Toronto Mike'd: The Official Toronto Mike Podcast - Your Blog Sucks #3
Episode Date: June 11, 2013Mike and Elvis discuss what sucks this week....
Transcript
Discussion (0)
And now it's time for your blog sucks. Welcome to Your Blog Sucks.
I'm Mike from torontomike.com
and joining me is my brother from another mother, Elvis.
And episode three begins now.
Episode three begins now.
Can you take one picture, one picture where you don't look like a complete
tard. Seriously.
Your blog has, over the years,
you've become more public in who you
actually are. You've posted pictures
of yourself more often. I reveal my
secret identity. It's
unbelievable how unphotogenic
you actually are. Okay, but you're here
in real life. I'm handsome, right? No.
It's horrible. Train wreck. Seriously. My're here in real life. I'm handsome, right? No. It's horrible. Train wreck.
Seriously.
My understanding is in real life, I look like Don Draper.
And maybe in pictures, I look a bit like in The Shining a little bit.
We've entered into bizarro world.
This is the bizarro episode of Your Blog Sucks.
I believe myself to be a classically handsome man.
Unbelievable.
Good jaw structure, nice hair.
Blue eyes.
Elvis, blue eyes.
I didn't even know that was your eye color.
Yeah, I don't know what it is.
I don't know how to pose.
No one told me.
I don't know if I should smile, and then I fake a smile, and it looks awful.
Just be yourself, man.
Just imagine that you're looking into your lovely bride-to-be's eyes.
But Elvis, who am I?
Who am I?
You're Toronto Mike, of course.
Who is that?
See, it gets confusing, doesn't it, with your alter ego,
conflicting with your true persona.
I don't know who I am anymore.
It happens all the time to me.
When you're Elvis and then you're that other guy.
That's right.
All right, so that sucks that you think I can't take a other guy. That's right. Alright, so that sucks that you think
I can't take a good picture. It's unbelievable.
But you take great
pictures. Come on. In every picture you got this big goofy
grin on your face. That's who I am, man.
It looks like you just took a dump in your pants.
You're proud of it. The shit-eating
grin? Yeah. Well, this is what I
do. This is who I am.
I like to
project an image of happiness.
And this beard you've got, this is because you grew that
beard for that. We were going to get groomed
last week together.
If my wife had a
podcast that said
that was called Your Blog
Sucks,
the item that she would suggest sucks is my beard.
She's not a fan of the beard.
If she's listening now, you're dead right.
She also suggested that I get it colored because I'm looking a little Gandalf-y.
Me too.
You know, I just think it adds character.
I think, yeah, it gives you a bit of character.
I like it.
So, you know what else sucks?
What else sucks?
Healthy cookies.
I love cookies.
I recently tried to make myself healthier by eating better and exercising more.
And I had to drop my habit of buying those decadent cookies, the chocolate chip cookies from President's Choice.
I used to buy decadent cookies, and I'd get a big tumbler of milk, 1% or 2%, I don't care.
And then I would literally, in one sitting,
go through one row of decadent cookies.
So I'll take a cookie, I'll dunk it, soak it in,
and I'll suck the milk out of the cookie,
and then I'll let the cookie just dissolve in my mouth.
This, I loved it.
I did that for years, decadent cookies and milk, cold milk.
And then I stopped in January 2012.
And that's why you see this physically fit specimen before you.
Because these decadent cookies were like a million calories each.
Ladies and gentlemen, I have to tell you that he is a sexy beast.
Thank you.
Ugly in pictures, but a sexy beast in person.
From the neck down.
Yeah, that's right.
I'm awesome.
Except for the penis area.
My beautiful, yeah.
I got to work on that.
I need a merkin.
My beautiful bride-to-be, Monica, she knows I love cookies.
So she has this great idea.
She's going to start making cookies I can eat without killing myself.
So these are going to be like, instead of 500-calorie cookies,
they're going to be like 40-calorie cookies or whatever.
I don't know.
She replaces butter.
