Too Scary; Didn't Watch - THE TWILIGHT SAGA: ECLIPSE

Episode Date: December 13, 2023

Grab your dollar store wigs because we are headed back to Forks to recap The Twilight Saga: Eclipse! Join us to find out if any of the extremely toxic behavior on display in this film has dissuaded us from being Team Edward or Team Jacob. (Not likely!)TrailerMovie trivia @ 14:06Recap begins @ 29:05Check out our Patreon if you'd like to vote for our January recap, 2x bonus episodes a month and other additional content!Follow the show: @TSDWpodcast on Twitter, TikTok, and Instagram.Rate Too Scary; Didn’t Watch 5 Stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts and leave a review for Emily, Henley, and Sammy.Advertise on Too Scary; Didn't Watch via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is Emily, Henley, and Sammy, and you're listening to Too Scary, Didn't Watch. Hi everyone, welcome to Too Scary, Didn't Watch, the horror movie recap podcast for those too scared to watch for themselves. I'm Emily and I am too scared to watch scary movies. I'm Henley and I'm also too scared to watch scary movies. I'm Sammy and I love watching scary movies. And so I watch them so that you don't have to. And we have another patron chosen episode for you guys.

And I think you're going to like it. Some of you are really not going to like it. Yeah, sorry. But it's not our fault. We didn't pick it. So if you're mad, you can just go ahead and take that up with the patrons. Or better yet, become one yourself. Join on up.

So you can vote in polls. You can join a bunch of times, create a bunch of email addresses, and rig the polls every single freaking time if you want to. And the place that you'd want to do that would be patreon.com slash TSDW podcast. That's where you'd want to do it.

And I just also wanted to say a quick thank you to everyone for tagging us in Spotify wrapped. I forgot to say it last episode. Yeah. But it's a very fun time of year to see all your guys' you to everyone for tagging us in Spotify Wrapped. I forgot to say it last episode, but it's a very fun time of year to see all your guys' favorite podcasts. And like, I like seeing what other podcasts our listeners listen to. It's like very fun to just see what else is in your top five and just makes us feel really loved and special. And so thank you everyone

for tagging us in those and thank you for listening. Yeah, I always feel so flattered when the other ones are I don't know, ones that I admire, other podcasts that I admire. Yeah, it's like you feel like you're in the cool girl club. You're like, we're hanging out with them? They invited

us to the same party? Oh my god. Exactly. I know. Thank you guys. Thank you guys god. Exactly. Thank you guys. Thank you. Thank you everybody. But okay, before we get into a movie that I know we're all very excited to talk about. So excited. Did anything scary happen to us

this week? Well, I have a job now, as you know. Scary. Scary. Always scary. Perpetually scary. And so I get work emails, you know scary scary always scary perpetually scary and so i get work emails you know and the other day everyone else my my the rest of my team was in a meeting um and so this email came to all of us but like i was basically the only one who could address it in the moment and it came from one of the pattern makers and who I really like. She's really cool.

I like her a lot. She kind of runs at a high frequency, you know, like she, you know, she's just one of those people who's like, you know, stakes, stakes feel high a lot of the time. She sends this email. The title of the email was emergency

with an exclamation point. And the body of the email was all caps oh boy for like multiple emails and it was like but it wasn't it wasn't angry all caps it was like oh my god oh my god like that energy all caps and i was just at my computer being like what the how like it immediately my heart rate like skyrocketed i I was just sitting alone on my computer being like, she's freaking out. And it also was not a big deal. It was literally totally fine.

Because even when I figured out what she was freaking out about and realized, oh, it's actually not a problem. Whatever. We cut two different things off of the pattern card and one of them wasn't what she wanted us to cut, but we did it for a reason. And the other one was correct. So she was only seeing the incorrect one and was like, you got the wrong pattern. Here's the updated pattern.

Like, good. Take it back. Talk to the sewing team. Like, it was like, I looked it up. I was like, oh, actually, yeah, we talked about it. All good. We're good here. She's like, no, you don't understand.

It's not right. It's like freaking out. Not great energy honestly though it just it was one of the most delightful things that happened in my day because it was just so surprising like it just like shook it the routine of my day completely you got a shot of adrenaline you needed a shot of adrenaline and because it because it wasn't actually a big deal it just was very funny to me so it was scary it's kind of like a jump scare it was kind of like a jump scare you get really scared and then you laugh because you're like oh I'm silly me that wasn't scary

just work culture stuff is really fascinating also I just like I I can't fathom ever sending an email in that tone and ever, let alone like to many people at work. Work culture is fascinating, you guys. Work culture is just a lot going on. Just the polar opposite of that type of work email is the type of work email that slides in. That's like, as mentioned. Oh, my God. Yes. Previously. Per my earlier request. Exactly. Exactly. the type of work email that slides in that's like, as mentioned, or as I mentioned previously. Per my earlier request.

Exactly. Exactly. All the passive aggressive jabs you can put in a work email that... See below, you know. Exactly. Exactly. Or following up, quick follow up on my previous email. Oh, just, you know, gentle nudge, A gentle nudge. Are you fucking kidding me? Ooh, my favorite is noted. Noted. We get a lot of respect. Noted. And sometimes you get noted with thanks. It's like,

do people talk that way? Because I don't think they do. So maybe the all caps is preferable. It honestly is. I loved it. I love, I so, it's like a real what you see is what you get kind of email, which is rare. Yeah. Be like, here's where I'm at right now.

It's this. I'm freaking out and I want every I'm going to be transparent about that. I'm losing my shit and I need you to see it and hold it because I can't. I like that. I like that. I really and I know I love her and I like that. I like that. I really, and I know what, I love her

and I love her more after that email. Yeah, I want to be more like that. That's great. Yeah, let's try to channel that, that level of honesty

and transparency in all of our interactions. It takes years and years of undoing of like cultural undoing for me to get to that place. That would take a long time. Best of luck to us.

Did anything scary happen to you guys this week? The only thing scary that's happening to me is that it's cold outside. And so the heat is blasting in my house and I'm shriveled up like a little tiny raisin. I'm so fucking dry. tiny raisin. I'm so fucking dry. You guys, like I, my hands, my hands, my everything is, I feel like I'm feeling my age this year. You know, when you were little and the older women in your life were constantly putting on hand lotion and you're like, really? Is this necessary? I think I've crossed over into that realm now. Now I'm one of those older women who's constantly putting on hand lotion.

You have to be. It's like either you're constantly putting on lotion or you have literal cracks in the skin on your hands. It's upsetting. There's no moisture just naturally here. No. And I have purchased three humidifiers now that are just going at full blast in all rooms. And they make a goddamn difference. They really do. I need to get one. Emily got one too. Yeah. Yeah. They are something. I'm a big fan. Big fan of the humidifier.

I notice a difference. When I wake up in the morning, I feel much better if there's been a humidifier going all night. It makes a big difference. That's the only scary thing. This is where we're at. I'm terrified. It's funny because for the past two years, our New Year's resolutions have been to put more lotion on more. And it's just making me realize that it's because New Year's resolutions happen in winter. And we're dry. And our skin is really dry. So I'm kind of anticipating that that's going to be a third year in a row resolution for us. I think it is. In fact, just as

you're saying this, Henley, I'm like feeling my hands and I'm like, they're really dry and I'm looking across the room and I do have some lotion across the room and I have to go get it. So I'm going to go get it because I'm so dry. Yes. Go get it. You need

it. Thank you. You're released. Yeah, I have two tubes on my desk and a couple more in my drawer. I have them next to my bed. I have so much lotion. You gotta have it. You gotta have it. I got it.

Great. I'm going to take us a really different, really different direction here. Great. And it's a little late. This wasn't this week, but I just thought of it. I wanted to talk about it, which is that you guys may have heard Henry Kissinger died. Yes. Heard about it.

Heard about it and i got a feeling that i'd like to create a name for which is similar to schadenfreude it's it's it's less to do with me being happy that he died which i am but it's more to do with i was like i need to go on twitter for the next three hours like i just need to see what everybody is saying and it's it's the same feeling I got during Don't Worry Darling press. Did you get the feeling when Trump got COVID? When Trump got COVID and when the Titan submersible was happening, it just is like takes over my entire brain and I can't think about or do anything else because it's like something I'm like so invested in, whether it's good or bad.

It's just something that I feel zero control over the next couple hours of my life. Do you guys get this feeling? Yeah. You go into like a sort of a fugue state. It's like a fugue state, I think is what it is. Shot and fugue. Shot and fugue. This is really resonating with me, Sammy.

I absolutely know this feeling. I remember several years ago, this is how I got into Twitter, was when Trump did a press conference with Vladimir Putin and basically said he didn't disagree with the FBI and didn't think that Russia was involved at all in meddling with the election. And I remember watching the clip of that press conference and being like, oh, I need to see what everyone else has to say about this, because everyone must think this is insane, right? I mean, the president of the United States just said the FBI is wrong in support of Putin.

Like, that must be crazy, right? Everyone must be turning their backs on Trump right now, right? Of course. Obviously. Obviously, they didn't. But I was like, Fox News must not think this is OK. That's a tough one to expect. No, no, no. Obviously. Of course. I've learned a lot since then.

But you had Schadenfuge. Schadenfuge. But also, it makes me understand, Sammy, your love of Reddit. Because I feel like Reddit is a perfect place to go when you're thinking about something very specific that wouldn't necessarily be talked about on social media but there's going to be a subreddit about it. People are talking about it somewhere. Somewhere, somehow. Yeah, it's true. I was on Reddit. I was on Twitter. X

formerly known as Twitter. Ugh. And it was, I feel like the first time I'd seen Twitter, I like refused to call it X. Yeah, it's not. I don't, HBO is HBO. It's not Max. Yes. call it x yeah it's not i don't know hbo is hbo it's not max twitter is twitter it's not x yeah i don't know if there's other ones but facebook being meta or whatever oh yeah facebook is facebook this this rule though this rule that we've just this only applies to corporate entities and objects oh yes other things can rename themselves

and and decide what they're called and we honor that and we respect it. Yeah. Yeah. Just... Corporations? No. I decide. Older white men corrupt with power. They are the ones who can't decide. Correct. Just wanted to make that clear. But Twitter was really going off in a fun way. It felt like old times. And it was like, all it took was Henry Kissinger dying for us to all get on the same page

again. That's all it took. What, one of my, what was your, what are some of your favorites that you saw? Same because I do love, I do love this.

