Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 116 - Halloween in Sunnyvale

Episode Date: October 31, 2017

Join Lord Stanley’s Cup and two versions of Jason as the Boys celebrate HELLoween on this week’s podcash! Learn some fun facts (such as - Halloween is held on the same day every year) and watch the Boys carve pumpkins and pound Ricky’s Catch 23 Malt Liquor! Episode 116 is brought to you by the official Trailer Park Boys Store, SwearNet.com (the only place to watch the video of this podcash), Liquormen's Ol' Dirty Canadian Whisky, and the Boys' own Freedom 35 lager!  

Welcome to the Trailer Perk Boys podcast, brought to you in perkboysswearingit.com, the only place where you can see the video version of this podcast. Nice one. And go to trailerperkboysmerch.com and check out some merch, buy some stuff, please. They sponsor us too. What about the beer and the liquor? I was just getting to that, Richard. Also sponsored by Freedom 35, Drink the Dream, and Lickerman's all-dirty Canadian whiskey.

And a new beer is born. Try my new Ricky's Catch-23 malt liquor. It's stronger than you are. Man, you gotta stop making that fucking noise. Like, you just talk to me. Keep asking questions. All you do is make this fucking noise. Put that fucking thing away, man. It's scaring me. Look, he doesn't talk.

He just... There are sounds that scare people. Look at this. I wired up a smoke machine. This place looks, you did a good job, man. This looks good. Look at this. Chug, chug, chug, chug. Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug.

I wonder if he did talk. What would his voice sound like? Would he be like a little pussy voice? That way he doesn't talk? Or would he be tough? No, Ricky, he'd have a tough, he'd be like, you're gonna fucking die, baby. He might sound like Tyson or something. Like, he wouldn't be that scary. No, he wouldn't. That a tough. He'd be like, you're going to fucking die, baby. He might sound like Tyson or something.

He wouldn't be that scary. No, he wouldn't. That's why he doesn't talk. You think he's going to sound like Mike Tyson? Hey, I'm going to stab you. I'm going to stab you, fella. See, I wouldn't be fucking shocked, even if I was wearing a mask with a big sword.

Let's hear. Do you still got beers in here? Yeah, man, I hope so. Decent. Here, do you want one? Yeah, man. That yourself. Decent. Here, do you want one? Yeah, man. That is the best Stanley cup. Lord Stanley provides beers.

Okay, let's just get the podcast started. I can't wait for Julian anymore. We gotta wait for him, man. He's doing his Rambo costume. He could be all day. Which version? Probably, probably the shirtless where he ties off the guns with the extra tight.

Let's just get it started. Here we go. Oh, and look what we're using, Ricky. That's right. Look at that. A new beer is born. Ricky's Catch 23 malt lecker is now for sale. Just in time for hockey.

Let's see if it makes a different sound. Ready? Sounds good. And it fucking tastes good and it's see if it makes a different sound. Ready? Sounds good. And it fucking tastes good and it's strong, man. Yeah, Ricky. Thank you, my love. What's going on, boys?

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What the fuck, Rambo? Julian? Hey, hey, no, no, no. Are these fucking things on? Rambo never fucking wore that before. What are you doing? Did you start the podcast without me? Yes, I started the podcast. You motherfuckers.

What are you doing? You said you were going to be Rambo. No, I didn't have time to be Rambo today, OK? So you just put on the same costume I have on. What are you, Jason? It's not Jason, are you? It's not as good as yours, buddy. It actually looks like shit. I told you I was going to be J-

Oh, and you got my hedge clippers. Jason never used hedge clippers. He's using them today. Don't cut down my decorations! Things are dangling in front of my face, bubs. Fuck off. You said you were gonna be Rambo! And now you just show up in your fucking Jason and you ruin my costume and you ruin Halloween. You want a beer? Oh, sorry. Sorry, boys.

