Tosh Show - My Favorite Cowboy - Chris Waldhaus

Episode Date: July 9, 2024

Daniel chews the fat with cowboy Chris Waldhaus, who grew up off the grid, had a stint in Hollywood, and now runs a sanctuary for wild horses in the desert. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Rrrr-wup! Listen to Does This Murder Make Me Look Gay? As part of the Outspoken Network on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If someone asked you to name a queer icon, who would you say? Britney, Christina, Shirley Bassey, Tina, Madonna, Celine Dion, Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey, Bruce Springsteen. This is Because the Bus Belongs to Us, a serious journalistic quest to get Bruce Springsteen

recognized as the queer icon we know that he is. Listen to Because the Bus Belongs to Us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Curious about queer sexuality, cruising, and expanding your horizons? Hit play on the sex positive and deeply entertaining, Sniffy's Cruising Confessions. Join hosts Gabe Gonzalez and Chris Patterson-Rosso as they explore queer sex, cruising, relationships,

and culture in the new iHeart podcast, Sniffy's Cruising Confessions. Sniffy's Cruising Confessions will broaden minds and help you pursue your true goals. You can listen to Sniffy's Cruising Confessions, sponsored by Gilead, now on the iHeartRadio app, or wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes every Thursday. How often are you getting thrown from a horse? Every day.

Really? Yeah. How's your body handling that? No, you're not. How old are you now? Are you 40? Close to 40. Close to 40? Oh, you're not 40?

Yeah. All right. You can't keep flying off horses. No. Tosh Show. Tosh Show. Tosh Show. Club Show. Good morning.

I'm Daniel Tosh, the host of Tosh Show. Eddie, I hear you have got a video that you are dying to show me. So excited about this one. Alright, let's watch. What happened? What did you do?

What happened? Oh, man, you dumped him the fuck out of your truck. Oh, do you need me to call an ambulance? No. What did you do? I fell. Well, I know you fell, Jeff. Even a dog can barely walk. Thank God that truck was there.

Jeff would still be stumbling all the way to the ocean. The most interesting thing about this video is that they're probably 38 years old. Yeah. The most interesting thing about this video is that they're probably 38 years old. Yeah, people are always like, oh, you look so young. No, no, I don't. I don't look that young. I look 49. You look old as shit. Maybe eat better, sleep more, do some exercise. You got to, you got to take care of yourself. Jeff doesn't deserve to have that pickup truck. You know, you need to be a man. Drive a pickup truck like that.

I don't pretend to be a man. That's the end of that statement. No, when I'm, when I'm in Southern California, I, I, I'm barely a man. When I head up north, when I get to the mountains, oh, got my hatchet, my splitting mall, that's when I become a man. Although I've never had a chop wood yet. I had a cord, it's been like five years.

I haven't gone through it yet. It's like, how much, how much wood are you supposed to burn? Being a man's tough. People depend on you when you're a man. That's why I always try to announce, I'm barely a man. Let's get the expectations back. Don't ask me to do things. I'll call a man. I'll pay for ask me to do things. I'll call a man.

I'll pay for a man to do something. Me? No, I'm not, I'm not the guy. You know, sometimes when I'm up in the cabin, the power will go out and my generator won't turn on and I go out there with my little portable jumper. And I hook it up and I jump it and I get the generator going and there's power in the house and I'm like look at that and then when the power comes back the generator turns off everything gets tripped in the house and that's a pain then I gotta go

to the garage I gotta undo this panel panel, I gotta flip this big switch. And every time I flip it, it shocks the shit out of me. Things I can't do, I mean that list is too long to go over. Protect my family? Nah, can't do that. I can outrun them. So I can tell the story of what happened. Honor them with a story. A tale to tell you.

I could learn a thing or two from today's guest. Enjoy. If someone asked you to name a queer icon, who would you say? Brittany, Christina. That's not who we were thinking about. Try again. Shirley Bassey, Tina. That's not who we were thinking about. Try again. Shirley Bassey, Tina. And again.

Madonna, Celine Dion, Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey. No, there's still someone you're missing. Bruce Springsteen. Bruce Springsteen. Bruce Springsteen in particular. Leather Twink, Bruce Springsteen. Just very hand on hip, sassified Bruce. This is Because the Bus Belongs to Us.

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Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. It's time for a brand new podcast. Do you love weird pop culture facts? Like I don't know, what is Tori Spelling's favorite salad? Well, then you're going to love the podcast I do with my best friend, Celebrity Book Club with Steven and Lily. You've probably seen books at Barnes and Noble and thought, those look silly. I wonder what is inside of them.

We've decided, because we are grown consenting adults, that we're gonna read a book every single week. And here we are. You probably don't have time to read books. Let us do it for you. We discuss the inner workings of the minds of these authors at great detail. From Abraham Lincoln to Lauren Graham, John Stamos to Sylvia Plath, we cover lots of celebrities' books, be they memoirs, poetry, children's books, or cookbooks. And we discuss them in nauseating detail. It's pretty academic. It's basically literary criticism.

So get your degree, put your glasses on. And listen to Celebrity Book Club with Stephen and Lily on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. My guest today has quite a life story. I'm going to attempt to relate while he talks about some real man shit like hunting for food and breaking wild horses. At least we both love animals.

