Too Scary; Didn't Watch - THE LIGHTHOUSE

Episode Date: October 23, 2019

One-eyed sea birds, furious masturbating and lots and lots of farts - we're spilling the beans about Robert Eggers' The Lighthouse. Emily, Henley and Sammy are ALL THREE brave this week! We went to see this wild film and will try our damn best to recap it for you. Like the film, this episode is a slow descent into madness. Follow the show: @TSDWpodcast on Twitter, TikTok, and Instagram. Check out our Patreon for bonus episodes and additional content! Rate Too Scary; Didn’t Watch 5 Stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts and leave a review for Emily, Henley, and Sammy. Advertise on Too Scary; Didn't Watch via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is Emily, Henley, and Sammy, and you're listening to Too Scary, Didn't Watch. Hello, welcome to Too Scary, Didn't Watch, the horror movie recap podcast for those too scared to watch for themselves. I'm Emily. Here I themselves. I'm Emily. Here I am. There's Emily. Here I am. There she is. I'm mostly very scared.

I'm also, oh, I'm Henley. And I'm scared, but like maybe becoming more brave. Yeah. I'm Sammy and I'm brave simple plain straightforward straightforward just a brave woman um did anything scary happen to us in the real world this week anything scary in the real world um i the other day found one single cockroach leg on my kitchen A leg? How did you know it belonged to a cockroach? You can just tell. I have

I took a photo because I was certain and I had to send it to someone What did one of your cats ate the body? That's what I'm led to believe is that it's either either in their bellies or in my house missing a leg.

Oh, no. Either way, it's bad and scary. That is scary. Emily, what about you? I can't think of anything. I mean, I don't know if I want to say this on the podcast, but we are recording. You're going to have to make that decision. I didn't do much this week because i was um shooting i was shooting um i'm a working

actor um that's a joke um i was shooting this week so that's pretty much all that i did um and so anything anything i'm going to talk about would be related to that and I guess what was scary is I had to kiss someone like very shortly after meeting them oh yeah um and he's kind of famous and it was really scary for me um but then but then it quickly became not scary it was fine I would be very scared take or two proud of you much. What a crazy thing to have to do. It's weird. It's always very weird. Yeah. And I was scared, but then I had to do it and I overcame my fear.

So it's a lesson in empowering through your fear to get to the other side. Also, kissing is fun. So, you know, sometimes I can't imagine doing a sex scene must be so scary so scary well they have intimacy coordinators now that's a new job that is common well because it's also like have that before there are people all around you watching it's like not even just a stranger it's

not even just like having to be intimate with a stranger it's like having to be intimate with a stranger the right way and the right angles while people like light you and shoot and it's like and they're like bored and hungry and they're like all right and they're like watching it's so that is it that's weirder than having to just like kiss someone you don't know i cannot wait for you to have your first sex scene emily thank you so much hen Emily we'll keep you updated listeners so that was my scary Emily anything scary no I'm going to tap out of this one she had a scare free week

scare free week which isn't really true because I've just been on Twitter all week and Twitter is a fucking scary place to be political again I'm not going to say anything I'm not going to say anything I'm not gonna say anything I am scared by the crisis In Syria oops I got political

Okay I guess so our film this week Is sort of not Scary we know it's October Look we know it's October we promised you a scary month We have some fucking really scary Ones coming up so brace yourselves. This week is a bit of a reprieve.

Yes. This week's film I laughed the whole time. It was more perplexing. It was just a perplexing film. It was so perplexing. But in a new way of doing things that we've never done before, all of us are the brave people this week. Yeah Yeah we all saw it.

And I have to say I was scared. I'm scared. I was bummed it wasn't scarier because I was like I did it. I'm here. No time back. Yeah. And I was like I had to be there and so I was like if I'm here I might as well get scared and I didn't really. I did get at moments I definitely

did. Yeah there were some spooky parts but overall I'd say yeah it was just funny and listeners I think you should go at moments. I definitely did. Yeah. There were some spooky parts, but overall I'd say it was just funny and listeners, I think you should go see it. What's the damn film, Sammy? What's the film this week? Okay. This week's film. Great question. This week's film is

The Lighthouse. It is written and directed by Robert Eggers. I believe he co-wrote with his brother. Yes. What's his name? Max. Max Eggers.

And starring Robert Pattinson and Willem Dafoe. And a lady briefly. And a very sexy mermaid. A very sexy mermaid. Robert Eggers, writer-director of The Witch. Yes. The one that we did earlier in the podcast. Yes, we were excited

for this one. We talked about this a bit in that. And we did, yeah. Which is also why we thought maybe Scary. It is listed as a horror film. I would call it a horror film, but I wouldn't call it Scary. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I guess.

I don't know. So, he's only 36 years old this is his second film um it's definitely an unusual looking film i mean i think that was probably the strongest part of it it's got the like um four by three aspect ratio black and white well kind of blown out so even though it's black and white it's like still super bright I did spend the beginning of the before I got so confused I didn't even know what to fucking do with myself I was like this is beautiful

it is really beautiful and patient yes it's directed very well and the acting is very good very good the accents are weird the dialogue is I feel like we need to preface directed very well. And the acting is very good. Very good. The accents are weird. The dialogue is... I feel like we need to preface

all of this by saying these things because we don't remember the plot at all. I don't think there is a plot. There's no plot. It is a movie where a series of events happen and none of them really are explained or made. It's just a spiral into madness.

It's a spiral into madness and they really... That's the story. That's it. It's just a spiral into madness. It's a spiral into madness. And they really. That's the story. That's it. And so this. It's a love affair with a lighthouse and a mermaid. Yes. And a mermaid. And two men, kind of.

Yeah. There was some sexual tension between them. There was definitely sexual tension. Where to begin? Oh, God. Where to begin? Well, should we watch the trailer first? Let's watch the trailer.

Oh, let's watch the trailer? Let's watch the trailer. Oh, let's watch the trailer. Let's watch the trailer. Tell me, what's a timber man want with being a wiki? Just looking around and living. Just like any man. Starting new. On the run. Just like any man. Starting new.

On the run. Keeping secrets, are you? No, sir. Why just fill your beans? Why just fill your beans? I just feel you beast How long have we been on this rock? Five weeks? Two days? Help me to recollect.

