Too Scary; Didn't Watch - THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE with Evan Gregory

Episode Date: October 5, 2022

TW: The grossest possible things you'll ever hear in your entire life! You might be haunted for eternity if you listen to this episode! Honestly, don't do it!! We won't even be mad if you skip this one!! Except, well, Sammy laughed harder than any other ep and Evan Gregory (The Gregory Brothers, Punch Up The Jam) is possibly the best/most-brave guest we've ever had....so join us and we'll be bonded for life??????? You can watch The Human Centipede on Amazon Prime Recap begins @ 32:15 TW: I'm not kidding this one is so gross TRAILER Follow the show: @TSDWpodcast on Twitter, TikTok, and Instagram. Check out our Patreon for bonus episodes and additional content! Rate Too Scary; Didn’t Watch 5 Stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts and leave a review for Emily, Henley, and Sammy. Advertise on Too Scary; Didn't Watch via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is Emily, Henley, and Sammy, and you're listening to Too Scary, Didn't Watch. Hi everyone, welcome to Too Scary, Didn't Watch, the horror movie recap podcast for those too scared to watch for themselves. I'm Emily, and I am too scared to watch scary movies. I'm Henley, and I'm also too scared to watch scary movies. I'm Sammy, and I love watching scary movies. And so I watch them so that you don't have to. And holy shit, today's movie.

Okay, this is the first time I've gone into an episode being like, will I be able to finish the episode? Yeah. I told Joel I might quit the whole podcast. I genuinely don't know. I genuinely don't know. Like, I'm not exaggerating. My hands are

shaking. My palms are sweaty. My body's having a physical reaction Yeah you look feverish I feel feverish I'm just really nervous I'm like actually genuinely nervous About doing this Well the good news is that

It'll all be over soon In 90 minutes or so You'll never have to do it again But before we talk about what this week's movie is, did anything scary happen to us this week? Okay, this isn't really scary. Why would I preface my story that way?

I always preface my story that way. Why would I do that? We have four cats. And Theo, the boy, our little kitten boy, was doing this really weird thing that was totally freaking me out. Which is, you know, for the most part, cats have their spots that they go to that are understandable. And the spots make sense.

Here's why they sit here. It's comfy. It's in the sun. It's, you know, you get it. in the sun it's okay you know you get it he all of a sudden started sitting in the middle of the kitchen on the tile floor staring towards the wall for like no discernible any like still still staring and i would walk into the kitchen sometimes in the middle of the night at any point and he was just there staring and i I would, I tried to investigate. I was like,

what the fuck is over? I'd look around. Nothing, nothing. At one point I'd heard water dripping from Joel has like a water thing for bread making in the pantry. And it was, some of it was dripping.

And I was like, Oh, that's what it was. He like heard the dripping. Great. Solved it. Next day, sitting there like a little freak,

like totally once i woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom boy is just sitting there staring it's like oh it was really it was really freaking me out i did not like it at all staring part i don't like the tile it might be because maybe it's cooler because it's been very hot sure but it was like the same staring same spot and like it's like still it's been very hot. Sure. But it was like the same. But the staring that's a ghost. Same spot and like it's like still. Like he was like still. Exactly. I'm like what does he see that I don't see? He sees something that I don't see. Yeah. He's seeing into another dimension.

I don't know why you preface this by saying it wasn't scary because this is scary. Okay. This is definitely scary. Well it was like honestly it was starting to like bother me. Like I would get mad at him when I would see him there because I was like this isn't right what you're doing and I don't like it and so one night joel and i go walk into the kitchen and he's fucking sitting there and we're like we've got to figure out what the

deal is so we're like poking around joel's got his little flashlight and like looking and trying to find and he shines a flashlight into this corner it's like behind so we have a door there and it's a jar with a screen to get like airflow in um and so we're like looking around and all of a sudden a cricket jumps out of that hole and the boy eats it in a second oh so he was after a cricket he's cricket hunting wow he's cricket hunting he's cricket hunting And since that time Now we're like where the fuck are these crickets coming from Because it's constant He's constantly hunting crickets

And the other night you know cats with bugs It's really upsetting He would catch it bring it into the living room Let it hop around chase it put it in his mouth Let it back out let it hop around That's the thing is they like fuck with them They don't just kill them immediately No and then he eats it which is gross but is what you want to happen anyway so now we

have a cricket problem and i know what the deal is with the boy but now we've got a cricket situation and it's just really been it's really been a journey crickets like in my imagination are really cute and the name is so cute. It's so cute. In reality, they're so horrifying. I don't mind them. I'll come out and say it. I like I like crickets when they get there. If I have to choose a bug to deal with, I'm going to choose a cricket.

I think it's kind of funny having to chase it around. It jumps around and you can't get it. It's the jumping that's it's it's always surprising. It's like erratic. It's too it's also too intense i find it delightful they can jump too high they can really jump yeah it's sort of their whole deal yeah they can really they can really go for it but they are no match for theo man he is on it benefits of having a cat i guess yeah if we didn't have cats then we'd have a bunch of crickets so i guess there's that thank god thank god anyway what about you guys

okay just real quick mine is genuinely not scary at all um we gotta stop sorry sorry sorry um it's just that i wanted to talk about how i'm really late to the party on this one, but I can't stop watching Brian Jordan Alvarez's Instagram videos just over and over and over. He also releases so many of them. Wait, you haven't seen these? Emily, I feel like I've shared them with you. Maybe I don't know them by name, perhaps. He is known for being on Will and Grace, but he during the pandemic started making these TikTok videos that are on Instagram, too.

And he has used his face filters to transform the way his face looks. And then he matches that face with a perfect accent and persona and character arc. And they all have relationships with each other. And they are chef's kiss, undeniably, the best content on the internet. Wow. I fucking can't stop watching all of them. He has a bunch of different characters.

Shout out to my two main characters that I love, Marnie. Marnie. Shout out to Marnie. Shout out to my two main characters that I love. Marnie. Marnie. Shout out to Marnie. Marnie is the self-help guru. She's the self-help guru who is always talking about pure source energy. She. Wait, Emily, might I share these with you? What am I doing?

I don't know. I'll come out and say I'm really bad at watching videos that are sent to me with sound because I'm like I'm rarely in a place where I can just pull up the video and so I don't and then I never see it and then I forget that it's there and I really am sorry.

It's a thing that I honestly feel guilt about. Okay well thank you for coming clean right now. It feels really good for me to be able to come clean because we send a lot of videos in our in our text thread with jenna too somebody recently was like is jenna alive jenna's alive um so i'll just mention that jenna's also there and she shout out to jenna a real a real person um uh i just i can't always watch them you know and then i forget that they're there so maybe you've sent them to me and I just I'm sorry. That's that's totally fine. I forgive you. But anyone else who is not

aware of Brian, Brian Jordan Alvarez, look up his Instagram. He's very, very funny. I also really enjoy his rich Southern aunt character who owns a lake house. And she's always talking about all her lake houses. It's stunning performance by him and I fully I just am gonna, he has merch I'm gonna buy all the merch. I don't know. I'm just fully bought in. I love it. Sammy, your turn. Okay, buckle up guys.

Uh oh. I went to a planetarium this week. As we know, the observatory and space in general They can send me spiraling Space is so scary The vastness but There was one

Piece of information I learned In this planetarium show The show is called signs of life What is it called? Signs of life and it takes You all around the universe looking For signs of life what's it called science science of life signs of life and it takes you all around the universe looking for signs of life and where there might be the ingredients for life to form and it take it takes us to the farthest away planet that we have discovered

with a name that really rolls off the tongue here the The planet is called Ogle 2014 BLG 0124 LB. Pluto was up for grabs. We got rid of Pluto. Why didn't they just repurpose it? And it is 13,000 light years away, which doesn't really mean anything to me. I don't know what that means. Yeah, I can't.

So let me tell you what it means. If we took a spaceship There Spaceships go About 18,000 miles per hour That is a speed at which We could circle the earth twice in an hour To give you some reference Of how fast that is

If we took a spaceship Left now to go to Ogle 2014 blgo 124 lb we would get there in 483 million 600 000 years is that just make you want to like evaporate into thin air like makes me i've do you even just say where when a number gets so big see for me i'm like i don't know what my i can't my brain can't contain the vastness of that number we haven't reached a level of consciousness where we can grasp any of this yet our brains are too puny teeny tiny little absolute nonsense to me it's so shocking and so terrifying as much to me as as the name all gold 24 blb 24 like i'm like i don't i literally

don't know but i guess if there's life on other planets you want it to be probably that far away right well and something else it said was if that planet is looking at us right now, even if it's super advanced life because of the way light travels, they're looking at Earth like 1500 years ago or something like maybe more than that. So they wouldn't be able to see us yet because of the way that like how stars

work. Why aren't they making assumptions if they have the technology to do that? Wouldn't they? Couldn't they conceivably also have the technology to like fast wouldn't they couldn't they conceivably also have the technology to like fast forward yeah i don't know man i i just going to the planetarium makes me feel very stupid very small i don't know how the fuck anybody discovered anything about space the early astronomers like what mapping the stars it's crazy it's crazy remember how remember how we got a review recently that said these girls don't know anything have never heard of anything it's true it's true it's true i don't know anything where am i

but i mean imagine if you never heard of anything. I've simply never heard of literally anything. But I mean, imagine if you'd heard of everything. That would be impossible. Your brain would explode. I'd rather know nothing than everything. Well, here's one thing I know I don't want to know about. And that is this week's movie. Oh, boy. That was a hell of a transition.

Really don't want to know about it like i'd love to thank you that's off to me um i just want to get it over with so i'm trying to move us along yep do you feel like you once made us promise that we would do this episode at our 10 year anniversary i recently made i recently asked that and um you guys said yes so imagine my dismay and shock When I realized Well you're gonna have to blame We have a guest for this movie He picked it It's his fault It's a real treat to have him

We're already angry Welcome to the podcast Evan Gregory Uh oh Evan You're muted Evan We can't hear you friend Well I muted myself in anticipation of what I was going to have to talk about If you could stay muted that would be perfect

For me Stay muted for the whole episode Guys it's an incredible treat to be here I've been looking forward to this for months Ever since we kind of did swapsies On each other's podcast And I'm dreading i dreaded watching this movie i watched it last night it was one of the worst experiences of my life but i but i i picked it because you guys sent me the list of requests and i looked at that list with a sense of such duty. In two ways.

