Too Scary; Didn't Watch - X

Episode Date: March 30, 2022

Take off your bra and put on your overalls, we're heading to a remote farmhouse to film a 1970s porno!! Feels safe to us! Join us this week as we recap a24's latest horror film, X, as well as admire the sex drive of two randy old people.Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Awg3cWuHfocX is currently playing in theaters Follow the show: @TSDWpodcast on Twitter, TikTok, and Instagram. Check out our Patreon for bonus episodes and additional content! Rate Too Scary; Didn’t Watch 5 Stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts and leave a review for Emily, Henley, and Sammy. Advertise on Too Scary; Didn't Watch via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is Emily, Henley, and Sammy, and you're listening to Too Scary, Didn't Watch. Hi, everyone. Welcome to Too Scary, Didn't Watch, the horror movie recap podcast for those too scared to watch for themselves. I'm Emily, and I'm too scared to watch scary movies. I'm Henley, and I'm also too scared to watch for themselves. I'm Emily and I'm too scared to watch scary movies. I'm Henley and I'm also too scared to watch scary movies. I'm Sammy and I love watching scary movies and so I watch them

and I tell you about them and I can't freaking wait to tell you about today's movie. I'm so excited. And a note to our listeners, this is going to be a video episode, which will be available on our Patreon at patreon.com slash TSDW podcast. But it's also an audio episode.

So, you know, either way. Either way. If you were sitting there being like, wait, I hear it, but I don't see it. That's because it's also just a regular episode. It's both. It's both. It's both. It's both.

But before we get into today's movie, did anything scary happen to us this week? Should I go first? Go first, Emily. I think it seems like you're ready to. So I guess the scary... Have I told you guys about Q Health? Have I told you about the at-home testing system that I'm now participating in? OK.

No. So Netflix has sent all of its like 10,000 employees a little at home device. It's like a little box. It looks like the little box that Mr. Chalamet puts his hand in in the beginning of Dune. Oh, no. That's like the vibe. Except a tiny version for a tiny hand.

But yeah, it's like this little white box. And then every four weeks, they send you more testing units. And if you're going into the office, you're supposed to test on like a regular cadence. And it's terrifying because it's connected to your phone. And every test has a cartridge that you insert into the box and then you do your test and then you insert the little like nose swab into the cartridge. It links to your phone. Your phone is like test in progress. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. And then it tells you whether you're positive or negative, obviously. Then it sends the results to Netflix.

So they're tracking everything that's happening. And if you're positive, it automatically sends that info to safety. It connects you to a doctor. It does everything for you. Crazy. I've only gotten negative. I haven't had COVID yet, but knock on wood. crazy i've only gotten negative luck you know i haven't had covet yet but um knock on wood um but it's just terrifying that this type of technology is like living in our home like like

it feels very big brothery you know what i mean the fact that like the company i work for is like in order to work for us we need you to like do this thing with your body and send us your body result the results you know what i mean i i feel like we opened that door a bit with like alexa i feel like i'm like already absolutely familiar with that level of like this is kind of weird right like they can hear me um just the fact that yeah like if you want to just it's another way to control people right it's if you wanted to hack into this. If there are any hackers out there who are wanting to creative idea. Hackers for inspiration.

I know a lot of people listening. Hackers in a rut. We've got an idea for you. Amateur hackers. I don't know what you could do because my brain doesn't work that way unfortunately. But I feel like there's a lot of potential there and I don't know. It's just

a little scary. Scared me a little bit. That is scary. Yeah. On the other hand, though, like, given that we are in a pandemic and people are expected to go into work, it is there is an angle of it that is good that they're saying, like, here's the testing

and here's the transparency. And so everybody knows, like, this is what we're doing absolutely you know that's good but in general things like that should just be more widely accessible and it's like weird that it has to come from your company and you're like send us your you know what i mean like in general it would just be nice if we had a better system like from the government to ensure that people are staying healthy and on top of it and testing. In this moment, if the technology is used responsibly and safely, then yes, it should absolutely be widely available. It's more like this technology has the potential to be so abused and mishandled. And that's what scares me, although we are not there yet.

Yeah, it's like not scary now but it could be the beginning of a horror movie yeah exactly um but you're right the scary thing right now is emily that like netflix is probably like the only company that's even one of the only companies that's even providing this service to its employees even though everyone's having to go in and work and that's fucked up yeah okay guys guys what about you that just reminded me i this is a scary thing but i took a rapid test yesterday for the first i hadn't taken one in a little while because i got i think i like got in this mindset of like oh my god there's never gonna be rapid tests available so you have to save them for when you like really

need them and so i i've just like i've been hoarding them anyway, but I, I took one yesterday cause I was going to see a friend who has a child, um, young child. And so I, I truly was like, is this going to, I didn't think I had COVID. I don't, but I, I, I'd been so long since I tested that. I was like, what if it just comes back? And I'm like, Oh, I guess I have COVID. Like I was fully just ready to be like, Oh, okay. I think about that every time, every time I take a test and there must be so many people who have had that exact experience. And it is just like, yeah, it feels like I feel like I'm in the thing every time. Like the part where they're like testing, testing the blood and dropping it in. And I'm like, yeah, like the test is just like COVID.

it in and i'm like it's gonna go like yeah like the test is just like go ahead hasn't happened yet but hasn't happened yet maybe that is what happens when you get a positive result i wouldn't know we wouldn't so remains to be seen um something that happened to all of us this week is we got some nice mail from a listener named kat Katrina who sent us freaking cross stitches or is that what they're called? I think it is what it's called. Needlepoint? Oh, it's so cool. It's very impressive. I'm very

impressed. But I just wanted to say thank you to Katrina and if you guys want to check her out, she is on Instagram at Katrina.lifeinstitches. Thank you, Katrina. it's really nice so oh my god it's so nice i can't i'm like it's my living room oh i can't wait to get mine where am i gonna put it in my house it's really precious it's so cool i'm so excited and then i just wanted to say that I'm very excited about 2022

horror movies I the trailer for men came out the new Alex Garland movie oh my god it looks so good and I feel like between that and nope and we're getting

a new Ari Aster movie later this year and uh today's movie that we won't see what it is yet but we won't say we're not gonna spoil it and yeah i'm just oh my god i'm excited when i watched you posted the trailer for men sammy and i responded like it feels like this was made just for our podcast. Man of the scariest thing of all. I was like, okay, well, here you go. Here you go. Here's this movie. Yeah, I can't wait. Can't wait. Do we know any deets about the Ari Aster one yet? Are there any

is there any info out there? I know Joaquin Phoenix is in it. It's called Disappointment Boulevard. Wait, is it a horror movie or is it just an Ari Aster? I think it's less of a horror maybe than his others, but it is still listed as a horror. I still feel like he's not going to do something pleasant. No.

No. No, no, no. And neither is Joaquin, to be completely honest. No, no, no, no, no, no. Although, come on, come on. It was pretty pleasant. Okay. I didn't see it.

I didn't see it either. It was good. I liked it. Wait, Sammy, did you ever watch his short that he made when he was in film school yes we were just talking about it this week and if anyone hasn't seen it it's called like there's something wrong with the johnsons or the strange thing about the johnsons something like that and just like be forewarned that i was really angry at it was evan who was on the podcast for event horizon who told me to watch it and afterwards i was like mad at ev was Evan who was on the podcast for Event Horizon who told

me to watch it. And afterwards, I was like mad at Evan the way that you guys were at me after Killing of a Sacred Deer. Yeah. Same kind of feelings it brought up for me. To clarify, I was mad at both of you. I was mad at both of you. I was mad at Emily for sharing the information and for Sammy for you prompting.

I was furious. It doesn't feel fair, but I guess feelings are valid and I have to accept them. You'll have to accept them. Yeah, no, I just remember hearing what the plotline of that is and being shocked out of my seat.

