Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 102 - The Golden Boys

Episode Date: July 13, 2017

The Boys are hanging out in Ricky’s trailer for this week’s podcash! They smoke a joint and discuss space and time, the trouble with having two eyes, and the Golden Girl they’d most like to get ‘er goin with. PLUS: The camera dicks catch Lahey and Randy snooping around! Episode 102 is brought to you by the Official Trailer Park Boys Store and the Boys' own Freedom 35 lager, now available across Canada!

Rick? What the fuck are you guys doing? What are you doing? It's Rick here. No, what are you doing in here? We're about to do the podcast. What the fuck are you doing in here? you doing? Is Ricky here? No, what are you doing in here? We're about to do the podcast. What the fuck are you doing in here? You turn that fucking camera off, Rick. I got your fucking face.

This is official business. Do you want to go to fucking jail? Get the fuck out of here. Turn that off! Yeah. Turn the fucking shit off. What the hell is that shit? This is evidence, really.

I'm sure they're not going to eat all this. You want one, Mr. Rick? Yeah. You want one, Mr. Lee? I think I'll turn this off for a second while we do a little fight here. Nice, my honey. What the hell is this? Should we really? We should probably go, Mr. Lee, if they're going to be back any minute. I think we're probably going, Andy. What the hell is it? Should we really? We should probably go Mr. Lee, if they're gonna be back any minute. Why the fuck are we going in there?

They're not gonna be back. Why do they have to explode you fucking... Obviously they're coming if all this stuff's just waiting for them. Okay, let's get the fuck over here. You grab some shit. Okay, you take those. I'll take a couple of those. This is enough. This is good. I didn't know if we were going to interrupt and catch them or not? Alright, there's my light that's just sitting here, empty for a minute. Okay.

Anytime now. Alright, let's get this going boys. Where's the booze? Fucking Randy and Lady were just here and fucked you guys over. Are you fucking kidding me? What are you talking about? I tried to stop them. You tried to stop them? Well, you didn't do a good fucking job.

For fuck's sake. Where's all the booze? They got it. You got some vodka in your cup and Bubba's got a beer and Julian got one drink. I have a beer that I fucking brought with me, huh? Yeah. This has got mayonnaise on it. I told you no fucking mayonnaise, chipper. Stupid dick.

Oh, I got mayonnaise on my chicken's ass. I'm glad there's mayonnaise on it. What's not mayonnaise? All right, we ready to do this or what are we doing? That's lay-naise. That's what? Lay-naise. Lay-naise. Mr. Lay-he-nays.

All right, what are we doing? Are we doing this? You want to get this going? Let's get this over with. Well, do what you do. What's going on, fuckers? This is Visual Trailer Prep Boys Podcast. It's coming at you right now. Episode number... One-oh... One-oh-two? Yeah. One-oh-fucking-two. Hooray. Ah! What the hell was that?

Burped. Do that again, I'm gonna fucking smack this right in your face. You sound like a really weird animal. Jesus, Pops. What have you been eating? I'm fucking right out of her. Good. I'm hammered.

Alright, let's get this going boys. I think we already did. That little fucking son of a bitch. What? Stole my fucking joints. They're right there bud, in the tape case for you. Oh. Underneath your face.

Yeah, light one of those up. Alright. Because I'm not feeling this right now. I bet you a thousand bucks there was a full tray of burgers there and Randy ate every one of them. Son of a bitch. I'm surprised he left any. Shocking.

I'm surprised he left any. They must have got scared away. Okay, Rick. Light up a joint. Let's get this fucking going. Don't boss me around. Okay, boys. What do you want to talk about? Well, Ricky, let's just this fucking going. Don't boss me around. Okay, boys. What do you want to talk about?

Well, Ricky, let's just think about that. Maybe let's talk about string theory and quantum physics. Why? No, we're not talking about that shit. String? It's boring. Let's go tie up some fucking cardboard or something. Some string. Pretty exciting stuff. No, I mean string theory, Ricky.

Quantum physics. Astrophysics. Which I know nothing about, neither do you. And I don't give a shit about any of that stuff. Oh, you don't give a fuck about the beginnings of the universe? Don't give a fuck. Well? Fuck history and all that shit. I'm just worried about... You don't care when they fucking explain how you can travel faster than the speed of light

by bending the space-time continuum. Won't give a fuck. You won't. I know I won't be involved with it. Don't give a shit. Why won't you be involved with it? What are you talking about? The whole fucking planet? I'm talking about going to space and traveling... That will never happen.

