Too Scary; Didn't Watch - THE FACULTY

Episode Date: September 1, 2021

90s era bullying, homemade cocaine, and some very very thirsty teachers - we're recapping The Faculty! Critics are calling this movie HIP and SCARY, and we'll be damned if that's not the highest praise we've ever heard.The Faculty is streaming on Showtime or is available to rent for $3.9900:00 - Episode starts14:51 - Trivia21:33 - Recap starts Follow the show: @TSDWpodcast on Twitter, TikTok, and Instagram. Check out our Patreon for bonus episodes and additional content! Rate Too Scary; Didn’t Watch 5 Stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts and leave a review for Emily, Henley, and Sammy. Advertise on Too Scary; Didn't Watch via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is Emily, Henley, and Sammy, and you're listening to Too Scary, Didn't Watch. Hi, everyone. Welcome to Too Scary, Didn't Watch, the horror movie recap podcast for those too scared to watch for themselves. I'm Emily, and I'm too scared to watch scary movies. I'm Henley, and I'm also too scared to watch for themselves. I'm Emily and I'm too scared to watch scary movies. I'm Henley and I'm also too scared to watch scary movies. I'm Sammy and I like watching scary movies. So I watch them so that you don't have to. And I tell you all about them.

Oh, I love it. We get to do it every week. That's the whole podcast. I love it. I love you guys. I'm just so grateful. I love you love it i love you guys i'm just so grateful i love you guys i love you guys how are we what's up somebody else go i'm stressed but i'm fine so that's that's it emily you dwell on that stress for a moment longer. Thank you. You just sit in it, stew on it. I will get back to you.

I kind of want to, I mean, I just want to talk about two things real quick. One, finished White Lotus. I don't know if you guys have watched it. I just got to say, I really enjoyed it. Emily, I know you're about to go to Hawaii, and I feel like I've gone on a Hawaii vacation by watching White Lotus. And it really is. I mean, it was just a show that was like so did not need to be made. That's what's funny about it is it's like completely like like unnecessary in a lot of ways. The story behind why it was made is actually the head of HBO

had a whole scheduling clusterfuck because of COVID. And so they called Mike White and were, and were like, do you have anything like in your back pocket that we could shoot easily in a COVID scenario? And Mike White was like, I've always wanted to write something that's set at a resort. And they were like, cool, write it. And so he wrote this thing. No notes, no revisions. Like literally nothing. And that makes the show so much more impressive. But the fact that this is like a one and done scenario that they're amazing.

Yeah, I'm so impressed. And so I think that that happened in like May and then they started shooting in October or something like he like the whole thing happened outrageously fast. And the show is extremely impressive for that. Jennifer Coolidge is she's so great. She's a fucking icon. is, uh, she's so great. She's a fucking icon. The, there's a part where she does a whole like soliloquy on a boat where she's supposed to be spreading her mother's ashes. And apparently it's all improvised. Oh my God. She's amazing. She's incredible. She better be nominated for shit. Cause she was so great. She was so good. Just so good. And yeah, I don't know. I just I really I really

enjoyed the show. And then the only I just wanted to really quickly pivoting to a completely different subject. I just wanted to flag for our listeners something that we all discovered recently via a tick tock that the robot apocalypse is coming. Oh, man. It's not far away. If you guys aren't familiar, there's I think it's called Boston. Arrow Dynamics, Boston Mechanics Robots, I think. I can't remember the name now. That's got to be it.

That sounds right. That sounds right. They had a video of these robots doing a parkour course. And first of all, they're adorable. They're like squat little robots with these cute little feet. They're very funny. It really made me laugh. At the end, they do a backflip and then raise their

hands in like a congratulatory dance. Yeah, they're like pumped that they did their parkour course correctly. It's wild. It's very funny. I was really impressed by them. Like, they're advanced. Robots and robot technology

are advancing. They absolutely are. I'm a little worried um that's all I wanted to I just wanted to put those two things on the table that's all I got to say I'm done perfect Emily you still stewing yeah I just

have nothing I've been doing nothing I have nothing to offer I have nothing i've i've been doing nothing i have nothing to offer i have nothing to offer no it's fine i'm gonna um breathe more i'm gonna breathe more i accidentally forgot to cancel my headspace free trial because i've never in once in my life remembered to cancel a free trial before i've gotten charged um but that means i have headspace for the next year so good good timing yeah i've made a mistake but um but maybe i'll listen to some nice breathing meditations later and that might be really lovely it's great i really and i love the sleep casts it's why I got the trial because I was like I really miss those sleep casts

A happy accident A happy accident Perhaps it is exactly What I needed Maybe You should listen to Rainy Day Antiques I love Rainy Day Antiques It's one of my favorites

I also really love Snowville So high recommend on Snowville if you haven't checked it out. That's it. That's all. That's it. That's everything. I'm going to listen back to this when it comes out and be like, oh, no. Like, listen to her.

Listen to my past self unraveling. Oh, time capsule. Sammy, what's up with you? I have two things as well. One is that I'm just very excited about all of the upcoming horror films. There's so many coming out. Candyman, The Night House, Malignant, Demonic, Last Night in Soho. The list goes on.

The list goes on. The list goes on. And we've got you covered. I feel like we might do most of them, but that might come out at weird intervals because, you know, we can't do them all at once. Can't do them all at once. That is not how this works. Yeah, we did an Instagram poll of which ones you guys wanted to listen to. And I feel like all of them were like, yes, this one. Yeah, because they all are pretty... It's exciting

to have new movies again. It's just exciting. Because it's all most spooky season. That's true. Holy shit. And then similarly pivoting to a completely different thing after that is that you guys might know that I recently bought a very

expensive water filter. It is called a Berkey filter. It was $300. And I have a few friends that had them and had recommended them, and they just sounded really great to me. And I got like, I was like, well, I have to have it. I simply must have it. And I really splurged.

And I was like, this is so crazy. $300 for a water filter? I just did the math on how long the filters will last for me. Okay. They will last for 15 years. Wait, what? 15 years. I won't need to change these filters until I'm 47 years old.

Wait, what the hell? How did you do that? Tell me more. Yeah, you do explain this water filter to me. The filters are good for 6,000 gallons. This sounds like sponsored content. No, it's not. I really am just pumped about this discovery.

So the filters are good for 6,000 gallons. And I probably honestly drink close to half a gallon a day. A gallon is 128 ounces. I probably drink closer to 60 ounces a day. But I just round it up to a gallon a day to make the math easy. So then it's like, don't ask me to repeat the math, but it adds up to 15 years. Wow. Okay.

So, yeah. So then you're actually definitely saving money on Brita filters, which fucking run out immediately and I feel like they're probably a scam. Like they're probably not even doing anything. We're coming for you, Brita. We're starting

a war between Brita and what's the name of the one? Berkey. Berkey. Berkey. I tried your water, Sammy, and it was crisp. Tastes really good. That's some clean water.

So maybe I'm maybe you're convincing me to get a Berkey. Yeah. Sponsor us, Berkey. This is this is great advertising for you that we're doing here for free. So pay us now after the fact. Pay us now. Pay us for what we just did. Do you think that'll work?

Yeah, it's in the bag. I can't wait. I think so. We're sending that audio clip. Yeah. It's already out, but past. Oh, man. We're so business savvy. Okay. So that's all I'll say about the Berkey filter.

And let's talk about this week's movie, which I'm equally as excited and thrilled about. This is one I've been very curious since a small thrilled about. Woo! This is one I've been very curious, since a small child, about. It is The Faculty, came out in 1998, directed by Robert Rodriguez, written by Kevin Williamson, the screenwriter of Scream.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Story by David Wechter and Bruce Kimmel, starring, buckle up, David Wechter and Bruce Kimmel starring buckle up. Josh Hartnett, Elijah Wood, Clea Duvall, Jordana Brewster, Laura Harris,

Sean Hitosi, Piper Laurie, Robert Patrick, Salma Hayek, Famke Jansen, BB Newworth, Jon Stewart, and Usher.

Holy fucking shit. This cast is incredible. This is the most 98 cast I've ever heard. I love it so much. Kevin Williamson had such an amazing run with those with Scream the Faculty. I know you did Last Summer all in like the same couple of years. Damn, yeah. He must have gotten so rich so quickly. Seriously.

