Tosh Show - My Wife’s Best Friend - Jocelyn Kirk

Episode Date: January 7, 2025

Daniel sits down with his wife’s BFF, neonatal nurse practitioner Jocelyn, to discuss working inside the NICU, her unusual upbringing, and how many dudes his missus slept with in college.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey, it's Nikki Glaser. So I hosted the Golden Globes at Hollywood's biggest party. Honestly, you've probably seen all the headlines this week, but like any good party, there's a lot of wild stuff that goes down behind the scenes that you don't know about. And since I hosted the Golden Globes, I'm letting my podcast listeners, my besties, in on all the behind the scenes tea. Stuff that didn't make it to the live TV taping, what went down in rehearsals, who said what at the after party.

You're going to hear it all. Listen to the Nikki Glaser podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Do you want a shortcut to the best version of you? Here it is. Feed the good wolf. I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. Every week I talk to brilliant minds and brave souls about the art of small, powerful choices. Our listeners say it all. This is a lifeline. Transformational.

The best antidote to a bad mood I've ever heard. Join the pack and start feeding your best self. Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really No Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the

floor? What's in the museum of failure? And does your dog truly love you we have the answer go to really no really calm and register to win $500 a guest spot on our podcast or a limited edition sign Jason bobblehead the really no really podcast follow us on the I heart radio app Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcast how easy would it be to switch babies on someone in the hospital? Easy. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, God damn it. Tosh Show. Tosh Show. Tosh Show for show. Hey guys. Dan Tosh here, host of Tosh Show. 2025, happy new year. We're one week in.

And I gotta tell you, honestly, this year sucks. It's been bad since day one. I mean, what happened? Oh, nothing happened. Just a gut feeling. You just gotta get a feeling about this year. Just a gut feeling that it's gonna be a rough one. I went down to the beach and I filmed. I don't even tell you, I filmed something here I'll just play it for you.

Here's the second. Trump's and his dicks. That's not nice. Christ is king. Why would he write both of those things? Now, I'm not a handwriting analysis expert, but do you think the guy that was writing Christ is King also wrote the other one? I mean, I want to imagine so. God, I want to imagine so too. That'd just be real funny.

I wonder if a handwriting expert could look at something written in the sand and take something away from it. That's what we got to find out. We got to get awritten analysis expert on this show to tell me if the man that wrote Trump sucks dicks is the same that wrote Christ is king. Both messages have a strong opinion.

Yeah, what if there's a world where there's like two people out there writing messages in the sand? Yeah, no, it's funny to think of them doing it at the same time and looking over at each other. What are you writing? What are you, I'm writing Trump sucks dicks. And that guy's like, whoa, I'm writing Christ is King. And I'm like, oh, that's good too.

Let's go have breakfast. Little nail on head if you ask me. It's funny when you see something that somebody writes in the beach and you're like, oh, that's funny Speaking of saying goodbye to 2024 and good riddance, by the way my wife We've been talking regularly about sitting across from me. She seems To be receptive. All right

Now now if my wife backs out of the deal somehow, and Lord knows she's capable of screwing things up, I thought, well, what better replacement than today's guest, my wife's childhood best friend, doctor, neonatal nurse practitioner. Oh, it's a good day here. Enjoy. Hey, it's a good day here. Enjoy. Hey, it's Nikki Glaser.

I'm not here to roast you. I'm here to overshare everything that went down at the Golden Globes last Sunday. Everyone is already talking about what happened on air at the Golden Globes, but you are going to hear about what happened off air from the horse's mouth. Yes, I'm the horse, me, Nikki Glaser. Join me on my podcast, the Nikki Glaser Podcast,

where I will be telling you all the details. I can finally relax with my besties, my listeners, and dish what happened backstage. What went down, the things people are already talking about, the things that people should be talking about, I've got it all. From what it took to prep for the Golden Globes to the behind the scenes of the Golden Globes,

what went down in the rehearsals, who said what at the after party, who I saw at the after party? Who was dancing with who? I'm gonna spill it all. Secrets will be revealed. You do not wanna miss this episode. Listen to the Nikki Glaser podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. Inside you, two wolves are locked in battle. One thrives on fear and anger and doubt. The other, courage, wisdom, and love. Every decision, every moment feeds one of them. Which wolf are you feeding? I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. I've been there, homeless, addicted and lost.

I know the power of small choices to turn your life around. On this podcast, I sit down with thinkers, leaders and survivors to uncover what it takes to feed the good wolf. This podcast saved me. It's like having a guide for the hardest parts of life. The wolves are hungry. What will you feed them? Listen to the one you feed on the iHeart radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter

Tilden. And together on the Really No Lily podcast podcast our mission is to get the true answers to life's Baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor We got the answer space junk block your cell signal the astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer We talked with the scientists who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the wooly mammoth Plus this Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stunt man reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Brian Cranston is with us today. How are you two? Hello my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello

Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really No Really. Yeah, really. No Really. know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really No Really. Yeah. No Really. Go to ReallyNoReally.com And register to win $500 a guest spot on our podcast or a limited edition sign Jason Bobblehead.

It's called Really No Really and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Posh Show! My guest today has seen a lot. Despite a humble, white trash upbringing in Florida, she is now a neonatal nurse practitioner with a PhD. She's also my wife's best friend, and they share many secrets that they had planned to take to the grave. Please welcome Dr. Jocelyn. Hi. Are you nervous? Very. Oh, it's the best. Jocelyn, this is a special

day for me to have you in the hot seat. Now Jocelyn, many people might not know, you I believe were the the very first Hello from Tosh show was to you. Yes. Mm-hmm, but you're my wife's best friend. Ah, that's silly Well, I mean it's debatable if you're her best friend because you guys have a little click I don't know the pecking order exactly but we'll get to it eventually. Do you believe in ghosts? I lived with the ghost once. You did? Yes. When? When I lived in Canada, our apartment was haunted. Like it, I don't know how to explain it,

but we would wake up in the middle of the night to like water being turned on like full blast and then it would shut off. And then it would turn on full blast and shut off. One time we were like telling a friend that the water kept turning on and off in the middle of the night. And as we were explaining it to him in like broad daylight, the water in the

bathroom like turned on full blast. Oh, that's good. That was good. It was some validation. Yep. Are you Canadian? Half Canadian. Were you born in Canada?

