Too Scary; Didn't Watch - THE RITUAL

Episode Date: January 20, 2021

College friends, the Swedish mountainside, and a creature that defies description - we're recapping The Ritual! Another movie about how camping is very bad!! Follow the show: @TSDWpodcast on Twitter, TikTok, and Instagram. Check out our Patreon for bonus episodes and additional content! Rate Too Scary; Didn’t Watch 5 Stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts and leave a review for Emily, Henley, and Sammy. Advertise on Too Scary; Didn't Watch via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Oh, listeners, what a fun episode. And I'm not even lying. She's always lying. You know, I'm not even lying. This movie didn't make me hate its maker. So making up for last week. Unlike last week. Sammy perfectly describes a creature.

Just you. Knocks it a creature just you wait. Knocks it out of the dang park. And before we get to that, we've got to give some shout outs to some perfect people, I would say. Perfect people. They're our newest patrons. And we have a new champion for actors

rights. You love to see it. I love to say it. It's Kara Harris. Woo-woo! Woo-woo! Welcome, Kara. Thank you so much for supporting actors' rights. And we have a supporter of Vessels, a new Vesselhead, all aboard.

Chip stuff, you get it. Chip stuff. You know who gets it? It's Dane Levis. Dane Levis gets it. Woo-hoo! And welcome to you both. We are so, so happy

you're here and we love you forever. We love you forever. We love you forever. And some more people that we love forever are these people joining Tony fucking Collette's inner circle. It's getting pretty big, but it's still very tight and intimate. It's still intimate. And we're all close

close friends with tony that's how it works and those people are lisa andrea woolrab emily rose house panther mom sharon de la quadra katrina lewis tony hunt ellen hill brian benyan Dandelion, Kyle Mares, and Christina Lewis. Welcome to the circle. Welcome to the intimate circle with us and Tony. We love you guys so much. Thank you for supporting us. We also got a few upgrades this week. We love to see the upgrades.

We got Kimberly Clays, Killian Walsh, and Katie Ann Christoffel. So thanks, you guys. Thank you so much for supporting us. We love you. Forever. We love you so goddamn much. And you're going to love this episode. You're going to love it.

Here it goes. This is Emily, Henley, and Sammy. And you're listening to Too Scary. Didn't Watch. Hi, everyone.

Welcome to Too Scary, Didn't Watch, the horror movie recap podcast for those too scared to watch for themselves. I'm Emily, and I am too scared to watch scary movies. I'm Henley, and I am also too scared to watch scary movies. I'm Sammy. I like scary movies and I like telling these two about them and ruining their days. And nights. So we can't sleep last week at all. Yeah, we love what we do. It's honestly, it's a public service what you're doing. So we thank you.

Hey, we're all doing it. We're all doing it. We honor you. We love you. I love and honor both of you. I love and honor you as well, Henley. And you, Emily. I don't know what I would do without you guys.

What's up with us aside from like we were truly before recording being like nothing has happened in our lives. Did we come up with anything to say? I didn't. Sammy, did you? I did. Yes. So up with anything to say? I didn't. Sammy, did you? I did, yes. So it's true that I have not left my house since we last spoke, I think, pretty much. But one thing that did happen, we talk about it a lot, was The Bachelor was on. That's true.

It was on. That's true. And as we mentioned last week, we are in a Bachelor League. We noticed some scoring discrepancies. What is up with that? We need to get to the bottom of this. So we each have a team on the league and you're awarded points based on certain things that happen if they get a kiss from the bachelor if they cry etc etc and all three of us had a girl that

cried and we were not awarded points accordingly and it was it wasn't like if you blinked you missed the crime they very much cried especially yeah Emily she did an interview where she was crying. And excuse me.

Mm hmm. Mm hmm. But so the thing that I was going to bring up is that this led me to write the most ridiculous email to the person in charge of this league, this company saying, excuse me, I just have to point out that both Rachel, Katie and Marilyn all cried and we did not receive the right points for it. Like, I'm so sorry that I'm writing this very crazy email, but like, we're obviously obsessed with The Bachelor. That's why we're in this league.

So we we noticed. And we're also extremely competitive and all of us are in it to win it with this league. I mean, I excuse me, company. These three real life women that we don't know cried on TV. I want my points. Oh, my God. Ten points. God damn it. Also, we've all agreed to put in ten ten dollars into this league so whoever wins big money right and we got we got we got like a fifty dollar prize right and every year counts excuse me so i want my goddamn points they also didn't give me points because maryland got a gift and it was oh don't i i included in the email it was a heartfelt gift did you make sure that they will give me passing out points because we'll see what happens i haven't yet but i will follow

up but don't you better believe you better believe it i'll follow up so any any listeners out there that are in a bachelor league just a good reminder to stay vigilant due diligence i mean maybe it's because the one we're using is a little janky and looks like the interface is from 1995 and when sammy sent us the invite it straight up looked like a spam invite to a porn site it's like beta for fantasy it's called fantasy for reality it's a fantasy league for a reality TV show, guys. It's a perfect name. What else were they going to call it? I love it.

What about you, Emily? What's up? Nothing. That is up. The point discrepancy. So thank you so much, Sammy, for advocating on our behalf. Of course. Just before we started recording, we talked about Hugh

Grant, which just reminds me that I sort of did a deep dive on Hugh Grant recently because what else am I doing? I love Hugh Grant. I looked up interviews to see how he navigated the scandal that happened with

him. What happened? He cheated on his wife or something? He cheated on Elizabeth Hurley with a prostitute and got caught. And I looked up interviews where he just basically was like, yeah, I should not have done that. I did a stupid thing. It's nobody's business.

But I feel badly that I hurt my girlfriend and we're the ones working through it. Because his career continued to flourish. And I think it's partially that he's British. And so I feel like we hold them to a different standard. And they also hold sexuality to a different, like, we're not as, you know, puritanical American, whatever. But all that's to say, I was looking up a lot of stuff about Hugh Grant.

But all that's to say, I was looking up a lot of stuff about Hugh Grant. And one thing about him that's interesting is he has three children by two different women, all like essentially like nine months apart. All of them. Like he had a child with a woman and then a child with another woman and then a child with the first woman and now I think he's married to the second woman. Anyway Just go back. You're between the two, huh? And this was like a couple years ago. Like he's like 60 and he now has like

three babies with two different women because he's Hugh Grant and Wow. And I had a dream late recently probably because I was looking up stuff where I was dating Hugh Grant. But like I think I told you guys, it's like current, like 60 year old Hugh Grant. And it was great. And he was great. And I loved it. And in the dream, my parents got so mad that I was dating a 60 year old man.

They were so upset. That was like a very vivid old man. They were so upset. That was like a very vivid part of the dream is, is them being, I remember, I think, I think my, my parent, my mom said something like, he's, he's as old as your father, which my mom doesn't really talk like that, but that happened in the dream. And I was like, well, you know, he's a little bit younger. Cause my dad's like, sorry, dad, 62. You know, he's a little bit younger because my dad's like, sorry, dad, 62? Something like that. I was like trying to be like, kind of, but anyway. To answer your question, nothing is up with me.

I just talked about a dream I had a few weeks ago based on research I did about 90s Hugh Grant. So, Henley, take it away. I don't have anything lined up in the queue here. So let's just see the first thing that comes to mind. This is like Russian roulette with your own brain. That's truly what it feels like. So, well, one thing that I'm just going to like throw into the conversation and everyone can do as they will with it is that I read an article today that makes a really compelling case for the fact that Justin Trudeau is definitely Fidel Castro's son.

