Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 118 - Dope is the Fountain of Youth

Episode Date: November 20, 2017

Ricky hopes to reach the ripe old age of 119, and he thinks dope will help get him there.  Julian finds an invention to help with the annoying snacking sounds, and Bubbles declares Julian’s chest to be 100% organic beef. Episode 118 is brought to you by the official Trailer Park Boys Store, SwearNet.com (the only place to watch the video of this podcash), Liquormen's Ol' Dirty Canadian Whisky, and the Boys' own Freedom 35 lager!

Welcome to the Trailer Perk Boys podcast, brought to you in perkboysswearingit.com, the only place where you can see the video version of this podcast. Nice one. And go to trailerperkboysmerch.com and check out some merch, buy some stuff, please. They sponsor us too. What about the beer and the liquor? I was just getting to that, Richard. Also sponsored by Freedom 35, Drink the Dream, and Liquorman's all-dirty Canadian whiskey.

And a new beer is born. Try my new Ricky's Catch-23 malt liquor. It's stronger than you are. Ricky? Ricky? Stop slurping. For fuck's sakes. I told you this. You said no crunching.

I said no crunching. You're fucking slurping. I said no food sounds. Well? It's bothering people, apparently, in their cars. What's bothering me is not getting a fucking snack or drink without making noise. We need to fucking solve this a different way. I will come up with something. I believe I could do snack IVs.

What does that mean? Snack IVs. We just pop a needle in your vein and we can feed you mulched up. Think about that. That's ridiculous. Well, I'm just going to... Would you taste it? Give me a second. Yes, Rick, you'll taste it. Malt stuff. Think about that. That's ridiculous. You're not gonna... Would you taste it? Yes, Ricky, you'll taste it.

You taste it through osmosis, it's called. There's like pizza flavors, ivies. So I can put like an ivy in you and then we just feed, you know, chips into you. Malt stuff chips. You just take the best of the best snacks, put them in a blender and suck them into me? Yes. Right into your veins, buddy. As long as I can taste them, I'll try. Okay, so just don't eat this week, boys.

Here's the official sound. All right. All right, we're underway. Let's get it going. All right, do you want to start this? See, but that made a sound. That probably annoyed the fuck out of somebody. No, people don't mind that sound.

We need to come up with a new technology. Noise-canceling cans. Noise-canceling snacks. Well, I've got a little story about that. People with such hairs that are annoying. I've got something. I'll show you. But we should start this, like, get it officially going.

Okay. What the fuck's going on, fuckers? This is Trailer Park Boys' official podcast. It's coming at you right now. This is episode... I'm looking. I don't even have a fucking clue. I remember because it's something that I want to...

It's my goal. Okay, what is it then? Yeah, my goal is to live to this number. Ricky. Podcast 119. That's right. When I turn 19 I said I'm gonna live

For another hundred years So you think you've got A chance of living To 119? Doing good so far Good luck with that one, man Well, you better gear down On the Dalton liquor, Ricky

No, man That's the fountain Well, liquor's not good for you But the dope is the fountain Of youth That's what they're saying now Yeah, the liquor's not that bad for you. I've done a long-time study, and I guess...

Who's saying that? People that don't work for the government. Saying that, you know... Stone people. They've done a lot of research over people that have been smoking dope since the 70s and the 80s, and they're living longer. I don't know. I mean, I'm not arguing it, but I just wonder where you get your information.

It's good for your skin. They don't go gray as fast. Really? Yeah. They's good for your skin. They don't go gray as fast. Really? Yeah. They're better at chilling out. Yeah, I believe that. Who is, who are you talking about? They don't take as much medications for, you know, getting old shit.

What, people that smoke dope every day? Smoke or eat dope, and yeah, they're healthier. Well, there's nothing wrong with a few drinks a day as well. Thank you very much. That's why they're legalizing it. What's your, what's your source on that, Julian? Who says it's not bad to have seven or eight or 20 drinks a day? When was the last time I had, like, a cold?

