Tosh Show - My First Major Golf Champion - Michelle Wie West
Episode Date: April 9, 2024Daniel chats with retired golfing phenom Michelle Wie about 3 irons and golf carts, the lack of broadcast coverage in professional female sports, and also the importance of prenups.See omnystudio.com/...listener for privacy information.
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Hi, I'm Martha Stewart and we're back with a new season of my podcast.
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What's the most annoying thing someone has yelled
after you at T-Off?
I would hate, like when I would hit a shot
in Korea for some reason, like they go,
tsk tsk tsk tsk, and like you would hear that.
And I was like, oh, that would just get under my skin
so much.
Did people ever just yell, we?
Oh.
We!
That would've been fun.
Oh yeah.
Good evening, everyone.
I'm your host, Daniel Tosh.
Eddie?
Daniel. Guess what kind of mood I'm in?
Good mood.
Make a real guess, Eddie.
Bad mood.
Fuming.
Fuming.
Fuming.
Why am I fuming?
I'll tell you why, Eddie, because I'm not supposed to be here.
And I know people love to hear sexy rich men complain.
So here goes.
Okay.
I shoot this in the afternoon.
Okay.
And then on the way home,
there's a mudslide on the PCH highway,
traffic down to one lane, both directions, gridlocked
for miles.
I got to get home.
I need to see my family just sitting there, falling asleep at the wheel, not trusting
the self-driving mechanism.
I get a few minutes in here and there.
I get a few minutes in here and there. I get home.
I get a call from John here, the producer.
I don't answer.
That's 45 minutes.
I'll never fucking get back if I answer.
Let that go to voice mail.
Then an immediate text.
Hey, I just want to go over some audio issues.
Oh, fuck.
Here we go.
Time to call him back.
Sure as shit.
All the work that we did earlier in the day, he's like, is for not.
You know, doing a podcast is so fun because you have such a small group of people. Normally, like if I'm on a television show
and someone fucks up, it's like, who did it?
And like 15 people say it was 20 other people.
You know, you never get satisfaction.
But on a podcast, it's like, I'm like, who fucked up?
And he's like, Dylan.
It's just, we just, we just know right away.
It's fucking Dylan's fault.
It's clear.
Dylan. It's Dylan.
So then they're like, well, let's, we're gonna have to re-record.
I'm like, I'm coming back right now.
Put my kids down to bed.
Just get in my car,
don't have enough electricity to get here.
That's okay.
Put it in eco mode, not as fun.
And here we are, so now I'm re-recording
and that's why I'm fuming.
And you say, well, well, get over it.
Yeah, that's a tiny thing in the scheme of things.
Oh, really?
You don't think this could butterfly effect
into my kid not getting into college or worse?
Dying?
And me missing it?
Like I could have been there.
I could have heard his last words.
Way to go, Dylan.
Way to go, Dylan.
You killed my son.
I don't even like to joke about that.
Now you're saying, well, it could
butterfly effect the other direction
and he could become one of the
greatest inventors of our generation
because of this one huge fuck up.
Let's get going.
Hey, let's do the segment.
Hello from Tosh Show.
That's where I single out a subscriber and give him a personal hello.
This one is from Tyler.
He's listening in Toronto.
It doesn't say Toronto, Canada.
I don't know.
Are there other Toronto's?
There's got to be.
There's got to be like anytime you're in like Kansas or Kentucky,
there's always like a dumb,
oh, we got a London, Kentucky.
Mm-hmm.
Anyway, he's from Toronto.
He used to watch Tosh.0 with his dad.
His dad isn't around anymore,
but Tyler likes to think he would enjoy the podcast too.
Well, I got news for you, Tyler.
There's a good chance he wouldn't like it,
because what I've found is this show is very hit and miss.
Some weeks, a lot of people like it.
And then other weeks, people are real homophobic.
Eddie?
Yes.
You haven't even asked why I'm dressed like an idiot.
I mean, it's a trying day already. I didn't want to get into it.
Maybe you're in the middle of some kind of a project.
You thought I was playing poker with the boys?
Yeah.
Back in the house?
No, no, no.
This is not my poker outfit.
Masters.
Oh, the Masters.
The Masters.
Golf.
This is my golf attire.
Oh, the Masters.
Can we still call it the Masters?
It seems outdated.
I think we should go with the primaries.
I hear you got a video for me.
Oh, I got a video.
Golf video?
Yep.
Hey, why don't you tee it up?
Oh, hey there.
All right.
I've been in the biz.
What's every head?
What's every head? What's every head?
What's every head?
Jonesy.
Oh no.
You're not.
Cover your face.
Cover your face.
Cover your face.
Criky.
Those blokes down under sure do know how to have a right good time with their mates after
a few grogs.
I don't even know if this video is Australian.
Could be New Zealand.
Oh man, New Zealand.
They always get the short end of the shaft.
Did you notice that video?
Not a single black person or woman in that clubhouse either.
Things just don't change.
Do you like golf?
Do you watch it, Eddie?
Happy Gilmore.
Happy Gilmore.
Yeah. I'm not going to turn it if it's on.
I grew up on a public golf course.
I lived on a par five.
Anyway, one day I took my dad's driver out and I happy Gilmored it.
Like took like a running start and swung and the head sailed off of it.
Just snapped the head.
Probably went 60 yards and I lied to my father.
I told him, I don't know, I just hit it weird.
And it snapped.
I couldn't tell him that I was clowning around
on the golf course.
Cause that's something you don't do.
You don't clown around on the golf course.
But Adam Sandler, he had infiltrated me.
Did you ever fess up to it?
No, this was it.
This was the fess up.
This is great.
I was pretty proud of myself, solid contact.
Anyway, so you don't watch golf.
I love golf.
I don't actually love it.
I find it a bit time consuming
and takes itself way too seriously.
I mean, don't even get me started
on how sexist the sport is,
but that's why I wanted to sit down
and interview my favorite former pro golfer. Enjoy. Four!
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Hi, I'm Martha Stewart,
and we're back with a new season of my podcast.