...light years away. I will be dead by the time they got that figured out. No. They're on the fucking verge, baby. Yeah. Look, if you got a point here and a point here, right, and say those are like a thousand light years away apart, they're talking about you take the two points, you bend space and time, and then you only have to travel from there to there. Then she flings back out and you're way over here.

How does that work? String theory, Ricky. Black hole, space-time continuum. It's a theory. Doesn't mean it's gonna fucking happen. Have they proved it with math or English? Oh, you want to get into theories, do you, bud? No, I don't. I'm just saying that's not gonna fucking happen. There's no way I'm gonna fucking travel thousand fucking miles away in my lifetime I didn't say a thousand miles. I said a thousand light light years of light years even fucking crazier

Thousand miles just across Nova Scotia. No, it's a lot further than that, right? You guys are fucked whose birthday is anyone good? No July 14th besides my mother No. July 14th, besides my mother, who was born today. Are you sure about that? Yep. That's what my co-host was telling me. July 14th was another anniversary she had too. What was that? Valentine's Day?

No. No. What was it? Which one of the dirty events are you talking about? Oh, it's Scooby Doo's birthday. Oh, and that ship came in. Oh, the fucking US fucking Navy ship. Oh, fuck off. She was down at the pier. Is that a record?

Scooby Doo was born today. She banged right from the stern to the fucking bow. Melrose, New Mexico. What the fuck are you talking about? Scooby Doo. What about him? He was born today in New Mexico. Scooby Doo the dog? Scooby Doo. What about him? He was born today in New Mexico.

Scooby Doo the dog? Scooby Doo. Excuse me. Where did you fucking see that? Number one. William Hanna. Yeah, he made up the Tom and Jerry. He drew Scooby Doo.

It wasn't Scooby Doo's birthday. Same thing. Not really. Oh, Woody Guthrie. Who's Oh, Woody Guthrie! Who's that? Woody Guthrie. This land is your land, this land is my land. From the Botta Vista to the Great Wake Waters.

From Mount Bercow to the Great Lake Waters. This land was made for you and me to have a great big pee. Whoo! That's not how it goes. That's how I... This land is snowy. This land is rainy. This land is tree.

This land is greedy. How does it go? That's, I think that's the word. That's probably it. Yeah, this land is rainy. This land is snowy, this land is dreary. You guys eat these chips and cheesies? Yes. Yes? Okay.

You're not using that as an ashtray. Can I use that as an ashtray? Or do you want me to just use the floor? Thanks, chipper. Thanks for doing something for what, you fucking slacked bastard. Jesus. I'm not in a good mood today, guys. Why? I'm just woke up cranky.

Oh, 1223 on this day. Louis the 8th becomes king of France upon the death of his father, Philip the 2nd. Good thing or a bad thing? Louis the 8th. Was he a good guy? Wasn't he the big fat cocksucker that just drove fucking turkey legs into him all day long? Banged everything. Was that King Henry?

He was like that, wasn't he? I thought it was King Louis. They were both. All those kings back then were fucked. Oh, it's Bastille Day. That's a good band. That is a good band. I like those guys.

How come they get thrown dead? They're named after actual Bastille Day, Ricky. What does that mean? The French Revolution started. Is Bastille French for bastard? No. That's Bastille. Oh, Bubs. I don't think so, man. All right, okay. Uh, 1933. Check that one. Read that one, Bubs.

I know this is gonna be a good one for you. NSDAP. Nazis become only political party in... Oh, dirty bastards. How did they get Nazis at an NSDAP? It doesn't really spell anything close to that. It's like NISDAP. They should have been called the NISDAPs.

It stands for something, Ricky. Probably the Nazis, socialists. The Nova Scotia Department of Automobile Police. What is it? The Nova Scotia Department of Automobile Police. What is it? The Nova Scotia Department of Automobile Police. Hmm. Or it could be the Nova Scotia Department of Ass in Ass Plungers. Ass in what?

Do you know? Penis? No, no, no, the other way. Uh, the poop? If you're a chick, that'd be a good day. Good department. Pagina. Nova Scotia Department of Ass and Pussy?

Yeah! There you go! Why wouldn't you just say that? You scared? Julian afraid to say the word pussy? Why are you being pussy? There's two women in this fucking trailer over there. I don't get all the gentlety. Oh, so you tricked me into saying it.