Yeah, I have to take one for the team in looking at this list. I'm not doing this for pleasure. I'm doing this out of service. To the audience. You're taking a hit. Yeah, and I was basically looking at it like which one of these movies is the biggest hill to climb? Which one is the biggest meme too? It's getting the most

recognition. Everybody knows about this movie. Yeah yeah we haven't even i was gonna just say we haven't said what movie it is yet so let me tell let me tell you guys we are doing the human centipede 2009 film written and directed by tom six starring dieter laser ashley c williams ashlyn yenny and akihoto Kitamura And it's on AMC Plus If you are dying to see it And Sammy, this was your fourth viewing? It's up there, yeah

I've seen it quite a few times What? So one of us is having a good time today Sammy, you've seen this multiple times? Yeah, I used to go to In San Francisco I'm sure all over, they would do like midnight screenings of it and I think

it's a very the premise is so ridiculous. It's a silly movie and it's fun to see with an audience screaming and very upset at every twist and turn. I don't know.

I have to steal myself for this. This is an endurance test for me. Even just talking about it in general terms like this is. It's less fun to watch alone. I'll say that. But you guys have never seen the movie, but you're familiar with it, right? Like all we had to say was the title and you know what we're talking about.

You know the premise. Oh, I am. Absolutely. It's a very descriptive title in terms of what it is that we are getting, I think. Yes. Says it all right there. Okay, we will talk about it. We have to talk about it. But first, Evan, did anything scary happen to you this week? Such a sweet question.

I'll tell you, I didn't have a good answer until I was listening in to your guys' preamble. And Emily, your story reminded me of a very similar thing that did happen to me this week in the category of creepy animal hypnosis kind of experiences. I live in Brooklyn and we have a little backyard that's like the size of a large hot tub. And my kids noticed outside this little bird it was a very cute looking bird like a chickadee with bright yellow brown colors small bird and it was sitting in the center of the yard staring at our house and just didn't move for long periods this is atypical for the birds around here that are just like in to grab a snack and peace. And so eventually the kids just went out and I was kind of distracted.

I looked back out there and my kids were down there next to the bird and the bird had not moved and they were touching the bird. What bird, what bird will, a wild bird will let a human touch it? A dead one. No, no bird will do that. And it was alive just staring out there. And it wasn't like laying down. This is a bird standing up.

Oh, my God. In the yard. And my kids started touching it and petting it and whispering into it. And I started having visions, strong visions of some kind of Shyamalan. Like it's the happening. The happening is happening. The birds are communicating Stuff is gonna like they're conspiring

To kill something's about to happen is the Very visceral feeling that I had you know And eventually also I was thinking About okay the birds are also probably carrying Diseases so eventually we could like get the kids Away and the birds stayed out there for a long Time I didn't actually see it fly away After I thought about it for some time the

Best I have no explanation, but the best thing I could come up with in my head is that this bird must have slammed into a window and was suffering brain damage. That's like the only thing that is explaining it sitting here staring at humans. The bird was also like, what's happening to me? People are touching

me. But it was supremely creepy and felt like a shift in the biosphere was happening and maybe birds were going to take control. That's like the feeling I had. Well, at least it was a cute bird. It would have been so much scarier if it hadn't been a cute bird. Right. You're right.

That's a plus. It could have been a crow or something. Yeah, sure. If your kids all go out and start petting like a crow that's not moving and staring into your home. Yeah, that would be worse. Right. Or if it escalates every week, you know, if I came back here next week and reported. Keep us posted, there might be another bird. It's like a hawk.

My kids were petting a raccoon. Yeah, then I think unfortunately you're going to have to come to terms with it's your children that are haunted. I hope they're not. Okay, so Evan, you picked this movie. How do you normally feel about horror movies in general, besides Human Centipede? Not counting Human Centipede, but do you like horror movies? Do you love them?

I like horror movies. I even love horror movies. I had a group of buddies, a co-ed group of buddies, where we'd get together. It was like a fun party night where we would go through all the paranormal activity movies, like a fun weekend thing. But that has kind of faded from my life as i'm like become a new dad and i'm primarily watching uh mitchell's versus the machines for instance and so it was like i kind of got excited oh i can go on the show this give me a good excuse

to watch a movie but then i felt committed to the bit like i have to watch the worst one i have to watch and i truly hate body horror this whole this whole like almost fetishy sub genre of horror that's about the mutilation of bodies and the saw moves and stuff like that i hate that i would i'll go for paranormal activity and the the occult stuff and the jump scare stuff that's for me this stuff is not for me and it was really horrifying. I'm so impressed that you just really felt dedicated to the podcast enough to pick this movie. We appreciate

it even though I'm also equally so angry and mad at you and I've never even met you before. For you guys, I listened to Barbie Girl and now I watch Human Centipede. That's what I was just going to say. You had to get us back. Yeah, we made you listen to Barbie Girl girl a lot which by the way you guys if you don't know evan gregory is the greatest musician in the world creating the finest punch-up ever that

i've ever heard of barbie girl your your flattery will get you everywhere. Thank you so much. Okay, this movie, this goddamn movie. Is it supposed to be, like, when they made it, were they thinking this would be funny or this would be really scary? Like, do we know? Do we know? I do know a touch of the background is that it came from the singular mind of this auteur, Tom Six, who thought

who was sitting around thinking of like wow, you know all the horrible worst people in history, like putting them to death is not bad enough when you think of the Hitlers and Pol Pots of our collective history, like what's the worst possible thing we could do to them to

punish them? And he thought of this and then decided to put it in a movie. But unfortunately, in the movie, it's not Pol Pot who's this is happening to. What if it were? What if it were? What if it were like some time jumping? Everyone's on the table. Just all the words.

Hitler's the middle. Has this guy had done other things? Is this I don't I'm not familiar I'm I don't think I think these are the biggest hits

Of his I don't think so Are there multiple human centipedes? Oh you better believe there are Because this was a Because this was a cold hit He could jump off to You know

Second sequence And Whatever it was I'll also I was going to bring up A little bit of trivia from a guest on our show, a friend of mine, Chase,

is in the poster of this movie. Not in the movie, but he is the guy, the middle guy in the human centipede poster, which I just always think is really funny. And you didn't know that's what the image was going to be used for. No, he just did like a Craigslist photo shoot. What?

And it was a human centipede poster. One of my favorite bits of trivia. That rocks so hard that you could just go to a Craigslist photo shoot and then you're the human centipede for life. Yeah. Pretty wild. This movie has a 49% on Rotten Tomatoes,

which is honestly pretty high, higher than I thought it would be. Yeah, it is pretty high. It has a 33% on Rotten Tomatoes, which is honestly pretty high, higher than I thought it would be. Yeah, it is pretty high. It has a 33% on Metacritic and a 4.4 on IMDb. The budget was $1.5 million and it made $252,000 in theaters, but went on to make $3.6 million in DVD sales. I got to say that that number feels so low based on the massive reputation of this movie. Yeah, I'm surprised.

I thought, I kind of thought it was like a sleeper hit. Like it was like The central concept is so powerful that no one could ever forget it. So everyone has heard of this

and knows what it's about. Yeah. But three million bucks, like that's nothing. That feels like no one has actually seen this. Yeah, that's a good point. Sammy, you single-handedly

contributed so much to that number. No, it's basically just my personal dvd collection my a couple million copies of the human centipede yeah your apartment is it lines the walls it's just stacks and your wallpaper is stacks of human centipede DVDs. But the director, Tom Six, he apparently contacted a real surgeon for the human centipede design. And so they then marketed this film with the tagline 100% medically accurate. Which is not true. That's very funny.

But there's another podcast That's The hosts are doctors called Hi everybody a bad medicine podcast And they use the human centipede As their baseline for their rating of Medical accuracies of films so for Example they rated saw to 500% Medically accurate because it's five times

More medically accurate than the human Centipede It just really made me laugh Um and Roger Ebert Love to get some Roger Ebert Trivia in as often as possible Refused to assign this Film a star rating

Not to be confused with giving it a zero star Rating which he hands out to the very Worst films that he sees Uh saying it does not really matter Whether the film is perceived as good or bad he closed the review by writing the film is what it is and occupies a world where the stars don't shine oh damn writing a film review being like look it is what it is but he's exactly what else can i say Don't you think he nailed it though?

Because it, it literally doesn't matter if the film was good or bad. We all know about it because that concept is so strong and, and unforgettable. We didn't know whether the movie is actually good or bad. We just know about what a human centipede is. Yeah, it's true.

It's true. And it, yeah, I mean it like definitely, I can, I can't even say it wouldn't work. Just like for the record. Whenever you're feeling stressed during the retelling, just remember, it wouldn't work.

It wouldn't actually work. It wouldn't work. Well, on what level are you asking? This is like in the same realm of like, could we travel 483 million years? You got to define what does work mean? Does that mean like you couldn't attach to people because you could, but like. You could attach to people. Is that working?

They would die pretty quickly. Yes. Well, we'll get into whether or not that happens because maybe the movie is actually agreeing with you. Oh my God, I can't believe we have to do this. How long is this movie? 90 minutes. 90 minutes-ish? Yeah.

It was a tight 90. Flew by. It absolutely flew by. I just remember, I saw the trailer for this. It's kind of like, it's like where you were on really like huge, pivotal, momentous days. It's just cemented into your brain. I remember the day I saw the trailer for this movie. I was in college and I remember afterwards sitting alone on my dorm bed, just being like, fuck, I'm never going to be able to stop thinking about this.

Like this is in there. This is my whole life is ruined. It's in there. It's never getting getting out there's nothing i can do i it's it was it's deeply implanted and i remember feeling like existentially like like really upset about it and i still feel and you were right your younger self would it help you to think about what if it were Hitler? That helps a little bit. It does. Everybody is Hitler in this

movie. That helps a little bit. Yeah. All right. Well, speaking of the trailer, shall we watch it? Yeah. You guys. Yes. I was wondering if I could get driving directions to a nightclub called... Hello, sweetie.

No, we're in Germany right now. Maybe we can talk to you later? Alright, we miss you. Bye, Amy. Bye, sweetie. I think we're supposed to turn. I thought you knew exactly where we were going. What was that?

