Tosh Show - My Father-In-Law, Part 1 - Greg Hallam

Episode Date: August 13, 2024

Daniel celebrates his father-in-law’s 71st birthday with a two-part interview about his retirement from banking, being a lifelong Florida man, and which grandkid is his favorite.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Meet the real woman behind the tabloid headlines in a personal podcast that delves into the life of the notorious Tori Spelling, as she takes us through the ups and downs of her sometimes glamorous, sometimes chaotic life and marriage. I just filed for divorce. Whoa, I said the words that I've said,

like in my head for like 16 years. Wild. Listen to Miss Spelling on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Angie Martinez and on my podcast, I like to talk to everyone from Hall of Fame athletes to iconic musicians about getting real on some of the complications and challenges of real life.

I had the best dad and I had the best memories and the greatest experience. And that's all I want for my kids as long as they can have that. Listen to Angie Martinez, IRL on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. In a world where TikTok didn't exist yet, las películas no tenían color, the comedy of a genio mexicano crossed borders y conquistó the heart of America, Sonoro y I Heart's MyCultura Podcast Network present

Nace una leyenda, Chespirito. No faltaban con mi astucia. How did a Mexican writer become a symbol of global television? Listen to Nace una leyenda, Chespirito, en la aplicacion, iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you stream podcasts. Do you think my dad cares that I call you dad? No, I don't.

You know what my dad wants me to call him? He doesn't, he doesn't want me to call him. Tosh Show. Tosh Show. Tosh Show. Tosh Show. Tosh Show. Tosh Show. Welcome to Tosh Show. It's 6 a.m. somewhere. And that place is not here right now.

But it is when this episode is released on YouTube. If it's Tuesday morning and you're on the West Coast. How you doing, Eddie? Pretty good. I'm in a great mood because I dodged a bullet. I'm in a great mood because I dodged a bullet. I'm in a great mood because I dodged a bullet. I'm in a great mood because I dodged a bullet. YouTube if it's Tuesday morning and you're on the West Coast. How are you doing Eddie?

Pretty good. I'm in a great mood because I dodged a bullet. Okay. As you know, Dylan, the guy that's always screwing up the audio on this show, drops a bomb. He, we're, it's a small studio that we're in. And then after we recorded the other day, he texts us all and says, hey guys, just so you know, I tested positive for COVID.

Well, isn't that great? I'm about to go on vacation with my family. So thank you for that. Now I gotta pretend that I'm taking it seriously and I gotta test. So I barely put the I'm taking it seriously and I gotta test. So I barely put the swab just on the very rim of my nose. I try not to touch the sides at all. Oh look I'm fine. Hey what an asshole. He shouldn't, he shouldn't test. Before I'm going on vacation I got a family and kids? I gotta pretend like I care?

The only way to test positive, I've always said this, is to take a test. Makes sense. Yeah, I didn't get it, and that's all that matters. But I do want Dylan to know he is a selfish prick. A selfish prick. Stick to audio issues. Don't mess with my physical wellbeing.

Or my mental wellbeing for that matter. How'd your vacation go? Oh, Eddie, thanks for asking. My vacation went amazing. Now I was nervous going in because it was with my in-laws. We were bringing the in-laws down to Mexico. We were bringing my wife's siblings. I was like, oh, this is a recipe for disaster We were bringing the in-laws down to Mexico. We were bringing my wife's siblings.

I was like, oh, this is a recipe for disaster because I can usually only go two to three hours without saying something that one of them will stew on for the next six years. So you're telling me we're gonna do five days? Oh, it was tough. But I think I did well. And we were celebrating my father-in-law's retirement.

I can complain a little bit. I had everything taken care of, nice home, had a staff at this home that was just, you don't get better service. And I mean this, anywhere on the planet than you do in Mexico. They just get it. They get customer service.

They do things right. We had a chef, a bartender at this house. It was just amazing. So they're always just making drinks. They're just always, you know, breakfast. At eight o'clock, let's have breakfast. And it was like an hour long, just made amazing things. And then, you know, two of my wife's siblings, they don't ever wake up till 11.

So then the staff has to cook round two of breakfast, which I find very annoying. Now the day's schedules all off. We're going ziplining without you. That's what I scream as they're eating eggs at 11 o'clock. I mean this with all due respect. My in-laws, all of them, every single one, would die in minute one if ever faced with a disaster. Just walking to the beach.

I go, oh, I'm gonna go grab some more stuff so you guys don't have to carry it. I walk back, my wife's cousin, my father-in-law, and my son just have to continue walking straight for another hundred feet. I get maybe 50 feet away, my son's in the ocean. What happened? Oh, a wave's in the ocean. What happened? Oh, a wave just washed him in.

What? How did that happen? Same beach, next day, my sister-in-law, I look back over my shoulder, she's in the ocean. She lost her hat. And she's chasing it. Now she's in the ocean, big shore break, dangerous. Okay, good luck guys.

This was all for my father-in-law's retirement, which is just a long time coming. Now I didn't do anything special for my real parents when they retired, but neither of them had an illustrious 49-year career in banking. Today's guest did. Enjoy. I'm Angie Martinez.

Check out my podcast where I talk to some of the biggest athletes, musicians, actors in the world. We go beyond the headlines and the sound bites to have real conversations about real life, death, love, and everything in between. This life right here, just finding myself, just relaxation, just not feeling stressed, just not feeling pressed.

This is what I'm most proud of. I'm proud of Mary, because I've been through hell and some horrible things. That feeling that I had of inadequacy is gone. You're gonna die being you, so you gotta constantly work on who you are to make sure that the stars align correctly. Life ain't easy and it's getting harder and harder. So if you have a story to tell, if you've come through some trials, you need to share it because you're going to inspire someone.