Exactly. So I look like a dick. Ilety. Oh, so you tricked me into saying it. Exactly. So I look like a dick. I get it. Right on, Rick. What are we smoking here today? This is making me feel a lot better. Well, the jug... Oh, Ricky, check this out.

1850. Yes. The first public demonstration of ice made by refrigeration. Oh, that is fucking cool. You know they were drinking this stuff without ice? That would have sucked. I would still do it. I knew it was like that. It was the first time we were like, hey this stuff without ice? That would have sucked. I would still do it.

It was the first time we were like, hey, Mother Nature, we don't fucking need you anymore. But remember the time, remember? Ricky didn't have ice for two years. And then I finally was like, how come you never have ice? And he's like, I lost the recipe. That was fucking dumb. I didn't lose the fucking recipe. I lost the fucking cube makers.

You said Ray wrote it down on a piece of paper and you couldn't remember the recipe. Yeah, but he makes ice out of different things because they last longer. Your dad used to make ice out of piss. He was fucked. He did that once at a hotel. Yeah, he did that once at a hotel. Don't eat hotel ice. Don't. Ray made piss ice at a hotel. He did. He was pissed off at the fucking service. He said, I don't know, I'll fucking teach them

What he doesn't realize is that he teaches the next people coming in there To go and make us a nice fresh drink after a long plane ride And they're pouring piss cubes in their fucking car Real nice I can't believe Ray pissed in a fucking ice cube tray at a hotel You honestly can't believe that? You can't believe that? I can believe it, but Jesus, Murphy

He used to keep a frozen piss jug too. Frozen piss jugs? He put it in the cooler to keep things cool. Why the fuck would he do that? Ricky, you're telling me when I went on picnics as a kid, there was frozen piss cooling down the baloney sandwiches? It was in a container. Piss ice lasts longer than regular ice.

So he used to make slushies for us out of piss ice? No, it was just to keep the cooler cold. So my baloney sandwiches used to be cooled down by raised piss. Yeah, and they were fucking colder than regular ice, I bet. Jesus. That's nice, just to know there was piss molecules floating around in the sandwich department. Lovely. 1914 was a good day for you, Bubs.

Man, who gives a fuck about any of these things? I don't give a shit. First patent for liquid-fueled rocket design granite to Robert Goddard. 1914 was a good day for you, bubs. Man, who gives a fuck about any of these things? I don't give a shit. First patent for liquid-fueled rocket design granite to Robert Goddard. That's a big day. That's a big day. There's just so much shit that happened. Who's Ruth?

She was fucking good at baseball. She had fucking 700 home runs. Babe Ruth. Not a babe named Ruth. Oh, well, it doesn't say babe. It just says Ruth. You guys know that, you know, when they said he pointed out to the left field that he was going to fucking hit a home run? Yeah. He pointed.

That's all fake. He didn't do that. Yes, he did. No, he didn't. You look it up. Oh, no, he was pointing at your mother going, there's who I pounded on last night. Real nice.

Did it? You pounded on who? No, Babe Ruth. You pounded on Babe Ruth? My mother didn't bang Babe Ruth. Yeah, real nice. Real nice. Did it? You pounded on who? No, Babe Ruth. You pounded on Babe Ruth? My mother didn't bang Babe Ruth. Oh, his mother. Tammy probably banged her. Banged them the whole team, probably.

Did she bang old Henry? No, but she used to ram old Henry's in places. Then, you know, that's what I heard anyway. Places on you? No, on herself. Can we fucking maybe talk about something normal? Is there anything else good? There's...oh.

2015 is NASA shit and scientist shit, but it doesn't look that... Oh, 1974, a couple of Ted Bundy victims went missing. They didn't go missing, they got fucking killed. He was a dirty bastard. He was a dirty bastard. He was as sly as they come. Why does water have no fucking taste? It's so lame. Yay. I'm gonna drink water.

Mmm. It's fucking fun. Wow. So fucking tasteful. Fuck. Ricky, you need water to live. Or you fucking, lots of things are made with water in them. You fucking have those that taste like shit and they fucking still keep you alive.

Oh, The Dark Knight came out in 2008, you know? Wow. That was a good one. Fuck. Amazing day. Heath Ledger was in it. That was a good one. Nothing great about today except...

No. My mom got bored. Fuck history. Fuck it. You got us to talk about it. I'm not talking about history. What's a hadron collider? What?

