Tosh Show - My Deck Guy - Freddy Carrion
Episode Date: April 8, 2025Daniel interviews Freddy, AKA the Malibu Deck Doctor, about Brazilian hardwood, his famous clients, and being a hockey dad.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information....
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Have you ever wondered if your pet is lying to you?
Why is my cat not here?
Am I going and she's eating my lunch?
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Other than power washing, what can a homeowner do to preserve the life of their deck?
Stay off it.
Tosh Show!
Tosh Show!
Tosh Show!
Welcome to Tosh Show!
I'm your host, Daniel Tosh.
We are here in Malibu, California.
And I know everybody likes to always talk about how crazy they think the people of Malibu
are, but I've got some news.
This is definitely a sign that people here in Malibu are not as crazy as I once thought they were
Because I was confused when I first moved here and I found not one but two
large
crystal shops
Very close to each other, you know, you see two Starbucks next to each other and you're like, oh my goodness. It's so ridiculous
Hey, but apparently
That business model
can handle that type of saturation.
I don't know, but when I saw two crystal shops
very close to each other, I was so confused.
I mean, if I saw one crystal shop,
I'm like, oh, of course these idiots are buying crystals
and they can afford to have good storefront location
in Malibu.
Well, anyway, both of them have gone out of business.
Huh?
Wow. Good job, guys.
Now you're saying, oh, you're applauding a company failing?
Yeah, I am.
Because it was a stupid business.
Guess what opened up in one of the locations?
My favorite car wash guy.
He turned one of it into a detail shop.
Yeah, it's like a little, a little building.
And now it's, it used to be crystals and now it's, now it's his car wash spot.
And I'm going to use them constantly.
I just, I couldn't be happier.
I told him, I go, the place looks so much better now that there's not dumb crystals.
I mean, these weren't like crystals, like small crystals.
These were crystals that were huge.
They have to get craned in
and they cost like millions of dollars.
Massive.
And I'm just like, what dumb fuck
is spending money on this?
You know they're a waste of money
because they leave them outside and no one steals them.
Right, there's five million dollar crystals
being left outside.
Well, whatever, they're out of business.
Good riddance, I say, and I, you know,
support the new car wash.
Probably have him on the show soon.
I think we have time this week
to do my favorite segment, Dear Tosh Show.
That's where our subscribers write to me their problems and I fix everything.
All right, Eddie, let it rip.
My wife wants to start watching sports with me so we can spend more time together.
How do I not let this happen?
Should I just stop watching sports before she ruins them for me?
I like where his head's at.
I dated a girl once that really loved sports
and knew everything about it,
and I was miserable the whole time.
Like, I can't do this.
He's right.
Now, should he stop watching sports?
No, here's what he has to do.
In the world of unlimited DVR storage
and high score technology on all the apps.
You have to go into your preferences.
You got to change your Apple TV so that it doesn't ever put any little icon up
in the corner, close game between Miami and Charlotte.
You got to get rid of all that.
And he needs to start watching all of his sports after she goes to bed.
And I know what you're saying.
That's porn time.
No, no, no.
That's got to get pushed even later.
Okay?
So he's got a block off.
And the good news is you're gonna watch it alone peacefully
and you're gonna cut the time, you know, in half,
especially if it's a bad game,
you can really start jumping ahead.
So yeah, you're gonna watch your sports
after she goes to bed, then your pornography, and then go to bed.
That's a brilliant idea.
Well, listen, that's why I do the segment.
My girlfriend always leaves her phone unlocked. When she does, is it okay to read her text messages?
And if that's okay, is it then okay to text people horrible messages from her?
Alright, the short answer, yes. But there is some layers to this.
I used to always take my wife's phone
back when we were dating, way before children,
and I would fire off horrible things from her phone.
And then eventually her friend groups, like,
oh, okay, this isn't Carly.
But I mean, I would start normal
and then I would just get it like ridiculous.
Like, hey, oh, I think we should do this.
And hey, hey, girls, send me photos
of what underwear you're wearing right now.
I'm just curious.
Yeah, stuff like that, innocent stuff.
Anyway, but now that we have kids, I don't do that.
It's too much.
But the second thing about reading your wife's text,
if you're lying in wait, then it's wrong.
If you're trying to, but if you're just bored
and you wanna read, it's way more fun
to read your wife's text than your own.
I'd agree.
So yeah, I think it's fine.
And who cares if it's unlocked and you don't know their code.
I know my wife's code.
You trust.
Yeah.
These problems are easy.
This is why I do the segment to spread my vast knowledge.
Now I don't, I don't know everything.
If you were to ask me a question about what type of wood
is going to age the best in a certain climate,
I'd be at a loss.
But I know who I'd call
the deck doctor.
Enjoy.
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Which she does.
Arguably a little too well.
Find out more on Season 3, Episode 4 of Snafu Formula 6.
Listen and subscribe on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. My guest today is known as the Malibu Deck Doctor, which means if you want him to build
you a new deck but you live in Santa Monica, you can eat shit.
He's a total character and one of my favorite contractors I've worked with.
The doctor is in.
Please welcome Freddy.
Simsalabim.
Freddy, thank you for being here. in please welcome Freddie. Simsalabim.
Freddie thank you for being here first of all let's start with the simple one
do you believe in ghosts? That's a hard hitting one right off the bat but I'll
have to say I haven't seen one but I do believe that... Well, you can't see ghosts. They're invisible.
Then I don't.
Hey, your accent. You from Louisiana?
Uh, yeah.
Uh-huh. Were you born in the Bronx?
Yeah. No, actually, I was born in Queens, moved to the Bronx at a very early age.
The lovely Bronx. Yeah, I can't watch this accent. That's it.
Just can't, you know, 30 years in California.
So look at this accent.
Is it help business?
Your accent?
Oh God, no.
Or is it hurt business?
You know what?
I got to be honest with you.
I, you know, if I'm meeting someone from back East or New York, you know, everyone
else, I basically, I just try and tone it down as much as I can.