Huh? When? So you attribute that to the fact that you drink about a quarter rum a day. I just believe that. Liquor kills everything, man. Cold comes in your body. It's like, hey, how you doing? Boom.

All of a sudden, holy fuck. I can't deal with this. So everybody should just drink a quart of liquor a day? Well, not everybody should. I mean, you've got to work your way up to a quart. You should start off with a half a pint a day. I think that's a good start. Then get into a pint.

You should probably get up to a quart for the winter. That's when you get sick most, right? And Dr. Julian, how long have you been a medical professional? Uh, I'm not professional, but... Oh! Oh, fucking pardon me! I've been drinking since the age of six or seven. I've never had a cold. So what does that tell you? Do some studies on me there.

Post-hoc ergo proctor hoc. Post-hoc ergo proctor hoc, bud. What? That's a philosophy term. Well, I don't know about the liquor thing, but I do know the dope thing. That's why they're legalizing it. Because they want people in Canada to live longer. Then they don't have to look after them as much.

Costs a lot of money to look after old people. Yeah. So what's the theory, Ricky? Get them high. It's a lot cheaper than the live longer. They won't put in all that fucking horrible medication in their bodies yet.

But if they don't want to look after them, why do they want them to live longer? You think they'd want them to just, you know, kick the bucket? No, as in they can contribute more.

Keep paying taxes. Oh. Okay. Guess that's the theory. That's something. All right, so this company in Japan, they come up with this. It's called the Smart Fork. It cancels out.

The Snurf Board? Smart Fork. Oh. It cancels out noodle slurping noises. How? Right there. This is what we're talking about. This is what I'm talking about.

So what we got to do... So it's a noise-canceling fork. Yes, but so we gotta come up, we gotta use that technology somehow. Yes, I love it. And come up with like tongs or something. You can reach in with little tongs. Noise-canceling chip tongs. And then we can... Right there is a fucking two million dollar idea.

It's worth more than that, man. Noise-canceling everything. I'm telling you, it's coming. Noise cancelling everything? Yeah. Just get rid of it all. Press a button. If you want noise, you can have it. If you don't, press a button. Gone. Well, they have that already, Ricky. It's called earplugs.

You just put them in and away you go. She's silent. But there should be like a, you know, maybe you can want to hear certain things. Like if you're in a room right now and there's like a fucking dump truck and a band and a hockey game, you can just set it to whatever one you want them to listen to.

Just dial in the hockey game if you want. Oh. They have that too. It's called headphones. You just plug it into the TV and you're just here in the hockey game if you want. They have that too. It's called headphones. You just plug it into the TV and you're just here in the hockey game. Alright, well how the fuck do you get it so if someone's listening to this and I eat a goddamn chip, they don't hear me crunch, but they still hear me talk? I guess. Noise canceling chip crunchers.

I guess that's the answer. Where is Japan? Is that in New York, too? Ricky, come on. I always thought that Japan and China, all those countries, were their own thing. They are. No, they're in New York. Biggest city in the world. Okay.

I need to know more about this now, Ricky. Well, I didn't know, but sometimes you go shopping. Look at this. What does that say? What's it say, Julian? New York City. What else does it say? Is that Chinatown? Boom.

So what? What's he... What are you trying to prove here? I bet Japantown's there, too. He thinks China's in New York. There is Chinatown, Ricky. There is a Chinatown. But that's just a little part of New York. One part of New York City.

That's what I'm saying. So Japan could be there, too. There could be... There's probably, Ricky, a Japanese community, I would think. But that does not mean Japan is in New York City. So they're lying. There could be, there's probably, Ricky, a Japanese community, I would think, but that does not mean Japan is in New York City. So they're lying. Japan's a country. So I can make a shirt that says China, Canada.

You can make a shirt that says anything, Ricky. Pretty much anything. I mean, you can't get the horrible stuff on there. But, yes, if you want to make a shirt that says China, Canada, I'll make one for you. I'd wear it. Holy fuck, Ricky. What else you got? Where the fuck is the donkey?