Yeah! What'd you do that for? Here, Ricky's the Stanley cop, but we put beers in his head All right, I put this on for you, okay, you know, I don't like doing this shit I did it for you You should be thanking me right now You I told you I was gonna be Jason you couldn't come up with I had this I found this was the old man's jacket I threw it on put a plate on it's the boom Jason Easy, man. You're like fucking Jason. I found this was the old man's jacket. I threw it on, put a plate on it. Boom. Jason. It's easy, man. You're like you're fucking dressed up.

You don't look like Jason. I look like Jason. No, you look better than he does. Jason had glasses, did he? And long fucking hair. I believe in one of them he had glasses. And he had scraggly hair. He didn't have scraggly hair. You look okay. It looks like you put a bit of effort into it. I put a lot of effort into it,

and I got the proper weapon, not a whole set of fucking garden shears. Where's the fucking popcorn at? Wow, wow, wow, wow. Yeah, where's the fucking snacks? Where's the popcorn? I got rid of the snacks. What the fuck are you talking about?

There's no more snacks. It's making too many people crazy. What are you talking about? People are getting crazy about the chewing. It's fucking Halloween! Well, we got candy. I got candy. Yeah, I got some too. Okay, so you can't eat popcorn, but you can eat candy?

We're not eating that. We went trick-or-treating already without you. Who the fuck gives out this kind of shit? Banana bread bananas. That's? Banana bread, bananas. That's fucking Donny, probably. Whose bag is this? That's mine, I've got two. What is this, a sex toy?

No, what is it? I don't know. That's Donny, throwing out his old vegetables and fruit. Whenever something goes bad in his fridge, he just gives it out for Halloween. Donny giving out old ginger. That's nice. Here, let's see. I fucking...

I went to the subdivision, boys. I went over to the subdivision where all the rich people are. Oh, shit. Look at you go. Look what I got. Oh, geez. And you're telling me we can't eat this shit? Just wait. No. There's one thing you never eat. I guarantee you that's got pins or a razor blade in it. Guaranteed, that's going right...

Who the fuck gives out fruit? Crazy people give out fruit. All right, can... Yes or no? It's licorice. You can eat one treat each, but you gotta chew quietly because it's making people nuts. Do you like my pumpkin? Toothbrush.

Ricky. Why would you make a cock and balls pumpkin? It's a toothbrush. Well, that's what I told Moe, anyway. It's not a toothbrush. It's a big cock and balls. Well, cocks are scary. It's Halloween.

You're supposed to scare people. What's scary about cocks? You're not afraid of cocks? I'm not afraid of them, Ricky, but... I mean, it depends what they're doing. If one's trying to, you know, blast you in the face, I guess I would get scared. But the scarier things... Wow. All right.

Why don't you stand up and show everybody... I think Ricky's costume, I helped him build it. Fucking Lord Stanley. That is decent. You look like a robot. Oldest professional in the world. show everybody, and I think Ricky's costume, I helped him build it. Fucking Lord Stanley. That is decent. You look like a robot. Oldest professional trophy. He doesn't look like a robot.

He looks like a fucking tin man with a fruit bowl on his head. No, he doesn't. A little top heavy, boys. And a little high and drunk doesn't help. Okay, so let's get this podcast started officially. All right. Here Ricky, you got ice clinking around in there. Maybe dump it.

Where? In the sink. Just dump this. Get rid of it. There we go. Oh yeah, that's better. That'll be quieter, see? And we already got the beers.

You guys gonna carve any pumpkins? You're just gonna sit there like a couple of similar-dressed dicks. I'm more like a hitman now, I guess, okay? Look at the happy couple. Okay, take off your fucking mask and you can be a hitman that kills with garden shears. What a stupid costume. All right, we should probably get this started. What's up, fuckers?

Lame. This is the official Triler Purp Boys podcast coming at you right now. It is Halloween. What number is it? Sorry, what is it? What? What holiday?

