Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 12 - Handgun Pillows and Moon Piss

Episode Date: October 26, 2015

The Boys are back for another TPB Podcash! They discuss ships bigger than Juniper, corn slaves, kangaroo vaginas and why Ricky would cut a deal with cheese aliens! Episode 12 is brought to you by Liquormen’s Ol’ Dirty Canadian Whisky.

Why are you fucking leaving it all up to me? Well, I'm trying to fucking figure some of this shit out right now, man. I know, but you know, you're always fucking saying, you come up with shitty stuff and then you don't do anything about it. Well, I'm doing something right now, okay? I'm trying to fucking find some stuff that's worth talking about. Don't be a dick. Not being a dick.

Jesus Christ, she's sleeping on a handgun. Here, just wait. Are you kidding me? I don't want to startle him, for fuck's sakes. Ricky. Ricky. Jesus Christ! Jesus Christ, Ricky!

Would you stop falling asleep on the handguns, you stupid idiot? You kidding me? Why would you use a fucking handgun as a bellow? I heard someone fucking trying to come the trail last night. What the fuck are you guys doing here? That's a great way to start a podcast. Nice going, man. Now I'm shaking.

Now I'm fucking shaking just to both get murdered. Fucking shooting a podcast right now, boys? Yeah, we are. So get a drink, smoke a joint, do whatever you gotta do. You know what? Ricky, you realize when you're leaning on a handgun, asleep, if she kicks out this way, you're getting one right in the fucking gizzard.

I thought the fucking safety was on. I must have turned it off in my sleep. I thought someone was fucking coming to the trailer last night. I'm too fucked up to do a podcast right now. I'm fucked. Well, do you think I want to do a podcast? We have to. Is that my fucking donair from last night?

Nice. Don't you love it when you wake up and you forgot to eat something and then it's still there and you can eat it for breakfast? Love it. That looks disgusting, man. Bobby, you got me a beer, good man. Starting to figure out the way I operate. I didn't pour you.

That's been sitting there since last night, and I think you were using it as an ashtray, too. Yeah, it's fucking warm. Wait a second. Okay, no, I remember this now. I fucking came up with some things for this last night when I was fucked. You did? Is this it?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. You got some things to talk about? I'm going to leave that right there. I got a couple things to talk about. Well, maybe we should talk about Ricky's stuff first. No. I want to save it.

You want to save it? Why? I don can put this somewhere? It's not pointing right at Point no No, seriously like bugs your ideas weren't that great last week me. We should let Ricky try this man All right fine fucking cold on air Even with the cheese, which is now heard Ricky that thing's gonna stop your heart dead Pretty fucking good. Speaking of that boys. I've been thinking We need to probably slow it down a bit. We were purring too fucking hard We mean we we haven't been partying too hard Well, we're waking up with the fuck pastor tables and all the fucking boys. Oh, yes

Just us as a group. We gotta slow it down. No, you're the one getting fucked up, man. We're getting a good buzz on. You're getting totally fucked. I haven't been passing out on tables. I haven't passed out since last month. All right. Okay. I want a couple bites of down air.

A couple drinks of warm beer. A little gunshot. Okay, Ricky, let's hear it. You seriously want me to start? Yes. Well, he said. You do one and I'll do one. Okay, go for it, Bubbs.

Whoever. I'll just get this going. Okay, I'd like to give a space update. Oh, fuck. Are you kidding me? What do you mean? An update from space. Something big's happening in space right now.

KIC 8462852. You know the big star they found? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it's 1,500 light years away from us, in between the Cygnus and Lear constellations, and there's something in front of it, Ricky. Something keeps moving in front of it, like this block in the light. What are you talking about?

There's a fucking star, like, way the fuck out there. The scientists are looking at it, but they notice something's been, you know, moving in front of it, not in orbit, not in a regular. It's just been erratically doing this, so it could be a big ship. It can't be.

There's no such thing as aliens and ships. Well, you know what? I do believe in aliens. I've seen weird things in the sky, but I thought it was just my buzz on it. But maybe it's just somebody fucking jumping in front of it. Jumping jacks. Oh, my fuck, Ricky. No, but Ricky.

