraycon.com slash too scary today to get 20 to 40% off site-wide. That's right. You'll get up to 40% off everything on Raycon's website when you go to buyraycon.com slash too scary. Buyraycon.com slash too scary. Okay. I will give a trigger warning for rape. Oh, motherfucker. God damn it.

Okay. Not a strong start. Not a strong start. Yeah. Yep. We begin with the studio logos and all the main titles done in this creepy animal x-ray scene. Aren't animal x-rays creepy? Yeah, they are creepy. I guess all x-rays are pretty creepy. Yeah, but animal ones are just shocking.

Wait, I want to bring this up because recently it came to light. This should be obvious. But how we think of dinosaurs, totally wrong. Because what we know is they're taking it by their like bone structure or whatever. And like- They had feathers. Yeah. And also you have like cartilage and fat and like all these things that fill out your bone. So like a dinosaur probably looks very different than their bone structure, right? Anyway, I just saw a headline about this. I didn't actually look into it or read it. I just thought that was interesting. Oh, I thought maybe you were finally reading The Rise and Fall of the Dinosaurs.

I was going to say, I saw on your newsletter that you wanted to read the book about dinosaurs. Which truly, everybody, if you're not reading Henley's newsletter, you have to be reading Henley's newsletter. Wait, and also this is Emily's my number one supporter. I love it so much.

I really love it. Henley, what's it called? Where can people find it? Substack. Substack. Endless amounts. Endless amounts on Substack. On Substack. Go check it out. It's so fucking good. I have my reading list,

which I've been literally only reading romance novels on Kindle Unlimited. So I have to actually read things on my reading list. So let's hold each other to that. Let's hold each other to that. But also, you know I got no problems with reading a romance novel. No, no, I don't either.

I just can't only read them. It is hard to only read them. I went through a phase where I was only reading them, and it did start to make me feel a little insane. Yeah. I could see that. Yeah. But this is reminding me, I'm sorry, it's because I'm caffeinated.

I'm like jumping on all these tangents, but that just reminded me of something I'm paraphrasing now from a different podcast, Ride, that we love. Love Ride. Love Ride is a fact about dinosaurs which is that we live closer in time to the tyrannosaurus rex than the tyrannosaurus rex lived to the velociraptor whoa wow time really crazy i mean you know i i absolutely have no idea of how to quantify anything.

Yeah, I know. That there are 500 seats in the Dodger Stadium. Yeah, like how many years is what? What does it mean? I like I don't. I truly just have no. That fact is both interesting and meaningless to me. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah. I got nothing. Time is a flat circle. I feel like I don't know and I don't want to know. Like, yeah, I don't know. I brought it up. Yeah. Why did you bring that up? Why did you you bring that up why would you bring that up it also might be wrong i didn't do anything i've

heard that before something like that you know if something like that is true also now that i'm seeing this x-ray and i'm remembering the thing you've said about the fucking rat. I'm thinking about the word splice and I'm really unhappy about what I'm certain I will be about to experience. I'm really unhappy. This is also really the type of thing that you don't like. I really don't like.

You don't like body parts being affected in any way. And I have a feeling this is everything has to be intact. Just like, yeah, where it belongs. And we should leave it there. Yeah. And I doubt that's what these people think.

I'm telling you, scientists must be stopped. Because this is true. And scientists are doing this. This is 100% true. What you're about to tell us, right? This is a documentary. Yeah. Based on real scientists.

These scientists need to be stopped. These specific ones. Okay. So we begin with a, we haven't even started the recap yet. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. We're doing it. It's a something being born. We're seeing it from the POV of the one being born and we're seeing Adrian Brody and Sarah Polly delivering this new creature. Oh god. And Sarah Polly's saying, oh my god, he's so cute, he's so cute, and

placing it in a little enclosure thing and we get our first look at it and it's a nasty little blob okay like a like a blob fish looking thing with maybe a pointier head than a fish it's truly just a blob and honestly there is a little bit i could see a little bit of how it could be cute, but mostly it's just a blob. Okay. And we see that there is another creature that looks similar, and they're putting them together. So these two blobs are now meeting each other for the first time.

We're hearing that one is male, one is female. This is Fred and Ginger. Whoa, didn't see that coming. And they're coming closer to each other. There's no, by the way way eyes or visible orifices like they're true blobs there's nothing there's no arms legs and they're new they're newborn blobs well the other blob seems to have been around for a little longer but the newborn blob is is bigger so is it it's breathing and stuff though it's It's like alive? Yeah. Okay.

Okay. Sure. Sure. And so they're kind of crawling closer to each other. Do they have limbs? Nope. So sort of just squelching? Squelching.

Squelching towards each other. Squelching towards each other. Squelching. It's not quite snake-like. They're, again, pretty round blobs. Okay. And they're coming close to each other, and we don't know what it looks like are they gonna fight they're sizing each other up and maybe smelling each other we don't know because there's no distinguishable features and then these little things come out of each of them that look like tongues, but almost like they're flower shaped and they go and touch each other's

little flower shaped tongues to one another. And Sarah Polly says they're imprinting, which is triggering. We know, we know about that. We know about that from Twilight. Yeah. Okay.

Okay. And she says, love at first sight. And it seems like these blobs like each other, Fred and ginger they are going to be mates and now they've imprinted and so as we know it's lifelong true love yeah okay they better not hurt one of those blobs and then the other blob seeks vengeance that better not be what happened or It's their most absolute law.

So now Sarah Polly and Adrian Brody are Elsa and Clive, which I guess are names from Frankenstein, I think. Oh. Fred and Ginger, Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers. Nobody has names from just regular names in this movie. Okay. They are now in their regular clothes, and we're getting their vibe. And these are cool scientists, okay? These are not your typical dorks, nerds.

