Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 106 - Pecker vs Beaver

Episode Date: August 14, 2017

The Boys are rapidly approaching their USA tour and Ricky seems more concerned about getting “hooked up” than actually preparing for the show. They chat about Mackey Mouse, David Duchovny's bush, and Julian gives the gift of lighter leashes! Episode 106 is brought to you by the Official Trailer Park Boys Store!  

Boys, I am fucking wasted. Nice. Today's podcast brought to you by... What do we got? Swearin' That, or no, Leckerman's Old Dirty Canadian Whiskey. That's one of the people that brings you the... Nice, nice. Brings you the thing.

What else, bubs? Here we go again. Freedom 35, which is what I'm drinking. Two thumbs up to that. That's one of them. And Swearin' That.com, the only place that you can see the video version of what I'm drinking. Two thumbs up to that. That's one of them. And swearingat.com, the only place that you can see the video version of what we're doing. Get it all out.

Get it all out. That's amazing. What else? I'm sure you're going to throw something in. This is the Trailer Park Boys fucking merch site.com. Trailer Park Boys merch.com. That's it. We sign a bunch of fucking chicken-headed dorks.

Saying all that shit. People like, no, who brought you, why do you think Sesame Street said brought to you by the letter six? Because the six probably gave them a bunch of money. These people aren't giving us any fucking money. Six is the number.

We need to get a fucking cool sponsor. I want to sound cool. This podcast brought to you by fucking Ferrari. That would be nice. You know what I mean? Work on it. You work on that. I've been saying that for years.

Smith & Wesson. Boys. Or Wesson. Brought to you by the Army. Okay, don't get the fuck... I'm not a runny nose. I'm wasted. I like that you're wasted. It's good. I might be too drunk to do this, boy.

No, you're perfect. No such thing as too drunk. You're perfect to do this, man. Welcome, you're perfect. No such thing as too drunk. You are perfect to do this, man. Welcome to Trailer Park Boys podcast number 106. On August 11th, I'm your host, The Bubbler. Joining me in the trailer today is... Ricky. International sex superstar and muscle lifting champion of the world,

International Sex Superstar and Muscle Lifting Champion of the World, Julian the Muscle Rodriguez. Also known to many as Puck Bunny. Puck Bunny. Julian the Puck Bunny Rodriguez. Hope you got a good one for me. And International Dope Smoking Champion. And Guinness World Record holder for... Masturbating?

Smallest unshaved penis. Richard. Rice bird McGillicuddy. Rice-Burg. Rice bird. Did you say Ice-Burg? Rice-Burg, like you get a grain of rice for a wiener. Ice-Burg. Ice-Burg-Burg.

Try saying that ten times in a... Doer. Iceberg. Iceberg bird. Try saying that ten times in a buzz-on state. Let's do it, man. Go for it, Rick. Iceberg bird. Iceberg bird. Iceberg. Duck, duck, duck.

Fuck. Here we go. Can't be done. I can do it. Do it. Iceberg bird, iceberg bird, iceberg bird, iceberg bird, iceberg bird, iceberg bird, iceberg bird, iceberg bird, iceberg bird, iceberg bird, iceberg bird, iceberg bird, iceberg bird, iceberg bird. When you're hot, what do you like to suck on?

Huh? When you're hot and sweaty, what do you like to suck on? Ice cubes. Okay. Fuck, would you ever be popular at a beach? With an iceberg bird? Yeah.

Hey ladies. Hey, ladies. Okay, Ricky. You want to cool down? I'm going to fuck with your clay mind. Okay. Clay away. Make my day. I'm going to spell some last names.

Copy. Okay. Fine. We've got to pronounce them? You've got to pronounce them. Okay. Okay. M-A-C.

Mech. D-O-N-A-L-D. McDonald. McDonald. Donald. Okay. M-A-C-L-E-A-N. McLean.

McLean. McLean. McLean. Doc, that was a tough one. M-A-C-C-A-R-R-O-N. McCarran. Macaroni. M-A-C-K-I-N-N-E-Y.

McKinney. McKinney. M-A-C... Bob, I don't want to do this anymore. Are you okay? M-A-C. Bob Swanson. I don't want to do this anymore. Are you okay? M-A-C. Are you having a stroke? Okay.