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This year we bring a whole new group of guests to answer the same seven
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Posh show.
My guest today is a literal child prodigy. She's like Mozart.
If Mozart was an Asian female who played golf
instead of piano, violin, horn, flute, harbo-bo,
please welcome Michelle Wee.
That was in, I did that in the golf whisper voice.
Oh, got it.
Yeah, I like that, that was good.
And do you play any instruments?
Piano.
God, damn it.
Okay, you suck, that's good.
Yeah.
You grew up in Hawaii, Oahu.
I did.
The worst of the islands.
What?
Agreed?
No, absolutely not.
Are you serious?
That's offensive.
No. Okay, wait, That's offensive. No.
Okay, wait, wait, wait.
I need to know though, where did you stay
when you were in Oahu?
Well, I dated a girl from Oahu for a long time.
So I would always spend time there.
Okay, which part of the island though?
I mean, I'd spend tons of time in the North Shore,
stuff like that as well.
Okay, yeah.
I was scared you were gonna say you stayed in Waikiki.
No, no, no.
I mean, I get Honolulu fine,
but in general, the whole island.
It's great. Because you get the option to go out,
get great food, great shopping,
but you also can go to the waterfalls and surfing
and all that other stuff.
Do you speak pidgin?
Yeah.
You do?
It comes out when I'm home.
Like, when I first came to the mainland,
like people were like, what is she saying?
You just talking story?
Oh, how's it brother?
Are the stereotypes true about how much pressure
immigrant parents put on American kids to succeed?
You know, I don't think it's the parents
that put the pressure.
I think it's like the child puts the pressure on themselves.
Like, I don't know, for me, like I-
I'm only talking for you, yeah.
There wasn't tons of pressure on you?
No, I mean, I think they just wanted me
to experience a lot of things.
They like literally put me in everything, right?
Like, you know, put me in soccer, baseball, gymnastics,
swimming, ballet, like, you know, I was in everything.
But that's pressure too.
I guess, yes and no.
I didn't feel it that way.
I wanted to be great, like ever since I was little.
Like I put a lot of pressure on myself.
Like I wanted to be a professional athlete
since I could ever remember.
Well, I did too, but I didn't want to put the work in.
And then my parents helped me to put the work in,
but I think, you know.
Or made you?
No, I mean, at times, yes, made me.
They made me go to Korean school. I didn't want to go
to Korean school on a Saturday. What's Korean school like?
It's awful. It's really boring. You get a school on like 9 a.m. on Saturday and you're there all day.
Your family's originally from South Korea. What made them decide to move to America?
My dad wanted to be a professor. So he came, got his PhD at UPenn and then
got a teaching job at UH. Your mother golfed, your father didn't.
Yeah, my mom taught my dad.
Does he play now?
Not anymore.
I think they're trying to get back into it.
I just got them into pickleball.
I love pickleball.
I know, same.
My mom's good.
She's pretty ruthless.
She slams everything.
Not gonna be able to slam it
if I'm just constantly dinking.
You just wanted to say the word dinking.
Uh huh. So stupid. The terms are so stupid.
I know.
How tall are your parents?
My dad's 6'2", my mom's 5'7". Very tall for Koreans.
For what?
For Koreans.
Why did you go to college anyway?
I really wanted to go to college.
And plus when I turned pro when I was 16, my parents were like, you have to go to college anyway? I really wanted to go to college. And plus, when I turned pro when I was 16,
my parents were like, you have to go to college.
See, that might be the immigrant parent pressure
that I was talking about.
Yeah, but it's also, I think the reason why they did it
was for that to me to have a normal life.
I mean, I think-
How's your normal life going?
Great, actually.
There's nothing normal about your life.
There's so many things that are normal in my life.
I mean, my parents had the opportunity
to take me to IMG Academy.
You know all about it, Florida.
I mean, they were like,
oh, you're not gonna have a normal life there.
And they kept me in my high school.
I had normal friends.
For the most part, I was pretty normal.
And then went to college.
What was your backup school when you applied to Stanford?
UCLA, USC.
And I didn't even open the envelope.
You serious?
Stanford was my dream.
My dad didn't get in Stanford,
so I wanted to prove to him that I was smarter than him.
Oh, okay.
I thought you were gonna rub it in Stanford's face.
You messed up with my father, but no.
No, I'm rubbing it in his face.
I still do to this day.
By the way, everyone talks about like you're the youngest,
you know, whatever, youngest to qualify,
youngest to win, all that stuff.
Do you know what would be great though now?
Because, do you say you're retired or no?
Yeah, oh yeah.
I have a problem with that too.
Oh, why?
Here's why I have a problem with it.
Because like, just, okay, just stop playing. Uh-huh. You don't have to say with that too. Here's why I have a problem with it.
Because like, just, okay, just stop playing. You don't have to say you're retired.
What if there was just like one tournament a year
that you love to play and like,
I'm sure you could qualify for it if you wanted to,
or at least try or get an exemption, whatever.
Why not just be like, yeah,
and I don't feel like doing it this year,
so I'm not going to do it this year.
Why does it have to be a formal announcement of retirement in any profession?
So for me, it's because everyone just kept asking me,
when are you coming back, when are you coming back, when are you coming back?
And I was just like, I'm done.
OK.
And they're like, oh, but not really.
So like, I felt like announcing it, people now believe me,
kind of like leave me alone, be like, don't ask me if I want to play.
But now they're asking me if I want to play in a seniors tour,
which is rude, because I'm 34 years old.
That's very rude.
Like, okay, now I was the youngest to do all this stuff,
and now they're like, are you playing on a seniors tour?
Well, no, here's what I...
I could be the youngest to play in a seniors tour.
You're the youngest,
all these titles for the youngest or whatever.
I think that would be amazing, though,
if you said, stay retired for whatever,
however long you want,
and then wait till you're like 85, 90,
and then try to be the oldest so you can have both titles.
That would be amazing.
My body would break in half.
No, you're gonna be fine.
Medicine's gonna be amazing.
