Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 111 - Ricky vs Harvey

Episode Date: September 18, 2017

The Boys send their best wishes to everyone affected by the big dirty hurricanes. They talk about ways to protect Sunnyvale from a huge storm, and Ricky wants to punch anyone named Harvey or Irma. You can watch the Trailer Park Boys Podcast (and more) on SwearNet for FREE during September! Sign up for a free account at SwearNet.com and use the coupon code SEPTEMBERFREE. DECENT!

Welcome to the Trailer Park Boys podcast, brought to you in parkboysswearingit.com, the only place where you can see the video version of this podcast. Nice one. And go to trailerparkboysmerch.com and check out some merch. Buy some stuff, please. They sponsor us, too. What about the beer and the liquor? I was just getting to that, Richard. Also, sponsored by Freedom 35, beer, drink the dream,

and Liquorman's old dirty Canadian whiskey. Drive her into your guts. Hey Julian, I'll open that for you. Ricky, did you open mine? I was just being nice. I got a drink on the go right here, man. I was going to go do the... All right, pretend to do it. Okay, this officially starts the podcast.

Three, two, one. What the fuck kind of noise was that? You had like, what? Dwing? Oh, man. That's not what it sounds like. Ricky. Dwing.

And you took drinks out of mine. Mine doesn't feel the right way. Here, this one's well. That's a cool fucking beer right there. Is this sponsoring us? Are we sponsoring ourselves now? No. Fuck that. Nobody's sponsoring us. We we sponsoring ourselves now? We are being sponsored by the free...

Nobody's sponsoring us. We're sponsorless. Freedom 35. Drink it up. Freedom. Oh, fuck. I forgot. Freedom. Is that too loud? Yes, it's too loud. Although there have been some people defending the eating.

What are they saying? Get up, do a little dance. Why? I don't know. I just feel like dancing. That was some fucking energy weed. That was some good weed. Welcome to the official Trailer Crack Boys podcast, number 111. 111.

One, one, one. For people that can't read numbers over 100. The date is September 15th. Friday. I have been on a fucking bender. Yes, you have. You've been up to a lot of shit this week, man. I've been watching. I've been glued to the TV watching the hurricanes.

Oh, my fuck. I know, man. Watching the hurricanes 24-7. Like, how do you do it, man? I watched, like, 10 minutes of it. I had enough. It just keeps looping around. No, it doesn't. it, man? I watched, like, ten minutes of it. I had enough. It just keeps looping around. No, it doesn't.

There's new facts coming out all the time. Those poor fucking people, man. My fucking heart goes out to them. We've only been through one hurricane. It wasn't that bad. Hurricane Juan fucked us over a little bit. It was pretty bad, but I mean that. Hervey was a cocksucker.

Oh, my fuck. Irma. Irma that bitch. Dirty bitch. Dirty, dirty, 31. I destroyed a country I never even heard of, my fuck. Irma. Irma that bitch. Dirty bitch. Dirty, dirty, dirty one. I destroyed a country I never even heard of, Barbuda. I know, man. Poor bastards.

St. Martin got fucked. That airport that I always wanted to go to where the planes can land, you know, right at the end of the beach. Gone. Right over people. Gone. Never going to get to see that now. Florida Keys got fucked. Can you do me a favor? Sprinkle some of that, like, under the people gone. Never going to get to see that now. Florida Keys got fucked. Can you do me a favor?

Sprinkle some of that, like, under the armpits a little bit. What? Just sprinkle some under your armpits. I don't... Have you... When's the last time you showered, man? I've been washing. You've been what?

No, you've been watching. That's all you've been doing is watching. I wash myself down with the hose. Look, you've got a fucking scruff going on. You've been up pretty much for four doing. I wash myself down with the hose. Look, you got a fucking scruff going up pretty much for four days. I wash myself with the hose. That'll make it smell a lot better. I'm not putting weed in my armpits.

You should, man. I don't stink. I smell great. You're right. You are fucking very right. No, I think that's your own nuts you're smelling. No, man, I smell good. We should get some more guns, though. What? Lots of guns.

Why, Ricky? Are you reading this thing that if a fucking hurricane does come at you, if you shoot at the fucking thing, you can collapse it or get rid of its eyes? No, Ricky, that was... Somebody put that up as a joke, and it caught on. Makes sense. Guns are fucking powerful. Guns can stop anything. You can't...