You're going to give somebody the motivation to not give up, to not quit. Listen to Angie Martinez, IRL on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Cheaters and Backstabbers. I'm Shadi Tiaz. And I'm Kate Robards. And we are New York City standup comedians and best friends. And we love a good cheating and backstabbing story. So this is a series where our guests reveal their most shocking cheating stories.

Join us as we learn how to avoid getting our hearts broken or our backs slashed. Listen to Cheaters and Backstabbers on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. From the writer of Amazon Prime's Red, White, and Royal Blue comes a hilarious and demented new audio mystery.

Does this murder make me look gay? Master Vandy is dead! Then it's probable that whoever killed Vandy is in this very room. Lock her up, lock her up. You killed your daddy. You don't get anything busy. 911, what's your emergency? I'm in the Monroe estate and I just caught a murderer. Lock her up. You killed your daddy. You don't get anything busy

I'm in the Monroe estate and I just caught a murderer Yes, I'll hold featuring the star-studded talents of Michael Urie Jonathan Freeman Douglas Sills Cheyenne Jackson Robin de Jesus Frankie Grande Sean Patrick Doyle Brad Oscar Nathan Lee Graham Seth Rudetsky Leah Delaria Lea Sala, and Kate McKinnon as Angela Lansferri. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, or wherever you get your podcasts. My guest today loves nothing more than to fall asleep to a Florida Gator football game, except maybe pocketing loan application fees from struggling small businesses. It's his seed that brought forth to the world the mother of my children. Please welcome all the way from my guest house, my father-in-law, Greg.

Thank you, Daniel. Daddy. Hi, son. Now, normally I call you dad or grandpa. I like, a lot of people don't like calling their father-in-law's dad. I immediately went with dad. Did you have issue with that?

Not at all. I could start calling you Papa. Do you like Papa? How about Papa number two? Sure, or Greg is fine. Oh, now your name's not Greg. Your name is John. John Gregory. And there's a long line of Johns, correct?

That is correct. How long? Seven generations. And you named your oldest son John as well, but he goes by Jordan, right? That's correct. Is that John his first name or middle? First, has to be the first name.

Has to be the first name. Are you upset that I did not do that with our first son? Not at all. Okay, because he already took care of it? He did. Has anyone ever said that you look like a sexy Steve Bannon? God, is that a compliment? No.

Well, I said sexy in front of it. Does he kind of look like a sexy Steve Bannon? That is not a compliment, sorry Steve. Not a compliment. he kind of look like a sexy Steve Bannon? That is not a compliment. Sorry, Steve. Not a compliment. Oh, you're apologizing to Steve Bannon? Fuck that guy. He's in jail. That's right. What's our age difference, by the way? Do you even know it? Hold on.

21 years? 22 years? So you could be my dad. I could, but I'm not. Well, that would be weird. Your grandkids would be super funny looking not tall enough either. No, by the way, how tall are you? I have all my notes a five two That's a little low five eight was the official height, but but it but it's going down. It's it will definitely be going down Yes, we shrink I wore I talked to you constantly about your posture. Yes, try to get you and my wife

That's true. Be honest. I like, knock it off you guys. Yeah. Stand up. That's why I didn't wear my thunder shirt today. You wearing a thunder shirt? No, not today. But you own one, right? I actually own two, yeah.

They hurt to wear? No, they're very comfortable. Well, a thunder shirt, I don't think you're a sponsor yet, but you know, why don't you go ahead and send us a few dozen of those. How goddamn old are you? As of today, 71. 71. It's his birthday today, guys.

Happy birthday! It's his birthday! Thank you. He agreed to be interviewed on his birthday. Thank you. 71. Yes. How do you feel?

Good. Thanks. And a big milestone in your life. Can we discuss this? Oh, sure, yeah. True or false, I forced you into retirement. That's true. Because I wanted someone to hang out,

watch sports with me and take naps all day. Great idea, yes. Yeah, I was like, what are you doing, stop working. So you're newly retired, you of, you're still transitioning, but the official notice is in and there's a countdown clock. That is correct, yes. How's it feel?

Great, a relief, actually. And for 49 years, you were a banker. That is correct, too, yes. Why, come on. 49 year career. I tried to make it to 50, you would not allow it. No, no, you complain constantly. It's true too.

All you do is complain about being a banker, but yet I feel like I'm the only one in your family that wants to hear your stories about banking. Tammy forbids it, my wife forbids it. She doesn't like hearing it. Too many complaints. The other kids don't care. Except for my oldest.

Who is a banker? He is a banker, yes. Now, and he's extremely successful. Jordan's doing very well. Would you say that he's a better banker than you? I would actually say that. Has he always been? No, not at first.

It took him at least five years to surpass me. Oh, really? Yes. I mean, did you want that from your son? Did you want him to surpass me. Oh, really? Yes. I mean, did you want that from your son? Did you want him to follow in your footsteps? No, no. That just was his best opportunity.

I wonder if my father wanted me to follow in his footsteps of being a pastor. I don't think so. You don't think he would? Although I've only met Dan a couple of times. I don't see it. I would have been a wonderful pastor. Oh, man. Hosanna.

Hosanna. There you go. See, I got somebody to say it right back. How many kids do you have? Four. Four wonderful kids. Four wonderful kids. Now, do you regret having any or all of your children? You can be specific. You're in a safe space. No, of course not. I love my children. What are you talking about? I hear you, but do you regret? No.