M-A-C-H-I-N-E. McKinney. Machine. Ha, ha, ha. Oh, my God. Holy fuck. Nailed him. That was good.

Nailed him. I knew, you know what? I was preparing for that, but didn't prepare enough. Hey, man. Don't leave me hanging. Thank you, everybody. Thank you. The world's greatest entertainer, the bubbler, just mind-fucked Ricky and Julian.

Sir, how does it feel to be on top of the world right now? It feels great, Richard. We'll be right back. But, Buzz, what if it was spelt like capital M-A-C, capital H-I-N-E? Still spells machine. Don't know, man. It's McKine. What about M-A-C-K-E-Y?

Mackie. I know. Now I fucked that up. Mackie. I was thinking. Mackie Mouse. Mackie Mouse. Could be Mickey's cousin. He's Mackin' out. Mackie Mouse be Mickey's cousin. He's macking out.

Macky Mouse. Mickey's cousin. What would his deal be, Ricky? He'd drive a low rider. Subs. Crankin'. Maybe those shocks. Sup, Macky?

Just macking. Baked all the time. Mickey's cousin Mackie would be fucked up and drive a lowrider? Yeah. Smoking. Yeah, definitely smoking blunts. Not supposed to be eating, boys. Why not?

The moon dog will fucking lose it on us. Oh, fuck, I forgot about that. These aren't bad, are they? That's not that bad. No. People are driving along in their cars right now going, fuck, I wish these dickheads could stop eating. All right, I'm not gonna eat.

The popcorn's tough, man. I'm done. That's it. Topping out. August the 11th, did we mention that? I did mention that. You did, yes. All right. We're fully recovered and ready for action.

What should we talk about? I realize in, like, nine days, we're going to the United States of America. Bring that the fuck on. Nine days. Nine days. Everybody. I hope we're going to get hooked up down there. That's all I can say, or I'm going to be cranky as fuck.

Ricky, we're playing and we're going to do a show in Colorado. That's the last show. What about the shows before that? Well, we're in Michigan. This guy needs to get fucked up. Michigan. You know somebody's going to hook you up in Michigan. Okay, good.

Maybe Kid Rock will come by. Who's he? Oh, no, I know. Jesus, what am I saying? Kid Rock. I know who he is. You know he's going to be running. He's running? Oh, no, I know. Jesus, what am I saying? Kid Rock. I know who he is. You know he's going to be running for president, isn't he? For a senator.

Kid Rock for senator. He's fucking awesome. You've got pretty fucked up at one of his shows. Des Moines. I got fucked up at a Kid Rock show one time, and I ended up in a limousine. Yeah. Took a wrong turn right out of her.

With Paris Sheridan. Paris Hilton. Okay. Vern Troyer, mini me, and Kid Rock. And Kid Rock was doing stuff. We were with you. We were there. No, I was in that one by myself.

Where Cox owed? Oh, in the limo. In the limo. But we were there earlier. Yeah, earlier. Remember? Remember Vern had big, he had a big 60 ounce or a Grey Goose, which was almost as big as he was. Yup.

And he was pretending, he was going around pretending to bang Paris with it. Remember that? Paris Hilton. Remember there was only one bathroom in the room? Anyway, back to getting me hooked up. Didn't remember that, no. Hooked up. Getting hooked up.

Work on it, bubs. Okay, well, we're gonna be in Michigan. Okay. We're gonna be in where? St. Louis. St. Louis, Missouri. Okay. I'm sure somebody will hook you up there, Ricky. Des Moines.

Kansas City, I believe. Des Moines. Kansas City, I believe. Des Moines. Des Moines, Iowa. And Colorado. Colorado, yeah. Fuck. There's other places, man. All right, we're going to be good.

I said Kansas City. We're fucked. Just wait here, boys. I'm going to just... And Buzz, I hope you have some idea what what you want to do up on stage, because... I haven't thought about it. I really don't give a fuck. I don't have anything thought out. What are you talking about? Well, we gotta make it look like it's somewhat professional.

What the fuck are you guys talking about? Well, here, did I miss anywhere? We're gonna be in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Milwaukee. Milwaukee. We're going to get some good beer in Milwaukee. That's a good party town right there. Maybe we could go see Laverne and Shirley.

