Tosh Show - My Favorite Florida Gator - Chandler Parsons

Episode Date: May 21, 2024

Daniel sits down with fellow Florida Man and NBA insider Chandler Parsons to discuss everything from hot wives to gambling and lawsuits.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information....

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hello, acclaimed comics writer and notorious Scott Summers hater Rosie Knight! Well hello Emmy-winning podcaster and totally unbiased Targaryen royal supporter Jason Concepcion! Somehow the X-Ray Vision podcast has returned! And like always, we'll be here every week! You'll hear from TV writers, actors, comics, theaters, pop culture, critics... Nothing is off the table! Listen to X-Ray Vision on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Starting point is 00:00:31 Hey parents, looking for something fun to listen to in the car with your kids? Blippi and Mika have a brand new podcast, Blippi and Mika's Road Trip. Each week, the Blippi Mobile will take your kids to amazing places. Your kids will learn awesome new things about the places and things they see and hear. It's a fun, interactive listening experience for the whole family.
Starting point is 00:00:54 Listen to Blippi and Mika's Road Trip on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Get emotional with me, Radhita Vlukya, in my new podcast, A Really Good Cry. We're going to be talking with some of my best friends. I didn't know we were going to go there on this. People that I admire. When we say listen to your body, really tune in to what's going on. Authors of books that have changed my life. Now you're talking about sympathy, which is different than empathy, right? Never forget, it's okay to cry as long as you make it a really good one. Listen to A Really Good Cry with Rady Devlukia on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
Starting point is 00:01:33 What about playing when you were back in Houston playing with old ball hog? Was that fun? James Harden. I love playing with James. He was great. I got nothing about it. I just wanted to call him a ball. Tosh Show! Tosh Show!
Starting point is 00:01:52 Tosh Show! Hello everyone, it's me, Daniel Tosh. Where are my dogs at? Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, And I'm going to give you all the information once I go through the procedure. But let me tell you what I've learned so far. A colonoscopy is one of the few, you know, cancer screening things that's preventative. Nowadays, you can, you can just like poop in an envelope and mail it to them. But that, that doesn't do what this does. If you actually go in and get the full colonoscopy, they will see, is it polyps? Yes.
Starting point is 00:02:49 And they will remove them on the spot, which can turn into bad stuff down the road. I'm 48 years old. And my doctor said, I think it's time for you to do this. It used to be 40, but they're like, if you don't have any history, colon cancer in your family, you probably can wait a little bit longer. And then I asked my mom, I're like, if you don't have any history, colon cancer in your family, you probably can wait a little bit longer. And then I asked my mom, I was like,
Starting point is 00:03:09 she's like, well, you know, your grandma died of colon cancer. And I'm like, mom, you should have told me that. And she's like, well, she was 99. And she's like, she had to die from something. So. Yeah, makes sense. So yeah, colon cancer is what got her.
Starting point is 00:03:24 So I'm going tomorrow and fingers crossed things are good. Now today, as you know, or may not know, I'm fasting. I can only drink clear liquids. So yeah, and then I have to take some laxatives and some other stuff that I'm gonna mix with the drinks and it's gonna be awful. And I'm just gonna flush out my colon until 2 a.m. when I need to be pooping pure clean water that you can drink.
Starting point is 00:03:54 That's what I'm told by 2 a.m. You should be able to drink from my sphincter. Anyway, yesterday was the last day that I was able to eat. So where do you think I went for my final meal? I think like a good Italian meal. A good Italian meal. That, oh, that would have been my second choice. I went to a Dodger game.
Starting point is 00:04:17 Okay. Yeah. Just fueled up on everything. Nothing cleans out my colon like seven plus innings at Chavez Ravine. But today, today it's Chandler Parsons. Chandler Parsons. So I do research for our guests before we come on. And I'm, I was researching him.
Starting point is 00:04:44 And if you research Chandler Parsons, you know, former NBA player, got into a bad car accident, you'll find out all about it. But anyway, the questions on there, like the first thing comes like, where did he play college? Where did he play in the NBA?
Starting point is 00:04:58 Then the third thing, why did Chandler lose his job? And I'm like, what, what is this about? Oh, he quit on Christmas so that he could be home with Monica. And I'm like, oh, Google just switches to Chandler from Friends. And I'm like, these questions don't help me at all. I'm actually, normally when people are on this show, I have one goal. I want people at home to know why I find them interesting because usually
Starting point is 00:05:27 they're pretty funny people, they're good at what they do, and I just find them fascinating. But today, today I'm going to take probably a different approach because this is someone that I don't want to come across in a positive way because my wife finds him very attractive. And I know there's nothing I could do about it. Like if he's like, you know what, I want your wife. I'd be like, oh shit. I guess she's yours now. I don't, because she already likes you
Starting point is 00:06:01 and there's nothing I can do to him physically. You know, Chandler, like he's so much bigger than you realize. You think, oh, you were just a six, six guy in the NBA, but then you're like, oh, you were six, eight. And then you touch him and you're like, oh, you're pretty solid. It's not good.
Starting point is 00:06:19 Hopefully he's not interested. He's happily married with children. So he probably has no interest in my wife. But what if he's like, you know what? I'm just gonna do it because I can. And he takes my wife from me. Enjoy. Hey parents, looking for something fun to listen to
Starting point is 00:06:37 in the car with your kids? Blippi and Mika have a brand new podcast, Blippi and Mika's Road Trip. Each week, the Blippi and Mika have a brand new podcast. Blippi and Mika's Road Trip. Each week, the Blippi Mobile will take your kids to amazing places. Click, click, put your seat belts on. Get ready for a drive. We're gonna have some fun.
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Starting point is 00:07:17 Alongside Flippy and Mika, your kids will learn awesome new things about the places and things they see and hear. It's a fun, interactive listening experience for the whole family. Listen to Flippy and Mika's Road Trip on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi there. I'm Bob Pipman, chairman and CEO of iHeart Media.
Starting point is 00:07:39 Welcome to Math and Magic, stories from the frontiers of marketing. This week I'm talking to the one and only Ryan Seacrest. I love the connection to people. I think at the core, what I get excited about, what gets me up in the morning is connecting with people in an unscripted, unvarnished way. It's getting to say something to them, hear back from them, know that I'm part of the routine, and I look forward to getting on the air. I look forward to it. In these exciting times, we're looking to the math, the strategy and analytics and the
Starting point is 00:08:11 magic, the creative spark more than ever. Listen to math and magic on our very own iHeart radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. Every week on Talk Easy with Sam Fragoso, I invite an artist, writer, or politician to come to the table and speak from the heart in ways I imagine you haven't heard from them before. Some of my favorites are with Tom Hanks, Margaret Atwood, Questlove, Cate Blanchett, and Oscar Isaac. If that sounds like a varied group of people, it's because it is.