A hadron collider. The Large Hadron Collider? Oh my fuck, they found the pentaquark today. 2015. What's a pentaquark? What does that look like? It's a different particle that they had never knew existed. Oh, fuck. Let's fucking stop the presses and just call our parents. Do you understand how fucking important that is, Ricky? No. What does it mean? What's it going to do for me right now?

Is it going to get me high or drunk? What do you do with a hydroquark? What's it called? It's a pentachork. What does pent to mean? It's a five-sided quark they found. What's a called? It's a penta-quark. What does penta mean? That means... It's a five-sided quark they found. What's a quark, though?

Not a quart. They didn't find a quart of liquor when they fired up the halogen collider. I'm not even fucking... I'm not even getting into this. Higgs boson. They found Higgs boson with that thing. Higgs. What a weird name that is. The God particle, they call it. Higgs boson. They were proving the big bang, Ricky, that the whole universe came from... Excuse me?

A little tiny speck. That's bullshit. No, there was a little tiny speck and it went kablammo. Universe. And the little speck grew... yeah, okay. Instantaneously. Well, they can prove it, Ricky. Yeah, oh I know. Yeah, with fucking math and English. Wow, so believey. Oh my fuck.

There must be, like do you have any good stories besides fucking hydro quarks? Don't you fucking blow burps on me. A lot of gas at the table today. Way too much. Are you farting? I haven't yet, but I feel it coming soon. I'm not going to tell you about it, you'll just know. Great.

I'm sure I will. I'm sure I will fucking know. Alright. Now we're cooking with some fucking gas. Now we're going. Luckiest teen in the world wins the lottery twice in one week. Jesus Murphy, that can't be right. Who did he get to bang? What? How much did he win Dominique as the Californian heading home from Arizona when she stopped at the gas station blah blah blah. She bought a

five dollar power fives ticket. She won five hundred fifty five thousand five hundred fifty five dollars. That's pretty fucking good. That's not too shabby so she won 555 555 dollars it's pretty fucking good that's not too shabby so she won that and then excuse me later that day fuck off she scored the top prize on a scratch ticket of 100 grand in one fucking day you know what though that, because she only won $600,000, and she won the lottery twice. She's never going to win the lottery again. What, she got a horse's foot up her ass? It's a horseshoe, Ricky.

It's not a horse's foot. Some kind of foot that's lucky. No, it's not. It's a rabbit's foot. It's supposed to be lucky. It's a rabbit's shoe, maybe. It's a rabbit's shoe. Rabbits don't wear shoes. They should. They'd be cute. shoe, maybe. It's a rabbit shoe. Rabbits don't wear shoes.

They should. They'd be cute. Oh, Jesus. They would be cute. No, they wouldn't. Little bunny shoes. Ridiculous. What would they be called, Ricky? I don't know. You wouldn't want to say shoes, because the horse kind of already has that one.

So maybe like bunny boots? Bunny boots. With no tops. Bunny boot soles. Bunny boot soles. Want to put on some bunny boot soles? No. No, I don't. Nail them on to the little bunnies?

Fucking kind of hurt little bunnies. That might be a good band, Bunny Boots and the Sole Sisters. You're fucked. Okay, in science news today, guys, our faces reveal whether we're rich or poor. That's what they say. All right. What does mine say? Definitely fucking poor and fucked.

Fuck you, Julian. If they were to fucking study your face, Ricky, they'd say this guy is fucked. Ricky, this... say this guy is fucked. Ricky, this made international news, and you've done this before. Handcuffed man proposes during felony arrest. I have done that, so you fucking cock-blocked me. No, no, he copied me. He copied you? Copycat, copycat.

Ricky's already done that. All right. That's bullshit. Copycat, copycat. Look who already done that. All right. That's bullshit. Copycat, copycat. Look who caught you. Fuck you. Holy shit. Sightings of an extinct Tasmanian tiger prompt search in Queensland. A tire?

Tasmanian tiger. Tasmanian tiger. Best tires in the world. Made in Tasmania. Fucking lasts forever. What'd it say? It said The tire mated with who? They're saying there's been sightings of this extinct fucking Tasmanian tiger, man. I guess it looks like a

large, dog-like animal. Neither dingoes nor foxes. Loveless monster that no one's ever seen. They just say they see it. There's no video of it. How do you know it's loveless, Ricky? Well, he's alone, I guess. A loveless monster.