Okay. Fabulous, all four of them. All four of them. Are fabulous. Okay, but if you were to rank them from lowest to highest, who would you start with? That's not disputed. Your youngest son is a solid eight inches taller

than everyone in your family. Who did your wife have sex with? That is a mystery. He does look like a Hallam. He does? Yeah, I think he does. Three of your four children live in Los Angeles. One is still in Florida where you live.

Now, I'm gonna say this as an honest compliment. I don't mean this, I don't want you to think it's coming from any form of sarcasm whatsoever. No one I've ever met is more proud of their children than you are. That's true. I love my kids. You just, they're the world to you.

Everything they do is amazing, blah, blah, blah. Yes. Yet three of them moved across the country as far as possible. To escape for. To leave where you're from. Blah, blah, blah. Yes. Yet three of them moved across the country as far as possible. To escape Florida. To leave where you're from. I never analyzed that.

Okay. Does that mean maybe it was too, your love was too strong? No, I don't think you can do that. No. Okay, all right. What about, does that mean that you love Jordan the most because he stayed in Florida?

No, that does not mean that. Love him all the same. Admit it. In different ways. Admit that you love mean that. Yeah. Love them all the same. Admit it. In different ways. Admit that you love Jordan the most. My wife needs to hear this. I will not say that, Carly. All right.

The next question is super simple. Rank your grandchildren. From one to four? Favorite to least favorite. Next question. How many grandchildren do you have? Four. Four grandchildren.

Who's on your lock screen? All four of my grandkids. All four. You win this round. They're all there. You win this round, Dad. We update it occasionally. Do you think my dad cares that I call you Dad?

No, I don't. You know what my dad wants me to call him? He doesn't. He doesn't want me to call him. You know the best part of your life. What's that? Your children. Huh. No?

No. Oh, sure it is. No, no, no. I had a day surfing recently. It was so much better than my kids. When you heard your daughter was in a relationship with her boss, how excited were you guys? So here's how it went down.

She called me and she said, dad, what do you think about dating the boss? And I said, that's a bad idea, honey. Right. Cause you lose your job and your boyfriend on the same day. Which is true. She did. She quit shortly after.

Yep. And she went on to another job. Where'd she go? Where did she, she went to Brooklyn 99. Brooklyn 99. Oh, Brooklyn 99. What was the other thing she'd lose? Her friend?

Did you say boss and her friend? Boss and boyfriend, I said. So she didnNine. Oh, Brooklyn Nine-Nine. What was the other thing she'd lose? Her friend? Did you say boss and her friend? Boss and boyfriend, I said. So she didn't lose her boyfriend, just her job. Why would I not be her boyfriend? No, that was the joke. If you dated your boss, then on the same day, you would lose your job because you had lost your boyfriend.

Like your boyfriend would kick you off the show. That's the joke. Okay, I don't like any of that. Okay, take that out. Well, were you worried about her dating her boss? I wasn't her boss, even though we all debate this constantly. I was the host of the show. I wasn't her boss.

I wasn't writing her checks. No, yeah. Did I worry about it? No, I trust Carly. Did you think it was a bad idea? No, not really. Mm-mm. Did you think she could do better than me?

Out of all the guys, answer that question. Do you think she could do better than me? Out of all the guys... Wait, answer that question. Do you think she could do better than me? I think she's done very well. You've ended up being a really nice person. How's that? That does not sound great. Hey, out of all the men and boys, I guess, if you go back far enough,

and boys, I guess, if you go back far enough, your daughter that I'm married to dated. Who would be your second pick? After you? Uh-huh. Boy, oh, oh gosh. I'm drawing a blank on his name. Oh, sorry, that's awful. It's not awful, you shouldn't remember anybody.

I can't remember his name. Did she have a good dating track record? Yeah, they were nice guys, most of them, yeah, sure. There's any guys that you didn't like? Some less than others, yeah, sure. Of course, any dad would be that way. Were you intimidating to him? Did you ever threaten any of her suitors?

No, Taylor now. Taylor tells me I was intimidating, but that's the first time I ever heard that in my life. We started out great together. Oh, man, I could throw you under the bus so bad, but I don't. Yes, I know. You shared something. The very first night we went to that dinner in Palm Beach together.

Yes. Oh, you shared some stuff with me. That was a fun first dinner. It was fun. Yeah, we had fun. Got picked up by, I think, a limo, is that a remark? No. No fucking limo picked us up. We were in a nice car. Everything seems like a stretch to you.

Yes. So much leg room back here. Oh, I tease. I do recall we were at the... I was working in West Palm Beach, and we were staying at the Four Seasons Hotel, and you guys came down, and the bartender said,

what do you want to drink? And I said, I'll have a lemonade. We were at the pool, and he goes, oh, we don't have lemonade. We don't have lemonade, but I can make you one. And I said, stop, don't want it. And he's like, no, I'll just, you know, lemons and some sugar, Bob.

I was like, and then you piped up, you know, that sounds delicious. I'll have one of those homemade lemonade. I love lemonade. And then he made his fucking atrocity. It was terrible. And I said, how's it taste? And he goes, I can taste awful.

It was bad. And then you told him it taste awful. He goes, let me try again. He did. He tried again and I go, stop, stop fucking ordering something that doesn't exist. And he brought you a second one. I'm like, this is why it's just,

and it was, both of them were disgusting. They were bad, I remember that. Yeah, that was day one. That was day one of our lives together. Oh, two peas in a pod ever since. Amen. Did I ask for your blessing to marry your daughter? You did, and I really appreciated that.