Starting point is 00:08:44 I always wanted to make a show where one week we could sit with a politician like Beto or work, the next an author like Min Jin Lee or TV titans like Bill Hader and Quinta Brunson. Basically, this is a podcast driven by curiosity and an abundance of research, conversations where people actually start to sound like people. In recent weeks, I sat with Dan Levy, Ava Duvernay, Benny Safdie, and the editor of the New Yorker, David Remnick. You can listen to Talk Easy with Sam Fragoso on the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I hope to see you there. Hope to see you there. Today in the studio, we have a tall, handsome, rich, athletic, absolute stud of a man with a 12 inch slong who has banged
Starting point is 00:09:36 hundreds of women. We also have my guest, former NBA player and TV commentator, Chandler Parsons. Take that. That was better than I expected. Well done. Let me tell you something about that intro. Last night I'm writing down what I'm gonna say and I call my wife over and I say,
Starting point is 00:09:54 hey, which is funnier, implying that I've banged hundreds of women or that I have a smoking hot wife and she goes banging hundreds of women. Yeah, wow. And then she walked away. You married the right one. Chandler, do you believe in ghosts? No.
Starting point is 00:10:11 Okay. I don't. Do you? Me? Oh yes. Big into ghosts. Love shows about ghosts. Really?
Starting point is 00:10:21 No, I don't. I can't do any of that stuff. You're from Florida? Born and raised in Orlando, Florida. Are you Orlando? But not Orlando. I'm from, I say Orlando. I was born in Winter Park. That also sounds fancier. Rich. Rich. It is. I grew up in Castle Berry, which is a real white trash. I'm from Titusville, so. Whoa. Yeah. Yeah. See, I grew up in Castle Berry. I went to Lake Howe High School. It's like the not nice part of Winter Park, the Seminole County, not Orange County. Your parents still together?
Starting point is 00:10:48 Yeah. They're still in Florida? They're still in Florida. Where? They moved to Winter Springs. I got them up out of the hood when I got my big deal. You paid for it? Yeah. I got my parents out of Titusville, sent them down to Merritt Island.
Starting point is 00:11:00 Beautiful. Uh-huh. Do you go back a lot? No. We actually did a thing. We have kids now, and we would alternate Christmases And now I have a daughter that's two and a half and a son that's six months and last year was the first year We were like, hey, like it was like a serious conversation Like I don't know how to like we're gonna do Christmas here in LA from now on like when they're like, oh this year And I was like now like forever So now like besides like literally like a wedding or a funeral, I won't go back. Isn't it nice to be from Florida and hit it big
Starting point is 00:11:30 and then never go back? Yeah, that's like, I'm out of there. I have to go back constantly, mainly because I use it as a tax shelter. Yeah. How about you? I used to do that. So when I played,
Starting point is 00:11:43 when I played, I claimed, because I bought my parents a house and I claimed residency there. A couple loopholes, had the cell phone bill sent there. So I used to always do that. And then I lived in California, like my third year in the NBA. California gets their money. And my last year, my big deal, they made me pay taxes in California.
Starting point is 00:12:01 And it was devastating. That's a big hit. Yeah, it was devastating. What's your big hit. Yeah, it was devastating. What's your actual height for real? So all NBA players lie. I'm probably 6'8 and a half. But then come combine, come tube socks, ankles taped, I was measured at 6'10, which is kind of bullshit.
Starting point is 00:12:17 I'm 6'4. What would I be listed at in here? If you were 6'4, you would definitely be like a 6'7 shooting guard. Yeah. I can't shoot though. If you're white in the NBA, you gotta be like a 6'7'' shooting guard. Oh, yeah. I can't shoot though. If you're white in the NBA, you gotta be able to shoot. That's all we got.
Starting point is 00:12:29 That's all we got. I could jump. Really? I could always jump. Even back in like high school, I had like two solid jumps. I was like, all right, that's it for the day. It would fit. Today's load management, that's all you gotta do.
Starting point is 00:12:39 We do that here on this podcast. Some interviews, I'm hysterical. Some interviews, load management. Yeah. I fucking take it off, it's not your day. You went to the University of Florida. Now you went there the year after they had won back-to-back national champions. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:55 And then you brought the program. Just screeching halt. NIT tournament. Yeah. Oh, congratulations. Was it El Dorado? Congratulations. Madison Square Garden, bright lights. I've never watched one minute of an NIT tournament. Yeah. Oh, congratulations. Elvaro. Fast and square. Garda. Bright lights.
Starting point is 00:13:06 I've never watched one minute of an NIT tournament game. Have you, Eddie? Yeah. You do watch them? Eddie. It's on. Oh, I can't watch. Every time it's on, I'm like, oh, oh, shit.
Starting point is 00:13:16 This isn't the tournament. The nit. It's not dope. Especially going from back to back. We also had the number one recruiting class. So like we're in high school and I'm watching Billy Dee and Joe Keem, these guys, and they're on top of the world. We go in there with all these high expectations thinking we can just do what they did.
Starting point is 00:13:33 And we sucked. We weren't good. Billy literally kicked us out of the practice facility. There was a time where he wouldn't let us wear anything with a Gator logo on it. So I would practice in like, we was like at a high school gym, like Bu Holtz High School in Gainesville, we would literally practice there
Starting point is 00:13:49 because he wouldn't let us practice in the facility. He wouldn't let us wear Gator, like warmups and jumpsuits around campus. It seems like that might've affected your psyche. It was, yeah, it was, took a toll, but it was, dude, it was, it was a rough time. You were there during Tim Tebow, how much overlap? Three years.
Starting point is 00:14:04 Did you ever attend any Tim Tebow prayer circles while you were there? No, didn't do those. What about a hate speech event from Riley Cooper? Definitely was there. Real mixed bag on that football team. How about that? The whole Swamp Kings documentary, it was pretty good,
Starting point is 00:14:18 but they left out like 90% of the juicy shit. I can only imagine. How many chicks do you think Tim Tebow banged while claiming to be a virgin at Florida? You know what? Banged? Zero. And that's apparently the truth.