No, I was born in Florida. Okay. So you and my wife, uh, you met in fourth grade? Yes. So you guys met in fourth grade, and you had the same boyfriend? No. Wait, wait, wait.

You wanted to switch boyfriends in fourth grade? We went to different elementary schools. Oh. But they had, like, one community fourth grade dance. And your wife. It was a fourth grade dance? Yes. They allowed fourth graders to dance

And they At that dance, that's where I met her and she asked me if we would trade boyfriends So the first time you met her was her saying hey, can we trade boyfriends? Yes, who was the guy? She was with Ian Sharp Ian Sharp a famous now now I know Ian Sharp only through folklore. Him and his brother, his brother's name was Madison? Yep. Madison Sharp. They were the best skim boarders on the west coast of Florida.

Oh, they could skim board. And every girl knew it. Which one of them played glycerin one time on the guitar. That was Ian. Ian! Ian Sharp played glycerin on an acoustic guitar and the girls just just I Don't I don't want to say this cuz I don't know how old they were but they were turned on true or false true Okay, so you were with Ian? No Car Carly was with Ian. And you were with? A boy named Chip. A boy named Chip.

You know when... And Charlie was like, fucking Ian, and she wanted to switch to Chip, and you were like, yes, I will make this switch. I think I said no. You said no? Yeah, I said no.

But Chip's dead, right? Unfortunately, yeah. Yeah. That's very unfortunate. he died in an ATV accident. Not long, a couple years after that. Now my wife, famously, in her family, they love to fucking talk about it. That she skipped third grade or second grade. One of them, one of the meaningless grades. They act like, oh, she's so gifted. She has to, a shitty Florida public school, she skipped a grade.

I tell you what, if you can't skip a grade in Florida, you might need to be tested. Anyway, all right, Carly was my wife, the valedictorian of her high school, and you were a distant... Six? You were sixth? Seven? six seven seven you were in the top ten yeah top ten we know this because when all of them get together

this little friend group one of them Megan who's in Kentucky she didn't get into the top ten I think she was 11 embarrassing I know she finished 11th in the class which I don't think they even they don't even recognize that It's just like you part of the class. Yeah, you're just you're just in the class. But now You know, you've graduated from Johns Hopkins Mm-hmm. Do you think that you are so much smarter than Carly? No, you don't know. Oh, but you are no I don't think so. I asked Carly simple questions and then when she doesn't answer I go, the fact that you call yourself a valedictorian is embarrassing. It was a Florida high school.

I know, but she should be able to answer simple questions. How old was my wife when she lost her virginity? Oh, college. College? Yeah. She didn't lose it in high school? No. That's great to hear. Look at that. She's pristine. Oh my goodness. There's so much tread on the tire. Before we get into the fact that you're, you know, you take care of babies in the NICU, the most traumatic time for most parents. And you've done this for how long?

16 years. 16 years. That's actually a long time. Good for you. Well, I was a nurse for five. And then I've been a nurse practitioner for 11, I guess. When did you get your PhD? Was a DNP.

Oh. I don't know if it matters, but. Does it? Kind, one's like- Are you a doctor? Yes, a doctorate of nursing practice, which is a little bit different than a- That's what they make women get? No.

No. That's what they make women get that don't like research. I just remember putting your report cards up on my refrigerator Yeah, how long ago was that? 2019 okay. Yeah five years. I remember that before children life was fun Yeah, are you exhausted by the way today? No, she flew here today guys all the way from Charlotte, North Carolina Do you hate Charlotte? Yes.

When I first met you, you were doing travel nursing a lot. So you would live in different places. I believe when I first met you, you were living in Houston. Maybe not. I didn't meet you when you lived in LA. No. You lived in LA, you've lived in Seattle, you've lived in Houston.

Yep. And at different points, you've loved them all and you've hated them all. Yep. Which cities in the United States have the best hospital care for babies and mothers? The West Coast. By a mile? Yeah. What about New York?

I think the Boston, New York area is pretty good, but then the South is like, there's actually the March of Dimes has a report card and if you look at the report card It's like pretty good like New Hampshire is pretty good up in the Northeast And then the south is just like a D and an F and it just speaks volumes, but huh? You can't tell them anything. Can you know? They've got everything figured out. Well, enjoy your coin flip Okay Well, enjoy your coin flip. ALLIE LAUGHS Okay. Full term, 40, when does the NICU,

when is it mandatory that the baby has to go to the NICU? Usually, um, less than 30, like under 35 weeks, and under like two kilos or 1.8, like around four pounds. Um, they would have to come to us. But if you're 35 or 36 weeks and you can like maintain your blood sugar, you can breathe on your own, you can stay warm, then you would stay with your parents.

Whoa, what a cutoff. Yeah. You gotta make it to 35 weeks. Yeah. And anything before, when you're like, oh, that's not gonna, that's gonna be a lifetime of some potential obstacles. We've gotten better.

You can fix things? Yes, like our science is a lot better now. We take care of the babies a lot better. So like, I used to think like, when I first started, like 26 weeks was like, oh geez, like I hope they learn how to walk. And now like a 22-weekold can do all the things. What percentage of babies that are born

before 30 weeks live? The further you are from term, the less likely you are to survive. But even, like, a 30-week-old has, like, a 90, over 95% chance. Yeah. Like, they do really well. like a 30-weeker has like a 90, over 95% chance. Okay. Yeah. Like they do really well.