You're probably healthy.
I think there's no issue here.
Okay, we'll see.
I never understand, like golf is a good one,
tennis is the same, whereas like you're ranked
third in the world, or you're, you know, 150th.
I think all of that stuff is like,
I would just keep going forever.
If I was like 150th in the world,
but I used to be third, I'd be like,
yeah, but that's still amazing.
I'm 150th out of something that millions of people do.
I don't know, when you play, you don't think about it that way.
When you're 150th, it sucks.
Okay, but that's insanity.
That there's only 149 people better than you at something.
Golf is so pure in your leaderboard,
just being who made the most money.
Yeah.
I wish all sports were like that.
But like, it's pretty, I mean, it's fun
because it all comes down to you and it's
just a matter of how you play. It's stressful though. I mean because if you don't
make it past Friday you make zero dollars and you're in the negative.
But you mean you say you make zero dollars but you know something tells me
the swoosh check doesn't care if you made it past Friday.
I think they care. Well they care of course but you know I mean I had it lucky
but yeah it is stressful. Well sure I mean, they care, of course, but you know what I'm saying. No, I mean, I had it lucky, but yeah, it is stressful.
Well, sure, I know.
Okay, fine, you're lucky, but you earned it
and you were sellable and it was fun.
There's a reason that Nike pays you.
You wanna know why?
Because it works.
Yeah, people care more about what Kim Kardashian
has to say than our president at times.
Nobody cares what Kim has to say.
We just wanna look at her butt.
I do find her show fascinating.
It used to bother me when people would say
about Kim Kardashian or the Kardashian,
like what do they do?
They don't do anything.
It's like they film a show.
There's cameras in their face all day long.
Like that's horrible.
That's hard.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean they are machines.
The makeup and the hair alone, like sitting there.
Somebody touches my face that long, ugh. I mean, they are machines. The makeup and the hair alone, like sitting there,
somebody touches my face that long, ugh.
No, I don't like it either.
Would you do a reality show?
No, I can't do cameras in my face.
What if they're just like hidden throughout your house?
That'd be terrifying.
Webcams, huh?
Remember back in the dial-up day?
Did you ever log into one of those houses?
What was that weird internet website where you can go on and you can see random people?
Was it something roulette?
Oh, chat roulette.
Yeah, chat roulette.
That was weird.
That was just chances to see penises.
It was like every eighth person was a penis.
Let's be clear.
I forgot about that.
I was like, all right, put it in your name.
Just click off as fast as you can.
The guy is just sitting there dangling in front of the camera.
That was no good.
Do you actually like golf?
Yeah, I do.
Like today?
Yeah.
Okay.
Is it easier at 13 to block out the noise or 30?
100%.
13.
We had no Twitter, Instagram, Facebook.
So when I played and when I played in PGA Tour events, I didn't have to post about it on social media
and like, you know, see all that, you know?
If you didn't have the AOL dial up and Google,
I mean, I don't think Google was even around.
You didn't have dial up when you were a kid?
Yeah, Google.
You're still young.
I had dial up.
Barely.
Yeah.
Like for a week.
Oh my God.
I had to, I had to, the Floppiness, Limewire.
You're 34! Yeahpy disk, lime wire.
You're 34.
Yeah.
Oh, all right.
Do you know when Google was started?
Do I know how, what?
Do you know what the first year Google was born?
No.
2002.
Oh.
So yeah.
Here's my stance on golf.
I've been around the game my entire life.
We've always had a home on a golf course in Florida.
So, and it was just shoved on me and I despised it.
Where in Florida?
Central Titusville near Kennedy Space Center.
So do you see like the,
you see things go off at Kennedy Space Center?
Like that'd be cool.
Yeah, I wasn't there for the challenger
if that's your next question.
No.
I mean like, I don't know if there was, like,
test runs or, you know what I'm saying?
They'd launch lots of rockets and stuff like that.
You used to go out for them every time
to watch them from school.
They would let you outside.
But then after the one bad one,
they were like, maybe let's not have this conversation
with kids.
My dad did the worst job of how to get a kid into golf.
He only let me have two clubs, a three iron and a putter.
What?
Right, right.
Like a maniac, like a child abuser.
A three iron?
He's like, if you can hit a three iron, you can hit any club.
This is what this idiot did.
Second thing he did that's insane, you never get a golf cart.
What?
Yes, because you need to think about your next shot
as you're walking up to it.
That's not true.
That's none of it.
I swear, I swear on everything.
This is what my dad did to me.
And I'm like, guess what, dad?
I hate this game.
I'm never gonna play it.
Boom, dead to me.
You wanna know what I did on golf courses my whole life?
Two things.
One, when it rained heavily,
I would skimboard on the puddles
and get chased by the Rangers.
And then the second thing I did was
we would just hunt golf balls
and then sell them in our backyard
instead of a lemonade stand.
Yeah, that makes sense, too.
Those are my only, but anyway,
so golf has been around my life,
my family all plays, everybody plays, I don't.
Are caddies really necessary?
I think it brings in sort of like a team element to it.
I mean, I can't imagine carrying my bag for four days.
It seems that's what I take from it.
It seems like it's kind of more a laziness.
Yes, 100%.
I mean, if I would totally take a golf cart
and go out by myself, but I think it helps pace of play.
It just makes it go faster.
I think it brings in a cool element to the game.
Did you ever have a female caddy?
Yeah.
Always?
I don't know.
No, I did.
I had some.
I had two or three.
Did they complain a lot?
Like, why don't you carry it for a few holes?
No.
Do any guys have female caddies?
Yeah, they do.
Never mind.
There was a very famous female caddy, Fanny,
caddy for Nick Faldo, he was number one in the world
for a long time, she's a legend.
Golf is widely regarded as sometimes sexist, racist,
elitist, all the ists.
I agree.
How much of that did you experience?
You know, funny, I grew up in Hawaii,
like the racist part, I didn't experience it at all
because it's mostly Asians in Hawaii.
It was a culture shock when I, you know, came to my first event.
