Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 10 - Ransterdam

Episode Date: July 31, 2023

Bubbles and Randy bring you a special edition of Park After Dark from Amsterdam, EU! Find out what Randy's getting up to in the city of bikes, hash and red lights. Plus: Floating kitties and greasy-as-F**K attractions!

Okay, are you rolling? Rolling. We got her. Okay, Randy, here we are. Perk After Dark Special Edition. Amsterdam. Amsterdam. Yeah, we're here, Randy.

That's right. We're out on a, uh, we just finished a tour, Bubbles and the Shitrockers. We played all over fucking Europe. Where were we? Prague, Berlin. That's right. We played here.

Then where did we go? Liverpool. Liverpool, yeah. London, Glasgow. I mean, we're back here now because Randy had to come back to speak to someone that he met. I made some big friends here in Amsterdam. It's been a wonderful, wonderful experience.

Yeah, I bet you did. I bet you made some friends. Why is it, like, what is it, Amsterdam EU, is it? What? Like, we're still in Europe? Like, you don't have to go through, like, the borders? Like, were they... Not right now.

Once you're in, we're in part of the EU, yes. in europe like you don't have to go through like the borders like where they not right no once you're in we're in part of the eu yes so once you're in there you can zip around country to country what do you think we've been doing it's really cool i must say you're not people already know this randy not everybody knows so i didn't know so not everybody knows. Well, not everybody's as dumb as you either, you know? How many times did you fall in the fucking canal? Only once, and it was because I almost got hit by a bike. There's lots of bicycles in Amsterdam EU, right? You don't call it Amsterdam EU.

It's just Amsterdam. There's bicycles, and they're the nice ones. They're like the rollers. When you sit on them, it's not like the old 10-speeds. they're the nice ones. They're like the rollers. When you sit on them, it's not like the old 10 speeds. They got the nice seats and some of them have got baskets. Remember the bike with the basket that I had in Sunnyvale? Friggin Ricky broke it on me.

Yeah, she threw it in the lake. That's what they do here. They throw the bicycles in these canal systems. Can we go for a pedal boat ride, bubs? Me and you? No. There for a pedal boat ride, bubs? Me and you, no. There's a pedal boat right there. You can find someone else to go on the pedal boat with you. It's gonna look like we're on a date.

They got some free anal tours here for lovers. Anal lovers. It's canal tours. Oh, it says right there, anal. It's canal. Lovers anal. Randy, the C's missing. Aw, for frig's sakes. What would an anal tour be? I thought that you...

Don't, actually don't even answer it. Well, there's nothing better than anal in a boat, really. You can go to the Red Light District. Red Light District is this place that crazy things happen. I only went there once, but that was the last time. I didn't go there. You only went there once, but that was the last time. I didn't go there. You only went there once, did you? Yeah, I haven't.

I haven't. I went there years ago. Remember when we did a little comedy tour and we were here? I went then. Yeah, okay. I want you to reach in your back pocket right there on this side, Randy.

Reach in your back pocket. I just got gotta comb it. What the frig? What the frig is that? That right there Randy is called a smart tag. Okay? So I've been tracking your movements around today.

I can see you on the phone here. So let's just have a look smart tag okay see the map you made 17 stops today 17 stops what's that area right there called Randy cheeseburger district no that's yeah no that's the red light district the special part of the red light district. The special part of the red light district. Where the fellas are. Well, you gotta walk past the fellas to get to all sections and, you know, well I'm a

tourist, I take them all in. That's the way it is. Okay, look, if I zoom in I can pinpoint right there. Okay. You are inside... Look. Inside one of the fella places. Just to use the bathroom, that's all.

I had a little emergency and... But look, you were in that one too, and that one, and that one. I had to go many times. 26 minutes apart. So you have to piss every 26 minutes, and you go into a prostitution booth where the fellas are.

I was just actually number two, not number one. And I was just sort of chatting, and then just took a 26-minute shit, and then five minutes later, you need to take another 26-minute shit. I don't feel comfortable talking about that. That's private. Bubbles? For freak's sake. Anyway, smart tag. That's just so you don't, you know, I don't lose you like I already did in fucking London.