Oh, God. And everyone just needs to see any reason why that wouldn't be true. Everyone just needs to look up this article that's on medium.com, a well-respected platform. Basically, this woman is making the argument that people have tried to debunk this conspiracy theory and they have not done a good enough job. Oh, I love that as the basis for an argument. How do you know it's not true? How do you know it's not true? That's it. That's the whole argument. Exactly. And, you know, I got to say the evidence does kind of line up on this one, though. I mean, first of all, just look at that. I am not a supporter of conspiracy theories. I think conspiracy theories are.

Just this one. Just this one. Are rotting our public discourse and ruining. They certainly are. Listeners, don't believe any of them. Except for just this one. But there's one that everyone I think should talk about. Don't believe any of them unless it's like kind of fun.

And then go for it. should talk about unless it's like kind of fun and then go for it um and i'm sorry if this is like a problematic conspiracy theory in a way that i don't actually know because i've really just skimmed this one article and haven't read anything that's how conspiracy theories get you you skim one article and you're a believer i'm like i just have to say it really made me think um but everyone just needs to google fidel castro and justin trudeau first of all they look strikingly similar and then second of all his parents were well-known swingers which i didn't know this justin trudeau's parents like were hard partiers and like love to have a good time and they spent a lot of time with

fidel castro like they were like bffs with him and there are a lot of photos of them together they would go on vacations together like honestly this is a more compelling theory than i thought it was gonna be i can't condone this this is is reckless behavior. They were. Okay, but Sammy, how do you know it's not true? Oh, fuck. You got me. Exactly. There we go. That's the logic that everyone needs to employ in order to live a happy, successful life. How do you know it's not true? What does Justin Trudeau have to say about it? I mean, Justin Trudeau gave like a glowing speech about Fidel Castro, apparently, as well.

I remember that, actually. Did he call him daddy? Yeah. Did he call him daddy? He was like, to the best daddy in the whole world. Right, so that happened. Everyone thought it was just a pet name he had for him. Cheers to you, my daddy.

cheers to you my daddy um if anyone has any thoughts or feelings about this listeners if I've like accidentally like said something really offensive which I could have because I don't know um please let me know but uh I just found this theory really really interesting

so everyone you know just keep it in the back of your mind just in case um and that's that's the only thing that happened to me this week that's the most exciting thing it's been logged for me in my brain for sure big week right next to post uh point totals uh in our in the bachelor and having dreams about hugh grant yeah i feel like maybe we're not doing well is what this all means. Isn't it so? I, you know,

we got to get to the podcast. Thank God for this podcast, because I would be truly floating in space without like a single thing to like tether me to the physical world once a week um because i mean the only input now is self-made at this point it's yeah just choosing what article to read or what to google or there are no boundaries there are no boundaries there i haven't done a thing. I mean, I have. Time has passed. But like, that's just what life is now for many people. I'm watching myself turn into a person I was not before. Yeah. In many ways. Or yet, maybe I'm becoming more myself than ever would have been possible. Whittled down.

Emily, I do think that you are doing an excellent job of that. You've like found all these crazy cool hobbies. I feel like I am just reading conspiracy theories online and like binge watching Bridgerton. And that's it. Should I watch Bridgerton? Honestly, why not? You have nothing to lose. It's like fine.

It's horny, right? Yeah, that's kind of it. It is. Everyone keeps talking about how horny it is. If it's not really horny, what is it there for? It is horny, but I just feel like the horniness was like really talked up a lot. Yeah, that's all I'm hearing. And there are a couple episodes that are more horny than others.

But I would say like, don't, you know, don't get too excited. You know, how does it compare to Outlander on horniness? I haven't actually watched Outlander. It's pretty horny. So I don't know. Seems like Outlander is maybe hornier. It might be. It was on Starz.

But I guess. Starz is a hornier network. It's a hornier network. In general. Oh, boy. Okay. Let's talk about something not horny at all. Oh, great.

Which is this week's movie. Sammy, I only want to talk about it about something not horny at all oh great which is this week's movie uh sammy i only want to talk about it if it's horny yeah i'm only going to talk about if it's horny i also will just say disclaimer i don't recommend watching i only watch season one of outlander listeners because they do delve into a rape storyline that's truly terrible no one should watch that and they shouldn't have made it it but season one okay anyway just felt the need in case listeners were like is that what Emily thinks is horny no please no that's not it okay okay good clarification

mm-hmm this week's movie is the ritual came out in 2017 directed by David Bruckner written by Joe Barton based on the novel by Adam Neville, starring Rafe Spall, Arshia Ali, Robert James Collier, Sam Trofton, and Paul Reed.

Was it your favorite movie? It was my favorite movie. I actually did really like it. Yeah. It is streaming on Netflix. I did really like it. Yeah. It is streaming on Netflix.

I had actually watched the opening scene before and then stopped watching it. And I'm glad that I continued and finished it. Why did you stop that one time? Honestly, I was a little bit bored. But that said, I think it's a good movie. Okay. Now having seen the whole thing. Is it scary, I think it's a good movie. Okay. Now having seen the whole thing. Is it scary? I think it is scary, yeah.

I think it'll be a fun one to tell you guys about. I'm excited for you to hear about. Ooh, I know nothing about it. Yay! I don't even know what the general plot is, so. Well, that's exciting. Our favorite time of the week is obviously shouting out our patrons, but a close second is cocktail hour.

This week we are drinking Into the Woods. To make an Into the Woods, you will need one and a half ounces of bourbon, two ounces of dry hard cider, two ounces of ginger beer, three dashes of Angostura bitters, and a lemon wedge for garnish. You will combine all the ingredients in a tall glass of ice, stir gently to combine and garnish with the lemon wedge. Cheers. There's not a lot of trivia about it, so I

found my own trivia, or made my own trivia. Just made a fact about the movie. Okay, okay. So, it's not a netflix original it was bought for 4.75 million from the toronto film festival it is produced by andy circus aka gollum yes who i saw once at the arc light and said hey hey, there's Gollum. Wait, was I with you? Because I saw him at the Arclight one time, too. Wait, were we together? Maybe.

Wait, Sammy, I think we were together. We very well might have been. But I can't remember what movie we were seeing. It's all a distant memory. Beautiful movie theaters. The Arclight. Oh, I miss it so much. The fanciest theater of them all.

Oh, man, getting a little bar, getting a little drink at that bar. We're going into the theater. A movie pour. A movie. I was just talking about movie pours the other day. God, a movie pour. Love me a movie pour. Miss it.

And for any non-local ArcLate attending listeners, a movie pour is just a double pour of whatever you were going to get. It's a get cup of alcohol take it into the movie and it rules um so that's my first piece of trivia for the ritual and my second piece of uh trivia that i created myself is that rafe spall is in hot fuzz he's one of the andes and hot fuzz uh Just important to know because Hot Fuzz is such a great movie and I love it so much. And

something I didn't know about Rafe Spall is that his dad is Timothy Spall, which you know, now knowing really checks out and makes sense with the last name being the same and all. But Timothy Spall is Peter Pettigrew,

a.k.a. spoiler alert for Harry Potter. Oh! Scammers! Oh, a spoiler alert for Harry Potter is very funny. Yeah, in case anyone hasn't, in case anyone isn't familiar with the Harry Potter stories. Hey, you never know. Someone hasn't gotten around to it, but they're very interested in knowing what happens

in Harry Potter, but they just haven't. So yeah, Wraith's Ball, Scabbers' Son. Scabbers' Son. The last thing is that has a 74% on Rotten Tomatoes, a 57% on Metacritic, and a 6.3% on IMDb. So not super well reviewed. I read some of the bad reviews, and they just said that it wasn't very unique, mostly.

That it was kind of a tired story,'t i don't think that's true so reading these reviews made me feel like i was stupid and missing something because i thought it was pretty uh well done and unlike anything i had seen before i mean there are certainly you know as as in as with all movies like something is always drawn from something else. It would be pretty wild to make a movie that was completely 100% unlike anything else you'd ever seen. Yeah, I don't think that I would want to watch whatever that movie is. Right. Also, horror movies are always the same.