It's the podcast. Yeah, but what holiday is it? What do you mean, what holiday is it? What holiday is it? What holiday is it? You just said it. What did you say it was? It's Halloween, you fucking asshole. Halloween, is it? What holiday is it? You just said it. What did you say it was?

It's Halloween, you fucking asshole. Halloween, is it? Halloween! Jesus Christ. That's a better name for it. We'll call it Halloween. Yeah. From now on, I'm just Paul Kach. It's called H-E-L-L-O-W-E-N. Whatever, Tin Man.

I'm not a Tin Man, I'm the fucking coolest. No you look like a tin man. Trophy there is. I wonder if Lord Stanley was ever as high as I am. Wow, you got a smoke machine. Oh my fuck. That is good. Whoever the fuck made this did a good job.

That's a damn good beer right there. Spooky dooky. Don't be fucking with me, man. That's plastic. That's not plastic. That's a machete. That's a real machete. It's plastic, man. It's a machete. That's a real machete. It's plastic, man.

It's a machete. It's the real deal. Fuck! Okay, boys. What's happening? We gonna do anything? Yes, we're gonna talk about Halloween. What about it? Well, let's talk about fun facts

about Halloween, shall we? Is there any? Ricky, you were supposed to, you said you would have all the fun facts ready. Didn't do it. So we got no fun facts about Halloween. It takes place the same day every year. Yeah?

That's a fun fact. October 31st. Where's it going, Rick? I've already said if we ever have another Friday the 13th in October, Halloween should go back to that. Do we not know anything about Halloween? We've got to know a few things. It's a holiday. When it first started originally, people would dance up to the fucking door and dance for treats.

What about trick or treating? No, that's what you used to do when you used to go out with Patrick Swayze. There we go. See? What about trick or treating? Where the fuck did that ever begin? Or why? Because back in the day, I believe it started in Ireland, I think. Yeah. The Celts. And they used to think that there were spirits roaming the hills.

So they used to put on animal skins and things and try to blend in with the monster. All I know is it fucking cost me a lot of money. They actually say Halloween is more Irish than St. Patrick's Day. That's pretty fucking Irish. See? Well, St. Patrick's Day, just so you know, that was invented by Americans who were Irish.

Irish Americans invented St. Paddy's Day to get on the lecker. That's what I heard. Just in case you get drunk. That's what I heard. I don to get drunk. That's what I heard. I don't think it dates back to Ireland, but Halloween does. Oh, that shit's fucking up my eyes, man. Well, I guess you're a conjunctivitis hit man.

That's your new costume. Okay, great. What does that mean? Conjunctivitis hit man. Alright, Jack-o'-lanterns, boys. They were once made out of turnips, beets, and potatoes. Not pumpkins. Was the first guy that did one, was his name Jack-o'-lantern? Don't know.

I doubt it, Ricky. Where's Jack coming from? Stingy Jack. Yeah, he became the Jack of the Lantern. Stingy. Stinky Jack? Stingy. Stingy? Sting, he became the Jack of the Lantern. Stingy. Stinky Jack? Stingy. Stingy. Sting, as in sting from the police.

He's like a bee? Kind of like that. Sting from the police started Halloween. No, man, a guy named Stingy Jack. Sting's brother Jack. I find that hard to believe. I think you might want to fact check that. No, a guy, his name was Stingy Jack.

Stingy Jack. First name Stingy, last name Jack. Or it could have been a fucking nickname. I don't know, guys. Stinky Jack? I've heard of Stinky Jack. He had a stinger for a cock. Stinky Jack was one of my kiddies.

Remember I had Stinky Jack in the late 80s? Remember that cat? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was the one with the gas. He had a gas problem. Yeah, he'd eat popcorn and then fucking couldn't be around the little fucker. No, he could generate more methane than... Than a horse.

Than Mr. Methane from the UK. Did you ever see him? No. Mr. Methane? He can fart songs, Ricky. Oh, yeah? He's got full control of his arse. I'd like to hire him for Moe's birthday party.