What happened to him? Is he okay? Maybe he's just really rich and happy. Because I think once you get really rich, you're happy, right? Yeah, that's... I think that's right. That's definitely how it works. Forever, I think.

Yeah. All your problems just go away um i remember seeing this one this was one that i definitely saw blockbuster a lot and was always like cover a memorable i mean the same kind of cover that scream and i know you did just like the cast we know what you're here for. Here's a picture of the cast. Yeah. Looking angsty. It ain't broke. Don't fix it, you know? That's right. I definitely stared at this cover a lot in Blockbuster

and was just like, I wish I was cool and old enough to watch this content. So at the ripe old age of 31, I'm glad I'm finally cool enough to just hear about it. Mm-hmm. It is streaming on

Showtime, by the way, where you can rent it for $3.99. Its budget was $15 million and it made $63 million. We got a 55% on Rotten Tomatoes, a 61% on Metacritic, and a 6.5 on IMDb.

Oh, surprising low Rotten Tomatoes score. I hadn't seen this movie in probably 15 years when I rewatched it last night. And I was so from literally the opening song it opens with the offspring and I got so pumped and so nostalgic and I really really enjoyed re-watching it it was very very fun and I also don't think that it's too

scary and so I just think it's worth a watch for anyone out there who's looking for a little Josh Hartnett. This is Josh Hartnett's only his second feature film. So a young Josh Hartnett looking hot as hell. Wow. I think it's worth a watch.

Good to know. I mean, I do love Scream. It's like that's exactly the amount of scary that I can do and still like have a lot of fun with. So, yeah, I think it's a similar scary level to scream. It is cocktail hour, folks. And this week we are drinking a bad teacher to make this drink. You will need two ounces of vodka, a third, an ounce of simple syrup, half an ounce of lemon juice, three quarters an ounce of apple juice, an apple, cardamom, and ice cubes. Place one cardamom seed and some slices of green apple into a shaker, add your half ounce

of lemon juice and muddle, and then pour the rest of the ingredients with ice into the shaker and shake and strain into a chilled martini glass. You can garnish with a green apple wedge. Cheers. So for trivia, I thought first I could give us a little Josh Hartnett trivia because we're always, we always have questions about him. Always. Mainly, what's he up to these days?

Yeah, that's my main question. That's a big one. Where is he? What's he doing? And days yeah that's my main question that's a big one what's he doing and i've got some answers for you he is going to be in a guy ritchie film that comes out next year that also has hugh grant in it which i'm excited about okay and he is also going to be in a movie that James Franco is directing. Interesting. James Franco canceled James Franco. That's the one. The one and only canceled James Franco. Yeah, he's trying to sneak his way back by being behind the camera.

Except I think he is actually also starring in it. Also, I bet you he'll sneak his way right back so easily. Yeah. I mean, the fact that he's already directing and starring in a film, I mean, I'm pretty sure that counts as sneaking your way back. Yeah. Yeah. He's doing it. Well, and one thing that I thought was real crazy. And one thing that I thought was real crazy. So kind of speaking to the same thing of how Josh Hartnett kind of fell away from the limelight for a while is he apparently got super overwhelmed by how famous he got so quickly.

And he specifically made choices to step back and remove himself from that and spend more time with his family and friends. And, um, one thing that he did that he regrets is he turned down the role of Batman and Christopher Nolan's dark night. Oh, really? Yeah. Chris Nolan wanted Josh Hartnett. Isn't that like, oh man,

that sucks. That hurts. Josh, ouch, ouch. That really hurts. Also, though, imagining Josh Hartnett instead of Christian Bale, like, wow, what a different vibe. I know. Like, Christian Bale feels like the only right choice, you know? I think once you're in a like franchise trilogy thing, it's so hard to picture somebody else. Yeah.

Like, yeah, you make it so your own. And so Christian Bale definitely did. And yeah, I can't picture anybody else except for Robert Pattinson, who we'll get to see pretty soon. anybody else except for Robert Pattinson who we'll get to see pretty soon as Batman. I was gonna say like Pattinson had a maybe I don't know if it was because he was overrun by fame or just because I know he didn't want to be like pigeon

holed as a heartthrobby mainstream guy but he did a similar thing where he after Twilight was like no I'm not gonna do mainstream movies anymore I'm just gonna do little weird ones and then decided oh just kidding I'll do Batman. I'll be the Batman, which is

we're so blessed. Wow. What are we talking about? All I can think about is Robert Pattinson as the Batman. I'm so fucking excited. Oh, my God. But, yeah, that sucks for Josh Hartnett. I hope he's okay. Yeah, I hope he's okay.

Yeah, I think he's doing well. And he's the best. And we wish him the best. And we really do. I also wanted to shout out that the composer on this film is Marco Beltrami, who is just a really great composer. He was also the composer on all the Scream movies, but he also did A Quiet Place 1 and 2. And he did the score for Free Solo, which is like a very stressful movie. Yeah, talk about being stressed. Jesus.

Yeah. He is a master of suspenseful music. This was also the first film of Jord jordana brewster and of usher and robert rodriguez cast josh hartnett and elijah wood again in sin city in 2005 which i forgot about and now i'm gonna have to re-watch sin city because i forgot josh hartnett was even in it I've never seen Sin City um trailer trailer let's watch it because ooh I'm so excited for you to get the vibe

of this film wow I can't wait for a freaking 90s trailer they really are something special this one's special you're gonna love it no more pencils no more books no more teachers dirty looks the students at harrington high have always suspected their teachers were from another planet is this gonna be on the test this is the test this time they're right.

Now, these six students won't just question authority. They'll have to destroy it. Critics are calling it hip and scary. A thrilling ride from beginning to end. The faculty. Please report to the principal's office. Hip and scary, hip and scary. I was going to say, they are really leaning into that hip and scary.

That's like the, it's on the poster as well. Like as if that were the nicest thing anybody could say about a movie. Well, critics are saying it's hip, so I don't know. I mean, you decide, but critics agree it is hip. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. Yeah, that's a very 90s film. Yeah, you didn't get enough of a look at Josh Hartnett. No, but he did look so cute and young. I didn't realize that was the conceit, is that the faculty members are aliens?

Well, it's kind of not, but sort of is. But yeah, there's more to it than that. Okay, it's more complicated. All I can think about is that he played the principal guy who's like, come down to the principal's office or whatever at the end. He's the football coach.

Oh, okay. But he's also the freaking Terminator. T-1000. Yeah. Oh, okay, but he's also the freaking Terminator T-1000 Yeah Oh, right I forgot about that, you're right Yes, yes, yes Again, stacked cast

Stacked 90s cast He's so good in T2, he's so scary So indestructible He is a scary man Oof, alright Well, I bet in this one he's probably doing something scary as well he's doing something scary in this too let's talk about it and let's talk about i used to love back to school shopping so much that i would tell my mom that i wanted to work at staples when i grew up because i just loved getting all the things that I needed that I would use every day in class. I still to this day have nightmares about showing up in class

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Go to hellobello.com slash too scary to get 30% off your first customized bundle and a full-size freebie product of your choice. That's hellobello.com slash too scary to start bundling with 30% off your first order. Don't forget, that's hellobello.com slash too scary. Got it. Okay. So we start, like I said, with the offspring playing the kids aren't all right and the dimension logo and it just like feels like it's going to be scream out just like so pumped immediately. We start with a high school football practice. The coach is the T-1000 guy from the Terminator. His name's Coach Willis. And he's being really crazy, like screaming at all the football players and just like huge, huge, crazy energy. And he's saying, like, we got our big game coming up on Friday.

You guys need to be better than this and screaming. And he flips over a bench with all of the like water coolers on it and everything falls everywhere and he like dismisses everyone to go to locker rooms and then he he is by himself on the football field and we see someone approaching behind him and he turns and looks at the person who doesn't say anything we don't see who it is and he just goes yeah what and then we cut to uh in inside the school um in like the teacher's office teacher's lounge there's um the principal principal drake saying that basically there's no money in the budget for any of the any programs other than football this is a football school the stadium's going to be packed on friday that's where we make

money sorry there's no money for computers there's no money for the play so where were we getting like alien vibes from the coach right away like he seems off right no he's just like no he doesn't seem off he just seems intense i feel like football coaches like are that way they just are like really intense and okay i was just feeling like from the trailer i was getting like kind of alien-y vibes from the well he might get alien-y vibes later yeah i it's hard for me to tell because I was just like, Terminator, Terminator, Terminator. Okay, got it, got it, got it. This is a different role, obviously, so. This isn't the Terminator, that's right. But, okay, so it's like school's out for the day and it's nighttime now and so the teachers are just discussing this budget and then everyone leaves to go home. And the principal realizes she's left something in her office.