I'm talking about a fucking star, like, bigger than our sun. Right. And something's moving in front of it. It's not a guy jumping. I know, but it's so far away that all you'd have to do, I mean, you could put your finger up like that and block the light, right? If you had a telescope right here

and you put your finger in front of it, what's happening there if you just move your finger around? You would never ever see that, Ricky. It's impossible. So you're fucking telling me that there's a star 1,500 miles away that something's dancing around in front of it? Like a big death star.

It's 1,500 light years away, Ricky. 1,500, whatever the fuck. Do you know what a light year is? Can you even comprehend how fucking far that is? Explain it to me. Once you tell me, I'll never forget it. Okay, wrap your fucking brains around this one. Okay.

Here's how far a light year is. Oh, my God. Okay, bubs. How far is it? Light travels at about 380,000 kilometers a second. Bullshit. Something like that. It's in the hundreds of thousands.

Yeah. So a light year is the distance that the light can travel in a whole year going that fast. How far are you going to get? A lot. Yes, a lot. So just one of those is a light year this is the fucking known universe is 93 billion of those across ricky that's so say has everyone ever fucking gone from point a to point b no right definitely not but they can see it with their eyes and measurements. Right.

Oh, so now you're going to tell me it's not... It could be a bunch of mirrors and shit floating around our asteroids with mirrors,

just like a mirror ball. They don't fucking know. It's fucking up their readings. Bubs, why do you even... This is what I'm talking about. You throw shit like that out of the air.

What are you trying to tell me here? What is this really trying to fucking say? It's saying that there's something out there moving around that's defying the laws of physics. It's not in orbit. It looks like it's made by an intelligent species.

How fucking big is this supposed dancing object? Big. If it's blocked, it says it's blocking out 22% of the light. That's bigger than what Jupiter would block out, so it has to be... So you're trying to tell me this ship is bigger than fucking Juniper.

Maybe. That is fucked. I'm just saying that's a theory. My theory is it's a fucking 900-foot alien dancing from a fucking asteroid. There could be 900-foot aliens, Ricky. I never know, man. Well, if they're building something that big, they've got to be pretty fucking tall. Like probably the fucking Jolly Green fucking giant and his magical beans.

That's probably where he came from. Whatever fucking planet you're talking about, that's probably where he came from. Now he's fucking selling his... Oh, the Jolly Green giant? Fucking vegetables to everybody. You think the Jolly Green giant's an alien? Well, he's not from fucking Earth. Look at the size of the cocksucker. Ricky, he just made up to sell corn niblets, Ricky.

Why does it make sense? Maybe he's an alien and he fucking, that's what they have, lots of. And he came down and knows how to fucking cook them better than anyone. Gets us all addicted and he's like, come with me if you want fucking more of this shit. I'm cutting you off. Everyone goes with him to his planet. Ricky, the Jolly Green Giant, he's not like a living fucking being, okay? Wait a second.

You think the Jolly Green Giant's an alien that's really good at cooking corn, and he's down here and he made corn for everybody to get them addicted so he could say, guess what, no more corn unless you come with me back to my planet. Turns him into fucking corn sleeves. I'd probably have to go. I can't live without corn. I fucking love corn. He should be writing movies.

I know, man. Ricky's just a cartoon made up to sell corn nibblets. What, just someone invented him? No. He's from somewhere. He's a fucking alien, and he's good at cooking corn and probably beans and peas

and all the other vegetables. And you could live without corn if you had to, man. Don't be so fucking... That's ridiculous. You're so addicted to corn, you would leave the earth to get it? Depends what the terms were. You can't be addicted to corn.

There's no way. Cheese, too. I couldn't live without cheese. If there was a cheese alien, I'd be fucking gone. I would be. Think about that. No more pizza.

No more slices of cheese with your pepperoni. So if cheese all of a sudden ceased to be on Earth, and a cheese alien came and said, I've got all the cheese you can imagine up in cheese land, come with me, you would fucking head up to the cheese planet. I'd work out some kind of a fucking deal. I'll come with you to your fucking little cheese planet, but I'm going to grow some dope, blow your fucking head off with it,

and you're going to fucking just trade me cheese, and we're going to be friends. Wow. Marky, you are so fucked up, man. Oh, I know. It's okay. Well, maybe I'll try one. Here's a fun fucked up fact. I got on your little machine last night and just typed in fucked things.