You get enough of them. Big enough bullets, maybe you can take... A guy made a Facebook page telling people to shoot at the hurricane. Yeah. And like 55,000 people joined the fucking thing, and people with a sheriff had to put out a thing saying, do not shoot at the fucking hurricane. It's not going to do anything,

and the bullets might circle around and come back at you. Sounds like a hurricane in here all of a sudden. It does sound like a hurricane. Fucking air system came off. I mean, the bullets, they gotta come down. You could fucking kill people. If you shot enough fucking bullets or weapons of some sort into a fucking hurricane, isn't it like a wall? It would break apart the wall. No, Ricky, it's fucking wind. That's what a hurricane is. Wind and rain. It would break apart the wall. No, Ricky, it's fucking wind.

That's what a hurricane is. Wind and rain. Well, if the wind's coming this way and you shoot a bullet that way, it's gonna... You know what I mean? Do you know how many bullets you'd have to shoot? That's why we need more guns. That's... Ricky, this is almost as bad as your fucking...

theory you had that time about... blowing clouds down, smoke clouds down with big giant fans. Remember that? Yeah, I remember that. Well, there you go. So if you had a, how big of a fan would you need to stop something like that? If it's spinning this way and you just want to blow it the other way.

You would need, Ricky, you would need a fan 200 miles wide and 100 fucking miles high. Which does not exist. If you got 10 fucking 740-87s, or whatever they're called, one on top of the other, stocked, and they're flying, and all their jets are pushing out the opposite direction of the wind, would that help? So you got a hurricane turning this way. Yeah.

You got jets flying. Every fucking 100 feet or so, maybe 100 of them. What the fuck? You'd have to space them out because apparently those things are wide. Bob, shut it down. Couldn't happen, Ricky. Okay. I'm just thinking out loud. Couldn't happen, Ricky. Okay. I'm just thinking out loud.

Couldn't happen. Not happening. My brain works in ways that other brains don't work, and sometimes it comes up in the doozy. But I did see that people were making the Restore selling hurricane cakes. What? They had cakes, and they had the frosting on the top

was like the storm, you know, the hurricane from above. And it was like, yeah, party like it's a fucking hurricane and balloons. Isn't that kind of fucked? I think it is. People got fucking, some people died. People got fucked over. There's not really anything to celebrate about that. No, I agree.

Fucking asshole Irma. I agree. You shouldn't be making tales. What hurt me, that son of a bitch? Well, everybody likes cake. It might, you know, cheer people up a bit. You wouldn't want to have the name Irma right now. People would just walk up and probably punch you right in the face.

If there was a hurricane cake right there, I'd be eating it. If there was a guy named Harvey standing in front of me, I'd probably have to punch him. Ricky, that's insane. It's not anybody who's named Harvey's fault. They had nothing to do with it, man. They should change their fucking names. It's not anybody who's named Harvey's fault. They had nothing to do with it, man. They should change their fucking names. It's embarrassing.

Ricky, there's probably a million people named Harvey. Assholes. They're not assholes, man. Maybe that's how Hurricane... The big ones. What about Harvey's hamburgers? Are you never going to eat there again? Oh, fuck.

See? There you go. I bet their business is down. No, man. People fucking love Harvey's. Ricky, nobody's not eating. Nobody's boycotting Harvey's restaurant because the hurricane was named Harvey. There was a Hurricane Ricky.

Should I have fucking... No, I bet it wasn't that bad because I'm not an asshole. They name a storm, and if there's a bunch of people with that name that are assholes, the storm's like, all right, I'm an asshole storm. I'm going to fucking do some shit here. So the storm makes a conscious decision, does it? It's a thinking storm. They do fucking do that, don't they?

They take water up, and they are something. They're alive. Fuck, Ricky. Everything that has water in it is alive. No. This can has water in it. It's sort of alive. If you shook it up and opened it, it would spray.

Holy fuck, man. How old's your mama? All right, that was a pretty good one. Anyway, what were we talking about? Hurricanes are not alive. Is this why you're putting your fucking shed up on stilts? What the fuck are you doing? Yes.

You're watching CNN and you're building stilts for your fucking shed. I put it up about eight days in case there's a storm surge. And it's CBC and CTV and every other fucking news show. There could be a storm surge, so I just built a base for it on stilts. That's the shit that does scare me, I have to admit. What? Those fucking storm surges, man. They fuck you.

The surge, baby. It's the fucking surge. You gotta worry about it. The wind's bad enough, and then you gotta deal with the cocks sucking water? We live close enough to the ocean, boys, I'm telling you. A surge could come into Sunnyvale. Well, they should fucking tell A&R

they even want a ten-foot cement wall around the fucking park. They're not gonna do it, man. Because if that surge comes in, we're fucking done. I know. Just gonna buckle down, boys. All the trails will be floating away and I'll be up in my eight-foot shed going, sorry, no room.