Do you wanna know where you were the night I asked? I know where I was. You were at P.F. Chang's. In Sarasota, Florida, I was. And I excused myself to go outside to talk to you. That was very sweet of you. Yeah we were in Big Sur and I called you and not only that just to make sure everything went the way I wanted. I took at the time when you needed those I took Carly's SIM card out of her phone so

that she wouldn't even get a phone call or anything like that and then I called you you didn't pick you. You never pick up. I always have to go through your wife to get you. I suspected what the call may have been, so I had to go outside to take the call. And then you got, per usual... Very choked up. Your emotional self.

Yes. You're an emotional person. I am. I mean, you cry at least, I don't know, once a trip if you come over here. I thought you were gonna say three or four times a day. No. Once a trip, yes, for sure. At least once a trip. I mean, certainly the goodbyes always get you.

First time you left the country. Uh-huh. Where did I go? When was the first time you left the country of the United States of America? Not that long ago. We flew to London. It was wonderful. What? That's not true. Where did I go otherwise? What are you alluding to?

The first time you left the country. I swear. Oh, oh, your wedding. I'm sorry. Oh my god. Sorry. That was lovely by the way. Beautiful place. Unbelievable. So you had never left the country, and then I marry your daughter, and we take you to Italy, and you finally left there. How was leaving the country? You're such a patriotic person. Is it true or false? Oh, yes. I love America. I mean, you love this country so much.

You don't ever want to leave, but we brought you to Italy. It was fabulous. It was unbelievable. Am I the son that you always really wanted? I'm happy to have you as a son-in-law. I have two sons that I really wanted. Okay. Did you, you wanted that last one? Because that last one was-

Yes, Chase, we wanted you. That last son of yours was six years after your last child. Yes. That's such a long dry spell. You probably didn't think you had a swimmer left in you. He was a bonus baby, no doubt. Are you, whatchamacallit, did you have a? Physectomy?

Yeah. I did. You did? I'm getting one next month. Oh really? I'm almost sad to hear that. No more babies? No, I can still have babies.

Okay. I don't wanna explain to you how it works. I got an idea. I got it. You're saved up. You ever look in that one section of our freezer? I have not. Those aren't ice cubes. Oh God, okay, thank God.

Thanks for letting me know. Don't put those in your tea. Why do you need so much ice in every drink that you fucking have? Because we live in Florida. Ice cubes. Well, you're not in Florida when you're here. And I've got a water machine that pipes out cold cold water

Yet you still need to put 300 ice cubes in every glass force it by the way and no ice cubes out here It's like being in Europe. I mean you guys don't have any we have ice cubes Okay, okay, we'll have a day at that fine restaurant we ate there were no hardly any ice cubes in anything Where do we eat yesterday? Oh, that was a French restaurant. Yeah, yeah. Uh-huh. They didn't put enough ice in there for you?

No, they did not. You're so weird about ice. You always have to have ice in everything. Talk about your sex life. Next question. Talk to me about your first wife. Corby. I didn't even know her name. That's it, your first wife. Corby. I didn't even know her name.

That's it. Corby is a pretty name. You were... This is interesting to us for one reason. I think other people find this interesting. You were married and your wife was married prior. Neither one of you had children before that I know of. That's true. By the way, if you would have... If you had stayed married to your first wife and had a daughter and I ended up marrying her,

would she be prettier than my current wife? Oh, that's a good question. That's a good question. Corby's a good looking, Corby was a good looking woman. No. No. No, couldn't be any prettier than Carly.

No, man. Okay, thank goodness. I just would hate to know that I left something on the table. All right. This is why I find this, how long were you married? Two and a half, three years.

How long you married now? 40, 40 years. Thanks for asking. Which one feels longer? 40 years feels much longer. Okay. I'm teasing you. Now, how long was she married first?

I think about five years. Oh. Yeah, Mike, his name was Mike. I know, he wrote a book and wrote about her. She's in the book, I've never read it, but she's in it. You've never read it? No. Oh, now that you're retired.

Why would I read that book? You're gonna read that book. No, I'm not. Come on, it's gotta be good. I don't think so. Your first wife, this is why it's interesting. Because your kids were growing up, four kids, you're happily married.

One day, my wife, when she was a child, she was probably 10, 11, she's at the mall with your wife, her mother, some of her kids. And she's eating at a Philly cheesesteak thing in the food court. Which one's that one called? Charlie's. Charlie's, yeah. She's eating Charlie's Philly cheesesteak thing in the food court. Which one's that one called? Charlie's. She's eating Charlie's Philly cheesesteak in the mall.

We love those. What's that? We love those. You don't say that. You don't love them anymore. You don't eat like that. We just financed one. I just financed one literally.

I did. Good for you. I did. All right. So we do love them. Best cheesesteak in the food court. They are. Okay.

We love them. Best cheesesteak in the food court. They are. We love them. Alright. She's a young girl sitting there and your wife says, she just slips up somehow and says, my first husband or something to that effect. And Carly went, mom, what did you say? You were married before? And she, in typical fashion, not a woman that likes to apologize ever,

would you say that's fair? That's fair. Okay. And just was like, oh, your dad was married too? That was her rebuttal. Then her world is rocked. She's eating this cheesesteak and she finds out for the first time that her parents were both married before.

And so why did you guys decide never to tell your children? It just never came up. It just never came up. And it was in the reference was to a friend of theirs. Their parents had been married previously. And then it just sounded so strange that she was saying that. We're like, well, we've both been divorced and married. And anyway, it was a shock.

Can you still get into heaven? I think so. I don't know if that's how it works. Let's start with the first question. Do you believe in ghosts? I think I do. Yeah. I know you do. Yes. Okay. Well, I know you do because one time you told me that you,

when you were staying in the Mimaw cabin, you said that you felt, felt her. She came in the first night you slept. She did. There was a breeze or something came over. She did. Because you had the windows open you slept in, there was a breeze or something came over. She did. Because you had the windows open

and it couldn't possibly be a breeze. And she loved, I'm pretty sure that was her. So it was a ghost. Yeah, I think it was mom saying hi. I have a photo that I keep of her, of me pulling her around in a sled in the snow. She loved it. And I have her binoculars, I believe.