Yeah. That's a very common thing with horror movies is that they're constantly replicating each other. Yeah. It's not like the critics were being a little harsh is I guess what I'm what I'm trying to say. Well, you know what? Emily and I will be the judge at the end. Okay. We'll decide.

And I know that sometimes you don't like watching the trailer until you've heard about the movie. But I feel like this is a good one to watch the trailer. So because it's like it's in the woods and I want you to get a feel for what those woods are like. You can visualize it. Got it.

The atmosphere is important on this one. It is important. Mm hmm. All right. So let's let's watch it. Rob would have loved this place. He's a good man. The best of us. Let's watch it. Look, we go southwest through here, we cut the journey in half. But through the forest? Yeah, why not? We should have gone to Vegas.

Oh, you'd have found something to fall over in Vegas too, mate. Now, is it me or is it really quiet in here? It's been gutted. Could be hunters out here. A bait? Possibly. Or it's the bit they don't show you in the nature documentary. It's a warning.

We shouldn't be here. Where the hell are we, huns? We should pitch the tents. This is ridiculous, man. Luke, you're getting soaked. Did you hear that? No, I didn't hear anything. Come on. So are we going to talk about it then or not? It was a nightmare, Phil. Well, what happened to you then?

We got spooked and we had bad dreams, all right? I woke up last night. Look at this. Nothing has done that to you. You've done it to yourself. Why do you have to deny everything I say? Because I do not value your judgment. We need to be working together, man.

Oh, my God! oh my god what the fuck is that you guys look so shocked oh my god wait i'm i'm so excited to hear about this movie why am i so excited i'm like riveted um but it looks like not like a typical thing right it doesn't like seem like awesome a movie you've seen a hundred times before like all the critics said. Yeah, it looks pretty tired. Yeah, I'm really surprised to hear that now. Your classic gun and horse in the woods. British. Yeah, I get it. Yeah, when you

said that, I was expecting it to just be like a haunted house ghost movie or something. Right. With like a Ouija board and like a group of friends being scared or something like that. This seems very different. Yeah. Okay, what's that one guy from though? It's gonna drive me crazy. Hot Fuzz. Oh, the

other guy. He's, I looked him up. He's from Downton Abbey. Yes! Oh my god! Yes! He's Thomas! He's great! Oh, that makes me well, I'm not gonna see this, obviously. But he's so he is so I'll say my favorite category anymore. That's what I was going to say.

But it's not the right word. My favorite quality of an actor is watchable. He's so watchable. He is just like magnetic. even in that trailer i was like oh what's he doing what's he doing he's i have to admit you guys so halfway through the trailer or maybe two thirds of the way through the trailer i muted it because i really i really just didn't want there to be any spoilers and i could hear some spoilers happening a little bit with their conversations I don't even

want to know what the dynamic is between these men until Sammy tells me what the dynamic is I respect your decision I don't feel spoiled I was so really scared I was so really scared just watching the images I can't wait I can't one of my yeah I'm so scared at the idea of not something like this specifically happening to me. It'd be bad for sure. It would be bad. But it's more like going on a camping trip and like someone I'm with or myself getting like really injured. Like that would just be so scary. Yeah.

And not to be able to get help or like just have to like sit in the woods with like a broken leg for a long time or something is just so scary to think about yeah i just now i think that i'm realizing my favorite kind of scary movie to hear about is like some sort of cult super net like some i don't know what that whatever this seems like it is i think is i guess maybe they feel like it's like blair witch project yes that is. I guess maybe they feel like it's like Blair Witch Project. Yes, that is what a lot of them said, that it's like just copying Blair Witch Project. But I mean, it's in that it is a group of people lost in the woods and like mounting tension. Yes, but it's not like I'm not like tired of that. It's not like we've gotten a hundred million movies of that.

No. And Blair Witch Project was also found footage and made yeah like way different and completely different yeah um justice for the ritual is all i'm saying justice for the ritual sammy you need to send those critics a strongly worded email a la Fantasy for Reality. I think I just might. We all know you're good at it. That's what I'm best at. All right. Shall we? We shall. Okay.

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Really freaking convenient for, I don't know, say a long morning walk. You forgot to charge them and you just need a little bit of juice to listen to one episode of a podcast. It's only going to take you 10 minutes. It's incredible. So go to buyraycon.com slash too scary today to get 20 to 40% off site-wide. That's right, you'll get up to 40% off everything on Raycon's website when you go to buyraycon.com slash too scary. Buyraycon.com slash too scary. We start with five friends are in a pub together. We're somewhere in England and they're all British, good British accents. They're trying to decide where they're going to go on vacation. They're having some guy's trip.

I think they're all friends from college that are now in their kind of mid to late thirties, kind of getting together for a guy's trip there. Someone says we should go to Ibiza and they're like, we're too old for Ibiza. We can't go to Ibiza. Ibiza. Ibiza.

Ibiza. And, uh, one of them, let me see it. Robert says that they should go hiking in the Swedish mountain side. And a couple of them are like, oh, that sounds pretty boring, lame. Like, no, we should go to Ibiza, Vegas or Ibiza.

Well, we can either go hiking or we can go to Ibiza. But they're just getting a little drunk and having fun being in each other's company. Seems like they don't get to hang out much anymore. They're all like talking about their wives and their kids. You know, life gets in the way of getting drunk with your friends sometimes. We find time. We find time. We still find time.

We don't let that other shit get in the way. We don't let that other shit get in the way. So then they leave the pub and they're walking through the streets. And Luke is Rafe Spall's character's name. Luke is kind of our main character. And Luke says he wants to go into the shop, grab some more liquor. So him and Robert go into a convenience grab some more liquor so him and robert go into a convenience store basically and they're kind of drunk and being a little loud and annoying and they go in and they're looking at the liquor shelf he's grabbing a bottle of vodka and then they turn and see a woman

huddled down in the corner of the store, bloodied and crying and looking really, really scared. And they turn and are like, what the fuck? And at that moment, the back door to the store like busts open and it's like two guys with knives robbing the store, basically. And so they have the store clerk. They're making him empty out the the cash register and luke just immediately dives behind one of the shelves like out of their view and robert doesn't and they see robert um thomas actor guy no no and robert they see robert and see that he's wearing a nice watch so they come up to him and say give us your watch and he says okay okay and they take his wallet he says okay yes of course take it like i don't want any problems just take it and then they say give

us your ring and he says this is my no this is my wedding ring. You can't have it. They said, give it to us. And he says, no, you can't have it. They take their knife. They slash him in the face, like right across the face. He collapses kind of facing Luke. So Luke can kind of see what's going on, but he's hidden a bit. And Robert makes eye contact with Luke, like help help me like wide-eyed and luke is frozen in fear and then one of the guys stabs robert in the back oh my god kills him

and it's just like a pool he's like surrounded with a pool of blood and then the other guy's like oh fuck man like what if you what did you do what he was to get the fuck out of here they run and then luke wakes up in a tent like he's having a flashback wakes up and opens the tent steps out we see that he is in the swedish mountainside says we get a little stamp that says northern sweden six months later oh wow, wow. That's fucking awful. Yeah. And so it's now the four remaining friends going on this trip that Robert had suggested

and... Ugh. God. Yeah, it's very sad. And it's very clear that Luke is like riddled with guilt. Yeah, of course he is. He's constantly chain smoking and kind of hunched over and looking down. And so the three other guys names are Hutch is the Downton Abbey guy.