I'd be up in my fucking patio. My new patio. It's like three stories. Your patio's not three stories. It's two. No, it. My new patio. It's like three stories. Your patio's not three stories. It's two. No, it isn't, Ricky. It's about six feet. It's above my car. Yeah?

Yeah, it's about six feet. Six feet. It'd still be better in no feet. What if the car gets washed away? And you're just floating around on top of your car, stranded. I'm gonna need... Well, I need more supplies up there. I need enough food for the fucking boat ride. washed away. And you're just floating around on top of your car, stranded. Well, I need more supplies up there. I need enough food for the fucking boat ride, enough beer, enough liquor, lots of dope, and maybe some games, so you don't go to your mind.

You might want to reinforce that little fucking deck you got there, bud. Let me tell you. The other thing I've been thinking about which would be brilliance because trailers don't do very well in the bigger winds and what else happens you lose power it's not me i got a generator well i got a new idea it doesn't need gas because you can run out of gas there's no gas in this place yeah you need lots of gas well we're gonna go around steal batteries out of cars i'm to fill my entire trailer with batteries, all connected together. And I'm going to put a fucking windmill on the top and a bunch of those solar tables. And I'm going to join these batteries. And my trailer will be weighted down so it can't fucking blow away.

And I can power probably the whole fucking park for weeks to months. Maybe a year, for free. Not a horrible idea. That's not a bad idea. It's not horrible. It's very easy to do. I mean, you know, get people like Corey and Jacob, get some batteries.

I'd have to waterproof it, I guess, in case the water came in. How much would we charge people for the power? Lots. Well, no, you know what? For people we like, free. Because it's a crisis. For assholes like Leahy, Randy. So fill the trailer with car batteries linked together. Yep. Waited it there. We should call

Elon Musk. He might be, we could maybe peck his brain, see how to do this, because he's the battery king. They work underwater, right, batteries? They work in a submarine, so they must. No, they don't work in saltwater underwater, Ricky. Yeah, that's a big... Don't corrode the terminals. That's a huge problem. We'll have to put them in Ziploc bags or something.

Ziploc bags, yeah. If you tied enough Sobeys bags around them, you could probably keep them dry what if you fill the trailer car batteries I'll link them all together do all the stuff you got to do and then take spray foam that expanded shit and just spray the entire fucking trailer so the whole trailer is the big spray foam din battery hmm well though it might make it float better then, too. Fuck! You can't win. There's no way of beating these fucking storms, is there?

Well, Ricky, if we strap the trailer to the ground, the batteries are gonna weigh it down a lot. Look, big time. The trailer's gonna weigh 20, 30 tons. Okay. When we get her filled. We're gonna need a lot of cable, a lot of wire. We're gonna need a main of cable, a lot of wire. We're gonna need a main circuit breaker.

I could probably wire the cocksucker up though. I could probably wire it up. That's not a bad idea. You wouldn't be able to live in it. No. But if you're living out in the car and we just have your trailer, it's a big battery. That is a big fucking battery.

That's a big fucking battery. That's a big fucking battery. We might be able to get a hundred megawatts going. I wonder how long it would take to charge something like that. Well, in a hurricane, the wind would be pretty strong. That's the thing. That's the thing. Windmill? If you got a big dirty windmill up there.

It would just blow right the fuck off. And then you can say to the storm, fuck you, all you're doing is charging my batteries. Yeah. What if it blew like, can Satan storm out? Fuck you, all you're doing is charging my batteries. Yeah. What if it blew the windmill apart, though? That's a problem. Then you're sitting there looking at your trailer full of batteries going, fuck, I fucked up. Solar tables, I guess, would still work, but there's not much sun.

Not much sun, Ricky, in a hurricane. She's usually pretty cloudy. Just, we got something going here. We'll figure it out. Well, windmillsills we might be able to break up a whole system everything get some solar get some windmills get some tidal you know in case the storm surge comes in harness that energy do people steal windmills can that be done or you can steal the fucking windmill absolutely You just go out and you jam something in the gear so it stops it.

You unscrew the fucking, you know, the rotors. Propeller. Unscrew that. Get that down. Pull the fucking gizmo off. Chop the bottom off it. Down she comes. Cart the whole thing away.

Reassemble it. Big job, but it could be done. I think we could do it. Donnie stole one. No, he didn't, did he? Donnie, it it could be done. I think we could do it. Donnie stole one. No, he didn't, did he? Donnie, it wasn't very big. It was just one of those wooden ones from the, you know, from the mini pot golf thing, but still a windmill. All right, we got to look into that.