These are cool scientists. Adrian Brody's wearing a blue and green plaid suit with a graphic T underneath that says, I bring nothing to the table. What? This is my least favorite genre of person. These guys don't play by the freaking rules. Okay.

They're meeting with the- Seems like they maybe should. They maybe should. They're meeting with the CEO of the company, which is called NERD, N-E-R-D, Nucleic Exchange Research and Development. It's so fucking rude to wear that shirt to meet with the CEO. Sorry, this is my least favorite genre of person.

It's really crazy. And the CEO is kind of chasing after them because they're walking like so fast because they're so important and cool. And they're like, yeah whatever and he's chasing after them with a copy of wired magazine on which they are both featured on the cover wow so these are not only cool badass celebrities they're famous and they're seeming like they're running the show at nerd headquarters. And they get into this meeting with this CEO guy and another head of the company. I don't remember their names.

And who cares, you know? So they are being told that they're walking in like hot shit because they're like we just successfully created a pair of these new species and we find out that what they've been doing is splicing together dna of different animals to create a whole new species so this is why exactly why and i think they say something like this will give us the opportunity to find cures to diseases. We don't get into a lot of the explanation of how. Scientists love to just use that as a fucking excuse. And they say that they want the next step. This is Clive and Elsa saying this.

They're like, obviously, the next step is we want to be able to incorporate human DNA. Obviously. Because that's how we'll be able to really be able to cure cancer, etc., etc. And the suits are going, oh my God, no, definitely not. The regulators would tear us to pieces. As a matter of fact, we're shutting down the splicing facilities altogether. And we just want you to focus on getting a protein from Fred and Ginger,

like basically harvest what you can from them. And then the program's getting shut down because it's going a little too far, which is the right call. But as we know, Clive and't don't play by the rules and so they go back to their lab and are both immediately like well we're obviously fuck that not doing that right like we'll just do the human dna thing on our own because you know we'll do whatever the fuck we want. So they decide they're going to do it. They start putting together all different kinds of DNA.

We've got some human DNA from a Jane Doe that we're going to be throwing in there. We've also got salamander, kangaroo, bird, fish, horse, and stingray. Pretty classic combination of stuff right right right i also love we go from salamander kangaroo bird fish i just throw a bird and a fish in there whatever any bird any fish any bird any fish some flies and swims and all of this is happening while jazz music plays. This is a jazz montage as they're splicing DNA. Really strange, really weird vibe. And they successfully find the correct, I don't know, who cares,

balance of DNA that it's going to survive. Yeah, whatever. They literally do no explaining. We're just meant to believe, like, okay, they did it. They did it. And this is where Clive wanted to stop basically just to prove we could do it. Now we have to pull the plug. But Elsa says, let's just, you know, take it to a full fetus. Let's just see if it can grow to be a healthy, uh,

baby. Kangaroo lady, bird, fish. A salamander lady. Because we will cure cancer this way. Exactly. And she locks the room that she's in so that Clive can't get in there.

And she, she does it. And he's trying to break down the door. He's saying, we'll go to jail. This is illegal. And she's like, who cares? And we're doing it anyways. And she does it. And he's trying to break down the door. He's saying, we'll go to jail. This is illegal. And she's like, who cares? And we're doing it anyways.

And she does it. Ew. And so she's like, don't worry. We'll terminate it. Like, the second we know that it's a viable organism. Certainly won't get out of our hands. It could never. Scientists?

No. We're in control here. We are the gods. Scientists? No. We're in control here. We are the gods. And now Adrian Brody is wearing another graphic tee with a tuxedo vest over it. I think he changes outfits every single scene. It's really funny. Okay. I mean, that I do appreciate. We see also at the lab, his brother works there. we see also at the lab, his brother works there. His name's Gavin.

And he's overhearing things. These are my two baby boys, Gavin and Clive. Oh, the boys. Oh, the boys. Gavin and Clive at it again. And Gavin is noticing that they're up to something in in secret that there's a part of the lab that's

closed off he's saying what are you guys working on in there clive is not telling him anything don't worry about it certainly nothing illegal we see at home by the way clive and elsa are dating we were kind of getting that vibe but now we see they live together. They're at home. And this is our first confirmation that they are, in fact, a couple. Elsa's looking at apartment listings for a bigger place. And Clive mentions that the bigger place they're looking at is actually not even big enough because maybe they'd want a third room in case they have another family member or something. I can't remember how he phrases it. But Elsa's like, oh, you mean kids.

So we're learning that Clive is thinking about having kids, wants kids. And Elsa is a little more like, I don't want to plan my life around a thing that doesn't exist yet. Like, I like this house. Like, why can't we get this apartment? I only want to birth salamander kangaroo babies. I don't want to birth human babies. Yeah. So maybe Clive and Elsa are on slightly different pages. That's tough. That's really tough. Mm-hmm.

And just then, they get a text alert from the lab. Something is going on. You got to get here. from the lab something is going on you got to get here they rush to the lab and there's alarms going off the little thing that they have put the embryo in or whatever it's a petri dish it's not a peach it's like a tank it's pretty big oh okay and it has gone from in the few hours that they've been out of the lab it's grown big like bigger than a basketball and they're seeing through the ultrasound this baby is ready to be delivered clive is asking how the hell did this happen this is way too fast this is should have taken months we're seeing that the specimen is growing much faster than expected and it's at term and we got to deliver it um because it's time and it's actually too big to come out of the little sack that it's in yeah and so elsa reaches in to manually pull it out, like deliver it.