Lonely. The loveless monster. That's what I call my wiener. The loveless monster. Get it? It's a monster, is it? Mm-hmm. There's been some sightings of it recently?

No, there's been no sightings. It's in hiding. Monsters are generally considered to be overly large. They're not usually very friendly though. Oh, that's not true. Look at Monsters Inc. Look at Monsters Inc. Sally was friendly. Yeah, they were nice monsters.

It's also a fucking cartoon. Mike Wazowski was a nice little. It's also a fucking cartoon. It's based on a true story, though. Mike Wazowski was a nice little fella. He was one big eye. I wish I had one big eye. Then you wouldn't have to fucking compete. Just look at one thing instead of two. Jumbotron Granny.

Can you just pause for one second, please? Sorry, Rick. Can you go back for one second? Just rewind. You said, I wish I had one big eye. Why? Because you look at one thing. Like, right now I'm looking at two parts of that couch and they fold into one.

But if you just had one big eye, it would just be like, hey, there's a couch. Instead of left and right, a squish. What the fuck is a taco? Ricky, do you... Is there something dividing your eyes? My nose. You guys just have one fucking... I mean, when you're looking at the couch,

is there something splitting it in half, your nose? You know what? Are you drunk right now or something? I am. If you're really drunk, this is how you prove it. See? Do that, and then see? Okay, he proved it. Two different things, and then it joins no but ricky when i open both my eyes i'm seeing i think yeah but see you can't see over there with one

with your left eye what the fridge if you call it or no wait a second what is it you can't see you mean the fridge right there if you do this you can't see right here i can't see my hand right now but if i do this i can so I can see my hand anyway perfect look I can see all the pores in it there's something to that yeah you're fucked that's not a couch anyway Ricky Wow is it what is that it's a fucking couch it's a sofa it's got three sections three people could sit on it two arms It's gonna be a dresser. It looks like a dresser No, what the fuck is wrong with you guys pretty sure it is that is a fucking couch

Okay. Well, I just saw large. I'm fucking you know, that was it could be called a sofa, I guess I Saw a large object that looked like it had drawers on the front of it. Those aren't well, you know what? That's a good fucking idea. Why don't they put fucking drawers on a sofa couch? Where? You're onto something. Put them where? On the bottom. Storage. Instead of fucking just useless ground.

People do that. I think that does exist, Ricky. Ikea. Fuck. See, I thought we just invented something. Ikea has that, I believe. I might get all new Ikea stuff from a shed. I thought it was eekee, eekee, or fuck. Ike, Ika.

No man. You're way off. Ikea, Ricky. Swedish, Swedish meatball. That's a good Swedish meatball. That's a different guy. I'm gonna fuck out. Swedish chef.

Morsty, morsty, morsty. Yeah, fuck, that's it. Morsty, morsty, morsty. That was a little, uh, bicker. Yeah, he was funny. Doctor Bansan Honeydew. They should still have the Muppets on, man. They should still have the Muppets on, man. They do still have the Muppets on.

Do they? No, they don't. On reruns. I don't know, man. I haven't watched that show in years. I liked it. I used to think Miss Peggy was right sexy. And you wanted to bang her.

Did you ever pull the goalie to Miss Peggy? No, Julian. I bet you have. No, I didn't. She wasn't a real person. Was that frog really teeing off on her, though? Yes. I bet you have. No, I didn't. She wasn't a real person. Was that frog really teeing off on her, though? Yes.

That frog? Yeah. You mean Kermie? What's his name? Kermit the Frog. He had a cousin, though. There was two of them. Kermit the Frog here.

He was playing hard to get, you know, with Miss Piggy, but you know he was just getting drunk, banging the shit out of her. She seemed a bit hoey. Oh, she was on the booze, man. Who was? Piggy? Miss Piggy. Piggy wasn't on the hoey. I was on the booze, man. Who was? Piggy? Miss Piggy. Piggy wasn't on the hoey. I bet she was doing fucking rails, though.

With that big snout, she could just fucking crank rails up that thing. She was always flashing her shit around, too. Like, hey, check it out. Fucking tits showing. Who did? I don't know which one you were watching. I don't think so. I've never seen Miss Piggy's tits.

She didn't have, like, big cleavage? What was that? It was a different show, wasn't it? No, you were watching. Oh, that was WKRP. That was the Golden Girls you were watching. They were real people, not books. Bea Arthur always had her knockers going.