But a 25-week old has... A 25-weeker probably, I don't know the statistics off the top of my head, but like really good survival, but if they have more big, like different things wrong with them because they were premature, it goes up higher and higher the earlier you are born. Is there any age where it's like, no, that's not... 22 weeks. We're not gonna try to... Yeah, 22 and zero is the lowest we will save.

Okay. Or like attempt resuscitation, like offer to do something. And that's anywhere in this country? Mmm... You always used to joke about when you were pregnant, like, hey, go to Mexico until you're from 20 to 28 weeks. I still would do that personally, but not 28, but like 24 weeks. The point that you were saying was sometimes in this country,

we save children that we probably shouldn't. Right. And it's not shouldn't, but it's like, come on, like nature's handling itself here, guys. Right. And it's not shouldn't, but it's like, come on, like nature's handling itself here, guys. Right. Well, it just doesn't take a lot to be a baby. So like, all they have to really do is breathe and tolerate food, but it's hard to like imagine

what that would be like as like a five-year-old, where it's like all they're doing is what a baby would do. What's the youngest baby you've delivered that you've seen survive? 22 and zero. Do you always try to break the record? No. No.

I mean, the thing with the pregnancies that you just, you're always like, oh, well, once I hear a heartbeat, and they're like, well, no, you gotta get to the 20 week one where you can really find out this. And then it's like, no, no, no, you gotta make sure that they're at least 30. It's just, there's just no end yeah that's the problem yeah and my mom would argue as you know who was a lifetime

nurse and she did pediatrics for a long time but would just be like they love to do that when in our day well in our day kids just died constantly but take that away there is something to like, oh, I'm pregnant and not knowing anything until, oh, I'm delivering. Yep. There is some peace of mind in that. Yes. Or you can at least focus more on the excited stuff.

Because like you, I try to get you excited about stuff. And you're like, well, yeah, but. Got to make sure. Look at this, this, and this. And what if you you're like, well, yeah, but. Gotta make sure. Look at this, this and this. And what if you're always like, what if their eyes aren't blue? You don't care about that? No. How awful is it talking to these parents that were so excited

about having a baby and then it's. Oh, they're excited, even if they're born premature. They are? I mean, they're sad for like the baby being born early, but they're just very excited. They get to celebrate a bunch of milestones that like a baby born at term, they would never get to like breathing on your own or like taking a bottle for the first time eight weeks after you're born. Like they're very excited.

How many people is it like because of drugs or anything like that in Seattle? Seattle had more than other places like North of Seattle. There's a lot of heroin there. Yeah. Well, no, I mean I figured as much and math. Yeah. Yeah. They get them all.

Yeah. By the way, do you true or false? Especially in Seattle. Yeah? Yeah. They get them all. Yeah. By the way, true or false, especially in Seattle, a lot of times people would come in delivering early because they tried to do a little recreational cocaine. Sometimes. Is that a thing? I feel like cocaine's not that popular. Well, it's not like the drug of choice.

Of course it's not, but if you do cocaine while you're pregnant. You can have a placenta abruption. You hear that guys? Yes. Don't let them do cocaine or they're gonna have a baby. Yeah. Have you ever played a prank on the dad and brought a newborn that's a different race to them?

And they're like, there's your baby. No. Oh, that'd be fun. You should do that one time. No. Just bring over, especially because you're in the South. you go to some so my some real like good old boy white white man and just bring a little black baby over go this is your baby and just watch his face oh I'd be a good gag and then be like you're on my prank show yep Nick, you race bait. Race bait. I'm workshopping the title.

Right, right, I like it. That's good, I like that. Nick, you should see your face. That's better. How easy would it be to switch babies on someone in the hospital? Easy. Yeah. Oh, god damn it.

I mean, it has to be done. We knew it. We knew it. It could be done? Yes, it could easily be done. All newborns kind of look the same. Like, I mean, they're... Oh, man, this is...

I don't think my kid's mine. I've never wanted to spend 50 bucks on the little DNA test I've seen, but maybe I should do it. Mm-hmm. Your life outside of the hospital, hospital precision, smart, you know everything you do. Then you go home and you might be the messiest person I've ever met.

Yeah, that's fairly true. It's just comical. Yeah. I've spent almost every holiday with you since I've met you. The ones that I care about. The Thanksgiving, Christmas, we're usually together. Yep. Then you had to go and ruin everything and, you know, you got a man. For the longest time you were like, I'm just, I'm. And you know, you got a man. For the longest time you were like,

I'm just, you know, you were so weird about who you were interested in. I want to date Wayne Gretzky. I don't know what she said. What? I was just, you like some hockey star or something from Canada. It seemed like somebody that you'd like.

Okay. Is that silly? It's really silly. But then you met your current boyfriend, true or false, when you met him, he was in a healthy marriage. It wasn't healthy, but he was married. Legally? Yeah, he was still, it took a while.

They were separated. They were separated. Okay. Jesus. They were like in the process of a divorce. Okay. They still had like shared custody of their dog. And how long did you wait before having a child with him?

Fifteen months. Oh really? Yeah. Oh wow. Why in my head was it so much shorter? Well, I mean, you know, ten of, nine of those months is growing a human. Oh, bullshit. Okay.

So you got, how quick did you get pregnant? Now I gotta do math. Oh no, it was six months. Six months, that's, okay, you sneaky, sneaky. Ah, and then you guys had a child. Ah, that changed everything, didn't it? It did, yes, yes it did. Is that fun?

Having a child? Yeah. Yeah. Do you feel better at work now that you have a child? Because did people ever be like, oh, you don't have a child? Did people ever ever be like, oh, you don't have a child? Did people ever ask? No, no, nobody ever asked, but I do find it harder to be at work now.