So she gets butter out of there and flour
out of there. No butter, no flour.
Instead, she uses avocado
and oats.
She works hard on this.
There's dark chocolate chips. There's a lot of effort.
I get my big plate of cookies
and then I go excitedly. I run and get
my 1% milk and I'm going to kick
it old school.
Two things that
sucked about these cookies. One, they didn't keep their shape and form. They literally, on my way
to the dunk, they would dissolve and crumble. I guess the butter is what's holding it together.
Your milk is now a shake. Which I had to drink. It's like salt. It's a shake, yeah.
So you can't dunk these, and they don't even hold together to eat. I don't know.
Without butter, nothing holds this stuff together.
The unhealthiness holds a cookie together, I've learned.
And the taste.
I like a cookie to be a bit sweet.
Is that like, fuck me, right?
Like, I want my cookie to have some like sweetness to it. The only sweetness was coming from the very dark chocolate chips, which were so dark they were practically bitter.
These cookies were awful.
I loved the effort, but those cookies sucked.
Yeah, it doesn't sound like it was a cookie at all.
I know a girl who, your recollection of eating the cookies the way in which you did
reminded me of a story of a girl I do know now,
who used to eat the entire sleeve of a cookie as well in one sitting, which is fine.
I mean, hey, if you want to do that, go for it.
I have more power to you.
But she would finish the entire row of cookies and then complain about how fat she looked and how fat she felt.
And I'm like, okay.
See, I never did that.
I never cared.
And again, I'm not judging you.
It's fine for you to be able to do that, but don't then complain about how fat you are.
Here's a tip, quick tip on the podcast.
Don't eat a whole fucking sleeve of cookies
if you're trying to lose some weight.
It reminds me of the people,
I don't know if you know anyone like this,
somebody who complains that fatness runs in their family.
They adhere to this fatness,
but they don't exercise and they eat like a pig.
Right, right.
But, you know, I think cookies are an indulgence.
And, you know, bless those folks who try, but it's probably a fight that you're never going to win.
It's not, cookies are not meant to be healthy.
You know what else sucks, though?
What sucks, Elvis?
Needles in your ass. So I've had
a recent encounter with the medical system, as I do once a year, as people who have followed your
blog know that I am a cancer survivor, and I'm required to have an annual checkup to determine if the cancer is still controlled and minimal and or gone.
And that involves a pretty elongated process for me. It's probably about a two-week process to
go through the testing procedure, but it also involves on consecutive days, usually a Monday
and Tuesday, to visit my family doctor, which is generally the only time of the year that I do actually visit him
other than the times where I get my physical.
And the conversation starts out great.
He knows my wife.
He knows my kids.
But then it always ends with me pulling down my pants
and him jamming a needle in my ass.
And it sucks because that's really the –
that's as close as I've become,
as close as I've come to, you know,
intimacy with another man.
And it's always been with the same doctor, too.
Is that true?
Because I honestly would have bet on the...
He stuck his fingers in my ass, too,
which is also interesting.
Is that a prostate thing?
Yeah.
Or is that for sport?
Well, I think the added fingers was born.
It started off as a prostate exam.
So the needles in your ass really sucks because it's not pleasant, I'm sure, for him.
How many needles are we talking about?
It's two.
One in each.
Oh, that does suck.
Because one would be okay.
It's two.
One would be okay.
It's two.
That's bordering on homoerotic behavior.
Okay, tell me.
Because not everyone who listens to your blog sucks
heard you on Toronto Mic'd.
There's a whole entire universe we've untapped
with this your blog sucks experience.
What kind of cancer did you have?
I had thyroid cancer in 2009,
which required me to have surgery
where they cut my neck open,
took out my entire thyroid,
and removed 42 lymph nodes.
So I've got a pretty awesome scar on my neck and chest. So don't be scared, kids, when you meet
Elvis. Don't be scared. That's right. So I had the nine-hour surgery and then I had treatment
where I was isolated from human contact for about two weeks in December of 2009. And so I've been, you know, certainly it's a process to go through all of this
and to deal with it.