The one that really stuck with me is unfortunately somewhere really evil baby was just born. I mean, that's good. That's starting with unfortunately is Very funny There was a lot of people posting photos of Bottles of champagne in their fridge that are labeled

Kissinger they're like I finally get to drink My Kissinger champagne A lot of people had that I just know that my favorite was There was one that said It's really too bad because Kissinger was So excited to see Wonka Yeah that one was good Wait I have to look up there was one that said, it's really too bad because Kissinger was so excited to see Wonka. Yeah, that one was good.

Wait, I have to look up. There was one more that really made me laugh. And it might take me a second. I do like when everybody's very funny about stuff like that. Okay, this one. This one says, no matter your politics, it's disrespectful to joke about someone's death. Don't say Henry Kissinger died from a grand piano falling on his head and his mouth turned into piano

keys and then a big hammer fell on his dick and it honked like a bike horn. Don't say stuff like that. You guys, Henry Kissinger was a war criminal who was responsible for the deaths of millions. I will not respect his name. No. Sue me.

Freaking get a lawyer and sue her. Lawyer up, bitch. See you in court. If it matters so much to you, get a fucking lawyer. Okay. I was trying to think of a segue from Henry Kissinger to this movie and I couldn't do it. They have nothing in common.

One is pure evil and one is only good. Yeah. One is borderline divine. Yes. Sacred, some might say. Sacred and perfect and nobody could possibly ever have anything bad to say about it because today we are talking about the twilight saga eclipse the third film in the flawless franchise my favorite twilight movie just put this one is moving. Yep. Yep. It came out in 2010, directed by David Slade, written by Melissa Rosenberg, based on the novel by Stephanie Meyer, starring Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner,

Peter Facinelli, Billy Burke, and Bryce Dallas Howard. It's available to rent, VOD, wherever you rent things. Not streaming anywhere right now, unfortunately. Unfortunately, it's not. There is also the option to rent the extended edition, which, you know, I don't recommend. I think with these, you can stick to the version that they deemed correct for theaters. Yeah. I feel like I got everything I needed to know.

I got everything I need. So. So, yeah, we I realize this is going to be annoying to some listeners. And I'm sorry. New Moon is behind a paywall. So you can listen to our New Moon recap by joining our Patreon. But you don't really need to hear it to follow the story. You don't really

need it. Except to know that New Moon is Sammy's favorite. You also could just watch New Moon. Yeah, you could watch New Moon. New Moon is my favorite. I'm not saying it's a bad episode. I mean, I'd listen to it, but I'm sorry that it's not free. I do feel bad

about it. I feel like some people, listeners might also be mad because this is not a horror movie. But yeah, there are monsters in it. Or that Joel's not here. Yeah, people really are going to be sad to not have Joel, but he will come. He'll come for Breaking Dawn part one and two, which yes, obviously we're going to cover eventually because he's never seen those He's seen as far as Eclipse I'd never seen Eclipse This is my first time seeing it

Also speaking of Joel just because we're on The subject this movie comes This episode comes out on his birthday So happy birthday Joel Happy birthday Joel Happy birthday Joel our original correspondent What a perfect gift

to him to have this episode and what a gift to us all that we have Joel in our lives. But me the most. Joel, we love you. We love you, Joel. The listeners love you. I know that

they do. I know they're in their cars right now going, hey, Joel now They're so excited And speaking of Joel also I will just say even though she's going to be mad We do have Silent Jenna with us today She just rolled her eyes So hard She will be being silent

But just know that she's here If you felt something different in the air As you listened That It was turned on. That's what it is. Like when people sense the presence of a ghost, you know, it's like is someone watching me? And they turn around and there's no one there. You probably felt that as you listened. And maybe there's a ghost, but

it might be, it might just be sound, Jenna. Yep. Okay, I'm going to tell us some stats about Eclipse. Yeah. Has a 47% on Rotten Tomatoes. Okay. 58% on Metacritic. 5.1 on IMDb.

So, pretty standard ratings. New Moon and Breaking Dawn are the lowest. Breaking Dawn is the lowest and then New Moon. I think the highest is Breaking Dawn Part 2. That makes sense. People love The last one Yeah and there's so many good Guest stars in Breaking Dawn

Part 2 just FYI Lee Pace is in Breaking Dawn Part 2 oh my god I fucking Forgot about that so obviously It's really good obviously it's Really good how does he have his hands in like Every fucking good Thing did you see his Instagram Where he posted where he has It's really good. How does he have his hands in like every fucking good thing?

Did you see his Instagram where he posted where he has all the foundation behind the scenes training for his? Yes. His shirtless foundation training is the craziest. Well, because there's a naked fight scene in foundation. All Eastern promises. Oh, my God. I haven't watched Foundation. I want to. I just watched the naked fight scene. Okay, there it is. That's all I need to watch. Yeah, it's available on YouTube.

Check it out. Yeah, of course it is. The budget for Eclipse was $68 million. It made $698.4 million. Holy shit, 10 times. Pretty good. Although this is the only one that went down from the previous one's income. Gross.

New Moon made more than this. But then Breaking Dawn Part 1 and 2 also made more. And we could blame that on this movie. Or I think there could be an argument to blame it on New Moon. I think you could blame it on New Moon. People lost steam at New Moon and were like, I think I'm done here. But they were wrong about that. But those people are wrong and, you know, I feel sad for them.

The whole series has made $3.4 billion. Wow. Some trivia. Eclipse. This is for Emily. Eclipse is Taylor Lautner's favorite book in the series. That's just a little confusing for you, I think. Well, it's also incredibly confusing, given that I feel like this is Jacob's most toxic. And that makes me confused for Taylor Lautner. Yeah, we got to have him on and dig in on this. We'll have him

on to address this, yeah, certainly. Casting what-ifs. Okay, so yes, New Moon is my favorite. I think, based on this viewing, Eclipse is still my least favorite, I'm sorry to say. Although, with a viewing of Breaking Dawn Part 1, it could change, because that's my other least favorite.

And so, you know, that could go down once I rewatch that one. But something that would have made this shoot way up in the ratings for me is a casting what if for Riley. Ooh, Channing Tatum almost played that role. Oh my God. I was thinking about that kind of throughout the whole movie. I was like, why didn't this guy become like a famous movie star? Or like, what if this person was actually a famous, became a famous person?

That would have changed. I mean, that would be incredible. Yeah. So I think that would because part of my problem with this movie is the Riley character and I guess we can get into it more. It's just a zero character. He's absolutely nothing. It's zero. There's nothing there more it's just a zero character he's absolutely nothing it's zero there's nothing there and it's very boring to me so we'll talk about that more later but another casting what

if for him was tom felton is that malfoy that's malfoy baby and that would also have been all like that would have been great but i I feel like, I'm sure they both turned it down because they're like, this character is a nothing character. And they could have brought something to it, for sure. They could have brought something to it. I also would have loved Tom Felton doing an American accent, which I have seen in Planet of the Apes, and it's very bad.

Do we assume they both turned the part down? Is that what we think happened? I don't know. It just said they were both in consideration. Felton maybe would have turned it down in 2010. He was very famous by then, but how famous was Channing Tatum in 2010? I don't know. That might have been kind of early days for him.

Original step-up movie. Wow. I mean, he's doing fine. Yeah. And then this is also pretty interesting. Director what-ifs don't usually get a lot of those, but the original, or not, sorry, the New Moon was directed by Chris Weitz,

who they were going to have direct this one as well, but New Moon was still in post-production as this one. It overlapped too much, so he had to stay on New Moon. So they were going to go with his brother, Paul Weitz, which is funny. And then James Mangold was in the running, J.A. Bayona. He directed The Orphanage.

Oh. Great movie. Yeah. But then this last one, director what if was Drew Barrymore. Okay. Has she directed other things? She directed that movie Whip It. Oh, yeah. With Elliot Page, the roller derby movie.

Which I never saw, but it looked kind of fun. It did look fun. 2009. But that's kind of it. So I guess she decided she didn't want to get into directing after all. She just wanted to be a scab. No, that sucked so much for her because if she had waited like a fucking week, she did it. Yeah, she's thinking the same thing.

She got herself into that, but that really was tough to watch. Sorry, Drew. Sorry, Drew. Hope you don't try to cross picket lines again. I bet she won't. They should have had Bray Stylist Howard direct it and be Victorian. Ooh, that'd be fun.

Could have been fun. Channing Tatum in it. Bray Stylist Howard directing. I'll say, too, I think my actual favorite is number one. It's impossible to beat the baseball scene and the Spider-Monkey line and the introduction to the whole goddamn franchise, but

Yeah, one is really special. As far as the subsequent movies go, Eclipse is my favorite for really just like one scene. Yes, and that scene is undeniably great. Thank you. Thank you. Anyways, okay.

That's all the trivia I've got got so shall we take a peek at this trailer um yeah baby jacob what are you doing i'm here to warn you she's leave now she has a right to know what we've been tracking the situation in Seattle for a while. Unexplained disappearances. Killings. Someone's creating an army. An army of vampires. They're coming here.

This means an ugly fight. It lives lost. We're in. As long as we get to kill some vampires. It's time. Yes, it is. it's so funny that is the most dramatic trailer ever the music is very funny i gotta say it makes the movie look like it is nonstop action packed, which it kind of is compared to the other ones. The fight scenes are are fun.