Moe likes, he likes farts a lot. What do you mean he likes farts? He giggles whenever somebody farts. You know, I fart quite a bit. He farts quite a bit. Fuck. Kids like that. All kids are like that, man.

You should keep working on that fucking thing, that breathing apparatus you were trying to... I can't play a song. Okay, boys, in a few American towns, Halloween was originally referred to as Cabbage Night. Cabbage Night. Cabbage Night. What the fuck?

What does that mean? Well, it's the second highest grossing money holiday. Just for that? It's just behind Christmas. They make the most money off Halloween. I bet you where that came from. I'm gonna make... People saying, let's make some fucking cabbage tonight.

No, it's from chicks that used to go around with cabbage and they'd predict what's going on in the future. I'm gonna make a cabbage bong. By reading a cabbage. Your what? I'm gonna make a cabbage bong for Halloween. Just to be something different. Pass me that pumpkin. I got no... a cabbage bong for Halloween. Just to be something different.

Pass me that pumpkin, I got no, I can't move very well. We're gonna pick it up. That's my pumpkin. Whoa, whoa, that's my pumpkin. All right, just suck it, I got it, I got it, I got it. Give it mine. Look at that one-handed pumpkin grab. That's mine, that's your pumpkin right there, Ricky. I can't reach it.

Or is this one already caught? I can't tell because I'm only seeing it front to back. Here, I don't want to light this off on fire. Oh, fuck! I got it right in the nuts! Julian, give those a little kiss. Kiss them better. I got hit right in the balls with a big pumpkin lid. There, Ricky, that's yours and there's yours, Julian. We're going to have a big pumpkin lid. There, Ricky, that's yours, and there's yours, Julian. Thank you. You're doing two, all right.

We're gonna have a pumpkin carving contest. Awesome. All right. Well, this will take a second. This won't be fucking too hard, bud. So that's it for the fun facts, is it? No, there's more fun facts. No, there's more. Where's my knife at?

I got a carving knife here. Here. Somewhere, but I lost it. Okay, that's not bad. Okay, some animal shelters won't allow the adoption of black cats around Halloween for fear they'll be sacrificed. What do you think about that, Bubs? Say what? Some animal shelters won't fucking, you know, allow people to adopt black cats around Halloween.

Yeah, because you know why? Because idiots fucking think black cats are superstitious and some people do bad things to black kitties. They're pretty fucking scary. They're not scary, Ricky. One of them fucked with me one time. That wasn't because he was black, a black kitty. It was just because he was probably,

you were farting on him or something. Okay, there's one eye. You guys ever wish you were a lobster? What? No, Ricky, do you? Yep. All the time. Why? And what would you do as a lobster?

What do you do? Because they don't age. And they can live forever. Everything ages, man. Not a lobster, bud. Everything. Lobsters don't live forever. They can.

No, they can't. Except they get too big and then something says, okay, you're eating too much fucking food down here, bud. You gotta go. Ricky, what in the flying fuck are you talking about? Do you know that a big 20 pound lobster could be like 150 years old, man? No, but do I give a fuck?

You know what, I'm getting learnt because of Mo. I'm trying to get him learnt on shit and it's actually getting me learnt on shit. It's cool. What do you call that? When you try to get your kid learnt and it actually gets you learnt. It's called being outsmarted by a three-year-old. That's what it's called, Ricky. I'd love to be a fucking lobster. Live for that long. Yeah, but Ricky, you're a fucking lobster. Yeah, but guess what else?

I don't think it's such a great life. The older you get, the more you bang. What a great concept. But Ricky, you're a fucking lobster. Think about it. Yeah, what's wrong with that? What kind of fun does a lobster have other than, you know... Banging, eating, never dying?

Lobsters can have a lot of fun. I've heard... Come on, what do you mean? What have you heard? You've never heard of lobster dance? Oh, Jesus, Ricky. Oh, sorry, bud. Caught that just at the nick of time.