You guys said last week, after I fucking freaked out we didn't talk about the donkey, we're gonna get him over here as a guest. Vitus or Vitus or however the fuck you pronounce his goddamn name. Ricky, I was joking. You're fucking kidding me right now. I just said it sarcastically. Vetus the donkey.

Fuck, I had all these things ready. I don't even remember you talking about Vetus the donkey. I wanna see if he's gonna eat different things because they're orange. Because he likes carrots. Oh my fuck, Ricky, you thought there was a donkey coming in today. I said we're gonna have him on as a guest. See what the fuck he's going to eat. Plates, fucking.

I'll see if he ate that orange button right there. He likes orange shit. I don't remember you talking about that. Could have thrown him on a fucking plane or a boat. You guys suck. That would have been fun to have a donkey here right now. Feeding him. Well, let's look one up.

Maybe we can rent a donkey. We're not getting a donkey in here. Come on! I wouldn't mind having a donkey in here. Did you ever see a donkey, like, take a piss? No, I don't. It's a very, very messy fucking... How come you've seen that?

Where'd you see that, Julian? Donkeypiss.com? At a bar, man. Did you rent a donkey for some weird... Donkeypiss.com? ...weird weekend? I'm still checking out this fork. It's 130 bucks. Order it. I got an awful works. I could put it on a waiting list.

I could build a noise canceling fork. Well, what? We need toms. Just take a phase inverted copy of the sound, inject it out, and it cancels her out. Bet you can't. Phase inversion. I'd like to see you try, bud. Why can't they just do that once we do this thing? Why can't they just go through and get rid of all the fucking annoying noises

so we can still eat normal? Can't you do that? I probably could. I still think snack IV is the solution. I'll try it, man. I'll try it, man. I'll try it. So you let me stick a fucking needle in the back of your hand and start pumping an unknown viscous substance into your veins.

Can't it just drip into my mouth? I guess. Probably do that. Yeah. I could just look up like this and it won't swallow. You're still going to hear it dripping though, Ricky, and then the swallowing. You'll be slurping. Slurping.

What about a tea that goes up my nose, down to the back of my throat? We could do that. That's easy. Could try that. The fuck? That's delicious. That is a delicious beer. That is a delicious beer right there.

I got you a hat. I was going to wear it, but. That is a delicious beer. That is a delicious beer right there. I got you a hat. I was gonna wear it, but... What is it? What's on it? It's just a cool hat, man. I think it'll look good on you. It's Berlin. What's the trick? London.

Why is he... How's he tricking me? What's gonna happen? I'm not tricking you. I was gonna put it on myself, but... There you go. Oh, yeah. It is pretty cool. Looking good, bubs. I do feel pretty cool. Yeah, what does it smell like?

What the fuck is that smell? What? There's no smell. It's a fucking brand new. It's brand new from the second-hand place. Ricky. Where the fuck did you find the hat? It's brand new from the second hand place. Ricky. Where the fuck did you find the hat? It's brand new from the second hand place. I just put on a used hat, a stink hat.

It doesn't smell. Somebody puked in that fucking hat. You... It's fine. Fuck. So you bought it brand new at the second hand place. Yeah, try to do something nice for your friends and look what happens. They fucking jump all over you like fucking trying to kill ants.

Do you know what a second-hand store is? Am I missing something here? Maybe. What do they sell at second-hand stores, Ricky? All kinds of shit. Clothes, fucking used tools, jewelry, costumes. Okay, so you realize it's used. Not all of it. This actually came with a tag on it, so it was new.

Doesn't matter if it's got a tag on it. Somebody still could have pooped in it or puked on it. All right, well... Warn me, please. See what you like. I mean, I buy stuff at the second-hand store, but I wash it.

I don't just take it off the rack and jam it. I might have fucking cooties or lice now. Well, you know what? Next time I'm at a store and I'm looking for shit for my friends, I say, holy fuck. That hat would look good on me, but it would also look good on my friend Bubz. It might really bring out the nice color of his eyes, and I think it would be really good looking on him.

