Tosh Show - My Family Vacation

Episode Date: April 22, 2025

Daniel recaps his New York tour, traveling abroad with the in-laws, and why he doesn’t mix family vacations with Eddie. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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leaders share strategies for success. Listen on the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. How many times do you think over two or under two that I was recognized in Portugal? And it could be by American tourists as well. Over. Over.

Under, look how I'm dressed you idiots welcome to Tosh show I found my three on blueberry hill. Woo hoo hoo hoo! Louis Armstrong, you like Louis, Eddie? I like Louis. Man, his voice. When you listen to him sing, it's hard not to feel like, is he doing a bit?

He does sound very like it. Are there like white producers, like racist white producers in the back going, yeah, yeah, yeah, go with that. That's great. Or is it a beautiful voice and it's just of a time that doesn't hold up today? I don't know. But I do love it. I mean, I don't even know if I'm supposed to be doing a Louis Armstrong impression.

Well, I think if you tell people that's what you're doing You're okay. Yeah, that's Louis Armstrong. There you go. He's not just being a crazy person over here How did uh, what's his name? Who's the original singer Fats? What's that? That's Domino Fats Domino. How did he sound? I don't know. I can't I can't in my head think how Fats Domino sounded but I can't in my head think how Fats Domino sounded, but Louis' version, then of course Elvis did a version, as he always did, stealing the cool from black people. Speaking of racist, our president, you know, as bad as I think he is

and as much as I give it to him for broken promises after broken promises Here's I will say this I do hope he has a healthy Three and a half years of this final term. Why so well because Eddie I was gonna end it at that Okay, you got something coming here. All right because heaven help us if Eddie I wasn't gonna end it at that Okay, you got something coming here. All right because heaven help us if Vance

We're giving the keys to the car. I mean this dipshit is off the charts Everything you need to know about Vance can be summed up in him dropping the national championship trophy. That's the, that's just who he is. I'm this dipshit. I mean, I'm not, this isn't a unique take. I believe everyone hates this man. His wife hates him. I think Republicans for the most part are like,. I think Republicans, for the most part, are like,

oh no, no, he's not our guy. Anybody that read that memoir? Did you read his book? No. No. No. But you own a copy. No. I just see he had,

balance out, his bed's kinda like wobbly. He's got a leg. You got a wobbly bed? Yeah, you gotta put it underneath the leg. That wobbly. That's fucking crazy, a memoir can bounce out. Perfect size. You know, somebody that once went by initials,

I had a roommate, an older roommate, his name was Daniel and my father was Daniel and one of my closest friends was Daniel. I went by DT for a long time Some close friends still call me DT, but uh in general if you have like little initials You're kind of a fucking idiot You know what his real name is? James David Vance JD I don't like anybody that tries to bumpkin' up their name. The only name that I remotely appreciate

that's kinda bumpkin' up is old cousin baby Billy. And see, now there, they're like, hey, how do we mock these stupid people? Well, why don't we call them cousin baby Billy? All right. They did it. What about JD Vance? Nah, it's too nail on head.

Let's go cousin baby Billy. Nah, you guys don't wanna hear my? Nice to nail on head. Let's go cousin, baby Billy Now you guys don't want to hear my elitist Views on things speaking of elitist the white lotus season 3 Are they still talking about all the shenanigans that happened behind the scenes during the filming? Here's what they should have done They should have just filmed that and aired it. I'd much rather watch Bachelor in Paradise white lotus Thailand. I'd much rather watch Bachelor in Paradise, White Lotus, Thailand. I don't know what you'd call it. That's good.

Sounds like they're all just having fun. You know, a couple married people doing what you do in Thailand. Pretending you are that little Asian girl. I didn't enjoy the season, but I didn't not enjoy it. Like, I was like, I watched it, but I didn't not enjoy it. Like I was like, I watched it and I was like, okay, this is this, this hotel kind of annoys me.

I don't want to stay there after I see it. I don't know how somebody that murdered somebody at one of these hotels goes and buys a property at another one of their locations and doesn't think that that might Come back to haunt. It's very true. Why wouldn't he be like? Well, I can't that that's a great deal But can't be the same property if I killed my wife at a Marriott, right? You can just kiss those points. Goodbye. I'm never gonna redeem them. Those points are gone forever. It's just, you gotta change properties.

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I like it. Well, sure you do. I look sophisticated. Yeah, you do. I blend in People speak to me in portuguese. They don't they don't come at me. That's a good sign. I like that. Oh They're happy to see me but before Uh, we get into it. Let's uh eddie Let's tell people how the shows in new york went see I went to new york first Because my wife and I had some meetings.