We came from over here, I swear. We just got a little lost. A little lost? Yes, we are not a little lost. We are really lost. Hello, is anyone home? We got a flat tire. Can you come in?

Something to drink? They're tourists. Um, we're on a road trip through Europe. It's like a... Yeah. Can you call the emergency car service for us? You have a really lovely home. The Siamese tripletaments of the kneecaps.

Still plans any? Here comes your hair! Open the door! You need help! You're a sick man! What is this? what are you doing there we go yeah oh my god oh my god i need you guys to know i didn't watch any of it i didn't watch any of it i just watched your reactions you cheated you cheated i screamed that's horrible this is the worst thing i've ever seen you saw it for two minutes they

there is 90 minutes of that movie that exists i i have no memory watching this trailer it was pretty amazing they did actually show it at the end they showed a glimpse of the centipede there at the end just flashing it on the screen so you have a little taste like yes it does happen it's not just that the doctor's working up to it. He does actually do it in the movie. They show that. The trailer fucked me up when I saw it before. And I was triggered seeing the beginning, just the opening 10 seconds. I was like, oh, no. Like, that's the first time I've been like, no, I simply will not.

I did not watch a frame of it after the first 10 seconds. You guys, you guys. Emily, you feel like good? No. Seeing that flash, Seeing that flesh. Seeing that flesh. See, that's in there now. It's never not going to be there.

It's worse than I thought I knew. I thought I was ready. The drawing of the butthole with the little dots around it, like of where the incision is going to be. I don't know why that really got me this time. Just like, here's where we'll cut around sammy i i find it funny i'm sorry i don't know i you guys didn't find it funny at all i found it i found it a little funny i i i did find it a little funny but but then i then i had to see it the drawings drawings to me are very, very funny.

And it actually helped me watch the movie a lot because the movie is badly made. And that actually, that actually really helped me watch the movie. The bad production value took me out of it a little bit and it helped me, the bad acting. It helped me watch it sort of as a filmmaker or, or whatever.

Just, just watching the film technique on the screen instead of the story. It helped take me out. It protected me a bit. And the drawings are a key piece of that because the idea that this very accomplished surgeon who is supposed to be known for taking apart Siamese twins successfully in a benevolent way, the idea that he would make these drawings to illustrate his pet project. Right, this is a doctor. In the most childish, they look like a first grader made these drawings to illustrate his pet project. Right, this is a doctor. In the most childish, they look like a first grader made these drawings.

It's insane to me. It's insane that this is his anatomical representation as a medical professional of what he's going to do. It looks like somebody did it with a crayon. It's so juvenile. He draws eyeballs but no other. It looks like Gumby or some kind of cartoon character.

Yes, not labeled with any body parts other than the kneecap. He calls the kneecap the patella and other than that he's not doesn't use any terms. That was really funny to me. These childish drawings are his roadmap to making his life

goal. That is great. I liked the acting being bad, I think is helpful. And I'll try to keep that in mind. I really liked in the trailer, he goes, you're terrorists.

And he's like, grabs the couch. Like, yes, he is also very scary looking. He looks like a man you wouldn't trust. Yeah, for sure.

I'll talk about that. Wow. As we go through the movie. So the, everybody in the audience can sort of like get an understanding for like what's really on this screen it's like it would have been much scarier if it was big budget we gotta just rip the bandaid off yeah we gotta just fucking do it in the past few years i have hit a point where i only want to be wearing clothes that are comfortable it happened it happened to me but you know what i still also

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And guess what? That ain't cutting it. I'm not feeling too cute in those. I'm not feeling too comfortable. But desperate times. However, desperate times know more because Skims has done it. You too can get on board with this. You can see just how cute and comfortable you can be. Shop the Skims Soft Lounge Collection at skims.com. Now available in sizes extra extra small through 4X. And if you haven't yet, be sure to let them know that we sent you. After you place your order, select podcast in the survey and select too scary didn't watch in the drop down menu that follows.

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cold open, like a roadside scene before we meet our heroines, the tourists that you saw in the trailer, right? Those are the people that we're supposed to identify with, these two young women. But before we meet them, keep in mind this is a budget movies with very few locations so the the movie starts off with this like cold open a roadside where we see the doctor and he's in a car uh that has just pulled off the highway and he's staring he's staring sentimentally at a photograph that he has of a canine centipede that he obviously has made.

Like, if you're in the audience watching this movie, you already know what the movie is about. And sure enough, here's a photograph in the opening seconds of three Rottweilers ass to mouth. Oh, my God. Dogs are already involved. And the doctor is looking at a photograph Of these three dogs Like wistfully? Yes He's wiping away a tear

Maybe he looks a little sad The implication is posthumous Like he centipeded these three dogs And they've died from it And he's sentimentally looking at the dog photo And then Centipeded That he centipeded that he centipeded

the three dogs you can just see their little snouts tucked into each other's butts it's like a back photo in his backyard or something but the scene is taking place on the side of a highway and then a truck pulls over so that a truck driver can go pee pee

it's it's insane to me that this truck would pull over right next to this other abandoned car that like there's many many details like this that don't make like one plus one does not equal two and a lot of scenes here but anyway this trucker gets out to go take a dump the trucker hops out and goes behind a bush with a roll of toilet paper, strongly signaling and foreshadowing people taking dumps in this movie. Oh my god. I can't believe that.

And the doctor hops out with a rifle and then the scene cuts and so strongly implying that he's shot this trucker dead is what you're to understand at the close of this cold open scene. Then we're into the main plot, which is hard cut to Random Ass Hotel,

where you saw this in the trailer, where the two girls are ready for a night out. It's such strong, bad exposition on the phone with their friend. We're in Germany, Amy. Didn't I tell you that we're alone as tourists? And the other one's on the phone to the front desk being like

how do I find the nightclub bunker? We want to go to the club. So they get there kind of like dressed up to the nines and the third scene is like they're immediately like in the car. Again completely insane to me that we are to understand that they're going to a nightclub clearly in Berlin or some major city or something. But the driving scene is there in the middle of the woods.

There's so you you go from downtown, you leave the city, you go through the forest. You come back and then you get to the nightclub. Exactly right. That's exactly right she just got directions how to get to the famous club the bunker and those directions included you're driving through the black forest going to dusseldorf germany but you know you don't see the hotel outside of the hotel room. Again, this is like an example of like they had two locations, just like doctor's house and the hotel room. So they're in the woods and immediately get a flat tire in the middle of the woods. They pull over and they can't make a call.

Just call the rental car company. I can't make a call. Just call the rental car company. I can't get a signal. And the other girl goes, but you always have a signal. Something about that line really laid me on. Imagine being known in your friend's house. It's always having a signal. You always have five bars oh Sammy always has a signal

anyway there's a really stupid scene that then happens which is one car pulls up next to them like a potential rescuer perhaps so they roll down their window and it's this very gross, pervy, old, fat German man who begins to speak to them in German that they don't understand. Don't I have horny video of you at my house?

You're always wet. Talking to these two damsels in in distress it's kind of is that subtitled yes so he's subtitled so we get to read it perfect and then i think the girls eventually like like latch on to one word like he says something like um he uses the word fucking like can i don't know if he wants to fuck them or something but they like look it up they're like feek feek what does that mean and then they find out it means fucking and they're like he said fucking he said fucking roll up your window so Sammy why the rest of his vibes why is that scene I mean I guess it's a horror movie so you just gratuitously put in like

the scary scenes or I don't know in cabin Cabin in the Woods terms, he's like the harbinger, you know, like something something bad is coming. Even though the horror that awaits them is not necessarily sexual, but they roll down, they roll up their windows and he just doesn't really harass them further. He leaves and that's it. It's just sort of like this is like literary foreshadowing, I guess. But it's just it's just kind of lame. So the bad choices, you know, that sort of like you're shouting at the screen kind of like, don't go in the garage. Yep. You know, the killer from Scream is in there.

These just keep piling up because like if say if you got a flat tire, even if you're not confident in how to change the tire, you would attempt it. Right. You would attempt to change the tire. Maybe. Anyway, then let's say, OK, well, so they don't do that. They say, no, I can't change the tire. Well, I'm not going to try. But but let's say you had to hike for a rescue. Would you hike through the Blackwoods or would you hike down the road where you might see another car? Head straight into the woods.

Option B. Yeah. They go straight into the woods and, of course, get into a fight because they're lost. I'm trying, okay? Well, I'm staying right here. What? No. It's an insane thing to say.

I'm giving up here in the middle of the woods. Oh, they're already in the middle of the woods. And then she's like, no, I not going to see. It's an insane thing to say. I'm just going to, I'm giving up here in the middle of the woods. Oh, they're already in the middle of the woods. And then she's like, no, I'm going to stop. Yeah, she's throwing a little tantrum. Definitely want to be on the road, you guys. Or just like wait till the sun comes up. Totally. That's actually a very reasonable suggestion at this point.

They could have waited probably, it's only five or six hours till dawn. No, they're just hiking through the middle of the woods. They see a mysterious light and they follow it. And now they're at the doctor's house. And there's this absolutely sick shot as they come into the front yard to knock on the door of who, of course, is going to be the demented doctor's house. There's a quick close-up on a little gravestone in the front yard that says meine liebe dreihund

my sweet three dog my sweet three dog my sweet three dog his precious three dog is buried in the front yard with the gravestone. And I'll never get over imagining that he is like so precious and loved.

He loved his three dogs so much that he murdered it gruesomely by attaching it, attaching them ass to mouth to each other. Also who had to make that headstone? Like someone had to like engrave that in there and they were like, what's this guy's deal? Okay. stone like someone had to like engrave that in there and they were like what's this guy's deal okay so now they're ringing the doorbell of the mad scientist and i mean there's no this guy has no duplicity about him the it's just bad there could have been a version where like he's grandfatherly and welcoming and so it makes sense that they would go in to receive comfort and like a cozy blanket or something. But this movie doesn't engage in that.

He is utterly terrifying from second one. He appears on screen. His face, the skin is like drawn, taught on. He looks like a skeleton. He looks like a skeleton covered in parchment is the look of this guy there's even though this is the only house they've come across like there's no chance that they would not peace out the other way running full speed huge big unblinking eyes black hair yes like very eager for them to come inside. I'm sure. Yeah. Yeah. Kind of like takes the measure of them in a really creepy once over a way.