Isn't there a lobster dance? A lobster dance? That's just a dance they have at the Legion, Ricky. During the lobster festival. Okay, so you're dancing around and you're banging. What else would a fucking lobster do? Eat? That'd be fun. Lots of eating.

Lobsters do... If I was a lobster, that'd be my goal, to be the biggest, oldest lobster there ever was. The biggest, oldest lobster there ever was. The biggest, oldest lobster there ever was. Uh-oh, where's that coming from? Who turned that on? I don't know, man. Fucking turn it off, though.

I don't like to smoke that much. Where's the button? Where's the controller? Fuck off. This thing's plugged in, man. There's like fucking two inches of water down there. Sweet. All right, I'm done. Ah, fuck.

Spilled me beer. Guess what else I learned about. What? Fucking cashews. What about them? Look at those little fuckers. Just wait, something's burning. Something, oh no, that's just a smoke machine.

Here, just wait. Okay, I finished mine. Mine's done. I finished mine before you. Is this burning, bubs? What is that? Yes, I finish mine. Mine's done. I just finished one before you. Is this burning, bubs? What is that? Yes. Ricky! Ricky! Do not! Do not light my decorations on fire. Now, Teloene, there's fire.

This is a very flammable sack. All right. Look at that. We gotta pick a winner. I'm not fucking done yet. Hold on. Time's up, bud. Just a second. Time's up.

I lost my knife. It's a knife problem. All right, done. Time's up. All right. Ricky, what are you doing? You sound like you're... You sound like you're doing it with the pumpkin.

Oh, yeah. Come on. Fuck yeah. Ricky, some people can't see this. They can only hear it. They probably think you're banging the pumpkin now. Fuck, I wish I... No, I don't wish I was banging the pumpkin, but I wish I was banging something.

What's this? Fuck off! I didn't get to finish mine. Let me see it, let's see it. It was supposed to continue around. I was gonna do a 360 degree pumpkin. I only got that far. Cut fuck into the pumpkin.

It was gonna say fuck off. No candy. Fuck off, no candy. Well, you might as well keep working on it then. I clearly won. Mine's clearly the winner. Fuck, let me see. Fuck it up. Oh, that's shitty, man. Look at this thing. It's got hair on it.

What the fuck is that? What's it got for a mouth? Those fucking holes. Three glory holes. You got three glory holes in it. No, no, no, just a second. This one's... There.

Here you go, bubs. There. It's got glory holes. It's a sax pumpkin. You could take five at once. Pumpkins are supposed to be scary. This is scarier. Yeah.

Yeah, that's a good one. That's the winner right there. All right, moving on. All those wins. That was lots of fun, bubs. Yeah, it was great. I think it's very fun. Halloween.

Halloween, boys. All right, so what are we going to do? Do you want to talk about some shit here? I think we're done. Because I'm all done with the Halloween shit. We've got to move on. Something else, maybe. Oh, okay, then.

All right, crows. You want to ruin everyone's Halloween? Go ahead. Oh, crows are kind of Halloween-y kind of animals, right? Crows? Crows, yeah. You know what they're doing with crows now? Nope.

They're teaching them to pick up fucking cigarette butts. What the fuck are you talking about? Yeah, there's like a, what, a trillion fucking cigarette butts thrown away? No, there's not. 5.4 trillion cigarette butts. Okay, I'm sorry. I just started every year. Seriously?

So they're teaching these crows to go pick them up. They're going to use pigeons, but pigeons, they're dumb. Pigeons are dumb, I'll give you that. They're very dumb. Pigeons are not dumb. I guess they fucking are. They're not as smart use crows to go pick them up. They're gonna use pigeons, but pigeons, they're dumb. Pigeons are dumb, I'll give you that. They're very dumb. Pigeons are not dumb. Yes, they fucking are. They're not as smart as crows. Except for a carrier pigeon, I guess.

Crows are very smart, I do know that. So they got this little contraption set up, like a little feeder. They go down, they put the butt in this fucking tray inside of it. Little treat pops out. Would you call a crow a good looking bird? A good looking bird?