I bet you guys didn't know this. I know you didn't. Female kangaroo has three vaginas. Who fucking knew? I don't think that's true. That's what I said. Well, those fucking computer boxes don't fucking lie. It said female kangaroo has three vaginas,

which is fuck. How would you pick? Fuck, maybe I'll go all lefty today. How would you pick? You would bang a fucking kangaroo no but if you were suppose you're julian the kangaroo muscular and hop around hoppier faster than anyone else you get to be with all the lady kangaroos and you get with the hottest one how do you pick which vagina ricky if i was a fucking kangaroo, I would just hop on and just fucking bram it in there. I wouldn't care.

Yeah, but which one, he's asking. It wouldn't matter. I wouldn't be checking it out. Equal. I don't like your kangaroo. Equal ramming for each vagina? You're a kangaroo. You don't pick.

You just fucking give her. Boys. Would you go like this? And then, like, can she spit out three baby kangaroos from each vagina? I didn't know anything about kangaroos and their magical fucking vaginas. That's crazy. I don't believe. Where did you find that?

It said it was true. I've never heard that before. Well, see, you guys all just learned something from Ricky. The guy you guys are always saying is dumb and stupid and not as smart as you guys. I've never said that in my life. What's it say? Just a sec. They do have three vaginas.

There you go. And they're probably all equally desired by the male kangaroo. Well, unless there's one that's, you know, smaller. Three of them could take growing at once, I guess. Wow. Okay. A triazoid.

All right, see, that's what I'm talking about. That's a good fact. That's not better than my space fact. It was way better. You want to talk about space? Got a good one of those, too. So just hang on. My fucking space fact, which is a piece of information that could change the history of the world forever,

is not as good as kangaroos got three vaginas. It could be total bullshit because only certain people in the world have a telescopic device that can fucking see that shit. So they could be making it up. No one else can fucking say, hey, you're lying because we don't have those fucking tools. So I don't know. Whatever. Maybe it's true. Maybe it's not.

At least mine's true. If you want to talk about space, here's a fun fact. Buzz Aldrin, one of your fucking heroes, this might change your opinion. When he landed on the moon, he fucking pissed on the moon. First man to piss on the moon, Buzz Aldrin. Well, he didn't piss on to the moon. I think he did. What, did he piss his pants on the moon?

Yes, he would have had to, Wicky. Oh, well, that's fucking lame. I thought he actually got to piss on the moon sand. How would he do that, Ricky? What's he gonna pull his zipper down? Pull his wiener out on the moon? He must have a thing like your underwear where you can just pull your bird out, nothing else. No, Ricky, you're in a fucking pressurized airtight suit. Well, maybe they could put a pressure capsule just around the cock and balls. Boom. Pull it out and

piss away yeah but then you're okay now i'm pissed off i'm pissed off your wiener's gonna turn itself inside out in a vacuum see they with someone that was stoned and drunk i thought that he got the piss on the moon sand dust no he pissed in his pants on the moon that's what you should say first man to piss his pants on the moon f** sakes. All right. See, that wasn't that great of a one. No, it sucked. That was bad. Fuck sakes. Okay, here's one, Ricky.

$10,000 worth of marijuana falls from the sky onto a family's doghouse. You gotta be kidding me. That just happened. They were out in the yard, I think, barbecuing and kablammo. Well, it just proves it. It's fucking weed fairies. Who? We weed fairies. Who? Weed fairies. I wish they'd fucking come to my house. Instead, they'd probably take some of my weed

when I'm not looking and give it to these people that need it more. Why would they drop it on a dog house? How does it prove there's weed fairies? What do you think? Weed just fucking comes out of weed clouds? They get sucked up from the earth and then it rains weed on dog houses?

Someone would have thrown it out of a fucking, out of a small plane or something, man. Yeah, like you think it flew out of a plane, perhaps? I was watching the other day with my grandson one of those Tinkerbell movies about the fairies. And they make all the seasons change and they can carry lots of shit. There's probably fucking half a dozen, maybe more of them. Each had a little bale of weed and plunk. You've got to be kidding me, man. It is a possibility.