It was in North Carolina, went to Florida, lived in Florida for a bit,
and definitely experienced it there.
But yeah, I mean, golf is definitely perceived to be elitist.
It definitely has that element to it.
But I think there's like a new wave of golf coming in
that is really breaking all the stereotypes.
You know, I just joined the ownership team
for Los Angeles Golf Club.
It's part of the new TGL League,
which is like a new simulator technology-driven golf league.
You know, just not be part of a country club.
I mean, I grew up on a Muni, a public golf course.
Like, I'm all about that.
But yeah, it's definitely elitist.
It definitely can be all the is.
But I think golf is trying to break away from it.
Oh, the traveling.
Did you fly private?
No, I play female sports.
I know, but you're worth a ton.
According to Celebrity Net Worth,
is it over or under your actual worth?
I don't even know what they said.
I'll tell you what they said without anybody knowing.
Now, is it way over?
It's pretty, pretty good.
Interesting, interesting.
Don't look at my paper.
Let's talk about equal pay.
I was watching the US Open
and they were just bragging and bragging
about how the women's had the same prize money
as the men for 50 years, they were celebrating.
But there was a few people that was like, yes,
but there was sponsorships that kind of made up
the difference.
So it wasn't like, they weren't truly,
they weren't truly like that cutting edge.
Now, here's my thing with who should get paid more
and then you tell me why I'm wrong. I always feel like, well, it's just based off
of how much you draw.
Is that wrong?
It's true.
I mean, yeah, I think with equal pay,
I think it comes down to how much women's games
are being broadcasted.
People have to have the opportunity
to be able to watch women's sports.
I mean, look at that volleyball game
where like 90,000 people
showed up for a women's volleyball game.
They like sold out an entire football stadium.
You know, for golf, like let's say for a PGA Tour event,
they get like over a hundred cameras there,
you know, following every group.
They have shot length.
They can go to an app and see every single player.
On our tour, like we have 10 cameras maybe for the broadcast.
Right.
You know, like the rounds seem longer,
players seem slower, you're not cutting.
So people obviously like, when you watch, the difference,
you're going to watch the men over the women a lot of times
because of how it's made.
The production value is so different.
So then people are like, well,
people don't watch women's sports
so you guys don't get paid as much.
We're like, well, it's not given the same opportunity.
Like you're not having gymnats called women's golf. the same opportunity. Like you're not having Jim Nance call women's golf.
People will watch.
Talk Jim Nance.
I mean, he's great, but still, I've heard the stories.
If he, if he commentates on women's golf,
people would watch.
That's fair.
You know, and like.
So what you're saying is you just need men
to talk about women.
And then ratings and money will go up.
I'm teasing obviously there.
You're such a great point.
Because I actually watch all the majors
because of how visually beautiful it is.
Exactly, like we don't get any of that.
Like our announcers aren't able to talk about
any stats that we have because we don't have statistics.
We just got Strokes Gain,
which you'll have no idea what that is, and I don't have statistics. We just got Strokes Gain, which you'll have no idea what that is,
and I don't have enough time to explain it,
because I barely know what it is.
But we write, the caddies write it down physically
on a paper and then hand that in.
Whereas, you know, on the men, they have shot length,
they have every single information, stats,
and that goes hand in hand with sports betting.
That's a lot of the draw nowadays, you know?
We don't have that capability yet.
Would you want to be like a commentator? Or are you?
I should... I should...
No, I tried it, but you have to travel way too much.
And I'm just over traveling.
Yes. That's my thing too.
I would love to help the professional surfing circuit
and be like a commentator on there,
but I'm not going to these locations.
You should commentate for golf.
I don't want to do that either.
Golf takes themselves way too seriously
and golf doesn't need my help.
That's their problem.
No, I think we need comedians.
I've been like, remember that time
that Kevin Hart and Snoop Dogg
commentated for the Olympics?
I think we need that for golf.
Well, I agree. I think if you have Kevin Hart and Snoop Dogg, do it. Olympics, I think we knew that for golf. Well, I agree.
I think if you have Kevin Hart and Snoop Dogg,
do it. No, I need Daniel Tosh
commentating for golf.
I mean, they would really be nervous.
Cause I would immediately, like, you know,
on Sunday had a big moment.
I'd be like, is now a good time for us to talk
about abortion and how important it is
for women to have the right to choose.
Can you imagine? No, I can't.
But I would think that would be fun.
Do I want to jump into my live questions or no?
Sure.
I don't even know if I...
Do you know what live is?
Not really.
But here's how I know enough.
When you had to pick a team or pick somebody to root for,
Tiger Woods or Phil Mickelson, had a pick a team or picks me to root for,
Tiger Woods or Phil Mickelson,
just as a casual fan of, just hated Phil Mickelson.
So that's how I start how easy it is for me to pick a side.
Then this is how much I need to know about Liv.
Oh, Saudi Arabia, oh, they've got a bad track
with gay people, I'm out.
All I need is one person to tell me,
no, no, no, Saudi Arabia is really good to gay people.
Then I would be like, oh, okay, there's an argument.
I need to learn more.
But I don't need to learn more.
I'm like, ah, it's not for me.
Yeah, I mean, I think, you know,
guys are getting paid so much.
So I understand, you know, their mindset.
I mean, they were getting generational wealth.
Oh, did Phil Mickelson need generational wealth?
I mean, I just-
What, for new bras?
I know.
All right.
But I mean, my personal take, I mean, I would never,
but I can sympathize and understand, like, my colleagues' decisions.
I think the thing in general is, you know,
I think especially when it comes to women,
it complicates things a whole lot more.
Oh!
Yeah.
Here's, like, this isn't even an issue.
I know where I would stand on this.
When I was a young stand-up comedian,
and I was struggling, and I didn't really struggle,
let's be clear, but I wasn't,
I could pay my rent here in LA, in my studio apartment.
Life was good, I was a comedian.
I didn't have to work a real job. I could pay my rent here in LA in my studio apartment. Life was good. I was a comedian.
I didn't have to work a real job.