Where do they live? I don't know. Lenny and Squiggy are there, too. They're not there, man. They might be. Definitely not there. August 11th? Wow, Bubbs, that was aggressive.

Sorry. August 11th, Babe Ruth became first professional baseball player to hit 500 homers. Pretty impressive. Way to go, Babe. And he was a chocolate bar. And he was a babe. He was a chocolate bar. Can you imagine a chocolate bar could hit that many home runs?

That's just the cartoon version. All this Presley releases Don't Be Cruel. Don't be cruel, do all that's true. And the Beach Boys like that. I want no other love, maybe it's just you I'm a- Don't be cruel. You looked down at my package when you first did C. Stop it, you're making me feel weird. Don't be cruel And you looked down at my package when you first did it See?

Stop it You're making me feel weird Don't be cruel I can't tell if it's good feelings or bad feelings Just make them stop The Beach Boys are like Oh yeah Elvis You wanna fucking release a song on August 11th? Guess what

We're releasing fucking Surf and Safari on August 11th Yeah Surf and Safari Surf and Safari Rick it was released six years later. And we're saying, take that. Then the Beatles are like, oh, yeah, okay. You want to fuck around with August 11th?

How about this, motherfuckers? We're going to put out Her Day's Night in New York City. It's been a hard day's night. In 64, two years later. And I've been banging like a dog. And then they also opened their movie Help in New York City on this fucking day. Not the same day they put out a hernia. And also the last Beatles concert tour of the U.S. begins on this day.

They like fucking August 11th for some reason. That was two years later. That was in 66. 68. No, they didn't go until... 66. Oh, 66. 68 they launched Apple Records label.

Apple Records came out in 66. Why did all that shit happen on August 11th? There's got to be a reason. Because the Beatles did so much shit, you can't pick a fucking day where they didn't do something monumental. That's why. Monumentus. There's other things they did on August 11th.

I could look it up on the Beatles Bible if you want me to. Steve Wozniak was born today. Who? Is that his name? The, uh, one of the... 1950? Apple computer guys? Oh, yeah. Co-founder, man.

Yeah, Steve. Steve Jobs, buddy. Hulk Hogan, porn star. Hulk Hogan was not a porn star. Well, unofficially. He was the greatest wrestler of all time. And pretty good at banging. Do you ever know what his real name is? Terry. Hock Hogan.

Hock? Hock. Hock. His real name was Hock. No, Terry. Terry. Bolia. Or Bolia. That's debatable. Okay. Allegedly. But his real name on his birth certificate was Hawk Hogan.

Hawk? Hawk. And then he changed it to Hawk. Like Hawk Finn? Like Hawk Finn. Or Hawk Finn. Who's Hawk Finn? He's a famous somebody.

Hawk Hogan. That doesn't sound right, bud. Hock Hogan? Don't believe it. Wow. Anybody else? Viola Davis, who's an actress. I don't really know a lot of these people. Julianne Clark, 1971.

How high are you right now, Ricky? You know what? It's creep weed and it's creeping in. Like a fog. Great. Like a fog creeps into your land. Hopefully it creeps back out soon and I can continue to be normal.

Julianne Clark, playmate. I must have seen her and did some damage to myself, I'm sure. 71. She would have been pretty bushy down there. Who's Mac Daddy? Just wait. Who was bushy? Bushy?

Yeah, Julianne Clark, playmate. Oh, she was a playboy Bushy? Yeah, Julianne Clark. Play me. Oh, she was a Playboy Playmate? Was she Bushy? March 1971. 1971? No, no, she was born in 71. Oh, born in 71.

She came out in 91. When she was 20, she was in there. In 91? Yeah. I don't know if they were shaving parts by then or what. Pull it up. Let's have a gander. It was 50-50 back then.

Pull it up in your magic box. What's her name? Julianne Clark. Julianne. Two words. Clark. Three words. Play.

Mate. Mate. You have to look on this up to see if she's bushy down there, right? No, I just want to see what she looks like. Jesus, Murphy. Wow, is she good? Sweet mother of Jesus. I can't see, man.

Look at that. Wow. A donk, a donk on that. She's a... She's a fine looking lady. She's put together well. But I don't see any of the nudies. This is just, you know.

Well, can't you just put that up? Playmate nude. Ricky, I don't want to get into this. OK, well, don't. Playmate what year was it? Fuck. March 1991, or May. What's MAR?