So, okay, so that trailer made me think that I maybe did love this movie. I love this movie. I immediately texted a friend after watching it and said I hated it, but now I think I loved it. And maybe that's the beauty of this movie. I'm of two minds about it. I would say that part of me loved it. The part of me that loved it thinks that it's unusual. It was well acted. It was well acted. It was

well directed. It was visually stunning. I really loved the score. I loved like the sound design, the sound mixing, the sound design, like all of that was fantastic. However, the other part of me couldn't stop thinking about the fact that it felt like a pretentious senior thesis play like it was like oh it definitely yeah guys like high off their own fucking like testosterone and like love of their own intelligence just being like no you're smarter no i'm smarter no you're smarter like let's show the world how smart we are like it just like they are smart i'm like okay but here's the thing though are they i mean yes on one hand they are smart however what the fuck was this movie about and like can someone if someone all the reviews that i read were praising it but like giving it like an a minus because no one could

really get to like a deeper level in this movie it's kind of like shallow in a way. There's just nothing more to talk about. I think he just likes to create moods and like explore. It definitely creates a mood. Like some sort of... Like you want to go furiously masturbate in an outhouse? I want to go furiously... Oh, I went home and furiously masturbated.

Did you guys not? Sammy definitely did. I like that we have not mentioned the plot of the movie at all. Yes. Okay. the movie at all. We should do that. We should do that. Who wants to start? Should we start with some trivia? We do have some trivia. Yeah, that's true. What was your disclaimer? That feels important. I was going to say disclaimer.

It's hard to talk about this movie. It's really hard to talk about this movie. We're going to try to go through it chronologically as usual. We're going to try. But it's going to be fucking hard. I also maybe would have liked this movie more if I didn't know I had to talk about it because i do think like half of me was like oh no oh no i don't know i don't know what this is i don't know uh but yes maybe some trivia about the about this movie because it feels like there's a lot

of insane there's a lot of insane trivia um well so it's set in a lighthouse. It's 1890s New England. 1890s New England. 1890s New England. Two men, lighthouse keepers. That's pretty much it. That's the tone you need to... Yeah, it starts with them arriving at the lighthouse, and they're going to be there for four weeks.

So it's like two hours of... To Henley's senior thesis play point, it's two hours of just these two actors really in and around the lighthouse and apparently it was a pretty miserable filming experience yes as Joel told us last time oh yes our guest on the

on the witch on the witch yes Robert Pattinson like almost punched Robert Eggers or he did punch him almost almost punched him anders or he did punch him? Almost. Almost punched him. And he I will say Robert Pattinson also sounds like he was no fun

to work with. Big fans of him on the pod. We love him. We love him. He's beautiful. He's great. He goes real method sounds like. Apparently he I mean it's a nasty movie. Okay guys I need to read this quote. Please. So Robert Eggers says on day one we shot rob rob hansen masturbating in the shed it's the very first thing we shot and rob really

really went for it and you know it was inspiring oh my god the idea that that was the first thing they shot is Yeah what a first day at work What a first day at work Here I am talking about my scary day That's a scary day It really made me curious about Robert Ponson It is a furious masturbation

And the sound design on that masturbation I like turned to Jenna and really laughed It was really wild It sounded furious Okay so let's try to do... The other trivia is did we determine that this is true? To get emotionally

invested, to get an emotional raw place. Raw performance. Robert Pattinson. Let's call him Rob. R-A-W-B. Rob. For Rob. To get to his character's state of mind, R-A-W-B Rob For Rob to get

To his Character's state of mind he would make himself Vomit before doing A take which is fucked Up And I hate it so much And It feels so

This movie feels so Male in this crazy way. They had to tell him not to throw up for real on Willem Dafoe. He tried to throw up on Willem Dafoe. He was like, I can do it. And they were like, Willem will walk. Willem will walk.

No, I can do it. We don't want you to. We don't want you to. What a wild, wild shoot this must have been. Truly insane. Okay, we are going to need a cocktail to make it through this crazy movie. So let's get into Cocktail Hour. This week's cocktail is a dark and stormy.

This is a pretty simple cocktail. You just combine two ounces of dark rum with five ounces of ginger beer and garnish with a lime. Simple, easy, delicious. Jenna also garnished ours with some candied ginger to step it up a notch and make it extra fancy. So yeah, sit back and relax and cheers to ye. Okay, so let's just get it started. Let's try our best. Let's try. If you're a new parent, a bad day means you either ran out of coffee, diapers, patience, or all of the above. Stocking up on cold brew and deep breaths are all you, but at least Hello Bello's got your baby's butt covered. Hello Bello believes all families deserve premium, affordable baby products. With their ultra-convenient diaper bundle subscription service that includes seven

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You'll get up to 40% off everything on Raycon's website when you go to buyraycon.com slash too scary. Buyraycon.com slash too scary. Here we go. Okay. So it opens with Robert Pattinson. What's his name? Well, at this moment, we don't know. That's true.

We don't know his name. He just keeps getting called Lad. For the first, like, 20 minutes, there's basically no dialogue. Right. There's not a lot of dialogue. But his character is coming in. Yes. So people are clearly taking removing someone

else's stuff from the lighthouse and then he's arriving to the lighthouse but willem defoe has been there willem defoe is like regularly stationed at this lighthouse like he handles everything he's like the senior in command and robert pattinson is like the the new person that's going to be helping him for the next month. And they share a little time. Four weeks. Four weeks. His name is Ephraim.

Ephraim Winslow. Winslow. Robert Pattinson's name. And Willem Dafoe's name is Thomas. But they don't really call each other by name. Yeah. So they share a tiny little bedroom where they both have little twin beds right next to each other. And the first shot

of willem dafoe is you can't see him he's hidden behind a um kind of like beam yeah and he's just pissing for a long time into a pot right next to one of the beds just for a long time and then immediately after he farts and then just farts and there's quite a lot of farts there's a lot of they're all willem dafoe's farts yeah they're real farts yeah because he's comfortable this is his lighthouse he's gonna hurt was given a this just in um this just in from silent jenna who passed me her phone person trivia willem defoe Willem Dafar. That's his name now. We've got Rob and Willem Dafar. Oh, boy. Okay, well, Willem Dafar's farts were added in in post-production, if you can believe it.