And ultimately, the thing that sucks not so much is the needles in your ass thing
is obviously a joke.
The thing that really sucks is it's twofold.
One is actually having to do this every single year.
As much as I joke about it and as much as it has been three years,
it still sucks because it's something that's going to be part of my life forever.
They can't give me the five year.
Oh, so you get the needles every year.
It'll be needles every year for the rest of my life, pretty much.
Oh, it's only a few more years.
Only a few more years.
Yeah.
Until I finally kick it. actually goes through all of this, because I'm sure that there, you know, if we were to get my family in on this conversation, that they would probably have a completely unique take
on the whole process of living with someone who's been diagnosed with cancer and gone through the
treatment and having to deal with the mental and physical and psychological effects of all of this
kind of stuff. And certainly, I'm sure my wife has a very unique perspective on what it's like
to be a cancer survivor. So needles in your ass suck, yes,
but I think the idea of having to deal with that
and know that this is coming every single year
and even the sort of subconscious reaction to this really does suck
because I'm sure I'm not a pleasant person to be around,
even though I try really, really hard.
You are not a pleasant person to be around at the best of times.
So I can't imagine.
You are likely correct.
So yeah, needles in your ass really sucks because it's
not just about getting, you know,
pulling your pants down in front of your doctor. It's all about
the other stuff that goes along with that.
How come Jason Blake just had to take a pill to get rid of his
cancer? Why couldn't he get that one?
Remember that?
Was it just a pill? Yeah.
As I recall, it was just a pill.
Right.
That's right.
It was a magic pill.
So can I call that the good cancer?
Because I know you don't like me calling thyroid cancer the good cancer.
I will fucking punch you in the face.
Because then you'll mention Roger Ebert or something like that. Right.
Yes.
And Phil Kessel, too.
That was, what did he get?
He got a ball removed, right?
I think so.
He had testicular cancer.
He had something, yeah.
So getting needles in your ass does suck.
It does suck.
So you got an all clear or are you going to die?
No, I did.
I'm pretty sure I will die one day, but I got an all clear this year.
So I'm good to go for another year.
I'm happy for you.
Thank you, sir.
I'm hoping we get another year out of this podcast.
I've invested a lot of money in this equipment.
I was going to say, yeah, you need to get your money's worth on this.
You know what else sucks, Elvis? What else've invested a lot of money in this. Yeah. You need to get your money's worth on this. You know what else sucks Elvis?
What else sucks?
The price of homes in Toronto.
So I'm,
I don't know if I mentioned I'm getting married on Saturday.
Not looking forward to that,
but okay,
go ahead.
And you're going to wear a suit.
Apparently I have to wear a tie.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'll wear a tie.
Cause humble Howard on his popular podcast,
a humble and Fred has been openly discussing the fact he doesn't want'll wear a tie. Because Humble Howard on his popular podcast, Humble and Fred,
has been openly discussing the fact he doesn't want to wear a tie.
He wants to wear spiffy pants and a sports coat.
And I thought that was fine.
But Rosalie, I mentioned it to Rosalie during my haircut yesterday, and she said, no fucking way.
He's got to wear a tie.
He's got to wear a suit.
Well, you know, I think if it's a summer wedding, which this technically is not,
summer doesn't,
summer's not here until the 20th.
You're right, but it will be like a 24 degrees and sunny
wedding. Right. And if
it was summer and or it was somewhere
sort of, you know, like outside
or in a beach type of setting, then
I think that's a little bit different. But I'm old school.
I think that when you go to a wedding, you should be wearing
a full suit and tie. Okay. I'll isolate this audio because you won't listen to the bit different, but I'm old school. I think that when you go to a wedding, you should be wearing a full suit and tie.
Okay.
I'll isolate this audio because you won't listen to the whole episode, but you might listen to that 30-second endorsement there.
So back to the prices of homes in Toronto.