They're so fun. Oh, my God. I fucking love this movie. This movie more than the other ones. Carlisle was making me laugh like every time I looked at him. I was thinking everybody looks except for honestly Robert who looks amazing Everybody looks their worst in this movie In a way that is so funny

Something happened with the wigs In this movie The wigs are out of control in this movie The wigs Why do their wigs have to look like that? I really don't know They're so bad They had $68 million put into this movie and wigs got $10 per actor.

Like what's happening to these wigs? Especially it's like Carlyle has been in other movies and he always has the same hair, but now it looks like a helmet. In this one, it really looks like a helmet. It looks so silly in this one. God, it's funny. Anytime he was speaking also, because he's always the most severe and serious. And I just am like, I can't take you seriously, my dude.

I think he has the most white face pain of all of them, too. Yeah. It's so funny. God, this movie is special. It's really special. It's really such an inflection point in our culture because people were like thirsting for this film when it came out. Didn't it have like break records when I was for like the opening night? You mean like the first one?

Yeah. No, no. This one. This one did. No, this is the first one that went down. This was low. No, no, no. But like the opening night.

Oh, maybe opening night. I think it was like the most people that went. Yeah. The most people went to like the midnight showing. It had like the biggest midnight opening you're right yeah. I thought that this might be the first one I saw in theaters but I think I still didn't. I kind of think I maybe

only saw Breaking Dawn Part 2 in theaters which was a really really incredible experience. I didn't see any of them in theaters but if they re-released these in IMAX oh baby you better believe I would buy a ticket right I bet they will on like an anniversary. The 20th anniversary or something?

Yeah. We'll be there. When will that be? That'll only be... I mean, the 20th anniversary of the first one is probably not that far away. Yeah. If this one's 2010... Four years?

Four or five years? Yeah. Perfect. Can't wait. Anyway, nothing hits Quite Like Twilight Quite like Twilight Eclipse You just get, for me

I've said this before, you get the most bang for your buck In Eclipse, you know We get so much screen time For everyone I want to get screen time from Except Michael Sheen Correct, there is no Michael Sheen, which that is a problem. Yeah, but it will be rectified.

He'll be back with a bang. He'll be back with a bang. It's definitely the horniest so far. I mean, there is so many... It's the horniest so far. So far. So far. I haven't seen... So far is an important disclaimer at the end of that sentence.

But it is the horniest so far. So one. So far is an important disclaimer at the end of that sentence. Oh, I can't wait. But it is the horniest so far. So far. So far. A lot of just really chaste, really chaste scenes. Fucking annoyingly chaste. Kind of like conspicuously chaste. I mean, we'll get to it. But the part with her and jacob

he needs to warm her up almost like a propaganda level chased yeah yeah which is makes a lot of sense hmm hmm um well i mean we can let's not wait another single second you know let's freaking do it let's get into it let's get into it in the past few years i have hit a point where i only want to be wearing clothes that are comfortable it happened it happened to me but you know what i still also want to look cute and these are two desires that are often extremely opposing and i don't want to have to sacrifice i I want both. I want comfort and I want to feel cute and confident. And guess what? Skims has freaking done it again with their soft lounge collection. I am currently very, very obsessed with, I have the soft lounge tank and boxer set. Okay. This tank, it's a great

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alone down an alley like a big idiot. He hears something. He turns. It's very like cameras moving in corners. He's turning all around. What's where is it? What's this? Swoosh, swoosh. Things running around.

He someone steals his backpack or something. And he like realizes he's getting attacked or mugged. And he's running away. He's running away from whatever's chasing him. He hits a dead end like cliff drop into the ocean. like cliff drop into the ocean and then all of a sudden something runs by and bites his arm he starts immediately screaming in unbearable pain looks down sees the bite mark starts writhing and screaming on the ground we know what's happening cut to bell and and Edward in a gorgeous meadow. And he's saying, marry me.

And she's saying, change me. And we just sort of go back and forth with that. He really wants her to marry him. She tells him, you know, I'm 18 years old and that will look pretty cuckoo. And she has to be brought home promptly before they can sort of make up their minds about what's going to happen. Marriage or vampire turning. Because she's been grounded and she needs

to be home right at four. She gets home and Charlie, her father, tells her, okay, fine, you're not grounded anymore if you go hang out with Jacob. Basically. Charlie, fine. You're not grounded anymore. If you go hang out with Jacob, basically. Charlie, hot dad. Hot dad must be... Top cop. Top cop

hot dad. And he still hates Edward from... Not hates, but he's very angry at Edward for very real... He absolutely should hate Edward. And to the point that if I were him, Edward would not be around or we would maybe move. He would not be welcome in my home.

No. Yeah. Because in New Moon, he leaves her. She's heartbroken. But then they like go to Rome and don't tell him. And it's not good. It's not good. It's not.

It's really a very toxic relationship. His teenage daughter is in And I would be very concerned And she says to him He She gets home and he looks at the clock and he's like Wow Edward's really prompt Is he trying to like suck up to me Or something

And she's like She says something about Now he's too prompt for you And he says I just feel like you spend too much time together. And she said, Edward is my life, which is such a crazy thing for your 18 year old daughter to say to you. Edward is my life. You better get used to it, dad. Oh, man. But he's like, OK, you won't be grounded anymore if you can go if you just go hang out with Jacob. OK, it's for this reason that I want to linger really quickly on the whole movement of this,

of the plot is based on the idea that Bella doesn't want to get married. She's like really holding strong on that. She's like, I don't want to get married because I'm too young. And like, that's embarrassing, essentially. Basically, she says it's embarrassing. Yeah. Yeah. It seems to be the point.

It's like you're willing to do fucking anything else. Like there's literally nothing else you want. Like you are willing to do everything for Edward except to get married. I just don't believe it. I'm sorry. I don't believe

it. Like I don't believe that this character wouldn't be like, okay, yeah, let's fucking get married. Like I don't give a shit. You know what I mean? Like, that's fair. And that that makes it hard for me to fully buy in because I don't I don't try. I don't know. I don't know. That does it. Okay. Yeah, fair. Yeah. No, it's about it's a valid point. Also, wait, I also just really want to mention too that the opening lines are Robert Frost's poem, Fire and Ice, which at first I was like, whoa, the writing in this film is different. And then it's like she's reading a poem. I wrote that down as well because I actually edited something else with that poem in it and I did not remember that it was in this.

So when I was watching this, I was like, oh my God, we got gotta take that out of the Thing that I did because it's gonna seem like A Twilight reference that's really funny That's really funny That's very funny It's a good poem She's reading it aloud to Jacob In a meadow because I mean to Edward in a meadow Because why not you know young love

Etc but so we get The sense that Jacob won't talk to Bella But she tries to go and see him. She gets in her car to go drive to the reservation and see Jacob and her car won't start. And then all of a sudden Edward's in the passenger seat and she realizes that Edward broke

her car so that she couldn't be a free woman and go see her friend. So I have previously said, and I'll make my point later, that I feel like Edward is at his least toxic in this movie, but this right here

is pretty bad. Yeah, this scene is tough. This scene is tough. So she doesn't go see Jacob. They're at school the next day and having lunch with their, you know, little high school friends and Alice all of a sudden gets a concerned look on her face. It's clear she's

having a vision of something. Once again, Anna Kendrick in the scene because she's in these movies for like two seconds. It's very strange. Gets me every time. Bella notices that Alice is having a vision, but Edward is like, Oh, no, everything's fine. Don't worry about it. Also, the fact that Edward lies to

her a lot. He does lie to her a lot. Yeah, he lies to her a lot. Look, I didn't say he's not toxic. I said he's at his least toxic. Gay. Which on a scale on an Edward scale still means pretty toxic. It's still, yeah, unacceptable levels. It's still unacceptable

partner behavior that we don't support. But he then that afternoon drops Bella off at the police station where her dad Charlie works and as he's dropping her off he says to her in front of Charlie, oh Bella my family wanted to remind you that you have to use

your plane ticket that we bought you to go see your mom in Florida. It's going to expire. You have to go to Florida. So she's like suspicious of that but it's like okay great. You have to go to Florida. So she's like suspicious of that but it's like, okay, great. You have to come with me because I have a companion pass. So they take off to go to Florida.

Meanwhile, we see the rest of the Cullens gearing up to chase down Victoria. That was the vision that Alice had was that Victoria was on there, land Victoria If you didn't listen to the new

Episode, she's the vampire Whose partner James tried to kill Bella In the first Twilight And so they killed James, so she's back for revenge She's been after Bella this whole freaking time She can't get over it, I mean she's got a million years to live Why not try to, you know, kill this bitch She's played by Bryce Dallas Howard

Now, we've got an actor an actor yes we had an actor change um and so the collins are chasing victoria down we've our classic speed motion chase scene through the woods and they realize that she has entered onto quillet lands and so they realize like oh we can't get her there but Emmett doesn't want to let her get away so he tries to go after her Paul in werewolf form kind of challenges him and backs him down and they have a little like stand up and in

the in that moment Victoria is able to escape so the next Monday I guess after the weekend in Florida we did see Bella go to Florida but it doesn't matter The next right Literally I like barely even remember One single thing that happens in it

Because it's so meaningless That's the thing is like so many things in this movie I'm just like it's why we don't need to watch the directors Already there should Have been more things just like zero Other than our like main three characters There's there's no character. Nothing else matters happening for anybody else.

No, that is true. So Monday, Edward is driving. Drive Bella back to school. They get out of the car and Jacob's there and he looks pissed in a tight black shirt. The music in this scene. The music is unbelievable. No music. You see Jacob strings swelling. The music

goes into like hard rock, like crazy music change. It was so obvious. Which is very jarring. Like what? Oh my god. Ow! Ow! I get it. Jacob's here. And he, yeah, he looks pissed and Edward

has read his mind And it's like okay he wants to talk so they Go over to him Bella's pissed Jacob she's like you're never answering my calls And he said I didn't have Anything to say and she says well I have lots But Jacob

Shows up to tell Edward he says you Know tell tell Emmett to you know Back off our land And Bella says what now And Edward says it's nothing Paul and Emmett had a little Scuffle over the weekend And Jacob says she doesn't know

And Bella says no What And Edward says Jacob Don't say anything and Jacob Says she has a right to know And Jacob says, she has a right to know. And he tells her, she has a right to know. After all, she's the one the redhead's trying to kill. And I got to say, I'm on Team Jacob here.