And then they're soaking wet. And so we're mascara running all over the place and everything. They come in and, uh, you know, he's, he's pissed about it. Like he's not even pretending that he's going to be friendly to them.

Uh, and they ask him to call the car, the car company. So he just goes in the kitchen and fakes a phone call, just his side of the phone call, like, yes, I have two girls here. Please send

a car. And they're in the living room, meanwhile, just doing exposition for the audience, like unnecessarily saying to each other, at least he's calling the car company for us. But what is he also doing while he's in the kitchen is dropping roofies in their water. Of course. But of course.

So now we're really getting into it. As he sits with them them he like hands them their waters and sits back down and he says we know hopefully he says are you two relatives and they say no and he looks kind of sad by that and i think it's because he's like looking for blood matches he's like oh just friends but he figures out they're tourists. And his vibe is so crazy. Tells him he doesn't like humans. Yes. Yeah.

He's trying to keep them in there, presumably for at least a few minutes until he can do his dirty deed. Yeah. Why lead off with, I despise you and your kind. What? The whole thing is loony to me. And Sammy, help me decipher what happens next. Because the one girl, they're almost interchangeable to me. I really have forgotten their names, but the one girl, the roofie starts to affect her. And the other one maybe is like starts to catch wind and she runs.

He catches her and then like jabs her in the back of the neck with a syringe. Why does that happen? What is the deal with the injection? I don't know. I think it's just another form of knocking him out. Yeah, another tranquilizer thing that he felt like Rufy wasn't kicking in

fast enough or that yeah, just to like stop her from getting away. I'm a little confused. So the three dog thing he loved those three dogs, not like he loved them separately and then like I'm a little confused so the three dog thing he loved those three dogs not like he loved them separately and then like like i'm a little confused because if he despises humans why would he do the same thing to humans that he did to his beloved three dog do you know what i mean like what's this is you're beginning to get to the core of the philosophical holes that we're dealing with

here but i'm glad you brought it up because the movie has strongly signaled his affection for the dogs. And yet he did kill them, but I guess it was like they died in service of his real dream. Like they're the test subjects, right? Okay. For his larger plan, which is to human centipede the entire human race.

Yeah. Or at least human centipede somebody, you know, just anybody. Okay. And you're just trying to centipede somebody out here. I just got a centipede. Just let me centipede. Centipeder? I hardly know her.

Jesus Christ. The guy or lady that will stay at the bar too late because they're just horny. You know, like this guy is horny for centipeding for sure. He loves to centipede. Whoever he can get to make this thing a reality. But yeah, the dog, the dog stuff is like you don't don't pick at the philosophy there. Or really unravels. But there is more dog stuff coming like you can don't don't pick at the philosophy there or really i won't dig deeper really unravels but there is more dog stuff coming up anyway um so then it's kind of like cut to the next morning like they're they're just out they're fully roofied they wake up in the you know vile

basement lab where they are buckled onto like strapped down to hospital beds. And this is actually kind of rad reveal in the third hospital bed is the trucker. He didn't get shot to death. Like you thought he would must've been tranquilized. It was a tranquilizer rifle. And so he's trapped there to complete the, the trio. The doctor has his three prisoners ready to go.

But in that same scene scene as the doctor finally enters and they're all screaming now the now the girls see the doctor come in and so the whole scene is just them screaming through their gags you know just like that horrifying horrifying sound of like what are you doing doctor pays them no. It just goes over to the trucker and just sort of like takes him in basically. And then just decides like this big German burly fatso is just too big. And he just goes like, you're not a match. And then just immediately kills him with a lethal injection. Just murders the trucker.

He's like, I have one pair that matches. But it's off. I need a third that matches I'll keep the two that match okay I'm getting rid of this one sure and he just injects him with some poison the guy instantly dies wow wow okay yeah he got lucky yeah he really got lucky you know what you're right you know what you're Yeah. He was not at the time. He was not psyched, but he also didn't know what was in store. He didn't know what was coming. Also, what is this doctor doing?

Just sitting around waiting for people to show up at his house to be subjects for this? That's a great question. He obviously went out to get to the truck. Like he must have gone through. This is not elucidated in the movie, but we can infer that he had successfully gone through his test subject with the three dog you know as much as it pained him he successfully made it through

that experiment and now was finally ready to achieve his dream of human centipede and so he just went out in the field trucker is like the first guy he found tranked him brought him home buckled him in was probably gonna go out the next day to snag another

trucker. Lo and behold, the pair of matched tourists showed up at his doorstep. He happily is adjusting the plan to meet their physical stature. So it's airtight. So far, medically accurate, yeah. Yeah, that's medically

accurate. That's what a doctor would do. Doctors everywhere nodding their heads to this. Like, yeah, he wasn't a match. Had to off him. I would have done the same. I've done this many times. So then it's kind of like quick cut through like, okay, he's burying the trucker in the backyard in a body bag for some reason.

Another night passes and hard cut to, like, the driveway the next day. So I feel like maybe even as many as 36 hours may have passed. He shows up with another prisoner. You don't get to see the entrapment, but he just shows up with basically a smaller man. A Japanese man who is of smaller stature that he believes he can match to the girls. This guy's tranquilized. He pulls him out of the car

and straps him into the bed and now we are into the crucial scene of the trailer, which is for some reason the doctor feels obligated to give them a PowerPoint presentation. some reason the doctor feels obligated to give them a PowerPoint presentation. That does make it way more

horrifying to know in advance what's going to happen to you. And he has to put on his like villainous looking lab coat for it. He like dresses up into a lab coat that's... Well, it's the day of the big show. Yeah, it's excellent. The lab coat is absolutely iconic. Like throat to knees length.

It's like a Soviet military style coat. I don't know. But there's something about the victims here standing in for the audience where like he needs to explain for them. The same way that like a Batman villain would be like, I'm going to dip you into this vat of acid. So he's using an overhead projector from the 80s where they've got the transparencies and he's drawn on it with Sharpie. are stuff that this doctor supposedly has hand done to explain to his own victims how he's going to attach their sphincters to, he's going to cut off the lips of the one behind him

and then suture them together. Oh my God. Oh my God. And the first thing he's going to do, I have to share all this with you because this is the most horrible stuff. If I forget something, Sammy, please jump in. But he's like, the first thing you must do is sever the patella ligament so that the leg may not extend.

Sort of like, honestly, like if I had to guess what the human centipede was, I wouldn't have come up with that. Like you get the whole ass to mouth thing, but the knees is a sort of interesting detail they're like he doesn't want them to be able to stand up or kick or whatever so they're forced to be like slithering on the ground so he cuts the knee is the first thing he cuts then he cuts your lips off and he rips out all your teeth

so that you're so that you don't want to accidentally bite the you know rectum of somebody in front of you. So he's going to pull out all their teeth as a mad dentist. And then Sammy's favorite illustration is the dotted line, the unnecessary dotted line around the hand-drawn picture of a sphincter to indicate that he's actually going to cut your sphincter out

and then sew that to the severed lips right so it's just a contiguous tube medically accurate a hundred percent there was another detail i didn't expect which is i guess cutting did i get this right he's gonna like cut a flap of skin from the buttocks to then suture to the face, like to the cheeks of the person behind, like a chin strap. Yep, you nailed it. Yeah, sort of like

a kerchief that a bank robber would wear, but it's flaps of skin from the butt cheeks of the person in front of you. She's so mad. I just, I don't know. I think it's when you started talking about the presentation and the PowerPoint that I've, I fully started disassociating.

I'm fully disassociated now and I feel, I feel ready for what's next. I can see that you're leaving your body. I really like to be reminded of those little projectors with transparency. Yeah. You remember those? Yeah. So nostalgic.

What a nostalgic item. They stuck around for a long time. Reflecting on that. Okay. Okay. My least favorite part so far is taking out all the teeth. I really don't like. I don't love the stuff with the knees either.

And I gotta be honest. I also don't love when a mouth is attached to a butthole too. That doesn't sound too great either. That's definitely up there with stuff you hate. Yeah. I hate the dental stuff. Doesn't everybody have like such a strong phobia of teeth? Yeah. That's horrifying

to me. And you can imagine the pain too. Do you have teeth dreams, Evan? I haven't. You know, my wife does. That's like a recurring nightmare for her is losing her teeth. It's supposed to be symbolic. Are you guys dream guys? What is that symbolic of if you're losing your teeth? Losing control, right?

No, teeth is supposed to be vanity. Oh, it is? I don't know. I feel like a lot of stuff comes down to losing your teeth. It could be more flavors of self-esteem. of as both it could be either way as everything yeah teeth dreams we all have teeth dreams i have teeth dreams all the time i have them so much that i like know that i'm dreaming when they're happening you went lucid you have them so

often they went lucid i can't really do anything about it. I just am like aware that it's a dream. But then sometimes I'll then because I can't. Your brain tricks you and wakes you up. Then I'm like, oh, no, it's like actually real this time. That happens to me in nightmares sometimes, too. Where my brain goes, it's OK, it's a nightmare. And then you like wake up or you like recognize you're like, oh, no, this. But this time it's real.

It's usually a nightmare. But right now it's really happening. That's not fun. I have a brain to do. Is that the entirety of the presentation? I feel like I've actually given the PowerPoint and I should be like, now's the time for a Q&A. Do you guys have any questions? I have a lot of questions.

There's three of us, so now it's time for us to be centipeded. Sammy, that's not a funny joke. Sorry, Henley. It's not funny. So he does sum it up. There's a really funny closing where he's like, when you finally create a single gastrointestinal passageway, and then I will have achieved the human centipede

first sequence and just says the title of the movie right out like that it's so corny but yeah delicious and they're just screaming the whole time like you're gonna do this the Japanese guy is screaming in Japanese with with subtitles and then

that's kind of it like a hard cut to, they start the operation the next day. Like the next morning, like for breakfast, they get general anesthesia. Oh my God. Oh my God.

I hate it. Then we're kind of at like the midpoint of the movie here. And, and they go like, they go into it. This is the worst part of. Wait, wait,

wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, you skipped. So did I miss something, Sammy? Because it's so stupid.

And so I have to talk about it because this whole sequence is so dumb. He first tries to... He anesthetizes. That's a tricky word. Oh, yes. Thank you. Yeah, this is crucial. Thank you, Sammy.