Anyway, fuck, there's got to be some way to fucking beat these things. All those fucking dumbasses that didn't leave. Like people are fucked would you leave ricky the problem is you're not allowed to swear like if you could get on one of these news places and go all right motherfuckers listen up and listen up good if you don't get the fuck out you are going to fucking die and we can't fucking help you straight Straight up. That's what's gonna happen. Yeah, I believe it. I'm like, fuck, he's swearing. He must be fucking serious. Maybe we should think about leaving.

I agree, Ricky. If the governor could get on there, uncensored, and say, what the fuck is wrong with everybody? Get the fuck out. You're gonna die. Yeah, and then you find out people aren't leaving. You're like, okay, fuckheads. You're not listening to me. You're fucking stupid. some of the people are super old though ricky and they can't you know i feel bad for them i do too but fuck but there's got to be a way the other people not

so much the people are like i'm too fucking old i can't do this and either need someone to help me leave or i can't leave that's fine it's these fucking other fucker oh we've seen storms and yeah those people are afraid of this fucking thing those people are a bit fucked because then they get stranded down there you know don't get me wrong i'd love to see a big storm but now it's the fucking animals oh it's that fucking crazy like you know and the animals what would you do if you know okay river king's on his way what would you do with the cats like what you'd be fucked no No, I wouldn't be fucked. I'd get them out, every one of them.

All right, what would you do with them, then? I'd get them to fucking higher ground, I'll tell you that. I wouldn't. I read a story there. There was people down with Harvey there. They just bolted and left their fucking dogs chained up in the yard. Fuck. There was pictures of dogs, you know, sticking their head just out of the water.

Jesus. Leash on. I fucking was wild. Yeah, that's nasty. Reading that story. Fuck. If you can't, you know what? If you're just going to leave your dog or your cat

behind, chained up, you shouldn't own the fucking thing. That's my opinion. Yeah, you're right, man. You shouldn't own a fucking animal if you're just going, oh, there's a storm coming, see ya. I'm the fuck out, you're right, man. You shouldn't own a fucking animal if you're just gonna, oh, there's a storm coming, see ya.

I'm the fuck out, you're staying here, asshole. You shouldn't own a fucking kitty. Nope. Not a vent. Fucking assholes. Settle down, man. Come on, I'm getting rang up. You know, some people don't have money to fucking, you know, fly their dogs out and

shit. Don't gotta fly them out. At least unchain the cocksucker. At least unchain them. At least unchain them. Yeah. It's like all those fucking birds, man. I didn't know about any of that shit.

The birds are so fucked from the wind that they try to stay in the eye until it dies off. There's fucking birds from all over the goddamn place just going along with the eye, taking a little rest, and flying with the eye. Well, Rick, the wind, you can't, a bird can't fly in 160 170 mile an hour wind would be would be tough you can't you think about it you can't walk in the you can barely you know could you glide if you're no you can't glide you'd like this and tear your wings right off you'd be cool to go that fast if you were a bird. That'd be pretty dope. Yeah, I mean you'd have to get a tailwind going, but fuck you're just going to be going like that. If they had helmets, but they probably wouldn't be able to breathe. Bird helmets.

Yeah. Who's gonna give the birds helmets? Full face motorcycle racing helmets. Not a bird. Full-face motorcycle racing helmets. Not a bird. Ricky, do you know how much money and resources it would take to build little helmets, capture two or three million fucking birds and put helmets on them? Then you'd have to capture them again and take them off, or they wouldn't be able to eat. Yeah, it's a bit of a fuck plan. It's not a good plan i mean i've put helmets on kitties before but not you know not for that that was for the supercats

cat show i had helmets on there was kitties doing stunts one year i felt they needed helmets you tried to get one of them to go scuba diving. No, I didn't. I didn't. I put a little scuba suit on him, but I didn't put him in the water. I just thought it was cute. Little tanks on his back.

With a kitty mask and a kitty snorkel. Holy fuck. You know what? There's actually this traveling fucking cat circus, man. That's mine. No, 200 fucking cats. What? They ride skateboards. They fucking...

What? They wander off in the audience. And you're boxing? Look at this guy. They stole my fucking concept. Yep. Super Cats, Catshaw, that was my fucking idea. That's what happens. People are fucking... You have an idea, you don't move on it. You know, they're making a shit ton of money. concept. Yep. Super Cats Catshow. That was my fucking idea.