But as soon as she puts her hand in that big sack, it's through like this like opening in the side of a tank. So she puts her hand in and then, of course, screams in pain. Her hand is stuck. Clive is trying to pull her hand out. She's like, no, no, stop, stop. It's like it's hurting more if you pull it. And so he doesn't know what to do. And he takes a wrench or something,

smashes the glass of the tank so that now the sack is exposed. He grabs a scalpel to cut into it. Ew. All this brown goo comes out. Ew. And then he puts the scalpel in his mouth. Like he needs both of his hands to get her hand out,

but the scalpel's covered in this brown goo. That's so gross. And he doesn't use it again. It's just like a throw it on the floor. Why did you put it there? Like, what are you doing? Ew. It was so gross. i couldn't believe it and she finally gets her hand out there's all these sting marks it's they're like circular

almost bite looking things but not like teeth like a suction bite almost like a cookie cutter shark if you've ever seen one of those bites, they're really gross. I really, really don't like the sound of that. No, no, no, it's not good.

And she starts having a seizure. Wow. And then he's able to stabilize her and she comes back to, and they get the thing into a little glass case. Basically, they put it in a enclosure thing and she says, what was that? And Clive says, a mistake. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, that's right. Yeah. That's accurate. Yeah. So what is it? Okay. Okay.

Right now it just looks like the face hugger from alien except without legs it's it's kind of just like sperm shaped and flopping around okay so they put it in its little like incubator thing and in a different part of the lab i think we're on the next day now and uh we see some brown goo on the lock of the incubator on the outside which as she's opening it she's like huh she's like well obviously obviously it's not in there and she opens up the little sperm sack thing sperm shaped sack and it's empty she's like, what the heck is going on? And I guess it's dead. And then, of course, we hear a little like. And some things get knocked off shelves and there's something in the room with her moving very fast.

Clive is in another part of the lab and this room seems kind of soundproofed and the door is closed. And so she's yelling, Clive, Clive. He can't hear her. And we're just seeing little flashes of a leg, a tail as something is running around this room. And eventually he notices that this is going on. And Elsa's wearing a gas mask, like full protective gear, because we don't know, you know, what this thing is capable of. And so he calls into her and says, I'm going to gas it. I'm like, I'm going to kill it, because I guess they have this button he can press that'll fill the room with gas to kill it. And she'll be fine because she's got her gas mask.

She's saying, no, no, wait, wait, wait. Elsa. And he's about to do it when she takes her gas mask off so he can't press the button. And she crouches down, extends her hand, takes her gloves off. She's like, come here, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty. Oh, Elsa, you fool.

Extends her hand to this creature. We get a good look at it. It looks like a little chicken dinosaur with a weird little rabbit face like skinless like it's a pale beige color no arms but little t-rex legs like kind of looks like a t-rex and little creatures cautiously coming closer to her. Elsa's saying, I'm not going to hurt you. It's okay. And as the creature gets to Elsa, it imprints on her. Oh, boy.

Here we go. Elsa's fucking thrilled about this for some reason. Ew. It's incredible. She's imprinting. And as this happens, now we see the creature going something defensive. And we see that Adrian Brody, Clive, is walking up behind with a broomstick, essentially, like he's going to smash the thing. And once again, Elsa stops him. Clive, no, don't. This is my husband now. This is my husband now.

And this reminded me, did you guys ever listen to that episode of This American Life about the woman whose parrot was like in love with her? No. And it caused a problem in her marriage and with her three children because the parrot hated all of them because it thought she was its mate. And so anytime anyone comes near to her, the parrot just attacks it. But she loved the parrot so much that she was like, sorry, I guess my three kids will just be getting attacked by a parrot for their whole lives. That's really, yeah, that's really not okay. Because parrots also live till they're like 100. That's absolutely not okay. It's really funny. The episode is called Polly Wants More Than a Cracker. I recommend checking it out. But it's like, you know, this American american life i feel like it's always poignant and it's actually gets emotional it's it's a good story but anyways

that's what i was thinking of when elsa and this little creature are bonded now with clive trying to kill it at any moment that he can get alone with it but they're now observing it doing doing scientist stuff, recording its behavior. Again, we're seeing that it's growing really fast, like May, breaking through its close. That's really not nice. Take as many opportunities as you can to compare this movie to My Children. I would love that. Well, also in the poll for the patrons was the movie May, because it is the month of May. So that was an option as well, which I don't think is about motherhood so much, but there would have been a lot more mentions of the name May if we did that. Because she was bitten by it. Or you know stung by it. And.

They're trying to feed it. This like nasty. Slop. That's you know. Just like a mix of proteins. Protein slush type thing. Everything you need. But it like looks really gross. And the creature is not eating it.

And you're like yeah duh. Like it looks fucking gross. And then they spill a container of tic tacs and now all of a sudden the little the little guys eating them all up okay what orange tic tacs i think they are orange actually i used to fucking love the orange same yeah they're good i had one of those a while and clive is taking notes in his little tape recorder, and they're calling it H50. And they say, H50 craves high sucrose foodstuffs. That line really made me laugh.

He's a scientist. I also crave high sucrose foodstuffs. Me too. I know. That's what I was like. You know, I'm really in the mood for some high sucrose foodstuffs. I was eating my tiramisu just. Oh, I love that you were eating tiramisu. Same girl, same. If you're a new parent, a bad day means you either ran out

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but it's because it's kind of, we don't really know at first. Yeah. It feels strange assigning gender to this fucking demonic entity. But they are able to identify that it is female and they put a little dress on it and sorry that really really got me off guard i know i wasn't expecting that we're gonna obviously need to post some visuals of human beings are so fucking weird. This little creature, because it is very funny looking a lot of the time. Her face, H50's face, is more human than the body. Oh, no. But still not, you know, extremely human looking.