Shocking. They felt the need to include that in the interview. Of fucking course they were. You thought someone was off camera with a fart machine added in as they shot? Oh, boy. Genius. But it was like in the script right or was that it was that a post decision you know what this scene needs a fart that'd be extra funny if they were like in the editing room being like well later later rob's character he does go like i hate your farts so it's definitely that's part of it but there's a lot of farting and this is we get our first fart here in this scene um and henley before

we saw it had read a review that was titled this movie is both artsy and fartsy and i thought it was just being like a snotty review and then i was like like, oh. Oh, it really is fartsy. It really is fartsy. Really on the nose. Yeah. Yeah. So that happens. Okay. That happens.

They like sit down to their first little dinner together. Wait, is this when Robert discovers the mermaid in his bed? Is that right away? Yeah, that is pretty. Yeah, he sits down on his mattress and feels a hard thing and sees like a little hole in the mattress and digs out a little like wood mermaid little statue. Little statue. Yeah. And he puts it in his.

Is that one in his pocket? He puts it in his pocket. He decides he likes it. He doesn't. He's like, this will be my lady for the rest. I was going to say he doesn't furiously masturbate yet. Right. And he's going to. No, he's like this will be my lady for the rest I was gonna say he doesn't furiously masturbate yet right and he's going to

and then does he he's does he start doing just like hard labor right away well they have their first dinner first meal and that's where we find out that Robert Pattinson already forgot his name again Winslow Winslow doesn't drink

because Willem Dafoe pours them each like a mug of liquor to cheers and they get in a little like argument about it and he's like I don't drink and well he said he doesn't drink because the handbook or whatever he read to like learn how to tend a lighthouse says you shouldn't drink right and doing it so that's why he said he's not gonna drink and Willem Dafoe's like handbook also says you have to do what i say yeah so and then he goes to the sink and dumps out the liquor and fills it with water because willem dafoe's like you can't leave a toast bad luck to not finish a toast and that's my willem dafoe that was really good. And they cheers and Robert Pattinson takes a sip and like immediately spits it out and

it's like disgusting and Willem Dafoe like cracks up and he's like, yeah, because you didn't clean the pipes yet. Because one of your jobs is like to tend the water or something. But yeah, so then I think the next day is when he starts getting into his manual labor. So then there are just lots of shots of Robert Pattinson doing various manual labor tasks while Willem Dafoe naps and chills. Yes, because Willem Dafoe tends the light. Tends the light.

Which, again, according to the manual, he probably farts again. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. So he says, he's like, you do the chores. I don't know if those are the words. You do the chars. The light.

And Robert Pattinson is like, or what's his name? Winslow's like, the handbook set. I don't know what his accent is, but it's worse. His accent is wild. It really veers between Boston. They have two very different accents. British. But I'm going to do the same one because it's the only thing I know how to do.

The handbook says, we alternate the light and wonderful. It gets like crazy. He's like, to do the same one because it's the only thing I know how to do. The handbook says we alternate the light in Will and the Poe. It gets like crazy. He's like, I do the light. He gets very angry. He gets really angry. And so the deal is that Winslow has to do all the chores and shit during day while Will and the Poe sleeps and farts. And then at night, Will and the Pooe tends the light while Robert Pattinson sleeps.

Yeah, and during one of the chores we meet an important character which is the one-eyed seagull. Did it only have one eye? Did I miss that? Yeah. Oh no, yes. Okay, there's multiple seagulls. Well, but the

one that's kind of pesky is the one-eyed one. And he stands in front of the door. He's blocking the door while he's like trying to bring in his wheelbarrow full of stuff into the place. Coal or whatever. Yeah. And he's like in the standoff with...

Good seagull acting. I really wondered how they got a seagull to perform. That was part of my trivia. This seagull did everything they wanted it to do. Seagull actors. got a seagull that was part of my trivia the seagull did everything they wanted it to do seagull actors it was three seagull actors and their names were lady tramp and johnny they're really good and i'm curious about how you train i know i like stamp its little foot too oh my god and like one time i was like aggressively caw caw and it was like it picked something up

once or something. I don't know. It was great. I would like to point out that clearly Iger's has a thing with birds pecking at you because that was also the witch. Oh, yeah. Oh, true. And having a big, strong animal character.

We had Black Phillip and now we have, I don't know, White Johnny. Yep. Yep. White Tramp. White Tramp. We have White Tramp. White Tramp. We have White Tramp. And then he turned, he like kind of, you know, tries to get the- Yeah, Robert's like trying to like make him fly away.

Yeah, he has like a little standoff. Finally, the bird flies away and he turns around slowly and looks up at the lighthouse and Willem Dafoe is just standing there looking down at him like clearly pissed that he just had to stand off with this bird. Yeah. And then Willem Dafoe brings it up later at dinner that night and says bad luck to. Oh we forgot the toast at the first dinner.

What was the toast? Just to far weeks. He does this toast. So when they go to toast with the alcohol the mugs and Willem Dafoe gives this whole speech we wish we could remember because he gives it again later. It's like this. It's like a prayer, essentially. Yeah.

I think it's like. Yeah. And at the end, he goes to four weeks, which is the first time we learn that they're only there for four weeks. Yeah. Like it's like a four. At least that Robert Pattinson is only there for four weeks. Yes.

It's like a four week shift. Yes. OK. Anyway, they're at dinner again. Willem Dafoe brings up the. He's. Yeah. yes okay anyway they're at dinner again Will Defard brings up the sequel he's yeah he says um what does he say bad luck to kill a

to kill a seabird oh a seabird yeah a seabird because the souls of old sailors live in the seabirds in the seabirds um that comes back later this is the part of the movie that I'm like, Jesus Christ. Who cares? It's probably who cares.

But is this when Robert Pattinson asks what happened to the last guy? Yeah. Something like that, right? Yeah, and he furiously masturbates somewhere around this time too. He really masturbates alone in the room. And he has his dream. And he watches Willem Dafoe hump the bed

a lot. And his butt is out. And he has his dream And he watches Willem Dafoe like hump the bed Oh god that part's good And his like butt is out And he's like He has like you know those like Onesie pajamas with like the button Cover in the butt That like children wear In like Christmas cards

They're like long johns You wear them under your clothes So Willem Dafoe is wearing that And the butt flap is open and he's just humping his bed. And Robert Pattinson is like fixing the roof or something. So he can like see it through the window and just stares at Willem Dafoe's like butt humping the bed. Right. And then he farts. So before that happens.