Starting point is 00:14:33 Now, the other stuff. Lost interest. I think he got six blow jobs. Okay. Well, speaking of blow jobs, my wife overlapped with you at Florida. Oh boy. She was on Riker Hall and there was a girl apparently
Starting point is 00:14:50 famous for just doling those BJs and just down the hall from her and she said, oh weekly, I mean I don't wanna drop names but like Joe Kim Novo is there every week, sometimes twice a week depending on if it was stressful. She would just say, it was just nonsense. Now she won't tell me her name. Hold on, let me just see if she'll answer.
Starting point is 00:15:10 She said, I can't tell you her name, you'll say it on air. And she's like a super Christian now. Are you calling your wife? Yeah, we'll see if she'll answer. Oh gosh. You know what you do when they don't answer? You FaceTime call because that ring is different. Maybe it's a service thing.
Starting point is 00:15:31 No, it just rings. It rings louder even when it's silent. She's gonna think it's an emergency and we're just trying to figure out who sucked everyone's dick in Florida. I think something's majorly wrong. Like who is the chick that blew Jokey? 9.33. What time is that?
Starting point is 00:15:48 I'll try it later. We'll get back to that. We'll circle back. We will definitely circle back to that. Were you a maniac in college? Complete maniac. I probably would have been a higher draft pick after my junior year, but I just loved college
Starting point is 00:16:01 and I went back for my senior year and I just, I loved it too. Like I loved Florida, I loved going to other sports events. Were you a fan of Urban Meyer? Loved Urban Meyer, still talk to him to this day. I like him too. He's great. I did a show when he was coaching at Ohio State.
Starting point is 00:16:17 Yeah. He comes to the show, ask if he can meet me, comes backstage, it's weird to see an older man, and I don't know how old he is, but have an older than him entourage. Yeah. Like these weird booster dudes, just all hanging out with him. And he couldn't have been sweeter to me. I told my wife that she went there when he won this back to back and he was all talking about everything. And then she goes, Oh, I used to take plot or cycling or something from your wife taught a class in games,
Starting point is 00:16:46 a workout class. He calls Miss, you know all these stupid Southern coaches call their wives Miss Carly or whatever. Shelly. Miss Shelly. Calls him and gets her on speakerphone and talks, here, she took your class. I'm like, this guy could have been nicer.
Starting point is 00:17:01 I was like, what a good guy. And they were on top of the world, right? And he was winning the championship. So every year he would do this thing where he took one athlete from each sport and did, because of T-Boat, like a retreat in like his lake house. Every year he would pick me from the basketball team.
Starting point is 00:17:16 And like, I didn't know him yet, but like we hadn't hung out. Now we like hang out in the golf course and like a whole nother different dynamic. But he would take us to his lake house. And I think they'd do like an hour of like, you know, Bible study, but then for the other, you know, 23 hours we were just hanging, playing games,
Starting point is 00:17:29 trying like, getting, you know. So you just, you sat through the Bible study? Yeah, basically. And he would always do that, and he always like showed me love, and so I had always been close with him, and now retiring, and he's a big golfer, I'm a big golfer,
Starting point is 00:17:44 we actually just played in a tournament in Orlando, like six months ago, and he's a big golfer. I'm a big golfer. We actually just played in a tournament in Orlando like six months ago and he's awesome. He's always been cool as fuck. What was that tournament you just won? The Justin Timberlake 8AM Classic. That was in Vegas. Did you ask him about playing the guitar while Brittany was having a miscarriage?
Starting point is 00:18:00 Yeah, yeah, I brought it up. Yeah. That was actually the first thing I asked. You play golf at all or no? No, I grew up playing golf. I don't play. We gotta get you out there. No, I don't like to.
Starting point is 00:18:13 It's too much time. That's why it's awesome. No, I don't like it. Just away from everything? No, I'd rather be home. Yeah. I'm like one of these people that- You're a better father than I am.
Starting point is 00:18:20 You know what? Gun to my head, I bet I am. But. Here's the thing. I probably do what you're supposed to do in a marriage, 50% of the work. But I feel like at 50%, there should be a statue in my honor. Oh, for sure.
Starting point is 00:18:40 Cause I'm like, I'm always just like, look at what I've done. Oh, I do 10 and And there is a statue. Yeah, you got, yeah, you're not doing it right. All right. So you got married. I'll talk about wives for a second. Yeah. Who has a hotter wife, you or Al Horford?
Starting point is 00:18:55 Oh, I think my wife is a total babe. Sure. Al Horford's wife is also a total babe. It's, I guess it's a preference thing. All right. I want people to start looking up Al Horford's wife. Yeah, you're not gonna stop there. Yeah, keep it rolling. Your wife is a twin?
Starting point is 00:19:14 Yeah, so yeah, she's got an identical twin. I may have told this story once before, but it doesn't matter if I have. In Titusville, when I was on Squires Drive, I lived across the street from a kid, he was younger than me, and his mom and dad seemed happy enough. His mom dies, and this is like when I'm a kid,
Starting point is 00:19:34 but I was old enough to remember this, I was probably 12 or 13. She was a twin. Six months later, he remarries her sister. Yeah. And like the kids. Happened in kids, the kids were much younger than me at the time, probably between like five and eight or nine. And it was almost like just life just went on.
Starting point is 00:19:54 Just kept it moving. I mean, listen. That was weird. My daughter, she knows the difference in mom and Hannah. That's good. But yeah, I think if there was a situation where we needed to play a little switcheroo, I think I don't think they'd miss a beat. There's some DNA thing where she's more my daughter's mom than my brother is my daughter's dad
Starting point is 00:20:14 because of the whole twin thing. Does your wife, does she like get on you about? Never. She's the coolest. I swear that's why I initially like fell in love with her. She was never like a jealous type. Never. When I first met her, I was reckless. I swear that's why I initially fell in love with her. She was never a jealous type. When I first met her, I was reckless. I was despicable.
Starting point is 00:20:29 She knew everything about me. I was the first girl I never had to lie to. I don't know, it felt good to be honest. And finally, it was kind of like an open thing. For the first couple months, I would go out. I would not call her. I'd call her next day. I'd tell her what happened.
Starting point is 00:20:42 She'd make fun of me. She'd call me gross. And then I would just start it off like that. Super friends, casual. And then it got to the point where I could see it was like affecting her. And it got to the point where like I was like, I could see I'm hurting her. And I was, you know, getting real feelings for her. And then it just got to a point where I just didn't want to do that anymore and wanted to be committed to her.
Starting point is 00:21:00 Speaking of which, I gotta call my wife again. Speaking of which, I gotta call my wife again. She not called back? Oh, she not called back? Oh, she's called back twice. Let me see. She'll pick up this time. How much did that watch cost?