By the way, when you go to New York City and you haven't been in a while, it does take you a few minutes to go, oh, I forgot, everything is filthy. Why did I bring my good sneakers? Yeah, yeah. Oh yeah. That's true. Just as soon as I got there,

I was like, oh, it's been raining and I've got beautiful brand new sneakers on. This is disgusting. Well, we went, we had some meetings. That's always stressful. I was meeting with book publishers. My wife and I are gonna write a book together. It's purely sexual.

That's not what the book's about. Whatever. In these meetings, you just sit in there and they bring in some book publishers and you get like 30 minutes to an hour with them and you just try to be funny, I guess. I don't know. It's like, which one did you gel the most with?

I'm like, I don't know. Which one's gonna pay me the most? I'll figure out the gelling later. Anyway, my wife is really good in the meetings. I was probably better, but that's, you know, I've got more experience. But she held her own. You know, we had written samples

of what we would bring to the table and they were blown away. Then they came to our show that night. Not all of them, but the ones that we liked, we offered them tickets. The ones that seemed like they were just kicking the tires, nah, you're not getting free tickets. Especially when I'm sold out.

I get a percentage of that door. Anyway. Uh. If you were to ask me of the five shows that we did, Eddie, which was my least favorite, I would say hands down the first show in New York City. Okay. Cause that was the only one that I had pressure on. The rest of them, which was my least favorite. I would say hands down the first show in New York City. Okay.

Because that was the only one that I had pressure on. The rest of them, I was loose as a goose. Here's another thing. One of the head promoters came out to see me in New York and we were talking, he's like, oh, you're gonna wear that tomorrow in New Jersey? I had like a pink jacket on or something. I'm like, I don't know.

He was like, those people. You know, we were in New Brunswick, New Jersey. I'm gonna say they were great. It was wonderful. The people there were great. Great size theater too. The theater was beautiful, two shows. Was it my best show?

I'm gonna say yes. Yeah, I mean. I'm gonna say it was my best show in New Jersey. Then we went to Philly. Got ourselves a cheesesteak. Where did we get cheesesteaks at from, Eddie? Oh brother. Is that a good place, Eddie?

I mean, I feel like they're all the same. Oh shit. By the way, that day before the Philly show, the Philly show was on a Sunday night. On the way there, we had, from New York City, we had gotten two large pizzas from a place that we like. We were eating the pizzas on the drive there, and then we did the show, and then on the way back,

we were eating cheese steaks. That is disgusting. And then the next day the next day Eddie pulls off Arguably the greatest father slash husband Bullshit move of all time. Let me explain this to people We were doing this these shows we kind of hubbed in New York We bopped around and did these shows and then we were taking our families on vacation, separate vacations. I'm taking my family to Portugal

and Eddie's taking his family to Rome. And we don't bring our families to the same places because Eddie doesn't like his kids to see how much better my kids have it. What life could be like. Right, and I respect that. Thank you. I respect that.

So we always are like, well, we will go similar places, but let's not have too much overlap because he's trying to raise well-rounded kids. And I don't give a shit what happens to mine. All right, we are gonna go straight from New York City to Lisbon. Easy six hour flight. Eddie's family is going to Rome. but what does Eddie do? By the

way, his kids aren't young. My kids are two and six. His kids are, let me just guess right now, 16 and 18. Perfect guess. Okay, 16 and 18. This is what Eddie does for his wife and children. He flies New York to LA, has five hours to kill at LAX before boarding the family's plane nonstop to Rome. He went five hours backwards and then another five and a half. Is that the craziest thing you've ever heard? Would you, there is, I would leave my family if they ever suggested that, hey, would you be interested in fucking up your entire week by giving yourself

the most horrible experience ever? Oh my God. And then, and did you go home on that five hour little layover? No. You stayed at the airport. Stayed at the airport. Oh, by the way, I just want everyone to know, Eddie lives maybe 15 minutes from LAX. Yeah, but why go home and tease myself with a pillow, maybe a bed?

You could have napped for two hours. Probably could have, but you know, international travel, you want to get there early. How bad were you on that travel? Oh, when I got to Rome, I was, I wanna get there early. How bad were you on that travel? When I got to Rome, I was beat up. I was pretty tired. How much time from when you landed till you said your first when in Rome joke?

You know what, I think I was so tired, I forgot to do it until the next day. Oh man, oh the next day. I'll tell you this though, the Spirit Airlines flight I took from New York to LA. Whoa, hold on, hold on. You think he's being funny right now, he is not. He took Spirit Airlines from New York to Los Angeles.