Sounds like a joke, but it's not. So before that happens, he's not so that happens. He has the dream where he has the Robert Pattinson has the dream where he walks out to the ocean and there are a whole bunch of logs floating in the water. And then he starts to see something and he starts walking into the ocean and then he sees a body floating in the ocean and then he keeps walking deeper and deeper until the water's like almost above him and then he wakes up and there's water dripping on his face and that's when he has to go clean well he sees the mermaid too does he see the mermaid he goes at a different underwater oh he goes yeah he goes underwater and he sees a mermaid. He's swimming and then he

wakes up, I think. He sees a mermaid and then I think probably after this is when he asks Willem Dafoe what happened to the last guy. Yes, that makes sense. And he says that he kind of like

went mad, right? He died from being crazy. He went mad and died. He told me he was like, he saw mermaids. He was talking about mermaids. And like fantasies. And he just went mad.

Went mad and died. No other details. Something ominous and not good. And is that when Robert Pattinson goes, tall tales? Or was that about the seabirds? It is when he says tall tales. Tall tales.

But like Willem Dafoe would know. I know, yeah. I guess he's saying that he's like teasing him maybe. Yeah. They're not getting along great. I feel like it's important to note that they're not really getting along. Willem Dafoe's really ordering him around. This might be the dinner where he was like,

you didn't clean well enough and like swab again and he's like really bossing him around. Oh yeah, man. He's not appreciative of all the work that Robert Pattinson's doing. Yeah, Robert Pattinson's like, I've been cleaning a lot and he's... Honestly, Robert Pattinson is like keeping the lighthouse together

at this point. He's really doing a lot of work. Yeah, and Willem Dafoe's just humping the bed. Humping the bed. And he yells at him. And Robert Pattinson says something like, I didn't come here to do chores like a lady or something like that. Yeah.

OK, so then he has to paint the lighthouse. And Willem Dafoe's holding him. He's hoisted on a little a little like rope and pulley system. Yeah. The side of the lighthouse. Yeah. And Robert Pattinson keeps being like, basically, don't drop me. Don't drop me. And Willem Dafoe's like, I'm going to fucking drop you. And then he does or breaks the rope, breaks the rope, breaks and he falls and he hits his head. And then does he have the what happens after that um i can't remember you know the order of things is it's gonna be kind of a guessing game for all of us

i think but um so the way the lighthouse works i feel like this is important it's like a spiral staircase like up a lot and then you have to use a key to open a like trap essentially like looking up at a ceiling that's like a great. I don't know why I'm physically doing it. No one's here. I'm like physically looking up at the ceiling. And it's like and you have to use a key to open this gate and then you climb up onto the like level of the lighthouse. So Robert Pattinson

does not have that key. He cannot get up to the actual lighthouse. We also know around this time that Willem Dafoe keeps a log like a diary essentially of like goings on at the lighthouse that he also keeps locked up right and it becomes clear that robert pattinson really wants to get a glimpse of that right diary right cannot because he also keeps that with him with the keys right so all right so let's say around this time so there's a part where he is going up the spiral

staircase and um because i don't know maybe he hears something and he wants to like see what's going on and willem dafoe is in the locked part of the lighthouse where the actual light is it's always very bright so and you see everything in the movie is super dark except for this lighthouse area. It's important to note. Everything's lit by like candlelight or. Yeah. Yeah. And as he's looking up, you see a huge octopus tentacle like slithering across the gate.

And. Sounds of furious masturbating. And that's pretty much it. Like it happens. All the like goop drips down like through the gate. Oh, there is masturbating. And that's pretty much it. Like it happens and like goop drips down like through the gate. Oh, there is masturbating. Yeah.

So he's staring up at Willem Dafoe. He sees this tentacle and it becomes very clear that Willem Dafoe is furiously masturbating. Yeah. And yeah, some cum drops down onto Robert Hudson's face. I don't think it actually gets on his face, but I think you think it's about to get on his face. It gets by his face. Dangerously close.

It drips down the open grate. He steps into it like, yeah, get on my face, Tom. He really acts like that. The allure of this light is clearly something very tantalizing about this light. Things are getting weird. Things are getting weird. Things are getting weird.

So then he goes out and he sees there's a dead bird. Him being Robert Pattinson. Doing his chores. Doing his chores. He always does his chores. He's very diligent about doing his chores. I want to put a fine point on that. Because also Wim Defoe is like, if you fuck around, I'm docking your pay.

Oh, I'm docking your pay. Yeah. Right. And so he goes out and he looks into this kind of water purifying system that they have. And there's a pretty gruesome image of a dead seagull. Or no, it's not fully dead. It's kind of alive still. Yeah.

Which makes it worse. And then there's our friend, the one-eyed seagull, like protecting him, basically being like, get away from my yeah he like lands on the top of the thing next to the sewage water and he's like calling at yeah pretty not a good place i'd say yeah it's been a hard time he's had a hard day and he just grabs the seagull and straight up murders it. He slams it against the... He beats it to death multiple times.

We said it's in black and white, but you see the surface getting bloody. Oh, there's a lot of blood spatter. Seagull's blood and then he eventually... A feather rag by the end of it. It's really nasty and bad. He just tosses it on the end of it. It's really nasty and bad. And then he just like tosses it on the ground, I guess.

And then we go to, and then we're at dinner. I don't think he gets seen. But the idea is Willem Dafoe knows, of course. I think Willem Dafoe knows. We certainly know. And we heard it's bad luck. And it's a movie, so we're like, okay. This is going to be like a turning point. That's when the wind changes.

Yes, then a storm hits. Yes, yes, this is going to be like a turning point. That's when the wind changes. Yes. Then a storm hits. Yes, yes, yes. So then they have dinner that night and they think that is their, I guess it's their second to last night because they're like, tomorrow's our last day, essentially. Right? Right. So they get, he does drink, Robert Pattinson does drink with Willem Dafoe. Yes.