You don't tone it down at all. Really? Freddie, the very first time I met you, I was try and tone it down as much as I can. You don't tone it down at all.
Really?
Freddie, the very first time I met you,
I was like, oh no, what did I get myself into?
This guy is crazy.
And first of all, let me say a few things about you.
I'm a big fan of yours, but you're intense,
you're a close talker, and I'm like,
oh, this is my nightmare.
Then, quickly, I'm like, this is the greatest guy ever. I told my wife. I'm like this guy's amazing
You know everything about what you're talking about like you your job, you know the woods, you know everything about so I was like
Well, he's smart and he knows what he's doing on top of the fact that he is a maniac and I loved it
You didn't mention handsome at all
You're not handsome at all
Freddie those days have sailed. Are you a diehard Yankees fan? Yeah and I loved it. I didn't mention handsome at all. No, you're not handsome at all.
Freddie, those days have sailed.
Are you a diehard Yankees fan?
Yeah.
What about the Mets?
You like the Mets?
Mets suck.
I'm a Yankee fan, and I love the Yankees,
but I don't know, I have no real reason
for loving the Yankees.
Now I think that it's only because I'm from the Bronx.
You know, we got the hell out of the Bronx
as quickly as we could.
The best of the boroughs by far.
Yeah, well, you know what?
The place is a piece of shit, so I only associate
the Bronx, I guess, with being a Yankee fan.
So I, that might, no, now I'm thinking,
is that the reason why I'm proud of being a Yankee fan,
as a Bronx?
Did you study decking in college?
Decking.
No.
No.
How did you get into?
No, they don't offer that.
How in the world did you get into being
literally the deck doctor?
Oh my God.
You know what?
My story is long and boring, but.
I'll edit it.
I was a hyperactive kid.
So I got the heck out of New York.
As soon as I thought I was capable of doing that,
I was like, I'm going to do hyperactive kid so I got the heck out
of New York as soon as I thought I was capable of doing something I was a
musician I always thought I was gonna be an actor but I gotta be honest with you
came out here studied a little bit played in some bands late 80 did all
that stuff long hair I'm not what kind kind of music? Sad to say, glam rock music.
No, not that.
Glam rock's wonderful.
Well.
It had its moment.
Look, I'll be honest with you.
Again, I did it.
Wasn't that crazy about it.
It was in a couple of bands.
All of a sudden, Guns N' Roses hit.
Glam rock just went by the wayside.
Did you ever play on the Strip?
Played on the Strip.
Nice.
Guzzari's.
Let me see. really the rainbow,
couple of times at the rainbow.
But you know, that's it, just you know.
Drugs?
Not many, you know, it's funny.
Good for you.
I just, and the funny thing was that
I was working during the day as a carpenter
to support my musical and acting lifestyle,
I was studying with Susan Strasburg,
you know, daughter of the father of method acting.
You know, I really thought I was gonna get into it,
but I had no money to survive, you know?
And I'm dead tired going to these classes at night,
so I'm like, fuck this.
I said, I'm gonna just dig in.
I'm gonna do what I know how to do.
And started some just small jobs here and there.
That kind of led to a few other gigs with a few lesser-known actors that I
Kind of I like doing it. I like being outside
That was pretty much it and everyone that I had no training. Oh, no, I've been a carpenter. Oh, all right
You know why you want to go back? Yeah
I'm 15 years old
You know what you want to go back? Yeah
I'm 15 years old
I get arrested for running into a crazy Eddie which was basically an electronic store in New York
Famous electronic store. Okay, famous commercial crazy Eddie. Anyway, make a long story short
My friends dared me to run into crazy Eddie. I steal something from crazy Eddie. I run out I jump into the car They grab my shoe
Three days later the cops knock on my door.
They're like, is this your shoe?
I say, yeah, and you're under arrest.
My parents.
Wait, you fell for that?
You said yes?
I completely fell.
God damn it, you thought it was the story of Cinderella.
I gotta be honest.
Turns out you were going to the Pokey.
I went to the Pokey.
And, all right, you're gonna definitely,
you're gonna have to take this one out.
What are you buttoning up for, Freddie?
Yeah, because I'm a little chilly.
You're not chilly.
I'm nervous because now I'm about to tell you something.
All right, let me hear it.
My mother, I told her, I said, mom, it was a mistake.
I mean, she said, you're gonna get fucked in the ass.
And I said, my God, mom,
I started crying on the spot at 15 years old.
Sure, sure.
From that moment on, I went to a,
what they called a Board of Cooperative
Educational Services program,
where they started to teach me carpentry.
Next thing you know, I was out on a work program
working for a contractor, taking English at night
at high school.
Next thing you know, I'm bailing on New York
and heading to California in my early 20s,
and that was how I got here.
Yes, Santa Monica, Hollywood,
trying to do a little acting, a little music,
and then yes, ended up just strapping on my tools
and sticking with it, but have met a lot of wonderful,
really cool people, and...
All right, Freddie, I gotta know,
did you get fucked in the ass?
No, no, no, I'm waiting for that.
Oh!
I mean, figuratively, no, no, I'm waiting for that. Oh. Yeah.
I mean, figuratively, yes.
Yes.
But no.
No, good for you.
No.
Do these celebrities try to tell you,
like, hey, don't ever use my name
or don't ever say that you've worked on my house?
All of them, yeah.
Look, I've worked, you're a heck of a celebrity.
I mean, what I mean by that is,
you seem to be a pretty straightforward guy. You're a heck of a celebrity. What I mean by that is you seem to be a pretty straightforward guy, you're a family guy.
I like your dog, your wife, your kids.
Believe it or not, we have more in common
than you would think.
I believe it.
But yeah, it's just so, amen.
I have had people that I've been so uncomfortable
working around that yeah, that I just felt like what the fuck am I doing?
You know, like celebrity shit.
I don't even want to associate with these people
and they're basically my neighbors.
But the, you know, I'm trying to really sugar coat this.