And if you don't know, Spirit Airlines is garbage. And I don't even care if they're a sponsor of our show. That is- This is a free plug. There's no first class in Spirit. There's no business class. They call it. What do they call it big wide? It's like a different big wide. Yeah, there's the seat. They're better. Were you in big wide big wide? Yeah I did it's embarrassing. I want that is humiliating Everything everything you're saying makes me want this company to fail and then and then then, what airline did you fly to Rome?

We took a North Atlantic Airways. And were you in Big Wide there or no? Big Wide with reclining and- No, you were in business class? It was like they call it premium flex ultra. All the names are different on these airlines. So it's not business, it's not first class. It is first class.

It is first class? It's their first class, yeah. It's their first class. It is first class. It is first class. It's their first class, yeah. It's their first class. Right. And then the every, there's like that section. And then there's like. What number seat were you in? Row seven.

Okay, all right, fine. By the way, how was the trip with the family in Rome? It was great, loved it. What'd you guys do? Lot of tours, catacombs, took a cooking class. Probably the worst meal we had in Rome was the one that we prepared ourselves. We do, we do such different trips.

Tour. I would never get in a tour. Well, you've got to kind of go private tour. So it's just you. No, I'm not going. I don't want to listen to somebody. Oh. Well, yeah, you'd hate it then. You would've hated my trip.

This is what we do. We fly to Lisbon. I go to our hotel. I'm staying in a cool room that has two bedrooms, so my children are in one and I'm in the other, and I've got a balcony overlooking the rooftops of Lisbon. I see a castle lit up in the distance. There's a rooftop restaurant that we went to, and then it's nothing but spa appointments. I got a massage. I didn't enjoy my massage

The place is great, but their tables I don't know if people in Portugal are smaller than me. But my leg was hanging off a good foot and a half You can't have your shin just resting off the edge of a table for an 80-minute massage And then when you scoot to your back, you even scoot further down and now my knees, my legs are just hanging down like a little kid just wiggling my legs up and down. Anyway, that's not the problem that I had my massage.

My masseuse clearly, before I came in, was pounding some salamis or some cold cuts. I don't know what she was eating. We're having some baloney. She was having some salamis, uh, or some cold cuts. I don't know what she was eating. We're having some baloney. She was having some baloney because at one point I smelled something and I'm like, I think she just burped and, and she held it in, but I could still, it was still wafting out occasionally. I'm like, maybe she didn't burp. But now I can't stop thinking about it

for the next 80 minutes. I'm like, did she burp? And then at one point she hip checked the table real hard and it hurt her. And she was just like, oh, I'm sorry. I'm like, oh, are you okay? And she's like, yeah, I'm okay. Like my son, my son can't walk past a coffee table

without taking it to the shin. Oh, you know what? And one day my wife, oh man, holy cow, I'm still furious about this. You have to understand, in tow are the in-laws, you know, so I got two kids and then I've got two old kids. Somehow I'm responsible for all of them not being abducted. I have no special skills, yet I pull it off constantly. My wife says, we're gonna go to this restaurant for lunch. I'm like, great, where is it? Well, first we have to get on a ferry.

Fuck. A ferry? What? There's like a delivery guy with his bike. Yeah. Hundreds of people wedging in. Everybody's racing to get a window because it's inside. And so it's like smelly and gross.

Water towns. It's not good. I didn't enjoy being on this ferry. And I'm dressed like a fucking idiot. You know? Like, look at me. And I've got little kids running everywhere, eating off the ferry

floor. They don't care. And we take this quick ferry. You know, my father-in-law's always got interesting questions. Did you know that the first ferry was invented at the University of Florida? And I'm like, no, it wasn't. Just shut up. It wasn't invented at the University of Florida. Whatever. He's always got some dumb gator fact that I have to care about. Now, we get to the other side and I'm like, okay, which way to this residence? He goes, well, it's this cool walk along the water and there's tons of graffiti on those walls

and it's all the graffiti I keep pointing out to my father-in-law is just anti-American hate. And I'm like, oh yeah, this is what Trump was bringing. This respect that the rest of the world, like he's fresh American hate everywhere. You just see it. Anyway, sure enough, we start this walk and there's a guy building a wall,

a makeshift wall on this water pass, this sidewalk along the water, he's building a wall almost just like to stop us from going. He says, gotta go this other way. We end up walking through not the nicest areas of town and it's all uphill. And I got a father-in-law with one bad knee

and one knee that he just replaced, like six weeks ago. So it's just taking forever. Then I've got two children. Just one of them doesn't, you know, will only, if he holds your hand, he's like pulling you down. So it's just kind of, he falls on every cobblestone street. So he's just constantly crying because he's hurt. Whatever.