I also don't see much kangaroo. Yeah, like what are the animals? Maybe those little arms? I guess those are a bird. T-Rex does kind of have some similarities with the kangaroo yeah like what are the animals salamander those little arms i guess yeah i guess those are bird t-rex does kind of have some similarities with the kangaroo and it does look a little t-rex so anyways they're doing some iq tests they're teaching you know they have scrabble tiles out they're teaching her how to spell doing shape recognition, showing her like, this is match the triangle with the triangle. And she is exceeding their expectations in these tests.

Oh boy. Elsa puts out tiles, scrabble tiles that say E L S a spelling out Elsa. And she's showing her saying, Elsa, I'm Elsa. The H 50 pushes those tiles out of the way, grab some new tiles and spells out N-E-R-D, nerd.

Rude. Elsa looks down at her shirt. She is wearing a nerd shirt, which is the company that she works at, but also she's a nerd, and she gets very excited. She goes, yes, I'm a nerd. You're doing so well. Oh, my God. She's a nerd and she gets very excited. She goes, yes, I'm a nerd. You're doing so well. Oh my God. She's having associations.

Such a good girl. And we give her Tic Tacs as treats when she does something good. And H50 makes all these kind of screechy bird sounds when she's mad or excited. Just these animal sounds, which again, they're in a lab with other scientists very close by. It's loud and seems pretty risky. Like they're going to get caught at any moment. Clive comes in and is, you know, really on edge, really unhappy with like, okay, we do like, what's the end game here? Why are we doing this? We got to shut this down. It can't be here. Why are we doing this? We gotta shut this down. It can't be here. Elsa says, don't call her it.

And Clive says, what do you want me to call her? And she looks at the Scrabble tiles and nerd is spelt facing H50 and so from Elsa's point of view, she reads

it as Dren. And she says, Dren. Call her Dren. I hate this. Gorgeous name. I hate this. Beautiful name that any of us would be lucky to have. Call her Dren. And sure enough, Gavin, Clive's brother brother gavin and clive you might remember them as

brothers the boys the boys gavin overhears some commotion happening and sneaks in into kind of like a broom closet in the room dren sees him sneaks up behind him attacks him pins him down into the room with everybody we're all in the same room together now dren attacking gavin they they pull her off but she has a long tail with a stinger thing at the end of it that she was looking like she was about to get gavin with and gavin is of course horrified by this and runs out of the room and they they're like, okay, I guess we got to deal with this now. Elsa's being like, she wasn't going to hurt you. She definitely was. She really was. Wait, why did she go after him? Just because he was like a new person in the room? Yeah. Yeah.

And he's like spying on them. And so I think she just kind of picked up on vibes. She's really good at reading vibes. Really, really good. And again, Clive is saying, we've got to shut this down. This is crazy. And Elsa is arguing, you know, once the world sees Fred and Ginger, they're going to want to know what's next. Like, people are going to be hankering for this human kangaroo salamander. No, no, no, no. Only the worst type of people would be hankering for this human kangaroo salamander. No, no, no, no. Only the worst type of people

would be hankering for that. And then Dren vomits and starts getting a fever. And Elsa is in full mothering mode and like, oh my God, she's sick. Dren, Dren, are you okay? Clive is looking like he very much wants nothing to do with this, but he cares about Elsa. And so he's trying to help her and they take her onto the table. They're taking her temperature and vitals and whatever. They're trying to figure out what's going on, but this is not like any other anatomy. So we don't really know what's happening.

And they're like, okay like okay well let's treat like a regular fever what do you do cold bath they run her cold bath they put her in there and she's screaming and screeching it's so loud and clive is just watching elsa panicking helplessly trying to hold Dren down into this cold bath. And Clive reaches in and holds Dren underwater, basically drowning her, pins her down into the bath. Elsa's screaming, trying to get him off of her, like, let her go, let her go, let her go. And then gills open up on Dren's neck. Bird.

I mean, fish. Yep. Bird, bird. And she starts breathing underwater and that makes the fever go away. And it was because she is amphibious that I guess she needed to be able to, I don't know, break in the gills. Again, they don't really go into any explanation for any of this. So he wasn't trying to kill her.

He was trying to activate her gills. Elsa's like, thank God you knew to do that. Like, how did you know? And he's like, oh, just, you know. Scientist instinct. And she's like, you did know, didn't you? And he's like, did know didn't you and he's like yeah of course oh i hate that we're getting a little hint that he probably did not know so now uh sometime later next day a couple days later dren's looking like a teenager. Whoa.

She's looking more human, but her legs are still kind of bending backwards, like, I don't know, little chicken legs. And Elsa's putting her to bed, reading her bedtime story. We're giving her a Barbie, which feels like a bad idea. I don't know why, but just really getting attached and treating this like a like their daughter actual daughter also yeah like really weird really weird gender politics at play here with this fucking creature yeah like putting them in a dress and giving them barbie she's got a female sex so they're like we'll give her barbie in the dress obviously

just you wait. Also, it's only been like not even a week. Yeah, this is happening very fast. And so now we're putting Dren to bed and Elsa and Clive have sex. In front of her? Well, not far away from her. She's in a different room, but only separated by a curtain.

And as they're having sex, Clive notices Dren watching them. God damn it. And doesn't react. Every now and again. Sorry, TMI. Joel and I are having sex. Can you believe I'm about to say that?

I'll look over and there's like a fucking cat just right there. And it it's a jump scare every time and i'm also always like get out get out of me fucking perv get the fuck out of here god or i'll look over and realize a cat has been sitting there the whole fucking time i'm like jesus christ sorry. Can you believe I said that? Oh, my God. People didn't know. And now they know. Now they know. Oh, God.