I just won't think that, and I won't buy you fuck all. How about that? Well, I don't mean it like that, Ricky. I just won't think that, and I won't buy you fuck all. How about that? Well, I don't mean it like that, Ricky. I just mean, you know, just warn me, and I'll wash it. I'll take the gifts. All right, you guys got anything exciting to talk about? I wish I had five million fucking dollars. Right now I'm pissed off, and I'm bored.

Five million bucks, boys. If we had this ranch. A ranch. This guy has this ranch in Arizona, right? He's selling it because he's tired of fighting off aliens. It's fucked up. So he put it up for sale. He's been abducted multiple times.

Oh, fuck it. People are rushing to buy that. Fucked over. Like for 20 years, man. So he's like, that's it. I can't handle these guys anymore. He's so full of shit. What does he want for it?

Something ridiculous. Five million bucks. A bunch of alien hunters go there and try to get banged. Hey, allegedly, the horses were molested by aliens. How did you know that? Were they talking to him? And several of them turn up mutilated. Yeah, man.

Hey, bud, you got to do something here. These fucking aliens are coming down and doing weird shit to us at night. Jesus, what the fuck happened to his arm? Yeah, the aliens are fucking this guy over. And he's got no video somehow. Next on the block, we have a beautiful ranch here for sale. It's got all the amenities. It's got a two-car.

It's got everything. The only thing with it is you will probably get raped by an alien. But if you're all right with that, this is the place for you. Yeah, like who the fuck's going to be like... So this light came down, so Buddy was like, fuck that. He went and grabbed his AK-47 with a double banana clip and fucking went outside and opened up on us. Yeah, that's a good way to fucking go on the elephant.

This poor fucker, man. Where does he live? Arizona. If we ever go to Arizona, we got to go to fucking go on the elephant. This poor fucker, man. Where does he live? Arizona. If we ever go to Arizona, we got to go to this guy's fucking ranch. It's probably secret military stuff that he's shooting at. It's a wonder they didn't kill him. I heard the best thing to do when the light comes down is you get a great big mirror. You put it under the big light and it goes back up.

And they can't fuck with you. Totally fucks them. They're like, oh, fuck, what's going on here now? This light's coming back up at us. You think they don't have the concept of a mirror figured out. They've been able to build a fucking, you know, warp speed fucking vehicle to come see us, but what the fuck is that?

Holy shit, the light's bouncing back at us. Those fucking smart little bastards. All right, we got to go back to our planet and fucking rethink this whole plan. Fuck. What was that thing? Wow, man. It was originally

listed for like 1.7 million. It's up to five because of this. See? He's a load of money. He's got a shitty piece of property.

He's like, hmm, how's he going to get top dollar for this? We're going to offer that people come down and get fucking banged by aliens. Boys, what if we told people that your trailer's haunted?

That's what I'm saying. This is the kind of shit we've got to do. We might be able to sell it. What if we said the whole park's haunted? Why not? He's getting banged by a ghost. Let's tell people you've been getting fingered by a ghost. No, we're going to say that Jacob was getting fingered by a ghost

No, you, Julian, because if they see the big top Oh my god, that guy got fingered by a ghost There's no way he'd make that up I'm going to put it up online right now Don't put it up, let me think about this for a bit, man I'm going to put it up online No, don't fucking put it up online Put my car up If you think I can get a lot of money for my car, man. I'm gonna put it up online. No, don't, bubs, don't fucking put it up online. Put my car up.

If you think I can get a lot of money for my car, do it. No, people don't want a Hanukkah. Dear news person.

Babs, don't fuck off. My friend Julian. What happens if you light this thing on? Has been. Julian? What? Let me think about this.

I don't want to be known as the guy getting fingered by a ghost, man. Gotta figure out, I gotta work the numbers here. See how much we can make. Fingered. What the fuck is this? Did we already talk about this? I am a ghost. Puffs.