Everyone but... Her name's Lindsay, one of the girls. As he's anesthetizing the other people, she... She's slightly more main character-y than the other one. Yeah. And she gets out of her cuffs. She's able to break out and she runs out of the bed, out of the hospital bed. And the IV thing...

While he's injecting the other ones, right? He's distracted by injecting the other ones or something like that. This one, I'm so sorry to interrupt you, but this actually laid me out on the floor laughing. Because when she left, we just watched this horrible presentation. And then he comes in, he comes in like the next morning to anesthetize them. And she gets so scared. She realizes it's happening. She gets so scared.

She panics. She's like, I've got to get out of here. And she unbuckles herself. I lost it because at this point, she's been buckled in the bed for two days. She should have been trying that constantly. He was at least gone for hours getting

the Japanese guy. And then he's let them sleep a night after the presentation. Even until now, she knew what was coming at least the whole night. The idea that her teeth could reach the buckle and that was unbuckleable and she hadn't done it yet was utter lunacy to me like imagine how hard you would be where he left you alone for a few minutes imagine how hard you'd be working to get out of it the idea that she just thought of it right then at the last second to try it i lost it but anyway anyway so

for the purposes of this movie she got out right at that moment yeah and there's a gross shot where as she's jumping out of the bed the ivy rips out of her arm and i don't know i feel like i'd never seen that before and it like shows the blood like squirting out it looks bad ew yuck yuck yuck um and then this like very stupid chase ensues where again, she's making a lot of really not great decisions. I, which doesn't know she is. Um, and she runs into his room and rather than,

and he has a photo of the three dog on his nightstand, which is very funny. And she locks the door and here's him coming and banging on the door and hears him coming and banging on the door and rather than i don't know looking around for anything either a weapon or another way out she just stares at the door in fear and yells at him you're a madman what are you like you need help it's like that's the conversation that they're having is insane why is she saying you're a madman what are you like you need help it's like the conversation that they're having is insane why is she saying you're a madman also why is he saying open up that's the bit you guys saw in the trailer like nothing is going to come of this

you know but yeah she clearly should have been looking for a letter open or something she did find the lamp and she's trying to she's going to try to break the window. But just as she tries to break it, sure enough, he comes around to that same window and shoots it out. I think. Yes, he shoots it out. And then so she runs back into the house. She opens the bedroom door, runs back into the house and runs to he has a pool, an indoor pool. He has a little indoor swimming

pool. Yeah, it's luxurious. Fancy house. And does she jump into the pool? I can't remember now how she gets in the pool. I don't remember either, but I think she's sort of surprised like, well, yeah, you burst through the door. She's going top speed and doesn't realize there's about to be

a pool right in front of her. I should not swear. You assume it's like a mudroom or something. So she goes straight into the pool. And then, you know, he catches up immediately. And he hits some button where there's like a lid on the pool that looks sort of like Venetian. Like a cover. It's like a cover.

It's like Venetian blinds closing on the top of this pool. And this absolutely sick line where he's he's got her he's trapping her now right he's gonna shoot her with the tranquilizer gun I guess well but but the funny part is is like he's gotten so pissed that he has to chase her all

this way that he screams at her you are now the middle piece oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god no the worst possible punishment that's your punishment for running

is now you get to be the worst segment of the centipede oh my god I was hazy on what happened next which is it's a really long sequence of her trying... all these failed attempts to get away from him and they're not particularly scary

or stressful and so I just wanted to point them out because they're so forgettable. Yeah, you're exactly right because I never believed she was actually going to get away, but there's something that happens here right after he yells at her where there's like a power outage or something that's kind of unexplained power and leave why does he why does he leave the room that's stupid but then then she gets out of the pool when he's like i guess i gotta

go flip the breakers and and then she stupidly goes back down to like help the buddies i mean i guess it's i guess it's noble No, you gotta get out of there. I'm gonna tell you guys right now, if we're ever in this situation, you have my permission to run straight to the police. That is the correct idea. The most likely way to save us is getting the cops, right? Yep.

Anyway, she goes back down there like a total boob. Had the opportunity to leave. Goes back down to help her buddy. Loudly kicks a metal bowl across the floor so he knows exactly where she is. Pulls her buddy out of the bed. Now she's dragging, you know, 130 pounds of human. Like there's literally no way you'll ever make it up the stairs and out of this house. Dragging anesthetized dead weight.

This will never happen for you. Oh my weight. This will never happen for you. This will never happen for you. And I don't think it's physically possible she can make it up the stairs, but in the movie, they just jump cut past it and she's got her out the front door in the driveway going one mile an hour and then sure enough,

he shoots her with a tranquilizer gun and it's over. It's also like he needs three people to do this. So if you just haul ass out of there, he's got to wait anyway. Yeah, good point. That's a great point. Always thinking strategically. Great point. And you're like totally dialed into the logic of this madman.

Like two people does not equal a full centipede. No, he's not. It's not even worth attempting with two. Yeah, it's not even worth trying. Yeah. It just doesn't add up. It's just the fun isn't there. It takes the fun out of it.

Yeah. But yeah, then we go into the surgery scene. I think it just cuts back to she's tranquilized. So he is able to get her back down into the surgery room. Oh, my God. Am I taking too long going through every insane detail? No. she's tranquilized so he is able to get her back down into the surgery room oh my god am i taking too long going through every insane detail no and also evan like you said you hated body horror i cannot believe that you sat through this and watch this did you watch it by yourself did your wife watch any of this with you no she couldn't possibly she she was very against she was even

actually a little mad at me for watching it. She's like, why are you... I would have been mad. I would have been mad at Tim for watching it too. 100%. And I was staying up late last night to watch it. She's like, I'm going to go read my book. We've clearly disgruntled and I'm regretting it. But it did actually help me to think of it

as homework. Like, I'm remembering this. You know, making some... You're studying it. making some notes is helping offer me a degree of remove from what's happening on screen and thinking and thinking like filmmaking forward you know like imagining ah this kneecap was probably made

of silicone so that they could hide the blood packet underneath you know there's like a little economies of like well they never show the lips while they're cutting they always turn the camera back to the doctor. But these are all like just trying to get cerebral about it so that I didn't have to face the visceral horror because it was an extended surgery sequence. Like that's the next thing. That's the next thing that happened is an extended surgery sequence where it starts off with them asleep. He's marking incision

lines on their face exactly like it was illustrated in the kindergarten PowerPoint. Then he's pulling teeth. You see him ripping teeth with pliers. He drops them in a bowl with a metal clink. Then it's a close up of the knee.

He's slicing underneath the knee cap. You're seeing him slice. This is like major body horror time. Just putting it in your face. You hate to think about bodies getting cut open? Look at this. For some reason, they pause in the middle of the operation to have two workmen come to the house and replace the plate glass window.

Okay. I lost it when that happened. Like he made an appointment for safe light glass to come to his house. Yeah, when did he take the time to make the call? And they rang the doorbell like, they didn't show the doorbell ringing. They just hard cut to the window, you know? But I'm just imagining him hearing the doorbell like while he's slicing the kneecap. And it was like, oh, oh god I gotta take a break

oh it's my appointment Evan can I ask you this is a really crazy question but I feel like the way that he cut those butt flaps was the wrong way I feel like we were backwards I was like this isn't gonna work my 100% medically accurate

Alarm bells were ringing at this moment Because he cuts them In a way that I don't think Would attach to the person's face If I correctly understand the goal It would be to take the Flaps of skin from the butt onto the next person's face Is that right?

Right, right, right To act as a binding. Yes. You know, like that you can't just rip your mouth off. You know, this is going to be stronger than your ability to rip away. Yes. But he cuts them in a direction where they would. You're talking about the direction of the triangle.

Yes. I feel like they would flip up so that the insides were on the outsides. Like it wouldn't be able to connect properly. Like he should have done it the other direction if he wants those to, to connect to the cheeks. That's a great catch because you know, to be medically accurate, you want to believe that this doctor took me right out of it.

Yeah. If you put epidermis on epidermis, it's not going to take, here's where you lost me. This triangle is oriented all wrong to get the sutures to take. It's not going to work. That's a great catch. But I have to say, for anyone watching this movie, you are grabbing onto it.

It helps to take yourself out of it. It helps to notice that and be like, all right, right, right, right. This isn't real. If it were real, the doctor wouldn't make that error. Am I right also that there is no music in this scene? I think you're right, yeah. There's not too much music in the movie, honestly. True, but it just is, you know,

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Sammy, we fucking get it. The surgery scene ends after like the play glass and stuff that you never see him actually doing stitches with lips to anus. In fact, you don't see much of that in the movie in terms of actual contact from the severed lips to the... Love that for us. Love that. So that's a nice perk, but then I guess after the

surgery, it cuts to now they're up in the living room in the house, which also actually kind of took me out of it because it's inconceivable to me that the human centipede could crawl up the stairs oh they somehow moved up the stairs yeah how'd that happen and literally get to the loo i don't even believe that that could happen the impression we get yeah is that they're still knocked out that he like he carried them up the stairs which even more so impossible because they seem to wake up

for the first time upstairs that's correct that they seem to wake up for the first time upstairs. That's correct. That's correct. They wake up for the first time. I think he kind of wanted them to be in front of the big mirror in the living room so that they could get the full picture. They could really see exactly what's happened. They could wake up to see themselves in their new and final form. Everyone's crying. He's also crying with tears of tears of joy. Who's in front? The Japanese man.

The dude is in front. Yeah. And I have to say also from a filmmaking perspective, this is a major problem with the rest of the movie that the protagonist with whom you're supposed to identify now can no longer speak. Stuck in the middle of a centipede? That's what centipede is?

Yes. That's a really good point. It really sucks. We don't even get her face anymore because she's in the butt. A lot of acting with the eyes. Just real wide eyes. There's so much eye acting.

There's a ton of eye acting. And the most you get at several different points from here to the end of the movie, you get the two girls reaching back and forth to hold each other's hands to like connect with each other. Oh, that's so sad. As they're shitting at each other's mouths. Oh my God. I hate it.