And they really go for it. And this is where he asks him to call him by his name. Call me by my name. He says Winslow. Call me Winslow. Yeah. So Robert Pattinson says that. Well it's also when you realize that they hadn't even really known each other's

names. Right. And Willem Dafoe tells him his name is Thomas. And then I think he also asks him he says why you want to be a wilkie like a lighthouse wiki why you want to be a wiki why you want to be a wiki and he tells him that he was a a law a logger yes robert penton was a logger in the like pacific northwest and yeah willem dafoe is like suspicious and he's like oh why'd you stop that? you're on the run? yeah he's like

I want a fresh start I'll take any job I hear you make good money be in a wiki and like I'll just do this. You make $800 to $1000 a year as a wiki sign me up get me a wiki sugar wiki so he's just trying to make an honest

living like any good man just trying to make an honest living like any good man Willem Dafoe seems convinced by that I'd say and they have a nice bonding moment and honestly if the movie could have ended there it would have been fucking awesome this is like fun it's super fun

I feel like Dan would say this is the fun and games portion this is definitely the fun and games portion and the fun and games portion of the film. This is definitely the fun and games portion. And the fun and games portion of Act 2. And then the next day Robert Pattinson wakes up and he's on the floor. Oh, he wakes up and does he fart? Willem Dafoe? Probably. Willem Dafoe is passed out with his

butt up in the air. Yeah, Willem Dafoe is sleeping. With shit in his little pots. Yeah. Willem Dafoe is sleeping in one portion of the room and Robert Pattinson sleeping sleeping in one portion of the room and robert parson sleeping on the other portion of the room and they're both just on the ground like clearly they got so fucked up that they blacked out and fell asleep on the ground yeah so he stands up and still has to do all his chores all his chores and does all his chores like insanely hung over like looks like the most miserable person i've ever seen in my life i think it's probably like

pouring rain too it's pouring rain and he goes out and he has because the storm's starting and yeah so after he killed the bird the wind shift we saw the little wind what do you call that direction thing yeah yeah exactly that's what it's called it's what it's called and a wind direction thing it really shifted but it hasn't started storming yet we just got some bad wind and rain and he wakes up and he has to go to the bathroom but the chamber pots are full so he takes them out and it's storming like raining really hard and he's you know walking down to clean them out and then pours them into the ocean and the wind just makes the shit all fly back into his face yep it's not it's not great it's really gross and it's in this state that he walks back to the house and he kind of sees something on the ground

on the right right right in the corner of his eye and he goes up and it's a body and it's covered in seaweed woman's body and he like gets on top of the body and he's like taking the seaweed off of her. It looks like she's dead. And it's like a very, you know, like beautiful marine-like woman, I'd say. Marine-like woman, yes. Sharp-featured, marine-like. He

moves his, he moves like the seaweed off her and like moves his hand down her body. Really lingers on her nipple. Oh, pretty sexual. He's horny as hell. He's fucking horny. As we all know horny. He like really takes his time. It's a long time to go without sex.

And also he's been staring at that sexy wooden figurine. Oh my god. He seriously wanted to chew the mermaid figurine. Oh yeah. So he's really taking his time. And then he notices, oh shit, she's got a tail. She has like gills on her

ribs. Yeah, he sees the gills and then music goes like. And then keeps going. I also feel like we need to address that the whole beginning of the movie, and it continues throughout. We talked about at the top how good the sound design is. Yeah, we forgot to mention that. But we hear the sound of the lighthouse in the background so often and it's like this like deep.

Let's all try to do it together. Yeah. It's just like and it just becomes a part of like the fit. You just like it just is a part of the reality that like every so often you hear that sound. Zan Zan is so effective. So good. Yeah. So, yeah, he like you see him like see the gills

and i feel like we hear the lighthouse sound or like some sort of crazy right sound and then yeah she's got does he see her vagina he's no the vagina's later the vagina's later and it is sorry wild buckle up um the vagina is a big vagina it's enormous it's an enormous vagina on a mermaid? We've got answers. It's right on the front and it's fucking huge. Massive. Steve's a huge mermaid. He sort of freaks out.

He freaks away. He freaks away. She wakes up, looks at him, smiles and like screams. Screams? Screams. And starts laughing. Laughing really hard. It is like really scary. Like a witch cackle almost.

It's like really jarring. Like a siren. He runs away. She is a siren for sure. And yeah, he runs away. Very freaked out. Runs away. So then it is their true final night.

I don't think we see another night with them. I think the next shot is them standing on the edge like waiting for the boat. Yes, exactly. And they have a shit ton of water in their face and they're just waiting. think we see another night with them i think the next shot is them standing on the on the edge like waiting for the boat exactly they have a shit ton of water in their face and they're just waiting they think that they think that they're being picked up they go outside to be picked up and it like mirrors the beginning when um uh robert penston came on and he like they were like standing on the rock and he comes on and they stand there and it is fucking raging outside. Crazy storm.

They're like the water is insanely choppy. There's no way there's a boat getting through. They stand there for a while getting like pummeled by rain. And then eventually they go back inside because they're like the boat's not coming. Yeah. And then Willem Dafoe. And then Willem Dafoe starts like rationing. Right.

And oh, and he like yells robert pattinson for like not having been rationing the whole time and he's like why would we ration we're gonna get picked up soon and he was like one time well and phyllis was like no like you we could be sick here for like seven more weeks right he said seven months seven months and right and our pets just get pretty freaked um it's bad things are looking bad this is when things start to get pretty crazy pretty crazy and when Robert Pattinson

this is when the drinking really ramps up they start drinking a lot and Robert Pattinson starts like drinking straight from the bottle it's not just one more

it's several more nights like you see Robert Pattinson continue to do chores I guess they're just like wasting all the time from here on out you see them continue to like have meals I guess they're just wasting all the time from here on out. You see them continue to have meals together, to drink a lot together, to...

Maybe this is where the lobster conversation happens. And they're just scene after scene of them being incredibly fucked up together. And angry with each other. And there's one part where Willem Dafoe digs a hole out front and brings up a big case. And it's all alcohol. And he says, more rations!

As though they're basically out of food. We're saved. They just have bottles and bottles and bottles of alcohol. And this is when you see things like Robert Pattinson continue to do his chores. However, instead of bringing coal back to the lighthouse, the wheelbarrow is just filled with water and then one like empty bottle of booze. Like they're just going out of their minds. Yeah. It's like still storming like crazy.