That's what happens. People are fucking. You have an idea, you don't move on it. You know,

they're making a shit ton of money. fucking steals it or they have the same idea. They got 200 kitties.

200 kitties. So it's way better than your idea. I, no, Ricky, I just don't have the fucking financial backing

to take it to the next level. I could have made the Super Cats Catshow in international 2009. I wonder how the fuck they travel

them around. That's right after I had mine. They just open up an 18-wheeler and throw them inside and that's how they travel? What? I don't know. They better not or I'll fucking go right down there. What's better, that or they're all in cages? You put them in proper carriers and you anchor them down

and make sure they have food and water and you go around and do belly work on them. Alright this is kind of fucked one of the cats his name is captain patch he's the one-eyed one you've got a cat captain patch don't you yes i do i do have a lot of coincidences going on here something's not right here boys big coincidence they've got a cat named captain patch and he was one of my stars. And they've got a tour bus. A real big fucking tour bus. Something's smelling a little fleshy here. Unbelievable.

Wow. They probably have fucking Richard Branson backing them. I got nobody. Oh wait, no, no, no, no. These are all fucking, uh... These were homeless little kitties, man. They took them in. They rescued them. They're strays. So you go from being homeless to all of a sudden you're in a fucking circus.

Okay, well, in that case, then... They need a foster home, so this is what they did for them. In that case, I won't shoot off to them as long as they're not, you know, forcing them to do anything. Look at that little motherfucker. Oh, he's decent. He is decent. He's a cute little guy. What's he do? I don't fucking know.

I don't know. He fucks my skateboard. As long as they're rescuing kitties, then I won't chew off both of them. But if they're forcing them into fucking slave labor, like they do with circus animals, then I will go down there and I will beat the fuck out of somebody. Oh, they're good, man. Tuna.

For giving them tuna? No, one of their cats' name was Tuna. Oh, I've had several kitties over the years named Tuna. Elbacore Tuna. Tuna Ronnie. Tuna, Tuna, Tuna. Tuna, Tuna, Tuna. Remember Tuna, Tuna, Tuna? I remember Tuna, Tuna, Tuna.. Tuna, tuna, tuna. Tuna, tuna, tuna. Remember tuna, tuna, tuna?

I remember tuna, tuna, tuna. He was decent. Oh, look at this little cat. He's playing a cowbell. I used to have a cat that could play the piano. And then he got on to the accordion. Remember? He could play the accordion. Remember that, Kitty? Well, he wasn't playing it. You were down below. Well, I was doing this, but he was pushing the keys.

Oh, yeah. He would play tunes. Wasn't really that good, but it was cool that he was doing it. Oh, he was still playing the accordion in my books. He was a good kiddie. Fuck, he was a good kid. All right, is there anything? What's going on with birthdays today? Nothing. Fuck birthdays and fuck events. It's lame. All right, fuck it. All this shit.

Is there no good ones? There's nothing, man. Have a look, I guess. Nobody gives a fuck. Agatha Christie. Nobody cares. Well, people in England do. Marco Polo. Look at that. Yeah, great.

Yeah, there's not a lot of them. What a shitty day. Jimmy Carr. He's a comedian. He's funny. He's fucked, too. He was born. All right. There's a comedian. He's funny. He's fucked, too. He was born. All right. There's not a lot, I guess. Lots of the Zonda 5.

Tom Hardy. Fuck. Julian wants to bang him. Who? Rocket Richard. Oh, he retired. Retired, man. Yeah, there's not a lot of shit going on. Chips.

Florida lottery goes over 100 million in 1990. 1977, Chips. Chips. Oh, Chips debuted. I remember that night like it was yesterday. You didn't like Chips, man. I hated Chips. You hated Chips?

I fucking couldn't stand Chips. I liked it. Fucking Eric Estrada was perfect. I thought there were a couple good episodes, but yeah, you're right, it was shitty. He had nice hair, too. Fucking Eric Estrada with his perfect teeth. I thought there were a couple good episodes, but yeah, you're right, it was shitty. He had nice hair, too. Fucking Eric Estrada. I thought he was so big. He came out of Alamut still a kid.

You used to dress up like Eric Estrada. Oh, I did, man. I was waiting for this. Bull fucking shit. He had perfect teeth, though, didn't he? Eric Estrada had some of the nicest teeth, I think, maybe in history. Yeah, he's got really nice teeth. Fuck, he thought he was cool though.

Yeah. He was. He was kind of cool. Paunch and John. Yeah. Paunch and John. You get the ladies. I just thought he was a bit of a copy of the Fonz. No, boys, the Fonz was way cooler. Way cooler than Eric DeSantis.