Yeah, absolutely. That is fair. Delivered in the wrong way and for the wrong reasons, but correct in that she does deserve to know. She says, Victoria's here. And Edward's like, yeah, I was trying to protect you. I don't know, some shit that he always says. And then, oh, this is when Jacob starts walking away. And she's like, you

couldn't answer my call. I didn't have anything to say. She says, well, I have lots. And then she gets on the back of his motorcycle and drives away with him and doesn't attend school. I guess she's about to be a vampire, so literally, who cares? But so she goes to the reservation with Jacob and

we meet two new pack members, the newest werewolves, which are Leah Clearwater and Seth Clearwater. Leah is so hot. It's like... Leah is really hot. And she has a great little haircut. I love that length of haircut.

Yeah. What is that, a bob? It's a bob. It looks great on her. She looks incredible. Yeah, she's just really hot. And she's really hot and she's really mad. Yeah. She spends the whole movie being really mad. And so she says something...

Oh, she like... Bella shows up and she says something like, oh, great. Now I have to deal with this bitch is basically her energy. And she runs away and turns into a werewolf and sulks off. And I think it's kind of surprising because we haven't seen any non male werewolves till this point. Right. And it's surprising to Bella too And so Jake is talking to her Later she's sort of like what's up with Leah

And He tells Bella All about imprinting He says that Leah's so mad because she used to date Paul? No Who's the main one? Sam. Sam. She used to date Sam, but

then Sam imprinted on Emily, who's her sister, and ended up with Emily and Bella said something like, oh yeah, you know, sometimes love just like happens to you, which, you know, is true. And he says, no, you don't understand. With werewolves,

you imprint on someone and it's like your soul finds its connection point and that person is your reason for existing and like there's nothing anyone can do about it. It's just like destined to be. She says, you talk about it as if you've

experienced it. He says, if I had, you'd know. So he hasn't. He's still in love with Bella. And. At some point in this conversation. She basically reveals to him. That she is going to be changed. Into a vampire.

After graduation. He gets so mad. And he punches a wall. And he tells her. Better you actually be dead. Than become one of them. Which is. So bad. so fucked up

Her response is It's like quiet for a while She kind of moves towards the door And then turns to him and is like I can't believe you just said that That's a good Kristen Stewart impression She barely opens her mouth And then she doesn't leave

She doesn't storm out and say Okay well you're a piece of shit see you never um they just sort of let that be a thing that happens and we meanwhile see Riley the vampire the kid we saw get turned into a vampire at the beginning

in Bella's room he has vampire eyes now so we know in case we weren't sure that he's a vampire now and we see him come into the house see Charlie sleeping Not kill Charlie Walk up into Bella's room and start Touching all her stuff Picking up a shirt and smelling it

Creepy shit Yeah gross That night when she comes back home Edward is there to meet her and immediately is like Sniffs that there was a vampire there And is like walking around And trying to See what happened and is like sniffs sniffs that there was a vampire there and is like walking around and trying to see what happened and is like uh oh

something's wrong so they have a meeting at the Cullen's house Alice has a vision of who it was but she doesn't know and but Edward can read her mind and sees like oh it's this kid from Forks who's been missing for a year because he saw like Charlie was working that case.

And they're like, that doesn't make sense. Like, we don't have a connection to him. What's this guy? They're trying to figure out why someone would be in Bella's room and not kill Charlie. Like, there's clearly a plan here. Yep. But they don't know what it is. They suspect maybe it's a Volturi, but they're like, no, that doesn't make sense. Alice is

watching Eros' decisions. Eros is Michael Sheen, right? Yep. She's watching his decisions, so she's like, I didn't see him decide to do anything like this, but suspicious. And we don't know why. But we know the Cullens have to hunt to keep their strength up.

So while they hunt, because now we have to do what we love to do, which is a constant rotation of protection detail on Bella. She can never be alone. So the Cullens go to hunt and she goes to the reservation with Jacob to be protected by the werewolves. Jacob says he's

going to take her to a tribal council meeting. While she's there, she learns the story of how the Cold Ones came to be in that area and how why the werewolves came into existence. Which is that

vampires came and started killing a bunch of the Quillip because they drink blood. And they... The werewolves... Or the Quillip fought back and killed one of the vampires. And then

his mate, I guess, you know, wolf speak. His mate comes back for revenge and just like start slaughtering all of them. And that's when the chief turned into a werewolf, right? It was like in response

to the vampires being there and needing to protect the tribe. But the werewolf lady was really close to murdering the chief. And so in order to stop that from happening, his third wife, which they call her the third wife so many times, which is just an interesting detail. so many times, which is just an interesting detail. The third wife takes out a knife and stabs herself, sacrificing herself to distract the werewolf lady with her blood

and distract the vampire lady. Sorry, yeah, distract the vampire lady with the blood, giving the chief, the werewolf, the opportunity to kill the vampire. And so now the legend is that whenever vampires are near. More werewolves.

More people turn into werewolves. As like a sort of. It's like a you know. One chicken and egg situation. You know one causes the other one. Yeah I was a little confused. Why she didn't stab herself in the hand. She does stab herself in the stomach.

She kills herself. It is a mortal wound. It's pretty dramatic honestly. And it gives them a chance to get an upper hand So that they can kill the vampire And it's like you could have survived this If you had stabbed a different spot Yeah what an idiot

Maybe Bella's gonna Take that advice to heart But also at the beginning Of this scene I just wanted to call out Jacob's not wearing a shirt And as Edward Drops off, he's like, doesn't he own a shirt? He's so mad. And Jacob comes up and hugs Bella and goes, hey, beautiful. I hate Jacob. He is disgusting to me.

God, he's disgusting. Yeah. Henley, where were you falling? Are you still team Jacob or are you team no one? I'm team no one. But if you had to choose, which you do. Yeah, there's actually, I don't know why I even said that. There's only two options. It's not an option. You have to choose.

Who? And we can ask you again in a little bit because I'm, again, I'm pretty confident where we all need to stand after this film. No, I know. I know. I feel like I'm team... Say it.

Say it. I don't know. I need you to say it. I don't know. His whole like, the whole marriage thing also just it just freaks me out. You have to pick one. You have to pick one.

And you have to say which one you pick. You have to pick one by the end. If you want more time to think about it, that's fine. But by the end of this episode, you're going to have to say. Okay. I'm going to think about it. You're going to have to say we're not ending the episode until you say. You're going to have to say it.

Okay. I'm thinking about it right now. I'm still thinking about it. I do want to say that I feel like Jacob has the funniest lines. Not on purpose. And the funniest delivery. The funniest lines and the funniest delivery. The funniest delivery that you can so see has been clearly directed.

Where the line where he says, at least I'll get to kill some vampires. Can't you see the director being like, no, Jacob, don't say it. At least I'll get to kill some vampires. Don't say it that way. You got to kill some vampires. Can't you see the director being like, no, Jacob, don't say it. At least I'll get to kill some vampires. Don't say it that way. You got to say some vampires. Put the emphasis on some. Yeah, exactly. At least I'll get to kill some vampires.

Nope. Jake. Taylor. Take that again. And this time. The whole point is they're in the room with you. And you need to have that as context anyway. Yeah.

So for that reason, I'm team Jacob. But I don't want to say my final answer till the end. Okay, great. Great. But you're going to have to say it. We see we cut to Seattle and we see more newborns have been created. So there's have we gotten to the discussion About you but we see more

Vampires are Riley has More vampires around him he has like Turned we see that he has turned some people And there's like a young girl who's like a Young teenager who's really really scared and he's like I know what's happening to you like you're gonna be okay You're becoming a vampire basically Does she even get a line in this movie ever

Maybe like one i think she might say like what's happening to me this is another one that like really irritates me i'm like could we not have had one scene with this girl to find out literally anything about her no who needs it keep the florida scene keep the florida scene she just looks scared that's her that's the whole personality her yeah her personality is scared. And she does it great. And then, so yeah, back at the Collins, they're watching the news about chaos in Seattle. Crazy mass murderers out on the loose. And they realize, they're like, oh, this is newborns.

And this is what we first hear about newborns, which is brand new baby vampires who are at their most bloodthirsty and their strongest. And so they're like, someone is intentionally creating vampires. That's not good. Why would they be doing that? So they're there. And they're surprised that the Volturi hasn't stepped in to stop it because it's like causing too much of a fuss. The Volturi's whole thing is that people shouldn't know about the existence of vampires, so this seems suspect. The next day on the reservation, Bella

is hanging out with Jacob, and she invites him. There's going to be a graduation party at the Cullens, and she invites him to come to that. And he just goes, okay, but this, you know, I wanted to do this smoother, but this is my last chance. This is going to change after graduation.

Bella, you deserve to know the truth I'm in love with you I can give you more than he can A human life Touch my chest There's warmth there Flesh and blood You don't have to change for me

You don't have to change for me And she says Basically over and over again I'm in love With Edward sorry about this I'm in love with Edward I'm not in love with you and So he forcibly kisses her And She pushes him off and

Punches him in the face which breaks her hand The sound design on the punch Is very funny The punch goes like Is the sound of that punch. And she's like, ow, what the fuck? She's really, she's like, it's screaming in pain. She's so mad

because she also looks like an idiot now. She didn't even have to, she didn't even get to have a cool moment. We see, you know, Jacob is driving her home and of course Edward is there and furious. He, you know, read Jacob's thoughts. thoughts he knew he knows what happened he gets up in his face

and this is this is this is Edward's best moment because he's like don't ever touch her without asking her ever again you never lay a hand on her she told you she didn't want that and he and Jacob says she doesn't know what she wants which is not the right answer

and Edward says here's a suggestion why don't you wait for her She doesn't know what she wants, which is not the right answer. And Edward says, well, here's a suggestion. Why don't you wait for her to tell you that she wants that before you do it? Which is correct. Yeah. And Jacob says, oh, next time she will ask me. And it's horrifying and disgusting and we hate it. And Henley, whose team are you on?