Right. And the lighthouse is in more and more and more of a disarray. Their house is starting to sort of fall apart. And things are happening like they are drinking together and they're doing the Yeah. So there's this, I mean, if you saw the trailer, there's this scene where they're in their little bedroom. Each of them

have their backs leaned against their own cot facing each other. And I don't know who starts it, but one of them goes, well, let's just do it. Sammy, should we do the scene? Yeah. Okay. What? What? What? What? of them goes well let's just do it sammy should we do the scene yeah okay what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what

that goes on for a little time that's pretty much the scene that was impressive they're they're like really upset and crazy and clearly drunk and that happens for really and it's funny i feel like we haven't totally highlighted how very funny this movie is it's really funny really funny and i mean they do have some nice moments in this kind of descent into madness they cut there's a part where they're dancing they like slow dance and they have their heads on each other's shoulders it has like um like jump cuts through their evenings as they like get drunker and drunker and it starts with them kind of like

jumping around dancing and then cut to their slow dancing like holding each other and then they like almost kiss. It really seems like they're they've been there for a long longer than a no no November for those keeping up. And then they get into a fight because they're mad that they almost

kissed. Yeah and then around this time too I guess they get into a fight because they're mad that they almost kissed. Yeah, and then around this time, too, I guess, they get into a fight. I guess Willem Dafoe cooks. That's the one chore he does, I guess, is he cooks the third dinner. And Robert Pattinson makes some comment about not liking the cooking. Well, I think Robert Pattinson kind of explodes and he's like, I hate your farts and I hate your cooking. Oh, yeah, I hate your farts. He gets really mad at him.

Well, no, what he says is he says um oh I want a steak what I would give her a steak if I had a steak I would fuck it oh yeah I would fuck it and then and then he's like you don't like my cooking feelings are really genuinely hurt

I feel like he like really plays like I thought you liked my cooking like he's like really sad and then he's like well you like, I thought you liked my cooking. Like he's like really sad. And then he's like, well, you like my lobster, right? You like my lobster? And Roman Fenton's like,

no. And then Willem Dafoe freaks the fuck out. He flips out. He tells him he hopes he dies. He hopes Neptune strikes him down. May Neptune strike you. May Neptune strike you down, Winslow.

And then, and then our president goes, have char right then I like your lobster I like your I like your lobster I like your lobster and is that when Wimpsville goes I'm I'm quickly changing my tune I think this movie is perfect um it's great I love it so maybe this is the day after that they wake up and their their house has like seriously flooded they're like again hung over and probably still wasted their house is flooded from the storm everything's like sort of floating along and i think then it sort of drains away right so they're not like in water for the rest

of the movie but like it causes the log that willem dafoe has been keeping to get floated out of its locked cabinet and and robert parson is able to read it and you see him reading it he gets really upset and he confronts willem dafoe because apparently the log said that he like wasn't working hard enough and shouldn't get paid his full amount. And Robert Pattinson gets really fucking pissed and like screams at him about it. Yeah. Infronts him. And then Willem Dafoe is like, well, you haven't been doing anything that I say. I've been telling you to ration for like weeks and you haven't been doing any of that.

Isn't that when he starts gaslighting him? Yes. And then. Oh, but then when was the chasing with the axe? That's later. Is it later? Because I feel like in this moment, he's like when was the chasing with the axe that's later is it later because i feel like in this moment he's like you chased me with an axe remember he like gaslights him in that way too oh willem dafoe chases robert pattinson with an axe i think maybe the night before they're drunk i don't remember why this happens but they have an axe and willem dafoe

like chases as i think like a joke he chases robert Pattinson with this axe or not a joke I don't know but in this gaslighting scene there's a big gaslighting this movie is fucking crazy in this big gaslighting scene he basically like tells him yeah like you haven't been rationing you haven't done any of your chores and he was like and you remember

you chased me with an axe you're losing your mind and that's when we as an audience are like oh Willem Dafoe is fucking with him. Yeah. Right. And it's not okay. It's very much like, who is crazy? Because we saw Willem Dafoe do it.

And he's also too drunk. So he's like, he can't parse it out. Something that Robert Pattinson says in the very beginning when he first refuses to drink that very first night something that he says is like alcohol makes men stupid or something like that and Willem Dafoe really laughs at that and he proves his own point because he falls for all the like shenanigans that

Willem Dafoe is pulling on him. So Willem Dafoe really gaslights him um he goes so one thing that happens is Robert Pattinson steals a knife. And, um, I think because he realizes that Willem Dafoe might be dangerous and so he needs to protect himself. So he steals a knife.

Um, they get very fucked up again together. And, um, Robert Pattinson is lying in Willem Dafoe's lap and his head is in Willem Dafoe's lap. And they're both just kind of like rocking back and forth. And Robert Pattinson is like, I need to tell you like I need to tell you something. Basically, in Willem Dafoe's like, don't tell me like I don't want to know. And that's when he reveals his thing. He says, I'm my name is also Thomas, which is fun.

And this is the part that was based on truth truth that there was actually I don't know a lighthouse somewhere with two Thomas's two Thomas's and one of them died yeah so this is

the moment the whole film ended up being built around this reveal so he says, my name is also Thomas. And who remembers the exact details of the story? When he was a logger, he basically, he didn't kill someone. He

let someone die. He said it was basically like an accident where the guy was supposed to be moving a log. Oh, and I'm just putting this together now that that's why his dream. There's so many logs in the body

which is this other man. Yes, I didn't. God. But that basically the man drowned because the logs were there that he didn't move. That Robert Pattinson didn't move. So he was essentially responsible

for the death of a fellow lawyer which is why he went on the run but then it becomes questionable because why would you go on the run if it were really an accident right well and wasn't winslow that guy's name the name he's been giving yes he assumed his identity real name yes he goes like i'm actually thomas I killed this guy, essentially. Right. Right. They are really drunk, super drunk. This, I think, is when...

So he had already tried to get into the lighthouse with the knife. Didn't work. Then, because I remember getting... If you've been listening, if I'm keeping up, I don't like knives. And when a knife... When I see a knife get pocketed, I'm like, oh, no. What's going to happen with this knife? But in this weird...