But what happens, really what happens the most is that,
and God bless Carly, man, because I've had wives of,
let's just say, more prominent people,
and the wives come out and they wield that shit, all right?
I've been on a project, I'm not gonna tell you who it was,
but it was not far from here, And literally, I take off my shoes.
When I walk in your house, I take off my shoes.
I tell people not to take their shoes off.
There you go, okay?
And I take them off.
I don't want your shoes off.
I'd rather your shoes than your socks on my floor.
Well, I got news for you.
When I walk into people's house, I take them off.
Okay, fine, you don't have to.
And I'm not gonna say who it was, but she says,
um, you're bringing, you know,
I guess maybe people do bring in whatever.
She said, well, do you have something
to cover the floor with?
I said, and I didn't want to say I just took off my shoes,
but I said, no problem.
I went out and I got some of my drop cloths, right?
Which are marginally clean drop cloths, but they're drop cloths.
I come back,
all the drop cloths are shoved to the side and they're brand new clean sheets on
the floor. It was beautiful, but now I'm going to start walking on her clean
sheets. Hell yeah. Walked on her clean sheets. I brought the whole crew in.
And you can, but that, now that being said, you know, there I am, you know, I walked on her clean sheets. Hell yeah, I walked on her clean sheets. I brought the whole crew in.
But that being said, there I am doing my best
to respect their home and everything like that.
And when I came back in, I saw the clean,
you know, all right, you made your point.
So yeah, so sometimes it's just a matter of,
how did I get into, I'm not starstruck,
but sometimes you get a, you know, brrring, like, okay.
Act cool, this is Mario Lopez.
I'm like, brr, brr, brr.
No.
That's another thing, all right?
I cannot, not Mario Lopez, would I get a kick out of,
you know, because now that I, you know,
I watched the Tosh show, I I watched the touch show
I washed the touch
It doesn't roll the gaps in water. Now that I watch the touch show. I'm sure you'll love it
There's actually take wouldn't you please I gotta ask a question. You know, let me talk. Oh my god. That's lovely
Let me ask some questions
How'd you come up with a deck doctor? I'm surprised that wasn't taken. Doctor, deck, deck, doctor, they both roll off the tongue.
But everybody, everybody who's ever built a deck
is a deck doctor, all right?
Every contractor they ever know,
there's always decks on his resume,
and a handful of them will call themselves,
Joe Schmo, contractor, AKA deck doctor.
So I've seen it over the years forever. will call themselves Joe Schmo contractor, aka Deck Doctor.
So I've seen it over the years forever.
When I try to get deckdoctor.com,
deckdoctor.com has been gone for 35 years.
There's some guy in Pennsylvania, deckdoctor.com.
So I'm like, fuck it, I'm gonna become Malibu Deck Doctor.
I don't have to leave the neighborhood.
By the way, you've been doing that,
building these decks for 30 years. Have you, you mess with porches at all? You fuck with porches or no? You
know what, anything outdoor man, anything that has to do, I just want to stay
outdoors. You got a pergola, you got a trellis, you got an arbor, you got
anything you want to do outdoors, pool deck, second story deck. What about stoop?
You mess with stoops?
Stoops are normally, you know, you associate them with concrete.
So, you know, if I had to, yeah, I've built wood decks over stoops, you know.
You deal with concrete at all or no?
I mean, when I have to, I'm doing a job down the block from you right now
where I got to pour a concrete slab for a jacuzzi and, you know, a little curb
to hold a little bit of retaining wall issue.
City Hall, does City Hall like you? You know what? City Hall changes, you know, a little curb to hold a little bit of retaining wall. City Hall, City Hall like you?
You know what? City Hall changes, you know, a lot.
I mean, back from when, believe it or not, when you dealt with them,
several different inspectors, even since then, in the neighborhood,
we got about five or six of them.
My, I'm lucky because a deck that's below 30 inches,
technically doesn't need a permit.
So flip side of that is any job that I do
over $1,000 technically I'm supposed to permit.
So go figure.
You ever been red tagged?
No, no.
I have been popped by an inspector
that's come on my job and said,
hey, you've been down to the city on this one.
And I have to say no
I'll be down there tomorrow good news is that I built a coat so I've never had any problem but yeah
of course I sidestepped the building department. Please walk me through the uh the process time
frame and cost to build a moderately elaborate deck. Your deck is about 150 gram. Whoa.
By the way, is my deck bigger or smaller than Justin's?
Justin claims to have the largest deck in Malibu.
He won't shut the fuck up about this.
Hey, look, I got to-
He keeps telling, let me tell, hold on.
Go ahead.
No, no, no, no, please.
Justin, I don't know why, by the way,
Justin has put a few people on this show.
He introduced me to you, and he introduced me to alligator Jesus. Anyway, Justin tells me he's this French guy that I
Can't interview him because he won't let me talk ever. He's basically like a shark tank guy people
Ask him for money and he's like, yeah, I'll give you money
That's all I've ever figured out with him
But I'm at his house and I'm like, this deck is beautiful.
And he says, you have got to meet Dr. Deck.
And I said, I'm like, your deck is beautiful.
He goes, well, it's the largest deck in Malibu.
I go, is it?
I go, it doesn't seem like the largest deck.
My deck seems almost as big as this.
And I would never even think to consider my deck
as the largest deck.
Now, go on and tell me if Justin's deck
is the largest deck in Malibu.
All right, look, I'm building a deck right now
that's about almost 4,000 square feet.
So Justin's, I gotta admit, is a big deck,
but it's broken up a little bit more.
It's a pain in the ass to work on.
He spent God knows how much on that beautiful,
resilient hardwood deck, and all you see is a billion screws
in that thing, forgive me Justin.
He didn't plug them, he didn't have them plugged.
He didn't plug it and you know,
I put my foot in my mouth, I go Justin,
don't worry I'll come back I'll do it for 15 grand.
Immediately, immediately as soon as I said that,
I said no, no, no, no, what am I talking about?
