Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 12 - Meat Bender

Episode Date: June 24, 2019

Ricky and Bubbles are in bacon-wrapped Heaven - Julian's on a strictly liquor diet, but he probably won't end up on the sh*tter all night! Also: Bubbles' goat impressions, house-proud tarantulas, and the most eco-friendly way to get rid of a body!

What's going on, you inglorious pricks? Park after dark. I'm your host, Ricky LaFleur, because my other two fuckhead friends are still sleeping. Boys, wake up! It's time to do this thing, and you are going to shit what I had for fucking breakfast. Oh, no more meat. We've been on a bit of a meat bender, and you are going to shit what I have for fucking breakfast.

No more meat. We've been on a bit of a meat bender, and it's not over yet. This is the last of it. I can't do it, man. Yes, you can when you figure it. Listen, if you find out what the fuck I'm serving up, you're going to shit yourself. Rick, you've got to steal something else other than fucking ground beef, man. Steal some steaks or some chicken. Guess what?

I call these deep-fried, bacon-wrapped cotton balls. What? With a nice little cheese, jalapeno sauce to finish them off. Oh, my fuck. These are going to be good. How many different fucking ways can we eat the cotton loaf, man? It's too much. You can fry the shit out of these.

Ricky, so what is it? It's the meat logs rolled up? For fuck's sakes. What are you doing? I didn't put these ones down low enough. Yeah, slide them down a bit. You got the fried Eddie going, do you? Yep. One of the most dangerous pieces of kitchen equipment ever made.

There's actually zero safety on this except for the cord. Yep, one of the most dangerous pieces of kitchen equipment ever made. There's actually zero safety on this except for the cord. You're not the safe person, Ricky. Oh my god, these are gonna be good. I can't eat any more fucking meat, Ralph, man. You know what, those... I've eaten about nine pounds of meat this week, but... That's... those are looking fucking good, Ricky. That's a good idea.

I'm on a liquid diet for the rest of the fucking week. Wait till you fucking dip one in this motherfucking cheese jalapeno sauce. Boom! Decent. Ricky, that's probably not the best place for the deep fryer, but. It's better than my bedroom. It's much better than his fucking bedroom. I can't believe I burnt half my fucking trailer down. That sucked. Those probably won't take long, will they? No idea. No, they're just, I mean... Okay, well...

That's great. We're gonna smell like fucking deep fryers for the rest of the fucking day, boys. Nice going, Rick. How are we looking? I mean, they're almost cooked. It's just like a fondue, really. Nice going, Rick. How are we looking? I mean, they're almost cooked. It's just like a fondue, really, a meat fondue. That is going to be decent. Okay, so... All right, so what are we talking about today?

How was your sleep? Let's talk about that. It was pretty good, man. I got fucking heartburn from all the fucking meat we're eating. I got fucking deep oil all over my goddamn animal knowledge. It's spiced it everywhere, man. I'm going to have a breakfast beer. Good choice. Breakfast beer.

Let's go, man. You guys will get back on the horse. Is that what they say? I don't know. Off the meat, onto the liquor. Well, Ricky, I'm thinking that's done. Oh, shit. This one might be over.

Oh, that's overdone. Yeah, they're not going to take long, boys. I'm telling you. Fuck, they're good. You got that fucking oil just a-cranking. I think there's only one speed. Oh, yeah, just let those cocksuckers cool down a little bit. Oh, my fuck, I'm excited.

Bacon-wrapped meatballs. Cotton balls. They do look pretty good. Okay. Here we go. Did you say hi already, Ricky? I did. You guys might want to. Hey, what's going on, everybody? It's Perk after Dirk.

We're here. We're here making deep-fried meatballs, bacon-wrapped meatballs. Those don't take long at all. No, no. You're, you're cooking with fucking... Yeah, we fucked up on the first four. 400 degree oil there, I reckon. I don't think they're, I think they're gonna be perfect.

They're fucking smart over in China, boys, I'm telling you. China is filled with a lot of smart people. No shit. It's where everything in the world is made. You know what the fuck they're doing right now, which we should try? I wish we, there's no way. I lost her, boys. I lost her in the world is made. You know what the fuck they're doing right now, which we should try? I wish we... I lost her, boys. I lost her in the cheese. I hate when that happens.