From the twisted mind of Ari Aster. He is twisted. He is truly, truly twisted. Emily, what's your scary thing? I mean, well, first I just want to say this isn't scary. It's lovely. We've been talking. It's so true.

What are the words I'm trying to say? Sometimes it's hard. Ties in. Sometimes it's hard. Ties into your thing, Sammy, which is talking about sweet gifts. And I just want to say, Sammy brought me two mini cutting boards. So now I have mini cutting boards.

And I'll be so safe. I'll be so safe. No more cutting tomatoes towards yourself. No more cutting tomatoes in the air towards my hand. Maybe. Really, it's just such a sweet little gift. I really like that tier of gift giving

in life between people where like no reason but here's a thing that I thought you'd like and here's a surprise for you to have. It's like maybe the dearest thing. I really love it. It makes everybody feel good. Makes me feel

good. Makes you feel good. Just a nice little I was thinking about you. Oh my god. Oh it was so good. It's so good. I'm so excited to use my little cutting boards. They're the best. You're gonna love them. Oh wow. So that was very nice. It's so cute.

Sammy you're good at that. She's really good at that. Gift giving is one of her love languages. I try. I feel like I've gotten worse in the pandemic just because my brain has been like turned a little bit to self-preservation. And so it's something that I'm trying to get back into. I feel like you have to be out in the world a bit to remember that. You know, like you have to be out and like see something and have your mind

triggered and go like, oh, right. You know, like we got the synapses don't fire the same way when we're not out and about. Yeah. Speaking of synapses not firing, I'm going to talk about cats, my cats some more. Do it. Do it. And guys,

today it is March 27th. Cats are 27th. The cats are fully integrated. The cats are fully integrated. Final phase. Less than a month? How long has it been? Six weeks? No, it's been about six weeks. It's been about six weeks. And they've been fully

integrated for this whole week, basically. And we finally opened the door to... They had been out roaming together freely whenever we were around and this past week we've been like okay fine even when we're gone we trust that you're not going to kill each other and and it's been

the movie that we sleep they're all free to be right so it's like we just live with four cats we just live with four cats who all live here and it's great it is also a truly both of us have moments where we like look around at the cats and are like just overwhelmed at. They're just everywhere. They're just everywhere.

Especially right before we feed them. It's like they're on the prowl. Everywhere you look. They start like swarming and they start meowing and weaving in between each other. There are moments where it's truly like, ah! Just before we went everywhere. You want to hide from them

because there's just so many cats. But they're great. They're the best. But speaking of eating, now it's a thing. So we have four cats. Two of them are obsessed with food all food would eat forever and everything

Mabel being one of them Mabel has to have a slow feeder which is like a spiky little dish where she has to like scoop her little food out because if you put her food just in a straight bowl she will it's will it's alarming

unhinging like a snake unhinges its jaw and she'll just go like and like truly inhales it and then barfs it's so scary to watch her do it I tried before I brought her over here I was like maybe I forgot

like maybe she can handle it now maybe she can eat out of a bowl and I tried it and I put her food brought her over here. I was like, maybe I forgot like maybe she can handle it now. Maybe she can eat out of a bowl and I tried it and I put her food in a bowl and she just was like I was like, oh my god. Oh my god. Like it's like, what is wrong with you? Oh my god. So Mabel has that birdie. She doesn't

eat so fast she pukes but she just will like eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat everybody's food. so she always has to eat separate from Theo and Marlo who are skinny teenies Marlo weighs six pounds she's like a puff of smoke she's just like a teeny little cat who doesn't really

care about food and then Theo is just a little weirdo who doesn't really care about food he'll like come and go so Birdie has to be separate from them because she'll eat all of her food and then push them out and eat all of their food. So now it's like our cats are integrated, but when it comes to feeding, Mabel is in the

office with her slow feeder. Birdie is locked in the bedroom alone with her food, which she eats in 20 seconds. And then we leave, we let Marlo and Theo eat in the kitchen, but they will take like an hour to finish their food. So they come and go. So then the other two are locked away.

Birdie, she's done in 20 seconds, and then we'll just like scream and howl and like claw at the door. We'll keep... She'll be like... Just like trying to get out of the bedroom, because she's done and wants to hang out, but she'll inhale the other guys' food. And like, Theo

really likes to be pet while he eats. So, like, he'll walk away from his food and he won't eat. And we're like, Theo, you have to eat because we have to let Birdie out. So, like, this morning before we recorded, I caught myself. I was like, oh, Theo didn't eat enough of his food. So, you pick him up and you put him in front of his bowl and just pet him while he eats. I'm just standing over this cat petting him while he eats. And just, like, these are lunatics.

These are lunatics in this house. Yeah, that's a whole production. There's a lot of things happening. It's a whole production, twice a day. It really is a lot that we have to put up with. Sorry, Henley, you have a child. A human child. A real child, a human, a human that you've yeah created birthed raised no i'm only

well while you're explaining all of that i was like i wonder if i could break down like what silas does in such a detailed way and then i was trying to like think about it and my brain was just like a thick fog of smoke and i was like there's a baby out there but what happens what are the steps what are the steps like you have the steps down to a science and I could not tell you the steps if someone was like autopilot

100% like also just in the moment like real living in the moment he's a living growing child who like probably changes pretty frequently like what he needs and how he like these guys is like at 9 a.m. and 9 p.m. We feed them like they don't get a say. They're not like, you know, the biggest thing they get is like pet me while I eat and we do it so that they eat their food. You know, that's like pretty much.

That's cute, though. That's cute. It's really cute. But it's also like, Jesus Christ. I want you to start thinking more about how this is just TikTok content. I knew you were going to say that. I know.

In fact, a friend of mine told me she was like, you need to make this a TikTok. And I truly was like, will you do it for me? I was like, I don't know how. She was like, yeah, send me these clips and I'll make... I'm like, hell don't know how. She's like, yeah, send me the send me this clips and I'll make. I was like, because I'm like, hell yeah. So I'll keep you posted.

I'm sending some pictures and videos to Lisa. If you don't follow her, Lisa Gilroy. She's so funny and she's great. She'll be good. She'll be perfect. And I was like, Lisa, please, please make this for me because I don't know how. So TikTok's forthcoming. If I can, you know, get my friend to do it for me. They're really hard.

I feel like. They're so hard. How does Gen Z do it? How does Gen Z do it? Lisa's a millennial, so my god, more power to her. That's true, but it's like kind of more her job, I feel like. Right? Yeah. Yeah. She's doing, she's, you know, that's her comedy. She's doing it. Yeah.

And our job is talking about horror movies that's our job our full time job that's my job clocking into work we do it 40 hours a week can you imagine the daily grind but this week we are talking about

X theaters currently a new release 2022 But this week we are talking about X. It's in theaters currently. A new release, 2022. Wow. It was written and directed by Ty West, starring Mia Goth, Jenna Ortega, Brittany Snow, Kid Cudi, Martin Henderson, Owen Campbell, and Stephen Urie. Oh, fun cast. It. Oh, fun cast. It is a very fun cast.

And I went and saw it in theaters. I loved it. And I'm excited to tell you guys about it. I'm very excited. And only because you're excited and other people I know who like horror movies are like, ooh, this movie. I know literally nothing about it other than that. I'm also

excited. Excited about X. I did watch the trailer for this and I felt spooky. I'm spooked. It's spooky but it's like fun. It's like very much trying to

It wants you to have a good time. Pay homage. Homage? I think so. Yeah. Homage, yeah. To like 70s slashery. Like there's like a lot of Texas Chainsaw vibes, which is, you know, maybe not the thing

to say to get you guys extra excited. I don't think that's so fun, but I know what you mean. But it's like also the porn industry and it's just like a lot of good vibes. You know how we talked about how there are like moments in pop culture where it's like remember it was like the prestige and the illusionist. Right now it's porn. 1970s. 1970s porn.