He's one of the best looking fellas west of the Mississippi. Please welcome Chris. Thank you. Thank you for having me, Tosh. Okay, this interview's gonna be all over the place. Your life story is fascinating. Let's start. That you grew up on a reservation in Colorado.

Outside of Durango, the Ute Reservation. My mom and my dad kind of had a lot of turmoil, and she went to the reservation and stayed there for help. And so I ended up being born there. We ended up growing up there. We stayed there for probably maybe six years and then we moved to our own spot in Colorado off a like Ute trail so we were in the sticks Aspen Yeah, there's a lot of Aspen trees there, but oh no wasn't this wasn't Aspen I got you

No, you're my veil you grew up in veil outside of there, too I got you. No. You're talking about Vale. You grew up in Vale. Outside of there too. Oh, no. I got you. You grew up without electricity?

No electricity. For how long? No running water until we were about 14. We hunted for our food. We got our water off the side of a mountain, so it kind of melted down into this drainage pipe and we would collect it at the pipe. How did you take hot showers? No hot showers.

You never had a hot shower? We had hot baths. How did you? Oh, okay. We put the water over like a fire and warmed it up and then put it in. You know those- They were cooking you. Yeah.

Do you know those kettles? It's like a, almost like a stew kettle. You just basically boil some hot water in there and throw it in the tub. I mean, we washed our clothes with a washboard. We had an outhouse, had a fruit seller, basically grew up off the land, like eating cactail roots and dandelions

and just weird stuff. You know everything that you can eat when you're out in the wilderness? I know quite a bit. My mom was really like savvy when it came to picking fruit and just different stuff like roots and berries. It was pretty interesting. What about school?

Homeschooled all the way up until about sixth grade. Legally homeschooled? My sister was the teacher. Okay, so not legally homeschooled. No. Anybody pop in, any visits from like the- No, interestingly enough, I mean we were so far out, I don't even think they knew we were out there, so.

They didn't even know you existed. Yeah, they didn't even know. How many siblings did you have? There's eight of us. Eight of you? So seven, yeah. Five sisters siblings did you have? There's eight of us. Eight of you? So seven, yeah. Five sisters and two brothers. That's a lot of people.

I mean, it's like a school. It was. Did you guys get Comedy Central? No. Oh, that's a shame. All right. Are you part Native American? Yeah, so my mother is African American, Native American.

Her mother's Cherokee and her father's African American. My father is German and Native American, so his father'sokee and her father's African American. My father is German and Native American, so his father's German and his mother's Hopi. So maybe like 50, close to 50%. Are you getting a government check or no? No. By choice? I never applied, never got my.

Apply. It takes too much paperwork. I don't care. You're owed. Yeah, no. What's the amount that they, do you even know the amount that they give? I have no idea. All right, I'm gonna ask you to talk

about your stepfather now. I'm gonna turn the microphone off and just listen for the next hour because I think it's fascinating. Yeah, what an interesting guy, right? Have you ever seen Davy Crockett? Like the movie? I just know of Davy Crockett.

Yeah, like the movie, like the- No, Irockett. I don't like the movie like the no I never watched the King of the Final Frontier. Uh-huh. Yeah, so Dave was like Davy Crockett. Okay I mean he was super ingenuitive is the best word I could give it He he never told us what he did but where we lived he had us like sifting for gold You know how when you get into the river and you can kind of sift We always found like these little tiny specks of gold. And we were kids, so we had no idea what fool's gold was. But he'd like come up with these big fool's gold nuggets and be like, yeah, I'm going

to town to turn in the gold. But he was actually a meth cooker. Oh, that's so much different than a prospector. Yeah. So he would disappear for like weeks and then come back and bring groceries and we would get cool stuff from town. Because most of the time we were eating rabbit. Was he making the meth on your? Honestly, I really don't know.

But he didn't have, I'm pretty sure he was because he didn't have any teeth. He always had ether and mercury, just weird stuff. I mean, we played with that kind of stuff as a kid. I remember the mercury we thought was cool because you could like spread it out and it would come together and then Terminator came out and we saw that they were using mercury to make that Terminator guy. You know, as kids do when you're playing with mercury.

He had a lot of ether too. Our dogs would always get like into it with porcupines. He would just have a bottle of ether on hand, pour some in a washcloth and stick it over the dog's face and knock them out. And then take his little needle nose pliers and just pull quills out. Did he know the amount that you were supposed to? He must have been like some kind of chemist. Did you lose any dogs? Do you want to ask? No, never. gonna ask. Okay. Never.

I even saw this man pick up a horse one time. That seems like childish revisionist history. He put the horse's front of a body on his Chevy and then he went to the back and lifted up the back and threw his back out because he was hurt for a while and then pushed the back end of the horse onto the... Because it had died. I'm thinking old age, but he picked the horse up and put it... I watched him do it.

I was just like, geez, this guy is... I thought he was the coolest dude on the planet. I mean, Davy Crockett. He taught me how to fish, taught me how to hunt, taught me how to track. He was very outdoor savvy, I'll say. He knew how to get around. Do you hunt for sport?

No, I don't hunt for sport. We did do it for food though. Do you eat a lot? Do you like food? I do, I'll eat anything. I think- You got any food allergies? None.

As a kid that grew up eating ants, like is there anything you're like, oh, I don't enjoy eating this. Grasshoppers, ants, crickets, no food allergies, crawdads. I used to think crawdads and grasshoppers were the best thing. What's the fanciest food that you can't get your head around why people eat it? Ascargo. Yeah, me too.