So I'm getting married, and Monica and I, although we're currently living in this lovely rental that you're sitting in right now, we would like to buy a home.
Like three bedrooms and two bathrooms in an area we like in West Toronto. And we have a grand
budget of $600,000. I don't know. I'm not that old. I remember when $600,000 could buy me a
mansion in this city. And we can't find, I mean, it's early days yet, but it's tough to find something we like
in that price range in an area we like.
$600,000 and I can't find anything.
That sucks.
Yeah, that really sucks.
For me, I live in Oshawa
and there's a reason why I live there
because my wife is a school teacher out there,
but at the same time, it's also pretty affordable now.
I'm sure it won't be in a few more years.
I was in your home. It was big. It was spacious.
I was able to buy a spacious home for a fraction of that particular budget.
And it came with a GM automobile?
It did. It did.
Yeah, it sucks.
I don't really know how people purchase homes these days.
It's unbelievable.
Well, I was listening to CBC Radio 1 this morning during my shower,
and Garth Turner was on telling us, he lives in Toronto,
he just sold his home.
He had a nice home.
I think he got seven figures for it.
And he started renting because he says,
you're a fool to buy a home right now
because this is a cyclical real estate balance.
He spoke of the fact it's definitely, in his opinion, peaked right now.
And in the next two or three years, there's going to be a correction.
And right now, you're better off renting right now than buying.
I'm pretty sure the same thing has been said for the last decade.
I know.
We're waiting for this big valley to appear in the housing market.
Because you know what I'm going to do?
I'm going to do?
I'm going to tell, I'm going to convince Monica we should stay here for another year.
And then by the time, in one year, I can promise you that that $700,000 house we couldn't afford is a million dollars.
Right. And your beloved Toronto Star has been printing articles for many, many years about the condo market and how it's going to just be a complete implosion.
That's what Garth Turner said too.
I don't think that's even a star conspiracy.
I think that might have some truth to it.
But they've been saying this for many, many years
that it's going to happen within a year or two.
And here we are, you know, seven, eight years later
and nothing has happened.
It's still continued to escalate.
So what should I do?
Should I take a house that's kind of shitty
because I can afford it?
Or do I wait because the house I want is actually going for $700,000
and I don't have a down payment for that?
Unless somebody gives me a chunk of cash unexpectedly, I'm screwed.
I can get the credit.
It's the down payment.
I don't have the cash.
I think my biggest piece of advice to you both would be not to saddle yourself with that.
Buy what you can afford.
Move to Oshawa.
Don't buy what you can't afford, hoping that you're
going to be able to then, you know, afford
something, be able to pay for it in the
future. See, I like this episode because I can isolate
that audio and have Monica listen to that.
I've got a
parcel for humble and a parcel
for humble. The podcast doesn't suck
when you listen to it in small portions.
Yeah, exactly. That's what
I learned about cookies. You know, you don't have to do the whole sleeve. I learned about cookies. You don't have to do the whole sleeve.
Monica told me that.
You don't have to do the whole sleeve.
You can have two cookies.
I didn't compute.
It doesn't register.
What do you mean?
How do you stop at two cookies?
I just opened this thing.
It's in front of me.
I got to do the row.
That's two years old.
I don't do that anymore, Elvis.
Do you know what else sucks, though?
What?
I was thinking about this the other day
as I was watching the latest installment of 30 for 30
by ESPN Films.
Life Sucks Without 30 for 30
because that is just a phenomenal series.
They've gone through their first volume of 30 movies,
created a couple of shorts,
and they're now on volume two.
I think they're probably five or six
into the second volume.
That series is an unbelievable sort of history and catalog of sports
documentaries that not only allow,
uh,
people of different generations to learn about sporting stories from the
past,
but also to learn and appreciate cultural differences and news
events that go above and beyond sort of the idea that you're a fan of one team or another. I can't
tell you how impactful that series actually is. And I think it is a must view for people
who are interested in history,
certainly interested in sports history.