Like I always thought it was somebody's, like this is someone's child that we're doing these harm, like a lumbar puncture or something super painful. What's a lumbar puncture? Like a spinal tap, like where you put a needle in your spine. But now when I have to do it, I'm like, this is somebody's child.

Like it actually like wears on me. It's hard for me to do my job now that I've had a child. Yeah. That's tough. There's something about seeing your kid go in and have any procedure where you're like, oh, this isn't right. Yep.

You know what I used to like about you? What? You disappear for six months. Where is she? And then I'd be like about you? What? You disappear for six months. Where is she? And then I'd be like, oh, she's in Thailand. You used to travel like a crazy person. I did, yeah. Just by yourself.

Yeah. And just like, yeah, I'll figure things out. Yeah. That's always impressed me, cause I could never do it. I mean, I guess I probably could, I don't know. It terrifies me. You like traveling the world by yourself?

Yeah, I really liked it. I mean, I would go to places that were supposed to be safe for girls to travel by themselves. What blog do you look up for that? There's actually one called The Blonde Abroad, which is about solo female traveling. And that helped you? Yeah, I followed a lot of her it had you never had any problems the only like

Scary thing that I had was in New Zealand, which is a super safe country super safe I was in like a camper van for three weeks and I was in some random coastal town and I could feel you in the South Island as in South Island's creepy as shit. What? North Island's, South Island's beautiful. It's beautiful. But fucking the people in the South Island are fucking weird. Christchurch is creepy.

Yeah, okay, Christchurch, yeah. It's all stupid. Yes, but then I was like walking on a boardwalk and I could feel somebody following me. And then I turned down a street where it was like all windows in the building and I could see his reflection. And so I turned into like a pizza place and he stopped and waited outside.

And I don't know what like possessed me to like go back out and I could see where my hotel was. So I just like ran, but he started running too. But thankfully I went inside before he. He started running too? That was the only creepy thing that happened to me though. What if he had dropped something and he was just trying to give it back? No, he was not trying to give it back.

Huh. Did you poop in that van? No. it had a bathroom didn't it? Uh, I Think it did you don't drink water. I do drink water. I have water here. Yeah, it's full You don't pee and you don't drink water. Is that true? I mean I use You pee Like three, I'm a nurse. We don't get to pee that much at work. She never pees guys. I know everything about her She never pees. It's so baffling. We don't get breaks at work We're like conditioned. You ever get up in the middle of the night to pee? No. I know. No But if you start doing it becomes like a habit your body gets used to it. Oh I pee constantly

So you're telling me I should just stop it? You that, yeah. It's my fault that I pee. I don't know. Well, you're a doctor. You should fucking know. Peeing's not a habit. She says peeing's a habit. Like, middle of the night peeing. Middle of the night peeing. She's saying it's not my bladder. I could be wrong, but...

No, you're definitely wrong, but who cares? True or false? Before I started dating my wife, she said, why would he date me? He only dates supermodels. That is true. Ha ha ha. Carly denies it. My wife denies that she ever said that.

You say it's true. It is true. I will 100% tell that story to my children when they get older, bragging. I'll be like, huh? Look at this. But your wife is a supermodel, so. If supermodels were five too and didn't

make any money modeling. Would you say that you love me? As a brother? As a human? Yes. Have you ever said I love you to me? No. Do you think that you're allowed to?

Do you think that we would? What if we just started saying it to each other? Do you think Carly would think it's weird? Probably not. Okay, let's play a game of F, marry, kill. Okay. You know how to play? Probably not. Okay, let's play a game of F. Mary Kill. Okay. You know how to play it? Yeah.

Okay. Me? Oh gosh. Mm-hmm. Your friend Megan's husband. Oh no. And your friend Jess's husband. Oh no.

Okay? Okay. So it's her four. No I have to answer. It's these childhood friends. She's gotta play F. Mary Kill with her friend's partners. Go ahead. Oh no.

I would marry you. Die, winner, winner. And then kill the rest? No. Look at her trying to take the easy way out. I bet you and Megan's husband would have a great time in bed. Okay. but would have a great time in bed. Okay.

Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Um, I've, since iPhones have allowed tracking, I've had, I've tracked you. Yeah.

Because I've always been like terrified that you were going to be, you know, taken. Yes. But there is nothing I would be able to do. Like if that guy would have got you in the South Island in New Zealand, I'd have been like, well, I know where she is. I mean, I guess I could call, I would call authorities.

It is creepy getting a text from you though, at like 11 o'clock at night being like, go home, the Lincoln Memorial is so creepy at night. And I'm like, what, how do you know where I am? You can turn it off, you can disable it. Now I have to set up your life for a second. Okay. You know, here you go.

You knew this was coming. So because some people, they look at you, they probably say, oh, look at this. She's just a charmed life, but you've had some obstacles in your life. Yeah. Okay. Your mother and your father, your mother,

how do I put it nicely? She had an addiction problem. Yeah? Not right away. Not right away. No, she was young She was young. She was like 20. Okay when she had yeah She had my sister and I like at 19 and 21 or something like that. Yeah Okay, your father was in the picture not really in the picture I think they got divorced when I was like 10 months old is I think what my mom used to say. So they were married?

They were married. Yeah, what my mom was a few months pregnant with my sister when they got married. Oh, that old story. Okay, here's the thing. Your childhood, I'm sure when you reflect on it, is like, oh my goodness, this was so ridiculous, what I went through, what other kids had such normal families. But like Carly, when she reflects back on your mother,

she's like, oh, but we all thought she was the fun mom. Yeah. You know, because you would go to your house and they would put, I don't know, shaving cream all over the trampoline. That seems like a memory that stood out to my wife. Yes, but then, like, because my mom was a kid herself, she would let us, like, jump off the roof

onto the trampoline that had soap all over it. Okay, so that was a bad idea. I mean, it's like, in the moment, it was fun, and I didn't know anything different, but now it's like an adult looking back, like, oh, I'd never let my daughter jump off a roof onto a trampoline with soap on it. Yeah, that's a bad idea.