70s porn. And also just like Minx. Minx. X. Pam and Tommy, which I know isn't 70s porn but it's still like I just feel like all of a sudden there's like all this porn related content I love it I'm into it

and you know I'm so into oh my god is this set in the 70s yes 1979 I'm like so very inspired by 70s aesthetics right now. Oh, baby. Baby. I am loving it. I'm loving it.

Ba-da-ba-ba-ba, you know? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba, maybe? Mm-hmm. I give you some stats about it. Please. It has a 96% on Rotten Tomatoes. Holy shit. I'm honestly

like shocked by it. I mean, I really liked it, but horror movies never get that. Like ever. Do you think it has something to do with the fact that it's brand new and so the only people rating it like there aren't that do you know what I mean? Yeah, but I feel like it's been out for a couple weeks it's it's still impressive yeah i mean it

might it for sure might go down over time but i feel like i'm still impressed that it's this right out the gate yeah it's pretty cool strong start um but 79 on metacritic and a 7.4 on IMDb, which is still pretty high for those as well. Yeah, up in the sevens. Yeah. I couldn't find the budget, but it made 4.4 million opening weekend and it's made 7.2 million so far. That's meaningless to us because we don't know. That means nothing.

We don't know. We don't know the budget. We don't know the budget. We don't know the budget. So hopefully it was low budget. Hopefully. I think it was. i think it was i think it was okay um there's not a lot of trivia but i will remind you guys that ty west is part of the group of mumble gore okay i was like why do i know that name we've talked about him before maybe mentioned him he was in your next because that group kind of like rotates who's directing and who's acting and writing.

Like they all kind of work together a lot. But we haven't done either of his other movies that he directed, which are House of the Devil and The Innkeepers, which have both been requested a lot. So we'll definitely have to do them eventually. House of the Devil. Is that Alexander Daddario? No. Then fucking make it so fucking fucking mean, I guess. No, it's not.

No, Emily, it's not. Oh, is that just completely wrong? Well, I wish I knew what you were talking about. Yeah, who knows? I would have been like, oh, you're thinking of this, but I really can't think of what that would be. God fucking see. I want to see I want to see her in more things. I love

Alex Daddario. I've only ever seen her in White Lotus. Well, it's not the House of the Devil. It's not House of the Devil. If we could if we could just strike that from the conversation, that would be great because Emily, that was wrong. No. Yeah. if we could if we could just strike that from the conversation that would be great because emily that was wrong no yeah yeah i'm looking the other directors that are like mumble gore directors are the deplas brothers joe swanberg adam wingard amy smitz and the ones that we have covered are yeah you're next and we did creep which is available on our Patreon. Hated Creep. Hated it.

Hated Creep. It is upsetting. And this is the fifth horror movie for Mia Goth, who I just like love her as a little freaking scream queen. I was thinking of We Summon the Darkness. Oh, never heard of it. It's only related because it's a horror movie that stars Alexander. Which I somehow thought was this, or the other one, which it's not. So once again, freaking stupid.

But I just wanted you guys to know she is in a horror movie. And I think it came up because it was one that I was thinking about watching because I had read that it's like not so hard to watch. Maybe also Johnny Knoxville's in it. So Sammy. Oh, that's fun. You better check it out. I love him.

I'm a Steve-O girl at heart. I know. But you still, you know, you like them. I love them all. I love them all. You love them all. But yeah, I just love Mia Goth in everything, but also like specifically in horror. So she was in a cure for wellness, marrow bone, Suspiria, High Life. And now this.

I don't know if I would call High Life a horror movie. I've seen it. Is she having Shia LaBeouf's baby? Is that what's happening? Yes. Yes. No. Yeah.

That's that's that one's tough. That's I'm that is tough. I think it is tough. No. So they got together after F.K That's tough, I think. It is tough. No. So they got together after FKA Twigs, I guess? Weren't they together before? I think they were together before and then split up and then got back together. Yeah.

I don't even know if they're... Maybe they are currently together, but she's pregnant with them. No. I know. I know. That one's tough. That one's tough. I really wish her the best.

I wish him the best, too, to be completely honest. I want him to, you know, get well. Yeah. He's got a lot of trauma that he has to work through. Yeah. Ooh. Having a baby doesn't help with that. It doesn't help.

It doesn't give you time to focus on you, I would say. No. No, no, no, no, no, no. Especially when a lot of your trauma seems to be thrown out of perspective. I don't know anything. I don't know him, but related to his childhood. Absolutely. Oh, my gosh. Well, Mia Goth.

Which isn't the best? Mia Goth. I guess that's all we have to say about that. Okay. All you can do is laugh because there's something else to do. Well, should we watch this trailer? I think that's what we can do is laugh because there's something else to do uh well should we watch this trailer i think that's what we can do farmer's daughter take one i need to be famous wayne all the best people are there's nobody else out there like you you know why why because you got that X back there. Our days of struggling may soon be over.

Hollywood, here we come. So this is it. Our own studio backlog. You're looking for a place to stay? Yes, sir. That's one ugly son of a bitch. And my wife, Pearl, is next door. So I would appreciate a little discretion.

You don't know what we're doing, does he? Well, it's better to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission. Would you like to come inside? What's the buzz? I want to be in the movie. Well, you can't. The story can't just change midway through. If Daddy catches us, there's no telling what he might do.

My wife is not well. It happens after dark. Maxine? What was that? That's touching me! You don't want to leave, do you? People's eyes are gonna pop out of their damn skulls when they see this. What the... Are you alright?

No. One of the boys found this inside. What do you think is on it? one of the boys found this inside what do you think is on it i see one goddamn fucked up horror picture i'm excited oh my god i'm really excited it looks fun jenna ortega is so watchable and so freaking cute. How good is that freaking scream from her? What a good scream.

Oh, my God. Yeah, she is destined to be a little horror movie star. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Also, I didn't know that Kid Cudi's name was Scott. Scott Miscuddy. I didn't know that his name was Scott. It is.

Yeah. But I feel like his IMDB is under Kid is yeah but I feel like He's his IMDB Is under Kid Cudi I mean that's how he's known He's great in it He's so great I mean nobody loves Shout out to Silent John nobody loves Kid Cudi Like Silent John loves Kid Cudi

But he's just so he's so great And the other guy In it I like while watching He looks really familiar to me What is this guy looks so familiar. What is this guy from? It's Martin Henderson. He's the main guy in the ring, which is kind of fun because I haven't like seen him.

And I don't think anything between those two things. It was like 1999, 2000. Yeah, it was like roughly 20 years ago. Yeah. Wow. I mean, I'm sure he has been in stuff, but I just like haven't seen him in that in anything in a while. And so

it took me a while to place him. And then I was like, oh, that's fun. He's from horror movies that we've talked about. They really made the old guy look like the creepy old grandpa from Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Yeah. I feel like his like scary long hair and bald head.

Yeah. Like my wife isn't well after dark. I was like, is this the visit? Is this the visit again? Yeah. Yeah. It is similar. Or take, or the what's the one with Katherine Hahn? Which one? Oh, is that the visit? That's the visit. Oh, I was thinking you were thinking of

Relic. See, I'm not the only stupid one. I'm stupid. We're all stupid. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you make one mistake, you're stupid. I was never

trying to say I wasn't stupid, for the record. You're not stupid. You're not stupid. Don't talk about my friend like that. Aww, cute. Alright, should we freaking find out about this movie? Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In the past

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...reliable. But I think that... I think I'll do a pretty good job. I think you're going to be great. I really believe in you. So we start on some police cars arriving at like a crime scene. This is like a little farmhouse and kind of a swamp. It's like a swampy part of Texas. It was actually filmed in New Zealand, but it's set in Texas. Oh, interesting.