And so the drama teacher, Mrs. Olsen, is leaving. And the principal says, oh, Mrs. Olsen, you go ahead. I have to go back to my office for something. All the lights in the school are off. It's very scary. Imagine like walking through an empty school with all the lights off at nighttime. Spooky. Oh, don't like it.

Definitely spooky. And so she gets to her office, finds whatever she was looking for and turns to leave. And a jump scare. And turns to leave and a jump scare. Coach Willis is standing right there and standing really close to her, like too close to her. And he says, Principal Drake, you're looking very, very pretty tonight. Uh-oh. And she says, have you been drinking, coach?

Like, what's going on here? And kind of tries to back away from him. He keeps stepping close to her. He says, I can't seem to find any pencils. Do you have any pencils? And she's like, you don't need a pencil. You need to go home and go to bed. And he's like, I just wish I had if I could find a pencil.

And she's like, fine. Yeah, I have a pencil. She goes to her desk, grabs grabs a pencil hands it to him he smiles looks at her and then grabs her hand and stabs her through the palm she starts screaming and she grabs her keys makes the little key knife thing and punches him in the face with her keys between her knuckles and it slices his face and distracts him enough for her to kind of get away. She's running. She runs to the front door, but it's been locked. There's like a padlock around the door.

And she's forgotten her keys. Her keys are in the office. And Mrs. Olsen is still on the other side. Principal Drake's panicking do you miss olsen says i don't have my keys either i don't have like let me go get help and she's like no no stay here stay here don't leave me i'm gonna go get my keys like stay right here and um we hear over the loud speaker will principal drake please report to the principal's office? Oh, like from the trailer?

From the very beginning? Mm-hmm. Oh, okay. And through some scuffle, he's in a different room and her office is empty. I guess wherever the, I don't know, whatever. He's not in her office and she's able to go grab her keys. And as she is heading back for the door to leave he starts chasing after her and she's fumbling with the keys and mrs olsen's on the other side

um at some point principal drake has grabbed a pair of scissors as like a something to use for self-defense but she's able to open the lock at the very last second and get out and close the lock behind her mrs olsen helps her pin the door closed tight enough that she can lock the padlock and we see the coach on the other side like screaming and about to like try to burst out and get them and but they're but they've safely on the other side. The door is now locked and. She drops the scissors and Mrs. Olsen slowly picks them up and looks at her with a straight face. And you see Principal Drake like notice something is off. And Mrs. Olsen slashes the principal a bunch of times and says, I've always wanted to do that. Whoa.

And then the title comes up, the faculty, more 90s music. Hell yeah. And it's school the next day. We see all the students arriving. We see like a muscle car pulling up, driving really fast. A muscle car? Is that a thing? Isn't that what they're called? Like a...

Is it a convertible? What would a muscle car be? It's a 1970 Pontiac GTO. Okay. Oh my god, thank god. Was that in the trivia? Was that in the Wikipedia? It was. No, I love to know the make and model of a car. It was. You know what? I think a Pontiac is a muscle car.

Maybe muscle cars can only be Pontiacs. Thank you. If you Google muscle car, it comes up with 1970 Pontiac GTO. That's what it says. Perfect. Copy that. And the car swerves in and parks like fully horizontally in a parking spot. So like exactly perpendicular to the parking spot.

Perfect. And out comes Josh Hartnett with his hair slicked in this really weird way. It's like pressed up from the bottom, like slicked upwards from the back so that it points out at the sides. Do you guys remember this hairstyle from the 90s? I absolutely remember this hairstyle. Yes. Bobby Sanguini had it. I honestly don't.

I feel like I need to Google this really fast. Like Josh Hartnett and the faculty. Would we call that a blowout? It's something like that. Yeah. It's like because it comes to points at the sides, not at the top. Yeah. It's like.

Oh, that's funny. The first thing that comes up, I do Josh Hartnett faculty and it comes up with Josh Hartnett faculty haircut. People are dying to take that to their hairdresser and get the same cut. Yeah. Just points out at the sides. I don't really get it. I don't understand why anyone would do that.

I think it was just the style because I do remember that. I kind of remember hair like flipping out at the sides like that a little bit. That was like a lax bro thing. A little bit. Boys either had that or the like skateboarding ramp at the very

front of their heads. Remember that? It just would like flatten down and then like curl up right at the top. Yes, that's like I can picture Devin Sawa with that hair I feel like. I've never been a fan of that. That's

not a good look. And for all the men that are still doing that, please stop because some men are still doing it and it doesn't look good on anyone. Yeah. Then we see coming out getting off the bus, we see Elijah and it doesn't look good on anyone. Yeah. Then we see, coming out, getting off the bus, we see Elijah Wood

who looks like an actual high school student. He was 17 when he filmed this and I just couldn't believe how teeny tiny he looks. He's super cute and he gets off the bus and immediately... Yeah, because he was super, super young when they did Lord of the Rings, which would have been just a couple years after this. Yes. God, he's such cute and he gets off the bus and immediately super young when they did lord of

the rings which would have been just a couple years after this god yeah he's such a little baby yeah um and he steps off the bus and immediately gets punched in the face by some bullies and they're like they're like oh case whatever. I don't know. People are just immediately bullying him. You get the dork vibe from him. He's being picked on. He's a dorky kid. He's wearing a collared shirt.

That's how you know. Yeah. And actually, as he's on the floor, it freeze frames and we get his name, Casey. So it's doing this little character intro thing where it's freeze framing on our characters now. Super fun. Did we get that for Josh Hartnett?

Not yet. They do it at strange times, not necessarily at the first time you meet them, which I think is a mistake, but it's very funny. Oh, that's interesting. It's very funny. Oh, that's interesting. It's very funny. Okay. Okay. We're gathering the team. This is my favorite part of any movie where there is a team that must be gathered.

This is, I love, I love it. I love finding out all the, all the, all the folks. Mm-hmm. So as Casey stumbles back, Clea Duvall passes him and kind of says something shitty like watch where you're going casey and she's her vibe is goth she's got her bleached blonde hair and all black and like black fingernail polish and uh she freeze frames her name is stokely cool name okay wow and then Oakley. Cool name. Okay. Wow. And then she bumps into a jock guy that we saw earlier on the football team. And he freeze frames. His name is Stan.

And then we're scanning the rest of the schoolyard. And there's a popular pretty girl, a cheerleader. Her name's Delilah. There's a popular pretty girl, a cheerleader. Her name's Delilah. And she's also on the like newspaper. What do you call journalism? She's a journalism student as well.

What do you call it in high school? Just newspaper, right? Yeah. I think they were just going to be like, oh, I'm on newspaper. Right? Yeah, you just write for the newspaper. I'm on the paper. I'm on newspaper. Right? Yeah. Yeah, you just write for the newspaper. I'm on the paper. I'm on the paper. Yeah, you're on the school paper.

You're a staff writer for the school paper. Or an editor for the school paper. I write for the school paper. That's what they said would say. Yeah, you're not like a journalism student. Right, because you're in high school. I'm on the paper. I'm on the paper.

That's what they would say. That's what they would say. I'm sure of it. I don't think that's it. I don't think that's it. That's the normal thing that was said. I'm pretty sure that's not it. I'm on the paper. I do the paper. I do the paper.

I make the, I write the paper. I make the news. That's what they say. That's what they say. I'm absolutely positive. I think that's what they said. I write the news i'm absolutely positive i write the news i write the news um and after we uh meet delilah we see two guys picking up casey what like each holding one of his legs in their arms and slamming his balls into a flagpole it's like so crazy like over and over and they just are like like throw them on the ground afterwards and they're like like oh my god the amount of how crazy the that assault just was is so over the top and everyone's just like that is not that is not

okay that kind of bullying is not allowed did that shit happen it must it's simply not allowed it must have right other like i don't think like quite as that's insane like this is like an a jailable offense i feel like like i feel like it's very much assault and i've yes i think it did happen but probably not like at the beginning of the school day with literally all of the students around like laughing i think if it happened it would have been like a we know this is really bad and we're going to do it after school and everybody goes home and. Yeah, that's like because we'll go to jail. Yeah, we'll go to jail otherwise. Jesus Christ. I always went to really small schools and feel like I like avoided the intense bullying like like that.