I can't afford to do that for Justin? I can't afford to do that for Justin
I can't afford to do it for 15 grand, but I will come back and take care of it for you
I promise so yeah as soon as I with that subject came up. Yeah, I just a technical question for you
Sometimes my plugs start to have are floating up
There's no way to to tap those back and give it a shot. If they don't go back in, it's probably because yes.
All right. You want to get technical?
Yeah, I like it.
Sometimes. All right.
This talk about this wood.
This wood. Well, this this looks looks like just a piece of oak.
Simple red oak that's been created into a table shape.
And but my point is that
if you look at this grain,
the grain is heading in one direction.
Technically, if I put my plug in with the grain
in the same direction, I shouldn't have a problem.
But when you're putting in 10,000 plugs,
you're just putting them in.
So when the plug swells, technically it's not swelling
with the wood itself, so it'll wanna pop.
You've got an interesting deck,
because your deck is like a thermally treated hardwood
that has been chemically treated as well as heat treated.
So it's-
It won't burn.
I know that during the Wosley part.
It wouldn't burn.
Really, it's a very unique product.
It's an expensive product.
You misread it at first.
At first you thought it was a redwood.
No, at first I thought it was an e-pay deck,
and then I thought it was a redwood. No, at first I thought it was an e-pay deck and then I thought it was a, there's another product that's called Kebany
that's a very similar product. But regardless, yes you're right, it's
sometimes these decks they throw me a little bit mainly to tell you the truth
because of the color. When you see a color that's not naturally in nature or
that a tree doesn't have and you know if you look at your deck it's it's hard to describe that color you can
say oh it's mahogany or it's oak or it's it's teak or it's you know brown
you know it's like just this kind of looks like it looks very durable
durable that's that's the color. Give me a low end what somebody can
spend on a deck and and and off the charts, what could they spend?
Off the charts, off the charts.
Honestly, right now in the last couple of years,
I'm just finishing up a $120,000 deck that's about five,
let's just say about the same size as your deck,
but broken up into about five different decks
on the property, that's about 130 grand.
That boils down to almost 50 grand in material right there.
Our issue right now is fire code.
Fire, fire, fire.
IPE Brazilian hardwood, my specialty, is the only...
I've been trying to get it mandated in Malibu for 15 years as the only wood to be used for
decks.
But yes, they're coming up with some of these thermally
treated products that are capable of handling the embers
and things like that.
But again, the Garapa that I'm using right now
in no way compares to an EPay deck.
So all these other decks that are in the area
when people want tone and color instead of just durability,
well, yeah, they're getting a class B, class C fire rating.
These things will go up like Tinder, so.
What did I do wrong to mine?
Mine, you had to come in and fix because everybody's
getting all dirty, their socks are getting dirty
if they walked on it.
There's oil coming out of it constantly.
Yeah, your deck doesn't require oil because it can.
Oil is required to nurture the cellulose fibers
in the wood, okay?
You've got something that the fibers are petrified.
They've heated this wood.
They've gotten to a point where...
Why did they oil it?
I didn't tell them to.
No, but it's almost like as a matter of fact, you know, deck's done, let's get some oil
on it.
It takes out some of the blemishes and then they don't even know what to put on top of
the product.
So, yes, so it sits on top, oil attracts dirt,
it doesn't really want to dry because it's oil, it doesn't really evaporate.
You're telling me though the air, the marine layer.
Yeah, the acid rain, marine layer, crappy, you know, look, we, as wonderful as our neighborhood
is, we do still have pollution in our area. And a deck is an outdoor floor
that everyone beats the cowboy heck out of.
Nobody, but nobody cleans their deck,
except a handful of customers that all go
and swab the decks on a monthly basis
just to keep them clean.
How should you clean a deck?
Basically, you gotta swab the deck
with a little Epsom salt and water.
That's the worst case scenario
if you don't wanna use a cleaner or a brightener,
just a little bit of salt and water
because you don't wanna,
I don't like to use a lot of chemicals.
I like everything that I use to break down
into the environment as salts.
So Epsom salt is like an old school method
of scrubbing the deck with a little Epsom salt,
wash it down, it's dirt free.
Oil is the only thing that nurtures wood.
So yes, occasionally raw wood redwood
Epey any wood that's raw it's gonna need a little bit of oil occasionally in your case
You really don't what you're just trying to do is waterproof it to maintain the stability of the
Cellulose fibers in the wood rank these woods in terms of favorite when building a deck
Acacia cedar redwood or a hem for you're talking about
Almost five different families of wood. They're all so distinctly different. So hem for quickly
Framing lumber that's a two by four you're building your house with
Cedar not normally associated with decks anymore because it is a little bit soft.
So cedar, you'll use it on siding.
You'll use it on fence posts, things like that.
Do you build fences?
Yeah, I build fences.
You go for beauty sometimes and grain,
or ultimately I'm just building for default,
just the badass wood that most likely is gonna survive
through most fires, not what we just recently had. you work with landscapers when you're building your
decks I do yeah that seems like those things go pretty we'd go hand in hand
might yeah that's the one thing I regret I didn't do the right lighting on my deck
nobody does nobody and every time I do a deck I always tell my customers let's
think big let's think big and then we can back off based on budget.
That's what I should have talked to you, Freddie,
because I should have wired for lighting everywhere
on my deck and I didn't.
Now you do have an opportunity with solar
to do some nice stuff that you don't have to do
a lot of hard wiring for, but the solar's so unpredictable
that the hard wiring, yeah, it's hard wired, yeah,
lighting, exterior lighting is the way to go.
Power washing, should I be ever power washing my deck or should I stay away from it?
I'm due to power wash your deck and about another year from now. What's the hardest part of building a deck?
It's really not a difficult thing was difficult for me is maintaining the highest quality control
I can with guys that I hire now a lot of people that might look at California from afar
Might just think these are day players from from Home Depot
But these guys really are you know masters of their crap. I gotta be honest with you
You can get some quality at a Home Depot. Okay. All right now that being said if you're a homeowner
And you go to Home Depot the first thing they're gonna say is okay. Let me take off
You can't do the accent. You can't do the accent.