Yeah. It's set in Texas. Interesting. Yeah. And there are like covered bodies everywhere, like with, you know, blankets over them. But we see like some shit has gone down here and these cops are trying to piece it together. And on the TV inside this farmhouse, a broadcast is playing of like a televangelist preacher saying like talking about sin and if you don't repent for your sins like you'll be going to hell and that kind of thing we're going to see this broadcast repeated a lot okay and then we go back in time basically to find

out how we got here okay so this is the house but that is currently behind you yeah and i actually usually don't like when movies start at the end. I always feel like it's kind of a cheap hook. Yeah. But I think it kind of works here because of the whole vibe of the movie. I just didn't. It didn't bother me here. Wait.

Sorry. Did you say there are a lot of like their bodies? Yes. Everywhere. Yeah. Can you tell how many or is it just kind of like in the background? You can't really see. We see at least three. Okay. And. Yeah. Can you tell how many or is it just kind of like in the background? You can't really see. We see at least three.

Okay. And there's a lot of blood everywhere. Like it's clear that something bad happened here. And is this when we seen from the trailer, the police talking and finding the camera? Does that happen later? That's later. Okay. Okay.

Okay. So, yeah, we then now we go back in time and we go to meet Mia Goth's character. Hey, Mia. Her name is Maxine Minx. And she is a porn star. And we meet her. She's like in this back room doing coke and saying to herself in the mirror, I will not accept a life I do not deserve. Yikes. life i do not deserve yikes and in walks her boyfriend wayne who is martin henderson from the

ring uh who is like the producer kind of sleazy producer like he's really channeling kind of a matthew mcconaughey and magic mike type of vibe um they like we like matthew mcconaughey and magic mike i mean it's true it's true but you know what i mean like just you know sort of be careful like what we're saying about maybe a even a sleazier version of that great that i can take so this is her boyfriend and there's like talk of like oh we're gonna make you a star she really wants to be famous and they are going to hit the road and go to another location to film a porno. And they all get in the car. We meet the other stars of the porno, which are Brittany Snow and Kid Cudi. Their names are Bobby Lynn and Jackson Hole.

are Bobby Lynn and Jackson Hole. And they all like pile into this van, which is very much like the beginning of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, where it's like the group of them getting in the van, driving into the Texas countryside. And as they're driving out, Wayne is handing out copies of the script for the porn. It's called The Farmer's Daughters. And they're reading it again, like everyone's pretty excited, like feeling like this is a time when the porn industry is like booming. further in the back of the van rj and lorraine lorraine is jenna ortega rj is um owen campbell and rj is the director and so he's the one with the camera filming and lorraine will be running

sound and it's lorraine is his girlfriend and she's kind of quiet and looks out of place and is like a little shocked by like this isn't her normal scene um so they like stop for gas on their way out and the gas prices are 60 cents a gallon the whole theater had a big laugh that's great i saw for the first time a number starting with seven the other day and not for diesel for regular gasoline. Holy shit. That's real bad. It's gotten real bad in LA. I mean it's not bad

everywhere but like. No that's really because we were just driving to Maryland and it was like four dollars. That was when it was good here. Yeah. Fuck. Sorry sorry guys yeah it's bad um but they stop at this gas station and wayne and maxine go in the store and she again is like saying like i want to be famous wayne she's got a good southern accent me a goth normally british and he's telling her like you are going to be famous

because you've got that x factor oh but the title x is like also a reference to x ratings i guess in the 70s having an x rating meant that you could play in the theater without having to like go through the mpaa or something and then And then the MPAA got rid of it and changed it to NC-17. Yeah, I feel like all of a sudden I was like, oh yeah, I remember things being like X-rate. And now I'm like, oh no, it's just NC-17. Yeah, they don't do it anymore. But it was like a loophole

at the time that you could play porn in theaters as long as you said it's rated X. I think you gotta go to a special theater for it now. You've gotta go to a special theater. Yeah, I was gonna say, I think they had theaters where you were... Or, you know, like I said, it's rated X. I think you got to go to a special theater for it now. You've got to go to a special theater. Yeah, I was going to say, I think they had like theaters where you were. Or, you know, your computer at home. Yes.

Everyone was like masturbating in those theaters, but then they got rid of those theaters. There was one. There was one by my house in LA when I first moved to LA. I never went to it, but it was. Can you imagine if I did go to it? I'd be so. I wouldn't shame you if you did. No, that would be fun though.

I would be surprised. Yeah, I'm not shaming anyone. But if I went in there, I would be so uncomfortable. But I guess my only interpretation of it is like things that I have seen in movies. So, yeah, I'm like picturing like just like a room full of men, like vigorously masturbating and like me. And they're like, honestly, probably. That probably is what it is. I don't know what else it would be like a family of four going.

Sounds bad. Sounds bad. Sounds bad. So, again, in this convenience store at the gas station, we see that televangelist on the TV again being like, the wrath of God is going to rain down upon you. So we get this contrast of like these people in the porn industry and, you know, this religious guy being like, the times are changing and all these people are going to hell. Outside, we see RJ starting to film a bit with Jackson hole and Bobby Lynn. And it's like Jackson putting gas in the car and they frame it in such a way that it like looks like his dick.

And, and RJ at some point has a conversation with Lorraine where she's like a little bit like grossed out by it. And it's like, how can you do this? Like what, what, why do you want to do this kind of movie?

And he's like, we're making it artistic. Like, this is going to be a good picture. Like, it's not going to be like the other ones. Like, ours is going to be elevated. Like, I'm a good director. I'd like I care about this. And so she's like, all right, she's she's along for the ride, but doesn't seem like super into it so they continue on and they arrive at uh the farmhouse that they'll be staying at and wayne gets out of the van and goes to knock on the front door to tell the person he said he's like called ahead and spoke to this man on the phone he has a spare house like guest house and am I talking in like a slight Southern accent? I just heard myself. Just when you were talking,

when you're saying what RJ said. You were, but I thought that was intentional. Did you not mean to be? You were just saying what RJ said and he has a Southern accent, right? That part I was, I think, meaning to say it. But just now in this talking about Wayne knocking on the door, I was like,

am I talking in a Southern accent? Am I? Oh my, that sounded a little bit honestly you could and it would just lull me it's fine if i do forgive me if i do forgive me forgive me if i do i'm just getting into character you're good at it um so wayne knocks on the front door and howard the old man whose property this is answers it with a shotgun pointed at him. And yeah, you just said shotgun. Shotgun.

Shotgun. I don't know what it is. I'm just a kid. You're in the zone. I'm in the zone. But it's a stressful scene. He's obviously scared and it's like, hey, I called you on the phone. Howard doesn't seem to remember.

And it's like, this is private property. Get off my property. And they see the rest of the group sees from inside the van like this doesn't look right. They see like the front of a shotgun pointing out of the car and they're like, oh, something's wrong. And Maxine opens the glove compartment and there's a handgun in there and they like start grabbing it. But then the situation is diffused. Howard remembers and he's like, no, I called you. I spoke to you about renting the place, your guest house.

And he's like, oh, right, right, right. Of course, lowers the the shotgun sets it down he says it's not even loaded anyways wayne is like oh i get it i have the same i have one in my unloaded gun in my glove compartment too like i get it then howard says like i i thought it was just going to be you staying here he sees that there's like a whole group of people. That look like young. They're dressed like. They're made. They're dressed like porn stars.

So he's a handful of sluts. And he's like wait. Yeah. Oh and Howard also has the televangelist playing. So he's like eyeing them. And being like these are like undesirables on my property type of type of look. And Wayne pays him extra. He's like, I know I'm sorry, but I thought maybe I'll just pay you like triple or something and hands him a big wad of cash.