There are so many different subject matters that that tackles,
racism, sexism, the, you know,
different key points within our sporting and cultural history. It's just a phenomenal series.
And if you haven't taken the opportunity to to to watch any of these documentaries uh go
ahead and give yourself the and you don't even have to be a big sport it helps to be a sports
fan but it's not required you know my wife loves the loves a lot of them uh because they do offer
that sort of interesting uh sports history they sort of pick it pick apart a particular event
and and make it much more you know, show the overall impact that the
event had on the overall history of certainly the United States, but in some cases, the
world.
And a lot of them are just phenomenal pieces of film.
They're not even, you know, it's unfair to even call them made for TV movies.
They really, truly are films.
unfair to even call them made for tv movies they they really truly are films um and i can't uh thank the the the producers of that of that series enough because they've made a significant
impact i think on on the on the way in which we tell sporting stories moving forward i agree
100 with you i adore 30 for 30 sports documentaries.
At one point, the original 30 that came out for the celebrate the 30th anniversary of ESPN,
I ranked all 30 in order of my favorite.
I would watch these, and I could watch one of those episodes five times and not be bored of it.
They're so good.
Well, there's a few weak ones.
I'm not a big fan of the Navratilova chat with.
There's a few that are. I enjoyed it. The of the uh navratilova chat with uh there's a
few that i enjoyed it the one that i thought i did it once can you do that one twice no the one that
i thought was the worst and i actually it's the only one that i didn't watch all the way through
partially because my pbr cut out during the recording and i wasn't upset enough to actually
go out and seek the rest of the episode but it was the one where they did it on fantasy sports
yeah that's you know what my least favorite as well it was horrible absolutely horrible i didn't like that one and they could have done a really good job with it because certainly fantasy sports. Yeah, that's, you know what, my least favorite as well. It was horrible. Absolutely horrible.
I didn't like that one either. And they could have done
a really good job with it
because certainly fantasy sports
is this whole different genre
that, you know,
they could highlight
idiots like your brother
who really, you know,
are trying to tell us
that Bargnani's a great player
because he's good
in a fantasy league.
That's a great example.
My idiot brother
who loves Bargnani.
But it was a horrible,
horrible documentary.
Okay, just, I'm going to throw,
people haven't seeked out 30 for 30 documentaries.
I'm going to throw out just my five favorites.
And these are just titles, but you can Google them and track them down or whatever.
But The Two Escobars is probably my favorite.
There's so many good ones, it's hard to even rank these.
That one's screened at cons, I believe.
Deservedly so.
You don't have to like sports to enjoy The Two Escobars.
The 16th Man.
I mean, Mandela is very sick right now. This may be the last week of Nelson Mandela's life. So you don't have to like sports to enjoy the two Escobars. The 16th man.
I mean, Mandela is very sick right now.
This may be the last week of Nelson Mandela's life.
You've got to watch.
Forget Invictus and all this.
You've got to watch this documentary.
That's incredible.
Once Brothers.
Yeah, that was great.
That talks about the conflict. Yugoslavia and Croatia.
It was great.
Amazing.
King's Ransom.
I grew up the biggest Wayne Gretzky fan.
I'm marrying a girl from Edmonton just for that reason.
And I'm telling you, King's Ransom, I was a big fan of because I was such a fan of that time in hockey.
Yep.
And The Best That Never Was and Pony Excess, Into the Wind, the Reggie Miller versus New York Knicks.
I think they called it winning time.
And then that day, this one I've watched probably the most of all of them for some reason, June
17, 1994, where just
everything that happened that day, and there's no
narration, you just get real news clips
and so much, that was the day OJ was
in his Bronco, but so much else happened that
day in sports. You know what's really interesting about this
series too is that it reminds
us that there isn't always a happy
ending. And you know, certainly as
Leaf fans or really the fans of any sports team.
Like Hank Gathers, for example, and things like that.
You're on the losing side more than you're on the winning side, right?
When it comes down to sports, that's just the way that it is.