I would have friends like, you gotta go to Australia.
We're making a killing down there.
And I was like, I don't fucking wanna fly
all the way to Australia to make more money.
I go, I'd rather be less popular here.
Like you guys, and then I remember there's a crew of comics.
I know, whatever.
Jim Gaffigan, do you know who Jim Gaffigan is?
He's a funny comedian.
He doesn't, he once told me, we were on the phone
and he's like, why do I want to go overseas
and do my jokes in front of people that don't laugh as hard?
And I was like, oh, that's really funny.
It's just so simple.
What's the most annoying thing someone has yelled
after you at T-Off?
Oh, there was a lot.
I would hate when I would hit a shot in Korea for some reason.
They go, and you would hear that.
And I was like, oh, that would just get under my skin so much.
And you hear people be like, oh, I could have done better than that.
Oh, no, I just thought, that I understand,
but like what about just the dumb people
that always have to yell some line from a movie
or something like that.
Oh like mashed potatoes, there's weasels in golf.
Baba Buri.
Shut up.
Mashed potatoes.
Did people ever just yell wee?
Wee!
That would have been fun.
Oh yeah, oh yeah, all the time.
That's what I would've done.
Like wee!
And it just brings me back to elementary school.
You didn't like that?
No, I meant for hitting a shot though with the ball flight.
Yeah, but then like, yeah.
What'd they do in elementary school?
Wee's a really hard last name to grow up with.
Oh.
Just saying.
Tosh is pretty awesome if you're Jamaican.
I don't know if you know Peter Tosh.
He was in Bob Marley's band.
Anyway, he was killed.
Tosh is easier than we.
I got Tush, everything was Tush related.
Tush, yeah.
And then I got gay innuendos
because I wasn't as tough as some of the other kids.
So it was mainly in Florida too,
which is funny that you said that's when your
hatred of people started.
He didn't say that, I implied it.
Yeah, but I got wee wee,
all the iterations of wee as a kid.
I don't like that.
What's your home track these days?
Is that funny?
Is it obvious when somebody doesn't know what they're saying,
tries to talk golf lingo?
You were so confident with it though.
I tried to be, but then you laughed.
So then I was like, ooh, I better not say it.
I play at LCAB, which even if I say this,
you're gonna be like, you're gonna act like,
you're like, yeah.
Where?
LCAB.
Where's that?
Tarzana.
Is it good?
Yeah.
I don't know anything about it.
What's it cost to play golf?
What's around a golf play?
Can you, private course, what's a membership there
for a year cost?
I have no idea.
That's what I like to hear.
Steph Curry's show, Nice Shot,
where it was you guys recreate iconic golf shots.
Which one did you do?
We did all of them.
Oh, are you on every episode of it?
Yeah, we filmed it all in one day.
Oh, I wanna be on that show.
It's the three iron.
I wanna do, no, no, no, I got a different famous golf shot.
Which one?
I wanna do Elan's through the,
I wanna do Elan's through the driver's side window.
Did anyone do that shot yet?
That's yours, that's amazing.
That'll be your episode. Oh. Yeah. That That's yours. That's amazing. That'll be your episode.
Oh.
Yeah. That'll be yours.
That's what I want. So if you can talk to anybody over there, let them know that I'm interested.
I always give everybody that comes on the show a gift. I don't buy them something.
I just take something from my house and give it to them because I don't want stuff in my house.
Are you hard to shop for?
I'm not a great gift giver.
You're not a great gift giver.
You're not a great gift giver, but what about a gift receiver?
I'm not, gifts to me, that's not the way I show love,
I guess, so like, I'm not like,
someone doesn't give me a gift.
I don't love you.
No, but like, you know, like, I just,
like when someone gives me, I'm like,
oh, thank you, but like, it doesn't like.
So my manager, I only have had women run my career,
my entire career, my manager, my agent,
they know I like sweets.
Oh, I love sweets.
Well, right.
So they-
What's it, give me candy?
Am I gonna give you candy?
Don't guess the gift and you ruin it.
Yeah, it's not like that.
So they got me a membership to like the,
a cookie of a Month Club.
But my wife is just furious.
She's like, you manage your nature.
All they do is they buy you junk food
and they're gonna kill you.
So this morning when it came, she goes,
my wife just, this is what my wife screamed.
Give it to Michelle Wee.
That's what I heard this morning.
Get that fucking box out of here. Give it to Michelle Wee. That's what I heard this morning. Get that fucking box out of here.
Give it to Michelle Wee.
And I'm like, this is, and I just love it.
I was like, this is the world I live in.
Oh yes.
Look, it even comes in a cute bag every month.
Oh, that is cute.
It's a Be Kind, Spread Joy.
Ooh.
And so yeah, anyway, if you re-gift it, that's fine.
But there's just a box of cookies for you.
Oh wow, you really haven't opened it at all. No, no, don't even do it. Keep it wrapped nicely in case you want to re-gift it, that's fine. But there's just a box of cookies for you. Oh wow, you really haven't opened it at all.
No, no, don't even do it.
Keep it wrapped nicely in case you wanna re-gift it.
No, I'm gonna eat it.
You're not gonna eat all of those, you'll die like I am.
How many are there in here?
I don't know, probably a dozen,
but they're so big and thick.
Now I'm curious, what are you butchering the box?
No.
Oh Jesus.
Oh.
Thanks.
I'm not gonna take it.
And you know who's gonna be furious
when she watches this is my wife.
She'll be like, are you out of your mind?
I told you not to eat anymore.
Wow, that's a lot of cookies.
First question I ask all my guests, do you believe in ghosts?
Yes.
Okay.
Yeah, do you?
No. I believe in ghosts, yeah, why not? Cause I know why you believe in ghosts? Yes. Okay. Yeah. Do you? No.
I believe in ghosts.
Yeah, why not?
I know why you believe in ghosts
because you live in Hawaii
where all of you guys are bat shit crazy.
Do you consider Hawaiians Asian?
No.
Pacific Islander?
Yeah, Pacific Islander.