Starting point is 00:21:28 Fuck. What do you think she's doing? Sleeping with Pierre. Goddamn Pierre. How rock solid is your prenup? It's long. You know, it's crazy. Her family, they have a huge trash company in California called Harrison Trash. Her name was Haley Harrison. So they kind of brought the prenup to me. I was like, oh, this is fucking beautiful.
Starting point is 00:21:52 So her inheritance separate, my contracts separate, everything we do since we're married. Do people have to pass away for her to get her bag or is this like trickling down to her? Yeah, there's fingers crossed that there's a couple of bite the dust here, but no. Do you get along with your in-laws? Yeah, they're great.
Starting point is 00:22:10 They're big sports fans, love like the Dodgers, love, dad loves like cars and basketball. Like he's super easy to get along with. Does your size intimidate them? Yeah, a little bit. How tall is your wife? Five, eight. Oh, she's tall too.
Starting point is 00:22:22 Yeah, our kids are gonna be monsters. Or they might not be. No, but see a kid and they'll be like, how is your daughter like four? I'm like, she's one. Like it's almost weird, it's uncomfortable. Oh man. But they were like nine pounds, like 23 inches.
Starting point is 00:22:36 Like they weren't like crazy. I have a brother Chase, he was like 12 pound baby. He was insane. How tall is your brother? So I have three, I'm the tallest. They're like six four, six five, and six seven. They're all big. If you guys went in a fight against the,
Starting point is 00:22:49 what is it, the Jokic brothers. Oh, well there's only two. There's three of them actually I guess. I know, there's three. You think you could take them with the four of you? I got one brother, Chris. He's a little, he's a slippery fella I think. Team sports.
Starting point is 00:23:01 I've never gotten into playing them. I've always enjoyed watching them. You seem like a well-educated person. How many times can you listen to a coach and give two shits what they're saying? It's tough. I mean, how many speeches can you, how many adjustments can be made before you're like,
Starting point is 00:23:21 I get it, we need to score more points? Yeah, like that's what's tough, especially now in the NBA too. Like coaches, they get fired all the time. It's like they're not the fucking ones missing the shots. They're not the ones getting blown by on defense. We know what we're supposed to do. I think coaches now, especially in the NBA, it's all managing egos.
Starting point is 00:23:37 It's all substitutions and rotations. I think it's the worst job. I would never, I'd much rather this side of it where media and I can talk shit about them doing what they're doing wrong. Okay, you were the 38th pick of the 2011 NBA Draft of the Houston Rockets. Did you know that your points per game average
Starting point is 00:23:54 ranks you 12th from that class at 12.7, assists rank 11th at 2.7, rebounds 13th at 4.5. You are number nine in the plus minus at 1.1. I only bring it up to remind Houston they got a first rounder in the second round and also to show how much I love analytics. Yeah, I love that. Sounds like I should have been a much higher pick. What about playing when you were back in Houston,
Starting point is 00:24:16 playing with old ball hog? Was that fun? James Harden. I love playing with James. He was great. I got nothing about it. Yeah. I just wanted to call. Uh-huh. He was great. I got nothing about it. Yeah Just wanted to call him a ball
Starting point is 00:24:31 Is Michael Jordan Anthony Edwards father? See this there was rumors that Jimmy Butler was fucking his son a couple years ago No, I don't think so. You made more than Michael Jordan in the NBA. Do you ever bring that up to people? No, but that's awesome I didn't I didn't off the court though. Do you feel that playing in the NBA is do you ever bring that up to people? No, but that's awesome. I didn't, I didn't off the court though. Do you feel that playing in the NBA is appropriating black culture? Yeah, you know, I will talk about, it's funny because the whole race thing, obviously I'm a minority in the NBA,
Starting point is 00:24:55 and you'll even see it where they'll be like, I would dunk in a game and the announcer would be like, holy shit, like deceptively athletic from Parsons. And then like Kevin Durant would do the same thing. And they'd be like, wow, look at the length on him. And I'm like, fuck, I just did the same thing. Why am I deceptive? You're deceptive.
Starting point is 00:25:11 Yeah, that just comes with it. But now there's so many Europeans. Yeah, but that doesn't count. Do you count, like when people are talking about white, and I'm like, I can't claim, like, we can't claim Dirk. We don't get Jokic. We get like, JJ Reddick. Right.
Starting point is 00:25:23 Like he's ours. The real honkeys. Yeah get like JJ Reddick. Right. Like he's ours. The real honkies. Yeah. You played for Mark Cuban. Did you ever try to get on a shark tank and pitch him any ideas? You know what? During COVID, I was going to now after my career, I was going to go and be like the celeb one.
Starting point is 00:25:36 You know, like a fifth one over. And it never happened because of COVID ever. But he's every investment I've ever done since I've stopped playing for him, I shoot him an email. And within 20 minutes He'll respond ask these questions. He's fantastic when it comes to that shit. He really is he's a nice 90% and 90% of the time when he says pass tough market or whatever I'll pass and if I've invested in 15 things 14 of them 15 of them. He said good idea do it. He's he's great when it comes to that
Starting point is 00:26:04 Would you consider yourself were you injury prone or no? I was never hurt my entire life. My third year in the NBA, I fell chip cartilage in my knee. And from then it was just fucking chaos. I had seven surgeries in nine years, but it was all stemmed from that one micro fracture surgery, which not many people came back from the beginning. But once that happened, I was never the same.
Starting point is 00:26:26 If it happened today, is the surgery already that much better now? It is, like Patrick Beverly, he had the same surgery like three or four years ago, he's still playing. Basically there's a huge, there's a hole, I have like a hole in my knee and they try and fill it and drill in it and put a bunch and it just, it doesn't work.
Starting point is 00:26:41 Like I'm 35, I need knee replacement already. Double. Are you gonna do that? They say you gotta wait, because I guess if I can't get two, so if I need another one in 30 years, if I somehow make it 30 more years. Uh-huh. You don't plan to make it 30 more years?
Starting point is 00:26:55 Oh, no, it's a long time. I'm on a slippery slope. By the way, in Memphis, while you were in Memphis, did you worry that every time you ate barbecue that somebody was gonna shit in your food? Or get shot. That's correct. Memphis is a fun town. No, it's not. Do you worry that every time you eat barbecue that somebody's gonna shit in your food? Or get shot.
Starting point is 00:27:07 That's correct. Memphis is a fun town. No it's not. Oh it's the best. The place sucks. Oh. It was the most money I ever made and it was the most miserable I ever was.