But it's certainly nice to romanticize about sports and be reminded about the good things.
But there's a lot of these series that remind you that sports isn't always about the best team or the
best guys winning. There are
unfortunate events that have happened that
are generally tied into the overall
larger society, and
that's why some of these stories are just
so impactful because it reminds you of...
You and I are in the same boat with what we think of live.
I think live sports, like this is the great
theater. Forget reality shows. I have no
interest in any reality shows or mockumentaries or whatever.
With live sports, there's like this 24-7 programming that you couldn't write this stuff.
It's so amazing.
And it's all happening.
I was at an 18-inning game on Saturday.
I go to one game in a couple of years, a Blue Jay game, and it goes 18 innings.
I'd say that sucks, though.
I thought of it.
It didn't suck.
I loved it.
I wanted to go 30
but i want to just second that this the 30 for 30 documentaries i hope they make more because it
would suck if there were no more well the the last one that i just saw was the day of the 1983 nfl
draft where both john elway and dan marino were drafted and certainly at opposite ends of the
draft i think marino was the second last pick of the first round and John Elway was
the first, even though he said he wasn't going to play for Baltimore,
but the drama involved in how that day played out was just,
was just, I got to catch that one. I think the last one I saw,
I saw the Ben Johnson one. Yeah.
That one was good too,
where they sort of highlighted all of those people within the a hundred meter
final was great. And I saw it, it wasn't a great episode, but I didn't,
I did enjoy it.
The one time was where all the athletes that have gone broke.
Yes.
You know what?
That's another one that I didn't really like.
It's not a great episode.
It's sort of like that, to me, wasn't worthy of the title 30.
Well, it's kind of wah.
Yeah.
Like wah.
You don't need to see that one twice.
You made a whole bunch of money, and then you lost it because you're an idiot.
Wah.
Right.
I don't know if you've heard this.
Shaquille O'Neal has never spent a penny he's made playing basketball.
He's saved every penny he's made playing basketball.
All the money he's living on is his endorsement money.
So every penny he's made from salary has gone off into some special.
Oh, wow.
That's kind of like Jay Leno, you know?
Yeah, I believe it.
Jay Leno said all of the Tonight Show money goes into an account,
and the money he actually spends is money he earns
from being a stand-up comic,
and he still does like 200 or 300 nights a year.
That's amazing, right?
That's amazing.
But he's also, what is he going to do with that money?
That's the thing, is that he has no children.
And so he's criticized for not...
Give it to Bill Gates, because they're doing important things.
Well, he's criticized for not doing stuff like that,
for not being more philanthropic
and buying hundreds of antique cars.
Malaria treatments.
Right.
So, I don't know.
Anyway, he's also a, I think he's a.
Well, you know what else sucks?
What else sucks?
My buddy Mike sees a wife's protest.
I'm not aware of said protest.
Let me tell a little story.
Since my last story last week, our last episode we recorded, I told a story pre-wedding that was well-received.
I'll speak quietly because someone hasn't heard that episode who's in the room,
but very well-received.
The studio audience hasn't heard the last episode is what you're saying?
I don't think the studio audience is big.
Your blog sucks.
We really need, you need a bigger apartment
because fitting them in here with the band and stuff,
it's just getting to be, this is episode three.
And humble.
At some point, I have to get him a glass of water.
Yeah, I see.
So, I have a lot of friends named Mike.
A lot.
I just looked at the wedding list.
Half of them are Mikes.
Many of these Mikes play on my baseball team.
This is about a friend of mine named Mike who does not play for my baseball team.
Just to let people know, it's not one of the mics on Raging Storm.
So this mic
is a longtime friend, and I
invited him to my wedding, of course. Him and his
wife are invited to my wedding.
It came back that
he will come to my wedding.
His wife refuses
on principle to participate in the
wedding. What? At first, I thought he was
joking, okay?
So I called him out like a ha-ha or whatever, like, what's going on?
Maybe she's got another wedding to go to.
I don't know.
What's going on?
No, no joke.