March 1991. March 1991. March 1991. Images. Okay. Let's see what we got. I don't... There's all kinds of... I don't know what's going on here. You could have... You guessing Bush or no Bush?

Is that a new segment we're gonna do on the show, Rich? Bush or no Bush? Bush or no Bush? George Rich. Bush or no Bush? George W. Bush or no Bush? It's got to be clean, not a little Bush. What about Barbara Bush? Bush or no Bush?

Definitely Bush. She had some big bulgers, that's for sure. I'm guessing she's not doing a lot of maintenance. She had some big Barbara Bush bulgers. What do you mean bulgers? Her eyes. Fuck. Her eyes.

She had those big goofy eyes. Oh, I thought you were talking about... Yeah, never mind. People with goofy eyes, big goofy eyes, are fucked. They are fucked. No comment. All right, let's see some pictures I can't find Let's fucking just get on with the god damn thing

This is stupid She's a good looking person I'm into the playboy Fucking wormhole now though Ricky Mac Daddy Going down the wormhole I am This could be her here. Oh, my fucking God.

Are you still looking for her? No, she's still got a little thing covering it. All right. All right, okay. We've talked about maybe coloring books as merch for Trailer Park Boys, which is a good thing. There's a coloring book right here, $30,000. What's it made of, gold?

No, it's got like ten illustrations created by the famed illustrator Ian Beck. 30 grand for a fucking... I think, Bricky, you should start making a coloring book. He's not so famous, Ian Beck. I'll make a coloring book, fucking bring it on. People know that you know how to color, man. I think we should get into it. Yeah, I've got lots of dandelion yellow now. Perfect.

Thanks to Crayola Canada. You do. Color books coming at you, everybody. Friends with the main guy of Crayola Canada. This guy, Kim. I'm a connected man. You are almost like a mobster now, Ricky. I feel like I'm a bit of a mobster.

A fucking crayon mob. Let's rage. With your dandelion. Fucking crayon mob. Let's rage. With your dandelion yellow fucking crayon. Jesus. Holy fuck, a man ends up in hospital after drinking Satan's shot vodka. This vodka is made with the hottest chilies in the world. Him and his buddy sat around, got it out, did some shots, fucked them up. What's in it?

Chilies, man. Vodka and fucking chilies. Satan's red hot spicy something. Part of him. Only Satan himself is brave enough to drink this vodka neat. If you feel fearless and want to drink with Satan, you will feel like you are burning in hell itself. Let's fucking get into that. That sounds like a good fucking time.

But we should fucking get a bottle, rip off the label, and give it to Leahy. See what happens. Let's do it. On stage. We should do that. Did it say Satan dipped his penis in it? Did I say that? I think you did.

I didn't say that. That's what you said. We can rewind the tape if you want. You said Satan dipped something in it, one of his appendages. You said something that was red hot spicy. I didn't say any of that shit. You might have said it, Rick. No. I don't say shit like that. Alright, I guess that's all we got. Let's wrap it up. No, we're not wrapping it up. We're just getting going, aren't we? What the fuck are we going to talk about?

What the fuck are those boxes there? Oh, yeah, I got you guys some shit. Oh, fuck, look who finally came through. That box for each of you guys. I said one of everything on the fucking site. That's not one of everything. I'm not getting anything from this site. Well, this is, I'm not going to give you everything at once.

I'm just going to give you like. Where is it? Lighter Leash, a thing like Ricky used to have. Man, I used to gonna give you everything at once. I'm just gonna give you like is it lighterly a thing like Ricky used to Have later. I used to these are the fucking greatest and I start views them and I keep losing my fucking lighter Well, you guys got a boxy. So you hook it on your pants and the lighter goes in it That's it, man You know what this was actually hang on just wait pretty thoughtful of you It's got a picture of Leahy and it. What the fuck are you talking about?

The Jim Leahy show on Randy. Oh, man. Fuck, thanks for the gifts. What the fuck? I don't want this fucking thing. Oh, and so we got what? 200 each? 200 each of these.

Yeah, you can sell them if you want. People will buy them. Why didn't you put our fucking picture on there? All right, Ricky, think about it. These are not selling. Oh, so that's why you're giving them to us. You're not selling it because Leahy and Randy are on it. Nobody's buying it.