Starting point is 00:27:15 For how long were you there? Three years. Three years in Memphis. Like the whole city smells like barbecue sauce. It's fucking dangerous. There's nothing to do at night. I would literally when I sign up. What are you talking about? You drive down to Tunica. There's nothing to do at night. I would literally sign up. What are you talking about?
Starting point is 00:27:26 You drive down to Tunica. Yeah, to the casino? Yeah. Dude, I would drive to Nashville. I skipped Tunica. I would go straight to Nashville. Nashville's nice. Yeah, but it was, it's not for me.
Starting point is 00:27:35 People always, you know, the normal people in the world feel no sympathy for you, but I think that travel, I can't even wrap my head around what you guys do. The travel's not bad. head around what you guys do. The travel's not bad. It's cause you're young. But when you think about Popovich doing that travel.
Starting point is 00:27:50 Yeah, but you're tired, but you're flying private, you're staying at Miss Carlton. You're private, what kind of private is the jet? 747 big private planes. Can everybody have their own bed? Like a lay flat, and then there's poker tables and stuff. And then you check into the hotel? No, you go and your key, they give you your key
Starting point is 00:28:08 and you just walk right in. Right, of course, no I know, I know. But you have to go and you're doing it at night, right? Usually like after a game, if it's a back to back, it sucks, you're getting in at one, two a.m. and you're playing at seven p.m. the next night. You're tired, but again, at the end of the day, you sleep in, you're not paying for anything,
Starting point is 00:28:23 there's trainers and masseuses and everything. You're talking to the people here on their side. I'm not. I'm like, nope, wouldn't do it. I mean, man, I love playing basketball. Do I wanna play twice a week? Fuck no. Yeah, well, that's the worst part.
Starting point is 00:28:39 Now that I'm retired and now when I travel and find my family, I'm like, damn, this isn't free. I gotta pay for this shit. I gotta, and that sucks. Yeah, that's where you mess up. See, like, as a comic when I travel and find my family, I'm like, damn, this isn't free. I gotta pay for this shit. And that sucks. Yeah, that's where you mess up. See, like, as a comic, I get to still be like, oh, guess what?
Starting point is 00:28:51 We're gonna do a show here. And it's like, now I'm gonna offset this whole expense. Atlanta, you're there. How long before the accident happened? Three months. By the way, who was the driver? I didn't catch his name. It was a man?
Starting point is 00:29:05 It was basically this 56 year old guy who lived at home. Third DUI. His third DUI? Complete junkie. Well, I mean, usually after three you figure things out. How's he doing? I think he's in the slammer. Is he?
Starting point is 00:29:18 I mean, fuck, he should be. Well, of course he should be. Yeah, I don't know. You don't know? I haven't checked in with him. You've never had like a like, I'm'm gonna sit down with him and forgive this now We had like this whole lawsuit thing and there was this whole thing We're basically had to choose whether I was gonna play or make a lot of money from the insurance company
Starting point is 00:29:33 And so I went to this whole thing had insurance. He had no fucking insurance Well, what insurance companies you see my own your own insurance you sued him. Yeah. Oh, are you still with them as a company? You are yeah, I mean they have billions of dollars. I didn't get that much, but yeah, they kept me around. You signed with, this is fascinating to me, your lawyers were Morgan and Morgan. They're Florida guys, and they even went to UF. And the father, John Morgan, went to high school with my parents.
Starting point is 00:29:59 Okay. At Winter Park High School. I didn't know they were anything. I just thought they were ambulance chasers when I was a kid growing up because I'd see their commercials. I think that's what they started as and they do all the corny commercials for the people, but.
Starting point is 00:30:11 But now they're just. Now they're here. Now they're everywhere. Right, and they're like worth. Multiple billions. It's crazy. That was my first call. All right.
Starting point is 00:30:20 And speaking of ambulance chasers, then I actually, during my case, I literally did a commercial for them, which is pathetic. I had like, I was so, they took me golfing first in Orlando, I get wasted. My hair was like blonde from Coachella and I did a commercial for Morgan & Morgan.
Starting point is 00:30:37 I need you to look it up. Uh-huh. To cut my, like to save money on my fees. So I now was like a mascot for Morgan & Morgan. Now you can't tell us the amount, but who paid you more, Morgan & Morgan or Memphis? Memphis, cause it was for three, it was, it was. All right.
Starting point is 00:30:55 Yeah. Well, I didn't know what kind of number they were throwing around. I mean, like, I'm sure Morgan & Morgan were saying, this guy was going to be the next, you know, Michael Jordan had he just had a few more years in the league. Yeah, you get him, yeah. How long was your actual physical recovery from the accident?
Starting point is 00:31:10 Six months to like a year. But like it's scary when you're fucking, when you're dealing with the brain, like I would literally like that'd be scenarios where I would like forget shit and I would like say the wrong thing. I would stutter and I'm like shit like that, that actually was happening that wasn't happening before.
Starting point is 00:31:24 Are you fully recovered? Yeah, I think so. What car were you driving? I would stutter and I'm like, shit like that, that actually was happening that wasn't happening before. Are you fully recovered? Yeah, I think so. What car were you driving? It's tacky to say. A Rolls-Royce. Are they good in accidents? I mean, I think it's a goddamn cruise ship.
Starting point is 00:31:35 Yeah. I mean, I guess that's the good thing. Yeah. The ambulance said if I was in a smaller car or something, that guy would have been toast. So you're telling me that buying a Rolls-Royce saved your life? Dude, life saver.
Starting point is 00:31:48 Ah, that should be your sponsor. Right, instead of Morgan & Morgan, for the people. I mean, how many more years did you really have? Three tops. Because my knees, my knees were still fucked. Your knees aren't because of the accident. No. I mean, Morgan & Morgan didn't bring that up very often.
Starting point is 00:32:05 The defense did. It was a strong defense. Were they just screaming, look at his knees. By the way, it's very humbling. You're just sitting in this like fucking meeting and this one, your lawyers tell them basically like your brain is fried. The other one's telling how you suck at basketball. You're done anyways.
Starting point is 00:32:21 I mean, what the fuck did I do besides get hit by a drunk driver? Why am I just getting shit on here left and right? Okay, so now in a healthy space, are you one of these people that's like, I wouldn't have it any other way, or would you rather that not have happened? No, I wish that would not have happened because I was healthy and I was planning on playing.