I end up pushing up this mountain for 45 minutes. I get to the top of it and then at the very top of it, there's 300 stairs that were built before codes were even a thing. And they're like, the restaurant is at the bottom of this. And I'm like, well, I can only save one person's life here. So I carry the stroller with my daughter who's not sitting in the stroller. Like she's leaning forward. So the weight is off.

Everything is, it's just horrible. The whole time I make it down these stairs. And then on the way back, I say, I don't care what that guy said. We're horrible the whole time. I make it down these stairs and then on the way back I say I don't care what that guy said We're going the other way and we walk this river walk and it was it was fine There was like one pothole. So my wife basically made us walk 45 minutes around the city to avoid a pothole. How was the food? The food's good. I got some monkfish stew. It's for two people.

So I tell my father, we're getting this monkfish stew. It's gonna be great. Anyway, they bring this big crock pot. There's liver in this monkfish stew. That part I didn't like to eat. I made him eat it. He threw up a little bit in his mouth.

But just huge portions. Oh my goodness. And my mother-in-law, she can't wrap her head around any food that's not from Long John Silver's. Wait, she orders, I'll take the shrimp cocktail. Oh, do you have fried shrimp? Like that's her meal everywhere. It's like, ugh, I can't.

One time they brought her, she ordered fried shrimp and they had tiny little shrimp, but the heads and everything were on it and they're like, you're supposed to eat the whole thing, just crunch them up. And she just, this is her friend. Like as soon as it was put in front of her, she's like. My wife the whole time was pretending to be Parker Posey

from White Lotus, which was making me laugh, but my derazipan. Okay, so I was only in Lisbon for a few days. That was just to get my barons. Then we headed off to Camporta, which they say is the Hamptons of Portugal, which I don't know if that's a compliment or not because I hate the Hamptons, but we stayed at a beautiful place. It was nice.

Although they don't heat their pools. They have one little tiny pool in the spa that's heated. But it's like who wants to swim inside? I had a nice little three-bedroom villa that my family and I were playing at. Oh, so beautiful. But my father-in-law, I put him in the biopool area. And that's like these outdoor p ponds They kind of have an area roped off that your pool Like your little your room is like a little cabana over the water and the there's earplugs because the frogs are so loud at night But also there's supposed to be healing powers when you get in but the water is cold and he complains at anything That's not a jacuzzi. So I forced him to jump in night one.

But there's snakes, iguanas just swimming around everywhere and I got photos of it all. I made my son go dive in it in the middle of the night. We went, we walked there, we weren't on our normal sleeping schedule. So I'm like, hey, let's go jump in their bio pool. And he was terrified, but we did it. It's enjoyable traveling with the in-laws, because, you know, at the start of the trip,

my wife made all of us, like, hold hands and, you know, repeat after her. I will try things. I will be open-minded, you know. And that goes out the window. As soon as the first restaurant brings my mother-in-law a fish head, she starts freaking out. But my father-in-law, on the other hand, is just everything is the greatest thing he's ever tasted.

You couldn't believe, you have to try this roll, honey. It's so delicious. Which is funny, because he'll try stuff and that's fun to hang out with, but it's like we also know he enjoys a bag of circus peanuts. That's great. If you get him talking about the first Burger King

that was opened in Fort Pierce, he acts like it's the greatest hamburger that was ever created. So I don't really give him that much credit. I think it's funny though. I do like laugh the whole time in my head of like that I'm responsible for some of these people. Who is the best person to travel with?

Me because I can afford everything. Of course I'm saying like but who is the best travel partner? You'd think I'd say my wife because she does all the leg work. She knows what kind of restaurants I'll actually appreciate so she can handle me and when I start losing it, but There's something about my son. He's got he's got a real Spirit about him and he's very excited to try things and see things and like he like would go to a playground and just immediately play with a group of kids and

You know could say three or four words maybe in Portuguese. And he'd be like, I made new friends, Dad. I'm like, oh, great. And that's fun to watch. Yeah, for sure. The people in Portugal, everybody talks about how nice they are. They were pretty nice.

I love that they don't build on the beaches. When we're in Campo Porta, there's no, there's no like, it's not like Florida where every inch is just another dumb condo. It's just beach. The houses are inland farther. You know, the five minute drive, it's just so pretty.