Last evening. Fuck off, Puffs. Sand. No, come on. Nice. I don't know if we ever talked about that or not, but it sounds fucked. I'd like to go check it out. Look inside the newly discovered city built by octopuses.

Get out of here. I thought it was octopi. And there was more than one. Well, that's not the interesting part. It's more of the pussy. Inside the newly discovered city. Octopussy was a funny name for a movie. Just think about that.

What did it mean? It was a James Bond movie. There was lots of octopus and pussy in it. Yeah, there was like... Ballin's Ladies. There was a girl that had like eight different places. What was that? There was a girl that had eight different places?

Yeah, eight different... You know what he's talking about. Oh. Octopussy. Oh. She had eight of somethings. Okay. All the same.

I'm surprised you got that right. I don't know. How would you choose, though? I guess you'd just keep it fresh. Well, it depends on where they're located, really. You have to get creative. Maybe write sucky. What should it be?

Bangs? With suckers on it? What? It would have suckers on it. Oh, suckers, yeah. Like, whoosh. I don't know what that's what you want, is it? You know what those suckers do, right?

They drain your blood. So I don't think you want those on it. Well, no, it's not going to have one. It's not going to be blood draining, man. It's just going to be like a... So It's not going to be blood draining, man. It's just going to be like a... So it's not going to be like a skull wax. Exactly.

Man, this is way too fucking complicated for me. Apparently the octopuses live in a fucking city, whatever. It's too fucked. Rick, you just can't

throw that out there or not. No, you can't throw that out as a headline. Bunch of octopuses live in the city. There's over in Australia, there's 10 or 15 octopuses, pussies that fucking live around each other and hang out and do shit. And they built a city.

And they fight. Earlier this month, scientists published a paper describing a site in Australia's Jervis Bay near Sydney where 10 to 15 gloomy octopuses, yes, that's really what they're called, live at high density and exhibit complex social interactions towards one another. A species also known as octopus tetrarchus communicate, fight, and even evict one another from their dens in a settlement

formed around exposed rock patches. Okay. Wow. Look at this shit. In other words, it's basically an octopus city, which biologists

are calling Octlantis. They're starting to evolve, boys. So that could take over the world in about 20 years? No, it'll take

more than 20 years. 10,000 years, you might be dealing with, you might be dealing with, you know, a lawyer who's an octopus. Perhaps.

Could be. They're getting smarter, is all who's an octopus. Perhaps. He could be. They're getting smarter, is all I'm saying. Can they live out of water? By that time, they'll figure out how to do that. They'll be walking. They could compete in the Olympics. You imagine running against one of the cocksuckers with eight legs. Good luck beating him in the fucking hundred-yard dash.

It's an octopus, man. He's just going to do a circle. Done. Do they eat? They probably will eat at the finest of restaurants in 10,000 years, Ricky. I think I ate a part of an octopus once in a salad. You did? You did.

I think he tasted pretty good. It was fucking disgusting, man. He tasted pretty good? Yeah. How do you know it was a he? Well, I assume they only kill the guys. Let the women make more octopus babies. Holy fuck, man.

No, I don't think they do that. Why is that creepy sound? It is weird. It's like a fucking... Halloween's coming soon. No, it's long past. do that. Why is that creepy sound? It is weird. It's like a fucking... Halloween's coming soon. No, it's long past. It's long past there, pops. Fuck, you've been drunk since Halloween.

I mean, next year's Halloween. Oh, yeah, it's coming fast. It's coming soon. Coming soon. Man, where did all this shit come from? These tiny sculptures are mind-blowing. Little microscopic sculptures or some shit. Yes, it's cool, but fuck.

Who made them? I don't fucking know. You guys got nothing exciting like... Hey, Buzz, remember you wanted to get... This is shit. ...that hot air balloon thing with the balloons? Actually, like... Sure, the fucking donkey.