Starting point is 00:32:38 I was about to be a free agent because my contract was up too. So I was 31 years old. So I'd rather be playing basketball now. Okay, so you didn't make enough money to be like, no, it's worth it to go out this way. No, I did, but I would still rather not go through that. I know.
Starting point is 00:32:51 I will see, like, you know, my contract over at Comedy Central was potentially terminated wrongfully with like five years left on it when the pandemic happened. And now looking back on the situation, I wouldn't have it any other way. Yeah. when the pandemic happened. And now looking back on the situation, I wouldn't have it any other way. I would much rather get paid and not work.
Starting point is 00:33:11 Well, yeah, well, that's what I did for three years in Memphis, which is why I'm like Bin Laden in that town. They think that I can't go back there. Right, but you're saying that you would rather play basketball than get paid to not play basketball. I ended up doing fucking commercials for them instead of playing basketball. Yeah, but that's because you had a head injury. You should be able to sue them a little bit.
Starting point is 00:33:29 I should. They played me. They took advantage of a concussed kid. How many times are you wearing a pair of shoes in the NBA? Are they brand new? No, not brand new. They're always broken in? You change your shoes like once a week. Once a week.
Starting point is 00:33:44 Yeah, you kind of give them in and out. your shoes like once a week. Once a week. Yeah, you kind of give them in and out. You want to have a little wear and tear on them, but then once they kind of give a little bit, you switch them out. What if you're on the bench? What if you don't play? You still switch? I think they've got a lot more life, though.
Starting point is 00:33:55 Okay. But you're still practicing with them. You're still shooting around. Then if you're not playing, that means you're actually practicing and working harder than the guys that are actually playing. So you still got to change them out. Who was your shoe sponsor? I was all over. I was Nike, and then I was Adidas, then I actually playing. So you still gotta change them out. Who was your shoe sponsor? I was all over.
Starting point is 00:34:06 I was Nike and then I was Adidas and then I went Chinese. You still Chinese? No. Do you have a shoe sponsor still? No. Have you ever lit old sneakers from like the 80s and 90s? They're so heavy. Oh, they're awful.
Starting point is 00:34:20 I can't imagine. When do you watch these cats playing like Chuck Taylors and stuff? Well, at least those were light. Even like the Jordans. Like I can't play like Jordan 11s or cats playing like Chuck Taylors and stuff. Well, at least those were light. Even like the Jordans. Like I can't play like Jordan 11s or like they're insane. They're so chunky and.
Starting point is 00:34:29 Do you have a stupid shoe collection? I do. I have a lot of shoes, but like I just, I don't wear them. Like I don't wear them. Like all the high top Jordan ones and fours and 11s. I love those back in the day. I'm not going to like wear them out. I'm not into, I mean, I have a ton of shoes, but I don't.
Starting point is 00:34:42 What do you like? You like dunks? What? You like Nike dunks? No. What do you like? You like dunks? What? You like Nike dunks? No. What do you got? What are you dealing with? I wear Fendi.
Starting point is 00:34:49 Oh, you bougie bitch. How much are you making? Huh? Off this? Yeah. Fine. You still doing any modeling? No, no.
Starting point is 00:35:03 I remember driving down La Cienega. I would be going to the comedy clubs at night to work out my material. And I saw you, your sexiness up on La Cienega. I think you're dry humping a motorcycle with a hot chick. And I was just like, fuck this guy. God damn it, he's got it all. Buffalo jeans, that was.
Starting point is 00:35:22 But then you got hit by a car. No, that was, we did like a shoot in like Key West and it was like, there was this like Brazilian model girl and it was, I remember it was like legitimate, like soft poured and they aired it during the Super Bowl. Thank God those jeans were tight. Now you were probably, I would say, I mean, this is, this is biased, I guess.
Starting point is 00:35:41 You were probably the sexiest person in the NBA when you played. Did you agree with that or no? Ah. Ah. Yeah, I mean, I think. You were up there. I think I did pretty well.
Starting point is 00:35:52 You're a good looking fella. Thanks, man. Now, who do you think currently is the sexiest man in the NBA? Currently, there's the new young kid on the Thunder SGA people love. He's got like the skims deal. No, it's Kelly Oubre. Kelly Oubbre's got great eyes. God damn it is he beautiful
Starting point is 00:36:08 He's tall he's light skin every time I they do a close-up on him. I'm like, oh get the camera off get the camera off I'm gonna get a boner. He's definitely not ugly. I gotta give you a gift. Everybody comes on the show gets a gift I love that We're do Jersey swap So you want to do We're gonna do a jersey swap. That's how you wanna do it? Oh no. I just took this off. What do we got? My jersey.
Starting point is 00:36:31 Yay! I love that. The UCF, the You Can't Finish. Yeah. I graduated. Can you sign it? Yeah, I'm gonna sign this for you. Where are you supposed to sign a jersey?
Starting point is 00:36:41 I mean, do you have it? What color is the marker? Well, it's gonna be black most likely. Well, if it's silver, I'd go, no, if it's black, go here. I'll sign that. I'm going to put my shirt back on. Yeah, why not? I just, I took my shirt off because I wanted to say jersey swap.
Starting point is 00:36:52 Yeah. This is, this is a... What is this? No, this, I don't, I didn't open it. Let me tell you something about what this gift is. My friend who went, she's going to be furious that I'm giving this away. Are you regifting me? Yeah, that's all I do.
Starting point is 00:37:06 So my friend sends this to my kid and I'm like, oh, we already have this. She told me what it was before it came. And then she goes, we'll just send it back to customer service. And that's what my wife is gonna do. And I'm like, I'm not doing that. That's fucking too much work.
Starting point is 00:37:22 So I'm just gonna give it. All right, I got a knife. Yeah. So you know what it is. I think, unless it's not that, there could be something else in there. It's just, I think it's supposed to just be like a little thing for a girl.
Starting point is 00:37:37 How old's your girl? Two and a half? Nah, whatever, she might not. It's probably something for her baby dolls. It was probably, she's a doctor now though. She went to UF. Really? I got a lot of UF.
Starting point is 00:37:50 Oh, it's all my family. It's like a little stroller for her babies or something. Oh, yeah. Little basket stroller. Yeah, but it's got the thing that goes over. You'll like it. Oh, that's nice. But we already have it.
Starting point is 00:38:04 So I'm like, now you come home today, you give her a gift and she's like, what? Thank you. Wow, thanks. She's gonna love it. Put it on the floor. Yeah. Let's talk fan.
Starting point is 00:38:14 Are you a gambler? I am a big gambler. I'm a huge gambler, but not huge stakes. I like to gamble on everything, but I don't put huge wagers down. You spend real money? Yeah. Why?