That doesn't seem like it serves a purpose. I never ate snails when I was growing up. I just didn't see a purpose for it. We put salt on them and let them just kind of like shrivel up and die. Yeah. I had a friend, this guy was, he would pick birds up and like bite their heads off. You friends with Ozzy Osborne? No, I won't say his name, but yeah, he was strange. Sure.

I mean, we were eating crawdads and ants. Right, but he wasn't biting heads off. He was just biting the heads off of them. He wasn't even eating. How was he catching birds just out of curiosity? Just climbing up the tree. And grabbing a bird? Out of the nest.

Oh, it was a baby bird. Oh, that's even worse. Weird. This story just gets horrible. I'll tell you a story about cigarettes. Remember back when they used to sell the cartons in the store? Yeah. As kids, we were bad.

We used to steal the whole cartons. And one of my buddies got caught smoking by his mom. And she was like, all right, you're going to smoke this whole carton then. And they made us smoke the whole carton. And I quit smoking cigarettes after that. He still smokes to this day. Mm-hmm.

But I had enough. I think they've proven that that's not the right way to parent. You know who's got a great joke about that? It's Norm MacDonald. Oh, he talks about getting caught. And then his dad injected heroin into the eye of his cock. And so it's a great joke about that. It's Norm MacDonald. Oh, he talks about getting caught and then his dad injected heroin into the eye of his cock.

It's a good joke. You should look it up. All right. How'd that father-in-law story end? You know, actually, he got killed by bounty hunters. It was pretty weird. That's about what I thought. Arkansas Dave.

He was from Arkansas. You know the bounty hunter that killed your stepdad? No, no, no. My stepdad's name was Dave. Oh, sorry. And he was from Arkansas. You know the bounty hunter that killed your stepdad? No, no, no. My stepdad's name was Dave. Oh, sorry. And he was from Arkansas. So I wondered, like, was that Arkansas Dave? They were talking? No, I don't know, though. Apparently, he pulled a knife out at a gunfight and got shot. Ugh. Well, that's horrible.

I mean, you're definitely arguably the realest man I've ever had on this show. How long do you think you would survive if there was a zombie apocalypse? I think I could make it. I mean, as long as I was pretty far out and they weren't even interested in coming out there. Kind of like child protective services. All right. Now, you are a cowboy? Yeah, I would say so.

No, but the term cowboy with, you know, indigenous people, Native American, those don't necessarily go hand in hand. You know, that's the second time I've had that question. Okay. And when was the first time you killed that person? No, no, we were in Santa Fe. We were shooting this thing for Filson.

And there was myself and a couple of the cowboys there. And they were like, well, do natives call themselves cowboys? And I was like, you know, everybody that works horses or cattle calls himself a cowboy. I think that the word came from, this is just what I've heard. So back in the day, cowboys, black and white, the white cowboys were called cowhands.

The black cowhands were called cowboys. And the natives kind of just got thrown in there. Whatever, you know. So if you were working on a ranch and you were working horses or cattle, you were just a cowboy. How did you get your land out in a Joshua tree? I basically wrote the contract for a lease to own for the first two years with the first right of refusal. And I wrote that contract during the pandemic.

So I had pandemic prices. Tell people exactly what you did. You were buying a large amount of acreage to open a horse sanctuary for wild horses. For Mustangs. I got the guy to sign the contract and then I ran with it. So I had the first right of refusal after two years, and I was renting the land first for $800 a month.

That's a good deal. So during the pandemic, people were trying to get out of the city, and they wanted to go and be outside, right? And if you remember, we couldn't celebrate Christmas, we couldn't celebrate Thanksgiving. I don't remember that. People couldn't celebrate their birthdays. What?

So they were all coming to the ranch and renting campsites and celebrating there. Okay. So we had like 30 people every weekend there. Oh, so you guys were like a super spreader. It was... Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Maybe. All right. But it was really nice. And so we first started renting the dirt and I was building fences. So then I built the fences and I was building fences. So then I built the fences and then September of 21, I got my first two horses.

You know they say what you think about you attract, right? So the first two horses I got were very special horses. They're called Nez Pierce Blanket Appaloosas. So I took these two reservation ponies and the guy who sold me the reservation ponies gave me two horses. So I took these two reservation ponies, and the guy who sold me the reservation ponies gave me two horses. So September of 21, I had four horses.

And then my estranged uncle, I hadn't talked to him in forever, and he called me, he's in Palm Springs, and he's like, hey, I heard you're out in Joshua Tree, are you killing mustangs? And I was like, what? I'm saving mustangs. He was like, oh, okay, because I've heard a you killing mustangs? And I was like, what? I'm saving mustangs. He was like, oh, okay,

because I've heard a lot about mustangs and like people are shooting them and I just wasn't sure what you were doing with them. And I was like, why don't you come up and see what I'm doing? So he and his wife came up and they saw and they were like mind blown. I'll say this also, a lot of people come and lose their shit.

Like they get there and they cry, or they just like go into this like meditative, like start having, I don't know, downloads if you will, like just feeling like the universe is talking to them. So I think that happened to my uncle. And he was like, how can I help? And I was like, well, why don't you save this Mustang from Colorado? And he was like, okay.