I don't know, man. Like good looking how, sexy? Cute or whatever. No, they're fucking oily looking shit rats, man. They're horrible, horrible birds. I like crows, I think they're pretty smart. Pigeons are not a big, pigeons are awful, they're just skyows. I think they're pretty smart. I don't like crows, man. Pigeons are not a big... Pigeons are awful.

They're just sky rats. Yeah, they're rats. Sky rats. That's what they are. So, good luck to the crows, anyway. Ricky. There can't be that many fucking cigarette butts. There's a lot.

Listen to me. I'm going to give you a fact here that's going to blow your mind. We'll see. Here's how many cigarette butts. There's five and a half trillion cigarette butts. Fuck the fuck off. Littered every year. And if you took them all,

do you know how many five and a half trillion is? Nope. It's more than four and a half. You know how big an Olympic swimming pool is? I've been in many of them. Well, that's not true, but... I'm gonna come back to you on that one. An Olympic swimming pool you could fill...

With gold. No, listen to this. Get it right, bubs. You could fill 2.5 million Olympic swimming pools with cigarette butts. You shut your fucking mouth right now. 2.5 million. How? That's how many? That's too many.

That's a lot. I can't fucking picture that. With cigarette butts. Picture 2.5 million swimming pools full of butts. What the fuck do they do with them? See, there's a business we need. I could take them all and recycle them. Reroll what's left.

Okay, how would you recycle cigarette butts? Burn the rest in a big fucking furnace. With filters and shit. Ricky, two and a half million Olympic swimming pools. You want all those butts, do you? Ooh, baby. That'd be a good time, wouldn't it? What would you do?

That's a lifetime of smoke. A lifetime? Easy. I guess it is, Ricky. One Olympic swimming pool. What do they do? Why are they fucking filling pools with them anyway? They're is, Ricky. One Olympic swimming pool. What do they do? Why are they fucking filling pools with them anyway? They're not, Ricky.

That's a good way so you can visualize how many. So what do they do with them? Because, Ricky, I'll send you my fucking address. Start shipping them to my place. Ricky, I swear to fuck, if you start getting all cigarette butts shipped to the park, I'm going to lose it. I don't need... I'll just repackage them. Fucking sell them.

Butts. Cheap. You're gonna sell old, dirty cigarette butts. Fuck yeah I am. I'm gonna make a killing. Fuck, crows are, you know... You're still fucking talking about crows, aren't you? Yeah, they're as smart as a chimpanzee.

Fact. Lots of things are. You're still fucking talking about crows, aren't you? Yeah, they're as smart as a chimpanzee. Fact. Lots of things are. You're not. What other things are as smart as chimpanzees, Ricky? Elephants. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Some type of fish. I forget which one. Some type of fish. Yep. Don't think so. Fish with the big. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. the spooky factor boys. Spooky.

Spooky. It's not very spooky man. Aw man I fucked this up bad. Why? I ran out of room. It was a stupid idea. What about no can? Huh? Can I just have no can instead of no candy?

Oh, you tried to write no candy? Yeah. Didn't go very well. Aw, Ricky. Boys, I'm not good at anything. You're good at being the Stanley Cop? Not really. Yeah, you're pretty good at that, man. It's not realistic, though.

Like, no one would actually believe I was the Stanley Cop. So I'm not that good. Well... Well, the Stanley Cop doesn't have arms and realistic, though. No one would actually believe I was a Stanley Cop, so I'm not that good. Well, the Stanley Cop doesn't have arms and legs, man. Walks around swamp stove. I might just give up on everything. Why? Because nobody believes you're the Stanley Cop. I just suck.

No, you don't, Ricky. Don't get down on yourself. I mean, if you were trying to go for a costume that people would believe, you shouldn't have picked the Stanley Cup. Why? Because I don't have the names on it and shit? Well, that would have helped. I did what I fucking could. That's my point. Stanley Cup doesn't have a face with fucking beard and mustache.