Absolutely he was. It's Paunch. Of course he was. Paunch was not very cool. Although that episode where the fucking, the piece of glass hit the sun and put a glare in his eyes. Oh, fuck, yeah.

Big car accident. Yeah, fucking accident. He went down, sliding on the pavement. Yeah, he got fucked over hard. He's a good stuntman on that. Or did they do their own shit? No, Rick.

No, he definitely didn't do his own shit, man. You think Eric Estrada did those stunts? No, I said he definitely didn't do any. No, he didn't do shit. The Fonz did his own stunts. Guarantee you. Fonz, he didn't do his own stunts. Jump the fucking shark, man.

I'm telling you. You think fucking Henry Winkler... Yeah. ...fucking did a 600-foot fucking water-skiing jump, do you? Definitely. Julie, look at the editing, bud. It's all in the editing. Don Cruz does his own shit. He broke his fucking foot the other day, didn't he? Who?

Don Cruz. Don Cruisin'? Tom Cruz? Ron? Tom Cruzz tom cruz the famous guy yeah tom cruise he broke his foot on mission impossible why would he do his own stunts probably because he's well that could be one reason he's completely in the head, so maybe that's why. Right? Well, yeah. I guess.

He probably thinks he has the power of Scientology behind him and he can't fuck up. He can't be hurt. Although he did strap himself to the side of the plane. Which is really fucked. He did that stunt, which is fucking bananas. So I gotta give that to him. I mean, he's got fucking brass balls. Or he's crazy. Well, in the first Mission Tough,

when he comes down on that cable and he almost hits the ground and he does this, I guess he fucked up and he almost did hit the ground. The cable was too long. What was the name of the movie? Mission's Tough. Mission Impossible. Mission Hard.

Oh, yeah, Impossible. Mission's Tough. Mission Tough. How could you fuck like that? Oh What's the fuck a mission? Well, it was an impossible bit Wasn't boss. We did it It's dumb name He's fucking bananas. Anyway, who just you don't want to let up on him. No, I don't I think he's all right Tell us how you feel about my he's out of it. He's like I've seen documentaries about him. No, I don't. I think he's right out of his fucking mind. He's out of it.

He's like... I've seen documentaries about him. He's a shady cocksucker. You thought he was cool in Top Gun. You were like, fuck, he is cool. I thought his character was cool. Until you saw him on Oprah jumping up and down on the sofa. That's what fucked him, right?

Well, that was the start of... That was the start of the... When it's like, okay, this guy's got to fucking screw loose. He's fucked. And then you watch some of the documentaries. He's just a fucking... He's fucking right out of her. I don't understand why he keeps getting married to women.

Because it's all part of the ruse, Ricky. That's what they do. Oh, yeah, I'm totally normal. Look at my wife, who's trying to escape my fucking clutches. Look at my wife, who's trapped. But they try to play it off like... I'd like to talk to that Nicole Kidman privately and just say, how fucked is that guy?

And she'd be like, you have no idea, bud. I tell you right now, he is fucking not all there. Did you take him in a fight? Tom Cruise? Yeah. He's only a little guy, isn't he? Yeah, but he's pretty athletic. He's got a nice body.

I don't know if I could fight him or not. You have to take it to the ground. No, no. You said he has a nice body? He's nice. He's fit. I mean, I don't mean it in a gay way, but he's... You hate him, but you're attracted to him.

That's what we're saying. No, I'm not. That must be tough on the head. I'm not. I hate this guy so much, but God, he's... So sexy. I just can't stop thinking about how well he's sculpted. His body is so fit.

And the stunts. The stunts that he can do with that fit body. I'm just saying, he's got a nice body. He's a fit guy. I don't think I could beat him in a fight. You're going to go see a movie, or are you hoping to see his shirtless scene? I tell you right now, I'd fucking outthink him. You think?

I would love to fucking talk to him about aliens and his bullshit fucking theories. Okay. I'd like to be there. Getting drunk. Fuck Scientology. And high watching you talking to him. That would be great. I'd say, hey, guess what?

Scientology is fucked and so are you. Rebuttal. Okay. That's how I'd start my argument. I think you're fucked in the head, bud And so does the rest of the world John Travoltage is One of those

As well as you know Who? Who? John Travoltage Travoltage? Ricky, man What? Ricky, you are fucking up a lot of names today

It's not John Travoltage What is it? John Travolta. What is it? John Travolta. Oh, yeah. What am I thinking of? I don't know. I think you're thinking of the Rayovac Battery Man.