So the next day, they have a presentation in front of, you know, the public about Fred and Ginger. We're presenting Fredred and ginger to have they been paying any attention to fred and ginger no no no like no they have been very distracted and now they have to do this presentation that the board is very excited about and it's clearly old news to them they're kind of phoning it in they're like yeah fred and ginger here we go They bring them out in this glass case and are presenting them and everyone's oohing and aahing. Oh my God, what a huge breakthrough. The way that this case is set up is that they are separated by two glass panels and the panels come down they want to demonstrate you know that they are a mated couple

and let's look at them have what will surely be a positive interaction in front of all of these people for the first time and as fred and ginger approach each other little stinger things come out of both of them and they just start stabbing each other and killing each other and there's so much blood for them being pretty small but they kill each other and knock the cage over the glass tank thing and it shatters and everybody in the front row of this auditorium gets sprayed with glass and blood okay so that's a really bad presentation really bad presentation it went really poorly yeah real about as bad as it could go and so they are being yelled at by the man and the woman that we've met earlier that we don't know their names

and and we know that they're a man and a woman because she's wearing a dress and holding a barbie yeah exactly yeah yes he's wearing a graphic tee a graphic tee and holding a basketball and they're basically saying you know tell us what how the hell did this happen clive says well it was hard to go through the remains of Fred and Ginger, but from what we can tell, Ginger turned into a male. Okay. So then two males get, you know, territorial, and that's why this happened. And of course, these CEO people are pissed, like, this happened and you guys didn't notice that one of them changed sexes you didn't catch that which i mean to be fair there's again they're blobs but they have been very distracted and this does seem like something they should have been paying closer attention to so they're they're in deep shit now with nerd and they go back to the lab and they've got to

move dren out of here because there's some construction happening where they're i don't know there's gonna be people in this wing of the you know building and so we got to take her somewhere where the fuck are we gonna take her and elsa says i know somewhere got to take her somewhere. Where the fuck are we going to take her? And Elsa says, I know somewhere we can take her. And they get her into a cardboard box and drive to Elsa's childhood home. There is a farm kind of in the middle of nowhere with a barn. They're going to set Dren up in this barn. While they're driving there, Clive is saying, like, you never told me that you had a farm and what's all this about? And I thought your mom was crazy. And she says, my mom was crazy. Stop

asking about my mom. It's like these people just seem like they don't actually know anything about each other in a really interesting way. Elsa has apparently hidden things about her past from Clive, but is now taking them to her childhood home and simultaneously being like, don't ask me about my childhood home. I don't like what happened in this childhood home. Don't ask me about what happened here. I don't like what happened. Whatever it was, it wasn't good. We see in Elsa's childhood room, just, you know, sleeping bag on the floor, nothing really in there. And Clive says, I thought you said she left this place exactly how it was. Elsa says she did. So we're getting some vibes of not a happy childhood here in this house. As they're transporting Dren to the barn, Dren gets out, runs into the woods around the farm, and they eventually track her down. And she is eating a rabbit, her face covered in blood.

She smiles really big. She tastes so good. So much better than that freaking slop they've been feeding her. Almost as good as tic tacs and they get her back into the barn and elsa is yelling at her no dren that was so bad you are so bad bad girl dren in a way that's like oh my god it's spiraling into a bad place. Yeah. Yikes. And at this point, we're kind of seeing a bit of a role reversal where previously Clive was trying to either kill Dren with the broom or has just been unhappy about it while Elsa's been protecting her.

Now Clive gets a little bit into the protector role because Elsa's getting pretty aggressive with her and Clive is coming to her defense and saying like you can't do like she doesn't understand you can't talk to her like that scream at a child yeah uh they have a well in this barn for her because she sometimes likes to be in the water and so now Dren jumps into the water she's sulking in her little well. And they just leave her in this barn while they go to work at the office. Okay. We see Dren playing with her Barbie, putting on a little tiara,

looking at childhood photos of Elsa and her mom. And, you know, we're getting teenage vibes. Dren is trying to figure out her place in this world. Good luck, Dren. And that's gonna be a tough one yeah and at this moment a cat comes into the barn oh no dren snatches the cat up runs into her little room and we're real nervous and then the cat's like purring and rubs her and dren starts petting the cat and loves the cat it's like her little baby and is keeping keeping the cat secret like she knows that maybe she wouldn't be allowed to have this cat that night after elsa and clive get back from

work they're all in the main house now having family dinner. Oh, my God. And trying to feed Dren her slop, which she is rejecting. Elsa's getting very frustrated, saying, Dren, you need to eat it. I know you're hungry. Clive is saying, we know she's carnivorous. She's like, no, we don't. We don't know that.

We're like, we saw her eating a rabbit earlier. That was the first thing she did when she got out into the wild. Like, she wants meat. Elsa's going, no, no, no. She can't have that. We're like, we saw her eating a rabbit earlier. She, that was the first thing she did when she got out into the wild. Like she wants meat. Elsa's going, no, no, no. She can't have that. That's not okay. Dren keeps knocking the sludge away, the slop, and eventually knocks it over and it spills. Elsa grabs her by the back of the neck and restrains her and like pushes her down. And is like bad dren stop it stop it oh and

adrian brody clive like jumps up pulls her off of her it's like what the fuck like you can't do that and she's elsa's saying you saw what she did you saw she's getting so hard to control she's getting completely out of control and yeah let's maybe not have children with this woman. Definitely, definitely not. Definitely not. And Dren jumps up through the skylight of the house and is now on the roof of the house. And they both climb up after her and are trying to get her back inside. Dren, Dren, we're sorry. Elsa's saying, like, I was just, you know,

trying to get you to eat your food. And we're sorry. Please come back inside and at this point Dren extends her arms and wings shoot out of them so now we're seeing the bird part present I guess she's got chicken legs too uh but she's flapping these wings this is the first time she's seen them too. So she's feeling surprised and kind of. Oh, this reminds me of the little baby birds that,

that we watched them learn how to fly. And they were so excited. They were proud of themselves. That's cute. That's cute. I want to know more about that and less about this. I guess now I'm team Dren. And she looks like she's getting ready to fly away.