Well, they're not selling as much as you are. No, it's a gift. Here, I'll give you a free gift. You just want it out of your fucking warehouse. I think people are going to start collecting. They will eventually get around to collecting this one as well. Fuck. So you guys just hold on to them.

You can sell them for whatever you want. No, I want a clock, I want, uh, clock. I want a clock with me on it. A clock with you on it. Or I want a beer koozie. There we go. A beer, beer koozie. I want a beer koozie with me on it.

How does it work, man? Julian, I don't even smoke. So why do I need a lighter leaf? Sell them. Yeah, sell them. If you could sell them, you wouldn a lighter leak? Sell them. Yeah, sell them. If you could sell them, you wouldn't be giving them to me. Here, take them back. I'll take them back then.

I don't want them. There we go. I'll unload them. That's what you do with them. You rip the fucking sticker off and you burn it. It stinks, though. Ricky, why would you knock that? Oh, God, that stinks really fucking bad.

Fuck off. Go to bed. Be gone. All right. Well, thanks for the shitty gifts. I said I wanted one of everything on the fucking site. Yeah, and you get a box of old shit that he can't sell. No, it's selling. It'll sell. So thankful. Yeah. Well, what are you guys giving me? Anything? Nothing. Here, I got this for you. Yeah, okay. I haven't seen that one before. Love it.

Fuck, I'm not supposed to eat. It's killing me. Don't put food in front of you. You want me to stop eating? Fucking stop putting loud snacks out. We should get, like, some pudding or something, you know? Softer shit. Some, like like watermelon.

Okay, I'll have one. Okay everybody, close your ears. Ricky's gonna crunch one. It's just a little one. I'm gonna suck on it. You're allowed to crunch it with a warning. I'm not gonna suck on it until it dissolves. If to crunch it with a warning. I'm going to put a sock on it until it dissolves. If I had a nickel for every time I heard you say that. Get it?

You're a millionaire, man. Get it? I'm just going to sock on it, you said. Oh, well, there's a... Okay, if you're going to die, this is the way to go out. Ghana's dancing pallbearers, they send you off in style. They dance. They've got your coffin, they're fucking dancing, doing the splits, fucking circling around, throwing it up,

making it look like they're going to drop the fucking thing. Who wants that? What if it's a sad funeral? What if it's a sad funeral? Well, that's what I'm saying. Usually they are sad funerals, most of them, okay? So they're gonna just say, we're gonna fuckin' spin Uncle Bert around like he's a fuckin' piñata.

Well yeah, it's catching on. These guys are as busy as fuck. Yeah, let's throw Uncle Bert up in the air, pretend we're gonna drop him. That'll get a laugh. Actually, it's making people happy, man. It's working. Yeah, let's dump Uncle Bert in the ground.

Let the fuck off and hope not we'll roll him down the fucking stairs. It'll be hilarious. Oh, yeah, they're getting down. Back over him with the hearse. Back over his skull. That'll be hilarious. Look at that. That's the way to go, man.

See, I don't know, man. Those guys look fucked. Imagine, Julian, you leave here today in your car and you get fucking hit by a dump truck and you're dead. Like, you want us dancing around going, ah, fuck, you got hit by a dump truck. Dance, dance, dance. Yeah, let's let Julian.

It'll be hilarious. Yes, I do. He falls out of the casket. He rolls down the stairs. I want you guys to, yeah. And then we back over him with the hearse. It'll be hilarious. Okay, come to the funeral drunk. We just stairs. I want you guys to, yeah. And then we back over him with the hearse and it'll be hilarious. Okay, come to the funeral drunk.

We just backed over him. Yeah, party, everyone. Party, everybody. Pull his pants down, everybody. Expose him. What the fuck are you talking about? Kick his body all over the parking lot. It'll be hilarious.

Finally answer the million-dollar question. What? Just what it's like. I'm sure everybody wants to know. Yeah, let's kick Julian all over the parking lot, dude. Kick his dead body around. Okay, now you're taking this too far. Let's drop him off the fucking roof. Naked.

Alright, maybe that wasn't a good idea. It is kind of fucked now that I think about it. Fuck, let's carve him up. Let's chop him up into a thousand pieces't a good idea. It is kind of fucked now that I think about it. Fuck, let's carve him up. Let's chop him up into a thousand pieces with a bone saw. Hilarious. You're starting to get creepy, man. I mean, if it was Randy, maybe.