And that seems to put Howard's mind at ease. And he's like, all right, fine. Starts walking them out to the guest house. They're walking through. It's like at ease. And he's like, all right, fine. Starts walking them out to the guest house. They're walking through. It's like these. Oh, my goodness. Gorgeous. Wow.

Jenny Ortega looks like she's nine years old. She does look really young. I had to look up how old she is because I was like, wait, how is she hanging out with them? How old is she? Is she like 22? She's 19. 19. Yeah, that's young.

She's a youngie young. Young. 19. Yeah, that's young. She's a youngie young. Young. Yeah. So they walk out to the guest house, which is just a couple hundred feet away from the main house. And oh, before they walk away, Maxine sees an old woman in the top floor window of the main house watching them and gets a little creeped out by it. them and gets a little creeped out by it they go out to the guest house and howard leaves like gets them like settled in as like please like use discretion my wife like doesn't know that you guys are all here and not that she doesn't know i guess but like just don't upset my wife my wife's not well and like just can you keep it down and stuff i think lorraine is the one that

says like they don't know what we're doing here do they and uh wayne says better to ask forgiveness than permission type of thing like so no they don't and they start filming and we get kind of like long scenes of the like porn film that they're making and we saw a little bit in the trailer of like jackson hole arriving and bobby lynn being like do you want to come inside and he says much obliged like there's a lot of fun little cheesy porn dialogue it's great it's super fun but it's like kind of long in that scene it's like oh we're really like watching the the porn story for a bit um and it's as the farmer's daughter's title might suggest she's the her her daddy's a farmer and he's out of town out of the house right now he'll be back later and like i can fix you some lemonade type of thing and while this is happening maxine goes out to like walk around

the property a bit because this isn't this isn't her scene they're filming other scenes first so she goes out wearing like shorts overalls with nothing underneath like no top underneath it's like very sexy little outfit but also like walking through these long weeds in i don't know i just i'm like so i hate bugs so much you're like bug bites bug bites on my boobs bugs bugs everywhere my boobs yeah i'd be wearing a turtleneck and um but she finds a there's like a lake with a dock and she walks out on the dock and is like dipping her toes in the water. And we see a little shot of an alligator in the in the reeds. And she decides that she's going to go swimming.

She takes off the overalls and goes in and she's just like floating on her back and we see the old woman peek out from behind a tree like watching her in a way that is kind of funny i think like the visit like it's just like it's like oh is she naked it's yeah it's very funny but also like we know this is not gonna be good whatever this lady's doing it's not gonna be good and we get this like really cool overhead shot of maxine laying in the water and a huge fucking alligator like swimming towards her from far away and she turns and like starts swimming back in she doesn't notice it and makes it back to the dock without the alligator reaching her and doesn't even notice it okay but it's a stressful little scene would an alligator just come up and eat you that's not a thing? No. No. They have to be provoked,

right? Well, they either have to I mean, if it was very I don't fucking know. You're from Florida. Emily's from Florida. She's the expert. I grew up in Florida. No, no. Truly, they won't. They're very lazy and their metabolism is really slow. So they're not going to like expend

extra energy. If they're very, very, very hungry, they'll eat you. But mainly the reason why alligators eat people is they think that they're fish. So like dipping your little feet in the water, right? Like that makes them get you because they think that you're a fish.

They don't want to go after a human. If they know you're a human. If your whole body's in the water, it's actually maybe safer than if just your feet are in the water? I think so. I think, like, the splashing is what, like, you know, they think. Prompts them. It's like a fish jumping or something. That's kind of similar to sharks.

I feel like sharks, they go for, like, people on surfboards because it's, like, a different shape than a human shape. It's, like, closer to a seal shape. They should know better. That's true. Maybe alligators should know better. They're all stupid. They're all pretty stupid. Which is interesting when you think about it. They've been alive for

so long. Alligators and sharks are like two of the oldest species. They should have figured it out by now. Intelligence would help you survive that long, but that's not what it seems to be. They don't need it. They're doing just fine. They're doing just fine. And I should mention there's this, like, the editing style of this.

It kind of goes back and forth between the current scene and the next scene in a way that's kind of interesting and kind of distracting. of interesting and kind of distracting like it'll show a few frames of the next scene and then go back to the scene and like go back and forth a few times before fully transitioning to the next scene it's a little jarring but it's also like kind of like oh you don't often see people taking risks with editing and so yeah it's kind of fun to see i don't know that it fully works but i like that they tried it okay cool right why not why not i'm trying to picture in my head what that would be like and i'm struggling to yeah it's weird it's it's like a little unsettling yeah it's just kind of like makes you do a double take for a second i think that's probably the intended effect of just like feels like what

and then it's like okay so then she somehow oh as she like gets out of the lake the old woman sees her in a more like normal setting like maybe she's out on the porch or something and wait beckons her to come inside and maxine is definitely creeped out by her but doesn't know that she was watching her in the water so she's not as creeped out by her as she should be yet and she goes inside she's like we're on this woman's property like probably i don't want to be rude and still like topless basically she's in her overalls yeah yeah and the old woman doesn't look like angry about it. She's more like coveting it. Like she's like very intrigued by Maxine.

And but she doesn't say much to her. She literally like beckons her in wordlessly. And Maxine goes in and sits in the kitchen with her. And the old woman's name is Pearl. And Pearl pours her a tall glass of lemonade and they're sitting there and maxine just chugs the lemonade because she's very uncomfortable it's pretty funny she just like downs an entire glass of lemonade and then it's like well i better be going and she gets up to leave and pearl stops her and he's like let me just show you like this photo there there's photos hung up in the entryway like near the front door and photos of

her younger and she shows her her and her husband younger and she's like this is me and howard um i used to be a dancer and there's photos of her as a dancer. And she's like looking at it very nostalgically, like clearly thinking about her youth and like, look how beautiful I used to be. And Maxine is kind of like feels sad for her and is taking a bit of pity on her, I guess, and being a little softens to her kind of. and being a little softens to her kind of and um as she's looking at some of the photos we hear howard's truck come back he was gone and he like returns home and pearl's like you should go it'll be our little secret and as she says that she reaches out and touches like the side of maxine's like breast because she's in a like a not hat she doesn't have a shirt on and touches like the side of Maxine's like breast. Cause she's in like a not hatch, doesn't have a shirt on and touches her in like an inappropriate way. And Maxine is very grossed out.

It's like, what'll be our secret? Like, what the fuck are you talking about? And then just leaves. Cause Howard's approaching and she just is freaked out and, and runs out. Oh,

as she gets back to the guest house wayne is like hurry up hurry up it's your scene it's your time and again we see like a full scene of this porn film where maxine is milking a cow and she's in the same outfit in these overalls so this is her her porn scene outfit and she's milking a cow and uh jackson hole comes in and they talk about oh you must have been with my sister like she's so jealous of me because i'm younger and prettier and they like end up going back to the house to have sex i can't actually remember how you know how the how the porn plot goes but we fill in the... We'll fill in the pieces. We'll fill in the pieces. It's got to lead to them having sex.

And the way that this is filmed is like Maxine is a star. Like, we saw Lorraine as she's recording sound for Bobby Lynn and Jackson Hole scene. And she was kind of like intrigued but a little still like not grossed out but just like this is a lot. But she looks hypnotized by Maxine having sex. Like she is clearly

you can't take your eyes off her. She is a star. Interesting. Okay. And as she's having sex with Jackson Hole we see Pearl peeking into that window. No, Pearl, get out of there. Pearl, you're gross. It's gross.