Don't see Joker. Scene, I won't see it no thank you um wildefoe take finds his knife in his pocket takes it out and like goes oh we should we don't need this and he steps on it to like break the blade oh interesting the knife thread has been taken away diffused um diffused yeah i think robert pattinson just like hands it over too. Yeah. He's like so pathetic and he's like really reveals his truth. He's sad. Then they go to sleep. Is this

when Willem Dafoe starts going? Yes. Don't you spill the beans. Yes. So they go to sleep maybe. And this is when I was like, okay, it's gonna be a scary movie now. They go to sleep and we hear, Robert Pattinson starts to hear, and I'll cue you in, Sammy. She's ready like, okay, it's going to be a scary movie now. They go to sleep and we hear Robert Pattinson starts to hear, and I'll cue you in, Sammy, because he's ready to go. And it's like from far away and sort of in this weird,

it sounds like almost echoey. Robert Pattinson wakes up and doesn't see Gwendolyn Foe, but hears, Why'd you spill your beans? Why'd you spill your beans why'd you spill your beans why'd you spill your beans wow that's a lighthouse sound so there's like it's getting spooky and weird like where is he coming from where's his voice coming from why does he it's and it's also like again why this movie is so funny because it's a very scary moment but also to use the phrase,

why did you spill your beans is very absurd. Also, the A24 released a lighthouse emoji pack, we should say, and there's a can of spilled beans in the emoji pack. Also, is that how far the phrase spilled the beans goes back? Because, wow. Yeah, I guess so. i guess so um this film

is historically accurate it probably is probably i think they do a shit load of research for the witch too like everything like he loves it so what happens now we're hearing this call why do you spill your beans is it just the like grave outside? Does he just start trying to bury him? Yeah, I guess. How does that come about? I guess. Well, Robert Pattinson finally really stands up for himself. Yeah, so we hear this like, why'd you spill your beans? Robert Pattinson, I guess, gets up and tries to find

Willem Dafoe. They end up in a fist fight? And the lighthouse is such a fucking mess. Like, it is destroyed. I mean, it was like flooded. The house is crazy. It was destroyed. But they get into a fist at some point, they get they get into a fucking fist fight yeah they're fighting and that's when he like turns into an octopus for a second right like becomes an octopus he becomes like poseidon he's like yeah he has like tentacle arms yeah and he's laughing hysterically it's just one charm around robert pattinson they really don't address the fact that like twice in this movie we all of a

sudden see tentacles and then they're just like gone. It's obviously like, you know, a penis. It's obviously a penis. Obviously the Eggers brothers have a thing for tentacle porn. Ooh. Obviously.

Was that a fart noise? And farts. So. Barbara Pattinson winning he's a much younger stronger man he wins

he beats the shit out of Willem Dafoe this is like maybe when his arms are out his arms are I think out great arms and then he goes

to bury well so then he puts a rope around Willem Dafoe's neck oh yeah and walks him out I fucking forgot about this

yeah walks him out like a dog I don't remember it you don't remember this oh my god so yeah so robert pattinson beats the shit out of him and then the next thing we see is robert pattinson is walking on to fall out when foes on a leash around his neck on all fours like a dog patson is like the good dog you're a good dog and he is like i'm a good dog and like walks him out puts him makes him he tells him to sit in the hole

right right before this had happened he had beaten Willem Dafoe's face in and Willem Dafoe's like crouched on the ground in the fetus position and Robert Pattinson just starts going bark like telling him to bark and Willem Dafoe starts barking yeah

and then he puts the rope around his neck and walks him out. So he walks him out to the hole that they first discovered the booze in, the rations. He tells Willem Dafoe to go in the hole and lay down. And he does. And he starts burying him alive. While Willem Dafoe does some kind of speech. He's doing a little monologue. He's giving a monologue.

It's a good senior thesis. I was quite captivated by this shot because there's just all this dirt going in Willem Dafoe's face and in his mouth and he's kind of like chewing it as he talks and I was like how did they do this I'm curious I have questions

I have so many questions and then he just kind of like dies right like oh yeah he dies Robert he like pinson he like he like he stops moving is he stops moving and he's unconscious and so robert pinson like leaves it and he's like okay okay cool i'll go back inside and robert pinson is committed to getting up to that top of the lighthouse and then as he's in well bedroom. I guess he takes his keys at that point to try to go into the lighthouse. Yeah.

Willem Dafoe runs back into the lighthouse with an axe and axes Robert Pattinson right in the shoulder. Right in the shoulder. Because I think he's like, the lighthouse is mine. It's like fueled by like, you can't go through the lighthouse. Like you can't, you can't, you can't go up to the light it's mine it's mine yeah like access him in the arm and then robert pattinson just takes the axe because he's bigger and stronger and straight up just acts as willem dafoe right in the head right through the head and so then he's definitely dead and then robert pattinson is covered in blood yeah like his entire body is covered in blood. Yeah. Like his entire body is covered in blood. And he's ready to go to the lighthouse. He's fucking

pumped. He climbs up to the lighthouse. Finally puts the key in the grate. Opens it. Climbs up. He's at the light. And then... He stares into the... He stares directly at the light. Or whatever. Oh yeah. He like opens the glass

thing around like the light itself. To He opens the glass thing around the light itself. To stare right into it and just moan. We just get a shot of Robert Pattinson seeing the light. There's so much light on his face. He gets super blown out. Yeah, there's blood

covering his face and now there's... This is the best part of the performance. It was amazing. Overexposed and he just starts maniacally laughing manic and like he's like screaming curiously happy and like overwhelmed I read that his direction was like you are so

um like satisfied that it's like painful yeah it looks it was like it was like the it's the ecstasy is like becoming painful it's like painful yeah it looks it was like it was like the it's the ecstasy is like becoming painful it's like too much pleasure yeah that's exactly and that is exactly what he did and that was super fucking impressive i don't feel like it was a very good performance we forgive his crazy accent forgive his bad accent and his vomiting for this moment. It was so good. And then. Cut to.

Cut to. And this was at night, right? It's at nighttime when he goes and like sees the light. Cut to next morning. The storm's over. The storm is over. It's calm. We see him lying naked on the beach.

On like the rocks. In a very sensual body position. Ooh, yeah, with, like, one knee up. One knee up, one leg out. Like how you lay when you're tanning. Still alive? No. No.

No, he's still alive. He's still a little bit alive, I think. He's alive. Yeah, he's alive. He's alive. That's what makes it so horrifying. Oh, that's gross. But his body is being eaten by seagulls.

Yeah, his, like, stomach is ripped open. It's definitely ripped being eaten by seagulls. Yeah, his stomach is ripped open. It's definitely ripped open. And seagulls are eating him. Seagulls are taking their time eating his stomach. It's disgusting. That was the most horrifying part of the movie. And that's the end. We did skip one part, though, that I just thought of.