Apparently, many years ago at a function, Mike's wife chatted with my ex-wife for a total of five minutes.
Very cordial, regular stuff you do to function.
High-level stuff.
And based on that five-minute conversation,
Mike's wife has decided, out of loyalty to my ex, she cannot support my new marriage.
She's taking sides.
This is amazing.
So that's fine if she's like, I can understand.
Like, if you're really close with my ex, maybe you don't want to go to my new wedding.
This person, my ex.
Your ex is coming to the wedding.
You know what?
Okay, no joke.
This close.
I actually, this close to her coming to the wedding.
And then I thought it just wouldn't be fair to rub this in her face.
That is ridiculous.
Mike C., your wife is a little nutty.
Yeah. Oh, yeah. But I said that. Mike C., your wife, is a little nutty. Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
But I said that.
Mike C., you'll meet him at the wedding.
Is he at my table?
Babe, is he at it?
No.
Too bad.
You're at...
No, we put you at the Italian table.
I'm...
Hey, nice.
Is Elvis at the Humble and Fred table?
That is pretty...
You're at the Humble and Fred table.
Well, okay.
I'll have to deal with that.
But that really sucks for Mike C and his wife.
Mike C obviously thinks this is ridiculous.
Mike C says, my wife is crazy.
And I said, at least you know it.
Like, she's crazy.
And if I asked my ex, do you remember Mike's wife?
My ex, 100% my ex will say no.
Like, how many people do you meet at funks?
It was a work function.
I love how she's taking sides out of loyalty.
And they've never talked outside of my old company's Christmas party.
No, I know.
They could have had some sort of tryst or something.
You never know.
A five-minute chat with someone makes you loyal enough.
Imagine how life would be if that were true.
There's got to be something else going on there.
There's got to be something else where she doesn't want to go
or she's maybe antisocial.
This is the story I was fed and I'm told this is 100% true.
That's amazing.
So I think it's ridiculous that, and I don't even care that she's there except it must, you know, it's just, you know, now I got these tables fitting 10 people.
I got a table of nine people now because this woman's got an issue supporting my wedding to Monica.
So can I bring plus two then?
Am I a plus two?
Can Elvis bring his girlfriend and his wife?
That would suck.
There's no chance that I would have a girlfriend.
If she was blind
and deaf. You know what sucks?
My mating
skills.
Save that for episode four. We need some content.
But you know what does suck though?? What sucks, Elvis? Batteries.
So I was thinking about this.
Certainly, whoever it is,
who is it? I'm supposed to sound intelligent
on this thing, but I can't remember who actually
invented electricity. Is it Ben Franklin?
Yeah, he had a kite, and he had a
key and a kite. So
Franklin invents electricity, right?
He comes up with this. He actually didn't
invent it, of course. He discovered it.
But he discovered it.
And so that has certainly led to, you know, hundreds and hundreds and millions of inventions that require power in order for us to, in order for them to function.
And certainly, you know, just by virtue of the fact that we're doing this show is credit to, you know, the fact that we need electricity to actually perform this type of activity.
the fact that we need electricity to actually perform this type of activity.
However, we have become so dependent on these devices now that we need to take them with us where we don't actually have a plug.
And we are at a point where batteries rule our life, and they are such an enemy of all
of the things that we do.
I am constantly looking for a place
to plug something into. And if only we could come up with a way to have a super battery that
gives us the power for longer than we have it now, significantly longer. And I understand that this
is, it's never going to be long enough but you know one of the big announcements
that apple made yesterday was longer battery life and that's going to be constantly part of our
lives now where we're going to need things to last longer but if we could ever invent something that
gave us perpetual power without actually having to plug something in i i think that would just
change that would be the next big game changer and certainly would allow someone to become a billionaire.
Didn't I have a science teacher tell me I could power a clock or a radio?
Yeah, but first of all, you need to be in Ireland, and you need to have a billion potatoes.
Or Prince Edward Island.
Yeah, exactly.