But that doesn't happen yet. This is just like the big reveal to them he like staged a reveal for themselves oh good there's more so they're crying he's crying with joy he says some

joyful stuff that I'm kind of failing to remember about just basically like I did it like I'm like like mommy I finally did it there's really big sutures

on their face from where the butt flaps have been sewed to their cheeks almost looks like staples yeah they're like yeah he doesn't have to make the sutures on their face from where the butt flaps have been sewed to their cheeks. Almost looks like staples. Yeah. They're like... Yeah. He doesn't have to make the sutures so neat, you know. But then... But you can't really see the...

What do we call the area of contact where these severed lips would come into contact with the... We need to have a name for this. Like the point of suction or whatever. You don't actually ever get to see that because they have this big... The point of suction? They have this big point of suction. They have this big gauzy underwear

that they're each wearing for some reason instead of just being naked. They're mostly naked but for some reason, obviously we know it's actually for filmmaking reasons so they don't have to show this and get it exactly right. They're just covered up with the big underwear so that is kind of lame but also helpful. So it's

just muffled crying because you can't actually, you know, their mouths are covered. How can they bring you? Lobbing through their noses, I guess. But probably not well. Yeah, you pass out pretty quickly, right? Especially with physical exertion. You gotta wonder.

So he's laughing and crying. Then it's like cut to nighttime. They're in a cage. He has a big cage. It's sort of unnecessary. They can't even flap around with their flappy little legs. Yeah. Resume the same as the dog cage. Probably.

Yeah. Could have been a dog cage. It looks sort of like something from a sex dungeon, I guess. But it's it's definitely like large dog sized. And then the next morning they sort like cut to the front yard. It's daytime. They've slept through the night. And now they're outside.

And this is so stupid. But he has them doing dog stuff for no reason. He's like trying to train them. He's trying to train them as if they're not humans. He like makes the. Well, also, didn't they just have a bunch of surgery? Don't they need to heal? I don't think that he's worried about them healing or like taking care of them.

He's not concerned about that. No, he's not concerned about that. It's not clear now that he's achieved his lifelong dream. It's not clear what the end goal is. Yeah, what's next? To keep them alive forever. Yeah, maybe he's figuring it out too. Okay, do I want them to be dogs?

Oh, I guess I'll say that. That's right. That's exactly right. Like, wow, I made partner at the law firm? Like, what else is there to live for? I did it. Yeah. I'm at the top of the pyramid. I didn't really think what would happen next. I finally made... I thought if I just connected them, they'd turn into dogs somehow. That didn't happen. I thought this

is what would make me finally happy. And so he couldn't think of anything else to do other than like they're on all fours or all twelves in this case like let's make them do dog stuff. So he just puts a newspaper in the mouth of the Japanese guy and makes him crawl around. It's so

stupid. How is this relevant to centipeding? I hated it. It's so dumb. It's just so we get some good looks at the centipede. This isn't human or centipede. Oh my god. They were really grasping at like, at this point, like the characters can no longer speak. What can we make them do? That evening,

it's dinner time. He makes them eat from a dog bowl. And by them, I mean you know, the guy in front. Piece number one. He makes them eat from a dog bowl and that guy takes his shot and like leaps forward and bites the doctor in the leg

and makes him bleed and of course doctor's super pissed so just like kicks the hell out of him and for dinner he has a symbolic rare steak right right right yeah um okay next day Sammy am I missing anything here like all the right right yeah um okay next day sammy am i missing anything here like all the vital details here so the next day they're like getting into some more dog

training out in the front yard it was just like making me angry it's so pointless but why are we in the front yard because now they've been centipeded for you know about i don't know maybe as much as 36 hours. We finally made it. And in some sense, like, this is why the movie was made. Like, it finally happened. The guy in front goes, oh, crap. I really got to shit.

It's coming. I'm about to shit. He's screaming in Japanese. I'm going to tune out for this part. It doesn't matter. Everybody knows what he's saying. He just starts screaming. I'm about to shit.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Just screaming. I'm just starts screaming. I'm about to shit. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Just screaming. I'm sorry. Japanese. I'm about to shit. And then he's got to like, Panama.

I'm taking a dump while the, the middle piece, you know, our friend who tried to escape, she has to like, act so hard about like, just pretending that she's getting like, Oh,

and remember, remember the crucial detail that the sphincter was cut out, so this guy has no control about pinching it off. Oh my God. He can't. Oh my God. The less detail, the better though here.

Yeah, he can't slow roll this. He has no control. Oh my God. He can't pinch. He can't squeeze. And so she has to act so hard to pretend that she's just getting absolutely fire hosed with the dog food version of shit

i'm signing off thanks bye bye this has been fun the really stupid detail the really stupid detail of course is that of course the doctor has also been looking forward to this because this is the whole

function of like oh we made one single this is why he did it this is why we did it to make this whole thing work and so he just starts screaming

at the guy in front feed her feed her shit it's so vile it's absolutely Screaming at the guy in front. Feed her. Feed her. Shit. It's so vile. It's absolutely demonic. And he's so psyched about it.

So they kind of linger on that for a minute. And then it's just like hard cut. Now, I am forgetting something, Samuel. Please, you help me fill in. They do something to make him mad where he threatens them like that he's going to do another operation on them to make it worse. Do you remember what that was about? No, I don't remember. I think I know when he when he bites him, he says, like, I'll pull your teeth out if you do that again. He's it's him like trying to get them into submission, I guess.

But I don't remember what they. Yeah, they're just kind of like testing, but they're so physically impaired. Like no sane audience member would think that they could ever uh escape right so the next day he's like doing his uh constitutional in the pool but has them on the side of the the indoor pool in his pool room just sitting there i guess hanging out yeah just hanging with the center now you're just hanging with the center beat at this point because he achieved his dreams and it's just like, now what do you do? And now it's just like a buddy comedy.

A little friendship montage. It's kind of insane because, like we said, there is no way that these physically impaired poor people would ever escape. But they feel like, okay, this is our shot. He's in the pool. Let's try to crawl out of this room together i mean they make it like a couple of feet and then he gets out and just like whips him with a belt or something sadistic and it's over it's sort of like just a pointless episode like day in the life of a centipede here we went to the pool we tried to escape and we got whipped but then but then we do

go back to the OR like the progression here is like they've been alive as a centipede now for like between three and four days so there has been a progression where we go back to the OR where he's examining them and you can see that this was pretty

foul actually even by the standards of this movie. Okay, the least favorite part is coming up. Thank you for the heads up. Somehow it's like I knew that the poo-poo stuff was going to happen but then in this scene there's like a close up on number three's

face. I literally don't remember her name. It was either Jenny or Ashley. Yeah, Jenny. She's in the back. She's in the back. So Jenny's in the back she's in the back so jenny's in the back right so it's a close-up of her face infected with pus that like she has the sutures on her cheek from the butt flaps right so all of those sutures are uh infected infected and she's like inflamed so he's he's like examining her and squeezing out pus, which looks horrific. It's so bad. It's just,

you really have to try to take yourself out of it and be like, not real, not real. It's, it's very bad to watch. And he says, you know, something very matter of fact,

like, I think you'll die. I may have to replace you. Like, he's just going to cut her off and stick another girl in the back or something. But like. I didn't listen to Ellen. Didn't listen to any of that.

So, perfect. Sandy, just like maybe five minutes from now, just sneak it in. When Henley's not expecting it, just tell her what we just. I just didn't listen. I just didn't listen. I watched Emily's face and then I could tell when it was over. And I just, the girl in the back dying, that makes a lot of sense to me that that would happen. Yeah.

She's really not doing well. She's like turning gray. Green. Yeah. I mean, those wounds are going to immediately get very infected. From the medical standpoint, I just don't get it. Like, what is he expecting? Like, why is he thinking, like, I can't believe you're about to, I may have to replace you.

How is this not part of the plan? He should be, like, I can't believe you're about to, I may have to replace you. How is this not part of the plan? He'd be, like, constantly disinfecting them. Yeah. And also, like, there's no fucking way she's getting any nutrients from twice digested shit. Especially because he didn't include any fiber in the diet. It's all meat. Ew. Ew.

Okay, so then what happens? What happens next? Do we ever get puke going in the opposite direction? Oh my god, Emily! I'm so glad you asked, honestly. It's like, it's getting in the detail.

I'm bowing out again. This is the crucial curiosity that we need to get to 100% medical accuracy because exactly, like how is she not ever gonna puke if she pukes if number two pukes up into number one's butt like it just eventually comes

back down right but you know like once it gets down to number three the consistency is like very puke inducing that must be happening but they didn't think to depict it they did not think to depict the reverse motion sorry I hate that I'm doing this but it just feels like if you're going there, if you're making the human centipede, you got it because nothing's meant to go that.

I wonder if that's in any of the sequels. I would think that that is, that's a great point and they should have thought of that. Thank you. Hopefully they thought of it in time for number two and number three. It calls into question the doctor's bona fides, really, if he hasn't got his doubt yet. Because really what you're talking about. I don't trust this doctor. What you're talking about is a barf enema.

Yeah. That is exactly. Yeah. And which couldn't possibly be good. No. Oh, my God. I'm dead. I died.

The spirit left my body. It's gone. So we're losing. We're losing Jenny my body it's gone so we're losing we're losing Jenny basically that's where we're at it's so bad I'm feeling a little bit numb right now

because watching this last night was so supremely bad this is one of the worst things I've ever done oh my god

I'm so sorry I don't know it's a little bit of like I'm here because misery loves company but also I have a job to do

anyway let's just get let's just get, let's just get on with it. So now we're finally into a fucking third act pivot. Thank God the phone rings, but it's not the phone. It's like the intercom rings on his wall. Oh,

somebody's at the front door. Thank God it's two cops. They asked to come in. He's closed the door. So it'll be like cutting back and forth. So you see the centipedes know somebody's at the door so they're screaming or i guess the dude is screaming the girls are and then but at least the dude is screaming like help help help but you know as the audience we know that they can't be heard upstairs and so it's this very calm interaction

that mirrors a little bit the opening conversation with the girls where he's invited the two cops in. One little detail that he does that I just really loved is that before he lets them in, he puts the photo on his nightstand into the drawer so that they don't see it. Oh, he knows. That's a bit of a red flag. Yeah, you don't want the cops to accidentally

see the three dogs. Three dogs. Mein lieber Dreihund. Mein lieber. Don't be the same. Mein liebchen. So the cops come in and he offers water. They seem like canny vets that suspect something.