And she's also like very much in the shot. Like the window is. This is like reading very funny to me, even though I know it's technically not. It's a little funny, but the camera is facing that direction. So she would be in the shot. And they don't stop. They don't notice her. And so it's just funny to imagine the people watching that porn later.

Wait, do we think that Lorraine actually is in love with Maxine? Wait, Lorraine's the sound. Is Jenny Ortega, right? Or what's her name? jenny ortega right or what's her yeah is it jenny ortega i think it's just that she is like whoa this is okay she's just feeling it it's she's kind of it's kind of like that moment where she's thinking like i get it now like this is hot maybe i don't think she's in love with her but she's just it's like oh this is gonna this works yeah something clicks for her okay all right and there's like a shot where maxine looks over her shoulder and sees pearl and a quick shot where i assume this is pearl's imagination where pearl is having sex with Jackson Hole. And it's a very, it's an unsettling moment. But then Pearl goes home and asks Howard to have sex.

She's like horny now. And Howard is like, you know, I can't. They're very old. They're like, they are 80s or 90s. And he says, you know, I can't my heart. And she's trying to caress his face and kiss him. And he like pushes her off. He's like, I love you so much.

But, you know, I can't like is too dangerous. I know it's really sad. Like they just are too old to have sex. And she's just, I don't know. She's like so unhappy. And so, yeah, she's so sad by this. She goes upstairs by herself and is just looking at herself in the mirror, brushing her hair, yearning for her youth. And she puts on maxine is wearing bright blue eyeshadow we see pearl putting on the bright blue eyeshadow imagining herself younger it's very sad i think a lot of this movie is kind of a reflection on aging and the loss of youth and that that uh not being in your prime and it's it's yeah it's sad that's sad that's sad it's very sad

that night we see the crew all sitting around in the living room of their guest house talking to each other again Lorraine is asking them about she's more interested now in asking them like well how do you guys do this doesn't it

make you feel weird having sex uh on camera for other people to see bobby lynn and maxine are very much like it's just sex like it's our bodies and it's like it feels good and we like doing it and it's you know not a not a relationship bobby sorry bobby and jackson hole are kind of in a relationship not it's it's clearly loose she says she calls him he's my boyfriend sometimes so they but they're but they're you know have feelings for each other but so everyone's explaining why they like what they do they're like this is our choice we we like our lives we like this and lorraine is like you know i don't know if i agree with all of that but i like what i saw today like i i get it more than i did before and she says so i want to be in the movie. Huge 180.

Huge 180. And RJ is like, what? And he, by the way, has just been like defending the porn industry and been like, it's totally fine. And like, this movie is going to be really good. But then she's like, OK, well, I want to be in it. And he's like, excuse me gonna be really good but then she's like okay well i want to be in it and he's like excuse me like you can't like absolutely not and she's like what do you mean absolutely not and wayne also is like well wait wait wait a second here like let's let the lady let's find out what she has to say i don't know rj then comes at it from more of a like

well the story you can't change the story halfway through. The script's been written. And Lorraine says, what about Psycho? You always talk about how you love Psycho. That movie changes halfway through. And he's like, that's a thriller. That's something they were trying to do. Like, that's not what we're setting out to do. But it's a fun little meta moment because this is kind of where this movie takes a turn and tonally becomes something else but wayne wants

her to be in the movie uh very much he's the producer and it's like she should make her own decisions and she says like i want to i want to do it and so they start shooting a scene with her and jackson we don't really see it they don don't show hers as much because she's 19. She's 19 years old. And at the time of filming, maybe 18 years old. Yeah. Great point. Which, you know, legal, but gross. Barely.

Gross. So they afterwards all go to bed. We see RJ crying in the shower. And I, at this point the way this shower scene is filmed it's filmed overhead again and i'm thinking we're gonna get like a psycho psycho shower death uh we don't but it's um just fun to have a little little shower moment also to mark this turn from like story to now it's going to become a bloodbath. Oh, boy.

And he after his shower storms out. And again, everybody's in bed sleeping and he gets in the van and angrily says, you know, we'll see how they do without me. Like he's just going to leave them there. What? What a, like, freaking hypocrite. Yeah, with a little baby. He's having a little tantrum, for sure. Yeah.

Maybe he wouldn't have gone through with it, but we'll never know. We won't know, probably. We won't know. So he is driving away, but stops because Pearl is standing in the driveway. driving away but stops because pearl is standing in the driveway and he gets out and you know he looks concerned and and goes up to her and says ma'am are you okay um she says no and she's you know just being kind of silent and creepy. And we know that nothing good is about to happen. Oh, no. And she starts, like, caressing him and trying to kiss him.

And he obviously is not into it and is pushing her away. Like, ma'am, like, can I get your husband? Like, are you like, do you need me to help you get inside? The woman wants to have sex sex her husband can't do it and he pushes her off and is like lady i'm not i'm not doing that with you and she stabs him right in the throat it's really it's like almost a jump scare and he stumbles back and falls backwards and she straddles him and is just watching him kind of choke on like the knife and blood like the knife is and goes stabs again and again and again and again. And then just like keep stabbing.

It is like spraying blood. This is happening right in front of the van. So the headlights are shining on them and this blood splatter gets on the headlights. So then it's all like red lighting. It looks very cool. But she stabs his head so many times that she his head. Sorry, his neck so she's almost decapitating him but not from slicing just from so many and she gets drenched in blood and then she gets up and she starts dancing

And she gets up and she starts dancing. Oh my God. She was a dancer when she was young. She was a dancer. She's feeling herself. She's feeling herself. And this is a scene in which I cried, which is... What? It's definitely not meant to be a scene that you cry in.

But I, at this point point really felt for her like she she just it feels like she's just waiting to die at this point it's kind of how they set up her life like she just has nothing to look forward to in life she can't have sex with her husband it just made me feel really sad and it's's like, this is the moment where she feels alive again. It was like something to give her, make her like feel something. I'm not saying she should have done it. I'm not saying it was good. I'm not saying it was right. But like the way that it gives her joy that she can't get from anything else in her life just made me cry. I was like, I don't know if i was very moved by it um i get it and everybody else in the theater was laughing and laughing which oh they were laughing yes there was a i mean people laughed a lot in this movie and i think about similarly that happened in mandy because people think of Nicolas Cage as an over the top actor that you laugh at wrong

it's not right it's not correct it's not correct and I don't know I think there's something in horror movies that you kind of it touches you want to release yeah it's crying and laughing are not all that different in that moment it's like they're feeling something and they have to release it

you it provoked tears because tears because you can access that. Exactly. But I understand why the same moment would make people laugh because they're just like, you know. You got to release that energy somewhere. You got to get it out. You can't keep it in. You cannot keep it. So then we go back into the guest house and see that lorraine is waking up and seeing that rj's

gone she's wants to go find him and this is the music also changes here um the music is really good it's like i can only describe it as porno horror music you know the like in porn oh yeah it's like that but like slowed down to a to a way that's like very creepy but you it's the same instrumentation that you would hear in 70s porn music i loved it and so wayne also wakes up i think he's in the kitchen and lorraine finds him in the kitchen and asks him for help to find RJ. And he looks outside and is like, well, the van's still here. So he's here somewhere. Is it middle of the night?

It's middle of the night. Yeah. It's still middle of the night. Okay. And Wayne is in just tighty-whities. Great. And he's like, I'll go. I'll go.