So she like kind of went off crazy in like 2000, 2001. She's an alcoholic. She's bipolar. She's bipolar. She's kind of got mixed up in that like dope sick opioid crisis. She like ripped a rotator cuff and they gave her OxyContin in like 2000 when they were like prescribing it because they didn't know how addictive it was.

So she was like that genre of drug addict. Your mother one time, is this true? You were marrying somebody on some mountain. Oh yeah. And your mom, you had always paid for her to have a cell phone or something like that. And she was on housed. She was bouncing around the Southwest.

And she found out how to get into the account and she locked you out of the account. She ended up purchasing a bunch of stuff, an iPad, closed you out of your account. And you just happened to be off grid in a mountain and couldn't find your way back and now you were locked out of your phone. Yeah that's true. Oh that was great. Yeah. That's just a real lesson in helping out. Yeah. How'd you

break the code? I stopped at a Verizon like by the time I got down the mountain and drove like an hour and a half there was like a Verizon store that I went into and I had to show my ID and they finally let me back in. They turned your phone back on? Yes. Did they turn hers off? No, no. So does she still have a phone under your account?

She doesn't, but I did pay for that iPad for like two years. Well, you seem like you could have paid it off quicker. No, no, no, like the monthly service, like the- Oh, for two years she got it? Oh, she scammed you good. Yeah, she locked me in. Ha-ha. They would... Verizon, Verizon.

Come on, man. The Verizon in Taos, New Mexico. It was this very specific store that was very much like, we can't help you. I'm a customer of Verizon, and if they don't credit you, how much do you think all in you paid? I don't know, because the crazy thing was,

is that back then you would call like 4-1-1 if you needed a phone number I know I remember information. Okay, but if you call it now, it's like 299 and because she's like manic Like she would call it like 25 times in a day. She's calling 4-1-1 What number does she need? But she would call it over and over again so my bills would be crazy high because she was calling for one. She didn't know you could like Google something. I just feel like you've got grounds for some type of lawsuits or reimbursement to Verizon. I don't think the mentally unstable should be able to rack those kind of bills up.

Definitely not. I mean, I think we're glossing over how ridiculous your childhood was. She did at one point live in a tree. Yes, she did. And then again, this isn't, we're not making light of it. How was she living in a tree? I don't know. I think she, that was just where she ended up and that was where she could get cell service

where she, wherever she was. Oh, she was going to the highest point? Yeah, and she would just like Call me from her tree. She also like to one time thought there's bugs coming out of her body a lot She still thinks that she thinks there's bugs inside. Yeah, I think that's like a side effect of doing math, but huh Mm-hmm. They don't talk about that on the meth Campaigns um she had another child you have a half-brother. Yep, who's was illegally blind. Yes You say illegally blind legally oh yeah legally blind blind. He's blind. He doesn't have eyes his eyes are glass He doesn't have eyes his glass instead of eyes. Mm-hmm. Okay. I don't I don't think I knew that

Oh, well he is he was premature and your eyes are like very underdeveloped when you're first born and so his never Developed and so to like make his face be able to develop normally, they put in glass eyes. Okay. Yeah. Now you guys think, oh, that's got to be the interesting thing that you brought up. Not even remotely what I thought was the interesting thing. But now that I've learned about these glass eyes, he became a figurehead in what church, what religion do you even know? Well, they're Catholic, but I don't think it was Catholic.

Okay, it was just in some Christianity, some church. He became a singer as a child. And this is when Yari is like, the church is so suspect. Don't even get Jocelyn started on her beliefs. She believes in ghosts. Do you believe in God? Don't answer. But he would tour and he would play like arenas.

Yeah. Singing. He wasn't, and it was just, people were just like, why were they fascinated with him as a singer? I think because of his, like he would tell his story of he was born to a drug addict mom. He lost his eyesight because he was premature, and then he's also autistic, and when kids are autistic they can often sing in perfect pitch.

Could he sing in perfect pitch? Okay, here's my thing. He could. He could. When he was younger. I didn't think it was amazing. No, but when he was younger, I think it was the whole story. It wasn't just his voice. Okay, because well, you said in perfect pitch, and I was always like, I don't think this is perfect, but you're saying when he was... but now he's kind of aged out of that and does he perform still or no? I don't think he still does like motivational speaking. Okay, um and like telling his story and but no I don't think he sings. I feel like the church and this is just me and I'm I'm you know, I'm

Super hypocritical of the church a lot of times, but I feel like they were kind of using a kid. It was a good story. It sold. I know. It got millions of views. I mean, the kid was popular, guys. It was off the charts type of stuff. Did you feel drawn to this profession because of your childhood?

Probably a little bit. Growing up, Carly and I would actually, we had this plan that we were going to be an obstetrician and a pediatrician, and one was going to deliver the babies, and the other one was going to take care of them. And then once Christopher was born, it opened up this whole world of like, oh, babies actually

can be born sick and early and not on time and not healthy. And then that's what kind of introduced me to the NICU. I didn't know it existed actually before that. And then it was just, that's what I'm gonna do? That's pretty neat to have a clear vision of what you wanna do with your life. Yeah. That's the only thing in your life

that's just completely focused. Yeah. The rest of it just, whew, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Yep. Do you brag to your friends who don't live in Hollywood about the time you slept on a pie at Leonardo DiCaprio's house? Yeah.