Yeah, she was a fucking rally gold bird, wasn't she? If you had to spend a night with a Golden Girl doing a shit ton of dirty stuff, who would it be? The one that's still alive. The oldest one? Yeah. No, no, no, not the grandmother. Blanche Devereaux? Not Blanche, not Noelle.

Oh, I would. I'd be all over Blanche. No, the one that's still working. Well, I had to teach you a fucking thing or two. Betty White, you're talking about. Betty White. She was hot in her day. Well, maybe, uh, maybe you can go with her. All three of them. Why not? Blanche Devereaux and Betty White. Three of them.

Who was Maud? Maud was Bea Arthur. Okay. And Estelle Getty. Fuck, look who fucking loses everything but the girls. I watched the Golden Girls. I'm not embarrassed to say it. I guess you did. And you were attracted to them.

Blanche was pretty hot, yeah. She used to be just filthy, too. She was a dirty one. Yeah, she was always fucking to get shit going. Speaking of that, the Jumbotron Granny flashes Dodger Stadium because life is for living. Life is for living. Up come the... I don't know, we gotta take a look at it.

Did you have some work done? Or are they sagging down to the belly? I don't know, there's a video I guess. Maybe we'll throw it up. That could be a Toby Keith song. Sagging down to the belly. Yeah. My granny's titties.

Remember we saw that picture and there was a woman and her shirt was just up a little tiny bit near her belly and you could see her nipples. What? Are you fucking kidding me? That's not true. It is true. Are you serious? Oh, man.

Yeah. Wow. It was kind of cool, actually. Ricky, she might have been just something else. Maybe she had a skin tag. No, she probably never wore a bra and her tits were massive. And they eventually, gravily did its magic. I don't know about magic.

And she's got waist nipples. What would you do with those things? Tune in Tokyo. You could wear a belly shirt though and you wouldn't really be showing off your tits, just your nipples. That'd be a nipple shirtits, just your nipples. Yeah. That'd be a nipple shirt then, wouldn't it? What else do we got? I don't know, man.

It's completely fucked. I think we're done. I don't think we are. We're not done yet. Self-driving cars may soon be able to make moral and ethical decisions as humans do. Oh, that's a good fucking idea. Put some AI fucking into a car. Let it think for itself.

What the fuck does that mean? So the car, what, a deer runs it in front of you? The car's like, ah, fuck it, I'm just going to hit it. Or, hmm, maybe I shouldn't hit it. A little family of raccoons. What does it mean? What are they talking about? Cars are going to be able to make moral and ethical decisions.

This guy's dying. Should I race him to the hospital? Nah, fuck it. Fuck it. I'm gonna take the long way. I think that's what it means. I'm gonna pass this guy, I'm gonna pass him. A human would do that, that's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna take the long way to get this cocksucker there

because he didn't file his taxes last year, so fuck him. I'm gonna drive slow and be an asshole with everyone behind me. Because I'm in a pissy mood today. I'm gonna leak some fuel onto the road, cause an oil slick, kill a family. I'm gonna do a brake burn. Yeah, I think it means all that. I'm gonna drive right into the fucking mall and mow down 20 people.

What if the car starts stinking that way? See, that's the problem with this technology. I'm gonna drive into the gas pumps and fucking take out a whole community. That's what the cars might start thinking. I don't like that idea. No. Stephen Hawking warned that the most desperate threat to fucking civilization right now is artificial intelligence. And I do not disagree.

It's going to be just like fucking Terminator. Machines are going gonna start going, oh, you built me, did you? Well, guess what, fuckface? I'm smarter than you now. Suck it, I'm taking over. That's what they're gonna start doing, and we're not gonna be able to stop them.

I didn't know he was related to Ronnie, but that's what Cory and Jacob was saying the other day. Who? Ronnie Hawkins. Stephen Hawking is not related to Ronnie Hawkins. Oh, my God. That's what they were arguing about. No, I don't care what they were arguing about.

Jacob said he looked it up. I don't know. Yeah, what did he look it up on? You can't work a fucking computer, first of all. You can't even power one on. I can power one on, at least. He can't. I watched him.

I watched him fucking feeling around and he touched every button, every button on the keyboard trying to turn the computer on. And he couldn't. He couldn't. He never got it on. He just gave up and went to sleep. There's not much going on in there. No. He's like the same thing as a fucking, like a shell. Something that lives in a shell. He is? Yeah. Like a snail. Yeah, well, a snail's about as smart as him.