Didn't know that, okay. You didn't? You have her binoculars? I do. They're in the snow. She loved it. And I have her binoculars, I believe. Didn't know that, okay. You didn't? You have her binoculars? I do. They're in that cabin. Oh, that's right. Okay. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. We keep a pair of her binoculars there. I mean, I didn't steal them. What's wrong with you? By the way, let's talk about your folks for a second. Your father recently passed away, but you had great, and I'm sorry about that, you had great parents. Your father lived to be how old? Ninety-four.

Ninety-four. And your mother lived to be how old? Eighty-nine, I believe. Now, your mother, I knew a little bit more. I spent a little bit more time with her. She was—is eccentric the right word? Yes, different. Yes. I mean, she was amazing. An amazing woman. She was a sweetheart. Just artistic.

Very artsy. You had a, tell me about this. I never quite understood it, but she had a garden of bowling balls. That is correct. In her house in Ocala. Literally a backyard full of metal stakes in the ground with bowling balls on top of them. Did she enjoy bowling? Yes, she was a good bowler.

So was my dad. Oh, I didn't know that. So you grew up in, now you were born in Memphis, but you grew up in Florida. Fort Pierce, Florida. Beautiful Fort Pierce. Is it beautiful? Used to be.

The water's pretty. You just, you love the state of Florida, don't you? I do love Florida. What do you love so much about Florida? The weather, believe it or not, is still great. Played tennis year round, went to the University of Florida, so I get to enjoy the sports almost year round with them. All my friends are from Florida. We grew up in Florida. It's a great place. The economy is booming. Let's talk about the weather for a second. Yeah. Before we get into that booming economy. It is. Because I feel like every time you're out here,

all you talk about is how great it feels to not be sweating. California has nicer weather. I'm sorry, Florida. It is very nice out here. Forget California. I'm not, this isn't a contest, even though I know we won, certainly financially.

Do you enjoy the, just the humidity? I just can't wrap my head around enjoying it. No, it's very humid. It is fun to sweat when you're playing sports, but other than that, you're right. It's a little uncomfortable just walking around and getting hot walking alone. Talk about your legs and your thighs.

The legendary Hallam thighs, yes. Let's not talk about them. What do you mean not talk about? What do you want to talk about? Weren't you voted best legs? I was at a bank. At a bank? Contest, I guess it was.

Hold on, hold on. Let's just stop there. True story. It was at a bank contest. My father-in-law was voted best legs. That is a true story. Why were they having such a horrible contest? A fundraiser. It was a fundraiser.

And you had to show your legs? Yes, it was pictures from the waist down in gym shorts. What was your banking nickname? That was, well, given to me by a friend of mine, The Lone Ranger. Oh, man. Isn't that cool? Isn't that cool?

Wait, they're laughing. They're laughing. They don't get it. They don't get it. They don't get banking. It came with a statue of a guy on a rearing horse with a pistol. It was great. Having worked in banking your entire career, please explain why banks are evil.

We're not evil. We're a necessary function. You have to have banks for the economy to work. But you're huge. Like you were recently fired from your bank for embezzling. That's not true. But regardless, you're big into crypto. Walk me through that.

Yeah, the worst, please. I don't get crypto at all. You never even thought you're going to dabble into it. I don't understand it at any level. I'd love to have somebody explain it to me that made sense. What is your job? Tell me what your job really was. I'm a commercial relationship manager. And so all things business related, we're kind of the quarterback of the team.

So you go out and try to get businesses to come do their banking with your bank. Do you sleep okay at night knowing you single-handedly caused the 2008 financial crisis? It keeps me up, yes. Hey, did you or did you not go to Tallahassee and predict this financial housing market crash? Yes, I did. And I was totally ignored, but I did do that. Can I do that great line?

I have to do this. This is my best line. No, you do whatever you want. It's not your best line, but go ahead. It was a good line. You've got a good line. No, you do whatever you want. It's not your best line, but go ahead. It was a good line. You've got a good line. So they called me up to testify. I was president of the Mortgage Banker Association of Florida. You don't have to tell us that. We all know.

Okay, well, I was president of the NBAF. And part of that, they called me up to Tallahassee to speak before a select committee and testify. And I said to them, we're getting ready to have a housing crash in Florida, which they totally blew me off. And I had this great line. I said, you know, it's easier to get a license to cut hair in Florida than it is to get, I'm so that backwards, I'm sorry, start over. It's easier to get a mortgage broker license in Florida than it is to get a license to cut hair. And I said the difference is a bad haircut grows out in 30 days a bad mortgage. You're stuck with for 30 years

That's good. And at that moment they all stopped what they were doing and said we have we've got a crisis on our hands Or did they just say okay? What else that was it? It went totally over their heads Who's on your Mount Rushmore of loan originators? I will say currently my sales manager is an incredible producer. Absolutely blows us away how much he does. How much, how much, what kind of numbers are we talking about? A person comes into your office that you're dealing with that wants a loan, a small business, what are they usually asking for?

What's a typical, a good loan versus like a normal run-of-the-mill one? A good loan would be three, four, five million and on a normal loan might be five hundred thousand to a million. And what do they have on a three to four million dollar loan? What do they have to have in place for this to get approved by the bank? Income stream, equity in the project, knowledge, background. And yet sometimes your boss will still say, no, you can't do the loan or no? Sometimes the bank doesn't want to do that kind of loan. Sometimes your boss doesn't agree with the strength of the loan. Are you always trying to shove through any loan or not necessarily? Never did a bad loan.