You know, I'm scared of bullies. There were always fights at my school. I feel like there would be like lunchtime fights that they had to be broken up and we had cops on campus that would like break up fights oh god I went to such a different school

it was like everyone was friends with the teachers and like no one broke a single rule ever that's nice so embarrassing don't judge me I'm not cool or hardened rule ever. That's nice. So embarrassing. Don't judge me. I'm not cool or hardened in any way.

You never slammed anyone's balls against a flagpole? Is that what you're trying to say? Or laughed while someone else did it? No. I didn't. No. I think that's a good thing. Then we see a new girl basically walking up to someone and saying, I'm new here.

Can you show me where the office is? And she introduced her introduces herself as I'm Mary Louise Hutchinson from Atlanta. Do you mind pointing me to direction of the principal's office? And she introduces herself with this full intro every single time she meets anybody in the whole movie I'm Mary Louise Hutchinson from Atlanta and freeze frame Mary Beth

then we see in the boys bathroom Josh Hartnett is selling two guys fake IDs one of these guys is Danny Masterson and the fake IDs look like nothing like them. They're complaining. And he's like, I'll throw in some of my own, some of these and shows he has basically pens that are filled with white powder that are his own personal recipe.

Guaranteed to something. Fuck you up. Something like that. He's like, I'll throw some of these in too so and then we get the freeze frame his name is Zeke alright then

we go back into the teacher's lounge and we see Sal Mahayak who plays the nurse is feeling sick and also in the teacher's lounge is John Stewart. He is the science teacher and he notices the coach drinking

a ton of water. The coach is just standing by the water cooler refilling his cup over and over drinking like 10 glasses of water in a row. And then Mrs. Olsen walks in the other one from the opening scene so the coach and mrs olsen are the ones that we know are up to no good and they walk straight to each other

and unblinkingly stare at each other and the coach says mrs olsen you look, very pretty today. Oh, God. Then we go to an English class and the English teacher's name is Mrs. Burke. This is Funky Jensen. And she is really. The performance is very funny. She's like playing like a very shy, uncomfortable teacher, like she hates being in front of the class and she's embarrassed by all of her students. And she's like holding a book in front of her like a student would, like a nervous student would, but she's the teacher.

So she's like holding onto a book and she's asking the class a question and Zeke answers and is like flirting with her and she's like uncomfortable by it. And so Zeke is kind of like embarrassing her by flirting with her. I just want to, I just want to hop in and say real quick that I do think it would be terrifying to teach a high school class.

Absolutely. To stand in front of a bunch of middle schoolers would be tough, but, but high schoolers, a bunch of high schoolers would be worse. Yeah. Yeah. And I wouldn't be able to let it roll off my back I would take it all

extremely seriously and personally I debated trying to be a substitute when I first moved to LA and I was like no like I won't I the idea of like entering a high school I was like I like literally couldn't especially as a stranger I was like the substitute it was

it fucking terrified me yeah no I could't do it no thanks we see out in the halls Stan telling Delilah so we see that Stan and Delilah are dating Stan's the football the what do you

call lead footballer what do you call why can't I say quarterback he's just captain of the football team is what i'm trying to say okay okay and delilah is the is the head cheerleader and stan tells delilah that he's quitting football that he feels like he is done with it it's not what he wants to do she's rude to him about it and says well basically says like we're well we can't date if you're not um on the football team like the head cheerleader is supposed to date the captain of the

football team that's the way it goes and he says don't be superficial and she says wow superficial like big word for you basically um telling him that he's not smart enough to go to college without his football scholarship is what she says. Super healthy relationship. She's very mean. She's very mean to him. At lunchtime, we see Mary Beth go up to Stokely and Stokely does not want anyone talking to her. She's goth and angsty.

And Mary Beth is like, I don't have any friends here. It seems like you don't have any friends here. You seem approachable. Friends. And Delilah struts up and and starts bullying Stokely and says to Mary Beth I hope you're not a violent lesbian like your newfound friend here very intense

homophobic bullying and Stokely's like fuck off Delilah and storms off and we see in another part of the school Casey is eating lunch alone on the football field. And as he's walking back, when the bell rings, he finds something on the ground and picks it up and brings it with him. We don't quite see what it is. class is science class and we see john stewart and they're like a bunch of students gathered around him and they're looking at the thing that casey found in the field and it kind of looks like

a little amphibian thing and he's looking at it being like this doesn't make sense this is like an ocean animal but we're in ohio um and he says casey it seems like you might have found a new species. And there's a few parts in here where we get some lines from Zeke showing that he is much smarter than he is acting. He can recognize whatever the species is. He's like, oh, yeah, protozoic or whatever. Like a bad boy who's like actually a genius it's just like i'm i'm scared of how smart i am exactly and um something happens i think usher pushes casey and is like you didn't discover a new species and they knock over a glass of water onto the thing and it kind

of seems like it comes to life. It starts wriggling and they quickly transfer it to an aquarium that's in the science class, this little thing of water. And as soon as they drop it in the water, it sprouts all these long red

tendrils and starts swimming around real fast and um uh john stewart puts on a like household rubber glove and starts reaching in and it's so crazy he's like oh the surface texture of it changed i want to feel it it's like what scientist would do this that's insane it's it's like when that person tasted the alien you don't taste an alien you can't do that don't taste it that you can't do that yeah huge mistake reach into an aquarium with something with long red tendrils. I feel like it looks, even if we're not thinking about aliens, like it looks like whatever it is would be poisonous. I feel like things that usually have those long flowy, it looks like a lionfish type thing.

Like it looks like it would be poisonous. It just seems very stupid to reach in. Like this would shock you or poison you. Right. So, but he reaches his hand right in and he goes to grab it and it splits in two and it replicates and the other one also gets shoots out little tendrils yeah that is not a good sign you gotta poison this shit right away and he's like oh how interesting um it replicates and he's still got his hand in there and we see it get teeth and bite him.

And it's, it's still small. It's only about the size of, I don't know, a finger. And, but so it bites his thumb and it's, it's bleeding and yeah, it was stupid to put your hand in there. That's, that's why I don't put your hand in there. That's why. That's why. That's why. That's why I don't. That's why why don't put your hand in there that's why that's why that's why that's why

don't that's why don't do that we see stan quitting the football team and his coach who was previously really really intense high energy kind of just be like okay like that's fine stan and he's like are you sure you're not mad? He's like, oh, my star quarterback quitting the team the day before our biggest game of the year? Why would I be mad? Like, you wouldn't do that unless you obviously had something serious going on. And like, you were having a real identity crisis.

So I assume something must be going on. And Stan like nods and he's like, yeah, I am. And he's like, so why would I be mad? be mad like don't worry it's a very strange interaction and so stan leaves and quitting the day before the game is honestly it's shitty yeah it's shitty for everyone it's yeah it's bad to your teammates yeah yeah quit the day after yeah um so he stan goes to the showers and we see a shadow of someone come into the shower room with him we get a name for usher by the way have we has he gotten a placard no no okay no i don't think so we'll just call him if it was just usher so a shadow comes into the shower and right as Stan like rubs a bunch of soap in his face, like on his eyes.

I guess people wash their face, but just rubbed a bunch of soap in his eyes. So he's like, hello, who's there? Who's there? And finally is able to wash the soap out of his eyes. And it's an older woman teacher who is like, has these lesions on her face and her hair is falling out. And she's like, help me, help me. And he goes to grab her to she's like falling over and he goes to grab her and and her her head kind of falls and he puts his hand on the side of her head and her hair. He gets his fingers in her hair and pulls his hand away.