Starting point is 00:38:27 I just, I love it. It's like, it's my thing. So do I. Yeah, it's my thing. But if you, the problem is once you bring the numbers up, you have to keep them up. I know, and it's, you're not, over time you're going to lose.
Starting point is 00:38:37 Yeah, I don't, I can easily, if I bet $1,000, I'm just, I'm terrified of the loss. Do you watch it and sweat it out? Yes. Oh, see, I'll put a lot more than that, and I won't even notice, I won't of the loss. Do you watch it and sweat it out? Yes. Oh, see I'll put a lot more than that and I won't even notice it. It's a sickness. You know my favorite bet in the NBA is the first of 15.
Starting point is 00:38:54 You like that bet. I love it. See, I don't like this, parlay's, I don't like those kind, I don't even like prop bets. I like a teaser for like an NFL. NBA bets are stupid because who can cover 12 points? It's so hard to bet NBA. I am still furious at Klay Thompson for what he did in Memphis.
Starting point is 00:39:11 Maybe two years ago, I had it, it was a five game parlay. Golden State was my final one. They had to cover and he gets fouled with no time left on the clock. Missed a few. And all he has to do is hit one to cover. He missed both. And I was like, well, Clay.
Starting point is 00:39:29 I'm telling you, dude, it's hard. I'm not saying that I wished horrible things that day, but fuck. But fuck him. I was, I couldn't handle it. It was funny is when you're playing too, like I never, you don't know that when you're playing. It's not like Clay Thompson has any clue of the script.
Starting point is 00:39:43 But then you watch these bad beats and it's crazy, man. My favorite NFL bet is over, under, two people throwing a pass in a game. Like a backup or something? Right, a backup or a lateral then into a throw. I love it. Oh, gosh. So you go deep, you get weird on the bets.
Starting point is 00:40:03 Yes. You don't just do a good old fashioned spread or money line? No, I do all those. You do? Yeah, I do everything, but I do small wagers. You have been coin-taught, you've been betting how long the fucking national anthem has been. No, that's not a real bet.
Starting point is 00:40:16 It used to be. How about the streaker? Did you see this in the Super Bowl? The fucking guy bet like 300 grand that there'd be a streaker during the Super Bowl, and then he streaked and paid 5k They got to get out and then he ended up netting crazy money. No, I don't buy that I call bullshit on that whole story
Starting point is 00:40:33 You do a show on a fan duel. Mm-hmm hosted by Michelle Beatle. Yeah, I love her too. She's fantastic She's really funny. Did she get canned by ESPN? Yeah, I think it's one of those things you can't fire me cuz I quit. Uh-huh She's fantastic. She's really funny. Did she get canned by ESPN or did she left? I think it's one of those things you can't fire me because I quit. Uh huh. You know what I mean? But she's good. She's awesome.
Starting point is 00:40:52 She's a spitfire. She is hilarious. She knows her shit. She's vulgar. She's one of the boys. She's San Antonio, isn't she? Die Hard. Oh yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:00 And now all of a sudden a Knicks fan during the playoffs. Eddie here is just cares so much about the Spurs. I don't understand it. Like he's a grown man. I am a grown man. I'm gonna, I shouldn't even say that, but like his dog is named Duncan. Oh really?
Starting point is 00:41:14 He has a personalized license plate that says Duncan. Really? Duncan. Well, don't tell people your exact license plate. You fucking idiot. What's your social, Eddie? But I'm like, at what level, like, these men that are older than the people that they idolize,
Starting point is 00:41:31 it's so weird. Yeah, like, my buddy's a huge Packers fan. Like, it'll piss him off when they lose, like, he's losing sleep. Like, I love the Gators, but like, if they lose, like, I'm not thrilled, but it's like, it's not changing my fucking day Uh-huh. I know grown-ass men that like are not going to work the next day. I'm a die-hard Heat fan
Starting point is 00:41:51 Yeah, everything Miami. I care about everything. You love the big three. You love the whole when LeBron went there. Yeah. Oh, I We're gonna win a bunch great I love the decision where he took his time. Yeah, did the whole press conference? Sure. I'm all I'm you like the decision where he took his talents to the whole press conference? Sure, I'm all for the theater. Why not? I know, and none of that bothers me. But I'm always about the team. And as soon as you leave, I fucking hate you immediately.
Starting point is 00:42:14 That's fair. But I'll tell you something that's embarrassing about how I can watch a game. I like to find out if they won or lost before I watch. And then. Oh really? And then if they lost. Like you Tivo it?
Starting point is 00:42:28 Yeah, well I don't Tivo it because. That's still a thing? No, I don't, it's a thing. But if I know they won, I get very excited and I can watch it. If they lost. If you know they lost, you still go back and watch it? No.
Starting point is 00:42:41 What was your team growing up? Did you care? Orlando Magic. You cared about them? Oh, Shaq and Penny. That was good. What's funny is I used to fucking love Grant Hill and he comes to Orlando and this fucking guy was always hurt and I remember hating him
Starting point is 00:42:52 and then fast forward my career, I go, I'm always hurt and I'm like, why do these people hate me? I'm like, oh, that's right. I once saw Grant Hill checking out of a hotel in South Beach and I couldn't believe how long he was complaining about his bill. Like an extra titty on his bill.
Starting point is 00:43:09 I was just sitting there going, why is he whining about this? Like, just walk away. Do you check out of hotels? I don't either, I just leave. Well, I saw Grant Hill yelling at somebody. So I was like, I'm going to listen. We probably should,
Starting point is 00:43:20 because our bill is probably a little... No, I got Pete. Pete takes care of it. I had a boy, Pete. I need a Pete. Oh, you don't have a Pete? No. You got to get a Pete. Get a little. No, I got Pete. Pete takes care of it. Not a boy, Pete. I need a Pete. Oh, you don't have a Pete? No. You gotta get a Pete.
Starting point is 00:43:27 Get a Pete. Or I'm probably paying double. Have you been back to Gainesville? Yeah, so I went back this past year. I actually got inducted into the Hall of Fame. Thanks for having those and your fucking 38 questions and not that. Hall of Fame?
Starting point is 00:43:42 Like Hall of Fame for University of Florida? Oh, that's exciting. Yeah, let's dive into that. No, sorry. Congratulations. No, thanks, man. But yeah, I went back this last year. I try to go once a year for a football game.