It's been fun though, holy frick. You know where else I went though today? I went to one of those, those cafes. And look, I got a little join hash right here so I don't want any of your dirty red light ash they say I asked the guy there because it's not just coffee and the coffee here is really good but they got they got hash and weed at these cafes and I said where does it come from let me see it comes from a rock I didn't know India had such good

friggin weed and hash where's that from Morocco India Morocco India smooth you want some no I don't think so, do I? Well, it's just smooth. Usually I put it in my honey bong and do that. I could mow a lawn, I swear. I mow a lawn in probably two minutes. Randy, that tastes like fuckin' potpourri. Potpourri?

I think they sold you potpourri, bud. No. Are you gettin' the buzz off that? Because that's potpourri? I think they sold you potpourri bud. No. Are you getting the buzz off that? Because that's potpourri. Oh boy. It's making me hungry. We should go back and get some friggin cheeseburgers is what I think. No. Not to the area you got them in. I wonder how many people can fit on these friggin boats and why don't they have barbecues going? They're way after the people.

Because you could sit there and have a barbecue on the boat, sell cheeseburgers. Oh, they're waving. It says hop on, hop off. We should go get on. No, we're doing the thing. We've got to talk to the people. For how long?

A while. You were supposed to get, you know, some facts about... Oh, I got that here. You got some stuff? Okay. Well, let's see what you got. I would like to have one of these. Like, look how... Hey! Frig off!

Yeah. Look. You frig off. He's yelling Randy. Don't hit that boat! Look how handsome that guy was. How did he know your name? Because you picked him up, probably.

I bet a lot of people. I'm friendly. All right, look. I printed this out. I got them to print it out at the hotel because we don't have a computer here. Here, what do you got here? All right, so look.

Look, weird stories. What do you got here? All right, so look. Look, weird stories. What do we got? The floating cat shelter. What the fuck is this? The world's only floating cat shelter on Amsterdam's canal. The Pooz and Boot, or the cat boat, is home to 50 cats. Pooz and Boot's good movies. Oh, the Pooz and Boot. Yeah. 50 cats. Antonio Burd Boots good movies. Oh the Puss in Boots. Yeah. Antonio

Badanas. What's his name? Banderas. Antonio Banderas. I am puss. I like that guy. He's good. Why didn't you tell me about this? Floating cat shelter. We could be on that thing right now. What? 50 cats? Why didn't you tell me? We're standing here. We could be on a fucking floating cat boat. Well, maybe we could get tickets. Fuck your stupid rant. 14 of the 50 cats live on the boat permanently. They're boat kitties. I don't think I've ever seen a boat kitty. Do they I've seen boat kiddies but I'd like to be on with the

boat kiddies right now not standing here in the fucking park drinking warm beer do you have any more of these I do right here get me one will ya all right this is what I got to deal with this is what I got to deal with. This is what I got to deal with. Oh, ice cold too, bubs. Okay, well you didn't fuck that up at least. Alright. Cheers, buddy. We're in Amsterdam. How much longer do we got to do this thing?

Why? We just started, didn't we? I've got, well I've got an appointment. What kind of an appointment? With... with Stevie. He said he was... Oh, Stevie. He's gonna help me do some waxing.

You're getting waxed, are you? Just a couple of parts I'm gonna get waxed. What are you getting waxed? This is a little embarrassing, but... Your hole. Are you getting your hole waxed in Amsterdam? This is a little embarrassing about this. Your hole. Are you getting your hole waxed in Amsterdam? It's not my hole.

It's just around. Because, anyway, for some reason... It's not my hole. It's just right around the outside. For some reason, my hair... That's your hole, Randy. What? You're not... Anything within a three inch fucking radius is your hole.

It's been growing too long. And normally it would stay, and lately it's been growing. I don't know why. Welcome to Amsterdam, everybody. Randy's arse hair is growing uncontrollably. But I'm gonna get it waxed, is what I'm gonna do, and it's gonna take care of it. You're going to get your hole waxed.