We'll go find him. He's here somewhere. The van's here. He's got to be on the property. So they go out and wayne is barefoot in just the tidy white he's walking around this like swampy land at night time which again mosquitoes mosquitoes snakes uh sharp sticks sticks and to make matters worse they split up he says i will check the barn you i don't know check elsewhere so he goes into the barn by himself and it shows his feet like bare feet walking along the hay in the barn and i'm thinking and this guy's got to get some shoes on. And of course, the camera pans down and we see a nail, an upright nail right in his path

from a floorboard sticking out. And he steps on it, goes right through his foot. He starts screaming. It's pouring a lot of blood. And then he has to continue to walk through this nasty fucking hay with a open wound in his foot it's really gross and he sees there are three holes in the side of the wall of the barn and he sees like a shadow pass by and he's trying to yell he thinks it's lorraine and it's like lorraine i need help i like stepped on something and starts crawling over to the three holes and lorraine doesn't respond and he gets closer and looks at the like puts his eye straight up to one of the holes

we know this is not good to be good and a fucking pitchfork comes through those three holes. And plucks his eyes like right out of his head. No! Plucks! And it's funny because he says a line earlier about the porn that they're making. He's like, people's eyes are going to pop out of their heads. It's just a fun little foreshadowing. Would it be that easy to just pluck an eye out? I don't think so.

Probably not. That pitchfork has to be perfectly spaced. Probably not. But it's very much like that kind of grindhouse vibe, 70s horror. So again, it makes it a little bit funny. Then we see Lorraine is going up to the main house and Howard comes out and is like, what are you doing out here in the middle of night? Lorraine says, my boyfriend's missing.

I'm wondering if you can help me find him. And he's like, okay, okay. Like, come on in. Like, let's grab some flashlights. And he has a flashlight and says i've got another one down in my basement just go grab it okay and now is he scary we're not sure yet okay he's not like comforting presence but sure we're kind of it's possible at this point that maybe he's just worried about his wife and trying to like keep

the people on his property like out of her business as much as possible we're not sure but pretty soon here we're going to find out so she looks a little nervous to go

down into the basement understandably but she goes down and sure enough, there's a flashlight right there and she says, got it, grabs it, starts running back up and he closes the door on her and locks it. Oh, god dammit. Locks her in that basement. So he's not good. He's not good. Nope, nope, nope. And she's banging on the door, can't get out, freaking out, and then runs back down into the basement to see if there's like another way out, shining her flashlight around. And there is a man's hung up corpse, like hanging from the ceiling.

And it's like really bruised around the penis area which i really really don't like the implication here what wait what so it's like a fresh corpse it's pretty like a new corpse but it's not rj it's not rj no oh no oh no no no oh no no no and she's all this is actually where she does her good scream and she goes what if that was the acting choice that

Jen Ortega made at this moment? Just going the full Patty Harrison and I think you should leave. Then it would be funny. Okay, so there's a corpse hanging up. I wrote a corpse with a beat up penis. That's a phrase that

I don't like. Sammy! A beat up penis! I know. I really don't like that. I don't like it at all. Can we see his face at all? Or we don't really know who he is. I think it's an unknown person. You can kind of see his face, but yeah, I think it's just someone

else that was on this property at a time. It's, yeah, I think the implication someone else that was on this property at a time it's yeah i think the implication is that it was pearl's previous little sex slave and that maybe howard is trying to satisfy give his wife something to satisfy her in a way that he can't so maybe this is something they've done before oh well it is too dangerous to have sex with her then and he is not wrong yeah his heart would give out his heart would definitely give out he can't beat up his old penis oh my god we go back to the barn and we see pearl coming in she's drenched in blood and carrying the pitchfork and she walks up to wayne's body and slowly stabs it to make sure he's dead and he is but it's kind of funny she's just like poke poke poke he's dead and Howard now is walking out to the guest

house with his shotgun and knocks on the door Jackson gets up and opens the door no and Howard says my wife is I can't find my wife this happens sometime at night sometimes at nighttime she gets confused can you help me find her Jackson says like I was in

there's a there's a moment earlier where Howard says how he was like fought in World War II and Jackson is like this is how I'm going to get on this guy's good side. Like, we're both veterans. Like, I got you. I got you. I'm going to help you, man. And then it zooms out to a wide shot and it's a silhouette. And you just see Jackson's like huge penis. He's just completely naked. You just see the silhouette of his like dick hanging between his legs. And it's it's enormous.

And Ty West actually did a Reddit AMA recently. And someone said, is Kid Cudi's penis that big or is that a prosthetic? And he wrote some things are better left like unsaid or something like that. So I'm sure it's a prosthetic. We'll never know. It's got to be a prosthetic. Not that Kid Cudi's dick must be small, but I think in general they do prosthetics for this kind of thing yeah yeah and so yeah he says yeah i'll help you let me get let me get my draws on and they go and head towards the lake and they split up and go

different directions around the lake and as jackson is walking he sees a little like vw car in the water like sunk into the lake it was also similar to psycho and he's concerned by that but is more concerned about the missing old lady i mean you'd think they're just like a little old couple there what could they do what could they do what could they do totally yeah and so he does a lap and he doesn't find pearl and then gets back to howard and is like you know i don't think she's out here also like i was thinking like yeah if you fought in vietnam like walking around a farmhouse at night looking for an old woman is

not going to feel scary, right? I feel like you've done this. Unless you have PTSD. Right. He gets back to Howard and says, I didn't see her, and Howard just shoots him in the chest with the shotgun. Oh my god. Okay.

Okay, fine, Howard.ard fine why make him walk why don't you shoot him right away i don't know why i don't know i want to like help he's like maybe you can find it maybe pearl will have fun we see pearl going into the guest house and now it's just maxine and bobby lynn in They're both sleeping. And Pearl goes into Maxine's room. And she gets naked. And she slides into the bed next to her. And Maxine is also naked. And I really hated this part.

I'm like dissociating now. Stop retelling it. That's kind of it. But she just like touches her. She's just like caressing her and she's also like still covered in blood so she's getting like blood on her side. I have a feeling

I think. What? What? What? Look at that hair. It's so gross. She's just like rubbing her and like getting turned on. And Maxine is just like completely asleep. It's so gross.

Ew. We see Lorraine back in the basement looking around. She finds an axe and she starts chopping at the at the basement door to get back into the house it's very like the shining and she creates a little yeah like a little strip to like look through and of course it's the opposite side of where the door handle is so she has to reach her arm out and around to try to reach and howard of course comes back and fucking smashes her hand with the back of his shotgun and literally like smashes one of her fingers off like smashes it so hard she's screaming pulls her hand back in screaming and crying. Lorraine can't get out of the basement.

Back in the house, we see Bobby Lynn in bed and Maxine wakes up screaming. And Bobby Lynn hears it. We actually see like there's a moment of Pearl. Maxine turns over to face Pearl with her eyes still closed, still asleep. And Pearl is just like laying, they're laying face to face, just right next to each other. And eventually Maxine opens her eyes and starts screaming. Bobby Lynn hears it, jumps up,

opens her door, sees naked Pearl like running out of the house. Maxine goes into Maxine's room. Maxine's screaming, that woman was in here in my bed touching me. And everybody's very freaked out. Bobby Lynn chases after the woman and finds her on standing on the edge of the dock and just looking almost catatonic. And Bobby Lynn turns, like, grabs her by the shoulders and says, Ma'am, like, my nana used to get confused, too. Like,

I can help you. I need to get you back into your bed. And Pearl comes back, too, calls her a whore and pushes her in the water. And that alligator just freaking chomps her

and does that fucking death spiral. Oh. I fucking hate that so much. And apparently this was, like, mostly practical, and Brittany Snow had to, like, a fake alligator, but, like, was really, like, spun with a model alligator. And apparently it was still painful because it wasn't, like, yeah.