And it doesn't smoke dope and walk around drunk. Well, originally I was trying to bring this up so this would be down here, and I have a couple of peek holes, but it was too fucked. But you're still gonna have arms and legs and walk around drunk. a couple of peek holes, but it was too fucked. But you're still gonna have arms and legs and walk around, drunk.

What if I had a cape or a dress, you didn't see the legs? Do you actually think somebody's gonna go, holy fuck, look Mildred, it's the Stanley Cup. Oh man, I got fucking pumpkin juice all over me. Well, if I was a good enough costumer, somebody would buy it, maybe. Why wouldn't you pick something else, Ricky? Like, you know, I don't know. I think it looks pretty good, man. Seriously. I think it looks great. I mean, Bubbles, he tried to look like Jason. I mean, that's not, you know, that's not great.

People could believe it. Look, I guarantee you, I've scared some people with this. You're not scaring anybody with that. People were scared. I'm telling you, I went to the mall. I walked in carrying this. You didn't go into the mall carrying that, Bubbs. Did you? Come on. I didn't. People were fleeing.

I bet. People were fleeing. I mean, I went in a week before Halloween. That might have been why. That's not a good idea. But I scared some people. Definitely. Holy fuck, Bubbs, you now can replace your pet with a tail wagon robot pillow.

Look at this. You should finish that sentence with, What the fuck? If you're fucked. Look at that. A should finish that sentence with, if you're fucked. Look at that. A tail-weighing in robot pillow. No need to buy cat food anymore or kitty litter or anything, man. Oh, yeah, that's what I'm going to do,

buy a fucking robot kitty. That's the future right there, bud. No, it's not the future. If you're fucked in the head, it's the future. It's a good idea. You know what? These things would be easy to make. I don't think they've got any patents or anything on this thing.

I bet people are doing all kinds of weird shit to them too. Like what? I don't know. Like banging them? Same thing you do with other pillows, I guess. What do you do with pillows, Ricky? Well, when you're young and you pretend it's a person. You pretend it's a person.

And what do you do with it? You used to bang your pillows, did you, Ricky? Is that what you're saying? You guys never banged your pillow. Fuck off. I know, man. You're just too proud, Julian. I've never done that with a pillow. I can admit it, because I admit anything. What have you used, bubs?

There's got to be something. I've never, never used anything. No? You've used shit to pull your goalie here. Well, after American Pie came out, What do you use, bubs? There's gotta be something. I've never, never used anything. No? You've used shit to pull your goalie here. Well, after American Pie came out, I did try the apple pie thing. You tried an apple pie?

Well, just to see. You told me you tried a watermelon, too. A watermelon? You put a watermelon in the oven? That was after I saw me, myself, and Irene. And? How was it? And was it seedless? I don't remember. Was it okay? Did was it? And was it seedless? I don't remember.

Was it okay? Did it work? I didn't know. It didn't, I just didn't really get into it or anything. I just, you know. You just banged it. I did not. With no feelings. You got caught banging the dinner roll. Let's not forget that. I never got, what are you talking about, bud? You got caught banging the dinner roll. Let's not forget that. I never got... What are you talking about, bud?

You got caught banging the dinner roll. You're so full of shit, man. You cut a hole in it and you put butter in it. No, I didn't. Don't tell me you didn't. Ricky, what are you doing? I'm trying to light my little baby up. Fuck!

You're gonna burn yourself. Yeah, he's like... Ricky, you're gonna burn yourself. Fuck! You're very flammable, just so you know. Parts of you are. You can't have that on, Ricky. Yes, you can. No, you can't. Everybody puts those fucking things on.

Not with the fucking goo and the seeds still on it. Okay. There we go. That's not bad, actually. It just took a long time, so, you know. Okay, so you got your fuck off, pumpkin. Hooray! What was I gonna say? Hooray.