And then there is Dom and Phil and so the four of them are they're hiking and basically it looks like just a hill like kind of a uh it looks like Game of Thrones I guess like it's kind of a plains hills but there is forest nearby but they're walking along the forest and oh and they they so they pack up their sight and so they're backpacking basically and they hike all day long and get to this spot that they pull out a photo of robert and basically build a little altar to him. Do a toast. Like Robert would have loved it here. I miss him so much. It should have never happened. But it did happen.

And kind of everything that anyone says. You can see that Luke is kind of taking it as like, is that a jab? Are they saying it should never happen because i was there he's on the alert for any potential blame yeah anyone else right probably because he's fully blaming himself right now yeah but it's not his fault what would he have done i'd love it when a horror movie starts out with something really traumatic like this. It's just so classic. So great. Just hits you right where it hurts.

Immediately I'm feeling really shitty. That's great. It's a perfect way to set the stage. I agree. So Hutch kind of gets Luke alone and says, you know, I don't care what anyone says. Like it wasn't your fault. Not a great way to start that. I know. it's like everybody's saying it's my fault i know and luke obviously picks up on that don't listen to what every other person is saying and i will say hutch is kind he's very much like that he's not an asshole but nothing he says comes out quite right classic thomas

neither of you've watched downtown abby have you no i watched the first season of downtown abby but i don't remember like any of the characters and i don't remember who thomas is this checks out he's type typecast that vibe yeah yeah like he's kind of just saying whatever comes into his head type of thing. So they set up camp again for the next night. They're on like the return trip of this hike. Like they've hiked out to a place and now they're hiking back. And so as the. That feels like another horror movie trope is like we're almost home.

Right. You know? Yeah. The worst is definitely past us because we're almost home uh devastating what while they're they're setting up camp for their next night and it's nighttime and you can see the lights of the lodge it looks far it's far away but it's within sight and so then the next morning they pack up and I think basically have two or three days left of this. Like they're walking back.

So they have provisions for a couple of days. And as they're walking, Dom twists his ankle. He doesn't see he's he's stepping in. He basically steps into a hole and he he says he tears his meniscus so it's his knee i guess okay but ow ow yeah and he looks he's in a lot of pain and they're all like oh fuck uh hutch is he oh, he's going to be so annoying about this. Like Hutch is like more annoyed than concerned and is like, can you walk? Like, let's get you a stick. They get him like a walking stick thing to use as a crutch.

And he's like, oh, it really hurts. Like, walking is going to be really hard. I don't know how I'm going to make it three more days. And then Hutch comes up with the brilliant idea of taking a little shortcut through those woods. It will apparently cut the journey in half. And they'll get there probably much faster and completely unharmed is my guess i would think probably definitely there's going to be no demon activity in these woods for sure his thinking is that it'll it's still far but they could actually do it in one go so he said he said it's probably 14 hours away this is the morning that they've

they've just set out and so he's like we can probably if we just go like we can get there tonight might as well just try to get walking with them like he's able to walk yeah he's basically using like a crutch okay um 14 hours straight of walking. With a torn meniscus? No, thank you. Also in these situations, you should always have like an emergency backup plan to contact help. Right. Well, they do say their cell phones don't work out here. They're basically pretty far from, even the lodge is like the only thing around for miles.

So it's not like there's like a big town nearby it's like a small little lodge um so their phones don't work but they've got their map and their compass and they said you know we've got all our supplies it'll be faster let's just do it so they decide that that's what they're going to do. Oh, boy. Here we go. And these woods are very creepy. We go in and immediately Dom says, like, oh, it's so quiet in here.

Why is it so quiet? And they're like, yeah, that's what trees do. This is Hutch being kind of an asshole saying, like, yeah, trees, that's what trees do they this is hutch being kind of an asshole saying like yeah trees that's that's what they do they absorb sound so it's like of course it's going to be quiet in here um there's a very creepy ominous score also and just the sound design in it like a lot of like wood creaking like it's spooky and they're walking, they see a huge deer hung in a tree, gutted. It's high up in a tree. And its stomach is torn open. Its intestines are on the ground.

It's basically almost like crucified. Like, its legs are splayed out. And it's a jump scare they like happen upon it and it's they're all obviously very frightened and like what the fuck is that and someone says or maybe there's hunters around here maybe that's bait maybe this is something you don't see on the discovery channel but they notice that it is fresh. Like, it is still dripping blood. Like, this has happened recently.

So they're like, okay, let's keep moving because whatever did it is, like, probably nearby. And we don't want to find out what that is. So, yeah, let's keep going deeper into the woods. I know, like, at this point, turn around. Turn around. But, hey, then there wouldn't be the movie. I know, like, at this point, turn around. Turn around.

But hey, then there wouldn't be the movie. Yeah, and also my favorite thing in a horror movie is to be pedantic about what they should have done. So, they keep moving and it starts getting dark

and starts pouring rain and it's lightning and thunder. Basically, Hutch is like, OK, we're obviously not going to make it tonight. Like we can't continue on in this. We got to set up camp. up camp, Luke sees some carvings in one of the trees in the tree bark that's kind of like a little symbol

and then notices a log cabin, like an abandoned log cabin, and they're like, well, let's go check that out. Great idea. Oh, the cabin by the gutted deer? Yes.

With these scary symbols next to it? Of course, of course. Check it out. Oh, the cabin, you can't miss it. It's right past the gutted deer. Follow the glyphs on the trees past the gutted deer and you'll find the cabin. Oh, God. oh god and as they're getting close to it luke hears something very creepy kind of like an animal breathing like a low growl that almost sounds like the wind but a growly wind sound and turns around and he's pointing his flashlight in the woods. And all of these shots are so scary of just the flashlight, like scanning the dark woods.

And you can only see the basically three feet circle that is illuminated at any given moment. It's so spooky. But he doesn't see anything. So they all go inside. And the same symbols are all over over inside basically carved out of wood hanging from the ceiling these symbols are everywhere the the cabin has nothing else inside of it there's no furniture or anything it's just completely empty but there is a second story great like this looks perfect this looks great they start taking off their backpacks and their wet clothes there oh there is a there is a little fireplace like a little uh

a wood burning furnace stove thing a wood burning stove yeah and so they're like oh we got to get some some wood light a fire they do that and start drying their clothes and uh phil is like are we gonna go see what's upstairs and they're like oh are you scared like go see if you want to see like they like make fun of him are we just gonna settle into a place that we've literally not seen half of it and it doesn't belong to like what um so phil goes upstairs and there is a door to a room and he opens the door and there is a very weird sculpture statue thing like made out of twigs that looks like a human body with no head and antlers as its hands cool like a wicker man looking something okay well that's a good sign oh phil you scared phil yells guys get up here gotta see this they all run up phil is like this is some witchcraft shit they're they all look scared now they all go back downstairs hutch is like that was that some like it looks like pagan or maybe nordic maybe

some god some nordic god or something like that luke at this point is says i think in the morning we should just go back the way we came and not go further into the woods. And Hutch is like, no, man, come on. Like, we already made it this far. It's going to be faster this way. Steamrolls Luke's very smart idea. Then we see a POV from outside just watching them in the cabin with that same low, grow breathing no thank you no thank you they roll out their sleeping bags they're all gonna sleep in the main room as they're sleeping it's like really thundering and and raining hard and then all of a sudden

the thunder and rain completely stops it's dead silent and a really bright light is coming from outside and luke gets up the rest of them are asleep luke wakes up sees like maybe it's daytime outside he's not sure goes and opens the front door and it is the convenience store it's the fluorescent lighting of the convenience store and he walks into it and sees sees robert get killed again and then after that happens the walls of the convenience store basically kind of explode backwards revealing he's in the forest, like 50 feet away from the cabin. And it is the next day.