Maybe in John Travolta. I don't know where that came from. John Travolta. That would be a good name for a DJ. That would be good. DJ John Travolta. I like a good name for a DJ DJ John Travolta I like it he's got the power you know what the best fucking DJ name

in history is what I saw there was a guy named DJ Ted Danson like dancing was spelled that is awesome it was dancing was spelled guy named DJ Ted Danson. Like dancing was spelled. That is awesome. Dancing was spelled like dancing, right? Ted Danson.

I'm the boss. That's a good one. Somebody copied us over in Sweden. What? They're leaving penises in a park. What? Wooden ones? Giant wooden penises, yeah.

These are fucking nice ones, too. They're huge. Bigger than the ones we made. Nice ones? Yeah, they're fucking three feet, hand-carved. Three feet? Some of the ones I made were three feet. I made a six-footer. Yeah, but it didn't look very good. These look fucking good. Well, I reckon it was a log that I carved a knob into with a chainsaw.

You could use one of these as a walking stick. Remember the one, a big log like that we had, and I carved a knob into it with a chainsaw? Fucking done. That was a good beer, boys. Jesus Christ, man. That was impressive. You don't usually drink beer.

I know. You know what? I've got a lot of energy. That shit gives you fucking energy, boys. We're getting drunk today. Yes, we are. Right on. I like it.

I've already had. This is my sixth beer. Just don't fucking watch news all day or try to put your fucking shit on the stilts, man. Get off the news. We're getting drunk today. Let's fucking have fun. We're bored. Let's play some cards or something. Okay, I won't watch the news.

I'll just... Thank you. I'll put on headline news and just if something... You're gonna not fucking work on the shelter, okay? Fuck everything. Just get drunk with us today. All right. What the fuck is this?

Good day to get drunk. I don't know where this came from. Huge jelly blobs spotted off Norway coast. What are they? Jelly blobs? You just said what they are. They're fucking jelly blobs. Not Randy, is it?

Maybe Randy was swimming over there, was he? He's on vacation, isn't he? No, I think he went to PEI, though. Huge jelly blobs spotted off Norway coast. What are they? Holy fuck, look at them. What the fuck? Oh, my fuck, those are aliens, boys.

I guarantee you, alien eggs. Look at that. That's an alien egg. That looks like an alien egg. You can't see that. That thing's gonna fucking bust open and all fucking hell's gonna break loose. Well, it doesn't look like there's anything inside of it, man.

It's just a big blob of... That's what... That's how they trick you. Oh, look at the cute little jelly. And it goes in, and it comes out. It's a fucking alien. I got you. Did you see Alien Covenant yet? A little bit of it.

Is it scary? Some shit going on in there. There's a lot of people dead up right out of the fucking... It's cock suckers, boy. One gets in the buddy's ear and it's fucking game on then. What the fuck does this mean? World champion squirrel cook-off coming to area September 16th. A cook-off?

That's tomorrow. Squirrels can't cook. I think they get cooked. They're eating them. They're not eating squirrels, are they? I don't know. Lots of people eat squirrels, man. The world champion squirrel cook-off, which he founded, will be held September 16th.

Boys, you're not going to believe this, and you're going to think I was crazy, but I'm 99.999% sure that I saw a fucking squirrel in the park the other day, and it was wearing a little pair of underwear. No fucking way. I'm telling you.

Underwear? I'm telling you, there was a squirrel, and it had on a little pair of... They were like tighty-whities, but they were pink. But they were underwear. I'm telling you. Just Google squirrel underwear for fun. Maybe it's a diaper.

You're kidding. Are your eyes okay? Like, seriously, it could have been like a little kid. Just punch it in for the sake of fucking argument. Squirrel underwear. Squirrel underwear. See if they exist. There could be a fucking pair of underwear made out of a squirrel.

No, I saw a squirrel running, Ricky, and he came right up. He was only about ten feet away. Okay, before I do this, a big giant cock or something's not going to fucking come busting out of the screen like you've done before to me. No. Punch it in, you see this dude. No, I'm not. I'm telling you, I saw Squirrel. He was not 10 feet away, and I was like,

holy fuck, he's wearing underwear. Squirrel, there is Squirrel underwear. You haven't been sleeping much lately. Wait. What the fuck are you talking about? Squirrel underpants from Archie McPhee? What the fuck are you talking about? People have...

Do we got to... Oh, fuck it. From Archie McPhee? What the fuck are you- Ah, people have- Do we gotta- Oh, fuck it. We could've just went to images. What the fuck? What is it? Naked squirrels. Ah man, this is stupid. This isn't it, man. No, just here.