But batteries are just so frustrating.
They suck so much, quite literally and figuratively.
You're right. And as these devices do more and more, they require more and more energy in order to do so.
So it's like as the batteries get better, the devices require more. So there's this constant.
They're always playing catch up, right? Because we invent something that requires more power in there and we have to wait for the battery to catch up to that.
And it's very, very frustrating. So batteries suck because they just are not where we need them to be.
I agree.
And I'm able to get through a whole day on one charge.
I charge all night, and then I wake up, and my phone will usually have power at the end of the day.
I can't do it.
I can't do it.
Monica can't either.
I think partially because I'm running an iPhone 5, and they do suck a lot of battery, and I do run a lot of apps.
But I can't make it through the whole day without charging two or three.
Because you're doing a lot of work on your phone throughout the day.
I am doing a lot of work on my phone, yes.
Yeah, that sucks.
Yeah, it sucks big.
You know what else sucks?
What else sucks?
The Xbox One.
So you just mentioned some Apple announcements that came down.
My son is a big console gamer.
I have an old, the original
Nintendo Wii is behind me,
and I think the only game we'll play on it these
days would be Mario Kart. I use it for
Wii Fit. So I'm not a big
console user, and I don't think I'm the
Xbox One target audience, but my son
is. So I wanted to
be aware of what's going on, because I know he's
going to, at some point at Christmas time, probably want a new Xbox One. So I wanted to be aware of what's going on because I know he's going to at some point at Christmas time probably
want a new Xbox One.
So $500, I think that's
US price. But here's what the Xbox
One does not do.
This is what I was told. Tell me if I'm wrong.
It cannot play old
Xbox games. Correct.
You cannot share your
games with friends. The game
is tied to that device.
Correct.
And you cannot play without an internet connection.
So you have to always be connected.
Correct.
And it requires, I don't think this is a big deal,
but it requires connect,
which is that sort of Wii-type motion detector thing
that goes on top of the TV.
Correct.
But I think it's not being sold without that.
So I don't find that to be a big obstacle.
Right, okay.
But for some, certainly,
there's going to be a lot of obstacles there
that they're not going to like.
Well, okay, listen.
I grew up with the 8-bit Nintendo,
and I remember you'd get tired of a couple of games.
You'd trade them with a buddy for like four or five months
and use their game.
The trading games was a huge social component
of my nintendo 8-bit days and we didn't know what the fuck the internet was did you know what the
internet was when you were on your 8-bit uh not required that no it wasn't invented al gore and
al gore hadn't built it in chicago yet so uh all i'm saying is that the xbox one in my opinion if
you if you need internet,
I mean, yeah, my internet's always on, but I'd like to
know I could actually play my games without it, and I would like
to know I could actually
trade games with someone, and I would like to know my
old games, my 30
expensive Xbox 360
games could actually play on this
device. That's all. I think that
sucks. Yeah, it's
I think they're sort of
loosening um the restrictions a little bit on the use games component i'm not so sure about the
shared games but at some point in time though there has to be some sort of a shift right where
they can't if they want to improve the technology and get it to the next level at some point in time
they have to stop being backwards compatible so So I get where they're coming from,
but I also get that if you're a hardcore gamer,
you always want the newest and latest.
But at the same time,
you also still want to be able to play the games
that worked in the old system.
And so they're kind of in a tough spot.
The problem is that they're the first ones
to actually do this.
Next time around when Sony or Nintendo or whatever,
when they start making systems that are no longer backwards compatible,
people won't be as upset because Microsoft was the first one to do it.
So, yeah, it sucks.
But, I mean, really, you know, it's frigging video games.
Wah.
You know, get over it.
Thanks for listening.
You know what else sucks?
What? Your blog.
Your blog sucks.
Another day, come on,
come on, with these ropes tied
tight, can we do no wrong?
Now we dream,
cause now it's gone.
Things were good when we were young
When my teeth were down, I could see their blood
A thousand men who were coming and going
Now we dream, cause now it's gone