Do you want to say it? Okay. Listen, don't make me say? do you want to say it? okay listen don't make me say it you have to say it don't make me choose it's always going to be him it's Jacob through and through for me even in this darkest moment I don't condone this and Edward's going to have dark moments as well

you know it's we get it but overall it's Jacob for me Jacob's who I would want to spend Eternity with Eternity with He's sillier and funnier and Edward is I don't know sorry it's just Yeah Edward's not funny I'll give you that

I'll give you that Bella goes over to the Carlisles To have her hand bandaged By Carlisle And they're all talking about Like oh you're going to be such a fearsome New vampire and Rosalie Gets really pissed and storms out of the room

Bella comes after her And just says like I don't know what I did to make you Hate me so much and she goes I don't hate you I don't particularly Like you which is a very fun line She says I envy you you're making the wrong Choice I wish I didn't become a vampire And she basically tells her you, which is a very fun line. She says, I envy you. You're making the wrong choice. I wish I didn't become a vampire. And she basically tells her life story, which is really fucking awful.

Yeah, really sad. Which I wonder if we should. And, you know, we will. Which you maybe even should have done with the forced kiss. But trigger warning for implied sexual assault. Yeah. That. She was engaged to be married.

It's like what the 1940s ish looks like it. And she ran into her fiance one night when he was out to be married. It's like, what, the 1940s-ish looks like it. And she ran into her fiancé one night when he was out with his friends and he was really drunk and they all, sounds like, assaulted her and left her for dead on the street. And that's when Carlisle found

her and turned her into a vampire. And then she went back and murdered all of them one by one. Pretty badass. Saved her fiance for last so that he'd know she was coming. Fiance played by isn't that Danny Houston's son? Oh, he did look familiar.

I think it's Danny Houston's son. That's fun. Yeah, that's him. Jack Houston. Oh, Jack Houston. So yeah, played by Jack Houston Oh Jack Houston Um so yeah played by Jack Houston Anyway um And yeah Rosalie tells Bella like all I wish is that I could

Have grow old with Emmett and like be able to have freedom And whatever basically Growth I don't get to have any of that as vampire everything stays The same and Bella says I know that That's what you want but for me the only thing I'm the only thing I want the only thing I'm, the only thing I'm ever going to want. No, I'm never going to want anything

more than Edward. And Rosalie says, when you become a vampire, there's going to be one thing you want more. One thing you'll kill for. And then just to really underline it, she goes, blood. It's like, yeah, we get it.

But thank you for clarifying And then We get Sammy's favorite line So I feel like I need you to take it We cut to Seattle where we see Riley Oh I don't remember it Wait who says it? What did I say about a low profile?

I just feel like I hear that line more In your voice than I have in my watchings of this movie. It's very funny. Riley's just with all these new baby vampires who are just wreaking absolute havoc. No chill. Running around like feral cats, like upending trash cans and like scuttering around an alley. Just like there's a flipped over car. A absolute madness.

Things are on fire. And we see things are on fire. We see the Volturi watching. Jane and some other guys. I only remember Felix's name. Felix. Just like how you guys are shocked by Anna Kendrick, I'm always shocked Dakota Fanning's in this fucking movie.

I know, it's pretty wild. She's great in them. She is great in it. And we see that. So they know that this is happening And they haven't decided yet what they're going to do about it Are they going to let the baby vampires Because clearly they're creative for a reason Maybe we let it play out

And it's also Jane Let's us know that She's the decisions up to her Because they are aware that Alice can see Arrow's thoughts And is watching Arrow. And so he's going to be left out of this decision making for the sake of keeping it secret. So it's up to her. And we know that she's very sadistic and she's looking down without an ounce of empathy.

She just looks so evil. And she's like, maybe we let them do what they were made to do. So she's thinking perhaps them killing Bella would solve one of their problems for them. Yeah. Yeah. She's not a big fan of Bella.

But then we get the graduation party, which correct me if I'm wrong, but they're all sitting in sunlight, like direct sunlight. Which, correct me if I'm wrong, but they're all sitting in sunlight. Like, direct sunlight. No, I think it's nighttime. I think the party happens at nighttime. Oh, it's the actual graduation ceremony that they're all in sunlight.

Oh, you're right. No, I think it's in an auditorium. But it's, like, very bright. But it is a bright, shiny day. Yeah, you're correct about that. So, how'd they get in? How'd they get out? These are questions that I don't know the answer to. Correct. Yeah. Yeah. But we have graduation.

Anna Kendrick gives the graduation speech. Have you guys have you guys seen that interview of her online where she talks about giving the speech? No. Oh, she just recently was interviewed about this speech in particular, or for some reason it came up. And she was talking about how she thought that she did a bad job during the day of filming and it wasn't until the premiere when she actually saw the film she was like oh i understand the power of editing now because they basically they just edited in kristen short's reactions and she wasn't even there the day she gave the speech but all of that editing makes it look like she's giving a good speech or like like everyone's like yeah you're killing it yeah yeah exactly exactly and

anna kendrick during the premiere while watching it was like oh like wow they really made it look like i did a good job sounds like a pretty good speech yeah it doesn't make a graduation speech basically it's so interesting because the theme throughout this whole movie is a lot of people being like i guess this is part of the reason why she sees her mom and charlie says it at some point and then the graduation speech is like you you're young. Live your life. Make mistakes. Don't commit to anything too hard. And Bella takes none of it to heart. It doesn't matter.

They are treating it as if that's going to be the message of the movie and when in fact it becomes like, well, just get married into it anyway. So I don't know. That's an interesting choice. But then we go to the graduation party and Bella is wearing one of the worst Outfits I've ever seen she looks like

As per usual she's wearing Like the starchiest Starchiest blue button up Shirt as if she works at like an office supply store It's so strange why is she Wearing this to graduation party There's a muse song playing of course Of course

And Jacob shows up I feel like him and two of the other werewolves show up and they move like agents from the matrix they're like walking in unison and all turn and look at bella in unison it really made me laugh um and bella says what are you doing here and he says you invited me remember and she says was my right hook too subtle for you that was me uninviting you and he apologizes for forcing himself on her and she basically says okay it's fine and while they're there we see alice has a vision and she says to them because they were planning on going to seattle to fight the newborn army or i don't know handle the newborn army and she says

we don't have to go to seattle they're coming to Forks. Oh my god. Oh my gosh. So, you know, stakes are high and we realize that the werewolves and the Cullens, they need to join forces and they need to fight these newborns together because they're stronger together. That's right. And

the Cullens won't be able to take them on alone and won't suspect that they're going to be working with the werewolves so it's the perfect plan but in order to do this they're going to need some training they're going to need some newborn specific fight training and we get the best scene in the movie

which makes it my favorite movie of the franchise which is Jasper training them in newborn fighting and it's There's no way for me to describe it How good it is you just have to see it But we get a little montage the werewolves show up

We're in the woods the werewolves show up In their werewolf forms We get Bella's worst wig Of the movie It's so bad and her wig changes like constantly It's like they were trying to figure out what wig is good throughout the whole movie. Yeah, it's as if every time they say cut,

they're like, alright, let's swap out the wig. Let's try another one. Let's try it with a different wig this time. It's just constantly changing. It's really bad. It's really bad. But Jasper is training all of them how to fight the newborns. He's basically saying like,

you know, never go for the obvious kill and never turn your back on your enemy. Never turn your back on your enemy. I don't know how he says it, but I just love his little accent. Did he have a southern accent this whole time? That was the other thing I was thinking. Yeah, but we've never heard him talk this much. He doesn't really talk much.

And I think this was the first time that we've yet learned his backstory, which he fought for the Confederacy. He did, and we sort of just don't ever talk about that. We don't ever talk about that. He was a general in the Confederate

side of the Civil War. And we sort of don't deal with that. Nobody really cares about that. And he got turned into a newborn vampire intentionally by this woman named Maria to create basically, yeah, their own

newborn army. The same thing that's happening here. What I thought I missed was that maybe the newborn army was fighting against the Confederacy? No, I don't think so. That's what I said in my brain. I was like, they must be saying that.

Like, I must have just missed that. It's really interesting to not just put him on the other... Why didn't she just write him as the other side of the... Could have done it. Could have done it that way. Yeah, that would have worked better. No.

So, he gets... This woman, Maria, he thought was in love with him. And he did whatever she wanted, which he basically helped her turn a bunch of vampires into newborn... People into newborn vampires to be strong and do her bidding. And then they're in their strongest in their first year. So, after they got

to be a year old, he would have to kill all of them. It's pretty, it's very brutal, but he thought she loved him, so he would do anything for her. Then he, I don't know, realized that she didn't and found, that's when he found Alice. Oh, Alice found him because she's seen him

in her visions and knew they were meant to be together. Alice found him, saved him, changed him from the man he once was. It's so good to find a man and change him and make him into the partner you want him to be. It's both possible and good.

And it ties nicely into my thoughts on Mark Duplass in Creep 2. We did have an extended conversation about the I can fix it mentality and it's a real thing and it is not good and we're keeping an eye on it.