And sure enough, he immediately goes into the kitchen to roofie their water he's like I'm definitely putting these cops to sleep the cops see this empty cage like off to the side of his living room like let's call that a red flag you know the cops see that and like

giving each other the eye like hmm something there's a cage in here. So then they start interviewing him and they just blatantly say, like, a witness heard the sound of an American woman screaming, like, do you know anything about this? And the one, one of the cops, like, takes a sip of the drink. But the smarter one doesn't. And the doctor fully loses it in such a stupid way.

It's just like so pissed that the guy's not drinking the roofie. They start yelling at him. Like, I'm not going to answer your questions. Drink up. Come on. Have a drink. Drink up. Drink your water.

Drink your water. And then get out of here. I don't want you in my house. Drink up. Drink your water and get out. You know, keep it together, man. Keep it cool. You know, he's supposed to be some brilliant physician.

Anyway, there's a tussle and the glass breaks. Then he goes to try to get like the other, the injection version. I don't know how he played it off in the moment, like why he, oh, now I do remember, he says, I gotta get a towel because we

broke this glass and spilled water everywhere smart and i mean if i'm the cops i'm immediately like this guy is fucking guilty we don't have proof but clearly he's guilty we're gonna cuff this guy like if but they're just chilling basically while he goes to get a syringe he runs back down to the OR to just pick up some major sedative that he's going to come up and jab him with. Doesn't he come back running? And he even tells the centipede, they're still down there

screaming, he even tells them you're going to get two new parts. Doesn't he announce to them, I'm about to go get you two new buddies. I guess the intent was... What do you think his plan was there? To add parts four and five?

Well, probably removing Jenny, yeah. We're writing off Jenny. Maybe just a four. But what about the, are we, I mean, are these size matches? Do we no longer care about that? Are we building a second centipede? Great point, Emily. Always keeping it dialed in in the world of this operation.

You have to work with the rules that the movie has given us. And to me, it feels like breaking rules. But it could be out of desperation. They're clearly not size matches. These are burly Huns. These are like husky, middle European, long-haired blonde gentlemen. Yep. Big pieces of meat we're talking about.

yep big pieces of meat we're talking about and the japanese dude in the front of the centipede manages to snag in the the frenzy manages to snag a scalpel off of because the doctor is distracted somewhere somewhere in this sequence so the doctor comes back up to, he brings a towel, but he's trying to hide a syringe to like just jab him somehow. And they get into like a legal discussion like, do you have the search warrant? This is the pivotal thing to like get the cops to hold off. Do you have a search warrant?

And somehow in this conversation, he literally drops the syringe on the ground in front of the cops. Okay. The fact that the cuffs are not on him at this point is so insane to me, but somehow he convinces them

with his excuse that it's insulin. Pretty genius move. This is my insulin that I happen to be carrying around in an exposed syringe. I was hiding earlier, but don't worry about it. I was like, yeah. But the cops kind of effectively threatened him

like, you know what? You're trying to call our bluff. We're going to call the judge right now. We're going to have a search. Like he will. We have enough to go on. The judge is going to give us a search warrant immediately. We're going to go get one right now. So they go. They do leave the house to like make the call to the

judge. Right. I have this all in sequence. Right. They yeah they they leave, but the house to like make the call to the judge right i have this all in sequence yep they yeah they they leave but they're basically like we're coming right back so the doctor then starts to hustle i don't actually know what he wants to do there's no way he could like get the centipede out of the house i get maybe he has some other hidden room where he could like try to hide it that if they came in to search the house, maybe because they definitely can find the operating room. So maybe he's going to try to tuck them away somewhere. It's not clear, but he is in a rush and he burst down there and the centipede is not on the

operating table as he comes into the room. Where's the centipede? Ah, it's gone. Oh, hiding around the corner. And sure enough, stabs him right in,

stabs the doctor right in the leg with that scalpel that he palmed a minute ago. Nice centipede. Centipede revenge. Stab to the foot. He falls to his knees. Bam. Stab to the shin. Like, that looks pretty dicey.

Like, major leg injury with this one. And then our friend, you know, part number one. I don't, the character is really never named. It's just the dude. The size matched dude fully lunges out and bites the doctor in the throat. You love to see it. Oh, great. Just bites a chunk out of his neck.

Your sight. And then it's sort of like, we got to get out of here. And the centipede just starts a crawling. Oh, my God. Anytime the centipede just starts a crawling. Oh my God. Anytime the centipede is on the move, I am in shock. I really don't like it. I really don't like it. I don't like it in real life, much less the human version.

And of course, they're going slowly and painfully. Jenny is in really bad shape. You know, their patellas are still cut or whatever. They don't got no ligaments in their knees. So they're trying to get upstairs. And there are some pretty gory details that they like got right. And by right,

I mean it's very bad where they've been a centipede now for four or five days and so they're starting to be like lacerations and ripping injuries around the mouth. There's a lot of blood on their gauzy underwear. It's really gross. Like, you know, they are correctly estimating

how bad these sutures would be doing. It's extremely uncomfortable to look at. And the doctor is now chasing them also by crawling because he's been hurt so badly in the leg that for some reason he's not up and hobbling. He's just doing the, like, military crawl. And there's sort of, what do we call this closeup

where he's crawling up the stairs, which are littered with the centipedes blood. And he just pauses to do like a really sexy lick of the blood puddle. What? Which is really interesting. It's a real twist. At no point,

this was all an intellectual exercise according to the world of the movie up to this point. But finally, here in the third act, they decide to suggest that he's a little horny for it, too. Okay. You know, they didn't do any. There was no rape in the movie. There was no. He didn't do the sexy things. But we've just decided that now he's going to lick the blood and kind of be horny for it while he's

chasing with him. It kind of sucked. Great. Perfect. Love that. Loved it. Anyway, now, Sammy, help me figure this out. Ashley, in the middle, she's the only one that's been upstairs because she had the little escape thing, the reason she was

punished by being in the middle, right? So she has some memory of coming to the stairs. Yeah, so she's trying to lead the middle right so she's trying to lead him she's trying to lead him like she'll tap but she can't talk right oh my god it's funny if it's not so gross like this is comedy her tapping him on the side

and pointing to the left and him being like cool we'll go left I think she recommended they go to the bedroom because I think she knows that the doctor keeps the front door locked, that they can't get out of there. And she thinks the window is still broken from before, which is why

it has been fixed. As we well know, because they cut away to the window workmen, we know that they're in for it. And so they crawl all together back to the bedroom and cannot get out. Damn it. That's really unfair. That's really

that seems like a step too far. Damn it. This is the step too far. Oh no. No I mean that. Oh just the window. Just the window. Yeah the window is what? It sucks. So the doctor is slowly coming. He's crawling like a worm down the hallway.

He comes in the room. They grab the bedside lamp somehow. And the dude starts bashing the window. But you just don't have any leverage when you're on your hands and knees trying to hit a window. You know, you can't use your own way. It's not working. So they manage to crack the window, but they just can't get it done by the time the doctor is actually arriving. And the doctor has the scalpel from the previous

encounter so the Japanese guy picks up a shard of glass from the floor that's come off the window and you're like oh hell we're in for a crawling knife fight is what that's like that's what that is what strongly signaled is that

the centipede is about to get into a Knife fight on the floor with the doctor who also cannot walk at this point I was losing it that this was about to happen But no, there's a it the action basically pauses for a long monologue completely in Japanese from Part number one our part number one, our gentleman, our hero, the head of the centipede, he delivers a screaming, crying monologue about how he couldn't have possibly imagined his life would come to this, even though he knows that he's a bad person because he left his wife and

child to pursue hedonistic pleasures or something like that. to pursue hedonistic pleasures or something like that. And he knows his bad. And that is, is the doctor God and is the doctor punishing him for what he's done? And is this the way that he would be punished? And then he cuts his own throat. Oh my God.

Oh my God. I shouldn't have been shocked at that point in the movie. I should not have been shocked, but I was, I'm shocked on it. I wasn't, I wasn't expecting that. I wasn't have been shocked at that point in the movie I should not have been shocked but I was I'm shocked I wasn't expecting that I never expect anyone to slit their own throat I mean that's like the worst Seems like a horrible thing to do

Seems like it would be really hard to do Just a piece of glass but I'm thinking The only person who I feel like Could get out of this and maybe Have like any sort of life would be The head of the centipede. If I'm middle or end, I'm absolutely killing myself.

They heard that police were upstairs. I just feel like he called it too soon. He could have held out a little bit longer. He didn't even know what the outcome of that interaction was. He knew at least somebody was at the door. He didn't know it was cops maybe.

He's also doomed the middle because now yeah she's really fucked now she can't fucking do anything yeah he's making this call for everybody and that kind of sucks I was really surprised though I mean this was a major like damn moment for me watching this movie just

that sucks ugh um it doesn't suck for number two. Now she has nothing to suck, I guess. But she is trapped. So he's like bleeding out and she's just stitched onto a dead body. Oh my God, this is awful. But the police are back at the door now.

Oh shit. Oh wow, he really just killed himself moments too soon. Right before the police came. And so we're in, you know, the action is quick now. Like the doctor's not going back to the door. He's trying to peace out, but he can't walk. So he's crawling around bloody. The police bang on the door.

Eventually they, do they go in the back? They break in the door. They start this really clumsy sweep. I was like, they needed maybe two hours of actors training on like how a police would behave in this scenario. Because there's, it's another case of like, this took me out

of what should be a really tight ass scene when they're coming around the corner with their guns pointed really clumsily. Like not pointing the right direction. If there's, you know how like the SWAT team comes in and sweeps a room

in like a cop show that's getting it right, you know, where you can tell that, yeah, you can tell they're covering each other and they're immediately sweeping the room to assess it. These cops are doing- And like backs to walls. Exactly. Not leaving anything exposed. These cops are doing the opposite of that.

Like slowly entering a room with their gun pointed the wrong way like leaving their sides exposed every time it took me out of it i was like these guys are gonna get stabbed and we see cop number two begin to get nauseous from the roofie okay it's that the roofie is now taking effect as they're beginning this sweep so the two cops are splitting up throughout the house and we don't know where the doctor went off to but he's severely injured so cop number one who still has his senses he goes downstairs and sees the operating room he so he finally sees like sure enough this is the guy that is doing a baddie and it's really bad you know like what then yeah and I think he just goes like, damn it.