No, beside of it. I don't think I'd want to get, well, hot wax. Are you getting her bleached? No, I'm not doing any of that. Because that's what they do, because you can do the same thing with a bottle of Javax. Well, it probably takes care of it. Just sit on a bottle of Javax. Well, it probably takes care of it. Just sit on a bottle of Javax and then stand on your head

but hold it, you know, over your hole. Get her up there. That'll bleach it out. I read that it takes care of a lot of different fecals. I don't even want to get into that. I don't know what that means. Okay, here's another fact about Amsterdam. The red light district has the only museum

of prostitution in the world. What would be in a museum of prostitution? Like old mattresses and things? Maybe some of the clothes that they used to wear or something. And the toys? There's always been toys. Toys? Yeah.

I read about that one. Let me see for a second here. Sex toys. Great. You can't just read, Randy. At least read out loud. You're right back now, aren't you? This is really actually quite good, this.

This. The Moroccan. It was called watermelon or something. I thought it was good. You know what, prostitution is the oldest, oldest job in the history. You do that. That's why there's a museum. Because people have been prostitutes.

See, now you're not making sense. This is why you shouldn't smoke the whole thing by yourself. You're turning into Ricky. I is why you shouldn't smoke the whole thing by yourself. You're turning into Ricky. I didn't. I didn't. Take a tour with retired sex workers. Did you know you could do that?

Twin sisters, Martine and Louise Falkins. Falkins. The Falkin sisters. What is it the chances their name would be the Falkin' Sisters. What is it the chances their name would be the Fockin' Sisters? Martine and Louise Fockin' were sex workers in the Red Lake District for over 50 years. So what is it?

Jesus, Murphy, so even if they started when they were 20, they were still doing it at 70. Do you know them? No, I don't. I never met them. But they could probably definitely tell you what it used to be and what it's come into. And things have changed in 50 years. How do you think the prostitution has changed? It's the same concept.

The lights would have been lit with candles instead of electricity. No, they had lights 50 years ago. That was the 70s. Yeah. They had light bulbs in the 70s. Definitely. What happened in the 70s? 69, that's a good year, right? But the 70s? 69, that's a good year, right? But the 70s was disco? Yeah, disco was big in the 70s, you're correct. John Travolta?

Travolta was very popular in the 70s. He can dance. Man, that man knows how to dance. Yeah, he can dance. Travolta can dance, I, he can dance. Travolta can dance. I will give you that. Travolta can dance. If he asked me to dance, I'd dance with him. That's a good band name.

I'd slow dance. Travolta can dance. But I'd slow dance with him. I couldn't keep up with him. A slow dance would be a nice dance. You'd slow dance with John Travolta if you could? I would. There's rumors about John Travolta that he would like to slow dance with you, too.

He's got style. that's what it is. You know he's bald as a fucking baby's arse too, eh? I know. Travolta. How's it freaking going? No. He's lighting a cigarette. Not interested.

That looks like... He's texting and driving. Well that looks like Relic's boat from the beachcombers. No, that's not a jet boat. But if it was a gondola. I mean, if Relic lived in Venice, that's what Relic would drive. Jet boat. Okay, what other facts you got here?

Amsterdam is built on 11 million wooden poles. Pardon me? Pardon me feels like we talked about this another time. Some point in my life. What kind of poles? It's below sea level, so Amsterdam is built on clay and soil, which is very soft and can shift.

Without the poles, the support of the city, without the poles that support the city, the buildings would shift, cause huge damage. There's 11 million poles holding this whole fucking city up. See, I don't feel comfortable with that. It sounds very dangerous. Hey! You seem to know every fella in this city, Randy.

I like this. It's... This is a purdy town. They're not calling out my name, but they seem to be yelling Randy a lot. And it's all fellas. This is what happens when you disappear for a couple days. You know? You know what they say.