So he bought the Mustang out of the kill pin and shipped it to us. So I went from four horses to five horses. And then another lady called and was like, hey, I got a Mustang. I can't train. Can I give her to you? And I was like, sure. Six Mustangs. Then now do you break that I was like, sure, six Mustangs. Now do you break that Mustang?

Yeah, we don't even call it breaking. Okay, I don't know, that's the only word I knew. We call it starting. So we start them, build a solid foundation, and then let them go from there. Well why don't you just let them keep running wild? Why do you have to, I don't know the rules. So in America we have a high respect for horses.

Unless you're at Santa Anita. Even there. They really respect them and they love them, but it's just that the thoroughbred is so selectively bred and inbred that its hooves are really small, and its body's really big. So that big body on those really small hooves

is hard on the legs, and they break a lot of legs, and that Santa Anita track isn't really giving giving so it hurts those thoroughbreds. But on top of that, thoroughbreds are raced at two years old and their racing career is over by five or six and that's a long career. But a horse can live 25 years past that. The life expectancy for a thoroughbred is actually 19. So they don't live much longer because they really run them hard and into the ground, right? But while they're running at Santa Anita, they're very loved.

Everybody takes care of them, they appreciate them, they baby them. But then when they're done running, they go to a thoroughbred farm where they're thrown out with 30 or 40 other thoroughbreds that are retired and they're fighting for their food and they just don't have such a great life anymore. It's kind of like a supermodel who, when she's 16 to 19, everybody loves her. Right.

And then when she's... When she's 24, you're just like, oh, oh. Look at this old hag. See if she can fight for some food. So you opened this sanctuary and just right away started just rescuing horses or having people bring them to you or what was, how was this working? So I opened the sanctuary in October of 2020.

What's the name of it? Cascade Trails Mustang Sanctuary. Do people ride your horses? Yes. All of them? We have five that are not rideable right now because they're under the age of three. I can ride it. You should. I've ridden one horse.

In your whole life? Yes, my whole life. I love horses. I love all animals. I love horses, but I don't need to be on them. I just like to look at them. There's an energy that exudes from horses that's so calming. Like I said, when people come there, they lose their shit.

And it's just, I think it's just the energy that's there. I've always wanted to adopt a couple Clydesdales, just to look at those things. Those are called drafts. Drafts, I want one of those. Drafts. You have a drafts on your lot? I have two drafts.

You do? They're called, I'm sorry, not pertrons. We have two Belgians. How many hands high is that? Good question. What do you know about hands? I don't know. So hands are measured like this. It's you know about hands? I don't know.

So hands are measured like this. It's four inches. And you go one, two, three. Yours is bigger than four inches. Mitz. You got to do three fingers with your mitts. So we have two Belgians. One is 19 hands and one is 17.

One. The other, the biggest horse that we had prior to that was the thoroughbred, she's 16 hands. Okay. So yeah, two Belgian drafts. They look a lot like Clydesdales. I just like those commercials, when the Bud Light or beer commercials

at Christmas time that make you cry. Yeah, they're awesome. No, they are awesome. How many sayings in the language that we have are horse related? Let's talk about that for a second, okay? Do you say, champing at the bit or chomping at the bit? Chomping at the bit.

It's champion. Wait, really? Yeah, the term is champion. But everyone says chomping at the bit. That's right. But the actual term is champion at the bit. That's interesting. I mean, it kind is,

except for the people that fight me on it. And like, it's no zones, because you think of just chomping at a bit, but it still comes from the same thing, I believe. Well, the two thoroughbreds kind of, they do that champ at the bit. So thoroughbreds are trained to run into the bit. Most horses, when you pull back, they think stop.

But a thoroughbred, when you pull back, they run harder. Because the jockey's standing up on them and using the reins as leverage, and he's pulling, and he wants the thoroughbred to run through that. What do you weigh? About 240. Nah, you ever dream about being a jockey? No, never.

Maybe when I was a kid, but no, never. They're tiny little fellas, huh? Yeah, they are little fellas. Holy cow, that's not normal. No. Well, why don't they just, wait, tell me why they don't just use girls? That's a good question. I Well, why don't they just, wait, tell me why they don't just use girls?

That's a good question. I mean, nowadays with sports incorporating women into everything. Right, it seems like easy to get a 105 pound girl. That's a no brainer. That's strong enough to do it. You, what's your love life like? Are you married?

No, I'm not married. You ever been married? Yes. You have? How long? It lasted two years. Two years? The divorce took longer. Uh-huh.

It was. Did she get half of a Mustang? No, I didn't have anything at that point, so she was just happy to get rid of me, I think. Uh-huh. Okay, so, kids? Yeah, we do. We have two kids.

Are you done having children? Uh, I don't know. If I met the right woman and she was interested in that, then I would be open to it. Are you in a relationship right now? I have a girlfriend now. Is she the right person? We're working on things.

I got the perfect person for you. She's just all she's into is horses. Her whole... Oh, she's 37. She wants to have kids though. That's about the age. You have to have kids with her. You know... Do you want to hear her voice?

Do you want me to call her? See if she's interested? No. I think you might like her. You let me to call her? See if she's interested? No. I think you might like her. You let me know. We'll see. I'll check in on you a few months from now

and we'll see if you need to, another somebody to date. I got a perfect person. Do you call your motorcycle a steel horse? I do. You ever dabble in pony play? I don't even know that. You don't have pony play?