You never did a bad loan in your life? Only one that I ever knew was going to go bad. It was a small loan. That's pretty good. Yeah. All right. This question is from a listener. As a commercial lending officer, what top percentage of bankers were you in based on your quantity of loans? Okay. That's from a viewer. That's a great question. Did I say viewer? I'm sorry. I meant that was from you. Top 10%, I'm gonna say.

Top 10? Yeah, percent. In the whole state of Florida? Oh no, no, as a commercial banker for a smaller bank, yeah, top 10% production, yeah. I was told that once actually. By a headhunter. By the way, speaking of hair. Yeah.

You've got great hair. Oh, thank you. Are you grown at long now that you're retired? I am. This is my pre-retirement cut. By the way, you look sharp today. Thanks. It's your shirt.

I appreciate it. What brand is that? This is Ralph Lauren Purple. Now, here's the thing. That's another thing that I like to compare my two daddies, my birth daddy and you daddy. There's no world where my dad has any clue what Ralph Lauren Purple is. Do you guys even know what Ralph Lauren Purple is? Not purple. Okay. Ralph Lauren, everyone's heard of, but then there's a high end line called Ralph Lauren

Purple. And he, whenever shirts are a little small on me or whatever, I pass them on, and he's like, oh, he's like, that's a Ralph Lauren Purple shirt. Just immediately excited. You know so much about fashion. Where did that come from? I'm not sure. I always liked it. I don't know where it started.

My mom was into dressing, so I think that's probably it. Your mom was a sharp dresser. And she wanted us to look good, the kids to look good. I saw photos of her in, I think it was London. Is that true? Yes. She used to like to go to London? She did love London, yes.

And just like her bags and stuff like that. It was just like, just a little aristocrat. Just a socialite she looked like. Okay, Memphis Belle. Uh-huh, I liked it. Okay, so you, but you care about all those things. You like? Clothes.

You like clothes. What's your favorite brand? Armani would still be my favorite. An Armani suit? I had many, yes. Mm-hmm. You had them tailored? Oh, you have to.

What's your size? Five eight, you have to tailor them. Five eight, you keep saying that, but we all know. It is true. We'll measure sometime. Okay, go ahead. I should get you an inversion table. Do you want to tailor them? Five eight. You keep saying that, but we all know that's not true. It is true. We'll measure sometime. Okay, go ahead. I should get you an inversion table.

Do you want to hang upside down? Yes, I probably need that, actually. I'll get you an inversion table. We'll get that extra inch back. There you go, please. You wear risers in your shoes. That is not true. But you used to wear a suit to work every day of your life.

And now those days are gone. Is that sad? Yeah, it is sad. Banking's gotten very casual. Well, right, but even more casual, retiring. Oh yeah, for sure. So when are you wearing a suit? Just funerals?

That's it. Funerals and weddings. Funerals and weddings. That'll be it. What do you want to be buried in? Do you want to be buried or cremated? I'm cremating you, but whatever. Tell me what you want.

I'd rather be buried, but you can cremate me. I don't care. You have a plot picked out? I do not. Should we talk about that? No. Okay. You want us to just ignore that?

That's way too early. Do you care? Of course it's way too early. My parents have two plots. Do they really? Uh-huh. I think so, but we're not using them. It's too early for them to...

We're going fertilizer. Do they really? Uh huh. I think so, but we're not using them. We're going fertilizer. I'm going to put my dad in one of those little machines that when you put fertilizer in your yard and just walk them through the whole property. That'd be kind of cute. We spread my mother's ashes in London for that very reason. You kept some for different locations, yes? Yes, part of hers in Iceland.

Where, did you just throw them willy-nilly in London or did you actually? No, we were at a beautiful park and thought that was appropriate setting. Is that illegal? Probably. Yeah, I don't think you're allowed to just travel with human remains. No, you can. You have to, they give you a box with a sign on it that says human remains.

Yeah. You do have to tell them. Did you, oh, you had that? Oh yeah. That's something you have to declare at Customs? Yes, it is. I always do that at Customs, just to be funny. They're like, do you have anything to declare?

And I'm like, I have human remains. Yeah. Okay. Now that you are retiring from commercial lending, what's the next chapter? Relaxation. Death. Death is next.

Right around the corner. No, you, you've got at least 30 years. Oh, that's so good. If I match my dad, yeah. Yeah, 30 years. No, that's 25 years. Well, whatever. Yeah.

You can beat your dad by five. Okay. I hope so. How much you weigh in today?. Well, whatever. Yeah. You can beat your dad by five. Okay. Hope so. How much you weigh in today? 185, 190. And what do you want to get to? 175. 175.

Lean. Lean. Help my tennis game. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Now your serve is the ugliest thing I've ever seen in sports. It's bad. My fast serve? Yeah. 40. It's bad. My fast serve? Yeah. First of all, let me tell you something.

First of all, here's how he tries to be. He quick serves you. It's a quick serve. He's almost like when Kyrios would do those underhand serves. He just tries, I'm like, what, what, what? It's almost like he's playing table tennis out there. But does it work?

It works. No, it's great. It's effective. Okay, it's effective. What's your table tennis out there. But does it work? It works. No, it's great. It's effective. Okay, it's effective. What's your ranking in tennis? What would you be? Doubles, I think I'm still a 4-0. Singles, I would have to be a 3-5 at best. A 3-5.

And how is your tennis game lately? Pretty good. Pretty good. No, you don't think so? Well, no, no. Because you haven't been playing as much, hopefully now within retirement you'll play more. That's my goal. Are you in a league currently? I am not in a league.