What happens in Amsterdam, happens. They say that, do they? Who says that? What happens in Amsterdam happens. I'm really kind of freaked out right now. That's good. That's good. It's more entertaining for me when you don't make sense. I make sense. I make sense. I need another beer.

So, also Randy, Amsterdam has the smallest house in Europe. Did you know that? What do you mean? Amsterdam, what do you got there now? I got some crisps. That's what they call chips over here. I know, but we're not from here, so we call them chips. What kind are they? Santana?

Smithina. They're smetana acebuli from Bohemia. We're eating some Bohemia smetana Acebuli from Bohemia. We're eating some Bohemia Smetana Acebuli. It looks like, oh, it's sour cream and onion. Look, sour cream and onion. Smetana Acebuli means smetana must be sour cream. See how smart I am? And cebuli means onion.

I'm gonna have one. Okay, so the smallest house in Europe. We should go see this. It's only two meters wide. I can't get in very small houses. I can. Two meters, that's what? Six feet. So it's only... It's not as wide as this table.

Who lived in the house? And it's only five meters deep. So that's not, that's 15 feet. So she's only 15 by six. I've seen those tiny houses. Like people live- My shed's not 15 by six. That's not a big deal to live in a house 15 by six.

That's a fucking mansion. There's four times more bicycles, this is what I wanted to talk about. Four times more bicycles than cars in Amsterdam. I got hit by a bicycle today. Why were you even on a bicycle? Because I was, no I wasn't on it, but my belly was over the line,

and it hit me going by. It hurts. The bicycle did? Yeah. What the fuck have you been doing all day? Randy is my point. Oh, I've been getting backies. Backies?

Yeah. You get driven around on bikes. Like guys. Oh, Jesus. Really handsome. I thought you were gonna say something else. That guy needs to tune up his fucking gondola. He's gonna hit his head.

Look, he knows what he's doing, Randy. He had to frigging duck. I don't know if that's safe. Maybe they should have a sign saying low bridge. Like really, you know, someone... What if he had a few drinks in him? Well, he wouldn't be driving around in a fucking 75-foot fucking gondola, probably.

Anyway, so you got backies all day. I did. I got all... You should see these guys. They're so handsome. How does a... How do you get a backie? You just see the yellow, you say backie, and they pick you up. So they double you on their bikes? Yeah. Okay, that's not as bad as I thought it was going to be.

You know something? The buttockses in Amsterdam are very firm due to the multiple uses of bikes. They use bikes every day. There's bikes that you can just use, and they're city bikes. I don't know. You've never... when's the last time you were on a bike? You couldn't battle 500 yards without fucking dying. I'm too scared to drive a bike here because they drive faster than the cars. But in Sunnyvale it'd be the last time but then I got the golf cart So, but I'm getting my steps in because I like walking around the city. The architecture in Amsterdam is unbelievable.

You're just looking at the architecture, are you? Like, look. And the firm arses. Well, a buttock's from, and the thing is, is low impact bubbles. You don't have to get up when you're running and stuff going and it impacts and that that hurts your shins and everything and it freaks you out don't you show us go for a little jog if you like so impact each time i'm it goes down and that's not good so you know what you need is the bicycle, because then you can just glide and it's good exercise.

But here, I think you need a license. And they don't even wear helmets. What's with the sandals, Randy? These are my Amsterdam walking sandals. Makes it easier to get your pants off, because you just have to kick them. That's what you do. Why were you in a hurry to get your pants off because you just have to kick them. That's what you do. Why were you in a hurry to get your pants off in Amsterdam?

Sometimes the temperature makes things a little moist and What things? Just, I told you about the hair problem earlier and It's just uncomfortable bubs you know you got a big fucking big hairy hole that's moist it's not the hole that's here it's it's around I know Randy but it's the whole area it's the whole hole hole it's kind of longer right in the middle where it comes anyway so right on it's hard to swallow the bug Amsterdam bug, what do you got here? You got weird stories for us to talk about, do you?

Archaeologists unearth Renaissance era urine flasks. That's Caesar's form and wrong. Why do I give a fuck about that, Randy? Urine flasks. Oh, that's, you know what that is, bubs? That means that they created piss jugs. Like the Greeks and the Romans, because they're urine flasks.