Those are the weird people on the internet that like pretend to be horses. Oh no, so the ones that have the stick horse? Oh yeah, they do. Is that pony play or no? Pony play, they actually, pony play actually pretends to be a horse. Right, hobby horsing is-

Hobby horsing is when you just run around on a stick and pretend jump and all that kind of stuff. That's weird. Yeah, that's pretty weird. It's also emotional though. Sometimes you'll see them and just cry. Have you always been into horses? Yeah, I think so. I mean, I grew up watching He-Man and his companion was Battle Cat. I couldn't really ride a lion. So yeah, the horse was my battle cat.

I mean, sure. If you had a large cat, that'd be awesome. I once worked at a sanctuary out in the desert out there with some guys that had illegally, you know, taken a bunch of tiny tigers. So people could take photos with them. And then they grew into monsters and they're like, what are we going to do with them now? And so we had to, you know, send them to different rescue places all over the country.

So I'm out there working probably 50 to 100 big cats and in cages that wouldn't hold a house cat in them. And I'm just out there volunteering. And they're like just cleaning all the shit out of there. They're cannibalizing, eating each other, cause there's not enough food. The reward for working there was at the end of the day, you got to hose them off,

and they were just in heaven to have water. And I'm just like right, just standing next to a huge tiger with a hose, and he's just eating the water like crazy. I was like, ah, this is great. You remind me of, I just dug this pond for him. So I have a pond in front of the water area, and it's like, it almost looks like you're catching

a glimpse of them feeling like, oh, this is what freedom was. We get to splash in the pond, and it's tough. Yeah, but their space, they're still getting a bit of the good life. You get a little bit of both worlds, too. Some pampering that would have never been there. True, very true.

What is the average day for you like on your ranch? It starts at five, I clean the pasture, I feed the horses, I fill up water, I give them the buckets. By the time I'm done doing that, it's about 8.30, nine o'clock. Then I'll feed myself. I actually have a raven now,

so I feed the raven when I feed myself. I'll bring a raven now, so I feed the raven. When I feed myself, I'll bring her and put her on the goat pen. What does it cost to feed a horse every day? I broke it down. I think the buckets end up being like three or four dollars a bucket, but hay fluctuates.

So a bale of hay can be anywhere between $20 and $30. And if you're smart, you'll cut the middleman out and you'll just go direct and buy the ton. But you can get 150 bales of hay for about two grand, and you can get 500 bales of hay for about four grand. So I usually try to get the 500 bales, and that lasts me a lot longer. Horses, are they expensive to take care of?

They are if you don't know what you're doing, because somebody that doesn't know how to make the feed themselves, they're going to buy all that different feed, and they're going to scoop it out individually and end up spending $500 every two weeks just for feed. Whereas I can spend $500 in two weeks and make that last four weeks. So I'm cutting my costs in half. I mean, it's just a full day. This is just breakfast time. We're just at nine.

Yeah. What time do you go to bed? I'm usually done right around like nine, nine o'clock. Jeez, this is so much work. How often are you getting thrown from a horse? Every day. Really? Yeah.

How's your body handling that? No, you're not. How old are you now? Are you 40? Close to's your body handling that? No, you're not. How old are you now? Are you 40? Close to 40. Close to 40? Oh, you're not 40? Yeah.

All right. You can't keep flying off horses. No. But people that train horses, they learn how to not fly off, right? You can control a jump better than you can control a fall. OK. So I'm jumping.

If I think it's getting bad, I'm jumping. You ever see that mr. Hands video No, this guy guy was killed having sex with a horse Wow was disturbing Sounds disturbing apparently was legal those in the state of Washington. There was some like bestiality loophole How many times a day do you say yee-haw Hardly ever never okay. Can you play harmonica? I can. Do you play poker? Yep.

How many times have you seen tumbleweed just roll by you? A lot in the desert. How hot is it? It gets triple digits. Your horses don't have a problem with that? It's pretty awesome, they don't. I mean, and I only know because sometimes I don't wear my shoes, I'll run around,

we call it grounding. What? It's called grounding. So you run around, we call it grounding. What? It's called grounding. So you barefoot, you just let your feet touch the earth. We just call it bare feet. Yeah. There's a technical term now. Okay.

But one day I was out there and it was, I, we could probably leave this out too. So I have a campground as well. And we get a lot of campers that come and they like, they don't use all their party favors, right? And people in the desert like to participate in the dark arts. So they come out there with bags of mushrooms. I'm going to leave this in just so you know.

So he comes, he's leaving, and he gives me this Ziploc bag of mushrooms. I love them. So the guy gave me these mushrooms and he was like, hey, we couldn't finish these. You want them? And I was like, sure. I'm sitting there, it's probably maybe two or three in the afternoon, I just start eating the mushrooms.

Just dry, eating them. You thought it was a snack for real? I just thought it was food. I thought it was mushrooms. That's what you thought he gave you. So I eat these mushrooms and... Ah! Six years later, the... Obviously the effects of it took a little bit, but it started...

I noticed after that the ant pile was like pulsating, and I felt like the ants were like marching one by one, and I could see them like dancing to the rhythm. They knew you were dancing to the rhythm. They knew you were about to eat them. Is that the last time you've done mushrooms? No. Um...

I prefer the tea now, actually. Okay, well, that's fine. Somehow, in between growing up on a reservation in Colorado and being a cowboy in the desert, you lived in LA. Yeah. Of all places. Did you hate it here? You know, LA's a lot like the desert.