You've got to admit that. None of that exists, man. There's no such thing as fairies, Ricky. Come on. Have you ever seen one? Not yet. Especially a weed fairy. I've seen evidence of them.

There's 10K of fucking... That's perfect evidence of them right there. What the fuck else could have got in there and got out of there without being seen? Something fast. Maybe a hummingbird. A little fucking carrying pouch on his back, I guess. A hummingbird could not fly around with 10 grand. Right.

So what else is that fast? A fucking fairy. Holy fuck, Ricky. No, man. I was thrown out of a little plane. Who told you, Ricky, that we eat fairies? Did you just come up with that? I knew about fairies, but if it's delivering weed, it must be like a weed fairy. I'm fucking jealous. Come to ricky that weed fairies did you just come up with that i knew about fairies but if it's delivering weed it must be like a weed fairy i'm jealous

come to my house weed fairies i'll take whatever you have that is so we all right let's want some cold in there and cool no more beer I just want some cold in the air and warm beer. Here's a fun fact for you, Ricky. Okay, bring it on. The average cloud... Yep. Weighs 1.1 million pounds. What the fuck?

Wrap that around you. What the fuck are you talking about? Your facts are fucked. See, bubs, you're going to get him all rang up now because of this. Because you know he's going to fucking... I'll tell you right now, if they know that, then that's some fucked up waste of money right there from our fucking government or NISA or whoever the fuck does that.

What, do they build a big giant cloud scale? Plink it up there and fucking weigh a cloud? No. And then we had to weigh more than one to fucking get the average. And they would have to weigh more than one to fucking get the average. They fucking do it by calculating the density of the, you know, the moisture in it. So can you calculate how heavy I am without putting me on a scale? No.

Sure you can. Well, anyway, easiest ways to scale. If I find out they spent money on building a big giant cloud scale, I will be fucking pissed. I'll have to passed that through. So what the fuck do they need to know this for? Like if clouds weighed that much, would an airplane hit a cloud and just go boom? Just like hitting fucking concrete. It would if it was denser, but it's not.

It's not, man. It's fluffy. It's just, you know, out there. Well, fluffy doesn't weigh much, does it? Look at your little cotton balls, which are fluffy. They don't weigh shit. You're never going to be able to explain this one to a man. I disagree.

If a cloud was that fucking heavy, it'd fall right out of the sky and kill a bunch of people and squish everything. No, but it's the size ratio, Ricky. It's so big and its density is lighter than air. See, nothing you're saying makes sense a boat floats because it can't get shit could go through it right how does the cloud float without falling with all this weight it's like fuck yeah bubs throw something here watch yeah why comes back down that's not a fucking one and a half billion tons or whatever you said i agree with rick man why oh boys just because i can't explain it in scientific terms doesn't mean it's not true.

Well, you should find other things to talk about. Things that can be proven. Because it seems like you just fucking got stoned and started writing the fucking weirdest thing. It is proven. They're fucking scientists saying it. It's not just some guy going, I bet you that cocksucker weighs about a million pounds.

Could be, though. It's scientists figuring it out with equations and measurements. Maybe it's a drunk scientist that said, fuck, you know what? I'm drunk and I haven't published anything in a while. I'm going to put out this fucking little fact. Clouds weigh an average of 1.1 billion trillion tons. Million pounds, Ricky.

So I don't know how to explain it, so now the fact's no good. Until we have a cloud stick scale. We'll never fucking know, will we? Well, you read one then, Ricky, if you can prove everything you're reading. You're not going to be happy about this one, bud. Now, I don't know if I'm pronouncing this properly.

The Katzenklavier, K-A-T-Z-E-N-K-L-A-V-I-E-R, in brackets, cat piano, was a musical instrument made out of caged cats. They all had different pitches. And the fucking keyboard player used to drive nails in their tails to make them make noise. That better not be fucking true. I hope it's not. I read that. I was like, fucking Bubbles would be pissed at this,

and he would kill whoever's playing that fucking keyboard. I've never heard of that fucking keyboard. What a weird instrument. The Katzen Clavier? Yeah. I guess that's how you say it. I'll be looking up who fucking developed that and who worked on that project.