Perfect response. It's like fully kitted out operating room with cutting implements and drugs everywhere. And also at this point. And at this point, there's also blood all over the room because of the fight that just happened in there. So he runs back up and sees the centipede he sees it oh my god only now have the cops

so he charges back up the stairs makes the left into the bedroom and there is the centipede with one of them dead in the front massive puddle of blood but he knows he at least has the sense to be like I'm not trying to drag this out of here

now I've got I still have something to attend to so he's kind of like in shock but runs out of there makes it to the pool room the iconic indoor pool room and his and his buddy

is dead in the pool surrounded by his own roofie barf and his own blood from being shot so the doctor actually has a real gun not a tranquilizer gun and is like hobbled in the corner and has shot number two so just as cop one

is making this realization and swivels around the doctor shoots him right in the gut. And so he screams. But and I think gets hit a second time. But cop number one is a crack shot. And as he's dying, just nails the doctor right in the forehead. Brains on the wall.

Cop number one falls in the pool. Everyone in this room is dead. Whoa. Whoa. cop number one falls in the pool everyone in this room is dead whoa whoa i didn't think the doctor was gonna die because they're sequels yeah it all happens real quick you see you see the dead the drugged cop face down in the pool blam shot to the other cop cop sees the doctor blam doctor's dead cop one falls the pool drowns dies it's. Blam. Doctor's dead. Cop one falls in the pool, drowns, dies. It's over. Everybody's dead. So the centipede's dead too.

And then the final scene. We cut back to the centipede in the bedroom. The two girls are still alive, but they're still attached. They can see each other. They can make eye contact. They can't speak, of course course because of the physical realities of being a human centipede but they can see each other in the bedroom mirror and they plaintively and poignantly make eye contact wishing that they'd never taken their european road trip they look

at each other fondly and they reach for each other and they hold hands and then Jenny dies from Sepsis or something. She just she just she passes away spontaneously while they're holding hands and just collapses to the floor and Ashley is now trapped between two dead bodies in a house where everyone else is dead She is her mouth is sewn to someone else's sphincter and her sphincter is sewn to her dead friend's mouth and the camera pans up to the sky. Fiend. What the fuck?

What the fuck? Oh my God. I honestly think she'll probably survive. I feel like her odds are pretty good. There's like dead cops at the house. People are going to come check that out. I think she's probably survive I feel like her odds are pretty good There's like dead cops at the house People are gonna come check that out I think she's gonna be fine I think she's gonna be just fine

I actually had the same thoughts I'm so glad you said that I was going through the procedural in my mind so hard Just thinking like what are the cops gonna do How are they gonna solve this I was doing the exact same thing I was surprised by the ending But also was thinking

she's got a shot. The judge the warrant was just called in. If these cops aren't on the radio in 30 minutes, there's going to be a dozen squad cars here. Back up is coming. And so what? She can make it, man. She could make it.

I wouldn't want to die, though. I like wouldn't want to live with the knowledge of what I've just experienced no I mean she'll certainly never be okay I wouldn't want to be dead I don't even know if I could live with no lips let alone the PTSD and no teeth no lips oh I forgot

about no teeth no legs no knees oh no she's dead I'm killing myself I want to be dead could they give you they could. I don't know because veneers are like on your real teeth. Yeah, if you don't have any teeth roots.

But can't they? Don't they do like drills? Yeah, they could do like implants. A little something. They could give her. They could give her new teeth. They could do something. You're the centipede girl for the rest of your life. You're always going to be the centipede girl. They could give her new teeth They could do some sort of lips They're the centipede girl For the rest of your life

You're always going to be the centipede girl for sure The emotional scars will be The worst for sure Can you imagine that like Diane Sawyer interview? Oh my god You're 100% right about the reality Of what happens next actually in our dumb world

this story goes global and then she's getting begged for an interview on 48 hours and has to live with this but she's got to take the interview and try to get a couple brand deals to pay for the surgery well the thing is it's expensive yeah life is expensive

she's got to pay for it this is 2009, the thing is, it's expensive. Yeah, life is expensive. She's got to pay for it. This is 2009. This is pre-GoFundMe. Yeah, the GoFundMe on this one is blowing up. The GoFundMe is popping off for sure if this happens in 2022. I was human centipeded. Here's my GoFundMe.

Everyone else posting it to their stories. Please help my friend. She was human-centipeded. Anything you could spare would help. It's a pre-existing condition. Her insurance company says it's a pre-existing condition. Share if you can. Oh my god.

Wow, Evan. Evan. It's over. Henley, it's over. It's over. It's over. It's over. We did it's over it's over we did it and I will say for the first time in the history of recordings podcast

I did take my headphones off twice yeah and will not be listening back to what I missed and feel confident about my choice you gotta take care of yourself I understand

I needed boundaries some boundaries Sammy I can't believe you see this movie four times yeah that doesn't make any sense to me it's a lot of times you know have you seen the sequels i probably won't continue no i haven't seen the sequels i'll admit i'm curious about them well i am a little curious about like who i'm curious where it goes from here i'll just tell I'll just tease what I the very limited amount I know is that somebody

took up the good doctor's work and wanted to realize wanted to realize I don't think the doctor even says if he has other societal goals beyond just doing it it's just sort of like a science project for him but in the in one of the sequels at least part of the premise reflects the

director's original idea which is that it's a horrible punishment and so there at some point a prison is constructed where the worst prisoners in the world are are put into like a 60 man centipede or yeah they just get tacked on to the end or whatever each new one just gets added yeah i guess well hopefully you get added on to the front so you live longer but you know who knows oh yeah that's true that's a very good point oh the difficulty of when people die in the middle what you know is gonna happen yeah so probably people probably get swapped out it's practically a nightmare you know me or maybe it's just like the game centipede where you turn it into two you know then you just have two independent oh sure like when you get more

advanced and um what was it snake that cell phone game right now there was a level of snake where you had to steer two snakes that sounds hard i don't think so no no i don't think so maybe that was really advanced of you emily i never made it that far that sounds i could be making it up actually so maybe nobody made it that far and i'm lying god i can't believe i have to think oh my god human centipede holy shit i can't believe i now know i now know everything that happens in humans i mean i never thought that would ever be true about me and it is now yeah yeah thank you evan i'm shock. I'm just shell shocked. Can I say, I'm so glad that's in my past. Yeah.

Because it was always going to be in my future. And now it's in my past. And now it's behind us. And that's really cool. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. What a glass half full way to look at it. That's really turning my day around.

Has Roger Ebert ever refused to give a rating for any other film I wonder no idea but I really love that move it's very funny me too just like oh no hey look I won't be so much swagger it is what it is he's not wrong

didn't he say it exists in a place where the stars don't shine I mean he was right yeah it's so dark it's so dark oh my god evan thank you so much for watching that i mean i'm still mad at you um but i think i think i think it's okay i'm mad at myself i do i feel some closure now having spent this time with you guys. It's really an honor to get to do this, to perform this service and be a guest in this special space. Thank you for taking it so seriously. You were absolutely incredible.

This, this was great. Perfect. I had a great time. Storytelling. Personally. Yeah. Sammy's loving it.

Um, Evan, great time storytelling personally yeah sammy's loving it um evan where can our listeners find you i you have an excellent podcast called punch up the jam i'm telling them for you thanks yeah i mean i have a podcast that's nothing like this it's nothing like this uh i am co-hosting a podcast called Punch Up the Jam, in which we take the greatest hits of all time, meaning songs, meaning popular songs, and we punch up those jams. We make them better. So Sammy and Emily came on and we talked about Barbie Girl. But we've done episodes on really fun oldies like Feel Like Making Love,

or we did Branday the other week. But we do recent ones too. We did Ed Sheeran the other day. We did the Backstreet Boys. And then we make an improved version of that song for our audience's benefit. So that show's called Punch Up the Jam, but you can follow me at Get Some Evan.

Punch Up the Jam is so great. You guys are incredible. Also, congratulations on all your success with the Korn song. That has really blown up. Oh, thanks. Yes. I'm part of the Gregory brothers behind the Korn song. And I don't know how to accept that compliment.

Thanks. I'm glad you're liking it. The Korn song is an internet phenomenon. It's an internet phenomenon. I'm just so happy to have just touched it in any way. It's just so extremely wholesome. I feel like it's kind of a

contribution to the world. You can just experience it and just feel good and feel like things are maybe going in a positive direction. Oh my God, like the opposite of this movie. Honestly, the Korn song is a perfect remedy to what just happened. So when you're done listening, everybody listen to It's Korn. Listen to that.

Google it. If you haven't seen it already, you've probably already seen it. A big lump with knobs. It's a mental reset. After you listen to this show, you need to get your mind reset for sure. Yeah, that'll do it. Honestly, I think I will do that in a few minutes. I need it.

I need it. God damn it. I'm feeling glad for you guys that you don't have the mental images, even though maybe you were conjuring them in your own head. But it is a benefit to your life to not have seen these things on screen and have them visit you in the hours when you're trying to fall asleep yeah it's a benefit

for sure for sure and for that reason I will never be watching that movie and this is the closest I will ever get to it and if you guys want to do the sequels count you out I'm going to be really mad if you guys want to do the sequels. Count you out. I'm going to be really mad.

Yeah. I'm going to be mad. I mean, I might, you know, I don't know. I can participate. Okay. Okay. Okay. I'm not going to like it. Yeah.

All right. Well, we always close out with a voice here. And a voice from the movie. Are we going to do a muffled? No. I thought about that. Yeah. No. and a voice from the movie. How are we going to do Unmuffled? No! I thought about that, yeah. No! No!

Are you doing it? Just go to the doctor. Mein lieber Diehund. Mein lieber. From all of us here at Too Scary Didn't Watch. Goodbye. Auf Wiedersehen.

Auf Wiedersehen. Auf Wiedersehen. Thank you, my friends, for listening to another episode of Too Scary Didn't Watch. If you had fun hanging with us, don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. We're also on Twitter and Instagram at TSDW Podcast. And if you're interested in things like bonus episodes, video trailer reactions, and other cool content, head on over to patreon.com slash TSDW podcast. All right. We love you all forever and ever starting a while ago and continuing into

eternity. Adios. That was a hate gum podcast.