Elsa and Clive are looking more desperate to try to get her to stay. And Clive says, Dren, we love you. No. Okay. Well, this is just too much. Dren retracts the wings, turns around and runs and hugs Clive. Aw. All she wanted was to be loved.

That's all she wanted. Now we're back inside. Elsa is putting makeup on her now. Ew. Oh, God. Giving her a necklace. Your first family heirloom, she might say. Wow, wow.

And she's got a little vanity where she's putting her makeup on her, and she opens the drawer to put something away and finds so many drawings of Adrienne Brody. And Elsa's going through them saying, oh, my God, Dren, these are beautiful. Did you do these? Are there any of me? No? Okay. my god dren these are beautiful did you do these are there any of me uh no okay is it because i keep shouting at you and shoving your face into your slop

and at this moment she sees the cat that dren has been keeping it like comes out of her hiding place. And Elsa, once again, freaks out, takes the cat away. Dren is crying and whimpering. She says, you can't have this, Dren. What are you thinking? Like, it could make you sick. Takes it away. At this point, we're all feeling pretty team Dren. Like, yeah, I guess Adrian Brody is hot and cats are cool and your mom's a bitch.

Yeah. So now I think Elsa just falls asleep, like goes up and go to bed. Clive comes downstairs to check on Dren, finds her very sad and is trying to cheer her up. And it's like, let's lighten the mood in here. Puts on some music, starts kind of dancing. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. And Dren smiles and is like, what is this?

And she tries to join in and dancing, but she's, you know. A freak. So many different animals mixed into one little like chicken alien kangaroo. She's an abomination, so it's hard for her to dance. So she's doing some pretty weird dance moves. And Clive stands facing her hand in hand, starts giving her a dancing lesson, like, well, put your foot here,

put your foot then in here. Oh, God, I am... And we're seeing Dren obviously getting a different, you know, interpretation of this that is intended it's looking romantic i do think at this point he's just trying to cheer her up yeah you don't think he's trying to fuck her at this point i like that you say at this point at this point and but they are dancing close and you know they're face to face and he's looking into her eyes and he's really staring into her eyes and she's looking very um smitten and he says elsa and pushes her back pushes jen

back and storms inside wakes up elsa and says it's your d. You used your fucking DNA. Oh yeah. Yeah. Of course she did. Of course she did. Of course she did. That little freak. God, it's just,

I hate it. And they get in a big fight and he says, you're even more fucked up than I thought you were. And she says, what's that supposed to mean? Pretty clear. Pretty clear. Pretty clear. Not really missing words there.

So, yeah, they get in this fight and he's saying like, I can't believe you did this. Like, this isn't your daughter. But, you know, we've blurred some lines here. We're all pretty confused. And I can't remember. I guess, guess whatever they go to bed that night next day elsa brings dren back the cat sits to apologize to her says i'm sorry i overreacted and you know you are part of me and we are um i don't know we're a family we're family we love each other we love each other we're family dren looks still pissed and elsa takes the cat out of a box saying like you can have your cat back

because it's really nice to have a pet and dren's eyes kind of narrow at this because she is her their pet essentially and so she kills the cat yeah takes that stinger from her tail kills that cat and elsa screams immediately hits dren and was just like how dare you dren at this point is looking like an adult like she's the same size as Elsa. So she just attacks her back and pins her down on the ground and uses her tail to grab the keys to the barn from Elsa's neck. It's like on a little necklace around her neck and opens the barn doors. She wants to get out into that world. And just as she's about to step out, Elsa comes up behind her, knocks her out with a shovel. Jesus Christ. What is the end game here? Like, truly, what is this about? Yeah, what is it about? It's so not about cancer research anymore. It is not at all about cancer research. How are we curing cancer? Have we even begun to think about cancer?

Because I haven't seen any of that. So now we see Dren waking up, coming to consciousness, strapped to an operating table. Oh, God. And Elsa is removing her stinger. It's a really, really upsetting scene. Dren is naked. She's usually wearing dresses. She's a girl, a woman. This is the most unhinged movie we've ever covered. It's really crazy. And I didn't remember it getting so crazy. And it gets crazier. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. There's so many things that I am feeling oh no about. I feel like I'm going to throw up. I really hate everything

that's happening. I hate everything that's happening. I feel like I'm going to throw up just a little bit. Yeah. It's not good. She cuts off her tail essentially and it doesn't even seem to anesthetize her she's like screaming in pain clive runs in hearing this looks at elsa like the monster that she is is like horrified by what he's seeing comes and like puts a blanket over dren is like what what the fuck are you doing like get out of here and elsa at this point is very emotionless and is like I'm doing what needs to be done and we've got to cure cancer essentially that's not what she says but she like this is when she comes back to that like as a defense and she's like I'm actually a scientist I'm doing science what are you doing I'm actually doing science last I checked that's what this was

all about obviously and she said she's out of control she killed the cat she almost killed me i need to find that protein have you gotten the protein yet from friend ginger no because they're dead and their tissue is too old and we need to use dren's tissue to be able to get whatever proteins the company is waiting for we won't get too deep into the scientific explanation of what that is but i'm gonna do that and do we think that this tail is going to grow back because she's part lizard? Yeah, it just might. So Elsa storms back to the lab with Dren's tail, I guess,

to extract the protein that will maybe cure cancer. No. Yeah, it seems likely that they'll get it on the first try. First try, try yeah probably and no oh no sammy oh no so clive and dren are alone together no god oh god oh fucking god i'm remembering your trigger warning we can just let's just let's just speed up. And he's, you know, comforting her post having her tail cut off. And she's looking pretty comforted by his touch.