Starting point is 00:43:51 Here's what I think of, if you're there for a football game, great. If you're not, it's a little depressing. Oh yeah. You're like, oh no, it's not as cute as I remember Gainesville being. Well, now you go back and just, yeah, I'm old and it's creepy if I'm at the ball.
Starting point is 00:44:03 It's just, it's not the same. This is my last attempt. I want to know who this girl was. We need a name. Can I write down a name that I think it is? Yep. No. It's not?
Starting point is 00:44:18 Mm-mm. Well, she's. We got a new name. Oh God. So you're telling me there's two of them? This whole time? You could have been getting double. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:44:31 Oh, man. What's that? Chandler, thank you for being on the show. All the best and I'll see you around. Yeah, thanks, dude. Appreciate it. Thank you. Hey, parents.
Starting point is 00:44:44 Looking for something fun to listen to in the car with your kids? Blippi and Mika have a brand new podcast, Blippi and Mika's Road Trip. Each week, the Blippi Mobile will take your kids to amazing places. They'll explore and listen to the sounds of amazing places like farms, race tracks, the moon, and even construction sites. That's right, Flippy. Follow your ears, what do you hear? And they'll meet new friends along the way. Alongside Flippy and Mika, your kids will learn awesome new things about the places
Starting point is 00:45:30 and things they see and hear. It's a fun, interactive listening experience for the whole family. Listen to Flippy and Mika's Road Trip on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Every week on Talk Easy with Sam Fragoso, I invite an artist, writer, or politician to come to the table and speak from the heart in ways I imagine you haven't heard from them before. Some of my favorites are with Tom Hanks, Margaret Atwood, Questlove, Cate Blanchett, and Oscar Isaac. If that sounds like a varied group of people, it's because it is. I always
Starting point is 00:46:06 wanted to make a show where one week we could sit with a politician like Beto or work, the next an author like Min Jin Lee or TV titans like Bill Hader and Quinta Brunson. Basically, this is a podcast driven by curiosity and an abundance of research, conversations where people actually Hey, I'm Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose. On Purpose's mission is to create impactful conversations to help you become happier, healthier and more healed. This week I talked to Tiffany Haddish in a hilarious, deep, thoughtful interview where we dive into family trauma, grief, sobriety, love and dating. You'll be laughing, crying and have so many impactful
Starting point is 00:47:07 takeaways after this interview. I had this like, you know, homie, lover, friend for a long time. He's very disrespectful to me, very kind of messed up to me. But in my mind, we could get married. We had the most beautiful babies. He handsome, I'm pretty. Like it would be so cool.
Starting point is 00:47:23 He's smart and intellectual. I'm kind of smart. I. Like it would be so cool. He's smart and intellectual. I'm kind of smart, I think. Like it would be fun. We have the best conversations. Like we have fun, but then he would treat me like crap. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Starting point is 00:47:40 Trust me, you won't want to miss this one. Posh Show! costs. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one. Well, Carl, that backfired miserably. Now I want to have sex with Chandler Parsons too. Chandler Parsons! That's just fun to do.
Starting point is 00:48:05 A lot of people are turned off by the NBA because, uh, the players complain about fouls too much. After every single play, they're, they're, they're turning to the ref to complain. I have a solution for this that I think everybody would enjoy. When you complain about a foul, the ref immediately stops the game. And then they go check to see if you were right. And if you're wrong, the next time out, they bring out one of your family members or whoever you have watching the game in attendance. They bring them out during the little half time where they, you know, sometimes
Starting point is 00:48:42 a lot of like a lady spinning plates or doing some entertainment. Now the entertainment is we bring out one of your friends or your family members and we cut a finger off. That's gonna be entertaining to watch. Sure. You're gonna wanna go to the games like, oh yeah, I hear they sometimes cut family members fingers off.
Starting point is 00:49:01 And then it's gonna stop people from complaining. They're gonna be like, oh shit, I better get this right. Cause my mom's only got two fingers left. Season ticket. This is my, this is my, uh, this is my fix. I want to plug, uh, my standup dates, but I also want to say something. When shows are sold out, don't go. People always just buy tickets secondhand.
Starting point is 00:49:23 I've heard people say, oh, you know, I spent $300 for a ticket and it was just okay. Well, fuck you. My comedy's not worth $300. Okay? You buy them right when they come out. Oh, the tickets are $59 or something. I can give you an amazing night for $59.
Starting point is 00:49:42 $300? No, that's not the land I'm in. That's your fault. There's a formula for my comedy. That's why, that's why this works right now. Listening to Carl and I is entertaining. Why? Because you've spent $0.
Starting point is 00:50:02 If this was $300, you'd be like, you fucking better make that dog dance or something. All right. So anyway, buy tickets to the ones that aren't sold out. Like I'm sure Louisville's got tons left. Now Indianapolis, there's a second show there. So come see me in Vegas. You get it. All right.
Starting point is 00:50:24 Don't forget the goat. Every Thursday a new episode drops. Boyswearpink.com. Nothing cuter than seeing a toddler in pink. I've always said. Speaking of toddlers, another one of my son's riveting bedtime stories. We'll see you next week. Once upon a time in a land, there were two little toddlers shaped like a tree. We'll see you next week. but they went outside they don't enter the 2g and they won't have the flame
Starting point is 00:51:07 and then the 2g and it was so sun so one day the Oreo's in the Oreo's are Oreo's Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos,
Starting point is 00:51:36 Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Oreos, Ore Hello, acclaimed comics writer and notorious Scott Summers hater Rosie Knight. Well hello Emmy-winning podcaster and totally unbiased Targaryen royal supporter Jason Concepcion. Somehow the X-Ray Vision podcast has returned. And like always, we'll be here every week. You'll hear from TV writers, actors, comics, creators, pop culture critics. Nothing is off the table. Listen to X-Ray Vision on the iHeart radio app,
Starting point is 00:52:07 Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey parents, looking for something fun to listen to in the car with your kids? Blippi and Mika have a brand new podcast, Blippi and Mika's Road Trip. Each week, the Blippi mobile will take your kids to amazing places. Your kids will learn awesome new things about the places and things they see and hear. It's a fun, interactive listening experience for the whole family. Listen to
Starting point is 00:52:36 Blippi and Mika's Road Trip on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Tamika D. Mallory. And it's your boy, Mike Saunders General. And we are your hosts of TMI. And catch us every Wednesday on the Black Effect Network, breaking down social and civil rights issues, pop culture and politics in hopes of pushing our culture
Starting point is 00:52:59 forward to make the world a better place for generations to come. Listen to TMI on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. That's right.

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