Beautiful, but brutal. A lot of people come to LA with high hopes and aspirations, and LA just beats them down. But I really just came to work. My brother had gotten to a motorcycle accident, so I left Colorado to come here and kind of help him recover. No spinal neck or back injuries, but he was bedridden for like four months. Uh-huh. had gotten to a motorcycle accident, so I left Colorado to come here and kind of help him recover. No spinal neck or back injuries,

but he was bedridden for like four months. And I basically had to be like his housemaid. Do you have to wipe him? Everything. It was crazy. My brother had to wipe me once when I was in college. I had broken both arms. I couldn't get behind.

Wow. Well, what a good brother. But then you moved to LA. So did you have culture shock when you first got here? They shaved me. They cut my hair off. It was like, I looked like a caveman, right? I'd been riding horses and training horses the whole time I was in Colorado. And so when I got to LA, they were like, you can't,

you're not going to be able to get a job looking like that. You got to shave and trim your hair or something. So I ended up getting a job doing security at the Roosevelt Hotel, and I was working security at the West Hollywood Edition. So my LA experience was different from most people's LA. I just went to work and kind of take care of my brother. So opportunities just opened. And while I was taking care of my brother, I couldn't do anything else.

I couldn't really have a job. He required 24-7 care. So finally, when he got back on his feet, he was like, I'm leaving Hollywood. There's no structure. I don't really have a job or he required 24-7 care. So finally when he got back on his feet He was like I'm leaving Hollywood. There's no structure. I don't like it. I'm moving to Australia Oh, and he said I could have his apartment for a month and then the lease was up So I'm in Beverly Hills and the lease is ending. That's where he has apartments in Beverly Hills apartments in Beverly Hills Your brother was doing great. He was doing really well. He's still doing well. Well, he's in Australia. Well, he's back in LA now. Okay.

In Beverly Hills. From eating ants to living in Beverly Hills. You guys are the real Beverly Hillbillies. That's right. You know, I just kind of was like, this is a culture shock for me because people there were like, even some of the girls I talked to, they were like, I would be like, you want to have lunch?

And they'd be like, sure. And I'd be like, let's meet at Subway. And they're like, ugh. Yeah, that's not good. I don't need Subway. And I'm like, what? Well, it's disgusting. All right, and you know that now, right?

It's sandwich. Do you know it now? They make. I don't know. No, I don't know what they use, but. So. Are they a sponsor? That is a great sandwich. It was pretty interesting. All right, so you didn't do well dating here?

Not at all. It was just kind of tough because like I said, some of the girls, they, even down to like where I grocery shopped, I would go, I would be like, let's go get something to eat, let's pick up some groceries at Ralph's. Ralph's? That's not good enough.

We're going to Bristol Farms. Okay, that's what I'm talking about. You can't have an apartment in Beverly Hills and go to, next year you're gonna tell me that you went to John's. You know, Vons is garbage. Then John's is below Vons. I've never been to John's.

There's a John's, yo, that's not good. I used to take a girl every now and then on a date, we'd go to just the food court thing in Whole Foods, where you just take a box and you fill it with whatever you wanted. I thought it was fancy enough, but that wasn't good enough. They didn't like that as a date. Anyway, you work security at the Roosevelt Hotel,

and you believe you saw the ghost of Marilyn Monroe. So first of all, my ninth question that I ask every guest, do you believe in ghosts? Absolutely. Absolutely believe in ghosts, and while working at the Roosevelt Hotel, you believe you saw the ghost of Marilyn Monroe, true or false? True.

And you tried to hit on her? Gosh, that's true. So I'm working at the Roosevelt. My shift is 2 to 11. I've been there for probably maybe three months now. And there's like, you do what's called a perimeter patrol. As I'm doing the perimeter patrol, you go out and around the entire hotel,

and you come back through the back, and you go in through the back gate, and it brings you into what's called the beer garden. And the beer garden is underneath the bridge that overlooks Tropicana. So Tropicana is the pool area, and there's the Marilyn Monroe Suite, which is where she lived for quite some time,

right there on the edge of the Tropicana Pool area. So one night I'm walking through the beer garden, and out of the corner of my eye, up on the bridge, I see this woman wearing like an old white gown, and it just looks totally out of place for 2018. And she has a really nice figure with no, like, just doesn't look like she fits. Okay. So I walk around, I go up the stairs,

and I get up to the top and no one's there. And I'm looking around like, where did this lady go? But the Roosevelt's known for being haunted, so there's like, there's a few different places where people see apparitions. When you say, do I believe in ghosts, I think ghosts are, I know this is going to sound desert, woo woo, but I think it's energy, right?

So because Marilyn was there so much, Ghosts are, I know this is going to sound desert woo woo, but I think it's energy, right? So because Marilyn was there so much, and so many people knew she was there, and loved her being there, there's like this collective energy that she's able to manifest there. And so that's the best way I can explain her being there. But that wasn't the only like ghost situation there.

So at the Roosevelt, there's this room called the spare room. It's like a bowling alley slash bar. We had a security officer at the spare room get possessed. Basically, he, I don't know if he was on drugs or what, but he started foaming at the mouth, talking in this weird, I guess you would call it tongues, just being extremely weird. We had to remove him from the spare room

and then send him home because he was really... Because he was having a stroke and you didn't want to call the hospital? No, he was having some type of episode. I hope it wasn't a stroke. Yeah, maybe they should have called 911. But there was a lot of weird stuff that happened at the Roosevelt. Of course.