It's kind of leaning into him, nuzzling him and then leans up and kisses him. He pushes her away, says, Dren, no no, you can't. You can't do that. We can't do that. And she cowers and kind of whimpers again and looks really sad and pathetic and just giving him these big round eyes. And in the IMDb trivia, it said this, but in the movie, it's not clear that there's a pheromone thing happening right now. Like she's putting out some sort of pheromone because in the movie it seems like he just kind of has a change of heart and is like, well, maybe we can

do this. And they start making out and they're in the barn and it's getting very passionate, heated. We're both naked now. And they have sex.

They're having sex. Oh, God. Okay. I'm not going to ask any questions, actually. Just move on, please. And as she's on top of him, we see her tail has grown back. And the stinger is out. Oh, my God.

And the way that it's their faces are or no he's on top and he looks up at a reflection in a tv that's in there i think and we think he's about to see the reflection of the stinger about to stab him in the neck but he sees the reflection of Elsa standing in the doorway. Oh, my God. Looking at them. This turned into such a fucked up family drama so quickly. Really bad. And both of them turn and look just butt ass naked having sex on the barn floor, her childhood barn. Oh, my God.

And Elsa's jaw is just on the floor and she storms out clive chases after her naked chases her all the way back she she like gets into her car drives off he gets into his car chases her back to their apartment is he still naked no he's like gotten some pants on at this point but okay naked driving would be funny oh i just yeah i had forgot i i kind of remembered that they had some romantic i forgot uh that they had sex and that she walked in on that oof that's what a thing to walk in what a thing to walk in on that is really unfortunate yeah yeah because Really unfortunate. Yeah. Yeah. Because it's like, is he her dad? Is he, is it, there's so, it's so confusing because it's like, is it part, it's her, it's her DNA. But it's also a kangaroo and a bird and a fish. It's just really crazy to know how to feel about this.

Like you're having sex with my like clone daughter pet. Yeah, my clone daughter pet. But I was just imagining they're not married or maybe they are but the divorce proceedings being like well the reason we're getting divorced irreconcilable differences awkward yikes yeah i mean and not to just relate every single thing that we do from here on out to Breaking Dawn Part 1, but I do feel like if you're that kind of fucking guy and you have the opportunity to have sex with some sort of creature, like, you're going to do it.

Throw some pheromones in there? Throw some pheromones in the mix? Put her in a dress? Excuse me. How is he supposed to resist? She's wearing makeup. She's hot. She in a dress. Excuse me. How is he supposed to resist? She's wearing makeup. She's hot. She's wearing makeup. Excuse me. It's horrifying.

I'm horrified. So, they're back at the house now. Elsa's obviously extremely upset. But Elsa's not innocent in this scenario. And so, they're getting in another huge fight she's saying you uh

crossed a line he's like i crossed a line like yeah i crossed the line like we both crossed the line like we're blurring the fucking lines like there's no lines anymore i don't know what's right and what's wrong and nobody could know if that was right or wrong, Elsa. There's just no way to know if what I did was weird. Unfortunately. There's no way to know. None of us could ever know. Sorry. And then he says to her, you never wanted a normal child.

You were afraid of losing control. But an experiment, that's something that you could control. Yeah. A low blow, but true. Also, yes, absolutely right. Yeah. Thank God it's not a normal child. We're both crying.

Elsa says, I love her. Clive says, I know you do, but we fucked up. Like, this isn't right. And Elsa's crying, riddled with guilt, saying, I maimed her. I maimed her. Ew. Yeah. Ew.

You did. And, you know. You maimed her. I maimed her. Ew. Yeah. Ew. You did. And, you know. You maimed her. I fucked her. Let's move on. We both made mistakes. Hey, water under the bridge, honestly.

Let's just forget today ever happened. Parenthood is hard. Parenthood is really hard. We're just doing our best. We're doing our best. And Elsa reveals that she did synthesize the protein at work today. Wow. In like 15 minutes.

That's all it took. That's all it took. And so the experiment is over. And I guess we can kill her now. So let's go back to the barn to kill our daughter pet mistress. Ew. We just left. Fuck you left and probably everything is fine and they arrive ready to kill her and they find her dying and then are sobbing like oh my god she's dying what it's very confusing like isn't this what you wanted we are confused

about why she's dying but it's similar to earlier when she has, like, a fever. Okay. And they just put a blanket over her and, like, sit with her while she dies. Okay. And then they bury her outside. It's all over. Oh, really? Oh, she's, like, molting or something.

Really crazy day. really molting or something really crazy day and as elsa is crying and cleaning up some of dren's things basically i think they're like burning all of her stuff like we got to get rid of evidence that this happened she looks in another drawer and now there's a lot of drawings of elsa and there were drawings of her what the heck and Elsa seems very touched by this and so they're grieving oh no as they're burning all of her shit and then Gavin pulls up drives up in a car comes out and says I'm sorry I had to the CEO steps out of the car as well says do you think I'm stupid the protein you synthesized had human DNA in it that didn't come from Fred and Ginger

where is it you've got something else and Elsa tells him man really good they didn't show up just like six hours earlier they could have really walked into such a shit show that would have been really uncomfortable really bad I could have really walked into such a shit show. Oh, God, that would have been really uncomfortable. Really bad. Elsa tells them, it's already dead.

Go see for yourself. We buried it behind the barn. We see the dirt in the grave kind of rumbling and as the ceo grabs the shovel and is walking behind the barn dren swoops from the air yep picks him up drops him from a very high height into a tree killing him ceo's dead we're screaming we've this is nighttime by the way we've got a flashlight shining it up at dren who's standing on top of the barn looking a bit different looking male less like a man is she wearing a suit wearing a suit holding a basketball holding a basketball oh god she's got a graphic tee oh god, God. Okay, okay.

And yes, it would appear that Dren has changed sexes similar to Fred and Ginger and is now male. Dren immediately swoops up Gavin, kills Gavin. Wow. They're running through the woods trying to get away from Dren. Doesn't seem like running is really going to do the trick. Oh, no. Dren can still fly and is big and has, I don't know, probably all sorts of other animal senses. Like, Dren's going to find you.

But I guess what else are you going to do? So they're running, and Clive, like, trips and hits his head, and Dren catches up to Elsa. Oh no. Oh no. Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.

Yeah. We won't get into too much detail here, but yeah, pins Elsa down and rapes Elsa. And it's really, really horrible. What the fuck is this movie trying to to say what the fuck is this movie trying to say this i'm like so caught up in the fucking weird ass patriarchal gender binary of this

fucking creature that it becomes male and it draws pictures of its mom wife and then decides it has to fuck her like when it's female it has to fuck her die when it's male it has pictures of its mom wife and then decides it has to fuck her like when it's female it has to fuck her die when it's male it has to fuck its mom what is this what the fuck is happening i don't know i don't know i don't know and i don't like it i don't like any i don't like any piece of it and i want to be over right now i think let it be over now let it be over right now moral is just as we said that scientists must be stopped this must be stopped okay but we are pro-science i don't want people to think we're like anti-vax or anything but we're just not pro this science we don't like this we're not scientists must be

stopped these specific scientists must be stopped um okay so j Jesus Christ. Cool. Great. Cool. Yeah. Moving on. Obviously she has a, she's now pregnant with a kangaroo. With her own. Kangaroo. DNA. Baby.

Stingray. Fishbird. Baby. And so Clive comes to, while this is happening and comes up and is able to knock Dren off of Elsa. And there's a fight commotion. Stark can't really see what's happening, but they're fighting.

And then Elsa gets a rock as Clive throws Dren down. And Elsa's about to smash Dren's head with this big rock. When she has a moment's hesitation, she looks down at her spawn daughter pet son clone son yeah and uh in that moment of hesitation dren's tail whips to the side and that stinger stabs right in clive's heart. Yeah. Kills Clive. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. That snaps Elsa out of that hesitation, smashes Dren's head, killing Dren.

Okay. Okay, a little too late. A little too late. Okay. Yeah. Should have done that first chance you had. Cut to the boardroom at Nerd with the woman in her dress with her Barbie, other CEO, co-CEO,

basically saying, you know, what you've done, we'll be filing patents for years, is what she says. This has been a huge discovery, but it can never leave these walls which is pretty confusing how that can be possible uh-huh but also it's like sure i don't want anyone to know i don't want anyone to know about what just happened but like do they have the cure for cancer now now they just can't do anything with it and also like what about all the people who died yeah okay yeah uh she tells elsa we're very excited that you're willing to take us to the next stage of this research i think you'll find this sum of money acceptable rights are a big fat check obviously we need you to sign this nda that you can never talk about this to anyone ever. And Elsa's very straight faced, kind of glassy eyed. You know, she's been through a lot. Signs that document. Stands up, of course, we see. Very pregnant belly.

She's very pregnant. Yeah, because that thing moves fast. And the CEO says, you know, no one would blame you if you didn't want to go through with this. And Elsa says, what's the worst that could happen? And that's the end of the movie. Okay. What? What's the worst that could happen is something that is said a couple times earlier. Like when Clive says that he wants kids, he says, come on, what's the worst that could happen?

So, I don't know. Just, we're coming back to that. It can be really bad. The worst that can happen is really bad. Really, really bad. It can be really bad. It seems like they were trying to set it up for Splice 2. They wanted a sequel.

Nobody wants that. Nobody wanted the first Splice. I hated this. I hated this so much. It was disgusting. I really just do not understand what the fuck they were trying to do with this. They're just trying to like shock you with no other thought in their heads for one second. Is it that mothers are crazy? Science is bad? I think part of it is the kind of typical cautionary tale against playing god yeah

cycle of abuse cycle of abuse continuing when you're not okay reflecting on your own behavior and just kind of treating your child as a as a lab pet prop for you yeah men will have sex with anything and men will have sex with anything even even a male fucking freak thing will have sex i just yeah i just simply i just simply want to um forget this ever happened yeah me too me too it's gone it's a tough one and i don't know what it says about me but i like couldn't remember any of that last act of stuff. All of that did not... I didn't retain it.

I think what it says is that... That was on purpose. That was self-preservation. Yeah. That was on purpose. Yeah. That was a self-defense mechanism. Because I would like to forget it as well.

It's already gone. Yeah. What is it? It's literally already gone. It's 2009 and it's 2024. So yeah, 15 years from now, at least this will be gone from all of our minds. And yeah, happy Mother's Day, Henley. Oh, wow.

This one's for you. What a great day I'm having so far. So far, huge. Such a good day. Huge. Such a good day. Yeah. I feel like I'm going to bomb.

I need to go have a snack and just like never think about this ever again. Really? I'm going to do some jumping jacks. Yeah. Really wild stuff. Okay. Well. Okay.

Yeah. I got to go. I have to go right now. Yep. Yep. I love you. I love you so much. I love you guys.

I need to go. And we got to go. And we have to go. Yeah. So we love you so much I love you guys I need to go and we gotta go and we have to go yeah so we love you from all of us here at Too Scary Didn't Watch I was trying to do a Dren

voice but she doesn't really have one nope alright goodbye goodbye we did it we made it thank you all for listening Nope. All right. Goodbye. Goodbye.

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