I drove a bunch in Portugal. I rented a Nissan. I love driving Kilometers just really makes you. Oh man. I'm doing 110. Oh get out of my way. Not sure what the conversion is No, I think that's 40 but whatever. Yeah, like I felt like a real normal dude. How many times I'll set the line at two Over under do you think that I was recognized in Portugal now? I got to remind people that I was scheduled to perform a beautiful theater that seated around 2700 I sold around 64 seats in the opening weekend before canceling the show Okay, how many times do you think over two or under two that I was recognized in Portugal and it could be by American tourists as well

Over over under look I'm dressed you idiots look at you Under zero zero times never huh? I was never Recognized or they didn't care or they're being cool about it. That's right. They're in Portugal there. Whatever George Clooney's here whatever George Clooney's here George George Clooney's Got a funny hat on that's the thing too when I'm over there I always I know that tipping isn't the same in Europe But that's why I like it so much more because I'm a big tipper in the US So I'm still a big tipper there, and I just think it's fun. Oh, no, you don't need to tip Mmm, but I do it. I do it constantly for everything

breakfast buffet throwing down 20 euro for my meal. They're just like, oh. And then anytime I walk in with the hat and the glasses, they're just like, there he is. The job lover. Over here, sir, over here. They're like, we got your table ready for you. I'm like, there's somebody sitting there.

They're like, get out of there. This person's done. This person's out of here. You're in. I loved it there. This person's done. This person's out of here. You're in. I loved it. I can't stop tipping. I was tipping. The thing is I never have cash.

Now I've got Euro. Anybody want to buy my Euro off me, I'll give you a good deal so that I don't have to actually change it back. Ooh. How much Euros do I have on me? We got, what's 4.95 plus 50 hmm I 45 that's 545 yeah mm-hmm who wants to give me right now let's make a deal $500 for this does Italy take euro

yes of course yes they do I'll do that Five you have five hundred bucks not in my pocket, but I can get it How are you gonna get that? How are you gonna get that kind of money? Be right back guys Dylan Dylan's out in the parking lot doing God knows what to get five hundred dollars. I don't want to hear about this We work with these people Dylan. Is that that's not, is that, that's not even a good rate. That's a great deal. You think that's a good deal? It's $614 American. So if he gives me $400, $500, that's a great deal. He's making some cash. Good deal. All right. Deal. I'll take your deal,

Dylan. You give me 500 bucks. You can have that right now. Thank you. I got everybody something from my travels. What? Well, not really, but it's stuff that I accumulated in my bag and now that I'm home, I gotta get rid of it. Pete, Pete handled a lot of logistics. Pete. Pete, come get your gift.

You're gonna like that. Open that up, see what you, you can sit down for a second. Oh,, you already took it off the desk. I don't know. There's something written on the on the lemon. What is that? These are some bottle stoppers, decorative bottle stoppers. Look at that. Look at this, Pete. Look at this bottle stopper.

And it goes with this nice bottle. Wait, you see it? Yeah. It's like a balding dude. Look at it, Pete. There's a ball. Hold that up next to your head. That looks just like Pete. That's a decorative ball.

No, you got to face it. There you go. There's a face on it. There you go. Identical. Put that in there. Like twins. And a nice bottle of wine from the place you stayed at. Yeah. They grow it on the property. I hope so. I don't know. Is that all that was in there? Yeah. Alright that's nice enough. Get out of here. Alright thank you. You're welcome. Dylan. Oh I got some good stuff for Dylan here. This is for your trip to here. I will in good faith All right, I'll give you okay. I can Venmo you too. I don't have Venmo. Okay I don't do that side as far I can give you golders You'll love those And my son made me take this shell home from the beach and I'm like, why the fuck do I have this shell? Cool. Thank you. Get out of here. Dylan loves shells. Oh, John, come on over here, John.

I got the good stuff for you. John, I go for John's wife. Oh, nice. That's all I, these are just fancy eye creams. Okay. Open that up, there's some good stuff in there. Different lotions and things. I have to give this to her?

You don't have to. And then these are the fancy lotion. I stayed in New York City. I have to give this to her? You don't have to. And then these are the fancy lotions. I stayed in New York City. I took their, you can keep these. These are Mandarin Oriental. Oh, I like that. They do some good stuff. There's their lotions.

But you'll like all that stuff. Very nice. Oh, she'll like that. She'll like it. You give her that bag. Okay, cool. That's all you get. Thank you.

Oh, do you use this? I hate this. ASAP? This ASAP aftershave. I do like it. I hate it. All right. Get out of here.

This is good. Great. So I worked in New York for three days and then we traveled for five days. Now for me to do that, I gotta have somebody hold down the fort. So who did I call? My wife is like, well, why don't we use my brother?

He's in town. He lives here. He can work remotely. He'll stay at the house. He'll take care of the pets. Was that a good idea? I don't know. He has a lot to take care of.

He's got Carl, of course, who is I think a delight. You know, he'll give you some fall sparks every now and then. The chickens, I'll be honest with you, you don't have to do much for the chickens. And then there's my son's fish, you gotta take care of Ponzu. Then there's Potato. Now, Potato, that's the big sell. He's getting bigger and bigger by the minute.