I'm guessing that's probably his name. No, I doubt it. His name was Katzen and I think it's in reference to the cats being oh I see so it's a different one of those other languages that isn't Canadian and that's buying the bracket says cap you know see I'm starting to get the way a lot of the stuff works the more you read the more you actually do learn. Yeah, Ricky. Well, this is a funny one. We were close to this, but ours was a little bit smaller. Largest snowflake ever recorded, 15 fucking inches in width or diameter. 15 inches.

Yeah, it's a big one. That one we saw was close to a foot, I think, but it melted before we could keep it. So 15 inches is fucking... No, Ricky we saw was close to a foot, I think. But it melted before we could keep it. It's not 15 inches. No, Ricky, that was made at a bar. That was a piece of ice at the bar. They made that. That didn't fall out of the sky. Well, that's a big fucking snowflake anyway.

But you know what? How the fuck did they measure that? See, I'm second guessing my facts now. Holy fuck, look at that snowflake coming down there go get the fucking house right now get a measuring tape We're gonna measure this cocksucker for it melts. Did they catch it? No, it would have melt on their hand Well Ricky you could have landed, you know on top of the snow I think a lot of people make this shit up. I do I'm calling bullshit on a lot of it Like this who the fuck figured this one out a donkey will sink in quicksand and a mule won't?

Is that fucking true? It can't be true. It can't be true. That's what it said. And most things on those boxes are true, I guess. Why? Maybe a fucking mule has hoofs like a duck. Yeah, but it doesn't.

That's the thing. Well, it might. It does not. No, but it doesn't that's the thing well it might it does no but it doesn't ricky people know what kind of horse you always have ricky they don't have like duck feet man well it must be lighter fuck what is your big wave of ash just kicked in fucking don't enter and beard god damn it there's a reason for it though boys if it's not duck hoofs it's got to be that they're lighter or maybe when their legs when they feel quick standing their legs bend and then it has to sink that whole bendy length that's what what it is. That could be it. They might have a reactionary response where their leg creates more surface area,

thus creating more drag. Possibly. It's not a bad theory. He could have a different type of air bladder stomach. And when he's going down, he just goes, fills up his air tank. That's possible, like a fish. So a mule is like part fish.

Jesus, Ricky. No, no, no, no, no, no. It's a mule. What do you mean, fish? Fish don't breathe in air like... Something does. Maybe it's birds. Ricky.

Something adjusts how high up and down they are, whether it's water or air, I forget. And that's what they do. They suck in different amounts of air, I think. You're so fucked. Okay, maybe they don't. They bark. Man. We gotta stop talking about that.

What are we even talking about? Mules and donkeys. Oh yeah, mules and donkeys sinking in the quicksand. Neither one of which can have babies, can they? Or one of them can, or one can't. What is it? Who cares, man? babies, can they? Or one of them can or one can't. What is it? Who cares, man? Really, who cares? All I kind of do now is donkeys.

Oh, man. Or donkey men. Donkeys men and mules ladies. I don't know, man. Mules are unisex. They got both or something. Maybe they have nothing. And fucking huffs like a duck.

Huffs like a duck and baby organ can take care bigger cocks sounds like you're describing Julian's mother that's like a doc and both sex organs she's a kangaroo fuck you guys okay why do. What am I like? Okay. Why? Do you have anything else there, Bubbs? It might be half true. Yeah. It could be actually. Listen to this one.

The actual Italian translation of calzone. You know what a calzone is when we go for calzone. Is that the pizza that's folded in half? Yeah. You know, it's the nice calzone, I call it. Okay. The? You know, it's a nice calzone, I call it. Okay.

The actual Italian translation, it means pant leg. Pant leg? That's what it said. It doesn't even make sense, man. Kind of fold it over. I don't know. So they... Still fucked.

Eat it, eat till it. The Italians could not have invented that, because they wouldn't call it a pant leg, something you eat. So we stole it and made a word that sounded like it was from... We might have. I think you might be right. I can speak Italian and I didn't know that... Again, it's a fact that we can't really prove, though, at this time. What, that he can speak Italian because you can't?