Jesus. No, you don't want these guys dancing around with him. You're going to cough. You'd need a lot of them to carry that fucker around. Yeah. Holy fuck. This woodpecker almost takes down a utility pole.

He fucking pecked the shit out of it so it was basically just on a... Look at that. Just a thread. That's awesome. You know what?

If I was a woodpecker or a beaver, I'd do the same fucking thing. I'd be fucking people constantly. Just fucking over utility poles. Yeah, or trees falling on houses and cars.

It'd be fucking fun. Go out late at night. Oh, I got a new fucking car, did you? Check this out, motherfucker. Nah, nah, nah, nah. Peck a tree down on a nice car. Yep. Why would you be such a fucking mad woodpecker?

Wanting to fucking destroy people's shit. Pecker or beaver? Getting a tree down. That's a good question. I'd faster, pecker or beaver? Getting a tree down. That's a good question. I'd put my pecker up against a beaver any day. No beaver's gonna chew through my pecker. Up against it or in it? No beaver's gonna chew through my pecker.

You gonna break his teeth? Break his front teeth? No? You bite right into it, son. Yeah, beavers can have so much more fun if they fuck with people. Telephone poles, you could knock the power out to New York City. Get a fucking few of your buddies. You think all the power in New York City goes through a couple of telephone poles, Ricky? I don't know. How does it work? Is it underground?

They've got grids. Do beavers get electrocuted if they eat electric wires? They certainly do. Some things don't, like birds. Sure they do. Sure they would, man. Nope, they hang out with them wires all the time. Yeah, that's because they're not touching.

Ah, we can do this and you can't. That's because they're not touching the ground, man. Nope, they hang out with them wires all the time. Yeah, that's because they're not touching. We can do this and you can't. That's because they're not touching the ground, Ricky. You can hang from a fucking electrical wire, no problem. I personally could. Yes. I thought if a people did that, they got fucked up. No, you could jump up and hang.

They always say don't touch those fucking things. You could hang by one arm like that, dangle from it, no problem. I'm going to try it. You wouldn't feel a fucking the thing you touch the ground or the pole while you're holding it see what happens yeah blow you turn you to dust just like just like that girl back in high school you mean the girl you broke the hips You mean the girl who you broke her hips?

No. Who are you talking about? I forgot what you said. It would blow you into dust. Oh. We missed that one. Somebody came aboard you, did they? I just remember her name was Heather, but I forget the last name.

Oh, yeah, I remember. She was pretty popular in the bathroom. I know who you're talking about. She liked doing it. Yeah. Yeah, they're sucking for the fourth.

All right, do you guys got anything to talk about or can we just go? We can just go. All right, all right. We could... See, this is another shitty one.

See, it's like... It sucked. Well, you get story... I didn't bring anything. I wasn't... I didn't even know. I didn't bring anything. I didn't even know. I didn't even know. I don't know anything.

What do I know? All right, okay. This is bad. I feel bad for this dude. Are we done playing Bush or No Bush? Oh, my God. That was done like 15 minutes ago. No, do you have another contestant in mind?

David Duchovny. I'd say he's nothing. Don't look at me that way. Fully groomed. Fully groomed. Yeah. Maybe a little stubble. Ricky, I was joking.

Okay. I wasn't looking for an actual guess. All right. Did you have somebody in mind that you wanted to put on bush or no bush? Uh, hmm. Cher. Hmm? That's a good one. I would say for many years, none.

Today, she probably just doesn't give a fuck anymore. No, I disagree. I bet you it's just like that right there. Like that. There's a little bit there. Well's just like that. Right there. Well, there's a little bit there. Well, just like that then. Like a piece of metal. No, Ricky, Jesus. Ricky's not good at this game.

Play a different game. Give me one. I can play anything better than you guys. Well, not better, but as good. Um, let's play... Let's play truth or dare, Ricky not better, but it's good. Um, let's play... Let's play truth or dare, Ricky. I get to go last.

No, you get to go first. Pick truth or dare. Which one do you want? Truth. Truth. Julian, you got a truthie for him? I'm just looking at this dude. This reminds me, remember when Randy was... Oh, I'm just looking at this dude. This reminds me, remember when Randy was...