Cheese created a vacuum. I'm gonna turn this little guy off for now. Whoa. All right, let's get going. Let's have at it, as they say. So why are they so smart and giant? What's your... You know what they're doing now?

What? Holy fuck! Just a sec. Are we good? See, the bacon kind of gives it a nice breakfast feel. So why are they so smart in China? What's your... You know what they're doing now? What? Holy fuck! Just say. Are we good? See, the bacon kind of gives it a nice breakfast feel. Unbelievable. Yeah?

They smell good, man. Unbelievable. Have one. I can't, man. I'm on the liquor today. What's your problem with China? I don't have a problem, man. They're doing these... You know bamboo.

You know what bamboo is, Ricky? Yeah, it's a plant. The deer, his mother died. No, that's Bambi. It's a plant. It's like a bamboo. You know what bamboo is, right? Sure.

He doesn't know what fucking bamboo is. What is it? It's a plant. It's a wood. It's a tree. It's a hollow wood. You can make a pipe out of it. Yes.

Okay, I know what it is. This is what the Chinese are doing now. They're taking liquor. You can eat it. Pandas eat them. I don't think fucking humans do. Have you ever seen a panda eat a fucking piece of bamboo? Like nothing, man.

He just eats it like a piece of celery. The fucking thing's that big around. Just not a shit. Hard as a rock, he just bites her like a piece of celery. Unbelievable. That's awesome. Anyway, they're taking liquor. They're injecting it into the fucking live bamboo, right?

Okay. They're maturing the liquor. They're coming back two years later. How do you get it out? You fucking, I don't know, man. Do you put it in the hollow part or inject it? The hollow part. Right into the fucking, right into it.

So it's like a bamboo. It's like a bamboo it's like a bamboo shooter glass it's like a cask that's what it is it's a living cask I can't believe you fucking even knew

that word man I've been learning a lot of words there dumb dumb well but you know what the problem is it lowers the liquor the alcohol content

so fuck that it's good for people that don't want to get all banged up good thinking how's the sauce Fuck that. It's good for people that don't want to get all banged up. These are unbelievable, Ricky. Good thinking. How's the sauce? It's nice.

I don't know what to think about this. Yeah? Pretty fucking good. Oh, my fuck. Fucking ridiculous? Yeah, these are not fucking around, baby. These are not fucking good. Oh, my fuck. Fucking ridiculous? Yeah, these are not fucking around, baby. These are not fucking around. Okay, so if people, they want to make these things,

you just take the fucking cotton loaf, right, that we did last pod? I think you can just make any kind of meatball. Bacon wrap the fucking thing. Just anything, okay. Deep fried for not even that long. Into the fat she goes. And then take, what is this, that fucking, that dip for chips? I admit that that is store-bought. What the, of course it is.

That's that orange dip you get at the grocery store. That's like plastic, isn't it? Pretty much. Flavorful, though. Fire it right in the microwave. All right. Fucking delicious. You want sea, forest, field, jungle, or sky?

Forest. What are we doing? Forest, eh? Alright, forest, man. What are these, Ricky? Animal cards? What the fuck? How the fuck are you supposed to get them out?

This is a terrible design! Fuck! Ricky. Patience. Goddamn, you box. What would Bruce Lee do? Ninja chop it. No, he would take a deep breath and fucking think it out.

Okay, a moose. Okay, what about it? That's it. No, you're on the answer, Ricky. Flip it over. Oh. No, it's just a moose postcard. What?

Am I fucking missing something here? Probably. Is this a fucking game? Man Am I fucking missing something here? Probably. Is this a fucking game? Man, I'll tell you what this is. This is fucking bullshit. It's a postcard. It's a box of postcards, man. I thought it said fucking animal trivia.

Amazing animal facts. Okay, Ricky, just hang on. There's got to be something. Maybe there is a fact. Is there a fact on there? Moose can feel a fly landing on its antlers. No, they can't. Okay, I didn't see that part.

No, you gotta put it right up to your face. Very small. Goats. A moose can feel a fly landing on his antlers. That's fucked up, man. You know what that's like? What? A fucking bug landing on your toenail.