I mean, you- Demotuary. Oh, gosh. I could tell you stories about the Roosevelt all day. So one time, John Legend's there. They're having a party on the rooftop. One of the guys who's there, I hate that I have to say this, but he was like, like his head was on his shoulder.

So his whole, both of his shoulders seemed like they were shifted this way and his head was like over here. And people were saying he was a god from some outer space star series, some crazy stuff, right? You ever see those conjoined twins that one of them was a cowboy singer, a country singer, there's a little one attached to the head,

and she was a country singer, she was like small, then there was like a big person that wasn't into country music. You never saw them? No. All right, well, you look that up sometime. Yeah, this guy was a strange.

This guy in that world. And there were people who were backing his story. Okay, well they're all idiots. I always give, I guess, things that are on my show. You ever use a lip balm? Mm-hmm. But in the desert it's hot, so you need this little lip balm cooler, okay?

That way. I have the lip balm with me right here. Yeah, you're gonna put that in here. Let me see. That blistex might be too big. Let me see. That almost looks like a... Yeah, that's pervert. A toy. No, my friend, no, it's not a sex toy.

My cousin's, I don't know, cousin's cousin, he invented this. It's got my initials on it. I'm giving it to you. It says Chappy. But it says your lip balm doesn't melt out there in the desert. Also, you need a lint roller. My wife buys this stuff in bulk and I don't like it. I don't know if this is going to fit you now, but I had this one west, this, this, you know, it's kind of like a good looking denim. We're right. I was like, I haven't even worn it. And I go, I'm not going to wear this shirt.

I go, I got to get, I got to pass it on. So let's me, but I don't know if it'll fit you because you're way broader than I am. That's a, you don't want to wear that. Come out to the ranch. No, no, no. I have give you, I give you this shirt. This is amazing. Yeah.

Thank you. You're welcome You can just set that all on the ground there. That doesn't matter. Oh This is actually pretty cool because it chapstick does melt out there. Well, of course it does not anymore Now you got yourself a cool little so I was gonna think this is a doesn't matter what they think Okay, you're a man you can handle having a little pink dildo in your pocket You can handle having a little pink dildo in your pocket. What do people need to do to help your horse sanctuary? Come and visit, interact with the horses, see that there's a benefit. Like you said, you don't have to ride them to get the benefits.

You currently have 25 horses. How many could you actually, what was the max number you could probably hold there? When I reverse white boarded this, I did it from 90. How many could you actually, what was the max number you could probably hold there? When I reverse white boarded this, I did it from 90. I could easily hold 90. But there's myself. How many employees you got over there now? I have a handful of volunteers and two employees.

So I have a young lady that runs the back office and a young lady that manages the campground. I heard you had a high desert Danny out to your ranch. Yeah. That's our snake lady friend. She calls herself the rattlesnake wrangler. Uh-huh. And a wrangler works horses. Okay.

So I was like, hey, if you're a wrangler, come ride horses with me. And she was like, I've never been on a horse. I'm scared of horses. I was like, it's okay, you can come out here. I'll help you out. So she came out and I put her on her trail ride and she did great.

Then she came back, she brought a lot of weed and snakes and it was fun. Are all these stories true? Are you just a brilliantly trained character actor? No, they're true. Hey, yeah, you've lived quite a rich life. That is, it is impressive. You sure you don't want to take a run at my wife's cousin?

No, I appreciate it. I'm telling you man, I think you're gonna like her. I'm gonna send her out there. She's all, she's just a horse. I mean, she's in a relationship too, but. Sounds like trouble. Well, it doesn't, man. Listen, she wants kids and she loves horses.

You guys are just, you're two peas in a pod. That's all I'm saying. Oh, you're gonna love her. You guys are gonna, then we're gonna a pod. That's all I'm saying. Oh, you're gonna love her. You guys are gonna, then we're gonna be family. That's gonna be weird. All right, listen, we appreciate everything you do. All the best. Daniel, thank you so much for having me.

All right, man. I'll see you at the next family reunion. If someone asked you to name a queer icon, who would you say? Brittany, Christina. That's not who we were thinking about. Try again. Shirley Bassey, Tina. And again. Madonna, Celine Dion, Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey.

No, there's still someone you're missing. Bruce Springsteen. Bruce Springsteen. Bruce Springsteen in particular. Leather Twink, Bruce Springsteen. Just very hand on hip, sassified Bruce. Because the boss, the boss, the boss. This is Because the Boss Belongs to Us. A serious journalistic quest to get Bruce Springsteen recognized as the queer icon we know that he is.

There's so much camp potential with him. On my dating profile, I had something about being a fan of Nebraska-era Bruce Springsteen. It's like you squint and everyone can be a birch. Listen to Because the Boss Belongs to Us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. From the writer of Amazon Prime's Red, White, and Royal Blue comes a hilarious

and demented new audio mystery, Does This Murder Make Me Look Gay? You don't get anything fizzy. 911, what's your emergency? I'm in the Monroe Estate and I just caught a murderer. Yes, I'll hold. Featuring the star-studded talents of Michael Urie, Jonathan Freeman, Douglas Sills, Cheyenne Jackson, Robyn DeJesus, Frankie Grande, Sean Patrick Doyle, Brad Oscar, Nathan Lee Graham, Seth Rudetsky, Leah Delaria, Lea Salonga, and Kate McKinnon

as Angela Lansferri. Rawr! Lick him, lick those toesies. Rawr! Listen to Does This Murder Make Me Look Gay as part of the Outspoken Network on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. It's time for a brand new podcast.