And basically her scalp comes off. Ew! Ew! And all of her skin, it's very gross. He's freaking out. Casey comes in at that moment and he says, get help, get help. And we see moments later in the principal's office, Mrs. Olsen and Coach Wallace are in there. And they're calmly uh she had cancer she was on medication we thought that she would be able to finish out

the year but i guess her health has taken a turn for the worse and like your discretion would be appreciated. And they're freaked out, but they're like, okay, yeah, sure. We see outside Zeke selling more of his drugs in his pens. And he's got like a box of pens. What do we think this drug is that he is conjuring up? We might find out later. Oh, we will find out. But I thought, I always thought it was cocaine, but it's not. We'll find out. Well, the fact that he said that he

like created it himself makes me think that it's not cocaine. Right. But he's smarter than he lets on. That's true. So maybe it's methamphetamine. Maybe it's better than cocaine. Yeah, I bet it's better. I'll believe it's better than cocaine. Yeah, I bet it's better.

I'll believe it when I see it. He's at the trunk of his car and has like a box full of these pens that have they're basically like a single dose of the drug. You just snort from straight from the pen. And he's got a whole bunch of them. And Mrs. Burke comes up again and again, like really nervously and says, Zeke, you can't be conducting personal business on school property. And he's like, oh, Mrs. Burke, like you need to relax. Like, can I get you something? And he's like, this is my car. This is my private property.

So I think there's I think I'm allowed to do what I want. And she's like, no, I've had I've had reports from students of you selling things to them. And do you want to take that up with me or do you want to take that up with the principal? And he's he like offers her. Laxatives, I think he's like, you seem like you might be a little blocked up, like maybe this is what you need. He's just kind of he's messing with her. And she's obviously very high strung and leaves kind of like

we'll talk about this later we see Casey and Delilah so Casey's Elijah Wood Delilah is cheerleader Jordana Brewster and they're both writing the news together they're both writing the news together. They're both

on the newspaper. Making the news. Doing the news. Doing the paper. Doing the news. Hell yeah. And I think this is after school and so they have snuck into the teacher's lounge to look for a big story. They're trying to see if they can uncover something to write

about. Two huge things happened this week. I feel like they could write about either of those. Yeah, that could be good. And they find a flask in the history teacher's cupboard. And she's like, oh, no, I wrote about his alcoholism before. Nobody gives a shit about that except for his wife who left him and casey his wife reads the school paper

who's approving these articles about teachers being alcohol right that seems wild um and casey says you know you can be such a and he pauses and she like looks at him like what are you going to say and he says a really cool person when you're not being a first class grade A bitch and she says are you hitting on me

which I think is funny that him calling her a bitch is like she's into it him hitting on her she does look a little into it um and but he's the freaking dork of the school and she's the head cheerleader the opposite of the person she's supposed to be dating exactly and just at that moment they see a shadow of someone approaching the door. They don't want to get caught in the teacher's lounge. So they hide in the closet. And in comes Mrs. Olsen and Coach Willis. And they head straight to that water cooler and start filling up their little cups.

And they're like splashing it. These aliens are so thirsty. They're splashing it on their faces. They're chugging it. It's like very not normal behavior. And Casey and Delilah are watching this like, what the fuck is going on? And we hear Coach Willis say, whoever the older teacher was, like, it didn't take to her. Her body couldn't take it.

And they're like, what's this now? And in walks Salma Hayek, again, coughing and not feeling well. And she says like, oh, are you guys the last ones here? Everyone's gone. And they basically corner her. And Mrs. Olsen's behind her. Coach Willis is in front of her. And she looks scared, like, what the hell's going on?

They pin her down on the couch and Coach Willis like vomits up the slimy little pod thing that wriggles into her ear and all this like blood shoots out of her ear and we see her like face start getting things like look like they're crawling under her skin. Ew, ew, ew, ew. And Casey and Delilah are watching this. And as they're trying not to scream and make noise in the closet, the old teacher's body falls out from behind them and falls forward. We see her dead body. And that makes a noise when she falls. And that makes a noise when she falls and the coach and Mrs. Olsen turn and open the closet. And Casey just says, Delilah, run. And they both just make a run for it. And they run into the hallway and out steps the history teacher and the principal from the the opening scene who is now seemingly fine

and they're like they're like something's going on in there they attacked uh the nurse and principal drake is like calm down what's going on here like explain to me what's happening like i don't like you got to catch me up. I'm feeling a little lost here. And they're like the nurse, the nurse. They did something to her. And then out from the teacher's lounge steps, the coach, Mrs. Olson and the nurse all looking totally fine. And they all turn to face them. And the principal says the nurse is there.

She's totally fine. Like, what's going on? And they just say, OK, just run. Make a run for it. They run out of the school, and Casey goes and gets his dad and the cops, and they come back with the cops. And he's like, in the closet, you'll see there's a dead body, but clearly enough time has passed that they would have moved the dead body. And he's like, they attacked the nurse. They did this.

And the cops aren't really taking Casey seriously because the nurse is there and fine. And they're all saying, yeah, we don't know what he's talking about. They open the closet and they have put a CPR dummy in there to make it look like, oh, they were just confused. And he's like, no, no, I swear. They are teachers yeah that's right the smartest of us all and so nobody believes casey he goes home that night and his dad is basically yelling at him like like i can't believe you made this all up and he's like i'm not making it up i swear and they're like are you on drugs like what's going on this is so unlike you and he's like I just need to talk to Delilah I need to talk to

Delilah she can back me up and I guess Delilah's not answering so the next day Casey's dad takes him to school and he's like I don't want to go like don't make me go I can't go back there but his dad forces him to go he's like you're going to school it's not an option casey goes into school and finds delilah who's now wearing glasses and her hair up in a ponytail like she is trying to disguise herself from well yeah that's the other thing is like is she different but she's acting the same and they're like in the bathroom like whispering with each other she's like i'm like dressed incognito because i don't want them to find me which is like what like this is your school

they're not strangers like also you look like you you're right yeah you still look like you yeah i don't i don't quite understand what her plan is in this moment but they're kind of being Yeah, you still look like you. blocking the cupboards like filled with just bottles of water and more like jugs of water for the for the filter and they're just all sitting in silence drinking water we see in science class that day marybeth talks to stokely and says like i think she literally says i've never met a lesbian in real life before. Very, very crazy, crazy dialogue here. And also, Mary Beth, I bet you you have. And Stokely reveals she is not a lesbian. She pretends to be a lesbian, so no one will talk to her.

Another very cool thing. Also played by Cleo Duvall, who is gay. So that's interesting to me who is yeah was she out when this movie came out I'm not sure but like either way weird to play that yeah if she weren't out when they did this that's really fucked up to

think about her giving that line yeah but so yeah she reveals to Mary Beth that she's not actually gay and she marybeth notices her um kind of looking at stan um captain of the football team ex-captain of the football team and she's like oh like do you have a crush on him like why don't you talk to him and stokely's like no no like i don't yeah i don't talk to him. And Mary Beth, I think, pushes her so that she falls onto Stan's lap. And Stokely is like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

But then she says, well, but good luck at the football game tonight. And he's like, oh, I actually quit football. And he says something about some game like six months ago and she's like oh yeah well they would have lost that game if it wasn't for your pass in like the third quarter or whatever and like says some like very specific details and he's like you follow football

like I wouldn't have guessed that so she clearly has a big crush on Stan and then the history teacher walks into the class I guess they're in history class now and um like clearly also i mean all the teachers are aliens now or whatever is happening has affected all of them and the teacher says we're going to do a living family tree. Write down the names of every family member that you live with and all of your closest living relatives and where they live.