Would you feel that? I don't know. What if it landed on your toenail. Would you feel that? I don't know. What if it landed on your wiener? Goats have different accents depending on where they are from. I knew that. No fucking way. Goats have accents. British goats sound different than Canadian goats.

What would an Irish goat sound like? Okay, what about a French one? What about an Italian? What if Randy was a goat? Well, I don't know what Randy would sound like as a goat. Okay, well, that wasn't as exciting as I... It's going to be some other facts, man. Fuck my backup. Okay, well, that wasn't as exciting as I... There's got to be some other facts, man. I fucked my back up.

Okay, well, let's just fucking... Just pull a random one and see if we knew it. It's a cock. Bubbles will definitely know that. Oh, yeah, what's it say? Something that goes in Julian's mouth on a regular basis? Yeah, that's real fire. Fuck.

The longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds. mouth on a regular basis? Yeah, it's real funny. Fuck. The longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds. 13 seconds. Suck to be a chicken. Have wings just to tease you? Or what are those other big birds with the wings that don't fly? They run. Ostriches.

Why the fuck can't chickens fly? They got big enough wings. Do you know what? Think about what a chicken weighs. 25 pounds? You have to have fucking eight foot wings. Do you know what? Think about what a chicken weighs. 25 pounds? You have to have fucking eight-foot wings. Oh, wow. A fucking bald eagle weighs...

See, I figured it out. What? They're not as dumb as I thought. They put this fucking thing in the back. It's like a spacer. So once you take that out, you can actually move around in here and finagle shit. Fuck off, spacer. Fuck you.

Finagle. Never heard you use that yeah man fucking read what does that mean where did it come from it means something man it's from the bacon if you finagle something you're kind of see just when i thought he maybe was starting to read and get smarter he said it's from the bacon oh jungle let jungle. Let's go to the jungle. You going to have another bacon ball, Ricky? I think I missed. Let's see what we can find in the jungle. Do you want a bacon ball? No, man.

Going to the jungle. Come on, I'm on. No, don't put it on my laptop. Come on, man. This has got too many on it. Can somebody read all these? I will. It's about a giraffe.

Giraffe. Giraffe. That's what he said. Well, this is not that big of a fucking fact. Giraffes have very long necks to reach branches high in the air. Oh, fuck. Really? You know what else they do?

You know how they sleep? They fucking spin their neck around their head, and they sleep with their fucking head. That's a fucking duck. They sleep with their head right on their ass. There's more to it. In their ass? On their ass. They use their ass as a pillow.

Because they can do that shit. But they can't reach the ground without spreading their legs wide apart. And their tongues are really long. They can even lick their own ears. They can lick their own ears. And with that long neck, you know what else he could lick. They can lick anything they want.

Anything they want. Well, if he sleeps with his head on his arse, he better hope his tongue doesn't fall out of his mouth when he's asleep. Why am I eating those? Why? Why am I eating those? Well, you cooked them. Did you fucking cook them?

No, but I had nine or ten before you guys got up. Did you? Yeah, man. They are nice. Just keep fucking eating them, man. Those are nice. What else you got here, Ricky? I'm interested in these.

These are kind of fun. Don't forget to put them back now. Oh, I took the divider out now. I fucked it. Oh, for fuck's sakes. Who gives a fuck? Just put the thing in there and just read something. Because these could get Moe fucking learned.

More than school. How the fuck can't you tell? Like, this person picked up a dog. They thought it was a dog on the side of the road. It was a bear. It was a bear. I'm going to fucking keep it in my apartment. Happens all the time.

Fuck, people are stupid. Wow, listen to this. What? This sounds like Ricky. Maybe you're part blue whale, Ricky. I always thought I might be. Your mom definitely was. Oh, man.

She was just a... She was hot, though. She was pretty. She was a whole whale. Okay, listen. Blue whales sleep with half their brains shut down. Otherwise, they would forget to come up to the surface to breathe, and they would drown.

Wow. That's a fucking good talent. Why? So you just sleep surface? Or are you aware of it? They're sleeping, but half their brain's like, I've got to go up for air, right? But do they know they did it?