I can't do the accent.
Freddy, Jesus.
You know, I understand.
They're going to say, okay, may I see the job
and I will quote it for you after I see it.
And you're like, you need to see the job?
You can't tell me how much it's gonna cost
to work for three or four, no.
So what I'm saying is the whole negotiation thing
has become part of the routine now.
You know, even if I pull up, believe me, I pull up a lot.
And I see guys that I've known that have been there for years.
But the first thing that happens is they're all going to crowd my truck and then, you
know, I got to do a hand pick one or two.
But I'll always just say, I weed them out immediately.
Let's go, who speaks English?
No, you can't say that because they know that question.
They do.
They just say, yes, you got to have a trick that question. They do. They just say yes. You gotta have a trickier question.
You're right, you're right.
But that does break the ice and usually the one,
there's usually a leader, as you know.
There's one who will speak for everyone.
That's the guy who I say, okay,
any of them work with tools, you know?
And that's usually not important
because I just need them to dig a hole or sand
or something like that.
But I'm trying to somehow vet these guys.
Sure, it's like a dating game.
Exactly, exactly, because you know next thing you know they're gonna be in my truck with whatever cologne they're wearing.
That's what I got to deal with. But that being said,
all right these guys, truthfully.
You love cologne.
Oh man, I'm wearing a little bit of my...
You were working on a deck of a house while a porn was being filmed.
Yes. Okay. I'm wearing a little bit of my. You were working on a deck of a house while a porn was being filmed.
Yes.
Okay, first of all, are you sure you were not in that porn?
Have you watched that porn,
like you're in the background, sand in or something,
like an extra?
Look, I gotta be honest with you.
I'm known as the hammer, but that's.
Who calls you the hammer?
Nobody calls me the hammer.
The point that I'm trying to make is that, yes,
they actually were out on the deck. They had cameras?
They were kind of wandering out.
Not cameras, but I just.
Well, that's not a point.
That's just people having sex.
No, no, no, no, no.
They were definitely filming inside.
But, you know, the actors were coming out
on the deck to have cigarettes.
Yeah.
And this was the section of the deck that I had completed.
And I'm on the other section.
It was an interesting moment.
Your guys loved you that day.
Oh, my guys loved me that day.
And the funny thing,
the greatest part of the day was that they asked us
if we needed anything, you know?
So it's like sometimes when a client asks you
if you need anything, normally, you know,
we say, no, no, we're good.
You know, I tell my guys, you know, we don't go in houses,
we don't use the bathroom, but.
Where do you go to the bathroom
when you're building these decks then?
That's kind of tough because a lot of times,
we'll take a break, the guys have cars,
we'll take a break for lunch, the guys will go.
But no, no, we gotta, occasionally you gotta sneak one off
in the back of the, I didn't pee in your yard.
That's fine, but I always tell people
that they can use, the Airstream is unlocked
and there's a bathroom in there,
so I always tell people to go in there.
I would never use the Airstream. Why, tell them to use the Airstream, unlocked and there's a bathroom in there. So I always tell people to go in there. I would never use the Airstream.
Why tell them to use the Airstream?
I'd rather that than pee in my yard.
You know what?
And that's true.
My kid comes around and then sees some big old hog.
He's like, how come yours looks so much bigger than my dad's?
I don't wanna have that conversation.
People may be surprised to know that you're 45 years old.
As of last week, thank you very much.
How old are you, Freddie?
Oh my God, I'm 63.
I'm gonna be 64 years old.
63, you're almost 64.
By the way, you're physically,
how are you doing physically?
Are you still in pain?
Where are you at?
Where's the pain level?
I swear to you, I am not in an ounce of pain right now,
but apparently I've got degenerative discs,
I've got osteoarthritis,
I've got a bunch of stuff happening like right in my core
that keeps me in a bathtub quite a bit.
But.
How often are you taking baths, every day?
Yeah, I probably spend at least two hours a day in a tub.
What?
Yeah.
Two hours a day in the tub?
Hour in the morning when I get up,
4.30 in the morning, I am in the tub.
Because look, I sleep with a vibrator, okay?
Oh, where? I sleep with a vibrator, okay? Oh, where?
I sleep with a vibrator, man.
I am literally up three times a night,
and I'm making this move because that's the area.
Okay, so in your back.
Right in my lower back, right?
Yeah, I mean, and I am, literally,
I probably get two or three solid hours of sleep a night.
Once I'm up and moving, I feel pretty good.
What do you love most about living in Southern California?
Oh, there's no place I'd rather live than where I live right now.
The best thing about it, it's easy to say the weather.
There's very few places I really enjoy going.
We go to Mexico a lot, but...
Your daughter wanted me to bring up the fact that you got busted in Mexico with her
when she was a young child. Oh my God All right real quick. All right, take the kid to Isla Mujeres
All right, tiny little island off of Cancun. All they have is golf carts there
So you rent golf cart and you cruise around the island. So I got my eight-year-old with me
I think she's eight nine years old and to make a long story short
What better time to teach a kid how to drive? Sure, driving a golf cart's not the same rules.
It's Mexico, whatever.
Mexico, roads are empty, throwing the driver's seat.
She's doing a great job.
I don't know where this cop came from,
but woo, we get pulled over by-
Is he in a golf cart too?
No, he's in a pickup truck.
That's what I'm saying, I had no idea where he came from.
Literally, I say, sweetheart, just keep driving.
Just, you know-
Wait, you're trying to outrun him? No, I just thought maybe she'd pull it off. Like, you know, just if
she looked, you know, like she meant like a nine year old. Exactly. Exactly. So he pulls
out and he stays behind us. And I'm like, all right, just keep driving. Keep driving.