And he's at 5.30 in the morning to six in the morning, his day begins and you're not sleeping past it. Like he wakes you up, he brings you outside, he gets mad at you, he'll knock water bowls over constantly if he's like in a mood. So that was tough sell, but he did it now I came back everything, you know was alive Plants included I was shocked. All right, you're supposed to walk Carl every day and then I asked him when pressed

I said, did you walk him every day as well? Well, we played outside in the backyard on some days I'm like, well, that's not a walk. How many days did you not walk Carl? Probably every other day. Every other day you didn't walk him. But every other day you did walk him? I'm like that. You think you walked him at least five days, 10 days? Five sounds good.

You know the only thing he used, he slept in my bed and he used my toilet. He loved my toilet. I got a lot of good features on it. I even told him how to get the enema button to work. There's one like high pressure one that just, if there's a nugget six weeks up, it'll get it. Cleans you out. It'll get it.

Good. Man. Six weeks. All right, well I haven't paid him yet. Mm-hmm. What do you think I should pay somebody to pet sit? What's the day rate, you think? He stayed at the house.

He stayed at the house. Which is kinda like an Airbnb. Like a resort. My house is like a resort. You got a jacuzzi? Did you use the hot tub? How many times did you use the hot tub, Chase? Not enough.

How many times? I don't know., Chase? Not enough. How many times? I don't know. Twice, maybe. Twice? But no restricted access, right? What would you charge for that? What do you guys, what's a fair rate to give him? How many days?

14 total days. I mean, I feel like he's on vacation. $100 a day? No, I mean, like he's staying at resorts, so I feel like he's putting in a little bit of work You know ten bucks walking the dog half the time. Thank you. Thank you He asked for a hundred and fifty a day. Oh, I think it a hundred a week, but Hundred a day is what you guys think interesting I had a I had a pig too, by the way

Just so you guys know the pig is the pig is a tough sell the pigs the big one. Yeah, maybe 125. All right. Well, I I'm somewhere between the 150 and 100 I I'm thinking 2000 For the whole trip. Oh I mean he just agreed Heard it so I don't care if he agrees I I'll change it change it if I get, uh, now some people will be like, Oh, I would do it. Yeah. But it's like, I have to have somebody that I kind of trust.

Right. Absolutely. And at least somebody that I can torture if things go awry, you know, there's a lot of responsibility. Well, listen, I I pulled it off Got the family home safe Everybody was was thrilled that they got to experience this adventure by the way The whole time I was there. I kept saying we have to go out one night for date night

Because our anniversary is coming up this week so that it can be our anniversary and she agreed to this. But then we could never settle in a place and we always just brought the kids with us so it didn't count. So now, four days after this vacation of a lifetime, I have to take her out again. Paris? No, I just have to go to dinner.

It's not you, Eddie. He's not gonna fly across the world. Just go to Paris. Yeah, Eddie is just have to go to dinner. It's not you, Eddie. He's not going to fly across the world. Let's go to Paris. Yeah. Eddie, Eddie is just like, whoa, whatever. You just, you go anywhere. It's not that hard. In hindsight, in hindsight, was that too much on your body?

Yeah. Was that too much flying? I was miserably tired. I was sore. Like for me, it really beat me up. Here's my thing with traveling, whether you're on a PJ, whether you're in wide front or- Go big wide front.

Or middle narrow back, just the dull headaches that you get from being in a plane are just maddening. It just doesn't matter. I'm like, oh, I just, traveling is not fun. Well, I can't wait to share with you my family vacation next year. Maybe I'll share my other family, my secret family. I got a secret family.

I take them on vacations too. But usually that's more like a Great Wolf Lodge type of family. Hey kids, it's me, Kevin Smith. And it's me, Harley Quinn Smith. That's my daughter, man, who my wife has always said is just a beardless, d***less version of me. And that's the name of our podcast, Beardless, D***less Me.

I'm the old one. I'm the young one. And every week we try to make each other laugh really hard. Sounds innocent, doesn't it? A lot of cussing, a lot of bad language. It's for adults only. Or listen to it with your kid. Could could be a family show. We're not quite sure. We're still figuring it out. It's a work in progress. Listen to Beardless

S***less Me on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever. You get your podcast. That's the fun part about being an artist is that you need to have the patience for finding your head. I'm La Gata, the culture's favorite reggaeton historian and musicologist. On an episode of my show, the Reggaeton con La Gata podcast, I sit down with Goldie, a Boricua reggaetonera who's demanding her place in the male-dominated music industry. That's the game, like who stays and who leaves, you know? Listen to Reggaeton con La Gata

on America's number one podcast network, iHeart. Follow Reggaeton con La Gata and start listening on the free iHeart radio app today. I'm Clayton English. I'm Greg Glod. And this is season two of the War on Drugs podcast. Sir, we are back. In a big way.