And he looks down at his chest and he is bleeding through his shirt, kind of from like five spots, like a little pentagram, pentagon, five spots. Pentagram. And he looks really confused, obviously. And then hears screaming coming from the cabin, runs back to the cabin. Inside, Hutch is asleep, but screaming and screaming and screaming.

He wakes Hutch up and Hutch jumps up and we see that he's peed himself and he looks like terrified. And then he's like, he's like, where's, where's Dom and finds Dom whose leg is all fucked up. He's in his like boxers. So you get a look at his knee and it's like completely black and blue.

And, um, and he is like huddled in the corner shaking like also looks really scared and he's like what the fuck's going on what the fuck's going on and then he's like where's phil and they're like i don't know i don't know and he looks at the stairwell to go upstairs and phil's clothes are draped along the steps of the staircase. And he goes up and opens the door to the room and Phil is naked praying to the statue thing. Oh, Jesus Christ. That's not good.

None of this is good. And he basically wakes Phil up out of his daze. Phil snaps back to reality. He's like, what the fuck's going on? What's happening? What's happening? He's like, I don't know. I don't know, man.

I don't know what's happening. But we need to get the fuck out of here. Like, get dressed. Get your stuff. We're leaving. So they quickly pack up all their shit and go outside. And now every tree is covered in those carvings of those symbols, basically all up and down the trunks of the trees.

It's just like they're covered in these symbols. And the plan was to be going southwest. That's the direction that the lodge is. And they're all kind of like, I don't want to keep going in. Only Hutch wants to go southwest. And then Dom sees a path. And he's like, here's a path. Here's a path.

Let's fucking follow this path. Path means humans. Path means civilization. And on his little crutch, he just starts walking. He's like, I'm going this way. It's the opposite way of where the lodge is. And seems like a bad idea to me definitely a demon put that path there so let's also be demons love paths demons

also like cabin means humans and cabin was bad cabin was bad yes probably gutted deer means humans. That's bad. So Dom is leading the way. He's like, I'm fucking going this way. I don't care. We're following this path. So they're following this path.

And there's a ridge kind of alongside of it that looks like there might be more, it might be a clearing up there. Like it looks kind of bright, like you can see light coming. So it's not just more trees up there. So they're walking down this path. And I think Hutch is saying to Luke, like, we should go check out that ridge. See if maybe there's a way to go around the woods that way. And Phil says, are we going to fucking talk about what just happened? Because I'd really like to talk about what just happened.

Remember how I was? I'm like, I'm sorry. Did you see that? That's so great. And Hutch is says we had we we got freaked out and we all had nightmares. We had nightmares and we're all just scared and we need to not totally freak out. We're letting our imaginations get the best of us. And it's important that we kind of like stay keep our keep our wits about us keep level-headed which is like i guess half true yeah i mean it's true that if all of you just dreamed one of you took his clothes off walked upstairs and knelt before a creepy thing.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. They see that now along the path, there's little cut tree stumps marking the path. And Dom thinks this is a really great sign. Like, yeah, see, this is definitely built by people marking this path. We just got to follow this. Dom then kind of collapses he's been walking too quickly on his hurt leg and kind of falls and says you know he's in a lot of pain he needs to take a break

hutch is like we got to keep moving man like we don't have time they get in a little fight luke's like i'm gonna go look up on this ridge and see if maybe there's a better way a faster way and luke uh runs up this ridge to the edge of what looks like the edge of the forest and gets up there and it's just a less densely populated forest. It's like still just trees and trees and trees, but it's like a certain kind of tree that doesn't really have branches. So it's lighter. It's less dark than the other forest. Great.

So now they're lost, too too on top of everything else walked deeper into this forest in the direction they're not the wrong direction it's not good yeah it's not good don is an idiot and so luke is like he's basically turning around 360 degrees kind of looking at everything around him. And then he stops and see something move kind of 50 feet away from him or so in the, in this part of the forest. And he's squinting like, what can, what is that? And we see that it is seemingly a human hand on a tree and it just pulls out of pulls pulls away off of the tree and disappears

and he runs back down to his friends he's like i fucking saw something there's some someone out there there's something here i swear to god i just fucking saw someone and now dom is yelling at him like we just said like we can't lose our cool like you need to relax and uh luke says why don't you believe why don't you ever believe me why don't you believe anything i say and dom says because i don't trust your judgment and uh it's getting a little okay getting a little personal and uh luke then shows them his puncture wounds that he hadn't shown them before. And he's like, I didn't want to freak you guys out earlier. But something is definitely going on. When I woke up, I had these puncture wounds on my chest.

And Dom says, like, there's no way something did that to you. You probably ran into a tree branch. Like, stop being hysterical love those tree branches that give you perfect five point puncture wound running into a tree at such speed that it and luke is like well why why are you mad at me, we wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. And then Dom says, no, Luke, we wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. And Luke says, what do you mean by that? And they're having a bit of a standoff.

And Hutch is like saying, Dom, shut the fuck up. Not here. Like, not now. Don't do this. And Luke shoves Dom and is like, no, what do you mean by that? And he's like, oh, now he's got some fight in him. Where was that with Robert? Wow, that's so fucked up.

That's really fucked up. Not okay. To put that on him. It's very upsetting. Luke looks really hurt. And Hutch basically gets in the middle of them and is like, you guys, we can't do this right now. We need to keep moving. They all kind of cool off a bit.

But tensions are certainly high. So they keep moving and they find this kind of weird clearing and that looks a little different from everything else. And they're trying to figure out what it is. And Hutch says, I think there's some fabric under there. different from everything else and they're trying to figure out what it is and hutch says i think i think there's some fabric under there takes um a stick and kind of moves the dirt around and finds that it's actually a buried tent and buried supplies and shoes and things like that. Oh, I hate that. That's not good.

And lifts it out and finds a wallet in it and opens up the wallet. And it is there's like a family photo of seemingly like Swedish family and a credit card that expired in 1984. And so this has been there for decades. and a credit card that expired in 1984. And so this has been there for decades. That's really spooky. I kind of like that. That's very spooky. And now it's getting dark again.

Oh no. And Hutch says, you know, we're not idiots. We're supposed to be back at the lodge in five hours. Once we don't come know, we're not idiots. We're supposed to be back at the lodge in five hours. Once we don't come back, they're going to report us missing. They will send someone out to look for us. Like, we're not going to die out here.

We put provisions in place, like protections in place in case something bad happened. Like, people will come looking for us. So they set up camp again so Luke is in his tent and we hear something so big sounding big footsteps coming closer

he turns off his flashlight he's completely silent and we hear that kind of low breathy growly noise and heavy footsteps circling the tent. And then it gets quiet. And he unzips his tent, which is so crazy. I would rather die in the tent not ever seeing the thing than open that tent there's no fucking way i'm

unzipping that tent when i've heard something um but he does and he sticks his head out and he looks and he's calling to hutch is in the closest tent to him and we see hutch's tent pulled away like so fast disappear. Basically, Luke screams and turns and then sees like three figures silhouetted in the woods in the other direction. And he's looking at them looking scared. And then some fluorescent lighting comes up and we see it is the two robbers and Robert again. And they stab Robert and then look up at Luke, make eye contact with Luke. And we see that they have like milky white eyes. And Luke wakes up again like it was a dream, wakes up and hears Phil screaming and screaming, opens the tent and Phil is on his hands and knees kind of in the middle of their campsite.

And he's screaming, I saw it, I saw it, it was here. And Hutch is gone. And Hutch's tent is gone. And we hear Hutch screaming in the woods and this kind of animal growl sound coming from the woods. And so they just start chasing. They run into. Is it still dark? It's kind of it's like dawn now. So it's getting. Actually, no, at this point, I think it is still dark, but it's it's twilighty. And they run in the direction of Hutch's screams, like to save him. Like, Hutch, Hutch, Hutch. They're following him in, and all three of them are running after. And then Phil stops them, and is like, we can't just run. We need to pack up our camp. We need to get our stuff first, and then let's go find him.