I do have a match I try to play on Saturday mornings. Is it mixed doubles? It's mixed doubles. Do you play with your wife? Not very often. Because? She's hard to play with. Can I say that?

Yeah, you can say that. But aren't you? Sorry, Damien. But you're awful to play with as well. That is true. I'm a terrible partner. You swear at yourself constantly. I recall one time playing you.

I think you were up in set one, you might've been up 5-1, okay? Yeah. Yet still, if you missed a shot, you would be like, fuck God. You'd be so, like, you weren't even happy beating me 5-1. You needed to be winning 5-0 at the time.

Like, you were still getting mad at yourself if you missed a shot. That's a Hallam thing. We have a very high bar of our expectations. Oh, sorry. Super competitive. Super competitive, that's it. I've been trying to get you to cross over

to the pickleball world, and you're reluctant, but you will play occasionally with us. It's a silly sport. Sorry. You don't have to apologize to me. Who's your favorite tennis player of all time? Oh, Nadal, that's easy. Is your favorite of all time? Oh yeah, Rafa.

And you never thought it was weird that his pre-serve routine involved him picking his asshole and then wiping his face. That is a very weird tick he has, yes. It starts with his butt. He picks his butt first, adjusts things, touches three things, and then touches his face before every serve. We'll go ahead and show that. Hey, it is your birthday, but I always give everybody a gift that comes on the show.

Okay. So I had... Are you regifting? No, you're not. I am regifting. But also I went the extra mile and wrapped it. So happy birthday, daddy. Thanks, Daniel. Do you want me to open this?

Mm-hmm. Take your time, dude. I was afraid you were gonna give me back something. It's stumbling. What are you gonna say? Is that what it is? Oh, it's underwear? Yeah. You gave these back to me. Now I'm getting them back? Yeah.

You gave these back to me. Now I'm getting them back? Yeah. Oh, thanks. Okay. These are the ones I want back. Can I give you the nylon ones? No, I'm not giving you're keeping all of them.

Here's the thing, guys. I don't like whenever they come visit, I have, I have like, you know, I have way too many rules in my life, but I always say, guys, pack light. I'm always like, pack light. Don't check luggage. Right? It's a pretty normal thing to say. And then what do they do? Oh, we had to check a bag because we brought your son 15 presents that he doesn't need. And now we're waiting at the airport an extra 45 minutes. Or worse, they have a connection. We missed the connection, we're gonna stay in Dallas for the night.

I'm like, yeah, how was that? Middle of the street with your luggage. So I stopped that. Now they only will take direct flights. And I said, you're no longer traveling with luggage on. We're gonna have your California clothes here so that you don't have to bring stuff. And then we got him some underwear and stuff,

got your wife some sexy underwear. Has she worn those for you yet? She has not. Sorry. What is going on? Get that taken care of. I didn't buy those to not be worn. Get those on her.

She's got those cute pajamas on, but I haven't seen the sexy underwear. No, you're going to see that. So I get him some underwear, and then he says, guys, this is too much underwear. Take these back. So what am I going to do?

I'm going to go return something that I probably, a three pack that I bought probably in an outlet store that costs $8. No, I'm not, you're keeping all of your underwear. Thank you. And those are nice, you'll like those. Those are, I think have cotton on them so that if you have some drip, it'll absorb it.

Great, great. Do you have drip? I need that at my age. No, I don't actually. I have drip, oh man. If I get up too quickly, put that on the floor. Oh. Did you finish telling me about your sex life right now?

Yeah, I did. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. You've been married for how many years? 40, just turned 40. Just turned 40. Mm-hmm. You love her more today than you did the day you married her?

Best thing I ever did. You think you'll ever get remarried? No, never. No? No. What do you think are a few of the keys to staying happily married? No, never. No? No. What do you think are a few of the keys to staying happily married? Keep her happy. She's always right. Let her pick where she wants to eat dinner. Leave her alone. How's that? These are tales of a beaten man. How many years did you think Carly and I would be married?

I think you guys have a good marriage. You want me to guess how many years you would be married? No, when we first decided to get married, did you think, oh, this is not gonna last or this is only gonna last how long? No, I never thought that. No, I trust Carly. Well, I know, but everyone gets married

hoping it lasts forever, but that's not the reality. Well, I got news for you. We're ending it. Okay. There it is. No, no, I got news for you. We're ending it. Okay. There it is. No, no, I'm happy as can be. I always think if there was like a way to actual measure love that I love Carly more than she loves me,

if there was, and I think she agrees. Which way? No, I think she agrees that I probably love her more than she loves me, if there was, and I think she agrees. Which way? No, I think she agrees that I probably love her more than she loves me. If there was, if it was an actual thing that you could measure. Now I pose. That's nice to hear.

Well, I pose the question to you. Do you think you love your wife more than she loves you? Oh, that's a fact. That's not disputed. That makes me laugh. That's silly. I still can't believe you caused the 2008 crisis. Next time on Toss Show.

Talk about the cancer and all the ass play that was involved. Yes. So you did some marijuana. Yeah, we smoked. And you were like, whoa, whoa, whoa, what did you just say? That's a great story. That could be incorrect. That's incorrect.

Is that incorrect? Yeah, that's incorrect. I was the evil person. I think it was in a wheelchair too. I was the evil old white guy. You ever pooped your pants as an adult? Yeah, probably. Welcome to Cheaters and Backstabbers.