Don't. You're so fucking... You guys ruined Halloween for me. I'm still partying here. Why, because we told you it wasn't real? No, because you dressed up the same as me, which is bullshit. I'm a hit man. Yeah, you're a hit man. No, because you dressed up the same as me, which is bullshit. I'm a hit man.

Yeah, you're a hit man. I'm blaming my... If I fucked up at all, it was only because I maybe was a little high. I had maybe five or six too many drinks in. What do you got in there, Ricky? Oh, fuck. Oh, that's nasty. What's in there, Ricky? Oh, fuck. Oh, that's nasty. What's in there?

It's flat. It's getting warm. It's not good. What is it? How much liquor's in that thing? Take a smell there. Weirdest dressed Rambo I've ever seen. I'm not Rambo.

That'll make you feel Halloween-y. It's Halloween, isn't it? The fuck is that? This is Halloween, this is Halloween, Halloween, Halloween. Kinda smells like vodka and... Keep going. Like a stout beer and a fucking pineapple juice or something. Nope.

Vodka, rum, and ginger beer. It's a weird one. Boys, are we gonna have the Halloween tradition tonight? Will pumpkin guts eat my eye? No, Ricky. No, man. Cashew, you know, fuck.

We finished the cashew thing. Look that shit up. You know where the cashew comes from? What? It's fucked. It's got this great big fucking like an apple thing. And the little fucking weird disgusting cashew thing sort of grows at the bottom. It's fucked.

What are you talking about? You won't believe it. I got learned about it with Mo. Cashews grow out of big things? It's fucked. It's got all these chemicals and poisons and shit on them. So you got to be careful when you're trying to get the little cashew out. You'd never think it came from what it comes from.

Cashew fruits, man. Ricky, are you sure about this? I'm fucking telling you. It was in a book, so it's real. That's it. Look at that fucking thing. Yeah, that's it. It's like a fucking alien...

That grows one cashew. You got it. And you can't... You gotta fucking be careful harvesting those little cocksuckers, too. They can fuck you up. Well, that cashew. You got it. And you can't, you got to fucking be careful harvesting those little cocksuckers, too. They can fuck you up. Well, that's why

they're so expensive at the hotel. It makes sense because I always wondered. Because they're a pain in the fucking ass. Remember we were in that fancy hotel

and there was a can of cashews for like 35 bucks? Yeah, I was fucked. That's why. Somebody probably died getting them. I wonder where they growed.

Who grows cashews? Mr. Peanut. That's why. Somebody probably died getting them. I wonder where they growed. Who grows cashews? Mr. Peanut. Does he? Yes, Mr. Peanut grows all that stuff. I wonder if that's his real name. It is. John Peanut.

Say, boys, can we get, maybe we should go back out trick or treating. Let's do something. I've gotta eat. I haven't had breakfast. But we're having the tradition tonight. We're getting in our jammies tonight. It's gonna be five if we drag out. We're getting our jammies on and we're watching Nightmare Before Christmas tonight, Jack Skellington.

You know what I'm gonna do? I'm wearing nothing but the bucket. Ricky, you're not getting in bed wearing that bucket with nothing on. Naked Lord Stanley. No. Naked Lord Stanley will not be making an appearance tonight. Not in my shed, anyway. If you want to go out running around the park, be my guest. Where's my fucking clippers at? Oh, right there.

Nice. See this guy? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Julian? Oh, fuck sakes. All right, let's go. Let's get out of here. You're ruining the whole thing. You're done for real?

I don't give a fuck. What do you guys want to do? I need a nap. All right, have a nap. I went too hard too early. Let's go trick or treating. This is turning into fox show. Let's go trick or treating.

Get up and move then. Jason. You fucking get up and move. Yeah, you want to come at me with that then? Come on. This is my machete. These are sharp and it's real. Mom is sharp and real.

Ricky. Ricky. Ricky. You okay, bud? He's all hung up. We're not going out with him anywhere. Ricky, why are you drinking straight liquor?