Yeah, I believe you. It's definitely snails. Like a clam. A crow. A clam or a mussel. How could we, what kind of a test could we run, Ricky, to prove that he's not as smart as a snail? Do you think?

See how quickly one of them can bury each other in the sand. Well, he's probably gonna win that, Ricky, because the snail's only this big. He's gonna have a hell of a time. And if you were to tell the snail to fucking bury himself in the sand, he's not going to do it. No, he's saying who could bury the other person better. Oh, are you fucking kidding me?

Could Jacob bury the snail? No, that came out wrong. I don't even know what I meant. You're definitely smarter than the snail, though. Yes, fuck. You're slow. What do you think? Is there any animals that are smarter than you? I do wish my feet left tracks like a snail, though. That would be cool. They're slow. What do you think? Is there any animals that are smarter than you?

I do wish my feet left tracks like a snail, though. That would be cool. A snail trail? Yeah. If you had, you know, if your feet, you created like a slime. You wish your feet excreted a slime that you could just leave around. Well, then if you ever got lost. You'd follow your fucking snail trail.

Yeah, you might be able to use it to lube things up with, or I don't know. Well, then if you ever got lost... You'd follow your fucking snail trail. Yeah, you might be able to use it to lube things up with or I don't know. Are you fucking... you'd use a snail to lube yourself up? Are you kidding me? No, he'd use his own feet excretions. Oh, I meant like your fucking... your doors on your car or something. I thought you were talking about, you know... I don't think I could do that. A unit. Oh, God.

You could almost get it going though, couldn't you? You could have fucking scraped it off. Did you just see if you could put the sole of your foot on your wiener? I checked. It was close. That's pretty weird, bud. Alright. Okay, well, I don't know what else, but I mean, there's some other things here, but they're pretty lame. So all in all, this podcast sucked shit.

Fuck you, July 14th. Sorry, Mom. I disagree. I think it was nice. I think it was a nice day. I got a good buzz on. I've got a, I feel like having a nap. Like, why do you, why do you... I don't want to have a nap with you, Julian. I've got a... I feel like having a nap. Like, why do you...

Why do you... I don't want to have a nap with you, Julian. I'm not doing that. I don't want to. Brain training has no effect on decision-making or cognitive function. Researchers report. No idea what that means. So, you know when you're playing those fucking apps where you're trying to...

Luminosity is a fucking... Yeah. Oh, those cops. They're saying that's full of shit. Those dirty bastards. I spent $14.95 last month on's full of shit. Those dirty bastards! I spent $14.95 last month on Luminosity. Yeah.

Trying to train my brain. I find out there's something to it though, because you play it, you can tell how fucked up you are when you wake up by playing that game. Oh, there's a new one called Muse. You get this brain, this brain band, you hook it onto your brain, just onto your head I mean, and it can read your brain waves. And you have an app, and it teaches you to relax,

but if you're not relaxed, you're hearing storms and lightning and thunder and stuff. Wouldn't that make you fucking just wanna throw this table through that fucking window though? Well, this is the thing, Ricky. It teaches you how to beat it. It teaches you how to fucking read. It teaches you how to beat it, and teaches you how to fucking reach. It teaches you how to beat it,

and as you become more calm, the sounds change, and it becomes a nice, calm breeze, and you hear birds and crickets and things. Isn't that kind of like... And you can't trick it, so if you're stressed out, you hear storms. So you've got to learn how to turn it into a nice day. That sounds like the fucking Church of Scientology.

I'm getting it. Well, I'm getting it. How about you go get That sounds like the fucking Church of Science-ology. I'm getting it. Well, how about you go get it? How about we just end this right now? It's 400 bucks. See? That's how the people make money. Who sells it and how good are the security? No, there's lots of stores that sell it.

Not great security. Done. Could you get me one? Yep. How much? 100 bucks. 50 50 bucks i don't have 20 bucks 10 bucks like if you're just gonna steal if you're gonna steal just give it to him five bucks ricky done see how i negotiated that down for 200 julian i need to drive bud i see no okay i need to borrow some nine millimeter okay we'll see you next time on... Hopefully. Number 103, baby. You don't get caught.

Rick, you don't get caught. You fucking are forcing me to do this. Against my will. You actually are, Bob. Pay me. Unbelievable.