But you don't consider Pacific Islanders Asian?
No, I think it's, no, I think,
I mean, Asian is the continent.
Well, I know, but there's some of those,
no, I wasn't sure, I'll be honest.
Is that obvious? Was that an obvious question
that I should have definitely answered?
No, I don't think it's obvious because they do group them together
during like AAPI month.
When an athlete is performing, a lot of times they'll say
their country, like they'll say America,
or do they say USA, probably say USA.
But if they're from Hawaii, they'll give Hawaii separate.
Really?
I know, they do it in surfing.
They always say Hawaiian versus like USA
if you're from California.
Interesting.
I'm always like, huh.
Huh.
Do you surf?
No, I watched Blue Crush as a kid and I was terrified.
Oh yeah, well, that movie's kind of,
that's a great movie though.
It's not easy to learn how to surf in Hawaii.
Like, you know, there's a lot of reef.
I know, but then there's Waikiki if you wanna.
I know, but then my friend got hit in the face by a board.
People get hit with golf balls all the time.
This is true.
You ever got in a stinger?
Yeah. Uh-huh.
I was literally standing in front of a person
and he shanked it so hard,
it went perpendicular and hit me in the shin. Was that a professional? No, it was like a pro
I we do these things every week where we play with four amateurs
And they're usually pretty bad. You know my nephew Mickey DeMorat. He qualified in the US Open four years ago
That's amazing. Yeah. Yeah, his dad was the caddy my brother-in-law and his dad pointed at a ball
I told him that was his ball and it wasn't his ball.
Cost him three strokes and a few positions
on the leaderboard.
Oh no.
That's not good.
I know, we don't let him live it down.
He hasn't really, he hasn't found his groove.
He has all those Monday qualifiers.
Okay.
I blame his father.
That's a tough life.
It's a tough life.
I tell him it's not a tough life.
It's a very tough life.
I tell him, I'm like, Jess, you won.
I just, it's kind of back to my 150th of the month,
I'm like, you won.
You're not, you graduated from college.
You travel around the country in Canada
and you do these Monday qualifiers.
And it's like, you're 25, I don't know how old he is,
25 years old or something like that.
Who cares?
You're not married, you have no bills.
That's true, it's the right time live, you're so much better than working.
It's also true, but it's a grind.
I mean, it's the right grind.
I'm wiener cousins with a few pro golfers.
Really?
Is that what it's called?
Wiener cousins?
When you've dated somebody that now dates a golfer.
Isn't that called Eskimo Brothers?
No, first of all, we don't use that term anymore.
I don't think we, we don't say Eskimos anymore.
No, I mean, unless we're right.
No, we don't say that.
We say Inuits, but.
Inuit Brothers.
Oh, Inuit Brothers, sorry.
No, it doesn't matter.
Just actually canceled myself on.
No, you can't get canceled on this show.
But I mean, you could.
You're thinking of something completely different.
What, she's right?
Yeah, I'm completely right.
There's two terms.
There's two terms.
Weiner cousins.
I like the term Weiner cousins.
Weiner cousins is way better.
Way better.
To be honest with you,
I got embarrassed just in a split second.
I thought I had confused docking, which is not.
No, docking, which is not.
No, docking's different. Docking's different.
I don't know, I don't even want to get into it,
unless you want me to explain it to you, then I will,
but I don't want to.
No, thank you.
Fine, I'll tell it to you.
It's foreskin, nevermind, I don't want to.
Have you ever thought about how your show
would be perceived if you did it now?
I think it'd be a huge hit.
What are you implying?
I was like, thank you.
I was like, you know, you watch Chappelle, your show,
and I was like, can you imagine?
I don't think, I always feel like even if you hold it up to a microscope,
I side on the right side of most issues,
even if it's like, oh, that's really toeing lines.
At least that's what I try to justify in my head.
All right, I'm gonna get back to you.
Do you get drug tested?
I have it all the time, well not anymore.
You did?
For what?
Everything.
They were all banned?
Literally everything.
Like you take the wrong cough medicine and you're screwed.
So you can't like hang out with rappers and?
No, the purple drink.
Yeah.
No. That's horrible. Did you ever fail a drug test in your life... No. The purple Dre. Yeah. No.
That's horrible.
Did you ever fail a drug test in your life?
No.
I would like dream about failing it.
Like, there's a lot of times like you take stuff for a cold or whatnot.
Like, you know, doctors prescribe you antibiotics.
Like you don't like...
Of course, no one looks.
Yeah.
And then it's happened.
It's happened recently where a guy took a, like a over-the-counter cough medicine in like an Asian country.
And he was, you know, like you go over and you get sick,
they give you something, the doctors, you know,
you don't speak their language.
And then all of a sudden it's just like...
That's why you take Korean on Saturdays.
Exactly.
So you don't get popped.
I know.
I never understand the drug testings.
I just, ugh. I used to always never understand the drug testings. I just, ugh.
I used to always say,
I had a joke that you say
I want the greatest athletes
that science can create.
Let's dope them all up.
Let's go.
Create that league.
Yes, thank you.
That's, fuck live in their dirty money.
I want a league of just-
Steroids.
I don't care, whatever.
We'll have some doctors that oversee
to make sure we're doing it in a healthy manner,
but let's go ahead, let's juice them up, see what happens.
Could you play around a golf with somebody screaming
in your backstroke?
Sure.
You could.
Yeah.
I'm gonna do that.
My league, two things,
you can scream in people's backstroke if it's funny.
And if they're doped up.
And you're allowed to do steroids.
What a leap.
And if you're to get in, you have to you have to be pro choice
to watch the event.
Why does that get grouped in with being doped?
And no, no, no.
Dope is the athletes, the athlete.
I'm saying that the patrons, the patrons have to be pro choice.
This is a very this is a small league.
Oh, it's very niche. That's very niche.
It's very niche.
You're married to Johnny West, Jerry West's son.
Now Jerry West recently was real up in arms
about how he was portrayed on the show.
And guess what?
This is who I am and I don't even know the name of the show.
Playing time?