Have you ever told that story to any of your friends? No, I don't think people would believe me. You had to be there. Okay, so I'll tell you the story. You ready for this? I rented Leonardo. I've rented it multiple times. Okay, I'll tell you the story you ready for this I rent Rented a leonard I've rented it multiple times Leonardo

DiCaprio has an income property that he uses occasionally got a pickleball court in Palm Springs and one morning You know she's in this house We're all in this house and one morning. I see her said hey, did you enjoy that slice of pie? I you last night? And she's like, what are you talking about? And I go, I put a slice of pie under your pillow. You know, as you would do. Yeah, pie pillow. It was still in the pie container though. No, no, it wasn't.

Yes it was. It was on a plate. You're wrong, revisionist history. Really? It was on a plate. I put a plate with a slice of pie. There was a plate with a slice of pie and I put your pillow on top of it Yeah, so she's like no you didn't and I go Jocelyn

I fucking put a slice of pie under your pillow. What in the did you then? I thought maybe she slept in a different room. We go to her room It smells like fucking pie Soon as you open the door it smells like pie and I lift the pillow up She she sleeps literally this person doesn't pee because she doesn't move just perfectly still Doesn't put her hands under the pillow and there's a perfectly smushed pie under her pillow. What kind of pie? I don't fucking remember is pumpkin. It was pumpkin It was pumpkin because I hate pumpkin

and nobody ate it and she probably made me order it in the first place for Thanksgiving. It was for Thanksgiving, we're there. That reminds me of another time. Go ahead. I was thinking of a different pie. Oh. One time she baked me a pie.

Yeah. It was like a fruit cobbler. Yeah, I think it was like strawberry rhubarb or something. It was strawberry rhubarb, and you did your own crust. Yep. It was delicious. It was for the Fourth of July. Yep.

And this was back when Twitter wasn't run by that dipshit. And I posted a photo of you holding my pie and wrote something stupid underneath it. Yep. And... Embarrassing. Embarrassing. I was trying to find you a man. You were always manless. It was just so depressing.

Anyway, but I never wanted you to have a man cause it was like you were our throuple. It was always fun to travel with you cause it was like just me and my wife and you. And we ruined everything by having kids and you having a partner. Now, you were in a hospital working in Seattle.

No, in LA. I was in- It was LA? Yeah, I was on a travel assignment. Okay, I thought it was Seattle. No, because it was like the next night, like it was 4th of July, and then the next night I went back to work,

and my parents of my patient who were like very shy and like sort of embarrassed to ask me, they were like, is this you you and they brought up this embarrassing photo that you had tweeted of me holding a pie and like a bathing suit top and all these horrible comments under it about like what people wanted to poke in my pie and That's good that they followed me back then. Yeah, they were excited. Oh, that's great. But I was mortified.

Oh, man. Do you remember the time I filled your suitcase with shrimp scampi? Oh my gosh. She was leaving my house. Yes. She was leaving Tahoe, and before she left, I had taken her suitcase, which is always just

the biggest suitcase you've ever seen. It's just, you know, at the seams, zipper, ribbit, whatever. I just, and it had a lot of pockets hidden there. So I just individually saran wrapped a couple dozen shrimp scampies. Yeah. And placed them like in her jean pocket, in the bottom of a shoe. And then I unzipped the lining of the of the suitcase and put some scampi inside there and zipped it back just tons of scampi so because I wanted

this joke to play out over time. It did. Like, months. Months. We started finding them like in line to check in our bag our shrimp scampi bag but then like like six months later, I still found one rogue shrimp scampi when I went to use that suitcase again. Did you eat it? No, it, oh, it smelled horrible. Do you keep the luggage? No, I don't think, no, I don't have that suitcase. That is, that is good stuff.

I, you can't beat the old shrimp scampi gag. Yeah, it's pretty good. This is exciting. A toss show first, okay? You guys ready for this? Eddie? Just go. Do you wanna hit me with a drum roll right now? We're expecting number two.

Oh my goodness, you guys. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba! Dr. Jocelyn is pregnant right now with her second child. It's a first on the Tosh show, an exclusive. This is where you want to announce it. Now don't tell anyone, okay, and just let us air this. Okay. And just wait for all the love to come pouring it are you as excited as I am am I more excited? I'm way more excited. I couldn't be more excited

Amazing mother you're gonna. It's gonna be so good, and you know what else is gonna be it's gonna be so fun for your daughter mm-hmm Oh my goodness. That's so great. I couldn't be happier. I think it's gonna be the best thing in the world. This one's gonna be so much easier. Yeah. Are you excited about being pregnant? No. You're not? No. Oh. My first pregnancy was horrible. Ah, but we still had fun. We did. You came up to Tahoe right away. You're like, yeah, yeah. it started out but this one just nothing but good signs Okay, I can't imagine anything bad happens. We're not to re-edit this fucking I'm so happy that you're having another child not for a few reasons. One of the reasons I'm so excited is because you

my daughter Okay, my beautiful daughter. I have spent maybe $6 on clothes for her. And the reason I've only spent $6 is because you, you spend so, you buy so much clothes for your daughter and then you send it to us once she outgrows it. And then I give it on to other people whenever we whenever we can but now I'm gonna get to give it all back to you and there's just I mean it's crazy how much stuff you buy I've cut back you buy every color that it comes you know I'll get into that in a minute but you do you

buy the same thing. I'll look at it, but oh, there's five of these. I just the other day got something from you where you had sent four or five new sets of pajamas. Oh, that was, uh huh. What and why? And because you... No, because when I ordered, that's a silly story,

but when I ordered the pajamas, they got lost. So the company sent me a whole new order and then said, if your other order shows up, pass it along to someone. Okay. Yeah. So that was... So you bought six pair, you got six pair, and then another six showed up and you sent them on to us.