Oh, I'm just looking at this dude. No, no, no. Didn't mean to interrupt you, you fucking... I'm not even going to get into this story because it's fucked. You just did. No, it kind of reminds me of Randy. Remember he was into the popsicles and shit? Yeah.

This Chinese dude, he was sitting around hot as fuck one afternoon. He was hot as fuck? He was boiling. Like, he was fucking sweating. He was that hot that he was boiling? The heat wave. as fuck one afternoon. He was hot as fuck? He was boiling. Like, he was fucking sweating. He was that hot that he was boiling? The heat wave. Holy fuck. Okay, sorry.

So he goes to his fucking freezer and takes out a box of ice creams and eats 54 of them. Damn near killed them. Fucked them up. What killed them? Don't know, man. The milk? The coldness. Okay, stomach pains. He fucking woke up, they had to rush him to the hospital.

Yeah, he fucked up his insides good. By eating too many ice creams? Yep, 54 of them, one sitting. I guess I better not try that again. They fucked up his kidneys. I've seen Randy eat that many. I ate a bucket of ice cream a couple times. Don't know how many scoops that would be, but...

I saw Randy eat... I saw Randy eat that many? I ate a bucket of ice cream a couple times. I don't know how many scoops that would be. I saw Randy eat six boxes of popsicles. That's what I'm saying. So how many's in a box? There was 12 in a box. Okay. That's 72. So he ate 70. I saw Randy eat 72 of fucking popsicles.

And this guy. At least the popsicle's got some good shit in it. Like a grape or a strawberry or... This guy ate what? 50-some ice creams? Yeah, these things. Those, like, fucking creamsicles. Yeah, there's nothing healthy in ice cream.

Popsicles have health in them. What do you mean? It's just fucking sugar and water, man. Whatever they're made with. Sugar and water. Well, an orange one has an orange in it. No, it doesn't. A grape one has a grape in it.

It does not have a fucking grape in it. It tastes just like it. It has to. No, it has natural flavors. Do you know what raspberry flavor, you know where that comes from? Raspberries. Nope. Take a guess. Strawberries. Blackberries. Nope. If you see something that says natural flavors and it's raspberry flavored, there's a good chance, Ricky,

it came from the anal there's a good chance, Ricky, it came from the anal gland of a beaver. We were just talking about beavers. Yeah, well, we're talking about them again now. So their asses smell like raspberries? I didn't say that. If you're eating something that's raspberry flavored and it says with natural flavors,

there's a good chance that raspberry flavor came from the anal gland of a beaver. So they're harvesting beavers just for fake raspberry flavor? Yes, sir. Wow. I got to check that out. No, man. I got to read up on that.

You fucking Google it. Raspberry. Well, back to the woodpecker beaver, I guess I'd rather be a woodpecker. Why? So no one rips my ass out and puts it in the drink. Yeah, that'd fuck your day up. Just run around, work on your fucking beaver dam, boom.

Boom. Ass is fucking ripped right out of you. Get the fuck off my ass. Where's my ass? Everything hurts down there. Mildred, is my ass missing? You want a raspberry margarita? Here, put the cup down on the ground and I'll fucking mix one up for you.

Okay. Let's go get a raspberry something. You want to go get something, Ricky? I want to just get drunk. I'm already drunk. I'm ready to get drunk again. It took me a few days after that fucking long weekend, but I'm good again. I'm good. I think I'm good. I'm already drunk. I'm ready to get drunk again. Took me a few days after that fucking long weekend, but I'm good again.

Let's go. I'm good. I think I'm good. I'm good to go. You guys want to go have a pissing competition? Nope. Off the bridge. You want a snack to join?

Come on. Let's go piss off the bridge. I'll do it. Take some fucking letter leashes. We'll try to sell them. I don't want any fucking letter leashes. We should wait till a ship's going underneath them and piss off. OK, we'll piss off the bridge. I don't want any fucking money. We should wait until a ship's going underneath them. Then piss off.

Okay, we'll piss off the bridge. I hope there's not much wind. Under the bridge, downtown, is where I pissed myself. See you next week. See you next week. Maybe. Let's get drunk. Ricky, Ricky. Fuck, man. That's freaking me here a little bit.

Didn't know you were a magic guy, bubs. Magic guy?