And we're just flagging it and we're going to keep an eye on it. And that night after hearing that story, Bella is having a nightmare about Riley and we see like the same scene that we saw Maria whispering in Jasper's ear and all of Riley And we see like the same Scene that we saw Maria whispering In Jasper's ear and all of a sudden

We see Victoria whispering into Riley's Ear and Bella wakes up and goes I know Who's behind it it's Victoria which is like How did you guys all know that like This woman has been trying to kill you for three years Yeah I guess in their world it hasn't been three years

Worth of movies but you get it it's like yeah Victoria's behind it Victoria's creating the newborn army And that's why they're not seeing her decisions She's having somebody else do it So they're like okay great the newborn army's Coming here we know who's behind it we know what we gotta do It's time to battle And Bella wants to be there

And Edward says no it's too dangerous And she says Yeah and she says if it's dangerous I want to be there I want to be there with you And he's like oh no it's too dangerous. And she says, yeah. And she says, if it's dangerous, I want to be there. I want to be there with you. And he's like, oh, no, it's actually going to be so quick that it's not even a big deal. She's like, well, it's either so easy that it's not a big deal or it's so dangerous that I can't be there.

And so he says, you're right. I'll stay with you. I won't join the battle. So that night, the rest of the clones have to go hunt and eat before to get their strength For battle but Edward doesn't have to because he's not going So Bella and Edward Get a night at home alone

Bella tells Edward He bought a bed just for her And She basically tells him I want to fuck you before I get Turned into a vampire Because I want to want you more than anything. And I know that when I become a vampire, I'm going to want blood more than anything.

And you said you wanted me to have every human experience. It's a good argument, honestly. And he says, not ones that would get you killed. He's so worried that he's going to fuck her so hard she dies. I know, I know, I know, I know. Death by Snoo Snoo. Did you guys ever watch Futurama? No.

This is one of the best episodes. They're like on this island where it's these alien women who the way they execute their male prisoners. It's an all female planet. And the way they execute their prisoners prisoners it's an all-female planet and the way they execute their prisoners is by having sex with them to death and so as they're like strapped up and being sentenced to death and the woman goes death by snoo snoo they're all like that's exactly what Edward is concerned He's gonna do But she

She tries and they start making out And She Is trying to take her shirt off And he stops her And is like not now He basically agrees like fine I'll have sex with you at some point But he's like not right now

And he tells her And she does the fucking Bella thing Which is like fine I'll have sex with you at some point But he's like not right now And he tells her She does the fucking Bella thing Which is like oh I see you don't want me And he says Believe me I want to But not until we're married And he tells her that he won't have sex With her until they're married

Because he's already destroying her soul By turning her into a vampire. He wants to save what parts of it he can. Oh! Which is pretty gross. I hate it. I hate it. And he tells her that it's, you know, he's from a different time. He would have courted her

and taken her on sweet little, I don't know, porch dates and it's, for him it's just really important that they be married but it's one he says it's just one rule i don't want to break so he gets out his mother's ring which is just so ugly i wrote it too i'm like this is the ugliest fucking ring i've ever seen in my entire life. I'd throw it in his face. It's so ugly.

I wouldn't wear that ring for one day. I would never wear that ring. It's horrifying and disgusting. The rest of my life. And what if the rest of your life was literal eternity? Yeah, we gotta get a better ring than this, Edward. And Edward, you have infinite funds. I think

buy me my own ring. Um, A better ring than this Edward you have infinite funds I think buy me my own ring Um But he asks her to marry him And she says yes And she puts that ring on her finger And then We see meanwhile Victoria Just to confirm like that is what's happening We see Victoria with Riley and she has lied

To him and said that they need to make this newborn army and go kill the collins because they killed her friend and they're they don't want vampires to live in peace and they're they're scary and awful and like i need you to help me kill them so that we can live together and love each other and live how we want to live we know she's lying but he doesn't and so we then are prepping for battle and we've decided that the best way for whatever reason

Bella and Edward need to be away from the battle and they need to go to the top of a mountain that the best possible place for them to be is on the top of a mountain and like the peak of a mountain they're like basically camping up on the triangle peak of the mountain and did they know that it would snow it seems like maybe that caught them off guard they didn't bring any gear they didn't bring any jackets they don't seem to know that it was going to snow even though

alice can literally see the future. And we have the Internet. Yeah. It's like even a regular human could just do a quick little Google search temperature tonight. Be like, oh, it's cold. Should we stay on top of the mountain tonight? But we get we have Jacob has to carry Bella up there. To mask her scent. To mask her scent.

Because werewolves are stinky. Yeah, cover in werewolf stench. So he, you know. I love this. I love these little ploys to get them physically close to each other. It's very funny. I'm living for it. Especially the way he carries her in a way that I think is intended to be sexy, but looks like how you. Yeah, it's really there's one shot from a distance

where you see him moving up the mountain that made me laugh so hard he looks fully naked because he is shirtless but from a distance his pants looked like it was just his naked little butt he's always wearing khaki cargo shorts yes and so the like the the far away shot Just looks like a weird little naked man Scrambling up the mountain it really Cracked me up yeah it's very funny So yeah this is like you know Edward is obviously Not happy about this but Has to keep Elle safe so

Jacob carries her basically naked Up the mountain and they get to the top And yeah uh oh it's snowing a fuck Ton and we are in a little tent at the top Of a mountain She's in a Shirt that's not even a flannel It's like flannel pattern but I'm pretty sure It's just cotton

It's like plaid Cotton button up Just a regular button up shirt With a beanie And it's like miss that's not enough for the snow And so she is teeth chattering. She's like

bobbing around like one of those little like, you know, did you know those little jumping beans when you were a kid? Oh, yeah, yeah. Or the wind up chatter teeth. She's like moving around like that. Yeah. In their sleeping bag. And you know, the only thing that's going to keep her warm. Edward is also sick

with worry over how cold she is. He's breathing with his teeth clenched. What can I do? And Jacob comes in the tent and he says, you know, I could warm her up.

And so Jacob gets into her sleeping bag with her to warm her up. He says, I am hotter than you. Which is pretty fun. Oh, man. And yeah, he gets in the sleeping bag with her to warm her up.

And he says, it's okay. You'll warm up soon. And then he says, faster if we took our clothes off. Because he's disgusting. He's a disgusting human being. It makes me laugh. And it is true. It's very funny.

And so Bella is, you know, has warmed up. She's asleep. She's next to Jacob. And Jacob and Edward are talking. And, you know, Jacob says she might. Oh, by the way, Bella is not wearing her ring, her disgusting ring. Not because she hates it and it's ugly, but because she wants to wait until after the battle to tell Jacob. And she also doesn't want to lose it.

That's what she tells Edward. And she doesn't want to lose it. She definitely doesn't want to lose it. She would just absolutely be devastated if it were to be lost. I would just absolutely be devastated If it were to be lost If there's one thing She wants is to keep that ring Safe and

Hers and not lost somewhere Definitely I just want to leave it in the woods So Jacob and Edward are talking And Jacob says you know she could still choose me And again Edward's being very Healthy here and he says if you know, she could still choose me. And again, Edward's being very healthy here. And he says, if she does, I would let her.

And Jacob says, would you try to kill me if she picks me? And he says, it'd be tempting. And he's fucking robbed, man. He's just so such a star. I love watching him in this scene. He laughs. He says, it's tempting. But no, I could I could never hurt her like that.

And Jacob says, you have to you have to understand that, you know, it's tempting, but no, I could never hurt her like that. And Jacob says, you have to understand that there's a possibility that I could be better for her than you. And Edward says, I know. I think that that's probably true, but I'm done telling her, which he's not done doing this at all, but I'm done trying to decide things for her and I'm done trying to tell her what to do um last time i tried that it nearly killed us both he says it's her choice i'll let her make it and she he tells jacob you know if you weren't my natural enemy and you weren't trying to steal my reason for existing

i might actually like you and jacob says if you weren't a blood-sucking trying to, oh, if you weren't trying to take the life out of the woman I love, I might no, not even then. And at this moment, I feel sexual tension between them and I'm like, wake Bella up

and have a threesome. Oh! How is that not the fanfic version of this franchise? I'm sure that's out there. I'm sure. I mean, it's just like I'm watching this being like, I see a solution and it's a threat. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Yeah.

They keep panning down to Kristen Stewart's face throughout all this. As if she's awake listening to all this. As if she's like smiling just like slightly to everything they're saying. Yeah. Then we're like, oh, she's she's hearing it all. She's hearing Edward be very healthy and Jacob really not being, you know. The next morning she comes out in a basically T-shirt. Still a little snow on the ground.

It really looks like they're on a soundstage and she just walked in from a different set. Some from somewhere else. Yeah. She she just walked in from a different set. Some from somewhere else. Yeah. Yeah. She's wearing the wig from a different day and the shirt from a different set. I mean, that's probably exactly true. This was it was when she cut her hair for the runaways. So she's probably just going back and forth between being Joan Jett and Bella.

Which she's doing like the sitcom mishap where she like Is like trying to do both at one time and is Wearing the wrong outfit for the Um She wakes up and it's oh It's the day of the battle it's Uh you know time time to get Going and she's with Edward and he you Know says something to

I don't know why they're saying this now but he Basically calls her Mrs. Cullen And Jacob overhears I don't know why they're saying this now, but he basically calls her Mrs. Cullen. And Jacob overhears. And he goes, you're marrying him? And then he storms off. And she says, Bella says to Edward, you knew he was listening. And he says, he deserves to know.