Yeah. Okay. Well, that makes a little more sense. It's just all the time, I'm just like, every time a box comes from you, I'm just like, God damn it. Why does there's so much clothes? What does your daughter's closet look like? There's not a lot in it really yeah, I Give it all away. Okay. Yeah, but I mean it's just at some point. It has to be filled has be gridlocked Everybody's on the show gets gifts now one of your gifts

My is it I'm so excited about this because, oh, this is only, we'll see how I can use this. Every week I watch you just like give away everything I gave to you. That is hysterical. So Jocelyn, multiple times on this show, the gifts that I've given away have been gifts that she gave me.

The first thing I'm gonna give you back This was bought for you. Yes, okay My wife and her friends went together and I'm told that this is very expensive Yes, like $500 and then you gave it to us. Yes, and now I'm giving it back to you Thank you. Oh, this is gonna be great. Are you excited to use it again? Yes, by the way, we didn't use this one that much you did it. I liked another one. It's super comfy though I didn't like it. That's also looks that the stupid logo. I hated it. Yeah Is that a fancy brand? Yes, what's it called? I think it's pronounced artipop artipop. Yeah artipop. I might

Give us free shit. Alright, so that's yours okay again This is Carly's she liked it yes, she said and inside there watch look at this I think it's I think I saw this this morning. I just can't be look at this target gift card Okay, okay. Don't know if there's any money on it or not, but this is in my closet. This is, you know, a new baby bag. Perfect. There might be a pacifier in there.

Who knows? Okay? Okay. Now, when I get to regive all your clothes back, Oh no. I want you to, when we find out the gender of your baby, I don't want to find out.

We're gonna, you don't? Eric does. Well, of course he does. I know. Cause that's normal. Yeah. You don't, well, when to find out. We're going to... You don't? Eric does. Well, of course he does, because that's normal. Yeah. Well, when we find out, if it's the day that they are born, you know, if it's a girl, I am going to unload hell on you. I'm going to send everything.

I just want to give an example. By the way, I got some stuff in here. I want to... This is a real bad outfit here for Eric. I want him to wear this. It's James Purse, but it's matching pants and shirt. It's bad. It looks awful, but make him wear that. And there's a shirt for him.

But this is just, I want people, when I say I'm gonna give her trunks full of clothes bag, this is the thing. Everything that she would give us tonally is browns. You only wanted your daughter to ever be in like muted brown color. Why is that? I don't know, but she was kind of delayed

in learning her colors. And I always thought it was because I didn't put her in like any primary colors. Every rainbow that you give is like a shade of brown rainbows. I think she was confused. Okay, so here, get these. Let's just, do you want, what would you want?

For what? Sex. Boy or girl? I don't have. You have no preference? No, just healthy. Just healthy, good for you. You get it. Now see, I'm never that way. I've always like, I just wanted a healthy girl,

and then I got a healthy boy, kind of. Kind of. All right. Okay, thank you. I'm never that way. I've always like I just wanted a healthy girl and then I got a healthy boy kind of Thank you hold on so much more stuff, okay this oh no this Because you travel so much dumb shit. This is a travel rail. Okay to put on a bed perfect Your girl she needs us now. Yes, exactly So what now when we travel this week she won't fall out because I have different things that I use also I don't give a fuck if my kid falls out anymore. I'm like just hit your head buddy She thought of the bed last night. Well, now you got now you got this I used this on tour on the tour buses all the time. Okay, that's it. Okay now

So excited. Are you excited for you excited for the best the best one of my regifts? Okay, okay. So I have already Finished Christmas shopping for my wife. Oh, do I buy my wife good gifts? Very good gifts. I'm a great good Okay, so I got him wrapped. I'm like well guess what because You were gonna be on the show. I'm like this is hysterical. I'm gonna give you one of the gifts That I had just bought my wife that she hasn't even opened yet. Oh Right, that's super exciting now. Okay. Oh My oh

That brand huh look at that. Oh, are you so excited? Go ahead open that gift up. See if you like it. Oh that just Bag scratch the table. Oh, no, it doesn't matter I'm opening is really awkwardly cuz I was trying to get open get into the box out oh look at this st. Laurent box okay but what's in it for real scampi yeah probably st. Laurent jacket full of skin I'm not afraid to put I'm not afraid to put scampi and st. Laurent was actually in it oh man you're so many boxes and bags when you get a Saint Laurent. Oh, wow. No, I know. It's an actual bag. I know. Well, wait, you need, here's my thing, you need a big

tote for the new one and nothing better than like a sexy cute one. Are you being for real? Yeah. It's beautiful. I know it is. And it's the it bag right now is what Carrie told me. Oh really? Carrie's like, this is the it bag. Oh man, are you so excited? Yes, I'm super excited. Now you're excited for your baby. By the way, you're not even gonna take care of it.

You're gonna fill it full of your dumb fucking That's not true. granola bars that you eat at work and your diapers and your swaddles and all that. Get that off of this. Okay. Look at that bag, you guys. Oh, my wife is gonna be fucking furious.

Well, she'll be excited if you decide to go in the same direction for her. I don't know. I mean, I think she'll be like, wait, that was supposed to be for me? And now I got all the fucking look at Jocelyn with it? It smells like real leather. I don't I don't I'm sure it is You're gonna just keep it on Jesus

Loves it is is is Eric gonna be upset with me now? He's like oh what the fuck but you have to sit let him know this is this is a big podcast budget show We could afford these kind of things How many guests now now when girls are on this show they're probably have the most love for you. And some of her friends, especially her new friends, her new Malibu friends, some of her friends, you know, no issue. I mean, I'm not saying that she's not a good friend. I'm just saying that she's a good friend.

And I'm not saying that she's not a bad friend. I'm just saying that she's a good friend. I'm not saying that she's not a bad friend. I'm just saying that she's a good friend. I'm not saying that she's not a bad friend. I'm just saying that she's a good friend. I'm not saying that she's not a bad friend. I probably have the most love for you. And some of her friends, especially her new friends, her new Malibu friends, some of her friends, you know, no issue, some of them you're like, eww. Eww.