Maybe if they woke up, if they were fucking on their way up and hit a fucking ship or something. Whoa. That would suck. Holy fuck. Listen to this, Ricky. A blue whale eats 12,000 pounds of krill every day. 12,000.

12,000 pounds. Yeah. 12,000 pounds of krill, aren't krill those aliens off that shawl? They don't eat 12,000 pounds. You know what that equals to? Three of my cars.

Or 40. Well, a blue whale's heart is as big as a car. Holy shit. Jesus Christ. That's pretty big. If you had a blue whale heart, you could make

a little hot out of it. And you know what? You would live in it. It's eating 40,000 fucking burger patties. Think of it that way. So you'd never be able to get a heart transplant from a blue whale. Oh, my fuck, Ricky.

What do you think? You could. You could, but you'd have to, it would be external and you'd have to carry it around in a whale barrel. Yeah, that might work. Or you could get that fella from Baby, I Got the Kid Shrunk. He might be able to get her down right so I said. Jesus.

Ricky, what were you smoking today? About three joints, yeah. Was there any hash? There's a good way it can be. These balls you made? There's a little bit of weed butter. I'm fucked. You put weed, you made it with weed butter.

I had to put weed butter in the meat stuff to stick it together. It was starting to fall apart. How much? Just enough to... Butter is not a coagulant, Ricky. What is it then? It's just weed butter. Now I eat.

It's not a liquid. How much weed butter was in them? Because I'm fucked now. Off of two meatballs. Fuck, I wish. Like grams? Oh, fuck yeah. No, I mean, not grams. I'm glad I didn't eat those fucking balls. Oh, you should be jealous. I feel alive. Sharks are constantly growing new teeth. Really? Up to 30,000 in a lifetime. 30,000 teeth. Fuck, I wish I could do that. Sucks you only get one chance.

Well, two, kind of. What do you mean? Your baby ones fall out, man. What the fuck are you talking about? You had teeth coming out. Yeah, and then they got knocked out. Then they grew back, thank God. Yeah, because those are your fucking baby teeth.

You only get one shot, that's my point. And you've got adult teeth. You get one, hey, don't worry about that. Don't do it again. You get one mulligan. Yeah. One teeth mulligan. One teeth mulligan.

Terry David Mulligan. But apparently you've got to cash it in before you're like five. Or it won't work. Shark moms lose their appetites before giving birth so that they don't eat their own babies. They're fucking nasty, man. I wouldn't want to fuck with a shark. I would like to fight one, but I do like them.

You would not win against a shark, man. Bullshit. Ricky, you can't fight a shark, man. Bullshit. Ricky. Can't fight a shark. Oh, look at the spider. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't like them. A tarantula can survive more than two years without food.

That'd be fucking great, because I hate eating. I mean, I like the taste of it, but I just hate doing it. Yeah, having to go get food and shit sucks, man. You hate eating? I like the taste, but I just hate having to make it or go get it and buy it. And chew it up. Yeah, once a fucking every couple years would be great.

Have a fucking spectacular meal and say, all right. Hope you enjoyed that, buddy, because you're done for two years, bud. And then just drink, just on the liquor for the rest of the time. I'm with you. You can live off liquor. Well, beer, maybe. Wow, listen to this, boys. These are good facts.

I didn't know any of this. Tarantulas don't use their, they don't weave webs. You know what they use their silk for? To decorate their homes. No, they don't. Yeah. Like what? Little Maritha Stortz spiders. They make like little furniture and curtains and shit. They must make little curtains and little, little doilies to set their spider drinks on. If I ever see one, I'm going to follow it home and take a peek. Tarantulas have retractable claws on their feet just like cats.

What the fuck? I didn't know that. Little retractable claws. Fuck, imagine if you had those. Claws? You're going to love this one, Ricky. You're going to try to become a tarantula. I know you are. It likes weed.

If a tarantula loses a leg, it will just grow a new one. Oh, my God, that's awesome. What is that called when they can do that? Regeneration. Yeah. Wow. Didn't know that. What does that mean? I knew salamanders and lizards and shit did that with their tails, but not the fucking tarantula.

Tarantula? Just a new leg and he can grow it almost instantly. It just goes... Worms are like that. If you can cut them in half and they make more. No, he just heals up and then he's half the length that he used to be. I thought he doubled up. No, Matt. How in the fuck did I pull out the same card with all those cards in there? I don't think you ever put it back. Oh, yes I did.

These are great. They're okay. I knew all... Flamingos can only eat with their heads upside down. No, they can't. Right there, bud. That can't be right. That's full of shit. Oh my fuck! You know what they do to cool themselves off?

Flap their wings. Piss on their own legs. What? Flamingos piss on their own legs to cool themselves off. I thought birds didn't piss. They're just shit. Not flamingos. Wow.

Birds don't piss? You've pissed on your own legs. Not intentionally. One time you did. For what? Remember we were laying out in the sun when we were younger? You thought you'd get a tan? Oh, you told me that it would fucking be like tanning oil.

You tricked me. I can't fucking believe you. Were you there that day? Yes, I was there that day. Ricky said, I'm not getting a tan. I said, well, just piss on your legs. It's like a... It's like a...

And I shut him... He wanted to piss on his face and stuff, and you were all for it. Well, it was working. And I had to stop you. Didn't smell very good, but it fucking worked. It didn't work.

I had the best tan out of all three of us that summer. That's because you were out in the sun longer, man. Yeah, and everybody at the Legion was calling you Pest Tan. Remember that? Yeah, thanks, bubs. Pest Tan. Pest Tan, Ricky. A group of flamingos is called a flamboyance.

I knew that. Yeah, I knew that too, man. I heard about it before. That's where the term flamboyance i knew that yeah i knew that too man i heard about it before that's where the term flamboyance comes from he's very flamboyant because he's wearing like a flamingo colored shirt what the i don't think that's that's not it man all right you got anything i'm just reading about this fucking cop. Cops are greasy, man.

They're fucking greasy. Not all cops. No, but there is some greasy ones out there. No shit there is. How many times have they stolen my wallet when I got arrested? Well, this dude fucking pulled over a chick. Guess why? Because she was hot.

Yeah. Did I already fucking say this? No. Well, this is what happened. Well, if you were a cop, you probably did the same thing. Excessive beauty on public roads. That's what she was fucking. She got a ticket.

And then the dickhead goes, I love you on the ticket. No, you're, you know, the police chief's not going to hear about this one, dude. See, if you're going to be a cop, you're going to be greased like that. You got to pull over good looking men too, just so it's equal. And they can't. Hit on? It's like, yeah, you can't complain on me because I pull over a hot dude.

I hit on everybody. Is that what you got to say? I don't know. Or just don't pull over people and hit on them. Just don't be a fucking creep bag. Or you can pull over some ugly women as well. Make them feel better. Well, he was hitting on her, man, obviously man obviously okay or maybe she was driving like

a fucking lunatic no she just happened to be good none of that man you know what i'm i don't buy it no that's the ticket every time a beautiful woman gets pulled over that's what they're gonna claim oh he just pulled me over some beautiful fuck off you were fucking doing 180 70s no but this is the difference it was right on the fucking ticket. He was greasing out on the ticket, man. He wrote it. Oh. Evidence. He wrote, I love you on the ticket.

Okay. Pulled over because you're too hot to be on the road. And this other dickhead, this Mormon dude, eh? He's a millionaire. He uses a roadside billboard to find love. He's got a big billboard saying, I'm a millionaire and I want a fucking wife. I thought you said a Mormon. He's this Mormon millionaire.

Oh, a Mormon millionaire. Yeah. I didn't know there was such a thing. So he's got a VIP fucking event on this fucking billboard, June 7th. Come check me out. So it's like the Mormon bachelor. He's like the Mormon bachelor, yeah.

He should be called the whoreman. He's basically being a whoreman. He's a wh the Hormon. He's basically being a Hormon. He's a Hormon. He's pretty much buying a million dollar esky. Yeah, he's a Hormon Mormon. Old Hormon the Mormon. Well, you know. Didn't we know a guy named Hormon?

Hormon? Wasn't there a guy named Hormon Jenkins? Hormon. No, Hormon Jenkins. Hormon. I knew a guy named Horman Jenkins? Horman. No, Horman Jenkins. Horman. I knew a guy named Hormone. Mexican fella. Hormone.

Ricky, his name wasn't Hormone. Guadalupe, you mean? Oh, fuck. That was his name. His nickname was Hormones because he was constantly looking to do it. I thought it was Hormone. Oh, that guy. Yeah, it wasn't hormone.

How fucked are we right now? It was Ramone. It was Ramone. Ramone. Ramone. Not hormone. Ramone had hormones. You guys are fucked.

Can you die from eating raw meat? Yeah. No. You can eating raw meat? Yeah. No. You can get pretty sick, man. Why? I don't know. Ricky, those weren't raw. Those were cooked.

No, those ones weren't. But I ate one of these earlier by accident. I thought it was cooked. It'll give you the shits. You get kind of mixed up. You're making balls. You're cooking balls. Could you eat that and think it was cooked?

Because I was... It's just... Everything was happening so fast. It's raw, man. That stuff was getting put together. Bacon was cooking balls. Could you eat that and think it was cooked? Because I was... It's just everything was happening so fast. It's raw, man. That stuff was getting put together and bacon was getting wrapped. That's disgusting. And fucking these were getting thrown in and eaten. That's what we need.

He ate that raw. Oh, yeah. He ate one of those raw, man. Well, some of the meats are fine. It's just the burger meat that I'd be worried about. Did you have that in the fridge, I hope? Not since yesterday's supper time. You're going to have the shits.

Prepare for a nice evening, bubs, on the toilet, dude. Rotten meat covered in weed butter, deep fried. Cheese and pepperoni. I'm feeling some little things starting to blend together down here that aren't getting along. What, the food's blended together with other things? Something's not quite right. Means he's starting to get the to shit, is what he said. I'm so happy I didn't eat those fucking things.

You guys are fucked. Well, whew. God damn it. I'm not used to all this health going in me. Well, I wouldn't say they're deep fried, man, so they're not really healthy. What health, Ricky? There's like fucking five or six different types of protein in there. That's not... Deep fried meatballs are not healthy. What health, Ricky? There's like fucking five or six different types of protein in that. That's not...

Deep fried meatballs are not healthy. Protein, bud. Look it up. Yeah, protein, sure. Vitamins, minerals, other things. Cheese, there's fucking chips in those things. Friendly fats. Friendly fats.

Friendly fats. Friendly fats. Friendly fire. Do you, uh, do you got anything to talk about over there? There's not fucking much going on in the world, man. What are you talking about? The world's falling apart. Oh my God, speak to the fucked up things going on in the world. I don't know how to feel about this.

Washington is passing a law that's going to allow for human composting. What? Oh, yeah, yeah. They're turning people into fertilizer, man. Turning them into... Soil and shit. Yeah, soil.

What? Yeah. I thought you meant composting your shit. No, man. Dead people. Your body. No, they're not. Yeah, it's an alternative to fucking getting buried or the other one.

It's like 15 pounds of soil per person, isn't it? Something like that. Instead of getting put in the oven or buried, you get turned into... Soil? Stuff to grow shit with. I don't want that. You pretty much, yeah, it'd be weird to rot out. They use wood chips and straw and other shit, but it says it can fucking turn to soil in several weeks. That's fucked.

But imagine you're fucking eating some potatoes and you're like, oh, that was grown out of Jimmy's stomach. Yeah, that's pretty gross. Right? I guess it's a tough fucking... You're eating your carrots and all that was fucking Aunt Gladys' leg. It's a bit of a double-edged cock, isn't it? Because it's good for the earth, but...

Cremating's not good for the earth. No. It's the fucking... Come on, you're burning yourself up. But you know what they should do, especially for people that are killing other people? If you're going to kill somebody

and bury your body, like, at least maybe put some straw and wood chips on it, because then it will turn into soil and something might grow there. Actually, it'd be... You mean if you murder somebody? You have a better chance

of getting away with it too I guess Ricky don't start telling people if you murder someone cover them in wood chips and straw instead of just bury them in the

fucking wherever fucking at least decompose them properly just feed them to the pigs in that case

pigs will eat a body in about fucking nine minutes strip them Jesus Christ pigs if you get a Pigs will eat a body in about fucking nine minutes. Strip them. Jesus Christ. Pigs, if you get a big bunch of big pigs, great big cock suckers, and get a whole pen of them, 20 pigs, they'll fucking strip the body to the bones in about nine minutes.

So how does a farmer get in there and deal with the fuckers? Well, they don't eat live people, Ricky. I mean, if you throw a dead body in there. What if they start getting a taste for it? Then you don't want to go fucking feeding them by hand.

I could get a little nervous because they'd be eyeing you going, hmm. That was good. Looks like one of those things we ate the other day that was pretty fucking tasty. Look at the meat on him.

Look at the meat on that cocksucker, they're saying. Oh, yeah. Imagine Julian stepping into a pig pen. Holy fuck, he'd be a hot ticket, I guess, boys. How delicious would those muscles be?

Don't touch me, man. Nice marbling. Look at that guy, he's all... Nice marbling. I don't have nice marbling. Look at the nice marbling. Jesus Christ, Buzz, though. Please.

Oh, I'd dry-age you for about 45 days on a rack. What about Randy? Get you on the grill. I think Randy will look better for the pig. He's probably going to get into that. He's causing grease fire. Oh, no, we're not cooking him, are we? No, I'm talking about cooking Julian on the grill.

Big Julian steaks. Just cut that bicep off like a big tenderloin. Marinate it, little salt and pepper. If you were ever stranded on an island and I was fucking dead, the first one you guys could eat me. I'd have you with a nice bottle of Chianti and some fava beans. I wouldn't want you to enjoy the meal. Hannibal Lecter.

You wouldn't enjoy the first bite. I bet your Randy would be delicious on the grill. Pork belly? It'd cause a grease fire. Have you ever had pork belly? No. Randy would be delicious on the grill. Pork belly? It'd cause a grease fire. Have you ever had pork belly? No. Randy would be succulent. It's almost like bacon, but fattier.

Yeah, he'd have a lot of bacon. Imagine Randy on the grill, fucking nice. Jesus. Problem is, it's back bacon, and his back is hairy as fuck. That'll burn off. Oh, Ricky, you'd peel the skin off. He'd get too crispy. You'd cook him with the skin.

You'd shave him first. You'd cook him with the skin off he'd get too crispy you'd cook them with the skin you'd shave them first you'd cook them with the skin on but then you'd probably peel that off and have nice pork belly i may as well like add like kernels get the colonel's recipe you can get online imagine if he tasted like kentucky fried chicken he wouldn't i don't know his no he wouldn't taste like kentucky fried chicken some people might think that we're talking about some really fucked up stuff here. What do you mean? I don't know how we got on to eating. Ricky, I'm fucking baked.

Talking about eating Randy? I normally would not be talking about imagining cooking Randy on the barbecue. You know what? I'm fucking shutting this thing off. There's just nothing fucking really worth talking about. You know what the big exciting story is? There's a restaurant down the states. If you go in, hand your phone in before you sit down,

you get a free pizza. Isn't that fucking nice? You what? What do you do? You get a free pizza. If you do what? If you put your phone away for the entire meal and talk to the people.

That's good. Well, that's really stupid. They're going to go out of fucking business. I think it's great. Because you're going to have homeless people with a phone that doesn't even work. No, you get a coupon. You get the food next time you come in. Free pizza.

Well, that's a pretty good deal. It's not good business. It's giving away a lot of free fucking pizza. People don't want to get off their fucking phones, man. That's the problem. Oh, God, I think I need to have a meat nap. All right, I'm done. I can't handle it.

You guys, it smells in here. I need to go to the bathroom quite badly, and then I'm going to have a meat nap. I'm going to have a meat nap, too. Let's reoccur at 2 p.m. Reoccur? What's the right word? Regroup?

Reassemble? Reconvene? Reconvene? Boom. That's what I meant. Let's reconvene at 2 o'clock, boys. I'm going to keep drinking. You guys can have your meat nap.

I'm having a meat nap. Oh. Fuck. Meat nap. Meat nap. Meat nap. How does he do that? Because he's got so much dope in his system, man. It's just, he passes out.

It's easy. I might have a nap too, bud.