Do you love weird pop culture facts? Like, I don't know, what is Tori Spelling's favorite salad? It's time for a brand new podcast. Do you love weird pop culture facts? Like, I don't know, what is Tori Spelling's favorite salad? Well, then you're going to love the podcast I do with my best friend, Celebrity Book Club with Stephen and Lily. You've probably seen books at Barnes and Noble and thought, oh, those look silly. I wonder what is inside of them.

We've decided because we are grown, consenting adults, that we're going to read a book every single week. And here we are. You probably don't have time to read books. Let us do it for you. We discuss the inner workings of the minds of these authors at great detail. From Abraham Lincoln to Lauren Graham, John Stamos to Sylvia Plath, we cover lots of celebrities' books, be they memoirs, poetry, children's books, or cookbooks. And we discuss them in nauseating detail. It's pretty academic.

It's basically literary criticism. So get your degree, put your glasses on. And listen to Celebrity Book Club with Stephen and Lily on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I want to thank Chris for being on the show. I can't wait to get out there and ride that horse. I don't think I'll do it. I'll be honest with you. I'm not, I don't want to be on top of a horse.

I'll stop by. I'll say hi, but no, no, not going to get on a horse. How about you? You ever ridden a horse, Carl? Can a dog ride a horse? That's a great question. What's going on? What have you been up to?

You watching Wimbledon? Huh? I'm watching Wimbledon. Sinner, you know, the new, current, world number one. Alcares, love him. Love Alcares. Now, you know, his haircuts getting a little better. It started out very poor, now it's getting better.

Sinner, the problem I have with Sinner, I've seen him play several times. I can't wrap my head around a redheaded Italian. It's just weird. And then when he talks, I'm like, oh, I keep forgetting you're Italian. Because he's got red hair, and I just don't think of Italians as gingers.

But sure enough, they've got gingers over there in Italy. Speaking of tennis, I watched that movie the other day. What's it called? The one with Zendaya? Oh yeah, Challengers. Challengers. Didn't know I was embarking on a little soft core porn. Just all kinds of sex in that.

I thought Zendaya was great. There's no chance that she should get an award for that. But the story was silly and ridiculous. My problem with it was I couldn't believe the time span that she was 16, 17 in the beginning and then she's 30 something in the end. It's like, well, you look the exact same. It's like, oh, your haircut, you gave yourself a bad bob.

And now I'm supposed to believe you're older. That ass ain't 30. Mm-mm. Showing her sweet cheeks in that movie. You believe that? That was uncomfortable. I was just sitting next to my wife the whole time watching this movie. Go, oh, this isn't necessary. I don't find that attractive whatsoever.

You know, tennis, very sexual game, apparently. That's why I like pickleball. You know, it's less about the sex and more about just hitting a ball back and forth over a net. All right, what's going on? Boyswearpink.com, check out our clothing line for toddlers. The GOAT, all episodes available now on Prime. We're going on tour, we're doing shows, different places, New Orleans, shows in Hawaii.

I think we're gonna add something in December. We gotta find a place to go in December. Another one of my son's bedtime stories. See you guys next week. Little story tonight, because I'm really sleepy. Do you want me to jump to the rock? Yes. No, that's too short.

Give me a nice story about. I know, I know, I know. Okay, go ahead. Maybe you won't really like it when there's more. Well, I'll be the judge. Okay. Once upon a time, there were these soldiers in the water.

They were living and told it, but anytime they passed away, at our day, they ate them. At the single time, even when they were at night time, they would try them out. And then, they, and then about the Shishi, the tall sign name Nemo. And then I don't see them. That was awful.

If someone asked you to name a queer icon, who would you say? Britney, Christina, Shirley Bassey, Tina, Madonna, Celine Dion, Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey. Bruce Springsteen. This is Because the Boss Belongs to Us. A serious journalistic quest to get Bruce Springsteen recognised as the queer icon we know that he is. Listen to Because the Boss Belongs to Us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

From iHeart Podcasts comes Does This Murder Make Me Look Gay? 911, what's your emergency? Master Vandy is dead! Featuring the star-studded talents of Michael Urie, Jonathan Freeman, Frankie Grande, Cheyenne Jackson, Robin de Jesus, and Kate McKinnon as Angela Lansferry. Raaawr! Lick em, lick those toesies. Raaawr! Listen to Does This Murder Make Me Look Gay? as part of the Outspoken Network on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Curious about queer sexuality, cruising, and expanding your horizons? Hit play on the sex-positive and deeply entertaining podcast, Sniffy's Cruising Confessions. Join hosts Gabe Gonzalez and Chris Patterson-Rosso as they explore queer sex, cruising, relationships, and culture in the new iHeart podcast, Sniffy's Cruising Confessions. Sniffy's Cruising Confessions will broaden minds and help you pursue your true goals. You can listen to Sniffy's Cruising Confessions will broaden minds and help you pursue your true goals. You can listen to Sniffy's Cruising Confessions, sponsored by Gilead, now on the iHeart Radio app or wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes every Thursday.