And you were trying to wonder how many balloons it would take to actually make you lift up? Yes. It's 100. You fucking strap 100 helium balloons on you, you lift up? Yes. It's a hundred. You fucking strap a hundred helium balloons on you, you're going up 8,000 feet by. A hundred? Yeah. Oh, you could do it with less than that. What size of balloons are we talking? I don't fucking know, man. Well, that's kind of critical. Well, he went 8,000. Look, here, look. What kind of balloons are they?

Fucking pink balloons, orange balloons. But how big? Like balloons you'd get at a kid's birthday party? Or fucking balloons that they send up with weather stations hanging off them? No, they look like... They look... I don't fucking know, man. They look like those ones you can sit on. Just gave me an idea.

That's such ball things. This could be a million dollar idea. What? You know how women, when they get older, their breasts start to sag a bit? Mm-hmm. I wonder if you could fill them with helium if they'd perk back up instead of... Ricky, you can't just fill someone's boob with helium. Well, you could put a little balloon, helium balloon, in the boob.

And then they'd be like... They don't need to put helium in Well, you could put a little balloon, helium balloon, in the boob, and then it'd be like... Whoosh! Vroop! They don't need to put helium in them, Ricky. They can just, by surgery, make them, you know... They can adjust them. Fellas have it done too, I'm sure. What, to their wieners?

Oh, to their... Oh. Remember, fucking what's-his-name? He had the biggest boobs in Sunnyvale. Those were fake? They looked real. No, they were real. I'm saying, Ricky, guys get their, you know, they get surgeries, too. They don't get...

So Julian's could be fake, and we'd never know. Like, if I got... Do they make them like that for men? They don't sell those. What the fuck are you talking men? They don't sell those. They don't sell those. Jesus, man. Those are 100% organic beef. 100% organic beef.

Get away from me. Get away from me. You know how I know they're real? When you tackle his nipple. Don't be... Well, when you tackle it, it twitches. I believe if they were fake... Don't ever fucking do that to me again.

I believe if they were fake, that would not happen if they were plastic. Of course they're real. Jesus. Wow. I'm going to get a T-shirt made that says 100% organic beef. Triple A. Triple A. Triple A. Triple A. I'm gonna get him a shirt that says helium tits.

Yeah, fuck working out. Just inject yourself with helium. But then, Ricky, if you're laying in the hot tub or something, your boobs are gonna be floating. That's cool, though. Is it? Well, you wouldn't have to go that in the hot tub or something your boobs are going to be floating that's cool though is it well you wouldn't have to go that it wouldn't be that big just make sure you sit above the water at all times what if we want to go diving what if you're a diver by profession and you want to go down to the bottom of the lagoon yeah you'd have to have a release valve a little can to reinflate when you came back i guess you'd have to have a release valve. A little can to re-inflate when you came back, I guess. You'd never drown, though. No, I guess not.

Helium tits. We should register heliumtits.com before someone gets it. Yeah, every time you have an idea, somebody else in the world has the same idea. It's probably already being done. That's not true, Ricky, otherwise nothing would get done. Because they would cancel each other out. You got anything more exciting over there, helium tips? Just reading the story on the gangs of urban turkeys are terrorizing Massachusetts.

I heard about that. They're little cocksuckers, man. Tough little turkeys have made gangs. Fucking attacking people. Like Turkey the bird or turkey like, hey, little turkey? No, Turkey the bird. Real turkeys. They're fucking people over. They're attacking people, they're going after pets.

They're blocking traffic. Pretty easy ways to deal with that. What? What? Guns. Hmm. What? Dinner tables. Isn't Thanksgiving coming up down there?

Yeah, why aren't people just, like, shooting these birds and eating them? Because people don't do that anymore. It's called hunting. Not if they're in your yard. Why? Yeah, it is hunting. Where is this happening? You've got to deal with them in a hum. Yeah, it is hunting. Where is this happening? You've got to deal with them in a humane way, boy.

Massachusetts. We should put on the great turkey hunt of 2017. In Masstown. For Thanksgiving. Feed the homeless. Cure a problem. Cure two problems at once. We could do that in Sunnyvale.