In a very big way. Real people, real perspectives. This is kind of star-studded a little bit, man. We got Ricky Williams, NFL player, Heisman Trophy winner. It's just a compassionate choice to allow players all reasonable means to care for themselves. Music stars Marcus King, John Osborne from Brothers Osborne.

We have this misunderstanding of what this quote unquote drug band. Benny the Butcher. Brent Smith from Shinedown. We got B-Real from Cypress Hill. NHL enforcer Riley Cote. Marine Corvette. MMA fighter. Liz Caramouche.

What we're doing now isn't working and we need to change things. Stories matter and it brings a face to them. It makes it real. It really does. It makes it real. Listen to new episodes of the War on Drugs podcast season two on the iHeartRadio app. Apple podcasts are wherever you get your podcasts. And to hear episodes one week early and ad free with exclusive content Subscribe to lava for good plus on Apple podcast Are your ears bored? Yeah, are you looking for a new podcast that will make you laugh learn and say good? Yeah Then tune in to locator a radio season 10 today. Okay a new podcast that will make you laugh, learn, and say, ¿Qué? Yeah. Then tune in to Locatora Radio, season 10 today.

OK. I'm Diosa. I'm Mala. The host of Locatora Radio, a radio phonic novela. Which is just a very extra way of saying a podcast. We're launching this season with a mini series, Totally Nostalgic, a four-part series about the Latinos who shaped pop culture

in the early 2000s. It's Lala checking in with all things Y2K, 2000s. My favorite memory, honestly, was us having our own media platforms like Mundos and MTV3. You could turn on the TV, you see Thalia, you see JLo, Nina Sky, Evie Queen, all the girlies doing their things, all of the beauty reflected right back at us.

It was everything. Tune in to Locatora Radio Season 10. Now that's what I call a podcast. Listen to Locatora Radio Season 10 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, I want to thank my wife and two children and my father-in-law and mother-in-law and my wife's cousin for going on a great trip, all expenses paid by me. We missed you, Carl.

By the way, do you find this shirt horribly offensive? Because it is sheer. I don't know if you can see this, but I can get my nipple to pinch through. Like, I hope you know at home that I would never really wear this shirt. This is hideous. This is Carrie fucking with me.

You see that? Ooh, hot. I don't have a big nipple. You touched it. Super tiny nipple. Just give it a jingle. Smallest nipples in the business. I don't have a big nipple.

No. Also don't have a lot of feeling in my nipples. Okay. There's some guys that like their nipples played with. That's not me. Nope. I don't like it. Got a few things to plug.

We got the ToshShowStore.com. You know, I saw a guy at, I think it was the New York show. It might've been New Brunswick. I feel bad. He was like six rows deep and I'm pretty sure he had a Carl's shirt on and I didn't I didn't give him one of these And I should have my bad But if you you know, if you wear one of those shirts and I see out in public you're gonna get some attention from me All right. What else we got our tours Eddie's tour my tour

I'm gonna be in Vegas this weekend and then we're doing doing the, the big Midwest tour in June, by the way, added shows in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. That's a good market. Come out and see me in Milwaukee. Uh, and then Madison, I added a show there, but now Madison, I might've done you dirty, but I don't know if it was the building or available building or whatever, but we added a show, but we had to put it earlier. So now it's basically a matinee.

It's like five o'clock in the afternoon, come see Eddie and I and Carl in Madison, Wisconsin, on a Sunday late afternoon. And then after the show, well, I can't do anything because I have to do my first show, which is later than my second show. It's confusing. The point is I'll be in bed by 10.30 that night.

Yes, yes, great. All right, so Madison, Milwaukee, you guys come out. Than my second show. It's confusing. The point is I'll be in bed by 1030 that night. Yes. Yes great All right, so Madison Milwaukee you guys come out Chicago. You've you've you've shown your support All right. Well, let's do the free plug hit the free plug Oh look at that some Trump look at strong trumpet music You know play the trumpet our friend Danny This week's free plug is for Pedro's south of the border. So first of all, I didn't know it was called Pedro's south border. That's a little problematic

Little little racist south of the border. It's up that place between North Carolina, South Carolina where you get your fireworks. They got 300 billboards each direction I used to always see it as a kid when we would drive up me and my surfer buds. We do like a, a summer week in Hatteras. That was our big surf trip up to Cape Hatteras and you'd, uh, you'd stop and get your Roman candles. Oh, that was fun. Anyway, I'm glad to see that that place is still in business.