We need to pack up our camp. We need to get our stuff first and then let's go find him. And then they turn around and they can't find their stuff. Oh my God. basically sit in the woods until the sun comes up completely, just leaning against trees, looking really defeated and get up and start walking. And then they see Hutch's body in the same way that that deer was in the beginning, like splayed open in a tree, his stomach torn open and all his insides out he is like impaled on the tree and cut that is so scary that's disgusting that is so so so scary

and their reactions to this are so good like they they all like are in such shock. And just I thought their performances were all really good in this moment. I really felt shocked as well because they were so good. And Dom is really freaking out. He's like, what are we going to what are we going to tell Grace? What are we going to what are we going to tell his kids? What do we tell his kids? I'm like, fuck, fuck, fuck. They're completely freaking out.

You might have more pressing concerns before you get there, my friend. I know. It's nice that that's your first thought instead of that's going to happen to me for sure. What are we going to tell his wife and kids when we definitely get out of here? Yeah. Yeah. So and Phil is like, that thing did this. Like I saw it. I don't know exactly what I saw, but I saw something and that thing did this. We need to get out of here. Dom says, well, we can't leave him like this. And they're like, well, we obviously can't carry him.

So they decide that they're just going to bury him as best they can. They basically get his body down and pull him off the tree that he's impaled on and uh jesus christ they can't dig a hole so they basically just cover him in sticks and have a little moment and then they gotta keep moving jesus christ well this is if you weren't traumatized with the first traumatizing event in your life this will do it for sure do it for the rest of your probably long-lived right right for at least the next 24 hours that you're alive um so then they they're they're moving southwest now they're they've got a compass and they're following. They're like, we're just gonna go straight southwest.

That's the fastest way to the lodge. And they are walking for a long time and find eventually a stream and they all run to it and start like drinking. Like they're so thirsty because they don't have any of their belongings anymore. So they don't have water. They don't have food. They don't have their tents or anything. And they're drinking water. And then as Luke is drinking, he notices footprints, human footprints going from the stream down a path in the opposite direction he's like well we're not fucking going

that way we're not going thank god we're not going that way i don't know whose footprints those are southwest is the opposite direction it's up this hill so they start going up a pretty steep hill this is very hard for dom and his torn meniscus. Yep. Oh, and as they're climbing, there's kind of a wide shot of them climbing from like a profile wide shot. And you see a huge creature move in the background. And it's like... Great. Definitely not human. It almost looks like a giraffe in its shape, but not in its coloring.

It's like the color of a woods giraffe, if you will. Spooky. A woods giraffe. The spookiest description. A scary woods giraffe. Oh, God. But we don't get a totally good look at it just yet. But we just see that it is big and it is there.

And they get to the top of this hill. And Phil and Dom are kind of lagging behind because Dom is so injured. And they're completely exhausted now and dehydrated and probably very hungry. So Luke kind of runs up ahead because he sees that there's another little ridge and it's getting to be dark again. Gets to the top of the ridge and looks out and he can see the lodge and he's very excited he says guys guys we're close uh uh it's just over the next little valley basically like they're on one big hill and it's on the next big hill so they just have one more stretch to cross and then he looks down on the stretch and it's as if there are 20 campfires set up in the middle of this little valley a lot of burning little campfires

which seems not good in their path that they have to cross like they look like they were created by like they look like normal campfires i'm a little confused we're far away we can it's just it's just um almost like an aerial view of okay 10 or 20 fires in a line and they're burning burning in the forest okay seems bad but the lodge is also in sight so he's still excited about that, at least. And he goes to run down to tell the other two and sees Phil with his flashlight kind of looking around. He's like, Phil, what are you doing? And Phil says, we heard something. And right as he says that, immediately he is pulled back so quickly, the the same way the tent was, where he's just, like, ripped out of view. He's screaming, and we hear the growl, kind of a roar now.

Luke drops to the ground to hide for a second, and then gets back up and starts to run, and he's just completely panicked and freaking out, and runs right into a tree, knocks his head, knocks himself out and like collapses and wakes up back in the convenience store. Robert is lying in a pool of blood and looks like gets up and looks at Luke. looks at luke luke runs out of the front door of the convenience store sees his his four or three other friends standing there looking at him like a a replay of i think what happened like he just ran out panicked and they didn't know what was happening but in this version phil is holding a flashlight and then drops it and it cuts to the uh back in the forest and the flash phil's flashlight on the ground and luke is

looking around and it's quiet now and he's kind of like whisper yelling like, Phil, Dom, like, where are you guys? It's quiet. And then he's got it. He picks up Phil's flashlight. He's shining it around and it illuminates Dom's face. And Dom is huddled next to a tree and he is alive. And he's like, they huddle together and like, oh, my God, you're alive. You're alive.

And Dom is like, they're both like crying and like, Phil's gone, Phil's gone. He says, can you walk? Can you move your leg? Are you okay? Like, we're going to need to run. Like, we got to run. And Dom is like, okay, yeah, I think I can. I can.

And he's like, okay, we're going to run in three, two, one. And they start running and there's like thicker pine trees on the side of them. And you see like antlers come out of really high of the pine trees. Like something's like, it looks like a deer is like sticking its head out from super, super high and they are screaming and run the other direction. They're just running as fast as they can. And you kind of hear that they're in pursuit by the creature, but don't get a look at it, but just kind of hear the footsteps and the growls. And then as they're running, they come upon what was seemingly the campfires. And they are the tree stumps marking the path that are lit up for nighttime.

So it's like little tree stump candles lining a walkway type thing. So it's where they were before? I think it's a different spot. A continuation. But it's a continuation of this path that is lit up. And at the end of this path is another cabin. And they're running for that cabin because it's... Why? Oh, no.

And they're like screaming like, help us, help us, please help us. Run in, like break the door open, collapse inside, close the door behind them. And then we hear, like, a record playing. We see a record. We see a record player. Record player. Mark your bingos, everyone. Luke, he's collapsed on the ground and he's turning his head around to look.

And as he turns one direction, he is kicked in the face and knocked unconscious. We just see someone's boot kick him. And then he wakes up in another room, tied up. Him and Dom are both tied with rope with their hands behind their back, tied to different corners of a room. Luke is able to kind of maneuver he like stands up and kind of moves wiggles his like fingers around to to to clear a little spot from the logs in the wall like to clear a gap in the wall so he can peek outside see what's happening outside and he sees a bunch of people building what looks to be a cross or an altar of

some sort and dom is awake too and um he's like what do you see what do you see uh he's like they're built i don't know there's people there's people out there they're building something i don't know and dom is like can we uh can you get out of your things? There's like a bottle nearby. He's trying to just like maybe go smash that bottle and we can use it to like cut the ropes. But right as he's getting up to do that, three people come in. They're very hills have eyes looking people. Oh, God, I hate that. And I don't really know what that means, but I don't like the sound of it.

Yeah. There's like look like people that don't live in civilization, I guess. Perhaps big woods giraffe worshippers. Maybe. Maybe. So they come in. They don't really speak. There's an older woman, and she comes to Luke, and she has a cup and she says water and

he drinks it and then she pulls his shirt down to see the puncture wounds looks at it and then pulls her shirt down to show him she has the same thing and Dom says did you

run into a tree as well and then she goes over to dom sees that he doesn't have them and does not give him any water and luke no and luke is yelling like give him like can you give him water to give him water too and another a big guy comes in, smacks Dom over the head, knocking him unconscious. They untie him and they're carrying him upstairs. We hear them like their footsteps up above Luke listening to this. Dom wakes back up, I guess, and is screaming and screaming. Oh, God.