And she storms after Jacob. Edward goes to stop her and she says, don't. And she throws her hand away and she storms after Jacob Edward goes to stop her and she says don't And she throws her hand away And she storms after Jacob And he's Really pissed and huffing and puffing And is like I knew you were gonna It's like dude you knew she was gonna become a vampire

And you're mad that they're getting married Like again the logic here is not Ideal but it doesn't really make sense He's really mad and Bella is trying to Stop him from going to the battle And she doesn't want him to go all pissed And he's like trying to go kill some vampires Because he's so mad

And she's trying to get him to stay And he says give me one good reason Why I should stay And she says because Because you're too important And he says not good enough Because I too important And he says, not good enough Because I don't want to lose you Not even close

And then she says Jacob! Kiss me! And he turns With the biggest like, auga eyes You've ever seen And he says, what? She says, I'm asking you to kiss me And he comes up

And he kisses her And he freaking runs over So excited And like does the thing that gives me The heebie jeebies where he like comes up to her And he like holds her face really close And doesn't kiss her yet And then he kisses her

I think Jacob is so foul I really really really get the willies every time i see him and they make out and then he's like all right see it doesn't work at all and he still goes to the battle and she walks back over to Edward Who 100% Knows that that just happened It's so funny She looks like she just got out of A shot in Fuga And she's like what just happened where was I

And she says to him she's like you saw And he says no but Jacob's thoughts are pretty loud right now And she says I don't know what came over me And he says you love him And she says I don't I don't know what came over me and he says you love him and she says I love you more

and he says I know and that's it all of a sudden so secure so secure not worried not worried for a second I watched this with Joel and I mean he'd already seen it but I was watching this part when Joel was home and he goes that's a honestly like that's a huge that's a crazy response like nobody would respond that way

but i think you know edward does know that she loves him more yeah that's just fine with him yeah and you know people are complicated um and then the battle happens And we're seeing The newborns come running At the Cullens thinking Oh no we see them come out of the water Which is really fun Oh yeah that's a fun shot It reminds me of in the descent

They travel to Forks Lake By walking through Water And then coming up out of the water. The bottom of the sea. They walked on the bottom of the sea from Seattle to Forks. Yeah, I'd have to look at a map here because it's

not on the coast. I'm not entirely sure if there's a body of water connecting the two. Is there just a lake? It must be some sort of bay. They walk on the bottom of the bay to Forks and they get onto

the battlefield and they charge at the Cullens and then, oh my god, over a rock, werewolves leap into the battlefield, jumping on vampires who's

they the way that they die they become we've talked about this in the earlier movies they like become stone like their like bodies are basically made out of stone and crack like little sculptures it's very funny like heads crack off and the sound effects are so

funny it's like it sounds like metal two metal Poles like hitting each other is like what It sounds like when a vampire dies I'm obsessed with it It's incredible The fight scenes are very very fun And

Yeah I think it's very funny that they have No blood and no blood made Of stone and we're seeing Yeah vampires like doing backflips over the backs of werewolves and meanwhile at the top of the mountain Edward is like reading thoughts

and telling Bella what's going on and like okay they didn't see us coming great we've got the upper hand but then all of a sudden he goes Victoria's here she knew which is also like yeah didn't you guys expect like she was like, oh, Edward's up there. That's probably where Bella is. It's like fucking duh.

So she goes to them with Riley and they start to fight with Edward. Bryce Dallas Howard's mouth acting in this is really intense She is moving her lips in ways that have nothing to do with forming words It's really interesting It's really interesting Yeah, she's giving a lot of performance here A lot They're fighting with Edward Oh and Seth

Baby youngest werewolf Is there and comes and bites Riley's hand off So then he has like a stone crack Little like stump And is Really upset about it He starts screaming

And Victoria is ready To bail She's like basically rolling her eyes at this Like shut up He starts screaming And Victoria Is ready to bail She's like basically rolling her eyes at this Like shut up And then she's like alright you know what I'll come back later Like actually this seems like There's a werewolf here I don't really want to deal And Edward says you want her

This is the best chance You're gonna get come and get her She like you want to take her From me the way I took james the way i tore him limb from limb the way i burned him up in a big fire and she gets so mad and she lunges at edward and then riley comes out edward with his one hand and they're both on top of him and they're really close to pulling his head off his body. And he makes eye contact with Bella. And his eyes are all grazed.

So he's not as strong for the fight. He's not as strong for the fight. And he's looking at her. And Bella's freaking out. And she finds a rock on the ground. And she slits her wrist. And a bunch of blood comes pooling down her arm. Which makes Riley and Victoria both, I think they

hiss. I think they look at her and both go like, you know, they just get so excited for the blood, which gives Edward the opportunity to push them off of him. Seth comes, grabs Riley by the neck, starts dragging him over the rock. He's calling out to

Victoria, save me, save me, Victoria. She doesn't give a fuck. He gets pulled away and killed. Edward and Victoria get in a one-on-one, hand-to-hand combat and he bites her head off. Which I did not

remember that he bites her head off. Which is pretty crazy. Okay, wait, wait, wait. I feel like I do remember being like, this is crazy. I need to talk through the visuals of this because he's not a werewolf. He's not a werewolf. No.

I mean, I guess the implication is that he bites and pulls at the same time. Yeah, he's like ripping the side of her neck while pulling. I think so. I think it's, and I mean, it's just stone. So I guess it just sort of like pop just sort of pop pops off. Yeah. Yeah. And he's been emboldened by the smell of Bella's blood. Like he's like has superpowers

now. He's been given so much strength. This is what would happen if they had sex. Exactly. Right. That's what he's worried about. You go in for just a simple neck kiss and then her head's just popped clean off. Yep. I was shocked by this as well. This, it's really an action

film. I mean, no wonder you love them so much, Emily, because it's truly an action-packed rollercoaster. It's an action-packed rollercoaster. But yeah, I mean, that's that. Victoria's dead. He throws a Zippo lighter onto her and she goes up in flames as if she has been doused in gasoline. Who brought this up? How in movies they just throw Zippo lighter onto her and she goes up in flames as if she has been doused in gasoline

who brought this up how in movies they just throw zippo lighters really willy nilly like zippo lighters are not meant to be single use like you want to light them and then it's a nice one just light the thing and then put the zippo back in your pocket

it's also like she went up so easily you could have just put a flame to her, I guess. She's super flammable and walked away. Now he'll get another one. You know, whatever. He saved a lot of money on an engagement ring, so money doesn't matter. Doesn't matter to him.

And then, but Edward says they need us back at the battlefield. He reads Alice's mind. We need to go back to the battlefield. They go back to the battlefield where it reads Alice's mind. We need to go back to the battlefield. They go back to the battlefield where it seems that the battle is over, but the Volturi are coming. And so they realize, okay, we got to get the werewolves out of here because they are not going to like that we had werewolves helping us in this. So the werewolves are getting ready to leave. and then, uh-oh, there's one more newborn vampire that we didn't see.

And it comes up. There's a scuffle ensues. Leah, werewolf tries to get at him, but she's not strong enough. So Jake comes in to get this vampire off of her and the vampire grabs him around the middle

and breaks all his ribs and he makes a sad dog squealy sound. Yeah. And then it is immediately transformed back in. Then they, somebody kills the vampire. Yeah. They like get, you know, another wolf like bites his head off or something. So then, you know, the threat is gone, but Jacob is very, very

injured and he's back in his human form lying on the ground, you know, right. He actually does this thing where he has his mouth wide open as if he's screaming but he's making no sound which i do really like and carlo comes over and is like he's broken all his ribs i thought he said he's broken all his bones he might have said he's broken all his bones. He might have said he's broken all his bones. Every single bone. Every bone is broken, but he's like, the werewolves have

accelerated healing, so his body is already healing, but fucked up. So they've got to get him back to set the bones. Yeah, he's like, I need to take him back. I'll be there as soon as I can. They have to deal with the Volturi, but he's like, I'll come after. So the werewolves, they're all human now, they pick jacob up and

they they carry him off and the vulture arrive and jane's there and she i don't know it's basically like wow you killed all the newborns didn't think that i've never seen a coven of this attack survive an attack of this scale and you, you know, Carla says, we're very lucky. Someone insinuates that, you know, the Volturi should have come to help out. And Carla says, obviously if they knew this was happening, they would have been here sooner. And we're not saying that

you guys did anything wrong. Jane notes that Bella is still human. She says, oh, Arrow's going to be very interested to know that this one is still human. And Bella Arrow's gonna be very interested To know that this one is still human And Bella says a date's been set And then they look over and she sees That the girl whose whole personality

Is being scared Guess what kind of expression she has on her face in this moment It's one of fright She is there and she looks really scared Because that's kind of her deal And Jane says Oh you missed one and Carlisle And um

Esme? Yep Carlisle and Esme say you know She surrendered to us We'll take her under our protection She's fine and Jane says well that's not really yours to decide And She says Felix Take care of that one and She's fine and Jane says Well that's not really yours to decide And She says Felix take care of that one

And Felix walks over to her She's scared she's screaming And he looks like we cut to black But right before we do it looks like he's about to rip Both her arms off her shoulders It's very funny that they're like no we'll keep her safe We can vouch for her

And then Jane's like no and they're like alright And they all just kind of awkwardly turn away Like I guess Sorry this little girl's about to die She's what like 15 or something Yeah she's young and they're all just like Oh well What can you do

And yeah she gets killed Then that night we see Carl We hear screams from inside Jacob's house. A lot of screaming. Carl comes out and says his bones had had healed. So I had to basically re break all of them, all of his bones. Wait, I was I was confused by that so that they could mend properly or what? Yeah, because he he's his body started like basically forming around the broken bones because he has accelerated healing.

This makes perfect sense, Henley. Okay. So he had to re-break them so that he could set them properly. Okay, got it, got it, got it. And he gave him morphine, but his body temperature is so high that he's just burning that shit off. But Carla comes out. Oh, and yeah, so he gives them the story. And Billy, Jacob's dad, who notoriously hates the vampires, says, thank you.

And they shake hands. And it's nice. It's a nice moment. It's a nice moment. It's a nice moment. And it says, he's asking for you, Bella. And so she goes in. I don't know.

They talk. She's like, yeah, I'm I'm marrying Edward Still and I'm gonna become a vampire still She says that she doesn't want to Talk about that right now all she cares about Is like him healing and he's Like I'd rather get all the breaking done at Once he's like

Tell me tell it to me now Because can't feel much worse than I already do And it's like okay I have already I have told you like A lot of times Sort of seems like you're the one Making this worse for yourself over and over again by making Me turn you down every fucking time

I see you every time I see you You ask to date me and I say no Every single time so maybe Stop asking and it doesn't Have to be this way maybe it's your Problem not mine and you're the one doing this to yourself Jacob is disgusting But he's pretty cool about it

This time he's pretty cool about it this time And it seems like this time he's maybe Actually hearing it and he Says you know you know I'll Something to the extent of like I'll Always be there for you or I'm Still gonna keep trying or something like that which is Like all right dude dude, fucking fine.