I'm Shadi Diaz. And I'm Kate Robards. And we are New York City standup comedians and best friends. And we love a good cheating and backstabbing story. So this is a series where our guests reveal their most shocking cheating stories. Join us as we learn how to avoid getting our hearts broken or our backs slashed. Listen to Cheaters and Backstabbers on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

I'm Angie Martinez. Check out my podcast where I talk to some of the biggest athletes, musicians, actors in the world. We go beyond the headlines and the soundbites that have real conversations about real life, death, love, and everything in between. This life right here, just finding myself, just relaxation, just not feeling stressed, just not feeling pressed. This is what I'm most proud of.

I'm proud of Mary because I've been through hell and some horrible things. That feeling that I had of inadequacy is gone. You're going to die being you. So you got to constantly work on who you are to make sure that the stars align correctly. Life ain't easy and it's getting harder and harder. So if you have a story to tell, if you've come through some trials, you need to share it because you're going to inspire someone. You're going to, you're going to give somebody the motivation to not give up, to not quit. Listen to Angie Martinez IRL on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Back in 1969, this was the hottest song around. It's the time of the season.

So hot that some guys from Michigan tried to steal it. The run's high, high, high. It's the time of the season for love. My name is Daniel Ralston. For 10 years, I've been obsessed with one of the most bizarre and audacious cons in rock and roll history. A group would have a hit record and quickly they would hire a bunch of guys to go out and be the group. People were being cheated on several levels.

After years of searching, we bring you the true story of the fake zombies. I was like blown away. These guys are not gonna get away with it. Listen to the true story of the fake zombies on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Posh Show! Fascinating. I wanna thank my father-in-law, Greg,

for being on the podcast. And you know what he told me? Right after we wrapped? Carl, you know what he said? He goes, Garrett, that's the other boyfriend. That was my second favorite boyfriend that my wife had. Pete chimed in immediately. Garrett, fuck your wife.

I was like, oh. Right in front of Greg. It was so uncomfortable. Tear came to his eye. Yeah. Carl, there was so much good stuff in that interview. We decided to break precedent. We're going to make it a two parter. Eddie, hit the trumpets.

It's a two parter. We're going to finish this up next week. There was so much gold in there and talking to my father, I'm gonna get him in so much trouble. I can't, the guy wouldn't stop telling me stuff. All right, we gotta do the plugs. Eddie, you doing stand-up anywhere? I got some gigs, stir crazy in Glendale,

the lounge at the end of the universe in Boise, and Go Bananas in Cincinnati. Jesus Christ. When are all these dates, Eddie? Throughout the rest of the year. You gotta go to... I'm just leaving it open-ended. You gotta go to, where do you go to?

eddigozling.com? It is eddigozling.com. Used to be bigpoltighthole.com, but people were afraid to click on the link because they thought it was a porn site, so. You know you can still go to mensbutts.com to get my tour dates. That's right.

Speaking of weird websites, if you can't afford to go anywhere, this is a free plug really, it's a website. Just go to mapcrunch.com. It'll basically transport you to any random street view somewhere in the world. It's just a fun little website to play with. Anyway, I don't, I don't get paid for that. The Goat's available all episodes on Prime.

Boyswearpink.com. Purchase the rest of the clothes so my wife can stop complaining to me that she has to ship stuff. My tour, going to be a second show's added in Honolulu. New Orleans, let's go. I want to sell that she has to ship stuff. My tour, gonna be a second show's added in Honolulu. New Orleans, let's go, I wanna sell that show out. I wanna add a second show there, I love New Orleans. Anyway, another bedtime story from my son. We'll see you guys next week with part two of Daddy-in-Law.

Once upon a time, maybe a duck would swim in the ocean. of daddy-in-law. And then suddenly they got in the car, drove that sack of the cans, they ran that sack of the cans to the bathroom, did some more jack, and they ran back home. Throw the door shut, they locked the door, locked all of the doors so nothing would come in. Then something happened. Boom! The house was all dolled. They knew what happened. The electricity went off in the house.

And there was somebody who saw a frog. He didn't even know who was falling. A frog. They saw a frogster beast and then they were trying to eat it but then it went to, but then something happened. But those who saw that they did the fraud. Cheetah! They saved it on anybody.

And Cheetah went so sad froth ran after him. What are you talking about? I don't know what you're saying. The what ran after him? The froth ran after him. The froth? No, the froth. Frost? No, froth. A sloth?

Yeah, it ran after him. A sloth. I got it. But there were two photos so the cheetah went fast. And then the sloth dodged on the cheetah and the cheetah went so fast and then he dodged in the cheetah's car. The cheetah has a car? It was just a Halloween costume. Who was dressed up like a cheetah? Maybe I don't know.

A real cheetah? Yeah. No. In 10 minutes. And then something happens. The animal ran back, Meet the real woman behind the tabloid headlines in a personal podcast that delves into the life of the notorious Tori Spelling as she takes us through the ups and downs of her sometimes glamorous, sometimes chaotic life and marriage. Listen to Miss Spelling on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Angie Martinez, and on my podcast, I like to talk to everyone from Hall of Fame athletes to iconic musicians about getting real on some of the complications and challenges of real life. I had the best dad, and I had the best memories and the greatest experience and that's all I want for my kids as long as they can have that listen to Angie Martinez IRL on the I

heart radio app Apple podcast or whatever you get your podcast. From I heart podcasts comes does this murder make me look gay. podcasts comes Does This Murder Make Me Look Gay? 9-1-1, what's your emergency? Mastavante is dead! Featuring the star-studded talents of Michael Urie, Jonathan Freeman, Frankie Grande, Cheyenne Jackson, Robin de Jesus, and Kate McKinnon as Angela Lansferries.

Lick em, lick those toesies. Listen to Does This Murder Make Me Look Gay? as part of the Outspoken Network on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.