Right. So then he pulls up alongside of us and we're like, all right, we don't want him
to ram us. I said, pull over over here. She pulls over shoots the tires.
Exactly.
I'm like, okay, he's getting serious.
Pulls up comes over, right?
So I'm trying to think quick.
I immediately I grabbed my leg and I put it up on the golf courts.
I'm seeing a hole in my leg.
Oh, you're faking an injury.
Faking an injury, right?
Just on the fly.
How's your Spanish by the way?
My Spanish sucks, but enough to have him
guide us to a hospital.
And when I say guide us, I mean,
Sarah's still driving.
Oh man, so you're gonna fake it all the way
into the hospital. So we fake it all the way,
I'm like, oh this is, I'm like, okay.
Pull into a hospital, literally,
pull us into a hospital, I get out,
I limp into that, got a plate all the way through,
I limp into the hospital, I'm sitting there,
I'm in the waiting room, and they're like,
Senor, que es tu problema?
What is the problem, what is your problem?
This was after about three or four times
when they would be cut.
Have the police left?
Are they still?
No, they're in the parking lot, so I'm sitting there
going, okay, do I check in? So I reach in my parking, I'm looking, I okay and you know do I check in do I so
I reach my pocket I'm looking I got about probably 2,500 pesos I don't know
there's a couple hundred bucks give it to Sarah I said get out there just give
it to the cop just go give it to him say thank you my father's gonna be fine
thank you you know I said hug him if you have to if she goes out see an
eight-year-old go out there with a lot of cash goes out go hugs, go out there, go out there, go out there, go out there, go out there, go out there, go out there with a lot of cash. Go out there, go out there, go out there,
go out there, go out there, go out there with a lot of cash.
Go hugs. Go hugs.
Go hugs.
This is the way it's done.
Literally watched him.
I mean, he took the money from her like, you know,
there was no, he had no qualms about it.
Took the money, literally looked at it,
flipped it over, put it in his pocket,
got on his pickup truck, drove away.
And her life of crime began.
They were asking me,
sir, what's the problem? What's the problem?
Like guys, literally at that moment she started walking back the door. He left, made the right
into a boom out of there. Jump right back into the golf cart, other direction. Did she drive? No. Okay.
Yep. How exhausting is it having a kid that's involved in so many activities? I'd be a multi
multi-millionaire at this point
had I not sacrificed all the time
that I took with that kid, right?
So that's all I'm gonna say.
Okay, your daughter's graduating soon too.
She's a hockey prodigy.
Yeah, we can't.
By the way, she's a hockey prodigy.
That is probably the most expensive sport.
Thank you.
Like I said.
There's so much stuff.
I would be a multi-multi.
I remember as a kid, in St. Louis, my dad loved the blues, loved the St. there's so much stuff. I would be a multi, multi. I remember as a kid in St. Louis,
my dad loved the blues, loved the St. Louis blues so much.
And I was like, should I get into hockey?
And he's like, ah, you don't want to.
They basically said, you don't want to get into hockey
because they knew how expensive it was
and they just didn't want me to play
because it was so expensive.
Everything I did with my kid
from the age of two years old,
they said she's got to do it.
I took her to, I got pictures of her running,
five years old, medals for running.
I took her to swim class, Lenny Krasilberg swim class.
She was already completed the whole program by seven.
I took her to the gymnastics place
over in the Gora Hills over there, right?
The lady comes up to me, Russian,
you must train your daughter with us every day.
I'm like, what?
She's can be the Olympian. I'm like, what? She's can be the Olympian.
I'm like, no, no, no, no.
Literally everything the kid could touch, she could do.
OK, so she's a hockey prodigy.
She's not interested in playing college or beyond.
Is that because nobody cares about hockey outside Canada
and the Northeast?
No, it's because obviously, what future does a woman
have playing hockey?
And even if it gets you into a school,
the school is so determined to win
that you're training on the,
you're spending two hours a day in class.
My kid happens to also be a singer and a songwriter.
She's also a captain of her debate team.
That brings me to this point.
Go ahead.
Why doesn't she just not go to college
and go straight to Disney on ice?
Singing and ice skating.
Boom, I solved all your problems.
From your lips to God's ears.
Everybody that's on the show gets gifts.
I just find stuff around my house and I give it to you.
You ever get splinters working on decks?
Yeah.
Yeah. My wife has drawing salve and I'm like what she is
like who uses drawing salve? She goes oh it's good for you and I'm like and it
leaves this like black tar stuff on you. I'm like I go I don't ever this is I've
never heard of drawing salve until I met my wife and then she's always got a tube of it
And I'm like, I'm not putting this stuff on our kids. I don't even know what it's for. Anyway, I'm gonna give you some drawing salve
Okay, I'm gonna also give you all of her
These because of your back all of these hot packs and cold packs
I got a bunch of hot and cold packs for you to break open for your back
I need you, you know, you stick when you're driving you keep this in your car you pop one you stick on your back
It's gonna make you feel good
They don't do it now. I can't no I
Have extra I have extra doormats. I figured you of all people need some extra. These are brand-new never been used these are good
I don't know what this what is this chilla witch
These are brand new, never been used. These are good, I don't know what this,
what is this, Chilowitch?
Send me more of these Chilowitch, I like these.
You bring these to, next time you have some hoity-toity
person, say, I bring my own mats to my gig.
This is so you don't walk on people's deck.
I don't know why I have these stilts.
Okay, but I think you need a pair of stilts to walk around.
These are nice, they're retractable, so we'llilts to walk around. These are nice.
They're retractable, so we'll get them to your height.
I am going to send you a photo of me on these.
Don't break our lights.
On my deck.
No, no, no, no.
That'd be nice.
You give those away or do whatever you want.
Definitely a functional gift.
I think that.
Those are not functional.
Well, you know, look, I appreciate it.
Thanks.
I just wondered what is the warranty on this?
No, no, those things are from Amazon.
They have to be quality.
Here, look at these floor mats on the floor.
Don't worry about the drawings out.