Until your heart stops beating. Well, she says, until my heart stops beating. And she goes to walk out the door and he says, maybe even then. Like he could get past his distaste of vampires. His hatred of vampires for Bella. Just for Bella. And then we see Bella and Edward Back in their meadow, their beautiful, beautiful meadow

Agreeing, she says I'm letting Alice plan the whole wedding We're gonna get married on August 14th A month before I turn 19 Because I don't want to be even another year older than you And Edward tells her You're giving away too much

You're letting Alice play in your whole wedding And she says you don't understand I've never felt like I belonged in my world Something's always been off with me And when I'm in your world I've never felt stronger Or more myself So it's not just for you

It's not just because I'm in love with you I need to be a vampire It's what I'm destined to be So she says I'm going to need that engagement ring back You didn't lose it did you You definitely didn't lose it right You still have it The same one from earlier

Oh yeah that is what it looks like Yay And she says there's one more thing we have to do It's going to be really dangerous. We have to go tell Charlie. And that's what she says. I'm going to need that ring back. Puts it on her finger.

They make out in the middle of a field. We, you know, pan out. End of the movie. Kind of an anticlimactic ending. It really is. Considering that New Moon ended with Marry Me Bella. Yeah.

Which is a better ending. And it's kind of the same. It is kind of the same ending. And like we gotta tell Charlie which yeah we know he's gonna be mad but we've seen that he's a extreme pushover and is obviously gonna be fine with it ultimately. Yeah he's not extreme pushover and is obviously going to be fine with it.

Ultimately. Yeah. He's not going to fucking do shit about it. So that's Eclipse and Henley. The time has come. Say it. I'm feeling a lot of pressure from someone. I won't say who on this podcast.

I think probably both. I think it'd be fair to say from both of us. Okay. Okay. Fine. fine fine maybe both of you but i was really leaning towards um a lot of pressure to say edward it's because you feel jacob it's because you feel jacob i yeah i want to know who you act i i actually i mean i want the answer to be edward but only if that is your answer do you know what i mean i'm done trying to i'm not going to tell you what to do anymore. I tried that Henley and it nearly killed us both. You're not going to force me to do anything?

I am just not attracted to Rob in this at all. Like I wish that I was. I'm really not either. And it's funny because Robert Pattinson is, I think I'm attracted to him in other things, but I am not attracted to Edward. No, I'm not. And you are attracted to Jacob? Yes.

Whoa. I am more attracted to Jacob. Yes. I wouldn't say that I would choose necessarily either of them. Yes. I think realistically, that's not an option, but obviously none of us will choose men like this at all. Please, God.

No, nobody should. I choose, I think I'm going to choose who I would actually be more attracted to, which is Jacob. However, for the sake of the other two movies, I kind of want to be on Team Edward because he's the winning team. You know what I mean? It's true. He is the winning team. It's more fun to be on the winning team. And maybe that's why I'm another reason why I'm Team Jacob. I like an underdog. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you like a dark horse I There's another thing that's gonna happen

In these movies That also makes it Really funny to be Team Jacob Really fucking funny God, I can't wait Yeah, that's a really fun part But mainly, honestly, I am, I, you know how I feel about Jacob. I think he's

disgusting and he gives me the creeps. So I also pick Team Edward because I, I think You saying that so much has made me kind of feel that way a little bit about Jacob. He gives me the willies. You saying he gives you the willies. I mean, he definitely gives he also gives me the ick a little bit too.

He gives you the ick. Yeah, he gives me the ick? I mean, he definitely gives, he also gives me the ick a little bit too. He gives you the ick? Yeah, he gives me the ick. Like, it's like, ugh. Yeah, I see that. But I'm just so, I'm that not attracted to Rob. That's how unattractive I am. That's really interesting. I respect that. I disagree, but I respect it. I think he's beautiful in these movies. I keep seeing him as like the 150 year old man that he is. How old is he supposed to be?

Actually? Something like 100. Oh, but he talks about how he's like, I would court you. All this stuff. And I'm like, he's a creepy, lecherous old man to me. That's how he is. Oh, that's interesting. I'm like reading him.

I disagree. Yeah. Jacob is age appropriate. Mm hmm. And that's true. Yeah. Jacob is age appropriate. Mm hmm. That's true, but he's the fucking worst. I just also want to say we do have Silent Jenny here with us. I'm not going to make her speak, but I just need

everybody who's listening to know that she's Team Edward. Yep. And so I'm not alone in this. That's true. We're 50-50 in this Zoom. Just needed to be known. We're a 50-50 split. Do you feel as, just a little thumbs up or thumbs down, Jenna, do you feel as strongly as Emily does against Team Jacob? I feel like a little less than. I don't think you would say Jacob makes you angry every time you see him. I feel like you can appreciate some Jacob. But you're

Team Edward. Okay. She's more moderate. I do think Jacob is very funny. I'm glad that Jacob is Jacob because these movies without Jacob would suck. They would suck. And honestly, these movies with

Jacob played by a better actor would suck. It literally needs to be Taylor Lautner. It must. And so for that, I, you know, Jacob in that lives does have a place in my heart. Yeah. Jacob, the character gives me the fucking creeps. Okay. And I also want to know your rankings so far of one, two and three.

I actually agree. Well, I think that New Moon is my favorite so far. And Eclipse is my least favorite. I'm sorry. And Twilight. Yeah, so it would be New Moon one, Twilight, the original two, and then Eclipse three so

far. That's my ranking. I just honestly was kind of bored for a lot of this movie. That's my ranking. I just honestly was kind of bored for a lot of this movie. That's my problem. It's just the villains are so extremely boring and- Really boring. Very one-dimensional. And it's like, this is our third movie with Victoria. Like, I'm very done with her at this point. And Riley gives us absolutely nothing. There's fun fight scenes and the stuff between our main three characters is fun.

But overall, I'm just like, I could care less about this story that's happening. And baby vampires are cool. And I think there would have been a fun way to explore that. And this just isn't it for me. I feel like it kind of blows a whole premise. The Volturi sequence at the end of New Moon rules, I

love that part. That's like maybe... Okay, so Joel talks about his love, his rankings of Lord of the Rings movies in terms of discs because when you had them on DVD, each movie came in two disc sets. So his favorites are

movie one disc two and then movie two disc one. And so I feel like it'd be interesting to think about Twilight in those terms. Like maybe New Moon disc two I might like more. I like that half more than New Moon Disc 2 I might like more. I like that half more

than New Moon Disc 1, you know? And like certainly Eclipse Disc 2 I also prefer. You get all the stuff with the three of them. You get the battle sequence. You get the training sequence,

you know? And honestly, probably Twilight Disc 2. Wherever the baseball sequence is is the best part. Yeah, baseball. It's not in the baseball scene is, is the best part. Yeah, baseball is definitely the baseball scene.

Do you remember if the book, I feel like I probably know the answer to this, but has like any more character development for anyone outside of the main three characters? Not at all. I don't think so. It just, yeah, feels like they bring in characters just to have people there like other people there but it's just no almost like background background actors to the the life yeah like leah gets a tiny bit by being a jilted lover and that's kind of all we get of her but even that in comparison to everybody else is like something at least it's something yeah we don't get much also sorry not to keep shitting on it but the soundtrack is obviously worse than this one new moon soundtrack is so good the soundtrack is worse for sure but breaking dawn part one i'm sorry to say is also pretty boring except for a few big things that are very exciting there are there are some

key moments that really do make it worthwhile and i am very excited to see them because i think i know what you're talking about and i'm excited to see how that is yeah you can kind of guess what's coming next i think you know where the story goes. Yeah, and I want to see it. I want to see it. I want to see how they do that. First comes love, then comes marriage. Then comes... Then what? Then what?

Yeah, it's going to be fun. I guess we'll let... Listeners, we'll let you decide whether you really need a break between this one and our next foray into the franchise or if you're just ready to fucking go do them but honestly we promise that in between

we'll give you some horror movies we'll do some horror movies in between we'll do our job we will do our job and just a final little shout out to future hot dad, Robert Pattinson. We haven't talked about it, all three of us. He is going to be a dad.

Really exciting for all the dads out there. You're getting a good one. Yeah. The hot dad bar. It raises the quality of all hot dads when another one comes. It does. It's just like their net, it's net positive. Their average is raising.

Exactly. That's exactly right. Every dad just became hotter. Congratulations, dads. Congratulations, Robin Sookie. And we'll be back next week with, I'll tell you, we're going to we'll be back yeah next week with I'll tell you we're going to be doing Gremlins next week

we're finally doing it it's the holidays it's a Christmas horror we actually remembered to do a seasonal horror in the season and not after so that's what we'll be doing next week I had a lot of fun. I watched it already.

It's on HBO. If you want to watch it before then. It is the season. And tis the season, obviously. It's not too scary. So we will do a scary one again after that. But it's fun. And yeah, speaking of tis the season, happy Hanukkah to everyone out there and hope everybody is having a lovely holiday season so far. I'm having a pretty nice holiday season. I'm having a pretty nice one. Yum. We just love you guys so much. We love you so freaking much.

And thank you for indulging our Twilight obsession. These movies are really important to us, or at least two out of three of us or three out of four of us, should I say yeah what voice should we do? I think maybe just something very intense, you know yeah, a very intense goodbye

from all of us here scary to watch, this is Edward so mad at anything that anybody does, or Jacob so mad this is edward so mad at anything that anybody does or jacob so mad this is jacob so so mad goodbye thank you my friends for listening to another episode of too scary didn't watch if you had fun hanging with us don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. We're also on Twitter and Instagram at TSDW Podcast. And if you're interested in things like bonus episodes, video trailer reactions, and other cool content,

head on over to patreon.com slash TSDW Podcast. All right. We love you all forever and ever, starting a while ago and continuing into eternity. Adios. That was a hate gun podcast.