Oh, no. Of course we fucking did. There's a part where he finds the last intern or whatever guy's head in like a fishing cage and he's like missing an eye i do not remember this at all and that's why it's like the seagull is like because seagulls have the souls of yep wow i've missed all of that this movie is crazy. It's crazy. And when do we see the face of the blonde guy again? We see it just kind of as an intercut. He kind of he kind of just like when he thinks about it. When he has sex with the mermaid, I think.

Oh, we forgot about that too. Fuck. Well, we talked about it. But who the fuck cares? Guys, listeners, call in and tell us what the fuck this movie is about. I have lots of theories um but none of them seem that interesting to me look do you guys have theories about what this movie is about i think it's just truly a descent into madness and just like solitude and like being forced to like

confront yourself and secrecy and boredom and they're kind of hiding away from their, their true selves. And then they're forced to confront them. The Eggers is, um, they seem to just, they're kind of filming. They do based on these two things, both of which I, Oh no.

One of which I've seen, um, is I'm so used to being like, I haven't seen the movie. Um, is just like being fascinated with a moment in time and just like unpacking it so that the films aren't like, I guess the witch had a plot, but the films are like,

I feel like the witch had way more to say about the time period than the kind of religion. And it does seem like it did. And a family unit. So again, we'll bring up Joel again, who was our guest on the witch and a, and a big fan of this filmmaker is,

is seeing the film tonight the screening that has a Q&A with Robert Eggers and Willem Dafoe so maybe we'll add in if we learn some info from that that is useful I truly again immediately after the conclusion of this film I thought I hated that

then we watched the trailer today and talked about it and I'm like I think I love it So I really don't know I love it I'm sorry to our listeners that we I think we did a bad job But we just saw it yesterday I think if you see it

Listeners, callers, if you see it You'll understand Callers watch the film, listen up I think you'll understand It's It's a lot And it's confusing Watch the film. Listen up. I think you'll understand. It's a lot. And it's confusing. It's a lot.

It feels like it all happened at once. It's just that it's a series of events. It's not a plot. It's just like. I think the whole movie happened in one minute of time. Like a crazy thing happens after a crazy thing happens. And it's not like one caused the other. It's just like, oh, now we're ramping it up. And it's just getting crazier.

But it was fun. It was really fun. Yeah. I had a great time. Henley hates when we describe movies as fun. Henley, your mind has not changed. Do you still hate this movie? I mean, I stand with what I said earlier, which is that I'm of two minds about it.

movie I mean I stand with what I said earlier which is that I'm of two minds about it I also think that I stand with what I said right after the film which was um when we were walking out I said to Sammy I feel like this movie was just about how badly men want to orgasm all the time I think that's a that's an interesting topic I do think that that might could yeah and then Sammy said I I followed it up with like oh I was thinking how I want to fuck Willem Dafoe all of a sudden yeah we really went into this movie thinking I want to fuck Robert

Pattinson left oh I forgot to note that um I forgot to note that Willem Dafoe looks exactly like Van Gogh's postman if you guys are familiar with that painting that's who he kept how old is Willem Dafoe looks exactly like Van Gogh's Postman. If you guys are familiar with that painting. That's who he kept. How old is Willem Dafoe?

I was going to say old enough. Old enough to fuck. Old enough. Sammy has an age limit for fucking and it's over 65. Is he over 65? Do we think he? No. No way. He must be like 50 he's spry

i think early 50s i'm gonna say 58 i think he's older than early 50s older than 58 willem defoe willem i'd say 64 thank you y'all um old enough 64 64 yeah that's older than i thought old enough would still he does look good would still fuck would we'll do a poll no it's crazy i've never been sexually attracted to willem dafoe ever but you were in my last movie i don't know it's weird i can't explain it well i can explain it you have to be sexually attracted to someone in everything you watch yes but robert parson would be the obvious choice. And I am to him as well, and I wouldn't kick him out of bed. Wouldn't kick him out of bed.

But, no. With his farting and all of his farting. Jenna just reminded me about Willem Dafoe's farts. Willem Dafart. Willem Dafart. No. Oh my god, farts are funny. They just are. Guys, look. This movie was wild. Hanley and I were really brave. We went to go see it. Oh my god farts are funny Um they just are Guys look

This movie was wild Henley and I were really brave We went to go see it What a waste of fucking time Wow Henley is back on hating it I might see it again I love it I'll say this after being brave enough To go see what I thought could be a scary movie

And then it wasn't I'm sort of like will I go see a scary movie now I sort of feel like And I do think a year ago We haven't been doing this podcast for a year. I do think a while ago I would have been more scared by this movie or more disturbed. Right. So I do think I am better equipped to handle building a tolerance through

even just auditory exposure. And I will say we're, I'm not going to say what it is You'll have to stay tuned But next week's Movie is going to be one of our Scariest all time. I'd say the next two are Going to be really scary. It's like they're collective Like we all feel like

Some of the all time scariest Yeah we got some Sorry for this confusing weird episode But some scary shit is coming up. See the lighthouse. Call us with your thoughts. We're desperate to know what everybody thinks about this movie. I loved it.

Any closing thoughts from from the group listeners? I think you should go see it because I don't think we did it justice, but it's fucking good. It is really good. And it is very unique. And it is like not too scary. I don't think it's fucking good it is really good and it is very unique and it is like not too scary i don't think it's not too scary it's definitely not too scary it's fascinating there it's it's very unique i think it is worth seeing for that reason yep um that's it right yeah we love you guys so much thank you so much for listening so much thank you we were trying to do something a little different we're having some fun with ourselves

because we love, we just love this. And we'll see you next week and goodbye. I tried to do the accent. From all of us here at Too Scary Didn't Watch, goodbye. Goodbye. What?

What? Wow, guys. Sammy here. Thank you so much for listening to that What? What? What? What? Wow, guys. Sammy here. Thank you so much for listening to that crazy episode of Too Scary Didn't Watch. We did catch up with Joel after his Q&A and found out that it was real dirt that they threw in Willem Dafoe's face. Pretty crazy. If you liked the episode, please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts

and rate and review us. A five-star review would be greatly appreciated. And follow us on social media, at TSDW Podcast. We are on Instagram and Twitter. You could send us an email at tsdwpodcast at gmail.com. Yeah, we'd love to hear from you.

What movies you want us to do. We have some really scary ones coming up. So definitely stay tuned. And that's all. That's all for today. Goodbye.