Winning time. Winning time.
Winning time, sorry, playing time,
that would be my version where I just wanted
to get in the game, coach.
Did he get upset?
He got upset by how he was portrayed.
We all were upset, I mean it wasn't even.
We all mean the family.
Yeah, the family was upset.
So you guys hate watched it or something?
I mean, some members of the family did,
just to keep track because there was a lawsuit going.
Oh, okay.
I didn't know it was that serious.
Geez.
I mean, yeah, he was portrayed as a drunk,
he was portrayed as a rageaholic.
Was it for comedic effect?
I think it was for dramatic effect,
but you know, it's just, if you're going to do that,
just use another name, like, you know,
because people are watching that actually believing
that's who you are, you know, and it's just not fair.
Well, I mean, in fairness, I know very much who he is,
and this didn't even pop on my radar.
Do you call Jerry West's dad?
No.
You don't?
Dad?
Do you call your in-laws mom and dad?
I do because I think it's funny.
And also because my wife's a lot younger than me,
and they're not that much older than me,
so I think it's funny. And also because my wife's a lot younger than me and they're not that much older than me. So I think it's funny to call them daddy and mommy and stuff.
So I always do it.
I would love to go to Thanksgiving.
You're married to somebody very famous in sports,
you know, the sports family, basketball family,
and you're six feet tall.
Is your daughter already, what percentile in her height is she?
95th. Is she?
Yeah.
Are you going to pressure your kid to play golf or rebuild the Lakers dynasty?
You know, it's funny, like I always like think now, like what's the right amount of push?
Do you want to motivate them to like have a dream and whatnot?
And I think my strategy right now is just to
have her try everything and see what she likes.
And it's funny because, you know, obviously I played
and then brought her on tour, but when she was a baby, baby.
But then I hosted an LPGA tournament now
and she came for the whole week.
She saw me play at Pebble for my last tournament.
And then now she like is obsessed with golf.
So it's funny, it's funny how that works.
She loves, she was really into sports, so we'll see.
How much screen time do you let her have every day?
Not a lot, but also I'm not super strict with it.
Okay, I'm just saying golf is so fucking long.
Yeah, I think 12 holes is the right amount of golf.
That's my issue with golf too, if I wanted to get into it.
Who's got four and a half hours to kill?
No one, and that's just rude to your partner
who's watching.
Is your husband wealthy too?
You the breadwinner?
You don't have a scoreboard up in the house?
You just put a leaderboard up.
A leaderboard, yes.
The weekly earnings.
Oh, weekly.
Oh man, I'd really put the register on you.
You guys got a prenup?
We actually do, yeah.
But it was just basically saying that
everything's gonna be split in half,
so I don't know why we put a prenup.
Oh, no way.
No, our prenup is rock solid.
My wife vetoed this.
I wanted to get it leather bound
and put it as a coffee table book.
Oh my God.
Just because I thought when guests come over,
if they saw it, they'd be like,
are you guys insane?
Is that really, I'm like, yeah, yeah, it's a prenup.
Go ahead, page through it.
How long was a prenup?
It's long.
Her lawyer told her, I have to let you know,
I cannot in good faith recommend that you sign this.
I was like, yeah, well.
How close to the wedding did you sign it?
I mean, 24 hours?
No.
30 minutes before.
I think, well, well before.
But now we're almost past the point where it matters
in California, we've been together too long.
I know.
They're gonna get me.
They're gonna get you.
They're gonna get everyone.
But hopefully she gets, like now she's kinda starting to,
you know, get motivated.
Motivated wasn't the right word, I don't know.
She works hard.
Just doesn't get paid as well.
And that's gotta change.
You keep your finances separate from your husband?
No, we do it together.
I don't like that at all.
I'm starting to worry about things.
I'm gonna page through that pre-nup of yours. 50-50, I don't know that at all. I'm starting to worry about things. I'm on a page through that prenup of yours.
50-50, I don't know.
Michelle, thank you very much for taking time out to come
listen to my nonsense.
Thank you.
There were some interesting segues in there.
That's for sure.
I'm not very good at this.
Hi there, I'm Bob Pipman,
Chairman and CEO of iHeart Media.
I'm excited to announce
a new season of my podcast, Math and Magic, Stories from the Frontiers of
Marketing. Our guests this season remind us to embrace change and fearlessly look
toward the future, like Andrew Jarecki, award-winning filmmaker and creator of
Moviefone. The studios didn't really control the theaters, the theaters didn't
control the studios.
And I thought, well, there's a window in here
where I could make things easier for the consumer
and also make something that would be
very useful for the industry.
Or Kellan Kenney, chief marketing and growth officer
at AT&T, who installed fiber in customers' houses
rather than leading from afar.
It is so crucial that you spend time with the customers.
That is the best lesson.
In these exciting times, we're looking to the math, the strategy and analytics and the
magic, the creative spark more than ever.
Listen to a brand new season of math and magic on our very own iHeart radio app, Apple podcast
or wherever you get your podcast.
Hi, I'm Martha Stewart,
and we're back with a new season of my podcast.
This season will be even more revealing and more personal,
with more entrepreneurs, more trailblazers,
more live events, more Martha,
and more questions from you.
I'm talking to my cosmetic dermatologist, Dr. Dan Belkin,
about the secrets behind my skincare.
Walter Isaacson, about the geniuses who changed the world.
Encore Jane, about creating a billion dollar startup.
Dr. Elisa Pressman, about the five basic strategies
to help parents raise good humans.
Florence Fabricant about the authenticity in the world of food writing.
Be sure to tune in to season two of the Martha Stewart podcast.
Listen and subscribe to the Martha Stewart podcast on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you get your podcasts. Imagine you ask two people the same exact set of seven questions.
I'm Minnie Driver, and this was the idea I set out to explore in my podcast, Minnie Questions.
This year we bring a whole new group of guests to answer the same seven questions,
including actress and star of a mega hit sitcom, Friends, Courtney Cox.
You can't go around it, so you just go through it.
This is a roadblock. It's gonna catch you down the road.