Pedro's south of the board. I didn't, I never called it Pedro's logos. It seems a bit racist to whatever. And that's, that's where you, if you're going to have a problematic, uh, logo and name, you do it in that part of the country. Those people don't care. You know, you, you, you changed the Cleveland Indians logo, uh, because it's horribly offensive, but you see this Pedro logo and you're like, well, that

probably should be fixed as well. Anyway, your first stop will be Fort Pedro Firework. You can load up on all kinds of explosives. They've also have plenty of attractions to entertain the whole family. Oh, I didn't know that there's, I always just went for the fireworks. Maybe a little gas. They have an observation tower. attractions to entertain the whole family. Oh, I didn't know that. There's, I always just went for the fireworks. Maybe a little gas. They have an observation tower. It's over 200 feet high.

Whoa. You probably can see all the way to Kitty Hawk. Uh, that's nearby, right? I mean, not nearby, but that's got to be Carolina? One of the highest, you know, elevations. How high was Kitty Hawk? Were they, they were just gliding a few feet off the ground? I believe so. Yeah.

Wasn't that impressive? Little bit of a hill. There's a glass elevator. Gives riders a full view of the grounds. There's a Pedroland Park. Fun rides just for the kids. And there's a reptile lagoon, the largest indoor reptile display in the US That's because it shouldn't be inside

Right, that's just dumb. All right. These guys are it. Uh, also grab a bite of their fine eating establishments They got the what is it Blanco's bar? Mm-hmm Blanco's bar and the sombrero room restaurant. They also have Peddler's steakhouse and Pedro's ice cream fiesta. What can you get an abortion south of board? No, you cannot for that. You're going to need to go do north, north of the border. Keep going to, you see like, you know, people with normal haircuts. That's how you can tell.

That's a good tell. You'll be all. That's how you can tell. That's a good tell. And you'll be all right. Ah, you can't. That's why we do free plugs. Cause you rarely will a paid plug want you to talk about if you can get an abortion at their establishment. They have over 6,000 signs that have been plastered all along the highways, 200 miles out.

Why go to a boring rest area just to gas up and pee when you could entertain the whole family for hours at Pagers South of the border. That's great. I really do recall one time getting Roman candles at South of the border, late at night, my friends and I were in his parents' van. We borrowed it. It was the Osmond's van. I was good friends with Allison.

We were boyfriend and girlfriend in seventh grade, but we never kissed, doesn't matter. But our younger brother went with us on the surf trip and we got him to bring his parents' van. It was one of those Mark IV, Mark V vans. It was big vans. Anyway, I shot a Roman candle inside of it. Yeah, that was a bad idea.

I think I singed some of the seats. I'm going to apologize to Dr. Osmond for that one. That was my fault. Also, you know what I did there? We bought some stink bombs from south of the border, and I shattered the glass vial in a small thermos. Okay? Then I would just occasionally, on the trip, vial in a small thermos. Yep. Okay. Uh huh.

Then I would just occasionally on the trip, crack open the thermos and just do a little air out and then put it back on. I thought that was like the nice way to do it. Oh yeah. Stink bombs. That was fun. Anyway, South of the border. See you guys next week.

If money is a taboo topic and nobody wants to talk about it, how can we be educated on something we're unwilling to talk about? April is Financial Literacy Month and Black Tech Green Money is where culture meets capital. Each week I sit down with Black entrepreneurs and leaders to share their blueprint for building generational wealth through tech, innovation and ownership. Once we know more, we can have more. One thing is when we tell our clients is the more that you learn, the more that you earn, but you have to be willing to learn.

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a podcast that breaks down financial freedom in a way that's real, relatable, and rooted in empowerment. From rebuilding your credit to starting your wealth journey, I give you all the tools to rise. I'm gonna break down how the modern economy works. This is what they never taught you in school. You're not dumb and you're not stupid. It's what you don't know that you don't know is killing you,

but you think you know. To hear this and more practical wisdom, open your free iHeartRadio app, search Money and Wealth with John O'Brien and start listening today. The number one hit podcast, The Girlfriends, is back with something new, The Girlfriends Spotlight, where each week you'll hear women share their stories of triumph over adversity.

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Ever wonder what it would be like to be mentored by today's top business leaders? My podcast, This Is Working, can help with that. Here's some advice from Jamie Diamond, the CEO of JP Morgan Chase, on standing out from the leadership crowd. Develop your EQ. A lot of people have plenty of brains, but EQ is do you trust me? Do I communicate well? Develop the team, develop the people, and create a system of trust and it works over time. I'm Dan Roth, LinkedIn's editor-in-chief. On my podcast, This Is Working, leaders share strategies for success. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.