Horrible. And then they did, I had a stunt person do it, too. But it looks, yeah, it looks real. It looks like she gets killed by an alligator. Oh, my God. And this is when Howardard finds pearl and together they start walking back to the guest house uh we see or yeah to yeah to the guest house and we see maxine seeing them come at maxine was like about to run out but sees them coming and so runs back

in like well i gotta hide in here um also probably heard bobby lynn like screaming and dying and so runs back in like well i gotta hide in here um also probably heard bobby lynn like screaming and dying and so knows everything is not good she already knew that but knows it even more now uh howard and pearl come in to search the house thinking only they they like know how many people they've killed so they're like like, there's only one left, one in the basement too. We got to find Maxine. And they look at the house, search the house and they can't find her. And they're like, yeah, she's not in here. And they sit down on her bed.

And again, Pearl is just like coming on to her husband. And she's like, I just like, do you even think I'm pretty anymore? Do you even love me anymore? Like, just can't we just have sex and he's like okay all right we can try like oh they start having sex and of course that maxine is under the bed like what the is going on just hearing them have sex and while they're having sex she crawls out from under the bed and is able to escape while they're distracted and she runs into the main house as she runs the main house she sees she runs past rj's body and so we see that his head is yeah like basically detached she's fucking freaked out by that and she runs into the main house because the van doesn't have the keys so she needs the car she needs the car keys and she grabs the

the gun from the glove compartment but it's not loading she doesn't know that and she runs to the house is looking for the keys here's lorraine screaming and goes to let lorraine out of the basement and is like come with me like we gotta get out of here i gotta find the car keys and lorraine starts screaming at her this is all your fucking fault i fucking hate you like leave me alone and like the whole reason i this is like i'm here because of you guys and like i shouldn't even be here and she just runs straight out the front door and the second she steps out boom she gets shot in the side of the head by a shotgun mac oh howard and pearl have returned are done having sex yeah and so lorraine gone and but they don't know that pearl is uh or that maxine is in the house so they're not like rushing to get in and they start kind of slowly grabbing

lorraine's body trying to drag it in for some reason they're so like they're so healthy for like 80 and 90 year olds theyolds. They're very bright. They do this a lot. That's how you stay fit. Yeah, super fit. Moving dead bodies. Yeah, it's a great workout. Mm-hmm.

And so Howard is dragging Lorraine's body in. And as he gets her just inside the front step, she has a moment of, like, a last little, like, blood spurtle thing. Like, I don't know, a little reaction. Like, she's not going to survive, but she just has a little jerky motion. And it scares Howard, and he has a heart attack and dies. What? Okay.

And collapses. Sure. Maxine sees this happen, sizes up the situation and is like all right he had the shotgun in his other hand and so pearl doesn't have the shotgun maxine thinks thinks i've got a gun pearl doesn't i like these chances so she just goes straight up to pearl and is like where the fucking car keys and pearl is crying sobbing her husband has just died and she's like tells her where they are they're in the kitchen maxine goes and grabs them and by the time she gets back pearl has grabbed the shotgun and maxine fires her gun at her doesn't have doesn't have any bullets and so then pearl is able to get the

shotgun and shoot at maxine but she's clearly not as good with the shotgun she doesn't like aim great and the force of the shotgun shoots her backwards she like comically flies like 15 feet out of the front door of the house like onto the front porch area and um is screaming in pain she's broken her hip and also during all this again this like televangelist is still on the tv screen it's's always in the background. And Maxine walks out of the house. I think she probably grabs the shotgun too and is now looking like, well,

like it's game over. I've won and looks down at Pearl. Pearl is crying to her for help. It's like, please, please help me. Maxine does the little quiet place. With her finger and then pearl starts screaming at her and is like she says like i was i was beautiful like you you're gonna be just like me one day you're gonna be just like me and you'll understand and maxine grabs or gets into the truck and reverses right over pearl's head

and then drives back over it the head explodes like a watermelon and as she is she drives up off and she does a little line of cocaine off of her hand. And she says to herself, I will not accept a life I don't deserve. And then we cut back to the next day, presumably where the where we started the movie, where the cops are on the scene again, surveying the scene. Now we know like whose body is whose which is kind of fun we see on the tv the televangelist guy saying i i have firsthand experience of losing someone to a life of sin and he turns to a photo and we see that maxine is his daughter and says my daughter left the church for a life of sin and i need all of us to pray for her

and outside we see the other cop discovering the camera and bringing it up to the main deputy or detective guy and is like what do you reckon's on this and he says probably one goddamn fucked up horror picture. And that's the end of the movie. Wait. Wow. I really thought something like supernatural was going on with Pearl, but there wasn't. She was just a crazy psychopathic 90-year-old. She's driven mad by... Being old and horny.

Aging. Yeah. Being old and horny. Being old and horny aging yeah and being old and horny old and horny then there is a post credits scene and some fun trivia that's gonna blow your guys's minds so pearl is also played by mia goff oh which is similar to the like Tilda Swinton in Suspiria which Mia Goff was also in which I think is kind of interesting. Oh. Okay. Okay. But they're

not even though she played Pearl it's not like she was Pearl or anything like that. You know what I mean? No but. I kept thinking there was going to be something like that going on with all this. No, but in the post credit scene, they it's like a grindhouse style trailer for a movie called Pearl. That's about young Pearl, who is, again, Mia Goth. Mia Goth.

And that movie is actually happening and they've already filmed it all and it comes out later this year. Whoa. Isn't that crazy? I guess A24 like greenlit it immediately because Ty West they were already there and they filmed it like right back to back. He had already written another script and was like we've built

this set. Mia Goth is down to like stay for three more months to do this next movie. So they just did it one right after the other. Whoa, that's crazy. So it's in post right now. And we'll get to find out more about Pearl. It's like a

prequel to X kind of. Yeah. Wow. X is a full franchise now. That's very cool. I like that. I like that. I like that a lot. Yeah. Amazing.

Damn. Well, Pearl is a psychopath. This is wild. Can't wait to dig into that a little bit. To see how it came to be. Yeah. It's a horror movie, right? I'm assuming.

I would assume so, yeah. It's a rom-com about her and Howard. That would be great. I would honestly love it if we switched up genres for Pearl. Oh, my gosh. What an interesting time. Yeah. This was.

Yeah. I really, really enjoyed it. I thought it was, you know, I think it's really fun and also touches on a lot of real life things that are sad and scary, like aging. Wanting to be in porn. Like, it's so sad. Jenny Ortega. Wanting to be in porn. Like, it's so sad. Jenny Ortega, she wanted to be in porn. And she died for it. Hey, always be stressed.

Never be horny, baby. Never be horny. Will you show us, Sammy, an image of Pearl? I want to see if I can see. I did not notice during it. I didn't know that watching it it but then kind of near the end i suspected a bit um but yeah let's see she's pretty unrecognizable and there's um an interview with britney snow where she said it was like very weird because you really couldn't tell don't see mia at all in

these the prosthetics yeah like colin farrell on the batman where i couldn't say i couldn't see colin farrell right oh jesus that's them lying lying in bed together i mean that's very impressive makeup yeah her she doesn't look the same at all no, she didn't look the same at all to me either. Like there's there's really no part of it. Like even the eyes. I wonder if they did like different contact lenses or something because I didn't even really see it in her eyes. But I'll probably see it again at some point and I'll definitely be looking for that on a second viewing. But wow.

Yeah. Sammy, thank you for this. was um that was that was surprising i really was waiting for there to be like uh i was waiting for there to be like something else like some something else going on but it was just two people just a true slasher that's's great. That's great. 70s scary people. Texas. One of those, you know? One of those. Going back to the classic formula. Back to basics.

Yeah, I loved it. I want to do the other Ty West movies now. Yeah, well we'll do freaking Pearl's Adventure whenever that comes out. Pearl's Adventure. Sammy, comes out. Pearl's Adventure. Wowie.

Sammy, you got to take us out with your beautiful, beautiful accent. All right. From all of us here. All right, all right, all right. All right, all right, all right. From all of us here at Too Scary Didn't Watch, goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.

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