People always think that like California is such a bubble. It's like Malibu is a weird bubble the other direction. I didn't know that. Oh it is. Oh. All right, Jocelyn, I love you. I love you. Ah! Your hands are so sweaty.

You're so sweaty. I know. That's so gross. I know. I don't love you anymore. Disgusting. share everything that went down at the Golden Globes last Sunday. Everyone is already talking about what happened on air at the Golden Globes, but you are going to hear about what happened off air from the horse's mouth. Yes, I'm the horse.

Me, Nikki Glaser. Join me on my podcast, the Nikki Glaser podcast, where I will be telling you all the details I can finally relax with my besties, my listeners, and dish what happened backstage. What went down, the things people are already talking about, the things that people should be talking about, I things that people should be talking about, I've got it all. From what it took to prep for the Golden Globes to the behind the scenes of the Golden Globes,

what went down in the rehearsals, who said what at the after party, who I saw at the after party, who was dancing with who? I'm gonna spill it all, secrets will be revealed. You do not wanna miss this episode. Listen to the Nikki Glaser podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or

wherever you get your podcasts. Inside you, two wolves are locked in battle. One thrives on fear and anger and love. Every decision, every moment feeds one of them. Which wolf are you feeding? I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. I've been there, homeless, addicted and lost. I know the power of small choices to turn your life around. On this podcast, I sit down with thinkers, leaders, and survivors to uncover what it takes to feed the good wolf.

This podcast saved me. It's like having a guide for the hardest parts of life. The wolves are hungry. What will you feed them? Listen to the one you feed on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jason Alexander.

And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Lily podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer.

We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the wooly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stunt man reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Brian Cranston is with us today. How are you two? Hello, my friend.

Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really No Really, yeah, really.

No Really. Go to ReallyNoReally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast or a limited edition signed Jason Bobblehead. It's called Really No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Posh Show!

Hey, thank you, Dr. Jocelyn. What a delight. And guess what? My wife is furious that I gave the gift away. Ha ha. That's what I wanted. I wanted it to be funny. And she was mad.

She was like, are you kidding me? Turns out it would have been a good gift for my wife. Turns out she would have loved it Guess what Jocelyn's not giving it up. That's what I like. All right, let's do our segment ready, buddy Hello from Tosh show. That's where we say hello to one of our subscribers now This week we are saying hi to Lorna in Savannah now. She's not a subscriber, but her husband Carl. He's a big fan Carl His name is Carl, but he spells his with a K you spell yours with a C. Okay, you don't care Anyway, he's just hoping that this shot out

Will make his wife Lorna get on the Tosh train Well Lorna I've never said that word before you ever said you know anybody named Lorna. No Lorna's I've never met a Lorna, I've never said that word before. You ever said, you know anybody named Lorna? No Lorna's. I've never met a Lorna. I'm excited now. Lorna we hope you uh, we hope you come aboard. I don't know. Lorna. Lorna and Carl. That's a, that sounds like a real Georgia couple. I'm gonna do some plugs. ToshShowStore.com. Get some of that sweet ToshShow merch. There you go, Carl. Welcome back. Eddie's Tour, Daniel's Tour. Check out our dates. This week, it's free plug. Let's go. Hit the free plug music.

That's just some vintage library rock music right there This week's free plug believe it or not. We're doing bowling again. Nice. I've never I've never seen a bowling commercial in my life Here on Tosh show. This is the second time we've plugged bowling. All right, it's in beautiful, Pacifica, California For the dry January sober social. Oh, that just rolls off the tongue too. Dry, no alcohol. Nothing better than bowling and sobriety. It's a substance free gathering. It's designed for those committed to staying sober

throughout the month. This is the month? I never get why people do things for one month. And then they're back. What a weird increment of time. Anyway, they're offering a refreshing way to connect with others who are taking the dry January pledge.

Is that a thing people aren't drinking in January? That's a thing. Yeah. Is that just like a New Year's thing and then you realize, oh, well, no wonder this month is so depressing. We've been sober the whole time. Join us for dinner and bowling. Okay, so they're gonna have dinner.

Oh man, what's that meal? What's that meal gonna be? Anyway, it's a dry January sober social, bowling plus dinner, January 24th from six to nine p.m. How many frames can you bowl in a three hour window? 60. What? Three hours, like at least nine.

Wait, is frames a game? Oh wait, I'm going complete games. Nine would be 90 frames, right? No, okay, how many games? I would say nine. Yeah, I've never bowled more than two games in my life. I can't imagine wanting to continue to keep bowling. Three hours is a lot. Yeah, that's a lot.

Well, I don't even care about the time. I just meant I was just referring to nine games. All right, anyway, more information. Visit stanfordbeers, no, peers. That would be weird. Stanford peers or sober underscored stanford. See you next week. Golden Globes, I'm letting my podcast listeners, my besties, in on all the behind the scenes tea. Stuff that didn't make it to the live TV taping, what went down in rehearsals, who said what

at the after party, you're going to hear it all. Listen to the Nikki Glaser podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Do you want a shortcut to the best version of you? Here it is. Feed the good wolf. I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. Every week, I talk to brilliant minds and brave souls

about the art of small, powerful choices. Our listeners say it all. This is a lifeline. Transformational. The best antidote to a bad mood I've ever heard. Join the pack and start feeding your best self. Listen to the one you feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

I'm Jason Alexander and I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the really no really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor what's in the Museum of Failure and does your dog truly love you we have the answer go to ReallyNoReally.com and register to win $500 a guest spot on our podcast or a limited edition signed Jason Bobblehead the Really No Really podcast follow us on the iHeartRadioApp Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts