Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 1 - Welcome to Ricky's Kitchen

Episode Date: August 5, 2015

This week on the Trailer Park Boys Podcast: Ricky, Julian and Bubbles discuss 'Events Happening Close To Now', including Donald Trump, Ricky's solution to the California drought, and how many minutes there are in 30 minutes. We also find out who has a crush on Hulk Hogan, and why Ricky wants a horse!   Episode One is brought to you by Amsterdam Boneshaker 7.1% India Pale Ale!  

Hey Julian, just here. Always talking to that. I'm gonna talk into that. And we'll be good. I think we're ready to fucking go here. When's Dickie and I's gonna get here? I don't know. What the fuck is going on here? What are you guys doing? What are you guys doing? Ricky, what are you talking about? The fuck is all this shit? The podcast, Ricky. We talked about this. The what?

The podcast. Are you fucking serious? We've talked about this, Ricky. The podcast. What is it? What? Oh my god. Ricky, we're doing a podcast, okay? Which means what? What the fuck do I got to do here?

You seriously don't remember any of this? A podcast, Ricky. I told you this. It's like a... It's kind of like a radio show. Except we're doing it where you can see us. If you want to. You don't remember any of this? Fucking bell blooper.

No, I don't fucking remember. Just tell me what I gotta do and can I get high? Or higher. Yeah, you can get as high as you want. We just gotta sit here and talk about, you know, shit that's going on around the world and... It's like a radio show kind of thing, Ricky, and we're actually doing it right now.

But it's not on the fucking radio, so how the fuck does anybody hear it? It's on the internet, Ricky. We broadcast it out on the internet. People are gonna... There's gonna be a lot of people hear this, Ricky, so just... You know what? I don't even give a fuck. Just do what you gotta do, and I'll just sit here and get high, I guess. Is that cool?

No, you are part of the fucking thing. We all agreed. Here, look, you got me all frazzled. I didn't start my... thing. It's alright, Bubs. Look, we're gonna have to fucking start over now because he's got it all fucked. No, he doesn't have it all fucked. We just keep it going. Come on, start over. Hello there. Welcome to the... official...

Oh, for fuck's sake, fucking shitty filter. Ricky, do it again. Just give him a second, okay? He's gonna start this off. No, take your time. Hey there! Go ahead, say whatever the fuck you want. Hi there, welcome to the first ever Trailer Park Boys podcast. I'm Bubbles.

I'm Julian. Ricky. Just say your name. I had a fucking lug full of smoke. Ricky. Ricky. Is that good, guys? That's good.

Fuck. Oh my god. Well, we're off to a flying fucking start here. This is... We got to do this. We're going to be doing this every week, Rick. Holy fuck, this is good, Ash. Bubz, I'm going to have to get high for this fucking next half hour.

Okay, so... I swear to fuck. Well, we're supposed to take this seriously. Did we start yet? Yes, we did start, Rick. Okay, this is the first official Trailer Park Boys podcast. Coming at you. What are you looking at?

The camera right fucking there, Ricky. Oh, this is on camera. Ricky. That's pretty cool. Okay, so we're on the first official... Trailer Park Boys, holy fuck, Ricky. You train wrecked the fucking thing altogether. Okay, let's get it going.

Like, we have sponsors, okay? People are sponsoring us to do this, and now you're making it look like... What do you mean people are sponsoring us to do this? What are you talking about? We're getting paid to do this, Ricky. What? Holy fuck.

See this beer, Ricky? Yeah. Where do you think that came from? Liquor store? No. Beer store. That's a good guess. Grocery store. It came? That's a good guess.

Grocery store? It came from the people that make it. Amsterdam. Of course it came from the people that make it. Amsterdam breweries. Everything goes through people that fucking make it. That's where things come from. They make it, we get it.

It's from the people that make it. Yeah, but we're getting this for free, okay? And they're paying us money right now. So this came right from them to us. Is that what you're saying? Yes. It probably came right, yeah, a dude dropped it off that works for these guys for bone shake. It's called bone shaker look at that. What is it like a ginger? No it's like a it's an unfiltered into your pale ale 7.1%

fucking sure. Oh fuck man I was double fisted look something not right with the double fisted here is there? Here here here. Could you lend me one of those? Just take one, drink it. Here, look at this. Swap shop. Why? Oh, here, you... See, and...

Okay, take a drink of it, look in the camera and tell... Are these twisties? They're not twisties, you gotta pop. Here, Ricky, there's an opener. No, I got a lighter, man. See, if you don't have an opener, just use your finger as a lever or lever, depending where you're from. Bye-bye.

Nice work, Ricky. Give it a try. Yeah, so this is bone shaker, unfiltered into your pale ale, and it's fucking nice tasting beer, too. Rick. I'll be the judge of that. Fuck it, then. Oh, fuck. Who's complaining about smoking someone else's joint, eh? I'm not complaining.

I wasn't going to smoke dope for this, but you're fucking driving me crazy. Coat the palete with a little hash, and then I'll try to see what this does. The what? Oh, now look. Wow. See, you... What was that? Just wait.

See where it gets its name. That's right. was that? Just wait. Let's see where it gets its name. That's right. It's fucking pretty good. What happened? Just kind of like... Give your little shake. Give your bones a little shake.

Ricky, are you just doing that? Fucking 7.1, wow. Take another drink. In a minute. So what are we doing here? Let's get this fucking... Let's just get on with this. Just wait.

I want to see if this is really happening. Is that really giving you... The first what, Diggs? Is there really nothing? In a minute. So what are we doing here? Let's just get on with this. Just wait. I want to see if this is really happening. Is that really giving you... The first one, Diggs, is what's expected. It fucking gives your bones a little shake. It's nice. Hey, Bodes. Hey, Bodes, wake the fuck up.

Time to get up and fucking play. Doesn't make me shake. I like it, but... Your bones are fucking fast asleep. Mine are ready to dance. Ricky, how can his bones be asleep? They're not waking up. Give me that fucking thing.

What's up, man? What's on deck here? Who's running the show here? Julian? We all caught up. We're running the show together, Ricky. I think I should host. Okay, go for it.

Host it, Ricky. No, what are you talking about? Let him host it. He wants to host. Okay, go for it. Host it, Rick. No, what are you talking about? Let him host it. He wants to host the fucking show Hosting. You know what? I'll host later, but you guys start the hosting, so I see how to host, and then I'll take over. Well, it's already happening. I'm already hosting. Well, host away.

Hosting? I am hosting. Here, you host for one second. What do you want me to say? Okay, we're going to talk about some stuff here that's's gonna be really fucking important. Hopefully. It could be really fucking dumb. I don't really know because I don't know what we're talking about. But apparently people are gonna hear this and maybe see it. You still don't even know what the fuck we're doing, do you, Ricky? I'm having a good time. It's all I fucking know. Think of it, think of it this way. We should do more

of these fucking things. Instead of a podcast, it's all I fucking know. Think of it this way. We should do more of these fucking things, boys. Instead of a podcast, it's a podcash. We're making money to do this. Podcash. Money. Podcash. So these guys are sponsoring us. Big fan of these guys.

I'm glad they are. Hopefully they sponsor us more, maybe. Well, they. And, I mean, think of all the fucking ones we could get, Ricky. Yeah. Get sponsors from, like, other things. Is this a sponsor? Who makes these fucking things? Are they any Ricky. Yeah. Get sponsors from other things. Is this a sponsor who makes these fucking things? Are they any good?

No. Can't say. Can't say. Maybe someday we'll be able to set the bag there. It's too bad we can't, because they're pretty fucking good. They are good. They're one of my favorites. So what if we got like, we can get whatever we want,

sort of thing? Well, people will see this, and hopefully they'll like it and want to sponsor us three rolling papers rolling papers perfect clones rolling papers see the little camera down there ricky oh yeah see that it's a little that's a little joint rolling camera that's cool so we could put papers there in the future if someone wants to sponsor us you know what i'd like to, I'd like to fucking get a fucking horse. That'd be wicked. Ride around like a fucking cowboy. You just don't fucking get it, man. We're not going to get a horse to sponsor us. How the fucking,

how is a horse going to pay us money to be on the podcast? And where the fuck are we going to put the horse? I'd build a horse thing. You'd build a horse thing. Ricky, why would we get a horse to sponsor us? You're so fucked up. It'd be fun to ride around on them and get pony rides and shit. You could make would we get a horse to sponsor us? You're so fucked up. If you find a ride around,

you can have pony rides and shit. You can make money from a fucking horse. You can make more money from a horse than a truck. How? How are you going to make more money from a horse than a truck? There's probably 50 kids in this park and they'd all go for little pony rides. Five, ten bucks each. You're not going to start charging the kids five, ten bucks each.

All right, what would you like to get for a sponsorship? And how the fuck is that going to be part of the podcast? We're just doing a podcast where we're getting sponsors. We're not getting a fucking horse. Okay, well, we'll talk about the horse later. It would have to be a company that sells horses, Ricky. You can't have a horse come in and sponsor us. Horses don't have money.

Well, all right. Maybe we can talk about the next fucking thing then. Sponsors, done. What's next? Well, it's not done because... Well, it's not done because there's a lot of these sponsors to drink yet, and I'm planning on drinking every fucking one of them. What else, though? Hey, Ricky, have a drink of your bone shaker.

You know, I slid that in there. Slid that in there like a product placement type thing. You know, I usually drink rum, but if I was a beer drinker, it would definitely be a bone shaker. 7.1. Are you kidding me? Get pretty drunk off that shit. Somebody made a call for this.

Thank you. All right, you can have the rest of that, actually. I'm going to need it. Okay, so can we officially start? I just want to officially say that I'm getting call for this. Thank you. All right, you can have the rest of that, actually. I'm going to need it. Okay, so can we officially start? I just want to officially say that I'm getting banged up. Okay, let's... Hi there, welcome to the official Trailer Park Boys podcast. This is the first one ever. Baked cast.

We're here in Ricky's kitchen. Got Julian here, my best friend Julian. Ricky, here in Ricky's kitchen. Got Julian here. How you doing? My best friend Julian. Ricky, my other best friend Ricky. Bubbles. Okay boys here we go. Alright let's do this. Basically all you're supposed to do is just talk about whatever. Okay. I got a list of things here. Awesome. Current events is something they talk about on podcasts. Alright let's talk about some current events. Events that are happening right now, I guess, or close to right now. You don't need to explain to people what a current event is, Ricky.

Oh, Piper, I think it's a fucking like a river current. It's an event that's happening in a fucking river. Holy fuck, Ricky. Nobody would ever think that. Nobody would ever go, oh, fuck, they're going to talk about things that are happening in the river. Well, I'm the only guy right now that's high, fucking drinking beer, that maybe

when you said current, first thing I thought of was a fucking river. Is that what you're saying? Fine. Next topic. Besides the river. We haven't done a topic yet. And we don't want to talk about a river. It doesn't make any sense. I wasn't going to. I said it's events that are happening right now

or close to now. I was explaining what it was. Not a river fucking current for people that might have thought it was a fucking river current. What is a fucking event happening close to now? Fuck. Well,

Donald Trump. Yes, that is a current event. You know, he's not... He's a fucking rich, powerful, pretty smart man with pretty cool hair. All right, and what? What's going on with him these days? He's probably getting married or divorced or something. I don't know. What the fuck are you talking about? He announced that he's gonna run for president.

President of what? One of his companies? That's pretty tough. No. Of the United States of America, Ricky, okay? He's running for the fucking president of the United States of America. Yes he is, yeah. It's happening right now. What? Trying to be the president? Well, fuck, he might be pretty good. He's good at running companies. That's what they need down there,

because their fucking, their monies are fucked or something, I heard. He can't even talk about current events to me. What do you guys, do you guys have a fucking thoughts about what the fuck he's doing? Well, you know what, he kind of hit something there. He is a great businessman. He knows what he's doing.

If he can run the country like a business, like he said. Some say he's not so great. Some say he isn't. Some say he is. He's a very wealthy man. He's smart. Maybe he can do a good job with the whole thing. I don't know.

Or maybe he could fuck the whole thing up and wreck the whole place. Exactly. I'm not sure they could fuck it much more than it's fucked at the moment, could they? Although our country's more fucked, I guess. Ricky. Bubs, we've got to get on politics, man. You know what? I'm not even going to fucking talk.

You guys go ahead. You guys talk. No, Ricky. I want you to talk. It's just supposed to. You know, the podcast is supposed to be. People are like, holy. That was very insightful.

Okay, Donald Trump. Some people fucking love him. Some people say fuck him. Moving on. Okay. Moving on, some people fucking love him, some people say fuck him. Moving on. Okay. Moving on, I guess, Bob's. California drought. Yeah, that's a bad one.

That's a big fucking current issue. Is this a band, a show, or what the fuck are we talking about? It's a drought, Ricky. There's no rain. It's like they're having problems. They're running out of fucking water. It's dry. It's a drought, Ricky. There's no rain. It's like they're having problems. They're running out of fucking water. It's dry. It's dry.

California dry. California's fucking losing its water. That's right. There's got to be ways to fix that. Well, okay. How would you fix the drought problem in California, Ricky? First thing that comes to mind with this buzz on is big fucking fans. Big, big fucking fans.

They put them up high enough that they blow rain clouds down there, rain on the fucking place for a few days. Fans. Fans in the sky. Blowing the clouds down. How the fuck are you going to keep the fans? We've got lots of fucking rain. Let's fucking share our rain.

Blow it down there. So you're going to have fans up in the fucking, like, two miles up, blowing fucking clouds down while over... Why are you even trying to explain that? Ricky, do you know how big the fucking fan would have to be to blow clouds down to California? They build big fucking shipboys. No, Ricky, I'm talking...

Aircraft characters, all that shit. They build that shit. They can build a big fucking fan that's big and high. Bigger and taller than the CN Tower. And it blows fucking clouds. Maybe it moves, so it kind of blows the clouds and follows them and keeps blowing them until they get to where you need them. You're talking like a big fucking spaceship, like something from Star Wars or something here, Ricky.

You could do that too. You could build a fucking spaceship that had a big tarp behind it like a trawler. Instead of trawling for fish, you'd catch a cloud and trawl the fucking thing down there and let it rain. Catch a fucking cloud. Are you kidding me?

Catch a fucking cloud. Bye-bye, California dry. So you want to catch clouds on a big aircraft carrier type of thing that's in the sky and ship it over to california we're just shooting out ideas here guys buzz on i think that's one of the dumbest things you've ever said maybe that's the cure for everything isn't it care for everything what do you mean you got a desert not anymore blow cloud down there now it's fucking nice and wet grass is growing people live in there you just you can't blow fucking clouds from not

yet you can Ricky what else can we solve what else you got that's just one idea maybe someone take that idea and make some sense of it and do something that might work. Wildfires. Oh, fuck, there's a lot of those. There's 78 fucking wildfires burning right now in Canada. Yeah, that sucks. Uncontrolled wildfires. See, the clouds wouldn't work there because it wouldn't rain hard enough to put the fucking things out.

Well, it could have, but it would have to last for days, maybe weeks. Clouds. But, same idea as the planes, that they have the big tanker planes they need bigger ones of those like the size of a aircraft character that flies in the sky and dumps water on them or big fire trucks bigger aircraft character sized fire trucks and you build special roads that they just go in and say this is done in an hour this is a joke i can't i can't even listen to this anymore man it's an aircraft carrier not a character ricky potato potato you would seriously put that forth as a solution build a fucking giant fire truck then you got to build a special road for it to drive on i'll probably yeah

well the fire truck that came up normal but then it went out the top so you filled that with water. Like a wing. Anyway, you know what? Fuck. You guys invited me on here so I could get drunk and get high and I'm just throwing out fucking ideas. If you don't like them, fucking throw out some better ones. No, it's good Ricky. I'm just gonna not talk. No, I'm just gonna sit here and drink my fucking 7.1 and enjoy my buzz line.

I like the fucking fact that you're brainstorming. Uh-oh. What happened? Just went on silent mode or something. We lost her. This is the fucking, oh my God, boys, I don't know what we're gonna do if this doesn't turn back on. Just keep going. Okay. Okay.

Oh, I got nothing. Ricky, talk about... Talk about... Just keep going with it. Okay, um... Oh, I got nothing. Ricky, talk about, um... Talk about, uh... How it affects a... How it affects a carburetor. Just keep trying to get this computer going. How do you fix a carburetor, Ricky? How long do these fucking things go?

Because, you know, there's things that have to get done here, right? They go like 30 minutes, Ricky. 30? What do you mean by 30 minutes? You fucked up your stopwatch, though, Bubz. Did I? Yeah, it's not. Oh, she's not going. Is it 30 minutes, like, in total, or like 30 different minute segments that you string together?

It's 30 minutes in total, Ricky. Well, it's the same fucking thing. What do you mean if it's 30 minutes in total, Ricky. Okay, so. Well, it's the same fucking thing. I'm just trying to make it easier. What do you mean if it's 31 minute pieces, Ricky? That's still 30 minutes. Not necessarily. If you had 30 one minute chunks,

and suppose you were, oh wow, after the first one minute chunk, you're like talking about the second one minute chunk, so then there'd be that in between that. So 31 minute chunks could be, fuck, easily 35 minutes. Ricky. What the fuck?

What is he talking about? I don't have a fucking clue. Just smoke another one. It's 30 seconds altogether, Ricky. 30 minutes. 30 minutes. See, you're fucking me up now. 60 seconds times 15.

No, times 30 is 30 minutes. You're not helping. I'm no kidding, man. I'm back. What did we just smoke there, Ricky? It was some nice, nice hash. 31-minute pieces, Ricky, is 30 minutes, no matter how you fucking slice them up.

We could test it, whatever. Test it? You don't need to test it. It's been tested since the fucking dawn of time. Thirty minutes is thirty minutes. Oh, fuck. I was gonna do a little blast. You know what the secret is to drinking responsibly?

What's that? You drink four or five drinks, then you have a nap. Then you get up, and you're good to go that's fucked up Ricky no so I'm about to have a nap here shortly you're not gonna have a fucking nap tuck me in have a nap okay you know what boys let's just see what's happening on the old DMZ here let's see who we got. Hulk Hogan. Fuck's sakes. Hulk Hogan fired by the WWE.

That's right, man. N-word scandly raps. Oh my fuck. This fucking pipe is shit. Whose pipe is this? Ricky, Ricky! Ricky! Ricky. That's the microphone. What? Oh my god, did you burn it? I put the microphone down inside your bong to try to keep you interested.

Well fuck man, you gotta tell me this kind of shit. Did you burn the microphone? Fuck's sakes, just lost a piece of hash down there. I'm sorry, I thought you would know that's not a bong. Just roll another joint Ricky, there's no bongs on the table. Fucks sakes. Boys, I gotta have a nap. Suck the N right off the mic. Really fucking suck it.

Okay, no, no, we're gonna talk about some other things. Okay, we got Hulk Hogan here. He threw the N-bomb a few times, a bunch of times. Hogan fired by WWE as N-word Sc scandly raps he was dropping in n words what idiot he recorded it they've got the audio for it he's in a lot of trouble he's well he's fired he can't be dropping n bombs no he doesn't get to do that nobody does it doesn't matter well some people do snoop throws it around a bit but he's allowed to Well, some people do. Snoop throws it around a bit, but he's allowed to.

Yes. He's not allowed. He doesn't... He can't do that. He's got a nice tan, but that still doesn't... So does your mother. What do you mean he's got a nice tan, Bobbs? I mean, Hulk Hogan's got a beautiful tan. It's a beautiful tan like okay I could see if you're like okay you know Angelina Jolie she's got a

beautiful tan that makes sense but Hulk Hogan's got a beautiful no I was saying I think that's why he thinks he can drop because no but he's got a beautiful tan there's nothing wrong saying other man's good-looking doesn't mean you're I'm not saying that I'm just saying I think how Hulk Hogan's a fine looking specimen. There you go. Okay, so you've got a crush on him. No, I don't got a crush on him now. You're attracted to him now.

I'm not. Let's not get off topic. You call another man beautiful because he has a nice tan. I didn't call him beautiful. You did call him beautiful, man. I did not, see? You're attracted to Hulk Hogan. If you called me beautiful or good looking, I wouldn't think anything of it.

I'd just be like, thanks. I didn't call him beautiful. I said he's got a beautiful tan. That's different than saying, fuck, Hulk Hogan's beautiful. Okay, check this out. If the Green Bastard was in the ring with Hulk Hogan, and they'd gotten a move, and some tingling things started happening for the Green Bastard, which would probably happen,

because he's got such a nice, beautiful tan, he's beautiful. Jesus, boys, I'm triple pissed. Would you try to bang him? Who's this? If you could tan. He's beautiful. Jesus, boys. I'm triple pissed. Would you try to bang him? Who's this? If he let you. I would not. I'd be the best out of him. If it kind of slipped in there by mistake and he didn't

push away, would you keep going? What the fuck are we talking about? Just say it, man. You've got a crush on Hulk Hogan. You want to bang him. I don't want to bang Hulk Hogan. How did we get talking about going from tans to banging? Because all I said was he's got a beautiful tan,

and then he goes, oh, you think he's beautiful, you want to bang him. You do think he's beautiful. You know what that means? He's got a beautiful tan, he's beautiful, and you did say he was handsome. There's a book by a man named Sigmund Freud that I read one time, Julian, and guess what, you talking about time, Julian. And guess what? You talking about that? You know what that means?

No. You want to bang Hulk Hogan. I don't want to bang him. You're projecting it over on me. Are you kidding me? No. You're probably attracted to his muscles. See, I like the way you flipped this around.

I didn't flip it around. You're the one that called him beautiful and that you wanted to bang him. You wanted to wrestle him and shit. No, but I didn't bring it up. You did. And it's probably because you like his oiled up muscles. And you want to put your fingers up. Okay, you may not say he's beautiful, but do you think he has nice muscles?

No, I don't check those dudes. You don't think he's got nice muscles? No, man. He's big. He's a big dude. He must have crossed your aisle. Good for him. Congratulations. You got really big. Do you think you have better muscles than Hulk Hogan? No, I don't have better muscles. It's not a better thing

here. If he challenged you to a flex off, would you take him off? Well, the international bodybuilding championships would disagree that it's not a better thing. He's fucking huge, man. He's way bigger than me, okay? So you are attracted to his size. I'm not attracted to him, but this is

fucking ridiculous. I'm not, I don't even... I'm not going to admit he's got a beautiful tan. You should just admit that you're attracted to his muscles. Anyway, whether or not he has a beautiful tan and you do or do not like his muscles, he's dropping N-bombs, and that's pretty fucked. Yeah, that is fucked up.

Okay, moving on. Fuck you, Hulk Hogan. Can't do that. You got five more minutes here, bubs. Really? Then I can not? Then you can have a nap. You got five more minutes here, bubs. Really? Then I can nap? Then you can have a nap. I'm napping four minutes.

This beer will be gone in about, excuse me, three minutes. I can't get it working. What the fuck? Oh, my fuck. We can probably just wrap it up. Do you want me to fucking? We can wrap it up, I think. Wrap it up?

Yeah. We could talk about other things, man. What about 50 Cent, man? All the shit he's going through right now. The guy's getting sued. He had to fucking declare bankruptcy. You know he's got all kinds of money in some fucking vault somewhere. Cash.

Well, he sent out an Instagram, I think, or a Tweety thing. Yeah. That said, yeah, he took a picture in front of a smart car. Said times are really tough. I think he was just pulling my leg. Pulling everyone's leg. It'd be pretty fucked if a guy like that went bankrupt with his name. Because that's all he'd be worth.

50 cent, Ricky. You know, he's got a fucking big vault somewhere filled with cash. All right, he's just playing around. You know what? It's time for my drinking nap. I'll be good in about an hour. All right, he's just playing around. You know what? It's time for my drinking nap. I'll be good in about an hour. All right, Ricky. Take a nap, and I'll get reconfigured here. What does it mean? We're done now?

Ricky! Why didn't you just go into the living room, go on the fucking sofa? Look at that, he's out already. For those of you that can't see what's happening right now, Ricky has climbed into his sink, and he's laying on his dirty dishes to have a nap. He's fucked. Well, okay, say bye.

All right, everybody, cheers. And Bone Shaker, thanks for the fucking beer. It was great. I'm not a beer guy, but these guys said it was awesome, so I'll take their word for it. Bone Shaker. Shakes your bones. 7.1.

Cheers. Are we just going to leave him there? I guess so. Let's just gonna leave him there? I guess so. Let's just fucking leave him there. Fuck it.