Bubs are full of shit. I'm not, I'm telling you. There's't it, man. No, just here. Bubs are full of shit. I'm not. I'm telling you, there's some kind of squirrel underwear happening in the world. Squirrel underwear? Because they were like underwear. They were like a little tiny pair of underwear. Okay. Maybe they used the bathroom a lot.

Do they have them in... Trying to keep the parks clean. Maybe. Could be rangers. What if you go to images? Well, I've got images, and if this is a squirrel, the squirrel's got a nice ass. Okay, I wasn't expecting that. That is not a squirrel.

All right. Squirrel. Squirrels, you're full of shit, man. Underwear. Yoink. Let's just see what we get. Squirrel underpants. Oh, for fuck's sake.

This is the Archie McPhee thing. What the fuck is it? Who's Archie McPhee? See, look, I don't know, man. Well, how the fuck did we get talking about squirrels? Yeah, what the fuck? I'm talking about bugs. I don't know.

I don't know. I just, I know I saw a squirrel with underwear. Now you got us searching around. There's not a fucking thing about it. Let's go fucking catch him. Except for Archie McPhee. Okay, let's go looking for him. Well, let's, okay.

It's that cocksucker that's down by Doggy's trailer. Alright, let's get a portaburra set up. We're gonna fucking go find the squirrel. Yeah, the one with, you know him. You know who I mean. He's got, somebody cut the end of his tail off. He didn't cut it off. It got shot off. Did you blast his tail off? He didn't cut it off. It got shot off. Did you blast his tail off? No. I don't think.

Well, his tail just ends. It's blunt. It's like sheared off. But he was wearing underwear. So I think somebody in the park built him a little pair of underwear and they were highly skilled because they looked like they had the waistband

and the little pouch in the front, you know, where you pull your wiener out. You need to get some sleep. You know in Tidy White's where you pull your wiener out. Yes, the wiener door. They had that. We're going to have some drinks. We'll get a buzz on going. We're going squirrel hunting, boys. Hopefully it was a guy squirrel.

Listen, you've got to do a couple of shotguns. If we do this, that's what you've got to do. Okay, I'll do it. We're gotta do a couple of shotguns. If we do this, that's what you gotta do. Okay, I'll do it. We're going squirrel hunting. Hopefully next week. Hunting? Not hunting, but go find the sock sucker.

And we're gonna take pictures of him. Then we'll take him to the world champion squirrel cook-off. Yeah. We're not cooking him, Ricky. If he's wearing underwear, I wanna know why. And who built him and who put him... Somebody held him down and put underwear on him, I want to know why. And who built them and who put them? Somebody held him down and put underwear on him, and I want to know why. What, is he going to fucking tell you?

No, but I'll do some investigating. You'll be able to tell from the seam work? I'll do some investigating, because if somebody's got underwear on them, I guarantee you they're watching them, and they'll see me catch them, and they'll be like, hey, leave him alone. And I'll be like, why? Why? what is your connection to this squirrel with the underwear i'd say they're letting the squirrel live in the house and that's why they need the underwear okay i want to know all right let's go drink up you need some sleep today man you're fucking weird call us next week

who's cooking not call you got calling. You got any food? I've got food. Oh, we were supposed to answer some question, weren't we? Oh, my fuck. All right. What's the question? Best place to go. Some guy's going to Amsterdam.

Wants to know the best fucking... This guy from Sky Atlantic, I guess he's taking his girlfriend to Amsterdam. He needs to find a place to go to smoke dope. We already answered this. That's what I thought. That's what I thought. That's what I thought, but Chipper said we didn't. Chipper's fucking sober. Chipper is... Yeah, we did.

We told him to go to Damkring. Okay, I thought so. And then you said, no, go to the Bulldog. Yeah, we answered the cocksucker already. Fuck, Chipper's fucked. Well, what do you expect, Ricky? He's fucking ingest more dope than you do. He's not here today, so we can't really come aboard him.

Actually, this podcast... We'll come aboard him next week, this podcast may look better than any of them so far because he's not fucking here. Who knows? Two things to do next week. Okay. An update on the squirrel with the underwear. All right. And come aboard Chipper. All right.

Okay. We'll see you next week. Come aboard him? Come aboard him? Boys, when I say see you next week, just hold up your drinks and shut up. Where do we look? I don't know.

Over there. All right. see you next week, just hold up your drinks and shut up. Where do we look? I don't know, over there. All right. See you next week!