You're not thinking wrong, son. There's a great idea, Ricky. Let's go down and give a bunch of people a bunch of weapons. A bunch of machine guns. Tell them to head out in the neighborhood and start shooting at turkeys running around. There'd be so many people killed and friendly fire and people shooting their neighbors' dogs by accident.

Fucking other birds getting killed as they sort of look like a turkey. Yeah. You just let them go in one at a time. That's what you gotta do. Okay, bring in the fucking snipers. Oh, so it's like Running Man. Yeah. They go in, you kill a turkey, you're done.

Bring in the snipers from the fucking army. It's a lot safer. You take them out from long distances. Or... Or animal control just catches them humanely and puts them back in the turkey pen or lets them go turkey land. Where do you let a fucking mad turkey go, Safe? He's going to take over wherever the fuck he goes.

You put him, you put him out in a field. Put him in a fucking... Yeah, a big penned-in field and you let them all run around and live their turkey lives. Or you put him over in... Where do the tigers live? Send them over in a big container. Turkey, incidentally. There's no turkeys.

No tigers in Turkey. Picture a 17 wild turkeys circling a dead cat. Like, these guys don't fuck around. No, but you can put them in a pen and then just let them...

Kill each other? ...be turkeys. Fucking sound of that. You have to have a noise-canceling turkey pen for sure. I don't know, man. I'm all for the hunting thing. If you're going to hunt, like, I don't hunt, but...

There hasn't been a great hunt for a while. Like, the great hunt of 2017. When's the last great hunt you remember, Ricky? Wasn't there, like, a rabbit epidemic over in England? There was something. They cured that with a great hunt. They had the great hunt. I think it was 1454.

Can you Google the great hunt of 1454, please? Okay. Tell me what comes up. I just need to know. What was the date? 1454? Great hunt of 1454. There's been a ton of great hunts.

I mean, they were killing whales. That was a great hunt, which was a bad one. I don't agree with that one. Nothing great about that, Ricky. No, fuck. It wasn't like they were killing us or eating us. If turkeys are fucking with us, we need a great hunt. Bring them back to great hunt.

What came up for the great hunt of 1454? Anything? Actually, I think there was something. It's just pretty fucked up. What? Yeah, just a second. Over in Europe, man. Don't tell me that.

Just a sec. The internet's pretty fucked here. All right. There's no great hunt of 1454. If there is, I'll eat this can. Yeah, I'll eat mine too. Yeah, there's some shit here, man, but fuck.

I thought there was some fucking ant, like crows or foxes or rabbits or something fucking just started. Oh, maybe it was toads. Toads? Yeah, was it those fuckers over in Australia? Yeah. They did have a toad problem. How do you hunt for toads, Yeah, was it those fuckers over in Australia? Yeah. They did have a toad problem.

How do you hunt for toads, though, really? It's those squeaky fucking toads that make all the noise. I thought it was those big cock suckers. Yeah, but, I don't know. Rabbit, rabbit, those big cock suckers. Bitty, bitty, bitty, hiya, buck. Fuck Rogers. Must be a way you could just overdose them.

At least they die happy. So, say there's 10,000 toads and you're going to go around and give them all an injection. I'll give them a little toad food, but fill it with something that'll fuck them. Get them high LSD with rat poison in it. So get them really freaked out and tripping out and then murder them. Well, the turkeys is one of the things. You can actually feed those to people. You know, you fix two things at once.

People eat toads. Yeah, but you couldn't eat them. In France, they eat toads. You probably couldn't eat them if you poisoned them to death. You'd have to kill them. No, they'd be poison interlaced with the meat then. You'd have to kill them in a friendly way. Kill the toads in a friendly way.

It wasn't offensive. Kill them in a friendly way, yeah. A people-friendly way. How do you kill a toad in a people-friendly way? I guess you let it... Put them in a big fucking tank. Let it die of old age. Blow a bunch of weed smoke in there.

Get them all fucked up and... And then what? Gas them. I don't know, man. What do you do? Electrocute them? No. How do they kill chickens?