It's really funny. And he just says it's so deadpan. And they're like, OK. And then we see a bunch of students lined up for the nurse's office. And Stokely and Mary Beth are kind of looking at it like up for the nurse's office and stokely and mary beth are kind of looking at it like what the fuck's going on here like why is so many people going to the nurse's office stokely kind of tries to peek around the corner and we see the nurse putting something in a student's ear and then closing the door so that she can't see what happens and

someone tells them like yeah i guess we all have to do ear exams now. And... Yikes. Sure enough, as students are walking out of the exam room, they are seeming a little different. Hmm. Then at lunchtime, we see Mary Beth talking to Zeke and telling Zeke her parents died. And that's why she moved here. And Zeke says, myke her parents are her parents died and that's why she moved here and Zeke says

my mom and dad are dead too well for all intents and purposes they're alive but they might as well be dead which is like a very crazy thing to say to someone whose parents are actually dead yeah what what um but she seems like she

appreciates him trying to connect with her. And so they kind of have a flirty thing and they keep like making eyes at each other. hot as hell in a red tank top and like comes up to like kind of shove Zeke and is like, I thought I told you no conducting business on school property, a newfound confidence about her. And he says, what are you going to do? Call my mom. And she says, how would I do that? Zeke, your mom left you like gets really it gets really mean. And like, your mom's

never home and you're all alone because nobody wants to be with you and goes like way too hard. And he's like, what the what the fuck? And yeah, she's like calling him an asshole and screaming at him. Not so shy anymore. No, we see Casey and Stokely in the library and both of them are noticing like something is up well casey obviously definitely knows something up something's up but stokely has seen seen the people coming out of the nurse's office acting weird and she says it's like some it's like invasion of the body snatchers and kind of laughs and casey's like what do you mean and she's like oh i'm it was a joke i'm joking it's a movie and he's like well tell me more about the movie and she's like basically aliens come and pose as humans uh but they leave they but she says but

the whole thing is a ripoff of puppet masters like an older movie and in puppet masters they were parasites and casey's like casey's like but what if okay well what if it was real and he's like they decide let's go to back to the science class we'll look at the things like we need to figure this out so casey and stokely head back to the science room and they grab, he grabs Delilah because Delilah saw what he saw and Delilah grabs Stan and they all go into the science room and the creature is gone from the aquarium. So they're just standing around the empty aquarium. Casey trying to convince them this is aliens. Like our school is being invaded by aliens.

Stan scoffing and Delilah saying, you know, take this seriously. Like we saw some shit that was like, this isn't a joke. And then we see Mary Beth and Zeke going to the lab store room. That's right next to the science room. He like pulls her in there and she says, what are we doing in here? And he says says we're going shopping this is where i get my my my supplies my equipment oh for him for for making his drugs and she says you borrow it from the school and he goes i like to think of it as stealing

it's a fun one um they're having a flirty moment and they kiss oh my god jealous and just then they overhear through like the air vent they can hear casey and the rest of the group in the room next door talking about how their school is being taken over by aliens and so Josh Hartnett or excuse me Zeke bursts in to the other room and scares them and is like does like a whole act of like he's being taken over by an alien makes fun of them says Casey

you're the only alien here is you um and just then John Stewart walks in and says, what's going on in here? What's going on in here, students? And Zeke turns to him and saying, oh, Casey just is being dumb. He thinks you're an alien. And John Stewart says, is that so?

And starts like closing all the blinds on the window. Oh, my God. Ridiculous. And Zeke is says, you know, like, yeah, it's dumb. Like, see you later and starts heading for the door. And John Stewart grabs him, pushes him back and says, like, don't worry, this will all be over soon. And then grabs Casey by the throat and starts pinning Casey up against a wall Zeke switches into oh shit something

is up and he goes and he grabs you know the paper slicer thing it's like a big long blade to cut sheets of paper with he grabs that and rips the blade part off wow okay it's a damn good weapon to find in a fucking school.

Jeez. Yeah. Perfect school weapon. Yes. Perfect school weapon. Yes. And he grabs that and says, drop Casey. And Jon Stewart does drop Casey and turns to Zeke.

Jon Stewart does drop Casey and turns to Zeke and Zeke slices the blade and it cuts off all four of his fingers. Oh, of Jon Stewart's fingers. And they fall on the ground and they are wriggling around and start spouting the little tendrils. And his I knew it and his hand where they were cut off from also start spouting the red tendrils. And they're all like wriggling around and everyone's screaming and freaking out and I think at some point he pins Zeke down and

he starts vomiting the little sack little slimy sack thing I hate that it's a sack it's like a little cocoon thing. It's nasty. And he

starts vomiting it and Zeke from his pocket pulls one of his pens and stabs it into Jon Stewart's eye. Jon Stewart falls back is momentarily like dealing with his eye. They all jump back up. He grabs the paper knife thing

again and they're about to fight when we see the like powder from within the pen gets out and into his into john stewart's eye and it starts foaming and he he has a huge reaction and like seemingly drops dead. And they stand over him like, is he going to come back to life? He doesn't. So whatever it is, this powder. Special drug. That's convenient.

It is convenient. Hell yeah, Josh Hartnett. Good job. So at this point, they're all convinced. Stan says, aliens are taking over our fucking school. And they say, OK, let's we got to get to the get to the car. So they start like rushing through the school. But now all the students are kind of zombie ish. There's the halls are pretty quiet, filled with students, but pretty quiet.

And so they're kind of trying to walk slowly and quietly. Like maybe they can blend in if they just move slowly, they get to the car, um, hop in and start driving out. And as they get to the end of a street, it's blocked off by police officers and the police are like going into every car and Zeke says fuck this peels out the other way and they just go straight to his house another route and his house is like a full chemistry lab it's like beakers and like winding it's like crazy he's's got lab rats. Yeah, exactly.

Before Walter White. The origin story. That's right. They have a piece of the, I guess, probably the finger from Jon Stewart that they are going to test and they drop it into a cage with a lab rat

and it's not moving anymore but they drop some water on it because that's what seems to bring them to life and so they drop water on it and sure enough the tendrils shoot out grab the rat and it wriggles in through the rat's ear and then the rat starts kind of moving slowly and walking around, acting different than it was a moment ago. And Zeke reaches in and snaps the rat's neck. Says, sorry, buddy. Damn. But they just needed to see how it works.

And then they he starts dissecting the rat again. Now, now Zeke's got glasses on and he's like, yeah, see here. This is like this is how a parasite does like it's living inside the host and it attaches to the host and then controls it. And the drug we see at his lab, there's like a lot of caffeine pills and that's mostly what is in this powder okay and he says the drug is a diuretic and it must dry it out and kill it like i think that's what's happening these clearly need to be really moist and this powder is drying him out I love a simple like oh well just dehydrate it yeah perfect done done done wait but isn't that in signs wasn't it like the opposite

yes where the aliens couldn't handle water being on them yes this is a different species if there's an alien invasion we just gotta try the basics first it's either water or not water it's either water or no water copy that so but then zeke says but it's incomplete and somehow he can tell from this

specimen that it is part of a greater organism and this is where they turn to stokely and like stokely you look you are into sci-fi and this shit like what does that mean and stokely says well in theory there's like a queen and if you kill the queen you would kill all of them but in theory that's in movies and shit like i don't know i don't fucking know if that's how it's gonna work but they're like well you've been right so far and that's like the best we've got so um we might as well start trying to figure out who the queen is but then delilah says well what if one of us was an alien right now and they kind of all turned on each other and have a moment of like uh delilah turns to stan and says you just quit the football team all of a sudden and like you've been acting different like why'd you do that and he says well look at you like you

you have your glasses on and your hair up like i haven't seen you wear glasses since you were like 10 years old and she's like i'm incognito and then they turn to stokely and say all of a sudden you're not a lesbian anymore and then they turn to mary beth and say you showed up like right when everything started happening and so they're all like freaked out now none they don't know if they can trust each other and zeke says we're gonna have to each take a hit of the drug he He pulls out his pens. He's like, you gotta snort the drug and prove that you're human. This is very much a callback to the thing.

The thing. Yeah. The blood test. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God, I forgot about that. And his gorgeous, beautiful hat. Kurt Russell's gorgeous, beautiful hat. Oh, it's such a good big hat. So, one at a time they uh start well first

of all they're all like no I'm not doing it which is crazy like just do it so Casey goes first and he he just like gets high and starts giggling which is interesting because it's like as if it were weed but it's caffeine pills.

But he starts like laughing uncontrollably. So I guess that's a side effect of this particular drug. Then he gives to make Stan go. Stan's like, I'm not fucking doing that. It's like each of them individually goes like, fuck, no, I'm not fucking doing that. And it's like, just fucking do it. I don't know why each of us has to put up a fight we're agreeing that this is what we're doing

but so Stan goes he's fine Stokely goes she's fine Zeke does it he's fine so we have Mary Beth and Delilah and they're both like I'm not doing that i'm not putting

that shit up my nose and he's like you both do it do it at the same time um oh also zeke has a gun and say what i don't know why he has a gun but they're like holding a gun just in case anything happens and so delilah and Mary Beth are going to go at the same time. They go one, two, three. They each go back. They're like holding their noses like it hurts. And then Mary Beth looks fine,

but Delilah turns around and she's got the little creatures crawling around under her skin. Oh my god. Delilah. She was trying, she was being so smart and really trying to place the blame on everyone else.

And she says like you can't beat us, we're everywhere and like bursts out. She like runs through throws herself through the wall and like runs out of the house. It's like a flimsy little wood gate or something and like crashes through it like runs out of the house. It's like a flimsy little wood gate or something and like

crashes through it and runs out to the car and the history teacher is there like picking her up. And so she gets away. They shoot the gun out. They try to shoot her, but they miss her. And then they're like, okay, fuck. Well, how do we find the queen?

So it doesn't kill her though, because I guess it wasn't enough of the drug? I guess so. Didn't the drug kill Jon Stewart, but I guess it was in his eye? Yeah, I guess maybe she just did, like, a teeny tiny little bit. Okay. Okay, sure. Sure, why not? It's airtight.

It's airtight. And so they're trying to figure out how to find the queen. And Casey says there's only one place on this Friday night that anyone in town will be at the big football game. Of course. And they start heading back to school. We start playing Pink Floyd. We don't need no education. There's fireworks going off

at the football game. Cool slow-mo shots of the coach and everybody in town is now infected with this. And they go into the gym and nobody's in the gym but them and they're kind of

talking and they think, well, it's probably the principal, right? The principal is the head of the school it's probably her and in walks the principal says you guys can't be in here and they've got oh they like have gathered up as much of the powder as they could

they have like a big vat of it and a few of the pens still and Mrs. Drake comes in they have bat of it and a few of the pens still and Mrs. Drake comes in. They have the gun and the pens and Casey's pointing the gun or no

Stan's pointing the gun at her. Casey has the pen with the drugs and they're like, you gotta snort this or we're gonna kill you and she's like, no, I won't do it and they're like well now what do we do and

Zeke grabs our whole plan grabs the gun and shoots her in the head oh my God it's crazy it's like a hardened drug dealer so wild and she fall I mean she collapses and her head bleeds and they're like, oh, fuck.

Like, I think we made a mistake. But then she reanimates and opens her mouth and the little sack comes out and like tendrils are coming out of her face. And like all those little bugs are like crawling under her skin. And Mary Beth takes the vat and like dumps it on her. And she starts like sizzling and falls down. And Mary Beth like throws the rest of it on her. And Zeke is like, fuck. No, Mary Beth.

Zeke's like, fuck. No, no, no. And Mrs. Drake dies and kind of like foams and gross. Her body just like sizzles up and evaporates. And Zeke turns to Mary Beth and says, was that everything? It was. And they're like, fuck. Now they each basically each have a pen.

And they're like, well, let's see if it worked. And they go, they can't let's see if it worked. And they go. They can't quite see the football field. And so Stan says, I'll go out and check if if it worked. And as he's about to leave, Stokely grabs him and kisses him, says, I just didn't want to never have done that. Wow. never have done that wow kiss and uh stan heads out and he has a pen with him and uh he walks out to the field and the game is over and it's raining now and the football team and the football coach are just like standing in the rain like looking like they're loving it and the coach has all the little tendrils coming

out his face and like crazy teeth in his mouth that appear for a second and then disappear and then we see back at the gym uh stan running up banging on the window he's like fuck it like it didn't work it's the coach and zeke's like don't let him in don't let him in we don't know what just happened and he's like he's like no no no it's the coach I saw him I saw him and Stokely's like wanting to let him in

and he's like take the take the drug snort the pen and prove it and then you can come back in he's like let me take it in there like it's raining out here man and he's like I dropped mine I it in there. Like, it's raining out here, man. And he's like, I dropped mine. I dropped mine. And damn, Zeke. Sorry, Stan.

Yeah, you're done. Donezo bunzo. And Zeke takes his pen, slides it under the door and is like, there you go. Take it. And Stan picks it up, opens the top of it, holds it to his nose and then like makes eye contact with Stokely and pours out the pen. And they're like, fuck, man, he's an alien. He's an alien.

And Stokely looks so upset. And he's like staring at Stokely and he's like, it's so it's so great here. Like, there's no fear. There's no pain. It's beautiful. You could be one of us. You could be beautiful. We want you. I want you. And she's like, you see that she's a little tempted by this. And but then they're like, no, no, no, no, like, leave him. run back into like the main part of the gym we see stan like run off and that was actually the last of the of the powder the scat is what zeke calls it he says i've got more scat in my truck in my trunk and they're like oh in your car like past the where the football team is like great

how convenient and he's like you got a better idea? Nobody does. So Casey and Zeke decide to make a run for Zeke's car to get to the other pens and they get separated and there's similarly like comes up to Casey and is like Casey you could join us and like you could be cool like you wouldn't have to feel embarrassed anymore you wouldn't have to feel like an outcast you would fit perfectly you would belong

and he's backing up and away stepping backwards away from her and then the football team bursts through. You see Usher trying to get him. And Casey opens the top of the bus and is able to climb up through the top and get away from them that way. And we see Zeke has gotten to his car. And the pens aren't in the trunk and he sees a few of them a few pens like on the floor of his car in the front seat and then just at that moment uh mrs drake appears and he's like

hey mrs drake and she's like i uh he's like could i could i help you with something she's like, he's like, could I help you with something? She's like, yeah, I was looking for something. Oh, sorry. In the earlier scene, he offers her cherry flavored condoms, which embarrasses her. And he says, this is Mrs. Burke or whatever. Oh, yeah. Sorry, Mrs. Burke, not Mrs. Drake. And he says, can I get you looking for some scat or something like that? And she says, I was in the mood for something more cherry flavored, if you know what I mean.

And he's like, he's like, yeah, uh, I'll hook you up. And you see him kind of like inching towards the front seat. He opens the door and jumps inside. It starts the ignition. And she just bursts through the side window and like jumps in the car with him. And he's speeding and trying to drive away and also trying to reach for the pen. Can't reach it. It's just out of reach. And she's like in the way.

And so he and you see her tongue come out and he's she's like it's like a long alien tongue now trying to get into his ear and he can't reach the pen so he just he accelerates and smashes into a bus and like plugs his buckles his seat belt right before and she flies through the windshield and you see her body just like fly comically far through the air it's very funny I like shots like that when it's just like so clearly a dummy yeah they just like threw a dummy

and are like I just get that yeah it's like that and um then he he grabs the pens and he gets out of the car and tries to like see what happened to her where she went and he gets out of the car and tries to, like, see what happened to her, where she went. And he sees her head with little alien tentacles coming out of the bottom, crawling around. And he sees her body a little further away, kind of looking for the head.

And eventually the head crawls its way over to the body and we see the little tendril start trying to like suck back into the neck and again again he's just like fuck this runs this is also I just want to flag that it's unbelievable

that he happened to have accidentally created a drug that will kill an alien that seems to not be able to be killed any other way. Yeah. What's that called? Do, do, do X.

Amahina. Yes. Ex Machina. Ex Machina. Yeah, exactly. I write the paper. I write the news.

Yeah. You write the news. You do the paper. I do the paper. Then we see, so it's just Stokely and Mary Beth now in the gym. And Mary Beth says to Stokely, like, who do you think it is? The master alien?

The queen bee? And Stokely's like, it could literally be anybody. And Mary Beth says, how does the invasion of the body snatchers end? And Stokely says, they win. Humans lose. They win. of the body snatchers end and stokely says they win humans lose they they they win and she says well maybe we really would maybe we really actually do win and like stan looked happy and um maybe they bettered who he was and we see stokely kind of look suspicious at this like why what no like he didn't look better he was just not himself anymore and she's like yeah maybe he was something better

and Stokely is suspicious again and she says Mary Beth says I know you proud yourself pride yourself on being the outsider Stokely but aren't you tired of being something you're not? I know I am. And Stokely turns and Mary Beth punches her in the face and Mary Beth's arms become crazy tentacles. Whoa. Oh, yeah. Okay, here we go. And Casey at this moment runs back in and sees Mary Beth turn into like a huge full monster. She like

morphs into crazy tentacle. She's the queen baby. From Atlanta. I'm from Atlanta. Mary Beth Louise Hutchinson from Atlanta. Also the queen. So they start running from her and they run through the gym pool and

she like jumps into the pool and like moves in the water really quickly loving it loving it she's loving the pool they love the pool um but i hate oh i hate when the monster is like good in water and you're not like i think water in general

is just very scary yeah it reminded me it reminded me of that part in the quiet place where the alien just like disappears underwater and you can't see where it goes. No, thank you. But they're running around the perimeter of the pool and almost make it when alien Mary Beth gets to the other side and one of her tentacles grabs Stokely's leg and pulls her and Stokely smacks her head really hard on the on the concrete. And it's like immediately her head is bleeding and she's unconscious and she gets pulled into the pool. And God bless Casey.

He turns and like it runs to the side of the pool to like wait for her. And he's like, Stokely, Stokely. And like, I don't think that I would do that I think that I would keep running I mean I would maybe like look but she's like being pulled underwater by an enormous alien while she's unconscious also it's not like they were

friends beforehand I think they were little friends oh they were Casey and Stokely they were in the library together that's true they were in the library I don't know their full friendship history, but... Yeah. Yeah. Either way, Casey stays

and... and is, like, just at the side of the pool, like, yelling, Stokely! Stokely! Stokely! Like, trying to wake her up. And guess what? It works. She wakes up, and she is able to wriggle free and get out of the pool. And he pulls her out and they go,

go into the locker room together. And we see the alien kind of morph back in to Mary Beth, Louise Hutcherson, Hutchinson. I can't remember from Atlanta. And, um, she walks out of the pool now doing the

slow villain walk and she's naked now we see Casey and Stokely huddling in the locker room and a shadow approaching in the doorway and then the shadow is Zeke and

he comes in all out of breath he's like hello where are you guys stokely says zeke zeke we're here and as he's walking to stokely and casey mary beth appears and is like crouched behind a wall and is like no zeke it's her it's her she's the queen and stokely's like no she's the queen she's the queen and they're pointing fingers at each other like that spider-man meme and Zeke is like confused but then sees that Marybeth is completely naked and

is like uh Marybeth why are you why are you naked and Marybeth kind of changes and drops the act a bit and like oh does my body bother you? And starts like walking towards him. This is a seductive group of aliens.

Seductive aliens. That's right. And she says, I'm still getting used to it myself. And he says, this doesn't make sense. Like, you snorted the powder like I saw you. And she says, you saw what I wanted you to see. And we get a little

flashback to the snorting scene and see that she had like a little skin flap come in from her nose that blocked it so that she could tilt her head back without it actually going into her nose so she had a little alien trick that could make it seem like she snorted it but she didn't and so then zeke in this realization pulls back one of his pens is about

to stab her when stokely grabs his arm and you see Stokely's face has all the little wriggly worms underneath her skin and Stokely is also infected and he pushes her off, is able to start running. Him and Casey or Casey pushes Stokely

back into like a locked room, like a chain link fence within a locker room. i don't know what these are even for like equipment like i guess like you have to maybe lock away expensive stuff yeah so pushes her into that locks it behind her and zeke says to casey snort this stuff like show me that you got to prove that you're not an alien so casey snorts it again to be like come on man like we don't have time for this snorts it um they're running and they get separated and we see zeke's body like fly through the air he's been like flung through the air by the alien and mary beth is trying to find casey and is talking to him and kind of doing like you you know, I, my planet was starting to dry

up and I found this planet like with so much water and, uh, thought I might settle here. And then I found all of you, you were all lonely, just like me. And I thought like we could all be together and I could, I could give us that. I could bring us that peace and togetherness where we don't ever have to be afraid again. And Casey says, I'd rather be afraid. And she says, fine, have it your way. And turns back into the monster, starts chasing him once more. And we see that Zeke's head is, he's unconscious from being flung across the room and so it's just casey being chased by the alien he runs into um the the main room of the gym with like the bleachers uh like the auditorium and uh starts running underneath the bleachers and presses a button on the wall that makes it so the bleachers are being pulled in.

So if you're underneath the bleachers, you'd be like crushed. And so he's running and they're pulling in one at a time. And so he's like just beating it. And the alien comes in behind him and is uh like sort of beating it at first but he's faster and he gets out the other side and it just crushes and pins the alien but it still has all it's like tentacles and tendrils out and grabs uh grabs casey and he's got one last pen and uh he stabs it into the alien's eye says guaranteed to jack you up as as he stabs it it shoots like a bunch of sharp little things into his face that like crawl under his skin. So these little things start like burrowing under his skin and he falls backwards.

But then the powder starts getting into the alien's body and starts foaming and the alien starts dying and dies. And as it dies, the things under his skin shrivel up and fall out of his skin we see in the in the little locked part of the locker room same thing happens with Stokely they're all falling out of her skin Casey goes back to her

says are you okay are you you she says I think so we see Zeke wakes up he's like oh so when we shot the principal uh we just now she would have been alive that's what i'm like there's like no way because they kind of came to that conclusion before that if you kill the queen everyone else will go back to normal because that's how it happens in the sci-fi novels that stokely has read and so shooting her in the head is a huge choice that's just murder that's just murder is what it is

wow okay um zeke zeke is like live and learn it's yeah he's supposed he's supposed to be like the heartthrob uh main character but he's really just like bad choices yeah pretty dark uh and but seemingly everyone's back to normal we get one month later and there's news um crews reporting at the school saying life is back to normal after the mysterious disappearance of several faculty members one month ago and like some students claim there was aliens but the authorities are denying that claim as they're found no substantial evidence

we see Zeke is now on the football team smoking cigarettes while he's playing football which is an interesting way to play football coach is yelling at him um coach is back to normal back to his

normal yelling self uh and we see stan and stokely uh are dating now and they make out stokely's now wearing head to toe purple no more head to toe black

wow 180 uh they make out toe purple no more head to toe black wow 180 they make out and then we see Casey whose hair is now gelled up looking real cool not a dork anymore oh my god

he just needed some hair gel he just needed some hair gel and we see that he's on the cover of Time magazine for some reason that I didn't quite understand. But the news seems to he makes the news now, I think, is what that means.

And then Delilah comes up behind him and they start making out. So him and Delilah are an item now, too. Cute. Wow. And then start making out so him and Delilah are an item now too cute wow and then the credits roll and we get

kind of ID shot for each of the characters and their actors and every character is like a flashback shot of a shot that we've seen in the movie so it's like Josh Hartnett like shot of him with the drugs or whatever except for John Stewart who is seemingly a one month later photo with an eye patch and his hand bandaged up as he's like trying to balance a donut and drops the donut because it doesn't have any fingers. I just like that every single other one was a flashback shot.

But his is like me without an eye and no more fingers that's very funny oh my god it made me laugh um whoa whoa what a ridiculous movie isn't it that crazy wild yes it's so crazy

the 90s man wow um but yeah man I loved I loved re-watching it. I had a real blast and I do recommend it to anybody who can handle it. I feel like it's not too scary. No, it doesn't sound too scary at all. It just sounds like ridiculous. I mean, it's like I know you did last summer in Scream where they're just like, they're not actually that scary.

Also, was Jonort like in movies for a short period of time even an actor he was an actor before the daily show and then just realized that he's not a very good actor and stopped trying to be an actor that makes sense um wow when are they going to start making teen movies like this again instead we have euphoria which I gotta say is a lot better but a lot darker mm-hmm the world is a lot darker that's true

that's true um yeah I mean there's a new scream movie coming out so we'll see if it kind of tries to tries to get into some of that nostalgic 90s essence wait do we think that the little alien creature that he found in the parking lot that was just like an extra alien creature that just was hanging out i think

i think it was it because it's in the same spot where the coach was at in the very beginning and so I think it must have been one of the little pod things that they were trying to inject into his ear that yeah they've had an extra just an extra one

air tanked leaving those around it all tracks wow what a wild ride thank you Sammy leaving those around yeah it all tracks it all tracks um wow what a wild ride thank you Sammy you're welcome thank you Sammy I loved every second of watching

it and I hope you guys liked hearing about it every goddamn second no voices? are you kidding me Henley? Mary Beth Louise the queen the queen of course. From Atlanta.

A very Atlanta accent. How could I forget? Very good. Normal. Correct. Mary Beth Louise Hutcherson from Atlanta. From all of us here at Too Scary Didn't Watch. Warch.

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