And another woman comes in. She's kind of mid-summery. And in her, she seems Swedish and says, like, they prepare for sacrifice. It over soon. It over soon. Very calming. They eventually bring Dom back down.

His face is all fucked up and bloodied. But he's alive and they tie him back up. back down he his face is all fucked up and bloodied um but he's alive and they tie him back up oh no and he's almost catatonic and luke's like what happened what happened are you okay and he says i never told you what my nightmare was and he's like what are you talking about and he's like my nightmare when we talking about? And he's like, my nightmare. When we all had dreams, my dream was that I was sacrificed to the thing. I've seen these people before. By these people, they tied me up, and I'm tied up as a sacrifice, and the creature comes out of the woods, but it's Gale.

It's my wife. out of the woods but it's gail it's my wife and then i just see hands touching my face and then i die like i know that i'm going to die today like i'm gonna die right now and um like i've seen it happen i know that's what's gonna happen and luke is like no no no you're not gonna die you're not gonna die i'm not gonna let that happen to you and he's like yeah no, no, no, you're not going to die. You're not going to die. I'm not going to let that happen to you. And he's like, yeah, no, it's okay. It is going to happen. I just need you, like, you can't die. You need to get out of here and burn this fucking place to the ground. Tell Gale I love her.

You need to get out of here. They come in and grab Dom. And Luke is screaming, no, no, you can't, don't do this. But he's tied up real good. screaming, no, no, you can't, don't do this. But he's tied up real good. And they walk Dom out, tie him up to that altar. And there's very creepy things all around. Like a lot of deer skulls.

Looks very cult-y. It doesn't feel inviting. No, no. Even less so than Midsommar. It looks very culty. It doesn't feel inviting. No, no. Yeah. Even less so than Midsommar. There's no beautiful colors. It's all just grays and browns and skulls.

Grays and browns and skulls. Mm-hmm. It's not good. And Dom is looking into the forest. We hear something moving in there and he knows he as he's looking he notices so many bodies up in the trees like impaled in the same way like corpses of varying degrees of um like rottingness like some of them look like they're like skeletons and some of them look fresh but there is a lot of them i don't love the use of the word fresh in this context i really don't i've not cared for that uh luke is trying to get out of his the rope tying his hands he's really twisting

his hands and it's just cutting his wrists are bleeding like he's cutting into his skin with the rope trying to rip his hands out. And then we back outside hear a loud roar come from the woods and the trees

are shaking basically like it's coming closer and all of the people all bowed down they they all drop to their knees and bow and luke back to luke he pulls his thumb back and is like come on come on come on and breaks his own thumb it shows it popping out of that jesus christ and then he is then able to slip one hand out and then use that hand to to untie his other hand i mean that's a very smart move but it reminded me of saw because it is the kind of thing that it's like this is like yeah literally the only way you'll get out of it but it's gonna be horrible like would you put yourself through a bad thing to avoid a worse thing and it's like

it is the only thing to do i think you would i think that that's like i i've never seen it i never will i don't even want to think about it i'm mad i'm bringing it up but uh like what a 427 hours or 100 oh yeah yeah 127 hours 400 that's crazy that's too many hours that I think that is like a thing that humans will do you like will do what if you can you'll try to fucking

survive right and that is bad I kind of hope I kind of hope I would do it there's part of me that feels like I wouldn't and I would just die which is kind of sad I would do it. There's part of me that feels like I wouldn't and I would just die, which is kind of sad. I feel like I wouldn't, but I don't. What do you think, Henry? I feel like I probably wouldn't.

If I had to like slowly saw off a limb, I don't know if I could do that or not. What about break your own thumb? Oh, break my own thumb, I feel like I could do. I see. I don't even know if I would be able to do that. I think in given this context, I think I would. I think it would have to be in an extreme context like this one. You'd have like so much adrenaline going through your body.

Yeah. And you'd just be like desperate at that point. Well, I hope that I would because it is literally the right thing to do to survive. Yeah. So he does. The right thing to do to survive. Yeah. So he does.

He gets out of his rope. And then we see the trees part. And out of the woods comes Dom's wife. And she's walking towards him. And he's like, Gail, Gail. Like, what's happening? Why are you here? And she comes closer to him, puts her hands on his face and we hear the like growly noise laugh like a oh it's a trick and then we cut to seeing i don't know how

to describe this creature man it's okay i mean, giraffe is a good starting point. Giraffe is so not scary that it's funny that it's giraffe. I'm going to need to see a picture. Yeah. I'm like, I don't know what to do with this. So it does have, it has four legs like a deer or some sort of, like a giraffe. some sort of... I like a giraffe, but its back has like a hooked spine

looking thing that's like a spine on the outside type of thing. In its chest, eye level with Dom is an opening. It's like cut open and there's just two eyes in it. It's like completely black with two white

eyes staring out. And then up top, it has like arms and antlers. And from inside the hole in its chest where the eyes are, are two more small human hands, like gray, are two more small human hands, like gray, nasty little hands. That's what was touching his face. And it lifts him up with those hands. It's really big. Lifts him like way above the ground and carries him into the woods and impales him on a tree.

Okay. Well, we all knew that was coming. Yeah. Honestly? Seen it a thousand times. Boring. Oh, yeah. It has human hands next to its eyes. Come on.

The woman comes back in to bring Luke food. He goes back up against the wall, pretends he's tied up again. He's sitting there and basically asks her, like, what the fuck's going on? What is that thing? And she says, it's our God. We worship it.

It gives us eternal life. Like, you will worship it too. And it will give you eternal life uh you will kneel before it and he says why me and she says your pain is very. Then he waits a while, kind of waiting until people fall asleep. It's kind of quiet. And then he gets up to try to escape. He opens the first door

and it's basically just into another room of the house, which for the first room looks like a supply room. There's guns in there. There's blankets. There's food. And he goes past it at first to look in the second room. And I am not walking past the guns. I know.

I know. He doesn't take a gun, but he moves into the next room, which is kind of the main room that has the exit, the front door. And we see like four or so of the people guarding the door and the old so she can't see him. And at the top of the staircase is a door and there's horrible non-human sounding moaning coming from the other side of the door. And he looks at it and then looks kind of determined, grabs a little fire thing, a little lantern, and opens the door like he's going to go in and burn it down. And he goes in, and it looks like a bunch of corpses arranged in pews, kind of, with one

main corpse at the front as if it's leading a sermon, but they're all lifeless. None of them are moving and it's completely silent. And he's like, what the fuck is going on? And then he looks at one of them and starts to moan. And they are some sort of zombie undead congregation. And he just starts lighting them on fire. He one by one lights them up this whole room is now on fire he goes to leave the room and the old woman is blocking his path giving him this real she looks so mad she's looking at him and he just punches her right in my zombies

and he punches her right in the face and knocks her out, which I feel like happens in Hot Fuzz as well. I don't know if he's the one that punches the old lady, but someone definitely punches an old lady. I think it's Simon Pegg. But I mean, what I mean to say is I think this is a Hot Fuzz callback. Yeah, definitely. That was on purpose. Then he runs past her, runs downstairs, and he goes into that storeroom. He grabs a gun. As he's coming out of the room, another guy is there in his way. He shoots him, he kills him. And we hear, or we go, we from outside see the people that live there are seeing that this building is on fire now. They're all looking upset. And we hear the creature like roar, like angry sound and start running towards the house. All of them

kind of dropped into prayer position, like bowing to it, looking really afraid. We just see its little hooves oh a hoof callback i love a hoof you love to see it you see its little hoof stepping in frame and it just starts killing them it's so mad that they're bowing it's not gonna have it that's not not enough that's not enough there it's his little zombie army's on fire and he's pissed um and so then luke goes out it like he's trying to go out uh from the main entrance and sees another guy with a gun or no a guy with an axe and he says drop the axe drop the axe but the guy is not looking at luke at all he looks terrified looking at something else which which is like Luke doesn't pick up on. And he's like, drop your axe. And the guy drops his axe. And then he turns to look what he's looking at. And the creature is right there, right at the front door of the cabin and drops one of the other villagers right in front of the door and basically her eyes