It's not good. How does Colonel Sanders do it? Not very nicely, I don't believe. Colonel Sanders... Wait, how do we get on this? I don't like talking about killing animals and shit, man. I don't kill animals. You're the one that just said to gas all the toads!

You asked me a question, how you would do it. You brought up the turkeys! Well, I didn't say we should kill them. You brought up turkeys, you brought up the great hunt, and then it went to... Fucking 1454. ...sending them into a gas chamber. Poor toads, you can't do that to toads. and then it went to sending them into a gas chamber. Poor toads. You can't do that to toads.

I like toads. Just got to deal with it, I guess. Remember the time you licked the toad, thinking that you were going to get high off it, but it wasn't the right toad? I thought it was the great monkey frog or the great monkey toad. And it was just an old toad from the dump. Yeah.

You licked him, fuck, Ricky, you licked him all day. And then I got that weird thing on my tongue, and I thought it was a wart, but it wasn't. What was it? Just a big, huge canker sore. An old dump toad. You got an old toad canker. You got an old toad canker, and you didn't even care.

Yeah, at least he wouldn't let me go down. I guess we shouldn't talk about that right now. A couple weeks, anyway. Fuck, you licked him a long time. Yeah. Toad was probably thinking, what in the fuck is this guy's deal? And he kept...

The black liquid kept coming on my hand. What was that? That was Toad's shit, Piss. Yeah, that was him shitting himself. I thought it was like a squid as an ink cloud. I thought maybe it's an ink cloud, but he wasn't underwater, so it didn't go anywhere. No, that was the toad shitting himself

because you scared him half to death by licking him. By licking him for 14 hours. Fuck. Yeah. Wow, man. Yeah. Boys, I'm getting a little packish. I think we should go get some lunch. Wow, man. Yeah. Boys, I'm...

I'm getting a little packish. I think we should go get some lunch. Let's get some lunch. It's because we didn't have any fucking snacks. Because we didn't eat. Maybe that's why we didn't have snacks. I'm goddamn starving, let's be honest. Next week we should have some not-so-loud snacks.

Maybe a nice sandwich. Sandwiches are loud, Ricky. They create a lot of saliva. Saliva? That's how you pronounce it. Some people say saliva. Saliva. It's actually saliva. Saliva.

That's how it's spelled. S-L-S-A-L-I-V-A. Saliva. Hmm. Yep. Thanks, man. S-A-L-I-V-A. Saliva. Yep. Thanks, man. It's not too often you hear an I pronounced like that.

No, it isn't. It's a Greek rule. Greek rule adopted in the English language in 1749 by... 1749? Do I have to look that up? It was a Greek rule adopted into the English language. In 1749? Yes, by George Saliva. He was the fella that did it.

All right, what are we eating now? It's over anyway. We're done. You don't need to search anymore. That's what I thought. Holy shit. What? If you could have any food right now, what would it be?

Let's go. Go with pizza. Cock sandwich. Pizza, cock sandwich. Cock sandwich. He said it. Like a chicken penis sandwich? Philly cheesesteak.

Oh. Yeah, that's not bad. I'd fuck with some nachos. Nachos. Fuck with some nachos. Oh, dirty feet of clams. Dirty feet clams?, dirty feet of clams. Dirty feet clams? 30 feet of clams.

30 feet of clams. 30 feet of clams. That's a lot of clams, Ricky. Your mother had a 30 feet clam. Ricky. Okay, tune in next week when our guest says, I don't have a fucking clue. Invite us to donkey.

No. Not getting into that again. Well, we't have a fucking food. Invite us to donkey. No. Not getting into that again. Well, we better have a fucking guest of some type. We will have a guest. Or some food. Give us some energy. Maybe we'll have a chef on. Cook us some food. We should get a chef on. Naked chef.

No. We should get a chef on. And he'd cook us a meal. Alright. Here's your mission. Here's my mission. Let's see if we can get a chaff on and he'd cook us a meal. Alright. Here's your mission. There's my mission. Let's see if we can get a chaff on. Chaff on.