So even they would piss in a flask and then they'd throw it. Okay, they did too, darling, yeah. See, they created a lot of stuff. What would it be made out of, rock? It'd be a stone pest job. What was the Greeks? They made yogurt? No, the Greeks.

They're not Greeks. I messed up. I'm high. What are they again, Romans? Greeks? They're not Romans. They're from, yeah, they got good salad. Romans are from Rome. Right, but then... As far as I know, which is in Italy.

So they were the Romans. Yes. Because they roamed everywhere. No, they're from Rome. They're from Rome. When in Rome. Romans. No, but who built the city in Rome. Romans. No, but who built the city?

Not the Romans. Who was Caesar? He came up with the salad? Jefferson Starship. They built the city on rock and roll. Bob, spring off. They built this city. We built this city on 11 million poles.

That's good. I like that. See how I brought that back? That's why I get paid the fucking money, bud. That's why I get paid the money. People just look a lot happier. Like, look, that little boat right there. They're getting drunk and squealing. Woo!

See, he's got his beer in his hand. He yelled Randy too. How do they all know you, Randy? Have you met every fella in the city? Not every fella. It's a big city, but I'm gonna go, I'm getting around, is what I'm gonna do. I'm getting around. That's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna get around.

Like the Beach Boys. Well, we should... Round, round, get around, I get around, yeah. Okay. I think we should get around. That's what we should do. We should probably wrap this up, don't you think, Bubs? Like, it's... I think it's time to get a little... Well, I got more of this, this hash joint here.

Anyway, is there birthdays on there or anything? There's two other things you had. Is there? What is it? Oh, 90 Day Fiance star Stephanie Maddow was hospitalized after eating too many beans to sell farts. Remember this, we talked about her on here before. She was selling farts in a jar for a thousand bucks a piece. She sold

$200,000 worth of farts. She sold 200 farts for a thousand dollars. That is not true. That's false. I think that's the false stuff. No, so in her two-month venture... People don't buy farts. Well, she was only eating yogurt, eggs, and beans. She ended up in the hospital when she thought she was having a heart attack. But she was just full of fucking, you know,

fart vapors. How long have they been selling fart vapors? That doesn't sound real. You don't need to worry about it. You're not going to be selling fart vapors. How long have they been selling fart vapors? That doesn't sound real. You don't need to worry about it. You're not going to be selling fart vapors to anybody. So it's not really the fart vapor. So if you fart in it, what do you fart in? A jar.

So it's the jar. It's really shit particles is what it is. Because the vapor has to go. It wouldn't trap in there, it would get out. No, you put the thing, you know, if you happen to have a hole that has long hair and it's moist, you would put the can over it, right? Have the lid right here, and then you do it and go.

I think that's what you'd do. I mean, I'd neverared it in a jar before but they should make a fart test tube because then you could maybe put it in and then you get it all that would probably be vaporized I think that's fart test tube that you put right up your arse. Well, yeah. And then you can fit more in the container and ship them. I'm high. I'm high.

How high? I think I'm an 8 out of 10. Are you an 8? I think Ricky would love to have this hash. I should do a cheers. Of course you would. Should we do a cheers to Ricky? Randy, whoa, whoa, whoa.

What the fuck is this on your finger? What? What's that? It's a promise ring. Stevie gave it to me. That's why we gotta get done with this, Bubbles. You're engaged to a man in Amsterdam? He promised me we would be. Who the fuck is Stevie?

I just met him. He's so nice, sincere. He bought me a cheeseburger. His last name's not Wonder, is it? I didn't ask his last name. You know who Stevie Wonder is? He's a singer. Is it Stevie Wonder? It is not Stevie Wonder. It's a different Stevie. Anyway, let's wrap things up here. This has been a lot of fun and I'm really high. Is that how we're ending it? You're just... It's been a lot of fun and I'm really high. Gå in på www.sdimedia.com Thank you.