Put the drawings out on the floor, Freddie.
It's like Christmas.
This is more than I got.
You know, I...
Oh, but you're gonna love it.
You got good stuff here.
You've been doing this line of work for over three decades.
In that time, have you experienced deck building becoming?
Increasingly complex that is the most boring question. Okay, I've been asked Freddy
I won't ask you you ever fucked with any of those composite materials or fabricated wood ever fucked in your customers
Have you ever had sex with any of your customers?
Have you you want to get into it a little bit?
No, unless you wanna tell me.
Do I know them?
They in my neighborhood?
I built my wife's deck.
Before she was your wife?
No.
That's not true.
I'm just trying to find,
I have a couple of questions for you.
Oh Jesus, it's gonna take you 10 hours
to figure out how to use your own phone.
Thank you, yeah, I'm a little inept.
No, no, continue please.
Continue with your line of questioning.
How did I lose my...
Is Justin's the biggest deck in Malibu?
Yes or no?
Ah, I'm pretty convinced I'm building a larger deck than he has now, but I'm
going to tell you what, let's let him live with that because, you know,
he's got such little in his life that he should.
Ha ha ha!
Make sure that stays in the show.
That's too funny.
Justin, I'm sorry, man, I love you.
And forgive me for not recognizing you at Trankus Market.
I kinda knew it was you.
You're driving that Bronco, that retro Bronco.
What the hell is that? That's a Blazer, it's not a Bronco. A Blazer. He're driving that Bronco, that retro Bronco. What the hell is that thing?
That's a blazer, it's not a Bronco.
He mocks me because I have a retro Bronco.
You got the retro Bronco.
I don't need retro.
Hey, you think you can build a dock?
Of course.
In the middle of the night, one night.
In the middle of the night.
In Tahoe.
I gotta do it illegally.
Oh yeah, I did in Malibu Lake, but you know what?
We can try and pull that off, why not?
Yeah, shit, I'll bring a crew over there
You got too many people
No, no, you gotta you gotta knock it out in the winter in the middle of the night
You get a long night. That sounds like fun though. Are you playing are you playing candy crush over there?
What the fuck? No, I just fucking can't I swear to god. Oh, there it is. Frederick Cairn. Thank you
All right. Let me see if there's something here that I'd like to talk to Daniel about.
Oh my God.
What's going on?
I've got a whole bunch of, all right, here we go.
Let's see.
Freddy's gonna interview me now.
So you say you like chewy cookies.
No, you know what?
I don't like chewy cookies.
I make cookies.
I mean, it's all right.
Peter's gonna get some.
If you're lucky enough, you'll get some.
You'll probably complain that they're not chewy.
Let's see.
Are they crunchy?
No, they're a, it's a cranberry chocolate chip.
All right.
But the cranberry, it's a little cranberry
with the chocolate chip and the walnut.
Oh, fuck off, I don't want any of it.
Go.
It's my cranberry chocolate chip walnut cookie.
I'll take a bite.
Very special.
You'd love it.
Did you ever take that Porsche driving course?
No.
Down off the 405?
Wasted time.
You want to have fun, you go to Fontana,
and you get in one of those,
literally they got the NASCAR cars on a half mile track.
Crazy.
Again, for that experience.
I just couldn't, sometimes I'm listening to,
some of your guests make me nuts.
You're listening to my podcast,
and then you're taking notes.
Taking notes.
Tell me, this is what I would have said
in this particular moment.
Eddie, you weren't at the Heart concert last week, were you?
No, I wasn't there.
Okay, and then I saw somebody that looked just like Eddie.
Did he have a crown on?
Well, he had a hat on,
and I was trying to get him to take it off to see if he had a crown underneath it.
Nothing there.
The King of Hearts.
Alright.
No, okay.
I think, I mean again.
I think we hit all the big ones.
I'm done, yeah.
I got so much.
Freddie, put your phone down.
I got one more question I'm looking for.
Hold on a second.
Oh, I have a Tosh impersonation.
Okay, get the phone off my desk.
Alright. Alright, if I had off my desk. All right.
All right.
If I had my glasses, it would be something like this.
Ah, that's it.
You ever see him when he like, he just kind of goes off.
What a waste of time this is for you guys.
No, you're the best.
Thank you for helping.
The number one hit true crime podcast, The Girlfriends is back with something new, The Girlfriends Spotlight. Our first two series introduce you to an incredible gang of women who
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Listen to The Girlfriend Spotlight
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or wherever you get your podcasts. You will use this suggestion in order to enhance your cognitive control. But what's inside a black hole?
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Well, we have answers for you in the new iHeart original podcast, Science Stuff.
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Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and if you've ever felt the weight of letting go, of people, past
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Whoever Lizzo is to the world is not really even me and that
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And to be honest with you, I don't feel like I've expressed myself fully in the last two years. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
you get your podcasts. Hey there, Ed Helms here, host of Snafu, your favorite podcast about history's
greatest screw ups. It's the 1920s, Prohibition is full swing, and a lot of people are mysteriously dying?
Assistant Attorney General Mabel Walker Willebrandt is becoming increasingly desperate in forcing
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arguably a little too well.
Find out more on season three,
episode four of Snafu Formula Six.
Listen and subscribe on the iHeart Radio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I want to thank Freddie for being on the show. I'm going to be honest with you.
Freddie might be one of my favorite guests.
I mean, complete maniac.
I also need him to come back to my house right now.
Now am I looking for a deal?
No.
Freddie's got a family to support.
I'm going to be a fan of Freddie.
I'm going to be a fan of Freddie.
I'm going to be a fan of Freddie.
I'm going to be a fan of Freddie.
I'm going to be a fan of Freddie.
I'm going to be a fan of Freddie.
I'm going to be a fan of Freddie.
I'm going to be a fan of Freddie.