Oh, I most certainly can give us something i was on that whole series i saved the pretty funny travis or who is it what's going on pups who is it with the translator debbie travis beacon who the are you talking about? I don't know. Debbie Travis. She was a singer, wasn't she? She was like 16 and had a bunch of hits. No, that was Debbie Gibson. Oh, fuck yeah, that's right. From Gibson Guitars. Nice pups.

Debbie Gibson. Debbie Gibson, yeah, man. Well, I say my final fun fact is a doozy I remember reading this last night going this can't be

fucking true but it is McDonald's stores in fucking Colorado are gonna fucking have weed smoking

sections they're gonna get rid of the kids playlands and they're gonna fucking they are

where's this they're putting these big fucking enclosures where's this hope to suck events

and you go in there and rip away McDonald's Yep Balls Joints And it sucks all the smoke out

There's no way You can get your feet in McDonald's They're too big It's too big of a company I think it makes perfect sense Where did you read that? It was just on the On the computer box

They're full of shit But the thing I think They're fucking up Because it says they're taking out The little Playland kids areas They should leave those fucking things Right where they are And just have hours But the thing, I think they're fucking up because it says they're taking out the little Playland kids areas. They should leave those fucking things right where they are and just have hours.

So certain hours of the day, kids can go in there and play. Julian, look it up. There's no way McDonald's is putting in weeds. I mean, kids, most kids are in bed by 8 o'clock unless you're a shitty parent. So after 8 o'clock, you could just use the Playland as a fucking place you can go in and rip a joint or hit off a bomb. Maybe a one-hitter. There's no way McDonald's is doing that, Ricky. I'm telling you. There's no way that's happening.

I think it's brilliant. They're the fucking way ahead of the pack. I think everyone's going to fall right after them. Now, look where he read it. I know. Well, yeah, here's another one. It's a fake news website, Ricky. What do you mean, fake?

What? This is one of the most famous hoax sites going. So there's a fucking site there that puts up fake news stories? Yes. Just to fuck with people? Yes. Oh, my fuck. You're supposed to laugh.

Most people would have laughed. Can you imagine if they did that? And you're like, holy fuck. I thought it was fucking awesome. I was going to try to get down there quickly. Imagine eating McDonald's right in the fucking store and getting ripped on good weed or hash oil. I'm not saying it wouldn't be fucking awesome. I'm just saying there's no way.

It's happening. There's just no way. I mean, I didn't think it would be all day or whatever, but once kids go to bed, why the fuck not? You get a lot more people going to McDonald's late at night. If that was the case, why wouldn't they just be selling, you know, McWeeders or... I think they should. McHashy. There you go.

McHash Browns. McNuggets to hash. Check this out. As many as 60% of Iceland's population think it is possible that elves may exist. That's fucked. 60%. 62%. Wow.

Well, maybe they know something we don't. Maybe more of them are seeing elves running around. No, man, they do not fucking exist. They might. They don't, man. I'm just saying it's theoretically possible. No, man. Yes.

Elves. Boys, hope you got some more beer. Ricky, can you put that fucking thing somewhere? The safety's fucking on, look. It's not on. Look. Just here. And it's cocked for fuck's sake.

Give it. It's not fucking... No, it's not cocked. Yes, it is cocked. Oh, yeah, it is sort of cocked. All right, we'll just point it over to the corner. There's no one over there. Why, like, just...

Do you ever hear ricochets? Well, this has been an exciting fucking... Yeah, man. Oh, fuck, just... Did you ever hear of Ricochet's? This has been an exciting fucking podcast. Yeah, man. Oh, here I... This is a band I want to talk about. Oh, fuck. Listen to this one, Ricky. They're called Hate Beak.

Oh, see this? Hate Beak? Hate Beak? Yeah. The lead singer is a fucking parrot. Fuck off. He's the lead singer of the... They're a metal band. What? Hate Beak. 21-year- Is a fucking parrot. Fuck off. He's the lead singer of the, they're a metal band.

What? Heat Beat. 21-year-old African gray parrot. He's the lead singer. You're fucking joking right now. No, I'm serious. They're a real band. Pull them up.

Hey, man, just a sec. Heat Beat. Are you talking about a guy dressed up as a fucking parrot? Nope. Or a real fucking parrot? I'm talking about a real parrot. He's actually singing. He's the singer

he knows they're in the words I don't know that he sings words Ricky I don't know no what the fuck he's not a lead singer here we go fucking chirper fuck wow that's great then I never said I heard them I just said you What the fuck? No, that was a great band. I never said I heard them. I just said, you know, I read about it, that they're... They're going to make birds see out of your face and my foot. Ain't no doubt in my mind, partner.

Yeah, quite heavy. Just wait. Maybe he's going to start singing. quite heavy just wait maybe he's gonna start singing that's a parrot it just does screams it makes parrot noises oh that's fucked

it's not really why don't you listen to that man he's the lead squawker for the band oh I never said they were, you know, I just said they exist. You need to start a band with your cats.

Maybe I should. Should be a metal band. That'd be cool. I could. I could. Oh, yeah. New law in Italy. It's totally acceptable and legal to watch pornography on your lunch break. All right, great. That's good, isn't it?

What do you mean? I don't understand. Is this not supposed to be legal? You say illegal or illegal? Legal. It's illegal. No, you're allowed. Isn't it illegal everywhere? No. Huh. That's fucked up. It's illegal. No, you're allowed. Isn't it illegal everywhere? No. Oh.

That's fucked up. In Italy, you can say to your boss, he can't come in and say, hey, you can't watch porn on your lunch. You can say, fuck you. I'm watching porn. I'm fucking cranking one off at lunch. He can't stop you, apparently. That's pretty awkward.

Well, hopefully he doesn't walk in on you while you're cranking one off. It'd be awkward. Real exciting, Bob. So that's the fact. I mean, most people can crank off at lunch hour in Canada and all over the America's and everywhere, can't they? That's a good idea. Take your lunch break and go, like, bang, instead of watching porn.

Just go do some banging. Oh, not everybody's like the status of Patrick Swayze, Julian. Not everybody can just Shut up. Go snap their fingers. Pops.

Are we done? I think we are. Can we finish this, please? I need to go take a nap. I've got to go figure out why this thing keeps fucking going off when it hits the floor. Because it's a fucking gun, Ricky. I know, but safety is usually on. Doesn't make sense, boys.

Okay, you know what, Julian? Next podcast, since you're being an arsehole, next one, it's all you, bud. You fucking come up with the fun facts. I'll come up with some facts. Maybe I won't even fucking be here. Who knows? Maybe you can just do it by yourself. Bubs, don't fuck me like that.

None of us really want to do this anyway. It was your idea to start this shit. This was fucked. Well, I'm just saying. I thought you'd have fun doing it. Now you're fucking coming aboard me. Still don't have our fucking microphones back either, by the way. Maybe that's it. Maybe,

I don't know. It doesn't feel fucking real. It just feels like we're sitting around a table being dicks. Exactly. We look professional with our fucking microphones and stuff. This looks stupid. Big chunk of donair meat. Like, what pretzel? Who eats pretzels, Rick? Why do you have pretzels? Fucking Mickey Mouse.

You know what? Maybe you guys just fucking do it without me then. Maybe that is happening. And I'm taking this. Go ahead. I might go. I didn't get a fucking bottle, so I'm taking that.

Taking that delicious Lickerman's whisk, and I'm drinking the whole fucking bottle. So I'm taking that delicious Leckerman's whisk. And I'm drinking the whole thing myself. You guys can both let it go. You let it go. I can't believe you tried to lick me. Oh, fucking yeah. Holy fuck. Bugs, don't ever do that to me again.

Well, I'm just saying. And don't touch my pretzels either. I can't believe you just fucking spit all over the fucking pretzels. Well, they're my pretzels now. Yeah, well, these are mine, aren't they? Boys, you guys are fucking gross. Like, why would you... What crate are you guys in right now?

You better fucking clean something, because I'm going to spit on the rest of it. Go ahead. I got my pretzels spit on the rest of it. Go ahead. I got my crackles and my liquor. All right. Go ahead. I'm going to fuck out of here. I'm going to go shoot some shit. You guys want to go shooting?

Next podcast is all you, Julian. Can't fucking wait. Bubs, bring the liquor. Let's go shooting. Well, go fuck yourself, pups. Me and you, leckermans.