Go through it. Deal with it.
Comedian, writer, and star of the series, Catastrophe, Rob Delaney.
I shouldn't feel guilty about my son's death.
He died of a brain tumor.
It's part of what happens when your kid dies.
Intellectually, you'll understand that it's not your fault, but you'll still feel guilty.
Old rock icon, Liz Fair.
That personal disaster wrote Guyville.
So everything comes out of a dead end.
And many, many more.
Join me on season three of Many Questions
on the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you get your favorite podcasts.
Seven questions, limitless answers. on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your favorite podcasts.
Seven questions, limitless answers.
Pasha.
Well, Carl, that does it.
Wanna thank Michelle Wee for being on the show.
She's a incredible athlete, great mom, and a fun guest.
And I also like that she explained something to me
about why watching female golf wasn't as entertaining,
and it just made sense.
Like the whole thing, it just clicked in my head.
I'm like, I never looked at it from that perspective.
Having all the better cameras, all that stuff, it adds up.
That's why I view female tennis the same as male tennis,
because they're getting the same treatment.
They're getting, you're getting the same product
when you watch it on television,
and it's not fair in the other sports.
Ah, it makes sense.
You put your head down.
It's a late night.
Some plugs.
Oh, you know who wanted me to plug?
They're not going to spend any money,
but Todd Glass, he had a new project that he's doing.
He wanted to plug it.
And I said, I have no interest, but I'll call him.
And if he answers, he can plug it himself.
This will be the shortest conversation
that I've ever had with Todd.
Hello? Hey with Todd.
Hey Todd.
Yeah.
It's comedian Daniel Tosh.
Yeah.
Hey, I hear you have a new project in New York City and I wanted to give you 30 seconds
of free airtime to plug whatever you need.
I've been doing this show for a long time
and touring with it and now I'd like to do New York Ron.
It's not only a standup show,
but it's what happens in the street
before the door's open, there's someone playing outside.
After the show there's an ice cream truck.
It's a real experience.
And you need money?
Yes.
How much, can I just write one check for the whole thing?
What do I need to cut?
Uh, I'm almost embarrassed to tell you because we're looking for about 150.
I'll give you $150 Todd.
Yeah.
No, thank you.
Thank you.
Goodbye, Todd.
I love you.
You're not playing this though, are you?
You're a little racist though, are you? Yeah.
Boyswearpink.com.
Check out my clothing line for toddlers.
The Goat premieres May 9th
on Prime Video.
I got new tour dates. Fresno, selling like hotcakes.
If you had hotcakes.
If you had hotcakes the day before and you're like,
eh, I don't know if I can do any more hotcakes.
Let's go Fresno, buy more tickets.
Whatever, come see me, do stand up.
I'm so much better live than I am in this form.
Anything else?
Oh, my son, his bedtime stories
that we recorded when he was three years old.
Got a new one.
See you next week.
Once upon a time, there was a porcupine.
But they were not just any kind of porcupine.
This was a mean PokePine.
But all these PokePines wanted to do, they were so mean because they did all they thought
was hit.
They didn't even get to do anything.
Every time they got grabbed and all the other people got hurt.
But they weren't just any kind of
pokebine. They were a big, big, fat, sus, sass,
poke, pokebine. But then somebody said, hey back there. I mean, and that's what he was, he wasn't a porcupine.
He was, hear my sing.
He wasn't a porcupine.
One of those other ones that are similar was a porcupine.
But they, but.
A hedgehog?
And there was a hedgehog and there was a hedgehog then the hedgehog called to say hey are you a
porcupine and and the porcupine said yes I'm a porcupine and what is your name
and then and the porcupine said my name is is poook I'm named by
Henry and
and Henry said to the
to the
What?
Headshot?
Headshot. What's your name?
And he said he was his name was so way on that I don't remember and then he
said my name is Seattle and see and the pole and the pokey side said what and
he the pokey somebody said that not a name. Okay, my name is pine and
And he couldn't make up any names
But then something happened
rain
It pour in the old man and snowing
That's your cave what came
and sewing, that's your cave, what came.
Instruments! And they were singing, it's raining,
they're pulling the old man, he's sewing,
he went to bed, he bumped his head,
and turned his head up in a moaning.
That's what they were singing.
And one person said, come to the doctor, and that's what they were singing. And one person said, Come to the doctor.
And that's what they turned on when they
when they got into the doctor.
I'll tell you what they turned on
when they got into the doctor.
I'll tell you.
Doctor, doctor,
give me the news,
all about a bad case
and loving you. That's what they turned on. I need the news, I got a bad case, and nothing new,
that's what they told on.
Is that it?
No.
This is a very long story.
You're telling me.
This is a story that goes all the way
into the morning.
That's how long the story is.
I gotta go to bed, honey.
Then you can go to bed in here.
Okay.
Finish it up.
The end.
Oh, man. This season will be even more revealing and more personal with more entrepreneurs, more
live events and more questions from you.
I'm talking to my cosmetic dermatologist, Dr. Dan Belkin, about the secrets behind my
skincare.
Encore Jane about creating a billion dollar startup.
Walter Isaacson about the geniuses who change the world.
Listen and subscribe to the Martha Stewart podcast on the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Hi there, I'm Bob Pipman, chairman and CEO of iHeart Media. I'm excited to announce a new
season of my podcast, Math and Magic, stories from the frontiers of marketing. Our guests
this season show us big risk can yield big rewards. Like Rob Riley, the creative head
of one of the world's leading advertising firms.
I try to create environments where anybody can say anything without any judgment.
Listen to a brand new season of math and magic on our very own iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast,
or wherever you get your podcast.
Imagine you ask two people the same seven questions. I'm Mini Driver and this
was the idea I set out to explore in my podcast, Mini Questions. This year we bring a whole new
group of guests to answer the same seven questions, including Courtney Cox, Rob Delaney, Liz Fair,
and many, many more. Join me on season three of Mini Questions on the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or
wherever you get your favorite podcasts.
Seven questions, limitless answers.