have are gone like missing from her head and she's dead and i think luke turns around and goes back the other way and he grabs the axe and he's so now he's got an axe and a gun turn grabs it runs the other direction goes out a side window or something he like hops out a window of the cabin and runs up into the woods and can see the creature just like killing the villagers one by one and he's this is his first like good look at it and it's basically just lifts them up with its nasty little hands lifts them up like five feet off the ground and kills them but i don't know ripping out their eyes something i don't know but he is he has kind of made it to somewhat of safety in the woods and the creature

is super distracted but he sees that he has a clear shot and the creature standing pretty still doing some murdering and so he he lifts his gun and shoots it and it does nothing at all the creature just yeah of course not just turns of course not to look at him and starts running at him and he picks up his axe and starts running and as he's running fluorescent lights start coming on like lighting his path like he's back in that convenience store and like shelves are like the liquor shelves are coming up alongside of him and we see the creature like on the other side of the shelves like running beside him and then uh the shelves disappear kind of explode and the creature gets to him hits hits him, knocks him down, and... The creature's like running on all fours at this point

and takes its nasty throat hand, chest, throat hand. We're gonna have to post a picture of it, because it's so hard to... I need to see it. It's really scary looking. I don't know if you guys will be happy after you see the picture of it, but it's also... I just don't know how to describe it's really scary looking i don't know if you guys will be happy after you see the picture of it but it's also i just don't know how to describe it um and oh he's also

barefoot which i don't like because when they tied him up they took his shoes off so he's just running through the forest barefoot oh he sees that there's a clearing nearby like he's because he was getting closer to the lodge. So I think he sees that it's like within reach. But now these nasty little hands are pressing his head into the dirt and like smushing his ear into the dirt. So he is facing sideways and he looks and sees Robert laying next to him, looking back at him like they're both laying on the ground facing each other. And then the hands let up and Luke turns to look at the creature and it stands up on its hind legs and raises its like antler arms and it looks exactly like the sculpture thing from the first room like it like it looks like a human body top with antler hands

but only when it's standing on its little hind legs luke sees the axe nearby. He dropped it, but it's close. And he, I think, bows to the creature at first, but in a way to get closer to the axe. And then he gets the axe and he goes for the creature and he axes it in its little face chest. The makes a bad noise it's in pain and it's it goes for him so he bolts and runs he's very close to the the edge of the woods he makes it out to the edge and it is actually a real clearing this time it's not just less dense woods so it's the real end of the woods and as he gets, the creature doesn't follow him. It like stops inside the woods. Like it can't go outside of the woods, I guess.

And so the creature roars at him and he screams back at it. And they like scream and roar at each other back and forth a few times. And I mean, it's like i'm making it sound stupid but it's like actually sad like he's like scream crying but it's this like very like it's it's a cooler moment than i'm making it sound like um and then he sets sets off walking towards the lodge we see the lodge in the distance the creature turns and goes back in the woods can't follow him

and he throws his axe down and the last shot is him walking out of frame towards the lodge and that's the end of the movie oh my god well good luck to Luke best of luck Best of luck.

Best of luck getting through the rest of your life after that experience. Wow. Holy shit. I mean, I definitely enjoyed hearing about it. What a fucking rollercoaster. As I was watching it, I was like, this is going to be a fun one to tell about. As I was watching Funny Games, I was like, they're going to hate this one. And as I was watching this one, I was like, they might like this one.

They might like hearing about it. Yeah. Thank you for that, Sammy. Yeah, it was definitely less like excruciating. Funny Games was harder to have to listen to. Funny Games made me want to like tear my skin off. It was so uncomfortable. This one was just more entertaining.

I wonder why the guys on Rotten Tomatoes didn't like it. Do you think they were upset to see all these men go through some hard times in the woods? Is that what it was? Yeah, maybe they only like seeing women go through hard times in the woods. Probably. No women in this one. Rare.

I like that. I mean, I like that so much of it is like men not wanting to admit that they you know don't know what they're doing and being like no we go this way we go that way like there's that element of it but there was something that i read that made me feel sad for men that was like part part of why the director wanted to do this script was because i guess there was some study done that showed that it was um that men have a harder time keeping friendships in middle in middle age and uh and so he was like i was drawn to that part of the script because i feel that in a lot of my friendships where you're like unable to

keep that closeness after a certain point and that just made me really sad because friends are so important and female friendships are so strong i know you know we talk a lot about how men are bad and scary but um But the reason why men are bad and scary is that the patriarchy is bad and destructive and scary. Right, it's bad for everybody. And so often, so many men, not all men, so many men are not given the emotional tools to... Like, a thing that really hits me about this movie is how little they were able to process

and cope with what had happened right to their friend and like the anger that they felt towards luke and the blaming him just anger is always masking like a harder to process emotion grief usually grief usually or shame or you know like it's just easier to be angry than it is to like feel those things right um and and that that that also makes me sad for men because you know what that's not a pleasant way to be and i do think i do think it society is getting better and recognizing toxic masculinity and the the pressure we put on men to not be vulnerable and that kind of thing is getting less i think in in future generations but yeah it is definitely was the way for so long and it's so bad so it's very bad so do we think the creature

is supposed to represent is it kind of like the babadook like you know what i mean does it represent because it seems to just make you relive like your biggest fear or something well there is a good amount of it is based on mythology and something is actually based on um loki and odin i don't know i don't know anything about greek mythology or anything like that. From the Avengers? This is based on the Avengers? This is based on the Avengers. The Avengers is the origin story of Loki. Oh wait, so this is Thor Ragnarok.

This is in the Marvel Universe, yes. Honestly, I would love for them to start making like superhero Marvel movies that are like this. Doctor Strange is supposed to be it is categorized as horror. The next Doctor Strange. You said the next one is going to be, yeah, which would be cool. I hope it is actually scary.

That would be awesome. That would be cool. It's going to be like, it's scary though. You know what I mean? Probably. Like it's going to be like commercial, big budget, like Harry Potter land. Scary. Now that I saw it, I feel comfortable seeing it ever.

But that's the vibes. And the fact that I saw it is like, yeah, you're correct about that. It's not that scary. Yeah. I want to know the conversations that Luke has when he returns to the lodge. know the conversations that luke has uh when he returns to the lodge like are you saying there's a cult in the woods with a really scary creature that we all need to and go and kill is that what you're talking about do you keep this to yourself yeah i don't know because you might not be believed you might not unless everyone knows and then they're gonna send you right back in there well there's gonna be that's true there will be an investigation

into what happened to his friends because they're gonna think he like killed them or something that's true yeah especially because he's the one who's like has experienced that trauma that takes away his credibility, I would think. Oh, we wish him the best, though. We wish him the best. And that's all I got. Is there. That was cool, Sammy. That was a fun one, right?

That was a really fun one. Should we do like a growly goodbye I like how you kept calling it a growly Like growly noises Growly Sometimes I just revert to Being a child My descriptors are just child words

Scary growly spooky Child words They could be British they're British Yeah we could be British Trying to think of how Thomas Talks From all of us here I only have one accent I think is actually

The truth of it Okay British British not Australian British British From all of us From all of us here From all of us here all of us here That was British From all of us here At Too Scary Didn't Watch

At Too Scary Didn't Watch Goodbye Goodbye A toodaloo Cheers Hi everybody Sammy here Thank you so much for listening to another episode of Too Scary Didn't Watch.

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