I'm going to be a fan of Freddie. I'm going to be a fan of Freddie. I'm going to be a fan of Freddie. I'm going to be a fan of Freddie. I mean complete maniac. I also need him to come back to my house right now. Now am I looking for a deal? No! Freddie's got a
family to support. I respect that. Charges me an honest rate, but I would like my
deck cleaned. Did you hear this Carl? Freddie already used the stilts that we
gave him. I thought there's no way in hell that that man was going to get on
those stilts without dying.
Sure.
Shit.
He did it.
That's great.
On a brand new deck too.
Wow.
Yeah.
I'm a madman.
All right.
We've got some plugs.
ToshShowStore.com.
Get your sweet merch.
You got Eddie's tour.
You got my tour.
Where am I going?
I'm going to Vegas.
I'm doing the Midwest in June and
Then we've got new dates being announced
Where? San Francisco, the Bay Area, Central California. Yeah, you know, the Monterey, the big little lies area
What's that? Carmel? What else is in there? San Santa Cruz?
That's fun.
I love doing a show in Santa Cruz.
What a cute town.
Now you're asleep.
Let's do the free plug.
Hit the music.
Oh, that'll wake you up.
Hmm?
The sweet sounds of the cello.
Love a cello. I love a cello too. My mom played the cello. I don't know if that's true
Did she play the cello? She played the clarinet
Very different. Yeah, they're different. She didn't play the cello
She played the clarinet. I gotta ask her. I love it. Let's find out. What did she play?
I gotta ask her. I love it. Let's find out. What does she play?
Hey Margo, what instrument did you play growing up?
Piano trumpet French horn
French horn for the last six years, you know from high junior high to high school. Yeah. All right. That's right
You never played the cello I did No, never played what about the clarinet?
No, Carol played the clarinet. Ah
My two sisters did but I never did. All right. That's all that's on you. I'll talk to you later
Bye bye
French horn I
Didn't see the French horn. No. I didn't see that coming.
We had a lot of instruments.
That's the coolest.
All right.
Let's do this free plug.
This free plug is for a couple of witches who run the Greenwich Apothecary located in
New Braunsville, New Brunfell.
New Braunfels.
New Braunfels, Texas.
New Braunfels, Texas.
An apothecary.
The Greenwich.
Huh. Yeah. I mean, that's who should run an apothecary, the green witch, huh?
Yeah.
I mean, that's who should run an apothecary.
Yeah.
Witches.
They, they specialize in artisan made herbalist formulated organic skincare products.
Uh, what is it?
Medicinal salves, herbal teas and remedies,
always in small batches and brews.
You leave a bad review online, they'll cast a spell, making you grow a tail.
Oh, that seems awful.
Are they, are they, they're not, they can't use their powers like that.
Can they?
They're, they're just business women.
Oh, Eddie here gets his beard oil from them or beard balm, whatever.
Are you just looking to get free beard
balm out of this?
Yeah, stuff lasts a long time.
I would have to be, it would be a weird long.
Yeah.
It's a, what a, what a great way to save 12 bucks, Eddie, making
me plug this goddamn witch business.
Oh, look at that.
The, the beer balm run up to $16.
The oil is $16. The oil $16.
You get the oil or the, or the, the, the, the, whatever.
The ball.
I get both.
Oh, you get both.
Okay.
That's some money.
All right.
Oils for the skin bombs for the beer.
All right.
They have a anti-aging creams, wellness tonics.
They're witches.
He probably can whip up anything.
If you ask them free shipping with orders over a hundred dollars.
Holy shit.
That's, you got to really spend to get some free shipping.
That's not a, that's a bad deal.
Oh, it's bad deal.
Or, or you can, if you live near new Braunfels, you can, uh, pick up your
order from their front porch or one of their area market events they attend
each weekend in the Texas Hill
country. What? Where's the Texas Hill country?
This is New Braunfels, everything north of Austin.
Oh, this is near Austin. Oh, this is nothing but hipster heaven here.
All right, well head on over to GreenWitchApothecary.com. That's good that they got that.
See you next week. greenwichapothecary.com. That's good that they got that.
See you next week.
Have you ever wondered if your pet is lying to you?
Why is my cat not here?
Am I going and she's eating my lunch?
Or if hypnotism is real?
You will use a suggestion
in order to enhance your cognitive control.
But what's inside a black hole?
Black holes could be a consequence
of the way that we understand the universe.
Well, we have answers for you in the new iHeart original podcast,
Science Stuff. Join me or Hitcham as we answer questions about animals, space, our brains,
and our bodies. So give yourself permission to be a science geek and listen to Science Stuff on the
iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What's up, y'all? I'm AJ
Andrews, pro softball player, sports analyst, and the first woman to win a Rawlings Gold Glove. you get your podcasts. Dropping Diamonds with AJ Andrews is an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Athletes Unlimited Softball League and Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Dropping
Diamonds with AJ Andrews on the iHeart radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcast.
Brought to you by Novartis, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports Network.
Hey all you women's hoops fans, and folks who just don't know yet that they're women's
hoops fans.
We've got a big week over at Good Game with Sarah Spayne as we near the end of one of
the most exciting women's college basketball seasons ever.
The most parody we've seen in years, with games coming down to the wire and everyone
wondering which team will be crowned national champions this weekend in Tampa.
Listen to Good Game with Sarah Spayne on the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcasts,
or wherever you get your podcasts.
What's up, I'm Laura, host of the podcast
Courtside with Laura Corenti,
a masterclass case study of the business of women's sports.
I'll be chatting with leaders like tennis icon,
Alana Kloss.
I don't do what I do only for women,
I do it for everyone, and I want the whole market.
And innovators like Jenny Nguyen. I do it for everyone. And I want the whole market. And innovators like Jennie Nguyen.
I would say 50% of the people that come visit the Sports Bra
aren't sports fans.
They come to be in community.
They come to be part of this culture.
Courtside with Laura Karenty is an iHeart women's sports
production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports
and Entertainment.
Listen to Courtside with Laura Karenty on the iHeart radio
app, Apple Podcast podcasts, or wherever
you get your podcasts.
Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports.